This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This button detail top from Leith looks really lovely. I always like a crisp white top for spring — and the banded waist is very on-trend at the moment, and the flouncy hem. It's hand washable, is available in sizes XXS–XL, and is $69 at Nordstrom. There's also a plus-size version, which is currently on sale for $41 and comes in sizes 1X–4X. Button Detail Wrap Top
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
Has anyone taken a part time class with ICE Culinary school? I’m interested in it as a hobby (cake decorating).
Em
I haven’t with that specific school, but I love taking baking and cooking classes through our local community college’s culinary arts continuing education program. It would definitely be useful for picking up a hobby like cake decorating.
Wanderlust
I took a one-night macaron class at ICE a few years ago. It was fun!
Anonymous
I took a “Mad Men” cocktail making class there a few years ago when that would have been all the rage. It was only one class, but I learned a ton about liquor and cocktail making. The instructor was exceptional. I had a great time and wouldn’t hesitate to go back there for another event or class.
Anonymous
We did a date night class a couple years ago that was excellent.
Equestrian attorney
This is cute, but looks like it would hit me at my widest point – hello, love handles. I miss the days of empire waists and never seem to find anything I want to buy in the stores.
Anonymous
Funny, I looked at it and it reminded me how empire tops can be so tricky!
Anonymous
This is not an empire waist, it’s a peplum. An empire waist is right below the bust.
Anonymous
On me, this would be empire :) My bust is. . . substantial
Anon
Curious how often folks replace their pillows. Mine tend to go flat after 6 months or so, no longer filling out their pillowcases and making my bed look sloppy. On that note, any pillow recommendations? I usually just buy whatever brand is available at HomeGoods but wondering if investing in something pricier is worth it.
Lana Del Raygun
We’ve had our pillows for 2-2.5 years and they don’t seem to need replacing. How do you fluff them up? I find that holding both ends and just floofing them in and out (like a child pretending to play the accordion) does the trick, at least for feather pillows, but I’ve also read that you should put them in the dryer with a tennis ball. Replacing pillows after 6 months seems insane to me.
Anonymous
Every 5 years or so? It would never have occurred to me to throw away a bed pillow because it didn’t look fluffy enough. As long as I’m getting a comfortable sleep, I’m keeping it.
Do you donate them or just toss them?
Anon12
I like latex pillows. The filling does not mush around like you’re describing.
anon
I bought my first latex pillow last fall and I LOVE IT. I, too, cannot stand flat pillows and was replacing them way too frequently.
Junior Associate
+1. I’ve had my Dunlopillo latex pillow since I was 10 and it’s still in great shape. $70, totally worth it IMO.
I bought a couple more of the same, since my SO fell in love with my pillow and kept trying to claim it for his own…
Anon
What style do you have?
Junior Associate
My 20+ year old pillow is a Super Comfort with 14cm height.
I think the newer model is slightly firmer/higher, but it might just be because it hasn’t been slept on for the past 20 years.
Anonymous
Apartment Therapy just had a thing on how to wash your pillows, which I never do, but then ours are all in allergy-safe covers. I’m more likely to buy a new one when it starts to bug me.
Anonymous
A while. Years? I buy nicer pillows and wash them when needed. I replace them when they are lumpy or flat which takes a long time.
Sometimes I downgrade my pillows to my kids’ rooms and throw theirs out.
Mrs. Jones
I probably replace my pillow after 6 months or so, after it goes flat. I’m picky about my pillow. I can’t use down because I’m allergic, and I don’t like foam. It’s hard to find a fat, firm pillow that lasts (insert joke here).
Other pillows in my house last years.
Never too many shoes...
Have you tried the bamboo pillow? People raved about them so I bought one but I hated it (although it does keep cool which was nice) – it sounds a lot like what you want so it might work for you.
Anon
Try the Wamsutta Extra-Firm. Its really firm and doesn’t go flat and isn’t down!
Mrs. Jones
I just got one a couple of weeks ago and so far so good!
BB
I have expensive pillows. I really enjoy sleep so it’s worth it to me. They are both down and ~$400 each. One of them is probably 5 years old at this point and holding up perfectly. I machine wash them maybe twice a year, but I expect them to last at least a decade. I’ve only had down or foam pillows, so can’t speak to the durability of synthetic fillers.
RGH
Check out COOP shredded memory foam pillows. I like that you can add or remove foam shreds to customize. I like mine. My husband didn’t like it but might have if we took out more foam.
Anonymous
I did not even know that $400 pillows were available in the world. Mind blown.
BB
Honestly, I felt a bit bad about spending that much on them, but I love having a bed that no fancy hotel can match. I’m in it every night after all! The cost is partly because they’re both king-sized. One of them is an LLBean which is an awesome high end down choice.
Anonymous
Maybe every 10 years? Mine are down/feather
Anon
Husband and I use the oxygen pillow so it’s expensive to replace. I just bought new ones after about 4 years with the old ones. We demote old pillows to extra pillows on the bed for decoration and for sitting up while reading.
Anonymous
Hardly ever. I wash them every couple of months and that usually fluffs them up.
Elegant Giraffe
We got Tuft & Needle pillows a few months ago and they are like heaven. Like I will bring mine with me if we are driving somewhere for a long weekend.
Anonymous
I feel like I just woke up with an urgent desire to have a baby. I’ve always wanted a baby and it’s been more or less in the plans for my husband and I to try next year or the year after. Our money isn’t where we want it to be right now, I still have a lot of loans, I only lateraled to my biglaw firm 9 months ago, we’ve only been married a year, the list goes on. Besides the fact that my husband is not ready. If you’ve ever felt this way, how did you handle it? Any tips for just ignoring this and waiting? It feels so pressing and like out of nowhere.
Anonymous
Don’t assume you will get pregnant right away, especially if you or DH are older. If you wait two years to start trying, and want to have more than one kid, look at where that puts you age wise. It doesn’t mean you have to start now, but maybe your timeline is more like trying in 6-12 months not 18-24 months.
When I was ready to start trying and DH wasn’t, I sat him down to talk about timelines. He wanted to be through the newborn phase with both kids before he was forty and to wait until the kids were all graduated college before he retired so doing the math on his priorities made him realize that we did need to start trying now. Mostly DH hadn’t really though a lot about timelines and what that meant for when we should start trying. There’s never a ‘perfect’ time.
Anon
But also you may get pregnant ASAP. I wouldn’t try unless you’re ok having a baby in 9 months. I think now there’s so much awareness of infertility that people assume they need to try a long time before they actually want the baby. I know more than one person who was shocked when it happened immediately.
Waiting until I was 100% ready to have a kid and felt financially stable has made me a better, happier parent, though of course I ran some risk of being unable to conceive by waiting.
Anon
+1 I know two people who found out they were pregnant at a doctor appointment they scheduled because they never got a period after goi g off birth control and assumed something was wrong
Anon
+1. So many people worry about infertility but for me and every single one of my friends except one, it happened on the first try. Even at an “advanced maternal age.”
Anonymous
this is statistically highly unusual. There’s only a 20% liklihood of getting pregnant in the first cycle of trying.
Anon
I think if you intentionally time it with your ovulation, using temping or ovulation test kits, the chance of getting pregnant on the first try is almost double that.
Anon
Another woman who got knocked up first try in her mid-30s here. And DH was traveling a lot that month, so pretty sure it only took one *time*, not just one month.
NYCer
Agreed. I got pregnant immediately (which was fine for us, but may not be for the OP’s circumstances). Fertility is just so hard to predict!
Anonymous
Another +1. I’ve had unprotected sex while not pregnant four times in my life and I have four kids.
anne-on
+1 to discussing timelines. I was ready sooner than my husband, but when we did the backwards math (ie – we’d both like to have kids out of college before 55) he realized that he’d like to try sooner rather than wait a year. In the ‘in between’ phase I also went to my gyno for an overall health check, got up to date on my TDAP and MMR boosters and generally tried to prioritize health and stuff I knew I’d miss in the kid stages. That helped me feel like I was ‘doing something’ even if we weren’t quite at ‘actively trying’ yet. Reading taking charge of your fertility and then charting my cycles was also VERY helpful. Once I knew my cycle (and that my obgyn cleared me as generally no issues) we were luckily able to get pregnant very very quickly.
Anon
They now want you to get TDaP while pregnant, to pass immunity to the baby. So no need to get that in advance.
Anonymous
You might need it for tetanus anyway. I got a bad burn once and b/c I couldn’t remember when my last booster was I left the hospital in severe all over and an arm that felt like it had been run over by a truck b/c of the tetanus shot (for any open wound, which includes burns). So if you can’t remember, just go ahead and get it on a day when you aren’t already feeling very bad or injured :)
Anon
It may be stastically unlikely but it still happens. A 20% chance (and I’m not sure that’s the right number as a lot factors into this that’s hard to control for) is still pretty high if you are not planning to get pregnant for several months. I thinks is useful to know that people do get pregnant on the first try just like it’s useful to know it may take a while.
Anonymous
I am a belts-and-suspenders kind of person. But honestly, with babies, I married in my 20s and I wanted to avoid being pregnant after 35 (obviously there is nothing wrong with it, but I wanted to avoid any possible complications and stress on my body since I was young). I wanted 2 and maybe 3 kids. I did the math and told DH when I was 28 that if we wanted 3 kids (he’d been talking about 4 at one point!) we’d need to think about starting soon. He was shocked as he had never actually done the math. We liked our DINK lifestyle and were still paying off school loans. We went for it.
I had babies at 29.5, 32 and 34. I’m 36 now and so, so glad the baby having chapter is over. I have friends that are just starting and I’m so excited for them- and so tired just watching them. Pregnant was really hard on my body the second two times (#2 was worse than #3). I had no complications, I was just really fat/achey/bloated/couldn’t sleep/awful heartburn/chronic constipation.
If we had waited a year or two it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. It took 9 months to get pregnant the first time, 6 months the second and first try the 3rd. Maybe we’d have stopped at two if we started later.
There’s never a perfect time to have a baby. I got laid off pregnant. DH’s startup went under when I was pregnant. We set up our life so that we only need 1 income (ideally 1.5 incomes) so we rolled with it. It was stressful but we made do.
VioletteJ
I’m so glad hearing that everything worked out for you, especially because I feel like I’m a younger version of you! Currently 29 and 6 months pregnant with my first, with similar logic – we married in our mid-20s and have been talking about having 3 or 4, and I’ve always said I’d like to be done having kids by 35 if possible, so math said it was time. We were the first among our close friends to actively start trying, so it’s an odd feeling being alone in this new phase.
Anonymous
Personally, I quit taking the hormonal BC that was giving me this feeling out of nowhere, and it never came back.
But if you actually want kids, it could be your body is telling you something, and now is the time?
Anonymous
Yes — quit hormonal BC. Use other methods if you feel you have to, but let that work its way out of your system so you can see what your real cycles are like.
Anon
I’d start talking timelines and also thinking about your finances. It doesn’t mean you start trying right away but having a “plan” will probably help ease some of these feeling.
Walnut
Daycare costs are no joke. It’s definitely worth find out what approximate costs are and penciling it into your budget to see where you stand. For bonus fun, start putting that amount into a savings account each month.
Anon
Walnut has an excellent idea. Also, find out the costs at the centers that are actually convenient to you. I’ve seen published estimates for my general region that are way, way lower than the actual costs for high quality daycare near my home.
anon
I had this feeling. We had been “not not trying” for a while, but also I had very occasional cycles and had already talked to my doctor about taking clomid when DH and I were ready to try. I handled it by getting my husband on board w/r/t timing, making an appointment with my doctor, and taking the clomid. I got pregnant in the 2nd month.
I was financially stable when I got pregnant, and that turned out to be huge, even necessary, when I had a complicated pregnancy and pre-term birth. OTOH, I know my decision to have a baby (or at least the timing) had nothing to do with logic. I have all sorts of logical reasons not to have a second baby, but also, I don’t have even a trace of that feeling. If I did, I’m pretty sure I’d find a way to make it work and have another baby.
Falstaff
I loved the Fyre festival documentaries and the Theranos podcast (The Dropout). Any suggestions for more good scam stories? Nothing too depressing like child abuse or serious violence, please. Podcasts and audio books preferred.
Anon
OMG are you me?? Thank you for asking! I’m anxiously awaiting responses because I’m also into this type of thing. I did listen to a great Bernie Madoff podcast on Audible. Not sure if it’s still available on there? I downloaded the Audible app for the “free trial” just so I could listen to that.
Falstaff
What was the Bernie Madoff one called?
Anon
It was called Ponzi Supernova. I had forgotten the name but someone mentions it below.
Curly
I haven’t been able to find it again on Audible after they changed up their platform, but I do get frustrated easily on that front. It’s called Ponzi Supernova, and it was EXCELLENT– can’t recommend that one highly enough.
Related– I absolutely hate the new Audible format where they took away the podcasts and now give a couple free downloads of random content every month.
Falstaff
It appears to be available on Overcast. I just downloaded it and can’t wait to listen!
ranon
I liked these documentary type podcasts Gladiator, first season of Crimetown, Dr Death, Dirty John, Embedded, Empire on Blood, Ponzi Supernova (Madoff story), Heavens Gate, Over my Dead Body. Some of these do involve murder and/ or death but were not super violent in the way they document it.
JTM
Season 2 of Crimetown is also really good – it’s focused on Detroit, from pre-Coleman Young to the downfall of Kwame Kilpatrick.
American Scandal is also really good, from Wondry (same company who produced Dr Death).
BabyAssociate
Talk to me about Dr Death. I listened to the first two episodes and it just seem to be about….a REALLY bad doctor, which I didn’t find all that interesting in and of itself. When the other doctor suspected that Dr Death was a fraud impersonating a doctor I thought it was going to take a very different turn, but that seemed to be a dead end. Should I stick with it?
AnonMidwest
Since i practice in the realm, i may be biased. But the sheer level of malpractice and fraud of this doctor was riveting.
Anon
Im generally fascinated by institutional failures/flawed procedures and decision making processes so I enjoyed the podcast because it was insane how much destruction he was allowed to wreak at so many hospitals in such a short time. The later episodes also get into some policy effects that I found interesting.
Anon
The Dream. About pyramid schemes in general. I loved it. And I learned about it from this board, so thank you!
Housecounsel
I am in the middle of The Dream and loving it.
anon
Yes, loved this one! Someone on this board mentioned it a few months ago which is how I found out about.
Anonymous
Bagman (Rachel Maddow) was excellent.
BB
The HBO Theranos documentary was awesome! For audiobooks: The Informant (so many twists and turns like an insane mystery novel!), Barbarians at the Gate
Anonymous
Look up Frederic Bourdin – truly jaw dropping story. Also look up ‘The Counterfeit Rockefeller.’
I’d also suggest the book Nightmare Alley, which I’m sure comes in audiobook format. It’s fictionalized but based on the author’s experience with carnival workers and ‘mentalists’ in the 30s and has some really amazing insights into scams and the universal human experience they tap into. Can’t recommend it enough.
Anonymous
Depending on your politics, there are several good podcasts on the Kushners and Trump empires.
Falstaff
Oooh, what are they?
Anonymous
Not the anon at 9:59 but I think NPR’s “Trump Inc” is great.
Anonymous
Off-topic, but I read (yes, in the Daily Mail, but still) all of this stuff that the Kushners have said re Karlie Kloss (she’s stupid, she’s not good enough for them). Um, the dad is a FELON. As in has done federal time. And his crimes were particularly dispicable (sent a hooker to either his brother and brother-in-law and used that to blackmail him). Who does that?! I predict an . . . interesting . . . Thanksgiving at the Kushners.
Google: Kushner + “witness tampering” It is OMG so horrible.
Falstaff
Thank you for all these great suggestions!
BabyAssociate
Agree! My commute is going to get a mixup from my usual true crime podcasts!
Curly
Not exactly in the same vein, but related– There’s one called Last Seen about the art heist at the Isabella Steward Gardner Museum. It’s true crime, but not violent crime (I hate the podcasts about murders, etc.).
BabyAssociate
Ohhh this sounds fascinating, thanks!
CountC
I just started the American Scandal podcasts! I already listen(ed) to many of the ones listed here – good suggestions!
Jo March
I did a doubletake when I saw that it’s hosted by Lindsay Graham!
Jo March
Should clarify that it’s not the senator, just someone with the same name.
Anon
Not exactly what you’re looking for but sounds like we have similar taste – check out the Slow Burn podcast. Season 1 is Watergate, season 2 is Clinton/Lewinsky. So good.
K
I really like http://www.marathoninvestigation.com. The methodology for catching cheaters is pretty interesting, and some of the commentary is funny.
anon
You may also like the netflix series called Dirty Money.
Combo appliance to replace microwave?
Posting again from last night for more input….we are remodeling kitchen and will eliminate the large over the range microwave for a sleeker countertop appliance that provides microwave and potentially other features(but not required). We don’t like the design of wall mounting the microwave above the range. Would like to know if you have found one of the new microwave/convection/toaster appliances to work for you? I want sleek and simple and plan on using this appliance for basic reheating tasks only, not for major cooking. If it can replace toaster, that is a bonus but not necessary. If it works like a toaster oven to heat a slice of pizza nicely, that is great too……looking forward to recommendations!
Cl
We have a built in microwave from Ikea. It’s embedded in the kitchen island. If you google ikea microwave youll get the idea. I also like when the microwave and oven embedded on top of each other (very common in Scandinavia) but no one here understood the concept.
Anon
No help on an appliance, but wondering if you are designating a certain spot in the kitchen for the appliance so it’s off the counter? I’ve seen the pull out cabinets for microwaves etc. We are doing a remodel soon and also don’t want the microwave above the range but definitely do not want it on the counter at all times. I feel like it would be bad for re-sell too. Interested to see how others handle it.
Anon
Our microwave isn’t about our range. It’s mounted on the wall (integrated into the top cabinets at eye level) next to the fridge – which I find a way more useful placement. Generally, you pull things out of the fridge/freezer and pop them in the microwave. Also it’s sort off to the side, so it’s not the focal point of the kitchen like the range is. Just a thought.
RGH
Counterpoint: I haven’t had a microwave in about 5 years and surprisingly don’t miss it!
RGH
For the how does that work questions: I don’t buy frozen meals that need to be microwaved or just get those for work lunches and I’ve learned it’s really easy to heat up most leftovers in the oven or stovetop. Pizza in a skillet reheated is actually great. I will reheat coffee in a saucepan. Have a tiny kitchen and the microwave would just take up so much space so I’ve learned to love without it.
Anonymous
Sure. But I would never recommend renovating a kitchen to not have a microwave if you plan to sell that house later. It’s a standard appliance people expect to see.
Curly
I also don’t have a microwave (and don’t have a small kitchen anymore–I just got used to not having one), but I can understand why you’d put one in for a remodel. After I got used to reheating leftovers on the stove/in the oven, I don’t think I can go back!
Anonymous
Counter-counterpoint: I lived for a year with a microwave and mini-fridge (no kitchen). I learned to live without it and later got a grill (or take-out) for when I missed textured foods / meat (I’m about 90% vegetarian, but there is no way I’d microwave a hamburger). I love pasta and got a gadget that lets you cook it in the microwave (it is awesome — you don’t have to tend to it at all!).
Anon
I also have no microwave and don’t miss it! I’m just not willing to give up the counter space it would take to have one.
anon a mouse
We have a similar setup and I love it. If we ever ditch the microwave we’ll just use that space for cookbooks/open storage and it will be fine.
Anonymous
We currently have a 30″ stove with two ovens in it. We are remodeling to expand a bathroom and want a 36″ stove with double ovens, which the universe has decreed must go only in 30″ stoves or 48″ stoves. So . . . We will be getting a 36″ stove with one oven and a mounted-in-our-island combo thing that is a microwave and a convection oven. I do Thanksgiving, which for even 4 people has been a breeze with two ovens. I am sure that I will not like losing my microwave oven then, but I use it every day otherwise and wasn’t about to lose that functionality.
Anonymous
Kind of late to reply, but I have a microwave drawer in my kitchen island. You push a button and the drawer slides out and you set the food inside it. I love it since I’m short and other microwaves seem to be so tall for me.
Anon
Any suggestions for plus size fashion instagrammers? I’m looking for some new clothes for an upcoming trip and just summer in general. I enjoy instagrammers, but am having a hard time finding plus size ones that post plus size clothes (size 18ish). Sassyredlipsticks always squeezes in to the biggest size of standard sizing clothes, so she’s generally no help.
ranon
Katie Sturino
Anonymous
Girl with curves
JTM
Garnerstyle
Gabifresh
Girl With Curves
Falstaff
nicolettemason, ReztotheCity, shannydoots, calliethorpe, frocksandfroufrou, itsmekellieb
For fun, but not clothes I would ever wear: nadiaaboulhosn and tessholiday
Idea
Just found out about Glitter and Lazers blog, instagram, youtube. She looks fabulous! I learned about her yesterday on The Work Edit/CapHillStyle comments.
Thanks for this thread!
Anonymous
What do you do for “strength training” — HIIT? Bodypump? Free weights? Looking for a program for home but not sure what is best or even popular now.
Lana Del Raygun
Powerlifting! I’m an eternal StrongLifts 5×5 stan. It’s squat, bench, deadlift, barbell row, and overhead press, so you need a barbell and a bench. I also have a power rack so I feel safe lifting heavy without a spotter. If you want to lift weights (everyone should lift weights if they can! It’s amazing!) there are a lot of beginner programs (Starting Strength, New Rules of Lifting for Women, Greyskull, Strong Curves, …) but I like SL particularly because it comes with a free app that calculates all your weights and times your reps, so the barrier to entry is about as low as possible. I also found the accompanying videos and instructions for how to actually perform the lifts very helpful. (Some people think it has too much squat volume but I love squats.)
Anon
How long does a usual workout take for you doing StrongLifts? I am doing New Rules of Weightlifting for Women, but the later stages take longer than I’d like–1.5 hours if I use the suggested 75-90 sec. breaks–and includes more exercises than I want to cycle through.
Lana Del Raygun
About 45 minutes to an hour, depending on whether I fail my sets and have to wait the longer interval.
Anon
I use the PWR workout series from the Sweat app – 10 bucks a month if you have the yearly subscription. It does rely on gym equipment but nothing my apartment gym doesn’t have (though I do have to modify by using dumbbells instead of barbells). I’m not a class person cause I have workout anxiety, so having the structure but being able to do the workout on my own terms works for me. It incorporates some burts of cardio (burpees, jumping jacks), plus a HIIT workout once a week.
Anonymous
The “best” program is the one you enjoy and will actually do. For me, BodyPump is the best form of strength training. Super high-energy, choreographed to fit the music, “tracks” or sets are just about as long as I can handle before needing a break, bonus cardio benefits. I like it with a live instructor who brings a lot of energy and can stay on the beat, though. I don’t know whether it would be quite so much fun at home.
I do HIIT too, but would not rely solely on HIIT for strength training.
anonymouse
+1 for BodyPump! I feel FAR more confident in that class than on my own at the gym. And in an hour I can work out all the muscle groups, have fun, enjoy the music, and be done. I can also ask questions and my particular instructors are good a suggesting modifications of the exercises.
I know I ought to develop a routine I can do on the gym floor during weeks I miss the class (early AM before work), but….I haven’t yet. Bodypump for the strength, RPM for the cardio. Works for me!
+1
+1 to the best being the one you love. I do CrossFit and Olympic weightlifting with a local barbell club that is based out of my gym.
When I am at a conventional gym or without a gym, I use Nike Training Club. It’s free and has awesome workouts that tell you exactly what to do, for how long, and even encourage you through the workout. The have entire plans you can use and it has been in my life since I discovered fitness and still challenges me, even after becoming a more competitive athlete.
Anonymous
I always come back to Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. It incorporates cardio too, but the strength training for me really makes a difference and is challenging.
Anonymous
Fitness Blender’s videos that mix HIIT and weights (or HIIT and cardio intervals) are my favorite.
Anon
I like the Strong Curves “Gluteal Goddess” workout that focuses on lower body. You end up getting plenty of upper body functional fitness since some upper body effort is needed for planks, deadlifts, etc. but the real focus is on lower body, and I love what the program has done for my butt.
Strong Curves has options for full-body strength training as well, but I gain muscle really easily and find that upper body strength training means all my dresses get really tight in the shoulders. A bonus of only doing lower body is that the sessions only take 45-60 minutes (including a significant warm-up/activation/mobility series) and I only need to go 3 times a week.
Anon
Best recommendations for apps/resources to learn foreign language vocabulary? My vocabulary needs the most work right now and I’d like something I can study on my commute. Also, my language is German and any specific tips for podcasts or other resources would be great too.
Anonymous
Following! I was using the app “Lingo” for a while for Italian, which teaches you 4 new vocab words a day, but after about 15 days they still hadn’t started folding in older words yet to test past knowledge, so I don’t know how much I actually learned.
BB
I got this recommendation here for Quizlet. It lets you create your own flash cards that it will read them to you automatically on your commute.
Anonymous
My teen uses Quizlet to study high-school foreign language vocab. She also uses Duolingo, but that’s mostly for fun and doesn’t actually teach much.
Anon
Would I have to create all my own flash cards? It would be great to just use a set someone else has created.
Anonymous
You can create your own or find sets created and shared by other users.
BB
It also lets you import from an Excel or Word doc, so if you find a list you like, you can have it in flashcards in a few minutes.
anonshmanon
You could start watching the evening news (Tagesschau) in German. It’s available online.
anon
I’ve been using RocketSpanish, although I haven’t gotten very far for lack of time. I like it so far, and the same words are presented with multiple presentation options (flashcards, quizzes, whole sentences}. I haven’t used the vocab section much, but there is one. And the big thing I like is that it uses voice recognition, so you talk out loud, instead of just passively listening.
Anon
Easy German on Youtube! They stop people on the street to ask them random questions, and subtitle everything in both English and German. They have two levels of videos, and the hosts are super charming.
Anon
Do you have a TV in your bedroom?
Anonymous
Yes. The only way I can fall asleep is to put on a DVD of my favorite old show and set the TV sleep timer to 30 minutes.
Anonymous
Nope. And I don’t want to.
Momofboys
+1000
emeralds
Agreed.
Em
Same.
CountC
Same.
Anon
Same.
Noooo
Best thing we ever did was get it out and donate it. By the time we have kids, I plan to not have one in the living room and use projectors for games/movies in a designated movie/game room.
Anonymous
Yes. DH and I have a rule that we never watch TV together in bed, though. We only use it:
1. When a kid crawls into bed before 6am to buy a few more minutes of sleep (cartoons)
2. To keep kids busy while getting ready in the AM/while i shower
3. While I’m folding laundry
4. When so ill I cannot leave the bed (or a kiddo is, we let them lay in our bed).
If DH and I are together, we are either in bed or watching TV, not both.
Anonymous
I despise having a TV in my bedroom. But I do like it for laundry folding / ironing and also for doing squats / aerobics step (my bedroom is apparently the laundry room and the gym!).
AnonDon'tUnderstand
Do you stand up to watch TV? Do you watch TV in another room?
We have a TV in our basement and also in our bedroom. We do end up watching while laying down in our bed. because we don’t have another seating area. Sometimes we are standing. We almost never watch from the floor.
Housecounsel
Yes, but I can’t remember the last time it was turned on. I am very anti-TV in the bedroom. It’s pretty much a remnant from my husband’s single days, and I only watch it if he is watching some sports event and I want to veg out to something else. It is never on when we are in bed.
Anonymous
+1. Yes, but only for when I want to watch TopChef and he wants to play a video game or something like that — not for watching before bed.
Anonymous
I would but DH refuses. We just have one tv on the main floor. May get a second one when the kids are teenagers.
Anon
We don’t own a TV. But do watch TV on our laptops occasionally and that usually happens in the bedroom.
Anon
+1 – we own a TV but it’s in the basement and we basically never use it. But we do watch TV on laptops in the bedroom.
Anon
Same. I very rarely watch TV or a movie, usually when sick (3-4x as year), and then I do so on my laptop.
Anon
+1
cat socks
Yes, sometimes I’ll watch some TV before bed or I’ll turn it on the morning to watch the local news while I’m getting ready. My husband likes to keep the TV on while falling asleep.
Anon
Nope. Bedroom is for sleeping and gardening. If one of us is sick, we’ll bring a laptop/iPad into bed during the day.
Never too many shoes...
We do. Given our son’s sleep issues, this is the only way that we get to watch tv together – we make tea and snuggle up but are close by if we have to get up to deal with the kid.
Mrs. Jones
Yes but it’s rarely used. I can’t sleep with a TV on.
Gail the Goldfish
I used to but we reconfigured the house and moved it to the bonus room. I watched it when I was folding laundry, and I do kind of miss it for that. Otherwise I almost never watched it.
Curly
No. That was the first thing to go when my ex husband moved out. If I’m sick and want to watch tv in bed, I just use my laptop. I just have one in a bonus room, and I like that set up.
Woods-comma-Elle
No – I always did because when I lived with roommates. When I lived alone I lived in a studio so while the TV was in the same room, I couldn’t actually watch TV in bed because of the layout. Then I moved in with my now husband and he didn’t have one and it hasn’t bothered me. I will sometimes watch stuff in bed on my laptop but my husband never would (and I always go to before him).
Lyssa
We do, but almost never use it. We have a very large bedroom with a sitting area, so we put an older TV there (you couldn’t watch it from the bed). We assumed that we’d want it when we had kids, but we actually still haven’t seen much use for it. On the rare occasion that my husband is out of town or something, I might bring the laptop or ipad up to the bedroom to stream a show right before bed.
The original Scarlett
Yes. It’s my favorite thing – I love nothing more than lazy, in-bed TV watching. My husband could live without it, but it’s my thing.
Anonymous
Yes, and we use it all the time. In our ranch house, both our bedroom and kiddo’s bedroom is right off the living room. It’s easier to not wake her up if we watch tv in the bedroom. We’re in bed tv watchers, and that’s just the way it is. Some people are opposed, and fine for them. It’s always worked for us. But usually neither of us watches tv at all until we’re in bed late in the evening. It’s just how we wind down at the end of the day. Especially me.
anon
No, but we watch TV on DH’s laptop almost every night.
Anonymous
I do as a compromise for DH who really wanted one and who allows me 1 million other indulgences he’s not particularly psyched about. I don’t like it but he doesn’t watch it if I’m in the bedroom.
Anonymous
No. We sometimes discuss whether we should, but keep deciding not to.
Anon
Yes. I don’t have one in the living room.
Bette
No, I read that couples that have a TV in their bedroom garden significantly less frequently than those who don’t.
Anon
I come from a family of TV watchers (one in basically every room people spend a decent amount of time and got my own TV in my room for like, my sixth or seventh birthday) – so my husband and I have one in our bedroom (and one in our living space for our apartment). I actually watch it pretty rarely and usually watch in the living room TV. DH watches Netflix on his laptop before bed and I used the bedroom TV when he was out of town but usually I just use my living room TV unless I’m working on something in my room that is boring (i.e. reorganizing my closets).
Anonymous
I have always been against it, but now I am of a different kind and planning to reorganize to add one. I watch TV at night and now tend to fall asleep on the couch, then wake up in the middle of the night but can’t get back to sleep easily, esp. since getting up wakes up my dogs. I think being in bed with a TV with a sleep timer will help all around.
Renovations paid by insurance
My condo has to be partially gutted and rebuilt due to a fire and water damage from the unit above me. Our building’s master insurance and our own homeowner’s insurance are covering demo and rebuild. We don’t have much time to decide on anything. If we had planned the renovations, we’d have spent months designing, saving money, getting bids, etc. But we have to start renovation ASAP so we can move back in. Even still, we hope to install a few upgrades (recessed lighting instead of track in the bedroom, better bathroom floor tiles). Insurance won’t cover the cost of upgrades.
I’ve heard about major challenges in getting insurance to pay for the actual cost of renovations (not including upgrades). One general contractor told us that he doesn’t do insurance-paid renovations because he doesn’t get paid well and communication is too difficult when the homeowner is a “middleman” and insurance is paying. Plus, there’s the complication of two policies covering costs. Has anyone gone through insurance-paid renovations? Any tips or things you wish you would have known?
anon a mouse
Depending on your insurance estimates, you may want to look into hiring your own adjuster. A friend had a serious house fire and even though her coverage was (supposedly) great, the insurance estimates for replacement were far less than actual costs with a reputable contractor. She hired a private adjuster to help navigate — they take a % of the total but she felt like it was worth it. The adjuster also helped the contractor format his bills — insurance companies need everything broken down to the smallest unit, for both materials and time, and most contractors just don’t work that way.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. What a pain.
Veronica Mars
I would still get an interior designer to assist you, even if you can’t get insurance to pay for it. They can assist on what’s essential and what’s not, as well as picking the exact shade of white tile from the 10 samples. Look for one who charges by the hour so you can use them as you go and see if any have experience with insurance renovations. FWIW, my coworker had an insurance kitchen renovation and was thrilled with the results.
Anonymous
You need to work with a disaster relief team, not a regular contractor. Your insurance folks should be able to recommend people and should absolutely pay to restore the condo to its previous condition (minus deductibles and the like). We also had a fire in the fall. We worked with a fire restoration service (one of two recommended by our insurance). They’re (1) cleaners and (2) general contractors. They specialize in working with insurance and moving quickly. We had ideas on how we wanted to go above and beyond restoring our home to its pre-fire condition (had actually been planning to over the next few years but this accelerated things) so were lucky we had some ideas in advance. The general contracting arm of the disaster folks were able to itemize our work so we knew exactly what insurance would handle and what would be our responsibility. They’ll make your life significantly easier by working with your insurance company and arranging everything. Call your insurance folks and ask who they recommend. Has the condo been gutted and cleaned yet? If not, the same folks will provide those services. Be in communication with your adjuster. They should really be guiding you through this process. Ours absolutely did.
edj3
Our condo suffered extreme damage when a water main line broke–we were displaced for five months and anything that touched the water got removed.
I highly, highly recommend getting a public adjuster. Like you, our condo association master insurance was involved as was our own home owner insurance. We were able to get a lot more declared a loss b/c of that public adjuster.
S
Has anyone had experience with the brand Tucker NYC? It looks like they sell really classic dresses in 100% silk (!!!!!) in gorgeous colors. Expensive, but that’s the sort of expensive I can get behind. Thoughts?
Anonymous
The brand has been around for a long time; I would trust the quality. If you see something you love go for it (and report back)!
Anonymous
I have a Tucker silk shirt dress that I really like.
Anon
What’s your favorite waterproof drugstore mascara? I need something that will not budge. My eyes water when I walk outside in cool, windy, or wet weather, and it’s gotten to the point where I can’t even apply mascara until I get to the office.
Anon
What kind of lash look are you going for? Long? Thickness? Natural? More glam? Curling? All of the above?
Anon too
I’ve recently begun wearing Maybelline Lash Sensational Luscious Waterproof Mascara and it’s by far the best mascara I’ve ever used, and I’ve been wearing various mascara brands for 15 years. The first coat looks like three, lengthens and thickens, and it stays all day.
Belle Boyd
Following. I was just going to post this morning about favorite drugstore brands of mascara as mine needs replacing. Great minds must think alike!
I was using Maybelline Full and Soft, but lately it seems to be irritating my eyes. Never had an issue with it before and it is waterproof. I’ve been happy with it up to this point, though, so if anyone knows anything similar, I’m taking suggestions!
Lyssa
I’ve had no end of trouble getting mascara to stay put for me, but someone here suggested the Elf brand a few months back, and I’m shocked at how well it stays. And the price sure is nice!
CountC
Wet N Wild Max Volume. I have it both in waterproof and regular. I <3 it.
Anonymous
Tube mascara. Loreal has a drugstore version that stays put.
anon
What is this one called? I’ve been looking for a drugstore tubing mascara.
Nina
I’ve had a surprising amount of success with ELF waterproof mascara. It’s actually one of my favorites.
Elf and Lash Blast
Lash Blast waterproof version is great and comes off fairly easily when needed. The Elf one is ridiculous and I felt like I was getting wrinkles from how much I had to work to get it off, haha. So it may be good for you?
West Coaster
I’m certainly curious what folks recommend, as I have uber-oily skin. Evidently, so-called waterproof mascara (Benefit) is not also oil proof. By ~2-3pm, I typically have subtle (but noticeable enough that colleagues have mentioned it) vertical mascara streaks on my brow bone. My non-waterproof Clinique mascara stays put better, but isn’t as volumizing/lengthening as the Benefit stuff.
busybee
Rettes who are parents of young kids, how do you handle it when you bring them to your childless friends’ homes? Husband and I do not have children, and we have people over a lot. He’s very social and enjoys having friends and family over to watch sporting games and things like that. Many of our friends and family members have young children. Our house is definitely not childproof. Yesterday when I came home from work one of the toddlers was going through our basket of free weights; mom and dad were in the other room oblivious. My husband was pulling another kid away from our glass side table. Am I wrong in thinking that if you bring over your young kids, you’re responsible for them? Or is the prevailing mindset that in a house full of adults, someone will just generally keep their eye on the kids, not necessarily the parents? I don’t mind having people over and I’m fine with kid messes like crumbs, etc. I’m just worried they’re going to get hurt or cause actual damage in our childfree house filled with potential hazards.
Anonymous
You husband needed to say something! “Hey, can you grab Junior? He’s getting into something dangerous. This place isn’t child proofed!”
You’re looking for a bright line rule but what really needs to happen is individual conversations.
Anonymous
With kids young enough to stick their fingers into electrical sockets, put things in their mouth, or pull things over on top of themselves, it’s definitely the parents’ job to keep an eye on their kids unless another adult has explicitly agreed to do so. There are a lot of little kids in our family. The parents never just leave them to their own devices, but they frequently do hand them off to other adults or the teenagers. If someone hands me a toddler, I’m responsible for that toddler until I hand him off to someone else or return him to his parent. My teen knows that if she’s playing with one of the littles, she can’t just abandon him when she gets bored–she has to find someone else to take responsibility. This goes even at grandma’s supposedly childproof house, because grandma’s knowledge of childproofing is 40 years out of date.
That said, I’d take some simple precautions since you know your friends are not exactly on the ball. I would put in some outlet covers for sure, and pick up hazardous objects in the room(s) where people are supposed to be hanging out. Anchoring the TV would also be a good idea, if it’s not already mounted on the wall. And close doors or otherwise block off rooms where kids should not be.
You could go on a campaign of picking up the kids and bringing them back to their parents every time you find them in another room or doing something dangerous. “Here’s Suzy! She must have escaped–I just found her in the basement playing with the free weights. I didn’t want her to hurt herself.” After a few rounds of this the parents should get the message.
Anon
Yeah, they need to be watching their kids. When we visit someone’s home, regardless of whether or not we have kids, I watch my toddler like a hawk so she won’t injure herself or damage their stuff (the latter is far more likely than the former, IMO – ungated pools are a real danger, but otherwise kids will generally survive).
Anon
*Regardless of whether or not THEY have kids
Anonymous
How old are the kids? I don’t see how a glass coffee table is dangerous for like a 4 year old or something?
But generally, the parents are responsible however the reality is that people vary in their levels of diligence. One of the reasons I find visiting in-laws stressful is that BIL’s family is so lax with their toddlers that I worry they will get hurt. Like they don’t even have gates on their stairs (the house they live in, not suggesting you need gates).
Equestrian attorney
I know people whose five-year old jumped onto a glass coffee table and jumped right through it. He’s ok, but it wasn’t a pleasant experience and I can see why that would make someone nervous. I have a glass coffee table and no kids and am always really careful about it if we have kids over (which is rare).
Anonymous
Most five year olds would never jump on a table in someone else’s house. Almost all our friends have kids between 0- 8 and I’ve never seen a kid stand on a table, let alone jump on it.
Anon
My mom was playing and tripped and fell into a glass coffee table and it resulted in permanent damage to her vocal chords. She wasn’t a wild kid and she wasn’t climbing or standing on the table. I think she was 5ish at the time. Accidents happen with young kids, even ones who know that you don’t stand on furniture.
Walnut
You’re welcome to stop stressing about my kid’s safety around stairs. They’re actually quite proficient because we’ve already invested the time sitting behind them while they learned to climb up and down.
Story time, my favorite was the house we went to with the stair gate with the kitty door. Turns out, it was also perfectly toddler sized and the entire night was spent sitting on the stairs.
Anonymous
It’s not a common parenting standard to think it’s NBD for your kid to sit on the stairs in a strange house all night. And the fact that a kid can safely navigate a carpeted staircase wtih a handrail doesn’t mean they will be okay on an all hardwood (no runner) staircase with no handrail.
Good for you that you’re comfortable with that but you can also accept that many people would not be.
Walnut
My kids learned on hardwoods at ages where they were too short for the handrail.
Also, I meant that I spent the entire night sitting on the stairs because that car door was far more of a magnet for my kid than just the open staircase would have been. It was just an amusing aside to friends who were trying to be helpful (which I very much appreciated!)
Anonymous
Well if you’re going to invite small children to your house then you need to make some effort to make your home safe for them. You can move the weights and side table. If you have other stuff that can’t be moved (i.e., china cabinet), then ask parents to keep their kids out of that room. Maybe invest in barriers if needed.
To your question, I don’t have kids but I think the general expectation is that all of the adults are watching the kids. I don’t think it’s particularly “fair” because I, as a childless person who has never been around small children, have approximately 0 idea of what is or isn’t safe for kids. Frankly I’m probably not paying attention to what the kids are doing. But I also don’t have very young kids over to my house for this reason.
anon
I have a kid. The general expectation should not be that all the adults will watch the kids. When everyone thinks someone else is watching the kids, nobody is watching (enough). Parents should watch your own kids or hand them off to another adult. If a small child has been handed off to you, you should hand him or her back to his parents or to another adult before walking off. This is especially true if there are stairs, there is a pool, or kids have access to an elevator or the street. (When my kid was 1, he and FIL were walking downstairs, and FIL turned back to get something from the bedroom. Kiddo started playing on the stairs, fell, and broke his ankle. DH and I were 8 feet away but didn’t have a sight-line–if FIL had called out and asked us to watch our kid, we easily could have.)
My kid is almost 4. We recently moved to a new house and did not baby-proof. When we have babies over, we tell their parents that the new house isn’t baby-proofed and that my son’s toys might be choke hazards and to keep an eye out. I do try to put the smallest toys up high, but if something rolled under the bed or behind the toy box, you can bet a 1-year-old will find it. When we have 2 and 3 year olds over, our house is generally safe enough that the kids don’t need constant vigilance.
Anon
I’m a parent, but I think it’s wildly unreasonable to expect anyone who doesn’t have babies or toddlers to install barriers in their home. To be safe at the top of the stairs, a gate has to be drilled into the wall/banister. I can’t imagine expecting someone to do that to their home, unless they were going to be a primary caregiver of my child. And I think it’s better to have no gate than to have a gate that’s not sufficient or incorrectly installed, since the danger is more obvious then.
Anonymous
Totally agree. The idea that you have to buy baby gates when you have no children because you occasionally have friends with children over is bonkers.
busybee
This is good to know-I was a little worried about that suggestion. We are TTC so will (hopefully!) be needing gates in a couple of years, but we’d like to enjoy a gate-less existence until then.
Lilliet
Agreed with the above and will just add that if there are specific high-risk things in your house that aren’t child proofed, close off that room and let the parents know. I have three little kids and when we go to a non-baby proofed home, even though DH and I are always watching them, it’s even more helpful for us to know “That door is closed because there’s a death trap of free weights” or “that’s where the litter box is.” You’ve done your part by letting them know, and I can do mine. That said, when you’re visiting and having a good time, kids run off so I also expect the other adults to help out if they see a kid’s run off. Using the line above, “Hey, can you grab Junior?” is sufficient–I don’t need you to go parent the child, just “If you see something, say something.”
Anonymous
When I bring my kids (older now), I had a go-bag of stuffed toys, washable crayons, notebooks, and coloring books. I could keep them occupied and within my wingspan or line of sight. We don’t explore other people’s houses (but we make sure we show them the bathroom when we arrive if they don’t already know).
Anonymous
Yeah, I have 3 young kids. I generally scour a place for Inminent Danger (tempting cords, low lying glass figurines, etc) and remove/relocate/protect.
In a super un kid friendly place, I create a “kid area” (like, if I’m somewhere with glass teacups at eye level, dogs and cats, flowers/dirt within eating range etc, I pick a room and make it as safe as possible then we hang there) But 100% of the time I am watching the toddler and if not, i tag someone in officially and confirm that they hear me.
Mine are nearly out of the toddler years, thankfully.
SC
When my kid was 2, we visited my husband’s aunt in Nashville for the eclipse. Since so many people were in town for the event, her husband’s family (who we didn’t know at all) had a big get-together and graciously included us. The house was super un kid friendly, but there was a fenced in backyard with no pool and a bench swing. I decided the outside was the “kid area,” and Kiddo spent the afternoon out there :-) DH and I got to know some guests who seemed to enjoy the outdoors and traded off going inside to mingle and get food.
IHHtown
I don’t have young kids but lots of my friends do and the generally accepted mindset is that with kids young enough to unconsciously hurt themselves stupidly (I understand that’s kids at any age but I’m talking about drinking poison because it looks like juice and can’t read age – so basically under 5) the parents need to keep an active eye on the kids.
The whole “lots of adults around so someone will watch the kids” IME only works 1) at a home that already have children around that age so things are generally kid proofed and 2) at family gatherings with older kids interacting with them/in the same vicinity (think a game room where all the kids are hanging out).
If you have a friend that is letting their three year old run around your house and not watching them (which let’s be honest they probably don’t do that in their own home) they don’t respect you or your home.
Walnut
We try not to. It’s easier to invite childless friends to our house because I spend all night redirecting from one thing to the next. That said, we’ll usually bring our own toys to try keeping kids occupied. Many of our childless friends have a couple toys they pull out as well. My kids think other peoples toys are the best thing ever, so this along with outdoor play is most successful. Watching the sporting event doesn’t actually happen.
Rainbow Hair
Yeah, Kiddo is finally getting to be a tiny bit more trustworthy, but this post reminded me of how unfun it is to ‘socialize’ with friends when I have to keep chasing Kiddo and can’t get through a complete sentence. Not a criticism of the friends, of course, it’s just one of the annoying things about having a kid.
I like having friends with or without kids over to our place in the summer, because we have a pool (so a fun attraction and activity to do with the kids) but when the kids are outside of the (fenced, locked) pool area, they can run amok, draw with chalk, get dirty, whatever, while the grown ups sit in the gazebo and chat.
Anonymous
I loved animals when I was a small child, and I decided, based on my desire to spend the whole day outside, combined with my frustration with how much supervision younger siblings needed from my mom indoors, that children were “outdoor animals.” (I must have been thinking of outdoor cats or dogs?) The phrase has stuck in my head for decades mostly because I haven’t really changed my mind.
Anon
I have the same issue. I usually end up watching the kids because I’m convinced they are otherwise going to get hurt. I’ve made clear to the parents that my house is not child proofed in the slightest but they still let their kids play in a different room than them. I’m most concerned about my dogs that are usually great with children but not 100% used to them since we don’t have any. I’m also considering anchoring my flat screens after an errant nerf ball almost knocked over the whole contraption. I’m less worried about the actual TV and more worried about it crushing the unsupervised toddler. My friends do always thank me for keeping such a close eye on the kids. The way we handle it is if the event is focused on my husband (his birthday for example) I spend more time watching the toddler guests. If it’s for me, than he does. I also enlisted a few other childfree friends or relatives to watch for specific things like double checking no one opens the gate to our fence. In the future, I’m just going to padlock it now that I realize little hands could easily let themselves and the dogs out.
Anon
If your friends have kids that are not old enough to occupy themselves without getting into danger or destroying something, they need to be within the parent’s sight line at all times, unless put up to sleep in a safe bedroom or something. This doesn’t necessarily mean that parent’s need to stare at the kids all night, but the parents have a responsibility to know whether junior is coloring in the corner or ran out of sight down the hall. I don’t expect any friends, let alone childless friends to know how to child proof or to meaningfully change their home for other people’s kids. If a kid (other than a baby or toddler obviously) has to be held or else destroy something, then the kid shouldn’t be in that person’s home until they are older, full stop. Or else expect a lot of bills for destroyed items from friends.
That said I think there is an expectation to “child proof” in very obvious ways – childless friends know they shouldn’t keep knives on the floor or bleach without a child proof top in the corner of the living room but shouldn’t be expected to screw stuff into walls for a kid’s two hr. visit.
busybee
Thanks for all the thoughtful responses everyone! Very helpful.
Anon
When my sister had my nephew (first grandchild) and he was newly-walking age, everyone was over at my house for a dinner and I was in the kitchen cooking by myself being stressed.
My sister came into the kitchen and said “you shouldn’t have a knife so close to the edge of the counter when kids are around.” I snapped, “you should watch your kid.” And then we didn’t speak to each other for months because that’s how we do things in my family.
The thing is, we were both right.
She should have been watching her kid and not let him wander into the kitchen while I was cooking things. But I shouldn’t have had a knife so close to the edge of a counter knowing I had a toddler in my home.
I know people like to deal in absolutes here – omg it’s 100% the parents!! – but you are having guests in your home knowing some of them are children with poor impulse control (and probably some adults with poor impulse control, I don’t know your life) and you do have a basic gracious hosting responsibility to put a few things away.
Get rid of any obvious “attractive nuisance” things or shove them in a closet. Designate spaces it’s ok for kids to go into and shut the doors to areas you don’t want them in. Just like you make sure the bathroom is tidy before you have guests, make sure you put away, I don’t know, souvenir knives you have displayed on low shelves.
A little courtesy on both sides goes a long way.
Aggie
When my kids were under 4, I kept a go-bag in my car with color wonder books, movies and nerf balls. If the weather was nice, my husband or I were outside watching them play. If the weather was not cooperative, our rule was one relative had eyes on the kids at all times….especially in households that did not have children. In particularly un-childproofed homes (glass tables, nice art, etc), I would bring a pack and play and tell the boys it was their fort. They are now 8 and 10 and can be trusted to play outside on their own.
Bathing suits
Am I justified to own 2 bathing suits that each cost around $100? (I shell out for bra-sized ones with underwire because other bikini tops do not cut it for my chest.) Under what conditions does one need more than one bathing suit?
Anonymous
I’m always grateful for multiple swimsuits for beach vacations and waterparks with the kids – you don’t want all your pictures to look the same, plus things may not dry as well as you like.
Lilliet
When you want it and can afford it. Live your best life, get those two suits!
Anonymous
Justified? Are you asking us for permission?
It depends entirely on your budget, how much money you have, and what you can afford.
You need two suits when you swim enough that they’re wearing out or not having time to dry out.
Anon
Absolutely? I love having more than one suit to choose from depending on my mood.
Scenario off the top of my head: on vacation. Go for a morning dip. After lunch, want to go back in the pool but morning suit is still wet. Not a huge deal but if you can put on a dry one for the walk from the hotel room to the pool or whatever instead, definitely better!
Anon
I have multiple suits. They have different modesty levels (family vacations vs hanging with friends, since my family is a little bit conservative), coverage levels (weight fluctuations), and styles (just for fun). Plus I like to have a few options for if I’m going on a beach vacation or a hotel with a pool I’m planning on using since one might be sandy/dirty/wet the next day. Btw if you’re thinking about getting another suit but don’t want to spend more, Aerie has decently priced bra sized/underwire suits.
Anonymous
I own like 4? I swim 4-5 days a week in summer and always want at least two on vacation. I don’t need to justify this to anyone because I am a grown up.
CoastalCanuck
Ditto! And these are just my style/beach/pool lounging bikinis; I have another couple one-pieces for training. Some I absolutely won’t take into chlorine, others I don’t mind if they get bleached out from chemicals. I think it all depends on your lifestyle and budget.
Fishie
I have 15. I like a different suit every day on vacation, and some fit thinner me, others, thicker me. Some for swimming, some for lounging, some for SUP. Some I can throw on a sarong and go to a beach bar happy hour, some require a little more covering up for comfort. Some for when I’m with kids, some for when I’m with DH. I like options. We go to the beach/lake a lot.
And yes, a nice swimsuit is going to cost around $100. Rinse after every wear, wash delicately, do not put in the dryer and you’ll get a few years out of it.
Anon
I have multiple suits… like ten, because I swim regularly. And while they don’t each cost 100, they certainly add up. As for everything, if you like them, use them, and can afford them, then the answer is yes.
Never too many shoes...
Do people really only own one bathing suit? I must have at least five or six.
Anonymous
I own 2. I think for non-parents, the number is likely to be much lower. I swim maybe once a year.
Cat
lol I am a non parent and have like 8. We are beach lovers.
anon
Yes, of course you are justified. I actually think 2 is the minimum a person should own. If you’re on vacation in a humid place, one may not dry out before you need to put it on again. Or maybe you went swimming in a lake and the next day you get invited to swim in a pool. If you can afford it, get more if you want!
Anon
I had this same question, got multiple spendy (compared to some alternative) swim suits, and am very happy with the choice. This was in preparation for beach vacation. Being able to not re-wear a damp suit was great, plus some suits were more “sit on the sand” while others were “actual playtime in the water.”
I tried on a ton of suits when deciding and found a huge difference in quality/aesthetics between the cheapo suits and the next level up.
Triangle Pose
LOL I’m bringing 5 swimsuits on a 5 day beach getaway and they are not the only ones I own. Although I have good results with american eagle and random amazon brands so I’m not spending $100 on each.
SC
I have 2-3 bathing suits in 2 different sizes (so like 5-6 total). They each costs around $100. I take at least 2 bathing suits on vacation with me. We also swim a lot in the summer, and it’s nice to have a little variety.
Ariadne
I have three tankini tops from bravissimo that cost quite a bit (on sale), so I understand the cost concern for sure! I’m so glad I have something that fits, flatters, and looks good I don’t regret the cost, so I say go for it, and even encourage enable you to acquire more should the right item arise:)
Anon
Because you go on vacation and want to swim more than once per day and you don’t like putting on a wet swimsuit. Or because you like two different colors and can’t decide. Or because you have finally found the perfect suit and you think you’ll never find another so you buy it in multiples.
Can you afford the $100? Do you want the extra suit? If yes, then go for it.
JazzyRose
I think I once had 8 when I was doing a lot of swimming. Growing up, because my Mom hated putting on wet swimsuits, she made sure we had enough for beach vacations. Throw in some swim team and lifeguarding and I had a ton of suits.
You should definitely feel free to have two bikinis. As someone who wants to shop for bikinis based on bra size, I’m thinking about getting additional cheaper bottoms to change the look of the swim suit. I figure they don’t have to match exactly.
Anon
I mean, it’s your money. You can do whatever you want with it and you don’t need anybody’s permission.
I have more than one bathing suit. I don’t like to put a cold, wet suit on if I go swimming in the morning and want to swim again in the afternoon (or whatever). And I also like to have bathing suits that look different.
Rainbow Hair
I have sooo many bathing suits (ok like 5?). We have a pool so I try to swim most days in the summer, and I like to have different options. I have a rashguard that is great for when I know I’ll be out for a while (and actually I should probably get a second, since my backup one got destroyed last summer), but I layer it over a bra-like bikini top for comfort/support. I have a simple one-piece that I think of as my mom-suit because it’s modest and comfortable for swimming with a kid hanging off of me. I have a high waisted bikini that makes me feel hot, but not like, slutty-hot. Oh actually I have two of those, one colorful and one black. And a super cute Esther Williams dealie that I wear if I want to feel cute on the beach or with guests over. And I also have a suit that makes me feel slutty-hot, for summer nights when my husband and I have a “date” at the little patio set out by the pool.
…I can’t wait for swimming season.
Anon
Seeking dvice on building trunk muscle/losing body fat for perpetually under-muscular(?) and pained body?
I’ve always had very very low muscle weight in my trunk area, and relatively high fat composition (since middle school). I’m size 6-8 in US size, but with 35+% body fat, which counts as obese for my demographic, and also statistically puts me at very high risk of diabetes and high blood pressure, among other potential issues.
I’m fine with how I look (though not too happy with the clothing situation; I buy all my clothes from US sites because no manufacturer makes women’s clothing of my size in my country — pretty much the largest size you would find is a 4), but because of health concerns (all the women in my family on both sides have a history of diabetes / strokes / high blood pressure attributable partly to / linked with high body fat content.. but none of them wear clothes bigger than a US size 4), I’m perpetually working out but never seem to gain any muscle and keep putting on more fat. I started at 28% body fat in college (when I walked 15,000+ steps everywhere every day) and despite a decade of working out and trying to watch what I eat, my body fat has steadily increased and my muscle has steadily decreased. It’s the worst after a week or two of all-nighters at the office; I notice any gains in muscle mass over the past months deteriorate by 5+ pounds over a week of no sleep, with corresponding 8+ pound increase in fat.
In terms of lifestyle, I usually eat 1800 – 2500 kcal/day, take vitamins, don’t drink often (1-2 times/month, 1-2 glasses at a time), try to stay away from sugar (not always successful but usually limited to 3 scoops of ice cream / cake per week and less than 1 serving of fruit/day), lots of green veggies, walk 6000-9000 steps daily (not super active due to being in Biglaw), usually do a HIIT (planks, squats, burpees) / pilates / PT (low low machine weights) workout 4 days a week for 50 minutes over lunch, and eat 100 grams in protein daily, sometimes more (I’m 5’8, weigh 140 pounds, which is up by 15-20 pounds from my usual weight in my 20s — in my early 30s now. FWIW I was still classified as “slightly obese” at 120 pounds because zero muscle all fat).
I’ve also suffered a host of lower and upper back/shoulder/neck problems since my teens (think middle school) due to the lack of body muscle, and it prevents me from doing high weight lifting at a meaningful levels (my joints usually give out on the first set and the weight sends my muscles into self-twisting overdrive such that I can’t work out for a week or more). I have to have deep tissue massage sessions every week to untangle the strained muscles (from just sitting at work) to be able to work out without the sense of pinching nerves, something to do with slight scoliosis and reversed neck curve; before that, I had physiotherapy/chiropractic and rehabilitation exercises for 2 years because I didn’t have enough back muscle to sit through a meal at a restaurant or sit down in a subway seat (I had anxiety-related stomach problems at the time that prevented me from eating anything substantial and made me lose 30+ pounds over 6 months (including a lot of muscle), which I later regained quickly (so mostly in fat)).
Does anyone have experience with a similar situation / body type? Would appreciate any advice or commiseration on how to deal with this? I’ve been working relatively regular hours for the past few months (i.e. go home by 7pm), but the trend hasn’t been reversed just because I work out/rest more (apparently I also have more time to run out for a snack which might explain the fat gain… but I’m not gaining much muscle either).
Help? Commiseration? Reality check on things I’m doing wrong?
Anon
Have you ever consulted with a registered dietitian? There’s lots of stuff you can try, but having a professional steer your is going to be way better than any advice we can provide. It also sounds like your physical therapy is not working well, so maybe a second opinion will help.
Anonymous
weight training is the only thing that will help you gain muscle. You don’t have to lift heavy weight, lighter weights more frequently are fine. Or exercises that use your own body weight like a yoga for strength class. At 5’8″ at 140lbs is a normal weight, your fat% is also not in a highly problematic range despite the situation you have described. Honestly, speak to your doctor because this post reads as a little obsessive. Stress is also bad for your health and you seem very stressed about this issue.
See a real doctor
Your issue sounds incredibly extreme. You need to speak to a doctor. In no universe should your muscles spasm to the point you can’t work out for a week after one set of very light weights. In no universe should your trunk muscles be so weak that you can’t sit for a meal or on the subway!!! I know you’ve seen chiropractors and physiotherapists but I think you need to see a real doctor – this sounds like something wrong at the cellular or hormonal level to prevent you from building muscle. There are many diseases that prevent meaningful muscle growth, it’s important to rule these out first.
Anonymous
Yes. Stop calling yourself obese, you aren’t. Stop measuring your body fat all the time. See a real doctor.
anon
Agreed, you should see a doctor. I have a genetic condition that, among other things, reduces my ability to gain muscle and to maintain muscle tone on the muscle I do have. It has caused me to have many of the symptoms that you describe, but because I have a doctor supervising things, I have been able to get effective physical therapy/bodywork/exercise plans in place, which has been very helpful for me. I hope the same will be true for you once you have an accurate read on the situation.
Anonymous
If I were you, I’d be calling the MDA today to ask what doctor they recommend locally to do a thorough evaluation of these symptoms.
(It took me too long to do this because I associated the MDA only with very severe conditions, but not all MDA conditions are severe; some are very mild. But they can still benefit from treatment and deserve diagnosis. Your primary care doctor is not likely to recognize symptoms or know who to refer you to, however.)
Anon
Thank you for this. I’ve been raising the possibilitiy with the neurologists/orthopedists but got laughed out of the doctors’ offices (they think I am being paranoid. but the symptoms are real to me!).
Apparently the possibility of milder versions of these are not really *a thing* in my country’s medical system.
Anon
Speak to a doctor.
Determine if you have a joint issue like EDS.
You are probably eating too much for your height/weight/level of activity. I’m exactly your height, weigh almost exactly what you do (but about 18% body fat), am about five years older, and eat about as many calories as you do because I’m a distance runner. I ran your numbers (height/weight/activity level) through an online calorie calculator, and it suggests no more than 2,000 calories a day. An extra 500 calories a day is going to mean a pound a week.
Also, look seriously at what you are eating and when you are eating it. If you eat carbs at night, you’re going to put on fat in bad places.
Cut the weight down and increase number of reps.
anon
FYI, EDS is not just a joint issue, though it does affect the joints of most people who have it. It is a connective-tissue disorder that can affect nearly every organ system in the body.
Anon
Thanks for the comments everyone, I left out that I did go to see multiple doctors at different university hospitals (and several homeopathic/eastern medicine doctors as well), but was never diagnosed with anything but working/studying/sitting down too much (gah) by the three neurology / orthopedic / rehabilitation medicine doctors after rounds of MRIs and multiple trials on painkillers. (Side note, I played a lot of ballet/swimming/gymnastics/playing outside generally in elementary school (never could do a half pushup even then), so it was a bit of a bummer that I started having all these problems as soon as I started going through puberty.)
The chiropractic / physiotherapy / massage /rehab exercise was ordered by these doctors and helped improve the situation to a point where I can more or less do my 60-80h/w Biglaw job (with the help of all the abovementioned exercise and rehab/massage sessions plus standing desk plus special chair), ride transport for extended periods (long flights!) and can dine out… but I also have muscle spasms fairly consistently, which gets noticeably worse when I am in one of the “lose muscle to be replaced with fat” stretches. Even just 5 pounds of muscle gain makes a lot of difference in how “easy” I feel in my body (i.e. less knotting, less pinched nerves /pain) — so I know that muscle mass is probably a big part of the solution if not THE solution…I hadn’t considered a dietitian as I haven’t had any perceived gastrointestinal issues but I will look into it. I’ll stick with some of the weights too as suggested.
And yes, Anonymous is right, I’ve been getting quite frustrated because the planks and lat pulldowns and bar-only roman deadlifts and whatnot (I’m usually pretty sore after the workouts) don’t seem to be getting me to a point where I’m gaining enough muscle to survive through two weeks without a massage. And I see all the health problems that my family with similar body types went through and am desperate to avoid the writing on the wall.
Anonymous
If you’re working 80/h a week you are probably very tense and the massage is helping because it’s relieving the tense muscles. There’s nothing wrong with a massage every couple weeks if that helps maintain your health.
rachelellen
Have you tried acupuncture for the muscle spasms? Seems like you’ve tried a lot of things and the overall western approach to care isn’t yielding much, so it might be worth a shot…
Anon
Yep, thanks for the suggestion though. All the way to the bee-sting acupuncture version and the letting blood version (never really sure what the suction cups were supposed to do)… only thing that seemed to organically dissipate the pain was yoga (easy) back bend sequences with a specific teacher, though the relief never lasted more than two days.
Anonymous
This whole story is implausible. A child who cannot do half a push-up cannot do gymnastics, even at the rec level. Reminds me of the glasses thread a few days ago. Too much detail that doesn’t add up.
Anon
Um, no. Although I very much wish it were fake and not the story of my very real life.
Anonymous
I hope you don’t work in healthcare, because there are a lot of weird rare conditions that can present with exactly that kind of inconsistency.
Please learn more about chronic illness before you start judging invisibly disabled people in your personal life for having radically inconsistent ability levels.
Anonymous
The body fat percentages and pounds of muscle loss versus fat gain sound just like the glasses poster’s exact prescriptions.
Anonymous
I see your point, but most the gym rats I know could rattle off those numbers off the top of their heads? It’s normal enough for people who put a lot of effort into weight loss to be numbers obsessed that it doesn’t look like some kind of “tell” to me.
Anon
Have you seen specialists? Have you been tested for something like muscular dystrophy?
These things can take a while to diagnose. The fact that other people in your family have this says to me that it’s an issue that lifestyle may be able to alleviate or exacerbate, but likely has a genetic basis and may require far more intervention.
PolyD
Yes, there are all sorts of muscular dystrophies, mitochondrial diseases, and maybe even neurological conditions that you should consider given your extreme muscle weakness.
You might have better luck with a clinical geneticist than a regular MD or neurologist.
Anonymous
I agree. And there’s a world of difference between “a neurologist” (may shrug off your symptoms and write you off as a headcase) and “a neuromuscular specialist neurologist” (knows what tests to order and has ideas for how to help you feel better in the meantime). Just because you’ve seen a neurologist doesn’t mean you’ve been evaluated yet.
Anon OP
Posted before I saw both comments, thank you, this is helpful.
Anonymous
I learned all this the hard way! I’m really wishing you luck on figuring this out for yourself and maybe even for your family. Good luck!
Anon
Thanks, I had this thought too initially — I wanted to at least test so that I can rule it out but wasn’t sure what exactly to ask for, and neurologists/orthopedists weren’t exactly helpful (one orthopedist snorted and said he has muscular pain all the time from working 18 hour shifts, so I actually have a better life than him and what am I even complaining about when nothing is wrong in my MRI). AFAIK none of my family members have been able to get any diagnosis either, despite their attending multiple tertiary hospitals and seeing a number of different specialists (but then maybe we’re seeing the wrong specialists).
I think I may need to keep looking for a doctor that won’t laugh at the pain and is open to suggestion for testing for possible muscular dystrophy…
Anonymous
I’ll say it again: call up the MDA. They’ve heard it all. Some of their volunteers were themselves only diagnosed after decades of being a “hot potato” passed from one doctor to another. There are studies that show the average number of specialist referrals, second opinions, and total years before diagnosis for some of these conditions; I really doubt you’ve even hit the average yet. Three neurologists is nothing. But you may be able to skip ahead if you take some advice from the people who have gone before you!
It’s not right that it’s an uphill battle, but it’s just the way it is right now. There are effective treatments for some of these conditions depending on what’s going on, so it’s worth finding answers.
anon
Second the recommendation above for a clinical geneticist. Another person you may consider seeing is a rheumatologist. There are many connective tissue disorders that can cause muscle issues similar to what you are describing–geneticist and rheumatologist can help with that dx.
SFchic
May I ask what country you are in? It helps me weigh the medical assessment you have had so far.
I ask because I agree with a prior poster who recommended a neurologist who is a neuromuscular specialist. They can be harder to find but are at every major neurology department at academic hospitals.
An MRI is not an appropriate test for your complaints, so it concerns me that you have had ?several. You should have basic blood tests of muscle integrity (CK). Thyroid studies, and basic rheumatologic dysfunction (eg ESR, ANA etc..). Then an EMG and muscle biopsy.
But the most important part is a careful neurologic exam by the right Doctor.
I am a bit concerned that your perception of your weight / body fat is also distorted. Agree that a nutritionist could give input because your calorie intake is potentially high. You are working very high hours and I worry about your anxiety level…..so you really need to assess whether these could be improved….for your health.
Anon OP
I’m in Korea, but *might* be moving to the US in a few years (looking at different postgrad programs in CA/MA/NY for Reasons, which is a whole aother story).
Thank you so much for the detailed recommendations, if you have specific doctor recommendations too (through a burner email?) I would be very grateful.
You’re right that I’m obessesive in tracking weight / body fat / muscle content, mostly because I found it’s directly related to pain levels so it’s something I’ve been trying to work on, but have had little progress. Also, for some reason the *official* (whatever this means) classification starts putting women on the “obesity” spectrum starting from 28% body fat or something, so for years of health checkups I’ve had doctors pointing it out my “obesity” as the sole *problem* with my body. (Fwiw, body image is a separate issue for me — I think my wording / tone may have been poor, but I don’t have a negative image associated with what people call “fat” / “obese” (which is obviously not helpful and would like if we could just not. with the whole retoric and shaming) per se — but am also aware that it technically puts me at a higher risk point for diabetes and whatnot, given the anecdata/whatever studies cited by these docs, hence the clinical(?) designation of “obese”.)
Pale Girl Snorkeling
I know this is late but…. Have you been checked for fibromylagia? You have so many symptoms that could be fibro, including having doctors say that there isn’t anything wrong. Tight/tense muscles are also a big fibro thing that’s not often discussed, as are muscles that freak out after a workout.
Anon OP
Thanks, fibromylagia was actually my first thought too (based on internet searches), but the doctors I’ve seen so far dismissed the possibility when I raised it (they did not run any tests, although I had separate blood work and tests done for blood stats and thyroid issues — all fine there).
As far as I understand (again from Internet) there isn’t yet a comprehensive “cure” for fibromylagia even if I were to be diagnosed, so I’m essentially managing the symptoms with pain relievers / exercise / yoga / acupuncture / chiropractic / massage therapy to alleviate the symptoms.
Fishie
Question for the hive: What do you think is a fair price to pay for a decent, quality (in my world that means leather, but YMMV) pair of shoes for the office? [I’m trying to look more polished, and realizing my cheap-azz shoes are not helping toward that goal.]
I ask because I used to think I could get good, cute shoes for about $70. But over the years I’ve found that my $70 shoes look like crap after a season, even if they live under my desk and rarely see the outside world. (I won’t even mention my $35 flats. 2 months and done.)
My shoes that last, however, are generally more than double that price. A pair of $160 Dankso heels is still going strong after roughly 10 years. Just bought a couple pairs from Everlane and I get the sense that they will last too. But my Boden $125 shoes have not held up well after a year.
So, the overall question is: is it possible to find quality shoes for under $150? Or should we be aiming to pay even more for quality items?
I also made a poll, because that’s fun. Fill it out if you’d like, will report back on weekend open thread: https://goo.gl/forms/vL594Lc0awJQKIOV2
anon
I have some leather pumps that I’ve spent $80 – $100 on that have held up, but only because I don’t walk around in them. I keep them at my office and commute in different shoes. If I go out to lunch, I put the other shoes on. This is immensely lengthened the live of my shoes.
Anonymous
I look for shoes that go on sale in the $100 – $150 range. I have a pair of Cole Haan Air Talis that are 7 years old that I wear 3 – 4 times/week, and a pair of Danskos that are 12 years old that I wear every weekend, and both were in that range on sale. I have a weird size though (10 AAA), so I’ve never been able to buy the $35 flats.
Anonymous
I think this is highly item dependent. My oldest pair of pumps are Naturalizer, about $70 at the time (I desperately needed them for interview season and bought them full price). The insides are peeling away but they are now about 6 years old, and I can/do still wear them on interviews from time to time. They are extremely comfy.
Also, Ann Taylor makes really good pumps. I forgot where I read it but something says Ann Taylor shares shoe makers with another much more expensive brand. I have suede office pumps from them that were comfortable out of the box and have held up well.
anon
I don’t think it’s unreasonable to spend $150 on a pair of shoes that will last for years. Some styles, though, just aren’t going to hold up, no matter how much you spend.
Also, I’ve found that fashion brands usually make shoes that are cute, but terrible quality. Actual shoe brands seem to fare much better.
anonshmanon
And, beyond a minimum threshold price, you could be getting quality shoes, or you might just be paying for the brand name on mediocre shoes. In my opinion, that threshold is around $120.
Beans
I think you can find good quality shoes that last for years in the $150-$175 range. I love LK Bennett, but their regular prices are too much. I find them on sale, at Nordstrom Rack or I sometimes buy a very gently used pair on Poshmark or Tradesy.
anon a mouse
How are you shoes wearing out? If it’s the soles, you can have a thin sole put on by your cobbler, which will prolong the life. Are you scuffing the tops? You may need to see if something in your car or under your desk is scraping them. My shoes last years, but I pretty much only wear them in my carpeted office or to lunches within a few blocks. If I’m walking more than that, I change my shoes.
New Job Opportunity!!
I needed to tell people that I just applied for a internal in-house counsel position that is a reach — exciting and scary AF. My big boss (BB) pulled me in to talk to me about it the other day. He had, on his own, reached out to the hiring attorney (HA) to suggest me for the role. BB set up a call for me with the HA yesterday and it went very well. At the close of the call HA said that he hoped to see a formal application from me soon. Naturally, I submitted one as soon as I got home! I let HA know and he said he expects HR to reach out early next week. HA is going to arrange a call with me and the woman in the role currently next week (she is out on leave now). I also have a meeting with the head BU counsel next week to introduce myself (I am currently legal adjacent). That was set up separately, but is very timely as he will have input on the hiring decision.
It’s a big role, higher visibility than where I am now. It’s lead counsel for a segment product subvertical. They have the subvertical structured so that counsel is fully involved with the management team in developing strategy, etc., which is VERY appealing to me.
I do not want to get ahead of myself, of course, but even if all I do is interview, I am now on more peoples’ radar for law department positions (which come up infrequently).
AHHHHHHHHHH! It meant a lot to me that my BB thought of me for the position and reached out to HA on his own.
Thank you for reading and please send good thoughts!
Anon
Heck yeah! Congrats!!!
Anon
Sheet recs that don’t break the bank?
anon
Threshold brand from Target. Seriously. They are fantastic.
BabyAssociate
+1, especially the flannel for winter!
PolyD
Costco!
Anon
My favorite sheets are from Costco.
Good icebreakers?
I’m leading a non-profit board meeting tomorrow morning and would like to have all attendees introduce themselves and say something else in the way of an icebreaker.
There will be about 25 people so it needs to be something brief, I don’t want the introductions to take up a huge amount of time.
Any suggestions?
Anon
Introduce yourself with your name, your company, and if you feel inclined to, something about you that may surprise people.
Don’t do more than that. Most people hate this stuff but the “something about you that may surprise people” usually gets some laughs.
anonshmanon
I’ve had what’s your favorite food work well.
Anonymous
Don’t they know each other already?
How about something about the organization and what it does, like what they are proudest of, or why they joined the board, etc etc.
anon
people hate this….if you do icebreaker, keep it simple….like a favorite vacation spot or favorite food…..those ones where you have to say something that no one knows about you feels intrusive and just trying too hard
Anon
+1 about not doing the something that would surprise people. That is not an easy answer for some. Plus it makes you have to kind of assume people look at you in a certain way (in order to give an example about the opposite) which may be a weird thing to think about.
Keep it simple and more factual. Favorite restaurant?
Retirement Planning
My husband and I have an AGI of less than $193K. We both contribute to pension programs. He also contributes to a 403(b). Can we contribute $6K each to individual Roth IRAs, or is his Roth contribution limited by how much he contributes to the 403(b)?
Thank you, Wise Internet Friends!
Anon
An IRA is its own beast. What you save for retirement in other vehicles, whatever their stripe, doesn’t matter. You have $6k to contribute to an IRA.
Anon
I’m not an accountant, but my understanding is that IRAs are separate from employer plans, including 403(b)s, for contribution limit purposes.
Husband and I both work for a state university, so we each contribute $19k to a 403(b), $19k to a 457 and $6k to an IRA, and those contributions are all valid so long as we each have total income is more than the sum of all contributions (if I earned only ~40k, I couldn’t have the IRA, even if my husband had a higher income and we could afford it).
OP
Thank you! I’m also at a state university. This was exactly what I needed. I was misunderstanding on the IRS website thinking I was reading that the cap for all contributions with the IRA and the 403(b) was $6K, and that just didn’t make sense to me.
job_searcher_rant
Ugh just got rejected from a place that has been basiclaly keeping me on hold for over a month. They kept emailing me saying they’re still working on it, still intervieiwng people . . gneerally updaitng me. Why do all that if you’re going to reject me? They did say to reapply again in the future.
Idea
This is super kind of them, and you know it, you’ve applied to enough jobs, and even interviewed and never.heard.back, please don’t complain about TOO MUCH communication!
Sucks, though.
Take a break, drink, go see Captain Marvel, whatever, and then get back out there. You’re awesome and you’ll find a place that appreciates you!
Mpls
They didn’t know who they were going to pick until they got thru their interview process? Honestly, a month isn’t that long when it comes to this stuff. You came out favorably if they told you to apply again.
K
They kept you on hold because they didn’t want to reject you until someone else had accepted the job. At least that shows they might have seen you as an acceptable alternative.
Anon OP
Thanks, fibromylagia was actually my first thought too (based on internet searches), but the doctors I’ve seen so far dismissed the possibility when I raised it (they did not run any tests, although I had separate blood work and tests done for blood stats and thyroid issues — all fine there).
As far as I understand (again from Internet) there isn’t yet a comprehensive “cure” for fibromylagia even if I were to be diagnosed, so I’m essentially managing the symptoms with pain relievers / exercise / yoga / acupuncture / chiropractic / massage therapy to alleviate the symptoms.