Suit of the Week: Victoria Beckham

170 Comments

1. can you do the Roth conversion thing yourself or do you need a professional? any recommendations? thx!

   1. A Mega backdoor roth? A professional. A regular backdoor roth? Yourself. I like the instructions from white coat investor.

      1. Depends whether you have an IRA already with pre-tax contributions in it. If yes, leave a backdoor Roth to the professionals also.

      2. You can only do a mega backdoor if it’s offered through your employer 401k, so that’s an easy DIY also.

         We’ve been doing regular backdoor Roths for years. Mine is at Schwab and DH’s is at Vanguard; when I first hit the income limit for Roth, my Roth was at Fidelity and they didn’t support the backdoor but that may have changed. We DIY using the instructions from White Coat Investor and Bogleheads.

2. I’m doing a problem solving assessment for a job application and I am so so so bad at these idiotic questions where you get a bunch of numbers in a row and have to figure out what the next one is. How is this applicable to a job that is mostly writing and communicating? I’m also weirdly stressed that I’ll get all of them wrong and the company will think I’m an idiot, despite the fact that I KNOW I can do this job.

   Blehhhhhhh

   1. It’s an IQ test. They’re not simply testing your writing skills. They’re testing you as a person.

      1. Yikes.

   2. It sucks when you really need the job, but if they actually reject you based on a test that is unrelated to the job, then the reality of that job may well entail a bunch of colleagues whose skills don’t align with their jobs, so at least you dodge that bullet.

      1. I would go so far as to say that the fact that they administer this test at all is a red flag that this is a bad place to work. IQ and personality tests during the hiring process are correlated with toxic cultures, requirements to rank employees and fire the bottom X% every year, etc.

   3. I’m an editor of 20+ years. I’d much rather see an applicant’s writing test any day.

      I used to work somewhere that did Kolbe personality testing as part of hiring. We lost some really great candidates that way, because they were trying to build the right “balance” for the team. For what it’s worth, I’ve never worked with such dysfunctional teams. The culture was as toxic as it could get regardless of department, and a couple of folks stood out as downright cruel human beings.

      I hope this goes well. If it doesn’t, just realize you may be dodging a bullet.

      And if they pull out a Kolbe–RUN! ;)

3. A few weeks ago someone posted about wanting to buy an old farmhouse with land in New England. I would love an update – have you found something yet? Will you raise sheep or goats? Do you have an instagram?

   1. Wasn’t that yesterday?

      1. It was similar – someone was asking about the Boston area, I think. The poster I’m thinking of was looking for a really old house (like 200+ y.o.) on 10+ acres, ideally somewhere in Maine.

         1. also would love an update!

4. How much are you all watching the Queen Elizabeth coverage leading up to the funeral? I feel like I’m the only one I know watching every detail of where Charles is speaking on which day, where there is a service, or who is at which vigil. I’m not British in any way – live in the US and have only been to London twice. Needless to say my friends think this is crazy. But IDK there’s something about the tradition and history of it all that draws me in. I mean just the fact that proclamations of the new king were made with trumpeters they way they would have been in the 1500s or that the queen is lying in state in a building built in 1100 (trying to figure out if Westminster Hall is open to touring in regular times? Not the houses of Parliament generally but that specific hall – anyone know)? Is this just me?

   1. Nope it’s me too! Are you following Elizabeth Holmes on Instagram? She’s got great coverage.

      1. I read somewhere that she is pregnant again and trying to use that as a stalling tactic.

         1. Royal-watching journalist Elizabeth Holmes is not the same as Theranos Elizabeth Holmes.

            1. Okay but how wild would it be if Theranos EHolmes decided to make a bizarre career change and become a royal commentator? I’d watch the hell out of that.

            2. That poor woman has the most unfortunate name.

      2. I unfollowed eholmes the day she wished Charles would die young so we would have a young Queen Kate, FWIW

         1. Ew, that is pretty gross. But I’ve heard people say he’s going to hand it all over to William soon anyway? Is that easy to do? Is it likely to happen?

            1. I strongly doubt it. This is the BRF; they love their rules. QEII spent her whole life believing that her uncle’s messy abdication was the worst thing anyone could do; when people whispered about the possibility after Philip died, she kept going. Charles has waited his whole life to be king; I doubt he’d give it up now.

               And – I’ve seen this elsewhere in royal-watching circles so the idea is not mine – William may *want* more time. He still has young kids. It’s arguable that QEII’s attempts to balance monarchy and young parenthood created the problems that Charles and Andrew are, to varying extents, still inflicting on the public. William’s been very impressive for his entire adult life, but that doesn’t make him ready tomorrow.

            2. He’s said he’s going to do it for the rest of his life, so no abdicating. How long has he go though, 10-15 years?

            3. if he’s as long-lived as his mother, another 20!

            4. 23 years technically if he makes to it 96 like she did. William might not take the throne until his 60s!

   2. I’m over it to be honest, but I’m also in the US. It feels like round the clock coverage where the newscasters are all just repeating the same things…meanwhile, other important things are happening in the US right now that aren’t getting reported on. It’s just odd to me the amount of wall to wall coverage on it in the US.

      1. Agreed. I am over it too. The 15K striking nurses and the impending potential rail strike as much bigger new imo. (And that’s not to say I don’t like some Queen coverage its just overboard at this point.)

   3. It’s interesting, but I still think the U.S. coverage is way overblown!

   4. I’m following lightly but the constant news cycle here is just too much! I’m secondhand exhausted on behalf of not only Charles, but also TQ’s corpse.

      1. I have so many questions about how they keep a corpse going for that many days given the biological realities, yes even with embalmment.

         1. There is embalmment and then there is embalmment. I think pre-modern techniques while more expensive are also vastly more embalming than a lot of the modern methods. (Think of all the saints whose bodies are displayed in European Cathedrals, unless you chalk that up to miracles.) If anyone has access to full, pre-modern embalming it’s probably the Queen.

            1. (Think more formaldehyde which prevents things from rotting for a while, and plasticizing, where tissue is infiltrated with polymer to preserve for ever- Evita Peron was plasticized and her body is still on display)

   5. I’m Canadian so I feel like it’s slightly more relevant here. We are getting Monday off for a day of mourning. I am following it quite closely.

      1. I was also struck by thinking that these rituals and ceremonies have been in place for many years, and the King and William they are getting a preview of what their funerals might look like one day. That must be strange.

   6. I listened to some alternative history podcasts (who would be king of France or England ( if Henry VIII’s Will was actually followed)). There is who would be king of the US if George Washington had become king (his granddaughter or great granddaughter married Robert e Lee, so maybe the North would have left the union?). At any rate, Elizabeth II had a legit claim to lead France if it had gone with female rulers. It is really interesting how history has turned out.

      I share Charles III’s hatred of bad pens. You are seen, sir. You are seen.

      1. I saw the pen thing and that made me sad. I’m not a huge fan of the monarchy but it sucks that a tiny human moment, in the midst of an exhausting amount of attention and grief, got blown up like that.

         1. I completely empathize with the Pen Moment. He’s been processing his mom’s death and trying to graciously step into his new role amidst the most pomp and circumstance I’ve ever seen. I would 100% overreact to a minor inconvenience while keeping all of that up… like you’ve got to be EFFING KIDDING ME NOT EVEN THE PEN IS COOPERATING

   7. I will not out myself by giving too much detail but I am watching all the big things intently. Wish the funeral weren’t on Monday! I am happy to get up early but was hoping it would be Saturday so I could take a good nap after!

   8. I was interested the day she passed away, but now its just a lot. And when it comes to random US government buildings lowering their flags etc – we fought a war for a reason! Obviously theres no tension now but its just the principle of the thing.

      1. The principle being when the head of state of your closest ally dies, you be respectful.

   9. Not watching one shred of it. I know she died. I know the press tried to use M&H making a public appearance as another excuse to hate on Megan. That’s it.

      1. TBH, my guess is that people are eager to keep them at a distance since any interactions may appear in Harry’s book. I wonder: did they pre-pack all of these black clothes just in case? Their closets are like half a world away.

         1. I’m sure they have access to clothing retailers if they forgot to pack something.

         2. Royal protocol allegedly put in place by the late Queen, is that all UK royals always must travel with a black mourning or funeral outfit, even on holiday.

            Whether H&M still follow protocol or just had access to clothes because of the massive royal staff and resources available, who knows. It’s also very possible that their own staff back home immediately sent clothes as soon as the news broke Thursday.

         3. Her Majesty made a universal rule for her family that they must always have clothes appropriate to mourning with them when they traveled. This came about after she had to return home at the death of her father, but she was delayed leaving the plane while she waited for a black dress, coat and shoes to be delivered to her.

         4. I read once that members of the Royal Family are encouraged to always travel with black clothing in case someone dies while they are en route. A lesson the queen learned when her father died and she had to wait for someone to bring her something to wear before she got off the plane.

            But yes – particularly in London I suspect there was no difficulty getting their hands on some black clothing. And it has been several days so I also suspect they could have anything they needed sent from LA.

         5. I read something a while back that all the royals travel with black clothes at all times just in case someone dies.

      2. I follow Tatler on instagram and the comments on any post mentioning Meghan are really horrible. There are very vocal people there who absolutely hate her.

   10. I’m not watching any live coverage until the funeral, but I am keeping up with who appears where on Instagram and the like.

   11. Not paying attention to any of it. I read a few articles about end of empire stuff, but no interest in the (ridiculous outdated) pageantry. I find it baffling that it’s getting so much coverage.

   12. Yes! Texting with a friend in the UK as we watch it all!

   13. Also American and I find it…kind of horrible.

       Like why are they still doing this? How is this still a thing and why aren’t regular people offended and disgusted by idea of a divine ruler with ungodly amounts of ill-gotten wealth pretending to lead the country in any ceremonial capacity long after a representative democracy was established? I mean the queen had been around since the 1950s so maybe it was less weird then but it’s jarring and strange to me in 2022. Like someone is “king” by accident of birth and he’s wealthy beyond all comprehension and this is somehow patriotic as a concept and supported by regular folks? Why? I fundamentally hate the idea of it all.

       Also I fully don’t understand Americans who worship people with inherited wealth as if they were some how royalty but it’s a whole other annoyance.

       1. Agree with all of this and haven’t said so because I assumed I’d be ripped to shreds by UK readers.

          1. Mocking authority is an established British tradition, definitely allowed. Lack of self-deprecation, on the other hand…

          2. Agree with all of this too, from the colonies.

       2. I think the hereditary head of state part is less weird than the hereditary head of the church part.

          1. May I ask why? “G*d picked me” seems to be more logical in religion than in government. Also it makes more sense to me because you’re only pushing it on your your own followers.

       3. I’m American too and they’re doing this because it’s tradition. I think it’s a wonderful thing that the same proclamation that would’ve been given for a king in 1500 is given today. How many things like that endure from history. And I have no problem with people being wealthy by accident of birth. I mean are you jealous when your peers’ parents can just hand them a 300k down payment or pay for their entire college and law school but yours can’t? People are born in different circumstances, not sure why that can’t be celebrated.

          1. I mean it’s one thing to inherit money. It’s another to say your family was anointed by the almighty to rule over other humans. I don’t have a problem with someone having money but if it’s been made by centuries of oppressing others by saying you’re inherently better than them it is correct to point out that that wealth is ill- gotten and not evidence of your superiority.

       4. Eh, otherwise you’ve just got politicians. Politicians are mostly terrible.

          1. This.

          2. +1

       5. and laying off loyal staff for decades during it?

          people less white being oppressed and tortured for hundreds of years?

          all the he. ll Diana went through to be used to tick off a box and now we pretend Camilla is OK?

          yeah, it’s a hard nope

   14. It drives my DH a little nuts, but I love royal watching. I started with the British family, but I enjoy many of the continental European families just as much.

       I have been only watching live when a particular event that has significance happens. Otherwise, I catch clips later. I grew up in the Episcopal Church, and the role of the monarch as Defender of the Faith holds a special place.

       I also am giving major side-eye to the usual hangers on who have come out of the woodwork to throw shade on the different members of the family. If clearing the desk before the King arrives is part of the job, I would expect it to be done, too. A half-smile as a resting face isn’t a smirk.

   15. I am following because the logistics of pageantry fascinates me. Like, how do they remember what to do when they haven’t had to do it for seventy years. I’m sure it’s written down somewhere, or maybe they make it up? As someone who works in events, this is very much my catnip.

       1. I was wondering about this too! What if the 70+ year old manual calls for things you can’t get anymore?

          Or, in the stills from what I think was the Accession Council, where Charles, Camilla, William and the PM all signed things, there was another woman named Penny Mordaunt who was apparently in charge of all these ceremonies, having been appointed to the office two days before by Liz Truss. Can you imagine all the people who held that office before her, imagining they’d have to do it and the time never coming? Can you imagine doing this on your second day in the job??

       2. It has not quite been 70 years since the last state funeral. While they are commonly only for monarchs, exception are made and they had one for Winston Churchill.

          But yes – the British Royal Family keeps very good records. It is a great source for historians.

          1. They also had one for the Queen Mother and certainly prepared to have one for Phillip.

   16. I love Royal watching. My mom is a British citizen (she was born in the US but to parents born in England) so maybe that’s part of it. But I’m way more excited about the royals than she is, ha.

5. What’s in in the world of necklaces?

   I’m in person more often traveling (BigLaw) and am looking for a pick of a refresh/treat.

6. Gofundme set up for Pieper Lewis for anyone interested. It’s already covered the statutory required restitution to the family of the man killed.

   1. I am so beyond disgusted at this case – this girl was trafficked & raped, yet has to pay restitution for her rapist? That is not justice.

      1. Good grief. Her sentence (5 years probation and deferred judgement) is not completely nuts, but that homicide restitution law should have an exception for when the homicide victim was engaged in dangerous and illegal activity.

         1. Iowa is allegedly one of dozens of states without such a loophole.

7. Reposting for more input because I posted late in the morning thread. Thank you so much for the insight so far – means so much to know I’m not alone.

   Y’all, I’m a nervous wreck and need some advice. How do you guys deal with toxic/belligerent male bosses? My boss is recovering from quintuple bypass surgery, and he has taken it upon himself to argue with me and borderline berate me over the smallest things in company group chats. Examples will be: I say something, he implies it’s stupid and says something else. I restate what he said, and then he says that THAT thing (his original idea) is the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. On and on, making it impossible to get any resolution. Another example is that I will have a simple/straightforward thing I need to communicate, and he will argue with me in completely off-the-wall ways about things that don’t make any sense. I’ll try to gently redirect back to the thing I was talking about, and he’ll say “Stop repeating yourself!! We all already know that!!” or “Stop repeating X – you need to drop it / get over it.” Even though X was something we’d all agreed was important and yet don’t seem to be paying attention to.

   I would understand it if I were genuinely repeating myself, but it is often that I am saying something straightforward, not controversial, and objectively important. Sometimes he will even immediately afterwards deal with the thing I brought to his attention, after acting like I was a belligerent loon for even bringing it up.

   He doesn’t seem to do this with anyone else on the team, but they are all men his age while I am a woman about twenty years younger. I’m telling myself that’s what it is at least, and not that I’m super annoying.

   Anyone have experiences with bosses that seem to create arguments out of nowhere? Or try to control everything you do but then don’t accept any input about how it should be done? I’m at my wit’s end with it.

   1. Your mention of the quadruple bypass is telling. Heart surgery can have emotional after effects. Especially if his behavior is new or suddenly much worse. It won’t necessarily make it easier to deal with him, but you might understand the source of his problems.

      1. Yeah, an extremely high percentage of people experience depression after heart surgery, and a common manifestation of depression is irritability. If this is new behavior, it’s almost certainly a medical issue, not anything to do with you personally. That doesn’t make it easier for you to deal with and there could still be repercussions for you, but this is definitely different than normal issue with a boss picking on you. You need to figure out how to get his mental health taken care of.

         1. Oh, it is so not OP’s job to get his mental health taken care of. Wtaf. I do think, OP, that if there are other senior team leaders that you trust, it is fair to bring up your concerns with them and point blank ask if there is something wrong with how you’re approaching things. The answer is likely no, but perhaps it will make them more cognizant of how he’s treating you.

            1. Sorry, didn’t mean to imply that, just that this is a really different kind of issue to work around than just someone being a jerk. It can also be worth having some compassion in these situations. A friend of mine had a lot of trouble with irrational behavior from a boss who turned out to have a brain tumor and ended up having a stroke. There was a long recovery, but eventually he went back to his normal, kind self. I have no idea if that’s the kind of thing going on here, but a quintuple bypass is a big deal, and if he wasn’t like this before, I’d either ignore it for a while and hope it gets better or see if there’s a way to bring it up as a concern about his health, either with him, HR, or someone else at work.

         2. Um, no, she most certainly does not need to figure this out.

   2. I replied late this morning. It sounds like he is, whether consciously or subconsciously, trying to get you to quit. He also won’t change. Take your smart, talented self somewhere else where you are appreciated.

      1. this. this is correct.

   3. I’m actually pretty good at dealing with difficult people, and honestly my strategy is to ignore it. If he says something is stupid or repeated or whatever, don’t even pay attention, don’t let it take up brain space. He’s acting this way because of his personal problems, half of what he’s saying is probably BS, don’t waste emotional space on it. Just keep redirecting to the important topic. In a very calm tone “I am
      Personally, I would bring it up if he does something I said to “Oh I see you processed the XYZ reports after we last spoke”.

      I do agree that this is not going to change easily, and it has 0 to do with you.

   4. I dealt with this with our last CEO at my startup. He was a crazed narcissist, and he’d pick one person to pick on at a time, and do it for a few weeks, constantly, maliciously, and he would be doing it, in his mind, to “make the person better” but to anyone on the outside, it would be patently obvious he was trying to get that person to quit without paying him or her severance. Stick around if you want to wait to see what happens.

      I also find that bullies _sometimes_ will calm down if you stand up to them. So I’d schedule a 1:1 and say, “Fred, I noticed a lot of hostility from you to me on our weekly standup, on Slack, and in other settings. Is there something we need to chat about to clear the air? Is there something I am doing to illicit this, when you don’t seem to speak to anyone else this way?”

      At any rate, agree with the advice to picture his criticism rolling off you, and to polish up your resume, and to put out feelers.

      I am deeply sorry you’re having to experience this. It was awful.

8. Any must-eats in LA for someone visiting California for the first time? Ideally, not super $$$ but could raise budget for once-in-a-life experience but looking for new experiences, things to do, sights to see in addition to food recos :)

   1. It’s basic, but In-N-Out is popular for a reason!

   2. Where are you staying? It can take hours to get from one part of LA to another so if you give us more detail we can give better recommendations – particularly for the kind of amazing, hole in the wall places you cannot find in a travel guide.

   3. Google sunset magazine and where you’re going, and they’ll have an article or two.

   4. LA is less about the food and more the experience, in my Northern CA opinion. I’d go to Musso and Frank’s (v Hollywood old school) and Gjelina (actually great food in Venice Beach). I also love Republique and Sugar Fish for sushi. Otherwise pick pretty places. Eater is a good guide.

   5. The Girl and the Goat is great — it’s owned by Stephanie Izard of Top Chef.

      For a fun rooftop experience, Perch in DTLA.

      I also like Redbird in DTLA.

   6. Urth cafe.

      Once in a lifetime eats, and I used to live in Italy where coffee bars are revered.

9. I have a house project that is going to cost me $20,000 to $30,000. The contractor will let me pay via check or credit card, with a 3% fee for credit card payments. I have a Chase Sapphire Preferred card.

   Is it worth it to put the project on my credit card in order to get the points? I’m not sure what is best here…

   1. This is pretty simple – what % cash back do you get with the preferred card? I know for reserve, it’s like 1% if it’s not travel or a restaurant. If it’s less than 3%, you would lose money by paying with a credit card. Even if it’s 3% (unlikely), it would be a wash. Also, do you have a $30k line of credit on your preferred card?

   2. Almost certainly not. Few credit cards are going to give you 3% back on general purchases.

   3. I would not do this. Unless you are getting more than 3% back in points it wouldn’t be worth it.

   4. you’d get one point per dollar for that, so the question is what’s the value of a point? Usually between 1 and 2 cents, aka less than 3 cents.

      that said you might consider putting the deposit on your card to mitigate risk (they could help you fight if contractor flakes) and paying the balance in cash.

   5. Will you get more than $900 of benefits from your credit card company? If not, write the check.

      1. +1. When our wedding venue owners went under and skipped town, our credit card companies made us whole.

   6. 3% of 20,000 is $600. 3% of 30,000 is 900. Will you get more dollar value than that out of the points? If so, how much more?

   7. I just put a $20K payment for a vacation on my cc, paid it off immediately when the statement came through, and it still took 60+ points of my credit score for “using more of my available credit”. I’m hoping it snaps back but I was surprised and not too happy about that. Yes the points are nice, but I was really glad I’m not trying to get a loan for anything soon.

      1. I think you can avoid that by paying it off before the statement. Also, if your income supports semi-regular $20K vacations, consider asking for an increase in your available credit to avoid the hit to your credit score. The goal is to use about 1/3 of your available credit per month.
         Available credit usage is a pretty minor factor on credit scores, so it will probably bounce back quickly.

         1. This.

      2. In the future you can avoid this by immediately paying it off (before the statement comes).

   8. Not responsive to your question, is this contractor requiring payment up front for this? If so, what state do you live in? Some states don’t allow that for a home improvement project.

10. Dress me, please! I’m (relatively junior) in-counsel at a major company and need to attend the national sales meeting this fall at a resort in Florida. I think temp will be mid 70s-ish. Our dress code at work is on the casual side of business casual, FWIW. Thoughts on what to wear during the day at the various panels/sessions inside the hotel, as well as what to wear in the evenings for dinners (which I assume will also be at the resort)? Would it be a faux pas to get in some pool time, assuming I have some downtime?

    1. having attended a similar one of these, flats or reliably comfy heels (conference resorts tend to be huge with lots of walking and also standing networking), ankle pants and shell that looks appropriate without a topper (for outdoor time) + jacket or structured cardigan for blasting AC.

       People didn’t really change for dinner, maybe freshened up in between.

       Plenty of people snuck over to the pool for downtime. But… I wore my swimsuit under my business casual to get to the pool just in case ;)

    2. Hi! This is eerie as I am also in-house and attending a national sales meeting in the fall at a resort in Florida. In past years I’ve worn sleeveless dresses with a nice print and a coordinating cardigan. I don’t wear black or navy for this but otherwise haven’t made any real adjustments to what I pack. I do pack many extra outfits and invariably need most of them by the end of the trip.

       I’ve had close colleagues ask why I have never gotten into the pool at our meetings and I just shrug and make a non-committal answer. I’m known for not joining in but that is better than being known for how I look or what I do in the pool. I do pack a conservatively cut one-piece swimsuit for team building activities which I top with an Old Navy swing dress that can withstand the salt water.

11. So, where are we shopping for clothes now a days that isn’t workwear or athleisure? I feel like its all changed so much through the pandemic, and I lost 20 pounds since last fall so need to fix some gaps in my hey lets get drinks, go to a festival, casual date, I’m 40 but single and cool, attire category of the wardrobe. I wore all the 90s stuff in the 90s, so I struggle shopping through it now to find reasonable things lol.

    1. My fall transition wardrobe updates: a silky kimono, white tank and flared jeans. I am currently wearing that with wedge sandals, but will switch to booties/ clogs as it cools down. ‘
       I bought a navy wool moto jacket to wear with silky print blouses/black ts/dark jeans as it cools down. I can do it with black or brown booties or my dark P448s with slim crops.
       I love tall boots and am on the hunt for a short (above the knee, not tween short) print dress that I can wear with knee boots and a leather jacket.
       I feel like local boutique lines are making me happy with tops with good drape. I like a soft button down and a couple of thin chain necklaces layered together.

       I want to look like a cool 40 something that goes to shows and concerts and not someone who is Chico’s cusp dressing. Hopefully that’s where I am getting.

       1. Your wardrobe sounds great!

    2. I don’t know, but recent comments suggest Evereve is the new hip thing.

    3. Nothing revolutionary, but I’ve hit my old standbys – Target, Old Navy, Nordstrom Rack and TJMaxx. More up-to-date denim is just starting to trickle down. BR Factory and even Gap Factory have also had nice things (100% cotton sweaters, etc).

12. Any thoughts on whether you would feel comfortable using the babysitting services at a major Caribbean resort (Beaches Turks & Caicos)? I’m a fairly cautious mom and wondering if I’ll ultimately feel comfortable using the services. We’ll have an almost 2 year old and a 4 year old.

    If you’ve used a service like this, did the kids and babysitter stay in your room the whole time? Were they essentially there to watch the monitor after kids go to sleep? I honestly can’t really imagine my kids not throwing a fit if we left them in the room with someone they don’t know at all. Would it be ridiculous to bring a wifi-type camera (like Nest or Nanit) to keep an eye on the kids/sitter?

    To be clear, we don’t use non-family babysitters at home either, so this is not a case of me being more skeptical of foreign vs. domestic babysitters. But I really want to be able to enjoy myself and go to dinner with my husband while we’re there.

    TIA!

    1. I did this at a resort in the US, so not in the Caribbean, but it was fine. My kids were the same exact age. They did not leave the room. She brought stuff for them to do also.

       1. I’ve also done this at a US resort, and it was fine. My kid was around 3, I think. We hired the sitter through a company that says it runs background checks and that had good reviews online–I get that that wouldn’t be available internationally. The sitter came before my kid went to sleep and handled the bedtime routine. We went to dinner at the resort, and we could have walked back to the room within a few minutes if there were any issues.

          I think a camera in the room would be a good thing.

    2. If you’re going to be stressed about it, then it’s not worth it. My mom went with my sister and her family so she could watch the kids while they went to dinner. Obviously they paid for all her trip expenses.

    3. I don’t think I would. I also would be concerned to leave them in the hotel room with sleeping kids if my kids woke up. That seems like it would be kind of traumatic to me. My kids are 4 and 6.

    4. I used sitters. They brought things to the room and hung out in my side of the suite watching TV after my daughter went to bed. The front desk called to say they were on their way on the house phone and gave me their name so I could check ID and I felt it was very safe.

       When my daughter was young, we also always considered the Kids Club. She had more fun with structured activities and other kids to play with, and we enjoyed each other more with a little break in the middle of the day. If your child is in preschool, this will seem more like normal routine for them.

    5. No freaking way.

    6. I don’t know if we would do it, but if we did, Nanit would really put my mind at ease.

    7. I am more comfortable with the idea of the kids’ clubs at resorts than I am with a stranger in the room with them. We usually bring someone with us, but obviously there is a cost associated with that.

    8. Probably unpopular opinion, but I wouldn’t with a 2 year old. Maybe with a 4 year old who can tell you if anything weird happens, but even then I’m not sure.
       I’m definitely more comfortable with the Kids Club from a safety perspective, but my kid refuses to go. So having an in-room babysitter after they fall asleep would be a lot easier for us. But YMMV.
       +1 that bringing grandparents is a really great solution if you can afford it and have a grandparent who’d be willing to go. We’re actually going to Beaches T&C with my parents in December and will trade off some adults only nights out. There are only a couple of adults only restaurants at the resort so we’ll be satisfied with one night out sans kids.

    9. If you aren’t coMfortable using a sitter at home why would being in a new place be better?

       1. They might just have no need for a non-family sitter at home. We used a non-family babysitter for the first time on a vacation because at home we have grandparents who visited often and were always happy to babysit when they were in town.

13. House question:

    The windows have plantation / louvered shutters on them. They are in good shape, but it’s a lot of white in an otherwise simple room. Can I hang curtains (more for visual interest than to use as window coverings)? I would like to keep the shutters in a not-shut position and have the curtains overlap the shutters only maybe a few inches on each side (so still a view of mainly shutters — the hanging high and wide style). Partner insists that this is too much stuff on a window. I think it would be OK if they are just long panels and not fussy swag and swag and fancy top piece and tassels and fussy things. It’s a bank of 3 windows that are tall (like 6′ of windows on a wall; room is at least 8.5′ high, maybe 9′). What say you all?

    1. I think it’s too much stuff on a window.

    2. I think curtains plus shutters is an outdated look and also a dust magnet. I’d have just the shutters.

    3. Purely a matter of taste. I like really clean modern lines, so feel like it’s too much stuff, but I also don’t like curtains at all, so YMMV.

    4. Your husband is wrong! Just make sure the curtains aren’t fussy (tassels, heavy brocade, etc.) and use tie backs to make it look intentional. We basically do this but with roman shades (i.e. curtains are always tied back, they’re just for aesthetics, roman shades go up and down depending on time of day). On the other hand, I don’t love it when curtains are so high that they’re practically up to the ceiling, so I wouldn’t go super above the top of the frame.

    5. I say that the two of you are going to have to work this out. Why not buy a pair of curtains, tack them up how you think they’d hang, and see how they look? You and your partner need a more objective way to solve this than, “My internet forum said it would look OK” vs. “I don’t want it.”

    6. I have this exact situation in my bedroom (plantation shutters and simple curtains), and in the family room I have just the shutters. I like both looks. I feel like for the bedroom it softens the look, and it doesn’t feel like too much going on with the windows. I don’t think I would like the same look in the family room though, but mostly because there are a lot more windows with the shutters than in the bedroom.

    7. Pick one, shutters or curtains. Not both.

14. Anyone else’s Vuori joggers have pilling? Mine is getting teeny tiny pilling on the fabric in select areas–both on the outside (thighs) and inside (seat area). I have the green ones if color makes a difference; purchased in June at REI and worn very infrequently since it was summer. Otherwise, I do love them for fit and comfort–I’m short so the length is perfect for me.

    Would be curious to hear other’s experiences. And more importantly, are there any dupes with similar fit but sturdier fabric?? Zella? Athleta?

    1. Zella pants are terrible, IMO. They hold up far less than vuori.
       My faves are from JCrew Factory.

15. Have a upcoming trip and will be in Sacramento for a few days. Staying downtown by Old Sacramento, does anyone have good dinner or happy hour recommendations? Thanks!

    1. Canon, Ella, Grange

16. All – thanks for all the comments from previous posters on restaurants and things to do in Montreal. Anyone have recs for nice/cute hotels in the tourist-y areas? Long weekend in Montreal in Oct might be in the cards…

    1. We stayed at LeQube apartments and loved the rooftop hot tub!

    2. I dont know if it qualifies as cute but we stayed in the Intercontinental and it was great.

    3. You want Le St-Sulpice. Full stop.

       Excellent location, wonderful facility, lovely suite with a luxury bathroom and L’Occitane lemon verbena everything.

       https://www.lesaintsulpice.com/en

17. I am struggling to find meaning in my work. My field has changed rapidly, and probably irreparably, during the past decade and especially since the pandemic. I don’t need to be saving the world, but I do need to feel like I’m not just a cog in a damaged system. There is just so much BS in the average white-collar job that it makes me yearn for my more blue-collar roots. Swear that when I retire, I’m going to switch to working in a greenhouse or shelving books at Barnes and Noble. And not have another management position, ever. In the meantime, I’m 42 years old, have dependents, and feel very, very stuck. I’m not convinced that a different job in my field would be any better than the one I have. Any advice on moving past this point and rediscovering the meaning of what I do?

    1. No advise, but I’d love to know your field so that I can avoid it as I examine career shifts myself.

       1. Advice*

       2. Higher ed. It’s broken.

          I used to LOVE this field.

          1. Is it possible to move to an individual contributor role since it sounds like you don’t like being in management? I’m in higher ed (not student facing though) and don’t feel like the whole industry is broken. I have routine complaints, like I wish the pay were better and some of my colleagues are frustrating to work with, but I think you can find less than ideal things about any job. Overall I think I have a pretty good job.

18. If a mentor invites you to a corporate event this fall and you aren’t attending because you’re still not going to big in person events like weddings and conferences, would you say that or is it eye roll worthy now to sit out? It’s just as easy to make an excuse about being busy. Long term I’m interested in this company and the mentor is asking if I’ll attend so I have to say something but I really can’t bring myself to go to a huge event yet. In NYC if it matters.

    1. To a mentor I would say that you’re not doing big events yet. If you tell your mentor you are too busy, they are less likely to invest in you in the future.

       1. +1

       2. Agreed.

    2. Honestly, there are so many other reasons not to go to something, I’d probably not use Covid as an excuse unless you have it. Too much chance of that being misinterpreted.

       1. go and wear a mask

          1. Definitely not. I feel like that makes a spectacle of yourself. I think go to such events if you feel totally ok going maskless. Or just sit them out altogether. While I know a person wearing a mask to such an event is typically high risk, I feel like a good percent of people now see it as virtue signaling. It’s one thing to wear a mask with coworkers at an established job. Over the years they have maybe gotten to know your or your family’s situation but at a networking event you are meeting strangers who you could want as potential contacts down the road and you don’t want to stand out in a bad way.

             1. Are you in redneck country?!

                Wearing a mask is not going to make you “stand out in a bad way”. If I see someone wearing a mask I assume they are vulnerable/have vulnerable housemates or family OR they are recovering from Covid and are still coughing. I respect that and wouldn’t treat them differently.

             2. I think it’s weird to assume wearing a mask is virtue signaling. I assume someone in a mask is high risk or has high risk loved ones. Or maybe not high risk but is just continuing to be very cautious about Covid, which is ok too. Either way it’s not my problem and they can do whatever they want.

          2. no one will look at you weirdly at all…

    3. At this point, I’d say something polite to your face but my internal eyeballs would roll all the way around. I would not use Covid as a reason. Say you have a conflict.

       1. Always great to know that there’s much stigma attached to following our own physicians’ recommendations.

19. What should I wear for site visits with the client who is dressier than normal? It’s a finance client and we’re looking at facilities. We would be walking a lot, going into front (customer) and back (mechanic) areas. I’m used to walking this with men and the uniform is button up or polo and slacks with Cole Haan type “formal” sneakers or loafers. I normally wear the same thing – blouse, slacks, pointed “formal” sneakers. However, this time my client is a woman who is usually in a suit. I don’t have any suiting hemmed for flats and it just seems too formal. Do I add a blazer? What kind? Switch to loafers? Any other tips? Thanks for your thoughts!

    1. Dress pants hemmed for flats, loafers (or some other flat dress shoe – not sneakers), nicer blouse and a blazer. Nice leather shoes and a blazer automatically make it more professional.

       1. OP here – Thanks! I’m super rusty on blazer styles. I have two (gray, navy) that are my go tos but are part of a suit, would you go with that? Or something more casual? I have classic longer one-buttons in black and navy. I honestly haven’t worn them in forever but they fit fine. I also have a couple that are more “fun” with subtle fringe and more boxy (usually wear these to conferences for comfort). Thanks again!

          1. Those would work if you don’t want something new, but I would recommend buying a blazer separate from a suit simply because they are so incredibly versatile. The going out blazer from J Crew is loved for this very reason. If you look at the recent post on statement blazers there are some good examples.

    2. Out of curiosity, what are pointed “formal” sneakers? Do you have a link?

       1. I also need to know about formal sneakers!

          1. Just search Cole Haan formal sneakers, literally, and you’ll immediately recognize them :) White soles, oxford / wingtip look on top.

             1. OP here – yes, it’s this exactly. I have a few iterations of women’s version, I think one of them is this – link in comments.

             2. https://www.nordstromrack.com/s/adrienne-vittadini-lamonte-slip-on-flat-women/7074914?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=001

             3. https://www.dillards.com/p/cole-haan-grand-ambition-leather-slip-ons/510191797?googleShop=Y&cm_mmc=GooglePLAs-_-Category+-+Zombie+skus+-+Performance+Max-_-Cole+Haan-_-EAIaIQobChMI4avz7LCV-gIV8gjnCh1UzAbxEAQYAiABEgISB_D_BwE&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI4avz7LCV-gIV8gjnCh1UzAbxEAQYAiABEgISB_D_BwE

             4. Thanks Cat and OP! Very interesting to learn about these.

    3. Since you know what she normally wears, does that mean she already knows you and has seen what you normally wear? And if so, is there any need to change how you dress in order to make an impression on her?

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