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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Classic Crewneck T-Shirt

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A woman wearing a green top and white pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Readers have been big fans of this crewneck tee from Banana Republic Factory. It’s easy to see why it’s a hit — it comes in nine different colors and a pretty good range of sizes. I like the silky crepe finish to give it a slightly elevated look to bring it out of the realm of “cozy weekend” and into “business casual.”

The “deep sea teal” color is calling my name, but it also comes in some great spring tones, as well as some perfect neutrals.

The top is $32.50-$44.97 at Banana Republic Factory — with an extra 25% off at checkout — and comes in sizes XXS-XXL.

Sales of note for 3/26/25:

  • Nordstrom – 15% off beauty (ends 3/30) + Nordy Club members earn 3X the points!
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale + additional 20% off + 30% off your purchase
  • Banana Republic Factory – Friends & Family Event: 50% off purchase + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 30% off tops, tees, dresses, accessories, sale styles + warm-weather styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Shorts under $30 + extra 60% off clearance + up to 60% off everything
  • M.M.LaFleur – 25% off travel favorites + use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – $64.50 spring cardigans + BOGO 50% off everything else

345 Comments

  1. Has anyone from NC received their state tax refund? I filed on March 15th which was almost 10 weeks ago. When I check the online tool, it’s still stuck in stage 3 (processing). I’m getting really frustrated as they owe me a lot of money.

    1. That sucks, I am sorry. I filed in NC that same week (e-file thru HR Block, simple-ish W-2s and std deduction return) and received my return via direct deposit within 4 business days.

      1. Replying to myself to correct this—I had my fed and NC refunds confused! Still waiting on a small NC check too!

    3. We literally just got our’s yesterday and we filed pretty early. Why they still send physical checks…

        1. Op here – this comment wins! My state senator’s office is already calling me and on the case!

    5. FYI mine was stuck in “processing” (and they owed me a lot of money too) and they wound up taking it for unpaid back taxes. Which is fine, but I felt irritated and mislead by the “processing” rather than a clear and direct “we’re clawing this back for XYZ reasons” and making it seem like it was going to go through.
      Also I had to call my state tax and ream them out and insist on receipts because they sent a letter saying they took 2/3 of the tax refund and didn’t account for the rest of it. Where was it? I had to spend hours getting bounced around to different departments before they would finally admit they took two different payments and only sent one letter.
      I’m aware I owe taxes! That’s fine. But be up *front* about what is happening!

    6. I have. I filed in mid-February and received my refund about two months later (mid-April). You’re right that processing has been frustratingly slow this year. I’m guessing that those who weren’t able to file early are enduring even longer waits than I did; hope your refund comes through soon!

  2. I think I might be the other woman in an emotional affair. How do I figure this out, and how do I stop?

    1. If you’re asking if you’re involved, you know the answer. To stop: complete no contact. One of you change jobs if it’s at work. No contact means zero contact, not checking in once a week to catch up. No more texting, calling, liking instagram posts, whatever.

      1. Yup. All of this. And for what it’s worth, I was once that woman too. The only way to stop is to go no contact for all things personal.

      2. this is excessively dramatic. If this is at work, just pull back on the personal chat.

      3. +1 further, if not changing jobs is not a current option put up distance limits.

      4. Is no one capable of nuance anymore? This advice is shocking to me, especially the advice to just “change jobs.” First, if someone really needs to change jobs, it should be the married guy who decided to commit to his wife exclusively. Second, there is a way to change the tone of a relationship, either by just retreating or, if necessary, with a frank conversation, that does not require major life changes. How do I know? Because I have done it – once at work, more recently in a friend circle. OP is not in a full-blown affair where they have announced their intention to break up his marriage. This can be reeled in.

          1. +1 million. It’s also probably a lot of people without a lot of life experience.

          2. Look, there is a substantial population here that believes that (i) infidelity is basically worse than murder, (ii) a person involved in infidelity is an awful irredeemable human being, and nothing about that person can possibly be good or worthwhile, and (iii) there is no circumstance that makes infidelity understandable (I don’t say excusable, but understandable) – the spouse who is faithful is always completely blameless, and the cheater is just a deeply selfish and unsympathetic person.

            My perspective on all of this shifted when I saw my best friend have an affair. Her husband was deeply controlling and her self-esteem was in shreds; she met someone who saw and loved her as she truly was. Would she ideally have ended her marriage first? Yes (and I urged her to, repeatedly, before she met this buy), but until she met someone that made her hope for something more, it just didn’t seem real to her that she could have, and deserved to have, a better life. They have now been married for 15 years and have a child.

          3. My Mom has a theory that there is always someone else in a divorce. That even if it’s on the crush end of the crush-emotional affair-physical affair spectrum, people don’t leave marriages for no one.

            I don’t know if I believe that’s true for every divorce, but I also have yet to be able to disprove it.

            (Absolutely not trying to encourage OP to pursue this. OP, please untangle!)

          4. Anon at 10:05 am, I am getting divorced after my husband causes permanent physical disability to me. Glad to know I’m having an emotional affair, according to you!

            (Which is to say, please reconsider your position.)

          5. @ 10:23 different Anon here, and I’m sorry your ex did that to you. But I’m not sure what your point is.

            It has been my experience, and I’m an Old, that at least for men there is always another woman. Whether he’s slept with her or not or whether it’s just the idea of being with her. Men don’t tend to leave a sure thing unless they think they can draw a new mate pretty quickly.

          6. Anon at 10:23, I’m so sorry you went through that and absolutely do not mean to accuse you of anything.

            My point (and my mom’s point) isn’t trying to judge or place blame. It’s that relationships are complicated and intimacy is nebulous. Society tends to vilify anything it deems to be an affair. But it’s really common for people to seek all forms of intimacy outside their marriages.

          7. Omg of course you can’t “disprove” it, you can’t prove a negative. You and your mom are mean harpies who need better hobbies.

          8. I’m really glad that you think my destroyed body (and I was a competitive athlete before this) is “nebulous.” If you’re single, you can be the next wife – you and my STBX would get along famously.

          9. Anon, I’m sorry you experienced that but you’re projecting pretty hard on a fairly innocuous comment.

          11. I have no experience with divorce or DV but I was taken aback by 10:05’s comment too. Sorry but you and your mom have a very weird view of marriage and breakups.

        2. Agreed. OP, as a first step, you just make yourself less available for the type of emotional interactions you’ve been having. Daily coffee break that drifts into overly intimate conversations about his wife? You’re not free for coffee today, so sorry! Eating dinner together when you’re working late? Start inviting someone else, or if no one else works late, start doing your late work from home. When it’s work, the easiest way to remove yourself from the situations that breed inappropriate intimacy is just to be too busy.

          2. Strongly agree with all this. This is the appropriate proportional way forward.

            Also OP now is a good time to start a new hobby or daily habit to distract yourself with something completely new.

          3. This. When I was drowning with twins on mat leave, DH had a bit of situation like this at work. It was hurting our marriage when he turned to her first for a coffee break chat or a lunch meet up. We were both drained and not in a good place because we barely spoke about anything not kid related. We both made a conscious effort to turn towards each other and it got better.

            Just be less available for that emotional connection and it will resolve. If his marriage is truly bad and he wants to leave, pulling back will make him think about what he wants.

    2. I definitely wouldn’t change jobs over this IDK where this came from. Just pull back. Don’t be available to get coffee all the time or to stand around chatting. If you do have to get coffee because you can’t abruptly say no, bring other people to walk with you or if you can’t just start cutting the frequency of coffee and keep the banter non personal. If he talks personal stuff, barely acknowledge it and move the conversation back to some work thing. No more liking anything on his social media. If possible block him on your social media so he won’t instantly see updates in his feed. And if he texts non work things like chatting after hours, don’t respond. Can’t tell if you are married or not but if he asks why you didn’t respond last night – you were having dinner with your husband or you just didn’t see the text because you were out or busy. He’ll get the hint soon enough.

        1. And how exactly does that work? “I’m finding myself emotionally attracted to you and believe you could cheat on your wife out of perceived attraction to me as well, and therefore you need to leave your job.”

          Grow up. In the real world, people set boundaries around what they will or won’t partake in. It’s on OP to decide if she wants to tell him to keep it professional with her. That’s a good first step.

          Changing someone’s entire career trajectory over something they haven’t been acting on seems bizarre. It’s even more bizarre to expect it from someone else.

      2. This is easy advice if OP is uninterested, but if she’s enjoying the attention and relationship she’s probably finding it hard to give up. We don’t know OP’s feelings here since she hasn’t returned to comment.

    3. I’ve been there once so a huge hug and no shame or judgement.

      I agree that if you’re asking this question, you probably are.

      How deep in are you? I was in love with him. It was bad. We didn’t talk about it but we mutually went no contact after a project ended.

      I’m hoping you’re less in than I was. If you’re in a position to go no contact, I’d definitely recommend it and then treat it like a break up. If not, I’d recommend going minimal contact- “I want to keep our relationship professional” and then doing just that.

      1. +1 All the others saying “no contact is too dramatic, just stop the conversations” are the ones who haven’t been there. If you’ve been there, and have to ask a message board how to stop, you know it’s not that easy.

        1. If you don’t work together, sure absolutely go no contact. That will be easier. I think the slow drift away advice is if they are working together. You can’t go no contact with people you work with unless you quit, and it seems like an overreaction to quit your job without trying to actively distance yourself.

        2. They were talking about the context of a job, where you usually can’t go no contact with a coworker.

        3. Except I am the commenter from above who started the thread about taking less drastic measures and in my comment I explicitly stated that I have been there twice. And now I’m not. And I still see the person from my friend circle regularly and ended the work situation before leaving for other reasons. It is possible. If you can’t tell yourself that some people are off limits and conduct yourself accordingly then you are going to really struggle in this world.

    4. I’ve been on the unwitting end of this. I had a colleague who confided in me a lot about his dissatisfaction with his job, which led to his dissatisfaction with his marriage. It kind of went from your standard work friendship to a TMI situation and unfortunately none of my spidey senses were tingling. I just thought I was being a good friend.

      Unfortunately, it meant more to him. I was happily engaged to my now husband, and when we went to an offsite meeting (the entire office went) he called me, drunk, and wanted me to come to his room. I said no pretty forcefully. I should have hung up then, but then went on and on and told me I was making a big mistake getting married and now he would marry me if he could. Then I hung up.

      It was ridiculous and embarrassing and I was so disappointed in myself and mortified to work with him again.

      After that I stopped all the friendship stuff. Neither of us changed jobs, but I kept it strictly professional. Emailing where it might have been a call or stopping by his office before.

      That’s what I recommend to you, OP. Dial it back to the bare necessities of professionalism. This is all assuming you work together, which is how it usually happens, but if this is outside of work, you should really end the one on one friendship. If you socialize in groups, fine, but keep your distance. But stop the texting & phone calls and whatever else it has devolved into by now.

      You’ll feel better in a month or so, I promise. End it now.

    5. I’d say pull way back but also get involved with your own life and dial up the rest of it. You can’t take something away and leave a hole without putting something into it! It’s too tempting to go back and fill that need with the very thing you’re trying to avoid.
      So go on dates, hang out with friends, call up a therapist (if you’re using the EA partner as a sort of ear to cry on), re-focus on your hobbies, and so on.
      Also, I noticed when I was single that the good guys and best friends/chat partners at work seemed to be married–because they presumably weren’t on the make. They could be casual, friendly, and cool because they weren’t trying to get with me. And that fun, friendly, and respectful conversation sometimes made me fall for them! Ah, the Age of Innocence conundrum: where you love him because he’ll never leave his wife.

  3. I’m looking for:
    – a blue/black (solid or print is ok) shirt dress
    – has pockets
    – either sleeveless or a true short sleeve (like just above elbow length, I hate cap sleeves), not longer sleeve to roll up
    – no elastic under the sleeves (like no bubble hem? Not sure how to explain)
    – goes either just under knee length or midi length
    – preferably not horrendously wrinkle prone but open to ideas
    – budget preferably under $150

      1. Oooo, I like that! Do you think it would be okay to wear as an attorney in a non-litigation field?

          1. Oh come on. That dress is fine for work.

            I cannot believe 8:41 produced the EXACT dress OP was looking for, and in black and blue!

          2. Where on earth do you work that this dress isn’t appropriate for non-court days? Do you have to wear a full suit and pantyhose every day?

    2. I’m wondering (and not to scold OP) if this is where AI might help? Can it do things like this? I feel like I should try to use it as a virtual assistant and want to make that my summer project.

        1. See, that is what I want AI for. “Swim shorts that won’t ride up” and “skirted bikini bottoms for a size 0 teen girl that won’t be at risk of falling off and kids’ sizes are too low rise for someone the height of an adult”. I would use it just for fashion if I could.

          2. chat gpt 4 actually can search the live, real time Internet now – worth a try if you’re interested in experimenting.

      2. I mean, just search Google for blue shirt dress and you can easily see from the pictures which ones work.

      3. Why would we need AI when 8:41 pulled the rabbit out of the hat like that? Truly impressive.

  4. I have a very specific travel request for this well traveled and knowledgeable team. Would greatly appreciate any recommendations that have the following:

    – some sort of ranch in the American west
    – suitable for families and has some small group or family only activities (so not always in a huge group)
    – has horseback riding options for people who have riding experience, so not just nose to tail walking trail rides
    – access to fly fishing (with a guide is fine and great)
    – I am sure it goes without saying that the horses and any other animals are well cared for.

    Let’s assume money is no object here.

    Thanks in advance!

    1. Red Rock Ranch in Wyoming or Rocky Mountain Ranch in Idaho. Might be nice to put your money somewhere other than Idaho, though – it’s the most anti-women state we have. It’s too bad because that area is just gorgeous and has everything you asked for.

    3. Banff has a few good outfitters for this kind of experience if you’re open to Canada.

      1. Ditto on Banff/Lake Louise/Jasper. We did Brewster Stables in Lake Louise (right next to the Fairmont) and had a fantastic experience. As someone with riding experience, the longer rides were great. Horses are well taken care of. There are several groups that will take you on multi day rides in the area. I’d suggest booking a private group as they adapted the ride to the experience in the group. The Fairmont was also great as a very bougie hotel base camp.

        1. I have no comment on the dude ranch aspect of this, but Lake Louise/Banff is the most beautiful place I’ve ever been.

    4. Lone Mountain Ranch in Big Sky, Montana has everything that you are looking for. In case this appeals – they have a great kids camp, and if your kids ride (or want to, even if they’re not experienced) they do a horse show for the parents at the end of the week. The food is incredible, too. Fly fishing is on the Yellowstone River.

      1. + 1 to Lone Mountain Ranch in Big Sky, Montana
        My extended family stayed for five nights or so (there were 11 of us, ranging in age from 4 months to 70) and had a wonderful time there about 10 years ago. Great food, fly fishing excursions, horseback riding, archery, kids actvities, and beautiful scenery. We went in October so it was off-season, making it more affordable. It is pricey!

    6. There’s probably something along the Gallatin river in Montana that would fit this bill.

      1. Yep, Covered Wagon Ranch! Along the Gallatin. Great family run ranch, well cared for horses, small groups, and amazing rides in the mountains.

    7. If you’re open to Canada, I would highly recommend the Flying U Ranch in British Columbia. It’s way off the beaten track, but it’s got 60,000 acres of trails (some forest, some lakeside, some mountain, some prairie) that you can take the horses out for day trips on without being guided. They give you a map and an app and a packed lunch and you ride for as long or as short as you want. The horses are really well cared for, they have instructors if you need them, and they’ve been around since 1840-something. There’s lots of fishing in the immediate vicinity, I don’t know about the guide or fly fishing specifically but I just fished in the lake off the dock and off a canoe and had a great time. The area is known for its fly fishing so I’m sure if you tried you could find more. They have lots of activities for families, and you can pick whether you want to do them in the bigger group (movie nights, campfires, archery) or if you want to do them in your own family (kayaking, volleyball, hikes, horseshoes). Some cute nearby towns to check out too.

      Downside is that it is, uh, rustic. Pretty sure the cabin I stayed in was built in 1850 and hadn’t been renovated beyond putting in a single lightbulb! Think summer-camp level of “staying in older cabins, shared bathroom facilities, and eating food in the hall together”. I think they may have some more expensive options that have plumbing in your own cabin but I went for the cheap one.

    8. We did a multi-generational trip to Eaton’s Ranch in Wolf, Wyoming which had a great mix of activities and lots of horseback riding options (up into the mountains, which I recall being mostly guided, or out across the plains with no guide).

    10. Bar Lazy J Guest Ranch in Colorado and JJJ Guest Ranch in Montana. I haven’t been personally but my aunt and uncle take this kind of vacation regularly with their son and they love those locations.

  5. I want to sing the praises of this shirt. We must have 10+ of it in various colors, sleeve lengths, and necks (V and crew) in my house between me and two teens. It is always in the wash and yet holds up well and is so soft.

    3. I think I’m sold on this and can see myself wearing this a lot. I am trying to get away from poly but sometimes you just need something that’s easy to wash and wear without fuss.

  6. Paging Seafinch (and crossposting because I’m not sure if you’re on both pages these days)! I need baby name help and your taste over the years seems perfect for what we need. We need a boy name that works in Russian and English and ideally one that would be easily recognizable/understandable in other European countries as well (family and friends are scattered) while also not being in the top 10 in the U.S. – I wouldn’t want our kid to have the same name as four others in his class. We don’t want a name that SCREAMS Russian, like Sergei – we’d prefer something that works really naturally in both English and Russian.

    Last name is Polish and similar to “Larinsky” (masking it slightly for privacy). I’m OK with alliteration as long as it’s not super cutesy. Our taste skews classic for sure (no “creative” spellings, please), but we’re striking out on good options. Top contender at the moment is Alexander. If Seafinch or anyone else can help, would be so grateful!

      1. I am not Russian, but +1 to Alexander. I also like Nikolas with nickname Niko, and Maxim with nickname Max.

      2. As a mom of an Alex, that is my vote. But we also liked Luca/Luka — which to me sounds like onion in Russian, but it’s actually a top-10 name in Russia right now and it has definitely grown on me!

    2. Eugene
      Dimitri
      Nicholas/Nikolai
      Viktor
      Konstantin
      Mikhail
      Ilya

      I like Alexei and Sasha, but they might read as girls’ names in America.

        2. I also love Sasha as a boys’ name (I’m the Anon who suggested it). However, I’m really into data, so here goes for why Sasha would read as a girls’ name in America:

          The Social Security Administration has an online lookup tool of the popularity of girls’ and boys’ names, from 2000 to 2023. For a girl, Sasha has vacillated between the 262nd most popular name (2009) and the 637th (2022). Since 2000, it has never once been in the top 1,000 boys’ names.

        3. I’m in the Boston area and we have 4 Sasha’s in the 5th grade. Three are boys and one is a girl. They are all Alexander/Alexandras.

      3. I like Constantine but to me people would default to thinking y’all are Greek.

        Could you also throw a patronymic in there?

      4. Did somebody call me? :)

        I’ve known several male Sashas in the US but they were all 1st gen from EE immigrant families. I love it as a boys name too. You could do Alexander as the full name and both Alex and Sasha as diminutives–I have a few 1st gen friends who go by an “american” diminutive to their friends and an “ethnic” (for lack of a better term) diminutive to their family.

    4. Andre or Andrei (or whatever spelling works best for your family, works in many languages)

      Denis (certainly old fashioned in the US so not too common, works in Russian and French)

      Nikolas (splitting the difference between Nicholas and Nikolai, also pronounceable in French)

      Sorry for the inadvertent focus on French, but was trying to think of names that also work in other European languages and the only one I speak is French.

    5. My BIL is Russian heritage. They went with Alexander and Katherin. Other top contenders were Yulia and Mikhail.

      Honestly, Alexander is likely your answer for a boys’ name. It’s used in English, French, German, etc in addition to Russian.

    6. Alexei is my favorite – could always go by Alex if he wanted to Americanize it. Do Nico or Luca work in Russian? Used recently by friends where the wife is Austrian with her whole family back there and the husband is German American but first generation so they wanted European names for their kids.

    7. I have a Polish husband and we focused on names that were pan-European. The boy name we didn’t get to use was Raphael.

        1. Oh yes, I didn’t meant to inply that it was European, just that it works in many European languages!

    8. I’m also Polish, and Alexander is one of my favorite boy names ever. Given your goals, I can’t imagine a better name (but I’m also obviously biased). Other options that come to mind: Simon; Philip; and Nicholas. Depending on how authentically Polish you want to be, you could play with different spellings that are more European.

    10. Thank you everyone! It’s been fun to see people recommending dear family names and supporting Alexander :)

    11. Alexander is such a great name!
      Others that spring to mind depending on how big a pronunciation difference you are OK with are Felix, Martin, Philip, Gabriel, Peter, Nicholas, Michael/Mikhail, Constantine, Joseph, Victor, Gregory, and Clement. (Source: not Russian but attended a Russian church for years and have lots of friends and godfamily of Russian heritage in Western Europe)

        1. Aw my daughter’s neighborhood bestie when they were both babies was a Felix. I don’t think she ever had any Felixes in her classes growing up (baby Felix and his family moved away.) I like names like that – common enough that it’s not a made up hard to spell name, but not like there are 5 Felixes in the same class.

    12. I had similar parameters and named my sons Andrew and Alexander. Friends who wanted Russian/English names have Nathan, Michael, Max, Evan, Simon, Anthony, Leo.

    13. Alexander was we chose for our EU/Russian first child (we call him Sasha at home)

    16. Let me consult and be back to you! I was on the road yesterday and will think about this today!

  7. This group has such an abundance of life experience and knowledge that I thought I would reach out with the hope someone knows how to deal with this: I have lived in this house for almost 10 years and this is the first year I have seen these tiny moths that seem to have showed up out of nowhere. They are not going after any food, they don’t try to evade if you smack them with a swatter to kill them. They are just annoying and numerous. I know moths can be a big problem for clothes and I want them gone as quickly as they came, so does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? I don’t want to call someone in if this is a simple fix.

    Thank you!

    2. Are they tiny tiny? Just a little bigger than a fruit fly but moth-like in shape? We had these and eventually figured out they were drain flies. Pouring boiling water down all the drains once a week for a couple weeks solved the problem.

      1. OMG we are dealing with these right now too. Pouring things down the drains helps some (we just started recently, both boiling water and some drain fly spray my husband found). the ultraviolet bug traps with a purple light and sticky sheet also help. We’re in central VA in case it’s regional.

    3. They’re not going after your food, but they might be drawn by it. Make sure alllllll of your food is in sealed containers; not a single loose Cheerio. I bought “pantry moth traps” on the river site and these seemed to fix the problem.

      1. +1 to pantry moths. They are gross and annoying and seem to come in with either our dog food or our dry goods. Decanting things like cereal, pasta and flour into containers helps. Wiping things down with either hydrogen peroxide spray or vinegar took care of it along with the sticky traps. The culprit turned out to be a bag of semolina flour my husband bought and forgot about – I made him be the one to do the cupboard wipedowns as the bag was heaving with moths and I have my limits.

        1. I thought saying Amazon made posts get caught up in moderation. Apparently I was wrong.

    4. Yes, an exterminator is best here. They might be carpet moths, in which case they’re laying eggs in rugs and will eat through those. Or cloth moths.

    5. We had moths this spring (not that numerous, like a few a day) and never figured out where they were coming from, but they disappeared after we ziplocked up a few boxes of pasta. I’d go through your pantry and make sure all grains are in air tight storage (I already keep flour in the freezer and almost everything else in sealed containers because I live in CA and the ants are everywhere). We didn’t see any signs of an infestation, but that still solved the problem.

      1. My family thinks I’m nuts for making them store nut butters/honey in the fridge and not leaving dirty dishes in the sink overnight. When they ‘forget’ we inevitably get ants. I’d still take ants over cockroaches but it is so freaking annoying to be the only person bothered by bugs!

        1. I’m not even that bothered by bugs. I’m fine with a few ants …but where I live we literally get tens of thousands of ants swarming the entire pantry once they find something, and I don’t want to have to throw out all my food. When there’s just a few, I’ll throw it in the freezer and then pick them out, but there is a limit to how well that works (and it doesn’t work at all on liquids).

    6. Are you sure they aren’t in your food? Google “pantry moths” and see if that’s what you have. If so, they tend to burrow in grains, like rice and flour. To get rid of them you need to throw away open grains and seal up new food you bring into your home.

      1. This. Nine times out of 10 they’re coming from flour. If you have a child who owns a hamster or gerbil, their food (seeds) can sometimes bring them in as well.

        Get rid of the source and they’ll be gone soon. In the meantime, make sure anything wool is in an air-tight container.

    7. Get some sticky pantry moth traps and see if you catch any. You can find them on Amazon.

      You would be surprised at where they find food sources if they’re pantry moths.

    8. I just looked up the pantry moth traps, and the picture on the box is what they look like, so it looks like your help has identified them! Thanks, everyone. We will definitely buy the traps and do a deep clean of the pantry area, which frankly, probably could use clearing out anyway. Who knows what random cans/boxes have accumulated in the back that have been forgotten and can either be used or thrown away?

      1. Put all of your flour and grains into airtight containers during your clean out.

        Chances are you’re going to run into something that has obvious larvae in it, then you can take that right out to the outside trash. But that doesn’t mean they’re not in your other stuff.

      2. Throw out all your starchy foods–pasta, cereal, crackers, flour, oats, rice, etc.–and do a deep clean of the pantry. Then get airtight containers for everything that doesn’t come in one. The eggs and larvae come from the grocery store. Airtight containers keep the pests in the contaminated food and out of the other food, so next time you just have to throw out the one contaminated item and run the container through the dishwasher.

  8. My late 30s have hit my face like a ton a bricks. Wrinkles, saggy eyes, dull complexion, and undereye darkness. I’ve been using tretinoin and high-quality cleansers, moisturizers, and sunscreen. I think the next step is injectables and other professional treatments. Where do I go for that? A dermatologist? A med spa? Any tips on evaluating or selecting a provider? I want a glowing but natural look. Any recommendations for providers on the west side of Houston? My local friends are either completely untouched or (to my taste) over-filled, so I know where to avoid but not where to go. Thanks!

    1. I go to a cosmetic surgeon who also does Botox. Anything in your face, spend real money to do it. Where are you located?

      2. I’m in a western suburb of Houston. If I had my wish, I’d have a provider in the Memorial area.

        Can you ballpark what “real money” tends to mean? I’m seeing per-unit rates all over the place.

        Thanks!

        1. I should clarify that I mean go to a real doctor, cosmetic derm or plastic surgeon. It’s probably not that much more but in my VHCOL city, I pay about $600 for a full forehead of Botox. Never fillers, those look weird on most everyone.

          2. FWIW I think fillers are one of those things that you only notice when they are bad. I have chin filler, a very very small amount of cheekbone filler (literally a dot on top of each cheekbone ridge), and under eye filler. I have compared photos of myself pre and post filler and the difference is extremely subtle. When done right with a light touch they are great.

            +1 for going to an MD or at minimum an NP. Most hospitals offer filler/botox at their facial plastics center. Botox will run you about $15-20/unit. Filler has a range of prices but you’re usually looking at around $750-1000/vial.

    2. Can’t speak to the Houston office, but the Austin office of Westlake Dermatology has been great for my mom. Good mix of dermatology plus plastics in one office.

    3. I’d start with Botox, a good high quality Vitamin C (poems from the Lab is my hands down favorite) and then lasers as a next step (I’d give it ~3mos for the Botox and Vitamin C to work). I like IPL for discoloration and Sofwave plus PRP for wrinkles/sagging. I haven’t moved on to the heavy hitters (Morpheus/Fraxel) yet but that’s the next step up in terms of both efficacy and recovery time. I would stay far away from fillers – I’ve heard horrible things about migration.

    5. And honestly, make sure you are getting enough sleep (yeah, I know…), cut down on the alcohol and eat well. Forgive me if those things are irrelevant for you, but I remember as a young 20 something how I abused my body and still woke up looking cute, but in my 30s, there was none of that.

      1. This. Once I hit my late 30s, I understood why they call it beauty sleep. It’s far more literal than I thought.

      2. Great advice! I’m amazed at how bright and dewy I looked in my 20s and early 30s without any discipline. That’s no longer the case, so I really started prioritizing skincare, clean eating, and healthy routines last fall. When I’m on the bandwagon, my skin is noticeably brighter and clearer. When I fall off or life gets in the way, my skin reflects it and it only takes a week or so of getting back on track for my skin to noticeably improve. The problem is that I feel I’m at the end of the road for what I can accomplish myself. I look so much better than I did last September, but I want more.

    6. For undereye darkness, I just recently got the sisley undereye concealer. It is ridiculously expensive for undereye concealer but I treated myself for mother’s day and received some free goodies to go with it. But OMG it is amazing! It is like a second skin and I honestly can see a noticeable difference when I use it. Just wanted to share for a quick fix if you can get a good color match!

  9. What is your go to back up dinner on a night where you need to get a meal on the table fast but everything is going wrong? We have two little kids now – when it was just DH and I, it could be anything – late pizza delivery, cereal, cheese and crackers.

    But last night was one of those nights. Running late getting home, was just doing sheet pan meal, when to go check on it 5 min before and it hadn’t cooked – oven problem. At that point it was unsalvageable and we had two tired kids who needed to eat quickly and go to bed. Our usual backups aren’t workable right now as one kid is on a medication for the next month or so where he can’t have dairy within two to three hours of the med — normally we would’ve done pasta with cheese melted on top, grilled cheese, or a cheese quesadilla. While we aren’t vegetarian we don’t tend to keep meat around – we’ll buy it for a dinner plan – and we never have frozen fish sticks or chicken nuggets. We did have frozen pizza but cheese. So dinner ended up being PBJ for all and while the kids didn’t care, we def felt like bad parents who should’ve planned better.

      1. Frozen dinners for us. Kids always like stouffer’s Mac and cheese or spinach soufflé.

          1. My kids loved that – one of the standbys for my husband feeding them when I traveled. Though we both know they were more excited about the mini-dessert than the meal. :)

    2. Trader Joe’s is your friend. A bag of frozen orange chicken with some veggies added and you have a quick stir-fry. They also have semi-cooked baguettes that we keep in the freezer and will do pasta (without cheese – plain sauce or veggies and olive oil) with freshly baked bread on the side. They also have dumplings that are fast to cook up, serve with crudite + ranch on the side

      1. +1 to Trader Joes. The pork gyoza, frozen jasmine rice and roasted brocolli is my go to – I can get it together in about 15 minutes flat. The par baked baguettes are a go to, I always keep a few bags of those in the house. I can also whip up tacos (ground beef plus the old el paso seasoning packet) served with rice, raw veggies, tortilla chips and tortillas in about 10 minutes.
        I dumped a bag of the refrigerated Barilla raviolis in boiling water along with chopped up brocolli and had dinner on the table in the 5 minutes it took for them to cook together so I considered that a win!

    4. Just to help on the pasta front since you’re dealing with it for the next month – for dairy free you can just drizzle olive oil, sprinkle salt and oregano and a little nutritional yeast. Nutritional yeast has a cheese like flavour. Tri color pasta also makes it more interesting if you can’t add cheese.

      1. Lately I’ve been topping my pasta with sun-dried tomatoes in oil. Tons of flavor.

    5. Omg you did plan but you didn’t plan for your oven to be broken. The kids were happy and fed, you did fine. I have a kid with a peanut allergy but my kids eat canned tuna so that would be my first thought for a backup dinner.

      1. Same. When DH travels and I’m in the office, this is what the kids and I sometimes eat for dinner. They love it, and I love the simplicity.

        1. Cereal, milk, an apple, PB, perfection! Got carbs, protein, fiber. When I’m home solo, this is my dinner.

    7. I like PB&J! You can always toast the bread or do banana, fancy jelly, honey, or something else to make it more fun. I also do pitas with hummus, chopped tomatoes, peppers, or cucumbers if you have them, and frozen falafel. If your kid eats refried beans, you can make cheeseless quesadillas with beans and guacamole or beans and mashed sweet potatoes (I think black refried beans are better for this). Likewise, there are lots of other pasta toppings you can get out of jar or whip up fast- red sauce, peanut sauce, etc- but not sure if your kids will eat

    8. For me personally, cereal with almond milk or oatmeal. Smoothie. Frozen TJs meal / dumplings. Pasta with red sauce. Sandwich / PB toast. I usually have a few containers of soup leftovers in my freezer to heat up.

      Or chicken nuggets. As a childfree 30 something I eat a lot of chicken nuggets when I’m hangry and in a rush. This happens weekly.

      Ideas: eggs, can of soup, microwave rice + frozen veggies + soy sauce (and shrimp, if you have them on hand – I always have some in my freezer) for quick fried rice, frozen meal (packaged or leftovers or meal components to throw together).

      As a kid I loved spaghetti-os or beefRoni and happily had that for many, many dinners when my parents were rushed.

      But I also think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with a PB&J dinner on occasion! Nor do I think there’s anything wrong with an emergency freezer stash of something your kids will eat.

    10. Frozen food is your friend. This is why parents have things like chicken nuggets in the freezer!

      1. And childless adults who sometimes also need a quick and easy meal and are delighted by dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

    12. PBJ for a kid dinner is totally fine. Call it “picnic for dinner” and they’ll probably remember it fondly as a special occasion, please don’t feel bad about this!

      But if you want some extra backup options, pasta + jarred sauce + frozen peas (or one of those peas + carrots + corn frozen mixes)

    13. Canned chicken and canned tuna can turn into dinner quickly – either cold in a salad or in a quick stovetop casserole with egg noodles or rice and some veggies. Scrambled eggs and fruit are a good dinner too.

      But PBJ all around sounds like a good solution when your primary meal plan fell through due to the oven breaking. I’d like to push back on the bad parenting self-talk. You planned for a primary dinner. You had other food in the house. Another way to frame this is as a good learning lesson for the kids. Showed the parents problem-solving on the fly. Showed their flexible thinking. Showed that dinner doesn’t have to be “X” foods everytime to be a success. Showed that there is adventure and fun (PBJ!) in the middle of adversity (broken oven).

    14. chickpea pasta with spaghetti sauce, eggs and toast, cereal, oatmeal, quesadilla (or a bean burrito. We get the rosarita beans in a bag and they cook in like 5 minutes), leftovers. We also keep frozen chicken sausage and can throw those in the airfryer and they are a quick protein. But also PBJ is a perfectly acceptable dinner sometimes!

    15. Oy, let yourselves off the hook. You are human. People have stuff. NBD.
      Perhaps in the future keep something in the freezer for an unforeseeable situation like this.
      Personally I have given ramen noodles in a bowl with pineapple chunks on the side in a pinch.
      All ate, all were okay..

    17. I was talking to my mom about how I loved having breakfast for dinner as a kid and how I never have that now…she said that French toast was her go-to dinner plan when she was short on time or all cooked out since it was easy and something all of her kids liked. So what seems to you like a parenting “fail” (it’s not) might be something your kids love!

    19. Breakfast tacos. Scrambled eggs, cheese, salsa, bacon or turkey sausage, scallions, avocado.

    20. Well go buy frozen fish sticks or chicken nuggets. That’s the answer in situations like this.

    21. Breakfast for dinner:
      Pancakes, french toast, frozen waffles, bagels/toast with cream cheese
      Eggs (hard boiled, scrambled)
      Bacon if I have any
      Fruit

    22. Tuna salad or scrambled eggs or frozen veggie burger or pasta and marinara would have all worked. Keep a few things in the freezer. And you did fine. Give yourself some slack. There will be worse fails.

    23. Sweet cheez its. If one pb and j makes someone a bad parent I guess everyone I know is one. Seriously, where do you all get this nonsense? What does your therapist say about this?

        1. I’m pregnant and actively planning the best easy dinners (grilled cheese, scrambled eggs, PB&J). I think it will make me a BETTER parent.

    24. I do pb&j in this situation, honestly. I make sure they have fruit on the side, sometimes they get Bamba too, my kid who likes milk gets milk. It’s totally fine and I think not worth worrying about.

      Other standbys for us: scrambled eggs with beans and fruit (maybe toast with jam too). I know dairy is out for you right now, but yogurt with mashed banana or other fruit, or jam mixed in, maybe a side of cheerios, is fast and a great fit. Oatmeal can also work–we do it for kids with peanut butter and/or yogurt mixed in, plus frozen blueberries.

  10. When a friend tells you she’s pregnant, when do you give a baby gift esp if you’re unsure if there will be a shower? Wait to see if there’s a shower? Wait until the baby is born? Reason I ask is friend mentioned they only have one baby book and are reading and playing music to the belly – so it sounded like a hint that books is what they want.

    IDK if they’ll have a shower. Her whole family and all her friends are in one city in the north, near where I live. If she had a shower, that’s where she’d want it. But they moved to a small city in the Midwest for her DHs job, and she says they barely have any friends there besides a few people from DHs work. She retained her job on the east coast and flies back once a month but told me that’s she’s told her job that she’s a high risk pregnancy being over 40 and won’t be flying in as much until after the baby is born in the fall. I’m guessing it’s some combo of being restricted from flying at some point plus Covid being prevalent. So if she isn’t flying in for work, IDK if she’s flying in for a shower.

    1. You send her your favorite childhood book from amazon with a note that this was your favorite incase she needs another book to read to the baby at night. Low key. Save the proper gift for later.

      2. Agree with this.

        If you want my recommendations (which are standard except for one)

        Goodnight moon
        The Very Hungry Caterpillar
        Jamberry

        Jamberry is the unusual one but it’s a fantastic baby/kids book and is perfect for reading aloud. It has a soothing rhythm. It was my daughter’s favorite.

    2. If there’s no shower, send a gift when the baby is born. You can send a collection of books (those are my favorite to receive!) but maybe think outside the box so she doesn’t get 10 copies of goodnight moon.

      She can read anything to a baby in utero, she doesn’t “need” the books now. But if you want, send one book with a congratulations card now and a bigger gift upon birth

      1. I remember watching the Wire on Netflix when I was pregnant. And going to a Cure concert. Not every fetus wants board books as entertainment.

        1. Yah, this is very “first time older mom.”

          (FWIW I did occasionally play music for my first in utero. Guess who is my only child without musical proclivities?)

    4. She may still have a gift registry even if she doesn’t have a shower. You can ask her, or use the gift registry search at Amazon, Target, Babylist, or one of those sites that check multiple stores for registries.

    5. I was in exactly your friend’s position. When I wasn’t able to fly back home for a shower, my friends all got together and sent me an enormous amount of stuff from Target: sheets, diapers, wipes, toys, bouncy chairs, books, infant bather.

      One of my other friends, who isn’t local to my new city or my old city, sent me stuff from our college bookstore: onesie with our mascot, stuffed mascot, etc.

      Just send her things now and if she has a shower, bring a $5 board book.

    6. Different poster but have a similar situation and this raises a question – is there a dollar amount you need to aim for for a baby gift or is it just a gesture where money doesn’t matter? I too have a friend in another city who wants books. Baby books on Amazon are super cheap. It feels odd to get them three or four books for 30 when the expected east coast wedding gift when they married pre pandemic was something like 200 dollars plus – can’t recall exactly but it was in the multiple hundreds. I mean my budget definitely doesn’t mind just spending 30 bucks but want to make sure there’s no faux pas here.

      1. Honestly, I think when people say they just want books for a baby gift, there’s a reasonable chance they mean : we have everything we need, we don’t need money, but we know sometimes people want to get something. Books are great; it’s sweet when someone sends you a book with a personal connection, when you read them to your kid you get to remember how many people love your kid, and they don’t take up much space :). I would just pick out a few, send a nice note and not worry about the amount at all

        1. Board books are also pricey and consumables — they won’t be cluttering up the house in 5 years, if not sooner. Perfect gift.

      2. Mom of a four year old here: I think $30 worth of baby gifts is perfectly acceptable. The thing about babies is that there are a handful of big ticket items: stroller, crib, dresser, car seats, mattress, and a LOT of smaller items. Diapers, wipes, toys, bather, bouncy seats, four sizes of clothes and PJs for the first year, sheets, blankets, changing pad, toys, books, play mat, books, bottles, bottle brush, those nifty things that let you put bottle caps in the dishwasher, burp cloths, travel changing mat, thermometer, diaper bag, diaper rash cream, diaper pail, baby shampoo, baby washcloths….

        I love when everyone just spends $25-$50 on getting all that little stuff.

      3. No faux pas. Baby gifts are rarely over $50 unless you’re super close to the person or going in on a group gift. I’ve personally never really subscribed to “cover your plate” at weddings, but part of why wedding gifts are so expensive that is people are usually spending tens of thousands of dollars throwing the party and there’s an idea that you give them money to help offset that cost. Kids are obviously expensive too (even more than a wedding!) but there isn’t the same quid pro quo kind of thing.

      1. I don’t read OP’s post as coming from a sense of obligation. Sounds like she’d like to do something nice for a friend.

    8. A friend sent a teddy bear ready for newborn, and it was so cute. I really appreciated it and 3 kids and 15 years later I know the gift was more for me than for them and it was perfect

  11. I like PB&J! You can always toast the bread or do banana, fancy jelly, honey, or something else to make it more fun. I also do pitas with hummus, chopped tomatoes, peppers, or cucumbers if you have them, and frozen falafel. If your kid eats refried beans, you can make cheeseless quesadillas with beans and guacamole or beans and mashed sweet potatoes (I think black refried beans are better for this). Likewise, there are lots of other pasta toppings you can get out of jar or whip up fast- red sauce, peanut sauce, etc- but not sure if your kids will eat them?

  12. I’m going to a baby shower where the gift is “your favorite children’s book” from any age. I have a few ideas but could use some inspo. Yours?

    1. Chris Haughton board books. A bit unusual, and so, so lovely! My 6 year old and I were talking about them the other day, so they’ve stuck in his mind.

      1. And I read Madeline to my daughter every night when she was three. I love those books.

      1. I bought this for a recent shower that asked for book gifts and was chided by the B&N cashier because it is considered “problematic” these days. I bought it anyways, but just putting it out there.

        2. That is so wrong.: I don’t know if it’s problematic or not. But if it is, the appropriate thing to do so encourage your employer to stop selling the book, not to chid customers. I would have honestly had to consider telling her manager, and I say that as someone who worked retain for 10+ years

    6. Narnia! My parents just bought DS an adorable board book version of The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe illustrated by Joey Chou (look it up, the artwork is SO beautiful). You can pair it with a copy of the older-kid version, a box set of all seven, or just give it by itself.

      1. Once I grew out of the Disney or Golden books age, my parents bought me the Great Illustrated Classics. My favorites were Robinson Crusoe a d Swiss Family Robinson.

    7. I used to love Ezra Jack Keats’ Jennie’s Hat, which is one of his lesser-known books.

    9. The Circus Ship is a great book. Less popular than some of the “classics”, so less likelihood that someone will bring the same one.

    11. Good Night Gorilla was my son’s fav as a toddler. Blueberries for Sal is my nieces’s.

      1. Good Night Gorilla is wonderful. I love that you can make up your own story to go with the pictures.

        1. Yes, but if you and your husband don’t tell it the same way, your toddler may flip out. “Those not the words!”

    12. I know there is so much wrong with them, but I and my kids loved Curious George. I know he shouldn’t have been taken from his native habitat and some weird guy shouldn’t have him as a pet, but how can you not love him trying to deliver newspapers and making paper boats instead? It’s a history lesson to a past time for kids.

    13. Going from my kids – older girl, younger boy

      Junie B. Jones books

      Captain Underpants books

      My own personal favorite books as a kid before I got into “real” literature were from the Weekly Reader or Scholastic books my mom begrudgingly ordered for me. So Treasury of Dog stories. Good old Archibald (out of print, was an old book already when I read it.)

    15. My favorite books for my kids (and we read aloud a LOT): Bear Snores On (a series); Runaway Bunny; You Are My I Love You; Let’s Go Home, Little Bear (by Martin Waddell); the Tacky the Penguin series; the Madeline series; When We Were Very Young (poems by A.A. Milne); Little Bear series (with illustrations by Maurice Sindak); anything by Keiko Kasza, especially A Mother for Choco, as one of mine was adopted and looks nothing like me. My children are young adults now, and we still quote regularly from some of our favorites. Reading with my children was probably my favorite part of being a mom to littles.

    16. Everywhere babies by Susan Meyers
      The cutest drawings by Marla Freze, the rhyming text — and so many different babies!

    17. I have 3 kids in elem now but some lasting favorites that I haven’t seen so far are:

      – Pout Pout Fish
      – The “That’s Not My….” (mermaid, dinosaur, etc) series for board books
      – There’s a Bear in my Chair
      – All of the Elephant and Piggie books
      – Bad Seed series (Bad Seed, Couch Potato, Smart Cookie, etc)
      – Chicka Chicka Boom Boom
      – The Book with no Pictures

    18. I’d avoid the classics. We got 3-4 copies of Very Hungry Caterpillar, Make Way for Ducklings and I Love You Forever.

    19. We loved all the Sandra Boynton books; “Red hat, blue hat” was a favorite, and Karma Wilson’s “Bear” books. “Bear snores on” was a favorite. They are fun to read out loud and the illustrations are great too.

  13. Have any women here had hair plugs? I’ve had thinning hair since I was in my teens and have always been self-conscious about it. Tried all of the topical medications and vitamins and nothing has worked.

    1. Following with interest (and commiseration).

      I know you said that you’ve tried all the topicals, but have you tried the pill form of minoxidil? Most of the women in my maternal line have thin hair (mom, mom’s mom, several aunts and cousins on that side). My hair started thinning when I was 19 and got considerably worse in my early 30s. Topical minoxidil didn’t work for my mom (but I don’t know how disciplined she was about using it regularly), so I went straight to oral minoxidil and easily got a prescription from an online provider just by submitting pictures (I use Nurx). I wish I had started it earlier. I didn’t notice a difference for five months. Around six months, I noticed that my hair almost completely stopped shedding. I’m now at eight months, my hair feels much thicker, and my scalp is barely visible. I’m cautiously optimistic that this will get me where I want to be. If not, I’m considering PRP or hair plugs.

      1. Obligatory caution – minoxidil is very toxic to cats and dogs. My sister’s cat almost died. She spent almost $4K keeping it alive, presumably because the drug rubbed off on bed clothes, couch, etc and the cat picked it up.

        I was also using it (with moderate success!) and had no idea, and I have a cat too!

        1. Yes! I can’t believe I forgot to mention this. Worry-free snuggles with our dogs is another perk of using oral minoxidil rather than topical.

    2. There’s a really interesting GQ piece where the (male) author gets a hair transplant in Turkey, plus a follow-up from months later. Even if you wouldn’t go overseas, it seems to give a really good idea of what to expect from a hair transplant experience.

    3. You may have tried this already, but I just wanted to throw out spironolactone as a prescription option that could help. My hair started thinning in my 20s, and this totally turned it around for me.

  15. Has anyone stayed at the Sonesta in Kaua’i? Would you recommend it? Or does anyone have other hotel recommendations? Thanks!

    1. I’d stay at the Princeville or the Grand Hyatt, a luxury property is a key part of going to Hawaii for me.

      1. We did too, though the Grand Hyatt is pretty stunning so if OP wants luxury Koloa Landing isn’t it.

        1. The beach is better at Poipu proper than Grant Hyatt. All depends on what you’re looking for.

  16. Can someone help me understand the new airline refund rules? If I ultimately make it to my destination and didn’t pay for a hotel or a new ticket or anything, but the flight didn’t arrive until 8 hours later than scheduled am I entitled to a refund? Or not because I didn’t incur any additional charges and ultimately made it to my destination?

    1. I don’t understand the question. You were entitled to a cash refund of the initial purchase before you got on your later flight if you wanted one, but do you think the flight you ultimately took was free?

      1. In the EU, you’re entitled to automatic financial compensation even for fairly short delays. So I think that’s where some of the confusion comes from. The US is still pretty far behind in terms of airline customer rights.

    2. The new policy essentially allows you to elect not to fly and to receive a refund of your ticket. If you choose to take the flight even though it was delayed, you don’t get a refund.

    3. I googled this for you:

      Schedule Change/Significant Delay – A consumer is entitled to a refund if the airline made a significant schedule change and/or significantly delays a flight and the consumer chooses not to travel.

      No. You chose to travel. No refund.

  17. Has anyone else run into this? Often when I bring my clothes back to the front of my closet for the new season, they have the faintest smell of sweat on them. I’m pulling out my summer clothes now and wondering what’s up. I always wash everything before moving it to the back of the closet, and there’s air circulation for them. Sometimes a polyester top, sometimes all cotton. Any clues? The smell goes away when I launder it again, so it’s not a long-term problem. Just wanting to solve the mystery.

    1. Is your laundry hamper in your closet? Maybe seldom-worn clothes are absorbing some smells from your laundry.

    2. I find that all clothes and linens get a bit of a dusty smell to them when they haven’t been used in awhile, no matter how they were stored or their composition. I just launder and move on. I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong.

  18. I have a weird pain behind my right eye today, like a dull stab from there all the way to the back of my head. Talk me down from the “brain tumor!” ledge – is this a m!graine, a cluster headache, dehydration (I’ve been drinking so much water), something else?

      1. I was afraid of that. Do they usually get worse over about a day or so for you? I had some pain yesterday but it’s worse this morning.

        1. Go have a cup of coffee or your favorite source of caffeine, a big dose of painkillers, and sit in a dark room for an hr. See if any improvement.

        2. Yeah, they’re weird for me. I don’t get auras or other normal m symptoms. I just get a headache that sticks around for a few days.

    3. I had this + sinus headache, all around my right eye for about 2 days this week. It was either the way I was sleeping, mild congestion, or weather systems moving in. I was also drinking a ton of water. What finally helped me was using some flonase spray before bed, an excedrin, and a melatonin to get a solid night of sleep.

      1. Thank you, this is super helpful! I think there’s a bit of all of that going on with me too, so hopefully it’s not a real m!graine.

    4. Sounds like a migraine. Did you get enough sleep? Have you eaten properly? Take an Excedrin and a quick nap

    5. For me m!graines are more on the side of the head, not the back. I think the back of the head is more a tension headache?

      1. There’s no specific location for a m*graine and back of the head is actually quite common. They’re classically one sided, though there can be exceptions.

      1. The c0llared shirt poster from a few years ago used to often bring m!graines up too, it stems from that.

  19. I was too late for the post yesterday but had some thoughts:

    Re. Edinburgh, it’s not very “fancy,” but Cafe Royal on West Register Street is gorgeous inside, has good food, and offers gift cards. We really enjoyed our meal there.

    Senior Attorney, re. Paris, if you’re not vegetarian, Robert et Louise in the Marais is casual and delicious. Meals are prepared over an open fire oven visible from the tables and the service was relaxed but attentive. Reservations book up quickly. Check out the Lady and the Unicorn tapestries at the Musee de Cluny. They’re displayed in darkened rooms where you can sit and take in the incredible craftsmanship and details of each tapestry. The last time we went, it wasn’t busy and you could enjoy yourself without a mob scene. The recently restored stained glass at Sainte-Chappelle is glorious. Oh, and if you find yourself on a Metro line that includes the Arts et Metiers station, hop on out and take a look around. It’s really cool!

    Vaux-le-Vicomte is easily my favorite chateaux near Paris. It’s an easy day trip and the story behind it is really interesting. Consider climbing the stairs to the top of the chateau. You can see the interior beams and supporting structures and the view from the top is gorgeous. Have fun. October is Paris is the best month, IMO:)

    1. That was me asking for Edinburgh restaurant suggestions, so thanks!

      And I second the Vaux-le-Vicomte recommendation as well–it was definitely my favorite and sooooo much less crowded than the others (probably because it’s not really accessible by public transit, unless you go on a day they run the shuttle from the bus station, which I think was like one day a week?). We took a bus tour from Paris Cityvision that was a day trip to Fontainebleau and Vaux-le-Vicomte and it was nice because it’s basically just transport and they let you do a self-guided tour at your own pace (I do not like group tours). I also enjoyed Chantilly, which is accessible by public transit. (Fun fact: both Chantilly and Vaux-le-Vicomte have been in Bond movies, if you’re a James Bond fan.)

    2. Thank you so much! We are most definitely not vegetarian and we love the Marais, so we will definitely check out Robert et Louise! And will definitely take your other recs, too. (Just booked Fountainbleu/Vaux-le-Vicomte!) And fun fact: The Paris Motor Show will be in town so we got tickets for that because my husband is a giant gearhead! And for anybody else wondering about hotels we landed on the Hoxton, which looks like it will be great.

  20. Typing into the void b/c I can’t scream into it at the moment. Mom is very sick with cancer. Sibling feels the need to recount everything with a gloss of Jungian psychology, rehashes her divorce to reinforce how “right” it is, every time she calls. Did I mention sibling is . . . not a psychologist, not a person who has ever taken a class in that, and is in fact a SAHM who has google. Ugh. I cannot take more of “you just need to understand that XYZ re Jung.” Who talks like that even?!

    1. I’m so sorry. Unless your sister is doing a lot more of the heavy lifting on caring/managing stuff for your mom, I think it’s perfectly fair to tell her to knock off the divorce and Jung talk.
      -a person who didn’t tell relatives to stop with unhelpful talk when managing care for a terminally ill parent and now tells everyone similarly situated not to make my mistake

    2. I’m sorry. This is clearly some kind of coping mechanism for your sister. I hope she’s in real therapy. It’s okay to observe that the conversation heads this direction a lot, and it’s okay say you need to take a break from it. You’re going through this too, and she can accept that you don’t find Jungian psychology as helpful as she does.

    3. My soon to be ex husband talks like that. Not Jung but every pop psychology book ever eye roll.
      I’m with you, sister. Grey rock is an ok response here

    4. Also, maybe you don’t start bossing around hospital staff as (checks notes) being the ex-wife of a trauma surgeon at a hospital on the West Coast. The overnight shift does not really appreciate being talked down do when they are the ones changing the bedwetting pads and the like.

      In our family, trading off whole days has worked better than having everyone there all at once. Lets you have your time to say good bye and then recharge without shooting daggers with your eyes across the room.

  22. Has anyone been interviewed to join a country club? I’m in the process of getting sponsored to join and have no idea what to expect from the interview. My friends joined during covid so their interviews were waived. My parents joined their club back in the Stone Age and can’t remember an interview. I genuinely love chatting and meeting people but I’m not sure what they’re looking for.

    1. If members are proposing you, it’s IMO just a screen for “are these people somehow horribly wrong or creepy” and not some sort of weird hazing or interrogation. Like you do something wildly inappropriate (show up drunk or topless), that is bad. Everything else, vanilla is the right approach. “Skippy and I loved the member-guest tournament and really loved the course. And our kids will be doing the junior golf camp this summer and enjoying the pool.” They want to know you’ll pay, you’ll go, and you’ll be a positive or neutral addition. If you bring the drama, that’s what they don’t want.

      2. Awesome thanks! We’ve got this then. I’m basically begging them to take my money so I can outsource a huge chunk of our social life planning. Fingers crossed!

      3. +1
        Talk about the experiences you’ve had at the club so far, what you’re looking forward to taking advantage of. Things to avoid: politics, religion, that you want to use the club for business networking (even if that’s true, don’t say it).

  23. What to wear to a daytime charity golf event at a very exclusive/preppy country club? I don’t golf. I’m attending on behalf of my work, which is the charity receiving the proceeds.

    It will be in July, and I’ll be 7 months pregnant, so I’m thinking a dress. Shirt dress? Linen?

    I’ll be handing out awards at a dinner after the golfing. My understanding is the golfers don’t change and go straight from the course to dinner.

    1. Additional info – I looked at past photos, and it was all men in golf gear except for 1 woman in golf gear. I couldn’t find any award ceremony photos.

      There’s been staff turnover at my charity, and I’m new, so I can’t ask someone who went last year either.

    3. No need to wear golf gear. A linen or cotton dress would be perfect, esp. as you are pregnant. I’d probably veer toward a knee length here, rather than longer, given the sporty vibe. If you are a person who gets very hot, I’d probably go with sleeveless and have a second piece for the ceremony

    4. I’d wear a shift dress and flat sandals with fun earrings. I’m picturing the one I used to run and the ceremony was on the patio and it got really hot. I think I bright colors or flattering pastels are a good choice here. If youre set on linen I’d do a print to hide wrinkles. Try tuckernuck or vineyard vines.

  24. On a whim, I talked to my dentist about clear aligners during my regular checkup. I had braces as a teen but didn’t wear my retainers. That retainer is long lost and that orthodontist’s office closed years ago. Thirty years later, my bottom front teeth are overcrowded and I have a few upper teeth that have slightly shifted. My dentist offers Invisalign and said that I would have to come in for a consultation but–generally speaking–she thought I was a good candidate and treatment would take six months. I would prefer to stick with my dentist because I’ve found her to be ethical and I don’t want to get scammed by an over-prescriber. But I always thought orthodontists were the place to go for Invisalign, and I was frankly surprised that my dentist offers it. Is it common to get Invisalign from a dentist? Would it be out of place if I asked for references from her other clients?

    1. Haha why would you ask for references when you already know and trust your dentist? That is over the top.

    2. You already saw an orthodontist. A dentist can handle the effects of not wearing your retainer faithfully. This isn’t the same as if you’d never had braces and were starting from scratch.

      1. (I’m not saying no one ever needs to see an orthodontist for Invisalign, but that’s exactly what the dentist assessed when declaring you a good candidate. It’s like when primary care or an ob/gyn handles a health issue that you could see a specialist for, but don’t need to see a specialist for since it’s so straightforward.)

    3. It’s normal to get Invisalign from a dentist. An orthodontist will just want to put you in braces again!

    4. Your dentist will take 3D pictures of your mouth, send to Invisalign, and Invisa will send back what to do and when. Your dentist will execute their computerized plan. It’s like a self driving Tesla.

      Personally, I appreciated my orthodontist. He changed a few things about the plan because he had the training and experience to know what would work best for my situation. I had a great result

  25. What do you pay for a session with your therapist? And where are you located? Do you notice a connection between the price and quality?

    5. LCOL city/upstate NY here– I paid $100/session, then $300/session (telemed; therapist was in NYC), now I’m working with a another telemed therapist who is based in NYC and is covered by insurance and am paying $25/session copay.

      My current therapist is the BEST and I feel extremely fortunate to have found her and that she takes insurance. The worst of the three by far was the $300/session person. I don’t think this is generally true necessarily, but just a data point that more expensive doesn’t automatically mean better.

      1. Agree that there’s often not a correlation between quality and $$. I know someone with a PhD, 30 years of experience, and rave reviews who keeps her rates relatively low because she’s independently wealthy and it allows her to be choosey with her clientele.

    6. I found a therapist that thankfully takes my insurance and is amazing. It was $150 for an hour until I hit my deductible, now it is $15.

  26. What is the proper way to break up with a therapist? I just did it wrongly, I’m sure (we ghosted my son’s therapist, kind of trying to be quiet about it when we tried out someone new but then time got away from us and she hasn’t heard from us in like 4 months)…

    1. “I appreciate all the help you’ve provided on ___ and __. We’ve decided to take a break from therapy for now so I’m going to cancel the next two appointments. Thanks again and have a great summer.”

    2. “Hey, I appreciate our time working together but I think I’m in need of something else/have met my goals/etc. Thank you.” or similar. I’ve stayed with a therapist longer than I should have bc I was worried about this but it’s truly not a big deal.

    3. I honestly would not worry about it. “The phone works both ways” as my therapist always said. They can reach out if they want to. Therapists are so busy right now, they may just assumed he’s moved on and are focusing on current patients. If you have anything nice to say, it’s my view that it is always acceptable to send a greeting card with a short thank you to a previous healthcare provider just letting them know you appreciated the help with the implication that nothing is amiss.

      As for how it was supposed to go down, some therapists like to offer a wrap up session, but it’s about what the patient actually needs.

  27. I may end up re-posting in the afternoon thread, but: does anyone have suggestions to eliminate or minimize the smell of weed from an adjacent tenant? It’s legal in my state, so I’m not sure if the landlord can prohibit it, but I have a good relationship with the landlord so if it is an option, I can also raise it with them for future lease agreements, but in the meantime, I was wondering if there’s way to address the smell now.

    1. Run a HEPA filter with a charcoal layer. I’m not sure if the HVAC can be adjusted for better filtration or preferable airflow; the landlord may be able to look into whether there’s an airflow issue presently.

      1. (Also, IANAL but smoking cigarettes is legal and very routinely banned in rentals where I live, so I don’t see why smoking specifically couldn’t be prohibited?)

        1. If it’s a condo or someplace with shared walls, put childproof caps in your outlets that share a wall.

        2. I also live in a state where it’s legal and I have a hard time believing a landlord allows it in the apartment. it’s called out in my lease.

    2. A friend had success using spray foam in closet cracks; in her case it seeped from above in the utility closets which due, I guess to where pipes/wires run, had more air flow

  28. I did a big closet cleanout last night, which was precipitated by needing to find all my summer shorts. I am sort of disgusted by how much I own. I don’t think of myself as a big shopper, but it’s clearly added up. And, some of the physical changes I’ve been through in the last 2-3 years made some very nice things unwearable.

    It feels good to purge and get it out of there, but I need to resolve to not let myself get to that point again. I have plenty of nice clothes to wear! I think I have two weaknesses: 1) thinking I need lots of variety when I probably don’t; and 2) making impulse buys when I’m feeling insecure about how I look and present myself. It’s kind of embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true. My work stuff hangs around forever, probably because it’s thoughtfully considered. My casual wardrobe turns over much faster even though, and I really don’t need as much as I’ve purchased in the past because it just doesn’t get worn as often. I’m not going to fabulous brunches every weekend or tons of parties. I’m a 40-something mom in suburbia who spends most of the weekend in athleisure and just wants to wear comfy clothes.

    On the plus side: over the past 4-5 years, I have become much better about sticking to a set of colors and looking for more items that can cross over between work and casual, which has made my wardrobe more versatile overall. So, I guess that’s a point for growth and being able to do more with less. Five years ago, I would not have been quite as discerning.

    1. I really like Allison Bornstein and her ideas have helped me stop when I’m mindlessly adding things to my online shopping cart.

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