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Tuesday’s TPS Report: Cap Sleeve Ponte Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I keep coming back to this dress, so I thought it would be today's TPS. It's hard to put my finger on what I love here — the v-neck, the cap sleeves, the buttons… it all just seems really well done. I like the ladylike length, as well. It's $385, available in red and black at a number of places, including ShopBop, Bloomingdale's, and Stylebop. Catherine Malandrino Cap Sleeve Ponte Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)  

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

197 Comments

  1. Holy low cut and skin tight dress batman! This is completely inappropriate for work.

      1. It’s not really that short. I am 5’4″ and 37 inches is knee-length for me. That model is 5’10.5″.

  2. This morning, I managed to check my email and upon seeing a sale alert for the No.2 pencil skirt, ordered one. All while half asleep. I don’t know whether to be impressed or horrified with my sleep-shopping skills.

  3. Sorry for the immediate TJ – I am really worried about a mid-20’s female relative who is struggling in NYC. She has serious self esteem and anxiety issues that have been a part of her world for as long as I can remember. A new employment situation is tipping her over the edge. Badly need recommendations for a therapist AND a career coach who can help her explore other possibilities in finance. Lives in West Village, works in Wall Street area. HELP!

    1. no therapist knowledge in that area, but if you’re this worried, i’d give her the numbers of some help lines she can call if she’s in crisis and needs immediate support. there are helplines specifically for anxiety, you don’t have to be/identify as suicidal. a short term solution, but one that got me through the time before my first therapist appt.

    2. I hesitate to say anything, because magnolia is right that if you feel your friend needs immediate help, you should probably give her info on some hotlines to call. Additionally, there’s a suicide prevention website with an online chat option: www [dot] imalive [dot] org.

      If your friend is looking for a therapist and money’s not a problem, Will Meyerhofer is a therapist in the Wall Street area. He worked as a lawyer before becoming a therapist and writes for Above the Law periodically. I wish I could see him but he doesn’t take insurance (and I found someone in my neighborhood, so I’m all set) but maybe she could reach out to him to get started? His website is www [dot] aQuietRoom [dot] com.

      Good luck to you and your friend.

      1. A friend recommended Dr. Laurie Weber. She’s in Chelsea and doesn’t take insurance; email me (e.pontellier.r et te [at] gmail [dot] com) if you’d like her contact info.

        I found my therapist by calling my insurance company and telling them I needed a therapist, I needed someone with evening hours, and I needed someone in my neighborhood. They found someone for me.

    3. I had a few sessions with Dr. Shirin Ali about a year ago and thought she was good. A friend (that I trust) had recommended her to me. If you google her name plus “new york” the first link that comes up will have contact info. She doesn’t take insurance, but she has great hours (was willing to meet me at 8 or 9pm-ish), and was also happy to work with me to get reimbursement from my insurance company. I wasn’t in a dire situation, though, and agree that your relative might need immediate help.

    4. I could be your friend, except I live on the UWS. Would really appreciate recommendations for therapists.

      1. Not sure if you’re still checking…Glorianna Valls is a psychologist and Garrett Deckel is a psychiatrist on the UWS. They work in the same building on CPW (I saw both–they worked in tandem with me). Both are great women and really understanding therapists.

    5. I can strongly recommend Dr. Maryann Juska, a clinical psychologist who practices in east midtown. She got me through my quarterlife crisis with patience and compassion. Years later, I still find myself thinking about things I learned while working with her.

  4. Captain’s Log, Stardate 121112:

    For an empath, you’d think Counselor Troy would have realized that others find this dress somewhat short and with too plunging a neckline. At least for when she is on duty.

      1. My thoughts exactly! Maybe if you’re 5’1″ and so you can look at the 5’10” model and say “well, on me it would be fine” but for tall ladies, there’s nothing ladylike about this hem.

    3. Dude – didn’t you see “Encounter at Farpoint”? The uniform dresses were about 6 inches SHORTER than this.

        2. Yep, Star Trek skirts were “forgot your pants” short.
          This isn’t that extreme, but wouldn’t work for me. I don’t however, think it’s tight or that an open placket counts as “plunging neckline”. It’s the hemline alone that disqualifies it (especially for anyone who commutes by bike!)

    6. Forget the length, the sideview shot (and video) show the entire inside sideb**b. Yikes, not in my office.

  5. I realize this may be seen as a totally selfish comment looking for sympathy for something so trivial BUT….

    Good thing I didn’t invite that guy to my holiday party. He just dumped me. Only after I basically had to ask him if he didn’t want to see me anymore.

    First time that’s happened after 5 dates. Worst part is, also the first time I think I was used to fool around with. Double ouch. :(

    ps don’t tell a girl it’s ‘not the right time’ when OkCupid tells me you are logging in constantly.

    1. I don’t think that’s trivial, I’d be mad too! It’s infuriating when they don’t even have the guts to actually end things! Sending happy thoughts your way, and treat yourself to a gingerbread latte or something this morning :)

    2. Sorry that happened but so happy you didn’t invite him to the holiday party. That would have been a bigger mess!

    4. Totally not selfish, that’s what this site is for!

      Sorry to hear the guy was such a jerk. I hope your holiday party is amazingly fun and helps take your mind off him!

    5. Thanks everyone. It really does make me feel better to know you peeps care.

      I just DO NOT have the energy to try to find someone I click with again. Imagine if you got fired from your job every 3 weeks?

      1. I can’t even. If you’re in your 20s (or early 30s), I would recommend reading The Defining Decade, but I know some readers here have found it rather ho-hum. Can one of us take you out for a drink? (read: what city are you in?)

        1. I have read that book and I totally agree with all of it. I am definitely not one of the lost 20-somethings- well, I haven’t had a solid relationship in years (or ever…sigh don’t ask), but that’s not for lack of trying.

          I’m unfortunately not in the states. I wish i was in nyc with all of your cool peeps!

          1. Probably still helpful if you haven’t found your way yet. It’s a more sympathetic/inspiring read than I had expected. Also, over on her Facebook page, a 32-year old asked that question once, and she said that people can have their own defining decades — might be 24 to 34, for example.

            And to springtime, that s*cks. I’m sorry.

          2. Just as a counterpoint, I read the Defining Decade based on recommendations here, and I found it to be neither sympathetic nor inspiring. Instead, it stressed me the f*** out and made me feel like a failure, and I have a five-year plan.

            For springtime, I’m so sorry he turned out to be a DOOSH. Please don’t feel as though you have to immediately jump back into dating, or trying to find someone you click with (other than Ben and Jerry). Take your time, be mad at the DOOSH, and enjoy your holiday party.

          3. @a. – ha, yeah. After I posted that rec I had second thoughts about it. Don’t read it if you’re feeling particularly stressed about certain things (like having kids… she had her kids at 35 and 37 but says she would have done it earlier if she knew then what she knows now).

      2. Dating can be super discouraging, there are a lot of man-children out there. The only thing that really helps me is to stubbornly refuse to allow some doosh to dictate how I feel about myself, dating, or finding happiness in a relationship. He already wasted enough of my time and energy, he doesn’t get to drain anything else out of me. So, take a day or two to be discouraged and then put on your stubborn hat and say FOOEY on him. Hugs.

        1. Thanks- that is TOTALLY what I need to do. You’re right. Your comment really helped me snap out of it!

      3. You handled yourself admirably. It’s not your fault he’s a wank3r. And while I like your analogy about being let go from a job every 3 weeks, I’d say it’s slightly less grim – like getting a summer internship where they want the free labor but won’t give you a job offer at the end of the summer.

        As with internships, you get a look at them, too. And what you’re saw about him is not pretty. Glad you didn’t need date 6 or 7 or N to know you dodged a bullet!

        My *tea & sympathy* cupboard is never empty. :-)

        1. I meant to type “what you saw”. Ugh. Grammar-error making fingers!

        2. Either way, you’re being strung along with the possibility of full-time employment when you’re being used and discarded. It’s so so hard to stay emotionally open to the possibilities while keeping your eyes open for signs he’s not into you. OP, it sounds like you are doing an admirable job, even if it is hard. I have a lot to learn from women like you who pick up on nonsense early and nip it in the bud (I am classic “too nice,”) and truly admire you standing up for yourself and what you want from a relationship.

    6. Not trivial and I’m glad you’re free of him. Don’t beat yourself up; he’s not worth it.

    7. don’t feel bad about posting! there’s plenty of {{tea and sympathy}} to go around… I have some extra from the last time Susan sent me some…

      also: Fooey on that guy :-P … dating is so hard and for me, emotionally taxing, I totally hear you, Huuggss!!

    8. For what it’s worth, I think it’s kind of awesome that you had the guts to ask the question that prompted the breakup. So many people just wander through doubts like you had, doing everything BUT asking the question that needs to be asked. That much less time of yours has been wasted as a result, and I hope at some point you can feel pride at how well you handled this.

      1. So, I’ve really started to go with my gut on this now. The last time we hung out it just felt like he was getting in some good makeout/second base time before cutting me lose- we weren’t progressing emotionally. I asked him to hang today and he took ages to reply to my message and said he’d talk with me later that day- no call by 11, so I called, called back and he was just so wishy washy. I’m 99% sure he was on a date with another girl earlier and lied about his whereabouts…so after getting a seriously non-committal answer I just texted and said I wasn’t getting a vibe that he wanted to hang anymore and if that’s the case that’s fine let me know. Took some more beating around for him to finally admit to not wanting to see me anymore.

        Other people would have told me to wait it out, let him contact me..and I would have sat for days AGONIZING if he was going to call. Why torture myself? I am so glad I know now.

        Also, I have a sneaking suspicion he cut me lose without a firm commitment from the other girl. That will probably suck for him.

        1. Can I just say that I really admire you right now? What you described is the kind of girl I always want to be, but end up being the girl waiting for the phone to buzz. I am hoping to remember this the next time (hopefully no more next times!) I find myself in a similar situation.

        2. Yeah, I disagree with “other people” here. If a situation is bugging you, take some control. Another option when someone is acting like this is that you decide you don’t care whether they eventually call because you’ve had enough of the rudeness. No convo even required!

          1. Back when the dinosaurs roamed and I was single*, the “I’ve stopped caring about you entirely” was my default response to these types. *I am old!

          1. Aww you guys are making me feel mushy! RWARRR!

            In other good news- a partner just reviewed some research I did this AM and was SO happy with it- and he’s notoriously hard to please. YAY!

            I will stop posting about this now. hehe.

        4. FOOOEY! Well done you for cutting loose.

          You may enjoy this blog called Online Dating: Why I’ll Soon Be A Crazy Cat Lady http://soon2becatlady.com/

          I read the entire thing in one go when I came across it recently after googling online dating stories to make myself feel better. It worked – there are some truly hilarious and terrible messages she and her friends have received on dating websites.

          You are not alone.

          1. P.S. I’ve just read today’s entry and it is HILARIOUS! You do need to read the story she links to first.

      2. This. A lot of guys are too wimpy/chicken to man up and tell a woman the truth. Good for you for actually asking – as I constantly tell my friends, it’s so much better to know and be upset for a few weeks than to let yourself really fall for someone where you can be really hurt.

    9. Man, I’ve dealt with this same sort of thing so…many…times. It’s terribly discouraging, but not your fault. Online dating is often for guys trying to get back out there or looking to play the field. Lots are looking for something serious, but it’s a mixed bag.

      If it makes you feel any better, this happened to me for years and then I finally met someone wonderful who is nothing like these sorts of guys. Whether it ultimately works out or not (I hope it does), it made me realize that the other experiences were not my fault at all. And maybe not the other guys’ fault either–just about matching up to the right person.

      I know, I know. Lame. But true. :)

  6. I have a dress with a neckline similar to this from Talbots. The neckline makes it difficult to wear something over it, IMO, so I usually just wear a scarf with it.

    Also, I haven’t been around for a while, but I’m back with two TJs…

    1. Cole Haan– are the shoes getting all weird and funky and clubby/”edgy” or what? I finally got a pair of talias on ebay yesterday in the size, color, and height I wanted, but I have to say that right now Cole Haan’s shoe selection is not impressing me at all and it makes me scared in a first world problems sort of way. I don’t need a magenta patent leather platform abomination or metallic oxfords with lurid colored soles. It might just be the city I live in, but it seems like when I try to find CHs to try on in real life, the only ones in the store are not in the least bit work appropriate. The thing I loved about the talias is how simple and classic they are.

    2.. In very exciting news, I found out on Friday that I passed the last part of the CPA exam! Yay!

    1. I got a lot of things shown to me when I asked to see some work shoes. I had a baby in a stroller with me at the time. Dunno. Am wearing the low wedge Air Talis today, which are like walking on a cloud. But hard to find anything in between that and too-high all-patent crazy shoes or things with open toes.

    2. re part 1: I had to find my Cole Haans at ShoeMania (NYC) which generally carries shoes a few seasons old. Hopefully CH comes back around to appropriate workwear!

      re part 2: YAY CONGRATULATIONS!!!

    8. I am a longtime Cole Haan devotee, but I’ve been hating what I’ve seen there for the last few months. Especially the lurid-soled Oxfords. Blech.

  7. Question for the hive…

    I’ve seen threads stating you should tip your cleaning services at the holidays. I only just hired my service to come in every other week so Xmas week will only be the second week. Do I have to leave a holiday tip? It seems a little excessive this early in our contract.

    1. I’m in a very similar situation. We hired a cleaning person to come once/month, she started Dec. 3 and will come again Jan. 7. We decided we REALLY like how well she did and the price she charged (not through a service), so we plan to have a holiday card with an extra $20 as long as she cleans as well the second time. I would say, if you like them, it might be worth an Xmas tip to keep them happy.

      1. e_pontellier, you’re in Brooklyn, right? Would you mind sending me the name of your cleaning person? My email is LElawyer e t t e @ g mail. I’ve been wanting to hire someone for ages and keep chickening out at the last minute because I’m nervous letting strangers into our home.

        1. Yes I’m in Brooklyn (Brooklyn Heights)! I don’t have her number on me so I’ll email you when I get home tonight. My husband was home the whole time she was cleaning and she was excellent. We did prepare a list just so expectations were clear. It seems like she’s pretty new at being a cleaning person, so we’re a little hesitant to recommend her but with that caveat, I’m happy to send you her contact info.

    2. I’m with you in principal, but I think if you like them and anticipate keeping them around for a while, you’ll want to be generous. Maybe include a note like “looking forward to 2013” and a smaller than you’d otherwise tip gift?

      1. I agree that if you plan to have the person around, tip as you usually would — it will buy you goodwill for the coming year.

    3. We’re having this dilemma, too. I’m thinking of just giving a nice box of Belgian chocolate this year and chocolate plus tip next year.

      1. Guaranteed they’d rather have the money you’d spend on chocolate than the chocolate.

      2. Yeah def would not do the chocolate, just do less tip than you would if youd had them the whole year, like 50 or something. If you can afford the service you can afford the tip I think.

  8. The boss just sent my colleague a picture of him and and wife at a fancy Christmas event and he wants her to post it on the website saying that on behalf of all of us, he and his wife wish everyone Merry Christmas. I can’t even…

    This afternoon is the meeting with him that he has demanded with the four of us who worked on a draft of his “strategic plan.” He bombarded us with crazy emails yesterday and we all refused to respond via email. I have absolutely no optimism that this meeting will accomplish anything.

    1. He is so self-absorbed. Why not have one from the team? Also, I would would be more inclusive since it’s a public website and would go for a Happy Holidays.

    2. That’s ridiculous. However, I have a 6 hour “strategic planning session” CONFERENCE CALL. Talk about nothing productive getting done…

    3. Is the wife OK with posting it or does she find it weird?

      Also, I am morbidly curious about the kind of woman who’d marry a delusional control freak like your boss.

      1. I have no idea! We certainly found it weird. His wife seems great. Sadly, I offered to host some things to introduce her to people before they arrived, but things have gone so far south that I haven’t done it at all.

  9. So…I’ve been fighting this terrible cold that will.not.die for the last 9 days or so. I’m still only making it through the day with constant swigs from the Dayquill bottle and drinking almost a gallon of water per day, but the rest of my terrible symptoms seem to have subsided.

    On the plus side, my bout of sickness has resulted in the loss of almost 5lbs AND I finally kicked caffeine! I’ve been trying to do both of these since October, I was getting nasty, nasty caffeine withdrawl headaches and couldn’t make it happen. I think with all the rest of my symptoms, the headaches went mostly unnoticed. And, even though I couldn’t keep up the running I started back in October, I think a solid week of being too sick to snack around + cutting out all booze + no eating out for a week helped with the weight.

    Now I just have to keep all this up, and should probably buy some stock in Vicks/Kleenex (uh…P&G, I guess).

    1. I’m just starting that cycle. I’ve had a sore throat since Saturday and now I have a bad headache. My big boss (not the new one from Texas) is about 4 days ahead of me in the cycle. She says hers started with a sore throat, too.

      At least, there’s an upside with weight loss?

      1. I just started the sore throat thing on Saturday too. Progressed to streaming nasal fun yesterday (despite DayQuil) now it’s just starting to plug up. I really don’t want to hear that this is a 10 day adventure.

        1. We may not have the same cold. I had a sudden-onset 101 degree fever, flu-like chills/sweats, slept for 24 solid hours, THEN it switched to the endless days of head cold. So perhaps you have a light version :)

          1. that’s the best news I’ve had all day. sorry for you though – hope you’re rid of the crud soon!

    2. I had a similar cold right after Thanksgiving that went around my family. Apparently it lasts 10 days. In the event you have the same thing, at least you’re on your final lap! Hang in there, hope you feel better!

      1. Ugh, sounds like it. It came on so suddenly that I thought it was some freak kind of food poisoning (with no stomach issues). And then has just not died.

        I was really surprised about the weight loss since I’ve been working at home from my couch nest for most of the time, and eating meals (after the first 1-2 days) regularly, including ice cream (for medicinal purposes). Just not snacking or eating for taste–just “which of these things will give me enough calories so that I don’t get more sick?” and “what can i eat that does not require putting on pants and going to the store?”

  10. I just realized Mr. TBK and I have no new year’s plans. And that, looking back, I can’t recall a single new year’s that I’d call “great.” I can recall a whole lot that were absolutely terrible. I worry that my expectations were set too high by watching When Harry Met Sally too many times growing up, leading me to believe that most adults go to enormous swanky private parties wearing evening gowns on new year’s.

    1. I have to admit, most of my adult NYEs have involved takeout and wine. One year a roommate and I made plans to be really fancy (with the takeout and wine) but then we parted ways before New Years came around, so…

      It ended up being Prosecco and fried chicken, as I recall.

      1. Prosecco and fried chicken sounds like an awesome NYE! I have no plans this year, so I might have to do this.

      2. Mmmm sounds so good! I wouldn’t mind locking myself in my bedroom with prosecco, fried chicken, and When Harry Met Sally. Best movie for New Years! I don’t even need the fancy party. Those movies leave out the part where those fancy parties cost $150-$200! No thank you!

        1. Think of all the fried chicken and prosecco $150 would buy!

          I mean, I’d share, of course ;)

    2. Ugh, I don’t have plans either. I purposely booked a flight so I’d be in transit and had an excuse. Sadly, my flight took off this am and I am passport-less and here for NYE.

    3. Normally, I’m in the same boat. New Year’s is always a letdown and I’d rather just go to bed. But I actually have plans and I’m really looking forward to it.

      The club I joined last year is having a New Year’s party with a fabulous menu and dancing. It’s a beach club, but it’s part of a hotel so it’s very nice. And my brother and his wife and a couple of our friends are going, too.

      And if it’s lame, I can just walk home to my parents’ house.

    4. I hear you. DH and I realized about 2 years out of undergrad that NYE was not awesome. It’s freezing cold, you feel the need to get dressed up (read: too few clothing items for Dec. 31), you pay boatloads of money to cram into a bar and drink really terrible drinks with people that you can’t talk to or hear over the din. Ever since then our NYE plan has been to stay home, make a fancy dinner, and drink champagne. And it’s wonderful.

      1. Yes to all of this. I really dislike going to bars/clubs on NYE, it’s just so… overrated. I’m not really a “going out” person anyway, so I’d much rather have a nice dinner, watch the Times Square coverage, and call it a night at 12:30.

    5. We feel like NYE is like Valentine’s Day, it’s an expensive amateur hour. Our most fun NYEs were spent at small casual dinners/parties at friends houses. For years we were feeling flush, we made fancy dinners and splurged on lobster and nicer wine.

    6. I am seriously considering skipping New Year’s this year for this very reason. I don’t usually enjoy going out on New Year’s, so this year I’m thinking about making a really fancy dinner for myself, and if any friends want to join me they’re welcome. If no one wants to come, I’ll still have a good time cooking and eating (I enjoy both these activities), and if people want to go to a bar after dinner they’re welcome, and I do not have to go. It sounds lame, but it is for sure not as lame as going to a dull party because I feel like I should, and then counting the minutes until it’s late enough for me to leave.

      1. Eh, I don’t really even want to bother. Plus all our friends are either single and therefore going to their parents’ over the holidays (everyone’s from away in DC) or married with child(ren) under the age of 5 and therefore staying home that night. I think we’ll just have a normal evening at home. I doubt we’ll even stay up until midnight.

    8. Same here. Who are these people who live glamorous lives and go to swanky NYE parties? Not this chick.

      I do have a friend who calls NYE “Amateurs’ Night”, which makes me kind of laugh – we get to go out any night we want without long lines, crappy prix fixe menus, and terrible next-morning hangovers ;-)

      1. Also, I’ll be ringing in the new year this time by closing 3 deals on 12/31. Ah, the life of a transactional attorney…

          1. I also have a brief due 1/2/13. I’m still hoping to have a small dinner party though.

      2. I know! it costs 3x as much to go out on NYE, and the food is always sub-par. I vote for staying in.

    9. I had this realization a few years ago as well. I can only recall one NYE that I actually enjoyed – we went to a bar that had a live band and we drank cheap champagne directly out of the bottle with straws. I think it was mostly fun because I just love to dance and listen to old 80’s music – which could have been done on any night.

      I think this year me and DH are planning on just hanging out together and making a nice meal.

      The expectations for NYE are always so high that it is inevitable that I’ll be disappointed or annoyed with all the crazy drunk people.

    10. While all my past NYE have sucked, I bought a fancy sparkly dress and am looking for a fun party this year in hopes that this year will be fun. I have similar feelings towards valentine’s day but for some reason, I’m always hopeful about NYE.

      As a side note, if anyone in Toronto knows of a fun party (preferably not at a club), please let me know!

      1. Hey TO Lawyer – just wondering how things went with your friend from Calgary’s mom (that you were telling us about at the meetup)? Sorry if you updated elsewhere and I missed it.

    11. I have spent the last couple of New Years either pregnant or nursing a new baby and ended up falling asleep around 11 or so! Maybe this year I will finally stay up until midnight! (Though my toddler still doesn’t sleep well…)

    12. Best NYE I’ve had to date involved getting together at friend’s family’s farm with a group of about a dozen of our closest friends. We had some great food and great beer while sitting around a bonfire and setting off fireworks. We all popped inside the house just before midnight to open champagne and watch the NY ball drop.

    13. My grand New Years plans are the same every year, snacks, wine (maybe) and movies on our couch until Mr. TCFKAG falls asleep on the couch at 10. And then I wake him up at 11:59 and he blearily watches the ball drop with me before stumbling to bed. :-P Its a grand old time.

      1. I plan to have a newborn this New Year’s. That’s either uber-lame or uber-awesome.

        1. Me too, except I’m going to be the one passed out on the sofa after consuming baked goods I shouldn’t have baked and Mama Godzilla and Papa Godzilla will wake me up to watch the ball drop #rockstarlyfe

    14. BF & I have no New Years plans either this year, and I’m strangely looking forward to it. I do feel a bit like a loser that I’m not more bothered with staying home on the couch together, but we agreed to do a fancy New Years Day brunch instead, which is much more style.

      Last year, we hosted a big party that was a blast but it was also a lot of work. It’s kind of nice not to have that on my plate this year!

    15. I think I’ve previously noted that I’m old and boring before my time, but I hate, hate, hate the bar/club/prepaid all you can drink party scene for NYE. I always end up freezing, annoyed with my friends, and with sore feet.

      My most recent favorite “going out” thing to do on NYE is a show or concert at the Kennedy Center (adapt as appropriate for your city) — totally appropriate to show up in black tie evening attire, but anything business casual or better is acceptable. We do dinner at home first, because I am incapable of correctly timing restaurant meals before shows. After the performance, there’s live music, dancing and festivities in the “Grand Foyer” if you want to stay, and if not, go home for champagne in pjs.

      This year, though, will just be dinner at home with friends, since several of us are pregnant or have very young babies.

    16. Couldn’t agree more. Most of my NYEs have been decidedly underwhelming. I don’t drink and my husband is not a big drinker either so we don’t enjoy that aspect. We love fine dining but why pay so much to go to a restaurant that would cost half as much any other day? One year we went to a party at a friend’s house and that was a lot of fun. That’s really the only one I can remember when weren’t just lying around at home. Unfortunately we moved across the country a couple years ago and most of our friends in this area are into going out/doing the club thing so we’ll most likely be home alone as per usual.

    19. The feller has to work on NYE (one of the restaurant industry’s busiest nights of the year, after all, and the trade-off for getting to run away on vacation with me for the week between Christmas and NYE), so some newly single ladyfriends and I have decided to get glitzed up and go out to his fancy restaurant for a late dinner that night. There will be delicious food and hot friends, and I am sure that they will give us some special treatment during the meal, and then when it’s midnight I can pop in the back and steal a smooch. Plus, my friends (one newly divorced, one with a broken engagement) seem really jazzed to have a NYE plan that isn’t contingent on them coming up with last-minute dates.

      I’m actually pretty excited about this–it feels like a rite of passage to go out and have a fancy-shoes NYE, which is a far cry from our usual routine of staying home with a good dinner.

    20. For me this year, since I have to work NYE & the next day (month end/year end fun) I convinced dh to take our boys to his mom’s house. Actually we’re going down the Friday before & I’ll come home early. Not sure what I’ll do – probably celebrate with a cupcake & a book before falling asleep before midnight.

      Our traditional NYE celebration includes pizza, ice cream floats (we don’t drink) a movie, and watching the East Coast countdown at 10pm so I can get to bed by 11pm (late for me).

    21. Considering that mr gov anon and I have fallen asleep in front of the tv before midnight for at least the last 5 years, I think you NYE is probably on par with most adults

      1. Ditto. We’ve given up pretending. We got to bed and wait for the neighborhood fireworks to wake us up at midnight. We kiss and fall back asleep. I’m happy with the tradition.

  11. can I be mushy and tell you all how much I love you again??

    Thanks for all of the advice on getting to SFO, BART was the right choice, got here and then breezed thru the air train, bag drop, security, getting bfast and tea, and am sitting w plenty of time before boarding…. thanks for the tips and easing my anxiety ;-)

    also, while I love OAK, the food choices here ALMOST make it worth the 5am BART ride… aaallmmmoosssttt…..

  12. It’s -3C here and I finally found the solution to winter workouts: just pile as many clothes on as possible. I looked like the Michelin man but got a 4 mile walk / hike in.

    1. There’s no such thing as bad running weather; just badly dressed runners. [insert whatever outdoor exercise you prefer]. I always think I mind running in the cold and then I get out there and it’s great.

    2. High five! And -3C is totally fine with the right layers.

      I usually give up outside activities around -10C, and really, I believe there is no way to justify running in -20C or colder, regardless of how warmly one is dressed. Once my eyes start to water, and then my lashes get little icicles on them and start sticking together, I’m out.

  13. Batgirl here with more career questions! Does anyone have any experience (or know anyone with experience) as a career counselor at a law school (or undergrad for that matter)?

    Any insight into what the job is like, what qualifications are usually necessary, and what the salary range would be?

    I’m a lawyer with four years of practice experience (law firm and major NGO) under my belt, but I think I want to turn to something less law oriented and more people-oriented.

    Thanks!

    1. I think it would be amazing if the career counselors at law school actually had legal experience. I know ours didn’t. I think it would be a very fulfilling job.

    2. I worked in career services during law school as an assistant. The pay is not great, but the hours generally are. There is a bit of political nonsense involved with this job, especially with the economic downturn. Since legal education seems to be under attack these days by disgruntled grads, the people who work in career services seem to get blamed for not finding everyone their dream job immediately after graduation.

      However, the job (at the public university I attended) offered great work-life balance and flexible hours, with good benefits. The students are less demanding than most BIGLAW bosses as well, but about equally clueless about some things.

      I considered taking a job in this field after graduation, but decided I wanted to practice law for a while first. Generally, they want people who did well in law school, and who worked in Biglaw or a prestigious public interest firm/clerkship, in order to advise students on these types of jobs. I found that most of those who worked in the department had minimal previous experience with counseling/advising.

      1. Can I ask if you know more specifically what the salary range is? Is 80-90K off base in a city like NY? Also, do people tend to stay in these jobs or do they burn out/move on?

        Thanks SO much–this is starting to sound like something I’d actually be very interested in and I think I fit the criteria you laid out above (did fairly well in top 10 school (no clerkship), about 3 years in Big Law, then a two year gig at a very well known NGO doing impact litigation).

        1. I considered a job like the one you’re describing, but didn’t pursue it. As I recall, the salary was $75k at a law school in Dallas (and this would have been about 2-3 years ago).

        2. For a 30 hour a week gig in the midwest in a reasonable COL city, I saw a post for $41,000/year.

    3. Batgirl, can you help me out with my question on this thread about a different NGO ? Thanks!

  14. I just have to vent here and say – why would you apply for a job that has absolutely no PR or marketing element to it whatsoever and spend the whole cover letter emphasizing your experience in those areas? DON’T WASTE MY TIME. I’m at a small company and I’ve been trying to fill this position for months (while doing both jobs) and I don’t have time to waste. I get it, I’m searching for a job too and it’s really tough. But at least spend 5 min re-doing your cover letter to at least try to act like you’re remotely qualified for the job. And no, saying that you really want to work in my industry is not a qualification!

    1. Oh sorry I wasn’t intending to reply to you Batgirl – not sure how that happened as your comment wasn’t even showing when I posted.

  15. Everyone, please send prayers and positive thoughts my way today. My 90-year-old grandmother is having hip replacement surgery this afternoon. She has asthma and a weak heart but is very active and could not stand the thought of living the rest of her life in a wheelchair. She had the other hip done over ten years ago and it went fine, but, well, that was ten years ago.

    We are all very worried and I am going to be a total stress case this afternoon until I hear that everything went well. To make matters worse, I have a transaction closing today. I am a nervous wreck. Please, please pray for my grandmother and the doctors who are taking care of her.

    3. Go, grandma, go!
      Nonny, most docs evaluate their patients before such extensive surgeries. If they don’t think they’re likely to survive the treatment, or if their prognosis generally isn’t good, they won’t do it. Wish I could find a prettier way to say it, but they must be pretty impressed with your grandmohter’s general health and fitness level to be willing to do it.
      Good luck balancing it all!

    6. My thoughts and prayers are with you all. She sounds like a wonderful and resilient person. Let’s hope that continues to hold her in good stead.

      In my experience it’s as much or more the recovery period that must go smoothly.
      Hugs!

    8. Best wishes!! My almost 90 y/o grandma made the same call, except her issue was spinal surgery. Her options were (1) allow her spinal discs to continue to deteriorate to the point there was a very real chance she’d be not only wheelchair bound but also lose bladder control or (2) have high risk spinal surgery at 88.

      She went with option 2, basically did the entirety of her end-of-life planning and said a lot of “if this is goodbye…s”, had her surgery, and it was successful. But it was a really hard decision for her, and a tough road of recovery. That was about a year ago.

      There are a lot of tough old ladies out there! Here’s hoping your g-ma continues to be one of them!

  16. After talking to some of you last week about back problems, I am looking into starting a Barre class this Saturday. What do you wear to these classes, and do I need special shoes? I can’t find much information on the website of the place I’m going.

    1. My experience with barre classes have been that you either wear socks or go barefoot. If socks are preferred, they’ll usually have pairs you can buy there.

      1. Oh, and wear pretty much anything that allows you (and the instructor) to see the lines of your body/your form, so running tights/leggings/shorts and a fitted tank top or t-shirt work best.

        I despised Lululemon for the longest time, but it really is great for barre classes & now I’m a convert.

    2. Just went to one for the first time yesterday. At least in our class we were barefoot, and I just wore yoga pants and a top w/ built-in bra. Seemed to be what everyone else was wearing – pants and a tee or running tank.

      It was super fun, though. I have a dance background, but really didn’t need to use it, and I was DYING.

        1. Oh, you’ll die. But in a good way.

          I do prefer the socks with rubber grippy things on them but you’ll be fine in normal socks.

          The special socks they sell at my Bar studio have padding on the back of the ankles, where they rest on the barre, AND grips everywhere except the heels. These features are nice to have, but you absolutely don’t need to invest if you don’t want to.

    3. When I’ve done it in the past, I wore regular working clothing – yoga pants or leggings and a tank top. We did it in our socks. Some people wear grippy socks, but you shouldn’t need to wear or bring anything special.

    4. Most people wear Lululemon type pants or leggings and tank tops. You usually do at least a couple exercises on your knees, so it helps if you wear capri length or longer.

      Every barre class I have been to requires socks….you can buy the kind with the grippy dots on the soles from the studio, or wear your own (regular socks). I prefer the kind with the grips, so that I don’t slipt.

      1. This. I also prefer socks with grips, but there’s no need to buy them for your first class. If you like the class, then maybe consider grippy socks.

  17. All! Happy TJ! Just got a call from dream job (public interest in the field I’m passionate about) for an interview! Wanted to share! (Also, I have another interview in the same field in a couple of days, I’m already using the “appointment” excuse to take the day…it wouldn’t look to strange if I took a half day a week later, on the last day before our office closes for the holidays, right? EEK!)

  18. TJ here, hope it finds people in the different fields mentioned:

    I would like to work in human rights or civil rights in Western Europe. We’ve been happy living in W. Germany before, would also certainly be open to Switzerland, France, BeNeLux, etc. The UN advertizes positions like I’m interested in for their Geneva office–heaven! They require 5 years of professional experience, but don’t elaborate on how close that has to be to the field you’re applying to. I’m currently a single SAHM. My past work experience is as a university professor for 7 years. I’ve done historical research into the details of human rights issues 100 years ago. Looking at the UN screening questionnaire, I think I’m missing a lot of experience with specific procedures, so I need to spend some time getting applicable experience.

    There is a non-profit civil liberties organization in my current location that is hiring for a public education position. I’d like to bring home $4k per month, and have health insurance and a 401K. They are offering $40k per year for full time or $30k for $30 hr/wk, no bennies.

    I have not been able to get in touch with any career adviser at the UN, so I’m turning to ‘r e t t e s instead.

    Is it likely that the non-profit position would “count” towards that professional experience, even though it doesn’t involve those specific procedures? Does it matter if it is FT or PT? Part of me thinks that if my parents are going to have to help me out anyway (ugg!) I might as well at home a couple days per week. I’m really apprehensive about my ability to “do it all”–DS really protests when he doesn’t get his time with me, and as a professor, I have never been required to spend that kind of time in the office. Looking at the way the ED talks about his hours, I’m also worried that FT would be a lot more than 40 hr/wk, so effectively a lower $/hr rate. (He’s a very young guy with 3 kids under 4, full time wife–he doesn’t know how to change a diaper. As much as I believe in what the organization does, I can’t take that time from my kiddo)

    So, would public information officer on a civil liberties campaign be better experience for a human rights officer position, and would FT mean more than PT on that resume?

    Should I push the non-profit for more $$, work from home days, anything else?

    TIA

    1. A few caveats: I don’t work in that field and I’ve never worked for the UN. However, one of my best friends works at a decision-making level in one of the UN agencies in Geneva and a few years ago I looked seriously into moving there myself. So based on what my friend has told me and my own experience, here are my thoughts:

      – I would take the job that is more closely related to the UN position you want, whether FT or PT
      – You need to look at the level of the UN position you are applying for. I’m not sure what level it is, but once you start getting into P4 or P5, you start to be in a position where the UN has internal people they are already thinking of for the job so you will be competing with them. Just something to keep in mind.
      – The UN is hugely bureaucratic. Depending on the particular agency, you may find yourself dealing with unofficial quotas (e.g., “oh, we have too many North Americans in this department already, we’d better hire someone from Africa”). It happens. Really.
      – Entry level positions tend to be for a mat leave or are otherwise temporary contracts. You should be prepared to apply for positions that are temporary, despite the uncertainty surrounding them, since that will be your best chance at getting in. Once you are in, there are a lot more opportunities.
      – One other option that you might consider is trying to market yourself to the agency you are interested in as a writer. They are always looking for good writers and designers (all over the world; for instance, I know that one agency uses graphic designers in in Seattle!) that they can use as consultants on specific projects. That way, you will get to know the people involved and you can work from home while you are doing it. Just an idea.

      Good luck! I still think it would be fun to work in Geneva, it’s just that my life went another way…

      1. Nonny, thanks! You’re the closest I’ve gotten to a UN rep;)
        I’ve read about the internal policies, so am aiming for P3.
        If I could work for one of the other agencies in similar fields, that’d be fine with me. But I don’t know the field well enough to know which of the 140 firms that come up when I google “human rights geneva” are real and which are websites.
        I’m actually excited to see what you say about temp positions, if said temp job could be during DS’s summer vacation. I’d try to extend once we were there, but if it didn’t happen, his life would go on as normal.
        How would I look for the consulting and writing positions?

        I hear you on finding work as close to what they do as possible, but don’t know where in the Tampa Bay area to look for these things (taken straight off the questionnaire) Am I just not thinking creatively enough?

        Do you have a minimum of five years of progressively responsible experience in human rights, political affairs, international relations, law or related area?

        experience in advising/developing policies for the promotion and protection of human rights?

        experience working with international human rights standards ?

        Do you have experince in evaluating information and assessing impact on human rights?

        familiar with the UN system and human rights activities and operations in the field?

        experience in international human rights, legal or related field?

    2. I’m a bit confused. Are you in Europe now? Were you a tenured prof? How is it that you can afford to be a single SAHM? A UN job will be fiercely competitive to get and likely require a lot more than 40 hours a week. If you’re primarily looking to relocate abroad, have you looked into teaching positions?

      1. Yes, I’d like to move back to Europe, but no, not so much that I’d go for a teaching position.

        What’s your experience with the UN? Most European firms are much more careful of their employees’ time than US companies. I had assumed the UN would be similar.

        1. Based on my vicarious UN life through my friend, it really varies by position. The official hours are pretty straightforward (8:30 to 4:30 or so) and the benefits are awesome. But if there is a big project on the go, you take work home.

          They do pretty much force you to take your holiday time, which can be good or bad depending on what you have to do at that particular time. My friend has taken holiday time before, but taken work with him to do while on holiday.

          1. Nonny, that sounds pretty much like what I was thinking of, as long as my holiday time corresponds with my son’s school vacation. I did see that the amount of vacation time is much more in line with European standards than the US’s. Can you tell me where to find temp or consulting positions?

          2. Another question for you (or your friend): do you know if there’s much seasonality in the positions offered? When I was looking earlier this fall, it seemed there were lots of positions for human rights officers open, but now there are just a couple. Did I miss it for the year?

          3. Sorry it’s taken me a while to respond – I don’t believe there’s necessarily seasonality because just like any other organization, people come and go, go on mat leave, take an extended sabbatical, etc., all the time. However, if no-one has warned you yet, I will – the UN takes a very long time to make hiring decisions. Your application may be out there for 6 months before you hear anything. Keep trying and keep your online profile current.

            I can’t advise where to find consulting positions, but the temporary positions are posted in the same place as the permanent positions (i.e. UN employment main page or the various agency employment pages). Temporary positions are often one year (either mat leaves or a new position they are trying out to see how it goes).

          4. Nonny, thanks for the heads-up on the time lag! I’d better get going now if I want this to be a summertime thing. That’s very similar to academia.

            I wonder if the application process has changed some since your friend applied/you were considering it. The one response I’ve gotten from Inspira tech support is

            “entry-level jobs in the General Service and related categories, also temporary job openings and consultants positions are usually advertised locally, which means that you will not see such jobs openings listed on the UN Careers website or inspira. It is therefore recommended to contact the local offices directly to ask about their entry-level job openings, temporary job openings and consultants positions”

            Guess I’d better get googling.

        2. My experience is that organizations working in public policy fields frequently expect a dedication to the cause that takes more than 40 hours a week. I see you’re in Tampa- are there immigration related orga you could look into? But in all honesty I don’t think you’re going to be able to make an international move to a dream job while not wanting to be our of the home full time and trying to schedule around vacations.

    3. Do you have an offer yet? I would focus first on getting your foot in the door. At that time, you can look more toward getting the exact experience that the UN position would require.

      1. Not sure which position you’re asking about. At the local position, I have to decide by 1 tomorrow. For the UN or allied organizations, I have nothing, would love, love, love to get a foot in the door. Their website describes a fantastic careers office but it isn’t open to anyone not already in the organization. https://careers.un.org/lbw/home.aspx?viewtype=BG

        1. I would definitely take the local position, then. Civil liberties is close enough to human rights that it will start you on the path toward a more international position – and once in the job you may be able to tailor it toward that experience.

  19. Anyone know the IRL difference between J. Crew’s “Sterling” and “No.2” skirt? I have one of the No. 2’s and it’s pretty good. Would probably prefer a slightly slimmer line though.

    Also, thanks (/my wallet hates you) to the poster who mentioned the sale on skirts above! :)

    1. Meant to add that they look pretty similar in the photos, but usually an A-line is a bit more flared than a pencil. Is that true for J. Crew?

    2. The Sterling is just a bit more flared than the No. 2 (I actually wouldn’t call this year’s version a true A-line as it’s not quite as flared as you think of when you think A-line). So definitely not a slimmer line

  21. We’re considering a move to Vermont (Burlington area or thereabouts) for my husband’s job, and I would love some intel on the quality of life (including raising small children) as well as the legal market. I’m a practicing atty with a fairly niche focus and wondering how hard it would be to go in-house there. I would appreciate your comments (esp. if the kind “Anon” who responded to Hermione’s similar question of a few weeks back is reading).

  22. 1.5 years ago I started a new job with a very large, international company. In the past 1.5 yrs I have been working with a team that has really been struggling. I love the team members and the work is fun but we basically have nothing to show for ourselves for the past year for many reasons. Either way I am thinking it might be time to move on as I don’t think staying with this team is good for my career. I can go elsewhere in the company pretty easily but I am not sure how to handle the situation. I really do like my manager and my coworkers and I will need a recommendation from them for graduate school so I don’t want to ruin the relationship. I feel like I am letting the team down but I know staying here is really not good for my resume. My manager is also asking me to take on more responsibility on the team which I don’t want to do because of the lack of accomplishments this team has had. What is the best way to handle this?

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