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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Barbie pink is having a moment and I am here for it. Eloquii’s Ultimate Suit Blazer is made out of a really lovely medium-weight fabric that has a bit of stretch to it, so it feels like a cardigan but looks polished like a blazer.
I don’t know if a full pink suit is for me, but if it’s for you, matching pink pants are available.
The blazer is $99.95 full price at Eloquii — but right now you can get 50% off with code BIGDEAL — and comes in sizes 14–28. (They also have a relaxed blazer in bright raspberry!)
An option in straight sizes is from Sanctuary; it's on sale for $77.40 at Nordstrom but is available in lucky sizes only. It has an even lower sale price, $32.99, when you buy it directly from Sanctuary, where it's in stock in XXS–XXL.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
CHL
I have a blouse with smocking at the neck and wrists that I love but the smocking has stretched out or gotten a big out of shape over time. Does anyone know if there’s anything that can be done about that?
Anonymous
Not really. It’s worn out elastic most likely (smocking is technically not elastic, but most of what we call smocking is really elasticized shirring).
MagicUnicorn
If it is the stretchy, gathered psuedo-smocking done with elastic thread on the inside of the fabric, you can sew in new elastic thread. This is pretty easy and doesn’t really require strong sewing skills. Just thread a needle with new elastic thread, trace where the old thread is, adjust length until you like how gathered it is, and secure the ends. Easier to do if you leave the old elastic in place so you have a reference for the new thread.
If it is real smocking with a pattern sewn in to gather the fabric, you probably need to find a seamstress who is comfortable with recreating it. It’s not a common or widely practiced technique.
Anon
Yes, my mom is a seamstress and I believe she has a special machine to do smocking.
Anon
Yes – it’s a really neat machine with super long needles that the fabric is gathered onto. Very cool!
Anon
This suit is fabulous. I could not pull it off but I hope someone else here can.
In other clothing news, I am wearing wide-leg pants today for the first time since, oh, the 90s…and I love them. They are so drapey and retro and they make my waist look small! I need to get more pairs!
anon.
Drop a link please!! I’m in the market :)
More Sleep Would Be Nice
+ 1 to drop the link please! I’m always trying to make my waist look smaller so have also been thinking about it!
OP
I am Canadian and they are from the Canadian brand Reitmans so probably not applicable to you. :)
anon
I recently got a few wide leg pairs and they look great! Then I remembered I can only wear them with specific shoes..and winter is coming along with salt and slush…and I curse whatever fashion executive decided skinny pants are out. The other day I wore black skinny jeans (the horror!) tucked into mid-calf square toe booties and thought I looked reasonably fashionable. I have a feeling I’ll give up on the wide leg pants by January.
Anon
I figure I’ll just tuck them into my snow boots. Not a big deal.
Anon
This is what I do – tuck into snow boots for the commute and change into dress shoes in the office.
Anon
I mean, not every item of clothing needs to be for every occasion. I have dresses that are hot summer days only and I’m planning to buy a pair of wide leg pants that are dry-weather-only.
pugsnbourbon
My work “uniform” still includes black skinny jeans. Today I’m wearing them with my new favorite sweater (boxy crewneck, cream with narrow black stripes).
nuqotw
I got a revise and resubmit for one of my papers = very likely to be published after I do the revisions the reviewers asked for and therefore cause for professional celebration!
Chl
Hooray!!!
PolyD
Congratulations! So satisfying when the reviewers have reasonable, doable suggestions.
Vicky Austin
Congrats!
Cb
Woohoo! I got a no changes acceptance this week!
But now I need to tackle my R&R that’s due Sunday. It’s been through significant work with the special issue editors, the first round of reviewers, and now a second round (with a whole new reviewer due to one dropping out) and I am just so sick of it? R3 wants a whole different paper and I cannot…
nuqotw
Congrats / good luck!
Anon
Congrats on the first. I finally gave up on one paper where the reviewers kept asking (over three review cycles) for more changes and for things that weren’t possible without a time machine to ch she data collection. So now I have cut over 4,000 words and resubmitting to a new journal. But on a smaller paper, I got an accept yesterday!
Anon
Congrats!
Anon
Wonderful, you’re awesome!
Anon
Love to hear this!
Anon318
What is your favorite foundation, ideally available in drugstores, Target, or maybe Ulta? Full coverage preferred. Somehow I find myself completely out of foundation and need to run out somewhere close to pick some up today. TIA!
Anon
L’Oreal True Match
Clementine
Revlon Colorstay + age rewind concealer is a great combo.
For a cc cream, IT cosmetics cc+ cream is spectacular.
Anonymous
Covergirl Outlast. Primer, concealer, and foundation all in one product. Great coverage.
Anon 2.0
For full coverage, I like the Kat Von K foundation. It is pricey, around $40 or so at Ulta, but it is worth it. FWIW, I am not at all a high end makeup person but I find this to be worth the splurge.
Anon 2.0
Ah! Kat Von D not K
Anon
I am all for drugstore brands, but how do you get a good match? Buy three close bottles and then you know for next time? I used to be a department store beauty counter and then Sephora person just for the color matching b/c my skin is fair and on the cool end of color tones but ruddy AF (thanks, rosacea!) and nothing seems to work when I DIY.
Anon
Revlon colorstay is a great one.
In-House in Houston
I use Clinique and you can buy it at Ulta or any departmet store. And they always give you freebies….sample/travel sizes that I love to try new things.
Shenandoah
L’oreal Age Perfect Radiant Serum Foundation for about the last 1.5 years. I’m mid 30s with fairly dry skin, and I love it. Goes on smooth and coverage is definitely buildable.
Anonymous
I find myself back in a job where I need to wear suits or blazers most of the time. What kinds of shirts are folks wearing under jackets for business wear these days? I used to swear by the Boden Ravello top, but the ones I have are too small and several years old.
test run
For fitted blazers with skirts I wear a shell – either the silk stretch shell from theory (I found a few brand new ones on ebay for a steal) or the vince camuto sleeveless tops they sell at nordstrom rack. For looser blazers that I wear with pants, I do a loose short sleeve shell (sort of like this one: https://poshmark.com/listing/Madewell-Black-Button-Back-Blouse-5b56525e6a0bb76ea8e3a171)
Anon
Silk shells or cotton tshirts with either a high neckline or a scoop neck — you need to try on the latter with the blazer to make sure they look good. I recently got some at JCrew (perfect ts?) that worked. I usually do the Ts when I’m having what would otherwise be a casual day but need to be able to throw on a blazer if something pops up.
anon
Is there a difference in dye quality between actual salons and a “collective” where hair stylists rent their space? I consider hair coloring a form of sorcery I’ll never understand, and I’m not sure if there’s a difference in quality across salons or it’s basically the same product everywhere. I know this question sounds silly but a bad dye job is difficult to hide and even more difficult to fix!
Background: I’ve gotten balayage from my stylist at a big salon for a few years and she just moved to this collective. It’s brand new, the website looks low budget, and I can’t tell what the facilities are like. The collective is just a physical space with a shared online booking tool. I know my stylist is talented so my only concern is whether this smaller new place has lower quality dyes. And for those of you who like drama, something is definitely afoot at my usual salon. They took down their “meet our stylists” page on the website and they have a big help wanted ad. Either they cleaned house and fired half their staff or a bunch of stylists quit en masse. Intriguing…
Anon
I go to a stylist at a collective, at mine they don’t all use the same products, it’s basically a way for them to save on rent. They all have their own stuff. I wouldn’t expect your stylist to change anything about their process. I like it because I’m not paying the markup for extra staff.
pugsnbourbon
Can you just ask your stylist? “Hey Jane, I really love the color we did last time. Are you still using the same products at New Collective?”
Walnut
Exactly this. I’ve followed my stylist through the years and she’s settled into renting her space. She operates with full autonomy over the product she chooses.
Seventh Sister
My stylist is at one of those collective places and he sells his own products. FWIW, he’s happier renting (and subletting) a chair in a place like that than any salon he’s ever had because it’s relatively low cost v. having his own stand-alone place or renting a chair at a big salon.
Anon
+2 she should be able to use the products she wants to use
OP
I didn’t realize they usually pick their own products. That’s reassuring, I was worried the collective might make her use something she doesn’t like or is unfamiliar with. It didn’t occur to me to ask her, that’s a great idea. And if collectives are usually cheaper that’s a welcome bonus. Problem solved, thank you!
Anon
It seems much more likely a salon would dictate products than a coop.
Anonymous
Just ask her if she will be using the same dye as at the salon
Woof
At these places, and I go to one, the stylists buy their own products, in general.
Anon
There is no way to know the answer to that question without asking.
Anonymous
I have 3 girls that are still fairly young but will be teenagers at the same time. They will all share a bathroom. We are renovating this bathroom now and I’d like any tips or ideas for what to do to make bathroom sharing easier as they get older.
We are putting in a double sink, have designed the shower to have several nooks and lots of shelves for bottles of product, and have put outlets on a wall so we can buy/mount some kind of vanity that can be where hair dryers live. I think I’m going to buy some kind of salon-style nailpolish rack– these kids already have a drawer full and they are not even 10. Their bathroom connects to the laundry room and will have a hamper.
I think the biggest issue will be everyone needing the shower at the same time, but that’s not something we can fix with layout (we did debate moving the laundry to the basement and doing 2 smaller bathrooms but ultimately the laundry won). We do have a full bath in the basement that we are going to let them take over as needed (and we have a master bath but I’m holding out hope we can keep them out!).
I think another angle is moving the ready-getting from the bathroom to their rooms, so maybe an in-room vanity for any of the kids that want to spend that kind of time getting ready? Maybe I’ll get lucky and they will all be make-up free, wash-and-air-dry hair kiddos that just need a brush and some hair elastics.
Anon
I showered at night, which worked out well because I didn’t bring grime and sweat from sports to bed.
I think you’re doing more than enough, and the master bath is NOT an option. If things get rough, they can blow dry their hair and do their makeup in the bedrooms or in the downstairs bath. No reason for nail polish to be done in the morning in a bathroom shared three ways.
This is basic resource allocation. The scarce resource is the shower, and it comes along with the vanity. So don’t encourage dwaddling at the vanity that makes showering difficult.
Anan
Things I would think about:
Where to keep period products.
An outlet near the toilet in case you want to install a bidet later.
Each kid should have their own towel rack and hook.
Teach them to take short showers or have them pick designates shower times.
I like the idea of vanities in their rooms. That way, too, less fighting about someone else using their stuff.
Anonymous
Okay so my husband had the same suggestion on the bidet. Is this a trend?
I told him no bc it is the main bathroom (I’d be fine with one in the master) but maybe I should re think?
Anon
No, I don’t think bidets are a “trend” but lots of people have them and love them.
Anon In-House Empt Lawyer
There was definitely increased bidet interest during the pandemic.
The nice thing with adding the outlet now is that it will be ready if you or a future owner ever want to add a bidet. Having gone through a recent bathroom buildout & remodel (two different bathrooms down simultaneously) you might as well do low-impact improvements like that while the walls are open.
Anon
Yes to this! If it’s not much of an additional cost, do it now to save you the headache later if you want to do it. We are currently adding an outlet for a bidet attachment and it is $$$.
Vicky Austin
We recently had to replace our master toilet and got a toilet seat with a bidet attachment. I love it, and of course it’d be lovely on your period (we got ours right before I got pregnant so no personal experience, ha), but I don’t think it’s a necessity, even in a bathroom full of teen girls.
Liza
From my much-younger-Millennial siblings (mid 90s vs mid 80s), I understand that it is. Not one that we are embracing lol.
Anon
Just got a bidet and it’s absolutely fantastic for when I’m on my period. Highly recommend.
Agree with keeping laundry upstairs, especially good with reusable period underwear to have to nearby.
A
Not having a bidet in my home especially when I have my period would be a disaster. Then again, I’m Asian and I’m a bidet loyalist.
Vicky Austin
+1 to all of this.
Designated towel spots saved us worlds of hurt when I was a teen. I slept in a basement bedroom and the basement half bath was “mine,” but I came upstairs to shower every night in the double-sink bathroom my sisters used.
And frankly, I’d take nail polish out of the equation entirely. It’s not such a part of the daily getting-ready process that you really need to think about how to streamline it. Let them keep their personal collections in a little basket in their rooms or in the bathroom, but don’t make it easier to use in the bathroom that belongs to other people.
Also, color coding where possible. I still instinctively reach for red toothbrushes because that was “my” color as a kid.
Anon
I read that as just storage for nail polish. It’s gotta go somewhere.
Anon
Grew up with two sisters, if you can redebate moving the laundry, I’d go with two bathrooms. So much fighting. So much trying to get ready at the same time. Laundry won’t win once you’re in the trenches.
Anonymous
Nope, laundry is staying. I feel like they can learn to share and I don’t want to drag laundry down 3 flights because they can’t find a way to make it work. There’s a really nice shower/bathroom in the basement.
(We relocated our laundry to the basement during the reno for convenience and after 3 weeks I am even more confident in my decision).
Anon
Are they doing their own laundry now? If not, presumably they will be when they’re a bit older and you won’t be the one hauling it up and down stairs.
Anon
She still has to do her own laundry. The girls will move out and go to college and this poster will still be doing laundry in the house.
The bathroom issue will really only be an issue for a handful of years (from when the youngest starts to care about this stuff until the oldest goes to college). The laundry being moved to the basement will be as long as OP lives in this house
NancyDrew
I grew up with two sisters and a brother and we all shared one full bathroom WITH our parents. We survived. I find this thread wild!
Seventh Sister
We have one bathroom for the four of us right now. It’s not ideal or even all that common in our social circle, but honestly, it’s OK. Basically, the bathroom is only for showering, using the toilet, washing hands, or brushing teeth.
Anon
Likewise. European here. Typical If you are middle class you will have one bathroom with a shower, it you are upper middle class you also have one small restroom downstairs just with a toilet. Only the super rich would have more than one place to shower and take a bath
anon
Get a shower door that goes all the way up to the ceiling – it’s hard to do your hair and makeup in a steamy room. Make sure there are plenty of towel bars, both for bath towels and hand towels to dry. Place your outlets so their hair appliance cords don’t stretch across the sink. Depending on their hair color consider getting darker floor tiles. You’d be amazed how much hair accumulates on the floor when multiple girls share a bathroom. Even with daily vacuuming it will be visible. Putting vanities in their bedroom is your best bet though. Back when I shared a tiny bathroom with a roommate we agreed that the bathroom was for showering, toileting, and faucet use only. Otherwise we never would’ve gotten to work on time. Put a cheap area rug under the vanity so spills and makeup residue aren’t a big deal.
Senior Attorney
counterpoint: if you do this the inside of the shower will mildew unless you ha e room to leave e the door openehen not in use.
Anon
I’m the youngest of 5 girls and we managed. Anything that can be done without a sink or toilet gets done in your bedroom (all makeup and hair). Some will have to shower at night and some in the morning. But honestly, if you have your own bathroom and it’s only three girls sharing a bathroom they’ll be fine! It’s good practice for college and roommates! I used to live and share a bathroom with three girls as an adult in NYC.
Anon
Vanities in their bedrooms so they can do makeup etc outside of the bathroom is a great idea.
Anonymous
I would never want my teenager doing makeup in the bedroom. Too messy! Give them each 5 minutes in the bathroom for that.
If you want them drying or heat-styling their hair in bedrooms, make sure that their outlets are on separate circuits so they don’t blow a breaker by turning on their hairdryers at the same time.
Anon
I had a desk and mirror I used. Never made a mess that I couldn’t clean with a damp paper towel.
Cat
I had a desk and mirror I used. Never made a mess that I couldn’t clean with a damp paper towel.
Anonymous
How does one do makeup without washing or rinsing one’s hands after applying sunscreen, foundation, concealer, etc.?
Anonymous
I always did makeup in my bedroom and didn’t make a mess. However if they do make a mess, there are 3 choices: they clean it up, they live with the resulting stain, they figure out how to replace it.
I also believe that everything in kids rooms should be nice enough but not too nice. That way, I’m not stressed if something goes get spilled on or whatnot. So, no pottery barn in my kids rooms! But clean, sturdy, nice enough Wayfair or family furniture or even ikea ? Sure!
Anon
Hair dryers shouldn’t live in the bathroom. That takes up at least as much time or more than showering, so I’ve always done that in my bedroom. In various houses, I’ve sat at my desk, on the end of my bed, or on the floor, but if you have room, get each of them a vanity. When you have people sharing a bathroom and getting ready at the same time, the only thing that should happen in the bathroom is showering, using the toilet, and tooth brushing, and everything else should happen in their rooms. So I’d design the bathroom to be deliberately inhospitable to putting on makeup and hair drying! Don’t make it a pleasant place to linger.
Liza
+1. Plus putting hair dryers nowhere near sinks/tubs/sources of water is just a best practice.
Anonymous
Ummm what? Pls let what you’ve already done be enough. They’ll have to plan shower times and learn and figure it out. 3 children sharing a nice new bathroom is not the gulag. And if you’d rather they not all be makeup obsessed hair nuts, don’t buy them special supplies for that. They can store nail polish in a shoe box under their bed like generations of teenage girls.
Anon
Geez, you sound fun . . .
Anna
I actually think it was a really funny post she wrote
Anon
Eh I agree with Anonymous. The girls have a great set up (access to two nice bathrooms for three girls). They can work together to figure out how to make it work, they’re learning a skill that will come in handy in college and their 20s. Generations and generations of siblings (if not entire families!) have figured out how to share a bathroom.
Aunt Jamesina
My mom is one of seven girls and grew up sharing one bathroom. I think it’s worth optimizing storage and thinking about ideas before any renovation like OP is doing, but this really isn’t worth doing things like relocating a laundry room(!).
My friend who shared a small with three sisters growing up kept all of her makeup and hair tools in the desk in her room. That seemed to cut down on tying up the bathroom and the need for storage.
Anonymous
OP here- I tend to agree and that’s why I’m holding firm to my 2nd floor laundry and no kids in the master bath. I shared with two siblings and managed, but we did occasionally steal my parents’ shower when we were running late.
But… the bathroom is down to the studs so now is the time for any “nice to have”s or even just convenience items.
anon
Practical things – As you are down to the studs, and if electrical isn’t done, put in extra outlets. Take your curling iron with the shortest cord and figure out where the outlets need to be in the mirror so two girls can be getting ready at the same time. Talk to your electrician to make sure that two blowdryer can run on the same circuit or if you should split it off into multiple circuits. Consider if you want to tuck an outlet under the cabinet for a pull out drawer later for hair tools. Make sure there are multiple lighting sources on different switches – ceiling lights, vanity lights, etc. so that the bathroom can be not a bright for a 2am bathroom trip.
Anon
Good idea! Low dim lighting for pat night or early morning.
Anonymous
While it’s down to the studs, consider if you haven’t already putting in mirrors with storage. Seems like there can never be enough storage, and while you can add a mirror with storage that sits on top of the wall, it is nicer if it is built in. Second adding outlets you might need, and checking circuits (our two bathrooms were on the same circuit so hair dryers in each would blow the circuit).
Also, I was like you and shared with 2 siblings (1 boy 2 girls). We sometimes snagged the master bath when rushing but mostly all used the main one and it worked fine. Sis and I did our makeup and most hair tools in our bedrooms – mine stayed pristine and hers ended up needing to have the carpet replaced for all the products on the floor, so I’d recommend a rug under the vanity area. :)
Trish
You sound jealous. They are renovating the bathroom so why not think about what will work for the three girls?
Anon
No, she sounds like someone who is very well grounded. Part of parenting is raising kids who aren’t spoiled and materialistic. Sharing a nice new bathroom is great – they get to have something special and new, to appreciate, and learn to share, to not be entitled and selfish.
Anonymous
Not the above person but I’m not understanding how thoughtful design, like storage and towel hooks, is going to make kids entitled and selfish. Also it’s fine to be into hair and makeup, just as it’s fine not to be.
I agree that these kids have it good in life and I’m glad the op is not relocating the laundry and making her own life harder, but this attitude that making things harder than necessary helps children develop character is more damaging than you realize.
Op I think if you could put the toilet in a separate “water closet” that would be hugely helpful. Also if you don’t have the budget for a ton of built ins keep in mind that ikea makes shallow tall cabinets and plan a space for one. I know medicine cabinets aren’t fashionable but I really love them and find them convenient.
Finally if you have the space and budget you can plan for outlets in medicine cabinets and drawers so that electric toothbrushes and hair appliances are always plugged and have a home.
Trish
Nothing about OP’s questions suggests that her girls will be entitled and selfish. Maybe you are the mean girl here?
Anon
Enough of the personal attacks.
Anon
I never did makeup in a bathroom until I had my own bathroom at age 25. Prior to that, all hair and makeup (which, admittedly is not a lot for me) was done in my bedroom.
Growing up, I always showered at night because I played sports so needed to shower off after practice anyways. Same with my siblings. I don’t really remember ever fighting over showering – just at some point over the course of the night after sports and dinner but before bed we’d shower. I think I preferred to shower before doing HW and honestly couldn’t tell you when my brother and sister showered?
On rare occasions, one or two of us would need to shower in the AM and it would gum things up. My sister always did hair and makeup in the bathroom (perks of being the eldest I guess?) so the rest of us had pretty limited time to get in and out.
So, I’d make a rule that the bathroom is for showering, using the bathroom, face and hand washing and teeth brushing only. You can store shared supplies like the hair dryer or nail polish in the bathroom, but you use them in your bedroom. Any personal supplies are stored in your bedroom. You don’t even need a vanity in the bedrooms, just a mirror over the bureau and they can store makeup in a basket.
Also? I’d say that this is on them to figure out. If someone has to go to school with wet hair or something because they couldn’t share the bathroom or come up with an alternative, that’s on them. Offer the basement bathroom but absolutely do not let them use yours!
nuqotw
+1. My two sisters and I shared a bathroom (with one sink) and the unspoken rule was to work it out appropriately. It was never an issue.
pugsnbourbon
I have three sisters and we shared a bathroom. I got up 30 minutes earlier than everyone else so I’d get a shower (with hot water!). I kept my hair and makeup stuff in the downstairs half-bath. There will probably be fights but they will figure it out.
Anon
Do they all have their own bedrooms? You don’t need a full vanity to do hair and makeup in a bedroom. Just a dresser with good lighting and a mirror! If you can get the time-consuming preening activities out of the bathroom, that frees up a LOT of time for each kid to be able to shower without fighting.
Anon
+1 Did my makeup sitting on the floor in front of the mirror until I was 25!
Anon
So many of my friends did their makeup sitting on the floor in front of a tall mirror in a hotel room.
Anon
This is good practice for college and their early 20s :)
My current apartment is the first place I’ve lived with my own bathroom so I now do hair and makeup in the bathroom but this is the first time I’ve ever done that. In prior apartments, college, and while growing up I always just did hair and makeup in my bedroom (either sitting on the floor in front of a floor length mirror or standing at my bureau with the mirror on the wall).
Growing up and living with roommates, we all agreed that the bathroom is only used for taking a shower, brushing teeth, going to the bathroom, and washing your face. Every other bit of skincare, hair, and makeup has to be done in your room for both bathroom usage time reasons and for storage reasons.
I would not encourage them to use the bathroom to get ready. I would not allow them to use my master bathroom and I would also refuse to referee anything with the bathroom; they’ll have to learn how to share a bathroom later in life so might as well start now
Three girls
I’m the middle of three girls and we’re two years apart on either side of me. All played mad sports and were very active (lots of showers). We did 100% of showering at night. In fact, I only started showering in the morning when I was in college and remember it feeling super weird. Primping and any makeup type stuff happened in individual rooms. We all had mirrors with a light on an arm near a window for better light, though admittedly we weren’t overly into make up in our teen years like others were (two of us went to an all-girls HS, for example). We didn’t have any dedicated space in the bathroom so anything that was “ours” stayed in our rooms, full stop. Anything in the bathroom, but for toothbrushes, was fair game. We used the same bath products, so no issues there.
anon
So weird that this is a concern.
sharing a bathroom with siblings is normal and does not need to create extra labor on your plate.
Begging you to channel this time into political advocacy or volunteerism or anything worthwhile.
Anonymous
OP here. Have you never done home reno? This is no different than asking what your favorite kitchen layout is if you like to cook.
Our house flooded and we had to take the room down to the studs. I would think it’s foolish not to try and optimize while we have the chance.
Anonymous
Op you’re FINE. You’re walking the exact right line of optimizing your space thoughtfully for your family. Having a beautiful functional home is 1000 percent worthwhile.
Anonymous
Girl you are on a fashion blog.
Anon
Begging you to go away.
Anon
+1
Trish
Anon at 11:12: why are you judging her parenting on social media when you could be serving at a soup kitchen?
Anon
Curious about the double sinks. We’re renovating a bathroom for two girls right now and we went one sink and prioritized counter space in the expectation that they’d have more products and such. But maybe that was wrong? Also just doing two towel hooks because I don’t think they’ll be amazing at hanging their towels back on a bar and getting them off the ground will help keep it neater with two in and out all the time.
[email protected]
We have just one sink but a long counter in our main bath and I like it more than I thought I would. Counter space is way more useful to me most of the time than a second sink.
Anonymous
OP here. They actually specifically asked for it. DH and I have a single and larger counter and would prefer a double. You lose counter space but we do have another spot for counter space in the kids’ bathroom.
I think teeth brushing and face washing were the main drivers of their ask. They are 5-10 now.
Anonymous
My master bathroom has double sinks and I hate it. When we get around to redoing it, i’ll just have one. The counter space is way more valuable than the second sink.
Anonymous
Hard disagree. My husband and I are always chatting while doing our nighttime routine and it’s lovely.
BelleRose
double sinks and more limited counter space will encourage makeup/hair being done in bedrooms rather than bathroom. Single sink and more counter space will encourage it being done in bathroom.
Allie
The only time in my entire life I’ve lived without a shower schedule was when I had a studio apt in my 20s. My family of four shared one bathroom growing up — I would have never ever thought to do hair or make up in the bathroom and I only showered at my allotted time. It just wasn’t a big deal?
Liza
Get the strongest possible exhaust fan. Sucking out bad smells/shower steam/lingering perfume will make it so much more usable for everyone. You might even talk to your contractor and see if they recommend installing two, one over the shower and one over the toilet. We all know how gross it is to try to use a humid, stinky bathroom.
Related, I think there are steam-proof coatings you can put on mirrors – definitely add that on if you can. Obviously the style of mirror that stretches across the entire wall, rather than the cuter style of individual mirrors over every sink is preferable – that way all 3 of them can be lined up in there if needed for some reason.
If there’s a way to create privacy for the toilet with angles or walls, definitely add that, in case someone needs to toilet while someone else is in there.
Related, for privacy, go with an opaque shower curtain rather than glass doors. It effectively creates two rooms while someone is in there showering.
Anon
+1 with a shower curtain someone can get ready while some one else is in the shower. We did that alllll the time growing up
Nesprin
I’d spring for a heated/lighted mirror for the same showering+ using sink goal. You’ll need electrical to do the wiring.
Make sure if you’re doing medicine cabinets that the number of shelves is divisible by three. Ditto vanity shelves.
Anon
+1 about the exhaust fan. my sister and I fought a lot about most things, but the only thing we scrapped over re: the bathroom was of someone dropped a deuce and didn’t air the bathroom out.
Anon
I recently learned that exhaust fans are rated for the size of the bathroom in which they’re used. Makes perfect and obvious sense, but I hadn’t thought about this. So get one with enough oomph.
+1 to creating privacy for the person using the toilet while someone else is at the sink, if that is possible with your layout.
Sutemi
Consider putting the exhaust fan on a timer. We can set ours to run for 10-15-30 mins so that the room gets well ventilated after we leave.
Anonymous
If the laundry room connects to the bathroom, why not put the vanity in there?
Anonymous
Double sink – yes!
Bidet possibility – yes!
Laundry room – yes!
Nail polish thingy – nope!
Hair dryers in bathroom – nope!
You don’t need to add more storage for nail polish (or similar) – but to teach them that the nail polish drawer is the maximum amount they can have, the less favorite ones has to go!
For them to do things at the same time – mirror and space to do hair in their rooms, makeup too. They need a mirror, and outlet that won’t trip a fuse and a little bit of storage. It’s better that everybody has their own hair dryer than for them to never agree on who can use the one in the bedroom. Your hairdryer outlets can be used for tooth brushes.
What do they have to do in the bathroom? Wash, brush their teeth and go to the toilet. Anything else is fair game for individual rooms and privacy. They don’t need a vanity in their bed rooms, but a well lit mirror and an outlet is nice.
One thing to consider – make sure there is super easy access to the drains. With three girls, there will be lots of hairs and the drains WILL be clogged. Make it easy for them to fix it.
Give them a hand-held shower in the shower, not just that ceiling one. A hand-held shower is great for period hygiene.
Get them storage for period products, or access to a sink to wash their cups while sitting on the toilet.
Anon
I am full of sympathy if my kids get sick. I would be full of sympathy if my spouse were in a car wreck. But spouse has just been horrid with keeping up with his health on many fronts and has just gotten run down and now looks to have come down with COVID that will be complicated. I feel like he has just fallen down on the job of actual health self care and I am sick of not being able to rely on him and now it has really affected something crucial for me at work.
Anon
Uhh Covid can make even healthy people really sick. I can sympathize with your frustration in general but this doesn’t seem like the right time to blame him for his poor health.
Anonymous
+1. And OP may be changing her tune once she catches it from him. Although she probably assumes that her virtuous habits will make it “just a cold.”
Anon
Sorry you are dealing with this. I feel like many people are really bad at the part of being a responsible adult that requires looking at something from a long term perspective (like being a good partner requires long term career sustainability/good health) and then implementing the daily actions necessary to the long term goal.
Anon
I feel like I see this in my house. A kid had a serious medical event this summer that really revealed how if something were to happen to me, I’d need a home care attendant and maybe a nanny for the kid because spouse is really not able to function at times (serious anxiety can be paralyzing in a serious situation and exacerbate sleep / sleep med issues that IMO are poorly managed by a PCP that should have been escalated a long time ago). These are not my problems to fix and yet they remain my problems to deal with the fallout of.
Seriously — how do you deal with this? IMO a lot of what I seem to read about therapy is that there is a view that each side has done something wrong and needs to compromise (but like what if one party is really the 75-80% cause? it seems to gaslight the party who is dealing with the fallout and not the person adding to the family burdens).
At church, I have such a truly hard time with the story of the Prodigal Son (not my situation).
Anonymous
Maybe the part you did wrong was committing to someone you don’t like. That has consequences foe both of you and seems to be at least 50% of the problem.
Anonymous
Yes this exactly.
Anon
People seem to like each other just fine when they get married. And then fast forward 10 years and the girl who is fun at the party is a day drinker, only sometimes she drives. And she is a day drinker because before she was a night drinker and she quit the job she was going to get fired from anyway and to into real estate. Don’t kill her dreams. And she needs all of those fun lunches b/c clients . . . Things don’t start out of hand. But things can just slide a little, hide a little, until you hit a crisis point (she drove, she hit someone, he was seriously injured, that person is suing and will likely bankrupt the family). No one but her could have stopped her from drinking. And when you’ve been with an alcoholic for 5 years, what’s another 5? People tell the guy, “it’s not like she’s violent.” I don’t think she needs to be, but we can all get like the frog in the pot of water.
Anonymous
What is this insane nonsense rambling about drinking?
Anonymous
I see this attitude all the time here: you just had bad judgment and married the wrong person. Guess what? People change over time. The person you marry is probably not the person you’re married to 20 years later. Mental illnesses develop. People’s attitudes change. Life stress happens. Etc. etc. etc.
Anon
Absolutely spouses can change over time and sometimes it’s a lot and in ways that are not good. Perhaps the Youngs haven’t experienced this yet and weren’t paying attention to older marriages. Perhaps listen the voices of experience telling you this can happen. This is one of several reasons you should always have access to some funds of your own and have a good way to support yourself if you need to. Because you might need to.
Anonymous
I mean for me, if my spouse isn’t a partner then I’m getting a divorce.
Anonymous
Maybe that’s easy if you don’t have kids, but not so simple if you do.
Trish
Interesting take. You know your spouse can suffer cognitive decline or mental illness years after you were first married. Make sure your future partner knows they aren’t loved unconditionally.
Vicky Austin
Maybe you didn’t do something wrong, but you still need to compromise. I’m sorry for the frustrating situation you are in.
Anon
As someone with a disability, I would really encourage you to not think of your spouse as having done something wrong and being a burden because they have health issues- this is pretty much every disabled person’s worst nightmare. They do have an obligation to manage their condition as well as medically possible, but I think most healthy people don’t understand how hard it is to do this in many cases- it’s rare that you just take one drug and everything’s fine. Likewise, they don’t get a free pass for being sick, and each partner absolutely needs to make a contribution to the partnership that feels fair to the people involved, but when you start off by saying that something out of someone’s control means they’ve done something wrong, it’s really hard to have a productive discussion. I’d focus not on blaming them for what they can’t do, but on figuring out what they can actually contribute and a plan to make everything that needs to get done work.
Anon
There is disabled.
And then there is mansickness. And I see so many guys who get mansick and I can’t imagine decades of listening to that. It’s like crying wolf when the real sh*t happens.
Anon
If you have that little respect for someone, you probably shouldn’t have married them and had their child in the first place. In that case, the blame is all on you.
Anon
If my spouse is unable to function and is struggling to access competent and timely healthcare, I honestly do see that as my problem to fix. I have his doctor’s # and I will call it if he’s passed out or can’t take a break from vomiting or whatever. I know I’m incoherent and ineffective when I’ve missed enough sleep.
Cb
Oof I’m sorry. My husband has the flu and is so pitiful, and my sympathy is at zero because I have lupus and still manage to read bedtime stories and put a load of laundry on, even when I’m really really ill.
Curious
Right?!!!
Anon
I mean, even people who take care of themselves get COVID. You can’t blame him for that. But being more proactive about his overall health is important.
Anonymous
What do you mean by complicated? How is this the result of some failure on his part?
Anonymous
Nope. Nope. Covid strikes everyone differently. You can be sad and stressed without morally judging your husband for daring not to be perfect and also having Covid.
Anon
You can be frustrated at him for not keeping up with his health, but COVID is not part of that equation. It knocks very healthy people on their @ss, you can get it pretty much anywhere doing anything, and you don’t know how it will effect you.
I can understand being frustrated if a spouse is letting other aspects of their health/weight/habits go, but COVID is not part of this equation.
Anonymous
Yeah like is this whole post just you being mad he’s fat? Sure sounds like it.
Anon
Yup that’s how I read it. Fwiw, I know tons of fat people who had really mild Covid and lots of thin people who got really sick. Immune response is really complicated and weight is just one part of the equation.
Anonymous
Same. My clean-eating and fit AF trainer got bad Covid. Not complicated Covid, but stay-in-bed-for-two-weeks and suffer from exhaustion and brain fog for weeks Covid.
anonymous
There’s no such thing as “something crucial” at work. Try to be a loving wife, which it sounds like will require some growing up on your part.
Anon
Try… to… be… a… loving… wife? Ick.
Anon
If being a “loving wife” disgusts you, I don’t know how you could possibly expect to sustain a marriage.
anonymous
As the original anonymous, I would also add that in addition to being a proud “loving wife,” I fully expect DH to be a “loving husband” (and he is).
Anon
Yikes.
Anon
I could see being frustrated if my spouse stopped taking care of himself and as a result developed a comorbidity that made COVID worse. I’d mostly be scared, but a little frustrated.
Like if my husband was a non-smoker, started smoking against my wishes and now has a lung condition that makes COVID worse, I’d be upset. Likewise, we’re a pretty active and healthy couple. I would never say my husband has to stay fit but if he stopped doing all activity and started eating terribly and gained a significant amount of weight (absent of a medical reason for the weight gain) I’d also be concerned.
Anonymous
Yes there’s truly nothing worse than fat people so glad this site reaffirms this nearly daily not at all problematic
Anonymous
I think that there’s a big difference in being overweight for other reasons and being overweight because you don’t take care of yourself. If my spouse was never active and ate unhealthily, then yeah I’d be miffed. I want a healthy, active, and equal partner for a long time. I don’t care to watch someone I love likely shorten their lifespan because they’re choosing an unhealthy lifestyle. And to be clear, if I had a spouse who was skinny but not at all active and ate horribly I’d have the same concern. I don’t need (and don’t want) a spouse who works out for hours a day and eats all vegan, but someone who takes a walk or rides a bike or plays golf or goes to the gym a few times a week and eats vegetables on a regular basis its a must for me.
Anon
Being overweight because of poor sleep and a negligent PCP isn’t the same thing as just being a slob though.
Anon
Good thing that isn’t what she said! And defensive much?
anon
That’s not at all what she said thanks for reaffirming it’s trendy for some reason to write in run on sentences and be offended about everything
Karma’ll Get Ya For That
Wow. Just wow. I’m amazed at some of the comments here. Some of you need to get a serious grip. In the last year, two of my friends lost their husbands, one to covid and one to cancer. Both men were in excellent physical shape – one ran marathons and one was a police officer before cancer made him unable to work. Both of my friends would be so sad and sick to see the comments here. Didn’t any of you say “in sickness and in health” in your wedding vows? My friends did, and they meant it. Some of you need to think about it instead of treating marriage like some vanity thing. Y’all act like a bunch of Kardashians here.
Clementine
Please ship for me. I need a business casual coat. I currently have athletic options and formal options but I feel like I need something in between.
My initial thought is a belted fleece trench? Maybe a teddy coat? Please help!
Clementine
*SHOP*. Shop for me.
Anon
I was going to say shipping for someone else might be a little difficult. I don’t even know what shows you watch!
(Ducks and hides)
Anon
I wear my J Crew Downtown field jacket to work a lot this time of year.
Vicky Austin
Do you like any of the quilted options at J. Crew right now? (No links bc mod – here are the keywords.)
“cocoon puffer coat”
“lightweight Greenwich jacket”
“lightweight lady jacket”
“lightweight shirt jacket”
They also have a couple teddy coat styles.
Anon
I have an Eileen Fisher alpaca blend 3/4 coat with on seam pockets that I love. It is flattering enough that multiple strangers have stopped me on the street to ask about it.
anon
Barbour. Old school but thrives with more casual coats in a very old school British kind of way, and much cheaper than the ubiquitous Burberry quilted jacket.
Cb
I’m eyeing up an olive trench from M&S for my autumn coat purchase, after realising that my waterproof is no longer waterproof.
Anonymous
If it’s otherwise in good shape, you can re-waterproof jackets!
H13
I came here to post a nearly identical questions for a fall coat!
Anonymous
Do you mean business casual or do you mean a coat to wear to your casual office daily?
Clementine
I mean ‘not formal, but more than the puffer jacket, fleeces, and vests I wear that I would consider casual.’
I did used to wear my lady day coat to work daily, but I find I need something that’s slightly less… athletic? athleisurely? for normal things like going to work on a ‘normal’ (non-client) day or going to an outdoor social event.
Anon
okay I plugged her below, but charlygoss has been showing oversized trenches recenlty that I think look really cool. Not fleece. Teddy coats are on their way out I think. I actually think an oversized blazer (again following her inspo but I think she’s really good!) would also be appropriate here.
Anon8
I’ve been really digging the quilted jackets I’ve been seeing a lot online lately. I’ll link below.
brokentoe
This coat always generates complements for me https://www.garnethill.com/asymmetrical-boiled-wool-coat/264444?SourceCode=K2WSB1&cm_vc=Popular%20Searches
Josie P
I got the “combination knit mini dress” from Zara. Help me style it for family photos? We are in New England and photos are in 2 weeks. TIA! Will post link to dress as reply.
Josie P
https://www.zara.com/us/en/combination-knit-mini-dress-p02142179.html?v1=213636082
Anon
That strikes me as a party dress and not a family photos dress.
Cb
Are your children going to be in black and white? I worry the split might look really odd in photos unless you were standing alone?
I’d do black tights and black boots, but that feels slightly harsh for family photos?
Josie P
Everyone is wearing black/white/grey this year – I was feeling that color scheme more than anything else!
Anonymous
Oof. These three colors are the hardest for people to look good in. Can you pick some other color even if it doesn’t excite you to your bones?
Anonymous
Actually those are probably their best colors if they are high-contrast, cool-toned people.
AnonMom
This dress with its cream will clash if everyone else is in black, white, and grey. Unless you are Cruella Deville, I would find something else.
Anon
Honestly I would rethink that dress for photos. If you turn in either direction the color of the dress changes, and both black and white are very harsh in photos. I think it will look quite strange.
Anon
+1 cool dress but I honestly don’t love it for family photos? Nothing againstt he black white gray color scheme! For that, I’d probably wear a white button down or t and black jeans and boots.
Cat
I agree, I think it will also make the photographer’s job really hard thanks to the differences in light between the dark and light sides!
pugsnbourbon
+1 I actually love the dress but it’s going to be tricky in family photos. I’d do the outfit above, or a marled black and white sweater, or a gray sweater dress. If you’re set on the dress, I’d add black tights, ankle boots, and silver earrings.
Josie P
Hmm okay, I’ll go back to drawing board. I don’t love any of my black pants for photos (and don’t have any black jeans) so will try another few dresses.
Anon
Not the question you asked, but wanted to chime in that my favorite family photos from childhood were the ones where my parents let us wear our favorite outfits at the time (vs. buying something new just for the photos). You can tell we’re more relaxed (mom and dad included) and it brings back good memories of favorite clothing items from our childhood.
Anonymous
Do you have any plaid pants or skirt? I’d do black/grey plaid bottoms with a white top or sweater!
Anonymous
I have too many garden tomatoes and want to make a pasta sauce that I can freeze for later. Anyone have a recipe they like that uses fresh tomatoes?
Anan
I chop tomatoes in half, sprinkle with salt, roast on high heat with garlic (sometimes also diced onions) and then run through a food mill with fresh basil.
Anonymous
priya from bn appetit has a video with her mom making “cheesy tomato rice” that I have loooved for using up lots of fresh tomatoes!
Anonymous
Smitten Kitchen has a nice recipe.
Belle Boyd
I do not get the love here for Smitten Kitchen. Saw her on a show on the Food Network and she was a disaster. Totally unprepared, kept playing with her hair while she was making her recipe (a huge turnoff for me,) and was just a hot mess.
Anyways, instead of a sauce, have you considered just crushing and freezing the tomatoes for use in other recipes later? It’s very easy. Dip the tomatoes in boiling water for a few seconds until the skin blisters so you can peel them easily – the skin should slide right off. Drop into a large bowl and crush with a potato masher, a fork, or by hand. Put in freezer bags in the desired amount you’d want to use for recipes (I freeze in 2 cup portions in small zip-top freezer bags).
Lay flat to freeze. Portions thaw quickly in a pan of hot water.
Coach Laura
Not trying to be difficult, but Smitten Kitchen has fabulous recipes and a huge array of dishes. I’ve never seen her on TV but her written recipes are well-written and have never failed me. An alternate opinion.
Anon
She’s not a tv personality though? She’s a food and recipe writer. But you don’t have to like her and it’s okay that other people do!
My name is Inigo Montoya
You’ve insulted my culinary muse. Prepare to die!
We all have people we just don’t get, and that’s ok.
Anon
Make a basic marinara sauce. You can defrost it and add sautéed vegetables, meat, mushrooms, extra garlic, or fistfuls of basil, etc.
A
Penne alla vodka from onceuponachef.
Anon
I got a Vuori catalog yesterday and must be the past person on the planet that does not have something from them. It seems from the pictures that this is marketed as serious athletic wear. And yet the models were very ripped people shown exercising with very serious faces (I thought it was loungewear from reading here). It raised my hatred of joggers to a boil (I am not tall and the joggers are just to short on my legs — if I want a cropped pant, I also don’t want elastic at the bottom).
Anonymous
So don’t buy the clothes?
I have a lot of Vuori and it’s definitely loungewear, not serious athletic wear. But I like the photos of ripped people exercising with serious faces, just like I like the photos in the T9 catalog of women surfing and hanging off the sides of mountains, because that’s my dream life. It makes the clothes look fun.
Anon
T9 winter seems to be having fun camping and cooking around a fire. That looks great! It’s cold + damp where I live, so I’m always bundled up and plotting to corner the market in Hot Hands.
pugsnbourbon
God I love hot hands – I am such a weenie about the cold. The ones for your shoes are life-changing.
KC
As someone whose hands are always cold, I highly recommend electric gloves! They have a heating element inside that you connect to a battery to generate heat when needed (the battery can then be recharged). They make a 40 minute walking commute in the winter actually pleasant! Costco had an option last year, but you can also find several brands online.
pugsnbourbon
I’ll check that out! I had a pair of electric socks that were kind of a dud, but gloves might work better.
Curious
found my gift for my father in law
Anon
I love Title 9. The value of the catalogue photos of women surfing is that any bathing suit that can handle surfing can handle the water park with a toddler. (He’s really into the wave pool and slides, so there isn’t a lot of holding his hand while he sits peacefully in the toddler area.) The mountain climbing clothes can handle kayaking or hiking.
Anonymous
Whoa dude. Calm down. I’m short and I like my vuori joggers. It’s athletic wear that you can also wear out casually or as lounge wear. We’ve been doing this for decades now, not sure why it would inspire rage.
Anonymous
it’s the same as other athleisure. it is designed to be worn to comfortably eat isyrup-laden French toast and sip coffee sweetened with ice cream while giving others and yourself the false perception that the next thing you are going to do is work out.
Anon
Not the OP, but that’s why I find it vaguely irritating. Obviously I’m not the target audience – I spend plenty of one on high quality running shorts, sneakers, sports bras, etc., but cannot justify the cost if I am not going to use it on a 10 mile run. The fancy athleisure costs as much or more than the clothes that reliably see me through many miles.
Anon
I don’t even know what Vuori is and I’m an athlete who wears a lot of workout clothes… for working out.
Anon
It’s athleisure so it can go either way. No reason why you couldn’t do “serious athletics” in their clothing, though I prefer lazing about in mine.
Anonymous
+1 – I mean, I don’t think most people work out in the joggers, because realistically, joggers aren’t meant for working out. Warming up before a workout only. But their other athletic wear works for working out (I personally don’t like their tights because they roll down and prefer Lululemon, but I mean to each their own…)
Anonymous
Hmm. I work out in mind and I’m confused and to why I can’t or shouldn’t.
Anon
Vuori is sold at my local running store, so pretty sure you can also exercise in their exercise clothes.
Anonymous
Are any of the slip shorts markedly better than Jockey? I’m wondering if I should look around if I’ve been happy with Jockey.
roxie
I just used Undersummers for a recent vacation and loved them, but if you’re happy with jockey (which I haven’t tried) i see no reason to switch!
shopping help
Can anyone tell me where to find colorful patterned yoga tops? It’s easy to find patterned pants but I’d rather wear black pants and a fun top. Thanks!
Anon
Old Navy often has workout tops in fun patterns.
Anonymous
sweaty betty sometimes has patterns depending on the season. They always have lots of bright solid colors.
Anon
We lost a great one: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/14/style/rommy-revson-dead.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage§ion=Obituaries
Inventor of the Scrunchie
Ellen
I am so sad to read about this. I read the article, Anon–thank you very much for pointing this out to me. It is so sad, and I think we should declare a Corporette-wide day of morning for this wonderful woman. The article points out all the famous people on TV and movies wearing schrunchies, and even though I am not famous or on TV, I have so many schrunchies and I am very sad today.
I would like the HIVE to maybe arrange a day on which we can all wear our schrunchies to work, so that the world will remember that these are really fashionable, and keep the hair out of our faces, which is really good for us when we are working or eating, or even sleeping! What a great invention. I have to ask the manageing partner if the schrunchie is patented. I do not see anything saying so on any of my schrunchies, so maybe not. RIP, Ms. Revson!
Anonymous
A true hero. RIP.
NYNY
RIP. Pour one out and wear a scrunchie on your wrist in remembrance.
Anonymous
I am 35, haven’t had a roommate since I was 20, and moving in with my boyfriend in a month. I’m weirdly terrified of losing my space and independence. Any suggestions or maybe not horror stories for melding lives? We do have a nice sized place, with a separate office and a door for me, so I’m hoping I can still escape as needed.
Anon In-House Empt Lawyer
I think recognizing that it’s a big transition is a good first step!
Acknowledge that both of you will have different and equally valid (but not “right”) ways of doing things, and you’ll both have to compromise… that may be about cleanliness/messiness/clutter/chores/etc. With my husband, I’ve made peace with each of having our things that bother us & we own that thing. Talk about what you’re doing and be appreciative to each other, even if it’s not how/what you’d be doing… sort of appreciate the effort not the result, if that makes sense?
Anon
I just moved in with my bf and it was horrible at first! The apartment had a lot of problems we didn’t notice when we looked at it and I need a lot of quiet time to relax by myself. I had trouble thinking of my things as our things. It’s not our bed, dishes, couch, it’s mine and he’s just using them! I’ve been super independent and never lived with a bf so it was really hard for me. I definitely freaked out on him a few times! But ultimately it’s fine and we’ve adjusted. Just be prepared for these feelings and have open communication. Also maybe a therapist!
Anon
I was in a similar situation when I got married late 30s after living alone for so long. I never had a roommate after sophomore year in college. I worried that I wouldn’t have alone time for myself but it was never a problem as it turned out! I would take walks, get coffee or even read a book while taking a bath if I needed alone time. In terms of living with someone, just be open and talk about things but also try to be flexible when you can. Good luck!
Anonymous
I had less time between roommates and boyfriend moving in than you (25-31) but several roommate relationships went from BFFs to going down in flames so I was nervous. It’s worked out (just celebrated 15 years of marriage). There’s going to be a period where you each figure out who is messier and stricter and where — and then whoever cares more will end up cleaning it. If you have a housekeeping schedule yourself even if it’s just changing sheets or cleaning for the cleaners try to involve him in it in a fun way – the Shamu article comes to mind. https://www.nytimes.com/2019/10/11/style/modern-love-what-shamu-taught-me-happy-marriage.html
BelleRose
great piece of advice I got is to remember the difference between relationship problems and roommate problems, and try not to let roommate problems affect the relationship
Anon
I tend to be a hypochondriac, so hoping to be talked down….I got my flu shot yesterday (which I do every year) but I feel quite sick today. I was expecting some fatigue, and maybe a headache, but my head is throbbing and I am also extremely congested with a very sore throat. Like, sore to the point that I’m questioning whether it’s closing in and it’s a bit hard to swallow. If I WERE to be having a severe allergic reaction, it would have happened earlier…right? My guess is I was already sick when I got the shot, and it’s just hitting now. I did take a COVID test this morning and tested negative.
Part of my paranoia stems from the fact that I had a quite strong adverse reaction to my first booster last fall, with extreme dizziness and fainting the day afterward. That remains unexplained.
Anon
I’ve heard the flu shot is a doozy this year. Sounds like you’re just feeling the effects of it. I also had a sore throat recently that turned out to be strep – I don’t think this sounds like an allergic reaction at all.
Anon
Definitely not allergic reaction. You’re probably just coincidentally sick.
Anon
An allergic reaction to a vaccine can appear within a 72 hour window. So if you were to be having an allergic reaction, yes, it could be happening now and not earlier.
anon
So to offer some comfort: yes, an allergic reaction to the shot would show up more quickly, and it would look like an allergic reaction (i.e. wheezing, difficulty breathing, etc.). An anaphylactic reaction isn’t going to show up the next day, so if you’re having those symptoms now you may be reacting to something else. I think the most likely explanation is the one you’re pointing to – you were likely already sick – or you could be having a reaction, but it’s not an allergic reaction.
anon
Should say – the commenter above is correct that an allergic reaction can show up later, but it is really uncommon. Most allergic reactions to vaccines show up almost immediately or within a few hours.
Anon
You’re fine.
Anon
Hello from a fellow hypochondriac.
I also have a fear of anaphylaxis. Here are the strategies that help me. I remember past times when I’ve felt the same way and I was only anxious. I also remember the past times I’ve done the same thing (I.e., gotten the flu shot) and I was okay.
I “check the facts.” (My therapist’s term) You’ve had the flu vaccine before and have been fine. You have congestion, which is a common cause of a sore throat. You are wondering whether your throat is closing. If it were closing, your body would tell you for sure. Your lips and eyes and the rest of your face aren’t red or swollen. (I’m assuming this is true.) You are near enough to medical facilities that if you start showing more certain signs, you can get help in time because actual death by anaphylaxis is rare.
If I’m still scared, I do a body scan meditation. There are some good ones on the Calm app (highly recommend!!) or on YouTube. This helps me realize that when I’m focusing on, like, my toes, I’m not thinking about my throat. Which means that I’m not suffocating because if I were, my brain would not let me forget it.
This is a long comment, but I hope you can find some helpful strategies. I’ve struggled with health anxiety for a long time and am working really hard to overcome it now.
Nothing in your post indicates this is a frequent issue for you. It was for me, and going on Lexapro gave me my life back. I’m only saying that in case this is a regular problem. I kind of didn’t realize how much I was obsessing until I started meds.
Anon
This is a wonderful comment. I’ll also add, I have had anaphylaxis; and it was just like you say- my whole head was massively swollen, my hands were swollen, I had hives all over, there was absolutely no mistaking it! It did take a few hours to really get going, and I also had another, less severe reaction where I just had hives and hand swelling that showed up 24 hours later, but your symptoms sound much more like a respiratory infection, not at all like an allergic reaction.
Curious
FWIW, I had a very strong allergic reaction to a blood transfer (the coding team very nearly sent me to the ER after multiple doses of Benadryl and other meds did nothing; luckily, the epi pen worked). I did not have externally visible swelling. I did have hives and a lot of itching.
Anon
I learned recently that mast cell activation can cause dizziness and fainting as well as mimic allergic reactions (but without a specific allergen) as well as weird symptoms like sore throat and even anxiety.
So even if this is really not a conventional allergic reaction, I wonder if it’s still worth talking to a doctor about in terms of a possible mast cell reaction? (Assuming it’s not just a virus or strep.)
Anon
Thanks all talking me down! Greatly appreciate it – especially the poster who talked about her own health anxiety (this isn’t frequent for me, but still very helpful tips!).
Anon
Headache, very sore threat and congestion are all pretty common symptoms with the current Covid variants. I hope you’re fine, but I would encourage you to keep testing for Covid. I know many people who didn’t get a positive home test until day 3 or 4 of symptoms.
Anonymous
Take a covid test.
Two fashion questions
Two very different fashion questions:
Anyone have a sports bra they really love? I only run like 3 miles but lately have been awful chafing around the band. Detergent hasn’t changed and the support is fine. Maybe this is a job for body glide?
Secondly: family is attending a celebration of life for our neighbors husband who passed suddenly. I assume a simple dress in a muted color is appropriate and collared shirt/trousers for my husband. It’s not a full on funeral and it is being held at the school he taught at.
Anon
Your sports bra might be the wrong size or it used to be the right size but stretched out.
I normally hate MLMs, so apologies for this rec – Zyia All Star Bra. It’s truly amazing. I’m a 32DD who runs long distances and it’s great. They hold up really well – I get about 750 miles out of each before they need replacement.
Anon
I love Shefit bras!
Anon
Lululemon enlite and run time bras.
Anonymous
For your sports bra question, someone here recommended Syrokan sports bra, available on Amazon. I’ve bought a couple and no chafing, an issue I had with the sports bras I already owned. Good control too. Bonus is that they are reasonably priced.
Sasha
The Panache underwire sports bra is the holy grail for myself and a few other posters here . I still deal with some chafing right in the middle of my torso where the band sits under my b o o b s, but I’ve taken to tucking an old sock or a thin rag between my skin and the band and that’s solved it.
Curious
Your choice of clothes for the celebration of life sounds good to me.
VNS Stimulator Surgery
Is anyone familiar with the use of VNS stimulator for treatment resistant depression? My SIL is getting the surgery. I’d ask more questions of her, but she’s a bit unreliable on this stuff (because she has treatment resistant depression). I’m really hoping it will help! She’s entering a trial so she doesn’t have to pay for it, but they do have quite a bit of money saved up. Being in the trial means they can’t have a third child? I’m very confused.
Promise I won’t bug her about it or even ask her questions, I’m just wondering if anyone’s had it, if anyone’s familiar with the trial, and also how the whole having kids thing comes into it – she’s only 35 so I’m not sure how timing plays in. Just generally got a confusing text and don’t want to ask her or my brother questions. But glad she’s doing something that might improve her depression!
Anon
I worked with VNS therapy when it first came out for the treatment of epilepsy. At that time they were starting to look into it for the treatment of depression. I am not familiar with the trial she is in (but you may be able to find info/protocol on clinical trials.gov). I now run clinical trials and pregnancy is a common exclusion criteria. In some cases it is due to possible harm to the fetus from the experimental device/drug but in most it is due to pregnancy adding to many confounding variables.
Anon
VNS for epilepsy is not a contradindication for pregnancy. They won’t want her to get pregnant while in the trial, but she could afterwards if she desires.
Anon
And I didn’t say it was. My comment was about pregnancy as an exclusion criteria in clinical trials in general, not specific to VNS.
Anon
Sorry, did not mean to indicate disagreement with you, I meant to also reassure the commenter if that was a concern!
Shananana
There has been a lot of talk of this within my veterans circles as potential treatments for PTSD, brain injuries, and depression. In general, its an electronic stimulation device implanted – very simply its a pacemaker for the brain. My understanding is there have been very limited testing that included pregnant women, and that was mainly by accident, and while none had major issues no one has studied it enough to say it is safe in pregnancy. The Vagus Nerve is connected to the Uterus, so it makes sense that adding electronic pulses to that raises concerns on carrying a pregnancy to term.
Anon
I’m curious why you’re so concerned about the child angle to this? Clearly she’s decided that trying this surgery is important enough to her that she is willing to not have a third child. I don’t have any information about the treatment, but just a gentle reminder to make sure any thoughts you have about her childbearing don’t become obvious to your brother or your SIL.
OP
Because that’s actually how she led off the text to us “we’ve decided not to have a third child because…” so it’s all wrapped up. But the text was so confusing I can’t really tell how it all relates.
Anon at 11:34
That makes sense, then! It sounds like it was at least part of the decision making she told you about, so I understand why you’d be curious.
Hopefully she can find relief.
Fashion Inspo
I am completely unrelated to this person and just happen to like following her, but wanted to put in a plug for an instagram influencer for lack of a better word who I find really helpful when thinking about style – especially as a mom who tends to wear leggings! Look up charlygoss if you want to feel more informed about fashion – and then decide to opt in or out. She’s also size inclusive and does ideas for maternity etc. Really good follow.
I realized I’ve come to rely on her and appreciate her content so I wanted to share in case it would be helpful to others. More for after work and weekends but I feel less frumpy even just following a bit of her advice!
Anonymous
Co-sign, I really like her. Although I do think there’s more she could do in terms of showing more diverse bodies but to that end I also started following diana.dares for seeing trendy stuff on a larger body.
Anon
HUGE co-sign! I’ve felt so much more confident about fashion since following Charly – she’s the one who finally convinced me to ditch my skinnies. Co-sign for Diana Dares as well (who I found through Charly, so I disagree with the fact that she’s not size inclusive).
Anon
Do you use multiple savings accounts to organize your money and how do you have them arranged? Are they at the same institution?
MBAMags
Before my husband and I combined finances, I had multiple savings accounts. They were all at the same bank. They were: general emergency fund, dog emergency fund (for emergency vet visits, annual exam, and other major dog bills), Christmas fund, wedding fund. I had automated transfers to each account based on projected annual spend (Christmas/dog) and or a specific $ amount per month (others).
Anon
I have ten accounts at Ally, because I set them up before they had the envelope option. I have an emergency fund, a tuition fund and several sinking funds (car expenses, travel, other people’s weddings, etc). When I transfer from my checking account (non-Ally), it automatically goes to my emergency fund and then once a month or so I transfer the money among my Ally accounts, which is instant and very easy to do.
I think if I were doing it now, I’d do one Ally account with ten envelopes.
Senior Attorney
same but recently changed from Ally to Capital One 360.
Vicky Austin
Hi SA! We have Capital One credit cards. Is it easy to open a 360 account if that’s the case?
BeenThatGuy
Chiming in to say yes. I was moved to Capital One 360 from ING (many moons ago). I have 3 savings and 1 CC all in the same place. Making it super easy to use and manage.
test run
I have three and they’re all with Ally, where I also have my checking account (they also offer the option now to have different savings “buckets” under one savings account, which I haven’t tried). I use one for my emergency savings account (which is fully funded at this point, so I just continue to put a small amount in) and the other two rotate based on short term savings needs (a new car or a big vacation, for example).
anon
Yes!
– Our main checking account is with Bank A. We also have a lot of separate checking and savings accounts connected to the main checking account. Basically, using the separate accounts as an “envelope” option. I have accounts for smaller emergencies (home or car repairs, medical bills, etc), tuition, holiday, travel, etc.
– I have our emergency savings with most of my retirement savings in Bank B. This emergency savings is the several months of living expenses if things go really bad.
– We have a rental property. There’s an account in Bank A for the income and expenses. Tenants’ deposits are in a savings account in Bank C. This is my only account with Bank C, and I like that it’s entirely separate since it’s money I owe back to other people.
– DH has separate money from before we were married at 3-4 different banks.
Carrots
I have two separate savings accounts, plus my checking account, both with Capital One – one is just my cash emergency fund, and the other is a general stashing point. I use YNAB, so for savings that aren’t 3 months emergency fund, I use those categories to separate the funds into the categories.
anonshmanon
Just as an alternative, I have one account, and organize my savings in a spreadsheet. So, for the sake of easy numbers, assume that my spreadsheet says I want to reach the following savings goals: $50k rainy day fund, $5k for my next vacation, and $20k for the upcoming replacement of my old car. That means my savings account should reach $75k total to reach those goals. For me, it’s easier to play around with the numbers but have all the money in the same pile.
Saguaro
This is what I do.
Anonymous
Yes.
-Long term (eg money we really don’t touch, will use for retirement or more maybe too supplement college funds)- brokerage account in Schwab.
– emergency fund/planned major savings- in Capital One (this is a bit of a slush fund. We have a target minimum for emergency then above that is for a long term savings goal- eg major reno, second home, etc).
– bank of America checking- what we live off of. BOA savings- short term savings (eg saving for a trip, or a new furniture set etc).
– DH and I have separate “fun money” accounts.
– bank account tied to our mortgage
When we are paid, $X goes into our bank account linked with our mortgage so it’s always got enough to auto debit. $Y goes into our checking account, and the remainder goes into long term savings.
We move money from checking to the other funds manually.
Anonymous
yes – we have like 10 accounts in ally. vacation, fun fund, emergency fund, house projects, etc. i set up automatic savings for a lot of it.
Anon
Nope, DH and I just have one each and I move money from his to mine to pay bills.
Anon
What are your favorite slow cooker or instantpot recipes for fall?
Anon
https://www.seriouseats.com/pressure-cooker-mushroom-risotto-recipe
Vicky Austin
Pinch of Yum’s chicken wild rice soup
America’s Test Kitchen has a great slow cooker minestrone recipe that I’ll hunt down for you and reply with
Budget Bytes’ slow cooker potato soup, ham and bean soup, chicken tortilla soup
lotta soup there. Ah well, fall is for soup. Happy souping.
Vicky Austin
ATK slow cooker minestrone, in my own words:
Chop an onion finely. Mince 4 cloves garlic. Combine with 2 Tbsp tomato paste, 1 Tbsp olive oil, 1/2 tsp dried oregano and a pinch of red pepper flakes and microwave 5 minutes. Drop this into slow cooker.
Add 7 cups chicken broth and 1 cup dried great Northern beans (you cannot sub cannellini here because anything from the kidney bean family does not get hot enough in the slow cooker to kill toxins). Cook this 9-10 hours on low.
Quarter and slice a zucchini and roughly chop 8 oz Swiss chard or other hearty greens. Core a pound of fresh tomatoes and dice (or I like to use whole peeled from a good quality canned brand and snip them in half). Mince a bit of basil. Stir zucchini, chard, tomatoes and 1/2 cup small pasta of your choice into the soup and turn it up to high. Let cook 20-30 minutes. Add basil, season with S&P and top with Parmesan if desired.
Coach Laura
Wellplated’s Healthy Instant Pot Chicken Tikka is the best Indian meal I’ve ever had outside a restaurant.
Any of Pinch of Yum freezer meals but the Lentil Soup, Golden Soup, Cauliflower curry (all vegetarian/vegan), Chicken Rice Soup, Life Changing Beef Stew, Beef Ragu, Indian Inspired Coconut Chicken, Italian Beef Sandwiches and Creole Chicken and Sausages are all fantastic and all in IP or slow cooker with freezing instructions. (OK, I have trouble picking a favorite.)
Anon
Sad question, but recommendations for where to get a dress to wear to a funeral? Would prefer black, but other muted colors are ok and needs to be church appropriate. Would prefer $50 or less.
Anon
Buy something you don’t like very much, because it will become The Funeral Dress.
OP
Yes, my goal is to have a funeral dress. It makes things 100% easier to have a go-to funeral dress (I have a go to bridal/baby shower dress too. But, funerals are usually with little notice).
However, I can still like it! I also have no issues wearing the funeral dress to work (I wore a work dress I already owned to 3 of my grandparents funerals in the span of a year. 7 years later I still wear this dress to work!).
KS IT Chick
I bought this for my aunt’s memorial service in April. I got many compliments on how I looked. It didn’t look dowdy, but I felt appropriate.
NY Collection Women’s Plus Size Solid Ity V-nk 3/4 Sleev Bslim Dress with Ruching at Waist https://a.co/d/9a96Geu
Anonymous
This is over your budget but I love the Karina ‘Ruby’ dress in all black for this. Doesn’t wrinkle, machine washable, and you can pull it out of the back of your closet after a while and it will still look good.
PolyD
Maybe Kohls, if you want to stay on the lower priced side (which, I don’t blame you, as I don’t know if I’d want to wear a funeral dress again). Or even Old Navy – a simple black dress at those price points will probably look just fine.
Sorry for your loss.
OP
Actually if it can double as a work dress that’s be great! The budget is more because that’s my normal budget for an item of clothing.
Will check out Kohl’s. There was one I thought I liked from Old Navy but had an open back so not church appropriate
Anon
+1 and I would also recommend Target. My funeral dress is from there and has held up. For $30 you can easily get a basic, appropriate, black dress from there.
pugsnbourbon
I have a black sheath dress from Macy’s and a gray one from TJMaxx, both T-Tahari on mega-sale.
Allie
I’d say just go to Macy’s and try on a bunch of black dresses (calvin klein etc.) and buy one.
Anonymous
https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-5280249/womens-nine-west-flutter-sleeve-wrap-dress.jsp
Anonymous
I own a black sheath for this purpose. i think it’s from Ann Taylor.
Anonymous
$50 means you’re buying crap fast fashion that won’t last. Old Navy
That’s not a reasonable dress budget
Anonymous
You do realize that for many people this is a normal clothing budget, right?
OP
Well, as a public servant this is my usual clothing budget. All of my work clothes, weekend clothes, workout clothes are in the $50 range or less. I’ve only ever spent more on a single article of clothing for special occasion wear (dresses for black tie weddings) or winter weather gear (boots, coats). I literally only shop at Old Navy, factory stores, or TJ Maxx. I know I’m an outlier on this board, but it’s my reality and the reality for many, many people. Are some things at this price point crap? Absolutely. But I also have several work dresses in this price range I’ve been wearing once a week for seven or eight years and they still look great.
PolyD
I agree, with some looking and paying attention to sales, it’s entirely possible to get a decent dress for about $50.
Another possible source is Nordstrom Rack, they seem to have a lot of dresses (online, anyway).
Anon
Agreed, plus I’m shocked at the “won’t wear it again” comments.
A consignment store or thrift shop.
cookie monster
Not under $50 but would be really cute for work, too, if you wanted to double dip.
https://www.talbots.com/refined-ponte-knit-mockneck-dress/P223036589.html?cgid=apparel-dresses&dwvar_P223036589_color=SHIRAZ&dwvar_P223036589_sizeType=MS#start=1
Marie
This is a job for Calvin Klein sheath dresses – I have had good luck over the years finding them for $40 at Marshalls or TJ Maxx. You can also often find them on sale at Macy’s.
NYNY
This is slightly over budget, but not by much, and is good quality and versatile. Comes in black or navy, some size limitations.
https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-ponte-34-sleeve-split-neck-shift-dress/id_349932?attributes=17464,43307,43324,44256,44967
Anon
WTF happened to Facebook? I don’t post much, but still check every few days to see what old friends are up to… and suddenly it’s now all suggested posts from “people” I don’t know 5:1 compared to actual friends. That’s definitely not the reason I still use Facebook and probably enough to get me to drop it completely. Is it just me?
Anonymous
Not just you. I use it to post some family pics for my mom, aunts, cousins but lately it is just ads
Cat
it started, can’t be turned off, and I hate it.
anon
They changed the algorithm to be more like TikTok. I also used FB to keep track of friends from different stages of my life (and different geos) and I hate it now. Like I used to check it daily and now it’s a wonder if it’s weekly or at all.
Gail the Goldfish
Yea, it’s annoying (and Instagram is even worse). If you go to the “feeds” menu, there is a “Friends” option which is better. It still has sponsored post, but it’s slightly less annoying.
Anon
What are your favorite travel websites and Instagram accounts for trip inspiration? Ideally I’m looking for inspiration for mid-priced trips, not super extravagant influencer travel. Thanks!
Anon
Friends are a better source of this than influencers, IMO. Most large feeds (10k+) get a lot of their travel comped anyway, so I don’t really trust their opinion about anything. Of course they’re going to say the hotel is great if the hotel offered them a free stay.
anon
I like hanging around the tripadvisor and fodors forums to read people’s trip reports. These are normal people, not influencers, so their trips resonate more with me (there to enjoy, not to take pictures and show off). They give practical recommendations and really talk about what works or doesn’t in great details. Some of the best trip reports are in forum threads, not on a blog.
Gail the Goldfish
I agree re tripadvisor forums. If you know roughly where you want to go, they are extremely helpful.
Anonymous
Accessories Help for a late October wedding in Orlando; in a hotel with indoor out door space.I have two silk slip dresses that I am thinking will work (on in grey and another in black. Here: https://www.onequince.com/women/silk-slip-dress?color=black
Do I get sort of shrug or awesome shoes to dress it up?
Would love some ideas! Thanks
I also have a link for 20 off if interested.
http://rwrd.io/9DJTFY1
Anon
wish i could pull off a dress like that! what sort of shoes do you usually wear to weddings? i don’t htink you necessarily need to go out and get anything new/special unless you really want to
Gwyneth mid nineties is what you want!
I think the grey dress would look lovely with metallic sandals (pewter, tin, something darker and warm) and a warmish and darker stole wrap. Maybe something like a warm grey pashmina, or a fur (whatever that means for you) stole in a warm metal grey. Dramatic lip and minimal eye, maybe a slight wing, but very little.
But basically, just google Gwyneth in the mid-nineties. :)
16P/18P
Cusp-sized petites – where are your favorite places to shop? I’m tired of Old Navy.
Anon
Talbots.
Anon
Land’s End, too.
Anon
Has anyone used regular microdermabrasion treatments to get rid of acne scars?
BeenThatGuy
Me! It works fantastic. I did a series of 6, along with a glycolic peel each session. Results were life changing. There is some peeling for a day or 2 after but nothing unmanageable.
Anon
Thank you for responding. Did you do them monthly?
BeenThatGuy
I did them every 3 weeks.
Anonymous
I did on my upper back years ago, in college, and it worked amazingly and I could wear tank tops again! I can’t remember how many sessions (maybe 5?) or how far out the sessions were spaced.