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Hunting for nude-for-you heels? I just noticed a new brand that has a collection specializing in nude shades: Burju Shoes.
They don't have any flats as far as I can see in the True Nudes collection, but they do have a number of classic pumps, block heeled shoes, and a surprising number of booties. The founder was apparently a professional Latin Dancer along with her husband, and started Burju Shoes in 2008 to specialize in dance shoes.
Each shoe comes in 9 shades of “nude,” sizes 4-15 (WOW! As far as extended sizes go, that is impressive.)
I've always been a fan of ankle strap heels personally (yay triangular feet), but especially with a nude-for-me strap across the ankle, and I like the block heels here. The details note that they have memory foam padding, a non-slip lining, with “vegan outer materials and specialized shank offer support and flexibility.”
Nice! The shoes are $149, available for preorder (but they're coming down to $119 when I put them in my cart today).
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
anon4
I’ve been lifting light weights and doing my Peloton more frequently for about a month. I’ve gained a few pounds but my clothes still fit the same. Is it possible this is muscle weight or is it too soon for that to be affecting the scale?
Anon
It is most likely water retention associated with the increased activity. In general, women need to work fairly hard to build muscle mass and light weights and cardio would be unlikely to be enough.
anon4
Can you explain this to me? Where is the water? Do you always retain water when exercising? Would that not result in your clothes fitting differently?
Anonymous
When muscles are repairing themselves, they retain water to assist with the repair. Probably not enough to make clothes fit differently overall (at least depending on your clothes).
Anon
If Im eating enough protein and lifting frequently enough, I definitely put on muscle in about 3 weeks. But, its also visible which is how I know its muscle.
Otherwise its probably water weight, which is fine.
Anon
Oh also, what do you mean by light weights?
If you mean the 2-5 lbs that are frequently used with Peloton classes, then you’re probably not putting on weight.
If you mean like 10lbs then yes I put on visible muscle in about 3 weeks by lifting 10 lb weights for 30 mins 3-4x a week and eating 120ish g of protein.
anon
Just fyi, there are some really great Peloton strength classes not on the bike that call for “medium” and “heavy” weights up. I use up to 30 lb dumbbells on those. So, it’s not all light 2-5 lb stuff, which they definitely have plenty of!
anon4
I’ve been using the three pound weights in ten minute classes, so lots of quick repetition. My biceps are definitely bigger when I flex them and there is still more definition even when I’m not flexing.
Anon
Very unlikely to be muscle weight then
Sunshine
Thanks for mentioning the protein. I’ve been struggling lately to add muscle mass despite lifting consistently. DH keeps saying I need to eat more protein, and he is correct. Somehow hearing it from a woman is more helpful. I’m usually getting 80-95g per day, but I weigh 150 and probably need to be closer to the 120g per day to add muscle.
Anon
Water retention in the muscle —> appearance of muscle growth
Fallen
My trainer says it is possible to put on 0.5-1 lb of muscle a week… but I don’t know if I buy it. I have gained 0 lbs despite training 3x a week since April and eating 1.4-1.5 grams of protein per lb.
Anonymous
Random question for today: are you loyal to one brand of hand soap in your house? I was a bulk-Softsoap girl for years but my mom (a fan of Bath & Body Works) has gotten my sons into nicer-smelling hand soap.
New Here
Lately we’ve been buying the Ms.Meyers soaps…but I do love a B&BW hand soap sale.
Amelia pond
I am not a fan of Mrs. Meters scents and it was all we could find for a while in the pandemic so now when ever I smell the soap it always makes me think of the dark days of the pandemic. It is not a happy smell.
It’s funny how individual soap scents are. I love kitchen lemon from bath and body works, but their lime scent is awful to me.
anonshmanon
I also don’t love the scents, generic lavender is the least annoying.
I do, however, like your screen name!
Anon88
Me too! Especially the seasonal scents like lilac.
Anon
I like bar soap for sink-side use. If I don’t have a nice bar picked up at an art fair or farmers market, I use Dr. Bronner’s (and while it works well, I admit that the copy on the wrapper is absolutely wild and both amuses and slightly disturbs me at the same time).
eertmeert
Oh my gosh, Dr. Bronners wrapper… so years ago i was camping, and all we had was Dr Bronners soap for some reason. We took the copy on the wrapper at face value and used it as toothpaste….instant regret. Instant.
Anon
Oh no, so sorry for your experience and my uncontrolled laughter!
It does make a great laundry soap for handwashing in the sink, and can be used for dishes in a pinch. I actually do take the unscented bar camping because it is so versatile. If I am really packing light I will also use it to wash my body and my hair, but I can’t do that long term or my hair turns to straw.
Anon
We’ve got eczema in my house so my son and I are loyal to unscented softsoap and my husband buys his own L’Occitane for his office bathroom/his sink in our main bedroom. We also use dove bar soap and unscented laundry detergent so I’m pretty used to unscented/very lightly scented products and kind of prefer not having all the artifical scents in the house.
Anon
Weirdly, yes. Method in the sweet water scent.
RR
Same. Sweet water is the best.
Anon
I change up scents seasonally (yes I am that weird person with a hoard of hand soaps) but I always use Michel Design Works soaps – the foaming ones in the square bottle. I prefer foaming to liquid and the bottles are pretty.
That mom
Not random to my kid. We were liquid soap household until the pandemic when I bought solid soap from Etsy that had a toy inside to motivate handwashing. My 4yearold was so mad that he couldn’t get to the toy and he didn’t know about soap. He threw the soap across the bathroom, so funny. We have since gone back to liquid soap
Anon
My mom’s a die hard Softsoap user. My thing is that I like foaming soaps, so there’s BBW or Michel something that I can find at TJ Maxx. I do rotate my scents for the season. If unfinished, I actually package my fall and Christmas ones up so they won’t leak and pack them away with my other decor ha.
Anon
Ha! Michel Design Works – thanks poster at 3:17!
Anon
I’m the same. BBW only because we like the foaming. I HATE the drips and cleaning up the drips of the other soap in the sink. I also change out seasonally and put partially finished ones back in the cabinet for next season. I do only minor seasonal decor, and my hand soaps are one item that I change.
Anon
Hand soaps and candles, basically my only seasonal decorating!
Anon
I can’t stand it when soap (or hand sanitizer) leaves a smell on my hands, so I use the Trader Joe’s lavender chamomile soap, which is very faintly scented, but doesn’t make my hands smell.
Cat
I really dislike a lingering “scent” and so we always just use the plainest Softsoap available!
anon
+1 I also dislike lingering scent, so I use unscented hand soap from Whole Foods and/or Cetaphil, depending on how dry my hands are.
Anon
I still like the Milk & Honey Soft Soap, though not as much as the orange blossom honey French soap TJ used to have. My husband likes Castille soap (generics for Dr. Bronner’s) in lavender or mint.
Sometimes I try a foaming hand soap, but it’s dangerous because I don’t like every scent, and it’s hard to predict.
I really like the Whole Foods 365 lemon dish soap; it has a kind of lemon pith scent that I keep coming back to. But when it’s hands and not dishes, I try not to use scents that will annoy my cat.
Anon
Ever spring refills in decorative glass pumps.
Anon
I have no brand loyalty, but I only like using foaming hand soap. I can’t stand the feel of the gel ones.
Anon
I buy gallon jugs with a pump on top from Gilchrist & Soames.
Anonymous
I’ve tried to splurge on “fancy” handsoap from Nest but it wasn’t worth it, although the bottle was beautiful. I did Method for a few years. Tried to do Castille but could not handle the strong scent. We’re just using the moisturizing Softsoap now.
Anon
For beautiful bottles, I like the Italian ones Costco sometimes has.
anon
I rotate between Mrs Meyer, BBW, and Method depending what’s on sale. Always the foaming kind, no matter what.
Anonymous
Loyal to the Softsoap aloe and buy in bulk at Costco.
We do add a holiday scented soap in the kids bathrooms for Christmas time.
Anon
I like the bottles with pretty mosaic-like patterns from Homegoods and TJ Maxx, but will use random softsoap when I run out. Ms. Meyers smells nice but I can’t bring myself to pay that much. Never bar soap or foaming soap though, my hands don’t feel clean.
AnoNL
I use Cerave Foaming Cleanser as hand soap, shower gel and face wash. It’s safe for my sensitive skin, doesn’t dry it out, leaves no scent, cleanses well. One big bottle at each sink and one in shower.
Anon
I’ve done this with Vanicream soap (mainly because my skin was too sensitive even for Cerave). After some medical stuff got sorted my skin seems to have calmed down a lot thankfully!
Nonny
Same!!
anonshmanon
I loved the Antipodes Nirvana hand wash they had on my last Air New Zealand Flight and brought back a pricey bottle that makes me feel like I’m on holiday. Otherwise I don’t have any standards. DH loves the foamy soap, so I refill the soaping dispensers with whatever I have on hand, sometimes including the last bit of a piece of soap.
Anonymous
Everyone or EO hand soap, comes in bulk sizes. Good realistic scents, they don’t linger too much but smell good while using.
TelcoLadyJD
I love the EO mint soap, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere. Or it’s astronomically expensive…
KJ
Cute! I like this pick.
Anonymous
Ive got a burner phone with 5 months still paid up on it. It’s a decent Samsung ($100ish at Walmart). Bought when a visiting family member was suddenly sans phone. What do I do with it now? No one wants it. Relative is reunited with their own phone and left with me. Can I just recycle the phone or should I cancel the plan first? We all have iPhones so it won’t even work as an easy spare due to needing its own cables, etc.
Anon
We have an old flip phone in an emergency kit. Either do that or donate.
Anonymous
Don’t know what to do with the plan, but maybe delete to factory settings and donate to a place like a crisis centre for domestic abuse victims?
A
This
Volunteer
This or maybe a homeless shelter that also does job training so people have a # to get a job
Anon
Have you considered entering a life of crime?
Anon
My thoughts exactly. Or start an affair.
Anon
DV shelters will often take these.
Lexi
Donate to a political campaign!
Anon
Ear plug suggestions please! I am having a really hard time sleeping lately (thanks perimenopause!) and my husband is a snorer despite losing weight/mouthguards/etc. It is making me absolutely insane and I know he’s not doing it on purpose so I think ear plugs are my next step before separate bedrooms.
What are the most comfortable options? The little foam ones in the airplane packets never fit in my ear so I guess I have smaller ears?
Anon88
The foam ones always fall out of my ears, but these smaller foam ones work great for me!
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0051U7R0A?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details
Anonymous
I’ve had the most luck with Loop Quiet earplugs. The smallest size of earbuds are comfortable enough for me to sleep in.
Josie P
I also have these and they work well. Right there with you with perimenopause and snoring husband!
Anon
I have the Loop ones and they’re okay but I don’t think they block as much noise as the plain foam ones you can get at the drugstore or hardware store.
Anonymous
Maybe not, but I’m a side sleeper and Loops are way more comfortable for me. I wish I could train myself to sleep on my back but it never seems to happen for me.
Anon
Separate rooms worked for me. I don’t find earplugs comfortable. But once my husband got a CPAP for his sleep apnea, the snoring stopped.
Annony
I find falling asleep to sleep meditations (or Cillian Murphy narrating a train ride through Ireland iykyk) to be really helpful. I have a “sleep headphone headband” from Amazon … just a stretchy favor band with flat speakers. Listening to something blocks out other sounds better than just earplugs, for me. I’m a side sleeper and it’s comfortable to lie on.
Anon
Expensive noise-canceling ones are the answer. Bose made amazing ones but discontinued them (Sleepbuds). Someone else has bought the technology and is selling them (Ozlo is the brand name) but I am waiting for the kinks to be worked out before I buy them. In the interim, I use Airpods and a white noise app. I put a fuzzy headband over them, the kind you wear to wash your face, to hold them in.
Anonymous
Not the question, but hormonal therapy has made my perimenopausal sleep challenges so much better.
Anon
Yikes! Exceptionally high heels on these. I guess I’m not used to seeing that. Like the variety of sizes on offer.
Anon
I wouldn’t say 3” is exceptionally high.
Anon
These aren’t very high and it’s a block heel, so much easier to walk in imo.
Anon
Yikes? I never wear heels and this height does not faze me.
Anon
Are we looking at the same shoe?!
Anon
I work in a career field where some level on “on call” is expected, normal, and present at virtually every job (throwing this out there to cut down on suggestions to switch jobs). In previous jobs there’s been a very clear “first call” vs “second call” rotation – when first call you have to be sober, pick up any calls “on first ring” 24/7, and have to be able to report to the office within 1 hour, while “second call” expectation was more relaxed, but there was still an expectation to be accessible.
I’m at a new job (which overall is way better than any previous job I’ve had – I love what I do, I”m paid well, I have good benefits and time off, and I like the people I work with). Everything at my new job is better than old jobs except the responsiveness expectation. Basically, unless you’re on leave you’re expected to answer the phone / respond to certain types of messages within an hour. This expectation is 24/7/365 unless you’re explicitly on leave.
While annoying, this generally isn’t too bad – I’d say I have a hunch to expect a call probably 80% of the time I get one.
There are a few aspects that are annoying to me though, and I am looking for advice.
1) I have pretty bad insomnia, and last week I was woken up by a phone notification before my alarm. Not the end of the world, except that I’m already operating in such a sleep deficit. It was a drill, so while I had to respond to it for accountability, I was annoyed to be woken up by something that’s not actually urgent.
2) I have a few hobbies that are not conducive to a) carrying a cell phone (or, more realistically two) with me and b) having cell service. I really like hiking (don’t always have great service), rowing and surfing (not conducive to carrying a phone), and I play in a tennis league (so I can have my phone with me at the court, but I’m not running over between serves to check it). I technically have an hour to respond, but being away from my phone for over an hour while surfing would be totally normal.
3) I don’t drink a ton, but some nights I want to let loose and having a work phone with me at all times feels like a liability. As does answering the phone from a bar on a Saturday night. I’m in my 20s, I get tipsy while out drinking with friends maybe 1-2x a month and drunk less often than that, but nothing I”m doing is abnormal for my age or stage in life, but this “on call” component stresses me out. I love my job, but it is stressful at times, so the concept of never being able to feel like I can really let loose is stressful.
4) Sometimes I just need a break from work and need to not be glued to my phone! Before this job, if I was off call I would regularly go hours without either phone near me, now I at least need my work phone all of the time. But, I also can’t use my work phone for anything personal so really do need both phones. But, I don’t want to feel like I need to check my phone every single time it buzzes!
anon
Wait — there isn’t a call rotation in this job at all? Not even doctors are subjected to that. This sounds crazy stressful and difficult.
Anon
+1. This is crazy. My husband’s office has first on call, second on call, etc. the way you described in previous jobs and everyone gets a chance to be not on call at all. I completely agree that it is not reasonable to expect a callback within one hour 365 days a year – a great surfing day may be three hours or more in the water.
anon
If they offer generous time off, I guess that’s what they expect you to use it for.
OP
Yes and no – for most things there’s a rotation (especially for things that require us to be in person – either in the office or in the field, which would require travel), but everyone still needs to be available to be responsive at all times for both accountability and because if you’re a SME then you’re probably the only one who can handle something.
For example, one of the things I’m the SME for has a regulatory deadline of 24 hours from time of request, which could come at any time. And, we’ve streamlined the process as much as possible, but it still takes a few hours to prepare and then a few more hours to run through the approvals.
Cat
sounds like bad management to me. What if the SME is in the hospital? What would they do? They need to cross-train people.
OP
We do have backups and understand that even with this system there are situations in which the SME isn’t around. But that doesn’t change the baseline need for availability.
Anecdata
When you’re actually on leave, what would they do if that regulatory request came in?
This sounds like a bonkers schedule for all the to reasons you mentioned. Also how often are they doing drills?? This is the kind of responsiveness that requires $$$$$ if they want it, because they really are asking you to accommodate all the rest of your life around. Even if they are paying $$$$$, it’s okay to decide the money’s not worth it, and go elsewhere
Anon
Not the OP, but I’m in emergency management at a local agency. For local EM we’re actually pretty big (20ish people), but for everything we do we’re very small.
So, if something came in and I was on leave in the USA they would likely call my personal phone and ask me to assist. Or, they might have my team start it, but I”m sure I’m still getting a call. There are people who back me up, but a lot in local government relies on relationships and even though my team holds these relationships too, I have been around longer and have been in the trenches with some of these folks that I can get things moving more easily and more quickly than my team can.
We also have accountability drills that happen monthly, usually during normal hours but 1-2x a year they keep us on our toes.
You’d think that this type of work would pay well, but I make 75k and my team makes 60-65k. If we get called into work we get OT or comp time (our choice),but just answering the accountability drill or a quick email or call at home doesn’t get OT, that’s just considered part of the job.
At least being local, while I spend time in the field, it’s all local to me. A lot of my friends in the field have gone to FEMA because it pays so much better (its still government pay, but Feds pay much better than locals or state). But, they deploy. Some of their deployments aren’t bad, but some are deployed for 6+ months. Most deployments have them staying in hotels (which I wouldn’t want to do for months at a time), but depending when and where they go they’re on a cot in a mass shelter, eating MREs, and probably don’t have internet or maybe even power for personal devices.
Both locals and FEMA folks work insane hours when stuff hits the fan – 12-18 hour days 6 or 7 days a week is not abnormal.
Anon
Is there a question?
Get a smart watch that has notifications from your phone. That works for tennis, rowing (stash the phone in a waterproof pouch that floats), etc.
Do not worry about being tipsy on a Saturday night.
Talk to work about what it means to use a phone for personal use. Specifically, can you use the phone to call 911 if there is an emergency? If so, that’s the phone you carry on hikes.
Talk to a doctor about insomnia. Or try melatonin and better sleep hygiene.
OP
Unfortunately I cannot connect my work phone to any personal devices, including a watch. And work doesn’t issue smart watches. Yes, I could call 911 with my phone or use it in an emergency. I’m less worried about carrying 2 phones on hikes and more worried about hiking somewhere without service on a weekend.
I’m working with a doctor on the insomnia – cycling through different medications to see what works. But, I also can’t take anything that totally zonks me out because then I won’t hear my phone go off.
Anon
Can you connect it to a waterproof headset, like Shokz? It would seem like headsets or Bluetooth should be allowed, especially for safety reasons (call comes in when driving).
OP
That’s a good question, I will ask about non-issued headsets. I’m guessing with bluetooth it’s probably a no go, but I will ask.
Anon
If OP works in something like emergency management, yeah, you can’t show up tipsy to a mass casualty event.
Anon
I work in EM and yes, this is a very typical requirement. I’ve been called in at 2 AM on Christmas morning before and once got chewed out for missing a phone call (and calling back 5 minutes later) because I was in a shower and even though the phone was in the bathroom with me, I didn’t hear the ringer over the water.
Runcible Spoon
I mean, come on!
Anon
It’s definitely not great, but normal. Another coworker was chastised for missing a work call when putting her toddler to bed.
Anon
Define “tipsy.”
Anon
When I worked in emergency management if we were on call we had a take home government vehicle with us. You have to be stone cold sober to drive a government vehicle.
Anecdata
But were you on call 24/7/365 like OP is? I am familiar with fields with lots of on call restrictions, like must be responsive within X minutes, stay with X minutes of office, be 100% sober, etc – but have never seen somewhere like that that required on call more than every other week (and that was considered a bad schedule that required great compensation)
Cat
The Apple Watch is like a mini cell phone if you sign up for coverage – so it doesn’t need to be in proximity to your phone to work. Doesn’t help the OP when she wouldn’t otherwise have cell service though.
in general though the need to constantly be on alert is not sustainable and I’m surprised your company doesn’t have a more formal rotation so your entire department doesn’t have to be wondering when the other shoe will drop literally all year.
OP
Unfortunately, it’s very typical in my field. In the previous jobs I mentioned even if you were off call, you still were expected to always be reachable – being totally out of pocket for several hours would have been unacceptable. And, as you get promoted the expectation for constant availability increases. Once you own a program, even if you’re off call, they still expect you to pick up on the first ring.
Cat
…then this just seems like kind of the price of admission for your field and it s-cks and that’s why most people wouldn’t do it? I’m not sure how we can help you if you (1) can’t leave your device behind ever even when you are not primary, and (2) have no options for other devices to use.
OP
Oh it’s definitely the price of admission! I was just wondering if people had any tips for making this work.
Anon
My guess by your age is that you’re lower down on the totem pole? DH’s job is 24/7/365, but he’s the head honcho and has cultivated a culture where people can physically hand their work phone off to a colleague for an evening and want the night off. So long as that team is notified/activated, it doesn’t really matter who receives the notice. (The alternate phone handler would call/text the normal person on their personal phone if there was a need.) Could your team implement something like that? Others at your workplace would have to feel this way, though – you’d have to poll them and build support, etc, before approaching the powers that be.
For a private move, could you change the ring tones and message tones for work? That way you can let your guard down unless you hear the special tones. (I keep my phone on perma-vibrate, but I think you can set something to ring regardless.)
But yes, I started a job 8 years ago that requires timely email response at all times, and it’s profoundly changed my stress levels. It took me years to relax and get used to it.
OP
I’m actually mid level – only 1 level up before I’d be in management. Late 20s, been in the field for nearly 8 years, I have a masters. Individual contributor but considered a SME on my program area. Title is XYZ Specialist – not that that really matters since titles vary so much across employers.
Anon
What kind of job is this out of curiosity?
OP
I’m trying to keep it vague enough, but it’s government public safety related. So, they’re not doing this to torture us, it really is a requirement of the job. I’ve worked local, state, and federal government in this field and as I mentioned, they’ve all had some on call / accountability requirement.
anon
I commented above, but it sounds like they expect you to use PTO to completely unplug and disconnect. Which still sounds wild to me, that there is no rotation and that you’re expected to be available 24/7 no matter what.
Anon
It’s definitely crazy – this system would force you to use PTO on a Saturday or national holiday!
OP
And I”m fine taking leave to totally disconnect, but I’d also love to go surfing for 2 hours without worrying.
Anon
Yes, in my field the only way you can actually disconnect is by leaving the country since we are not allowed to bring government devices out of the country. And, if you’re in the country you’re expected to be reachable.
And, of course, you need to get express written permission before you leave the country.
anon
OP, sounds like that isn’t realistic. How are your coworkers handling it? I think you’ll get much better advice from people who are in your field.
Anecdata
OK, so breaking out the dumb ideas–
– Set work phone to vibrate, and get a really good waterproof pouch (like the kind designed for whitewater kayaking) and wear it under your wetsuit while surfing
– If it’s truly that mission critical that you can respond from anywhere, ask for a sat phone or messenger. Then you can send initial response while you’re hiking back to civilization
– Smart watch with it’s own sim card (works when you’re in reception, but doesn’t need to be near your phone)
– Surf for 3 hours but come in and check your phone every hour
Anon
I know in the military if your leave covers a weekend (so let’s say Monday – Monday), you’re charged leave for Saturday and Sunday. And, if you leave a certain radius of your base you have to take leave, even if you’re only going for the weekend.
I know certain civilian jobs follow these rules too.
Anonymous
This is completely wild to me. I work with folks who deal with transportation emergencies but they all make 100k+ and have a half on half off call rotation which is truly off. What do your contracts say about this? I’ve never encountered such a loosey goosey schedule before, this can’t be legal.
Anon
I mean I think at some level most jobs are like this. Like the c suite at any major company is going to be expected to answer the phone whenever. Any high ranking government official is going to have the same expectation. I used to be a civilian in the fire department, the commissioner / deputy commissioners and any chiefs who were specialists were going to be expected to pick up every call, even if they were off.
Anon
I don’t see how this is all that different than big law or big finance “owning” you. Sure they pay better than these government jobs, but if you’re on a deal and it’s “go time” you’re on call all the time.
Anon
I think it’s pretty different than Big Law. I was a successful senior associate in Big Law and essentially never checked email between the hours of 10 pm and 7 am, more like 8-9 am on weekends. On weekends and major holidays I only checked it a few times a day. Yes, my phone ringer was on and partners could reach me that way, but they almost never did. I’m just one data point but personally it didn’t interfere with my sleep the same way a (generally much lower stress) “on call” job did where I was routinely called in the middle of the night.
anon a mouse
If you like the job well enough, this seems like a good conversation to have with your manager. They need to be mindful of key person dependency – a rotation is one way to avoid that. Or saying “I want to go on a four-hour hike on a Saturday and part of it would be out of range. How should I handle this?” Management should be thinking about guarding against burnout, too, because this kind of arrangement is frankly bananapants for working professionals on an indefinite basis.
Anon
I work in a field with similar requirements. We technically are 1 week on call, 2 weeks off call but at a certain level (which isn’t very high – I hit it at 26), you’re expected to be responsive regardless of your call status. My veteran ex-boyfriend and I used to joke about whose job sucked more, and I frequently won – I spent more time “deployed” than he did and frequently worked longer hours and even got yelled at more than he did. I just didn’t have to do pushups :)
I don’t know if any of this helps you, but:
– Most of our emergent communications are sent via a system in which we can add multiple contact forms, so I have added my personal cell phone. This covers accountability drills and other official notifications. For calls that I”m getting directly from another person, it’s usually my boss. He and I have a good relationship so he normally just calls my personal cell (with my permission). I wear a Garmin that I have synced to my phone, so I see the call coming in there. This lets me leave my phones in another room, which I really appreciate.
– If I”m going to be doing something where I’ll be out of pocket and I’m not on call (there is absolutely no doing things where you’re out of pocket when you’re on call), I’ll text my boss a heads up that I’ll be doing XYZ for ABC length. I’ll also check in before I go do something to make sure there’s nothing on the immediate horizon.
– I get grocery delivery, so I don’t have to worry about getting a call in the grocery store and needing to abandon my cart. Yes, when we’re on call we don’t even go food shopping.
– I find if you’re generally really good at your job and have a habit of chiming in or offering a helping hand when you’re off call but something happens, you’ll get a little more grace. Basically, I’ve made myself indispensable so I have a little leeway for a late call.
– If something pops up and you’re going to be out of pocket, its way, way better to be proactive and communicate that. I’ve sent a few messages from urgent care before explaining my predicament and that I’m going to need to be offline for a bit.
I also have a pension and plan on retiring early so I only have to do this til I’m 60 :)
Anon
I work in crisis comms for a public safety agency, so I feel you – if something happens I’m expected to be on it regardless of the time of day or what I was doing. I am a team of one, and in addition to doing traditional comms (press releases, media questions and liaison work, social media), I also do my county’s emergency messaging. There are people who can cover for me if I’m out, but that’s really only for PTO or emergencies (like I’m in the hospital).
We had a tropical storm a few years ago, I got into work at 7AM, left at 2AM, and was up again at 4AM responding to media inquiries for the morning news.
It’s not perfect, because it will never be perfect, but here are somethings I do to help myself:
– I spent days setting up my email rules and my phone’s notification rules so that I’m not bothered by every. single. notification. I tweak this system as needed.
– If I have something that I really want to let loose for, I take time off even if I don’t need to (like for a Saturday wedding that’s local, I wouldn’t need to take a day off but I still do so then I’m “off”).
– If I want to drink but am not taking time off, then I lean into the NA drink offerings and will alternate between a real drink and a NA drink. I also like the old “penny” rule that they’d teach us in sorority risk management classes (that no one listened to at the time) of deciding in advance how many drinks you’ll have and move a penny from one pocket to another whenever you have a drink. When you’re out of pennies, you stop drinking. Except I do a note on my phone with check boxes for each drink. When each checkbox is marked, then I’m done drinking and only drink NA.
– My boss, team, and frequent contacts all have my personal phone number, just in case.
– I template as much as I possibly can, so drafting something after hours or on my phone isn’t as hard. I keep drafts in my outbox of these drafts and save the files on teams so I can work off of my phone as much as possible.
– I always, always get my time back in comp or OT. I usually take comp so that I have more time to use for PTO to offset how much I “waste” by taking a random Friday off just because I want to be out of pocket that weekend.
– I look like a dork, but I play sports / run / go to the beach / etc with a little sports fanny pack or with my phone in the side pocket of my leggings or bike shorts. That way I can go to a workout class or for a mountain bike ride or whatever and have my phone with me. For paddle boarding or kayaking I put it in a waterproof pouch that I wear. Or, I leave it on the beach with a friend or relative and ask them to come flag me down in the water if they hear it ring.
– I know that media requests for morning meetings typically come in by a certain time. If something is going on, I will set an alarm for that time to just check and see if there are any requests. If not, I can go back to bed easily enough without stressing that I missed something and didn’t hear my phone.
– If something is happening, I test both of my phones before bed by calling work phone from personal phone and vice versa. This lets me “sleep tight” by knowing my volume is up and phone is working.
anon
That’s quite funny that using a sports fanny pack or pocket leggings exactly as designed makes you look like a dork.
Anon
It’s not the fanny pack itself, its showing up to and wearing it while playing in a rec league soccer game or a pickle ball match that’s dorky. I run and bike with mine all the time and don’t feel dorky doing so, because that’s what its meant for! I feel weird playing with it a beer league kickball though.
Anon
I am basically glued to my work phone 24/7/365 as well and also take calls at all hours of the day. I kind of “take my time back” by “homing from work”. I feel no guilt over this, because I do a lot of stuff off the clock on my own time.
Anon
I was a college athlete and seriously considered joining the military after college but ultimately didn’t because after giving my life over to sports, I wanted to live my own life and not give it over to the military. I ended up with a career path I love, but turns out it’s almost as controlling as the military. Joke is on me :)
I am also kind of always on call / available to always be recalled to work. I hate it, but I love my job and I love the mission of my job so it is what it is. I’ve only had to miss one Thanksgiving and no Christmases for work, so I figure I’m doing better than I would have if I was in the military so…
Anon
I also suffer from insomnia and had a similar job, except not as bad because I was only on call every third week. But it basically prevented me from sleeping the weeks I was on call and I got to a really bad point with not sleeping for days straight. I tried all the lifestyle changes and nothing worked and a doctor basically ordered me to leave my job and told me I was risking all kinds of heart and brain problems by not sleeping. I think this is a really bad kind of job for people who suffer from insomnia. I’m sorry.
anon
+1
Agree with this.
OR else you must aggressively treat your anxiety to see if that helps. Long term meds/lifestyle changes.
Anon
I don’t see any mention of anxiety from the OP
Anon
My doctor prescribed an anxiety/insomnia med (hydroxyzine) that fixed my insomnia immediately, but I couldn’t take it when I was on call because I wouldn’t be functional if woken within 8 hours of taking it. And I didn’t need it when I wasn’t on call, so it didn’t really fix anything. It sounds like OP has the same issue. Also if the insomnia only occurs when on call, I’m not sure I’d call that “anxiety” — it’s pretty logical to struggle to fall asleep when you know you may be woken up, and you’re worried about missing the call. It’s different than “I can’t cope with normal life” anxiety, at least to me.
Is Consumer Reports still relevant?
I just paid for a 1-year subscription to research a new SUV purchase. I am so deflated. My takeaway is that NONE of the SUVs out there are reliable and/or consumer satisfaction is low. So…I guess buy nothing? Has car manufacturing fallen this far?
anon
That is just not true. Every vehicle has its pros and cons, nothing is perfect, and of course the bad experiences are going to get more air time.
Sunbelt
I can’t speak to car manufacturing but when I have to buy something I need consumer reports for, I contact my local library. Even the annual buying guide is online and available with a few clicks. I can email the librarian(s) and ask how to access if I forget. I love love love this hack and I’m sharing it with you.
Anon
Anyone look at the website for these shoes? They also carry pole dancing shoes. A little different than the typical activity discussed here? Is this a brand that Kat or anyone she knows has any actual experience with?
Anonymous
they started with dance shoes and i think are clearly courting a trans crowd with size 15 heels. nice to see different things included, i’ll bet the heels are comfortable.