Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Cable Knit Wool & Cashmere Cardigan
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I recently pulled an old Polo Ralph Lauren sweater out of my closet for a casual office day, and one of my younger colleagues told me I was very “on trend.” I didn't tell her that the sweater in question was nearly as old as she was, and took the compliment with a smile. Preppy is back (did it ever leave?), so we might as well grab some of these comfy cardigans and lean into it.
This cream colored one will go nicely with just about anything this fall. I would wear it to work with a blue oxford and black trousers.
The sweater is $268 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 10/12
- Ann Taylor – Flash Sale: 40% off full-price purchase + 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew – Friends & Family Event, 30% off for loyalty members (ends 10/12)
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off at stores and sitewide, 20% off $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale: Up to 40% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Fall Refresh Event, up to 25% off (Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off on other items)
- Nordstrom – 6,200+ new markdowns for women (Also, weirdly, they have the Fall 2026 Chanel collection, which I feel like is a first for them, but it's like a catalog for you to call for an appointment… very strange.)
- Nordstrom Rack – Extra 25% off select denim (ends 10/12) + up to 50% off DV by Dolce Vita and more
- Old Navy – 40% off everything (ends 10/12). Also, the Old Navy x Altuzarra collab is here! All sizes (up to 4X!) of the blazer in the collab is still available.
- Talbots – Friends & Family Event: 30% off your entire purchase
- Theory – End of season sale is on with extra savings (new prices are marked)
Any recommendations for an affordable sleeper sofa that pulls out to queen size? We’re OK with various styles/colors but need it to be free of flame ret@rdants and reasonably comfortable for occasional overnight guests in our office. We have an Oxford sleeper from Room and Board that we’ve been pretty displeased with so we’d prefer not to spend that much again. I can’t tell if the IKEA Friheten pulls out to a full or queen size.
Believe it or not, I love our Quince sleeper sofa (Brennan). They will send you fabric swatches. It’s a limited selection of fabrics and colors but I think you can’t beat the quality for the price.
Not the op, also in the market for sleeper sofa. Did you get velvet or basket weave? Is the mattress fairly firm?
Velvet! The mattress is ok – we find that putting a decent feather bed topper on it really makes it cozy.
Costco usually has great sleeper sofas for a reasonable price. The $65 membership could pay for itself just for this.
I only see two models on the website, one of which is a twin, sadly.
From the IKEA page: “The FRIHETEN sleeper sofa bed measures 55 1/8 inches wide by 80 3/8 inches long. Queen size sheets are frequently recommended as they work well, especially given the 80 3/8-inch length, although the bed’s width is slightly smaller than a standard queen.”
An IKEA queen mattress measures 59 7/8 ” inches wide by 79 1/2 ” inches long.
An IKEA full mattress measures 53 1/8 ” inches wide by 74 3/8 ” inches long.
So the Friheten sofa bed is 4 6/8″ inches narrower than a queen, and slightly longer.
And it’s 2 inches wider than a full, and 6 inches longer than a full.
If you’re in England, try out Shplendid. Not technically a pull out, but some models are ridiculously comfortable and it’s all natural materials.
The Macy’s Radford Queen Sleeper Sofa is typically reasonably priced and sometimes if you open a cc with them, you can get an addl 15% off. I have had this sofa and it’s great, lasted a while, and was reasonably comfortable for guests.
I would guess that flame retardants are likely required by law if you’re buying in the US–it may be very hard to find a retardant free sofa.
Paint advice – my son has his heart set on a medium/dark green room “like I am living in the trees”. But his room is teeny tiny (with 14 feet ceilings – Victorian tenement flat). Do I add a picture rail and do white above the rail so it doesn’t feel too claustrophobic? There’s one tall thin window and a black period fireplace.
Look up forest green Victorian rooms, there’s lots of inspo online. Here isn’t the best place for historic decorating advice. I would only add picture rail if you actually want picture rail to hang things from, otherwise I would actually go the opposite way and colour drench the room and paint the ceiling green too.
+1. Painting the ceiling as well as the walls will give it the cozy yet expansive feeling he’s looking for
Exactly!
Agree with every word of this.
It’s a myth that dark paint always makes a room claustrophobic. Check out the blog Laurel Bern interiors – I really like her paint guides.
+1 to this comment, he wants it dark, paint it dark.
I painted my entire bedroom a dark gray and it was incredible. I think we rely too much on outdated decorating adages. Live a little.
+1
Dark paint makes a smaller room feel cozy. Lean into it.
+1 my bedroom seems larger since I painted pthalo green. I wussed out and kept a white ceiling, but it looks so much roomier somehow.
Off the wall idea – is it in the cards to put in a mural of trees? I looked into something similar and it was not as expensive as I imagined (especially if you can find an art student who would do it).
Alternatively, I would do darker green on top and then brighter accessories (mirror, frames, etc).
All to say I love his vision :)
Ah, it’s lime plaster so a total faff to paint but I wonder if I could do something on the back of the shutters? I’m a decent artist so could probably DIY it. He has a really beautiful botanical illustration mushroom duvet. Not typical 9 year old fare, but he’s my old soul.
There are also some truly gorgeous foresty mural wallpapers though they’re often not cheap. But for a small room…
When we moved into our house, the previous owners had some sort of stick on decal of a cherry tree and blossoms in one of the kid’s rooms. It actually looked pretty good and was also easy to remove, so that’s an option.
I would go with removable decals or a wallpaper mural on one wall. The previous owners of our home painted murals and stencils on the walls of several rooms, and it was impossible to sand them off. I can still see the shapes under the current paint.
I think this is a teen/adult thing. I say let him go for whatever his concept is, especially if he will paint it himself. I also wanted a dark room when I was a teen: green walls and blue ceiling to be precise, like being outside on a clear summer day. My parents said no because they thought it would be claustrophobic. I’m sure it would have been to them and it would be to me now.
I missed that the age is 9 and 14 is the height of the ceiling…but I still say go for it.
I vote for color drenching! My son’s room is painted in Farrow and Ball’s Duck Green and it feels so cozy in there, especially in the winter.
If you add a picture rail and paint it white above, all you’ll do is visually cut off the tall walls and make the ceiling look bigger. Who cares if the room looks small? He’s 9! Give him the dark green room of his dreams.
This. If you need a picture rail and the budget allows, a brass picture rail would be gorgeous.
This is a super Victorian thing to do! I think it will look great.
He knows his own mind, good!
I say this as my then 10 yr old wanted his very small not high ceilinged room painted what was essentially the color of peanut butter….and it looked great!
It can always be repainted at a later date.
I love love love dark moody paint in small rooms. It makes the smallness a feature rather than a bug.
OK you’ve convinced me with the color drenching. It is a lovely room, and he’s got this beautiful rock/shell collection in wooden display shelves and various brass “treasures”, so it’ll have a curiosity cabinet vibe.
I had a room that was painted a forest green that included the ceiling and it totally had living in the trees vibes. I loved it! Sounds wonderful!
Look at the Farrow and Ball greens. There are some that I think would look really nice. I personally didn’t do color drenching in my craftsman because I just don’t always love the painted ceiling look. I have a bedroom painted in Vardo that isn’t too dark.
Don’t worry, it will look lovely! Cozy and snug. You could absolutely drench the ceilings, and maybe even put some strips of fairy lights or a night sky lights.
If he wants cozy, there are cotton velvet curtains in dark colours at IKEA, the Sanela ones, you can hang them beside the window to widen them.
My bedroom is colour drenched in Yes Colours Loving Green, which was the closest I could find to a phtahlo green, and it’s gorgeous! It is dark, which I love for sleep, but for a young boy I would suggest thinking about lighting options early. You might want a strong bulb in the big light for playing then multiple floor/desk lamps for homework, reading, hobbies.
I rented a college apartment in a Victorian Queen Anne where the living room was painted a deep hunter green and the bedroom was a raucous coral color. I think these high ceilinged Victorian rooms can handle just about anything you throw at them. Not sure I’d color drench. Honestly I think it’s a fad that is going to look really dated in a few years, and the twelve and fourteen foot ceilings are no treat to paint. I’d be tempted to paint the room a medium to dark green and come in with a leafy wallpaper on the ceiling.
I know this gets asked every so often. How long after an interview is appropriate to follow up if they said it would take a minute to get back to me? My interview was Thurs, Sep 10.
Sorry but if that is the language they used, they effectively told you “don’t call us, we’ll call you.” Which is not to say you’re not in the running but that they don’t want to be bothered right now.
I don’t agree with this. I can’t imagine anyone being bothered if you follow up once to show continued interest.
I’m the recruiting partner at my law firm. Hiring sometimes takes a long time because people just do not get back to me quickly. Normally, I would say follow up at two weeks. Here, they told you it might take a while. As a result, I would follow up at around a month instead and possibly longer. Only follow up one time and let it go after that. We view it favorably if a candidate follows up with us, but ymmv.
3-4 weeks maybe… I’d usually say 2 if no indication of timing is given at all.
You can but it won’t change anything and you won’t get useful information. Your best bet is to just keep on with whatever you’re doing – apply for other things, don’t if you weren’t looking and wait, etc.
I know a lot of people on here are dealing with aging parents. It’s hit me hard recently that my mom, 73, is not aging well. We visited a few weeks ago and the house was a total disaster and borderline unsafe. I don’t visit often bc she’s a hoarder and the amount of dust makes me really sick and unable to breathe. She likely has osteoporosis and is very hunched over, drinks alcohol and chocolate but barely eats anything else, and has very low energy. She’s insistent that she’s in great health bc she follows all these naturopaths, but doesn’t believe in traditional medicine.
We had a call last night and she said she doesn’t want to drive out of town anymore. She’s canceling trips to see her siblings and mother and is reluctant to visit me. I pushed back that it’s fair, she has plenty of money to fly so why not fly, and she had a bunch of reasons about it not being worth it. For example, she’s talked about wanting to do an Alaska cruise for decades and I’ve suggested one, priced it out, and it was clear she was just placating me but doesn’t want to do it. My brother is on the spectrum and doesn’t talk to either of us, so any sort of end of life support is on me.
Her own mother is 106 and lived independently into her 90s. I’m doing everything I can to maintain muscle mass, stay sharp, and avoid dementia, because I plan on being active and healthy in my 70s.
I don’t know what I’m asking for here. It’s just sad. I didn’t expect my parent to decline so quickly.
I’m sorry it’s all so hard. I really, really wish there were more caregiving available for keeping up with the house. I had a friend on long term disability who found she could access in-home nursing care more easily than someone to take out the trash or push a vacuum (neither of which were good ideas for her to do herself).
If you mean your mom is a hoarder in the sense that she acquires more stuff to pile up every day, that’s really different from just not keeping up, which is a lot more common.
I’m sure she’s malnourished. I wonder if any of her naturopath influencers could talk her into a nutritionally complete meal replacement shake or something.
Hoarding is a scale, a lot of seniors would be classified as level 1-2. Because of *that* tv show people have the false view only level 5 counts.
The point isn’t the state of the home, but how it got it that way. If it’s mobility issues, fatigue, and executive dysfunction, that’s a different situation from compulsive acquisition and needs to be addressed differently.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s hard to see when a parent makes choices that you believe lead to a worse quality of life.
On the hoarding front, I’m really glad I didn’t push too much. My parent and I got to enjoy our time together (mostly on the phone—we lived far away) without the pointless struggle that comes with trying to change someone who isn’t up for change.
It was well worth the money to pay a company to clean out the house after death, so we could focus on a good relationship during life and I could preserve good feelings after.
Agree
She’s telling you (in an indirect way) that she doesn’t feel safe traveling anymore. How’s her vision? We went through something similar and we’re actually glad she stopped traveling because between the cataracts, the (later) dementia, and the frailty, it just wouldn’t have been safe. Something like a cruise is probably well beyond her now.
Does she have a PCP in addition to the naturopaths? If she does, you can call and express your concerns (they can’t tell you anything about her care but they CAN take a call where you talk to them).
It’s really tough and I’m in a similar boat of really wanting to protect myself to the extent I can so I can have an active retirement. Nothing is guaranteed but I can increase my chances through healthful actions. Hugs to you.
One of the first, often missed, signs of dementia is new onset depression. If she has never suffered depression or mood disorders before and now is low energy, not interested in things that have normally given her joy, and not taking care of herself, its time to get her into her primary for a dementia screening and potentially dementia-slowing medications.
I think it would be a mistake to jump to either depression or dementia if she’s eating really poorly. People can get into a vicious cycle where nutritional deficiency can actually lead to demyelination in the brain with significant cognitive and mood symptoms.
Well, and alcohol can cause significant dementia – look up Wernieke-Korsakoff encephalopathy and syndrome, a form of irreversible dementia.
Yes, but if this is even remotely suspected she should be on a high dose B1 infusion today.
Yes, and it’s often why seniors do better after they move in to assisted living—their nutrition is better and they’re on a routine
Delivered meals might make a huge difference here if she’d eat them! Maybe she wouldn’t though.
I’m so sorry. It’s so hard but if she’s of sound mind you unfortunately have to let her make bad choices and live her life.
Yep, unfortunately
Yes – my mother is 72, and her drug of choice is THC rather than alcohol, but otherwise is extremely similar. She is a risk to herself in my opinion, but she is technically of sound mind. It’s hard, but ultimately I have decided that she gets to make her own choices. I provide support wherever I can (a recent victory was convincing her that she should be drinking more water, she somehow had never heard that 8 8-ounce glasses was the goal?!?).
I thought my mom was of sound mind but was just being politically radicalized like a lot of people her age. I complained here about her repeating political conspiracy nonsense to me.
A sibling got her to improve her diet, and over time she dropped all the conspiracy theories and took up old hobbies again. It’s like she’s okay again. I think “sound mind” is a big spectrum and that our cognition and psychology probably take some extra maintenance as we get older.
When my mother was in the early stages of dementia, if I stopped at her house on the way to work and got her to take a strong multi B vitamin supplement, there was a noticeable difference in her demeanor and cognition. She had never been a healthy eater, so I suspect an unfortunate trifecta of depression, poor nutrition, and the onset of dementia, where the only thing I could assist with was nutrition.
My husband’s clientele are people near the end of life and he says between 70 and 75 is where people stop doing things they enjoy/stop caring about stuff the used to be passionate about. I’m not saying this isn’t sad or shouldn’t be hard for you, I’m just saying it’s common. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.
This hasn’t been true in my experience but I’m from a family where people tend to have really fit and active 70s – we’ve seen the declines after 80 for the most part. My aunt is 75 and far more active than I am (dancing, boating, all kinds of creative projects); her husband is 82 and only a tiny bit slower. My dad is almost 71 and mountain bikes six days a week. We’re all SO aware, though, that a lot of this is due to luck. Sure, good choices play their part, but we have lost family members who made good choices and still died from cancer in their 50s.
I’m sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you may need to plan a visit to see her if she’s unable to visit you anymore. You could stay in a hotel and take her to a restaurant or on a drive somewhere nice if you don’t want to spend time inside her home.
Start with your local area agency on aging. There are hourly caregivers who can help with activities of daily living that aren’t medical staff. So they can help with home cleaning, meal prep, shopping, and maybe driving to dr appointments. They also can go up to helping with bathing, dressing, medication management, etc. — anything that isn’t a medical issue. More like a personal assistant. There may be agencies in your location that provide these things too.
But keep in mind that it’s in almost every case, there will be minimum attached to use of these hourly caregivers, whether by an agency or because they just won’t work for you if you were going to pay them for at least 246 hours a day, and finding them at the times you want or need, will likely be a challenge. You’re on their schedule, not yours. We are way way short as a nation, for how many people are needed to meet the needs of everyone, much less everyone in the way they want or need. This is already true, not just a future thing.
It’s also really discouraging how many people end up having to find a new carer because of some kind of abuse. Sometimes it’s even the same carer who was absolutely wonderful at first, but they started pilfering meds and got hooked, or the person in need became more vulnerable and a flip switched.
When it’s “just” something like ordering things on the patient’s credit card, some people go along with it as long as it doesn’t escalate, since they know carework is underpaid.
That kind of abuse happens in facilities too. And family members commit a lot of elder abuse too.
I guess it’s not just a shortage of carers but also a shortage of carers who aren’t cruel and selfish.
I’m sorry you are going through this.
We’ve had a couple family members that were “old” in the 70s because of meds not being quite right, but “young” in their 80s and 90s once the medical stuff was sorted out. And, this is the same contingent that had an evening drink all the way into their 90s.
If it’s possible, I’d suggest starting the battle with going with her to the naturopaths (with an open mind). They may be your ally on the health front – even if it is just checking her baseline blood work. Checking for a vitamin deficiency would probably be something that she would be receptive to aligned with a more natural approach.
By saying “I’m doing everything I can to maintain muscle mass, stay sharp, and avoid dementia, because I plan on being active and healthy in my 70s” you make it sound like you blame your monther for condition. You will do better. Newsflash, even if you do everything perfectly you will get old one day, find driving and travel daunting, and in general become a pain in someone’s a**. She needs compassion not her kid telling her what’s best.
A thirty year old might live like this on enough alcohol, and they would need an intervention.
Well put
I sympathize with OP. When a parent’s poor choices come home to roost, and that has a significant adverse impact on your own life, it’s hard. It’s really hard. Because, frankly, there is some legitimate blame there. Choices have consequences. And unfortunately, all too often, adult children bear the brunt of their elder parent’s poor choices. It’s not just difficult not to feel resentful, at times it’s damn near impossible. If you ever have to deal with this situation with an elder parent you too will do everything you can to try not to end up in the same situation, spilling your potentially avoidable misery on others.
+1
I’m sorry, have been there and it’s so hard emotionally as well as everything else. Sending you hugs op
Thanks everyone. I don’t know what I’m really looking for right now, this freight train has been staring me in the face for awhile and as others said, you have to let adults make bad decisions.
To address a few points:
– My grandmother, her own mother, is alive at 106 and was healthy and traveling abroad into her 90s. My ILs are in their 80s and doing leagues better than my mom. I didn’t expect her to decline so young for these reasons
– There was a comment about me blaming her for her condition, and yes to some extent I do. You can still be hit by a bus or die of cancer in your 50s, but given she comes from a family where women live very healthy long lives, I blame her own choices for this including decades of smoking, drinking, undereating, and walking as little as possible. I am also working to undo poor habits and neglect from childhood and not put those burdens on my own daughter.
– She would never go to a PCP that isn’t some sort of pseudoscience quack, and she would never hire in home care or even a cleaner. Forget hearing aids, a gym membership, etc.
– Signs of dementia and depression have been there for awhile. I think it’s gotten worse; at the last visit, she made a mention of not being alive in 10 years.
– She has plenty of money: a ~$60k yr pension, Social Security, and a 7 figure 401k. Enough that she has to pay IRMAA taxes and is super bitter about it. Her house is paid off in an area where property taxes run ~$800/year. Hence my comment about her flying or hiring things out. Will not happen.
– I’m reluctant to plan more visits and spend time with her because, well, she’s not a nice person. She’s good to my daughter but not to me, and I generally am only around her if my husband is there. Even when he leaves the room or walks away her tone changes quickly, and my husband has often come back in the room to me crying because of some nasty thing she said.
I knew this would hit me sooner or later, and I know the worst is yet to come. I just didn’t expect her to decline so young.
I still think that blaming people for undereating is not the way. Most people struggle with overeating. She needs help with that at a minimum. And where is she even finding naturopath quacks that don’t emphasize nutrition or prescribe vitamins?
It’s normal to have a lot of complicated feelings about immediate family because of painful relationship history.
Weird take. OP’s mom was neglectful and still emotionally abusive and you’re mad at OP for noting some of her mom’s choices harmed her?
OP I am team YOU and believe you have every moral high ground to limit contact and stop killing your self to help someone who doesn’t want your help.
I strongly believe that people should prioritize doing what they can to be a good, present, pleasant parent to their minor children most of the time over pretty much anything, including extensive eldercare.
Your mom would benefit from a lot of help that she doesn’t want. I don’t think you should drive yourself crazy to get her to improve her life if she doesn’t want to improve her life. Let her live life as she wants and help with what you can when she might be receptive (ie, periodically offer to help her find services for whatever might be helpful).
One area worth pushing: I’m super grateful to adult children who help their elderly parents give up the keys when they’re no longer safe. For the sake of innocents on the road, if she is not safe driving, I might push on setting her up with a car service, transit pass, elder-ride service, or rideshare.
You have all my sympathies. People age in different ways, and yours is not doing so well. I have relatives who go on international yoga retreats in their 80s, and I have relatives who started showing dementia in their 60s. While we do as much as we can to stay active, mentally engaged, and in social contact, sometimes it just doesn’t work.
I also had a distant relationship with an elderly parent who didn’t age well, and there were a lot of tears, but eventually she agreed to go into an assisted living facility and we swooped in and moved her. Once she didn’t have to worry about things, she was much happier, and as she progressed farther into dementia, it got easier on us. Her life is much smaller than it used to be be, but she’s safe and she feels safe.
I can’t wait for the trend where every piece of clothing is brown, beige or greige to be over. I hate it so much.
ditto!
Me too. My coloring is actually kind of washed out and drab. Warm browns and true camel are genuinely bad on me, and the cooler toned browns can work but I feel very blah. .
I don’t mind camel but everything in stores right now is like, poo brown. I wanted to get some new pieces from Athleta and their new fall range only comes in drab colours. It’s so depressing!
As a cool-toned Winter, I heartily concur. Clothing manufacturers could make twice as much money if they offered items in both warm and cool tones instead of just one or the other. Beige and pure white, warm brown and black, warm olive and cool olive, etc.
It seems so simple, doesn’t it? Offer half of the choices in cool tones, and half in warm…
When I check the color choices on something that looks potentially interesting, and then the only ‘cool’ option is black, I just nope right out of there.
On the other hand, I love it!
Me too! Feels like a warm hug from an oatmeal cookie on an autumn day. Love this palette.
Agree. I like these warm autumn hues on people whose coloring can handle it, but I need cool deep winter colors. Shopping for this season is so hard.
Don’t you have the colors you need from past seasons? I buy when the colors and shape are right.
Me too!!
I bought this sweater in a bright white sometime earlier this year and while I love the texture and weight, struggle with how to style it. I am going to try it with a collared shirt underneath, but I think the layering will be hard. I will also cosign that preppy is back – Nordies has a ton of Polo right now, and I want it all.
White with red and navy is always gorgeous in my book!
Preppy never left. I just found a picture of my grandmother wearing a gorgeous Fair Isle sweater in 1989 and I’m positive I could find the same exact print today (albeit in a sh1tty nylon-polyester blend for $190 but still).
Exactly. Preppy has always been a style option on the east coast at least.
I need a little something to look forward to each work day. Struggling to come up with things for Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Wednesday I have my club soccer game and Refinery 29 money diaries come out. Friday is Friday. I sometimes have standing plans with friends Tuesday and Thursday, but they’re not quite consistent enough (a few new babies in the mix have made the group halve in size…harder to ensure we’ll have enough people now).
I already have my set coffee routine. I’m watching what I eat/spend so not trying to add a pastry or other treat. I love the NYT games and reading with my coffee, which I do each morning. I already get flowers each week.
My early mornings and evenings are a mix of ~10 mins of chores (I find 5 mins of tidying and 5 mins of cleaning a day keeps my apartment very clean for virtually no time!), a workout , hobbies (knitting, reading, outdoor activities), one off plans with friends (happy hour, dinner) and relaxing.
I’m in the office every day in a job I used to love but now don’t due to some personality clashes.
I wake up so excited on Wednesdays and Fridays and would like to replicate that with other days!
How about adding in a fallback fun meal/activity if your standing Tuesday or Thursday friend meet up doesn’t happen? It could be a charcuterie/appetizer-y meal or a drop in at the library to browse for a new book (or even just chat it up with the librarian/other patrons.)
I also love making a soup on Monday that makes great leftovers, so maybe you can get excited over soup night/new recipe/something similar?
Taco Tuesday is a classic for a reason!
Can you volunteer to coach rec league soccer? It’s a few hours a week, but I find it fun. For next season, obviously.
If you like to cook make something elaborate for dinner. Weekly bubble bath. Get a new book from the library that day. Schedule a weekly phone call with a friend and go for a long walk while you chat.
How about Monday is nature walk morning without your phone day? Start the week off right.
DIY spa or bubble bath night?
Paint your nails?
Check Libby once a week for new issues of any magazines you like to read?
I found a workout class with an instructor I really enjoy who only teaches on Mondays, so that’s my Monday “treat”.
Could you structure your dinners so dinner every Tuesday (for example) is takeout from a favorite restaurant or you cook from a reliable cookbook that you enjoy?
With new fall shows coming out, you could find a new weekly show and make one evening your night for the new episode of that show. We’re watching the new season of Traitors and that gives me something to look forward to every Thursday.
I joined a gym and started going regularly to a particular morning class and ended up making friends with folks in class. It is something I look forward to every Tues/Thurs morning before work. I feel great afterwards! I come into work feeling ready to tackle the day and I’m seeing muscle definition now!
I love going to trivia, and that is usually weekly.
I’m only sort of joking: get a pet! A cat or dog will make you happy every day.
I heartily agree! As I look down at my dog who is making cute faces at me from the floor of my home office.
This is a very specific recommendation, but Betwixt the Sheets podcast comes out on Tuesdays and Thursdays, focused on a funny, irreverent, but academic take on historical things related to “gardening”, scandal and society. The host is very funny and a British professor. She just had an also funny French historian on who were both sympathetic and skeptical of Mary of Scotts.
Also, could you start calling friends or family more? Or add a volunteer engagement? Or look for events like Trivia or music in your city?
Has anyone had luck buying wide leg full length trouser style pants with belt loops in gray, navy, or camel lately? Everywhere I look they are either pleated, no belt loops, or too tight across the back. I need something that drapes more (so not like the jcrew Caroline pants). Size 10 for reference
Banana Republic Factory suiting has all of these colors in the style you’re looking for. Wearing the camel right now.
I was just in a BRF and was impressed by their suiting and work clothes.
I’m unimpressed by their fabrics. Stiff and permanently wrinkled. I live near a brick and mortar location so I drop in often but rarely buy anything. I wouldn’t bother ordering online.
On the other hand, this is not my experience. I love that the trousers are wash & wear, no ironing needed, although I do make sure to hang them up straight out of the dryer so they don’t look rumpled.
I had luck with trousers that generally fit your criteria earlier this year at the Express outlet near me. I am about to go check out Express and the outlet again, as I need a different size now.
This is my sweet spot, too, and I have been buying the Lee Women’s Ultra Lux Comfort with Flex Motion Trouser Pant from Amazon. I have black, gray, and “indigo rinse” which is kind of like a dark wash denim color without the denim fabric. Regular wash and dry, then seam out wrinkles, pretty easy.
Looks like it comes in all your preferred colors.
Not the OP but I need new black slacks. I just ordered these.
try COS, they’re generally more stylish than the regular US mall brands anyway, and have a ton of options.
Yes, Aritzia Seville (if short waisted) or Agency (if long waisted). The Japanese crepette drapes beautifully even though it’s polyester (I’ve tried to find wool, but have not been successful). Not cheap though.
Does football seem to be especially commercialized this year? I’m seeing tons of ads for sports betting, which I never really noticed before. And, it seems like every single ad has some football angle. My office started a weekly local team celebration this year. My kid’s daycare has local team days. It’s… a lot.
I’m not really a sportsball person but I find it especially offputting to have football shoved down our throats so much. Idk if it’s from growing up in a religious household and school, but the fanatical, devotional near-religiosity makes deeply uncomfortable. But no one else seems bothered by it. Everyone goes along with it like it’s just some fun harmless activity, which frankly seems at odds with the fervor surrounding game day. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. Am I the only one?
I used to like sports, as in, the actual sport. But the commercialization of all of it, glorification of horrible behavior, the abuse of athletes by coaches, turned me off to it all. I can’t bring myself to participate in any of the fantasy leagues or to even watch anything beyond local peewee teams at the park these days.
You’re not the only one. I’ve never been a sportsball person, and American football would be at or near the bottom of my list of sports to watch or talk about. TBH, there are lots of us out there, but we’ve just learned to keep it to ourselves because people get sooooooooooooooo sensitive if you’re not just as enthusiastic about their sport/team of choice. I grew up in and still live in the south and I grew weary of managing people’s (mostly men’s) emotions about my disinterest in sports sometime in college. So now I just say something obliquely upbeat and try to change the subject as fast as possible. I agree with everything you’ve said, though, and the sports betting (re: gambling) in particular makes me hang my head in despair. I really worry about the damage that pervasive sports betting culture and easy availability may do.
Oh yes. And I’m tired of the “how dare you try to make social plans on a football season Saturday” crowd. SEC here, and I swear some of these people place their sacred football above all else, family and friends included. Golden idols and fatted calves indeed abound.
Football is particularly egregious. I love following my local minor league baseball team, and the closest semipro ice hockey team. It’s great people watching. I ignore the rest.
I moved away from all this and don’t miss it at all.
It’s okay for people to be into sports and it’s fine to talk about it at social events, like any other interest people may have in common. But it is very weird to elevate it over all other interests at school or work.
I’ve always been annoyed at men who think football is a free pass to stay home and watch TV all day on Sundays. It’s like you know there’s a whole wide world out there and that you can experience it yourself, right? I don’t bother to hide my judgment anymore since so many of the men I’ve known who have dedicated themselves to the couch Sunday have been raging a-holes to boot.
Whatever. I like to veg to my favorite shows too. I totally give my husband a pass for college football.
But an entire weekend day? Who has that kind of time!?
An entire weekday day EVERY weekend. Don’t people remember the golf husband thread from years back when everyone agreed it was horrible parenting for golf husband to go do 18 holes every weekend?
+1 To those complaining: it’s 15 Saturdays a year for the college season, approximately 4% of all days, and it provides lots of people a sense of community. I hate the gambling, the money, and the criminality, but I can see the good in it despite those things.
This is just prejudice though. There are a lot of experiences in the whole wide world out there that can’t beat staying home and watching TV on Sundays. They’re grown adults, and I do not see why they can’t have a free pass to spend their time on what they enjoy instead of something they don’t enjoy as much.
People like all kinds of things I don’t like. There are people out there bowling, or spectating at air guitar competitions, or doing goat yoga, or playing euchre, or using their seasonal tickets to musical theater, or riding on motorcycles with their motorcycle club. That is not the problem. It’s putting this one interest on a pedestal and introducing it into non social settings that makes it more of a problem for me.
These are the top reasons I have a problem with couch Sunday football culture, based on the men in my life who have committed to that:
– They expect a free pass on spending time with the family or taking care of chores – “I’ll do it after the game” when it’s something that needs to be done now so it falls to the spouse instead. Most families only get two weekend days off work and school each week and I don’t agree with anyone checking out for TV EVERY SINGLE WEEK.
– An uncle of mine skipped my cousin’s wedding to watch some playoff or other; she was devastated at the low turnout
– There’s often day drinking involved, which has become scary more times than I can count
– It’s often not as social/cozy as you might think – I’ve had two different male family members in the mold of “you can come in and watch but we’re not talking/interrupting.”
– Men (almost always men) commandeer the TV room even if it’s sometimes the only suitable living space for anyone else to socialize.
You all can disagree! That’s your right. It’s also my right to feel this way.
None of these things are big enough reasons to hate a day of football. Chores rarely need to happen “right now.” I find it’s decent bonding time w kids too—I remember watching games with my family.
Things like “prepare lunch for kids” or “change diaper” do need to happen right away. No, sportsball isn’t an excuse to opt out of those types of obligations each week.
Using sports on TV as an excuse to get out of changing diapers is a completely different conversation from using it as an excuse to get out of “experiencing a whole wide world out there.”
Things like get lunch for kids can happen during commercial breaks or before the 1pm game
you are watching people do something that we now know is extremely dangerous to their health
Going outside is extremely dangerous to people’s health in many ways that can easily be avoided by staying in. Stop being silly.
OP made it clear that she dislikes Sunday football because she knows a bunch of men who are terrible. I agree those men suck.
In other families with better men in them, it doesn’t have to play out this way. It’s a pleasant social day. There isn’t scary day drinking. Chores get done. There are happy memories. Nobody gets a DVT from being immobile for eight hours. Those are all separate choices from making the day revolve the game.
Just let people hate football. It’s a valid thing to hate! You’re not going to convince anyone, and you can find millions of people who agree with you elsewhere!
I hate football a ton! I’m just not mixing up unrelated things or using football as an excuse for bad behavior for men.
If my toddler were screaming for lunch and my husband said “it can wait until the commercial break,” hoo boy we’d have a problem.
Yeah I dated a football gambling guy briefly a million years ago; I can’t imagine what he’s like now that online sports betting seems to be so much more mainstream. Back then, he had to go to an out of state casino to place his bets. He was an extreme example; he didn’t just follow one team, he bet on a lot of games, so football was all encompassing Thursday through Monday. I wish he’d just stayed glued to the couch. Agreeing to go to brunch with my parents and then spending the whole time glued to his phone was so embarrassing.
So my wife spends her entire Sunday afternoon and evening watching the NFL and following her fantasy team.
I love our local team, but generally don’t care to watch games my team isn’t playing in.
She still pulls her weight at home – were almost exactly 50/50. We still have plenty of time to enjoy the world around us (date nights, daytime fall outings, hobbies).
When she watches the other games I usually hang out in the same room and just do my own thing (nap, crochet, read). Or, I’ll make plans with a friend. Or I’ll go do my own thing.
If you’re talking about American football, I always found it hyper commercial. Maybe something made you more attuned to it.
It wasn’t on my list of criteria at the time but I’m so glad I married a man who couldn’t give fewer f*cks about football. We have literally NEVER had a football game on our TV and it would delight me to make it to 100 without that changing.
SAME. It was never on my list of criteria but I think it’s no accident that none of the men I’ve ever seriously dated have been real sports fans, and none at all cared whatsoever about football.
Same! My husband literally has no interest in professional sports and it is WONDERFUL!
I also find the betting aspect exhausting. I feel somewhat obligated to watch so as not to be left out of chatter at work, so have the games recorded and use the ‘catch up through key plays’ feature instead of actually slogging through the entire game.
There is a contingent of Monday morning QBs in my office who are so excited to relive the game that they take over the whole hallway with loud rehashings of everything. There is another group who DGAF about sportsball who have started loudly gushing over some random topic in jest. Yesterday it was which lunchbox snacks they packed. Last week it was favorite nail polish colors, the week before it was sewing thread brands. It’s hilariously OTT and the sportsball crowd has actually dropped their talk to join the other conversation.
I don’t watch and could not in any universe be compelled to catch up on it for workday chatter purposes.
Good for you. The football stans here just make me roll my eyes. Trust me, I cannot be cajoled or forced into liking this simultaneously barbarous and boring sport.
A colleague recently referenced “moving the chains” and then stopped himself to mansplain the phrase to me. I know what it means, dude, I just don’t care to keep track of who got traded, who was arrested, who was injured, and who is promoting a new product line every week.
My only gripe is the constant push of sports betting. Vices are called vices for a reason. Gambling is like drinking or drugs or any other potentially destructive behavior. I talked to my two sons about this a lot because it is being pushed to men and boys.
I was a huge football fan for years, but in the past 10 years or so I’ve really been turned off by so much of it … traumatic brain injuries, domestic violence, the baked-in sexism (looking at you, Arch Manning). I don’t watch it any more (except maybe the Super Bowl if I’m invited to somebody’s house) and don’t really miss it.
I hate gambling so much and I wish it were more regulated so that you can only gamble in-person.
I have lots of thoughts on this!
1) I’m a lifelong athlete. I love playing sports, coaching, watching, etc. I mostly play niche sports (lacrosse, rowing, sailing – I still compete in all 3) so nothing I can ever watch on TV outside of the Olympics. I played growing up, D1 in college, and now in my 30s. It’s fun, healthy, and social. I think it was hugely beneficial for my confidence, body image, social life as a child and teen.
2) I love my NFL team, but I also live in Philly where the Birds are HUGE. I’m mostly into it because it’s fun how the whole city is bonded over the team.
3) I hate the proliferation of betting apps and think they’re a cancer. I’m totally fine with fantasy football, survivor pools, and similar games for money. I’ve never heard of a survivor pool bankrupting a family.
4) anything that’s harmless and builds community spirit is generally good in my book, and in many communities this is sports.
5) I’m mildly religious and a WASP (if you couldn’t tell by my sports of choice…) so don’t associate religion and fervor. Nor do I have a negative association of things related to religion.
I do have concerns with the league’s indifference to DV. I do email teams who sign abusers to make views known. Ditto those athletes’ sponsors. You best believe I emailed Warby Parker and Vuori about Arch Manning.
I don’t think this qualifies as a thing that harmlessly builds community spirit though. It’s an in-group, out-group thing that feeds on pre-existing hierarchies about who is more and less socially valuable.
I totally respect this perspective, very well said.
At the same time I’m chuckling a little bit about “building community” in the city best known for pelting Santa with snow balls!
Doesn’t anything have an in group/out group though?
It’s a way to build community within the group that’s interested
It’s possible to build community through things that are universal responsibilities, not just past times. I live in a city where sports is pretty socially optional, and the community spirit is around things we actually have in common. It was a huge upgrade from a sports obligatory city, and it’s not like people don’t enjoy sports here.
+1
I agree. I’ve always been irritated by the expectation that I should follow or like football because it makes men happy and comfortable. There’s this subtle idea it’s not cool to dislike football – you don’t want to be a nagging wife or girlfriend, you want to be able to respond when your bosses (who are all straight white males) bring up the game, or you’ll need this knowledge to make conversation with people you want to network with (those who have the jobs are straight white males). Men’s hobbies are cool and good and important, and if you’re a cool girl, you’ll get praise and approval from men, oh yay. I do think this is changing somewhat, but felt very pervasive to me as someone in my early 40s. Then you add in all of the DV, CTE, racial issues, etc. on top of that. Can’t be a buzz kill by saying you don’t follow xyz player because of whatever horrible thing they did!
I’m a lifelong athlete too (not D1 level) and I love to mountain bike, ski, hike, and do tons of other outdoor things. I detest football.
Notably those aren’t team sports
True, but I played varsity softball, basketball, and volleyball throughout high school (all four years) and soccer for my youth leading up to that. I only did intramurals in college, plus club ski team. I totally agree that PLAYING sports is amazing, especially for young girls.
Let’s say someone’s partner watches the 1pm and 4pm games on Sunday. I don’t see how this possibly precludes him from doing chores or helping out around the house.
I’m just here to say I took the best Sunday afternoon nap during the Commanders/Giants game this past weekend. It’s almost as good as a Sunday afternoon golf or nascar nap.
Has anyone developed a kind of fear of flying later in life?
Last February I took a took plane that for whatever reason hit the runway, in my opinion, violently hard. The overhead bin above me opened and I was able to put my arm over my kids head to I guess buffer any baggage that would fall on her. I felt and heard the violent landing and saw the bin open and it just felt like chaos for a moment. Everything was fine and nothing fell. But i keep imagining that moment. My husband was three rows back and swears the plane did not land violently.
I flew twice since then and both times just really braced myself for impact. We took a a road trip this summer and it was just so so nice to not have to deal with airports, strangers, security and that violent landing. Now everyone is pressuring me to go away this winter and all I can think of is how I don’t want to be on a plane and how hard will it hit the ground. I know flying is statistically safe but don’t want to be in the plane when it hits the ground like that.
I’m sure the answer is to mess around with my brain chemistry through drugs or alcohol but I kind of don’t want to? i know the plane is statistically safe but I just really can’t imagine a vacation that’s worth the feeling of “oh right this thing is about to crash.”
I don’t fly often, only for work a few times a year, and hate how stale, dirty, noisy, and cramped planes are. Personally, I prefer to drive in my clean, quiet, comfortable car to and from my relaxing vacation. I don’t need to go so far in order to get away that it requires a plane.
I fly several times a year and I will admit I don’t love landings. I just muscle through because it’s only a moment out of an otherwise fun vacation. I feel like you have three choices: Grin and bear it, go to therapy to try to get over it, or just decide you’re not going to fly any more and make the necessary adjustments to your travel plans. Me personally, I wouldn’t limit myself like that but I know there are a ton of people who get by just fine without flying.
Flying is objectively terrible now, and I used to love flying. I definitely don’t advocate for drinking or prescription drugs just to get through voluntary travel, especially if traveling with a kid. Are there places you could go away that don’t require a flight? Otherwise it’s just a question of whether the flight discomfort is worth the trip.
I have no fear of flying, but yes it has become so objectively terrible that I avoid it as much as possible. We drive 12 hours to visit family pretty frequently. It’s more pleasant than flying, only takes a few hours longer since there are no direct flights, and doesn’t carry the risk of flight cancellations and delays.
Do you feel fine the rest of the time on the plane? (I am not afraid of flying, but I was getting episodes of low blood pressure on planes and my body was making adrenaline to try to keep me from passing out.)
You don’t have to go the Xanax route; if you feel like your judgment is out of sync with your feelings after a negative experience, I think that is a pretty straightforward “round of talk therapy” situation.
I’m not exactly afraid of flying (flight controller shortages aside) but I used to find it exciting and now I dread it. It’s so, so uncomfortable and I don’t understand how it’s legal to have bathrooms that are so thoroughly inaccessible to people with disabilities or people with kids.
If you don’t want to fly, don’t. Take a winter trip to a drive-able destination.
Therapy, hypnosis, or traveling by train is really fun and relaxing
This sounds like the kind of thing that three sessions with a CBT therapist would address.
If you want to fly, I think this is something you could do an easy 1 or 2 sessions with a therapist, ask for some tools, and maybe that’ll be enough to make it palatable
But for what it’s worth, if therapy isn’t your thing, I also had a rough flight coincide with a bunch of other things in my life that reminded me of my mortality, and I did get quite nervous flying for a while. I just muscled through it, and eventually the repetition of “and then I landed safely” over and over helped recalibrate my fear. Obviously feel free to go to therapy, but if flying is just unpleasant (as opposed to eg. you’re worried about having uncontrollable panic attacks), you don’t “have to” go to therapy
I bet there are podcasts targeted to flying anxiety. For me, I really, really hate blood draws. When I got pregnant, I knew that would be in my future, so I made myself watch some videos of blood draws (they make ones for people who are anxious). I practiced breathing through them, and it really did help. Maybe you could close the overhead bin yourself or have your husband do it as another option to help you feel better.
Lowest hanging fruit, before even therapy, would be to try some podcasts or videos that cover anxiety while flying. I hate blood draws so much that I used to routinely pass out. When I got pregnant, I watched Youtube videos of blood draws targeted to people with anxiety and learned to breath through it. It really helped. I still dislike blood draws but can do them.
Since flying is fairly necessary in our modern lives, I would push yourself here. Maybe you could take a trip with another adult/husband first, so you take your kids out of the equation and worry.
It sounds like you were seated right on top of the wheels, you get a little extra bump there.
Get a window seat, row far away from the wheels, preferably further to the front.
This is what I also was going to say. Since you mention you have a child with you, I wonder whether you’re now sitting slightly further back in the fuselage. Next time try a seat near the front, as the landing feels safer from those seats. Signed, a very frequent flyer.
Is it possible to sort my Outlook inbox by the flag order? I flag things that I need to do today, tomorrow, next week, etc., and then have to go to the To Do app to actually use that sort…and it sucks.
Use My Tasks in Outlook as your to do list, not your Inbox.