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Holiday Weekend Open Thread

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woman wears red blouse with circular trim at the neckline, on the cuffs of the sleeves, and as itty bitty cutouts along the side from the neckline to the cuff

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Ann Taylor has a bunch of things marked 50% off, which is resulting in some nice sales. This red blouse, for example, is one of their bestsellers, and comes down to $32… nice!

It's available in sizes XXS-XXL, and is machine washable. It also comes in a deep brown.

Psst: the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale preview has begun — while you can't purchase yet, you CAN start building your wishlist. I'm working on a big roundup with all of my top picks for different categories. Some early things I'm psyched about:

Sales of note for 5/8/25:

  • Nordstrom – Up to 50% off select styles + 15% off fragrance (exclusions apply; ends 5/11) + give $150 in gift cards, earn a $25 promo card (ends 5/13)
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off your full-price purchase + extra 40% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 10% off new women's styles
  • Eloquii – $25+ select styles + extra 45% off all sale
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off must-have styles + extra 50% off select sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + extra 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles + gift cards give $100, get $20
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off all tops, pants, jeans, and shorts + 25% off all markdowns

283 Comments

  1. Yesterday I was offered my dream job and I happily accepted! My birthday is this weekend and this feels like the perfect birthday gift this year.

    1. Do you mean the fact that the model looks like she just got discharged from the hospice floor? Unsettling…

    3. I actually meant the hemline! I can’t tell whether the editor meant for this to look tucked in or not.

  3. Does anyone whiten their teeth regularly? I’m wondering if I ought to try again, I was always too sensitive before.

    2. Yes but only following my dentist’s recommendations. Some whitening products were too harsh for my teeth’s enamel and were actually exposing dentin and making my teeth look more yellow!

    4. I have custom made trays and buy the bleaching solution from my dentist. It comes in little syringes (no needle) that I keep in the fridge. I am lazy about doing it because I need to keep them in for 3 hours, but if I have something big coming up, I will sit myself down and watch a movie. I use them maybe 2-3 times a year.

      True story, my then preteen daughter was convinced the little box of syringes in the fridge was Botox that I was giving myself! I have zero idea where she came up with that, but she told many of her friends that her mom gave herself Botox injections at home. 🙄

    5. I do Zoom whitening every other year. Pre-medicate with Advil to take away the sensitivity!

  4. Holiday weekend book thread – what is everyone reading?
    I’ve got Catherine Newman’s new book ‘Sandwich’ lined up and “The Memo” which seems light and in a similar vein as the husbands.
    I recently finished and liked ‘Very Bad Company’ and ‘The Mystery Guest’. I’d also recommend ‘Funny Story’ if you enjoy Emily Henry – I thought it was much stronger than Happy Place.

      1. Ministry of Time was so weird and good. I’m trying to do a bit of a kindle clear out, but am in a bit of a reading slump. Kiddo and I tore through the first 2 Percy Jackson’s.

        1. My kids loved the Ranger’s Apprentice series at the same time they were enjoying Percy Jackson, just FYI. And Artemis Fowl. I enjoyed them too.

      2. I tore through the Ministry of Time and then slammed on the brakes during the last few chapters because I was enjoying it so much I didn’t want it to end and wanted to savor the rest of the book. And I generally don’t like time travel books.

    2. I’m reading a non-fiction book about the cold case investigation to find out who betrayed Anne Frank and her family. Good so far!

    4. I’m finishing up The Stardust Thief by Chelsea Abdullah. It’s a fantasy inspired by One Thousand and One Nights. It’s fun but, unless the ending really blows me away, forgettable. I recently started The Mother Act by Heidi Reimer. I have Expiration Dates by Rebecca Serle, plus Brooklyn and its sequel Long Island by Colm Tuibin, downloaded on my Kindle.

      My favorite recent read is You Are Here by David Nicholls. Two middle-aged people who are recovering from failed romances meet on a trek across England. The book is a perfect blend of melancholy, hopeful, and funny.

      I also recommend The Husbands by Holly Gramazio. A woman’s attic keeps producing different husbands, and the contours of her life shift with each one that comes down. It’s funny and smart and makes you think about how you adapt (in good ways and bad) to fit with someone else.

      1. I enjoyed You Are Here but thought it could have been half as long and been all the better for it.

    7. I’m in the middle of The Expats by Chris Pavone, which I think was a recent recommendation by someone else here. About a woman who retires from the CIA and moves with her husband and kids to Luxembourg, only to find make some new acquaintances who are suspiciously interested in them. It’s slower than expected, but not in a bad way, but it does switch time periods in a way that I find obnoxious. And I’ve got the Ministry of Time waiting for me at the library, so maybe I can pick that up and read over the holiday!

      1. I’m so over books switching time periods lately – I want a good old-fashioned linear story, told from one perspective!

    8. This weekend, I’ll be finishing Margo’s Got Money Troubles, How to Solve Your Own Murder, and The House of Hidden Meanings. And then starting The Memo, Wellness, and Real Americans.
      I’m an outlier but I didn’t like Ministry of Time.

      1. Oooooh I loooooved Margo’s Got Money Troubles! Enjoy! I’ll have to check out the others.

    10. Not an author I’ve seen on here before, but I’m reading the new book by Eli Cranor called Broiler. It just came out yesterday, and I’m already halfway through! It’s excellent and his best so far. If you’re into southern noir, you should totally check him out. I do think this new book is better than his previous two, but they’re all quick, hard to put down, and featuring memorable characters.

    11. I’m reading Night of the Living Rez and The Adventures of Amina al-Safiri. I’m engrossed and enjoying both, each for very different reasons.

    12. I recently finished Trevor Noah’s Born a Crime, which was an entertaining and quick read. Also working my way through the Percy Jackson books, and a serious backlog of National Geographics.

    13. The Christmas Meeting by Andrew Grayson. Excellent historical fiction about the Civil War with a Hardy Boys vibe (but completely enjoyable for this lady too)

    14. I just read The Harpy by Megan Hunter and I’m still trying to get my brain around that one.

      I’ve been working my way through the Kate Atkinson catalog so now I’m down to the Jackson Brodie detective books. Recently finished the second one and have now watched 4 episodes of the BBC series based on the books – Case Histories. Pretty good.

    15. I just got Brittney Griner’s memoir from the library. Excited to dive into it. I want to know what happened to her in Russia.

    16. Kind of got stuck in the middle of the Children of Time sequel and am having trouble finishing it. Thinking of setting it aside and starting the latest Ellie Jordan Ghost Trapper release.

    17. Recently finished The Idea of You on audio after watching the movie. This is not a genre I usually pick up so surprised myself a little bit. The author, Robinne Lee, reading the book is amazing. I was hooked. Had a hangover after it was over to the point that I couldn’t bring myself to read anything else for a bit.

    18. I just finished Lies and Weddings by Kevin Kwan, author of Crazy Rich Asians. It was light and fun!

  5. DH wants to enhance his summer wardrobe – he primarily wears t shirts. He has work-type dress shirts for work itself, but wants something that’s in between (but can’t really articulate what).

    I think he needs something like polo shirts and casual button downs. What types of stores should he be looking at? We might venture out shopping over the holiday weekend (maybe outlet mall). He’s 35 and we’re in the DC area, fwiw.

    1. No real shopping suggestions, but for inspiration check out Parker York Smith on Instagram and YouTube.

    4. In that situation, my husband wears Bonobos Riviera shirts – lots of brands have similar shirts but those fit him well and come in tons of prints.

    5. Nordstrom personal shoppers can be great- especially since he’s looking for something he isn’t quite able to articulate.

      1. +1 and specifically, the gauze button down from JCF. Perfect for summer, looks and feels greats and washes well.
        [fwiw – I feel like JCrew and JCF have diverged for women but remain very similar for men as far as casual clothes go].

    8. my husband does a lot of shirt sleeved button downs from Vineyard Vines for work (remote w cameras) and socializing.

    9. Old Navy has a lot of options usually. I was also surprised recently at Costco, where they had half a dozen questionable Hawaiian style shirts, but one design that DH and I both liked.

    10. In addition to what’s mentioned here, my husband wears a really nice lululemon polo.

    11. If he wants athleisure, then I’d take him to lululemon or Vuori for joggers and athletic shorts + a technical shirt. If he needs more of the going to golf/brunch vibe, it’s Peter Millar. More casual, I’d go to stores that carry Faherty.

    12. Depending on how hot it gets in your city, you might like Wool & Prince. My husband upgraded some of his cheap t-shirts to Wool & Prince. He also upgraded his shorts and pants to Lululemon, and I think he looks much more put-together in these outfits, even though it’s basically a t-shirt and shorts.

      You might also try v-necks vs. crew necks for a slightly upscale vibe. It’s shocking to me how upgrading to navy Lulu “dress” shorts and a high-quality v-neck looks so much better than cheap khaki shorts and a cheap crew neck tee.

      The one thing my husband hasn’t solved is shoes. He bought some low-profile brown leather shoes, but they just look weird with shorts (they’re fine with the pants). So maybe consider which shoes belong with the outfit as well, as that can break an otherwise nice casual outfit.

    13. My DH has a few nicer t-shirts (think a bit thicker material, pocket detail, nice striped patterns) that I got for him at the Levi’s store. These are a step above a regular t-shirt, closer to a polo on the dressy-ness scale. He looks great in them. He’ll wear them with Polo tailored shorts from Macy’s for a dressier but not too dressy look.

    14. L.L. Bean does some nice button-down shirts for the summer. My husband particularly likes the seer sucker for the hottest days of the year. Gravitates towards the short sleeves for summer.

  6. Help me calm down please…..
    I try not to take my spiraling online, but I’m stuck at work all day and cannot stop thinking about the Heritage Foundation guy saying “this will be a bloodless revolution, if the Left allows it to be”
    I thought of the HF as a think tank I disagreed with, not a violent extremist entity. I mean, the skeleton of the ACA came from them!
    And what scares me even more than him saying it without a hint of remorse is how no one else is freaked out by this?? If this is mainstream conservatism now, how is that ok?

    My parents immigrated here with nothing to escape the corruption and violence against women that was commonplace in their home country. I was born and raised here. I am American, the Constitution says so (even if it had to be amended multiple times to get to the point that it included me). But these people don’t care and no one can make them. I live in a southern, bright red state and our family does not have anywhere else to go or the kind of financial or social capital to survive a violent uprising. We’ve always been the token foreign family that white Republican voters sees as one of the “good ones” and are happy to socialize with as long as no one talks politics…. But none of them would actually do anything for us if it mattered. I am scared. Talk me off the ledge because I need it.

    1. YMMV if this is not reassuring – but something I find useful for keeping my Risk feelings in check is volunteering with asylum seekers. There is a lot of scary stuff happening in the US – but it also still very much perceived – by people who know what instability really looks and feels like – as among the safest places in the world

    2. You are not alone. This is deep intergenerational trauma for those of us whose families escaped dictatorships, and governmental instability.

      Lots of my conversations with my parents are where else can we go? Should we go? Why do we have to go? I’ve learned to practice what can I control. And what can I let go of? As a result, this has become my practices, I joined a couple local political clubs, I write to my representatives on the regular, and share information with folks in my network for them to be informed and moved to action. The reason they think that there will be no pushback is because so far people are inactive. They count on folks being so desperate to get to the next paycheck for them to actually do anything.

      To practice these things I had to learn to self-regulate what previously felt dangerous. Speaking up in my parent’s home country had deadly consequences. I constantly remind myself that I have lots of privilege, community, and opportunity to make a difference.

      I hope this helps, I hear and see you.

    3. If it helps, I have no idea who this person is and I don’t think we’re in imminent danger of a violent uprising, let alone a competent one. Do you know people in real life who are planning this?

      1. Who what person is? (If you haven’t heard of the Heritage Foundation, you may not know much about the USA in general!)

        1. Not the prior poster, but I know what the heritage foundation is. But I have no idea who made this comment, and haven’t seen it covered in the media. Just cause he has some connection to the heritage foundation doesn’t mean he actually has any power or real connections to people with power

          1. It was Kevin Roberts who is literally the president of the Heritage Foundation!

            There is a lot that the media isn’t covering adequately right now.

      2. As a Canadian even I know about the Heritage Foundation. I’d be very concerned about any supposedly informed American who didn’t.

    4. You’re not alone. My husband fled here and there is nothing more important to me than his safety and wellbeing. You’re not overreacting to be concerned – it’s not the time for head in the sand. When it comes down to it, I hope liberals don’t just zone on TikTok instead of helping immigrants and those in need. I’ve found lately that certain groups are absolutely dominating the narrative of who is threatened in this country – at the expense of other groups that are at greater risk and need some airtime.

    5. I’m on the ledge with you. The HF pulls Republican strings. This is extremely terrifying and should be at the top of all news outlets right now.

    6. I’ve really been freaking out too — and nowhere abroad is looking that much calmer. My worst fear is that civil war already happened and we just missed it, because think about it – all the gerrymandering and stacked courts, plus the fact that most of the money and force (police, military) in this country votes red.

      on Twitter they’re saying that Trump’s FEC filing lists Michael Flynn as his running mate. Terrifying.

    7. ” I live in a southern, bright red state” is likely a big part of your anxiety. It’s hard to feel safe when, independent of what’s going on nationally, you’re surrounded by people who make it clear you’re there on sufferance. Can you move?

      1. Honestly, I am terrified and I am in a blue area and blue state. We should all be really frightened. Trump threatens military tribunals on the reg and the SC basically just green lit that. The situation is NOT ok.

        1. Is you being really frightened helping anything though? Of course it’s not okay – the question is how do you live in a world that /isn’t/ okay (and isn’t going to be – it’s not just Trump)? You have to figure out a way to act with urgency and not be consumed by fear

        2. The SC did not, in any stretch of the legal imagination, okay the use of military tribunals (outside of their current use).

    8. You are right to be concerned and to consider your options. Make a plan for what you will do in the various circumstances that could arise.

    9. I saw this last night and I’m deeply concerned. And I’m born here and white and in a blue state. But talk of blood after already seeing January 6th and lack of consequences for Trump—and now the SC giving even more power to the government first through Chevron and now through the immunity ruling has me terrified. Those saying fear is useless—throwing your head in the sand or distracting yourself with other places that might currently be worse isn’t any more helpful. It’s time to wake up and to mobilize voters or we’re in for far greater loss of rights and normalization of violence against “others” until we find ourselves as one in this other group.

      1. The Chevron decision did not give “more power” to the government. At most, it reallocated power from the executive (and to a lesser degree, the legislative) branch to the judicial branch. Whether that’s a good idea is extremely debatable (I think no). But the net governmental amount of power did not change.

        2. But when courts have been stacked and the SC is compromised, it’s naive to think nothing changed.

    10. I generally find that quotes like this are taken out of context, and I was particularly suspicious that the quote doesn’t include the next sentence, so I looked up the video. It’s not taken out of context and that was the last sentence of what he said.

      That being said…someone yesterday here posted that she wanted drones used against Supreme Court Justices and justified it as “a joke” (and someone else backed her up). Folks in power on the left also use this sort of dog whistle violence-adjacent rhetoric (please see some of the current discourse around wars in foreign countries as an example). I do not attribute those viewpoints to “mainstream liberals,” even when they are said by actual sitting congresspeople or heads of think tanks, and I would be cautious about attributing a single line by a firebrand to your average conservative.

      This is not to say that you shouldn’t be concerned about the rhetoric in this country. We all should. But the path from here to a violent revolution is not by any means a short or guaranteed one, and the best way to prevent it is to continue to engage in the sort of in person social networking that reminds people you disagree with that you are real, you are human, and you are worth fighting for, not against — and having them remind you of the same. The more we know people who are genuinely different from us, the more resistant we are to “us vs them” language, and the less power it holds.

      1. If you’re continuing to engage this way, is this really what you’re seeing, that people are more resistant to “us vs. them” rhetoric, or that it has been losing its power? I ask because I just haven’t seen it; I’ve seen us vs. them rhetoric increasingly embraced with more and more enthusiasm, especially in person.

        1. I think people who engage in that rhetoric attract other people who engage in that rhetoric (whether they’re on the same “team” or opposite teams), and people who consume media with that rhetoric adopt it even if they don’t agree with it, to be frank. My BIL manages to get in internet fights several times a week and almost exclusively consumes media that has this sort of narrative. He is harsh in person, and I’m sure he’d agree with you. But I also have noticed an uptick in friends who are trying to escape sensationalist news headlines and are muting anyone who shares political content on social media (even if they agree with it), and those friends seem to be moving centerward.

          Ultimately, I think it’s a personal choice how you choose to engage with this sort of content. I don’t think the responses above are any less valid than mine. But I do think that mine leads to a more even-keeled soul for me (without any loss of engagement or purpose), and so that’s what is working for me.

          1. I grew up with the norm that politics wasn’t polite conversation, so maybe I’m just not taking the right approach in person when it comes up. I don’t post about politics on social media, I avoid following the news, and I unfollow people who do post about politics on social media unless it’s infrequent or very thoughtful (I really don’t want to see band wagoning, hot takes, or cheap shots when I go online to look at things like vacation photos from people I know). But my experience offline in conversations has been that I’m taken aback by what seem like gratuitous comments that would have been conversational bombs not that long ago, like sweeping hostile statements about whoever someone views as “them,” from people I never imagined even split the world into us and them this way in the first place. And people who never used to talk about politics at all seem to want to talk about nothing else. Maybe I just need to meet new people, but that would be a move towards a more sheltered, curated existence, not continuing to engage in in-person social networking with people who are heavily invested in us-them narratives.

          2. Hearing myself, maybe I’m so reluctant to get into debates that it comes across as being open to persuasion? I’m sure election year in a swing state doesn’t help!

      2. @App Lawyer, I was the one who made the drone strike comment, and I’m pretty sure you didn’t get the point: If the SC has ruled that the president has total immunity for official acts, what’s to stop a president from using the office to assassinate political opponents? In the case of Joe Biden, it’s decency and respect for the rule of law. But Donald Trump has no decency, and only respects his own power. Maybe it was a clumsy joke, but it was a joke with a point: The SC enabled political violence with their ruling.

      3. I read “I think you’re wrong but I’m listening” and it helped me mentally frame a lot of things. Including how to speak with folks I disagree with, and respectfully get to the why. I referred it to five others who have read it and they have all had different takeaways but all similarly found it helpful.

    11. I’m a world-class spiral-er and ruminator, and sometimes it helps me to plan out the next steps if something happens. Usually, this works best when I’m worried about losing my job (which is super unlikely), but I think about stuff like what I’d do in the event of Tr*mp 2.0.

        1. I’d probably start by updating my Plan B stash and order some pills online as well. I’d also up the amount of cash I keep in the house and make sure I’ve got all our papers easily accessible in case we have to leave in a hurry. Next, I’d confirm with my BFF that if we showed up in Canada, we could crash with her at least temporarily if we wound up heading that way.

          1. Canada was my plan too. Relocated last year (but not to Canada) and it’s such a relief. Awful to see others still suffering. Politics matters.

    12. One thing I do to calm myself down is recall that political figures have said things–tons of divisive, shocking, terrible things–that went nowhere and did nothing (directly at least). For example a certain 45th president making claims about Fifth Avenue and followers, etc. He didn’t (and no one in his cabinet that I’m aware of) actually commit that action. Granted, one could pin some other very serious outcomes on him but to me, a lot of politicians are 100% blather and smoke/mirrors. They say stuff to get a flash in the pan emotional reaction and then the next thing comes up and that person is yesterday’s news/lining the birdcage so to speak.

  7. Looking for thoughts, ideas, suggestions, etc. I have a terrible habit of scratching my ankles until the skin is basically bleeding. People notice it and ask me about it and I lie and tell them I have eczema. It used to be my knees, but then I moved to a place with colder weather so the scratching transferred down to my exposed ankles. I have all of the prescription steroid creams, etc. and it helps somewhat, but after healing for a week or two, I will scratch a little and it will get super itchy again and then I have to start all over with the healing. I’m in my mid-40s and I’ve had this issue for only(!) about 15 years. Onset was around when I started having kids or right before then. My doctors basically see it as a picking/anxious habit. Anyone experience anything similar and have any suggestions on moving forward? I have fidgets, I have shifted into a slightly less stressful law job, I have older kids who are more self-sufficient, etc. Not sure how to find myself to a permanent solution.

    1. Could this be allergies? I get itching in weird places, like my ankles, when some sort of allergy is bothering me (unknown as to what the allergy is). I take an antihistamine and that helps stop the itching. Sometimes I have to take it every day for awhile.

    2. Is it a form of self-harm? Maybe consider if any self-harm treatment options could apply. Also, if covering your knees helps, could making your ankles harder to access help?

    3. You might have dishydrotic eczema. For me it manifests as extremely itchy blisters on my feet and ankles, which break and scab if I scratch them. I keep it somewhat under control with OTC hydrocortisone and antihistamines, but I’m trying to get into a derm for stronger stuff.

      If it’s more of a skin-picking problem, it’s what’s known as a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB). This includes things like nail biting/picking, hair pulling, biting lips/inside of cheek, etc. Sometimes CBT therapy and/or an antidepressant can help. I’d ask your doc for a referral to either a derm or a psychologist, depending on which issue feels more right for you.

    4. I wonder if this is a harmful stim? I’m a picker and it’s so bad, but there’s no medical solution for stims you just have to diligently redirect.

      1. I think sometimes there are medical things that can help; it’s worth exploring the options especially since some are newer possibilities.

        1. Specifically, what are some of the newer medical options? Long term BFRB here, and I have kind of given up hope.

          1. I already mentioned NAC which has been used for I think a while now for trichotillomania. A medical team that never suggested it is probably not specialized or up to date in this area. (Doctors who are not up to date may focus on serotonin and the idea of “anxiety” like it sounds like OP’s doctors may be doing, but interventions based on that theory often don’t help.)

            Especially if someone also has ADHD or another more common off label indication, Namenda may came up (like NAC, it affects glutamate levels).

            I’ve also seen claims about methylcobalamin and B6 + magnesium (the latter makes more sense to me though B6 overdose is a real concern). B6 deficiency can definitely cause a kind of dermatitis, and B12 deficiency can cause eczema, while CNS deficiency in either can also affect brain chemistry unhelpfully, so it makes a certain amount of sense.

            Some of the research out there is on autism or its associated genetics rather than on BFRB, but if harmful stimming is what improved in the ASD patients, it may be more broadly relevant?

          2. I am the immediately preceding commentator. NAC is hardly new, and has been in the BFRB discourse for nearly two decades. No ADHD, so sadly, the responsive post did not help much, but thanks for taking time to post.

          3. Got it. It’s possible these things came up in a ADHD context for me since I very much do have ADHD, so it might still be worth asking about. I may just not know the non-ADHD context from a patient’s perspective.

      2. I’ve picked at my lips my whole life—particularly when stressed. Intrigued at the idea that it might be a stim?

        1. I had no idea it was a stim until I met with a psychologist who basically explained to me that a lot of typical stims are considered socially unacceptable for little girls (hand flapping, spinning etc) so to avoid punishment girls learn to redirect to self harm stims in elementary school. Personally I’m a cuticle picker and it makes me sad because I have a pretty distinct memory of being a child and getting the fidgety stims beaten out of me.

    5. Did any doctor suggest NAC (n-acetylcysteine)? It’s used to treat things like nail biting. (Basically if it is a picking habit, are they treating it like one?)

      The prescription steroid creams have never been a great approach to any skin issue for me. Have you been worked up for anything medical that could be causing the itching?

      1. No medical issues. Both my derm and PCP call it dermatitis and think it’s just self-induced itchiness.

        1. I guess I’d have thought of dermatitis as a medical issue. They checked me for deficiencies like B6 (I was deficient), zinc (I was deficient) and B3 (I wasn’t deficient but my skin still seems to like topical B3; I guess it’s soothing or something).

    7. You have scratch induced dermatitis.

      You have to stop touching it.
      Wrap it in bandages and stop touching it. It will only get worse.

      1. I know scratching making an itch worse is a phenomenon, but it isn’t always a complete explanation either.

    8. My son (ASD and ADHD) will pick his feet when stressed. The only thing that works is a compression socks. Might this work for your ankles? I use baseball socks, the Nike ones are his favorites.

    9. I read on a fashion blog (of all places) that Sea Buckthorn Oil helps with itchy, dry skin that is a result of hormone changes (and in general). I grabbed some and I’ve been taking it about a week and do see results. It’s more helpful for eyebrows, scalp, ears, and nose itching but it’s a fairly inexpensive option if you want to give it a try.

  8. Guidance for a major house purge?

    I’m realizing I have way too much stuff, and it’s weighing on me mentally. I have a 3-bedroom house with a basement that acts as a 4th bedroom. I live alone but host family and friends overnight multiple times per month. (For example, I care for my nieces one long weekend per month, my parents stay with me when they have medical appts every 6-8 weeks.) I have accumulated a ton of stuff: furniture, toys, sheets, outdoor games, books, my own clothing, dishes, toiletries regular guests leave behind, towels, you name it.

    For a long time I’ve focused on staying organized instead of purging. I’m starting to realize no matter how many bookcases and totes and cute baskets I have, at some point, I will be better for getting rid of stuff. But for some reason, I really have a mental block- it’s still useful, what if I need it someday, regular houseguest enjoys perusing book options, etc. Example I caught myself thinking about last weekend, I have an entire 4-shelf unit in my laundry room full of cleaning and household supplies that I honestly almost never use. But what if I need Scotchguard, or a TidePen, or run out of the all-purpose cleaner I do use regularly? What if the mid-rise jeans I wore all the time in 2018 but hate now come back in style? I grew up poor and currently make about $80k/year in a MCOL area, and a lot goes to feed and care for the folks I host. I love them and don’t want to change how often I host. I think I have some residual “what if” guilt at throwing away something with useful life. But also, when I think about how to donate 3/4 full bottles of cleaning supplies, I freeze. And now the bottles have been there for at least 8 months, untouched. I guess I’m not sure how to put this out to you all, other than asking for any suggestions or stories. It’s a lot to keep up with and I suspect I’d spend less time organizing and putting things away if I had less. I successfully purged garbage, junk, broken stuff last year. It just feels hard to know where and how to start.

    1. For still useful things, are you a member of a Buy Nothing group? Plenty of people would take extra cleaning supplies or sheets, etc.

      1. Buy Nothing groups are the best. I’ve also been prone to holding onto things longer than I should. Knowing they will be going to someone who will use them helps me let go of things. I think of those items being used/enjoyed and am now able to let them go easily. Plus, the groups are great community builders! I also remind myself, that I can always repurchase things if I really need to. Most of the time, I don’t really need to.

      2. +1 to Buy nothing groups. Mentally I find it much easier to donate things vs. tossing them and donating to a real person who appreciates them makes it even easier.

      3. Totally agree, plus it really helps remind you how much stuff is in circulation – so there’s a good chance of you give something away and then want it again in five years a neighbor will have one they’re ready to give!

    2. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. Sometimes keeping things for years because of the “what if” (what if I need this, what if someone comes buy and wants this, what if it goes straight to a landfill and that’s bad) can be a sign of hoarding tendencies. You don’t always need to find the perfect, most ideal way to get rid of half-empty cleaning supplies. Dispose of them safely and call it a day. You won’t regret it.

    4. Marie Kondo. Really she changed my life. If something doesn’t give you joy, don’t buy it.

      For what’s in your home, I have a staging area where things I don’t use sit for 6 months before I pass on to friends/buy nothing group, sell or donate them. I’m not into emptying my home out because something doesn’t give me joy at that moment because the cost to replace things is so high. The strangest things come out of the donation pile.

    5. It sounds to me like you need to focus more on not buying more stuff than purging. There’s nothing wrong with keeping around cleaning supplies that you don’t use all the time, as long as they are still good and you can access them when you need them. Just make sure you know what you have and where to find it, so you do use it when you need it. And I’ll admit I’m not a fashionista, but there’s no way I’d get rid of jeans bought in 2018 (unless I just never liked them or something). Those are just fine.

    6. Does the “put it in a box in the garage, label with a date, if you haven’t opened the box in 6 months, it all gets trashed, with no further thought” method work for you?

      An alternative method: Decide how much space you want per category (eg. 1 shelf of cleaning supplies) and reframe the decision to : what goes on my one shelf of cleaning supplies? It can be easier to decide what to keep rather than what to throw away

      1. Good point, this is a simplification of the method but essentially if you take all the cleaning supplies off the shelves and designate only one shelf, putting the essential ones back on the shelf is a much easier task than taking “no” items off the shelf one by one as you decide.

    7. Honestly, it’s ok to just leave it as it is. And then just slowly move things out when you are sure.

      Do you not have enough room?

      I would try to buy less, and have other family members take things back with them when they visit.

      But at some point, living in a house means you do often have many types of cleaners etc… So – use them. Don’t buy more – just use what you have. It’s ok to have a can of scotchguard and Tide pens. Thanks for reminding me I need to re-weatherproof my winter boots…

      I am in the process of living in and decluttering my parents’ house, now that they have passed.
      Yes, they saved a lot, also growing up financially on the edge. But honestly, everything still worked, was cared for, had some value in that basement. So slowly, I am giving away…. everything. Because it seems shameful to throw it away, I have the time, and there’s no hurry. Many, many organizations exist that are happy to take all of your unneeded knick-knacks, extra toiletries, furniture, kitchen stuff, books, just… everything. Join your local Freecycle group, and start giving away the stuff that you feel you can’t donate or is half used but still good. It’s amazing what people are happy to take. Some stuff you can even leave in your alley and people will take it before the garbagemen come – at least where I live.

      So set up a pick-up date online for AmVets, and start gathering things to donate in a corner. I make a list and save it for doing tax deductions for donations next year (a bit of a pain, so often folks don’t bother).

    8. If there is something in my house that I don’t use but someone else needs, then allowing it to sit in my home unused is a waste. Several nonprofit orgs would gladly take your cleaning supplies. Keep a few favorite books and donate the rest to your library’s Used Book Store. Donate your clothes that you haven’t worn in a long time to a women’s shelter. Toss the broken toys and donate the rest to a daycare in an underserved community. Also, feel free to offer these things to your houseguests as well. You are a generous person; separating from your excess stuff is an act of generosity.

    9. It sounds like you’re living in the prison of “What If?” And it’s keeping you trapped by telling you that needing or wanting an item you don’t have in the house is the Worst Thing That Could Happen. So go ahead, answer the question:

      WHAT IF . . . mid-rise jeans come back in style and I no longer have the ones I wore in 2018?
      Answer: I’ll be fine! I’ll do without or I’ll buy a new pair or I’ll troll Ebay or Poshmark and find a used pair.

      WHAT IF I need Scotchguard?
      Answer: I’ll be fine! I’ll either do without, figure out a different solution, or I’ll go out and buy a can.

      WHAT IF I have to go spend money to replace something I got rid of?
      Answer: I’ll be fine! I’m no longer poor, and I can afford these small expenses if they come up. Or, I’ll just figure out something else or do without.

      WHAT IF I have a houseguest and they want to peruse book options?
      Answer: I’ve got it covered! I’ll keep two shelves of books just for them. If they don’t like anything on the shelves, they can start bringing their own books that they do like.

      WHAT IF I get rid of something and then feel guilty or regretful about it?
      Answer: I’ll be fine! I’ve never yet been killed off by the feelings guilt or regret—I’ve endured a whole lot worse, and I’m just fine. I’m not going to let those feelings rule my life anymore. I’ll just feel them and then move on.

      1. +100. Answering the “what ifs” can be a very useful exercise even for more serious subjects. “What if my mother’s biopsy result comes back abnormal?” –> “OK, then we will talk to the doctor and formulate a plan.” “What if the doctor isn’t good?” –> “Then I’ll use my organizational skills and motivation to help her out and find her a better one.”

      2. WHAT IF…I had read this comment years ago. I’m going to keep it in mind as I work through the tons of old clothes that I’ve been clinging to for years. There is no reason for me to still have multiple pairs of jeans that are not only out of style, but no longer my size. And don’t get me started on shoes. Ugh.

    10. I did a stuff purge last year and my general standard was “Would I pay someone to move this thing out of my house to my next house?” A lot of things failed that standard and got donated or discarded. I didn’t go through everything I own, but it made an appreciable difference. Just start and see how far you get.

    11. When it comes to cleaning supplies, an additional reason to pare them down is to reduce indoor air pollution. Some are super toxic and respiratory irritants. I cleaned out a relative’s house recently and she must have had 60-70 cans and bottles of toxic crap that hadn’t been used in 25 years. If you don’t clean it out now, your family has to, but do it now for your own indoor air quality!

    12. “But what if I need Scotchguard, or a TidePen, or run out of the all-purpose cleaner I do use regularly?” – Stop treating “what if” as an answer when it’s really a question. Okay, what if you need a Tide Pen? You go to the store or Instacart and get a new one. What if you run out of the all-purpose cleaner you use? Keep a grocery list somewhere, like on your fridge, and then put all-purpose cleaner on it when you run low.

      Check out the book How to Keep House While Drowning. There’s good advice on getting past anxiety around these issues.

    13. I’m going through this right now, realizing that I keep shopping like it’s still March of 2020. One thing that has been helpful, and I’m very much out of space so have to purge, is to ask myself, “Can I replace this in less than 20 minutes for less than $20?” If so, donate, list on Buy Nothing, or toss.

      It’s been very freeing to do this.

    14. I know she gets mentioned a lot, but that’s because she is genuinely helpful for situations like yours.

      Please look into Dana K White. If I were you, I would start with podcasts. They are called “A slob comes clean”, she blogged anonymously for years, and she has real experience, stories, interviews, strategies, principles… But for you, look at her podcast and search for “what if”.

      She 100 percent knows WHAT IF, and ALL the questions you are able to say, because she is also frugal, also prepared, also creative, also project minded, also reluctant to let useful stuff go. Seriously – please do check her out.

    16. If you died tomorrow, lots of perfectly good things would be taken to the dump. My MIL died and there was only so much we could take to Goodwill. We tossed carloads of stuff like wrapping paper and cleaning supplies.

    17. A voice of dissent – assuming you are not actually living in a super cluttered hoarder home, why would you get ride of a Tide pen and then buy a new Tide pen when you need it 6 months later? That makes no sense to me at all. Ditto the Scotch Guard example. That is not something most people use on a daily basis, but unless you’ve decided you don’t like the product, you will use it again when you get new furniture or clothing or whatever. I would personally not get rid of these useful, intermittently used items assuming they still work.

      I, personally, also find it very convenient to have a back up supply of consumables. Batteries run out in my mouse? I’ve got extra AA in waiting. Stupid LED light bulb stopped working? Let me go look through my lightbulb box. BBQ sauce ran out? Let me go to my pantry and pull out a new bottle. Picking up some vintage furniture from FB marketplace? Glad I kept the ratty towels so I can protect it from scratches on my way home.

      You can’t prepare or keep stuff for every eventuality, but you know your life and the sorts of “eventualities” that do come up. I would use down supplies, leaning out the collection as things are empty or wear out, but not purge useful items that you use sometimes.

      And a final note – Hosting people requires more stuff. For me, it would mean double the number of towels, double the amount of bedding, etc. You need at least some kids stuff for the nieces and nephews. If your stress is because your home doesn’t look like a magazine or your friend’s house or whatever, contemplate if that is a realistic goa for your specific life.

      1. +1. This toss everything advice seems very off to me. Just start buying more thoughtfully, use your current stuff up, and the backlog will shrink. We had too much stuff due to stocking up because of pandemic supply chain issues but we just used it all up. We had too many clothes because we needed WFH pieces, but now are past that as well. If you loved the jeans at the time, store them. If you hated them at the time, donate them.

        1. I agree. The amount of wastefulness in this thread is surprising to me, but not really…. It gets worse with each generation.

          Buy less. Keep if you have space and it has a function and may use in the future. Sell or give away if none of the above. If it is honest…, garbage, well then of course throw it away, but at least leave it in the alley by the garage first if you can so that others can take it.

          1. I disagree with the idea that getting rid of things is wasteful.

            Not with the concept of buying less, but with the idea that wanting to get rid of stuff you already have is somehow bad.

            OPs enjoyment of her home is more important than keeping what-if things. She is more important than things. The house is there to serve her needs, and stuff that makes her feel bad, feel guilty, feel insufficiently good at recycling, whatever, that stuff is not worth keeping.

            If you have room and want to keep it, do! But stuff is not worth feeling bad about your home. Having the space and ability to have guests and live your life is more important. That is not a wasteful priority.

          2. The wastefulness, if any, is in buying stuff, not in getting rid of it. Don’t give people with hoarding tendencies (not to say OP has them) guilt that will prevent them from simplifying their life and stuff.

          3. Come on… hoarding is a mental health issues and not what we are talking about here.
            We waste so much, everyone is immune to it.

      2. The Tide pen issue also seems like a non-issue to me. It’s a Tide pen. You’ll be fine. Keep it.

        That being said, my mother in law has at least two dozen Tide pens in her garage, most of which I’m sure were bought the year Tide pens came out and are probably dried out or at least gunky. Don’t get me started on her wall of paper towels. If you’re in THAT situation, yes, junk (or donate to a women’s/homeless shelter) all but one or two Tide pens.

    18. Focus less on the ‘major purge’ and more on baby steps that seem less overwhelming.

      1. Set a limit either in numbers or space. For example, you want to have book options for guests. Decide a bookshelf size and fill it then donate the rest of the books on a Buy Nothing group or your local library. Or heck, but out a curbside box with ‘free books’ written on it.

      2. Don’t try to do it alone. It’s okay to ask for help. And help can look like someone working with you – either a friend or hiring a professional, or it can look like setting a dinner date with a friend and a task to accomplish in the afternoon before you go to dinner so you stay focused and motivated.

      3. If you grew up poor, it’s okay to have more extras than you need. Slogans like ‘store it at the store’ don’t help if you can’t trust that you will be able to buy it at the store later. But again, set a limit. It’s fine to have extra Tide pens but decide if 1, 2, or 12 tide pens is what makes you feel okay and then stick to that number. If you own 12, and think 6 is the right number, then just don’t buy any new ones until you get to 5. Focus on clearing clutter via large items, don’t get lost in how to donate extra tide pens, just know you don’t need to buy more.

    19. I had to switch from “is this useful,” “does this fit me,” “will I need it someday,” to “Have I used it in the last year?” When I switched to that, then I could ask myself, “does it bring me joy? Do I really really see myself using it in the next year?”

      This helped me pare down things like everyday clothes that are fine but not my current go-tos, speciality clothes like sports jerseys I wear when a friend invites me to a game, pots and pans, cleaning supplies, even electronic devices. I kept one extension cord. I keep one box of extra toiletries guests often need like toothbrushes, but then keep a full size toothpaste in the guest bath so I don’t have minis everywhere. I donated sports equipment I haven’t used in 10 years. Outdoor games my family didn’t use last summer and I don’t see us using this year. But I kept my ski pants, even though they’re rarely used, because I use them every few years and they’re expensive and I’d rather store them in a box in my basement than rent them.

    20. Depending on your nieces age, you could incorporate them in this project – working with you to identify stuff that could be donated to refugee families and making the drop together, or picking kids stuff they’ve outgrown and donating it to a shelter or having a yard sale and they get to keep the money.

  9. Has anybody tried De Florance Milan shoes? So many casual sneakers are not supportive enough. I keep getting ads but haven’t really heard of these elsewhere which makes me hesitant to try.

  10. I posted a couple of weeks ago — I’m a C-suite person in a small org whose role is being eliminated by a mercurial boss. I’m writing in to thank all of you who replied with encouragement as well as advice to take the offered severance (instead of working for the next year until my contract runs out). I retained a lawyer who’s going to negotiate on my behalf and I will hopefully be done with this place in the next couple of weeks. It’s been a rollercoaster for sure, but I have a lot of peace now and that all started by being able to find solace and support on this board. Appreciate you!

    1. Congratulations! I’m so grateful for this place where women can talk to each other about this stuff, the way men always have on the golf course…

    3. I’m happy for you! The universe was doing you a favor and getting you out of there. Embrace it.

    2. Looks like mine: https://hyperwear.com/products/battle-ropes

      They are super expensive but I really like this brand. As a side note, I have previously talked about my kids doing their running to help with their ADHD. They also use my exercise stuff on an ad hoc basis but are now asking to do it daily. This week my wonderful au pair had them in the gym daily.

      My kids did really well with the ropes and their free weights have padding on them so they don’t kill the floor when they drop them. The weighted vests have been excellent for when they need extra stimulation to help calm them down.

  12. What is a nice thing to do for a friend that is going to have major surgery this month? I’m not in her area so I can’t physically help.

    1. Care package of books or magazines you think she would like? (I am a “can never have too many books” type person if you can’t tell :), but there is something personal about “I read this and thought of you” that warms my heart in a way something like fuzzy socks doesn’t)

    2. Honestly, make yourself available for phone calls or FaceTimes or simultaneously watching a show post-surgery. Recovery is long, hopefully boring, and lonely, and company is a comfort.

    4. Door dash/uber eats gift card. Care package with blanket, comfy sweatshirt, candy (if allowed), book/magazines, tea/coffee. If that’s too much to put together, then send flowers and digital gift card.

  13. mosquitos love me and the benadryl cream never works – does anyone have any better solutions?

    2. YES. The Bug Bite Thing. Life-changing!!

      https://a.co/d/08kJ2GxN

      I put Avon Skin So Soft on in the morning for just a basic level of protection (not adequate for seriously buggy environments), have multiple BBTs (purse, car, house), and use one of the clean feel repellants when I’m somewhere really buggy.

    4. Better mosquito repellant. The Wirecutter recommendation is less toxic too. Can order on Amazon.

      Some of us, genetically, are more prone to attract mosquitos. We must give off some odorant…. So honestly, I avoid time outside during the humid times of year, especially around dusk/evening. No outdoor evening concerts for me. Up to you, but my legs…. even just exposed ankles…. get covered with nasty bites and it’s just not worth it.

    5. My derm recently suggested using a steroid cream on bites to bring down the inflammation and swelling (prescription is stronger). My kids and I both get tons of bites that swell into welts. My two year old just learned the word “itchy” – poor kid. Benadryl spray is better than the cream but only helps a little.

    6. I did not outgrow skeeter syndrome and the only thing I have found that works is the Sting Relief pads that contain both ethyl (or isopropyl) alcohol and lidocaine. Benadryl, cortisone, etc creams have no effect. Sometimes rubbing a mixture of salt and water to dry out the bite will also help. But the pads, they are a miracle!

    7. It’s probably bad for you, but I put a little witch hazel on a cotton ball.

  14. Reposting from morning thread and adding detail:

    I’m going to an attorney conference in Dallas that will draw attendees from across the country (I live on the West Coast). What level of formality and style do you think would be appropriate if I want to project gravitas?

    1. I’m a huge fan of dress with optional, slightly more casual topper for this. So like a dress that is not suiting but looks nice on its own and then carry a blazer in a fun color with the sleeves rolled up in case I need it. Suit screams “newbie” at this kind of thing.

      I mostly like dresses because they’re easy and pack well, but if you like pants more, I’d do a wide leg pant and nice but not overly stuffy top.

    2. It is likely to be freezing in the meeting rooms if it is during warm weather, so keep that in mind.

    3. I feel like the entire professional world, at least my professional world, is getting so much more casual. I have a weeklong conference coming up and am wearing midi dresses (check out Modern Citizen), linen pant-and-vest combos, and the Colette linen jumpsuit from Anthro. I will have jackets to throw on because brrrrr.

    1. Looking to move my cash somewhere out of my savings account. Any options other than CDs?

      2. You can stick cash in Fidelity or Vanguard money market funds. At Fidelity, the regular FZFXX cash account is currently paying 4.95% and SPRXX is currently paying 5.03%.

      3. i’m the poster from 5:53 – the only reason to buy CDs is because you’re locked into the rate for that period of time; everything else can drop or rise with the markets. if you can get a current yield of 5% i’d probably just move it to a HYSA; it’s where most of my cash is. if you know you won’t need the money for 12-18 months, consider CDs… if you won’t need the money for 3 years at least I’d invest it in an index fund.

        great to know money market funds are back up! they were at 0-1% for such a long time.

  16. Where are your favorite places to shop palazzo pants for summer- both dressy & more casual?

    1. VUSXX on Vanguard will pay you over 5% and you can withdraw it whenever you want.

    2. Eileen Fisher for the coastal grandma chic look, and Anthropologie for fun patterns and prints.

  17. Does anyone know if there’s an apple watch app (or some easy way) to keep a tally of small sums? i’m thinking of this for calorie purposes and how when WW had points you could use a beaded bracelet to keep track of how many points you’d used, like an abacus… even just a scratch pad to scribble a number on my apple watch or somewhere easy on my iphone without opening up a new app.

    4. I know you didn’t ask for commentary but it pains my recovering ED self to read about people tracking even small amounts of calories. Is this improving your mental and/or physical health? Is the cost to one too high to the other? Would you consider trying intuitive eating?

      1. Not the OP and I don’t have any experience with an ED, but wanted to share my perspective.

        I love food. Sometimes I enjoy it so much I get in the habit of eating too much. I gain weight, and increase my workouts but I still eat too much and need to reset my idea of healthy portion sizes and really pay attention to just how much I consume. Tracking calories for a week or so usually gets me back to a good mindset. It helps me better prioritize eating what I really enjoy and reminds me to turn down food that is just convenient but isn’t really something I like and isn’t necessary for satiating hunger.

      2. I can track calories with no impact to my mental health. Not everybody has an eating disorder.

        1. I don’t have an eating disorder, but just from tracking calories for a doctor once, I couldn’t eat without the numbers running through my head for years. It wasn’t an eating disorder but it was a drag.

          If someone is using an app and not memorizing everything and doing math in one’s head, maybe it doesn’t end up that way as easily.

      3. Also an ED grad — plenty of people track calories without it becoming disordered, just like plenty of people drink without becoming alcoholics.

        1. I’ve been on a medically supervised weight loss program for over 18 months and I, yep, count calories. It’s working well. In fact it’s the only thing that has resulted in gradual, sustainable weight loss. My mental health is just fine, thank you.

  18. I started my career as a litigator but have been in-house doing transactional work for nearly a decade now. I’m daydreaming about being a mediator for civil litigation for an established mediation practice (I don’t want to put up my own shingle). How realistic is this? What can I do to position myself for this switch in the future short of handling litigation? Any real life examples of people who went from in-house to mediation?

    1. You might look at the state court in your county. Ours has a mediation program for small cases; you could get an appointment there, and then step up to larger matters once you have more experience.

      1. +1, it’s pretty much a prerequisite to have served as a judicial officer in some capacity to be a mediator or arbitrator. They also command the highest salaries for obvious reasons.

      2. I’m an expert witness in arbitrations.

        Most of the arbitrators have indeed been retired judges but there were also really good mediators who were attorneys with experience and expertise in the matter being disputed. It was much less frustrating for both sides to have to spend an extra day or two trying to educate a retired judge on areas they hadn’t touched on before in their careers.

        So I’d say some niche expertise is a good way in.

      3. Or very long career lawyers with impressive backgrounds, which 10 years in just is not.

    3. My FIL retired from his sole practitioner practice to work in mediation before he fully retired several years later. He got involved initially by recommending some clients use mediation rather than jump straight to litigation, and became more and more involved with the mediation firm as he referred clients there.

    4. I hire mediators a lot, and they are almost exclusively retired judges. A few are recently retired or even still-practicing litigators.

    5. It is interesting to see so many comments that mediators need to be retired judges. That is not really true where I am. For sure there are retired judges with healthy mediation practices here, but there are also a lot of long-term litigators working as mediators, some of whom still practice and some of whom have made mediation and arbitration their entire practice. That said, your background would not be one that jumps out at me as ideal for mediating a case I am working on. If you really want to make the leap without spending a lot more time litigating, you should invest in some “prestigious” mediation training. For example, Pepperdine has a robust program. I think Harvard does, too. And then it would be about growing a reputation for having a great temperament and getting results, which can take a while. If you haven’t been active in your local bar associations/lawyer social clubs/scene, which most in-house lawyers are not, I would start now. You can also network with in-house counsel who manage litigation, as they may influence who is chosen for matters to which their company is a party, but you are more likely to get traction if you get to know prolific litigators in smaller firms to start out. And you are going to really need to market yourself in a way you probably are not accustomed to – like you are building a practice to make/stay partner.

      1. One more point – In my jurisdiction, the federal court has a very robust internal mediation program by which parties can mediate before sitting magistrate judges. I know other federal courts have the same. There is no cost to litigants to participate. This is relevant to understanding what kind of disputes you likely will/will not see in a private mediation practice. I have hired a private mediator for a federal court dispute once or twice, but I think that decision was driven by a partner in another jurisdiction who was less familiar with our local program.

      2. I think it depends on what type of mediator you are talking about. The people who do required mediations in family law cases are not the same as the people who mediate big cases or who mediate for people who actually want mediation.

    6. Mediation is a type of dispute resolution. That is a different line of work than in-house lawyering. Jumping from in-house to mediation is unrealistic, but you might be able to jump to a law firm that specializes in mediation and arbitration. Perhaps that avenue might scratch that itch? Good luck!

  19. URGENT TIME SENSITIVE NEED: What is a very user friendly electronic calendar that has room to add details eg. such as what to bring to a medical appt. Does such a calendar exist? Have stage 4 cancer, very fatigued so cannot spend lots of time and energy setting up many recurring tasks such as medicine schedules and medical visits not to mention all the regular daily tasks of life. And, I would like to be able to share electronic calendar entries with adult children in the event that I become incapable of completing tasks temporarily or permanently. Years ago I set up an electronic calendar that took so much time and energy it was very frustrating and ended up not using because no room for appointment details. Thank you posters for the support and good education you have given on many different subjects! Happy 4th of July!!

    1. I’m really sorry about your dx. Google calendar has a description section when you set up or edit appointments. I use it to list questions I want to remember to discuss with doctors, or sometimes names of receptionists or details about parking if I think I’ll need them. It still requires clicking on the appointment to see them. I can’t comment on time to set up the calendar, because I’ve been using it since my adult children were babies. As someone with a chronic illness the biggest thing for me is a notebook that I carry everywhere. I can jot down questions, make notes about symptoms, list test results, etc. I have an envelope glued to the back cover to hold loose paper.

    3. When I had cancer, I shared my hospital MyChart login with my husband (primary caretaker). The appointments were too frequent and variable to bother with other methods.

      Otherwise, we use a shared Google Calendar.

    5. I like the Medisafe app for medication schedules. If helpful, you can run and send reports about which doses you actually took. It has an appointment feature as well but I haven’t used it myself. Best of luck!

    6. I’m so sorry. This is very hard.

      When I was in a situation that had similar needs, I tried using Google calendar, but in the end wound up using paper and pencil. If I was starting now, and wanted to share with adult children, I might just share with them my Google calendar of appointments (if that’s how you would store them normally), but keeping all of your lists that way was less practical for me. I had pad/paper or a word document that I would keep my “checklist” for many things, because they would evolve with time. I would make a Google document, and keep your checklists there, and share those with your family.

      Checklists that were helpful for me…..

      What to bring to a doctor’s appointment…. I literally hung that by my front door.
      What to bring to a chemo appointment.
      What to do/bring if going to the ER (and I kept an emergency bag packed in case I was admitted).
      List of all doctors with contact info.
      Current medication list.
      Past medical history (which had a list of diagnoses, and a timeline of cancer treatment).
      A history of meds – when meds were stopped/added over time.
      What to do if I get a fever.

      I also started organizing finances just a little.
      List of all credit cards/bank and investment info/all bills + subscriptions on autopay.
      List of al passwords (small book).

      Set up your kids now as medical/financial power of attorney, list them as emergency contacts everywhere and as beneficiaries on accounts, and sign documents at each hospital so they can have access to records etc… I’d try to have your kids come sooner for a visit to help you organize things now, while you are doing best physically, and take some pressure off. This could include finding a lawyer to organize your documents, being a scribe for you to set up your Google calendar/docs, learning who/where your doctors and hospitals are, and also ask them to simply read up a bit on your disease to help ask questions for you.

      You can do it. One thing at a time.

  20. low stakes question: If you use CeraVe moisturizer, how do you pronounce it? Ce-raaahv (silent e) or Ce-ra-vay (stress on the e)?

      1. There are TV ads for it starring Michael Cera (the joke is that he invented it) and this is how he pronounced it.

        It’s like Sarah V.

          1. lol, this definitely will help me remember! Someone came up with an effective commercial there!

      1. Most people are actually saying the same thing: Sara-vee. They have commercials where they say it that way, presumably they know how to say their own brand name.

    5. The Super Bowl commercials featuring Michael cera had it (to my midwestern ears)‘Sarah-bee’

  21. Looking for a gift suggestion for my teenage daughter. I’m a single mom on a pretty tight budget most of the time. I like to use gift giving occasions to get her the kinds of trendy items that her classmates seem to have in abundance. Her style leans slightly streetwear, but also fairly mainstream. In the past I’ve done Lululemon, aviator nation, white fox, etc. I’m at a loss this year. Is Supreme still popular with teens? Other ideas for brands that are « cool » /trending but maybe not quite as ubiquitous as Lululemon/Aviator?

      1. Her father doesn’t buy her gifts — he gives her $ instead, which she tends to save rather than spend. I prefer to give her something she can open. Something that would be an unexpected but enjoyable surprise (obviously will include gift receipt just in case).

    2. I feel like this is VERY regional the cool brands are not the same across the country.

      1. Great point!We are in the northeast/New England. She despises the classic preppy look that is popular here (Vineyard Vines/J Crew). Likes athleisure with an edge. Obsessed with 90s hip hop and enjoys skateboarding. Last year she did a project on Girbaud jeans for school — loves that aesthetic in theory but current clothes are pretty basic (just leaving middle school). I’m hoping for something that might fit her style but also be recognizable, even if not the most popular in our area.

        1. Vans, Champion, and Adidas are all popular streetwear brands with old-school cred. If something like a full Adidas track suit feels like too much, maybe just the pants or a jacket?

        2. I love the Girbaud research project! I would be so tempted to go on an insane rabbit hole search for a pair of pleated 80s Girbaud jeans in her size. If she likes skateboarding and the 90’s, maybe something from Palace? Just reading the item descriptions are hilarious and they have some small bags that are edgier than the ubiquitous Lululemon bag.

    3. You sound like a very thoughtful mom! I work in higher ed at a pretty bougie institution, and I don’t see a lot of Supreme these days. Not sure of your budget, but Vejas are still going strong if you want a sneaker option; Lululemon tennis skirts and dresses are still everywhere; and small shoulder bags are having a moment, I don’t usually squint to see brands but will link a few that look representative, even if she leans toward streetwear it could be nice for her to have a cute bag for dress-up occasions. Have you considered jewelry?

      2. I have three daughters. Two are very Lululemon/Kendra Scott but one favors streetwear. She likes the site Aelfric Eden. Who doesn’t need a shredded murder duck sweater?

        1. lol, shredded murder duck sweater sounds right up her alley! I’ll check it out! Thank you!

        2. wow thanks for this laugh! These sweaters are really something. Is a “Vintage prairie cow scene” sweater supposed to be ironic? I am so perplexed.

      3. Couple more frequent flyer sneaker options…Ons are trendy, Nike Air Force 1s are classic street style at their best if she doesn’t have a pair. Does she need sunglasses? That could work too.

        A few necklaces:
        https://www.catbirdnyc.com/1976-choker-silver.html (I’d have a look around catbird’s website, they can be spendy but have some more affordable pieces and are really good at threading the “trendy but classic enough to not be a waste of money” needle imo)

        https://www.nordstrom.com/s/argento-vivo-sterling-silver-bar-station-chain-choker/4530650?origin=category-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FWomen%2FJewelry%2FNecklaces%2FChoker%20Necklaces&color=710

      4. Thank you! You confirmed my suspicions about Supreme. She hasn’t really gotten into jewelry yet, but I could give it a try. Appreciate the ideas!

        1. FWIW I was assuming she was a bit older with some of those recs, if she’s just coming out of middle school I think Anon’s suggestion for the murder duck sweater is perfect :) or really classic street style brands–Adidas, Nike, etc. Honestly I’d go with an oversized edgy sweater/sweatshirt plus Nike AF1s or Jordans if that works for your budget.

        2. There was a mom on here asking for a birthday idea for her similar aged niece, and some of us recommended a Kendra Scott necklace. Apparently it was a big hit!

          I think the main thing is that it’s a short necklace with a pale stone and gold-tone metal. Popular on Tik tok & instagram.

          1. Specifically, the Elisa necklace in white drusy or opal. Choose between gold-tone and silver-tone depending on your daughter’s preference.

    4. I have a teen daughter and find that the most appreciated fashion gifts are the ones that she hints to me that she wants. If your daughter isn’t telling you what she likes, I’d ask her. Sometimes I assume that something is too mainstream and it turns out that she loves it (e.g., Ugg Tazz slippers this past Christmas), and sometimes I assume that she’ll want something and it turns out that she has no interest (e.g., Ugg Tazz slippers the previous Christmas).

    5. My teen daughters love hooded sweatshirts from lululemon, those crazy $60 shorts from lululemon (they do wear like iron, as they should at that price), shirts from Brandy Melville, jeans from Pac Sun, anything from American Eagle Outfitters, and sneakers from Nike, adidas and converse. Also love necklaces.

    7. I would take her for a shopping day at the mall with you when there are sales. Tell her we can spend $XX and let her pick.

        1. It can be a coupon for a shopping trip. At that age I don’t think the physical opening is that big a deal.

    8. If you’re still reading, my teen daughter with similar style aspirations is pining for a Dandy hoodie.

  22. I just wanted casual shoes I could wear to the office with pants
    I had no idea they’re “controversial”

    If I got solid color Hey Dude shoes, is it ok to wear them to the office? I am in middle management and very much a mall brand shopper, if it makes a difference (I am sure you luxe and designer CXOs don’t wear them- would you judge me?)

    1. The only two people at my office who wear shoes like these (or Toms) on anything other than a very casual Friday are one junior paralegal and a file clerk.

      Not to say you can’t wear them, but I think this is a know-your-office situation and you also should consider whether there is a message you are trying to convey that would be at odds with your dress choices.

    2. They’d be fine in the higher ed spaces I worked in, and in my current, very rural federal office.

    3. What kinds of pants/level of formality? What kinds of shoes do you see other people wearing?

      These read to me as very casual – but not inappropriate in any way, if your office is casual. They would fit in fine in my engineering office, but we are a place where cargo shorts works.

      A single color leather sneaker would read as dressier, and pair with both more casual and more formalish outfits, if you want something more versatile

    4. I don’t consider them “controversial” but I’ll be frank here: they are ugly, terribly so. If you’re a women, they may read a certain way (like…to me they are coded as “not straight” when on a woman’s foot but that could be my area or viewpoint, YMMV).

      To itemize the reasons here:

      They are slip on. Slip on shoes are always going to read more functional and casual than tie shoes or other fastenings.

      They are textile/fabric, and not just that, they’re a textile version of a smarter/more polished shoe (boat shoe/loafer)

      They have a rubber sole that is visible and corrugated/ridged

      Now this part might be sexist or something, but most women’s shoes are designed to flatter the foot in some way, and these are a block of chunky fabric chonking at the end of the leg, very unflattering. That might be why they read as “male/not straight” on a women’s foot but again, take that with a grain of, that’s my opinion!

  23. I know #notallpolyester or whatever, but the fact that this is only 30 bucks definitely means I’m certain that it would immediately give me bad BO and last maybe one wear and wash cycle before getting misshapen.

  24. Has anyone used Musely? How are you liking it. I am very tempted to try them but put off by the separate “doctor” fee, which seems like you incur every time you order something that isn’t on auto-renewal. However, their marketing is persuasive.

    Or, what OTC deep wrinkle and anti-wrinkle products do you feel *really* work?! I feel like my face is aging years every month….(mid 50s). Deep wrinkles are setting in and new wrinkles appearing rapidly. Does anything help?

    1. Tretinoin, which is believe Musely uses in their “blends.” But it’s much cheaper to just get an rx for it and buy it at the pharmacy. There’s a good subreddit with more info: r/tretinoin

    2. Ditto Tretinoin. Someone on here recommended Nurx and I’ve been satisfied enough with them (the tube was a ~12 month supply but the expiration date was 9 months out.) Knowing how easy it was to get I wish I hadn’t settled for OTC retinol products, which were less effective and more expensive.

    3. Agree with tretinoin, gentle non-drying products, sunscreen always, sunglasses always. Hats.
      But you can’t fight genetics. Look at your Mom… how did she age during this period? A lot of skin/wrinkling issues can be hereditary, but of course sun and smoking are killers for skin. Avoid dehydration. Get sleep.

      And if you are perimenopausal…. HRT, minoxidil if you are losing hair, and possibly finasteride (which my derm calls “anti-aging”) but all come with side effects/risk profiles.

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