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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Sundrenched Floral Pencil Skirt

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Affordable Work Skirt: Ann Taylor Sundrenched Floral Pencil Skirt Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. There are some great finds at the Ann Taylor sale — tons of stuff comes down under $20, but it's mostly in lucky sizes. This floral skirt is on less of a sale (it was only marked down a little bit before they took 60% off), but it's got a fair number of sizes left, and, hello, $32 for a $90 skirt is still a pretty good price. (This diamond pencil skirt with an art deco vibe, on the other hand, was already 50% off before they took an additional 60% off, making it a mere $18.) Stock up, ladies. Ann Taylor Sundrenched Floral Pencil Skirt A couple of sizes are left in the “curvy” version of the pictured skirt, and two plus-size options elsewhere (also on sale) are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

214 Comments

  1. Cute skirt! Early TJ: I’ll be going to a wedding a month all fall and winter, and my cold-weather formal shoe game is inadequate. I’ve got plenty of cute sandals for spring/summer, but nothing for all of these wintery formal events. If you were only going to buy one pair of shoes to go with everything, what direction would you go? Material? Cut? My dresses are going to be black + white, navy print, and leopard (throwing in a jewel-toned purple if I get desperate). Weddings are at a winery, hotels, and a casino; dress code ranges from c o c k tail to the kind of “black tie” where most of the women will probably be in c o c k tail dresses.

    Corollary dumb question: what do I wear on my legs if I end up with peep-toes? Tights? Nude-for-me fishnets? Nothing? Not a fan of black hose.

    I’m usually competent at dressing myself. I have no idea how I’ve gotten to 28 without any significant formal events outside of the spring and summer. Two of these weddings will be the first time I meet a ton of my SO’s most significant friends. Please help.

    1. Magenta peep toes? No hose with peep toes. If it’s too cold for peep toes just wear boots and change when you get there and leave them in the coat room.

          1. I love those. Buy them. Wear them with all of the dresses you mentioned, except maaaaybe the purple. I’d have to see the shoes with the purple– they could work. Black are boring (although, yes, you would not have to buy another pair until you are so sick of the black shoes you could scream).

          4. I still like the pink ones best. And you’d be able to wear them to all these weddings! and they’d look so cute for date night, or with jeans and a cute top.

            …I don’t know why I’m so in love with these shoes, they’re nothing like I normally wear, but I’m really feeling the need to go to bat for you to buy them!

            The black ones are all fine. My favorite are the LK Bennett ones, but they are also the least formal. If you wanted black formal shoes, of the ones you posted, I’d go with the Manolos. But my vote is still for the pink!

          5. Yeah they’re nothing at all like what I normally go for, which is why I keep second-guessing myself I guess! My footwear is super-clean and classic, and I basically rotate between black sandals/nude-for-me sandals/neutral Birks/red flats/black flats/nude-for-me flats. If I’m going crazy I wear cognac and (muted) coral mule sandals.

            I might get the LK Bennetts and Manolos too and just see what I like the best in person…but probably the magenta.

    2. If you prefer wear hose, there are version that have a thong between the toes, so your whole foot is covered but your toes are bare, so the peep toes don’t look awkward

        1. When I was in college and worked as a cocktail waitress, the uniform was peep toe platforms and fishnet stockings…that’s how I found out they made toe-less versions haha

    4. Early threadjack.

      Anyone wear a wig professionally/at the office?

      Due to medical issues (not cancer) and likely some inheritance, I keep losing more and more hair every day. My hairline keeps receeding and the ability to cover up my scalp is starting to thin alot. With grey-ing hair that’s wild, I feel I cannot look professional and well kempt at work.

      So I’m thinking about a wig. I have no idea where to start.

      Any advice, tales, warnings would be appreciated.

      I sweat a ton so it will just be for going from the AC house to the AC car to the AC office and back … and on date nights.

      Won’t wear it for gym, errands as we are in a warm climate.

      Many, many thanks for any heartfelt and wise words. So sad, I’m not 60 year so there is a future ahead with wigs for me.

      1. I do! I have alopecia areata, so depending on the month, I can go from being 75% bald to have bald patches. I also have no eyebrows or lashes, so I wear eyebrow wigs and faux lashes daily.

        Before you go full wig, check out if a topper will help. Toppers match your hair color but cover just the top of your head, sitting on top of your natural hair. It has a natural-looking part and is much lighter/more comfy than a full wig.

        If you do decide to go wig shopping, go in person to a shop first to get measured. Then you go online, since online shops are wayyyy cheaper. (Wigs dot com is great)

        Natural hair wigs are scarily expensive; good ones can go from $2,000-10,000. The best you can get are shietels.

        I actually prefer synthetic wigs. Good quality ones can be had for about $75-100, and they require zero styling (natural ones require all the styling real hair does, such as blow-drying, frizz treatments, hot rollers, etc). You just pop on your head and go and always have gorgeous hair. People always tell me they love my curls and I always laugh.

        (I have several. A big va-va-voom curly one, a long straight one, a blonde one for days I want to incognito, and a short one for when it’s super hot)

        I don’t bother with a wig cap, but I do use a comfy-band under my wigs. It’s a cool-grip comfort band. It helps keep me from getting overheated, and it also cushions the wig so it doesn’t irritate my ears. It also keeps the wig from coming off (which really has never happened to me…but with the band, I’ve gone on roller coasters with no problem)

        One of the biggest things to keep in mind is that wig shopping can be really shocking. If you’re used to thinning hair, suddenly seeing yourself with this incredibly thick head of hair can be surprisingly and you’ll think it looks ridiculous. Everyone else will think it looks like normal hair. (Click on my name/link on this post, it will take you to my website. Check out my about me or Facebook page–I’m wearing a wig in every picture and no one ever notices, but I think I look crazy).

        Also keep in mind, if a wig IS too much hair, a hair stylist can thin out the wig to take out some of the volume, add layers or bangs and flatter your face.

        (Fun side note. I do wear longer wigs. I’ve always had long hair, so that’s what I’m used to. I was in Ulta shopping for primer, when this older woman approached me. She said “Excuse me, but I feel I need to tell you. You are too old to have such long hair. It’s just not professional.”

        And I looked her with wide eyes and went, “Oh my goodness, REALLY? I had no idea!” And yanked off my wig. Those moments make wearing a wig worth it. )

        If you have any questions, let me know! I was so sad and scared at first, but now I’m used to it and I have to say, getting ready is sooooooo much faster!

        1. Ok that story about you yanking off your wig is one of the greatest things I have ever heard.

          3. Yep. What was the woman’s reaction? (Also, who says that to random strangers?!)

          5. My MIL told me that I was too old to wear long hair when I was 28! Some people are clueless.

        2. I know that black women have so many hair issues. But, as a white woman, I am a little jealous that the black culture allows for the changing of wigs the way you would a hat. White women: we should jump on the wig bandwagon if only just for fun!

        3. KT just wanted to thank you for all of your great tips/info on wigs. I’m approaching 50 and having to color more often than I want to in order to cover the gray. Also am finally admitting to myself that I’m not the best at styling it myself (and will never be) so have been leaning towards the wig option. And the story is priceless – serves that stranger right for telling you what is/is not professional!

        4. Any suggestions on where to shop for toppers? And what to look for when considering different ones? Thanks!

          Signed,
          Balding 36-year-old

          1. Sure, check out wigs dot com or vogue wigs–they have a number of them.

            I would look for multiple metal clips, not plastic, to keep it secure and to minimize discomfort.

      2. If you haven’t already, you might want to repost this so it’s not a nested reply to another question.

        Someone here has alopecia, but I’m not sure if she wear a full wig or just pieces.

      3. A good friend of mine has alopecia and lost most of the hair on her head, her eyelashes, eyebrows, etc. She wore a wig every day and they looked fabulous. She’s worked for several law firms, too. They were different types of short bobs. Most people didn’t know they were wigs. For those of us that did, she acted like picking a wig each day was just one additional part of her outfit.

        No practical advice, but I think this is more common than people realize.

      4. When I was a child in the 70’s, my mother wore wigs off and on. They were a fashion accessory back in the day. They looked great! And the technology has only improved.

        When my mother wanted a wig later in life, when she had cancer, it didn’t bother her at all, as she still saw it as an accessory.

        I would do a search online for a local place to go in person to talk to an expert, try many styles and think about real hair vs. synthetic. Our local best place specialized in wigs for those with cancer, and was excellent. I suspect there are such places near most major cities. So search using those terms.

        I suspect you have already had a thorough medical work-up, explored treatment options etc…. I might also see a dermatologist in case they have specific recommendations about the best wig source.

        Your insurance should cover part of this.

        My Mom was so much happier with her well styled wig, and I was quite jealous of her quick morning prep time.

        1. One note on the insurance portion. When I tried to get coverage for my “wig”, I was denied. My doctor had to a write a prescription for a “cranial prosthesis” for it to be covered. In talking with other folks with alopecia, this is fairly common.

      5. A good friend of mine has severe alopecia, and she buys her wigs from Orthodox Jewish stores. Apparently the price is great and they are very passable. Just be sure to check our the desired wig in daylight (inst of store lighting). Sometimes the colouring is very different in sunlight.
        All the best,

    5. I would definitely go with metallic pumps and bare legs. But I’m biased because I have an irrational hatred for peep toes…

      1. I haven’t been able to find any metallic shoes that I love, but that was actually my first thought!

    6. I’m boring but I would go with either leather or patent leather black pointy or almond toe pumps. Maybe something a little edgier than what I’d wear to the office (higher heel, maybe a cute cutout, something like that). I personally HATE panty hose and tights, so if it were really cold, I’d probably go for tall, heeled black boots.

      1. I don’t mind tights (hose are a different story) so if it’s arctic, it might be nice to have a closed-toe option.

    1. I was half wondering if someone on her team reads this site. The John Wesley quote was like direct response to the thread earlier this week on why the Clintons went into public service instead of choosing to make money earlier in their careers.

      Hadn’t heard that quote before and loved it.

    2. Ha, I was just going to post that you guys can keep Bill, Tim and Joe, I want Khizr Khan to be my dad. His speech was my favorite part of the whole convention. I am so proud to be from the same country as him.

      1. Khan speech was so amazing and powerful! I can’t believe Fox News didn’t show the speech. Checked this morning and they don’t even have a reference to the speech online. I know I should be cynical about Fox News but that’s pretty ridiculous.

        1. I know. Absolutely despicable. It was clearly too powerful and persuasive for them to show. Heaven forbid their viewers learn that there are actually patriotic Muslim-Americans who have died for their country.

          1. Y’all are being ridiculous. They have the main speeches posted and none of the others. They don’t have Sarah Silverman. There are lots of others they don’t have. They have the big people with names you know: Kaine, Obama, Biden, Michelle, Hillary, Sanders, Chelsea, Bill, Bloomberg, Elizabeth Warren, Cory Booker. And nobody else except a couple of random ones like the person who gaveled in the convention and an 11 year old.

            Seriously, people find so much fault with Fox News for every single thing they do. It’s insane.

          3. It’s not finding fault for ‘every single thing’ they do at Fox News. It’s legitimately pointing out that a major news network and chosen to completely ignore one of the most powerful moments at this convention.

          4. Give me a break, this is obviously deliberate. It’s not just that they don’t have it on their website. They also cut away to commercial during the speech. Name another primetime speech that they skipped airing entirely AND didn’t post on their website. There isn’t one.

          5. So they knew in advance that his speech was going to be really good and cut away to commercial? Really?

          6. And you really know there isn’t one? YOu’ve studied their website and you watched the entire convention on Fox News? Given your obvious dislike, I doubt you did.

          7. @ Anon 10:57

            Did not watch the convention on Fox News – was following a live blog on another site which mentioned the cut-away by Fox. Checked website this morning to see if they posted the video because they failed to broadcast the speech. No video and no reference at all to the very powerful main stage speech by a father of a purple heart veteran.

            You don’t think it’s shady AF that they cut away as soon as a Muslim American veteran’s father started speaking? Have you even seen the speech?

          8. @10:57, well they knew he was Muslim-American and the father of a US solider killed in action and it’s not really rocket science to guess that he’s going to talk about the things Trump has said about Muslims that are blatantly unconstitutional. Also, the politicians typically distribute their speeches to reporters in advance. I’m not sure if Mr. Khan did that, but it’s certainly a possibility that they had the exact text of the speech before deciding not to air it.

            I didn’t watch the convention on Fox but many mainstream media sites reported on the omission. And just based on the people you listed as being on the Fox website (Clintons, Biden, Obamas, etc.), that’s pretty much everyone who spoke in prime time except Mr. Khan. It does seem like their web coverage omits many of the more minor speakers, but he wasn’t a minor speaker and had an incredibly prime slot – right before Chelsea Clinton, who introduced her mother, the Democratic nominee.

    3. Yesssss! Also, I’m surprised at how emotional I am about a woman being the official nominee too. I didn’t think it would be such a big deal to me, but I have all the feels this morning.

      1. It’s such a big deal to me. I didn’t expect to *cry* while watching her speech last night, but I did.

  3. I’d get a pair of closed toe metallic shoes. As for legwear, I’d still go bare since you’ll be spending g the time inside.

    1. Cool. Bare legs were my natural inclination but I wasn’t sure if I’d get the side-eye for being ridiculous.

      1. Team Bare Legs year round for formal events. I wear open toe in the winter too – I am not going to be spending extending periods of time outside and can grin and bear the walk to and from the car!

        1. I agree, unless of course there are hazardous conditions (icy sidewalks, etc). In that case, wear boots and change your shoes when you arrive.

  4. I just realized yesterday that one of my oldest friends is being as fake with me as I’ve seen her be with other people (think feigned enthusiasm to do things together, chatting nonstop to fill what could have been a comfortable silence, avoidance of any in-depth, non-small-talk topics, etc.) I’m saddened by the loss of a deeper friendship, especially since I already don’t have many. Is there any way to revive what is most likely a natural progression due to us not really having that much in common anymore or should I just let things happen as they may? Not really sure if I’m looking for advice or commiseration, but I’ll take anything…

    1. Sorry that the friendship has gotten to that point…Maybe you can take a break…spending time apart can sometimes help you find what made you close in the first place. You have history and know lots about each other, coming back to that after a bit might help. Good Luck!!

    2. Not sure why this comes across as “fake” and not “busy”, distracted, etc. Is this a personality change that may indicate anxiety or depression or another shift? It could be natural — are YOU deep enough, what DO you two have in common anymore? If you want to make the effort, do it, if you don’t, don’t.

    3. I have an old friend who is kinda like this and I had a moment a couple years ago where I realized our friendship was more shallow than I thought. Her big thing is that she flakes on plans a lot. I did a couple things that helped me a lot. First, I accepted that this was who she was and our relationship, and stopped expecting anything different. Second, I started making deals with myself every time I made a plan with her; if she flaked, then I would get myself xxx (some little treat, like a king size carmelo, or a new bottle of nail polish, etc.). It sounds really dumb, it really helped me not to be disappointed when it did happened. And last, I stopped reaching out all the time. If I feel like I’m doing all the reaching out, I’ll just stop for a while. There might be radio silence for a while but then she’ll text and we’ll pick back up.

      Also, I have a lot of friends (and cousins) who I consider friends, but I probably only really talk to a few times a year. But when we do talk, we pick right back up where we left off. We celebrate life events together, and share a common history that means a lot. So changing my definition of friends from someone who I’m in regular contact with to someone who I share things with and care about has helped me come to terms with the fading away that happens as I’ve grown older.

    4. Many friendships go through cycles of closeness and distance. It’s healthy.

  5. Do any of you feel like you are married to someone who is not intelligent? I know I am going to sound terrible saying this, but lately I find myself getting annoyed at my husband when he just doesn’t get things. He is very handy and practical, but sometimes I feel he lacks common sense or that I have to explain something simple to him several times before he will understand. This has lately been bugging me in all our discussions – finance, politics, work, etc. I find myself becoming less attracted to him. We’ve been married 5 years and I always knew he wasn’t “book smart”, but his humor and practical approach always seemed to compensate for that. I don’t care that he doesn’t read the newspaper, articles, books, etc., but I just want to have a conversation with someone about everyday things and not feel like I have to “dumb-down” what I am saying. How do I get over this? I know this is a “me” problem, but I don’t know how to overcome it.

    1. It may not necessarily be a you problem. I could be a compatibility problem. I had a similar experience with a serious boyfriend a while ago, and I ended up ending the relationship because we just weren’t compatible. One major (although by far not the biggest or only) contributing factor was that I wanted someone with whom I could have really interesting discussions about things like that and who would challenge me intellectually. Ex-bf was just never going to be that. DH totally is, and it’s one of the most satisfying parts of our relationship.

      But you did marry the guy, so clearly you had more confidence if your compatibility than I ever did in ours. Maybe just take it in stride as part of the ebb and flow of a marriage?

      1. I agree with this. When I was in college, I was crazy about my boyfriend, who I promptly married the week after we graduated. Over time, however, I realized that I was a whole lot more worldly than him — caring about cerebral things, while he tended to gravitate toward the TV and Sports more than me, thinking me more and more as arm candy whose main purpose to him was to get off. I started to meet other men at work who were more like me and after 3 years, I divorced and married a guy from work. It happens; we grow apart; our needs become different. Incidentally, I never cheated on him while we were married. We just became aware of just how different we were. I am now happy, and he is still single, but busy having the time of his life with his buds.

    2. I’ve had this issue, but it’s more complex than that. My husband’s second language is English and he is smart, but honestly, not as smart as me. I’m a very fast reader and quick with words and he just isn’t, which means it can sometimes take a few explanations or me waiting forever for him to read directions or something. However, he can more than hold his own in intellectual or philosophical conversations and also has a ton of “common sense” that I lack – things like how motors work or why you need a valve for x appliance or whatever. I chalk it up to him being much more hands-on smart with a philosophical bent, but he is not a fast reader or as quick to get the joke. I think you need to assess your husband’s strengths as well as the weaknesses and see if you can live with it.

      1. To add to my own post above, my husband told me when we first started dating that he wanted to be with an intellectual woman who was “smarter than him.” I think what we have works for us.

      2. Whoa – He knows how motors work and you don’t, but you’re smarter because you are quick with words? No. You two are both smart, but in different ways. He has mechanical smarts and you have book smarts. And it sounds like you get that, but your first characterization of “smart” is really off, in my book.

        Also, mechanical smarts are not the same thing as common sense, so don’t dismiss it as such.

        1. I have an advanced degree and my husband has a GED. Sometimes I find myself wishing he were more up to having really abstract, philosophical, thoughtful conversations and I feel like I’m “smarter” than him. Other times, I’m the dummy who can’t understand why the brand new couch we bought won’t fit through the door no matter how we angle it (I have a lot of trouble with spatial reasoning and mechanics). I write the emails that need to be carefully worded, he changes the oil. It works for us.

    3. I don’t have any advice but I just want to say I don’t think you’re a terrible person at all for feeling this way. It’s not a very socially acceptable thing to admit, but intelligence was hugely important to me in choosing a partner. I think I’m pretty smart but my husband is definitely smarter and it’s one of the things I like most about him.

    4. How is your marriage otherwise? Is it possible you’re just in a rut, or stressed at work, and you’re just frustrated/easily annoyed right now?

      My husband has never willingly read a book and barely got through English classes in high school and college. He grew up in a very rural area and learned how to farm, and not much else. He can do math, build furniture, cultivate land, raise 1,000 herbs on our little apartment balcony (we somehow have a flourishing lime tree), but world politics, literature, art, etc are beyond him. When we got married, he did not understand banking, retirement accounts, investing, etc.

      I grew up poor but with a family that believed education was the ticket to the future, so they emphasized higher learning and I read everything I could get my hands on. I may not be able to find my keys each morning, but if you want to have in-depth discussions about the differences in Shakespeare’s folios, I’m your person. If you also want to talk about the benefits of peer-to-peer lending, I’m all ears.

      He’s a pastry chef, I’m a professional writer. Neither of us really understands what the other does, but we know there’s no way in hell we could do the other’s job. (I ruin hardboiled eggs, somehow).

      We’re really, really different. I am much more educated than him, but I wouldn’t say I’m smarter. We just have different areas of strengths. Sometimes I’m disappointed I can’t discuss the newest world event or best seller with him, and he gets annoyed I don’t appreciate his new mix of soil and the orchids he cultivated. But I appreciate the fact that he can repair my car, build anything I ask him too and that he can help keep me organized. He appreciates that I keep our finances in order and invest so we can retire really early.

      We get on each other’s nerves and we get frustrated at the level of ignorance the other has on issues that are important to us sometimes, but that’s really only when we’re tired and stressed and it melts over to other areas. The rest of the time, we realize we really balance each other out.

        1. I have no idea. I kill cactuses. But it flourishes and produces tons of limes

          Then he started growing pineapples. it’s some kind of magic

      2. What kind of professional writer are you? Just curious (nothing on topic or debate re: smartness, just love to write!)

        1. I do a little bit of everything, blog posts, articles, case studies, emails, white papers, web content, etc.

          I’m a freelancer and write for tons of different clients, from little startups to Fortune 500 companies

    5. My husband is STEM smart but doesn’t get policy development and some aspects of politics – these are things I love talking about. And he probably feels like he has to talk about STEM stuff like I was in high school. I’ve come to realize that I can’t expect to get all my intellectual fulfillment from one relationship. So we still talk about this stuff but I make an effort to talk about it with other people as well. There are all different kinds of intelligence and interests – it’s too much pressure on a marriage to expect to get all your intellectual fulfillment from one person.

      1. +a million to your last sentence.

        It reminds me of a quote from a Ted Talk by Esther Perel, The Secret to desire in a long-term relationship –

        “Marriage was an economic institution in which you were given a partnership for life in terms of children and social status and succession and companionship. But now we want our partner to still give us all these things, but in addition I want you to be my best friend and my trusted confidant and my passionate lover to boot, and we live twice as long. So we come to one person, and we basically are asking them to give us what once an entire village used to provide.”

      2. +1 My relationship is similar. If I’m getting annoyed with him for not understanding the nuances of some policy discussion, it’s a sign to me that I haven’t been spending enough time with my like-minded friends. And the same for him – if he seems frustrated that I’m not that into some technical thing or sports or whiskey, I suggest that it’s time to put together a guys’ night. It can be hard to make time for your friends as you get older, but those relationships are so, so important to the strength of a marriage. Your SO can’t be everything to you.

        1. For the longest time, my fiancee only thought of me for s*x, not for my mind. In fact, I had a higher GPA than he did. I got tired of him using me, and dumped him. No big loss. You should do the same even if you are married to the guy. A jerk is a jerk is a jerk.

      3. +1 this is my relationship as well. My SO has a masters in physics and I’m a lawyer. When we go to the bookstore I head straight for the fiction section and come out with a stack of new novels to read, and he heads to the science section and literally buys freaking textbooks to read for fun. Like he gets really excited about them. He’s a STEM person, and I’m just not.

        When I want to get into a really nitty-gritty policy-wonky discussion, I talk to my friends. My SO and I can talk about that stuff, sure, but he’s just not interested in discussing it in-depth in the way that my girlfriends and I sometimes do, and trying to get him to do it is just pointless. And he doesn’t bother trying to talk to me in detail about his obsession with high-level math because, again, pointless.

        OP, email a group of friends who are interested in the same things you are and ask if they want to go out for happy hour tonight and make it a regular thing.

    6. Not a big deal that you two are not ‘smart’ in the same way – but a red flag that you find it so irritating. You may just not be a good fit. I felt the way that you’ve articulated about my first husband – I got increasingly annoyed, became less attracted to him, started feeling resentment … I went so far down that path that in the end the relationship couldn’t be salvaged.

      I felt terrible for not recognizing this incompatibility sooner. The breakup was devastating for him, but ultimately for the best. He was a very nice man who will be a wonderful partner to someone who values the things that he does excel at (and doesn’t hold against him the things that he does not)

      1. I agree with this. My husband is smart in just completely different ways than I am. (Someone above mentioned the spatial reasoning thing — sometimes I can see him mentally rolling his eyes at me, like “how can she not know how this will work?” but my brain is just terrible at that.) But the crucial thing is, it doesn’t annoy me on any significant level. Sure sometimes I am like, “ugh it’s just because ABC fine print thing!” but in the same way he’s like “ugh it’s just because XYZ mechanical thing!” and then I bring him up to speed or he brings me up to speed and we’re back to approaching life as a team. I have zero resentment toward him for the way his brain works. (I think I might resent him if he were boring? He loves to learn about new things, different places in the world — the man literally reads the atlas for fun!, different cuisines, history, etc., so I never feel like he’s boring.)

        I also agree with the comments that your husband doesn’t have to be everything in your life. He doesn’t *get* a lot of my creative pursuits, but he understands that I love them, and he supports me and thinks they’re great. My friends are willing to sit on the floor in the garage with me and make hats. That’s what friends are for. I just can’t care about sports the way he does, but I understand that he cares and I cheer at the championships with him, but for day to day stuff, that’s what his friends are for.

    7. I was the top of my class all the way through professional school and my husband didn’t go to college and just isn’t academically inclined. It works, though, because I have always preferred to “check out” outside of school and work. I can engage in a high-level conversation with another lawyer if the opportunity presents itself, but it’s not what I want to discuss 90% of the time. It’s become a bit of an issue with this election as my husband has decided he is WAY INTO this election but doesn’t really understand it, and I was a political science major so I understand all the nuances fairly well. He hates Hillary, but when I challenge him on why he hates her he can’t back up that position with any facts (luckily he also hates Trump or we would probably be getting a divorce). My solution is that we don’t talk about politics. If he tries to bring it up, I shut down the conversation. So far this has been the only area where it has become an issue so I can live with it.

      1. Has he seen the Morgan Freeman narrated video from last night? That was pretty awesome.

        Also, even if someone doesn’t find Hillary ‘likable’ – she is, as Obama said, literally the most qualified person to run for the White House. She is so qualified and competent, it drives me crazy when people can’t get past ‘likability’ and actually look at what she stands for.

        1. I have never understood Americans’ fascination with likeability. I don’t want a president who is likeable! I want a president who is qualified to run the country. This is not a Hillary-specific thing either. Everyone loved how likeable Bush II was. He was the guy everyone wanted to have a beer with. Haven’t we learned our lesson from that whole debacle that likability is not what matters!?

          1. Agreed. I actually think this is a problem in all conceptions of “leadership”–it gets confused with likability or popularity. Management jobs are another case I’m thinking about. I think leadership is a lot more about diligence and, when necessary, being willing to p*ss people off and make the right decision.

          2. Yes. I think that likability too often works against women. When women act as leaders – whether in govt or at a corporation – they aren’t “likable” and don’t get promoted.

        2. “Likability” in this context =”conforming to conventional beliefs about what and how a woman should be”.

          I want a president who is smart, hardworking, and compassionate. “Likeable” does not even make the top 10 in terms of qualities for that position.

    8. Not quite the same, but my husband can be a moron and it certainly can annoy me. I don’t think education level has much to do with this, as he is a wildly successful STEM PhD. But sometimes, the things that come out of his mouth…”So are ducks birds? or something else?” For real. This is a thing that he asked me.

    9. I am more educated and smarter than my husband in general. But he has many skills that I do not have, too. I find that my girlfriends satisfy my need for more intellectual conversation. You are not terrible for recognizing this as a an issue. But you will have to get over it and look at why you married him. Intelligence is but one attribute and certainly not the most important.

  6. I just accepted a new job that I’m super excited about. However, it involves a move to Albany, NY. I’ll be working downtown across from the Capital Building. Does anyone have any advice on areas that are fun to live in while still being safe? I’m looking for a fairly short driving commute (walking distance would be ideal)and trying to keep the price at $1400 a month or less. TIA

    1. Center Square neighborhood in Albany. It’s between pretty Washington Park and the Capitol Building, so supremely walkable to your new job, lined with lots of independent businesses on Lark St., and the housing is affordable and often very pretty old brownstone buildings. The parking can be tough , but this is where I would live if I lived in Albany proper.

      1. I took the Bar in Albany NY. I stayed DOWNTOWN, which was NOT to bad. There were alot of restrunt’s and a nice park that you should visit. There was also some MUSEUMS that were nice, tho I did NOT have time to visit. If you are ABEL to work in the Capital Building, that is VERY Historic. You should ask to go on a tour, like my Dad did. He liked it, so I hope you do too. YAY!!!

    2. Congrats! and Welcome! If you want to post an email address, I’d be happy to chat offsite (mostly because my answers would depend on certain factors). You can definitely find something for $1400 (or less) in Albany!

    3. Stuck in moderation because I used the ‘sight’ word. Post an email and I’ll happy to connect and give advice!

  7. Another wedding shoe question. I’m attending a “black tie optional” wedding in August where I’m planning to wear a knee-length silk cocktail dress in a deep forest green. What shoes do I wear? I’m fairly short so I would like something lengthening which my current best option do not fit the bill for (they have a strap around the ankle that breaks me up). Ideas?

      1. +1 Love metallics with jewel toned/deep colors. I would probably go rose gold based on my skin tone, but either would work. Pewter would work too!

        1. Hell is when you pull this up on zappos and the top two in-budget options that appeal to your eye are from that vile Kristin girl from The Hills and Ivanka Trump.

          Sooo . . . can anyone speak to the Michael Kors Flex shoes that are either the kitten heel or the very high one (everyone loves, the mid-heel ones, but I don’t like those metallic options).

    2. Nude for you is always lengthening. You could do either a simple pump or a strappy heeled sandal. An ankle strap won’t break up your leg if it matches your skin tone.

      1. I feel like this isn’t true for me (the strap part). Maybe I just have a distorted view since it’s my own body, but any strap seems to be distracting even if it is my skin color. Anyone else have this experience?

        1. I feel the same because I have thick ankles. I find that something with a lower strap (either a t-strap, or a mary jane, etc) is less distracting, but if it’s right at my ankle, even if it’s skin tone I think it is shortening.

          1. Those do look better on me, but they seem to be out-paced by the ankle strap this season. I bought a pair a couple years ago that I loved and wore all the time but no longer look nice enough for a formal event. I need the ones you linked at like a third the price :)

          2. Look at the Real Real! As your wedding-shoe sister, I’ve been spending a ton of time on there this morning, and there are a lot of great options like that for a fraction of the price new.

  8. Husband is starting his grad program at Stanford next year, and I’ll be working in the financial district of SF. Where should we think about living? We pay about 1600 right now for a 1 bedroom in a major east coast city and would like to keep costs as close to there as possible.

    1. I mean this as gently as possible, but you will find it really hard to find an apartment at that budget. SF’s market is brutal.

      You might be able to get a small studio for $1600-1800 (and I do mean small, like 300 sq ft small) in SF, but not much else. Actual non-bedrooms go from anywhere from $2000-3500.

        1. I kind of expected that. Student housing is probably doable if he goes by himself and I stay where we are, which we’re also considering. I like it in our current city, plus that would allow him to rent out a room or something. I’m trying to get a sense of what things would look like if we both moved vs if he moved.

          1. How long will he be gone?

            I would favor living in student housing, and you take the train to work daily. Longish commute, but could you use the time?

            Alternatively, I would live in a town half way between, near train, and you take train to work and maybe he drives if hours are irregular.

          2. Program is two years, but he won’t need to be there when the normal school year isn’t in session. He’s likely to get an internship in our hometown anyway, which is one of the reasons why we’re thinking of having me stay.

          3. Is it an MBA? I have a few friends who went to Stanford business school and from what I saw, the program (school + socializing with classmates) was pretty all-consuming. I believe almost everyone lives in the Palo Alto area, except students with families who are already settled elsewhere in the Bay Area. If it’s that, I’d strongly recommend on-campus housing.

          5. There’s often specific housing set aside for married students. He needs to investigate now.

        2. Student housing is your best option if you want to live in Palo Alto and stick to that kind of budget. It starts at about $1,800 for a 1 bed (studios are a tad cheaper). But be warned it’s not nice (except for Munger, the newer dorm, but that one is $2,300 for a 1 bed and hard to get into). Sometimes when campus housing is full they put students at Oak Creek or Stanford West apartments and you pay a subsidized rate that is the same price as the dorms, and that’s a great deal. Those apartment complexes are pretty nice and the market rate is twice the Stanford rate.

          1. Your commute to SF is going to be painful. You’ll have to take Caltrain (train that runs up and down the Peninsula) and Muni (transit system in SF) to get to the Financial District. It is going to be 1.5 hours minimum each way. To make your commute a bit shorter, you can also look along the Caltrain corridor (Redwood City and San Carlos – both are cute downs with some life)

            One other option to spread out the travel time to live in Union City (boring suburb of SF, not much happening here). You can take Bart directly to Embaracadro (the stop for Financial District, this is what I do) and your husband can take a shuttle that go to Stanford from the area, the Dumbarton Express (bus goes by the campus) or he can drive.

            I think you are going to have to decide on how much money you are willing to spend to reduce your commute time.

    2. Who will be working longer hours and who has more flexibility to work from home? I had friends in lab sciences PhDs at Stanford who needed to be on campus 70 hours a week, but in my husband’s field he could basically work from home whenever and go in just to teach and there were grad students in his program who lived in the city and only came down to Stanford once or twice a week. If one of you will have a job with significantly more flexibility/work-from-home capability than the other person’s job, I’d recommend living within walking distance of the less flexible job and having the other person commute when necessary. But there’s no way you’ll get a 1 bedroom for anything close to $1600 in either Palo Alto or the financial district.
      If your jobs are similarly flexible and you want to split the commute, you might look at the south end of the BART line, e.g., Millbrae, San Bruno, Daly City. Those areas are also substantially cheaper than either Palo Alto or SF, but $1600 is probably still a stretch. You’ll have a decent subway commute and your husband will have either a pretty brutal car commute or a train + bike commute (Stanford isn’t that close to the train station). And note that in some of these places the BART and Caltrain stations are close but not actually together, so when you’re looking for apartments you’ll want to find one that’s walkable to both stations.

      1. +1
        I live across the street from Stanford. Stanford housing isn’t right next to the Caltrain but you can get there w/in a 10-20 minute bike ride depending on your location. +38 minutes to bullet train +30 minutes to financial district from the SF Caltrain stop…Trust me, I did this for years.

        Then I started driving up the 280 to Millbrae or Daly City stations and taking BART into the financial district. It’s about an hour if you do it at the right time (can’t arrive at Daly City any later than 7:45 or there will be zero spots).

        And re: housing–you’ll be VERY fortunate to find a 1-bedroom in Palo Alto proper for under $2K. I’d say you probably won’t have a lot of luck under $2,500, really. My husband and I just moved into a 2-bedroom and got a steal (two parking spots and a washer/dryer!) for 1100 sq. ft. at $4,000.

        Email me with any questions–I love this area (except housing cost)! anonforthis421 at the google mail.

    3. Is there any chance you could work in Palo Alto? I know a lot of firms have a hard time getting people who want to work in Palo Alto because the cost of housing is so high. If you’ll be there anyway, it might be worth it to explore working in Silicon Valley. Bay Area commutes are pretty awful. If you can at all avoid them, I’d do it!

  9. Has anyone tried Curlformers? Trying to simplify my morning routine and I love the idea of going to sleep with these in and waking up with my hair done. Do they actually work? How long does the curl last?

    1. My daughter uses them on her long, straight, fine hair and they work great on her hair. If she puts them in when her hair is damp, the curls last a long time. She sleeps on them sometimes. It takes a little practice to learn how to put them in.

    2. I saw a video about these the other day but couldn’t find them! Thanks!

      Also, why are they so expensive?!

    3. I bought a knockoff brand on Amazon for my daughter for a much lower price. It was a couple of years ago.

      1. Thanks! I have long hair so it seemed a lot to buy them if I end up not using them. Will look for knockoffs.

  10. Early threadjack.

    Anyone wear a wig professionally/at the office?

    Due to medical issues (not cancer) and likely some inheritance, I keep losing more and more hair every day. My hairline keeps receeding and the ability to cover up my scalp is starting to thin alot. With grey-ing hair that’s wild, I feel I cannot look professional and well kempt at work.

    So I’m thinking about a wig. I have no idea where to start.

    Sorry to repost. I realized my first one was in a “reply” setting and I’d like all to see this to help.

    Any advice, tales, warnings would be appreciated.

    I sweat a ton so it will just be for going from the AC house to the AC car to the AC office and back … and on date nights.

    Won’t wear it for gym, errands as we are in a warm climate.

    Many, many thanks for any heartfelt and wise words. So sad, I’m not 60 year so there is a future ahead with wigs for me.

    1. No idea why this went in moderation…

      I do! I have alopecia areata, so depending on the month, I can go from being 75% bald to have bald patches. I also have no eyebrows or lashes, so I wear eyebrow wigs and faux lashes daily.

      Before you go full wig, check out if a topper will help. Toppers match your hair color but cover just the top of your head, sitting on top of your natural hair. It has a natural-looking part and is much lighter/more comfy than a full wig.

      If you do decide to go wig shopping, go in person to a shop first to get measured. Then you go online, since online shops are wayyyy cheaper. (Wigs dot com is great)

      Natural hair wigs are scarily expensive; good ones can go from $2,000-10,000. The best you can get are shietels.

      I actually prefer synthetic wigs. Good quality ones can be had for about $75-100, and they require zero styling (natural ones require all the styling real hair does, such as blow-drying, frizz treatments, hot rollers, etc). You just pop on your head and go and always have gorgeous hair. People always tell me they love my curls and I always laugh.

      (I have several. A big va-va-voom curly one, a long straight one, a blonde one for days I want to incognito, and a short one for when it’s super hot)

      I don’t bother with a wig cap, but I do use a comfy-band under my wigs. It’s a cool-grip comfort band. It helps keep me from getting overheated, and it also cushions the wig so it doesn’t irritate my ears. It also keeps the wig from coming off (which really has never happened to me…but with the band, I’ve gone on roller coasters with no problem)

      One of the biggest things to keep in mind is that wig shopping can be really shocking. If you’re used to thinning hair, suddenly seeing yourself with this incredibly thick head of hair can be surprisingly and you’ll think it looks ridiculous. Everyone else will think it looks like normal hair. (Click on my name/link on this post, Check out my about me or Facebook page–I’m wearing a wig in every picture and no one ever notices, but I think I look crazy).

      Also keep in mind, if a wig IS too much hair, a hair stylist can thin out the wig to take out some of the volume, add layers or bangs and flatter your face.

      (Fun side note. I do wear longer wigs. I’ve always had long hair, so that’s what I’m used to. I was in Ulta shopping for primer, when this older woman approached me. She said “Excuse me, but I feel I need to tell you. You are too old to have such long hair. It’s just not professional.”

      And I looked her with wide eyes and went, “Oh my goodness, REALLY? I had no idea!” And yanked off my wig. Those moments make wearing a wig worth it. )

      If you have any questions, let me know! I was so sad and scared at first, but now I’m used to it and I have to say, getting ready is sooooooo much faster!

        2. When my hair was longer (almost hip length), random strangers would approach me and *berate* me for not cutting it off and giving it to kids with cancer. As in, how dare I have this long, thick hair and actually keep it.

          The things strangers will say about other people’s lives….

          (and KT, that is an amazing response!)

          1. AH! I thought that was just me!

            When I was younger I had very nice, long hair. Complete strangers would come up to me all the time to tell me how selfish I was for not donating it to Locks of Love.

      3. This story made my morning! I love that you just yanked off your wig:) Don’t you love when people need to stop you to tell comment about something that you’re “doing wrong”?

      4. Thank you so much! I am so much less scared now … and also realize that my huge problem is not! I knew there were women out there, I didn’t know how to find you. Yes, you look fab! Oh my. Thanks ever so much for sharing. <3

      5. You absolutely made my morning! I can’t believe a stranger would approach you with something like that.

    3. Also, check out a product called Toppik. You can get it on Amazon or places like Sally’s. it’s a hair fiber you sprinkle on. It attaches to what hair you DO have and makes it look full and thick. When my hair is just in a thin phase (and not a OMG I’m missing the whole right side of my head phase), I can actually wear my hair up and Toppik makes my hairline look normal.

      It doesn’t stick to hands or run when wet.

      One hint, order one shade lighter than you think you need. It runs very dark. I have pitch black hair and use dark brown instead of the black.

      2. Yes, I would suggest starting with Toppik. I have inherited hair loss, and there’s no way to style my hair so that my scalp doesn’t show through. Toppik has made such a difference for me because it allows me to hide the scalp, so that you can’t tell.

        I do wear my hair pulled back every day with a bunch of hairspray so that things “stay in place.” I can go one night without washing my hair and just touching up with a little more Toppik in the morning. And I mix 2 shades together to get the right color. Like KT said, go a little lighter than your hair color. And though you don’t need to get it at first, I love the spray nozzle top for the little bottles.

    4. No idea why this went in moderation…

      I do! I have alopecia areata, so depending on the month, I can go from being 75% bald to have bald patches. I also have no eyebrows or lashes, so I wear eyebrow wigs and faux lashes daily.

      Before you go full wig, check out if a topper will help. Toppers match your hair color but cover just the top of your head, sitting on top of your natural hair. It has a natural-looking part and is much lighter/more comfy than a full wig.

      If you do decide to go wig shopping, go in person to a shop first to get measured. Then you go online, since online shops are wayyyy cheaper. (Wigs dot com is great)

      Natural hair wigs are scarily expensive; good ones can go from $2,000-10,000. The best you can get are shietels.

      I actually prefer synthetic wigs. Good quality ones can be had for about $75-100, and they require zero styling (natural ones require all the styling real hair does, such as blow-drying, frizz treatments, hot rollers, etc). You just pop on your head and go and always have gorgeous hair. People always tell me they love my curls and I always laugh.

      (I have several. A big va-va-voom curly one, a long straight one, a blonde one for days I want to incognito, and a short one for when it’s super hot)

      I don’t bother with a wig cap, but I do use a comfy-band under my wigs. It’s a cool-grip comfort band. It helps keep me from getting overheated, and it also cushions the wig so it doesn’t irritate my ears. It also keeps the wig from coming off (which really has never happened to me…but with the band, I’ve gone on roller coasters with no problem)

      One of the biggest things to keep in mind is that wig shopping can be really shocking. If you’re used to thinning hair, suddenly seeing yourself with this incredibly thick head of hair can be surprisingly and you’ll think it looks ridiculous. Everyone else will think it looks like normal hair.

      Also keep in mind, if a wig IS too much hair, a hair stylist can thin out the wig to take out some of the volume, add layers or bangs and flatter your face.

      (Fun side note. I do wear longer wigs. I’ve always had long hair, so that’s what I’m used to. I was in Ulta shopping for primer, when this older woman approached me. She said “Excuse me, but I feel I need to tell you. You are too old to have such long hair. It’s just not professional.”

      And I looked her with wide eyes and went, “Oh my goodness, REALLY? I had no idea!” And yanked off my wig. Those moments make wearing a wig worth it. )

      If you have any questions, let me know! I was so sad and scared at first, but now I’m used to it and I have to say, getting ready is sooooooo much faster!

        1. You are simply AMAZING! Seriously. You’ve inspired me, KT. I’m on the journey now …wow! I’m thinking that cooling band would be super in other ways, like mowing the lawn. Really. God bless you.

  11. I need tips on how to not get mad over how an SO spends money.
    My SO and I live together, do not share any money, but have figured out a relatively good balance for how we share money between ourselves (he makes more so he pays more).
    Outside of us though, I feel like he is constantly wasting money. Whether it’s buying and then losing stuff, going out and deciding he needs to buy all drinks for the night (for no reason), to just being drunk and actually losing cash. I get so frustrated / mad watching this happening. I think part of the frustration is feeling like when he spends money this way, it impacts what is available to spend on us / our home / our future. But it’s also his money and he makes more so I feel bad getting mad at him and starting fights.

    1. Is this a spending-priority problem, or a you-think-he-has-a-drinking-problem problem? Because it sounds like his “wasteful” spending is correlated to drinking, in your examples.

      If it is just a priority problem, then you need to figure out how to be okay with him making different spending choices than you do (provided that those choices come out of leftover/fun money after bills are paid, savings/retirement are funded, etc).

      My husband and I are living apart at the moment (temporary work situation). I love to cook. He doesn’t cook. I eat breakfast and dinner at home and bring my lunch to work. He buys all of his meals out. We are each allowed to make our own choices in this regard because we can afford them. And, it balances out because I think he’s probably spent a grand total of $1000 on clothing in the 8 years we’ve been together (total, not per year), whereas I placed a $1000 order with J.Crew, um, yesterday… (granted some will get returned, but you get my point).

      1. New test: if you’re actually straight up losing money when you drink, you might have a drinking problem!

      2. Not a drinking problem. The problem is he spends more than me everywhere. I don’t think there is one area where I spend less than him. We can afford it but it just means less savings

        1. What level of savings would make you comfortable? Some folks want to live very frugally and save the maximum amount at all times. The question for the saver in the relationship is ‘What are you saving for?’ Retirement, 6 months unemployment? Obviously, saving is necessary, but if you’re adequately preparing for the future there is nothing wrong with enjoying life now.

    2. So you need tips on how not to care that someone you are building a future with doesn’t share your values?

    3. I think you’re well within your rights to be upset if his spending is affecting your financial health as a couple, and I include savings in financial health. Honestly it sounds like you are a frugal person and he is not, and that is a tough thing to overcome. I could not be married to someone who spends money the way your SO does. I don’t think this is just about different spending priorities as anon above suggested. I agree 100% that couples can buy things the other member of the couple thinks are stupid so long as they are on the same page about total spending (my husband wants a $2000 road bike, which I think is ridiculous, but I buy really expensive camera equipment that he thinks is ridiculous). But there is a big difference, to me anyway, between having different interests and spending priorities and straight up wasting money, and I could not put up with the latter.

        1. This is the biggest red flag for me. He’s not happy with his own spending yet struggles to control it.

    4. I feel the same way about a lot of my husband’s spending money. What makes it work for us is 1) that he’s making other financial goals (e.g. no debt, saving for retirement) and 2) that we each have our own personal money (we have separate and joint accounts). Also agree with anon10:32 that some of my frustration comes from different spending priorities. My husband owns 7-8 shirts total. Not going to reveal my total but I’m writing this on a fashion blog so you can guess.

    5. Figuring out whether you’re financially compatible is so hard. There’s something inexplicably taboo about inquiring about your partner’s finances before marriage. But if you’re looking at a future with this guy, you two absolutely need to have a lot of open discussions about how each of you spends and saves. Maybe the actual amount he spends/”wastes” isn’t all that concerning, maybe it is, but you’re not going to figure that out unless you talk to him about it.

    6. I’m not clear from your comment on the magnitude of how much money he’s wasting in your view — if he’s buying drinks for everyone, how often and how much does that cost? If he lost something, how expensive was it and how often does that happen? A few years ago I took off a $400 Garmin watch and put it on the roof of my car and then forgot about it and drove off, but it’s extremely unusual for me to do something like that. Even frugal, careful people make expensive mistakes sometimes.

      If these incidents add up to a couple hundred bucks a month, I think you need to just let it go. If a couple thousand, whoa, that’s a problem.

      Either way though I think you could benefit from a structured conversation about financial attitudes and savings goals and whether or not you’re both individually meeting your goals. Actually I think every relationship could.

      1. I don’t know if it’s a couple thousand, but probably more than $1K a month. The hard part is that he makes 3.5x what I make so really he IS still saving, just not at the rate I would, which I guess I have to be okay with…

        1. Nah you really don’t. It’s actually ok to break up with people who fundamentally dont share your values.

          1. Yep. He is throwing away $1k a month and says he hates it but won’t stop doing it because he drinks to excess. That is a problem. You have to decide whether you want to live with that or not because it sounds like it’s not changing.

        2. That does raise my eyebrows a bit.

          Sit him down and talk to him. Money conversations suck, but you gotta have them. Maybe the conclusion you come to after this conversation is that you need to let it go, or maybe not. If you can’t let it go, you won’t be either the first or the last person to break up with a guy over money. It’s a legitimate reason.

        3. For a counterpoint – My DH is a tad careless and casual about money, more than me (I am very frugal and was raised to be so). He loses his phone (about once a year leaves it in a cab or somewhere), forgets to claim reimbursements on his work expenses, doesn’t care to return something he ordered, and so on. When we talked about this his response was “I know Im careless about cash, so my aim is to increase the topline as much as possible.” His strategy is basically to make as much as possible rather than scrimping on tracking cash out. (For instance, he works long hours to maximize his bonus, whereas my leisure is important to me, and I focus more on expenses than income). I’m fine with it.
          Your SO sounds similar.

    7. I think there’s a difference between being “mad” about how his financial decisions impact you now. It sounds like you think they don’t really affect you, just that you would do things differently, so in some sense you have to let it go. BUT you have every right to be concerned about your financial future if/as your relationship becomes more serious. It sounds like, at a minimum, you two may not be financially compatible, and more like that he has some serious red-flag behaviors when it comes to money.

  12. NAS items report:

    – The Eliza J crepe dress in pine green is a beautiful color but is going back. I’m a busty 12-14, usually buy a 14 for the top and tailor the waist and maybe hips, but this one in the 14 was so tight on top I could play Peter Pan. It also has an exposed, gold-tone zipper that goes to just below the waist in the back (how did I miss that when ordering?), probably would show below many jackets. The elbow sleeves are also a bit too long, they kind of bunch up in the bend of the elbow. It is described as crepe but is in fact more of a fine-gauge ponte – still nice, but not crepe. Trying to decide if I’ll order a size up and tailor, as the style is my go-to V-neck (deep but not so low it shows cleavage) and the color is great, but probably not.

    – I got two of the Pleione mixed media hi-low tops. They run crazy large; the medium fits me through the bust (!) and is a bit boxy. The plain black is in fact mixed media, polyester crepe in front and a knit in back; I’m on the fence about that. The patterned one – flowers in pale blue, rose and black – is very nice, not overly twee, and is the same crepe on both sides. It will look good with suits or jeans, definitely keeping (but hemming to shorten it to high hip and get rid of the stupid hi-low thing.)

    1. I have never found a shirt I liked that was mixed fabrics. To me it seems like the manufacturer is just trying to save some money by adding some cheaper fabric in the back. Rarely does the mixed media enhance the style or add interest to the back or drape of the clothes.

      1. I actually like the pleione mixed ones – I wear them under suits or with jackets a lot. Front is crepe and looks a bit more formal. Back is super duper soft. I generally tuck them in though, so the hemming issue is rather irrelevant to me.

      2. 100% agree with your take on ‘mixed media’!!! It ruins so many perfectly nice tops that I’d be happy to pay $5 more on for the same fabric throughout.

    2. I’m wearing the Eliza J crepe in navy today. Agreed on all your comments, particularly that it’s just ponte. I’m very tall, and the sleeves hit me just above the elbow. Can’t imagine these would fit anyone of normal to petite height. I’m straight up and down so it fits me there too. I’ve resigned myself to the zipper.

  13. I’m considering getting a moving comfort running bra. Any insight on fit? I normally wear a 32DD.

    1. I love my rebound racers. You can get them for half price if you aren’t picky about the color.

      1. Do you order the same size as you wear in normal bras? I see that it says to size up, but that’s been inaccurate for me in the past on other items.

      2. I also love rebound racers, and just buy whatever color is on sale at the time. I wear a 34D in regular bras, and a 34D in Moving Comfort. It is so nice to have a supportive bra.

        I’d go to a local running store to try some on, a lot of them carry Moving Comfort.

    2. I usually get my normal bra size, although recently I’m thinking of stepping down to a lower cup size to get more compression. I wear a 34D or sometimes 32 DD normal bra and I want to try on a 34 C and see how it fits.

      I have a rebound racer and I don’t find it as compressive as the Juno, which is my go-to. It depends on the type of activity you are doing.

      1. To add to that- they are tight when you first get them but they do stretch over time. I would take that into consideration when I’m choosing sizing.

      2. +1 to the Juno. It is adjustable on the back and the straps! I ordered 2 from NAS because this is the best price I have seen. They run $60 in my local running store which, unfortunately, hardly ever has my size much less my size in a color I like.

        I normally wear 34b or 32c and prefer the Juno in 32c.

        1. P.S. The Juno replaced Lululemon’s All Sport bra as my favorite. I don’t grab anything else for running or anything medium to high impact anymore.

    3. Excellent choice–I love Moving Comfort sports bras. I wear a 30E in regular bras and buy a 32D in MC (I may try the 30E next time, but there are fewer styles at that size and they’re less likely to be on sale). I find them to be quite snug and supportive.

      FWIW, I don’t particularly like the rebound racer (doesn’t feel locked down enough for me) but I do like the Juno and Fiona styles.

  14. What, if anything, would you do for a colleague (whose work you depend on) that is constantly overworked with no relief in sight?

    1. Make sure the colleague’s supervisor knows how important and valued colleague is.

    2. If you’re a superior, advocate for her raise.
      Signed,
      A constantly overworked colleague with no relief in sight. Who would like a raise, please.

    3. Colleague is a peer and their supervisor seems to be aware of the work being done but for some reason will not add staff. :(

      1. I think an appropriate topic of conversation may be to extend deadlines for things she must do, if more resources cannot be added to support her.

      2. Can you make it clear to your supervisor that colleague’s work is indispensable, and see if your supervisor can advocate for either more staff or more money? If you depend on her work to do your job, your supervisor should have an interest in ensuring a consistent work stream from the colleague. And it may be easier for your supervisor to advocate to her supervisor, peer to peer.

    4. When I’ve been in that place, the little things from coworkers meant a lot: A friend found out my favorite Sbucks drink and would grab one for me and bring it to my office. Similarly, can you find out the person’s favorite tea/snack/drink and put it in his/her office? Another friend found a hilarious card and left it on my desk. And, of course, a drink at the end of the week is much appreciated.

  15. I bought a pair of $10 black slouchy pants from H&M a few months ago as an experiment…turns out I love them, and I’d like to get something in the same style but nicer, $50-$250 range. Does anyone have a favorite? My office is business (very) casual. I’ve been looking at the Eileen Fisher ones. Thanks and happy Friday!

    1. I don’t know exactly what you mean by slouchy pants, but I recently got some “track pants” that are made out of a nicer material from Nordstrom. At any online store you can search track pants, and see what pops up.

  16. I’m about to head to the lake for a week– what should I stock my Kindle with? I read a lot of different things (mystery, thriller, romance, biography/memoir, fantasy) and am open to anything!

    1. Ones I’d recommend for vacation reading that I’ve recently read

      Eligible, by Curtis Sittenfeld
      The Knockoff, by Lucy Sykes and Jo Piazza (total fluff but very fun)
      The Royal We (basically Kate Middleton fanfic. I loved it)
      The Queen of the Tearling (the first two books of a fantasy trilogy are available now, the third comes out soon)
      Everything I Never Told You, by Celeste Ng
      Year of Yes, by Shonda Rhimes (I seriously loved it.)
      Bittersweet, by Miranda Beverly-Whittemore – super readable, sort of a mystery

      Ones on my Kindle for my vacation next week!
      The Assistants, by Camille Perri
      Miller’s Valley, by Anna Quindlen
      Girls on Fire, by Robin Wasserman
      the new Liane Moriarty (I think it’s coming out soon!)
      The Girls, by Emma Cline

      1. I loved Eligble! I haven’t even read Pride and Prejudice but I thought that book was super cute. I love pretty much everything Curtis Sittenfeld writes. I second most of these other recs too :)

      2. Well, I’ve enjoyed almost everything on the first list, so I’m going full steam ahead on the second list!

    2. If you like medieval themed fantasy, check out Jeff Wheeler’s Kingfountain series. I also really liked the Radiant series by Karina Sumner-Smith, which is female-relationship centered post-apocalyptic science fiction/fantasy.

      1. Oops, I guess it’s called the Towers series, not the Radiant series. Anyway, it was really nice and not the typical story about a dystopian future.

        1. Thanks! The library had the first 3 of the series, so I picked all three up– better to get all three and decide I don’t like them rather than devour the first one and not be able to download the next two (due to the lake house’s lack of internet).

          1. I misspoke twice – it’s only a trilogy! But it comes to a really satisfying conclusion – it’s not one of those book series that leaves you hanging…

    3. Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist is randomly amazing
      The Residence is a memoir of White House service staff (so like downton abbey of the White House).
      Rich and Pretty
      So Close
      Everybody Rise

    4. I just finished NK Jemisin’s The Inheritance Trilogy and really enjoyed it (fantasy, basically). Recently, I also really liked:
      Queen of the Night and Edinburgh by Alexander Chee
      Mr. Penumbra’s 24 Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan
      All Things Cease to Appear by Elizabeth Brundage
      The Storied Life of AJ Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin
      The Yoga of Max’s Discontent by Karan Bajaj
      Ready Player One by Ernest Cline
      Landline, Carry On, and Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell
      13 Ways of Looking at a Fat Girl by Mona Awad
      Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy
      The Fireman by Joe Hill
      Shadowshaper by Daniel Jose Older

  17. You guys, the vet found crystals in my dog’s urine and now we have to take him for an x-ray. He’s young, so it’s unlikely to be super serious, but I’m upset! Ugh. Plus vet bills are expensive. And I’m a little paranoid that it’s something terrible, and my other dog just died last year and I don’t think I can do that again.

    1. I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m sure it’s nothing serious. My dog gets recurrent UTIs and the vets regularly find crystals in her urine. I don’t want to scare you by even saying the c-word, but young dogs are incredibly unlikely to have bladder cancer and there are so many much less serious things that it could be. As someone who has spent close to $20k on my dog in the less than two years we’ve had her, I sympathize with massive vet bills. She gets UTIs every few months and every time she does we drop at least $500 and sometimes closer to $1000 (vet visit, urinalysis, x-ray if they see crystals in the urine, ultrasound if they see anything troubling on the x-ray, antibiotics, follow up visit and urinalysis to ensure the infection has cleared)….and it’s never been anything more serious than a bacterial infection.

      1. Thanks. He doesn’t have an infection, but she wants to check for bladder stones. He seems really well in general, so I probably shouldn’t worry.

        1. My last boxer had persistent struvite crystals in her urine, thankfully never stones. I had to modify the PH of her urine via a supplement and change to a higher quality food. She lived to be 13.

          If the vet suggest a prescription food. look into higher quality food instead and a supplement.

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