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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This wool-twill midi skirt from Chloé is traditional looking, but with some delightfully unexpected elements. The pencil silhouette is a classic, but the broderie anglaise detailing and scalloped hem add some fun elements.
You could pair this neutral beige color with just about anything, but I’d do a classic white button-b for the office and add some shoes in a fun color.
The skirt is $3,550 and comes in French sizes 34-44.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Anon
Looks like a tablecloth.
Anon
I think it would look nice in a different color but definitely not for that price!
Weird earth
the length of the hem and height of the waist are weird. and why wool in June? haha
I hate the way it’s styled
Cat
Looks to me like what Enola Holmes would wear for a picnic!
Anonymous
Spot-on!
Anon
I think, it has potential. But the styling is…. poor.
Anon
With a corset waist in a world where waists are stretchy now.
PolyD
I guess I’m the only one – I really like it, although would prefer a normal waist (because I’m one of those ancient 50-somethings and am rather thicker around the middle.
I don’t mind the color because I can’t wear camel/tan near my face, so a skirt in that color might be new and different for me. But I could also see loving it in a different color.
Anon
I could see the Princess of Wales wearing this in white or a pretty colour.
Anon at 12:51
I love it!
Anon
I had a suede skirt this color that was more a-line, that also had this kind of cutout design but it was limited to around the hem. I wore the heck out of it in the aughts (sorry Zoomers!) until I spilled salad dressing on it. It was surprisingly versatile – my favorite way to wear it was with other neutrals.
Anon
I think it’s hideous. Lol
Runcible Spoon
+1 on hideous, and I’ll raise you with heinous. It looks like a wrong-colored pillowcase that has been re-fashioned into clothing. Just no.
Anonymous
I’m not one to jump on the “OMG the price” train on Mondays, but at $3500 this item crosses over into immoral territory for me given how specific it is, even if I liked it (which I do not). And pairing it with Birks is just so dismissive.
Anon
Dismissive? Are you worried about the skirt’s feelings?
Anon
Don’t like this skirt but Arket has a fab, light, black broderie anglaise dress right now
Anon
It looks like vintage, as in a costume for a Gatsby party.
Zelda
Daisy Buchanan would never but Jordan might
Anon
I have a recent vintage iPhone. Everything works fine but some mornings podcasts play promptly but most other times the icon thing spins and spins and nothing plays. I can play iTunes and YouTube and listen to NOR live just fine when this happens. Anyone else?
Anon
I don’t have that specific problem, but I have a similar one on both my iPhone and iPad: the MSNBC Live app has no audio when I play live streams (of any channel). Audio works fine when I play archived shows and works fine to live stream from any other app.
I close apps, turn off machines, dodge apps and re-add them. Nothing works. Contacting the app owner is a joke.
AIMS
This happens to me sometimes when I start a podcast and then pause it. For no reason I can discern, sometimes they won’t play after pausing. This isn’t consistent so it’s not like it happens every time. But if I go to play the podcast thru the internet (vs podcast app) it will usually work.
Anon
What does recent vintage mean? If you’re not able to get the current OS, that’s probably your issue. Otherwise, try the good old turn it off an on and redownload the app or try a different one, I like overcast for podcasts.
Anon
+1
Agree with turn on/off, then try delete App and reload, and I also like to use other podcast Apps. Just using Google now.
If you aren’t using the latest OS for Apple, I quickly have problems with Apps, especially Apple Apps. Its part of the MO…. keeps you buying newer devices. Its why I finally went back to Android.
Anonymous
What app are you using to play podcasts? This happens to me sometimes with both Overcast and Spotify if I recently switched from WiFi to data (e.g., leaving my house). I often need to put my phone on airplane mode for 5-10 second to clear the issue.
Anonymous
i did NOT know this was a common problem – it’s happened to me a few times with spotify but i thought it was a credit card problem or something. grrr.
Weird earth
me: has nightmares about work, (internally) cries at the idea of logging on
also me: feels v guilty about planning to resign as soon as I find another position
I’m unsupported, overloaded, and disrespected. and the org is beyond fine with the status quo. I’m just biding my time. trying to get loose ends tied up, project statuses, etc.
Anon
I was that way. Companies hire people specifically to manage staffing, ensure smooth transitions, and ensure that the team can handle a departure or illness. Those people are paid quite good money to do so.
If a person is truly indispensable to company operations, they either need to be paid and treated accordingly, or management needs to do a better job of ensuring that the company can function without them.
Anon
I was in this position at my last job. They did a reorganization which essentially cut our team in half with the same amount of work and no immediate plan to hire more people. I applied to about 13 jobs and have been at my current job for 2 year and love it!! Things do get better and there’s no reason to feel guilty. It’s just a job.
Anokha
I read “The Good Enough Job” last week and it helped.
Vicky Austin
Ooh, gonna see if my library has this.
Anokha
FWIW — the author (Simone Stolzoff) was a guest on Laurie Santos’s “The Happiness Lab” podcast, and I thought that was a great 45 minute synopsis of the main points of the book.
Vicky Austin
Thank you!!
Hootster
yes, thank you!
Anon
I also read this book last week. It was quick, punchy and helped me reinforce my “you are not your job!” mantra that I tell myself when I am overwhelmed or placing too much store in my personhood identity from my work persona.
waffles
Commiseration. I could have written this exact post, except for the part about feeling guilty.
I’m so done with everything right now. Unfortunately I’m not actively job-hunting at the moment because I have no idea what I want to do next. But it’s no longer this.
Anon
Same here. I am interviewing for new jobs and am getting these pangs of guilt about leaving my current role. I am trying to fight back against the guilt by telling myself I need to look after Number One. If you are so used to taking care of other people’s problems, self-preservation begins to feel unnatural.
Anon
I have been in the position, and I will say that the moment I gave notice, I felt 100000000 times better! It’s really tough while it’s happening, but you’ve got this. Keep searching and you will get to the other side.
Anon
Hi – I’m the PIP/Toxic Workplace poster below. Just know I’m right there with you.
Anon
Read Anne Brest’s “The Postcard” this weekend. Highly recommend. Beautifully written. Important and urgent message.
anon
I don’t have enough time for anything in my life, and I’m sure everyone feels this way. What are your best suggestions for optimizing/saving time?
For context, I’m mid 30s, married/no kids, and have a high travel job that takes a lot of my time (MBB partner)
Anonymous
Best tip: don’t be an MBB partner. Truly tho. You’re not failing to maximize your time your job has just taken all of it.
Anon
This.
anon
Or work with other MBB partners to change the culture. It doesn’t have to be this way. When I was in big law in a US office, our counterparts in certain parts of Europe still worked plenty, but had dramatically more time to exist as humans outside of work.
Working all the time is bad for most people’s short and long term health. As hard as it is for any individual to change the culture, partners are better situated than most to do so.
Anon
Our UK colleagues get paid more and seem to be in Ibiza half the time (and unresponsive; I feel like being unresponsive would be OK if I were in a COMA). I don’t get it.
anon
lol. Yes this definitely true (I’m OP) I do like my job though.
Senior Attorney
I can’t speak to your exact field, but I was in BigLaw for a short while and MidLaw for a long while, and my observation was that people who thrived in that environment were the people who had “work” right smack in the middle of their personal Venn diagram. In other words, they really liked their jobs, they socialized with co-workers and clients, their activities were work-related, etc. So maybe your best bet is just to lean in to that.
anon
There are no secret life hacks for this. There is only so much time in the day. Outsource what you can, and use any time that would have spent on those tasks for what you want to do instead. Or, transition out of a the job that leaves you with no time to do what you want.
I do not have a travel heavy job, work 40-45 hrs a week, outsource things I don’t like doing or don’t want to spend time on (cleaning, yard work, house stuff) and thus have plenty of time to do what I want to do.
anon a mouse
Pick what’s most important to you (or what’s critical) and spend your time there. Make sure you’re prioritizing sleep. Everything else either gets outsourced or dropped. There’s no magic answer – the frustration comes from not prioritizing and actually dropping things. Or giving things a time limit. Like I had to clean out my closet, and I literally had a specific 90 minutes to do it or it wouldn’t be done for 6 months. Turns out I only needed an hour and I was super efficient, but also pretty ruthless I what I got rid of.
Cb
Yep, time expands to fill the time you give it. I give myself a half day a week on teaching prep. If I give myself more time, I’ll tinker for ages, and academics don’t get promoted for being a fantastic teacher…
We don’t have the cash to outsource so we simplify. Small house, walkable town, no extensive hobbies. Prioritise family time, outside time, and exercise.
Anon
Hmm I don’t have any answers but as someone a rung behind you at MBB who has been wondering if it’s worth it to stick around this is helpful intel…
Anon
Read the short book “How to Live on 24 Hours a Day” and also pick up some Laura Vanderkam. Inspired by those and the blog The Happy Talent, what works for me:
1. Tell myself that everything is always worth it. It’ll take 15 minutes to find parking so I can have an amazing evening at a concert? Worth it. I only have 10 minutes before my appointment and that’s “not enough” to read my book? Nope, pick it up, it’s worth it. I cut down on 1 million hours spent doom scrolling this way.
2. In the time you have, focus on making it memorable. Go to a museum, take a surfing lesson on a random Saturday, do a wine and horseback tour. For the ordinary, walk in a different neighborhood, bike to the top of the mountain, throw a crazy pillow party with your kids, do something out of the norm with your chore routine. It makes the time you have feel special and stick in your memory more. It makes it feel abundant.
Vicky Austin
This is great advice.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
+1 – I always was dubious of Laura Vanderkam based on her podcast for working mums, but I actually have been reading some of her “Tranquility by Tuesday” tips and they really resonate well.
anon
You have a lot of money and no kids, right? Those are kinda the two biggest “hacks” for saving time. You can pay people to do all your chores. What are you spending all your time on now?
Anon
Work.
Anon
Taken from the commenter above, is your job really worth it then? I can understand working a job that pays very well so that you can outsource chores and still enjoy your life, but if you’re outsourcing as much as possible and still can’t enjoy your life, why are you still at this job? What’s the benefit? It’s not like you have kids to support or any other major expense, unless you do and haven’t mentioned it. I just think there’s a point where having tons of money in the bank but not having the time to enjoy it really doesn’t make sense.
Anon
I’m the poster at 10:22 and I’m not OP. Just saying that it is clear to me, as an outsider, that she’s spending all her time at work. She doesn’t have kids and has tons of money to outsource chores, so if she has no free time it must be due to work.
Anon
I take the time to do what’s important in my life. Making time (moving things around on your plate) and taking time (removing/replacing things on your plate as needed) are two different things.
thoughts..
Its really hard when you have a high travel job, as I suspect you are already outsourcing everything (or else your spouse is REALLY going to start to resent you…), as others suggest. I’m sure you have already optimized your travel routine / prep / decompression after. Do you really want us to repeat old recs on how to be efficient about cooking in bulk/simple meals/shopping lists/ordering online? Simplifying your beauty/exercise routine? Hire someone to do your accounting/investments etc..? (although you are loosing $$ in the long run, as the fees are usually not worth it in your asset class).
Only you can sit back and decide…. how long are you willing to continue this lifestyle, especially if you think you might want to start a family some day?
But if you love your career and there is more growth potential you see, then sit down with your partner and really talk about where you see your life going in the next 10 years. And see what comes out of it? What is important to you? What is important to your spouse? How is your/their health (mental/physical)? How can you support each other, and how can you both compromise? Maybe he will step back and become more of a house husband/stay at home dad. Several on this board have had that relationship.
Anonymous
Why assume she wants or can have kids.
Anon
Didn’t. “If you think…”. If.
Anon
They don’t have kids, and I think it’s very unusual to be a “house husband” and would be skeptical of any man who wanted to do that (and fwiw, I fully support men being SAHDs and think it’s great). The problem is that she works long hours and her husband staying home isn’t going to change that.
Anonymous
My husband and I have at various time for various reasons both taken turns being a house spouse. My husband is a much better house spouse than I even was/will be. That’s why he’s now the SAHD. If he hadn’t already shown he could fully take on the stay at home chores and mental work, I would have been much more skeptical of him as a stay at home dad. I’m not sure why you think a man can be a dad but not a house spouse?
Anon
Perhaps I worded it badly. It’s not really a gender thing. I just don’t think a housewife or househusband adds the same value to the family that a SAHM or SAHD does. Taking care of children is a job, maybe not quite a full-time one if they’re school age but it’s at minimum a very substantial part-time job and it can be full-time or more depending on the kids ages and needs. Taking care of a “house” is not, particularly when the working spouse earns way more than enough to pay for things like cleaners and landscapers, which is definitely the case for OP.
Anonymous
I don’t think anyone should be a house spouse.
Anon
What do you want to do that you don’t have time for? I used to travel and I’d have my routine so that I could accomplish certain things.
Anon
For time, outsourcing – weekly housecleaner (who does laundry and changes bedding too), prepared meals 2-3x a week when home, Taskrabbit for random stuff, same thing with Handy – basically no time spent spinning looking for household help. Husband splits this load too.
For optimization, my calendar is my thing – H and I are disciplined anout syncing up and having regular things that we don’t schedule over. Also prioritization, not everything needs to be attended.
Also, delegate at work, don’t do things your staff should do. I’m ruthless about role clarity and it also empowers the people who work for you.
Don’t have kids.
Also have a very.big.job.
Anon
Great advice. Thanks for sharing.
Anonymous
This. Delegate appropriately. Decline extra work that isn’t strategic/fun/paid. Do extra work that energizes you (you said you enjoy your work). Try out different hobbies.
Sallyanne
From what I understand you really like job and you’re probably already outsourcing what you can. I would focus on one or two things a month that you want to spend time on and break it down to manageable pieces. You didn’t mention anything specific but you’ll just need to prioritize what that is. I needlepoint but find it daunting to sit with a project for a long time. If I spend 15 minutes a day it’s relaxing and I see progress in the work. Exercise the same thing. I don’t need to kill myself for a hour to see results 20-30 minutes of focused time does wonders. Lots of good ideas from other posters but it may just come down to acceptance of your life right now and enjoying what you can.
Anonymous
Also in a moderate (40%) travel job with no kids. My tips is I maximize what I can do while traveling. I eat a clean diet, exercise, pay bills, do weekly skincare and nailcare in hotel rooms, read fun books and magazines while at the airport if not with colleagues. I get stressed if I don’t do the “life” tasks while traveling and try to cram it all in to the remaining time. By keeping up with things while away, my life is a lot calmer at home
I also keep in mind life would be no easier if I weren’t in this job. I think that’s largely a myth, based on how stressed my peers in less intensive jobs are.
Anon
Move to Europe
Peloton help needed
Question for all the peloton users: what am I doing wrong? I use the bike ~3-5 times a week for the past year at my gym. I’ve never been great at spin classes so maybe the answer is I just need to work harder, but even when I’m within the zones the instructor calls for, my output is always in the ~60-80 watts zone. I read this weekend that the average output is close to 150-250. I don’t think I’ve ever seen output above ~120-130. I’m petite but in decent shape. I get winded and sweaty on the rides. Am I doing something wrong? I think my form and bike positioning is right, but maybe not?
Anonymous
It’s probably your bike calibration, which you can google about. I started using Peloton at a gym near me, and got a home bike, and I had to reset my PRs for the home bike because the bike at the gym was like 50 watts higher on every ride. I noticed my one really fit friend was always like 100 watts below me which made no sense, and then he went on vacation and realized his home bike calibration was terrible haha.
Also, it could be your bike positioning – I would check out some YouTube videos.
Anonymous
Has your average output increased over time? Take the FTP test every quarter or so. It’s a great way to measure your progress; even if you don’t feel like your average is increasing, it probably is.
Keep in mind that output doesn’t necessarily correspond with how hard you’re working, what your heart rate is, or how many calories you’ve burned. If you’re doing a lot of high cadence low resistance work, then your HR will be high but your output won’t; if you want high output then you have to crank up the resistance. Which largely depends on the type of class. I just looked at my stats, for a 60 minute endurance ride I had a 99 strive score (HR based) but only 318 output; for a 60 minute mixtape ride I had a strive score of 72 and 360 output.
Anon
It’s possible that your bike is not calibrated correctly. Sometimes there’s something wrong with the dial and the power levels are incorrect.
Are you usually within the power level and cadence recommended by instructors?
Anon
I think the calibration is pretty off on the bikes. I am a runner, but doing peloton for awhile due to an injury. I mainly do the power zone classes. Yesterday I did an 60 min class and my average power was just over 150 and an average speed of 18.5. But my only briefly got over 100 for a few seconds when we were in zone 3 (and I rode is zone 3/4). I am 125 pounds and have good cardiovascular fitness, but that power is not very realistic. I used to cycle more and there was no way I could hold that speed for an hour. And if I did my HR would be way higher.
Anon
Hi! Happy Monday. PIP/toxic environment poster here.
So…I did it. On Friday, I spoke to the senior team member that’s facilitating the PIP process with my boss and I, told her that I essentially broke at the meeting we had last week due to boss behavior, and let her know some of the things boss has been saying the last ~3 years, with a very clear escalation in the last 6 months. I let her know I had a log (which I do). Senior member said she’d involve HR moving forward, and she called me later to ask for the log, which I sent. It’s 1.5 pages of quotes, mostly dated, of stuff boss has said to me about myself and others.
I had raised this to senior team member a few months ago, as I was struggling, but then I thought things were getting better after a what I thought was a good chat with boss and I let senior team member know that. Now I realize I should have raised this a long, long time ago.
Not sure what’s going to happen, but at the very least, if/when I’m booted out, things will be better for others…and I have a case for severance.
PolyD
I want to say, good on you for doing this! It can be so hard to stand up for oneself at work, especially when you’ve been on the receiving end of crap for so long. I don’t know about you, but in a similar situation, it makes me feel like maybe it is a me problem – that I actually am incompetent and a bad employee.
So good for you for seeing past the nonsense and standing up for yourself. I hope the outcome is better than you expect. At least moving forward you’ll know that you did your best in a crummy situation.
OP
Thank you so much.
Oh I’m 100% struggling with “maybe it’s me”, “oh yeah I could have done better”, etc. Classic people pleaser stuff that I’ve worked through in my personal life (thank you, therapy); I guess it didn’t transfer to work.
But hey – even if I was the worst performing employee, I figure I still shouldn’t be privy to a boss being…mean? Like do not start a meeting “You may not pay attention to other meetings, but you should pay attention here” or tell me that you feel like you can’t grow or take a vacation because of me?
I also know it’s going to take me a while to feel confident again…I literally approach everything work-related now with a sense of fear and not being “right” or not doing a good job.
Anon
I worked for an extremely toxic boss (the man is legitimately sadistic), and I eventually understood that even if I were a bad employee, his responses were horrifically unprofessional and inappropriate. Assume for the sake of argument I actually do suck at my job… he’s still wrong to behave that way.
Anon
Right. It is never, ever okay for a supervisor/boss to take their feelings out on a subordinate, no matter how stressed or frustrated they feel. People who can’t maintain emotional control of themselves and can’t hold back from saying snarky, inappropriate, rude or mean things to the people who work for or with them absolutely should not be in management – and may want to question what they think their trajectory in the workforce will be, period, if they keep acting like a toddler.
Anonymous
I think it’s important to acknowledge to yourself that you are not the problem, but I’m skeptical that alerting the organization will do anything other than shore up their case against you and/or hasten your exit. If the org cared they would already have done something about the bad boss.
OP
Oh totally – I just want this to be something to improve my chances for a good package and/or improve things for others (hopefully) after I leave. I don’t know that this has ever come up re my boss before.
Anon
Help me shop for an upcoming business trip to Singapore! Will be there 10 days, mostly meeting with clients. Can spend as needed (though I love a good sale) and would like to use the opportunity to invest in some quality pieces.
Flats Only
No specific rec not knowing your figure, budget or style preferences, but I suspect this is a trip where you should look for “tropical wool suiting”. It’s lightweight and breathes, but is comfortable in extreme-AC environments too. Plus, being wool, it won’t hold smells and the wrinkles will hang out in the bathroom while you shower. Look for a very flat weave that won’t pick up lint.
I think Singapore runs pretty conservative in business wear, so if it were me I’d be looking for pants, a dress and a matching blazer, and then maybe add one more (conservative) “statement” colored blazer or dress that goes with the other pieces.
Runcible Spoon
I suggest linen-blends, to minimize wrinkling, synthetic silky tops, sleeveless sheath dresses (ponte knit is excellent — smooths out normal body bumps and lumps and can be shaken out after unpacking with little wrinkling), lightweight open jackety-type cover ups, and if you can get tops or dresses that have a necklac-y design at the neckline, you can avoid necklaces, which can get gross and sweaty in the heat and humidity. Sling-back, peep-toe heeled sandals should be fine, plus carry flip-flops in a carryall along with umbrella and scarf for the hair in case you get caught in a torrential tropical downpour that floods the streets and sidewalks. Wide-leg, flowy, linen-blend trousers for the off-hours, along with sleeveless collared/button-down tops that can be worn untucked will be comfortable, yet still pulled-together and professiona.
Runcible Spoon
Also, I forgot to add: Bring several short-sleeved tops in case you go to a Buddhist temple or similar — shoulders and knees need to be covered for these sacred locations, and a scarf or pashmina won’t cut it. I can provide long-haul flight time-passing and comfort-enhancing tips, too, if you would like.
Anon
Yes, please! Not the OP but interested!
Runcible Spoon
OK, this is a bit lengthy, so apologies in advance: Noise-cancelling headphones and a FIRM neck pillow are key — don’t count on being able to lean on a window to sleep or even getting any quality sleep at all, and you don’t realize how fatiguing the noise is until you can avoid it with the headphones. Stud earrings, not drop earrings fit better with headphones and an N95 mask. Avoid rings and bracelets in case of swelling and for overall comfort. Fashionable, dark color “track-suit” type clothing in stretchy fabric, e.g. knit pants and zip-up hoodie, something you would be ok to wear to the mall to shop, not pajama-like. Patterned short-sleeved t-shirt underneath, with extra t-shirt in carry-on (for WHEN you spill food or drink down your chest, not for if you spill). Sports bra without underwire to avoid uncomfortable poking and metal-detector delays. Two pairs of compression knee socks — helps to avoid getting grossed-out by stepping on soaking-wet floor of in-flight toilet (rest assured, the moisture is usually splash from the sink, but still . . .); just put on these socks then toss them in your soiled laundry bag at your destination and pull out a fresh pair for the return flight. Avoid alcohol, drink water whenever you can. No need to eat the bread or other random carbs (crackers), or overly salty dishes, to avoid bloat. You don’t have to eat everything on your tray — you can live without eating too much for half a day, you won’t starve. If you carry packets of coffee for your enjoyment in-room at the destination hotel, don’t pack them in your checked-luggage (or your bag WILL be pulled and searched for drugs). Pick the Asian meal — it’s likely to be better quality and tasting than the Western meal for flights to/from Asia. Raise the seat back for meals, and avoid fully reclining if possible, to be a good neighbor to the passenger behind you. Try not to smack the screen too hard if playing games (e.g., solitaire) or while scrolling to select entertainment, to be a good neighbor to the passenger in front of you. Avoid grabbing the seat back in front of you when getting out of or into your seat or you’ll jostle the passenger’s head — lean on the seat backs in your row instead. Avoid grabbing seat backs while walking the aisle or you’ll jostle the passenger’s heads. Aisle seat allows you to pop up to pee at will (and avoid feeling trapped; since you won’t get a good night’s sleep, your seat mate’s occasional step into the aisle is a minor matter). Bulkhead seat is usually comfortable — you can use a carry-on bag as a foot rest, and your window seat-mate can walk around you instead of over you (or without you getting up each time they get up). If you are at the bulkhead, hold your mobile phone when landing so that you can pick up messages during the taxi to the gate (if the signal reaches the aircraft). Pick a TV series to binge watch — time flies when you watch episode after episode in a row. Or watch action movies — you can drift off in a doze and then check back in without missing any subtle plot points. Foreign action movies can be fun in this context, if dubbed (subtitles are too bothersome to keep up with). Or old favorite movies that you’ve seen before, again, so whatever you miss by turning your attention away momentarily won’t really be missed. Sudoku books are helpful to pass the time when you are zonked out with jet lag during layovers or in-flight. Turn the individual air blower to high blast as soon as you board, then adjust periodically afterwards. Put a mini travel padlock on your carry-on, especially the bag in the overhead, just for peace of mind. Bring extra travel padlocks to replace the ones that are cut during security inspections or just go missing. Keep your mobile phone plugged into the power receptacle during the flight, so you don’t have to search for a plug at a layover airport; check out what type of adapter plug may be needed at your destination (or layover airport) and bring all possible variations, in your carry-on. Pack sunglasses and a large headscarf in your carry-on to save your eyes and hair, in case you arrive in blazing sun or in a rainstorm and have to climb up or down stairs into a bus instead of boarding or debarking via jetway (some Asian airports forbid umbrellas in carry-on as too weapon-like, so you can’t count on an umbrella from the runwy bus up the stairs to the aircraft when boarding). I think that’s about it — I hope this helps!
Anonymous
aren’t a lot of bags a lot more affordable overseas?
MJ
Hi–If you are going to be there for ten days, I highly suggest you find time your first day or so to head to Oxford Tailor (just google it). They can dupe any of your favorite pants/skirts, and also make a beautiful custom suit for you, for super-cheap. I got a cashmere three piece (pants/skirs/jacket) suit, duped two pairs of pants, and had them make me three button-down shirts and it was like $600 about ten years ago. My best friend lived FT in Singapore and had all of her clothes made there. She said it would have been cheaper if I weren’t so American and gushing about how great it all was (my bad)!
I went for an initial fitting, went back about a week later, and then two days after that, final fitting. I was in Sing for about a week, with a trip in-between. Cannot stress enough how you really need to make time for this. A bang-on suit will make you feel like a million bucks.
Anon
It’s warm here, or rainy. Everything is air conditioned. If you must dress business formal, get lightweight wool. Get here and get suits custom made. Eat all the local fare. Enjoy the clean, green, safe atmosphere. Shop at orchard road. Walk in the botanic gardens.
Anon
Linen is a great option. Also singapore work wear is way less formal than biglaw. Even bankers only wear suits for meetings.
Kelsey
Can anyone recommend a bakery in the LA area that delivers baked goods? Looking for cinnamon rolls in particular.
Seventh Sister
For cinnamon rolls, I’d try Rockenwagner. Other local-ish bakeries that probably don’t have them but I love: Copenhagen Pastry, Porto’s, Tartine.
Kelsey
Thank you!!!
Kelsey
Seventh Sister – I went on Portos and ordered a bunch of stuff for delivery to my dad that I’m sure he’ll love after his surgery. Thank you for the suggestion!!
Seventh Sister
Oh I’m so glad! Hope he has a smooth surgery and easy recovery.
Senior Attorney
Goldbelly should have a bunch of options for that.
Anonymous
What are your thoughts on cellulite/fat legs in shorts? I can’t decide if this is a time for acceptance/self-love/who cares or if this is a poor decision to wear shorts where this is even a question. Or if I should just try to use some self tanner? Ugh. For context I’m late 40s, 2 preteen sons, size 18; shorts are around 6″. (4 is definitely too short for me.)
anon
You look great. Wear the shorts if you want to!!
Anonymous
Yup. My legs are fat and lumpy. I still wear shorts because summer is hot and they are practical. I truly believe that it is ok for my chunky legs to exist in public! I don’t wear shorts for Big Occasions because I don’t think they are my best look, but for everyday life I absolutely do. And I also really like skorts because sometimes a tight fitting stretchy short is more comfortable but I prefer a bit more modesty.
Anon
Wear the shorts. Full stop. Have the confidence of a middle aged former, never grew out of it frat boy. But, with that said, if wearing the shorts will distract you from fully enjoying your day because you are self conscious, then you have this internet strangers permission to wear something that makes you feel great.
anon
+1 Wear what makes you feel great. I don’t wear shorts because I have a hard time finding ones that fit my body, so I stick with dresses.
Anon
I am a 14/16 and have chunky legs (always have, even when I was a smaller size) and I wear shorts, but with a longer inseam so they stop about an inch or two above my knee. I think most of my inseams are about 9″, give or take. As long as the shorts aren’t pleated or too wide-legged, it looks pretty good, IMO, and takes away some of the anxiety about cellulite/pudgy thighs, etc. But I have a shorter torso and longer legs, so YMMV.
Anonymous
+1 – I’m late 40s and have saggy lumpy skin above my knees due to gaining and losing a lot of weight when I was younger. I’m more comfortable in shorts with an 8-9″ inseam. J Crew Factory has some good ones. But wear what makes you comfortable!
Anon
I hear you.
Everyone here is really supportive and no one will tell you what to wear. Yes you absolutely should wear it if you want to. Good for you.
I have had cellulite since I was a lean jock in high school. Sometimes you can’t beat genetics. Honestly, I haven’t owned shorts since my 20s. I think it just comes to my own comfort level, and I am too self-conscious. It is one of my many weaknesses.
Yes, others on this board have recommended self tanner, or even that moisturizing lotion that just adds a little layer of color after using for a couple of days. I forgot the name, but someone here will remember.
Vicky Austin
Jergens natural glow is the old standard, I think.
Anon
My feeling is that someone is looking a bit too closely if they’re assessing my cellulite levels as opposed to just noticing them (and cellulite is so common that just “noticing” it seems like a non issue to me; people have cellulite all around me all the time).
The main time I worry about cellulite is if it means I need better undergarments under a thin/slinky/clingy/shiny dress.
Cb
Yep, that’s a them problem, not a me problem.
Anon
You should definitely wear the shorts and I do the same with my cellulite, but the biggest problem I’m facing these days is much darker hair on my upper thighs than there used to be. On the back of my legs, it’s growing in different directions, probably from sitting all day at my desk chair, and it doesn’t shave off as clearly as the lower legs. I’m much more self-conscious about this than cellulite. I plan to get laser eventually, but I’m not a candidate right now because of pregnancy.
PolyD
You are younger than me, but the hair on my upper thighs also has been growing in darker and in weird directions. I figured it was a menopause thing – maybe it’s generally hormone-related (never been pregnant)? I’m also much more self-conscious about that than the size or cellulite component of my legs. Right now my solution is boy short bathing suits.
I got laser on my lower legs and love it, wish I had done the top halves. May still look into it.
Anon
My thoughts are if you’re going to be thinking about it the whole time you’re wearing the shorts, find something else to wear. I don’t find the “who cares, wear what you love!” mantra helpful at all. As I’ve aged, I hate how I look in shorts, especially since I look amazing in not-shorts. So I say, if you’re asking this question, skip the shorts. Look at skirts, linen or lightweight pants, caftans, midi and maxi dresses. And jokey skimmies underneath are the best things since sliced bread.
Anon
I spent far too many years being sensitive about my size 14+ thighs and hid them in jeans all summer long. A few years ago I needed some shorts for wearing at home because it was just too hot, and found some that fit me soooooo comfortably that I wanted to wear them in public. Since then, I have made peace with my legs looking pretty darn normal for a 40-something mom and just rock the shorts that are comfortable for me.
FWIW I look like Nicole Kidman’s chubby, rosacea-prone cousin as far as my skin tone goes. My skin is the color it is and I am fine with that.
Anon
I’m the same size as you and I wear the shorts. IDGAF. Everyone has cellulite.
Anon
Actually… they don’t!
Anon
Okay? Cellulite formation is mostly genetic and so not having it is not a life accomplishment, or something.
Anon
You’re right. Everyone does not have cellulite. I’m super thin, late 30’s and don’t have any but guess what, I don’t care if you do and decide to wear shorts! I’m not judging you bc I truly don’t care. Wear whatever you want.
Anon
Yeah, I’ve never been thin, but I’m now in my mid 40s and still don’t have cellulite- I think it’s just genetic. But I don’t care if you do. It’s way too hot in the summer to stay covered up! Find something that you’re comfortable in and get outside and have fun.
Anon
+1 Who cares?
Anon
I feel like it is a challenge to find shorts that don’t ride up due to chub run. So I’m not always able to enjoy shorts that seemed fine when I tried them on. Sometimes, skirts are better for me but it can be a lot of fabric when it is hot and humid. But due to said chub rub, summer dresses are t a good option without some sort of undershorts either.
Anon
Self tanner. You can practice self love all you want and I encourage that, but also self tanner.
Anonymous
Wear the shorts. If everyone with cellulite hid their legs, almost no one would be able to wear shorts. I am a size 0 and still have cellulite. There is not much you can do about it.
Anonymous
Do you mean the cellulite is visible through the fabric of the shorts or is it only where your actual skin is showing? I wouldn’t worry about what my exposed skin looks like, everyone has cellulite. I really hate when my cellulite shows through my clothes though, I try to get a better quality fabric and/or a better fit for me. I got a bunch of awesome linen shorts at old navy a million years ago, no clue if the current quality is the same. Athleta has nice shorts with a thicker material but still comfortable on sweltering days. I once managed to find a lined pair of linen shorts that cost far more than shorts should cost but they are heavenly (idk the brand sorry, I picked them up at a tiny boutique).
Anon
I have to get longer shorts or the chub rub makes them ride up and that is hella physically uncomfortable. Skorts can also be an option as long as the undershorts stay put. Chub rub makes cute summer dresses not really a viable option; anti-rubbing shorts sometimes work but sometime are visible underneath (too long or you can see the seams more than I’d like). But you don’t have to wear them if you’re not physically or emotionally comfortable in them.
Anonymous
I’m about to turn 40 and have same-age peers that look way better in shorts than I do. I just DGAF. I have too much going on to worry about what other people think about my legs.
Do what you want and what you feel good enough in; don’t worry about other people for a second.
I have 3 girls 7-13 and I try not to embarrass them. Shorts? Fine. Really tight fitting shorts? No. But I dress like a mom that spends her weekends in the garden, which I do. As a bonus they don’t try and steal my clothes.
anon for this
This is my attitude – I just DGAF. My legs are strong, my body still works (most of the time) and I am thankful for that. My legs are also pale and covered in a high amount of cellulite. This year I finally just said F it and bought some shorts – they are comfortable and appropriate for my lifestyle, I don’t really care what anyone else thinks.
Sallyanne
Honestly people are probably more concerned with how their legs look rather than judging yours. You may want to try wearing them out of the house to run a quick errand and assess your comfort level before embarking on a full day. I am 125 pounds but carry all of my weight in my legs, cellulite, thighs touching, large ankles. It’s just what it is. Now that I’m 52 I opt for more skorts (athletic brands) but I do wear shorts because sometimes that’s just what’s called for.
Sallyanne
Also yes to self tanner. I like Tanlogist mouse in medium on my pale legs
Anonymous
I am cusp-size and broke down and bought some shorts just last night. I wear a lot of midi and maxi dresses and occasionally linen pants in summer, but sometimes that just isn’t the answer. My muscular but thick legs with fat knees exist and that is going to have to be okay so that I can be active in the heat in the SEUS . I actually opted for a shorter inseam because I think the least attractive part of my legs is the knees and the long shorts that end just above the knee seem to highlight them. I’d rather distract or confuse with my toned hamstrings.
Seventh Sister
I’m around your size and age, and while I sometimes joke that I live in LA so I rarely *have* to wear shorts, I think people should be cool and comfortable!
Honestly, I never notice that other people have cellulite, as I’m laser-focused on my own lack of an appreciable waist and lower belly that manages to look pregnant-ish a decade after my last kid.
Personally, I like those tennis skirt-type things that have become popular because there are shorts underneath but it’s a miniskirt on top which I think looks more flattering on my shape.
anon
Wear the shorts if you want to. Life’s too short.
Anon
I’m early 40s, size 18/20 with big hips, and I wasted so much of my life avoiding shorts. Shorts are practical for hot weather! I like shorts in a thicker fabric, not see through, that hit at the knee or a few inches above. That covers all my cellulite on my hips. I also like bike shorts with pockets and an oversized shirt when I’m out running errands or walking the dog. Wear the shorts! You’ll be glad you did.
Anon
I would love to see more people with more body types wear shorts. I have really appreciated the variety of bodies wearing cropped shirts this summer. not in a smarmy way, but in a representation way.
Idea
this is me. and then when I exercise I wear spandex shorts with a long tee over my bum. and yes I’m self-consciousness but you know what? I’m dressed appropriately for the occasion
summer garden
Summer gardeners – what are wearing on your feet when you are working in your garden? Some sort of plastic/croc-y thing? Give me your favorite.
How is your garden going?
I’m looking for more blooming perennials that do well in lots of sun – especially ones that are hardy and flower for a long time. Any recs? So far I have some peonies (too brief a flowering time!), hardy Yarrow, a hydrangea bush that is struggling, red bee balm, and autumn joy sedum.
Anonymous
what zone are you in? that’s going to matter the most.
I’m in zone 5b. daylillies bloom all summer long; there are a lot of varieties these days. clematis is also pretty good because it blooms twice (but there are a lot of different kinds of clematis so make sure you know what you’re getting).
otherwise it’s mostly annuals that bloom all summer long in lots of sun… we love mandevilla, lanterna, celosia, impatiens, begonia, geranium, ageratum… i barely even bother with the beds anymore and focus on containers for flower gardening.
Anon
Oh, of course…. Chicagoland 6a?
Thanks for your rec.
Actually some deep purple clemantis could be great. I have a trellis that I’d love to fill in the yard and it looks like it should climb. Nice rec!
I do have some zinnias to plant this year, and may get more. It is just a lot of work getting them into the ground for me! Would love a few more “one and done”!
Anonymous
last year we just sprinkled zinnia seeds in late may/early june and they came up fine. “direct sow” flowers.
Anonymous
5b again – consider tall phlox also – they’re perennials and ours were a pretty purple for several months last summer. (We have Blue Paradise.)
Our flowers feel like they haven’t grown a ton yet this summer – it’s just been too dry. I’m happy we haven’t killed anything yet.
Anon
I’d ask the Chicago Botanic Garden – they have great resources and programs for amateur gardeners.
Anon
In Zone 5b, I have most of what you mention and also have lilacs, spirea, and hibiscus that do really well.
The hibiscus shrubs take forever to leaf out every year but once they get going the flowers don’t stop until late autumn. I have a pseudo-hedge that alternates lilacs with hibiscus, which works well because they are showy at opposite ends of the growing season and they are similar in size.
For footwear, I am usually barefoot, in cheap flip-flops, or wearing an old pair of retired running shoes if I need to do any serious work. I can’t stand croc-like things.
Anon Zone 7
I personally love Celosia and Cockscomb – they both come back year after year (although they can spread and require weeding). They last from April-August for me and love the heat as long as they’re watered. Lavender is also another favorite. It tends to do best when it’s more arid and dry, and I have killed off one or two of them, but a replanting and they’re back next year. The white varieties have been hardier for me than the classic purple. And if you don’t have gophers/moles, Dahlias are great. The bulbs keep getting eaten, otherwise I’d stick with them.
Anon
I wear an old pair of running shoes in the garden. It keeps my feet protected and they are ventilated so not too hot. The shoes live on a rack next to the door to the yard so I don’t care if they get mud and dirt stuck on them. I hate the feeling of sweaty feet in plastic-y shoes and I don’t like opening that get grass bits, stones, mud, etc stuck in them. YMMV of course!
Anon
Good points. thanks!
No Face
Running shoes become walking shoes become yardwork shoes become trash. This is the journey.
Anon
I thought this was the Dad / New Balance meme for a moment.
Anon
I either wear my rain boots or sneakers.
I have some penstemon (red rocks) that blooms for a long time in the summer and always looks great. My catmint (junior walker) also has a long blooming time. My coneflower, black-eyed susans, gaillardia, and shasta daisy have just started blooming and should bloom for awhile. I know you said perennials, but planting some annuals from seed is pretty low effort for such a big payoff. Zinnia and marigold from seed in my opinion is better than buying seedlings.
This year I’ve planted some sea holly and anise hyssop but it’s too soon to see how they will do.
Anon
Thanks for sharing the info about Zinnia and marigold seed! Do you start them in pots/containers, or just disperse in the yard? I would love to try that, as that sounds easy…
Anon
Sow the seeds directly in the ground.
Cb
I wear crocks, bright yellow. They are hideous but comfortable.
My garden is looking great, but lots of weeds interspersed amongst the wildflowers. I’m leaning into the cottage look, and putting down lots of green manures, wildflower seeds, etc, in hopes of crowding out the weeds. And I’m letting things go to seed (I have tons of yellow poppies, foxgloves, etc) so they self-seed.
Anon
Thanks for sharing! I have cleared out a lot of weeds, but not all, and am trying to establish some great perennials first, and then let things evolve.
Anon
I wear an old pair of Dansko clogs.
Here in the Bay Area we’ve had plenty of rain but not plenty of sun so the tomatoes are slow going.
I feel like Lavender is what you’re looking for.
Anon
Actually clogs is a nice idea… fewer holes.
Lavender is a great idea. Thanks!
Vicky Austin
I grew lavender (badly) when we lived in North Dakota – mosquitoes don’t like it.
Anonymous
And old pair of hiking shoes or old sneakers. I prefer closed-toed shoes for any yard-related activities in case I drop clippers or something on my feet.
My veggies in raised beds are doing amazing. Should have the first ripe cherry tomatoes of the year soon. My native perennial flower beds that I’ve been trying to establish keep getting eaten by the rabbits (except for the bee balm, which is flowering but also starting to get some powdery mildew). I just ordered some little critter fencing to fence it off and try again… Half my hydrangeas are looking great, the other half didn’t flower (I can’t get these right; I thought they bloomed on old wood, but that doesn’t seem to be working. Going to try just pruning them to the ground this Fall and see if they bloom next year)
Anon
Thanks for sharing!
It really hasn’t rained here at all since I planted… until yesterday. My tomatoes grew a bunch in one day!
Unfortunately, we have several rabbits that are always in my yard. It never occurred to me they would eat flowering perennials. Hmmm…..
BootsnCats
I’m in 6b and went on vacation form 10 days and OF COURSE my peonies went full-tilt bloom while I was gone. Fortunately my neighbors took some and I have a few more promising buds coming. Otherwise, I also missed my lilies but agastache came in hot, which the bees love and brings me joy.
I finally ran through a pair of Hunter wellies I had for ages and didn’t want to spend so much money, so I got a pair of unisex boots at Tractor Supply Co. which work great. I have a lot of ticks in my area so boots make me feel more secure. Also a plus when I’m mowing.
Anon
Compared to the others, I guess I’m living dangerously gardening in old Nike flip flops. I live where it’s hotter than the gates of hell though, and will not wear any kind of closed shoe June – August unless it’s absolutely necessary (court and funerals, that’s about it).
Smokey
I’m in zone 7 and LOVE catmint for full sun. It is stunning when most vibrant, is easy to grow and gets pretty big. Also love Stella Dora lillies for long blooming season and a great color that pairs well wit purple, pink and white.
Anon
Oh thanks! I actually planted a catmint – which is also called Nepeta? I keep forgetting its name so I forgot to mention. It didn’t transplant well, and it has been so so dry here that I think the blooms are done for the summer …. But I’m glad to hear that it may grow big in the future.
Anon
Catmint! My catmint is ridiculously happy and bees love it! Just cut it down to the ground in late fall and it’ll pop back up in spring.
My favorite gardening shoes are anything from the Keds Scout line. They’re their basic sneakers made with a waxed canvas that’s water resistant (low tops and high tops available). They’re marketed for city commuting or rainy spring days, but I find them super easy to wear for gardening. I feel like the minimal sole gives me stability when I’m squatting or carrying weird things, etc. (I’ve never understood clogs – I don’t want dirt on my heels.) If you want to order them, order from Amazon – you have to pay for returns from the actual Keds site.
Anon
I wear the clogs with backs. I like clogs over sneakers after many years gardening because I can just rinse them off with a hose.
Anonymous
Shoes- I wear old sneakers and socks when I’m doing most yard work. If it’s something where I will get wet/muddy then I wear either low LL bean boots or flip flops.
sun loving Perennials- I’m in the Boston burbs FWIW.
Hydrangea, catmint, stella d’oro day lillies, iris, some azaleas that are good in sun. I have lots of peonies bc they are my favorite.
You didn’t ask but I also throw in some dahlia tubers in May that bloom FOREVER and I throw zinnia seeds in the ground Memorial day-4th of July for continuous flowers that are low maintenance. I have two patio plants that spend the summer outside and live in my bay window in the winter- one gardenia tree that flowers may-Sept and a lemon tree that makes baby lemons year round and smells wonderful.
Anonymous
Oh, and I just did a lunchtime walk-about. I have also have wigela, lilacs, some Shasta daisies, red dogwoods, mums (bought in fall, covered with mulch and they have come back 3 years in a row now!).
Anon
figure out what’s native in your region. beautiful and indestructible once established. Homegrown national parks has resources.
Anon
Moonbeam coreopsis!
Anonymous
Crocs or wellies on my feet.
I like Honeysuckle and Clematis for flowering climbers. Sunflowers love sun and can seed themselves. Poppies of all kinds are great, the Siberian ones are periennials. Columbines are hardy, as are Asters. Jasmine is lovely in early spring, lilacs too.
If you’re willing to do some annuals as well, Sanvitalia is super hardy and very cheerful.
Baskets of hanging geraniums and fuchsia are lovely. Lavender pots look very nice in groups, or in borders.
summer garden
Thanks everyone for your wonderful suggestions, and for sharing your successes.
Anon
Looking for advice about what, if anything, I should do about a situation with one of my direct reports.
We had a meeting last week as she’s about to transition to a new role outside of my organization (not a regrettable situation in the least, for a few reasons). I started out the meeting making chit-chat; we both have kids and so I was asking about her kids’ summer plans, etc. She said something to the effect of, well at least they started camp so they’re out of my hair all day and I don’t have to deal with them until they come home in the afternoon. I laughed; I remember the days of being really stressed with high-energy kids and too much to do. I said something like, well, it does get easier in the summer as they grow up and get more independent. And she said “I don’t know; for me parenting is like this nightmare I wake up to every day and I just can’t wait until it’s over. I can’t stand it.”
I was stunned, and just kind of said some blurby benign things and then we got into the reason for the meeting. But as I have been thinking about what she said, and putting that together with some other things I’ve heard her say about parenting and her home life, etc. I am concerned. It sounds like depression or severe overwhelm or something to me, and I hate to think that this person is suffering and feeling this way all the time. Maybe she said what she said to me as an effort to subtly ask for help?
We have a robust EAP and some good resources inside HR she can access, which I’m sure she already knows about but maybe just hasn’t wanted to reach out to. I can make a referral to the EAP on her behalf and have them reach out to her – it’s a pretty low-key thing, she’ll get sent a message that just says “should you need extra support the EAP is here for you” and won’t reference any specific problem or that I made the referral. Should I do that? Or should I chalk this up to summertime mom stress and just let it go?
Anon
You do nothing. As a child free person, parents confess this kind of thing to me all the time. It’s a normal feeling, not something that needs medical or psych attention.
Anon
I agree OP should not intervene here, but I disagree that it is a normal feeling. Being stressed and exhausted and looking forward to kids going away to camp or going back to school is normal, which OP seems to acknowledge in her post. Feeling like parenting is “a nightmare you can’t wake up from” is definitely not normal.
anon
+1
Maybe it’s just the phase my friends are in, but I need more than one hand to count the number of women I’ve heard this from.
Anon
I don’t think you should do anything.
Anon
If this person is transitioning, I would not do anything affirmative. If you are naturally in conversation and something similar happens again you can say, gosh parenting can be really stressful especially in the summer. If you want some support, we have great EAP resources and I’ve benefited from them. But then let it go.
anon
this
Anon
This just sounds like regular venting.
Chl
I work in HR. You say it’s not just this comment but other things as well. I don’t think there is any harm and there can be a lot of benefit in offering the EAP support. We see a lot of anxiety, depression, etc now and whether you want to see it as just being a nice, caring person or a cold capitalist play to keep your employees productive, you could make a real difference.
Anon
This does not sound like regular venting to me, unless she is normally prone to exaggeration.
If you feel inclined, maybe tell her that you want her to succeed in her new role, and worry that the overwhelm of her home life is interfering with that. Encourage the EAP while she’s still employed at your company.
Anonymous
Her personal feelings re: motherhood are none of your business. But out.
Anon
Maybe you could reach out or meet in a few weeks to see how the new role is going, and see how she seems then? I think it’s great you care and this comment seems like a red flag, but maybe she was just having a bad day.
Anon
No, this is not a good idea. OP is not in any way close enough to this person to offer meaningful help, especially once they no longer work in the same place.
Anonymous
I don’t think you should do anything unless she’s got a baby at home (ie postpartum depression).
Idea
postpartum depression can technically (clinically?) be diagnosed until “baby” is age 3.
Anon
Looking for a sweater blazers equivalent. I don’t care for the look of sweater blazers but need a topper that’s not quite as formal as a blazer but still looks nice, has some structure, looks intentional, current and is comfortable. I’m also okay with a blazer so long as it’s on the more casual side.
Anonymous
For a casual blazer, check out the Cinq a Sept Khloe.
OOO
How about a denim blazer? This site featured one from Gap that I bought recently and really like
Anon
Gibson Look
Wearing a Jardigan Now...
MM LaFleur jardigans? They are more formal looking than some sweater blazers, but definitely less formal than a full blazer.
Anon
Linen blazer? Talbots and J.Crew have them.
Anonymous
what don’t you like about sweater blazers? a lot of them are really slouchy and shapeless right now but there are still lots of other good ones. summersalt has a nice one, for example.
Anon
Good morning! I’m going gray, but I have a warm skin tone. I’m pretty pale (white), but with peachy veering toward red undertones.
Does anyone have make up tips for me? Or even a good website I can check out? I feel like I’m looking dead lately and want to add some color.
Anon
I love makeup videos on IG. Some I recommend are by Hannah Martin and Sali Hughes, both british but I just like their format. I don’t personally enjoy longer form youtube videos but there are good artists there too.
Makeup videos were my self-soothing indulgence during lockdown. I don’t know how I fell into it, but watching a lady do her makeup while it felt like the world was burning was very calming for me. As a bonus, I do my own makeup better now!
Anon
Tips for pushing through when you’ve got a lot of work to do and you’re exhausted?
I went from an out of town wedding, back to my condo for about 10 hours, and am now on a business trip (that included a 4am wake-up). I don’t have any obligations until later this afternoon but have lots of work to get done before the work trip gets full swing.
Anonymous
I’d take a power nap at least, then make a to-do list.
Anon
Unfortunately hotel check in isn’t for a few more hours (flew from East Coast to West Coast so it’s early here!)
Anon
No, but following. I’m in a very similar boat. So far all I’ve got is caffeine. In the past when I’ve been totally tapped out during business travel, usually the night after a red-eye, I skipped one night of business dinner/socializing stuff, ordered room service, and watched Bravo.
Anon
Luckily tonight’s dinner is the only evening activity. The rest of the week will definitely be low key nights in for me! I just need to make it until 9pm west coast time tonight after starting at 4am EST today!
Anon
I once spent all day looking forward to my bravo night, and then found out the hotel didn’t have bravo! So check first haha
Anon
Oh no that is tragic!
No Face
Caffeine and a vigorous walk outside if possible. You can check your bags at the bell desk even if your hotel room isn’t ready yet.
Runcible Spoon
Sudafed can help you feel alert and focused on an occasional/temporary basis. Off-label, I know, but you asked . . .
Anon
I’m moving from a state with front license plates to a state that doesn’t have them. What fun front license plates have you had/seen? Nothing sports or college related.
Anon
I’ve only ever lived in a state without them. I don’t know anyone who has a fun one. Feel free to get one if you’d like, but don’t feel like you’ll need one.
Anon
I mainly want to cover the holes that will be left behind and don’t want to pay for a whole new front bumper.
Anon
I’d just leave them, a novelty plate sounds way tackier than a couple of tiny holes no one will notice.
Anon
Yup. They’re tacky. No
Need for one.
Anon
Just put screws in the holes. You don’t need a plate.
Anonymous
In states with no front license plate, everyone is driving around with those holes in their bumpers.
Anon
+1 I don’t know anyone who has one, and they seem like way more trouble than they’re worth. It’s easy to bump them into a curb or something and dent them even without damaging the rest of your car.
Anon
What are your interests? Do you have pets?
Anonymous
Honestly, if it’s not a sports or college thing (and even most of the time when it is), I find them really tacky.
Anon
FWIW, I like the college / sports team ones (also moved from front state to back-only state). I kept my old front tag on my car for a year or so (laziness). I kinda want a county-fair airbrushed one now that I live in an oppressively posh area and I am still very much feeling my Gym Tan Laundry roots. FWIW, I have a very fungible car.
Anon
Curious person here dying to know what Gym Tan Laundry means!
Anon
Google the show Jersey Shore
Anonymous
G T L is my Saturday morning routine for real and yes I am from Jersey!
Anon
haha another Anon who gets the reference. Cabs are here!
Anon
It’s t-shirt time!
Anonymous
My college roommate from So. Fla had her name in airbrush. I was told it was ironic but no other facts supported that
HFB
See if any charities you support are selling these?
Boston restaurant recs?
Recommendations for a solo dinner in Boston? Staying on Stuart Street, near the courthouse. Open to anything!
Bette
Nautilus Pier 4. Sit at the bar and get a drink on the water at Woods Hill before.
OOO
Need a Father’s Day gift idea for FIL. He lives in Northern MI, is retired, likes golf, tinkering, watching tv/sports and being a grandpa. Prefer something tangible bc I will be giving DH a tangible gift. DH is in charge of getting him a gift, just want to give him some ideas. Budget is $100. TIA!
OOO
And he likes fishing
Vicky Austin
My SIL gave my husband a new tackle box (I think from Igloo?) for his birthday recently.
Anon
Does he have a multi tool like a leatherman? They’re good to have in every car, even if you already have one for home. I’d do that and a recent framed pic of the grandkids (if they’re your kids).
Moose
One dad gift I’ve recommended before is a home weather station – tracks all kinds of info and has an indoor display. can’t remember an exact model (there are a bunch) but here’s one:
https://www.amazon.com/AcuRite-Wireless-Weather-Station-Sensor/dp/B00N1XCA9M?tag=weatherstation02-20&geniuslink=true
summer garden
I got a weather station for my Dad one year – a MUCH cheaper one, pretty simple, and he really liked it.
Anon
I’m struggling because I find quite literally no meaning in my job. The work I do doesn’t meaningfully benefit anyone – the greater good, the company, or my team. I also feel like my career really stagnated when I took this role. I have a pretty useless boss but everyone above him thinks very highly of me but my boss seems to keep a lot of work and opportunities from me. I don’t think he does this on purpose, he’s just terrible at managing (we actually have a good relationship otherwise).
I am bored, feel like I’m not contributing to anything and feel like everyone’s career is progressing but mine isn’t.
I’m obviously job searching, but am in a niche field so it could take a while. I’ve also straddled two sub-fields for a few years but feel like I need to commit to one of them but can’t figure out how to decide.
Im not sure what I want, I just know that what I’m doing is not what I want.
For those who have been in my position, how did you guide your job search?
Anon
Your job doesn’t have to provide the meaning in your life. Your job is for a paycheck. The meaning in your life comes from your non-work life, for most of us.
Anon
This.
Anon
I don’t need “save the world” meaning. But I need something. I know not everyone needs that but I do.
Anon
Look for volunteer opportunities outside of work that can provide meaning for you.
Anonymous
When I had a soulless corporate job, even weekly volunteering wasn’t enough to offset the lack of meaning I felt at work.
Anon
Then, you change your Job/career/goals in life, if meaning at work is important to you.
It’s important to me. For the number of hours I devote to work, it has to be. For me.
Anon
The one time I took a job without meaning, I was absolutely miserable. I come from a long line of public servants and I really think a job with meaning is in my blood.
I had a very corporate job for a few years and I just couldn’t get myself to care because it felt like the job solely existed to make my company’s billionaire CEO even richer.
I don’t need to save lives but I need some to have some impact.
I have a rich life outside of work: hobbies, friends and family, volunteering. I still need a little purpose at work.
No Face
While you are looking for another job, can you make your current role more interesting? Does your company have committees or initiatives that you could participate in? Can you talk to others on your team about their work and offer to contribute in some way? Is your job amenable to teaching a community college, college, or other class of some sort? Can you offer trainings to someone in your company or outside of it? Can you publish something somewhere? I don’t know what you do, so I am just brainstorming.
anon
+1 I mean, I work for a company that makes products which can (and are often intended to) seriously hurt people. I get no personal fulfillment from that part of it, but I participate heavily in both formal and informal mentoring within my company and employee resource/affinity groups. I live to build relationships and help people in their careers, so that’s my joy and what I focus on as the good in my job. Is there anything like this you can participate in while you are job searching?
Anon
What? How do you live with yourself?
Anon
Has anyone been to a coastal region in Turkey or have a recommendation for where to go? Planning a ~10 day trip there, and one of our three stops will be a beach resort area for my husband and kid after they put up with me sightseeing in Istanbul and Cappadocia. Looking at Antalya and Bodrum, but having a hard time deciding between them and am open to other possibilities.
NYCer
I have been to Bodrum. I think it would be good for what you are looking for. Water was warm, great weather. There are some very nice resorts there these days. I have not been to Antalya, so unfortunately I can’t compare.
NYCer
I will add, I was there in 2012, so I do not have the most up to date hotel recommendations. We stayed at the Kempinski, and it was quite nice, but I know many luxury hotels have opened since then.
Anon
I was actually looking at the Kempinski so I really appreciate that rec! Thanks.
NYCer
Ps- Istanbul and Cappadocia are amazing too. You will have a great trip!
Anonymous
Can anyone recommend a makeup blogger with this coloring: pale skin with neutral pink undertones, dark brown hair, light brown eyebrows? Lisa Eldridge is a bit too tan and her hair is too light, I think. thank you!
Anonymous
I think John Maclean is the palest (pink) makeup blogger I know with dark hair and pale brows.
ALT
Maybe try makeup.by.asta on instagram? I follow her and I think she fits your description—I have light skin with true neutral tones and I feel like her looks are on the pink/warm side, maybe too pink for me, but maybe perfect for you!
Anon
I have some great t-shirts that are good synthetic fabric that is light and wicking. And others which are just like wearing nasty plastic. Some are horrible 12 months of the year. How, from fiber content or description, can I spot the offenders in advance? I’m new to the SEUS and this is a high-priority task right now.
Anon
Continue to buy from the brands that work for you. You cannot tell from fabric content alone, at least in my experience.
No Face
I go for natural fibers (silk, linen, cotton, cashmere) or fabrics that specifically advertise being sweat-wicking/technical. I’ve given up on everything else.
Anonymous
just buy multiples of the ones you like
I’ve been going through this but with underwear – the silk ones are definitely the best.
anon
I got into my first fender bender last week where it was my fault. No visible damage to my car so I haven’t called my insurance company. I had asked the person I hit to call me first with information about damages but she called her insurance company first. It is less than $1000 and she has a $1000 deductible.
Do I need to call my insurance company? I’ve made it 43 years without ever having to do this!
Anon
If you want your insurance to pay for it, call them. But you can also pay out of pocket. The other party may not want to do that.
Her deductible doesn’t really figure into the equation here. Deductibles are generally for comprehensive and collision coverages. Since you are at fault, your property damage liability responds and pays the other party with no deductible to them.
Anon
Depends on if she’s in at at-fault or no-fault state, right?
Anonymous
Now that she involved insurance, I would probably report it to my insurance company but try to pay out of pocket.
Anon
Call your insurance company. Do not directly negotiate with her. Unless you’re a PI lawyer you won’t be able to get any kind of effective release of you go that route. Trust no one. This is what insurance is for.
Anon
In my state damage under $1k cannot raise the points on your insurance/ your future insurance cost. This is obviously to your interest, not your insurance provider’s. So, be very very wary if you call your insurance, they send an adjuster out, and come back with a quote over $1k.
Life admin assistant?
Where should I be looking to hire a part time personal assistant? Recs for websites, apps, groups, etc welcome!
Backstory: We’re completely swamped right now with some unusually peak-y work and life circumstances, and have reached a breaking point of not being able to handle all of life’s miscellaneous tasks. For example, I was a month overdue on my car registration and hadn’t been able to get the required state inspection taken care of despite hours wasted sitting in lines, calling to make appointments, etc. We were joking that we just need a college kid who’s bored for the summer and needs some cash to help out… when I realized that a friend has a little sister who fits that exact profile. Long story short, 24 hours and a Venmo transaction later, it’s handled, and I’m so relieved.
It felt like a revelation — we definitely need to be outsourcing some of our life administration work! I’ve got the college girl lined up to help with anything else that comes up before she goes back to school, but I’m trying to plan ahead for when she goes back to school.
Where can I find someone to help with this kind of thing on a part time, flexible basis? I checked care (dot) com quickly but didn’t see any “personal assistant” type folks. (I should note that we don’t have kids yet, so they’re would be no childcare type tasks involved.) I’m thinking of posting on our neighborhood association’s fb page… any other ideas? Anyone use an app or service for this sort of thing?
Anon
Could you hire a college kid at a local university? Keep on your friend’s sister to handle virtual tasks?
Anonymous
I’ve never used it, but it seems like this is what TaskRabbit is designed for.
Anonymous
corporettemoms had a post on household managers a while ago – look at that. i think people find those people on craigslist.
if it’s things that can be done online with permissions you’re comfortable with, i’d definitely look at task rabbit. they even have a US-based assistant if you need someone to make calls or whatnot.
DC Pandas
I would even try Craigslist and call it “mom’s helper/assistant” despite the outdated title, these tend to be household tasks, errands, etc.
Anon
You might look at Zirtual. And C-r e t t e has done a post on virtual assistants. Search this s it e: virtual assistant on google and you should find the post.
OP
Ah thank you all! These are all super helpful ideas! :)
Anon
We really would benefit from an additional space in our house to do art projects, play cards, do messy kids stuff, etc. We are thinking about screening in our back porch to accomplish that. But I have never actually lived somewhere with a screened in porch, have just enjoyed them in vacation homes. And I keep getting stuck on how this works in practice – can you leave stuff on a screened in porch all the time? Or have to worry about rain? And is there outdoor furniture that’s actually really comfy or will never be a place that people want to sit on a comfy chair and read? Appreciate any thoughts. I’m not sure we can afford an addition to do a totally closed in room but if that’s realistically what we need to achieve this goal may be better to put it off.
Anon
I think it may depend on where you live, but in my part of the Midwest, it gets wet inside a screen porch occasionally.
What about finishing a basement or portion of your basement? We were quoted more for screening in our back deck than for finishing the basement.
Anonymous
we’re considering doing this in what should be the formal dining room in our house – we never use it for that. i think with a screened-in porch you’d need a lot of paperweights, waterproof boxes… imagine your child finishing an art project and then it getting wet from rain blowing sideways.
Vicky Austin
All the screened-in porches I know of have kept furniture and other things against the opposite wall to the screen, so they stay dry. But all of this has been in the Midwest, where sometimes the summer storms come in sideways just to mess with you. I think you would have to be careful of what you put out there and make sure the furniture was durable, but naps on the screened porch in the rain (when downwards) are some of my happiest summer memories, so I think you should explore it!
Anon
so i both grew up with a screened in porch in MD and now have one at my home in TX. the one at my parents’ home was primarily used for dinner during late spring/summer/early fall and with global warming, even sometimes thanksgiving. they have a dining table that is out there al the time and sitting furniture with cushions that are taken inside during the off season. my dad also likes to take in the cushions from the dining chairs when not in use. stuff can still get wet, so you need outdoor furniture that can withstand the elements. my dad sits out there to read all the time. ours in TX is basically an arts and crafts area for my kids. i’d love to dine out there more or use it more myself, but kids are still little and we are too up and down at dinner and i dont really have time right now in my life to just sit and read. it is nice to have a space outside iwth no bugs.
Anon
I don’t have a screened in porch but maybe something similar for you to consider. I’m in the midwest and my house has an addition of a three season room. It’s sort of an enclosed porch but it’s on the side of my house. I use this as a playroom. It’s windows on three sides, has separate heaters along the floor, and a ceiling fan (no AC so does get hot on super hot days but there’s usually a nice breeze from opening all windows). I love it. It’s been great to have most of the first floor kid stuff contained to this room. It’s off my dining room. It was the only place it made sense with my house layout but has been really helpful when having dinner parties because we can send the young kid in there to play while socializing in the dining room and still keeping an eye on them. My finished basement isn’t as useful with young kids. The room also has a door to the yard, which is helpful when the kids/dog get messy in the backyard. The previous owners used this room as a porch of sorts. It had outdoor furniture and a hightop table. I have a non screened in porch and barely use it because of mosquitos.
Anon
Can you get slider windows in addition to screens? That turns it into a three seasons room and eliminates the rain issue. If you only have screens I find outdoor chairs are more comfortable than outdoor couches.
Anonymous
Love this question as I grew up in a house where we actively utilized the screen porch. Definitely depends on where you live. We live in the Northeast, and would use it from late Spring through late Fall.
We closed it up for the winter and opened it up for warmer weather – moving plants inside, moving furniture cushions inside, deep cleaning before closing/reopening. We had outdoor furniture on the porch, which stayed out year round but the cushions would be stored in the basement during the winter. It’s very comfy and I still read out there when I visit my parents. We had a very durable outdoor carpet (basically turf) that we left out year round.
We also ate lunch out there in the summer and breakfast out there in the school year when it was open.
For toys, etc. there were two options. When we were younger, we kept an outdoor storage type trunk on the porch to store toys we mostly used out there. When we got older, we just brought toys in an out.
For rain, a typical rainy day we could use the porch and the air would feel damp but it wouldn’t get wet. For a bigger storm, or a windy rainy day, we’d pull the couch cushions/any fragile declarations in.
My mom still uses the porch 5-6 times a week now that we are out of the house – she reads out there, knits out there, etc. And when I visit my son plays out there, I will drink a cup of tea out there, etc.
I think you need to think hard about whether you will use it though, and only you know your family’s behavior patterns, etc. My sister in law has what I call a “Florida” room which is floor to ceiling windows and is also used 3 seasons, which she uses as you describe and is great.
Anon
I have a very rocky relationship with my dad, who is a text book narcissist. He was supposed to come over for dinner yesterday and meet my in-laws who are visiting. He threw a hissy fit and didn’t come, and of course it’s all my fault because I didn’t tell him the time early enough in advance. When you’re told your whole life that everything is always your fault, it really starts to get to you! I’ve been trapped in this obsessive spiral all morning replaying the conversation and thinking of all the other things in my life I’ve been told were my fault. It sucks.
Runcible Spoon
Don’t worry, you in-laws know whose fault this is. People in general are onto others, even if they don’t let on.
Anon
This was not my experience at all! My dad put a ton of effort into making sure our entire social circle thought of him as the best guy ever.
Textbook narcissist types are amazing at making sure they have everyone else in their corner before they start acting out.
Anonymous
i’m sorry you’re dealing with this. have you tried gray rocking him?
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock
anon
Maybe she doesn’t actually look great in shorts. Just like I don’t look great in certain things. I think these kinds of rah rah, blindly supportive comments are just not that helpful. We don’t all have to look great all the time.
OP, I think if you are comfortable in shorts and want to wear them, then go ahead and wear them.
Anon
I very much agree.
Wear the shirts if you want to, regardless of how you look in them but yes, not everyone looks good in shorts. That’s okay.
Anonymous
I think generally the reason people look good in clothes is because they wear them with confidence. They might not objectively look great, but they might “look great”
Anon
Wow, thanks for adding this ray of sunshine to the conversation!