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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Artist Top

A woman wearing a blue paisley top and blue linen pants (head and legs cropped out)

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How pretty is this cotton top from J.Crew Factory? The blue paisley print is so cheerful and the slight V-neck is such a flattering look.

I would wear this untucked with navy pants and loafers for a very casual Friday outfit. If you’d prefer a solid, it also comes in white, black, “geranium,” and “pale kiwi.”

The top is $29.50–$39.50 and comes in sizes XXS–3X and petite sizes XXS–L.

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Sales of note for 12.5

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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312 Comments

  1. Talk to me about electrolysis for facial hair removal. Are you glad you did it? Any negative side effects? How expensive was it? Is it better to wait to do it until you’re after a certain age/had children?

    (This post brought to you by the what I thought was mascne, but instead turned out to be an 1.5 in ingrown hair on my jawline.)

    1. I had it as a tween, and it worked for a little while, but is… back with a vengeance so I personally don’t think it worth the $.

      1. My guess is that that was new growth (hormone-driven as we age — yay). I did laser and it reduced the upper lip/chin hair and made it much finer, but later (5-10 years?) I got a lot of lower face/jaw ones from just getting perimenopausal and electrolysis is the only thing that worked on them.

        1. Thanks for the explanation, my electrolysis also worked from my mid-twenties until I went through menopause. I should sign up for another round.

    2. I am thrilled with the results from electrolysis! Results are effective and permanent, if you go for consistent appointments. Cost varies. I’m in Chicago, cost is $35 for 15 minutes.

      1. I’m curious how long it took you until you saw full clearing of hair? I’m in my early 40’s and the chin/upper lip fuzz situation is getting bad.

    3. It was painful, but very effective. I had it done 4-5 years ago, and have only seen an occasional stray chin hair pop up once in a great while. And they are much lighter and finer than before.

    4. I’m saving up to do this myself. My adult acne is an unrelenting wreck, so tretinoin is going to be necessary long-term, and my mustache and chin hair is out of control.

    5. I’ve been very happy with results! It took about 6 months of consistent visits (started out 30 minute sessions once a week, then went to 15 minute sessions every other week) to clear a lot of stress- and hormone-induced chin whiskers, but I’m so glad I did it. I was going through a divorce and growing a goatee at the same time! The hardest part for me was I couldn’t tweeze (ok to shave daily but you have to let the hair grow a little before the appointment). The treatment takes so long because the hairs are at different stages in growth cycle, so some will pop up while others haven’t come in yet. Consistency is key. I did it in 2018 and only in the past year a few new chin whiskers have popped up, probably hormone-driven.

      1. How much do you think it cost all together?

        That’s a lot of sessions, to cover such a small area.

    6. I did laser on my chin about 15 years ago and the results were AMAZING. But over the past couple of years I’ve had some white ones that poke through and now hitting pre-menopause I’m seeing some more (or maybe I was just on spirolactone so long that it was controlled–I took myself off the drug after many years). I know laser doesn’t work if the hair is white. Would electrolysis work?

  2. A Friday throwaway question related to yesterday’s BR opera coat styling. Do you wear khakis outside of work? I always associate them with office wear. Is this a New England preppy style thing?

    1. I’m a dirtball, so can’t keep khakis clean in any circumstances, but I do have some darker chino type pants that I wear sometimes when I want something a little bit different than jeans.

    3. I think of khakis as pure late 90s mom realness. I therefore find them hideous and assume they’re very in right now.

      1. A late 90s mom here. I would never have been caught dead in khakis as I concur with the assessment of their hideousness. Moms have standards, too!

      2. Me too! I hate khakis. I’d wear an olive jogger or something, but light tan khaki, absolutely not.

      3. In Boston, don’t wear khakis. They’re common as part of a uniform like with an embroidered polo shirt in service industries.

    4. I have in the past, but not in khaki colors because of kid/dog. I live in MA so slim cut khaki pants in colors are not uncommon around here in the spring/summer, but they’re more ‘wear to brunch/the club/school events vs. just running errands. Like the other poster, it’s more of a lighter weight and slightly nicer version of dark jeans. Also sometimes spring is too cold for a skirt/dress with bare legs but I can’t stand boots/tights anymore so I’ll wear these instead.

    5. No, they are a relic of 1990s officewear that I will never wear again. I am horrified that my teenager seems to think they are cool.

    6. I never wear khakis, and don’t think I’ve ever seen the women around me wear them. I do live in the West, not New England.

      I associate them with big-box store uniforms and the Gap commercials era.

    7. No, I was traumatized by the 90s-early 00s. I think they look great on straight, athletic figures. Alas, this woman with hips and thighs just looks dumpy.

      1. I have a straight, athletic figure. They look dumpy on me too, especially the ones with pleats and tapered legs.

    8. I think they are hideous and my old school
      WASP mom and aunts don’t even wear them – to work or otherwise

    9. I got some gap chinos recently (thanks, COVID-15), but got them in camo b/c I can’t have nice or light-colored things and I love them. I am pretty surprised how much I like them, almost shocked. I last had a pair years ago when it was the one thing I could wear on Fridays in the summer that wasn’t a suit and loathed them.

    10. I never wear khaki colored chinos for all the reasons listed above, but I do have chinos in light blue and light green and really enjoy how comfy they are and a good change from jeans.

    12. I had to wear them when I worked at Staples for a few years, and I promised myself never again. I do own lined tan dress pants, but I will never own actual khakis again.

    13. Khakis always read uniform to me. Part of my career goals was to have a job where I don’t have to wear a uniform and can wear whatever I want, so I have an adverse reaction to them.

      I much prefer colored denim, particularly black or white.

      1. I don’t know how I lived before white denim. Truly. And white cords in the winter. And white khakis (straight leg, cropped; OMFG no pleats ever pls).

        1. you had me in full agreement until “khankis” :D

          Cargo pants though, which is very similar to khakis…I will admit to currently wearing camo cargo pants (kind of jogger style, cropped) and I love them so much. Best goodwill find every – banana republic with tags, perfect size. I had no idea I needed them.

          1. Maybe they aren’t khakis, but they are cotton pants that aren’t rigid denim (which I loathe).

    14. I don’t wear literal khakis because I think they’re ugly, but if you’re talking about casual pants that aren’t jeans, I do have a couple of pairs of linen joggers (gray, olive) I save for the hottest days. I’m in jeans the rest of the time. I also tried non-blue jeans and didn’t like them, but I’ve seen khaki colored jeans out there.

    15. I have a slim-cut navy pair that I like in the summer for casual days at the office and WFH. I find them more comfortable and cooler to wear than jeans. I had a similar pair of burgundy ones but got rid of them when they started to look too low-rise. I suppose they are preppy/classic, and I am in New England.

      I don’t think of them as “khakis”–honestly, they are just casual cotton trousers and don’t have any link in my mind to uniforms.

      I would not wear pleated or “mom-style” khakis. I’m starting to see them a bit on the college crowd, along with all things 1990s.

  3. Yesterday someone noted that taking B12 supplements can mask deficiencies that result from malabsorption, and I’ve seen others post the same thing several times. Those of you who are using B12 injections instead of supplements, what tests did you have to ask for and how did you advocate with your doctor to move from supplements to injections? I had a borderline deficiency and was advised to take supplements. I use a sublingual supplement on the theory that it will be absorbed better than a pill, and my levels have returned to normal, but I’m wondering whether that’s really the right approach. I am not vegetarian or vegan.

    1. I am the one who posted about having pernicious anemia. I get the B12 panel run with my blood work every year at my annual and then periodically throughout the year, but if you continue to have issues with your levels, as for the intrinsic factor test to be run. That will tell you whether your stomach is missing the enzyme that allows B12 to be absorbed via food and oral supplements. This is why I am SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS for life.

    2. Figuring this all out changed my life, so I have a ridiculously long spiel on this topic. This is all a “patient’s level” understanding as I have no background in medicine or science.

      In theory, any confirmed B12 deficiency on an omnivore diet is a pretty strong indication for parenteral administration, since in a person without malabsorption, the liver would store a year or more’s worth of the vitamin and release it back into the GI system for reabsorption whenever needed. So testing as deficient typically suggests either malabsorption or the kind of long term vegan diet that could deplete liver stores. Sometimes the obstacle is temporary (a stomach infection, or taking meds like metformin and PPIs). But my view is that if somebody feels totally fine on sublinguals, there’s no need to fix what’s not broken. But injections are pretty much always indicated for neurological symptoms (anxiety/depression, fatigue, insomnia, pins and needles, peripheral or small fiber neuropathy, or demyelination). That’s actually true even if the cause of deficiency is 100% dietary, since injections heal nerves most reliably and fastest.

      I’ve learned that the main the B12 deficiency tests are serum B12, MMA, and homocysteine. They can also look at the size of red blood cells. But often these indicators will normalize on sublinguals. So once treatment has begun, doctor and patient alike pretty much have to go by symptoms. (There is also a transcobalamin test but I’m not sure its significance is well understood.) It’s also confusingly possible to test false normal on some of these tests for various reasons (ND people sometimes test false normal; non-alcoholic fatty liver disease and SIBO patients may test false normal, etc.).

      So there was another test to see if B12 is being properly absorbed, processed, transported, and utilized. This was the Schilling test, and it’s no longer in production. It was expensive and involved and used radioactive materials needed elsewhere, and was still only eighty something percent sensitive, so they felt it was overkill for confirming the need for B12 injections when B12 can’t even be overdosed. Some of my older relatives who have PA were diagnosed with this test before it was discontinued in the 90s.

      When the Schilling was discontinued, the advice was to trial loading doses of injected B12 in any patients with neurological symptoms of B12 deficiency or in patients with confirmed a deficiency that’s not dietary. Not every doctor seems to have gotten that memo!

      Unfortunately, since then some researchers have more or less taken advantage of the unavailability of the Schilling test to publish misleading research celebrating the ability of supplements and sublinguals to raise levels (but without addressing whether there’s a continued functional deficiency from malabsorption). This research led to a Cochrane review that suggested that supplements work fine, which Cochrane actually later back walked, which is pretty unusual. (There was another recent scandal during the pandemic when the UK NHS suggested that PA patients wouldn’t need their injections during lockdown because they can rely on their liver stores, which again had to be back walked because enterohepatic recirculation of B12 is impaired in malabsorption deficiency patients.)

      Another problem is that the most common cause of malabsorption, autoimmune pernicious anemia, is misleadingly named after the megaloblastic anemia that used to kill untreated patients. It’s long been known that oral supplementation can sometimes be enough to address hematological abnormalities (like macrocytosis and anemia), but it’s sometimes forgotten that it takes much, much more B12 to treat or prevent nerve damage. (I can’t tell you how many doctors have cheerily reassured me that I’m “not anemic” even though I have pernicious anemia autoimmune antibodies!) Another problem is that some doctors will only test for anti-intrinsic factor antibodies if anti-parietal cell antibodies have already come back positive, or will discount anti-parietal cell antibodies when positive. The anti-intrinsic factor antibody test is very specific but not very sensitive (it has something like a 40% false negative rate). But there’s no reason not to test it: a positive result confirms a lifelong need for B12 injections, so it matters. Anti-parietal cell antibodies is considered more sensitive and less specific, since some symptomatic patients test positive, or patients with other conditions like Hashimoto’s may test positive. I worry though that a lot of Hashimoto’s patients eventually do develop full fledged PA from anti-parietal cell antibodies (parietal cells produce stomach acid and intrinsic factor, so if enough of them are destroyed, there isn’t going to be enough intrinsic factor to process B12; low stomach acid, GI symptoms like GERD, and low alkaline phosphatase were clues in my case that my anti-parietal cell antibodies weren’t just an incidental finding. I am also however in the 40% whose anti-intrinsic factor antibodies actually showed up on testing).

      A few years ago, an article was published to try to correct some of the poor medical practice in this area: ‘Many Faces of Cobalamin (B12) Deficiency.’

      B12 injections were my doctor’s idea, but he confessed that he looked this all up because medical school had barely discussed it. So I’ve explained what was explained to me, but I have no medical background: this is just my understanding of the explanations I was given for (a) what was wrong with me and why supplements weren’t working even though my levels looked great and (b) why I had to consult so many specialists before they figured this out.

      1. Wow, thanks to both you and the previous poster. And you made me feel smart because I know what a Cochrane review is. ;)

        1. Thanks for making it through, and sorry for all the typos! I think the TL;DR is just that B12 shots are sometimes capable of improving B12 deficiency symptoms when supplements and sublinguals are not, and there’s also no way to rule out the possibility that B12 shots will help without trying them. So symptoms end up mattering more than any lab.

          It’s still tricky when the symptoms vaguely mimic “aging” (feeling rundown, trouble finding words, etc.). One nice thing for me was that things improved that I had never suspected were related (e.g., my dentist asked me what I was doing differently, since my gums looked so much better — apparently that was very probably related).

    3. It is quite unusual to be B12 deficient and NOT be vegan / vegetarian. Was your diet pretty poor at that time (no judgement… mine has been pretty shocking at various times in my life….)? Did your doc do a more thorough workup as to why you are B12 deficient, and possible check other vitamins for levels/signs of malabsorption?

        1. Makes sense.

          A good friend had B12 deficiency for unclear reasons, and her docs didn’t pursue it. Turns out that she has celiac’s disease, undiagnosed for years. By the time it was discovered, she had multiple severe vitamin deficiencies, osteoporosis and other complications.

          It was another example of a woman’s numerous complaints being ignored for years by her doctors.

          1. I wish I had read your comment in the past. I had no idea the percentage of folks was so low now that I’m Googling. I’m the one who wrote yesterday about colon cancer being discovered after severe anemia. My iron and B12 (and D) had been deficient the past few years. I’m wondering if maybe we could have caught it sooner had I not been supplementing (Slow FE and high dose b12 sublingual) and pushed my doc on why the B12 was being weird. P.S. It’s hard to get people to take anemia seriously when you’re a young female–it took having my iron stores at 6 (200-300 is normal) while taking Slow FE and even then some wavering on whether a colonoscopy was necessary.

          2. I think the estimate is that many times more people in USA have Celiac than have been diagnosed with it.

            It really gives some context to the “gluten free” fad diet (I have to wonder how many people who benefit from going gluten free just literally have Celiac and don’t know it).

          3. Yep – celiac probably since age 18 if not earlier. Not diagnosed until age 48. Years of doctors telling me that my stomach problems were because I was overweight or had a sensitive stomach or, implying that I was a hypochondriac. Just get over it, they said. Because they didn’t know or care that adults could have celiac and not be underweight like 3yo celiac patients. The only one that got close thought I had rheumatoid arthritis, which – as an autoimmune disease like celiac – was actually a pretty good guess.

  4. Can we talk about Ginni Thomas’ texts to Meadows? I find them so disturbing – she is the wife of a Supreme Court justice and urging him to overturn the election at a time when she knows her husband will likely hear a case related to the election. I could live with her being a conservative activist while her husband is on SCOTUS since I don’t think a spouse should have to forfeit his or her career solely because of their spouse’s career, but this is beyond the pale. Personally, I think Justice Thomas should resign, but I see a less than .00000000000001% chance of that happening. I’m so tired of playing by the rules when the other side doesn’t.

    1. Thomas should have been removed long ago. He and his wife are uber political and it’s disgusting. Roberts should force him to resign, and then we’ll just have one credibly accused sex offender left on the court to deal with.

    2. As someone who doesn’t work remotely linked to law or the government – educate me? What’s the probable action or outcome here? Anything? Is this like Very Bad for Justice Thomas and does he get censured for not recusing him from a decision that he clearly had major personal conflicts with? Is that even a thing? Or is this just another headline for a week and then goes away?

        1. Wouldn’t they have to impeach Thomas to remove him? I can’t even imagine the ridiculous circus that would be. It’ll never happen.

      3. The big shock to me is that Ginni Thomas appears to honestly believe all the stolen election MAGA crap. Justice Thomas- like him or not – is very, very smart. I would have thought he would have married someone similarly smart, but clearly not.

        Not an expert on recusal; that being said, as a general principle I have some discomfort around judges being expected to recuse based on their spouses’ activities when there isn’t a financial conflict of interest. (I don’t know if there is a financial conflict of interest here – I haven’t paid a lot of attention to this.)

        1. That was also the most surprising thing to me. I’ve always kind of assumed those actually in power (excepting Trump) were relatively smart and didn’t actually believe the stolen election stuff and just wanted to stay in power by any means necessary (this is also my problem with Ted Cruz-I know he is a lot smarter than his actions would have you believe and he totally just plays to the base). Evidently not.

        2. My dad is very, very smart and also very, very Q. He taught himself calculus but has never been good at deciding who to trust.

          1. Yes, the former CFO of my husband’s company is super smart and also a Q nut. It’s a cult, which preys on more on psychology than intelligence, I think.

          2. But do the smart followers really believe that nonsense? Or is it just a weird fun charade for them?

          3. There are definitely really smart people who believe election conspiracy theories.

          4. I can’t remember where I heard this, but essentially there’s an argument that the smartest people are sometimes the most susceptible to conspiracy theories or generally wacky ideas – because they can find a way to rationalize anything. So it’s not intelligence…probably more morality/psychology at play.

        3. If binge watching cult documentaries has taught me anything, it is that smarts doesn’t make you immune to being sucked in. Wanting to feel special for being on the inside of a secret revelation is a powerful force.

      4. She encouraged him to overturn the election – something that is arguably unlawful. Her actions also involved her going between the legislative branch and executive branches to accomplish this, even though the judiciary branch is supposed to serve as a check on the other two branches. Meadows has also withheld information from the January 6th Committee on the basis of executive privilege, and that issue is likely to end up before SCOTUS. Thomas should have recused him from cases related to the election based on his wife’s activities, but he didn’t and in all likelihood will not in the future.

    3. Yikes! No, you don’t resign because of what your spouse did – you recuse yourself in any applicable case.

      1. Unless you knew you had a conflict of interest, did not resign, and then got caught. In that case, then I disagree – he should resign (but won’t).

        I firmly believe that spouses and children of elected officials cannot be expected to give up their livelihoods and that the obligation to avoid conflicts rests with the government assuming proper disclosures. But for a judge to vote against releasing documents and then have it come out that those documents included embarrassing (at the very least) emails from his spouse? That is such a clear conflict that it is horrifying.

        But the reality is that short of impeachment, there is no way to remove him. And impeachment would be a godsend for the Republicans right now.

    5. Not to mention how utterly bananas they are. The conspiracy theories, the Weird Capitalization Practices (seen elsewhere, we know), etc. THAT gets you access to the White House? This is like Idiocracy in real life.

    6. Anyone remember the outrageous voicemail she left for Anita Hill? She called Hill’s office at 7 am or something and asked her to consider apologizing to Thomas and praying on the issue.

    7. Those text messages make her look totally insane. I am terrified that she has some level of (informal) political power.

    8. Serious question: should Hillary Clinton have been forced to resign from various positions since her husband is a well-established sexual predator?

      2. Was his conduct under her purview in a professional capacity? I don’t see how. The Senate held his impeachment trial before she was elected.

      3. Hillary Clinton wasn’t a judge in a case related to her husband’s sexual misconduct. She has not used her position as an elected official to prevent documents incriminating her husband from being released. Her husband wasn’t trying to overthrow a democratic election. See the difference?

      4. No, but that’s a totally different fact pattern. I wouldn’t care at all if Ginni Thomas sexually assaulted someone or committed other crimes that had nothing to do with her husband. The problem is trying (apparently successfully) to use her husband’s position of power.

      5. I wonder if you missed some of the recent developments, and are under the impression that he is being criticized solely for her activism. He is currently being criticized because he voted against the release of documents to the Jan 6 commission, and it is now becoming more clear to the public that his wife took an active role in the efforts to overturn the election. Conflict of interest.

  5. Y’all, I have a cold for the first time in two years (not Covid, or at least rapid tests yesterday and today were negative) and just ugh. I’m working from home since we can do that now, but how did I ever drag myself into an office while sick in the before times?!

    2. I shudder to think about all the coughing, sneezing, and nose blowing I did in the office before the pandemic. Truly gross.

      I have a toddler in daycare so I didnt get a break from colds though.

      1. Right? I have already been through so many tissues today, and I just apologize to all my coworkers pre-pandemic.

      2. Agreed! I definitely had a good track record of working from home when I would have a disgusting cold pre-pandemic, but absolutely got lots of side eye for it. Like, do you really want me blowing my nose 30 times and then touching all the door handles on my way to the bathroom? I really hope this whole thing makes people much more likely to stay home when they are sick and encourage their coworkers to do the same.

        No colds for me yet (no kids!) but my first is going to knock me out for sure.

    3. I wish people would not “drag [themselves] to the office while sick.” You can’t get anything meaningful done, and you can infect everyone around you. The last time I got sick was because someone brought their too-sick-to-go-to-school child to work with them. That kid was sneezing and coughing over everything and touching everything too. Thank you so much!

      1. I had a coworker bring in their kid with mumps and another coworker ended up getting mumps.

  6. Has anyone tried the chambray pants that are in the photo? I am intrigued but wondering if they work for curvier figures. I love Factory tops, but I’ve never tried pants there because J Crew pants have never really fit me.

    1. I think I have them from a few years ago. They’re fine? They tend to just get loose and hang so not very flattering & they do less than nothing for my backside but I like them anyway for hot weather. I just lean into the slouchiness.

      1. I wondered about that. I still might get them because I just cannot with tight clothes in the summer.

      2. Yep. Not these exact pants but I have some loose linen pants for those hottest days where IDGAF about figure flattery and just want clothing that doesn’t touch me.

      3. I recently gave up my chambray pants, and this was the reason. They looked great for about an hour, then bagged out.

    2. I have two pairs of those pants – olive and black. They are a linen-cotton blend and are nice for warmer weather. They’re pretty comfortable, and even though they have an elastic waist, they don’t seem to have much of a “diaper butt” issue.

      I have them in Medium and I’m probably about a 6 in most pants. I used to like the Julie fit in Loft pants and curvy fits usually work for me, although I don’t have a huge waist-hip discrepancy.

    3. I have the shorts version and love them. They don’t get baggy and stretch out nearly as bad as my gap pair. I swear those things grow two sizes over the course of the day.
      I’m an 8/10 and take a medium in the shorts. Leg cut is generous but not super baggy.

  7. This week I installed the light fixture I bought over a year ago in the laundry room (took 14 minutes) and installed a new faucet in the powder room (took 30 minutes). If you need a sign to complete that small DIY home project this weekend, this is it.

    2. On my to-do list this weekend is to hang an oversized framed piece of art I’ve been dragging my feet on putting up. If I get REALLY ambitious I’ll try to also put up the gallery wall of 8 (eek!) prints I got framed a few weeks back. Hanging art is my waterloo – I love having it up but the process of levels/measuring/putting holes in the wall is really stressful for me!

      1. there’s a cool item to help on this, you hang the picure on it and then hold both up to the wall. it has a level and two sharp points. once you have it where you want and level you press the points in. put picture down, drill some screws in and hang your item! yes screws. I’ve never lost a hanging item yet!

          1. Ooh that’s such a good idea. We bought a STAS system after getting annoyed with crooked photos.

    3. Well done. I bought one of those gallery hanging systems and my project for the weekend is to get the pictures up on it. And email someone to refinish the stairs.
      And all the tilework is done, and I can’t wait to see it in person (husband has been sending me photos). We did this cuban star tiling through hall and kitchen.

    4. Is this a sign that this time around replacing the filters in my water filtration system will not cause a leak? I have been dreading this task for weeks.

  8. Hive,

    if you are senior (one or two levels below very to mgmt, in my case a large firm,
    not lawyer), and you are offered a space talent incubator, what would you hope it will do for you and you get to do as a part of it? get: coaching on dealing with thorny issues? give: working on strategic programs with C level support?

    2. Why do I always feel like I need a translator to communicate with people in the corporate world?

      2. a talent incubator is a program to help you develop for a promotion to the next level.

      1. thank goodness it’s not just me. I see question marks so I think there’s a question?

    5. I’ve been in corporate land for 8 years now (law) and also have never heard this term before!

      1. key programs for the CEO, CFO etc. they give guidance, coaching and help remove obstacles. you do the work of convening the working groups, following up on asks and actions etc

    2. I ordered two sizes of the same style and the “smaller” size was legit bigger than the other one when I compared them directly. Customer service during the return was not good.

  10. I’d like to take care of some nagging things around the house, but I am not handy and have no idea what trades to call for these issues or if these are things I can DIY. I will just throw them out and see if anyone has any suggestions on who I need to hire:
    – 2 of our internal doors are really hard to open and close because the hinge is getting loose. Tried to screw in the hinge but the screw stripped the wood in there already.
    – we need a chain link fence in our backyard hillside (which is hard to get to with any machinery) removed.
    – in 2 of our sinks, the metal tapper thing doesn’t lift up the metal pluggers because the metal pluggers (looks like they are plastic, but with a metal top) are impossible to remove out of the drain hole.
    – one of our doors is really hard to unlock and lock – do I add oil or leave it up to a locksmith?
    – my refrigerator door is squeaking every time I open it and that has never happened before.
    Thank you so much!

      2. No, don’t use WD-40 on a sticky lock! Use graphite instead. WD-40 will work temporarily, until it gets gummed up with dirt and dust, and then it will get progressively worse and more WD-40 will exacerbate the problem.

        OP – you can find graphite in a hardware store or an auto-parts store (like Napa, AutoZone, etc.). It is a powdered form of graphite (like what pencils write with) that comes in a little squeezy tube with a nozzle. You stick the nozzle in the keyhole and give it a poof or two. Work the lock open and closed a few times to spread it around.

        1. +1, WD-40 is not actually long term good for squeaks!

          OP, fixing stripped screw holes is actually pretty simple, albeit multi step. You just take the hinges out and glue in either a wooden peg from the hardware store (easiest) or a bunch of snipped off toothpicks (also fine) to create “wood” again, then re-drill your hole and hang your door.

          1. There is also a wood replacement paste you can put in that you can either let dry and then drill, or stick your screw into while it is wet. Maybe it’s called “plasti-wood?”

    2. I would try WD-40 for the fridge door.

      These other things you can ask of a handy person or very small contractor type person. If you only need the fence removed and not put back up, I bet the same person can do all of this!

      This is stuff you probably COULD DIY if you really wanted to, but I find that I end up just putting stuff off that I could easily get fixed because I don’t enjoy it and get intimidated about what will happen if I mess it up.

    3. The first one, you can probably do yourself – put a bigger screw in the hole. If the frame is rotten or the wood otherwise bad, then it’s time to call in a pro, but try that first.
      For the lock and the fridge, spray graphite (in the lock and hinge respectively) should take care of it.

      1. No a bigger screw is not the answer. Put a small piece of wood and wood glue into the hole (I often use tooth picks) and then put the original screw back in.

    4. fence is a pro job

      wd 40 for fridge

      graphite for lock

      if you are able to do physical things try one stick pop up thing getting it loose is a pita so a plumber is really better

    5. I have had success squirting WD-40 into sticky locks. The pop-up drains are probably a DIY fix, 5 minutes with no tools. The linkage has probably become detached.

      2. Before I married my husband I 100% would have WD-40’d this stuff. The correct answer is graphite which is easy to find. However, the world won’t end if you use WD.

    6. For your unlockable/lockable door, is it easy to move the lock when the door is not closed? If so, it may be that the striker and the latch are not well aligned (I would outsource this one to a handyman). If the lock itself is sticky (and is hard to move even when the door is not closed) then get some powdered graphite and put in in the lock. Alternate between putting powdered graphite in the lock and turning the key a few times and it should loosen up.

    7. Go to NextDoor and search for local handyman who gets multiple high marks. You need someone you can call when there is a constellation of issues like this. Pump some $$ into the local economy and take the pressure off yourself to do stuff that is clearly not in your wheelhouse (nor would it be in mine…)

  11. I’m having some extended family members over to my house tomorrow morning to hang out and catch up. I’d like to have coffee and a snack available. 7 adults, 8 kids. Any great ideas for muffins or quick breads? My go-to is the Joanna Gaines banana bread recipe, but it makes a fairly small amount.

    4. Not particularly seasonal, but I really like Pinch of Yum’s Favorite Pumpkin Muffins.

    5. Smitten kitchen double chocolate banana bread and blueberry muffins are staples in our house (I like lemon, so I add more zest to the muffins). I’d do that, pre-cut fruit from the grocery store, and maybe a tray of oven bacon (or a ham steak?) and call it a day.

        1. I like to use Trader Joe’s semi-sweet chocolate chunks, but that’s just me. I’m sure chocolate chips would be great as well. This is a wonderful recipe!

  12. I usually have inbox zero. This week has been bad. I have hundreds of emails in my inbox. I have a to do list longer than it’s been in … ages. Last night, the hearing I was prepared to take all day today got continued. I slept in and now have only one meeting, which should take approx. half an hour, late this afternoon. I’m going to shower, eat something, and then start tackling the day. Any suggestions for where and how to start are appreciated! (Or maybe, how to keep going after hour 2 or 3 today)

    1. Sort by sender and just start cranking away. I’d save any brainless stuff for the end of the day, turn on crap telly and knock it out. Delay send for things you don’t want a reply back today.

    2. Always read the most recent emails in a chain first, lots of things will have been answered/responded to by someone else.

    3. Spotify playlist to keep you going. This is my favorite suggestion because it reminds me to go turn on a Spotify playlist every time I suggest it. Just turned on New Music Friday.

      Also you’re inspiring me to crack down on my inbox today! I just finished a big project bid yesterday, so today is a good organization day.

    4. Start with clean up folder auto delete dupes, then sort by sender and look at the blocks with the most from one person first, then the one-offs.

    5. I get on a lot of long email chains. I like to sort by topic, start with the very long ones, and clean those up. I can sometimes deal with 20 emails in just a few minutes, which helps motivate me to tackle the ones that require more work.

    6. I find it a lot easier to sort through my email on my phone – don’t know why, but when I have millions, I can quickly work through them on my phone. The ones that need intelligent responses I deal with on my laptop once I’ve conquered the clutter from my phone.

      1. I do this as well. I put any quick and nonurgent responses into a POWER HOUR folder and blast through them.
        think the suggested replies are getting better which also helps.

  13. Does anyone know if there are nursing bras that are made of of that smooth, buttery fabric (kind of like the True and Co body lift bras)? Not looking for a ton of support, but I do have a G cup so need something that comes in extended sizing that will at least cover a sufficient amount of real estate. Having a lot of trouble finding something comfortable to wear around the house. The bras I have with stretchy fabric and irritating me for some reason.

    1. When did bra sizing start using so many letters? Is this something only certain brands do to try to appeal to certain customers and most still use DD and DDD or did the scale shift altogether across all brands? (B cup here so it’s not something in my orbit.)

      1. This has been a thing for a looooong time, you just had to go to specialty retailers to find it in the past (and some even now).

      2. When they wanted to sell bras to people with larger chests. It would be nice if my chest couldn’t grow past a DDD but unfortunately that is not anywhere near the upper limit of human size range.

      3. These sizes have always been around. Some brands use DD and DDD and some use E and F, but after that it’s always been G and H and so on. The only appeal is to actually fit those of us in those sizes!

        1. UK vs US cup naming conventions – important to know which it is when buying a bra, which I have learned the hard way!

      6. Were you under the impression that DDD was some sort of maximum size, and no one is allowed to have breasts larger than that?

    3. My kingdom for a comfy nursing bra that doesn’t look geriatric or feel awful! Natori’s Bliss Perfection bra is like that fabric. I didn’t have success with it because the cups are the wrong shape for me, but they have great reviews!

      1. Also – Nordstrom will convert any bra into a nursing bra by adding in the clips (even one purchased there previously). You just need to ask in store.

    6. I am not entirely sure about buttery fabric, but Kindred Bravely nursing bras (1) fit my 36-H nursing self and (2) did not itch. I actually wore them through the first 4 chemos, too, they’re that comfortable — even with the nursing/pumping layer.

  14. I have a wretched headache, so of course today is the day my next-door neighbor is getting a new roof installed. Happy Friday, y’all.

  15. I’m hosting my 20th annual Oscar Party this Sunday. I usually have 10-15 friends over. We gawk at the fashion and argue over the winners. I even have everyone fill out Oscar Ballots and the winner with the most correct answers goes home with a trophy that year. I have all the foods and decorations under control but I’m drawing a blank on what to serve as a signature cocktail this year. Anyone have any easy go-to recipes? Bonus if it can be made with a club soda/seltzer for a mocktail option.

    1. Ooh, I’d do something with Irish whisky given Belfast (she says, on a Friday afternoon IN Belfast, wishing for a cocktail). Like a whisky fizz? You can do something similar with elderflower cordial.

    3. Mango jalapeño. Infuse mango juice with fresh jalapeño slices for a kick. Serve on the rocks with soda water, with added vodka (or rum, possibly, if that’s your jam) for the non-mocktail.

  16. Anon for this.
    Have you broken out of the golden handcuffs and did you regret it?

    I am nearing wits’ end at my job, and I’d estimate 65% of my day any given day feels toxic and fills me with dread. Yet the other 35% is great. Meanwhile, I have a sabbatical that I get to take January through April next year which is HUGE. I am 42 and work in nonprofit as an executive at an advocacy organization on a very polarizing and critical issue; meaning I am burnt the heck out and cannot imagine a 4 month break. And a sabbatical policy in my field is not very widespread.

    I also cannot imagine spending the next 8 months like this until I get that break. I am at the top of my field and could find a meaningful job elsewhere and have enough resources and money saved to take whatever break I want, yet losing four months of salary feels insane to my blue collar roots.

    WWYD? What questions should I be asking myself?

    1. Golden Handcuffs are when your fixed expenses are such that you need the high salary to support them. Doesn’t sound like that is your problem!

      Many of us here took pay cuts to leave Biglaw and found the tradeoff (more than once I’ve heard it described as “buying my life back”) worth it.

      1. ah fair point. I was using the term to just mean that the salary or benefits are so good and unmatched elsewhere that it’s hard to leave, regardless of expenses, but you’re right. thanks

      2. No that’s not right. Golden Handcuffs refers to deferred compensation that you have to stay with the company to realize. I worked for a company where people at my level and above got long term incentives that vested over 4 years, and if you left before the 4 years were up, you forfeited the unvested incentives. As these were granted every year, it created a laddering effect that made it harder and harder to leave and give that hp – because after all, you’d earned it based on your performance in the grant year. For those at the top of the company, the long term incentives were well over 50% of their total comp, so they were indeed golden handcuffs.

        1. ooh I have heard it used that way now that you describe this, just not in awhile. I think it’s an apt descriptor for both!

        2. I think golden handcuffs definitely applies to the concept that if you buy a mansion working in biglaw, etc. you can’t leave. I actually think that’s the most common usage.

          1. This. I’ve heard it in this context most frequently. It’s a real thing at my company and people talk about it this way with some frequency.

          2. Look it up. It’s the delayed compensation angle. If you’re talking about lifestyle creep, that’s something different.

          7. no. The LITERAL definition is a pair of actual handcuffs made from actual gold. Which could be an interesting metaphor in itself because gold is pretty soft and you could probably easily free yourself from golden handcuffs.

    2. I’d keep the job (have a similar one) but work in leaving it at work and not absorbing the issue personally. It’s easier said than done, but doable if you intentionally work on it.

    3. I know that 8 months seems like a long time right now, but time will pass and then you’ll get to take your sabbatical and maybe use that time to figure some things out. Yes, the job market may shift between then and now but that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to get another job next year. I would figure out how to lean out/stop caring about the stuff you can’t control and hang in long enough to take the sabbatical. While I respect that sometimes people need to leave jobs that are harming their mental health, I don’t think burnout is the greatest reason to leave when you know you have a break coming. The question I would be asking myself: is my situation really so bad that rather than hang in and wait it out, I am willing to leave without another job and burn through my savings (which I may need for other stuff later) just so I can get a break? And the answer for me would be no.

      I spent an extra year at an organization because I was waiting out my 401k vesting so I know how hard it can be to grit your teeth and go in for another day of toxicity and stress. But if I had left early, I would have left 5 figures on the table, which even on my worst days seemed like madness to me. I waited it out, I got vested, I immediately started looking and had another job within 2 months. Your paid sabbatical is probably worth 5 figures, yes? So I would hang in there and figure out how to make the day-to-day more bearable until you get to your sabbatical. Make a paper calendar where you can tear off or mark off the days, that can help.

    4. I left my job as a partner at a law firm (not big law) for less $$ and I do sort of regret it if I’m being honest. I know that’s not a popular story or even most peoples experience — but it is mine, at least so far.

    5. Are there any rules about what happens if you don’t return after your sabbatical? Do you have to pay back any portion? If you are job searching during your sabbatical, would it be as restful as you are imagining?
      I think if you are that burnt out I’d start looking now and just say you need 4-6 weeks between ending current job and starting new one. It’s not four months but would give you a good break.

    6. Read rising above a toxic workplace, get some boundaries, and document everything so if they try to PIP you, you’re protected. Look at your actual job description and start paring down what you’re doing to what’s in the actual job description.

  17. As some of you requested, I’m following up on my experience with having my colors done with Created Colorful. As I mentioned, I found them through Instagram and their process is all virtual. They ask you to take reference pictures in several specific colors, sometimes they ask for a second round in a few more colors, and then they send your results via email. They understand that you may not have the exact colors they request and just ask that you get as close as possible. I got my results a few weeks ago and have been making some changes based on them and I’m thrilled! The results include a palette of your best colors, some makeup and nail polish recommendations, and each color season has a Facebook group you can join where people share recommendations and ask questions.

    I was pretty sure I was cool-toned and probably a Summer, but I thought I was either a Light Summer or a Soft Summer. It turns out I’m a Cool Summer (some places call this a True Summer). So while I had a lot of clothes that were in the overall summer palette, many of the colors were either too light or too muted to really flatter me. I was also using a lot of neutral tone makeup, so my first change was to switch my foundation and powder to cool toned versions and pick up a cooler toned blush. It was amazing how much difference that made – all of a sudden my skin looked more even and my eyes popped! Since then I’ve been picking up some tops in better colors, a couple lip products, and some nail polish. I’ve been repeatedly surprised by how good some colors look on me that I never would have even tried before. For example, my best pinks are extremely cool, leaning toward lilac and fuchsia, and the only pink I owned was a light blush pink.

    I am thrilled that I did this and it was worth every penny to me. I’ve never been great at picking colors that looked amazing on me and I needed the help. I was ready to pare down my closet to a much smaller wardrobe and this has helped with the color palette piece of that, so now I’m ready to dig in and get that done. I would highly recommend to anyone else who’s interested!

    1. Wow, that’s awesome. Are you willing to share how much it cost? I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, fairly certain I’m a Summer but still really frustrated with the nuances.

      1. I’m certain I’m a summer, too. I think I get the nuances? But I’m not sure how to implement when retailers often have a limited color selection that may or may not work. The answer is probably to stock up when I find ’em, but it does make shopping harder. I feel like I’ve learned what makeup colors work through a lot of trial and error.

        1. I’m certain I’m a summer, too. I think I get the nuances? But I’m not sure how to implement when retailers often have a limited color selection that may or may not work. The answer is probably to stock up when I find ’em, but it does make shopping harder. I feel like I’ve learned what makeup colors work through a lot of trial and error.

          1. Sorry – got busy and didn’t get back here! I was going to say $150, but it sounds like there’s been a price increase. I believe it is less expensive if you get on their mailing list and snag a spot when they release a new batch of appointments, but the $180 gets you an immediate slot.

    2. I was in college when my roommates and I discovered an old copy of Color Me Beautiful in our sorority house. We typed each other using the book and I was a summer (only 4 types then.) My understanding of what Summer meant was very hazy and I kept buying things I thought I were Summer but weren’t (for some reason I thought Watermelon meant orangey pink). But I soldiered on as a summer.

      Years later I had a personal shopping appointment at Nordstrom and my shopper, whom I had never met before, declared me an Autumn because I have gold flecks in my blue irises, never mind my pale, pinky skin. And she loaded me up with autumn colors. Browns were having a moment that fall and I was so lucky to be able to buy several fundamental pieces in my new neutral base color. I never really liked brown, but I tried hard to change my mind and actually felt quite spiffy until my lovely coworker Bob asked if I was trying to get a job with UPS.

      Since then I’ve read another book on color and have become convinced that my Nordstrom shopper was out of her mind. I do not feel wonderful and glorious in brown. I feel that way in shades of blue! So I’m back to being a Summer but quite confused as to whether someone would type me as a soft, clear, or cool summer.

      In the end I guess it doesn’t matter. I enjoy wearing cool shades of blue, dark green, some teal, and plum. I’ve slowly transitioned my neutrals from black to navy and I’m happy being a blue girl from head to toe most days.

      I would say it’s fun and enjoy doing it, but when you put something on and feel great in it, then you should just wear that thing because that feeling is very telling.

      2. If you look at a lot of the color systems, they say that a “Soft Summer” (that is me) is really close to an Autumn, specifically a Soft Autumn. This article says that both Soft Summer and Soft Autumn are a blend of Autumn and Summer. https://theconceptwardrobe.com/colour-analysis-comprehensive-guides/soft-summer-a-comprehensive-guide

        And I do have yellow flecks in my blue eyes and hair that gets a little red in the summer sun. But I look terrible in dark browns, oranges, most yellows, olive green, turquoise and anything with a warm tone. So your Nordstrom stylist might have just been off a little. I can wear like rose brown or cool grey/taupe. I used to completely ignore browns but there are some that work.

  18. Someone recommended the book “Hall of the Mountain King” in a book thread a few months ago, and I just want to thank that person. It is such a good book! I’m almost finished, and now I want to read the book from the expedition leader to hear his story.

  19. My new job requires work travel of me throughout California – probably ~50 nights/year, for no more than 2 nights at a time. I’m looking for opinions on which hotel rewards program is better, Hilton Honors or Marriott Bonvoy. Some factors to consider – none of this travel requires flights or rental cars, so I will be driving my own car everywhere (and expensing mileage). I will be booking my own hotels and getting reimbursed, and have a Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card, if that makes a difference…Also, we are going on a honeymoon probably this winter, but don’t know where yet…I know that’s terribly unhelpful. I’m thinking somewhere in the Caribbean. It would be nice to use my points there. Any advice would be much appreciated.

    1. Maybe an unpopular opinion, but I think the issue is which hotels you prefer. If work is paying for them either way (presumably within a set budget), go with the hotels you like better. With 50+ nights a year, you want to be comfortable and happy. Sign up for both, try out the Marriott and the Hilton brands, decide which you like better, and focus on those properties.

      1. This was my approach back when I traveled. I found Marriott hotels to be cleaner and generally better than Hilton, so that’s what I picked.

    2. I like Marriott Bonvoy because there are some good higher end hotels in the same group where you can blow your miles.

    3. I prefer Marriott Bonvoy because more upscale hotels are in their portfolio and often available with Chase reserve rewards. I’m a hotel snob though and willing to pay a little more for a nice place on vacation.

    4. Instead of considering which Rewards program is better, I would base the decision on which hotels I enjoy the time in more. For me, that’s Hilton. I find the hotels to be cleaner and have better food and gym options. The one wrinkle is that my company is split evenly between the two brands and so sometimes the group hotel is a Marriott.

    6. Do you have co-workers in the same territory you can ask? I’ve had good luck with accruing and using Hilton Honors, but I travel mostly in the Midwest. There just tends to be more Hilton brand options at my customer’s locations. Most of my colleagues that travel more on the coasts tend to loyal to Marriott. But I will say overall, I think Marriott Bonvoy properties are higher quality. When I have used my Hilton honors points in the past at their resorts. I just did not find the resorts to be not as nice. But they make the process of using the points very easy to use. That’s really nice you can use your own CC. The points will come in faster than you realize.

    7. I also prefer Marriott for the reasons stated, plus I really love Courtyards, because they have kitchens, and having the ability to prep a little something on the road is so much better than takeout or an icky hotel restaurant dinner sometimes.

      2. Oh yeah – I stayed at a Marriott years ago and it was bigger than our NOVA apartment. It wasn’t a Courtyard, though – I think it was a Marriott Residence?

    8. I’d rate the chains as Marriot, then Hyatt (dark horse, but their rewards game is GOOD), then Hilton. I’d look at the cities you’ll be in most though, San Fran/LA have plenty of options but as I recall the hotel situation in San Jose is rough.

      1. I’m also Marriot first, then Hyatt, then Hilton.

        If I could stay in all Hyatts everywhere I (used to) travel, then I would put Hyatt as number one, but there just aren’t enough of them. Their rewards system was very, very good to me over a 4 year period when I stayed in the same Hyatt property every other week for 3-4 days.

    9. For all the reasons listed I prefer Marriott. If you are traveling with coworkers though, you should figure out company travel norms. At my company, teams stay at the same hotel and it would be very weird to not do that. Usually the team manager’s preference is the hotel that gets used, so would make the most sense to have the same loyalty program that they prefer.

    10. I’m another Marriott Bonvoy person. I like their hotels better, they seem to stay on top of updating properties and making sure they’re well-managed.

    11. Marriott Bonvoy. If you really want to commit, get their credit card. They partner with United too, so since I have historically been a 1k with United, I got automatic Marriott gold status (which isn’t much in their hierarchy, but in some out of the way hotels I was often the only guest with any status at all)

      1. +1

        Yes – get their credit card and the trick is charging every stay at the Marriott and all food purchased/other charges on the Marriott card. You get like 10-15x points or something when you purchase with the credit card at Marriott properties. And you get a certain number of free nights per year and other perks. I’m not sure about all the benefits but for a work travel expenses only card it could be great for you – even if it has a yearly fee.

  20. Friday funny storytime, followed by a WWYD. This happened to me almost a decade ago and I’ve never told anyone IRL. My first real job was at a really small company with less than 10 employees in a really small dinky office with one single-occupancy bathroom. I was working late and was the only one in the office when I felt sudden tummy rumbles… Had a giant BM that wouldn’t flush, clogging the toilet (sorry, gross, i know, but yeah). There was no plunger. No cleaning service. No car. I couldn’t just leave it because coworkers/bosses definitely were aware I’d be working late alone that evening. WWYD???? I’ll comment what I ended up doing after my meeting ends

    1. grab a plastic knife from my desk, pretend it was a tampon, dart back to the bathroom, and… get to work.

      1. Sadly, I know that you are likely to be successful with this implement. Also: chopsticks.

    2. I would put an “Out of Order” sign on the bathroom door, then figure out who is in charge of the bathroom (like, in your office) and send them an email. “The toilet is clogged and there doesn’t seem to be a plunger. Please advise.”

    4. I had similar happen once, but in a stranger’s (empty, omg so thankful for that!!) for-sale house that we were touring with our realtor. There was barely enough TP to take care of business and then when none of it would go down I panicked. Dropped my deuce, closed the door, hustled out to the car and did not look back. So glad this was in the time before video doorbells.

      We did not put an offer on that house because clearly the plumbing needed work.

      2. Not the point of this story, I know, but just as an FYI to anyone else, it was probably just a low flow toilet. They clog really easily. I’m prone to this issue and I used to have a toilet that clogged almost every time I used it for #2. We bought a power flush toilet and it’s been years since I (or anyone else) clogged it. Cost less than $200 for parts and installation. So don’t rule out a house just because the toilet clogs easily.

        1. I’m the deuce-leaver: it was an antique toilet, definitely not low-flow. The house was a charming old farmhouse with a lot of issues (including a giant floor to ceiling bubble of water under the paint in one room from an unpatched roof leak and a cracked foundation that had actual sand flowing in to the basement from outside).

    5. Well, I would try to get my hands on a plunger–somewhere else in the building? Phone a friend to bring one? Breakup the p@@ps with a ruler and try to flush again? Mostly, I would try to find a plunger. Sounds mortifying!

    6. I don’t know what I would do. I feel for you. You need to look up the Reddit poop knife story.

    7. Ok meeting finally over! I called my BF in a panic who took a 20 min uber ride with our plunger from home and he, um, “handled” it. We’re married now, obviously. LOL.

    8. Oh man, your story takes me back – I was a budget traveler in India more than 20 years ago, and I stayed in a very low cost hostel. First night there, I didn’t realize the ‘inside’ toilet was only for #1 and that you were supposed to use the outhouse for #2. Oops. Once I realized my dilemma, I rummaged through the trash to find a paper wrapper big enough to smuggle the turd outside. Thankfully, no one saw me (or if they did, I never heard about it.)

      1. I always travel with plastic supermarket bags, not for this purpose (to wrap shoes or wet clothes). It’s gonna be a problem when they are banned in my state (coming soon)

    10. Former retail manager here. If you’re wondering where the lane divider from register 1 went, there’s your answer.
      PS – they definitely went in the dumpster afterward.

  21. I’m in the final stages of interviewing for a Big Job and could use some advice. The job itself is very unique so please excuse me for being vague.

    I am an attorney and subject matter expert in a field closely related to this, and have extensive but sideways experience related to the subject of this job. I am not worried about the substantive issues or skills related to them.

    The job would involve managing a unit (government) of 30-45 people. I will have significant hiring input (though the final call is up to the head of the government org) and the unit is currently understaffed. There will be limited ability to fire because most employees are union, but I’m told that there’s a ton of turnover.
    From what the interviewers frankly told me, the unit is underperforming, underproductive, and basically a mess. The substantive function of the unit is something that is both high profile and difficult because of outside forces that neither I nor anyone else in this government org can change — I have to assume that these difficulties will remain.

    The job is to clean up, possibly restructure, motivate this unit and get them going on doing the substantive work better, faster and more efficiently, despite the outside difficulties. There’s an expectation that significant changes may be needed in the work processes or structure. My interviewers frankly told me that this is a challenge. My sources on the inside also told me that this is pretty accurate.

    The thing is, I have very little experience in management and have never managed anything on this scale. I am an attorney and a litigator so I have plenty of experience with handling conflict, and have managed a ton of support staff and junior attorneys. But the substantive work, and getting to do it on such a high level, is basically my dream job. Also, doing a really good job with this would open a ton of doors for me further along in my career, and lead to “bigger” jobs years down the line. But I’ve seen so many good attorneys become managers and be terrible at it, that I am wary of becoming one.

    I would appreciate any advice and insight –to run far away, or for resources on figuring out how I can handle this challenge (books? courses?). Due to the whole government hiring thing, I would have several months between offer and starting to read up.

    1. This is something you’re good at or you’re not, and trying to do it in an environment like the government is basically asking to fail. I would pass, personally, and managing large groups and restructuring is something I’m good at. But those conditions mean doing it with your arms tied behind your back.

    2. Oof. I wouldn’t recommend this job for someone with no management experience. You won’t have time to do the substantive work that you’re so interested in because you’ll spend all your time on personnel issues. Read “It’s your ship: mgmt techniques from the best darn ship in the navy” for a beginner’s guide to managing troubled orgs.

      1. If this is a mess, it’s b/c it can be. So if you can’t fire people and they aren’t gunners who want to move up in the world, you are going to be stuck just where they currently are.

    4. I was offered a job almost exactly like this and turned it down. I like managing people and correcting systemic issues, but limited ability to fire (or reassign people to different jobs or hire new people when and how you want) means that you will not be able to accomplish much.

      Just know that the job you are being offered is to manage the team and its problems, not the substantive work.

    5. Being a first-time manager is hard enough, without needing to come in and do the sorts of things you’ll have to do. I would pass on this job.

    6. As I was reading through your description of the situation, something from Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (Corporette veterans – remember that?) came to me – it’s the chapter where the author talks about the temptation many women have to take on the impossible task or the un-completable project. I’m paraphrasing here, but the author basically says, if you’re sitting in the meeting room listening to people describing the situation, and everyone around you is shaking their heads saying it can’t be done, but you think to yourself “No, I could make it happen” – you’re being naive. OP, with love, I think you’re being naive.

      Organizations (including government) tend to bring in the untested/untried person with limited experience when they have burned through tested, experienced people and they’ve left, and no one who thoroughly understands the challenges involved will take on the “opportunity.” I have been in hiring discussions in this situation and what gets said by upper management is: well, let’s give so-and-so a shot at trying to fix it and if she fails, no big deal; she won’t be the first one. There’s likely not going to be any real support given to you to try to turn this situation around. I would recommend you read The First 90 Days by Michael Watkins and read what he says about turnaround organizations. See if you think you will be able to get any of the needed support from the organization to actually fix the situation. If not, you are setting yourself up for failure.

      I have heard, in the course of my career, every excuse in the book for why organizations can’t change structural conditions that are making organizations fail. I have also seen leaders fall all over themselves to change those supposedly unchangeable conditions when revenue falls below a certain threshold, a big boss gets upset about the chronic underperformance of the org, or some leader’s job is suddenly on the line. I would have more conversations with the people who are hiring you about really what can and cannot change about this situation. Bringing in a new leader is a quick band-aid fix that people think will turn an organization around. In reality, serious structural/process difficulties will always handicap the leader and the people, no matter who is in charge. If you take on this opportunity, only do so if you can get commitments from people that they will support you in making serious changes to enable the organization to succeed. Without that, you’ll be job-searching in a year, likely after getting substantially disillusioned and burned out trying to move an immovable object. Ask me how I know.

    7. “But the substantive work, and getting to do it on such a high level, is basically my dream job.”

      Just have to point this out. They’re not hiring you to do the substantive work, they’re hiring you to manage the team. Managing the team is a completely different job than the substantive work. Management is a career change, it’s not being an individual contributor on a different level or with slightly different responsibilities. If your dream job is to do the substantive work, find a job doing that. A team of 30-45 people is a large team. Your days will be taken up with managing the team (especially in this situation, where the team is underperforming) and you will likely have little to no bandwidth to do the substantive work. Additionally, one of the biggest mistakes managers make is walking into a new organization and instead of focusing on helping the team perform better, they take over the work the individual contributors are doing, thinking that either A. they can do it better and no one will be upset that they’re taking over the “fun” or prestigious parts of the work or B. this is the way to “help” the org stop underperforming. Doing that as a manager is setting yourself up for a crash and burn. Your dream job is not this job, it is another job doing work similar to this. Don’t set yourself up for misery by telling yourself “well, once I get the team going in the right direction I’ll be able to dive into the substantive work” or “I’m sure that if I can turn the team around they’ll give me the opportunities I want to participate in down the line.” Both of those ideas are fantasies that may or may not come true (likely the latter).

    8. This job sounds very difficult, you have no applicable experience to the core duties (management), and you will have little to no time to do the substantive work you are excited about. It is unlikely you or anyone would be successful under those conditions, so it’s hard to see how that will move your career forward in the ways you are hoping and could very well do the opposite of it’s a small field. I’d avoid and keep looking for jobs that let you shine as a subject matter expert.

    9. This is not a job for someone with limited management experience. You will likely be frustrated and the people you manage will resent you. I question how much time you’ll even get to spend on the substantive practice area. You’re talking about many difficult management asks here: hiring, firing, government employees, union employees, restructuring, etc. I’m assuming you’re going to also be managing mid level managers. I can’t imagine all forty of these people report directly to you. So you’re not just being asked to manage, you’re managing managers, which is an even more advanced skill. I only hope the best for you if you get it and take it, but I think this is not a situation set up for success.

    10. A key question is who want to reorganize this? Are they appointed/elected or career? If they’re appointed/elected what’s the likelihood that everyone will just wait out these changes? Who may not want to reorganize this? What power will they have? Is the principal of the agency firmly behind this reorg? Would they back you up in conflict? Don’t go in without knowing all of this.

  22. NPR this morning had a guy on talking about how Putin is actively disguising that something about his right side doesn’t work quite right these days. Also, I read that the defense chief has not been publicly seen in over a week. [Yes, first thing I do upon waking is scan European news sites to make sure the Ukraine’s president is still alive and then what the general status is over there.]

    1. Among all the distressing things, I am fascinated that in what feels like a short span of time, Russia has become very opaque to the Western world. We are analyzing footage and speculating about what is going on in the way that we do for Cuba and North Korea suddenly.

    2. Interesting. People have been pointing out that Putin walks strangely on his right leg and holds his right arm in for a long time now. I read one person hypothesized it was a habit/related to his KGB days.

      1. Sounds like a small stroke to me.
        I am now going to search for pictures of his face.
        A small stroke should cause a subtle weakness on the right side of his face as well…

  23. For those who know anything about this – have the “how to live” standards after open heart surgery changed [as in CABG for blocked arteries]? An uncle had that surgery about 20 years ago and afterwards his diet etc. changed — almost vegetarian, would eat only chicken no red meat and even that was only like once or twice a month etc, food cooked in almost no oil etc. Another relative just had the surgery now and upon discharge is being told – your diet should be 90% protein for at least three months – beef, fish, chicken are all fine. His family is scratching their heads a bit yet they aren’t the most comfortable English speakers so they haven’t inquired further beyond what they were told. Only difference between these two relatives is that the first had his surgery in his 50s and the second is in his 80s. Is there a concern for keeping the grafts open/not needing to re operate when you’re young? Or has the science completely changed in this area in the last few decades?

    1. I think you’re missing something. Science changes, there’s a difference between younger and older people, and so on, but 90% protein is so extreme that it implies that there’s something else going on. Is there some other health condition they’re concerned about? I’m not a doctor, but this feels a little off, so I’d try to get this clarified or get another opinion.

      1. +1. Even 40% of calories from protein is shockingly hard to achieve, because most foods with protein also contain fat and carbs. Source: I tried to hit 40% protein for like…a day of inpatient chemo? And concluded it would require supplements like protein bars and shakes.

    2. Science has changed- there’s a greater understanding that most of your cholesterol is set by your liver and not your diet, and that the most effective way to treat high cholesterol post CABG is with statins.

      1. My dad has been on statins for 25 years as no lifestyle changes he made – including going on a low-fat vegetarian diet (which caused him to lose weight he didn’t need to lose, as he was already lean), doubling his exercise, drinking 2-3 cups of green tea a day, taking red yeast rice, etc. lowered his cholesterol more than 5 points (and it was near 400 when he was diagnosed with high cholesterol). On statins it dropped to below 200. For him, it was all genetic.

    3. A 90% or more plant based is what has has been shown to be effective at slowing and even reversing heart disease. See work by Dean Ornish, Caldwell Essylsten, and Rip Esselstyn just to start.

    4. Science does change and grow, but the diet recommendation is just the surgeon/cardiologist’s opinion of what constitutes a healthy diet. The ACC (American College of Cardiology) bases most of their dietary-related recommendations on a Mediterranian or DASH-style diet.

    5. I think there was some miscommunication here. And the doctor may have been exaggerating/oversimplifying, showing poor communication skills on his part. 90% of course is not correct.

      They could ask for an appointment with the Dietician who works with the cardiologist, and ask the clinic ahead of time for a translator to be present or bring a family member who speaks English well to help. Translators can call in over speaker phone.

  24. Has anyone purchased a purse from Cambridge Satchel Company? Thoughts or experiences? I am eyeing a few of their styles and love they make all leather bags with no visible/obnoxious logos.

    1. I had one of their classic satchels a few years ago and I found that because it was so stiff I couldn’t actually fit much in it and it didn’t work for my life.

    2. Kinda same. I love the look of mine, but I hardly ever use it because its’s so stiff.

    3. I bought “The Emily” handbag from them and it was absolutely beautiful. Like you, I really liked that it was so simple, with no OTT logos etc. I ultimately returned it though because I realised I have no use for a handbag that size in my life anymore – for commuting I need a backpack and for evenings/weekends I use a smaller crossbody.

    4. I have a smallish one and I love it but tend to use a bigger tote for work. It’s super pretty and I’ve been eyeing the bigger ones.

    5. I’ve been to their Edinburgh shop and loved the look and feel of the bags, but ended up not buying because I do want both lining and pockets with zippers in my bags. I have had vintage bags in this style and so lovely when they are all soft and worn in, but can’t handle the no lining thing now.

    6. Ugh yes it was awful. So stiff I thought it was cheap plastic. Cost me a fortune to return.

  25. So I started a new job last fall in biglaw as a midlevel lateral into a practice area where I was experienced. Most law firms give you a pretty decent ramp time. I am 43. I had to do a round of IVF two and half weeks into my tenure at new firm. About 1 week in, I was staffed on 12 clients in 14 days (venture). I ended up billing in the high 200s that month, and that didn’t include taking time off for Thanksgiving. And of course, the IVF round was not successful.

    I just had a mini-review and was PIPed for being unresponsive during that time. Except–I was responsive. I was working 19 hour days, juggling doctor’s appointments. Since then, I did one more round (just after Christmas) and also had to have surgery (which I told no one about) in mid-February. I was near tears one night when a partner forced me to turn documents at 11pm because _he_ had promised them to a client. I had gotten them to him days earlier, but he waited until the last minute. I was exhausted from the IVF. I powered through.

    Do I tell them that some of my inability to work at weird hours is due to exhaustion from all of this medical stuff? I know that substantively, I am ahead of my class year (confirmed by two good friends who are also at the firm).

    Oh, and to make matters worse, or maybe salt in the wound, my firm also has a $50000 fertility benefit through Maven. So in theory, the partners are supportive of stuff like this, but not, if, you know, it prevents you from doing all nighters due to their lack of planning.

    My firm is not known for having or being female-friendly, but management got woke in the past ~4 years and now is hiring a ton of lateral female partners (none of whom are in my office). There are no female senior associates in my office. My mentor is a fifty year old male with a SAHM wife.

    Do I cut and run, since this has tanked my reputation? How do you explain that you can and do and have worked biglaw hours, but that doing that while nutty from hormones and exhausted from IVF is not 100% possible?

    The firm knows nothing about my medical stuff. I am so burnt out–from fertility stuff, the fact I tried, and in true corporate fashion, I am getting reamed for something months ago….just ugh.

    1. I hate that this is my answer, but I think you have to look to cut your losses unless you’re done with IVF stuff. If you’re going to keep trying, you’ll either have more of this experience, or more of this experience plus similar problems when you’re pregnant and later back at work.

      If you don’t want to cut and run, I’m not sure I would start with your unsympathetic mentor. I might look for a systemic route through your associate development folks or something like that.

    2. This firm sounds terrible; how on earth could a partner ding you for not being responsive when you were billing 19 hours a day? Honestly, I would look to lateral ASAP. This does not sound like the kind of place you want to be long-term. Also, at any future firm (and even now, especially if you decide to get out), please speak up for yourself about having to be out for medical issues. At the big firms where I’ve worked, it is fine and expected that you tell people you’ll be offline for a medical appointment or out from X to Y for surgery. You don’t have to give details, but do let people know and in advance where possible.

      1. I can’t speak to the rest of it, but absolutely tell people you have a medical appointment and will be offline from X to Y or what have you – no details required.

    3. Say something so you have some protected activity if they go to fire you, and look to leave. That’s not sustainable.

    4. I did tell people I had doctor’s appointments. I was unresponsive because they overstaffed me (two of the deals were M&A) and I was lead on all of the rest of them. No human could have done what I was doing. I was getting 500+ emails a day then. I’m gonna be unresponsive to some of them in that context. #sorrynotsorry

      I feel like there’s more negative feedback they’re just not telling me, bc this doesn’t really make sense, honestly.

      1. Did you tell the partners/practice head that you were at capacity when they tried to staff you on additional matters? If so, and they staffed you anyway, my advice to get out stands. If you didn’t say anything at the time, lesson learned for the future, and I would still look to leave. In interviews, think of a positive spin to put on the move. E.g., I’m looking to move to a firm where I can focus on X kinds of transactions [relevant to interviewing position].

        1. Yes, I tried, but I got a lot of “oh don’t worry this won’t kick off until next week” even though I said soft no (but as hard as I could). For those of you who don’t work in biglaw, saying no is also not tolerated at some firms.

          Later, I was told I should have spoken up more to the staffer. At the time, I didn’t even know that was an option. I’ve never had a staffer that actually did _anything_ as opposed to being ineffective window-dressing. Bear in mind I was in week 3 at the firm, remote (no one was going to the office then) and had no peer mentors. It was super-hard. F’ing covid.

          Also, the firm gave me a huge bonus at Xmas (full year) even though I was only there ~8 weeks, so, getting weird feedback now is just…weird.

          And, since I wrote this post, I’ve been staffed on two more things, so like…not everyone there thinks I am a f-up. Just ugh!

      2. Then absolutely do not tell them you were unresponsive because it was because of the IVF. It wasn’t. It was because you had more work than any human could do. That’s a management problem, not a you problem.

      3. Couple of things here: first off, yes, if you are already on a PIP 6 months into your job, you should be looking at other options. That is a really tough thing to recover from. Also, I suspect you’re right that there’s more they’re not telling you – it’s not because of that one period.

        All that being said, some suggestions:

        – There’s a difference between normal doctor’s appointments and being on IVF drugs and having the related procedures. (I speak as someone who is currently doing the latter.). If you don’t communicate to people that you have an ongoing medical issue, they can’t take that into account in what they expect from you or assign to you. If nothing else, in terms of protecting yourself in the event of a potential termination, it is important to make clear that this is a medical issue, not catching up on past-due dental cleanings and physicals. You don’t have to tell them what’s going on, but you do have to say something.

        -Did you talk to anyone about being overstaffed? In my firm days, I would not have necessarily know what other partners had assigned to an associate, even in my own group.

    5. I would exhaust the IVF benefit if you’re going to continue to do that, and then cut and run.

      1. I just realized that this came off as a lot less kind than I meant it! I have been through multiple rounds of IVF myself and it’s so draining and hard and I’m amazed that you were able to bill that many hours. This firm sounds terrible and I would want to be exhaust my fertility benefit and then run away personally. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!

    6. HI, I’m a venture attorney at a bigfirm and agree 2 M&As on top of active venture clients is absolutely not viable. and i totally feel for you. Given how much you’re billing and the market for venture attorneys at the moment, they would be crazy to let you go period but I also think you should CYA and set the record about medical stuff as a protection. Assuming you want to continue trying for IVF, I’d honestly lean back at this point, draw your boundaries, say no to deals (which would still make you pretty busy) and try to take advantage of the benefit and leave. Or, if you’re going to lateral, think long and hard about going somewhere where you have people you trust who are senior to you and also get ahead of this problem at the new firm by not overpromising. plz feel free to reach out at jzoncorporette at gee mail if you want to chat

    7. I’m really sorry that you are dealing with this. I’ve also done IVF, and have been a mid-level at a firm where the partners accused me of non-availability when I was actually working around the clock, months after the fact at a review (the truth: they were reaming me to justify a lower bonus). The story about the partner sitting on work for ages and then creating an emergency at an awful time rings very familiar, too. I’m so thankful that those two things didn’t happen at the same time, and my heart goes out to you for dealing with both simultaneously. For me, that conversation for me was the final straw that I needed to GTFO, and I left for a much better job with actually decent people four months later. I did IVF at the better job, and I disclosed that I had doctors’ appointments and “minor surgery” to draw boundaries around actual appointments and procedures, but did not go into details about the specific treatment. (I’m sure a few people figured it out, but it wasn’t something I wanted to discuss in detail at work.) I would disclose generic medical treatment, use the fertility benefit, start looking around (there may be better jobs with the same benefits), and get the hell out.

  26. Low stakes question. We have a lovely Dyson vacuum that lives downstairs. Our kitchen and baby play area is upstairs. I would like a Dust buster type vacuum for small spills so I don’t have to go downstairs for the vacuum every time baby eats. I am tired of my small brush and dustpan, which is the current solution. What do you have / what would you buy?

    1. And no, we do not have a pantry or even any other closet that would be good for vacuum storage upstairs. It’s the one flaw in an otherwise very lovely house.

    2. A regular old Black & Decker dustbuster (should be $40-$50) does the trick for us. Like that it has two levels of power depending on how much of a disaster occurred.

    3. I’ve had the dyson Dustbuster for years and it’s wonderful, no issues, but if it hadn’t been a gift I would have gotten something cheaper.

      1. That is our main vacuum (it was like $400 on Black Friday) and I agree. Is there a cheaper mini model? Wirecutter appears to agree with Cat on B&D, but there may be some advantages in sticking to the Dyson system, not sure. I could probably Google this but am feeling like hearing people’s live experience this morning lol.

        1. If you can find an older one used, that would be cheaper. For dustbusting you just use a small brush attachment. We have an old v6 (that someone was throwing out!) and have just had to replace the battery a couple of times. It is our primary vacuum and will cover most of our 1300 sq ft apartment with a fresh battery.

        2. If the cost isn’t a barrier, my solution to this would be to get a second one of the same model (or at least that mounts to the same charger). That way you don’t need to find a charging location upstairs. After you deplete the battery, you can just swap it off the charger and keep a charged/ready to go one upstairs in a cupboard (under a sink or something)

    5. We have a mini Wet-Dry Shopvac (5 gallons) and it’s a lifesaver for daily pet mess (kibble, hairballs, etc.). Not sure what the comparable product would be since Sears is defunct, but I’m sure someone stepped up the fill the gap. Having the option to suck up fluids and then dump and rinse the whole thing is amazing.

    6. I have a Shark cordless vac that has a detachable top part that works like a dustbuster. I love it so much I rarely use our big vacuum.

  27. If you could spend 3-4 weeks of the summer working remotely anywhere in the eastern, central or pacific timezones, where would you go? Only caveat is good internet access is a must.

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