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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Charcoal Cashmere/Silk Long-Sleeve Katie Tee

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A woman wearing a gray sweater, blue jeans, and a gold necklace with pendant

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I’m in the market for a crewneck sweater that’s not too thick, but not too thin; fitted, but not too fitted; and formal, but not too formal. After hearing about my Goldilocks-inspired search, a friend recommended this cashmere/silk sweater tee from Tuckernuck, and I think I may have hit the jackpot. The knit, the fit, and the vibe are all just right.

We’ll see how it holds up this winter, but I’m hoping that this will be a wardrobe workhorse for me for the next several years. 

The sweater is $188 at Tuckernuck and comes in sizes XXS-XXL and in seven other colorways. 

Sales of note for 10/2:

172 Comments

  1. When I am extremely busy, fatigued, and stressed, I’m plagued with nausea. Anyone else conquer this? I’m traveling a ton to close a deal, meals are at odd times and rarely healthy – and yet my colleagues don’t seem to be phased.

    1. As a quick fix, your doctor can prescribe Zofran to take as needed.

      If you want to know why you struggle with this and your colleagues don’t, you’d probably need to follow up with a doctor anyway.

    2. Are you young / thin? When I was both, I just needed to eat more and more often (and not late at night). Starchy snacks that travelled well helped me — a ziplock of cereal, granola bars, dried fruit.

    3. Yup, nausea/vertigo/migraine are my body’s immediate reactions to travel, stress, illness. Have you had an evaluation for migraine? Making sure that’s addresses is key for me, along with zofran.
      Otherwise I’d focus on hydration (cold water helps), electrolytes (pills are best for me, I can’t do the powders), and specific ‘safe’ foods – bland crunchy carbs, cold food (less scent), crunchy fruits/veggies, and lightly flavored broth. Ginger or lemon tea has been a lifesaver in many meetings.

    4. I’ve always been like this. I could never pull off all nighters in high school or college because I’d get overwhelmingly nauseated by 2 or 3 am. I get nauseated when I don’t eat regularly and from some medications and foods and drinks (coffee and other bitter or strong scented things), I have issues with motion sickness, and I eventually developed chronic m*graine where nausea is a major symptom and not eating or sleeping regularly is a big trigger, so I just seem to be really sensitive to it. M*graine meds definitely help a lot, but mostly I need to eat and sleep and then suffer through what I can’t avoid.

      1. Sometimes motion sickness is a clue that vitamin B6 may help. That’s usually doctor supervision territory though.

        1. Yeah, and B2 can help m*graine so I take a B supplement, but I don’t really think it makes a difference. On the other hand, there’s decent evidence for magnesium improving m*graine symptoms and it really is noticeable for me. Even just decreasing the dose for a few weeks clearly makes me feel worse.

          1. Magnesium was a big one for me. The way my endocrinologist explained it, a lot of people need more than magnesium than they get. Apparently metabolic syndrome often means needing more magnesium while also peeing away more magnesium, and taking PPIs can also lower absorption, so that’s just a whole lot of people without even getting into whether our diets are hitting intake goals. Blood tests show normal levels because the body leaches it from bones, contributing to later osteoporosis risk. So if it improves any symptom I feel it’s definitely worth taking.

    5. I am the same! Others in my office don’t seem to care about eating at regular intervals, ha. However, I do need to eat at regular times and drink water to feel my best. I typically pack a healthy option (cheese sticks, apple slices, jerky, etc…) or am firm if I need to take a second to eat. When I am down bad during a busy time of year I also make sure to bring peppermint or ginger tea packets to help my stomach and calm me down. Be careful with caffeine consumption as well!

    6. Your body is telling you very clearly, “I can’t do this.” You need to listen. That doesn’t help right now, because you’re in the middle of something you need to see through. But when this deal is closed, I’d suggest taking some time to take a big-picture look at what your body is telling you.

    7. For me, it’s normally too much coffee or diet soda on an empty stomach. If I can, I doordash myself a packages of bagels (for breakfast) and Ritz crackers to snack on. On the food front, a McDonald’s cheese burger happy meal is one of my safe foods while traveling. Not the fanciest, but reliably gets me calories without digestive upset.

    8. Any chance it’s also related to migraines? I got this during stressful deals as well. What compounded it was that the stress usually made me not hungry, so then I wouldn’t eat, which made the physical symptoms worse. Like others, I did work on more consistent eating and avoiding things I started to identify were triggering (which for me were any dairy products, chocolate, or anything greasy / salty). Most restaurants have slightly better options – e.g., getting a couple vegetables sides from the steakhouse, or the kids chipotle plate with ground beef, veggies, and rice – which worked for me.

    9. Like others, I have chronic migraines. This might happen because of that. I always have snacks and just tell people when I have to eat. But yes, your doctor can prescribe any of the anti-nausea meds as well. Have your dr evaluate you for migraine. A headache is only 1 symptom of a migraine. Many, many people have migraine attacks without headaches.

    10. This was me. I was pregnant. Third child. Apparently the ex husband has a vasectomy…except he didn’t, hence ex.

      It could be stress but if this is new just take the pregnancy test to eliminate this.

  2. I could not tuck a sweater into jeans unless it is basically just thick fabric.

    BUT I have a question. I found a very nice aesthetic lamp, but it has such an obscure bulb that I’ve scrapped that plan. Where can I get a nice, pretty table lamp that takes plain vanilla lights that I can get at the grocery store? Previously, I’ve gotten them at Target and I’ve tried antique stores (but those lamps seem to be a hot mess of wiring and I am cautious; non-electrified decor would be fine). One attempt from a shop seems to have a wobbly socket. What is the lighting equivalent of moving from Ann Taylor to Brooks Brothers or Boss?

    1. You can often have all the wiring of an antique lamp swapped out if you find your dream lamp!

      I’m still trying to find a half way decent bulb. I don’t like overpaying for bulbs that don’t live as long as they claim they will, and I still find incandescent bulbs much, much more comfortable than the LEDs that are supposed to be just as good.

      1. Is an electrician the trade to call for a lamp issue? I feel like I don’t have a weekend to devote to watching YouTube videos and going to Home Depot again and again and again (and I’m still not confident that I could do this as I can barely get lightbulbs to be the right degree of warmth, so I look like I live in a dental clinic or third-rate mall, where everything is either too green or too blue in cast).

        1. I’d imagine an electrician could, but I think sometimes antique people or lamp people can too. My mom just “has a guy” so I never had to figure it out for myself. I have never DIY since I don’t want to burn my place down either with the original deteriorating wiring or with my own mistake!

        2. Internet search for “lamp repair + your location” and see what comes up. When I just did that several shops just popped up. You can take it there. Make sure you talk through details of cords, etc. Emily Henderson recently had a blog post on this.

          While an electrician could likely do this, it’s not what they do. Like don’t call an electrician who would wire up your house, they’re most likely going to not do a lamp job. It’s a way smaller, more finicky detailed job that if you can get them to do it they would do it safely, but likely not in an aesthetically pleasing way.

        3. There is a lamp store in the random suburb next to me that does repairs. Some of these simple old stores still exist.

        4. Talk to the owner of the antique shop for recommendations. They normally have a person, or have already rewired the lamp. I will say, rewiring a lamp yourself is a very easy project so don’t count yourself out.

    2. Shades of Light, Perigold, Visual Comfort, and Rejuvenation have been my favorite upgrade picks for light fixtures. RH, Pottery Barn, and Williams Sonoma Home also have interesting (though $$$) picks.

      1. Adding West Elm and Crate and Barrel to your list of good options. I was very impressed with West Elm’s lamps this season.

    3. I love Pottery Barn lamps. They are surprisingly inexpensive given the quality.

      1. I have had very good experiences with IKEA too but also check out Homegoods. Can be hit or miss, but sometimes excellent (and a bunch of their things are available online via TJ Maxx dot com)

  3. Fall 2026 fit checks (since I’m doing a try-on for everything I own due to the passage of time and shape/size changes):

    — Obviously tapered legs on work pants just don’t look current; a “skinny leg” might still be OK some times
    — Above-the-knee skirts aren’t looking right for work, especially when paired with flatter shoes, but I can’t figure out where to hem anything without looking like my legs are stubby; can’t wait for boot season
    — Nothing can be tight or straining and nothing should be unflattering; there is only so much real estate in my closet and I don’t need a million “maybe some day” bins of things (bins are for party dresses that only need to come out a few times a year)

    Advice / thoughts welcome. I miss the old days when fashion magazines had HUUUGE fall issues in August or September.

    1. +1 to all of this, I’m also pulling out my properly fitted blazers and closer fitting sweaters. The very close fitting sweaters (like the one above) that hit at the hip weren’t quite right with skinny jeans but look great again with wider pants. I have a big collection of not shrunken, not oversized blazers, and they seem to be back in again (yay!).

      2. This is terrible advice. Do you all not go to events that have specific dress codes but only come up every year or two?

        1. That is a today item then. If something fits poorly now it’s not going to get better with time. Clean your closets and don’t hoard.

          1. I disagree if the reason that it fits poorly now is because of a weight fluctuation that you can reasonably expect might change. If it fits you well when you’re at that higher or lower weight, or more or less bloated, or whatever, then keep it if you like it. I adopted this strategy once and got rid of some items that were one or two sizes two big after I’d gotten into better shape. 5 years later I’m in worse shape and I wish I had them so I now don’t have to go out and spend money and time getting things that are slightly bigger, especially when I don’t want to stay at this larger size.

          3. A today item is anything you’d still put on and feel great in today. If you have the occasion to wear the item but skip it for whatever reason (fit, style, worn out, dislike it, etc) then it’s not a today item and is something to toss. As I said below, you can have things for years or decades that are signature pieces you always reach for. You keep those. You toss what doesn’t serve you.

          4. How much clothing do you need to store for an event that comes up once a year? They’re going to look dated before you can rewear them.

          5. I think that with seasonal fancy items, they can work for decades if they fit / flatter. There isn’t so much of a current style vibe with things like that. There can be, but I don’t think that anyone cares what you wear to Christmas parties (if it’s a re-wear, if it’s this year’s wide-legged one-shouldered jumpsuit, etc.).

          6. I made the original comment and I don’t keep much in this category. For black tie events, I usually want something new but I have a couple of gowns I love and keep and rewear. I also have a small collection of favorite holidays items that I look forward to wearing. But if a holiday season comes and goes and I didn’t wear it, it gets donated. I don’t have unlimited closet space so I’m ruthless as to what stays. It’s also much easier to get dressed when everything fits and you love it.

        1. I’m not a fast fashion person, but I’m 50 and after being the same size for decades and going through various iterations of work-formal, business-casual, casual, pandemic casual, and menopause, I have a full closet of pieces that are fantastic (fully-lined wool pants! Harris Tweed jackets!) but not for me, in this body, with my current work situation in 2026. I’ll pay to hem pants, but I’m not remaking a garment that someone else could wear off the rack. Moving used to make me purge, but I haven’t moved since before the pandemic.

        2. The better the quality / higher the price, the more likely I am to hang on to something that I might wear again.

        3. This has nothing to do with fast fashion, I have plenty of items for years and years that are still today items.

      4. This used to be my philosophy. I have revised it since the quality of clothing has gone so far downhill and I’ve begun regretting purging well-made items that have come back into style. In most cases I can’t find a suitable replacement in the revived silhouette that doesn’t look cheap, is made of natural fibers, is lined, etc.

        1. This is such a good point. The items I have today generally can’t be replaced at the same level at ANY price so I’m gonna have to choose quality over trendiness.

          1. I have a collection of knee high boots made with real leather, all the way around. Nowadays, boots this style seem to have an elastic panel all the way up the back, which I think looks cheap – have seen this even on pricey brands.

            I don’t wear them often, but I am keeping these boots!

    3. Always follow your own style, but skinny (as opposed to straight) is not current.

    4. • Pants. I’m not sure what you mean by “skinny”? I think a straight leg with plenty of give and ease in it is perfectly fine. I’d be more wary of a skinny leg, which generally fits very close to the leg, including the calf and ankle.
      • Skirts. It sounds like you might need to phase them out, unless you think your preferences about wearing flat shoes might shift, or your viewpoint about feeling stumpy might change.
      • Don’t store “meh” clothing for a maybe-time in the future.

    5. I will just add: I think you need to take a picture of you in a mirror wearing an item (or enlist a patient friend). Our eyes lie to us (we emotionally like an item: maybe the color or pattern or fabric or remember how expensive something was), but the picture won’t. If you don’t like how you look, it’s the clothes (not you!) and you need to save your closet space for items that work for you.

        1. But your head is the prime accessory to the outfit, I think it’s a key part of any look.

          1. Yes. But I am stuck with the one I have. I’d love a slightly fresher model, but all I can do is take the picture to the hair salon for evidence of what I do as a non-pro with a good cut.

      2. +1. Your body and personal style should take precedence over trends. For instance, it took me a long time to realize that I can’t do anything dramatically ruffly. Rufflepuff swallows me up and I look and feel uncomfortable. It’s not you, it’s the clothes!

    6. So for skirts – what is the right hem length? And the right shoe? Summer I did all longish midi skirts, mostly with flats. Is there a shoe to wear with just above the knee skirts (not pencil)?

      1. There ISN’T a “right” hem length! Or a “right” shoe. That’s what makes the shoe/skirt thing hard. You have to play around with heel heights and hem lengths until you find the proportions that work best on your body. Then you have to consider whether those proportions are currently trending, and whether/how much that matters to you.

        To play around: pin or clip up a skirt length at different lengths and see what you like. The most traditionally flattering lengths are often just above the knee, somewhere below the knee but above the calf, or below the curve of the calf. Which one works for you depends on your leg shape and proportions.

        A heel is generally going to be more flattering on your leg than a flat shoe. Flats and midi skirts are an acceptable, on-trend look right now, but I don’t think you’ll find anyone arguing that they are more flattering than other shoe/length combinations. Even so, I will choose comfortable shoes every day over wearing shoes based on whether they “flatter” my legs. I’m over it.

      2. Individual issue – I’m very tall and prefer midi to maxi range. I find that the most flexible in summer and winter so all my skirts are in that range.

        1. Oh and I personally think the longer the skirt, the flatter the shoe can be, which also factors in. In winter I do like a chunky heel boot though.

      3. For skirts my fave is having it hit just below the knee / just above where your calf muscle tapers back in. An above-knee pencil skirt reads too “Mad Men-influenced 2010” to my eye now!

  4. I had a rental car with satellite radio in it recently. I love that there are Yacht Rock channels. It’s so perfect for the summer. Does the amount of listeners drop substantially once the seasons change?

    1. I live where the winters are long and dark. If anything, I lean more into all things tropical when it’s freezing and the weather sucks.

      1. I turn to metal in the winter. It is like fighting the darkness / gray and powering through.

    2. Yacht rock has become a sub-genre unto itself. There are yacht rock concerts where a bunch of bands get together to perform their biggest songs (search Yacht Rock Revue). There is a band called Yachtly Crew that tours with Yacht Rock covers. I expect there will be a Yacht Rock cruise sometime in the near future.

      1. it’s already happened — the next one is starring Kenny Loggins and Boz Scaggs 😂

    3. Similar vibe-I listen to Radio Margaritaville on Sirius all year round, probably more so in the winter because I want to be somewhere tropical

    5. I love Yacht Rock and I hope it stays! My son (elementary school) also loves it and asks for “Yaaahht Rohhck.”

  5. Any recommendations for cute, preppy-sporty sweaters with a v-neck instead of a crewneck?

    3. Lands End has a ton of tennis/cricket sweaters. If you want to pay up, Rowing Blazers too.

  6. Has anyone had a molar pulled with local anesthetic and Valium only? I had an oral surgeon consult who said no problem, they could do that and pack with graft material. Periodontist said no way have to be sedated and it would be too unpleasant otherwise. Personally I don’t like sedation and the oral surgeon can do the procedure a lot sooner so I’m leaning that way if it isn’t crazy.

    1. As an adult, I had a wisdom tooth pulled with local and no valium. Drove myself there and back. The procedure took maybe 10 minutes from the time I sat in the chair until I left. It was performed by an old-school oral surgeon.

        1. Somewhere in between? Local and 600 mg of advil (so basically 3 instead of 2). It was fine. The worst part was the slight swelling/ bleeding after. You just need to ice an ice pack on and off and then you have to eat soft foods for a day or two. They recommended milk shakes because they are both cold and soft so I happily obliged. It really was more psychologically difficult than anything else and I wouldn’t have gone under for it if given the option.

        2. Mine was no big deal. I stopped at Starbucks on my way home and carried on with my day.

      2. Me too! Novacaine and some nitrous oxide for two of my wisdom teeth.

        Drove myself to the grocery store to pick up my prescriptions and some soft food. I had a very easy recovery, too, really didn’t need anything stronger than OTC ibuprofen.

        I think the main factor is whether the teeth have erupted through the gums. If they are far enough out, they can be pulled pretty easily without having to dig around.

      3. I also had a wisdom tooth pulled with just local anaesthetic, no sedatives or additional pain meds. It took about 30 seconds to pop out, no big deal at all.

        1. Same here. While the process seemed barbaric (the pulling and manipulation) it didn’t hurt and I didn’t even feel anything.

    2. I’ve had it done with local anesthetic and Tylenol, not Valium. It was fine. The most uncomfortable part is your mouth is held open with a type of dental dam. This became annoying, and I felt like I was drooling even though I wasn’t. I just closed my eyes, and tried to not pay attention to what was going on. The actual tooth removal was pretty fast, the setting up took most of the time. Unless you are really uncomfortable or scared of dental work, I don’t think anesthesia is worth it.

    3. I had a molar pulled as a teen with just local. That was the standard back then. It would have been a lot more traumatic to be sedated.

    4. I don’t like sedation and would trust the surgeon. I care a lot more about effective pain control at home when I need to sleep than during a procedure at the dentist though.

      DH had a molar pulled with local anesthetic only and it was pretty painful (and a drawn out process since it was a cracked tooth and they had to pull out all the pieces!), but he’d been in absolutely excruciating pain not even remotely controlled by OTCs for days, so it was kind of blue on black at that point and he was practically delirious from the sleep deprivation and grateful to finally have it out.

      1. (I do think the pain was from the infection and swelling that had built up and not just the procedure!)

    6. I had a wisdom tooth pulled with local only. It was already all the way out so wasn’t that big of a deal. Had swelling, not a lot of pain.

    7. May I chime in and say that sedation for a tooth pull is not common in many European countries. I only had general sedation when 4 buried wisdom teeth were removed at once, but if the tooth is already out and it’s just one, only local numbing/pain management is the norm.

      I have to ask for local anesthesia everytime I go to a German dentist for a filling – it is not very common to be offered right away.

      1. +1 European here, and I had my wisdom teeth out with local only by an oral surgeon, followed by paracetamol and ibuprofen mixed the next days. And ice cream.

    8. I woke up during my wisdom tooth surgery and that was incredibly traumatic and if I could go back, I would do local anesthetic instead! I have been scared to go under ever since and am dreading a colonoscopy.

    1. I think it varies by brand, but my experience from two years ago as a 5’10 woman was that it seemed to all be cut for the 5’6” woman. I’ll be interested to hear if that’s changed, because I also like the style!

      2. I’m 5-4. I have a their-brand casual dress from them that I wouldn’t want to be any shorter. I also have some athletic items from them that are very nice — functional, but much more for my classic old-school tennis aesthetic (like Tory Burch, but not as $$$).

        1. +1 – I’m 5’4 and their in house brands are pretty high quality and work well for my traditional preppy/formal work life. I describe it as grown-up JCrew, but it’s a bit more interesting than I see elsewhere, with higher quality fabrics.

          1. I agree but in the same height and wish they were all .5-1inch longer. A lot of the shorter dresses are short!

      4. Co-sign as a 5’11” gal. Their stuff is cut for some sort of manic pixie middle aged suburban country club lady who is way shorter than me.

        1. I’m a middle aged woman who’s 5’2″, lives in the suburbs and belongs to a country club. I checked out the site based on your comment and I indeed like what I see lol.

    2. It’s a collection of different brands, so individual brand sizing may vary. The Tuckernuck house brand (just called Tuckernuck), I’ve found to run true to my expectation of my size. I’m a medium in their brand, which is the same size I wear for J Crew Factory clothes.

      1. I would check it out if it’s your vibe. There are lots of brands there and plenty of longer skirts and dresses.

        1. +1. I am 5’9 and find plenty of clothes I like at Tuckernuck. I do agree that their house brand runs a bit short, but there are tons of other brands on their site and in their stores that are totally fine.

    3. If you are tall, Sue Sartor has some very long dresses (not the Flounce, but some of the other styles). I’m 5-4 and my 5-8 daughter got a gorgeous silk dress I got on sale and a really cute skirt with pockets. My feet don’t do heels anymore, so things need to not drag on the floor when I wear flats.

      Also Swedish brands like And Other Stories.

  8. I lent one of my neighbors a tool last week, today they returned it with a big baggie of organic kale from their garden. I got a little weepy when I got inside my home, I didn’t realize how much my heart needed that little bit of community and kindness.

    1. This is a delightful story. And a great reminder to all of us that small kindness gestures can have big impacts.

    2. We moved earlier in the summer and not one neighbor has come by to say welcome or hello. It honestly kind of stings.

        1. +1 it’s never clear to me who is supposed to reach out when people move in. I feel like in our neighborhood the new person reaches out more often.

      2. No one had ever done this for me. I thought it was something that only happened on the hallmark channel or maybe some very rustic small town.

  9. We’re in the early stages of contemplating a kitchen reno. This will include moving plumbing, installing a support beam and removing walls.

    We have concept drawings and have settled on a design from a great local architect. She says these drawings should be sufficient to get a rough estimate from a contractor, which is really want we want as this project may not be started for 6 months… or two years. It’s a nice to have not a need to have, and depending on cost we may deprioritize.

    So, has anyone done this? This process is totally new to me. Is my architect correct – is this a typical step/ask of a contractor? Anything I should consider when asking a GC for this? We don’t have construction drawings yet given the uncertainty of when we’ll do this, fwiw. Architect doesn’t like to recommend GCs so I’m not getting names from her but plan to ask some local friends who recently completed similar house work.

    I just want to know is this a $200k project or $350k project….. ballpark within $50k would be nice to know. I know about budgeting x% more for changes etc, but I need to understand where we’d potentially be starting from. I’m in Bostons northern suburbs if that matters. TIA!

    1. I don’t think this is unreasonable but if you wait 2 years labor and raw materials prices can change by 50k+. As can appliance prices. I think all you can really get is what the price would be is in the nearish future, and prices can also vary substantially depending on choices you make.

      2. Yup, this is understood. More directly, we’re weighing this against a smaller home project + another medium ticket item vs just this one larger project. The other home project + other purchase are in “today dollars” so just wanting an apples to apples comparison.

      3. Yup. If you’re going to wait, you should rebid it later. Between tariffs and inflation, prices on materials and prices are going up.

    2. There are way too many factors involved for anyone to give you a ballpark: age of your home, how your home is built (balloon framing, plaster & lath etc), what materials, square footage, access, permits ….

    3. You interview contractors to find a few you like and then ask them to start putting together bids for the job. I’d expect to pay to get a full estimate. Realistically good GCs are busy 6+ months out, so you’d be doing the paperwork now to get the work done on your schedule.

      Then add 30% to the estimate to get a realistic cost of the work. You won’t be accurate to 50k on a 300k kitchen job: cabinets alone could be 20k or 120k depending. A good GC will give you a line by line breakdown- i.e. 100k for moving wall, adding the support beam etc (note that this will also vary depending on how load is carried through those walls+ whether everything is working as designed).

    4. Yes, a good GC can give you a ballpark within $50K. We did the exact same thing with even less than architectural drawings. Our all-in was around $250K (it was more than a kitchen). Just let them know you may not be ready to start work tomorrow so they don’t spend hours and hours on a detailed contract, but everyone we spoke to was happy to give us a rough estimate.

    5. We’re in the midst of a major home renovation in Connecticut right now.

      Yes, it’s normal to take drawings to a contractor and ask for ballpark bids. The actual, final number comes much later, within weeks/days of starting (and getting financing, if applicable).

      Think about this: any good contractor is going to be booked out at least a year. Start looking now and they’ll be ready by the time you’re ready.

      We’re paying $30k for custom cabinets. Our fridge alone is $10k because we only have room for an uncommonly sized one from a European brand. Dishwasher was maybe $1200. Our stove was $8k. Labor to demo the existing kitchen is under $5k. Flooring is $7k. I don’t have a price for countertops yet.

      I’m happy to answer any questions for you since I’m in the thick of it right now.

      1. Thank you for some of these numbers, especially cabinets. I know it’s going to vary depending on how many cabinets we need, etc, but it’s good to know.

        How long is yours supposed to take? I had a friend who did her kitchen and was out of her house for 6 months. I had another friend who said it took 6 weeks. Both in the same zip code and same building inspector, so one wasn’t faster than the other in that regard.

        1. Our entire house – we’re literally touching all 13 rooms in the house – is supposed to take 6 months. I cannot fathom what was involved in your friend’s kitchen that it took 6 months. My neighbor just had her kitchen done and it took 6 weeks.

          1. Thanks. I know… It was only her kitchen and then they added updating a first-floor bathroom next to the kitchen (and not a large one) mid way through the project, but she was sans kitchen for 5 months and it wasn’t done for 6. Needless to say, I’m not calling her contractor.

            The kitchen sits in the middle of our house and it will involve expanding it in to the existing dining room. And then the current living room will become a dining room, so there will be some modification to that room but not much. So, as contemplated it’s touching a solid chunk of our home, but by no means the entire house. I think I’d ideally like to do this in the summer when we can take advantage of outdoor grilling and general outdoors life (but we do grill all year round so I suppose that alone shouldn’t stop us).

          2. Honestly, you get the slot when the contractor you like is available. If he’s available in the dead of winter because it’s an interior job, then winter it is. Our date kept being pushed back as hiccups on other jobs delayed our start date.

      2. Just as another data point, I had 8 smaller uppers added to my cabinets, and added 1 lower cabinet and a bookshelf for cookbooks, and then everything repainted (it was white but it needed a refresh). Just that cost me about $60K. I have a simple shaker cabinets. I’m in DC. My brother is redoing his kitchen and similarly has a plan from an architect that he bid out to 3 folks. The differences in price were incredible to me, but as someone above pointed out, they included different levels of quality, so it’s helpful to make sure everyone is on the same page about that. Good luck!

    6. Don’t forget that some of the cost will vary widely based on the mill work and finishes you choose. That can cause a 100k swing on its own.

  10. I’m very sad about what the current administration has done to the Kennedy center. I grew up going to shows there.

    1. Of all the things that have been done in the last 2 years, this one seems like the easiest to undo though.

      1. Well yes, and would not be my top priority in terms of things to fix, but also why did he make this such a thing. Doesn’t he have better things to do

    2. It’s clear we need better laws/policies around structural changes in DC. The president should not be able to just do whatever they want in these institutions because they are president. It seems like a slippery slope to the Amazon Washington memorial. Sell everything to the highest bidder for branding (which is how Trump actually made his money).

      I do agree with the sentiment that at least wealthy people in the past like Carnegie slapped their names on valuable things like libraries. An assassinated president’s memorial is very tacky.

      1. “An assassinated president’s memorial is very tacky.”

        I agree! And it’s so strange! Like why would you want your name on someone else’s memorial? Does it occur to him that’s like putting your name on someone else’s tombstone? I get that he constantly needs to be praised but I can’t believe he’d even want that.

    3. It’s just closing, right? Isn’t that the best possible outcome and it just sits quietly for the next two years? (I mean, the best possible outcome is obviously nothing like any of this, but…) Or is he still going to try to do heaven knows what renovations?

      2. They are moving in fencing and there’s construction equipment in the area there now. He’s been saying since February he plans to take it down to the steel framing, so while it may not be “destroyed” it’ll be entirely redone. Not by far the worst thing this Administration has done but just unbelievably gross and sad.

  11. if you used to do old DVDs like the firm, jillian michaels, denise richards… who are your favorite exercise people to follow now?

    2. I love Jessica Smith. She has a lot of videos on YouTube, but I also buy her DVDs and have used them regularly for years. They are challenging, but I also don’t feel like I’m going to overextend myself.

    3. Megan roup at Scuplt Society. She does a Black Friday sale for yearly access that locks in and is very economical. Love her and the app.

  12. Possibly a weird question – we live in a townhouse with a backyard. Our back fence closes with a latch only (no lock) and opens onto our parking spot. We live in a mid-sized city and while it’s pretty safe, there has been some issues with crime recently (mostly theft/porch pirates but also some more violent stuff). All of this to say, my husband and I were sitting peacefully in our living and our dog starts barking like crazy. Three seniors had opened the back gate and were just kind of standing there? My husband goes out and asks what they are doing, politely but firmly. They say something about one of them living here years ago and how this used to be a public area (which I find highly doubtful – if anything it’s possible the back yards were shared between the street residents and not individually fenced, but our deed clearly shows this as private land). They seemed kind of harmless and maybe a bit senile, but also weren’t leaving and seemed confused as to why we were upset. They were very adamant they wanted to come in and look around. DH had to kind of raise his voice and say “this is trespassing, I could call the police, please leave”. We were wondering if we were too firm with them, but I feel like the normal course of action for something like this is to ring the front bell and ask to look around, not sneak in through the back. Have you every experienced something like this, and should we be concerned about it? Or are we overrreacting?

        1. I was more thinking to look around the patio area for things to steal there – bikes, yard equipment. This is a common problem where I live. My locked bike got stolen that way. I would have kept it inside my studio apartment if I had known how prevalent the theft was, but I hadn’t wanted to block the door with it.

    2. I’m not really sure what your concerns are. You say it would be normal to ring the front bell if they really wanted to look around a place they used to live, but they weren’t acting like they had some ulterior motive either. They may also not have planned on asking to come in until they were already talking with you. I find it plausible that they treated the yards between the townhouse as shared back when they lived there, probably before there even was a fence, and I cannot imagine that anyone was thinking of the deed during this conversation other than you.

      I’m not sure what the relevance of the recent crime issues is to this story other than to explain why you and your husband were being kind of weird unless you really got the impression that these three people are violent criminals or porch pirates (sneaking in through the back gate in a group doesn’t seem like a good approach to porch pirating to me). So with only this context it does sound like you are overreacting even though I also would really not appreciate people touring my yard in an entitled way (especially since they upset the dog).

      1. Fair enough. They didn’t seem like they had an ulterior motive, but they were also acting a bit strange, and it wasn’t clear if they were just elderly and clueless or if something was off. The relevance of mentioning the crime is that, about a year ago, one of our neighbors was almost the target of a home intrusion where someone came in through the back and tried to smash their patio door with a baseball bat in the middle of the day. The neighbor was home that day (which was unusual, he normally went to the office) so they saw it happening, called 911, and the guy ran off. But since then we are all a bit on edge about people coming in through the back. As mentioned about there is also the occasional instance of people stealing bikes etc without breaking into the homes. We have been wondering if we should add a lock to the fence, although a determined person could climb over it pretty easily.

        1. I’m glad you didn’t let them in! I know someone who had somebody bust in despite their three large dogs being home.

          It sounds like the lock would have stopped these three. Deterrents like that don’t stop determined people, but people who nab stuff opportunistically are often really not that determined, so they do help!

        2. I’d swap the hardware for one that locks. And I don’t think you are overreacting.
          If it was a shared area back in the day, that might explain why they entered. But it doesn’t explain why they kept pushing to look around once it was clear that the current occupants were not on board with this.

        3. You keep using the words like “elderly,” “senior,” “confused,” and “clueless,” and then talking about being concerned about home invasions, breaking and entering, climbing fences, stealing, etc.

          Common sense says that people you’re describing this way were not scoping out your back yard so they could steal stuff from you or commit a crime. They could very well have seemed clueless and confused because they were standing there remembering a former time, and suddenly they’re confronted by a stern homeowner talking about trespassing and police.

          1. Yeah, I realize these three smallish elderly people were not about to carry out a violent home invasion. But I still think it’s very weird to just come in like that, and my husband politely told them that it wasn’t a good time, and they were weirdly insistent and wouldn’t leave and were being pushy in a way that the typical person wouldn’t. Kept saying “oh we just want to go inside [the yard] and take a look”. We didn’t come out guns blazing – we politely inquired as to what they wanted first. We have had kids come in because their ball went in a our yard or something and never had an issue with that.

          2. Even if they didn’t want to commit a crime and were out on a lark looking around, upsetting a territorial dog to the point that the dog bites or letting a scared dog out of the back yard could have some awful side effects.

            I’d get a combination lock just to make sure.

          3. As a career prosecutor, I can assure you that young thieves who do not die young become older thieves. Older thieves are very much a thing, and often use peoples’ inherent “respect your elders”
            tendencies to take advantage of a situation.

        4. I do think it’s right to trust when people feel off. I used to try to ignore that feeling if there was an apparent reason for a disconnect or communication barrier, but I’ve realized that people don’t actually feel off in that way to me if they’re just elderly or disabled or not great with English. So I try to go with my gut feeling more now in situations like this one where they’re asking a favor and I don’t owe them anything.

          1. +1. Please remember that you never owe a stranger violating a boundary anything at all. They sound sketchy as hell! In no world is it normal to do what they did.

    3. I think you were overreacting re: the threat you were presented with (three senior citizens), but clearly you’re worried about safety in your neighborhood generally, so a lock and camera seem like a good idea for you.

    4. Gift of fear. You felt something was off and that’s okay. Also get a better lock.

    5. maybe a weird take, but i’ve been hearing a lot about how dementia can change your personality — people get aggressive, obsessed with sex… i can see risky behavior/stealing stuff to be part of that. i’d take it seriously.

      1. As an aside, it’s not at all uncommon. . . maybe not here, but it’s important for people to know dementia isn’t just forgetfulness – 2-28% are hypersexual or sexually inappropriate, and 30-52% have some form of aggressive behavior. It can be such a surprise to new caregivers and make it difficult to care for them (AND can prevent them from being placed in assisted or skilled nursing homes and the like).

      2. Well and we also have a generation that is reliving some of their youthful experimentation w/drugs and pining for their young wild days. I am not super afraid of them except when they are driving, but I don’t feel their decision making is always top notch either.

    6. I live on a quiet street that has a similar back gate opening to parking areas arrangement. In some places, our parking areas connect to parking areas for other houses that face a fairly busy road. There are a couple of old footpaths from the parking areas that go past the homes on my street, so someone could cross from the busy road through the parking areas to our quiet street. That’s the only thing I can think someone could reasonably mean by calling any space a formerly “public area,” even though it still kinda isn’t. It’s not public parking, the paths are on private property. Anyways, people have recently been putting up fences to block the foot paths. But if that happened to me, I’d be weirded out. You just do not need to be opening up a latch to a gate that leads to what is likely someone’s home. And if someone said they’d want to look around after they were informed that it was private property, I’d be weirded out. Or, maybe I don’t want to deal with it. You’re not obligated to lead several senile strangers on a tour of your home. Trust your gut. I just don’t feel the need to be apologetic when erring on the side of personal safety.

      1. “You’re not obligated to lead several senile strangers on a tour of your home.” This made me lol. Come on people, this is so obvious.

    7. I think that was reasonable.

      The people had no legal right to be there and were politely told to leave. They insisted on staying. The correct course of action is to have the police remove them if they don’t remove themselves.

      It doesn’t really matter what their intentions are; they should have left when told to leave.

      1. Right. They just told them to leave. It’s not like they set their dog on them, aimed a gun at them, or immediately called the cops and got them arrested (all of which I would deem unreasonable). I know OP is wondering whether she was “too firm” with them, but what would have been a less firm alternative while still getting them off the property? Give them goldfish and juice boxes and while gently shuffling them out of the yard?

    8. I agree that this sounds a little weird, but just wanted to add that we have both had former residents of our house come back to see their old house and I’ve been on trips with my parents where we walked by the houses they grew up. We didn’t actually go into the yard like these people, but we did stop and stare at the house, which is also what the former residents of our house did. My mom saw them and went outside to talk to them and ended up inviting them inside to see the house. It was a dad and his kid around my age at the time and he ended up telling us all kinds of interesting stories about the house.

      I don’t think it sounds completely off base that the common property policy for townhouses was different decades ago and that they were just confused while looking around their old neighborhood, though you’re obviously not obligated to accommodate them. And if you are worried about crime, getting a gate lock and keeping an extra eye out seems reasonable.

    9. The way this played out would raise my hackles too. And I come from a community where asking strangers to give you a tour of their house that you lived in 100 years ago is a somewhat common and acceptable thing to do — I have done it (well I was a kid and my grandmother did it when I was with her) and have been on the receiving end of it (at my grandmother’s house), and both times were received warmly with coffee or sweet tea/lemonade and cookies and an invitation to stay for dinner.

      But what you describe is different. People let themselves onto your FENCED property. Even if it used to be public, it was fenced so it’s clearly not public now. And then when confronted in a firm way — showing that they were unwelcome and had crossed a boundary — they doubled down and asked to come inside. And we’re apparently insistent about coming inside. That’s not normal. That’s not how asking to see your old house is supposed to go. You knock on the front door.

    10. Do you have a nice yard, with flowering plants / perennials?

      Sadly, in our suburb there have been “harmless seniors” who were the most notorious garden bandits. Going into yards and cutting flowers to enjoy at home, stealing potted plants, and even digging up perennials!

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