Coffee Break: FutureSkin
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Hat tip to the reader(s) who influenced me to buy Chantecaille's FutureSkin to try — I really like it!
To back up a bit — I've never been much of a foundation girlie. Part of that is laziness, and part of that is that my skin has always been clear so I haven't felt like I “needed” to. My skin is still clear — and I'm still lazy! — but I've started noticing that in photos my skin looks a bit uneven, with redness in some areas.
Chantecaille is really lightweight (hugely important for me) and just a little bit goes a long way towards just making my skin glow a bit more evenly. (The “little bit goes a long way” becomes important when I mention the price, which is unfortunately $90.)
The brand describes it as “an innovative oil-free gel foundation with a refreshing, lightweight texture and a unique formula with 60% water,” and notes that it's made with “reflective circular pigments that provide adjustable coverage.” Nordstrom notes that it's dermatologist tested, allergy tested, and cruelty-free; it's also free of a parabens and so forth.
1 oz is $90; the brand offers 15 different colors. I have and like the shade “Aura”. I apply it with a foundation brush, starting with my nose and brushing outwards.
Which is your favorite foundation, readers?
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
I need to write to a person who will weasel out of making any firm statements on anything and will lob surprise demands to her mother for funds. Mom/dad have asked for a way to request that child state what child predicts to need for the year (in a way to set expectations and in a way to force child to confront a spending / entitlement problem). Can you help me word this so that child has to commit to some sort of statement (“I will need $50,000 this year so that my kids aren’t out on the street” (which would be ammo when a demand for more comes through) or at least a “F you I will ask as it suits me”, which would also sort of illustrate this situation for what it is).
Also, if anyone has had any luck getting someone to conquer a spending problem (especially when cloaked in layers of YOLO and entitlement), I’m all ears. Child is using grandchildren as sort of hostages in all this; in a few years when they are out of the house, I suspect the parents will treat this all differently.
Could you clarify the generations here? Grandparents have money, adult daughter wants money, adult daughter has minor children?
Yes — grands have $, child wants it and she has teen children still at home
Yeah, asking for a script as to how to handle and asking if anyone has conquered a spending problem are two different things here. If you want this person to actually conquer their spending problem, you don’t give them money in this case. Especially if it’s more a spending issue than a money-in-the-door issue.
Or more “If you are going to ask for 5K once, that is one thing, but can you at least let us know if you plan to ask for 5K a month,” but in my experience, that just invites someone to ask for 5K a month.
Also, “never” is not a concept for them. They “cannot predict what financial peril may befall me or whether Roger needs to travel to the state wrestling tournament, which you wouldn’t want him to miss.” If you say you have limited funds of $X, that is their license to ask for it and you can kiss it goodbye.
If the teenage children take after their mother, this wouldn’t work, but if they’re the kind of teenagers who are sick and tired of their mom’s crap and want to be the mature one in the relationship, I’d refuse to give Mom things for the teens and only work through the teens themselves. “I’ll pay for your wrestling tournament, wanna make sure your mom doesn’t ask me for money for your wrestling tournament and spend it all on X like she did last time.”
Unfortunately there’s not going to be a way to make this feel fair or sane or unimpeachable. Especially if it’s your own family (I’m presuming this isn’t for like a legal client).
The child in question will continue using slippery language bc she’s been perfecting that over her entire life. The parents in question will continue having a difficult time not giving into her demands. The most effective strategy is going to be to set a specific amount they’re willing to contribute. They might need help enforcing boundaries. It feels unlikely that will happen without professional help, but I wish you luck!
I can’t imagine an effective way to do this unless:
a. your parents are committed to following through and allowing their daughter to be enraged/hurt/in pain when she doesn’t get what she wants.
b. getting the $ is somehow dependent on writing something down (and, “see a.” your parents are willing to follow through and not give her any if she doesn’t comply).
Instead, I’d suggest that your parents TELL their daughter (in writing, if they want) how much money they will give her this year, and (if needed) how they will give it ( “we will pay your rent directly to your landlord, and we will give you an additional $x for living expenses.”)
Do I think they will do this? Nope.
The only way to get her to conquer a spending problem is to shut off the flow of money and let her experience enough pain as a result that she takes action to make changes. Doing this causes as great or greater pain to the people who have been doing the enabling, making it very difficult for them to follow through on.
This. My brother was on the dole from The Bank of Mom and Dad until the day they died, and the only thing that worked to eliminate (well, moderate) the constant demands was to put him on a set allowance that got directly deposited to his bank account every month. And that only happened near the end when The Bank of Mom and Dad running out of money was looking like a real possibility.
And big ” yes” to directly paying expenses to the extent possible. We couldn’t/didn’t do that for Reasons, but it’s definitely the best way to go.
Finally, ultimately they put me in charge of communicating with him about money and he knew he couldn’t wrap me around his little finger like he did with my mom, so he backed way off. YMMV on that.
Longer reply in mod, but this is the way.
So many questions.
Why are parents giving any money at all to this child? Is she disabled in some way?
Why aren’t parents defining how much they are willing to give and standing firm on that?
Why are you as a third party (a sibling, I assume?) participating in this dysfunction?
I don’t think there is a form of words for this. If mom and dad don’t want to give, or want to give only a certain amount, they should say that. There’s not much point couching it in terms of what spender ‘needs’ if they already know spender will just shrug and say she needs more down the line and they know they’ll give in to keep contact with the grandchildren.
Unfortunately, I’ve never seen parents subsidizing adult children behave like this ever go smoothly. If the parents are tired of it, I think the only answer is to cut them off or to announce a set of supports and not deviate (but the adult child will be royally upset because they only got X and not X + whatever else they wanted).
Lol this is a fools errand. The parents aren’t going to say no, this e-mail won’t do anything, don’t waste your time.
I agree with everyone else that there’s no chance this works.
so your sister is being demanding of your parents. And they want you to ghostwrite an objection letter for them?
If your parents are willing to support X (like rent or mortgage to help maintain the home), maybe they will only keep doing so if Sister shows them her itemized bills each month.
Like if she’s using their subsidies as a way to keep her discretionary income freed up for fun, if I were your parents, I’d be noping right out of that.
I would encourage everyone to look up he concept of “advance in inheritance”. Kid will get $ now, but that comes out of what she could get vs other siblings when the parents die. Keep track of it in case gift tax is owed.
I come from a different side of all this. My mom was the dyfunctional spender, constantly in financial trouble, and my grandparents were helping subsidize. Mom was a single parent and I was an only child. I genuinely believe mom either has undiagnosed ADHD or lead poisoning as a child. Her inability to make numbers make sense is startling. She’s 80 now and I’m in my 40s, so our roles are reversed, and I was helping her get caught up on her bills just the other night. My grandparents pitched in for years to help her. Thing is, there’s not an ounce of malice to my mom’s spending – there’s just something…it just doesn’t click. She’s not profligate – her splurge is a monthly manicure. It’s hard to describe. So if there’s any chance the daughter/mom here could have a medical explanation, please consider it. If not, I suggest parents take control and provide $X that they’re willing to give directly to the mortgage company/landlord and that’s it. Since $X has been freed up in daughter/mom’s monthly budget, she can handle wrestling tournaments.
I would do something like what we did for MIL who had finite resources and was a total spendthrift. We paid for essentials directly – utilities and contribution toward rent. The rest was up to her. If she wanted to overspend on ridiculousness but couldn’t pay her internet bill? Tough. You can live without wifi. If she wanted to spend so much that all she could afford is ramen? That’s your decision and absolutely not my problem.
Short of something like that…. good luck.
Maybe the better thing to do is for your parents to explain that they have to make a budget for 2025, and that involves her making a budget for 2025.
Bad spenders don’t understand how things add up (both necessary and discretionary expenses).
Best thing to do: have her sit down for an afternoon and, without judgement (which is hard AF for some people), walk her through her necessary expenses. Mortgage, property taxes, usual cost of repairs; car loan, gas, insurance; utilities; a reasonable estimate for groceries; an estimate for stuff needed for the kids; estimate for random annual expenses (AAA, birthday presents, kids’ activities, excise tax). Look at what she earns annually.
I would bet that she doesn’t understand how close those numbers are. That’s okay; the point isn’t to judge her.
Then your parents can tell her that *their own budget* allows them to pay for X, Y, and Z. My recommendation is to go for the one-offs: property taxes, school stuff for the kids, clothes for the kids, some reasonable amount towards car or home repairs.
Unfortunately, there is probably a lot of “do this so we can see what we can help you with,” and not a lot of “why can’t you just be an adult?!?!”
This seems like a terrible idea. Mom and Dad want to allow the spendthrift child to set expectations about what she will ask them for? That seems like an invitation for her to demand whatever she wants. The parents need to be the ones setting the expectation, and that expectation needs to be something like $0 or “We will pay for XYZ kid activities directly.”
Having been the grandchild in this sort of situation, the only thing the grandparents could do is pay directly for their needs. The caveat is the grandparents not deviating which only you know if they will actually follow that. Kids don’t have a choice in who their parents are. If they know adult child is going to ask for school fees or extracurriculars or trip things designated for kids, then set that allowance and inform the adult child or have the grandchild give the relevant information directly. They should know. Like everyone else has said though, it will never stop if you just give someone money every month and then get mad that they keep wanting more. Your parents have to set firm boundaries (and probably won’t).
I love Futureskin but am always hesitant to recommend it because it’s so expensive. But it’s really magic in a jar for me!
Can you share your age and skin type? I feel like what looks good on younger women isn’t going to work on me (not younger, some challenges).
I’m 46. I have “normal” skin leaning towards dry and sensitive. I have wrinkles that are smoothed out with Botox. I definitely tend towards redness and blotchiness. I have assorted freckles/sunspots. My skin tone is light with weird undertones that make a lot of foundation turn orange on me, and Futureskin doesn’t do that. I use vanilla in the summer when I have a tan and alabaster in the winter. Hope that helps!
You are describing my skin minus the Botox. Now I think I need this foundation, but there’s nowhere nearby where I can test shades.
I’m 46 with combination slightly sensitive skin with texture. I love this foundation as well–but be warned it went “off” after 2 years (which is fine! but it’s a bit more fragile and easily spoiled than other foundations I’ve owned). It’s the most skin-like natural looking foundation I’ve ever owned. It does give a natural very slightly ‘dewy’ look but if you lightly buff finishing powder over it, it’s not at all an issue. It plays well with other products and is overall just a gorgeous product.
I may have to try this. Does Nordstrom do samples? I’ve literally been buying the same Clinique foundation my entire makeup-wearing life and I’m not sure it’s cutting it for my middle-aged skin anymore.
Help me understand the foundation brush. Is it to really push product up into your pores to fill them up and help smooth out your skin? I was from the finger generation but have gotten a sponge recently. I feel that nothing works on my oily skin like Bare Minerals powder but I’m getting older and have rosacea and am trying to get better habits and maybe better looking skin.
I think it’s not so much pushing it in (eww) as it is evening it out better than your fingertips can do. Like spreading paint on a canvas with brush versus finger painting.
Yes. I swear by the Bobbi Brown foundation brush. It just applies everything more evenly and perfectly than I could ever achieve with my fingers.
Plus I don’t really want foundation all over my fingers.
+1
I am a Beauty Blender girl. I can never get the coverage as smooth with a brush.
I think the brush is for people who use more product than I do. I put on a very small amount of a light coverage product, using my fingers. If I was trying to create a canvas like I see on Tiktok, yes you need a lot of product and I assume a brush helps with that.
I am having trouble finding bras that fit after I had a kid three years ago. The
I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who weighed in last week on my two positions (A and B) and gave me a lot of good questions and insight to consider. I got (equal pay) offers on both roles and after talking with my mentor and the former manager in position B, I believe that position B is more of the rocketship role with a lot of access to senior leaders and across business sectors. I also heard that my +2 (manager’s manager, thanks all for deciphering) is excellent at advocating for advancement and basically kicked out the old manager so he could continue his career growth. Wish me luck!
Congrats! I was one who voted for position B, it sounded like a dream job to me and I hope it helps you reach your career goals.
I am struggling with really significant fatigue and lack of energy, and am looking for ideas. I know that part of the issue is that I have anemia and some other vitamin deficiencies (B12), and I’m working with my doctor on fixing this. But in the meantime, I’m just so freaking tired all the time. Is this just age? I’m on hormones for perimenopause, vitamins and iron for the deficiencies, and I try to sleep 8+ hours. But I also have a demanding job and two kids and I’m just so, so tired. Help.
No, this is not “just age.” I am in my early 60s and have never experienced the kind of fatigue you’re describing. Don’t shrug off that anemia thing.
Agree. I’m 47 and do not experience this level of fatigue. I had a friend with severe anemia and had to get infusions because her levels were so low. I think they can do the same with B12. That might be more effective than just taking pills
B12 is a shot — even quicker than the infusions!
I’m assuming you had bloodwork to check for the anemia and B12 issue. Did they also check your thyroid levels?
This is almost definitely anemia and B12 deficiency related, and may be made worse by an other nutritional deficiencies. Check your electrolytes (low sodium made me chronically ill for months), and make sure you are staying on top of any other deficiencies you know. Also get enough protein. Nutritional deficiencies are no joke and can make you feel extremely ill.
If you get all of your levels back to normal and still have symptoms, get checked for autoimmune disorders like POTS to see if there is another underlying cause.
Demand an iron infusion if it’s that bad. Supplements take months if they work at all; infusions take hours.
Have you also had a screening for depression or anxiety? It can manifest as fatigue, and anxiety can be just plain fatiguing! But also, I had to take sublingual B12 and iron for three months before I noticed a difference in my anemia fatigue.
Fatigue is a symptom of anemia and B12 deficiency. Do you get the impression that your doctor knows how to work up and treat B12 anemia? (Testing for known causes of B12 malabsorption and treatment with frequent B12 injections?) My hope is that you will feel well again soon if treated aggressively enough. But you could end up fatigued for years if you’re seeing a doctor who thinks that oral or sublingual B12 is just as good or that one B12 shot a month is definitely enough.
Your doctor will probably check your iron again soon; if levels haven’t improved, ask about heme iron (it’s supposed to be easier to absorb even if there are absorption obstacles) or potentially infusions (these can have side effects, but they’re an option when oral supplementation is not helping).
On the other hand, if your doctor checks your B12 again to see if the levels are looking better, that’s a red flag that they’re winging it, since it’s an intuitive thing to do but is not recommended.
In addition to aggressive treatment on the anemia/vitamin front, you can also seek a sleep study. I feel great with my demanding job and two kids, but only with the help of my beloved CPAP machine.
This is a great point. GP might have to refer to a sleep specialist but a sleep “lab” now is as easy as wearing something similar to an smartwatch with a few wires taped to you, really quick and comfortable in your own bed on your own sleep schedule. Not everyone with sleep apnea or other disorders presents as stereotypical so it’s worth asking about
All the advice that it’s probably all medical are correct. Unfortunately, getting that treated can take time and your are exhausted Now. Here’s my tips as a woman with a chronic illness:
1) Do less. Do as little as you can get away with. You will feel emotional bad about it. But that’s better than physically hurting yourself or driving yourself to burnout.
2) Prioritize leisure activities. Yes, scrolling takes no activation energy but you will feel worse as soon as you stop and it eats up more time than you have. Pick activities that do more than just take up time, even if the activation energy is a little higher.
3) Keep momentum when you really need to get things done. As soon as I sit down after work, it’s so much harder to get back up again. Be careful with this one so you aren’t overdoing it, but if used judiciously it can help you get things done more efficiently.
4) Ask for and accept help. If your kids are old enough, give them tasks that actually make your life easier.
B12 shots not pills. The pills won’t do much if you can’t absorb it. But you may also need higher doses of HRT. More doctors are seeing the value of testosterone to address fatigue (among other things) so consider that if you haven’t. Also, you may need alternate delivery methods for your hormones. How are you taking them now?
As someone who’s raw-dogging menopause, I have to say, I don’t have exhaustion like this. I’d keep pushing for additional help on the B12 or other testing.
Love your terminology. I also raw-dogged it. I can’t take estrogen due to clotting risk but man was that not fun.
I feel like this when either my thyroid medication is off or my vitamin D is too low. So I would consider getting those checked as well. I also feel better when I am sleeping enough and getting good sleep (hard for me. I don’t sleep well often), regularly exercising, and eating less junk. I don’t really cut carbs or sugar but when I am feeling a lot of fatigue it helps if I prioritize protein and cleaner carbs and less sugar. Also helps if I can get outside everyday.
Anyone would be tired in that situation. I’m perimenopause on hormones and have iron deficiency and my job isn’t even that demanding and no kids!
First, it takes time to get anemia fixed and B12 fixed, and if you have both of those low, I suspect you have others low too. It will take many months, and you will need to schedule follow-ups and repeat testing with your PCP and push them to help you. Try to keep eating well and consider whether there is anything else you need to do diet wise to make sure you are getting all the nutrition you need. If there is not a deficit from your diet, you need to talk to your diet about WHY you are B12 and iron deficient and is there something else going on? For example, anything from celiac to other hormonal/autoimmune etc..
Second, you are getting older. Sure some folks on this page will say they aren’t tired and are working harder than you are or are 70 years old or whatever. But we aren’t all the same. Some people only need 4 hours a sleep a night, I need 9 to feel good. We are all different, and it gets harder when we are older. Also, some of us get hit by a truck when we reach perimenopause and others do not. Life is never fair!
Is your sleep disrupted? That is common with perimenopause too and all of these things compound.
You are also at the stage of life when some people step back and say….. do I want to keep working this hard? Only you can decide.
Do you know why you are anemic? I had fibroids that caused my periods to last for 3+ weeks each month, and no amount of supplements was going to counteract all that bleeding so we ended up going the hysterectomy route. The difference was night and day for me once I stopped bleeding out all of the iron in my body. I feel human again.
I have a friend who is looking for a sofa for her detached studio. I recall seeing a sofa on here that was pricey but could convert into a lay flat bed option, but now can’t find it. Not a pullout couch, not a futon, but sort of like a futon in that it unfolded like that, but was more luxury.
Any ideas?
Koala?
They are usually called convertible sofas, if that helps.
Burrow Shift sofa?
The American Leather sleeper system, like this:
https://www.urbannatural.com/products/alora-today-sleeper?variant=43384995447042&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid&utm_campaign=Sleeper&utm_content=&utm_term=&gadid=&gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQiAs5i8BhDmARIsAGE4xHyyUOSoHLs4-ePVl5HjiL6-dSU9QSEBFg-G0irYpXE3sEsyK4EHBPgaAvD-EALw_wcB
I have a Luonto Flipper that is apartment-sized and unfolds into a full bed. The seat is basically a hinged platform that unfolds into a fully supported platform mattress. It isn’t a spring-loaded pullout like the old-school sofa sleepers and doesn’t collapse flat like a futon. It is very well made and solid, and the sleeping surface is actually quite comfortable.
The Deco sofa from Room and Board is exactly what you’re describing.
AITA? My friend and I were playing phone tag; I left a message re: what I thought her missed calls were about (an exercise program). She called yesterday while I was working and I picked up, which I never do because I hate the phone but knew she’d been trying to get ahold of me. I said basically this. She then proceeded to talk my ear off about something entirely different (her travel, her husband, their traveling friends) and ended trying to schedule something we’d been texting with a third friend about and I’d been totally flexible. After 25 minutes I gently ended the call b/c I was still in the middle of work.
It’s a day later and I’m so confused. Was I the AH to pick up if I didn’t want to talk? We’ve been friends for 30+ years btw.
Huh? Just use your words. Hey I picked up bc I thought you had a quick question! I’m in the middle of a project so can’t catch up right now. Can I call you on the way home?
This.
+1.
To me, when you answer the phone, it implies you’re ready to talk. Maybe you should have started with something like “I hate I keep missing you, but I only have 10 minutes right now. What’s on your mind?” It’s annoying when my mom answers and I start talking only for her to interrupt that she’s literally moving a couch right then. Strange, but true! Sounds like you handled it well
That’s funny. When I call someone, since I am intruding, I always ask simply – “Hi! Is this a good time to talk?”
Same here. My divorce attorney always started phone calls with “am I catching you at a bad time?” and I have adopted that practice. (Although yesterday somebody called me and led with something even better: “Good time or bad time?”)
I don’t think either of you was the AH. Was she upset that you ended the call? It seems like you were both fine here, and your 30-year friendship should survive.
I don’t think the conversation makes either one of you an AH. She was talking to you like (I’m guessing) she has for the past 30 years without tuning in to the “I’m at work” time crunch you were feeling. That doesn’t make her an AH.
Answering the phone expecting her to understand what you were doing and quickly snap to the bottom line doesn’t make you an AH, either.
Chantecaille’s packaging is so pretty. I am too easily influenced.
I have a weird foundation question. I got a new foundation a while ago and I am noticing it seems to settle into my pores so that in the magnifying mirror I can actually see tiny little dots of foundation on my skin — like those Roy LIchtenstein pop art paintings. It looks okay in the regular mirror and photos and so on, so I’ve kind of been living with it, but what gives? I started using foundation primer and it helps a little but doesn’t eliminate it altogether. It’s a liquid foundation, FWIW. And now that I’ve noticed it, it seems to be happening with my old foundation as well. Any suggestions or commiseration?
For me, that’s a sign that it’s the wrong foundation, especially if primer doesn’t solve it. I’ve rejected so many options for this exact reason!
The two that don’t do it to me:
1. Dr Jart Premium BB cream
2. Shiseido Revitalessence Skin Glow foundation
IT Cosmetics CC Cream was the absolute worst for polka-dot pores for me, but I’ve had it happen with many I’ve tried, including the Estee Lauder Hydra Rescue that many influencers seem to recommend.
Yep, just a sign that it’s the wrong formula for me.
It’s the wrong foundation. I find that this happens with foundations with silicones.
Ugh, not what I wanted to hear. But thanks!