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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’ve seen these pants from Frank & Eileen touted online by various influencers as “the perfect work pant,” and I have to admit, they look pretty darn good. They come in nine colors, all of which I would actually wear to the office; have a flattering mid-rise; and with 12% spandex, also have a good amount of stretch.
I would wear these with a longer blazer or an oxford shirt for a comfy business casual outfit.
The pants are $228 at Nordstrom (in black and green only) and at Frank & Eileen (all nine colors available). They come in sizes XS–XL, but note that they run small.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
Do these just not have a hem??
Anonymous
The rear view of the lighter colors like camel is horrendous for the office. When are we going to bring back real trousers not glorified leggings.
AIMS
I actually think real pants are back? These pants look kind of dated to me. I am seeing lots of gorgeous Katherine Hepburn style wide leg trousers in the real world now.
Anon
I see the pants, but making full-leg pants work with the right length and shoe is my Waterloo. Skinny pants have robbed me of my skills in this area. And I also can’t figure out whether to cuff or not to cuff (sometimes they come one way or the other); I think I am not a fan of cuffs but this is my weak area.
AIMS
I also see shorter kick crop type pants (great with flats or heels) and more basic straight leg styles. Lots of options. These are just not among the fresher ones.
No Face
Women at my firm solved the problem by getting their wide leg pants hemmed to the flats and loafers they already have. Very few heels in my world!
anon
You have to hem them. Even at 5’8″ there are many pairs of wide leg pants that are way too long for me.
Anon
There are pants all over the place.
Lydia
the lack of hem is definitely weird/cheap looking. Overall, this silhouette (the tightness, the crop) looks very early 2010s blogger with a day job to me, in a way I’m not ready to revisit!
Anne-on
These look like a more expensive version of the Jcrew Pixie pants, and not in a good way!
Senior Attorney
Yes!
Anon
I agree this is a very dated look for the office. Unfortunately for me, as I own several similar pairs of pants that I used to wear regularly. I think it’s time to retire them.
Anonymous
i disagree – yes wide leg trousers are the top trend right now but i also keep seeing these skinnier pants out right now but they’ll be called cigarette pants instead, and you shouldn’t wear them with the big tunics you’d wear them with before.
Anonymous
Good eye. I am fine with the look for casual wear, but no way am I wearing unhemmed pants to work, and I am certainly not paying $228 for them.
Anonymous
This.
These are weekend casual, not workwear, and not something I would pay over $200 for.
Anon
There were complaints about the hem in the reviews too. I don’t know why they’d go with that especially at that price point.
Anonymous
My admittedly limited experience with this brand was so underwhelming it felt like an emperor’s new clothes situation. Anyone have a good experience?
Sallyanne
I have a couple of tops and the Mary shirt dresses (which I love) but definitely casual wear elevated brand in my book.
Anonymous
The reviews were not great. Wonder how much they paid to be featured here.
Anon
Yeah, after reading the reviews these sound more like disposable fast-fashion from one of those weirdly-spelled Amazon brands, not an aspirational $200+ pair of miracle pants.
rices
Excellent point. I also saw these via an instagram influencer and balked when I saw the price point. Honestly, they look like the Old Navy Pixie pant and I can’t imagine how they are worth 10x the price.
Anon
FWIW, I love these pants and the brand in general. It’s a lot more casual overall but I don’t have to be formal at my office. It all wears like iron.
Anon
I thought I was putting on weight but apparently it’s just fibroids. Family curse, now that I’ve had some calls over Xmas. Advice on dressing a body that is a 6 on top but 8 on the bottom with a 10 belly? I guess dresses will be out for a while unless it is a magical fit and flare? What silhouettes work? I can talk to the doctor about removing them but they are likely to come back and my iron count is OK right now so it’s mainly a fashion problem (and I have some work travel coming up).
anon
Either size up in pants, or look for things that have a stretchy waistband. When I was struggling with fibroids, I could not stand high rise pants because they compressed everything and made me very uncomfortable. Mid-rise fits were better because they sort of rode below the fibroid belly. It may take some trial and error.
No Face
Fibroids run in my family and every woman who got them removed wished she did it earlier. I will get them removed the second it is my turn!
My abdomen ranged from pooch to giant belly for most of my adulthood. For work, pull on pants, loose top, and blazer is always flattering. In hot weather, I like flowing maxi dresses.
anon
fwiw, I’ve had fibroids removed twice, and it’s completely worthwhile. The recovery for me wasn’t a big deal, either – one day off from work after the surgery (so two days total both times).
Anon
Can you share how long it took for them to come back? My lady parts are out of warranty and starting to seriously misfire. Like I would like a time in my life where I wasn’t bleeding. Ugh.
Anon
Not me but my sister had a fibroid growing along with the baby during her last pregnancy. They kept telling her it was as big as the baby. She got uterine ablation after giving birth and the fibroid/fibroids never came back. My niece is in middle school now.
Anon
I was nearly two decades past having my children when they finally diagnosed me with fibroids and suggested a hysterectomy. My only regret is that I did not have the surgery years ago. It was a robotic laparoscopic surgery and I was able to keep my ovaries (i.e., no early menopause). Recovery was about a week of at-home rest, with another week of going gentle on myself while getting up and around.
No bleeding since then has been life-changing!
Anonymous
I had a myomechyomy for a very large fibroid and was astounded how fast the recovery was. Surgical techniques in this space have really improved, so if “family curse” means you’ve also heard older horror stories, I encourage you to visit a gynecological surgical specialist.
Anon
I had one too (myomectomy) after my second miscarriage after my doctor pointed out that they give off hormones that can contribute to miscarriage. My fibroid was on the back of my uterus, I am glad I did it and I had a successful pregnancy after, my son is 13. But I do likely have adhesions, scar tissue as a result of surgery so if there is a way to remove without cutting, please consider it.
Kitchen question
Has anyone bought Waypoint cabinets? the parent company is American Woodmark. How do you like them?
Cora
I work completely remotely so I’m trying to plan some digital-nomad-travel for this year. The idea is that I will go on a couple week trip somewhere and work for part of it, so I get the extended travel but don’t have to use all my PTO days. I’m meeting up with a friend in Berlin after so somewhere easy to get to from there, and ideally also a direct flight from NY. I’ve been to a lot of European cities – Paris, London, Madrid, couple places in Italy – so looking for somewhere new. Scotland sounds like it would be cool?
Any ideas for this? My company is completely fine with me working from wherever. I love history and good food, and would spend time going to historical monuments etc. Definitely want a city. I speak Spanish but no other latin languages.
anon
I loved Edinburgh, so definitely think Scotland would be great. Portugal would also be a wonderful choice.
Anon
Athens!! Aside from the huge number of historical sites, the city is full of amazing cafe’s, restaurants, and bars. And aside from July-August when it can get uncomfortably hot, the weather is fantastic the rest of the year.
anonshmanon
sounds like you haven’t seen much of Scandinavia? How about Bergen, Stockholm, Copenhagen, Lapland?
Senior Attorney
Scandanavia is amazing but eye-wateringly exensive.
Flats Only
Peru. No questions about it. I’ve travelled solo there and it’s safe, the food is amazing, there are lots of historic things to see from Pre-Inca through Spanish Colonial, and very good internet everywhere I stayed, and the time zones mean you will be able to work during normal US work hours. Note that you should take the altitude into account in certain places and build in acclimatization days, which are perfect for working as you should really just be sitting around and letting your body adjust, with maybe some light exercise like a walk around the neighborhood.
anon
Istanbul or Cairo or Marrakesh would be my dream. The benefit of being a digital nomad is you can go places that are a little bit further from North America, after all.
Anon
How do you ensure that the place you rent actually has robust enough internet to work remotely? I am always concerned that they say they do, but once you arrive, you realize they don’t.
Also, is your work truly entirely on the laptop/network? Do you not need to bring any paper files or notes with you?
anon
Not the OP, but I work in software development and don’t use paper files for work.
anonshmanon
I work in project management, and same. I print something for proofreading maybe twice per year.
Anon
I work in higher ed communications and can’t remember the last time I printed something for work. I WFH 100% and we don’t even have a printer at home.
Anon
I always wonder how people really get work done when traveling like this. When I’m somewhere new, I want to be out and about and exploring! I would have a really hard time pulling a 9-5.
Anonymous
Not OP, but it’s really no different than your regular work day. You put in your 8 hours and enjoy the early evening and weekend in a new place. Many tourist type attractions probably don’t close at 5 every day. I haven’t done this as much internationally but I have domestically and it truly is a major WFH perk.
Anonymous
i never use paper.
Anon
Geez, no need to be such a wet blanket. I’m sure OP is smart enough to figure these things out.
Anonymous
I don’t think that’s being a wet blanket – that’s a legitimate concern. It’s one thing to be working a bit on the side, but if you’re fully working remotely somewhere, finding out how to confirm that’s possible with your internet there is reasonable.
Anon
This is Anon at 10:49. I was asking because I don’t know and was hoping for some guidance that I could use in my own life.
LadyB
Thailand- specifically Chiang Mai. Super affordable, English is prevalent, so many cultural and historical sites to visit and a plethora of chic coffee shops to work from. Obviously not the easiest to get to Berlin, but worth it if you have the time. We flew from Frankfurt to Bangkok.
Anonymous
I think Lisbon and Stockholm are underrated.
AnonNL
I would recommend the following:
* Portugal [amazing hikes and food scene, ocean, lots of beautiful buildings].
* Central Eastern Europe: Start in Vienna for history, then move to Salzburg for weekend hikes. Catch a train or bus to Budapest [history, thermal baths], then recover in Slovak national parks [High Tatras, Slovak Paradise], easily accessible by bus or train, and close the Central European tour with Prague. This region has great internet connection, lots of history, architecture, beautiful nature, great food.
* Poland deep dive. Land in Warsaw [amazing restaurant scene, lots of history, great energy], then move to Krakow, Wroclaw, Gdansk. These are all beautiful cities, great internet connection, affordable and if you bike, you would enjoy the hundreds of kilometers of flats over the weekend. If you’re up to it, a trip to Auschwitz is worth it. But only visit Poland in spring/summer [never fall/winter].
* Scotland is my love and plan to retire there. I would do Edinburgh, trip to Dunnotar castle, Glen Coe valley, move up north for short trips to munro hikes and trips to the seaside. The nature is breathtaking, offers lots of memorable hikes. Edinburgh and all the castles you will satisfy your history cravings. Just remember it may be expensive during the peak of tourist season.
* I would happily do Mexico [may not be close to Berlin], especially if you speak Spanish – Mexico City, Puebla, Yucatan, Oaxaca, I have also enjoyed the Nayarit/Jalisco beaches.
* My friends did a one month remote work from Malta and were very positive about it, but I haven’t visited yet.
* Underrated and worth trying: Slovenia and Croatia in Spring.
I think Nordics could be interesting, but be ready for people being polite, but not engaging.
I am now based in the Netherlands, I could see you creating a base here and travel around the cities [Amsterdam, Rotterdam, Hague, the islands], then doing trips to Belgium and we have good connections to Berlin.
If you’re looking to something different vs Western Europe and with a connection to Berlin, I would do CEE or Poland or Scotland.
anon
Has anyone dealt with a fear of intimacy and vulnerability? Other than therapy (which I’m already doing) what helped you?
Anonymous
Have you read Brené Brown’s work on it? It’s basically like a muscle you have to exercise. Talking about it won’t fix it.
Anonymous
+1 If you haven’t read her book The Gift of Imperfection, I highly recommend you start there.
Anon
Look for kindness, trustworthiness and honesty as key qualities in a partner. Stop dating jerks.
Anne-on
Harsh but more or less this. Set high standards for what you want and expect from a partner. Everyone makes mistakes but something that stood out to me about my now husband was his honesty, good communication skills, committment to plans (both with me and work/friends), and the willingness to talk things out. My husband was the one who pushed for us to discuss issues that came up whereas I pulled away until called out on it. He’s older and had married/seriously coupled up friends and his having that perspective of wanting to work towards a deep relationship was really helpful.
Anon
This – but also, don’t date people that are going to immediately demand more of you than you’re willing to give right away. Find someone with patience, who appreciates you for who you are. After dating jerks for years I over-corrected and tried dating very sensitive, empathetic guys for a while – but their overt emoting all the time and need for me to talk about my feelings was almost as bad as dating jerks – if anything, it made me more guarded.
Anon
This is helpful to think about.
Anon
I totally hear you on the overly sensitive guys. I was also reeling from dating insensitive jerks and over corrected with a guy who I thought was so in touch with his emotions. After not to long I realized how manipulative he was!
anon
Thanks both. I’ve actually been married (happily) for a while. I just find myself avoiding human contact in a lot of ways because I feel I have to do everything perfectly in order to be acceptable. So it’s less about romantic relationships and more general. I guess a lot of the same rules apply?
CK
I’m reading The Origins of You right now and I think it would be great help on this. The book examines how wounds from childhood affect our relationships including romantic, friendships and work relationships. I wish I had read something like this years ago as it helped me understand a lot about my behavior.
anon
I think realizing that I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea helped me a lot. Like, it’s fine if someone doesn’t like me, or is even just neutral about me. There are people out there who appreciate who I am.
I hear you on the perfectionism rearing its head during social situations. I grew up in a bit of a fishbowl (rural area) and never fit in with many of the girls in my grade. I still don’t know why. Different interests, different approaches, I guess. And since there was never a chance to escape, I coped by just shutting down and becoming invisible. That has affected me into adulthood, unfortunately. I tend to assume that people (women especially) don’t like me unless it’s proven otherwise. But I do have a close circle of friends and am respected by my peers at work, so clearly I’m not a total loser?
Anonymous
i feel like part of this is just getting older and having found your person? in my mind this is me loving my extreme introverted self and not giving Fs about socializing with people who will always be surface and not deep friendships. friendships are totally different in your 30s, 40s, and 50s, especially once kids come along.
anon
What website/service should I use to look for a 1 month furnished rental in NYC (Manhattan)? Ideally for April-ish, but flexible on dates. It would be a home base for tourism, if that makes any difference in your suggestion.
AIMS
Blueground and Corporate Habitat both do short term rentals but it’s honestly very very hard to find an on the books short term rental in NYC. AirBnB is technically not allowed so whatever you find there may be shady.
Anon
Not in NYC, but in most places, 1 month means it’s no longer a short term rental, so it’s legal even where short term rentals are banned. In my city, Zillow is now full of these, instead of rentals for people who actually live here and are desperate for housing, so you could try looking there.
Anon
This is not a thing in NYC. 30 days establishes residency and means the landlord has to go through the court eviction process to get someone out, so it’s actually a disadvantage to landlords to do this rather than a 1 year lease.
OP, look into the companies AIMS suggested or extended stay hotels. You can definitely find a short term sublet (use that term) for cheaper if that’s what you are looking for, but it’s likely to be a massive headache. Theres a subre-dd-it called nycapartments that seems active (though I haven’t personally used it).
Anon
I’m pretty sure that’s also true here in CA. There was a horrifying article about the Airbnb tenant from hell in the LA Times recently, who refused to pay or move out for more than a year (though that situation had some other complications). But it seems to be sufficiently profitable that it doesn’t stop people from doing monthly leases if they’re in a location with a market for them, so now that short term rentals are banned in NYC, it would be shocking if you don’t see a lot more of them, unless there’s something that specifically bans them too. In my city, they’re asking 3-4x what they’d charge for a regular rental, which is already absurdly high.
Anon
What about an extended stay hotel?
Anon
I used to use Execustay, which I think is now Corporate Housing.
anon
Happy New Year! Has anyone worked with a dietitian and could give feeback on your experience? I’m great at exercising but I have little control in the kitchen and struggle with cooking within the confines of an unusual and unpredictable life/work schedule. Is this something they can help with?
Anon
Maybe but now everyone seems to want to sell you pre/packaged meals. They are exoensive but work well for DH because if he has a choice he will make a bad one and also doesn’t do portions well.
anon
Try following feelgooddietician on instagram. She admits that she hates to cook and often has ideas for quick meals and things that can be pulled together when you’re short on time (or brain power).
Anonymous
It’s not something theyve ever been able to help me with.
EB
Years ago when I was a vegetarian training for a marathon (I am neither now, sadly), I sought out help to make sure I was getting enough protein etc. to fuel my activities. I looked for someone who had experience with vegetarian athletes, but I believe she was a nutritionist, rather than a dietician. She helped me understand my body’s needs, and helped me develop strategies to meet those needs, including quick and easy ways.
I have a friend who is a licensed dietician, and she helps her patients in a nearly medical way. In an actual medical way sometimes, when she’s working at a hospital. It doesn’t sound like you quite need that level of help. All this to say, that you may just need a nutritionist, rather than a dietician, and I myself have found that kind of service to be helpful, if you have specific goals in mind, which it sounds like you do.
RD
A nutritionist does not need any training or qualifications to call themselves a nutritionist. Anyone off the street can say they are a nutritionist and give whack advice. If you want scientifically-sound advice, stick with a dietician who will be recognizable by the Registered Dietician, RD, credentials. Yes, many work in hospitals in a medical way (most of us were trained in hospitals), but there are many on their own or part of a functional medical practice that specialize in exactly what the OP is seeking. Don’t throw money at the food equivalent of a fitness influencer calling themselves a “nutritionist.”
anon
I second this from the patient perspective. I was a very serious amateur athlete, trying to conceive, and with concerns about triggering a relapse of my eating disorder. I saw two nutritionists and they were beyond unhelpful – the advice was cookie cutter, and neither seemed to be able to avoid framing everything in terms of weight loss (or coded terms like “getting leans”), which didn’t even make sense given that I was at a low body weight and very low body fat. Switched to an RD who was a specialist in athletes and it was a completely different experience – her advice was evidence-based and she had tons of experience in the emotional complexities of nutrition advice for both athletes and eating disordered people (there’s a lot of overlap between the two). Under her guidance I was able to increase body fat without triggering a relapse of my anorexia, which enabled me to get and stay pregnant. Would never see anything but an RD again.
EB
I stand corrected! Thank you!
Anonymous
Any suggestions on quick veg meals that worked for you?
JTM
I worked with an RD for 6mos last year and I had a very positive experience. There was zero judgement (which I was worried about going into the first appointment) and she really educated me about my own triggers/habits, and how to make better choices. But she didn’t do meal planning for me or anything like that – are you looking for someone to just make meals for you so you don’t have to worry about it?
Anonymous
I really like the videos from Salt and Sage Nutrition on TikTok. They have helped me refine my eating habits more than the dietician I worked with in real life.
anan
My Husband saw one and I think it helped him because she gave him very concrete suggestions. So now he has a slice of toast with peanut butter and low fat vanilla yogurt for breakfast and also had yogurt bars instead of ice cream every night. It was a lot about looking at his eating habits and figuring out healthier substitutes. He also learned to stop looking for novelty in food and be okay with eating the same thing 95% of the time and also eating smaller portions. It might be information that he could get from other sources, but for my Husband, having a face to face talk with someone to walk him through it was very effective. He now says, “What would my nutritionist say?” when he is faced with choices.
anon
OP here – thanks, everyone, for your responses. I also am in need of concrete suggestions and some kind of external motivation. Having advice handed to me by someone who I’ll need to follow up with works well for me. I’m going to make an appointment and will try to report back!
Anonymous
i don’t remember if i saw a dietician, nutritionist or RD when i was pregnant with my second, but her advice was completely cookie cutter – i had hoped she would start with where i was (we had had wonton soup and eggrolls the evening before) and she said “ew so gross you should have a sweet potato and some avocado” — like, i read self magazine, i could have gotten that myself.
right now i’d only see a RD – but lots of those are on tiktok/instagram. if meal prep would be something you could do check out zach coen or steph grasso. not an RD afaik but stealth health is good for freezer meal prep.
Anon
Hi Hive, is anyone knowledgeable about the Cape Cod area? We usually vacation in Maine, but our usual beach rental has booked up, and we found a cute rental cottage in South Yarmouth so we are thinking of switching it up. It would be me, my husband, our then almost 2 year old, and my parents. The rental appears to be walking distance to the beach. We like beaches, walking around, good food, and good coffee. This would be in late July – will it be absolute insanity? Are sharks an issue? Any recommendations for things to do and good places to eat? As a bonus, any idea how dog-friendly it is? The rental allows pets, but if we can’t bring our dog anywhere he may be better off staying with the boarder. (and yes, I’m planning my summer vacation on my first day back at work to fight the winter blues).
Anonymous
Sharks are a serious issue on the Atlantic side of the cape. The bayside beaches are fine and for a little kid way better. Acres of sand and tons of tidal pools to splash in and not the big waves.
anon
+1 The sharks and waves on that side are not ideal for young children. If you’re walking into the water up to your ankles, it’s fine. But this won’t be a swimming vacation. The whole area is super dog friendly, imo.
For things to do, mini golf and going out for ice cream are great activities for the family. For things to go see, there are the lighthouses and the summer baseball league (the Cape Cod league). There’s also the usual assortment of beach gift shops and candy stores. I think you’ll have a good time if you go!
Anonymous
what are you talking about? The atlantic side is shark-y, and the bayside is fine, but the nantucket sound side (where south yarmouth is) is also fine. It’s too shallow for sharks.
The OP will likely want to spend more time on the bayside with a 2 year old but on a calm day the sound is fine for a little one.
Anonymous
Sharks are an issue but not in Yarmouth. The sharks are on the Atlantic part (Chatham, Orleans, and further up).
Dogs are not allowed on any beaches or in nature preserves.
anon
That just isn’t true: https://www.capecodchamber.org/things-to-do/pet-friendly/
Anonymous
Did you read your link? Only the non lifeguarded national seashore beaches (which are the shark ones) allow dogs in summer.
Anonymous
in Yarmouth? We have a house there. You aren’t bringing a dog on the beach.
That said, we have our dog with us, but she stays at the house.
Trixie
Well, Provincetown is very dog friendly. Dogs are allowed on patios, and the Harbor Beach, while not technically dog friendly, is very dog friendly at low tide. Lots of great beach combing. Look for a place in the west end, near the west end parking lot beach. Also, Herring Cove Beach allows dogs on leashes, but if you walk further afield, dogs are off leash. There is a lot of local culture re: dogs and towns on the Cape.
Anonymous
are you serious?! P town is not South Yarmouth, which is where the OP is asking about. It’s like…2 entire hours away. OP has a 2 year old. She’s not driving to p-town to let her dog run on the beach.
Anon
Exactly this. Absolutely no traffic, the Cape is an hour and a half end to end (I used Bourne as the starting point; it’s almost 2 hours down to Woods Hole form P-town). In the summer, that can go to 2.5 to 3 hours depending on the time of day.
Anonymous
I went to the cape with a friend and her dog it sucked don’t do it. No dogs on beaches and we found restaurants super unfriendly even with sitting outside.
Anon
It’s busy in July, but if you can walk to the beach you’ve eliminated the parking frustration. And it’s not like Disney World; you are able to drive around and do things, you just may encounter traffic at some points on the main roadways and longer waits at popular restaurants. We go to the Cape every summer and love it. It’s perfect for plopping down with little kids (I third the recs for bay side beaches)
Anonymous
If you want to be in the more dog-friendly part of the cape, you’ll want to head up to the “outer cape.” It’s more rustic, nature-y. Still, a lot of the land is protected and doesn’t allow dogs. If you head out that way you should look at Eastham or Wellfleet on the bayside. The atlantic is rough and there are often sharks. That said, the water closes for sharks but the beaches do not and your 2 year old isn’t going to body surf anyway.
If you stay in south yarmouth, you are in a great spot for a day trip to martha’s vineyard or nantucket, which is really do-able with a toddler. The bayside beaches, esp Mayflower and Corporation, are great for young kids. Mine are in elem and like to boogie board etc so we split out time between the nantucket sound beaches and the outer cape now but the loved the bayside tide pools as younger kids!
Anonymous
Provincetown is super dog friendly. We stay at the Breakwater hotel about a mile south of the town , right on the beach. We always bring our dog and many other people have dogs too. In season most of the restaurants in town have outdoor dining and welcome dogs.
Anon
Has anyone ordered from Me and Em? I like The Fold but it now too formal for me for work. Me and Em has some pieces that I would get more use from. I just don’t know if it runs straight or how well it would fit someone who is short or is ther is / isn’t any vanity sizing to factor in when looking at items or ordering.
Anon
Yes, great quality, runs small but read reviews for specific items.
Panda Bear
Yes, but only blouses. I found they ran true to size. I’m short and had the sleeves shortened on one blouse, but the other ones worked well. The only challenge I had (and this is a me problem, not an issue with the brand) was getting the right fit for tighter or button down items around the chest, since I’m blessed/cursed in that area. But I really liked the tops that I ended up with, they are still in rotation after about two years.
Anne-on
A UK based colleague wears a lot of their clothing and loves it. The quality is very good but it definitely runs tall/long, and is similar in fit in to much British clothing in that it’s cut rather narrowly. I’d say their clothing works best on someone who is at least 5’6 or with a long torso/arms (for tops) and relatively straight up and down.
Waffles
I have a few of their tops and have tried on clothes at their shops in London a few times. The quality is reasonably good. The styles are incredibly boxy which isn’t really my style and isn’t flattering on my shorter frame. I went shopping there with a taller friend and things looked really great on her.
Even some of the fitted clothes are a bit too cropped or too otherwise trendy for 45-year-old me, but I do wish I could wear more of their styles because they are very interesting and very cool!
Anon
Does anyone have any stories of someone hearing bad health news and exceeding the doctor’s expectations – not necessarily a miracle cure, just better than expected? I could use some hope, even if its not relevant to my current situation. My dad is only in his mid-60s and we just keep hearing so much bad news so quickly and I really need something to hold onto so I can even approximate a functional person right now. (Sorry to start the year off on such a downer note.)
AIMS
I’m sorry you’re going thru this. If it’s any comfort, both my grandmothers were at one point told to call their relatives to say goodbye and lived for 18 and 30+ years respectively after the fact.
Anon
Yeah my aunt was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis in her mid 60s and was given <5 years. She had a successful lung transplant (and fingers crossed it will stay successful but it’s been a few years). Then cancer showed up and she’s had 2 rounds of chemo that (fingers crossed) has been successful too.
She was given <5 years nearly 7 years ago. She’s mid 70s now and able to walk the park, camp, and bike again. She’s living a pretty full life (not as full as she’d like but pretty dang full).
I’m so proud of her and grateful for modern medicine and thankful for her current health.
Anonymous
Holy cow! That is AMAZING. My dad passed from PF and the decline over about 5 years was just so awful. Someone totally living life to a slight chronic cough to being on oxygen to eventually losing all physical strength. Like being a prisoner to your body. His was idiopathic (don’t know the cause), but it is one of my greatest fears that I’ll suffer the same fate at some point. This gives me a lot of hope. PF isn’t all that common and lung transplants are pretty rare. Cheers to her for beating so many odds like that. And best wishes for her current journey and continuing to live an active life. Just amazing how medical care just continues to advance. My dad went through a lot of interviews with researchers. I hope someone else can benefit as they learn more about this horrible disease. And hopefully her successful transplant helps others yet to come as well.
Anonymous
A dead friend was diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer last March (2022), with a dire prognosis. He is not well and has not had a fun 18 months, but he is still alive and has a life worth living. We thought he had 6 months. He may not live for the next decade but we are honestly grateful for every healthy day.
Anon
Was the second word supposed to be “dear”?
Anon
Omg haha
Anonymous
omg yes. He is still alive!
Anonymous
Yes!
My SIL’s dad had a diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer 2 years ago. Only expected to live 8 months and is still doing okay 2 years later. He’s had some tough treatment periods and is not very active with the grandkids but a lowered quality of life is a small price to pay to watch them grow up in his view. They are optimistic he will have at least another year.
My own dad has had lung cancer twice now. Caught early and treated immediately. The key to health is staying on top of these issues. Heart/stroke/cancer are not an automatic death sentence.
Anon
My grandmother was supposed to die 4 times before she was 60. She lived to be 80.
She was born with a heart defect and received what was at the time, experimental surgery. She has scarlet fever as a child (it killed a sibling). She had a massive heart attack in her 30s. The surgeon who rebuilt her heart after the attack said he’d never seen such damage and she should never have lived. Then she was supposed to have a shortened lifespan due to the heart attack, and wasn’t expected to reach her 60s.
She was a little limited after the heart attack (medical recommendations at the time told her to never get her heart rate up again; no exercising, yard work, vigorous play with her kids or grandkids) but had a very, very full life filled with family, friends and love.
Anon
I just finished a memoir where one of the friends of the author was diagnosed with aggressive stage IV prostate cancer and given just a year or two to live, but he seems to be alive 10 years later (after aggressive treatment) and kayaking world-class rivers. It can happen! More personally, I witnessed my own father lose mobility (he was walking slowly with a cane) due to severe knee pain and after two knee replacements and one additional repair surgery, he’s lost weight, is back on his mountain bike, skis, and is much happier.
Hugs to you. This stuff is so hard.
Anon
Not a person, but my BFF’s big, old dog had “3 or 4 weeks to live” for 3 years (with good quality of life!). He responded better than expected to treatment for each of his maladies.
I hope your dad responds similarly well! Hugs, OP.
Anon
Not a person, but my BFF’s big, old dog had “3 or 4 weeks to live” for 3 years (with good quality of life!). He responded better than expected to treatment for each of his maladies.
I hope your dad responds similarly well! Hugs, OP.
In-House Anon
I’m very sorry, what a tough situation. A family friend received an ovarian cancer diagnosis (stage 4). She has exceeded the original prognosis by many years now. Although there is no cure for her, she’s currently in remission and has gotten to see two of her three kids married, something she never thought possible after the initial diagnosis. Lots of hugs to you and your dad.
anon
Similar story – family friend was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and told to say her last goodbyes…in 2006. As of last week she was still gossiping in the kitchen with my mom, has seen her two kids married and welcomed 3 grandbabies.
Anonymous
My husband was told over ten years ago that he only had at most 3 years to live due to a chronic and incurable rare autoimmune disease that damaged his heart. All these years later, he’s doing great!
anon
When I was 19 my dad had a totally unexpected heart attack followed by cardiac arrest (he was 62 at the time and previously thought to be in great health), and I was living half the world away at that time and got a call that he was in a coma and I needed to come home and pull the plug. Somehow I came home and he walked out of the hospital 3 days later without any brain damage and not much worse for the wear. He’s now almost 80 and swims a mile in under 40 minutes 5 days a week, still works, and has a full life. He’s still a heart patient and had a couple of surgeries in the last couple of years but is doing better than most his age and has a full life. The only person significantly worse for the wear throughout this experience is me :)
Anonymous
3 years ago my aunt who is mid 60s was diagnosed with cancer and given 6 months to live. She’s still doing great and was very sharp at Christmas dinner.
BeenThatGuy
My father was read his last rites at 23 years old while dying from polio. He lived to be 90 with zero complications from surviving polio.
Anon
Your father caught polio 23 years ago? Wow, I didn’t know people were still actually catching polio!
Anon
BeenThatGuy said “at 23 years old,” and he died at age 90, so I would assume that he got polio at least 67 years ago.
Anon
At 23, so 70+ years ago. But my in-laws have a very close friend/neighbor who is in his 70s and disabled due to polio as a kid. So I don’t think vaxxed people are still catching it, but there are a lot of people still living who were kids before the vaccine
Anon
Oh right I misunderstood the 23 years. My good friend’s mom has partial paralysis from polio as a kid – I’d guess she’s around 80 at this point. So not totally unheard of.
No Problem
A dear family member had a massive heart attack and multiple bypass surgery…the day before I was born. He’s still with us and doing great nearly 40 years later. He got almost 30 more years with his lovely wife before she passed and has watched his grandkids grow up and have families of their own.
Sunshine
When my mom was diagnosed with a disease with a 3-5 year life expectancy if the treatments were effective, we focused on the fact that the projected life spans account for people who were in treatments years before when treatments may not have been as effective. She was diagnosed with a disease where there was a lot of research and a lot of progress. So the experiences of people from 5 years earlier almost were not relevant because they were treated differently and less effectively. The then-new treatments did work for her, and her life was extended by more than 15 healthy years.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. A dear parent with major medical concerns is stressful for many reasons. Remember to take care of yourself amidst all of this. You have to put on your mask first every few days.
Anonymous
Yes! My dad was diagnosed with a Stage IV cancer with mets to the brain 10. His particular cancer has a 5 year survival rate of just 4% and we were told he would not live more than 6 months. My dad is alive and well 10 years later, totally cancer free, a grandfather 2x over and he is still working in an intense job he loves and he plays a physically demanding sport 3-5x a week.
Also, I was personally diagnosed with cancer while pregnant and had to terminate the pregnancy to go through treatment and survive. I was so sick I did not have time to freeze embryos, and was told that the chemo I had to take combined with my age (30s) would mean I had a less than 10% chance of ever having a genetically related child. I now have a healthy toddler and am trying for a second child.
Sometimes, you really can beat the odds.
Anon
No Cure for Being Human might be a good read for you
Senior Attorney
Heh my dad came down with bronchitis and was put in hospice with what the doctors said was terminal COPD because of a 60-year-old history of smoking (as in, he quit 60 years prior). They finally kicked him out of hospice two years later after he didn’t have the decency to die. He finally passed away after a short illness five years later (at age 93).
Also, my college roommate was just given a “no evidence of disease” report after a State 4 cancer diagnosis a year ago.
Hugs, OP. There’s always hope.
Anon
My bothers: one brother received a cancer diagnosis with a 5% chance of surviving 2 years, but his scans are still good 15 years later. Another brother also had a cancer diagnosis and that same cancer did kill him, but 54 years later.
Anon
*Brothers, but they certainly were bothers when we were kids.
JD
My friend’s dad is from a small, rural state. He was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer that’s often fatal. She researched and got him into a clinical trial at the Mayo clinic. He’s been in remission for years and is the clinician’s best performing patient so far. If you’re seeing great specialists, you’ve done what you can. If he’s not seeing real specialists, maybe more can be done. As an example, personal genetic screening can sometimes make a huge difference in care but isn’t standard of care in less sophisticated health systems.
anon
I’ve noticed a pattern in my life. Every January, I feel like I’m on the verge of an existential crisis. It’s like clockwork. Suddenly, I hate everything and want to blow up my life. Truly don’t think this is seasonal depression; I am already taking an SSRI, vitamin D, doing all the things to stay mentally healthy. I think it’s because in late December and early January, things slow down long enough for me to just think and let my mind wander. I am not particularly fond of New Year’s resolutions; in fact, I am in the worst mood possible for setting big goals. Overall, I have this sense of ennui: everything is fine, but nothing makes me excited to get out of bed in the morning. Have thought about changing jobs but am leery of trading one set of issues for another. Can anyone relate?
AIMS
I find a February trip somewhere warm is key for me so I have something to look forward to.
Anonymous
Yes – my solutions are planning something every weekend in January. A January 6 party with my cousins and their families (so hard to find a date over the holidays). Super low key snacks and kids running rampant throughout the house. Then a Friday dinner with work friends (we used to it in December then moved to November but January is so much easier to schedule). Then brunch with college friends in third weekend.
Usually book a ski weekend in February. We do a seasonal bucket list with the kids as well. Sit down on the 21st when the season changes and make a list.
No Problem
If you hate big goals, what about small goals? The other poster mentioned making social plans every week, which is a great idea. I would add doing some kind of small house declutter or deep clean once a week (one drawer in your dresser or one kitchen cupboard, for example), reading X number of books, that sort of thing. Anything to give you a sense of accomplishment that is tangible. And I wouldn’t discount seasonal depression, TBH. It might well be triggered by the new year’s slowdown, but that doesn’t mean that the cold and darkness don’t contribute to it, SSRI be darned. If “all the things to stay mentally healthy” don’t include a sun lamp and a daily walk outside, add those to your small goals for the month.
CK
I’ve felt like this in the past too. This January is different for me for two reasons: 1) I joined an exercise studio at the end of November and I’m really enjoying the classes there. Finishing class gives me such a rush of endorphins; it’s done wonders for my mood. Previous to that I worked out at home but I find that the classes push me to work harder and I enjoy the sense of community. 2) I signed up for a weekend art class that I look forward to that starts next week. I had an especially rough last 1/3 of 2023 that really prompted me to look at how to care for myself. I am really excited about having things to look forward to this month and I’m hopeful about 2024. Maybe this will give you some ideas.
Nona
OP, I can totally relate plus I have a January birthday that brings the annual “why I have not accomplished more by this age” feelings.
CK, thank you for your comment. I was considering taking an art class and this was the push I needed to see what classes are being offered now.
CK
Nona – that’s great! You’ll be glad you did it :-)
Anon
I don’t know why you’re discounting SAD, that’s probably what it is. Vitamins and antidepressants don’t make the days longer.
anon
+1
It is so easy to start using a Happy Light for 20-60min each morning, I can’t understand why you wouldn’t give it a try?
Anon
My SAD waited until January to appear, like clockwork every year that I lived outside of my southern home state. It was as if the activity of the fourth quarter was enough of a distraction but reality set in for Jan through April. Many things helped but things that require very little thought or commitment include: happy light, time outside before noon to help my circadian rhythms and more quiet socialization at home or coffee shops. I did eventually move back home and the feeling completely disappeared. For me, it really was the weather and the latitude.
Leatty
What online jewelry stores do you like to use for fine jewelry? I’m looking to buy either a sapphire/diamond necklace or ring, budget up to $3k. I’ve already checked Brilliant Earth, and I’ve been dissatisfied with the sapphires from Blue Nile (they are practically black).
Anon
With that budget, nothing online. Go to a jewelry store.
Anne-on
Are you looking for a tennis necklace? I’d try on a few options in person if at all possible to get a sense of the size/weight of the stones you want. If you know your specs, then I’d check out ‘Jewel Boxing’ on Tik Tok, she did a tennis necklace ‘showdown’ in 2023 and talked a lot about carat weight, quality of the stones, and lab grown vs. mined options.
Anon
Is there any reason you don’t want to use a local jeweler? I would want to go in person to see the sapphires in real life. A bench jeweler will have a selection, and can get more stones for you to look at in a relatively short time frame.
anon
Sofia Zakia, Melanie Casey and Catbird are where I do my window browsing. I personally have a ring from Sofia Zakia that I love more each day. I also recommend Artemer rings if you’re into art deco, but unfortunately the price has doubled since covid (the ring that I got for under 2.5k is now 5k).
anon
p.s. stones are expensive and I’m lucky that I have small fingers – size 4, so small stones still look decent on me. If you want larger stones things do get expensive very quickly. These shops have black friday sales so if you can wait until November, you’ll save a decent chunk.
Anon
I love vintage pieces (different than what others are wearing! good for the environment!) and you can find some lovely pieces at that price. A few of my fave shops (all .com) for window shopping:
Etsy
Era Gem
Levy’s Fine Jewelry
Loup Jewels
And Instagram if you search by hashtags – play around and see what you find.
Actual Fashion Question
So I have an actual fashion question. What the heck do I wear with navy pants and shoes? Trying to get away from black and grey. If wearing pants, my ‘go to’ hosiery is black trouser socks in winter (like the super thin ones, not actual socks). These work with my grey pants because I often do a black shoe with those outfits.
But now I have navy pants. Literally sitting here wearing camel sweater with navy accents, navy pants, black trouser socks and burgundy suede heels. Do I wear skin tone trouser socks? Why do they seem ancient? In a super cold weather location so can’t go without.
Anon
I wish hose would come back, at least for winter. But I think that the answer is some sort of camel / taupe boot. I struggle with navy to the point of limiting it to 3-seasons clothes or wearing with a boot. I find that I need black and non-black boots, especially since I am sick of black by St. Patrick’s Day each year.
Anonymous
Wear navy socks with your navy pants to extend your leg line when some skin peaks through.
anon
I have a pair of cordovan leather boots that look great with navy. Gray also is a good option. I know you can technically wear black with navy, because dudes do it all the time, but I never feel like it looks right.
If you’re brave enough to wear heels when it’s cold (I am not), then yes, skin tone or navy trouser socks will work. My feet need the full coverage from socks and boots, so I don’t worry about color that much because they don’t show.
Lydia
could you wear navy trouser socks? or dark gray?
AIMS
I think you match shoes or pants or go nude for you. Years ago, I used to do nude for me fishnet knee highs which looked surprisingly subtle but I have no idea how this would look now. I generally aim for shoes that are high enough where my sock color doesn’t matter if I am going outside in the cold or I go bare/nude if I am indoors.
Anon
Wear colored socks. Bright pink or something.
Anon
This! I break out the colorful socks to pair with my whiskey-colored Chelsea boots and navy pants. Usually a patterned sock in bright colors rather than a plain solid color. Polka dots, stripes, argyle, allover prints, little embroidered patterns, just something fun.
Anon
This is what I was thinking, but somebody starting at nude colored trouser socks probably isn’t going to go for funky patterns.
Anon
I wear navy pants pretty much year round, and have a collection of navy socks. I also wear compression hosiery from time to time. I wear navy or nude in that as well.
Anon
I’m also going to suggest Sockwell compression socks. They have lots of patterned socks that have navy backgrounds.
Anon
Not with heels, but with some sort of “real” shoe where you only see a little bit of sock, I’d wear a patterned sock that includes navy- stripes, plaid, argyle, etc. it’s hard to match navy, so it works better as a pattern. I don’t tend to wear patterns elsewhere, though.
Anon
I mix black and navy and treat them both as neutrals. With navy pants, I’d do a black trouser sock and probably black patent shoes. I think navy socks and shoes veer frumpy.
anon
I love wearing a column of color with navy – top/pants/shoes, and then sometimes a contrasting brighter/complimentary to my skin tone color on top (great coat/blazer/large chunky cardigan)…
But I what I like the most with a navy outfit is adding another color in the blue family in one piece…. like a french blue or a teal. You have to watch the tonal quality of the blues to make sure they work right together. I keep both of the blue colors cool, which matches my coloring. It looks so good and modern and so few people do this and pull it off well.
Even when I do a mostly column of color in navy I sometimes have a black shoe/black coat/black belt if appropriate. A true good navy with a deep black also looks very good and can be very sophisticated if you execute it well.
Anonymous
you can wear black with navy – i’d probably wear navy pants with a black boot so trouser socks weren’t an issue. otherwise a navy sock and black shoe.
Anon
Where can I go to get bras (not sports bras but “real”ones) with a 28 band size and maybe a cup size several beyond D? And what brands? I have a teen built very differently than me who is finally willing to go to a store for a fitting. I can call ahead to make sure they may stock the right brands and have a person ready for us but IMO everywhere but running stores seems to be failing us.
Also, how to fit a swimsuit (for lap swimming, not a fashion suit)? I thought those went by chest sizes but here, she is otherwise a 2/4 or women’s XS.
Anon
I recommend doing a Bravissimo fitting. They’ll recommend specific bras from their brand and others depending on what they think will fit well. If that’s not available near you / not desirable via video chat, look for stores that sell the same imported brands (Fantasie, Panache, Freya, Curvy Kate, Gossard). I wouldn’t try to self fit because some run a lot smaller or larger than others despite measurements somehow, and it’s hard to get cup spacing right if not familiar with the brands.
Anon88
+1 Bravissimo! I didn’t do a fitting but ordered a bunch online and ended up finding my holy grail bra.
Worried
+1 to bravissimo. As a teen, I never found very good bras and my first fitting at bravissimo in London in my 30s was life changing. I don’t live in London and am in my early50s now and I still order online from bravissimo. They do great phone / online fittings. My back is around a 30/32 and I wear double f or a g cup.
One thing to note with any bra fitting is that whatever they do suggest in terms of fit, your daughter should make the final decision on comfort. The bravissimo fitters always suggest a 32 or 34 back and while this fits great, no matter what cup size adaptation, my back hurts too much, even with a perfect fit ( and I’ve been back in person to confirm). I’ve tried so many brands and size variations , read reviews, done my own bra that fits calculations, etc…I joke with friends that I could be a bra fitter myself lol. I’ve bought perfectly fitted bras that have wire that is too hard or too thin or soft and been unable to wear them. I’ve bought tons of bras to find ones that work. My point is, that a bra has to work, not only fit. I’m also not tall 5’4 and I need more of a plunge bra / shorter wired gore (where the wires are at the front) or the wires go up way too high on my frame. The best bra fitter I had in person at bravissimo looked at me in the perfect bra she found, then in the one that was still good, though slightly less impressive, and said that she could tell from the way I moved, that the so called perfect bra would twist and press. I think the fabrication of bras — the fabric, amount of stretch, type of wireless, cut of the cup make a huge difference.
Anyway, sorry for the novel!
Anon
OP here — this is very helpful, especially the height part. Thank you!
Worried
You’re welcome! I wanted to add that my bas technically last for years, as in they look new and not worn ( likely because I have so many and often rotate:) however, after six months or so, they don’t function as well as the elasticity is stretched. I do have a heavier bust, and even after weight loss and going down three or four cup sizes, I have to replace them more often. In reality, I keep them fand downgrade the bras for around the house, and donate when I have too many — too many being over 15…
Anonymous
Either online or in person, you need a specialty lingerie store. I use Bare Necessities & Herroom, and look for Panache & Freya. For lap swimming, you may be able to get away with a normal, not bra sized suit since they are stretchy and she’s young enough that she probably doesn’t need underwire support. (I was a C/D cup in high school and swam competitively; we bought our suits pretty tight and I would jog in mine before practice). But Panache and Freya both make bra sized lap swimming suits that go down to a 30 band size.
https://www.barenecessities.com/freya-freestyle-underwire-one-piece-aw3969_product.htm
https://www.barenecessities.com/panache-limitless-underwire-one-piece-sw1600_product.htm
Panache has a 2 piece option if you need a different size for the bottoms.
Anonymous
PS – sorry just reread your question re: swimsuits. For lap/competitive suits, Speedo and the like sell by chest size but interpret it as band size (underbust measurement). Try a 26 or 28 to start.
Sasha
I also have a small band size and large cup size (32G) and love Wacoal for regular bras. Panache is good too but I mostly only have their sports bras.
Anon
Long time lap swimmer here. I suggest TYR suits for lap swimming, specifically a maxfit suit. They wear well, have good coverage, and don’t slip up or down.
Anonymous
Bravissimo is absolutely the way to go for 28 band.
The reddit bra calculator really is helpful as a starting point, to get an idea of cupsize. Shape is important, too.
They can be wide or narrow in width (like a coke can the same volume breast can be in a narrow or wide can). Set wide apart or close together. Full on top (rolling hill), bottom (ski jump) or overall (half a grapefruit). The shoulders matter, and whether you have hard muscles or softer flesh. With a shorter torso or closer breasts you need a shorter gore and wire centre front. With a wider set, you need a wider gore. With wide athletic shoulders you might need longer straps.
Freya is generally narrower wires and deeper cups (sticking out forwards, if the support is there). Panache and Cleo are generally wider, shallower cups (more close to torso than sticking forwards) and taller wires. Bravissimo have loads of different ones.
If she has narrow, close together and full bust, I’d recommend the Amelia from Bravissimo (white one in 28 band), second best Millie. Stretchy and flexible centre wires, and cute. Fuller on bottom – Freya with a stretch lace panel.
Wider and shallow – Panache, but ask the Bravissimo fitter (or chat).
To check the shallow/forward – stand and bend 90 degrees forward without a bra – do they really come forward/down (and with F+ cups they will!) or sort of stick to the ribs/underarms more.
Oh, and remember that UK cup sizes are different than US. And band size is not the same as underbust measurement, normally lower.
Anon
Bravissimo
Anon
This is a really random ask, but has anyone had surgery where you were put under and just were never the same again after that (in a way that is not relate to the surgery)? Like you had knee surgery and then spiraled into depression after the surgery, something like that? One kiddo had dental surgery and afterwards was never really the same (despite all of the doctors, therapists, meds, etc.). I don’t think that they were related at all (but timed also with puberty changes, family history of anxiety/depression, other dynamics in the background, etc.). But if you google, you can can find many scary things and my ex has done just that and is now trying to withhold consent now that that the other kid needs the same surgery (we have joint custody and I’m trying to suss out if there is anything real here, whether we need a second opinion and from whom)? I dismiss him all the time as someone who is borderline superstitious and cries wolf all the time but I don’t want this to be the one time he is right (I don’t think that he is).
Anonymous
My father lost his appetite after a surgery and it never came back
Anon
I mean, yes, but it matters a lot what the anesthesia was! For example, if they used nitrous oxide at all, there could be a B12 issue… and B12 issues can be genetic and cause patterns of anxiety/depression in family histories too. This is missed a lot by non-specialists because nitrous oxide can cause B12 deficiency in susceptible people despite normal or excellent B12 levels. I wasn’t the same again until I was properly diagnosed and treated with intramuscular B12 injections (and I saw seven neurologists before being diagnosed). But that’s a contraindication for nitrous oxide, not a contraindication for dental surgery.
I actually also have a medical contraindication for a different class of anesthesia meds, but I’m lucky that I never had to find that out the hard way (I was diagnosed before any surgeries using those meds). Again it doesn’t mean I can’t get surgeries; it just means that the anesthesiologist has to make careful choices about meds.
Anonymous
I opted for general anesthesia for my wisdom teeth because they were impacted and I am very squeamish. I regret it. I had the beginnings of TMJ issues (occasional clicking) before the surgery, but after the surgery it got way worse until my jaw eventually locked closed. It was a very expensive and time consuming fix. I’m convinced the oral surgeon messed up my jaw because they were manhandling me in a way they probably wouldn’t have if I’d been conscious.
Is it possible to do the surgery without general anesthesia?
Anonymous
Yes, this seems to have happened to a family member after cardiac arrest during a surgical procedure. Anesthesia really doesn’t number on a lot of people. It’s worth looking into that and intubation as causes of issues.
Anon
I’m just now realizing that I don’t understand how anesthesia works. Do you have no pain? Or somehow no memory of pain? I’m thinking that if you feel pain, you’d react and wake up, so it has to numb you down to no feeling at all. Yes? No? I had a friend wake up during surgery and after a bit of googling just now am a bit freaked out.
Anon
My daughter woke up during wisdom tooth surgery. She’s a redhead though – any good anesthesiologist would have known they needed to use more juice on a redhead. (Yes this is a real thing)
anon for this
This is the story of my life (I am a redhead). Woke up during wisdom teeth removal as a teenager. Have woken up during 2 colonoscopies. During childbirth, the epidural didn’t take and I had to have a second one, and the anesthesiologist rushed it and gave me nerve damage on my back. I am extremely clear with all doctors that for whatever reason, I need a boatload of anesthesia and need to be closely monitored. They don’t listen, so the process repeats itself. It’s so exhausting, frustrating, and scary.
Anon
Even if you talk to the actual anesthesiologist? I am so sorry that it is a struggle to attempt to compel physicians to heed the science on this. This is a known and even understood issue!
Anon
Same but not a redhead! My epidural didn’t work at all and everyone was accusing me of being a drama queen. The first person to believe me was the postpartum nurse who noticed I could move my legs normally.
Boo
I’m in the medical field (not a doctor!) and have heard of some elderly patients having trouble with anesthesia, along the lines of it seeming to worsen dementia, etc. Never seen any stats about kids, though. It’s likely a trade off between the need for the surgery and the risk factors – if you have a good PCP you should be able to discuss the issue with them and get some suggestions.
Anonymous
No, but after a couple of years of working on medical malpractice cases, I swore I would never have surgery, especially one with general anesthesia, unless it was truly medically necessary. I realize you see the outliers when you work on malpractice cases, but…
Anon
. . . but the vast majority of people have surgery with no problem and end up with improved quality of life.
Anon
A lot of people who forego surgery enjoy the same outcomes, depending on the surgery. It’s good to do one’s homework on the risks/rewards since it’s not always the kind of intervention that has placebo controlled RCT support (for obvious reasons).
Anon
I suspect this is true for a LOT of medical interventions.
Anon
Dentists notoriously overuse general anesthesia. I understand it’s necessary for people whose dental anxiety is so strong they’d physically fight the dentist, but I feel they offer it to people who have no anxiety at all (for convenience or profit, or just a luxe reputation, I am not sure). This is my opinion after having things done both ways.
Anon
I had my wisdom teeth out with local only and it was fine. I just asked them to give me clear directions and tell me what they were doing.
Anon 2.0
Not exactly your question, but I would not under any circumstances get anesthesia at a dental clinic with only a CRNA present. They are not equipped to handle a medical emergency in the same fashion at a dentist office as a hospital/ surgical center.
Anon
I cant speak to this but got all of my impacted, sideways wisdom teeth out under local. I did them one at a time and it was no big deal, a 10 minute procedure in a 30 minute visit for each tooth. Might be worth considering.
Anon
Leather pants – work appropriate or not? I work in a fairly conservative business/business-casual office. I really like the look of the wide-leg, ankle length leather pants that seem to be popular right now, but not sure if I could pull them off in the office. Maybe on Fridays (when 1/2 staff wear jeans, for those that come in)? Or should they be saved for weekends only?
Anon
It would be fine in my office, but I wouldn’t describe our dress code or general vibe as conservative at all.
DC Inhouse Counsel
Agreed, I have a pair that I wear to the office all the time, but my company likes to promote a “hip” image, so we don’t have a dress code and people regularly wear more edgy/fashiony things. I wouldn’t wear them if the dress code was conservative at all.
Anon
I wear mine to the office, but it’s fairly anything goes and on the west coast so I’m not as burdened by the rules many people here seem to be bothered by.
Anonymous
They would be totally fine in my business casual office/industry, although I bet I would get comments since my office is not at all fashion-forward. They’d be fine, just noteworthy.
However I feel like if you’re asking like this, you probably wouldn’t feel comfortable in them in your office and therefore wouldn’t do it.
AIMS
I think you can pull this off but I would be careful to pair the leather pants with something like a white button down shirt or a nice slightly slouchy sweater and more conservative accessories like loafers… I wouldn’t do high heels and a fitted sweater, for ex.
Anon
A white btton dwn shirt would look awful with wide leg leather pants imo.
Anon
With what shoes? I see them work in my office (casual), but with Nike or other sneakers. So that is IMO casual. But I have seen leather skirts with regular women’s dress shoes that are work like a normal non-leather skirt, so business-casual at least.
Anon
As long as they’re not super loud/creaky when you walk I think they’re fine.
anon
This would get you discussed in my office, which sound similar to yours, and not in a good way.
Anon
I’ve never seen anyone wear leather pants in 20 years in a variety of office dress code settings. including one place where jeans were OK.
Anon
I was that person who wore them with loafers and an otherwise very conservative outfit on a Friday. They were real leather and were lined, so no squeaking.
I’m not saying that I made the best choices, but in my defense I was in my 20s and it could have been a lot worse back when Casual Friday was amateur hour for people used to wearing suits.
buffybot
I work “on Wall St” (not literally, offices in midtown) but one of the major banks — and leather/pleather pants are being worn in my office and not exclusively on Fridays. I agree that the rest of the outfit needs to be conservative: blazer, oversized sweater or shirt, etc. Shoes tend toward the flat or funky and not stiletto heels (so the intent is fashion forward as as opposed to nightclub). I have worn them and received lots of compliments and see them on a reasonable number of other women.
Jacket rec
Any recommendations for a tweed or herringbone jacket that can be worn with black or navy pants for a deposition? I’m a pear (12 on top, 16 on bottom) and some of the oversized styles accentuate that more than I like.
Anon
Veronica Beard has a couple of cute ones in the lady jacket style right now on sale.
anon
Jcrew lady jacket in maritime tweed.. i think the soft brown or seascape would work with brown and black pants. Banana republic factory has a herringbone cutaway blazer in ski slate. Ann taylor has a double breasted blazer in tweed that may work
Anon
I bought a blue tweed schoolboy blazer from J crew this fall that would work. I’m not sure if it’s still on the site, but it’s a lovely light blue color and looks great w navy pants
Anonymous
Talbots has a blue tweed channel style jacket.
Anon
Has anyone tried the J Crew Factory Ruby pants and liked them? How do they fit? Reviews say they fit small and I should size up but if anyone here has bought them I’d appreciate your input!
anon
Mine are a couple of years old, but yes, they run a full size small IMO. I’m typically a 4 in Jcrew and ordered a 4 in these and they were too tight.
Anne-on
I have an older pair in a print and they’re a bit tight in the waist but I wore them over the holidays when I was up a few lbs. I suspect the issue is that they fit the way a ‘true’ 4/6/8 would, not an old navy/jcrew factory 4/6/8 if that makes sense.
anon
They do run small. And each color runs slightly differently. My gray pair fits completely different than my navy pair. So be prepared to try on multiple sizes. I do like the style, though.
Anon
I have a pair that is a few years old and they fit true to size (14 pear here). They are not cut very curvy, though, so I find them a bit more snug across the upper thighs than I find ideal given the slash pockets, but they are okay.
anon
Help me plan a spring break trip in mid-March for me and two kids, one in elementary school and one in middle school. Would love to go somewhere warm, but that might be too much to ask for while still staying in the U.S. Was thinking of Key West or Savannah as possibilities. Really, any change of scenery would be a good thing. We are in an area of the Midwest with not many direct flights, but I am hoping to eliminate as much travel hassle as possible.
Anon
Should be lots of flights to Miami. Savannah should be nice but I’ve worn a down puffer in Charleston in March before.
Gail the Goldfish
Yeah, Savannah is not reliably warm in mid March. It might be 80 and sunny. It might also be 60 degrees and windy. For reliably warm weather, especially if you want swimming-weather warm, on the East coast side, you’re going to need to go to south Florida or the Carribean. Key West is easy, but the Keys really don’t have that many beaches if that’s a want. USVI would be easy (St. John is gorgeous, St. Thomas if you want more developed resorts), or maybe Puerto Rico depending on your flight situation (No specific suggestions as I haven’t spent a ton of time on mainland Puerto Rico; we love Vieques, but it is very much a travel hassle to get to). If you’re going to St. John, though, you need to book ASAP, especially transit–rental cars sell out.
NYCer
+2 re Savannah. I would not plan a March trip there if you want warm weather. Miami, the Keys or Naples (if you have flights to RSW) would be better options.
Anonymous
We did the keys last year- we flew into Miami and stayed in Largo and Marathon. If you don’t want travel hassle, fly directly into Key West; otherwise you’re looking at a 3++ hour drive from Miami. We are going to puerto rico this year. You could also just go to Miami! My kids would have been fine with that.
Anon
Miami is good, the US Virgin Islands are better. You can fly Chicago to St Thomas nonstop so if your home city has direct flights to Chicago the travel shouldn’t be too bad. No passport needed.
Anon
My kid went to Puerto Rico on a school trip in April last year. Should also be enjoyable in March. She highly recommended it.
Anonymous
You could also look at the southwest, like southern Arizona & New Mexico, and SoCal.
Anon
I’m a Californian who struggles with this yearly as my kids’ break tends to be mid March. We can reliably go someplace cold (the mountains) but reliably warm is always a problem. We want it to be a short flight or a road trip because we don’t get a full week.
So the most reliable spot for warmth has so far been Palm Springs. It’s not guaranteed, but we’ve also been rained out of Phoenix and Hawaii (Hawaii twice!). So basically you’re always going to be rolling the dice. But Palm Springs has just been wonderful, consistently.
Sanctuary at Kiawah
Hi! Has anyone stayed at Sanctuary at Kiawah? Thinking of booking 4-5 nights over spring break for my toddler, husband, and I. Its quite splurgey so just want to see if anyone has stayed there and if it lives up to the hype! Thanks ladies.
Cat
It’s a lovely property if you want a hotel, but your money will go further if you rent one of the little villa/condo type units in the surrounding communities.
Anonymous
Looking for some luggage help. I have a trip at the end of the month going to Vegas and will be traveling about once a month after. The more I read about bed bugs, the more I think it’s time to upgrade my cloth luggage for something hard-sided. But I already have trouble sometimes keeping under the weight requirements with long trips (sometimes I’m going to several conferences in different climates with a checked bag, and I really struggle with packing light).
Any rec for a hard-sided set that is light and holds a lot?
go for it
Love my Away, it is pricey and for me, worth the hype. I have the small expanding spinner.
Took on a 2 week trip with no issue, note that I pack light and did have a backpack too.
Anon
+1 – their compression works wonders. I have the bigger carryon that’s the same size as the regular but has a zipper expansion for getting more in there if you need it. I’ve also done multi week trips with mine.
Anne-on
I like Monos a lot, and find the compression system very helpful. If you really prefer cloth, what swapping to something sturdy but washable or that you can easily wipe clean? I’m thinking the Lo and Sons weekender bags (I wash my Catalina) or the Patagonia Black Hole bag where you can wipe it down easily with hydrogen peroxide wipes.
Anon
Are you talking about checked luggage? You’re going to travel monthly, are you sure you’re going to need to bring that much stuff every time? I did business travel 75% or more for years and I wear by Tumi hard sided Roller bags. I never checked luggage though.
Re: bed bugs, use the desk for your open suitcase. Don’t put it on the bed.
Anne-on
+1 to never putting your suitcase on the bed. I would stick mine in the bathroom/tub and then check the bed/headboard before I unpacked.
anon
I like to stash my suitcase in the bathroom until I’ve done a bug check.
anon
I recently got a Delsey set (two pieces) from Costco that I love. I have a Delsey carry on (soft sided) that has lasted almost 13 years so I decided to stick with it.
Anon
Hard sided luggage still has textile interiors.
Anonymous
Bed bugs don’t care what your luggage is made of, and they are attracted to people, generally only come out at night, and move slowly. If you don’t leave your suitcase on a bed, it is unlikely to get infested with bedbugs even if the hotel room is. I say this as someone who has had bedbugs at home 2x and ran into them at a hotel once, without bringing them home. (We got them at home because we live in an apartment building. My husband is very, very allergic to them so we discover them fast). When we had them at home, they were in our bed frame, not the mattress.
Anonymous
PS – we also looked for them in the infested hotel room and didn’t see them. They can be very hard to spot unless the place is completely overrun.
Anon
I have SwissGear hard sided suitcases in different sizes. Very light. Take a beating. Still in full working order and look great (even though they are white).