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Updated: Sep 9, 2024 351 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Belted Pleated Wool-Blend Midi Wrap Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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A woman wearing a gray long sleeve top and black midi wrap skirt with cream heels sandal

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

When I’m browsing for workwear, I don’t see quite as many skirts as I used to, but this pleated wrap skirt from Róhe really caught my eye. The larger pleats look elegant (while sometimes skirts like this remind me of my old field hockey kilt), and the wool blend hangs beautifully.

I would pair this with a cozy turtleneck and ballet flats for the first cool day this fall, and add tights and boots when the weather gets a little chillier.

The skirt is $600 at NET-A-PORTER and comes in French sizes 34-44. (Shout-out to NET-A-PORTER for being one of the few retailers to include videos in addition to still shots of the items! I LOVE seeing how the clothes move!) 

Sales of note for 9.30.24

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anonymous

    What is going on with the model’s shoes? I love T straps. But there’s another strap going over her toes? Not between? Wouldn’t that rub terribly? What am I seeing wrong here?

  2. Anon

    If you were a student who was trying to monetize your Thanksgiving and winter school breaks, what are the best current options in a mid-size city with large malls and a busy hub airport?
    — look at hourly gigs at the airport (maybe pushing wheelchairs, working fast food; would be through contractors and not as a government or airline employee)
    — look at hourly retail and night shelf-stocking gigs at the mall
    What else is out there? Uber is out and getting a non-airport bar or restaurant job was crazy competitive for people who can commit to longer windows.

    • Anonymous

      My daughter found that none of these types of jobs even wanted to hire kids who were home for the whole summer; they wanted a longer-term commitment.

    • Anon

      When I was in college, my high school job was happy to take me back over breaks the first year or two, but would never have hired someone new over that time period. If that’s not an option, try working your network. A personal connection might be your best bet for such a short time.

      • NYS

        +1. My college-age daughter returns to her regular summer job at Urban Outfitters whenever she is around. They like to have her to fill in some shifts so that others can take holiday breaks. She is a senior and has worked there for three summers now, so she is a known quantity.

      • Anon NYC

        That’s what I did. I worked at a grocery store since I was 15 and they took me back on breaks until law school. In this case, I’d babysit.

    • Anon

      Retail, since they’ll hire seasonal employees around the holidays. If you’re willing to work on Black Friday, there are likely bonuses for that.

      Along with that – Amazon and delivery services (UPS and FedEx) may be hiring additional staff for the holidays.

      Babysitting – parents will likely need coverage for the school break when they have to work. Also, with so many holiday parties and get togethers, there will be opportunities to babysit.

    • anon

      Pet sitting while people travel for the holidays. If the student is handy, assembling bikes/furniture through a business like Angi (used to be called Angie’s list).

    • Clementine

      Babysitting. Here it’s $20-30/hour and parents are always looking for people to cover random school holidays.

      • Anon

        +2

        But if she wants retail, somewhere like Bath & Body Works or Yankee Candle is the way to go. No clothes to fold 😉

      • Seventh Sister

        Ditto babysitting. Our school district closes for a week at Thanksgiving and most in my area close for 2-3 weeks around Christmas.

    • Anonymous

      Babysitting for thanks giving. No one is putting you on payroll for 5 days.

    • Anonymous

      Gig work. Most places are going to want a longer commitment. But package delivery can be a gig job – you sign up the night before for a route or two, possibly same day for later shift routes. I think these are local operations, so the first step would be figuring out the local company(ies) and their system for hiring and picking routes. It can be competitive in that you have to be in online when the window for picking a route opens up in order to get one, but holidays will have more routes with more stops. Grocery delivery could also be an option
      Or put your name out on Nextdoor for odd jobs in the neighborhood. Someone may want help decluttering or decorating or cleaning up the house/yard or running errands around that time.

    • Anon

      Extra shifts at an already-existing job? My college kid worked summers at a local farm and they are glad to have him back on random weekends or holidays to pick up extra hours. He just texts the farmer when he plans to be back in town and they tell him what job is on deck (hay season, mucking stalls, equipment maintenance, whatever).

    • Dress

      +1 to Providing childcare! I’d love an in-home temp. nanny in lieu of break camps that run from 10-4 pm. Bonus if you market it as “tutoring” since presumably this is a college student. Tutoring may also allow for groups of multiple kids, multiplying revenue.

      Pet sitting or walking, yes

      Many catering companies hire seasonal temps, versus a restaurant that may want someone longer-term. Esp small businesses that provide catering, they may hire someone as a one-off for a particular event.

      Local churches may have a need for seasonal help, esp around Christmas, though they may rely on volunteers

    • Anonymous

      College kids in our town make absolute bank as gift wrappers around the holiday season. They charge $25/hr and are very efficient. You drop off the gifts and the wrap and they take care of all of it. The kids that do it have a sign up genius and are booked solid for all their slots every year.

      Also, you could do leaf raking/fall cleanups around thanksgiving for $20/hr, babysit/date night for $20/hr, all of these are cash under the table type setups.

      • Anon

        This is genius and I would pay for this in a heartbeat if someone offered it in our area!

      • Anonymous

        coming back to add: hanging outdoor lights around the holiday season (i’d avoid anything that requires lots of ladders but I’m thinking stuff that I could do myself but would prefer to outsource), addressing holiday cards, catering/cleaning at holiday parties, etc.

      • Anon

        Pardon – can you tell me more about gift wrapping? My mom is a beautiful gift wrapper and it would be a nice way for her to supplement her Social Security. Do people provide their own wrapping paper or does the wrapper offer a couple choices? Boxes? You said it’s per hour not per piece? Can you say more about the sign up genius? Anything else you know?

        • Anonymous

          I posted and the girls that do it around here have you provide the paper – mostly because it’s what the market wants (there is a lot of Santa gift wrapping!).

          I’m sure you could also offer some basic styles.

          The key is efficiency- the kids charge $25/hr and most jobs take 2 hours or less.

          • Anonymous

            I there is a Google calendar to sign up and book slots of time. They will come to you or you can come to them – most people do the latter. Nobody wants per piece around here; it’s largely high volume kid presents.

    • LawDawg

      My daughter worked at the local Nordstrom fulfilling online orders. She did this during summers and then they had her come back for the holiday season too. She basically walked the store with a shopping list and picked up the things people ordered (either for in-store pick-up or to ship). It was seasonal work, but they kept her as an employee — with the employee discount — during the whole year.

    • Anonymous

      It is Monday morning, but it took me a bit to realize that “monetize my break” meant “find a job for the holidays.”

    • Senior Attorney

      Is office temping even still a thing? That’s what I did all through school.

      • Anon

        Curious about this. My understanding is that people don’t even have secretaries at law firms anymore. And it’s all remote.

    • No Face

      When I was young, retail wanted people who could work after winter break because of all the post holiday returns.

      Babysitting, pet sitting, and housesitting are the way to go. Tap into your networks or post a profile on care dot com. I did that from age 12 all the way through law school!

    • Anonymous

      Sign up for something like taskrabbit? There are lots of errands people need assistance with. Is uber out because no car? Because I was going to suggest things like instacart or some kind of delivery driving.

  3. Anonymous

    I need advice for pants that are work appropriate and professional, but are really stretchy in the waist. I’m having some medical issues that are causing a ton of bloating, and I’ll be having a procedure done to figure out what is going on, which apparently is going to make the bloating worse. Any recs for pants?

    • Anon

      I have some JJill ponte pants that are stretchy and feel like pjs. You would need to hide the waist to make them office appropriate, but I have some tunic length shirts that work.

    • AnonAnon

      I’d honestly look in the maternity department at Target and elsewhere. During first two trimesters of pregnancy and postpartum, I wore black ponte maternity pants quite a bit (they don’t have a full belly panel just a stretchy waist.)

    • Veronica Mars

      It depends on how much you’re bloating, but Beta Brand and Liverpool LA have jeans with a stretchy waistband. It does still put some pressure on your abdomen so if you’re really sensitive they may not be ideal, but both brands were about 1/3 the price of the Spanx versions and had belt loops or buttons to help disguise the fact that they were faux jeans.

    • Anonymous

      Athleta Endless pants could work. They are not working material in my opinion, but they could get you by. The waist is high and stretchy and comfortable, like a panel front.

    • Runcible Spoon

      You might be able to get away with the all-cotton version of Duluth Trading’s NoGa pants in black — stretch pants with a wide waist. You could also look at Talbot’s for what they sometimes call Everyday Yoga Pants with straight legs in the T for Talbots section on their website. These are just stretch pants to me, but they do come with a very nice wide waistband. Good luck!

    • Been there

      I have the Quince ponte pants and love them and wear them to work all the time. After the pandemic work from home situation, I’m all about the stretchy pants. I wear them with a blazer and they look appropriate for the office. I sized up one size from my normal and they’ve been great. I have several pairs and wear them every week.

    • Anonymous

      Colon cancer survivor here who has had to deal with this and it’s the absolute worst. Search by “pull on” and you’ll often find better options. I have some pull on pixie styles from Old Navy that I’ve liked. You also may find benefit in playing with rise. Things that are high rise are more comfortable for me.

    • Nesprin

      Are dresses an option? An elastic waistband sounds like it’d be uncomfortable.

    • No Face

      I wore a ton of pull on pants from Macys for years. They looked professional enough for the office.

  4. Anon

    I had a similar 100% wool skirt in 1988 from L.L. Bean. Mine was in olive green and I wore it forever! I see similar Bean skirts (“vintage”) on ebay if anyone wants this look for ~$30 or so instead of $600.

    • Anon

      I wore one of my two black skirts like this to work at least once per week until they fell apart – also in 1988. Maybe until 1992 ish.

  5. Anon

    Can anyone recommend a good simple bookshelf? I have two tall IKEA Billys – they used to be my go-to, but they’re falling apart and I would like something a little better quality without completely breaking the bank. A lot of designer bookshelves don’t seem designed to hold a lot of books, so I need something with decent capacity. Any recommendations?

    • Anon

      If you can buy from a local wood furniture company, the quality will be far higher than any national catalog brand, and not necessarily more expensive. If you happen to be in northern NJ, I can recommend a company where we bought our solid wood bookshelves 20 years ago which are still holding up well.

      • Clementine

        Agreed! We have a few of those stores that sell finished or unfinished solid wood furniture. Sometimes they’re marketed as ‘Amish Made Furniture store’.

        • Anon

          My bookshelf-lined home office started with unfinished bookshelves from a local business (Fenton McLaren in Berkeley) which I paid them to finish.

      • anon

        I have some Billys that are starting to warp. And some Target bookshelves that are also starting to warp. We did a small custom built in that we are really happy with and I would definitely do more of them vs buying standalone shelves again. The real wood ones weigh a ton and I worry about them tipping from my boisterous kids.

      • Anonymous

        Not the original poster but I’m in northern nj and would love to know

    • Anon

      I agree with the recs for local if you want something nicer, but if you want something cheap and sturdy, our Ikea Kallax shelves are real workhorses for big, heavy books. No warping despite years bearing a lot of weight and our cats can’t scratch them (sadly, they’ve held up better than most of our nicer furniture). They’re not great for small paperbacks without wasting a lot of space, but do hide away lots of other stuff in baskets.

    • Anonymous

      We ordered a bunch of living room furniture, including book cases, from here: amishoutletstore.com
      Definitely not Ikea cheap, but it’s solid wood and seems to be good quality. They delivered to us in NC from I think Ohio?

    • Anonymous

      It was actually a lot cheaper to have someone build me bookcases. It’s just mdf and paint unless you want fancy wood. Search for carpenters in your city.

  6. Anon

    Lightening took out my grandfather’s computer (a desktop one with a keyboard; he’s never been a laptop user). What is a good basic computer for someone who just wants to browse the internet with a keyboard and mouse and maybe e-mail a bit?
    And if a computer is indeed fatally damaged, is there any way to salvage old things on it or just start over from scratch?

    • Anon

      Is there any important data he needs that wasn’t backed up or in the cloud? Either way, starting from scratch is the best option, but there’s something he really wants to recover, it’s certainly possible that the damage wasn’t to the hard drive and that it will be easy to recover any important documents (but also possible that the hard drive is fried and this will be difficult or impossible).

    • Anon

      Does he actually need a desktop computer? You can plug a mouse and keyboard into a laptop. I haven’t used my trackpad in years.

      • Anon

        It’s what he wants and he is already frustrated with trying an iPad and iPhone.

        • Anon

          A laptop with an external keyboard, and mouse is not like an iPhone or iPad. He could get an external monitor, too, and have a better setup for his needs. I know it’s not always easy convincing people to change habits, though.

          • Senior Attorney

            I have to agree with this. I have a laptop that is permanently plugged into my mouse and keyboard and big monitor and you literally can’t tell the difference.

          • Nonny

            What is the advantage to using a laptop over a desktop? It seems that the laptop would be worse ergonomically. 2) Why have an external keyboard if the laptop already has a keyboard. Please pros and cons. Thanks!

          • Anon

            If he likes a desktop, get him a desktop. Some of his peripherals like screen, keyboard, and mouse probably survived the lightning strike. And also get him a surge protector power strip.

          • Anon

            Laptops designed for light use like this are going to be easier to find. These days, a desktop is generally necessary only for things where the size of the physical equipment inside (graphics cards, RAM, etc.) cannot be shrunk down to laptop size. Effectively, you pay for a sportscar when you really intend to use it as a scooter. You can build a desktop to lighter use specs, of course, but if you don’t know what you are doing that is a bit of hassle, especially when laptops are so much more prevalent.

    • Anon

      Check Newegg for basic business computers – not gaming setups which are more expensive and have features he doesn’t need. They have all in one systems. I would recommend avoiding Dell and getting a brand like Asus, MSI, or Lenovo.

  7. tween boy gifts

    I’m visiting the US from the UK in a couple of weeks and want to pick up a gift for my nephew who will be turning 13 while I’m away. Any recommendations please for what’s cool for this age in America that might impress his friends in the UK? I’m staying with a friend so I can get things delivered, budget up to about $40. He likes fashion, Fortnite and other multiplayer computer games, Marvel, soccer.

      • Anonymous

        Yes. Both Crocs and American candy are available in Europe. Crocs widely so, candy in «specialty» shelves or in US tourist trap sweet shops on Oxford Street.

        The sweet shops have been under investigation for being tax avoiding schemes, selling counterfit candy and other dodgy problems. Don’t know how it ended, but yeah, there is US candy.

      • Pep

        I’d possibly go with a collegiate jersey/hat from a local team. Where in the US are you visiting?

    • Anon

      Halloween candy will be available/cheap right now in the local stores. I’d pick up a multipack of something fun – the sour/gummy candy types are hard to find in the UK. A colleague had me pick up American breakfast cereal, her teens were desperate to try things like lucky charms.
      Otherwise local sports teams hats/jerseys are usually a popular pick – Yankees, Red Sox, etc.

    • anonn

      I see all the kids wearing the pink Messi jersey. I don’t know anything about him, just see it everywhere.

      • Anonymous

        He’s a European soccer star, and the shirt is available at Sports Direct in the UK

    • Kate

      I don’t know if those Funko Pop figurines are popular in the UK, but they are here in the US and they may overlap with some of his interests. I know they do limited editions, so he might want some only available on this side of the pond. Books that vary from the UK to the US are also fun choices. Where are you going in the US?

    • anon

      American cereal, spicy chips (like flaming hot cheetos – stuff made with the bad for you dye) or mac and cheese.

      • Anon

        I was also thinking chips (crisps) but thinking they’re tough to bring back without crushing them.

        When we and my then-13 year old son traveled to the UK and Ireland, my son could not get enough of the potato chips (crisps) available in those two countries and not widely available here in the US. In fact, he ended up devoting his entire carry-on to bringing back Tatoes from Ireland.

        • Anon

          Ruffles and Lays always have fun local flavors in foreign countries. I still remember the roast chicken ones we had in New Zealand.

  8. Clementine

    Etiquette question – I just found out that my lovely neighbors’ adult child passed away several months ago. Neighbors are the type of those where we chat outdoors and are friendly but (obviously) aren’t super close. Had I known at the time (child lived out of state and had a different last name so I missed the obit and all that) I would have sent a card and a donation to their cited cause.

    I did have the idea of sending a donation at the one year anniversary of child’s passing? Or a note to my neighbors? Or do I just leave it. FWIW, wife neighbor mentioned it to me barely in a whisper when I asked the normal ‘and how are your kids?’ question recently. I run into husband neighbor more frequently and he never said anything.

  9. Anon

    I’ve been on Wellbutrin for nearly a year but struggle to refill it almost every month. My doctor prescribed a 90-day supply, but my insurance only allows 30-day fills, so I have to visit the pharmacy monthly. I get a text from Walgreens each month saying I’m due for a refill, but when I respond to approve it, I get another message saying my prescription is expired and needs renewal from my doctor. My dr says they wrote the Rx for 12 months. Since I can’t reach my doctor over the weekend, I’m now out of medication and likely to experience withdrawal symptoms. The pharmacy won’t provide an emergency fill until the renewal comes in. I’m so frustrated with the healthcare system. With Rite Aid closures, we have limited options for pharmacies, and our Walgreens is overwhelmed with former Rite Aid customers.

    • eh230

      I would look into mail order. Your insurance probably has a mail order option that will allow for 90 day refills so long as you use the service they require. Also, can you leave a message with the doc over the weekend, use MyChart to request the script, etc.?

      • Anon

        +1. My previous insurance plan only covered a 90 supply of certain medications if I used their mail order service. Don’t get me started on how difficult they made it to get my birth control on time when becoming pregnant would be far more expensive for my insurer…It’s annoying but it worked.

      • Josie P

        My insurance does this too, they only cover the 90 days through their preferred mail order provider (caremark) and as long as the doc sends the Rx to that provider it works!

        Also make sure there are not multiple Rxs on file for you for the same med. We ran into the same problem and it turned out there was a 90 day scrip active and then a 30 day (from the last time they wouldn’t refill it etc.) and the doc had to cancel the existing Rxs and replace with 1 new 90 day one for mail order.

    • Anon

      It sounds like the doctor needs to write the prescription for 30 days if that’s what insurance requires.

      Corporate chains are asking their employees to do more with less.

      If there’s an option of switching to a reputable locally owned pharmacy, my experience is that their value add is staying on top of these things for me. They are very attentive to when I might be running out of a med and call me in advance. They call my doctor if there’s an issue instead of asking me to, whenever possible.

      But since you say options are limited, you probably already excluded this possibility. Some hospitals have pharmacies that are open to the public that are overlooked, if you haven’t considered using a hospital pharmacy.

      Sometimes even grocery store or Costco pharmacies are better than a brutally understaffed CVS or Walgreens.

    • Anon

      You need to talk to the pharmacy and ask how the prescription should be written so that his doesn’t happen. Then ask your MD to send it that way.

      • Anon

        No, this is the insurance, not the doctor. It is written as 90 days but many insurance cos don’t allow 90 day supplies unless it’s from a mail order.

    • Dress

      I recommend Amaz0n Pharmacy. They liaise directly with your doctor, and the medicine arrives like clockwork every month. Credit where due, Amaz0n has logistics down to a science.

    • Anonymous

      My insurance also rejects 90 day Rx at an in person pharmacy. I would have to order online. Insurance only permits 30 days at an in person pharmacy. Instead I don’t go thru insurance and pay thru a GoodRX coupon at the in person pharmacy for the 90 day fill. It’s less than $5 more for my specific script and then I don’t have to worry about mail in my urban area that has questionable mail deliveries. Clearly ymmv based on cost

    • anon a mouse

      If there is a small locally owned pharmacy in your town, give them a call and see what they say. I’ve had great luck with our locally owned pharmacy for some hard-to-stock meds and they will be proactive about contacting doctors offices if there are any issues.

        • Anon

          I just had to transger all my CVS prescriptions, which are many, to a different CVS, because the level of incompetence at the CVS pharmacy nearest my house is astounding. I’ve put up with it for a year and I can’t handle it anymore.

          Surprisingly/not surprisingly, it seems to work much better at the CVS a 15 minute drive away in the richest suburb in my area. Which is a shame because the closest CVS is walking distance from my house and I can’t use it anymore.

      • Anon

        +1. Our small local pharmacy was a godsend during the ADHD med shortage, the pharmacist knew exactly when they’d have more in stock and had a note to call all the folks waiting.

      • Anon

        In my experience they are better at giving you a few days worth of your scrip while a scrip is being sorted out or they are ordering what you need.

          • Anonymous

            It’s legal when the prescription is up to date but what you’re sorting out is the insurance coverage. So perhaps you are paying full, out-of-pocket cost for a handful of pills while waiting for the rest to get discounted/covered. (Can not do if the prescription is limited to a scheduled time frame–like where they don’t want you to get too many pills too soon)

          • Anon

            Yes, I’ve had to get three pills a few times while traveling and it was no issue. I am sure I paid full retail but it wasn’t a lot for three pills. This is a very standard thing, and it is not illegal, Anonn.

          • Anon

            It sounds like you are thinking of scheduled meds? Wellbutrin isn’t scheduled.

    • Anon

      They should give you 3-4 pills to help get you through the next couple days until this works out. Just go ask at the window. Sucks – we’ve all been there.

    • No Problem

      This is so weird to me that some insurance carriers will not fill 90 day prescriptions in person, only mail order. This is the opposite of what my United Healthcare requires for ongoing/maintenance medications. If I get a prescription written for 30 days (with renewals) and fill it 2-3 times, I get a nastygram that I need to get it switched to a 90 day supply for them to continue to cover it. This happened when I used to use asthma inhalers during allergy season. I only needed 2-3 of them for the whole year so my doctor wrote me the prescription as 30 days, but UHC was having none of that because it’s a maintenance medication (nevermind that I never used more than 3 in a year, often only 2, so getting 3 of them was wasteful when I didn’t need that many in a given year).

      • Anon for this

        Work insurance allows for 30 day refills for local pharmacy of employee’s choice, and 90 days prescription refills only from Costco mail order only.

        I don’t think this is unusual, locally anyway.

      • anonn

        the insurance PBMs own the mail order pharmacies, its a huge savings for them.

    • Ranoma

      look at pricing at Mark Cuban’s cost-plus pharmacy without insurance. Are you needing brand-name? Sounds like a failure at both your doc and pharmacy. I was a Walgreens tech for 15 years and this makes me mad, they’ve focused so much on share price since I left. They should have it on auto fill so it calls your doc for a refill a week out. It’s all electronic now so sounds like your doc is not putting it on prn or 12 refills like he says. Emergency fills are not a thing there, I don’t think it’s even legal. Wellbutrin is an old med, so I wonder if you can find it at online pharmacies for cheaper without insurance, generic of course.

      • Anon

        Emergency fills are legal in my state (just looked it up!). Maybe it varies by state?

        • Ranoma

          I totally had a brain fart, yes we would do this a lot at my Walgreens, just depended on the med and the history/relationship. ah Mondays.

    • Ses

      A key word that may help is “prior authorisation.” Call your insurance and ask how to get a prior authorization on file allowing 90 days. This means the pharmacy will call the pharmacy insurance hotline and get a PA code to override the 30 day limit.
      Depending on how your insurance handles the pharmacy benefit, they may just get you enrolled with their own preferred or in-house mail order Rx provider, but that gets you the right result too.

  10. Dress

    Now that we’re past Labor Day, let’s talk transitioning from summer to fall wardrobe! This was not something I actually did until a couple years ago where I moved to a 4-season climate. This weekend, I went through my closet and put away clothes/shoes that read as summery including:
    – neons/pastels in sleeveless or short sleeves
    – flip flops and light colored sandals
    – sleeveless dresses in light colors
    – of course swimsuits and cover ups

    How do you decide what is “summer” vs year round? How do you store off-season clothes? Mine all fit in one big plastic tote bin, and I hang the dresses in the back of my kid’s closet (so far she’s young enough she doesn’t mind).

    I find it’s also such a nice chance to declutter – if I go to put something away and realize I didn’t wear it the entire season, that’s a pretty good indication it’s donation-ready. Likewise, if I pull something out of the “fall bin” and I can’t imagine wearing it, off to Goodwill it goes.

    • anon

      Most t-shirts and basic tanks are year-round items. They just get layered under sweaters, hoodies, etc.

      What is year-round vs. summer-only depends on fabric and whether the piece is easy to layer. If it’s not (or just looks weird with winter-weight fabrics and colors), it gets packed away.

      It might be after Labor Day, but I typically don’t switch my closet over until early October. September can be downright hot, even in my 4-season climate.

    • PolyD

      Really light weight stuff and most linen gets put away. I keep sleeveless and short sleeved shirts in rotation, because I run hot these days.

      I will also share a tip I believe I learned from The Directrice – match the weight of the clothes to temperature and the color to the season.

      • Anon

        This fabric=temp and color=season tip has really helped me create a more “grown-up” feeling wardrobe. I don’t treat it as an unbreakable rule, but when I need to be sure my outfit is extra polished it really does work wonders.

        • Dress

          I love this! This articulates nicely, e.g. leave my black sleeveless tops in the closet but put away my lavender and bright blue floral prints.

    • Anon

      I am blessed with many closets. I keep what I guess I would call an enhanced capsule wardrobe in my closet in my bathroom. Another closet in there (used to be exH’s closet) is seasonal but not in the capsule wardrobe items, plus coats, jackets, and bags. A third closet is out of season items that fit. Anything that doesn’t fit but that I want to keep gets stored in boxes.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oof. It’s 107 here today and all I can do is dream about fall clothes…

      • Anon

        Ugh. So global warming has really hit LA too?

        I used to dream about moving to Santa Barbara one day for “perfect weather” year round. But maybe now it’s too hot for me.

        • Anonymous

          The LA area has always been hot, and she’s inland where it’s even hotter. Santa Barbara is a LOT cooler.

        • Anon

          Santa Barbara has always been much cooler than LA. The high today in SB is 80.

          • anon

            The high today in SB was 90, but that’s because of the heat wave. Otherwise, it is roughly 10-15 degrees cooler than DTLA on a daily basis. (Source: live in one and used to live in the other).

        • Anon

          I don’t doubt climate change has affected LA, because look at the wildfires, but it has always been hot in September in southern California. That’s not particularly new.

          I remember walking to school even in October when the mornings were cooler, and my mom making me bring a sweater or a jacket. Then by the time I was walking home around 3pm, it was around 100 degrees and I had to carry my hateful jacket or sweater.

          • Senior Attorney

            It’s always been hot on Sept but a week of 105-112 is hot ven for us. I was at the Pasadena Playhouse last night and in the pre-curtain speech the artistic director congratulated us for being the equivalent of New Yorkers braving a blizzard to see a Broadway show! (Also if you’re in the area, don’t miss Cyrano de Bergerac — it was fantastic.)

    • Anon

      I’m in the Bay Area and have commented before that our real summer begins in September, so I’m not putting away my summer clothes yet. I will need them, but I also have cotton sweaters available year round because you have to layer here.

      I store all of my wool and cashmere sweaters sometime around April, and I won’t get those out again until probably the beginning of November. I’m looking forward to them in sort of a theoretical way, but I was up in Santa Rosa yesterday and it was 90° so nothing about a wool sweater sounds remotely appealing right now.

      I did order a few more cotton sweaters this fall because I’m catching sales at gap factory. I also ordered one more double L funnel neck sweater from L.L. Bean, which brings my total of those up to three. They’re the best sweater I own.

    • Anonymous

      I live in a “four-season” climate but it still fluctuates from 45 degrees to 85 degrees within the same week for most of the year. I don’t rotate my closet for this reason and because I have nowhere to store the out-of-season clothes. Only two of the four bedrooms in our home have closets that could charitably be called full-sized. Both of those rooms are occupied, and the two tiny “extra” closets are filled with luggage, the vacuum cleaner, etc.

  11. Anon

    just a PSA – don’t forget to check calendars for religious holidays before scheduling mandatory work events, in particular don’t schedule a religious diversity training on Rosh Hashanah

    • Anonymous

      And to make the PSA more informative, this year Rosh Hashanah starts Oct 2 at sundown and ends October 4 at nightfall. Yom Kippur is October 11 sundown to Oct 12 nightfall

    • Anon NYC

      Yea I took off Oct 3. I don’t expect most people to know when Jewish holidays are but a training on religious diversity on Rosh Hashana! I bet that training will be great lol

      • Anon OP

        My office calendar has a holiday setting built in. I’m aware of all the major religious holidays and of national holidays in all the countries we have offices in. Isn’t that standard?

        • Anon OP

          Sorry, I forgot to change my name but I’m obviously not the OP for this thread.

        • Anonymous

          What’s really annoying is that those calendars don’t actually give all the affected dates for holidays that start at sundown the previous day, etc.

        • Anon

          I work for a major public university and I guess the Jewish holidays show up in Outlook but lots of people scheduling things totally ignore them. I’ve had mandatory work events scheduled on both Rosh Hashanah and the first day of Passover. (I didn’t attend either and got pushback but sorry not sorry I’m not skipping a major holiday for a work meeting, no matter how “mandatory”).

          • Anon

            I’m sorry; I’ve seen this happen to colleagues repeatedly (same major public university? sadly it could probably be one of many!). It’s not okay.

    • Anon

      I’ve stopped believing this sort of thing is accidental. Not everybody knows the holidays but a religious diversity training? It would take 30 seconds to look up on Google.

  12. Anon88

    Looking for towel recommendations–something that’s quick drying, high quality and bath sheet size. Less plush preferred. This will be a gift, so I’d rather get a “nicer” brand than say, Ikea or Target. Any towels you love?

    • Anon

      Turkish towels fit the bill! Search that phrase at Serena and Lily or other linen stores.

      • Anon

        Amazon is mostly a disaster in my opinion, but I have had great luck with the Cacala brand of peshtemal towels from there. Stick with the whit ones with stripes and they are highly absorbent, wash in hot water and a hot dryer (I’ve ignored the washing instructions), and last for years. I got one with a complex design and it didn’t absorb as well. Folded in half lengthwise they make a wonderful wrap for wet hair.

    • Anon

      What is a good calendar for this? I constantly find that some are so aggressively secular that I have to google for basics, like when is Easter every year (not that I care but it also is around when our schools schedule spring break and impacts staffing for any parents on staff) the weeks before and after.

      • Anon

        There are some good resources out there, but honestly it’s just remember Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur and Google those. They’re usually in late September/early October.

    • NaoNao

      I love Matouk towels! I have a lightweight textured towel that’s just a touch more thick than a traditional Turkish style but is still lightweight and quick-dry.

    • anon

      We just got Signature Egyptian Cotton towels from Garnet Hill and so far we love them.

      • Anon

        I do like their towels, but their bath sheets are not as sturdy as I’d like…. I don’t launder as often as some on this board do, but they frey on the edges sooner than I’d like.

    • Anon

      Just in case your recipient’s use case is of the outdoorsy type, Sea to Summit’s Airlite towels are fantastic for camping and beach use. I wouldn’t use them as a Turkish towel replacement, but for hiking and backpacking use they are awesome.

    • Anon

      Antiochia Turkish towels are amazing. We’ve used them as our primary bath towels for 15 years and only now are some getting worn.

  13. Spectra

    Reposting from the Moms page:

    I have a Spectra S2 (I think that’s right? The battery model) that I bought after checked luggage didn’t make it to my destination in time for me to pump. I’ve used it fewer than five times. If anyone is interested in it and the parts, I’m happy to pass it on. Let me know, and I’ll post a burner to work out details.

  14. Anonymous

    Cooler weather up here in the North and suddenly, my lips are the Sahara. Please hit me with your best recs for products that will truly moisturize and not make the situation worse. Feel like they are going to split open at the edges anytime I use my mouth.

    • Anon

      Me too – I just started using Burt’s Bees Rescue Lip Relief in a tube last night and it is helping already. Bought at Target. Very soothing and seems to help healing. I had been using a Cerave rescue balm which seemed to make things worse – maybe because it has sunscreen? Hope you get relief soon.

      • Anonymous

        The sunscreen point is intriguing – the one I have been relying on (Coola?) does have sunscreen and maybe that is what is making this so bad. Headed to the vaseline tub RN

    • Anon

      Aquaphor at night and Jack Black lip balm with SPF during the day.
      If the issue is mostly at the corners of your mouth, it may be angular cheilitis.

    • Anon

      Marin lip treatment. I bought it after someone here kept recommending the lotion and I really like both.

    • Anon

      I picked up a random lip balm in Colorado last week because the dry air always cracks my lips and it was amazing. I had zero issues and it’s now my go to. Brand is All Good and it’s available at Target.

    • Anon

      Laneige lip sleeping mask is the thing that has consistently worked for me. Aquaphor is also great but the laneige is “stickier” in a way so it stays on overnight better than the Aquaphor.

      Agree you should drop the added sunscreen lip balm for now, and don’t use anything with menthol like certain chapsticks & carmex. Those just cause more dryness.

    • Anon2

      Are you dehydrated? That level of dryness usually means I need to hydrate from the inside out. I’ve started adding in half a Liquid IV every day (half a packet and 16 oz of water, because a full packet is too sweet) and it helps.

    • Essential in Texas

      Aquaphor is actually a barrier (great to put on top of balm) but it won’t heal if the damage is done. I use it at night ON TOP of balm.

  15. Anonymous

    Curious about how your family finances are set up. We are a couple in our early 40s with 3 elem school kids. We have:
    – Retirement savings accounts which are automatically contributed to with every paycheck
    – 529s for each of the kids that are automatically contributed to each month
    – main checking account for monthly living expenses
    – savings account that we call our “emergency fund” but I think really should be called “saved up cash until we have a large purchase we can’t pay for out of checking” that we shoot for a running balance of ~30k (eg. enough to cover a couple months living expenses, and/or pay for things like new windows or a car or whatever we are saving up to do).
    – money market account that has about a year’s worth of our income. we don’t really ever withdraw from this account and think of it as “true emergency fund” ie we need to cover more than a couple months of living expenses- long term job loss, etc. And/or if we wanted to make a very large purchase we could pay for it out of this account.

    • Anon

      When people respond to this question, it would be helpful if you add (1) your household annual income and (2) your age. Because what is reasonable when you make $500K a year and what is possible when you make $50K are not the same thing.

      • Anonymous

        I’m the OP and I didn’t post HHI or anything because I don’t really care about the amounts of money in people’s accounts, just how they are organized/what the goals of them are. I put our ages and family status since it’s sort of relevant in that we are past the daycare years, not yet in college/retirement years, past paying off student loans, etc so the fact that we have a medium term and long term account might make more sense than someone who is 22 and drowning in debt. I didn’t include this but we currently live in our “forever” home so we aren’t saving for that big purchase.

    • anon1

      DH and I are 40, 2 kids – one in 1st grade and one in diapers. VHCOL area. Own home with mortgage and no other debt. AHHI varies widely given nature of DH’s job. Right now it’s $300k. Has been as high as $1m, but a substantial portion (nearly all) is commission and can fluctuate widely. He’s looking to dial back and I think we’ll settle around $600k in ~12 months with a job change, but we live like it’s $300k.

      We have a virtually identical set up as you except all cash is in our HYSA, so no money market account. That’s served us well while rates have been so high but they’re due to come down and I’m not sure what to do with the $350k cash on hand we have. We have historically tried to maintain around $200k cash on hand in that account (“emergency fund” but really just big purchase and commission cushion fund) because of the variability of income, but I know it’s not smart to keep that high of a balance in cash. Plus, if he goes in house/salary (not law) with a job change, we won’t need the “commission cushion” Very curious to read other responses.

      • No Problem

        Is this a use case for Treasuries? Or bonds? Or a CD ladder? You definitely want to get some return on your money (especially an amount over $100k), but also don’t want it in the market where it could drop significantly in the event of a crash.

    • Sara

      So I’m completely different because I’m in my 30s and not married with no kids, but I do the 2 account thing. I consider the smaller account “short term savings” and regularly move money in and out of it, and the larger one “emergency fund”. Both are Capital One HYSAs

    • Ranoma

      Very similar situation to OP and Anon1, around $350k HHI, early 40s, 2 kids. we do 401K, monthly 529, $30K emergency fund in HYSA
      – we keep that 300K in a vanguard account invested in VTSAX. This was based on the book A Simple Path to Wealth, often recommended here.
      – We also have about $50K in an HSA account invested in VTSAX or similar.
      -We both have long term disability policies
      -we carry high limit auto insurance and 1M umbrella
      -we both have 1M term life insurance

      • Anonymous

        I’m the OP. I’m curious- what is the *purpose* of the Vanguard account for you? What I’m trying to wrestle with is that we have a decent size and growing account that I feel like we should….spend? Earmark for something? I’m not sure?

        Our retirement accounts are really well funded and on cruise control for our goals (we continue to contribute but don’t need to be aggressive), our 529s are in good shape, we have all the insurance etc.

        • Anon

          I posted below that we have 2x our annual income in an investment account. Our retirement accounts are also on track, but I guess I don’t feel the need to spend or earmark the money in the investment account just to spend it. There are some things we would love if we won the lottery (pool, mountain house, nicer house), but overall, I’m really happy with my life how it is. I would rather save and grow that money in case we ever need it.

          • Turtlemania

            I have to say, every time I see this question (and it comes up semi-regularly), I feel like the options are pretty basic. 1) spend more on wants; 2) save more for fears/uncertainty; 3) give more. The personal calculus differs of course and I’m really trying to not be self-righteous, but #3 seems like a clear winner in our current domestic/global climate, if you consider all your other goals to be met.

        • Anonymous

          not 11:29 but i also have way too much money in an HYSA and also vanguard accounts. the HYSA is stuff we will definitely spend within the next year or two. The Vanguard accounts are someday/extra, but the rate of return is so so much more than the HYSA. i view the vanguard accounts as money we may use if we retire early, if maxing the 529s isn’t enough money to pay for college without loans, for a future new car, a future big vacation, etc.

          i think the FDIC only insures up to 250K in a savings account — i don’t remember if it’s different for joint account holders.

          (we’re late 40s, HHI around 350k, autocontributions to our main retirement funds. we max out 529s, backdoor Roth, Health Savings Account. We do autoinvestments to Vanguard and auto savings to our HYSA.)

          if one of you is eligible for a backdoor Roth that might be a good option for you — tax advantaged but the principal can be withdrawn in 5 years.

        • Ranoma

          It doesn’t have a set purpose per se, we max out other tax-advantaged retirement accounts. Just having it gives flexibility, and that it’s not totally liquid keeps us from touching it. Like if we want a new car when rates are high, early retirement, vacation home… We actually have an investment opportunity we may use some for, we’ll weigh our options. It’s grown a lot since we started it with like $30K in 2021.

    • Anon

      We contribute to retirement accounts automatically.
      The rest of our income goes into our checking account for monthly living expenses, and occasionally if there’s a little leftover at the end of the month, I’ll move it into our online savings accounts which currently has about $35k. That’s our emergency fund.
      We front-loaded our child’s 529 and now that she’s in elementary school have mostly stopped contributing, although relatives still make small contributions. We already have enough for four years of public in-state and expect to be able to make up the difference for a good private school with a combination of cash flow, grandparent help and/or need-based aid (if she can get into the really elite schools- obviously not a guarantee).
      We make ~$200k year in a LCOL area, are both 39 and have one kid in elementary school.

      • Ranoma

        how much did you “front-load” the 529? How do you know what’s enough? Our state gives a $6K deduction per kid per year, so I’ll probably always do that at minimum.

        • Anon

          Our state gives a tax credit on contributions up to $6k so we did that for about 5 years, and that plus growth and relative’s contributions should be enough for four years of in-state tuition and room and board. We’re university employees and have a discount off the already low tuition though. I’d probably want another ~$30k if we didn’t have that discount (the value of it is currently $20k + accounting for inflation).
          6k*18 = $108k + growth seems like way too much to me and I fear we’d struggle to spend that if our kid stays in-state. We can cash flow quite a bit so we’d rather do that than overcontribute. With one child over contributing is more of a worry because we don’t have a second child who can use the money if the first doesn’t. And who knows if we’ll have grandchildren.

    • Anon

      Early 40s, 2 kids (one in daycare and one in elementary), houshold income around 250k. We contribue to retirement automatically, and that’s by far where most of our savings go. We also contribute to 529s automatically. We keep around 30k cash on hand. We also have around 2x our annual income in an investment account (most of that is from an inheretance), and we would like to hold off on touching that until close to retirment. Right now, we’re not saving a ton most months, but what we do save goes into HYS accounts for plannined expesnes (i.e. house repair account, vacation account, etc.). Once we’re not paying for daycare and private elementary school, we hope to save more every month.

  16. Anon

    I have a relative who left a basic will (all to spouse). One adult kid is fine, financially. Other adult kid won’t stop screaming at the surviving parent and other sibling how the deceased parent “wanted” her to have money and her needs met just for asking for money. It wrecked the funeral and likely caused the surviving parent to wind up in the hospital with what we thought was a stroke or heart attack (and then kept demanding money). It won’t start.

    IDK what basic civics lesson this person missed, but do people not know that whatever you say a person wanted to happen, even if it were true, if it isn’t in the will, it doesn’t matter. I see this spinning out into either her suing or trying commit elder financial abuse (surviving spouse is the executor also).

    • Anon

      IME, it’s pretty common to leave everything to the surviving spouse. Then when that spouse dies kids or others get the inheritance.

      • Senior Attorney

        I would expect this to be the default, certainly if all the kids are the kids of the marriage.

        • Anon

          Same, except that I know that all too many families have kids of unequal life experiences, which is generally fine, but often with parental helping, also fine unless it is secret and/or extensive and also not contemplated in any estate planning. The magic money factory can be shut off vs being would down or disclosed and I get that family that is in mourning should also not be shocked by what transpired without their knowledge (and shouldn’t be expected to keep any prior bad habits in place).

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, it’s wild to me that a child would expect anything else. If dad dies then mom still needs to support herself.

      • Anon

        Wasn’t there a poster on here once complaining that her boomer parents had all the money and she didn’t have any because they hadn’t died yet? It was all so unfair!

        I wonder if it was her at the funeral.

    • Anon

      This is why people need to stop with side deals. I’m not saying that the parent who passed away did this – quite the opposite – but enough people allegedly do this that people just don’t understand that what is in the Will is how it’s distributed.

      My recommendation? Hire an attorney and have the law firm write a letter.

        • Anon

          Hiring a law firm? Generally yes. People who are more than happy to bully grieving family members and push buttons (“Mom wanted this!!”) don’t have a lot in their arsenal for handling logical, official paperwork from someone who DGAF about their drama.

    • Anon

      No advice unless the mom is willing to draw a hard boundary and enforce it. And lots of commiseration. I had to basically cut my older sister out of my life because she flipped when our grandparents’ will cut their children and grand-children out and left everything for the benefit of their great-grandchildren. My sister is (loudly) childfree by choice and was absolutely furious. Her nonstop calls demanding we try to invalidate the trust and calling us names when we refused (and no – I am not turning down free college education for my children and my brother and cousin are never doing it either) finally reached a point where I had to start hanging up on her every time she raised the issue and refusing to see her in person.

      Like I get it – but first of all none of us had anything to do with it. Nobody except our father and aunt even knew about the terms of the trust before our grandparents died and they are both fine with it. And second, considering how loudly dismissive she was of our grandparents, their values, religion and lifestyles it is obnoxious to have her harping nonstop about what she is “owed” and how unfair it is.

      • Anon

        A couple of my niblings fleeced my mom constantly while she was still alive, and believe me, she could not afford it. Mom’s will left everything to her children in equal shares, no direct inheritance for grandchildren.

        The fleecing niblings felt they got “ripped off” – there were 9 grandchildren altogether, of course they didn’t feel all 9 deserved equal shares, just them.

        Anyway, any money (there wasn’t much) to pass to them would have been through their parent’s share and at her discretion, which of course didn’t happen. Suddenly niblings’ gravy train was cut off and they had to find their own sources of income like the adults they were – amazingly, that did happen!

        Maybe my mom was finally dispensing some tough love from beyond the grave.

    • Beezus

      This is why I proclaim loudly any chance I get that people can do whatever they want with their estate. If my mom want’s to leave everything to the NRA or PETA or whatever else I think is crazy, tis her right. People should not live their lives waiting for loved ones with means to die, and I think a lot of people need to hear this often s to change their mindsets and prevent disappointment when it happens.

      • anon

        It’s a balancing act. My parents would love for me to give up my career right now to move back in with them part0time. I’m in my 30s, married, and live out of state for the record. But they also don’t plan to leave me an inheritance, I don’t think, so I would be giving up my ability to earn a living and my marriage for … nothing? It makes no sense.

        • Anon

          One SIL lives with my MIL. She works though and doesn’t pay rent. She’d share with the siblings equally in basically a paid-off house, but I feel that if anything, having a shared house in a HCOL area was a net plus. Only recently has MIL stopped driving and now she just orders groceries delivered, so that SIL’s job isn’t impacted at all (BUT that may change wildly in the future though).

          • Anon

            Wait… so you are saying the SIL has a sweet deal? You may have no idea.

            You are so so so so so so lucky that your husband has live in help for his Mom.

        • Beezus

          Exactly, you’re smart for thinking it through. If they set up a living trust for you now though…

      • anon

        I agree completely. I know a few people in their 40s and 50s who are banking on receiving a generous inheritance from their parents to fund their own retirements, and it boggles my mind. First of all, that seems greedy and presumptuous. Second of all, it comes across like they’re waiting for their parents to die before starting to live their own lives. I just find it very distasteful.

        • Anon

          My mother did this and it didn’t work out as well for her as she wanted. She flipped out at the thought of her parents needing expensive nursing home care; that would have eaten into “her” inheritance. She never developed a career, so she needed this money. She inherited at a low in the stock market and promptly spent it all. Now she’s 71 and has nothing.

      • Anon

        This, 100%. Stop thinking you’re entitled to anyone else’s money or stuff.

      • Brontosaurus

        My dad jokes that he’s “spending our inheritance” and I always say go for it. My siblings and I all get along well, but why not make sure there’s nothing left to fight over?

        • Anonymous

          Same, my dad got a boat and he sort of somewhat embarrassed said we should enjoy it because it’s our inheritance. DH and I looked right at him and said you are doing exactly what you should be doing, go enjoy it. I think he felt bad since DH’s parents don’t do anything with their lives but have a giant pile of money that DH is going to inherit. We think it’s sad and wish they would just spend it on fun before they die.

    • Anon

      I know one family where there are 5 kids. The mom had always helped out one kid (drug and alcohol problems, then health problems from that, somewhere along the line, a divorce and moving home). IDK that the dad or siblings had any idea the extent of the mom’s help. The will left everything to the dad, then equally to the siblings (several are fine, one is in BigLaw, and then the addict). During dad’s life, the addict kid kept living in the basement, but demanded something like 5K/month and then kept demanding it from the siblings once the dad died. He also wanted to stay in the house and didn’t want to share it equally with the kids and demanded that the BigLaw sibling who was the executor continue it “since it’ was mom’s wish.” Um, the will is the will.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yeah, we had a similar situation with my younger brother and I made it clear, early and often, that the Bank of Mom and Dad was going to be closed once our parents were gone. Mercifully I haven’t heard from him since.

      • Anon.

        All of my parents’ money went to me with the wish that I help my mentally ill disabled brother. Mom knew she could have done a special needs trust but they are complicated and expensive. I am grateful for the extra money to help my brother because otherwise, I would have to navigate the extra expenses with my husband.

        • Anon

          It is wonderful you are there for your brother. I know how hard it can be. Thanks for doing it. Hope he is ok.

      • anonn

        in that situation I’d consider disclaiming my interest in the house rather than co-owning it with brother. my sanity isnt’ worth that. Maybe if it we a million dollar home, I’d pay a lawyer to deal with him.

    • Anonymous

      This is a weird way of describing this situation but no, unreasonable people don’t particular care about whatever civics lesson you’re dreaming of.

  17. Anon

    Yay! A relative has agreed to move into assisted living. It’s a long-distance move, so the apartment will need to be furnished, at least spartanly, to start with, and some household furniture may follow. Moving him safety is the first priority. If you needed to get the following items quickly, where would you go? Ikea? Target? Somewhere else?
    — Basic full-sized bed, dresser, night stand, one chair for bedroom
    — Basic desk + chair (specifically requested)
    — Breakfast table + 2 chairs
    — Couch + 2 side tables (footstool will come from his house)
    — Rug for living room (bedroom is carpet)

    Also, is LaZyBoy the best recliner? Need to get this item new and suspect it will be the most used of all items.

    Finally, basic towels and linens and some housewears (don’t need kitchen, but some utensils and dishes). Ikea and Target are local, as are most chains.

    • Anon

      Did this recently and I went to a local furniture store. They’re still out there and often used to quick deliveries to assisted living. You don’t need a rug for the living room, that’s a trip hazard, fyi.

      • Anon

        This is the way. They are normally great to work with. I know someone who had to buy new to furnish a small apartment but with a delayed move in, and they were able to purchase what they needed and the store held the items until the move in day.

      • Anon

        Yes!! The thought of putting together that much IKEA or Target furniture at once also sounds awful.

    • anon

      LaZBoys are the best.

      The rest of your list is good, but I also would skip the rug.

    • Anon

      How nice of you to help this relative get settled. I feel like Ikea is good for things like dressers and tables, but their beds and sofas tend to low, which can present a challenge as one ages. My parents can’t sit on my sofa because they have trouble getting up from it. I’d probably try to buy those types of items from a more traditional, basic furniture store or even a department store like Macy’s.

    • Anon

      You might feel awkward, but ask the assisted living if anyone has passed away recently and if their family would be interested in selling their loved one’s furniture. Families often only have a number of days to empty a loved one’s room and are more than happy to pass things along to another family that can use them. We had such a hard time finding a home for my grandmother’s items after she passed (her elegant New England furniture didn’t fit in coastal Florida) – you taking our things would have been such a relief to US, not to mention you get a great deal!

      • Jules

        Agreed. My father was in assisted living briefly before going to hospice, and after he passed we just gave most of the furniture to the facility for the next tenant or whoever needed it. We did sell the nearly-new lift recliner; it was snapped up by another resident immediately.

      • Dress

        +1 and to decrease awkwardness, you could use the phrasing from the poster below of asking if anyone has recently “moved out” or will be moving out shortly

    • Anon

      Did this recently and the facility was able to furnish a bed and some chairs for the first night while we got her stuff moved the next day. Is that (or a rental service catering for this kind of thing) an option?

    • Anon

      I would also skip the rug. With aging, they become a trip hazard.

      This is really exciting. Well done.

    • Anonymous

      I would talk to the assisted living facility and see if anyone is moving out and wants to unload these items. We just moved my grandma from assisted living to a nursing home and were trying to get rid of all of this stuff. We happened to find a family touring the building, exchanged contact info, and they ended up taking a bunch of it. We didn’t want money- I think they sent a big bouquet of flowers to my grandma at her nursing home?

    • Runcible Spoon

      Depending on the location of the assisted living facility (and how much time you have to get ready for the move-in), you might be able to find a decent second-hand furniture store, either brick and mortar, or online. For example, in the mid-Atlantic, you can look at Bucks County Estate Traders and Kaiyo online, just in case.

      • Dress

        Related, depending on time and logistics you might also post on a local Buy Nothing group to ask if people have furniture they’ve been wanting to give away

  18. anon

    My elementary-aged kid spends a ton of time outdoors and swims throughout the summer. As a result, her hair is dry and damaged. A chlorine-removing shampoo has helped some, but does anyone have recommendations for a good deep-conditioning treatment to further repair and moisturize her hair? Her hair is fine, blonde, and falls to the middle of her back. I’ve told her that we at least need to trim off an inch or two to get rid of the worst of the damage, and she’s balking hard. She’s very, very attached to the length. Honestly, I would like to cut off four or five inches because damaged hair drives me nuts, but I’m looking for a compromise here, lol. Her hair texture is exactly like mine and is just susceptible to damage no matter how we try to prevent it. One of many reasons why I rock a shorter cut!

    • Anon

      Honestly, her hair her choice re: trimming off the damage.

      You can explain it’ll grow better / look nicer if its trimmed but I wouldn’t force it on her

        • anon

          Don’t drag her to a salon to publicly pressure her into getting a cut. We should be aiming to teach girls that it is their choice what happens with their body.

          • Anonymous

            Clearly you do not have children. 99% of the time they will listen to another adult more than to mom, especially an “expert” (even if mom is also an expert). You can totally take her for a consultation with a stylist.

      • No Problem

        I’m not a parent, but is there no room here for a parent to make their kids get a haircut on some kind of regular schedule – maybe a minimum of 2-3 times per year (more if desired, obviously)? You’re not dictating how the kid wears their hair, just that it be maintained/kept groomed through regular professional haircuts. Trimming 1/2″ or 1″ a couple times per year is not going to make it look any shorter and will make it easier to wash and comb/brush. You can make your kid take showers, brush their teeth, go to the dentist and doctors, wear a bike helmet, and wear school- and season-appropriate clothing…why not also make your kid get the very occasional haircut? Obviously her body her choice (see above: not dictating how she can wear it), but is there no ability to insist on basic grooming?

        • Anonymous

          I am a parent and yes you can insist on basic grooming. When my kid was little the rule was that if she wanted long hair she had to take care of it herself, including washing and detangling. If it was not properly cared for she’d have to have it cut above shoulder length.

        • Dress

          Parent of 2 girls here, and I agree with your take on “her hair, her choice” when it comes to this specific issue. Parents are there to provide basic guidance and enforce rules about hygiene, social norms, and health.

    • Anononon

      The Aussie repair conditioner is great for this. And if she doesn’t want to cut it, don’t make her. It’s just hair.

      • Anonymous

        I’ve used the Aussie 3 min conditioner for over a decade. I switched to Cantu this year and they both work really well. Cantu leaves my hair a little “softer,” the trade off is it feels slightly “heavier.” I think with fine textures, it might make the hair feel “oily” faster, but my hair is thick and dry. Cantu on my little kids (fine hair, lots of breaks from swimming and hair ties) immediately makes their hair super smooth in the shower and gets through all the tangles.

    • hairs

      the Wella 90 second hair repair worked for us. just stayed consistent with it and after a week or two we were back. the $35 bottle was enough. My daughter was sad about taking off inches too, but agreed after many nights of painful and long detangling.

    • Anon

      My daughter had same issue. I’ve had that argument with her and the only thing that helped was her growing up a little bit more. She’s in 7th grade now and appreciates a tiny bit more than her hair really does look better after a trim.

      • anon

        OP here, and I agree that I need to be like Elsa and let it goooo. As long as I can help her get her hair back into decent shape and feeling soft again, I can live with it.

    • Alana

      For next summer, it can also help for her to: (1) saturate her hair with tap water, (2) squeeze out the excess, (3) put conditioner in her hair; and then (4) wear a swim cap. Preventing damage is easier than repair, or in her case, trims/cuts.

      • anon

        I agree, but she does a good deal of swimming at her summer daycare program. This is not a routine she is going to remember on her own.

    • Anonymous

      It looks weird and almost too cheap to work, but try “Elizavecca CER-100 Collagen Coating Hair Protein Treatment” on Amazon. It’s worked on my hair so well that I’ve only needed to use it once or twice over the course of a few years to repair heat styling damage. This is like a one-time treatment, so don’t use it too frequently or else it will start weighing her hair down.

    • Anonymous

      HELLO! I have an elementary swimmer with long blonde hair who is very attached to its length too :). Last summer she threw such a fit about cutting it that I let it go. This year I wised up and mid-summer (about a week before summer swim season ended) we got 3″ cut off. It was enough to get rid of all the damage. She still had a month of summer to let it grow out and lighten up in the sun. She probably would go for another trim now if I asked (<1") but it looks fine.

      We use Aussie 3 minute miracle, plus various leave in conditioners that we pick up at TJMaxx or similar. Her stylist suggested she use a deep cleanser because she was getting buildup from what we guess is sunscreen, so she used that once every 10-14 days over the summer.

    • Anonymous

      we used vo5 hot oil treatments when i was young – i still like them now.

      make sure she’s wetting her hair before she swims – also that she’s using conditioner on it if allowed by the pool. hair is like a sponge and if it’s full with regular water it cant absorb the chlorinated water.

  19. Anonymous

    Is anyone here older and NOT own their own home and are not sure if they want to own? I feel like DH and I should buy a house prob a TH in our HCOL east coast city. Prices just keep going up long term so I guess we should think about whether the current 800k THs will be over a million in a few years. We can afford it now and are tired of apartment living. Yet then I always come back to not wanting to be tied down geographically, living cheaper renting and investing. But then being a renter in retirement about two decades from now is not what anyone wants as your income is fixed but rent rises. Anyone feel this way and what side did you land on? IRL I feel like I’m surrounded by people who all buy as much house as they can asap so they seem to think we’re crazy for renting for decades.

    • anon

      I truly like being a renter better. But I have the mindset that I may own for a while, and reap those (enormous!) financial benefits, and one day our family may decide to sell up and move on. It’s not a decision that is permanent, you know?

    • Anon

      We’re mid/late 30s and don’t own and don’t have plans to. We live in the Bay Area and we’re simply not interested in paying $1.3 million for a dumpy ranch on a bad lot far from work. We’re also not interested in being tied down or taking on the risk of home ownership with climate change – we have friends whose homes have burned to the ground and it’s more risk than we’re comfortable with right now. I think there’s a chance we could regret this and I’d love to buy a cozy place in a more affordable locale, but this is life right now.

    • Anon

      do you have kids or plan on having kids? i probably would’ve been very happy renting forever and yes we bought a fairly large home, but we have two kids and frequent visitors. definitely not asap. we were married for 10 years before we bought a home. if we didn’t have kids, my needs would be very very different and i would’ve bought a different house or potentially no house at all

      • Anonymous

        No kids or plans for kids. Apartment living has just gotten a bit tight especially with both of our jobs having work from home aspects to them.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think you should buy a house to save money or bc you expect the house to make money.

          There are constant repairs, maintenance, and taxes.

          You should buy it because you want it. Otherwise you might find yourself resenting the extra work and money you’ll put into it.

      • Anon

        I’m Anon at 12:01 and we have a baby on the way. There are other kids in this apartment complex so I know it can be done, but I wish we could rent a house with outdoor space. Not in the budget here, sadly.

    • Anon

      I wouldn’t count on long term renting for the rest of your life, but if you don’t want a house right now, don’t buy a house right now.

      The reason I say not renting for the rest of your life is that I’ve had at least three friends who planned to keep their rent controlled apartments in San Francisco forever, and all three were basically forced out at some point, and had to then pay market rent somewhere else.

      Yes it’s illegal to get forced out but landlords find a way.

      • Anon

        Well, this is an outlier argument, as none of us will ever be so fortunate to have a rent controlled apartment in SF or NYC.

        • Anon

          I’m just cautioning against making it your “forever” plan. There’s rent control in many US cities.

    • LA Law

      I bought my house in 2000 when I was in my early 30s and I was definitely house poor for a few years. It will be paid off next year. I live in a VHCOL area, and I am so happy I bought when I did because there is no universe in which I could afford it now. For reference rent on an OK but not great 1BR/1BA apartment in our city is more than my mortgage and property taxes combined. Owning my house means I get to stay in this city when I retire or sell and take the $1 million proceeds and move to a different area (although I am going to get absolutely killed in capital gains taxes so will not sell unless I have to, which is too bad because I could live in something smaller and my house would be perfect for a young family). I know so many renters who have been forced to move when they retired because their incomes did not rise as fast as rent.

      But I recognize the calculus is different now, if for no other reason than prices are so much higher. I would only suggest that you can always sell the house if you decide to move. You may not always be able to buy if property values continue to rise. And of course, real estate prices do sometimes go down and might as Boomers die and their houses go on the market over the next 20 years.

    • Anon NYC

      I’m conflicted on this too. My bf and I are late 30’s and will be lifelong DINKs. I’m concerned about increased rents and not having full control over our home. Also everyone always says owning leaves you in a much better place when you want to retire. We are having trouble saving up for the down payment and I’m also concerned about all the maintenance costs of home ownership.

    • test run

      My SO and I did eventually buy, but it was because we moved somewhere with a really small rental market and there really wasn’t any other way to live somewhere we liked without buying. But prior to that I was super happy renting – not worrying about maintenance, property tax, etc. etc. was great and I appreciated having the flexibility. I have friends who said they got sick of not being able to modify their house to their liking with renting, but that never particularly bothered me. Like you, our rent was cheaper and I invested the difference. I think if you’re planning on retiring somewhere where rent is low enough that you can absorb increases while your retirement income is fixed, you’ll be okay?

    • Anon

      As a renter who’s very excited to buy a SFH soon: I want to customize and renovate my home so that it’s functional for my habits and belongings. I desperately want a garage and basement to store random outdoor gear, luggage, holiday decorations, etc that take up valuable space in my hall closet. When an annoying neighbor moves in their actions affect me far more than someone in a house across the street. I want to get from my foyer to my car or the outdoors without waiting for an elevator, avoiding the neighbor’s jumpy dog, or encountering whatever strangers my neighbors buzzed inside. I want the stability of knowing exactly where I’m going to live 5-10 years from now without worrying my landlord will raise the rent or changes to the building will make it unappealing. If you live in an area that’s at risk of natural disasters or have concrete plans to move soon then don’t bother buying. If you just like the abstract concept of “we can pick up and leave whenever!” but don’t actually have a timeframe or location in mind, you should consider the long term cost of renting.

    • Anon

      I hear you OP. I’m in my 50s, and have pretty much decided on being a lifelong renter. I hate the house maintenance stuff, after “helping” my parents age in place in their house for years. I learned aging in a big house is terrible for so many older adults….. unless they are very wealthy and can hire live in help/care in a luxurious way, or have kids willing to sacrifice lots of time and money for their care. No one can predict how people will age, and very few folks I’ve seen plan well for the “what if……”. Most of us are not lucky enough to die quietly in our sleep, in our beloved home and bed.

      That being said, I’ve always rented up until now, and invested. I am now very wealthy, and honestly still see myself renting ongoing. I like the flexibility. I like the freedom. I want to focus my time on other things. I want to retire early.

      • Anon

        Aging in place without children to help out as a house falls apart around me is a real fear of mine.

      • PolyD

        I’m your age and also have always rented. We don’t really have rent control, but there are limits on how much rent can increase, so to even get a condo as nice as my current apartment, I’d basically have to double my living expenses. And my building has good management – any maintenance issues are taken care of promptly.

        I do try to put away each month, on top of IRA and other savings, about what I’d pay if I were to buy a place. I think that is key – if your rental costs are very low, still save as if you owned a house you could sell some day.

    • Anon

      We bought in this situation because of rising rent and needing home offices for WFH, and I kind of hate it. I keep revisiting whether the inconvenience, hassle, and recurring expenses of owning, and both the feeling and reality of being tied down, are really worth the security? We’re the worst landlords we’ve ever had because we have no genuine interest in maintenance and repair or learning new relevant skills. Outsourcing is its own hassle because there are both reliable and unreliable people in every category. We used to move every few years because I like to switch things up. Now it feels like moving would be an ordeal because of the extra stuff. The only bright side that’s not on paper is that we can get whatever household pets we want, but in reality we have the same household pet scenario we did when renting anyway.

    • Anonymous

      I bought my house 8 years ago when a mortgage payment equaled my rent. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. I think the other questions like where you want to live your life long term are different subset issues that aren’t really cost of a house related. Are you planning to move to another state or a different area when you stop working? If I was living in a city to work but planned to move to the mountains to retire, I probably wouldn’t buy a house either unless it was in that area. Do you envision living in a senior community or something like that at some point? Some people buy into those kinds of communities specifically for those amenities.

    • Dress

      Keep in mind that it’s not a binary choice between (1) buy now or (2) be a renter in 20 years. You can buy at any point during the 20 years, or buy at year 20 and become an owner then. You can tailor your investment/saving plans to ensure that you have that option down the road, if you want it.

  20. Anonymous

    Any tricks that work for you to get back to sleep if you wake up far too early and your mind is racing with thoughts? Say you wake up at 4 am when you planned or needed to sleep until 7 am? Wasn’t thinking anything alarming but like running lists of what’s left on our home reno, how much I dislike my job and on and on. IDK what brought it on but I suspect it was a long evening conversation with an elderly parent. In any event my day started before 4 am today and now I’m exhausted at noon.

    • test run

      Sometimes reading helps me fall back asleep, but other times I’m still just too wired. The weird trick that helps me the most is getting out of bed and doing an inane task like folding laundry or emptying the dishwasher. I have no idea why, but physically getting out of bed and doing something boring just calms my mind back down enough that I start to feel really sleepy and can quickly fall back asleep once I’m in bed.

      • Anonymous

        It’s because your brain knows that you got something done, and it can rest now. :)

    • Anon

      Insomniac here. A golden rule is that if you’re awake for more than 15 minutes, you want to get out of bed and go do a calming activity in a different room. I usually make a cup of tea and read a book, ideally laying flat on my back with my arms holding the book above my head (something about having your arms up for 5-10 minutes always makes me sleepy again.) You can also lay on your back with your legs up against a wall, as this is supposed to calm your nervous system.

      If you’re having racing thoughts, having a journal you use to write down everything in your mind (even just cataloguing your thoughts in a list) always halts that for me.

    • Senior Attorney

      Okay this is completely nuts, but I put myself back to sleep by singing The Twelve Days of Christmas in my head. I rarely make it all the way to 12
      YMMV…

      • Anonymous

        This is not nuts at all! Singing something in your head forces your brain into using a different mode. You can’t ruminate on thoughts and sing at the same time. And a long song like the 12 days of Christmas keeps you focused and gives your brain something specific to do for quite a while — again, blocking it from returning to the senseless rumination.

      • Dress

        I love this! I may try it on occasions where I don’t have my podcasts available.

    • Anon

      My therapist just gave me two new to me tricks for this. 1) Imagine a curtain falling on a stage and that anything racing through your mind goes on the other side of the curtain and the curtain continues to fall. 2) Imagine being the protagonist in a favorite book or movie where you know the story line really well. Just keep going through the story like you’re actively doing it.
      For me I’ve been thinking about things that need to get done or unknowns I have. Mostly around some medical stuff with a kid. So in my case waking up to read or write down my thoughts is not doing the trick like it has in the past.

    • No Face

      Audiobook. My mind has to listen to the story instead of go through my to do list.

    • Anon

      This is really common.

      Most of the time if I wake up, I have my Alexa device next to me start playing a storytelling podcast that I like like (I usually choose Criminal or Selected Shorts etc…) and set the sleep timer. I am usually asleep within minutes. The podcast competes in my mind with whatever I am worrying about and helps me relax.

      I also keep a pad of paper by my bed. If my mind starts racing in the night, I situ up and quickly write the bullet points/concerns I am thinking about, and that helps relax my mind…. it’s as if I have just made a plan to deal with them tomorrow, so my brain says ok and goes back to sleep.

    • Anonymous

      i have comfort reads that i listen to on audiobook. i’ve read many of them (either reading or listening) probably 30+ times so i know it’s ok to fall asleep. i almost always can just use the sleep timer for 30 minutes or 1 chapter on Libby, but very occasionally i just let it run.

    • Anon

      Personally, if I start to do something then I’m awake and that’s it, I’m awake for the next 3 hours. I try to methodically count to 4 over and over again or count backwards from 100 visualizing writing the numbers. Anything to numb my brain and stop thinking the thoughts. I’m late 40’s, so deep into perimenopausal sleep issues.

    • Roxie

      Calming podcast- either something historical which lets me focus my thoughts somewhere, but isn’t so interesting that I stay awake to hear it, or a sleep specific podcast like Nothing Much happens.

    • Dress

      Listening to a podcast with one Airpod in my ear is the only thing that’s worked to quiet racing thoughts and get to sleep. Been doing it for years now.

    • Anon

      Its fifty fifty if I get back to sleep in that situation amd the getting out of bed after 15 minutes is miserable for me. I havent had good luck with it.

      I have a history podcast I put on, Ive listened to every episode atleast 4 times. Key for me is an even tone of voice and no noises or excitment or midroll ads that could startle me out of a doze.

      A spelling game. Think of a ‘root’ word with atleast 5 letters, and come up with a word that starts with each of those letters, going in order of the root words spelling. Gives my brain something better to chew on than just counting or breathing.

  21. Anonymous

    Is there an alternative to OneNote for Mac? I can’t get OneNote to allow me to save locally even by deleting OneDrive.

  22. Anon

    Thinking about planning a spontaneous trip, which would most likely be just me because I’d be going midweek. Should I go to DC or Portland (Oregon)? I haven’t been to DC since I was a tween and I’ve never been to Portland. Interests include good food, museums, walking, history, arts, culture.

    • Anon

      DC should be lovely right about now (vs several months prior) and it shouldn’t be moved with either students moving in or tourists or school groups. I wouldn’t go after October FWIW in an election year to after the inauguration (balls used to be fun but politics used to not be a blood sport; they are easy enough to get into if you start early and like that sort of thing).

      Portland is fine IMO but it’s a small airport and can be harder to fly into depending on where you are starting from. If you’re on the East Coast, DC is just so easy.

      • Anon

        Honestly if you’re looking for a spontaneous trip, DC in November might be the happiest place in the US depending on how the election goes (or the most depressing, but I’m attempting optimism), and would be a great place for a visit. But I wouldn’t book until the election is called.

    • Anonymous

      I loved going back to DC as an adult after the last time I went was a tour in middle school. I loved it! I want to go back again.

    • Anon

      i recently visited Portland, OR and it was a very quick visit on the way back from Bend, OR and maybe we went to the wrong areas, but it is one of the few US cities I’ve visited i have no interest in ever going back to. The rose garden was pretty, but otherwise I was unimpressed. (we were impressed by Bend and surrounding areas and natural beauty there)

      • Anon

        Portland OR is pretty low on my list too. I thought the food scene was waaaaaay overhyped (although I’m a big fan of southern food and love all the southeast cities for that). The zoo was fun, but most cities have zoos. Powell’s books was disappointing to me, it just seemed like a regular bookstore. The highlights for me were Voodoo Donut and Salt & Straw ice cream and both of those are now chains that exist in many other cities.

      • Clara

        Oh I had a good time in Portland! We actually didn’t go to the rose garden or the zoo though. We went to a lot of local restaurants/bars, like the womens sports focused sports bar and a brewery in a church. Agree that voodoo donuts is a highlight, and the hiking trips outside were great.

        For this weekend though maybe DC. There’s a lot more to go and you can do both interesting tourist-y stuff and also explore neighborhoods etc.

    • Kate

      What climate / weather you desire will be a real driver here, too. It is getting hot in DC again.

    • Runcible Spoon

      DC, for the free museums and excellent food scene, with no weirdness about eating out by yourself. Enjoy!

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