This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
This ponte blazer would be a great piece for building a work wardrobe on a budget. (If this is you, Kat did a great post on how to buy an entire work wardrobe with no money a couple of years ago).
I think if you’re in a casual to business-casual office, you probably don’t need to spend a lot of money on a perfectly-tailored blazer, but you’re going to want one to throw on if you get called into a big meeting.
The blazer is $25, marked down from $44.99 (with an extra 10% off at checkout) and available in sizes XS–XXL. Classic Ponte-Knit Blazer
This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
Love this blazer! I ordered it in three colors (gray, navy and black) in a petite xs and it fits perfectly without needing any alterations. In contrast, J. Crew Factory’s sweater blazer was less successful (lapels wouldn’t stay down.) Though this month’s resolution is to spend less time browsing for clothing online/having packages arrive.
ollie
I have the same issue with the J Crew Factory sweater blazer. Haven’t tried this Old Navy one but I love the Modcloth Timeless Tailoring ponte blazer, which often goes on sale.
Anon
I love the J Crew one – they lapels aren’t meant to stay down, though, I think. I like that it keeps my neck warm to be honest. LOL.
Ellen
I agree. I also have 2 of the J. Crew blazers. The lapels look better up, and now that I am wearing scarfs, the lapels actually help keep the scarfs in place. I am getting the masks thru the Internet, but scarfs look better and cover my neck also, tho once it gets hot out, I do NOT want to be wearing scarfs. By the way, scarfs are coming back because of all the publicity Dr. Birx is giving them on her daily TV briefings with Dr. Fauci (who is being voted on for world’s sexiest man). Who knew that the COVID 19 pandemic would cause such a fuss! I love Dr. Fauci and Dr. Birx, tho I kind of think that President Trump is not as knowledgeable as them on medical issues.
Pompom
Same here; I actually prefer the look of the lapels up, but I know that’s a pretty polarizing (albeit light…it’s fashion) choice. To pop or not to pop, that is the question.
Anon
:) I like the look of lapels up, but I get very obsessive/distracted with it. I can’t wear turtlenecks, cowl necks scarves etc. Weird sensory distraction thing.
Anonymous
+1 I have it in multiple colors and love the fit.
Anon
I could use some words of encouragement today. I found out I didn’t get a job I really wanted and in my worst moments, it feels like an insurmountable task to find a new one. This new job would have been somewhat of a career change for me and they went with someone who has more closely relevant experience. That’s all understandable, but it leaves me feeling that it will be nearly impossible to find anyone who will want to take a chance on someone who is attempting a career pivot in these times.
Ari
I’m so sorry to hear that. I know it’s hard, but you found and got a decent way through this opportunity, you’ll find another one. And yes the economy is iffy right now but plenty of things are still going on and places are hiring (like this one!)
Anon
I’m sorry to hear this. Give yourself a defined amount of time to feel sad (this weekend?) and then put your foot back on the gas. I’m the poster from below who is seeing a lot of progress right now with my job hunt. Industries and roles are impacted differently by the current situation, but for those companies hiring right now, you will have a leg up over other job-seekers if you keep at it. Let others sit out from applying for jobs right now due to uncertainty and fear of the unknown – you will keep at it!
if you think there are opportunities to brush up your pitch of why you’re a good candidate for this career pivot, find a friend in your industry known for their candor. Similarly, evaluate your resume (tailored for each position) and your answers to top interview questions. Practice them! Use your phone to video yourself, since most interviews are happening over video right now. You can critique yourself in real time, and even send the videos to your candid friend who can help.
January
I went through this a couple of years ago, and I was really devastated at the time. Someone told me that I would just really have to believe that everything happens for a reason. I don’t normally believe that – I think life is kind of random – but in that situation, holding on to that really helped.
For what it’s worth, I did find a new job, which was more closely related to my old job and less of a career pivot than the job I wanted would have been, but I was happier in the new job and felt less like a pivot was necessary, and some other non-career positive stuff happened for me, too, that wouldn’t have happened if I had gotten the “dream” job. There WILL be other opportunities for you.
The original Scarlett
My advice is to stay in touch with the people you met there. It’s always disappointing not to get a job, but I’ve hired so many times where I have loved many people who applied but I can only pick one and if something else came open, I’d jump to hire one of the other candidates (I have done this a couple of times actually). I’ve also expanded my network by staying in touch with people I’ve interviewed with for jobs I didn’t get, (and in those cases always came to realize I dogged a bullet and the role wasn’t right for me.) One of the best things you can do for your career is to look around so consider this a win, and think about whether there’s new connections you made you can keep in your network.
pugsnbourbon
+1. This is how I got the job I have now – got rejected from one job at Company, then was asked to apply for another that’s an even better fit for my career goals and growth.
Senior Attorney
Same here. Rejected for one job then a few months later they contacted me to interview for another job, which I got.
Hugs to you, OP. I know this is hard.
Anon
OP here. Thanks all for your kind words. This was definitely a situation of “we love your skill set and think you’re a great fit for the company and would love to keep in touch about other positions, but we decided to hire someone with more exactly relevant experience for this one.” I feel much better than I did last night and in part I’m frustrated not at the rejection, but the fact that I work in a niche field (that I want to pivot away from) and I desperately want to get out of my current job. Anyway, I’m going to use this as motivation to go out and do a lot more virtual networking and job searching. Onward and upward!
Senior Attorney
That’s the spirit!! :)
LadyLuck
Hugs! Sending you lots of positive vibes and a portion of my believe in you as I am in the same boat (Transitioning to new field post 2020 MBA)
Caitlyn
Love Ponte blazers and now I’m tempted!
Anyone (unofficially) work different hours than their coworkers. My office’s stated hours are 9:30-6, but no one is looking at exactly when you come in and for many people that’s edging towards 10-6:30 or later. Most meetings are between 10-5.
I am not an early bird, but I don’t want to be at work until 7 just because I didn’t get there until 10, an opinion my coworkers don’t seem to share. Eh I is fine, to each their own. But do y’all think it would
be a problem for me to start doing 9-5:30 or earlier? It would be clear from emails etc that I’m starting work earlier, and I mean this both for now remotely
but also in person
Anonymous
If it is unofficial I think this is fine as long as you’re available/flexible for an occasional meeting that goes until 6:00 without much fuss. If that will be an issue (childcare closing, etc.), I think you’ll want to make it more official.
Caitlyn
There’s no childcare issue, which I’m afraid will make it look worse .but of course is there’s a meeting I can stay longer
anon
In most offices it would be completely fine. It’s something to confirm with your manager.
Walnut
My official schedule deviates from standard with the blessing of my manager. I’m available 7-noon for meetings and and then from 8pm-11pm to get actual work done.
I was the first mover on this and it was adopted by several other caregivers as well. I block my afternoons as out of office.
Because my boss is awesome, 8-11pm is not hard and fast. She trusts that I’ll get critical work done and covers for me on whatever needs to slide.
Anon
This is so odd I’ve never worked in an office where staff didn’t all have their own schedules.
Caitlyn
Well there are a lot of meetings and other actual collaborative work
Anon
I have only seen it become a problem where one person came in two hours earlier (allegedly), then left every day at 3 pm on the nose and refused to be at a meeting that ran past 3. Not a childcare issue (stay at home wife and two teenagers, company had an on campus daycare).
Anonymous
In my office, we have just all gotten to know who is a morning person and who definitely isn’t. I am there early with 4 other people on my floor, and we all leave early, but then are checking email to keep an eye on things and available to dial in to meetings if the nocturnal folks want to set something for after we leave. That does not happen that often. I would give it a try without making a big HR deal of it and see what happens.
MagicUnicorn
When our office was still in-person, I was on an earlier arrival schedule than my coworkers. I liked that idea in theory, until my boss (whose schedule was always shifted to a much later arrival & departure than the rest of us) started regularly having me join meetings or stay to work on things until the end of HER day. She rarely did this far enough in advance to let me adjust my start time accordingly, so it effectively turned my 9 hour days into 12+ hour days. And she frowned upon comp time to make up for it.
If that situation won’t be an issue for you, then why not give it a try?
anon
It shouldn’t be a problem, but it depends on your office’s culture. In my last law firm, it would have been a problem. People always side-eyed associates any time they left before 6, except on Fridays. It didn’t matter if you arrived at 7 am or if you were going to log back on for 2 hours that night or if you’d been in trial for a month and were on track to bill the most hours. Somehow, it was fine for people (whose hours were fine) to roll in at 10 or take more than an hour for lunch, but other people were slackers if they left before 6. This included if there were childcare issues, which meant you had to have a nanny or a grandparent or a SAH spouse because daycares in my area close by 6.
I’ll never forget a time, pre-kids, when I was out at a summer associate event, and one of the (male) mid-level associates was ranting because a female senior associate gave him a 4:30 deadline because she needed to review it and leave in time to pick her kid up from daycare. He blew her off and went to the summer associate event instead. He made partner a few years later. (She did too, but only after putting in an extra year.)
AnonATL
I used to work at a place like this and it drove me absolutely nuts. I was a morning person and would go workout at like 5:30 with butt in seat by 7:30 every morning. Me leaving at 5 most days should have been considered a solid day’s work.
But nooooo… everyone else, particularly those in management, didn’t stumble in until 10am or later so they saw me leaving at 5 and thought I was doing only 6 hours or less a day. I should also say that official work hours were 8:30-5 because we had on-site lunch. I of course would stay if there were late meetings, but I felt I put in a full day’s work and would leave at 5. One of the managers eventually said something along the lines that people had been noticing I was leaving “early”
I would suggest you take it up with your manager and make sure it’s ok before you just assume. It’s highly culture dependent. If everyone is expected to be there for the same core hours it probably won’t fly or if you work for a company that as long as things are getting done, no one cares when it happens.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
I did this at a previous job. In around 8, out at 4:30, to get ahead of traffic, which got bad pretty early where I was working at the time. My work was not client facing, I didn’t have a lot of meetings, and my boss was fine with it. However, not everyone on the team was, at least one person seemed a bit salty about me leaving so early when she was so busy and stressed out, and probably worked late sometimes. The lesson here was that I needed to communicate my schedule more clearly, not only when I left but also how early I got in. If possible, it helps to say to someone “hey, I’m gonna head out in a bit, I’ve been here since X and I like to leave by Y, but do you need anything else from me before I go?” It at least removes the impression that you’re sneaking out the door and you do actually care about the impact your early stop time may have on others.
Anon
Can you accept a job offer and then back out a few weeks later? I received a job offer this week that I’m quite excited about at Company A…but then I had an interview yesterday with my dream company B in a dream role. The hiring manager at Company B said it was tough for them to find candidates with my experience in the area and I was their top choice. I’ve been unemployed since January, so I can’t just turn down Company A’s offer and wait around for Company B. The pay is about the same for both, but the growth opportunities are greater at Company B and I’m just all around more excited when I think about Company B. I’m negotiating a mid-June start date due to family obligations (no daycare until early June). Just wanted some confirmation that job seekers can make decisions as impersonally as companies do at times – if Company B actually extends an offer.
Anon
Yes, you can back out on Company A, just do so graciously. And tell Company B you have another offer on the table so they’ll hurry up with theirs.
AFT
This. I had to do that when accepting my last job. It was uncomfortable but I tried to handle it respectfully, and it was objectively a better offer (like a 25% increase), a company that I thought fit my position better, and my timing was very similar to yours (I had submitted to B before A made the offer). Recognize it probably will burn the bridge permanently with Company A.
AFT
I do agree to ask for time to consider A’s offer if you haven’t already accepted it. If you can avoid reneging after accepting, do, but it’s not the end of the world if you accept them come back to explain something has changed. the delayed start could be helpful since they presumably won’t have started making arrangements for your onboarding.
Anonymous
Of course.
Anon
I’m surprised by the other responses. In general, it is considered bad form to back out after you accept an offer, in the same way that it’s considered a bad thing for a company to withdraw an offer after they’ve extended it. That’s especially the case when the reason for backing out is that you got an offer you prefer (rather than a change in external circumstances). Depending on your industry and market, this can have a negative impact on you in the future – that will be less the case if you’re in a large market for jobs of your type and your skills are easier to find. I work in a specialist legal field in a medium-to-large legal market (so not NYC or DC, but still big); we had someone do this a couple of years ago and it is something that has followed her from a reputational perspective.
The better option would be for you to tell Company B that you have an offer on the table but that you prefer them and to ask them what their timeline is, and to tell Company A that you need time to consider the offer.
Anon
Also, want to add – when you say “as impersonally as companies do”, apply that here. How would you feel if Company A pulled your offer because they kept interviewing and decided they liked someone better than you? That seems terrible, right?
BB
+1 Of course, you CAN back out in the sense that there are no legal consequences, but in most industries, this could have bad effect on your reputation.
Anonymous
You shouldn’t if you can avoid it. You got the offer this week- ask to consider it until the end of next week and tell B you’re on a tight timeline.
Anonymous
This is a better option than accepting the offer from Company A and then backing out. Let Company B know you have a very attractive offer already on the table that you are seriously considering. That’s all you have to say. If they are enthused about you, that should light a fire under their butts to get your offer prepared and ready to present.
It is technically “allowed” to accept an offer and back out but it can leave a really bad taste in people’s mouths and that reputation can follow you. If you think you may ever have need to work for or with Company A – or anyone you are currently communicating with or interviewed with – be very, very careful about backing out of an offer.
pugsnbourbon
Yeah, this might be capitalism talking but I feel like backing out of an accepted offer is a last resort. Ask for more time to consider Company A’s offer.
Lilac
Yup you are free to back out. Companies screw around candidates all the time (often without legitimate reason) so here is my blessing to politely rescind your acceptance if the time should come.
CHL
I think you have additional flexibility in this environment and might also want to be especially cautious. A lot of business plans, offers and start dates are in flux because of COVID. I think they’ll be disappointed because you’re awesome, but maybe they’ll be relieved to have that budget back or at least they’ll understand that peoples’ decision making calculus is changing. Also, make sure Company B is really firm so you don’t end up with nothing.
ask for more time
Ask for more time from Company A, and tell Company B you have an offer in hand. I was at the offer stage with two companies when a third company recruiter contacted me. I really liked that company and told them I was in late stages/offer with the other two companies, and they hustled up to get me through their interview process. I was open with all companies that I was interviewing and where I was in the process, and when the first offer came in, I told them I would need time to consider it. If Company B really wants you, they’ll speed things up. And Company A will give you a week to consider things. Don’t rescind, I was told (and continue to find it to be true), “[Location/Industry] is small and careers are long”, so don’t burn a bridge with Company A by rescinding, just tell them you need more time.
MagicUnicorn
If you haven’t accepted with Company A and need to buy more time than the normal few days to consider the offer, you could gain some additional time by negotiating some aspect of the offer (more vacation time, insurance eligibility date, etc.).
Anon
I would echo the other posters that you can, but it’s not ideal. I have done it once, but because I got an offer in my dream location. I was transparent with Comp A about my desire to move (they courted me) so it didn’t come as a surprise to them and in the end, it was about me choosing a city rather than a different company over them. Like the other posters suggested, best to buy time from Comp A but also nip time from Comp B. I had told Comp B that there were other offers and that my time window was limited. They hurried the offer along and the rest is history.
Anon
If you decide to back out of the accepted offer, which you can, don’t expect to ever be interviewed at firm A again, and as people spread about in the industry, don’t be surprised if former firm A employees also close doors to you.
Anontoday
Man the universe has just been laying it on lately. We found out that my brother in law and his wife lost their baby very very late term last night. I am just so angry and devastated for them, and it’s hitting especially close to home because we are expecting too.
Any suggestions for what we can do? We will send flowers when there is a service, but that seems so inadequate. They aren’t geographically close to us so we can’t drop something by or even be socially distanced-supportive.
All this comes on top of a bad medical diagnosis for my father in law and all this virus nonsense. We just cannot catch a break.
Ada
So sorry to hear that. Some of the restaurants near me and selling larger quantities of food – meals for 4-6 people instead of entrees. Could you see if you can send them some comfort food that way?
Pure Imagination
I’m so sorry. The best thing you can do is be there for them. Losing a baby so late will probably cause some of their friends and family to back away and “not know what to say,” which happens, but is so hard for the ones in pain. Simply being there to witness and acknowledge their pain will help. I’d normally say to bring meals and things like that too, but given the circumstances, it may not be possible. A delivery service of some kind might be good but I’m not very familiar with those.
The original Scarlett
oh I’m sorry to hear that – what about sending flowers now? They don’t change anything, but I’ve always personally felt really loved when I get flowers after something sad. Farmgirl flowers is still delivering, I believe nationally
Anon
So incredibly sorry. Know that everyone grieves in their own way. They may want to talk about it, or may not want to at all. Until you get a signal from them, can you send flowers and a gift card for take out food? Grubhub or UberEats? I’m all for supporting local but that might be most convenient and easiest for you right now.
Anonymous
I am so sorry.
OP
They have a 3.5 year old too. Should I send something for her like a toy? Almost like a distraction while mom and dad deal with everything.. I also don’t want to seem insensitive or send something that requires heavy supervision from her parents.
Housecounsel
I think sending something for the 3.5 year old would be really thoughtful. Maybe non-messy art supplies like crayons and coloring books? Sidewalk chalk?
Anon
Yes, this is a perfect time to send a distraction toy. A big set of Duplos, or maybe a big Little People set with a house or farm or something, would be huge. Pair that with an UberEats or GrubHub gift card for the adults. Your message could be something like “Sending you all the virtual comfort and love during this time!”
CHL
So sorry for your and your family’s loss. Yes to flowers and food.
HW
I’m so sorry to hear that. I suggest looking at Pinch of Yum – it’s a food blog but they went through something similar and have posts about ways to support people grieving this type of loss. The posts are incredibly honest and thoughtful.
HW
One thing I think they talked about was how meaningful it was when people remembered the baby’s due date, and commemorating their loss in the future (like in a year from now, lighting a candle in memory of their baby). Everyone grieves differently of course so maybe follow the lead of the parents on this.
anon8
I was also going to suggest Pinch of Yum.
I’m so incredibly sorry for your family.
Anon
+1. The blogger on Pinch of Yum experienced the death of her day-old infant (not a pregnancy loss). But the grief advice is very helpful and applies equally in this situation, I would think.
OP
Thanks for pointing me toward this. I read a few of her posts, and they have been really helpful. I am not particularly close to my brother and sister in law, because they live so far away, but my heart aches so much for them. I desperately want to do something to help. The baby was 36+ weeks so I can only imagine they feel extra devastated being so close to full term and things went wrong. Not that losing your child at any stage in pregnancy (or after for that matter) is easy, but gosh to be so close to having a healthy full term baby… so unfathomably terrible.
Anon
That is terrible, I’m so so sorry. Know that it might be hard for them to deal with pregnancy and baby/related things for quite a while. It’s nothing personal if they keep a little bit or distance from you and/or their little one after your baby is born; those things can just be very very difficult after something like this.
anon
I’m so so sorry to hear that; such devastating news. Highly recommend sending food and something for the 3 year old. I’d also recommend to keep checking in on them periodically so they know you are there. Set up a virtual happy hour with them when they are ready.
Hollis
That’s awful. I had two close friends experience losses recently (not pregnancy related) and I sent one flowers from the bouqs and the other a box of fruit and snacks from Harry and David’s. If you go the latter route, look for a coupon code.
Anon
My boss has a lot of separate “back channel” convos with colleagues we work with – this includes 1:1 convos where they discuss our sales pursuits and activities with customers, communicating via text message and IMs. Then he comes back to me to report the details and suggest we take action. I’m very weary of being left out of these convos and being asked to take action on things they discussed when I wasn’t in the convo. There is a serious lack of transparency and it feels very shady. This isn’t personal – he does this to other colleagues too…so it is his habit or style of communication. I have been responding by asking whether these second hand reports he is gathering in the convos are valid, and suggesting a call with everyone to make sure we are all on same page. Tired of the back channel chatter…appreciate any suggestions!
Anonymous
Um, he is your boss, no? Does he not get to run things his way? When we worked non-remotely, most convos were not all-hands convos.
anon
OP here…yes, it isn’t the method of communication – text and IM are perfectly acceptable. It is the lack of transparency. For example, I am responsible for an account and our strategy there. We discuss our strategy and action plan. Then boss talks separately with another colleague, without me, and reviews the strategy. There is no record of the conversation – no email trail, no notes shared back, no phone call to join….boss comes back from the conversation and says, “had a convo with other colleague, and I think we should do A, B and C because other colleague (with different agenda, btw) thinks differently. It is divisive and I am finding I don’t trust boss.
Anonymous
You seem to think that boss should do as you wish. That’s not how it works.
Anonymous
Get over it? Your boss is what? Speaking to other workers one on one? The horror?
Anonymous
This doesn’t sound like back channeling? It sounds like just conversation? Confused about what your concern is.
potato
My boss does this too and I hate it. The real problem is that important information is spread through 1 on 1 conversations, and he often forgets to tell one person. I think it started because he ran a team of two for many years. That said, he’s my boss, he’s good at a lot of things, and I think it’s on me to adapt to his (insane) communication style.
Anon
I don’t get it…he’s allowed to talk to other people about work.
Anon
If he’s tagging up with you, I don’t think you’re being left out.
Anonymous
The flip side of this issue is being copied on every single conversation, which is a problem in and of itself.
It sounds like the real problem is lack of clarity, not everyone being on the same page about a project, and people missing information that they need. Solve for that problem, not boss’s communication style, which is unlikely to change.
CHL
I’m intrigued that you’re getting so much push back. I work in leadership and organizational stuff and it sounds like you’re describing a situation where the decision right is supposed to be with you, or at least consulting with you (your accounts) but instead of overseeing this and providing coaching or feedback if it’s not what he wants, he’s actually stepping in an doing your job for you, which cuts you off at the knees. It’s hard to change someone who does this because I think it’s often a sign that they can’t get themselves out of the weeds and don’t actually want their leadership job, or no one has told them that it’s not especially effective (and that’s hard for you to do). Some suggestions might be proactively anticipating situations in which he is most likely to do this and setting up the conversation in a “real channel” where you can be there too, documenting decisions and next steps and then gently pushing on where he changed things, and asking for more feedback on why he’s taking different actions than you would. I might also suggest the book “Working with you is Killing Me”.
Anon
OP here….thank you, thank you, thank you – you understand the problem and your advice on this situation is very helpful. We are in senior level roles and his side conversations are with colleagues at various levels (often more junior) with different and sometimes competing interests. Not including me de-empowers me and impacts my credibility and brand. Just found out this morning that this is happening to my peer as well…we are having a meeting this afternoon with boss to discuss the need for more transparency and open communication funneled through is as we are responsible for these strategic initiatives. I will check out the book you recommended- I think your diagnosis of this leadership style is spot on.
Anonanonanon
This sounds normal to me. In my field at least, it’s totally appropriate to have one-on-one conversations with stakeholders and use that to inform the actions or priorities of your team. As long as he is looping you in so you have situational awareness, I think it’s great that he’s getting information people might not otherwise share on a wider phone call. If this information is affecting projects you are the lead on, maybe you can start reaching out to these people one-on-one yourself so you can start to build that type of relationship with them and hear this feedback first-hand
Anon
Not the same situation but I had a situation where I moved laterally into a job the prior manager was vacating because he was moving up a level. The prior manager would not stop treating my direct reports as his own direct reports and cutting me out of the discussion. I think a big part of it was that he was kind of uncomfortable with the new role, which didn’t exist before, so he kept trying to do his old role because he knew how to do it.
I talked to him about it till I was blue in the face but the only thing that helped was to talk to my direct reports about looping me in when this happened. They also didn’t enjoy having two bosses so they were really helpful.
Old boss eventually retired but that was the only thing that stopped his behavior unfortunately.
Anonymous
Help me figure out what to do. I made non-equity partner this week. Late at night on the day I made partner, an equity partner who I have never worked with and who is not in my practice area asked me to do some research on an issue that is tangentially related to my practice. The non-equity partner he usually works with – who works in both practice areas – was copied. The research needed to be done immediately. I did it, and the equity partner said oh we already know about those cases just wanted to make sure they were still good law. So, apparently he contacted me late at night on the day I made partner to ask me to shepardize cases. FWIW we have plenty of associates that could’ve done that; I didn’t pass the assignment to them because 1) I didn’t know they already knew the answer and 2) it was late and urgent and I figured it was easier for me to just do it than to wait for someone to get back to me and have a whole back and forth – basically I just wanted to get to bed.
Now equity partner seems to want me to be involved in this matter. I don’t want to be involved. I’m overwhelmed with work as it is, and I’ve already pushed down as much work as possible. This is also outside my practice area so I’m not sure why I’m being roped into this. What on earth is this? What should I do?
JB
“I am not able to prioritize this. Would recommend X associate”
Anon
“Hi Bob, I’m sorry I don’t have any availability for additional work at this time. I’ve spoken with X and Y [associates] and they’re available to help.”
Maybe it’s a power play, maybe s/he doesn’t know about your promotion, just ignore it and politely decline the work.
OP
Thanks, fwiw, he definitely knows because he congratulated me.
Pure Imagination
Change to “I’m afraid I don’t have any availability…”
Anonymous
Too weak.
“I am sending to X and Y [and will review].”
anon
This.
Nan
I think this wording is good. I would avoid getting involved in this matter; my experience with people who pull things like this is that they will continue to do so as long as you let them. Life is too short. Avoid while you still can.
Anonymous
How big is the matter? The reason I ask is that it’s good to have work coming in from as many different sources as possible. Think of him like another client. You would find a way to make it work. I would take it, and then over time make sure there is enough junior staffing to support you.
Anon
I’m not a lawyer anymore but I thought that when a partner asks another partner to do work, they don’t mean that the actual partner does the work. I thought it meant have one of your associates do this.
Anon
I feel so stupid for getting an arts degree and working in a field that is extremely vulnerable due to the pandemic. I will most likely be out of a job in a few months and I’m terrified. I should have been a nurse or something but at 35 it feels way too late to go back to school or switch fields.
Anon
You’ve only been in your field for ~10 years and have ~30 more years of working. Not too late to switch…but maybe too late to go back to entry-level wages.
Anonymous
Sending hugs. Please don’t blame yourself for not anticipating a once in a lifetime recession and global pandemic. I have an MFA and eventually fell into fundraising for nonprofit arts groups, which has turned into a viable career, but it was a long road. I currently work for a large theater in NYC. Fundraising is relatively recession-proof but this is such a horrible time for our field that very few jobs are safe. Are you looking at a layoff or a furlough? I think when things finally reopen organizations are going to want their staff back, and in the meantime unemployment will hopefully be a lifeline? This too shall pass!
OP
Ha – I’m in fundraising! My career has been in nonprofits and I regret I don’t really have experience in anything else to make a pivot into a new career. Unfortunately it looks like my org (which was not doing well financially before the pandemic) will close in a few months unless a miracle happens. I didn’t know the full extent of their financial difficulties before getting hired or else I would not have accepted the job!
Anonymous
You will find another job eventually. I know a hard hit organization in NYC that is going to be recruiting this summer because someone is leaving for grad school. Start looking and don’t despair!
pugsnbourbon
Hey there – fellow impractical degree holder here (anthropology). I was in an incredibly niche position with a nonprofit before taking my current job. Please believe me when I say you have tons of transferable skills. As a fundraiser, you’re strategic, a great communicator, people-savvy, etc. etc. Don’t write yourself off so quickly.
Coach Laura
OP – what about pivoting to something adjacent like another non-profit but not arts-related? Or pivoting to public relations or something using your writing skills? Fund raising for a university or human rights? I agree that it might be a bad time to be searching but if you’re going to be unemployed, take some time now to look at other fields where you might be able to take some Coursera classes or take a few steps back to get into fund-raising, for example. Use the time to talk to others in the non-profit world. Something like human resources might be a pivot that would require some classes and a lower-level job. You could also look at freelance opportunities. I’m hoping that the recession will be short and hoping that you can make a leap to another job.
Walnut
Arts degrees are often treasure troves of transferable skills. IE, I know someone with an acting background dominate sales roles because she can read situations, read people, and uses that to fuel her sale.
Maybe taking a step back, sitting down with a beverage and thinking broadly about your strengths will open up some new ideas if you end up out of a job?
Anonymous
All fields are vulnerable. There are nurses being fired. It is a massive global disaster.
Anonymous
Can confirm — primary care nurses are on reduced-hours or are getting furloughed / laid off so they can get unemployment. And other workers (the people who check you in, take blood pressure, do elective surgeries or non-essential surgeries, anesthesia people, etc.).
LaurenB
In the “all fields are vulnerable” – I know of a large medical chain in my area that employs hundreds of doctors and has literally dozens of locations where all doctors have been given a 30% pay cut. (My husband has his own practice so he ‘eats what he kills’ so to speak.) Now, that’s not going to put any of these people in the poorhouse, but just a few years ago these same doctors were being offered $1MM bonuses over 4 years’ time. If medicine isn’t stable, nothing is.
Senior Attorney
Yes it’s not your career choice, it’s the fact that we’re on the brink of a global recession and maybe depression. Give yourself a break.
Lilac
Don’t blame yourself or your degree. I have one of those “useless” degrees and I will be employed until the day I die but it took a lot of strategy and persistence to position myself like this. All to say that you can position yourself like that too without going back to school.
Anon
very few people (ie no one) 10+ years ago made career decisions based on a possible pandemic. I’m very sorry about your job but you can only move forward, you can’t change the past
Anon
First, everyone is vulnerable.
Second, while I appreciate my parents’ willingness to allow me to study liberal arts/something with little job prospect, it was maybe not the best idea. Hindsight, [mostly] no one say 2008-09 coming, let alone a global pandemic. DD is two so I don’t know how yet, but I intend to guide her to a more practical course of study.
Third, I have two cousins and an aunt who became nurses in their 40s, with kids at home. If you are serious about a change, know that you are definitely not too old.
OP
I totally agree with you re: my parents. They let me study whatever I wanted which was great, but not practical. Interestingly, the private high school I attended has since switched to be extremely STEM-focused with the majority of graduates going on to study STEM in university. I think it’s great in theory, but as someone who was terrible at math I’m not sure how that would have worked out for me.
Anon
That’s awesome. I hope that when DD is 18-22 in 16 to 20 years there will be sufficient direction via curriculum toward this kind of course of study.
I’m an ’07 grad. FWIW, I work in finance now. There are skills I took from my liberal arts degree that I use every single day (writing, speech, editing, etc) but it took me an extended amount of time and a lot of persuasion to “let me in” to the finance world I’m in now. I work with MBAs, CPAs, CFAs and lots of other letters that I do not have. They’re clearly not needed, me being the prime example of that, but there’s no question that even 10 years into this career that I lack a baseline education that would make me even better.
Ribena
It seems like you’re ten years ahead of me on a similar track (‘16 political science, as mentioned below) – I’m fully expecting to have to take time out to earn a professional degree more related to this field at some point. Have you found that this seems to be something you’ll need to do?
Anon
Need, no. Definitely not.
Actually, I started my MBA early in my finance life and it just wasn’t….. right. It was a lot of 20-something bros looking for a career change or already had guaranty of a job/promotion when they went back for work. Good for some, not for me and where I was headed.
CFA is the gold standard IMHO. I don’t have the bandwidth to study for it (see 2 year old…). I’ve more than once considered on online MSF at my own pace. I wouldn’t be able to take that on until we’re out of toddler-dom. It would truly be for my own growth and not a requirement of my job or upward trajectory in terms of it being a requirement of a new job. However it would fill knowledge gaps and having a deeper understanding of certain things would make me just better. If I had a finance undergrad and had coursework that got deep into corporate finance/bonds/derivatives/trading, I probably wouldn’t need anything for my specific role.
For context, I work in a very niche alternative asset class. Having formal training in those topics would make me more informed in understanding the behind-the-scenes decisions my clients are making about my asset class vs. investing in others.
Ribena
Interesting and helpful, thanks! I’m in ESG so planning to do the CFA ESG module which I maybe don’t need to do but would be good to do. Our local university business school was running an ‘exec education’ short course with three days across theee months on green finance but from a more business/ decisions perspective than the in depth one you get with CFA study, which would have suited me better, but of course it’s now postponed to 2021.
anonymous
This is me too! Landed in alternative assets (Private equity) having graduated 10′ as a psychology major. I have no regrets of my undergrad degree but definitely agree with you about the tough breaking into the industry without some form of finance degree. For a long time this affected my self confidence in the industry even though 50% of our work is entrepreneurship and not so much high finance. I enrolled for a part time MBA last year to help plug the (finance) gap and so far have appreciated the high level concepts in financial management as they relate to my day to day job.
Anon
Yup, my “recession proof” government employer is announcing layoffs
Anon
Are you a fed? And if so, are you in shift/hourly/something like that work? Just asking since I’m fed and haven’t heard this happen yet!
Anon
City government
Ribena
I have a political science degree – but from a university which was extremely employability-focused (Top10 in the UK but with a big engineering/sciences focus). This meant that lots of our assessments were testing the kind of skills that I’ve needed since graduating – writing policy briefs, giving presentations, that kind of thing. It’s not an either-or between humanities and employability.
Anon
There’s nothing wrong with an arts degree and you can certainly use that degree in whatever field you are working in. Obviously you can’t use your degree to obtain an RN license, but never, ever believe people who say an arts degree is useless.
I’m in a tech adjacent field in higher ed. My degree is in music. 20 years of performance training means I’m used to working a problem from start to perfection. It means I’m not afraid to get up and speak (perform) in front of large groups. It means I can collaborate with others. It means I can read and interpret poorly written instructions.
You may have to call out some of your skills in your cover letter, but you can use your training and degree to your advantage.
Veronica Mars
Remind yourself that every recession is different and impacts different sectors. Yes, this recession sucks for many sectors, but if we looked at bartenders, they would’ve been fine in 2001 tech bubble bursting and in 2008. I’m in tech, so I’m fairly insulated from this one, but I would’ve been screwed in ’01 and maybe ’08.
Ribena
Cosigning this. I’m in a part of finance which suffered in 08 but which is still doing well now and we’re still hiring.
Aunt Jamesina
My serial cheater grandfather left my grandmother for another woman when she was 45, after being a stay at home mother of seven with a high school education. She went back to school to become a nurse then and was able to support herself. On a much less impressive note, I went to grad school for a different field and started a new career at 32. You really can make a career switch, and are at a point when it is still feasible, albeit with some sacrifice in the short term to get there.
Anon
I have an arts degree and work in finance. Find skills that are transferable like writing, communications, public speaking, project management, branding, leadership, research & analytical skills, etc. Good luck and many hugs to you.
Anon
I was thinking about all the people who work in vulnerable fields like fitness studios and restaurants. I’m very type A and risk averse so I went for a “safe” job, but I love my yoga studio and local restaurants and bartenders. We need all types of people and jobs. You didn’t make a bad decision! You’re job is still valuable even though it is not immune to a global pandemic. Don’t feel bad about your decision.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
I feel you. I have a humanities degree and I ended up in an unrelated corporate role, and I like what I do and I’m good at it, but it’s always on the chopping block when a company needs to cut staff. This one jerk I used to date would often ask how that degree was working for me, to remind me how stupid it was not to study something more practical. I absolutely do wish, in hindsight, I would’ve at least explored a more lucrative path.
But I remind myself this situation is temporary, I’m in a fairly decent financial position all things considered, and I’ll land somewhere eventually. We’re gonna be okay.
Lan Jevinson
Has anyone tried the Modern Fertility tests? Husband and I are in our late twenties and don’t want to have kids for 5 – 6 years but thought some of the info might be good for us to know in advance. All the reviews I read online are positive, but wanted to check here too. Here is the link to their webpage: https://modernfertility.com/
Anonymous
Nope. This post feels like an ad. If you have fertility concerns go see a doctor.
Anon
This doesn’t feel like an ad to me at all. I’m also curious about these tests.
Lan Jevinson
Not an ad, I’m a real person who has posted other times on this site :) Sorry if it came off that way!
Anon
I don’t think it’s helpful to use something like that. I feel like this stuff is to tweak people’s anxiety and make you feel like you’re running out of time, but you’re still pretty young.
Anon
Full disclosure: I have not tried Modern Fertility. I’m currently pregnant with our first child via IVF.
I wouldn’t do this. If I’d taken these tests, it would have shown that we would have had no problems conceiving (I’m 40, but in the words of my fertility doctor, my hormone levels are what she would expect to see from a 25 year old egg donor). Guess what? Still didn’t mean we got pregnant on our own, because as it turns out, I have one blocked tube and my husband has a blockage in his prostate (and so IVF with ICSI was our only option). This test would have given us a false sense of security.
TLDR: do it if you want to, but only if you understand that it is giving you a VERY small piece of the overall fertility puzzle.
Lan Jevinson
Thank you so much! This is exactly what I was wondering…if it was actually as helpful as the website made it sound.
Anon
This test would not have revealed my misshaped uterus, which was a huge reason (admittedly not the only reason) I was unable to conceive. Hormones are one piece of the fertility puzzle, but hardly the be all/end all.
Talk to a RE. Get the full picture.
Anony
I second this. All of my bloodwork results suggest I’m perfectly fertile, and I was only able to get pregnant with IVF. Fertility is much, much more complicated than (as an example) AMH. A test like this also wouldn’t tell you how things are changing – I know more than one person whose fertility cratered really suddenly at a pretty young age. I wouldn’t necessarily tell someone who’s very well informed about the medical issues involved not to take the test, because it is an information point, but I do think the results oversimplify some really complex medical issues.
Anonanonanon
Agreed with this! I only scanned the tests available, but it looks just like it would be hormone tests? My only child is via IVF at 34. Basic blood and hormone tests would’ve told us nothing—our issue wasn’t discovered absent testing my husband se*m*en (in case that triggers any automod). I worry something like this would’ve given us a false sense of security. If you have any concerns talk to a reproductive endocrinologist.
Lan Jevinson
Thanks so much. I feel like every time I get on Instagram someone else I know is talking about their infertility struggle, and it gives me a lot of anxiety. When I saw the ad for this, it made me think maybe I could get some answers ahead of when we wanted to start trying, but from reading these responses, it’s helping me understand that there is more to the equation than what the test can tell me.
FWIW, I did talk to my OB-GYN about my concerns last year and she told me there was nothing to worry about until we had tried for a year and hadn’t gotten pregnant. Since we’re waiting for 5-6 years to start trying, that just feels so far away and I was looking for how to quell anxiety before then. Thank you, everyone, for your helpful responses!
Anonymous
I hear all of this but what you need is help managing your anxiety not a medical test of dubious use.
Anon
This is nothing by anecdata/anec-recommendation: Have you been off of hormonal birth control for any extended period of time in the last 3-5 years? What your natural cycle looks like, most notably if it’s irregular, can be a telltale signal that something might be up. If you haven’t been off your birth control and can’t speak to your natural cycle, I’d recommend starting there and having a few (3-4?) natural cycles so you can say for certain. Also, if you want to take it step further, do an ovulation test during those natural cycles and see if you’re ovulating.
I had not been off the pill in over a decade but had underlying very irregular natural cycles. I also wasn’t ovulating. As soon as we started TTC, maybe 6 months in, I was able to tell my doctor about the irregular cycle and repeated negative ovulation tests, and that sent her antenna up and we started to pursue an infertility diagnosis. I would have save a lot of time had I taken the steps I mention above.
Anon
I’m considering freezing my eggs and am interested in doing this since fertility clinics aren’t open to do that type of procedure- potentially any time soon.
I plan on doing that no matter what but wondering if this would give me some answers until they resume? Thoughts?
I have never heard of this until the poster above mentioned it.
Anony
FWIW, depending on where you’re located, a lot of clinics are reopening in the next 2-3 weeks.
Anon
This. Call now, get in queue as a new patient.
Anonymous
It’s just wasting your money.
Anonanonanon
Maybe? As someone said, it would be a data point, but blood tests and hormones only tell you so much. A full work up will require looking at your tubes and uterus and follicle count—stuff you can’t do at home. So up to you. You might consider some of the fertility subreddits to see if anyone has had experience with tests through this company.
Lan Jevinson
That’s a great idea to check the subreddits – thank you!
Anonymous
You really should do this. You are not trying to get pregnant. You aren’t planning to try for 5-6 more years. You discussed with your doctor who doesn’t have concerns. Get help for your anxiety.
Lan Jevinson
Thanks for recommending I get help managing my anxiety – I am getting help for that as well and have been in therapy on and off for 5 years now, which has given me many tools to work through problems. I really appreciate everyone’s feedback here regarding both the test and my anxiety.
cbackson
Whether it will give you answers depends, I think, on what your questions are. Do you have fertility related concerns or are you considering egg freezing just to buy yourself more time?
FWIW, I had extensive fertility testing as I was gearing up to pursue parenthood as an SMBC and having my test results interpreted by a doctor with whom I had a relationship was really important, because she could give me context that just the numbers couldn’t. Also, a full fertility workup includes tests that can’t be done in this way (like an antral follicle count). I had some bad numbers and had talked myself into a full-blown crisis before my follow-up appointment, but my doctor was able to put the full picture together for me and help me put it into perspective in light of my age, goals, etc. I don’t think a service like this could do that.
Anonanonanon
Longer comment sitting in moderation, but what this person said!
anon
Just trying to buy time. I have never tried to conceive. I am 35.
Anonymous
Then make an appointment with a doctor once clinics reopen which will likely be with two months, max.
Anon
I would definitely recommend an actual appointment with an RE over these types of tests, as other commenters have said. An RE can run a full work up of CD3 numbers including AMH, FSH, AFC, Estradiol etc and then help you interpret those results and decide on next steps. I’m pregnant with my second child through eggs I froze at 35 and I’m really glad I had an RE who explained everything to me including my odds, whether to do multiple cycles, etc.
anon
Yes- I already had a Dr. appointment regarding freezing my eggs, but am in a holding pattern over this coronavirus. There is really no indication as to when they might resume (I called yesterday to check).
I researched this and found some sources that state this kit is a good predictor of the number of eggs I might have, but not overall fertility. At this point, I am only planning on egg freezing so that is my main concerns.
Anon at 10:27am
One other thing to consider:
While the number of eggs is important, so is the quality. Quality declines with age (for everyone) but there are other factors that can impact it. It’s important to take this into account when you’re determining how many eggs to freeze in order to have a statistical probability of having the family you desire. As anecdata: we retrieved a total of X number of eggs over multiple egg retrievals (not giving exact numbers bc it isn’t relevant, but I responded well to the meds and had good hormonal measurements so it was a lot). Out of the total number of eggs retrieved, 18% ended up as euploid (chromosomally normal) embryos. This is a fairly normal percentage for women in their late thirties. And our first embryo transfer of a euploid embryo failed (which is also normal – for late 30s, it’s about a 50/50 chance for a transfer —> a baby you get to take home with you). All just things to keep in mind when deciding how many is enough for you to feel comfortable. I feel like a lot of egg freezing places aren’t as forthcoming as they should be about the sharp drop-offs in numbers at each stage (# retrieved vs # mature, # mature vs # fertilized, # fertilized vs # that become blastocysts, # blastocysts vs. # euploid, if you elect to do the optional chromosomal testing, and then % that any single transfer will work).
cbackson
I would really not do it – just sit tight to get in with the RE. When I got my hormone results alone back, they were really bad with respect to ovarian reserve and I spent days in total meltdown. But the hormone tests alone actually aren’t enough to give you a full picture. Once I’d had the in-office tests and met with my RE, she was able to put it into perspectIve and help me understand that the situation wasn’t actually nearly as dire as I thought. If I had gone by just the hormone results, I would have thought I’d never be able to have children with my own eggs.
Basically, wahat you get from the hormone tests won’t be complete enough information to affect your decision making re: egg freezing, and you’ll have to repeat it all anyway, plus other stuff, once you see the RE.
(Note, as I write this, I’m 32w pg and ended up not needing any interventions at all.)
Anonymous
I’ve always loved food, especially nice restaurants, and since childhood have been somewhat overweight–10 or 20 pounds, size 10 or 12 as an adult. My normal diet is not junk, but real, albeit rich delicious foods in slightly larger than needed portions.
When this whole crisis started, I was so upset I could barely feed myself for the first time in my life–I forced myself to eat on a schedule so I didn’t feel weak and ill. And overall, while I feel slightly better now, eating is still strictly for fuel. The food I’ve been cooking at home is not “fun”, but healthy vegetarian food (mainly beans, vegetables, fruit, and yogurt), and also I’m trying to conserve my food supply by not overeating. I’m not snacking (don’t have the desire or tempting snack food), and I’m not drinking alcohol much now either.
i’m informally counting calories to make sure I’m eating enough, as I have been since this began…and I can eat what appears to be 1000 calories a day and not feel hungry or bad. I’ve been making myself eat a little more (like a spoonful of peanut butter) at the end of the day to get up to 1200 which seems like some kind of approved minimum. But i’m wondering if I would be causing myself problems to just eat when I feel hungry and stop when I’m not, even if I haven’t gotten to 1200. I’m really sedentary right now and I’m only 5’3″, so maybe this is sufficient? Also, maybe I’m truly getting more calories than I think? Hard to estimate truly without eating prepared foods. I don’t have a lot of experience with dieting/calorie restriction so don’t know, but definitely don’t want to do something that might harm me in the long run.
On the other hand, given that this illness does seem to affect heavier people, I’d really like to get down to a normal BMI to have lower risk (I’m 10 pounds away right now and seem to be losing a pound or so a week doing what I am right now). And for the first time in my life I don’t WANT to eat more than I am.
On the other hand I’m obviously somewhat depressed/anxious so might not be fully in the best place to be assessing things rationally. Not eating enough is very foreign to me…am likely to be I giving myself an eating disorder or other health problems?
Anonymous
If you aren’t weighing and measuring your food your calorie count is off.
As for your other questions- you are clearly already depressed. Get treatment now. Before it gets worse.
Anon
+1. I am you, OP, and the only time I didn’t want to eat was when I was severely depressed and anxious.
Anonymous
How are you estimating calorie counts? I’d try MyFitnessPal and measure portions to ensure accuracy. I find it difficult to believe a person could be truly functional on only 1,000 calories a day.
Anonymous
I’m not truly measuring–I’m just saying “this can of black beans has X calories and half went into my dinner, plus what looks like X amount of olive oil, X carrots”. Or “this sandwich has 2 pieces of bread, plus the filling is probably X calories…” it’s rough for sure. So maybe I am eating an okay amount of calories, just not tracking accurately.
Anon
“What looks like X amount of olive oil” will be waaaaay different if you start tracking in earnest using exact measuring and weights. If you’re not using a food scale, you will be amazed- that 1 oz extra of olive oil can be 200 extra calories. I don’t necessary recommend this in your situation, just noting that you’re probably not exactly on target with your count.
If you’re interested in tracking, maybe try macros- x grams of protein, y grams of carbs and z grams of fat. Not paying attention to the calories, but the components can be interesting. Or you can track veggie servings and water intake.
Sounds like you might want to talk to a therapist and a dietitian before you move forward though- they’re both there to help you eat in a safe and responsible manner. I think you’re smart to be wary of eating disorders.
Anon
You are probably not accurately estimating. It’s pretty much impossible to do if you are not weighing your food.
Anon
Yes, you are likely to give yourself problems and probably an eating disorder. You’re eating way less than the amount of calories the UN allocates for minimum survival for refugees. It’s also honestly pretty offensive that you’ve come here to ask if starving yourself, calorie counts and all, while dealing with depression and anxiety is a good idea to avoid getting coronavirus. No, it’s really, really not.
I know certain long-term posters will come here and give you the green light because they’re afraid of being fat as well. Consider what’s best for your health, not your vanity – because make no mistake, 10-20 lbs overweight is NOTHING.
Anonymous
I’m not afraid of being fat for what it’s worth, just of dying. I have no idea if it’s true that 10 to 20 pounds is nothing…when you’re short a small amount of weight affects your BMI a lot.
I don’t know how I offended you asking for advice, but okay.
Pure Imagination
I have to agree with the above poster. BMI is not a measure of health, but what we do know about health is that you need to adequately feed yourself and treat depression and anxiety. If you’re a size 10-12, you’re not morbidly obese and therefore unlikely to see any obesity-related risk related to coronavirus.
FWIW, we do not yet know whether obesity has any causal relationship to your risk of complications from coronavirus. The relationship is suggestive, but we don’t yet know whether obesity could be a confounding variable or whether doctors are more likely to admit obese patients because of the perception that they may be higher risk (therefore increasing the rates of hospitalization for this population). We need more information to determine the role of obesity specifically in coronavirus complications risk, although I believe there is strong evidence that poor metabolic health (which is not equivalent) is a risk factor.
Anonymous
Thanks, PI. the uncertainty is turning me into a mess…
Pure Imagination
To clarify, obesity wouldn’t strictly be a “confounder,” but my point is that other factors may be causing the increased risk.
Pure Imagination
Hey, I get it. Weight is so fraught anytime, but especially these days when we’re all cooped up.
Anonymous
Yes this.
Anon
Get help for your anxiety, but I don’t think you’ll suffer from any physical health problems from eating slightly less than 1200 calories.
Anon
I’m your height, and I think you’re eating as much calorically as you need, especially if you have a little room to lose weight. 200 calories give or take is within the margin of error on calorie counting, especially if you’re not weighing by the gram. I would guess that 10 lb give or take is also not significant when it comes to weight as a risk factor. You might ask yourself if you’re deflecting anxiety over something you can’t control onto something you potentially can, since I think just recognizing that can be calming?
Anonymous
Thank you for your message…and yes I’m sure I am deflecting anxiety in the way that you say!
Anonymous
Please, please, please get some help for the anxiety and depression, before it gets too wrapped up in calories, weight, and food restrictions. You do not want to slide into some ways of thinking that are going to complicate your life for (potentially) years to come.
Anonymous
Thank you, I appreciate it and actually did start seeing a therapist virtually a couple weeks ago because I’m not used to feeling depressed at all, or anxious to this extent.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I would not wish an eating disorder on my worst enemy. It blows. I’m glad you’re seeing a therapist.
Anonymous
This. If you are sedentary you will feel full on less food. If you’re below 1200 on the regular, increase your intake. Don’t worry about a day here or there. It’s likely that you are underestimating unless you are weighing and measuring everything.
You are not a UN refugee, you’re a slightly overweight American. Ignore the panic posters above.
Anonymous
Thanks, yeah I was trying to ignore that comment…but I’m definitely a slightly overweight American and not a refugee!
PolyD
I agree. I mean, absolutely get help for depression and anxiety, and help if you find yourself obsessing about food, but just eating when you are hungry is not a bad thing.
I am someone who tends to not eat when stressed/sad, but I’ve never gotten dangerously thin from it, and I was starting out small (probably a size 0 in my early 20s, now hover between a 4 and 6). Again, be aware of whether you are getting obsessed, but a stretch of slightly fewer calories than “recommended,” especially if you are otherwise healthy, is not something to worry about.
I ate much less the first couple of weeks of being home because I was so sad and missed friends and restaurants so much. But then it normalized and now I have to watch out for the bored eating, because even 6-8 pounds makes me feel much different, not in a good way (hello, heartburn!).
anon
I agree that the calorie count she’s likely getting likely won’t have negative physical effects in her situation. However, many, many eating disorders stem from anxiety and the need for control. OP, please seek help for your anxiety, and talk to your therapist about your thought patterns around food.
Anonymous
thank you. I haven’t brought this up with her directly but I will.
Anon
This is a terrible food-obsessive thread. OP – eat when you’re hungry, listen to and follow your body’s cues, and stop counting calories. Try to ignore all the advice you’ve received here about how to give yourself an eating disorder.
Anonymous
No. Her body’s cues are telling her not to eat and she’s trying to eat anyway. Did you read the OP?
Anonymous
Sorry to be dense but what advice here is going to give me an eating disorder?
anon
What might help is to focus less on taking food away and more on adding. As in, add something healthy to every meal you eat. Add spinach to your eggs at breakfast. Eat a carrot along with your sandwich at lunch. Instead of just chocolate, have some strawberries with it. I get that on a short person, 10 pounds can feel very uncomfortable. But if you struggle with anxiety, counting calories is really stressful. I count the fruits and vegetables I eat every day to get to five servings and it’s literally the only thing I think about/track. Just by doing that, a person ends up eating reasonably healthy. To go from enjoying rich delicious meals to eating 1200 calories a day during a pandemic sounds like a recipe for disaster.
Anonymous
I broke up with my ex because he was a problem drinker and in denial about it (though everyone knew). It killed me to break up with him as I was and still am crazy about him. He sent me a message several months ago that he admitted for the first time he had a problem and was starting to seek help. I didn’t write back as wasn’t sure if he’d really follow through, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’d love to have him back in my life in some way but don’t think it would be good for me if he hasn’t really done what he said he would.
I’m thinking about reaching out to a mutual friend of ours to ask whether my ex has been going through a program. Friend is mostly and originally my ex’s friend, but we’ve kept in touch some since the breakup, though only on topics that don’t involve my ex. is that making an awkward situation for Friend? I’m pretty sure Friend would be aware if my ex had made changes. Friend definitely noticed and was concerned about the drinking. I’m hesitant to reach out to ex directly without knowing that he’d worked on things…it’s been really hard not to be in touch as it is and I don’t want to open the floodgates if he’s still drinking to excess.
Anonymous
Oh NOPE NOPE NOPE. Girl. I know isolation is hard. But do not do any of this.
Anonymous
why, because it risks backsliding into contact with my ex if he hasn’t gotten treatment? sorry if this is obvious…
Anonymous
If your ex had done the work and wanted you back he could get in touch. He hasn’t. Going through a friend is middle school behavior. Yes obviously all this does is result in you spending more time and energy on a situation that wasn’t good for you.
Anon
Nope nope nope. Don’t do any of this.
Anonymous
I’d just leave this alone. If he is going through recovery, now is probably a hard time. Can he not focus on that vs having you re-appear? It’s fine that you care, but it’s probably better to care in the abstract for now. And if he is going through recovery, it’s a process, not an event, so I’d leave that alone even if he is on that path.
Anon
I didn’t respond at first as I don’t have expertise in this per se. But I’m glad the other responses align with what I was thinking.
No.
The road to recovery from an alcohol problem is a long, hard one that it sounds like he is just starting and one fraught with relapse. Unless you want to take this very difficult process on with him, and are ready to go through a lot along the way, I would just.. not. I’m not saying a recovering alcoholic is not datable, and it would be different if you were currently in a committed relationship with him and committed to working with him through this, or had a permanent tie with him like kids together, or agreed with others if he was enough on the other side where he is reaching out…. that would be worth at least considering. But, otherwise, just….no.
Anonymous
Aren’t ppl supposed to avoid relationships for like a year after getting sober? If you’re still wondering about him in a year, check in then and if he has a year sober then you’ll know he wasn’t lying.
Anon
Not to make light of a serious topic, but when I read this I was like, “yes, exactly!” and then I realized where I heard this was from the Sex and the City episode where Carrie dates a recovering alcoholic before his year is up, despite his initial reluctance. It did not end well.
Anonymous
Lately, I feel that everyone has gone to their corners and just started screaming. There is the obvs Karen Korner and the Cowboy Corner and everything in between: nursing home residents, nursing home workers, factory workers, hospital workers, hospital patients, transit workers, transit users, maintenance people, construction workers, food service workers, grocery workers, delivery workers, etc., etc. You know what? I think we all need each other and we all add value.
WFH and can do so forever and shop monthly? Great — keep at it!
Cowboy and you’ve been socializing on the DL — the fact that you’re not sick is great to know; sadly, we need some canaries in the coal mine and we kind of need you as a preview of what is to come when we start emerging from confinement; pls stay away from the nursing home people
Regular people emerging from confinement, going to parks, picking up takeout, venturing around — good for you! I think that you are doing this will help people who perhaps have become perhaps too fearful.
Eveyone who is essential — I want to support local businesses and then get out of the way, so I will keep that up.
Everyone WFH while homeschooling — ugh — it is a slog! I hope that we have nothing but sunny days and rainy nights and we can all at least be outside a lot more in coming days.
I think we still don’t know what we don’t know (e.g., I read an article that this affects A and O blood types more, interesting b/c B is more common in Asia, but then I read another article that A+ and O+ are affected more and I am rH negative). I guess we can keep reading until we find something we like or agree with, but science isn’t a straight line at this point and I hope we gain ground on that day by day.
For all of you who want to stay in until 2022, if I go out before then and I’m OK, and more and more people do so gently, gradually, while being smart about it, and we are OK, maybe that will help give you more data. And if we’re not OK or there are spikes here and there, scientists can see who we are and why there is spread for us vs others (e.g., partying spring breakers weren’t all getting sick later; Easter visiting didn’t bring a huge spike; nursing home residents and workers are the spot to focus on (I think) and solving that may tell us an awful lot).
Hang in there everyone! I am rooting for ALL of us.
Anonymous
Thanks. This made me tear up.
Anon
No, it affects O blood type less: https://www.medrxiv.org/content/10.1101/2020.04.08.20058073v1
Anonymous
I think that I could feel better as an A- person, but we are a tiny sliver of the population, so we have a real possibility of getting sample-size distortions (positive and negative). Like the AB- sample size was 0, so what do they really know from that?
It’s like I drink scotch and soda and get a hangover, then rum and coke, and then vodka tonics, and I think: maybe these carbonated beverages are the problem :)
Are we all medical journal readers these days? Yes, I think. Yes, we are. We are like olden-days rich eccentrics in England who all seemed to be amateur scientists. I predict that we will have splendid 2022 dinner parties where we are sharp and witty and very widely-read. My next book club will feature an anatomy treatise!
Another anon
Anonymous, your last paragraph made this scientist laugh out loud this morning. Thank you. I hope that anatomy treatise is a page turner.
CHS
+100
MKB
I love this post so much – I totally agree, but couldn’t have put it so well. Thank you for posting.
Vicky Austin
I love this, thank you.
January
Thank you. I’ve been feeling defeatist lately, but this was a very nice way of putting it.
PolyD
Bravo!
In happy news, a legit trial of the antiviral remdesivir seems promising for helping the sickest COVID patients.
In anecdotal happy news, the husband of a friend works at a busy, not-large grocery store in DC. He was exposed, but did not get sick. Three coworkers who did get sick recovered handily. And, since this all started, I believe those are the only people who get sick at that store. So there are ways to keep grocery store workers safe.
Anonymous
I’m expecting a job offer next week that’s been in the works for months. I’d be leaving a good job at a relatively stable organization for this, so I want to make sure things will be stable there too. What would you want to ask? Also, how would you bring it up? should I ask whoever it is who offers me the job (whether HR or the hiring manager), or should I ask to speak to someone specifically about this?
I was thinking: is there a likely possibility of layoffs/salary reductions/furloughs, and will there still be flexibility in WFH even when our state technically reopens, (I am being very cautious).
I also really do want this job, so don’t want to offend them into rescinding the offer by being too bold with my questions (if that’s even a thing).
The original Scarlett
I cannot imagine leaving a stable job without fully probing everything you need to know about he new job. Of course you can and should ask those questions. I’d also think very hard about leaving the stable job now.
Panda Bear
Do you have any connections or colleagues with connections to past or present employees at the new job that could give you some inside scoop? That could be helpful as well.
Anonymous
sadly I don’t…would be helpful, though!
Anon
If NewCo is a public company, it’s earnings season right now, so I’d be joining the earnings call / reading the transcript and would read the analyst reports after.
Digby
Unfortunately, you’re unlikely to get useful information about the possibility of layoffs/salary reductions/furloughs. Even if the recruiter or hiring manager is privy to that kind of info, they’re unlikely to share that with you if it hasn’t already been announced to current employees. They’ll tell you nothing is planned, or give you platitudes about how well they treated their employees in 2008-2009.
Senior Attorney
Also, I don’t know that those questions are even answerable at this point. Who knows where the economy is even going?
Pink
My office is opening Monday. I’m so angry and disappointed. My day care remains closed, but my company put out FAQs that specifically say “If child care is closed, you’re expected to make alternate arrangements so you can be in the office.” What a dumb, reckless policy. Their reasoning is “we’re paying for this facility; you should be using it.” They are even requiring high-risk people and people who live with people exposed to Covid to come into the office.
Pure Imagination
Wtf?? How can they expect people who have been exposed to COVID to come in? What state are you in? That might not even be legal.
Anonymous
Are they required to come in though? Or are they required to either come in or use leave?
Anonymous
Wow, that is awful. I’m sorry.
Anonymous
I’m curious — what sort of business are you in (as a company)?
FWIW, my husband’s company is essential and allowed to be open but only in-person-type-job employees working there now (e.g., mechanics). A lot of office workers are working remotely and those who aren’t (people configuring WFH computers, some payroll, some accounting, some finance) have spread out throughout the very large near-empty facility.
Also, FWIW, not a generally risk-averse company and in-house legal is 2 people, so likely not scared into this by legal (likely concerned re headline risk, reputational risk, ability to operate if lots of key people get sick (and they self-insure, so they are on the hook for medical bills, which they prefer to minimize)).
Anon
As I keep saying, any policy on reopening has to be that if you can WFH, you must WFH, because a few stupid employers are behaving this way.
Check the new family leave law. You may be eligible.
Pure Imagination
I believe that here in CA, the “next phase” of reopening for businesses is going to include a clause that businesses must continue to let any employees who can WFH stay there. They also have to take social distancing measures in the office, but I don’t know how that’s going to be possible in all the open floorplan spaces.
Anon
Very curious: what state/region, what industry, is it public or private? This absolutely, 100% boggles my mind.
Anonnnn
My firm used the “alternate arrangements” language too! They are graciously (in their minds) letting the paralegal with a newborn work from home for a couple of weeks so she can find childcare though.
OP
To be completely fair, I read the language of the FAQs and it will be up to your supervisor whether you’re required to come in if you are high-risk or live with someone who’s exposed. Parents with kids are still SOL though. This will probably out my company, but it’s in TX in an industry that is tanking currently. I’m confident that’s mainly what’s motivating them reopen. That and leadership thinks a woman’s place is in the home, but that’s another post entirely. My supervisor is reasonable, so I doubt he’ll ask me to come in, but thanks to those who suggested family leave. I’m eligible, but it would precipitate my firing, so I’m still hesitant to use it. I will if they want to take a hard line though.
Anon
I am so sorry. That is crazy.
I’ve been reading here and there speculation that people will “just have to hire a nanny” when they don’t employ one otherwise until group care/school opens, and every time I read that I think that is such a crazy, reckless attitude (and unfortunately seems to be the one that your work has adopted). There just isn’t an endless supply of qualified available nannies that are going to be able to cover every single kid that would otherwise be in a group care setting. Even if you wanted to/could afford it.
Anon
Yeah exactly. We went with a nanny for our infant and had a terrible time finding one. We’re in a college town so there are lots of college students who want to babysit part time but basically no professional nannies who want full time hours. There are a dozen or so large daycare centers in my area, and even that doesn’t meet the demand since they all have insane waiting lists. I can’t even imagine how difficult finding childcare would be if all or even some of the daycare centers remain closed. And I’m among the privileged few who can pay a nanny.
Also in TX
I wonder if we have the same employer. This same issue has me so upset. Applying for FMLA is an option, but one that first consumes sick days then provides only 2/3 pay. I’ve been WFH for two months. Why is that suddenly an impossible option?
So frustrating that this childcare quandary was not specifically discussed in the governor’s last address.
ANON
The new EFML is more complicated than that. An employer cannot make you use your leave for the first two weeks (EPSL) but payment would be the lesser of 2/3 of regular rate of pay or $200. After that (weeks 3–12), your employer can require the use of accrued leave, including sick leave, annual leave, etc. Your employer may or may not allow use of sick leave if you cannot work because of school/camp/childcare closures. If you are using accrued leave, you will be paid full pay. If you are not (because your employer doesn’t require the use oof leave or you run out of accrued leave), you will pe paid at the rate of the lesser of 2/3 or $200 per day. Retaliation for use of EPSL or EFML is prohibited.
Housecounsel
What a horrible thing to say about “alternate arrangements.” I actually teared up and I am not sure if it is anger or sadness or whatever compounded by this crisis. I don’t even know what to say. A tip to a reporter might not hurt.
Anonymous
But what are you thinking the plan is for employers? They allow people to pretend like you san work from home and take care of kids until September? People should be preparing themselves for the fact that if jobs reopen before school and day care they will need to make alternate arrangements or take leave.
Anon
What alternate arrangements if daycares are closed?
Anonymous
They could start by giving ppl more than two or three days notice to find a nanny in a pandemic. Start with opening the office and letting those who can and want to come in be there, then after everyone else has had a couple weeks to find a nanny or make other arrangements – start having more ppl come in. It’s not that hard, employers just need to stop pounding thumbtacks with sledge hammers.
LaurenB
Oh come on, anonymous at 12:09 pm. Ease of finding a nanny is highly dependent on where you live (and btw, how do you feel about having a nanny travel to and from your home on public transportation?). I had a live-in nanny due to our crazy schedules and we would have been fine, but let’s not pretend it’s as easy as you are making it sound.
Anonymous
Okay LaurenB how about you come up with a suggestion of how employers should handle this instead of dumping on mine? I think two weeks is a reasonable notice starting point for ppl to get childcare in place. If daycare centre are closed, presumably some of those staff would be available for nanny jobs or nanny-shares
This situation is going to continue on and off for at least a year. parent like myself need to start figuring out alternate arrangements as we can’t keep WFH with kids in the house and no childcare the whole time.
OP
This is a trolly comment. I know I might be an unusual case, but I am IT support for hundreds of remote locations. I have never even been within a hundred miles of 90% of the people I support. So I can absolutely do my work from home, as I have been for 8 weeks now. I’m working harder than I ever have before, as is everyone here. You should know that if you have even perused this or the mom page in the last several months. Furthermore, I’m a grown ass woman, so I have already cobbled together your precious unicorn “alternate child care arrangements” as best I can (SIL moved in with us and is doing a lot of child care) so this really feels like my employer pulling the rug out from under me because “We’re old white dudes and we know what’s best for you but also you should have thought of this; you chose to have kids so this is really your fault.”
Anon
But the only alternatives to group childcare are nannies or family help. Few people have family help (and it also seems like a terrible idea to be encouraging people to call in grandparents, the vast majority of whom are 60+). Most people can’t afford nannies and even if they could there aren’t nearly enough nannies for every family in America to have a nanny. Daycare serves a very important purpose and if we’re not going to allow daycare/schools/camps in any form, we can’t expect most working parents to be able to go back to the office.
Seventh Sister
I suspect my kids’ regular babysitters would be excited for the income, but I also don’t know whether any of them have health conditions that would make them high-risk OR whether any of their families or roommates are high-risk.
My housekeeper has three kids living at home and I’m not sure whether any of them are high-risk either, but I assume her daughter and new grandbaby are vulnerable. (I’m paying her to not come at this point.)
It’s all just speculation at this point – they aren’t allowed to come work at my house right now under the stay-home order.
Housecounsel
I want to know exactly what tasks this employer says can’t be done remotely such that everyone is supposed to pull child care arrangements out of thin air during a pandemic.
Anonymous
You know this already, but your employer sucks.
JHC
I hope all these people know they have federal protections, like paid sick leave and enhanced FMLA leave for issues including child care while being paid 2/3 of their salary/wages. And I hope they use them.
Anony
I just got a tip from a co-worker that our site director is opening the office up on Monday. They mentioned something about wearing a mask if you leave your desk (huh??), that the breakroom will be open for use but no coffee maker?!?… it’s a small office, like 25-ish but we have some high-risk people and older people. Add on to this that the contract we thought we’d get didn’t happen so now everyone is panicky about what to do after our current program is done. The black cloud is going to be big and morale an all-time low. I do not want to go back at all.
Thanks, It Has Pockets!
That’s terrible reasoning! I could almost get behind “we provide an important service and our presence in the office is important to doing that work,” but their whole thing about using it because they’re paying for it? Ridiculous.
Anon
While I love my job and my field I am SO OVER the boys club today. Unfortunately, it goes hand in hand with my profession.
I’ve been working 80+ hour weeks, in the office, for 8 weeks. I have enough to deal with and just don’t have the energy for the boys club today.
Anony
I work with 35 men and 3 women – I feel your pain SO MUCH.
Duke TIP / Hopkins CTY questions
For any of you who have done Duke TIP / Hopkins CTY (as parents, as kids, both maybe), my kids were eligible to take the PSAT this year for it and they just got their scores back. Both are at a public school that I had concerns about previously. My kids did no PSAT or test-taking prep, and I get that many, many people do that. But their scores were really awful (they don’t count for anything now, it is good to know that they are either needing some test-taking help or maybe their fundamentals are just really weak). I can switch the kids to a public magnet school for next year, which I think will be a bit better but may still not be great. But would you find it concerning (in what degree) that your kids who are (supposedly) bright and capable really seem to have fallen behind their peers the first time they get measured with a serious yardstick? Like you have a 6th grader taking the test (yay — good that you are invited) but then they are in the <10th percentile for 6th graders taking it? It's probably fine for a kid in a big city public school system, but the bar is basically "doesn't get us on the 11:00 news." I hate that school seems to be a series of gating exercises now (vs when I was a kid it seemed like if you showed up and paid attention and did the work, things turned out OK).
Anon
This is why I’m so thankful that my very middle class parents did what they could to send me to private school. It was honestly the best thing that they did for us, and I think it’s a da*n shame that the level of education and attention I got in school was the exception and not the rule.
I’m a ways off from having kids but already wondering how I can make it work for my future kids.
Anonymous
The PSAT is not designed for 6th graders! This tells you nothing about whether your child is learning what she is to be learning in her grade. If the school isn’t good move them to a better one because educating them as best you can is your job as their parent but don’t base that decision on the PSAT.
Vicky Austin
Yeah I thought the PSAT was designed for juniors/advanced sophomores (or at least it was when I took it). But OP doesn’t mention how old her kids are?
Anonymous
There is now a version of the PSAT designed for eighth and ninth graders, which is probably what OP’s sixth-graders took. It is common for kids to take above-level tests for admission into selective academic programs. The reasoning is that gifted kids will all ceiling out on grade-level tests so you can’t distinguish among them or assess their true level of academic readiness. I took the SAT in seventh grade more than 30 years ago, and my daughter took it as a twelve-year-old eighth-grader. CTY is looking for kids who need to work 4-5 grade levels above their current grade (for CTY Advanced), so it’s totally appropriate to use the SAT for middle school kids.
Anonymous
THIS — this isn’t the old PSAT, which was just for high schoolers; it’s a PSAT for middle schoolers. So if your 6th grader is not doing that well and you suspect that a better school / different school population might change things, listen to that and go with what your gut is telling you. Your kids’ current school probably isn’t able to take them where they need to go. Another school might. Some schools in my county don’t teach the math class that is a prereq for the “good” high school math classes that are needed for the SATs and to get into top colleges b/c there aren’t enough prepared kids to justify having a class just for them (like if 5 kids are ready, those 5 kids won’t get a class b/c no one has a 5:1 ratio even in private schools). Those kids get short-changed and don’t even know it.
Anon
While private schools don’t typically have a 5:1 ratio, they’ll do it if it’s needed. My AP French class had 5 people, my friend was in a two person Greek class, and I knew kids who did math independent studies their senior year because they took AP BC calc as juniors.
Anonymous
My public school AP French class had 5 students. Not all private schools are good. Not all public schools are bad.
Anon
+1 to Anon at 12:41. I was able to take twice as many AP courses at my public high school than my husband who went to private school.
Also I would not use the PSAT as a yard stick for determining how good a school is for 6th graders. It tests a bunch of stuff they aren’t supposed to know yet. As others noted these types of tests where they are given years early are designed to identify gifted students. Some 4 year olds can read, that doesn’t mean if your preschooler does poorly on a reading test that their preschool is bad.
Finally and I say this as someone who has always been very very good at standardized tests. They are really not a good yardstick for measuring how smart someone is or how good their school is.
Coach Laura
I wouldn’t assume that OP’s kids took the middle-school version. My son took the full length ACT that high schoolers take – this was when he was considering starting college as a 7th grader. He took it “cold” with no prep and no high-school level math classes. He scored above the median for that R-1 flagship university’s incoming freshman and scored high enough to meet the entrance requirements for that school’s early entrance program.
Anon
I took the PSAT as s 6th grader. It’s designed for sophomores but kids do take it early for admission to gifted programs. That said, most 6th graders are not at all prepared to take it (and those that do take have typically been identified as gifted so finishing the 10th percentile isn’t necessarily bad). This test result is not an indictment of your school. It means your kids maybe aren’t as gifted as you would liked, but they are doing fine and this test result doesn’t mean they aren’t bright and capable.
Anonymous
This — I would not be concerned.
Anon
+1 this could just mean your kid isn’t a fit for Duke TIP or other gifted programs. That’s 100% ok and normal. Trying to pay your way to a gifted kid through more rigorous schooling is likely to end badly.
Annie
Wait you’re worried about what your 6th grader got on the PSAT? Those tests just erasure one skill set, basically your ability to take that kind of test. I don’t think it’s worth thinking of switching schools over it. Maybe they are bad at taking standardized tests, maybe they’re just fidgety 6th graders.
Honestly, I think you’re making up some of these yardsticsks, yes there’s more testing, but what does it actually impact? How are your kids doing overall? Do they like learning? Are they being challenged? For a 6th grader I would be most concerned about them liking and being invested in school
I’m saying this as a 25 year old with a much younger sister, so I’m somewhat closer to all of this. I was terrible at every standardized test I ever took, improved somehow for the GRE, went to a pretty good undergrad and excellent grad school, and whiLe I did take the psat at that age and did get into the second tier of CTY (or something like that) obsessing over standardized tests would not have improved anything in my life,
Anonymous
I think it’s the overall sense that our school just does not care or doesn’t have the bandwidth to care and distance learning is about 15 minutes of videos a day (so I am homeschooling since they aren’t). I wanted to believe that public schools would be enough, but I think they can turn a silk purse into a sow’s ear b/c they rely on involved SAH parents to make up the gap (except that I work, so this is hard; my private school parent friends tell me that their schools actually handle it all generally and have at least 2 hours of teacher instruction a day since they went remote and their technology actually works). Private school is like $25K/year, so not in budget especially after our salaries just got reduced 20% and may get reduced further. So I guess it is magnets largely b/c I have 7 years of waiting for this to happen and it clearly hasn’t happened yet.
I’m getting that it is just one test and for older kids, but I was hoping they’d at least test as average for their peers.
Annie
I think you should look at what others are saying here too – it’s compared to extra extra brilliant 6th graders because those are the 6th graders who take the test, not 6th grades as a whole.
How is the school during non pandemic times? How are your kids at school during non pandemic times? If you want to look at tests I’m sure you’ve had state tests – how did they do on those?
Anonymous
Right, but this is a test designed for 7th and 8th graders, so it’s likely there is a lot of ground to make up for when you take the test in 7th grade especially if you didn’t do well in 6th grade. Either they are bad test takers or poorly prepared or both. But now you know.
Anon
Put aside the distance learning. That’s a unique situation and something no one was really prepared for trained for or expecting.
How did you feel about the school pre distance learning and pre PSAT results?
Anonymous
I have experience with CTY as a student and as a parent. Things to keep in mind:
1. CTY is designed not for kids who are “bright and capable,” not really even for kids who are gifted, but for kids who are exceptionally gifted. Most school gifted programs these days are geared towards “bright and capable” kids, not kids who are actually gifted, and certainly not exceptionally gifted kids. CTY courses are taught in a way that works for exceptionally gifted kids, and probably would make bright kids very bored or very miserable.
2. Being in the tenth percentile of sixth graders taking the PSAT means you are in the tenth percentile of very smart kids with driven parents who have them take the PSAT, not the tenth percentile of all sixth graders.
3. The kids who score very well on these tests at young ages are either natural genuises who read a ton and also happen to have naturally good test-taking skills, or are the product of insane tiger parents who have been prepping them for this moment since infancy with Kumon, tutors, workbooks, enrichment classes, etc.
pink
i co-sign all of this. I don’t remember what I scored, but it was enough to qualify for the CTY programs. but I’m a naturally talented test taker and arguably very book smart. The only test I had to study for was the LSAT and that was mainly and endurance test.
I would judge the school on its merits/teachers/other kids/learning opportunities and not your kids score.
anon
your last sentence is crucial. Standardized tests merely assess the ability to take a standardized test. Nothing beyond that.
Anonymous
The earliest my school offered the PSAT was 8th grade, and our general socioeconomic class was upper middle class with highly educated parents (most parents had advanced degrees and professional careers as engineers and professors). I don’t think there’s anything to worry about if a *6th grader* is in the 10th percentile for a test that was designed for *10th or 11th* graders.
I had friends who took the PSAT in 7th or 8th grade for CTY and they got in those programs, although I don’t know what their percentiles were.
Anon
No, she’s saying they’re in the 10th percentile FOR 6th graders who take the test. I really though still don’t think it’s an issue – it’s likely more that they haven’t taken this kind of test before. Even next year, after one time doing it this year, I’d be shocked if they don’t do better.
Anon
But only exceptionally bright 6th graders take the PSAT. It is not offered to all or even many 6th graders. Being 10th percentile in a pool of gifted kids is totally different than being 10th percentile of all kids.
Anonymous
I think she is disappointed that they are in the 10th percentile for gifted kids.
Anon
I did terribly on the psat at that age, despite attending a private school. I have 2 Ivy League degrees. Means nothing. I’m a terrible standardized tester
SEventh Sister
I did pretty well on the verbal part of the test at that age (but not well enough to qualify for CTY), but my math score was terrible (the score they give when you get pretty much every question wrong). I got into a fancy-ass Seven Sisters college and a good law school.
While I am not a terrible test-taker, I was always the student who had stellar grades and kind of “meh” standardized test scores. It all worked out in the end.
Anon
I would not pay attention to these scores at all. I don’t think it reflects on the quality of the school until they’re taking it in high school.
Anon
If they’re otherwise bright and capable, but don’t have a lot of standardized test experience, I would focus on that first. Taking tests like the PSAT is a very specific skill set. I did Duke TIP, etc when I was in middle school, as I did well (for my grade) on the PSAT, but I attribute a lot of that to strong test taking skills more so than specifically advanced knowledge of the subjects – I was bright, but I also got the game the test designers were playing with a lot of the question, which is most of the battle. It wound up serving me very well that I was good at gaming these tests, but I’m also very aware that that’s what it is – gaming the test.
Anonymous
I don’t get why you haven’t already put them in the magnet school. That choice shouldn’t depend on their PSAT scores. Either the magnet school is better than the zoned school, or it’s not.
Anonymous
Yeah this.
Anonymous
I think that the magnet may not be “better” but it may have more of the secret sauce that seems to be kids who are above a floor of test scores (not high at all, like >50% on state tests) who have parents who care. The magnet had a weird bell schedule, so for two working parents and one kid who needed physical therapy in kindergarten, it was better and then it wasn’t obviously not-great until later, when friends started pulling their kids out one by one for private schools or charters or magnets (none is unhappy that they did). So we will now switch to a bus ride across the city and not having school friends in the neighborhood and getting home maybe at 6pm (to me: too late for kindergarten; OK for older kids since they also start later). It is a different sort of trade off, but I think that as you get older, academics have to matter more than things important to a parent of a 5-year-old starting out.
Also, yes, this PSAT is for 7/8th graders (not the ones given in high school).
Anon
I think if you want a higher score on a PSAT, that is best accomplished with tutoring aimed specifically at mastering that test.
In general, I think bright kids who get As in school will get into good universities and get As there as well. They will be fine. But it’s also my impression that the range between “A for perfectly adequate” and “A with an enthusiastic recommendation” is often wider than the range between a C and an A. I’m not sure the PSAT or any other test or grading system really captures this difference; curriculum might come closer.
DoesntBelongHere
I went to CTY for 3 years starting in 7th (?) grade. I went to a private school and several of my classmates and I took the PSAT (and then SAT I think!) around the same time, very early. I found out that many of my classmates had been tutored privately for years, including PSAT prep, at a very young age. It was not so much the private school education but the private tutoring that went on behind the scenes.
Anonymous
Yep, it’s the tutoring. My daughter is one of the top few students in her eighth-grade class in public school and is the only one in that group who hasn’t had all sorts of tutoring and enrichment since kindergarten or earlier. I offered some of these things at various points, but the kid refused so I didn’t push it. Now she is mad at me because the one who has had weekly tutoring in math, two foreign languages, and writing on since kindergarten slightly outscored her on one important test.
Anon
That’s really surprising to me – where do you live? Our public school district is one of the best in our Midwest state and while most of the top students have affluent, educated parents and have done enrichment in the sense of summer camps and weekend programs aimed at gifted kids, formal tutoring outside of school is practically unheard of. A foreign language, sure, because it’s not taught in the schools, but not math or writing. Kids are just accelerated in those subjects through the school system.
Anon at 12:17
SEUS suburb, not super affluent. To be clear, most kids are not getting tutoring. I am talking here about the top 5 – 10 in a class of 400. These are the ones who are identified as gifted and would be eligible to test for CTY and who are headed to the top high school programs next year. These are the kids that OP apparently considers to be her children’s “peers.” If you run in these circles of parents, you are most likely hiring tutors. The tiger moms are absolutely nuts. For example, one of them got mad at me for enrolling my child in a more advanced math course without consulting her.
Anon
Ok, that wasn’t my experience at all and hasn’t been my experience with my kids, and all of were/are identified as among the top 1% in a similarly-sized class. Remedial tutoring is a thing for affluent kids who are struggling with a particular class, but the really gifted kids don’t need tutoring and they (and their parents) definitely view tutoring to get into the gifted program as beneath their kids (to be clear I’m not including the selective enrichment programs like CTY as tutoring). Frankly, if you need tutoring to be in the top 1-3% of a public high school class, you will get eaten alive when you get to a place like MIT or Harvard for college, and that’s obvious to all the parents of gifted kids I know. Also at least in our schools, the gifted kids are identified in early elementary by IQ tests, so it’s not like hiring a tutor to teach your 6th grader algebra could get you into the gifted program even if the 6th grader successfully learns algebra.
Anon at 12:17
All of these kids were identified as gifted in early elementary as well. The tutoring is to get ahead and for test prep, not remedial. Part of it is driven by an extremely competitive admissions process for public high school.
Anon
I thought tutoring for gifted kids wasn’t to help them do better in school but to give them a chance to talk to someone who can keep up with them!
ANON
My kid was also resistant to tutoring and enrichment, then later complained that what she needed was a Tiger Mom. When she was in college, though, she observed the impact of severe parental pressure on her friends, and decided that it was ok that I was not that way. Shifting perspectives.
Anonymous
Are you sure that the percentile distribution you’re looking at is for 6th graders? The percentile score your kids would have gotten officially is for the population of 8th and 9th graders taking that PSAT, not gifted 6th graders.
More broadly, these standardized tests really measure your kids’ ability to take a standardized test. If you want them to do well, you have to have them take lots of practice tests mimicking real conditions, or shell out for lots of real tests. It’s a skill like anything else, even if it’s not a very worthwhile skill.
Our son took the PSAT 8/9 in 7th grade, 8th grade and 9th grade. (Jax public schools–if by coincidence you’re here, do the magnet schools if you can get in!) His scores of steadily gone up, both as a combination of test exposure and aging. On the math this is really critical because the math portion of the test is testing things a kid won’t have covered until they’ve had algebra and geometry.
relatively zen
I would suggest pausing to compare the material before worrying too much. What’s on the PSAT and how does that compare to what your kids are already supposed to have learned? I did terribly on the first middle school standardized test I took because it had a ton of geometry and the way the test marked up figures was different from how my middle school teacher did it. Made no difference to my later test-taking abilities (including math), where I scored great, it was just a weird thing that happened one time. Also, as a high schooler, many of my friends went to CTY while I didn’t because I was playing a sport at a high level, and they didn’t appear to learn anything from those classes, either about substance or about taking tests more successfully. If it helps, I was double Ivy for college and graduate school and am now happily employed and successful in my professional field, although I don’t have kids so I’m sure there are elements of this I can’t relate to as successfully as other posters. Best of luck!
Anonymous
Why would you change your kids school just because they are not as gifted as you hoped they would be? I’d be pissed if I had to switch schools because my mom decided that being ordinary was not acceptable.
Davis
I was the kid stressing about these kinds of programs and if I should take the PSAT in 6th grade. I was relieved that my parents weren’t into this and I went along through the honors program at my middle and high school. One of my fellow gifted kids went to Duke TIP. She loved it and had a great time but came back to our public high school with a weird gap in her knowledge. She was great on math and science, but had no idea what an adverb was.
CHS
We are moving into a new home in a few months, and I thought I could use some of my quarantine time to take a pass at virtually decorating some of the rooms and planning furniture layouts and such. What’s everyone’s favorite program or app for doing so? I feel like Pinterest is too clunky for this, but I also rarely use it so might just not fully understand it. Also interested in any design inspiration blogs, magazines, or websites I can throw myself into.
Senior Attorney
I love houzz dot com because you can search for rooms that are similar to yours, also by budget. I’m also a Pinterest fiend — I just search for things like “modern green and pink bathroom” and the craziest and best stuff comes up!
Pink
+1 to houzz
KatieWolf
one of my favorite ways to play around with decorating is on Wayfair – they have a 3d room planner feature where you can add in different products. Sometimes the thumbnails are glitchy but it’s close enough to see if the pieces you like work together. I also just take snips and put them into a paint or powerpoint document – same vibe as the room planner and you can pull from items not on wayfair. It’s definitely not fancy but I never felt like sourcing software and I have never cared for Houzz (I never felt like I was able to find what I was looking for, unlike Pinterest).
In terms of layout, this is real old school, but get yourself some graph paper, draw a room, create your scale, and use construction paper to cut out dimensions of furniture you are looking at, then play around! This is how my mom designed our houses when I was younger and it always worked, and was really fun to play with. You can also buy architectural stencils for standard things like appliances, windows, doors, etc.
Anon
A friend I like very much but speak to maybe 2 times/year and see maybe 1-2 times/year because she is always too busy checked in. We texted for 90 seconds and ultimately she said — you should go stay with your parents so you’ll have people to talk with (who BTW live a several hour flight or 10 hour drive away so this isn’t like driving 45 minutes to get there). I get it. People are hearing that 40+ year old single women (or I guess any age) are climbing the walls due to loneliness; we see such posts here.
Yet I found myself being like hey wait — I am being super productive at work; I just finished an 800 page book; I want to start another book but instead I have a licensing exam to study for so I should start that as it’ll be a full time thing for 2-3 months; I’m taking Arabic lessons; it’s Ramadan so I’m doing extra stuff for that. Yet you assume that I’m miserable because I’m alone?? (Clearly I’m also an introvert. And I’m not saying that someone with a family could NOT do the above things.) Yet I didn’t say any of he above because I felt like it would be me justifying to a person who thinks I SHOULD be sad. I’m 100% a presume good intentions person but IDK it just hit the wrong way. It was like — if you are SO concerned about me having someone to talk to you know WE could talk? You could maybe try to figure out how miserable I am instead of assuming that all single women are the same. I’m being over sensitive here right?
Anon
Maybe a little over sensitive, but I’d be annoyed too. I get it. Did you her tell you’re happy alone? What did she say? If she doubled down when you said you’re doing just fine, that’s very condescending.
Anonymous
Yeah, you’re being too sensitive — sounds like her comment hit you poorly or on a bad day. It wasn’t a great comment and sounds like it had zero thought behind it — just a toss-off thing. If she’s generally thoughtful and empathetic and caring and a good listener, then that would be totally out of character. If she’s generally a chatty, too-busy, check-in quickly, say whatever enters my mind kind of person, sounds about par for the course.
Bottom line: don’t dwell on it too much.
Anon
I wouldn’t like it either but your instinct is right, it’s a thoughtless comment from someone you otherwise like. And I have a few friends like that — the busy executive types who are used to being very blunt with everyone all the time, and sometimes they don’t get that that’s not the approach to take for personal life issues with friends just because that’s how you deal with junior associates at work on work issues.
You’re doing great. And BTW most people (with families or not) are NOT doing that much stuff to keep busy; I for one am home alone too, plenty of time on my hands, and I’m watching a whole lot of Hallmark movies. So learning Arabic and studying for a license, yeah that’s great.
Pure Imagination
I don’t think you’re oversensitive, but I also don’t think this is worth dwelling on. It kind of sucks when people assume that you’re miserable based on one or two things about your life, but look at the reality – you sound like a really cool person with a good sense of self and lots of interests. I think you’re in a good position to brush this off and assume good intentions this time. As long as she doesn’t double down, it’s all good.
LaurenB
I think you’re being a bit oversensitive. My husband’s family keeps nagging my twenty-something children, who are each sheltering in place in their own apartments in different parts of the city, to move in with one another during the pandemic. (One is working from home; the other is doing online learning in graduate school.) They love each other dearly, but they like their privacy and neighborhoods too, and they’re fully capable of making their own decisions. Yet I hear about this All The Time because the extroverts in that family cannot *imagine* that someone living by themselves is not crying in their coffee all day long from loneliness. I think you can assume good intentions and brush this off. “Thanks, but I’m good!”
Anon
Yes and no. Nagging a 20 something who still may be their parents’ dependent to some extent (even if just health insurance) is way different than telling a 40 year old ADULT how to life her life and/or implying she has no life and is crying in her coffee.
anon
They’re all adults capable of making their own decisions.
Airplane.
Are you really friends? Maybe it’s bothering you because it shows she doesn’t really know you? 1-2x a yr reads to me like more acquaintance or formerly close friend.
Anon
This. I have a few people like this in my life. Really nice, I really like them, we have a lot of fun when we get together. But they are sooooo busy all the time (some for real, some perceived) that it felt like I was the chasing them around and when I stopped, yeah the communication came down to 2 times/year and one meetup. That’s fine. But that to me proved that they didn’t prioritize me or care as much as I cared about them, which is FINE because that’s how life is sometimes. But when someone doesn’t prioritize you, that’s when they start giving blanket “advice” that applies to everyone else. Maybe 99% of 40 year old single women are sad right now, but clearly you are NOT. And as a friend, she should know that or even have tried to ascertain what you were doing with your free time before being like — go home. And btw for a 40 year old with their own place, they ARE home; I’m sorry but it’s insulting to imply that it isn’t your home just because it isn’t filled with a husband and 3 kids. It is in no way the same as saying that to a 25 year old grad student who may still be their parents’ dependent.
Anon
I agree with others — brush it off if it’s a one time thing and you otherwise like her and think she’s a nice person. But next time SAY IT. Say all the cool stuff you’re doing. Don’t feel like — oh people will think I’m over compensating if I’m studying Arabic. I’m sorry but people who have achieved the “ideal” — husband, 2.5 kids, dog, suburban mansion — need to realize that there are MANY different types of happiness and not every single person is crying in their coffee.
Anonymous
I find it offensive for a couple of reasons. It’s as if a woman has two options: Husband or Daddy. It’s frankly gross and sexist. It’s also infantilizing. I’m not a teenager or wayward college grad, I’ve been doing this adult thing on my own for 20 years and I’m not about to regress because I have to work at home instead of the office for a few weeks. As if the moment I encounter some obstacle I must run to daddy. Harumph.
Ellen
I think not all 40 year old single women are the same. You and the OP are very much self suficient and kudo’s to you for being that way. You may have become independent either b/c you are natuarally that way or b/c your family relationship growing up was different from other 40 year olds. Personally, I had a great childhood where my dad did everything he could to push me to become the professional person I am now (still not yet 40 years old, yet). If I did not listen to him, I would not be an attorney at law, and would have likely been another person with a Bachelor’s degree still struggling trying to find my nitche. But along the way, I have not found a guy to marry me who would be a partner, as to many men want to have s-x, but not talk or get close mentally to me. So my Dad continues to play a big role in my life, as I have no other man, and under his guidance, I try to move forward on my own, as a single woman in Manhattan; still hopeful I will find the right guy to take over the role in my life Dad has led all these years. I am NOT about to give that up just to say “I am independent and do not need any man.” If that is you, fine, Kudo’s, but for me to be sucessful as a professional, I need support from a partner, hopefully a decent man who I will marry and live happily after, but in the mean time, Dad takes care of alot of those duties so that I can focus on my legal career, which he helped me get to as a partner at a NYC boutique law firm. Who knew I could do this? Dad! By being my mentor, he got me to where I am, with a little luck and skill from me by passing the NY Bar. I sincerely wish you well, but wish that you would not put down peeople like me who DO want to be married and have kids and have a rewarding career. At this stage of my life, I have not given up on that, and hope that others in my situeation will NOT forego that chance unless they prefer to be singel and independent. We are a HIVE with different points of view that we must be free to discuss and share with each other in a productive way. Try and understand without being to judgemental of others whose views are different from yours. Have a great day! I will be outside today in NYC, walking and walking along the FDR walkway with Myrna up to Carl Shruz park and around, getting some natural Vitamin D. I encourage everyone else to do so. YAY!!!!!
Anon
Embarrassingly simple question — if you buy eggs and one in the carton breaks, I know you’re not supposed to eat that one but do you eat the rest? Toss the carton? Toss that egg and its “neighbors” in the carton and then eat the rest? Sorry I know it’s dumb but I’m someone who only ever cooked vegetarian at home and now because I’m not eating out (personal decision — I know you can take out), I have expanded to eggs at home. But it’s happened twice now that the eggs on the end of the cart are cracked. It happens in transit not at the store where I checked then; not surprising as I’m buying so many groceries, things are getting bagged quick etc. But do I toss these?
Also do you all eat eggs past the expiration date? I know growing up in my home that was a NO. Yet I’ve heard friends say OMG eggs are good for a long time, it’s NBD if they expire on Friday and you eat them next Wednesday.
Anonymous
Yes; no worries on eating the others. Wash your hands of course.
Dates are a guideline at most!
Anony
Yes you can eat the rest. I bag eggs separately or with other light items like bread, etc. The only reason you aren’t supposed to eat cracked/broken ones is because bacteria can enter through the cracks. As long as the other eggs don’t have cracks, they are fine. I think you can eat cracked eggs as long as they haven’t been cracked long – break them into a container, toss shells, then use within a day or 2 and make sure to cook thoroughly.
And yes, eggs are good about 4 weeks past the expiration date. I routinely eat them long past what the carton says and they are fine. Obviously don’t use them if they smell weird when you crack them or are oddly colored. They will last longer if not stored in the door of the fridge since the temperature fluctuates greatly.
Anon
You can definitely eat the other eggs. The idea is that the cracks allow bacteria to enter the egg, which contaminates the cracked egg. The other eggs are fine though.
I didn’t even know eggs had expiration dates TBH. We go through them quickly though.
Anonymous
Toss only the egg that actually cracked. I’d eat eggs a day or two after expiry but probably not longer. If it’s expiry day and I have a bunch left I’ll either bake with them or hardboil them. Hard boiled eggs keep like a week in the fridge.
Anon
Ha, I eat eggs waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay past their expiration date. They’re fine.
Ellen
You need to be careful b/c of samonella in the old eggs, so make sure you keep them in the refergreator so they don’t spoil. Dad cooked a couple of old eggs up for Ralph our rescue mutt when I was young and the poor thing had diareeah for a week. Dad admitted he was the cause so he did not punish Ralph for pooping all over the place.
Carmen Sandiego
I would only toss the broken egg, rinse the others in cool water (not hot or cold).
Also, eggs are good for MOOOOONTHS. What I do is have one “egg cracking bowl” separate from whatever I’m making, and crack the eggs into that bowl one at a time and then dump that single egg it into whatever I’m making before cracking the next egg into the egg cracking bowl. A good tell if an egg is bad is that the yolk will bust when you crack the egg – and if its really bad, you will smell it for sure. Using my method gives me the chance to avoid a bad egg ruining the whole lot, as I can just toss the one bad egg once I crack it. Does that make sense? My parents raise chickens for eggs, and literally we will pick up a few dozen from them at a time and they last us like 6 months, perfectly fine.
Anon
I’m glad someone else said this, but agreed I eat eggs… probably embarrassingly long after any date on the carton. Certainly weeks. Never had an issue. I remember an acquaintance and I had this conversation and her conclusion was “eggs in my fridge expire when I eat them”.
Carmen Sandiego
Yep – they expire when I eat them! I am really not kidding when I say 6+ months! As long as the yolk is intact and there’s no smell, you’re fine!
LaurenB
I eat them way past expiration date too. The expiration dates on food packages are pretty meaningless TBH. You’ll know if they’re bad, because they’ll smell bad. Nothing to worry about IMO.
Lyssa
I used to always do that (crack into a separate bowl to check first) because my mom did, and then it occurred to me that I must have cracked literally thousands of eggs, and I’ve never once encountered a bad one. So, I don’t worry about it anymore. Eggs are awesome; they keep for ages.
Anon
I crack them into a separate bowl because once in a while you get a bloody yolk and although I don’t think it’s unsafe it’s unappetizing to me. It’s also easier to spot and remove pieces of shell when the only thing in the bowl is egg.
anon
mostly agree, but if the yolk breaks while you crack your egg, that does not mean the egg is bad/unsafe to eat. It’s just a little older, but as you say, an egg that’s too old to eat, STINKS. If you have a sense of smell, you won’t accidentally eat a bad egg.
Monte
Yes, eat the other eggs.
Does your carton actually have an expiration date, or is it a “sell by”/”best by” date? Not sure it really matters to me — I will eat eggs after the date on the carton, within reason (so the following week, absolutely, but not 3 weeks later).
MagicUnicorn
The uncracked neighbor eggs are fine. For the cracked ones, if it’s more of a hairline fracture and not actually open, and I know with certainty that I did it myself, I usually just fry up those ones right then. If the cracked egg spilled out, I toss it and wash off everything it spilled on. If you don’t, it turns to cement in the fridge and glues the neighboring eggs into place.
Eggs last a surprisingly long time beyond the sell by date (weeks?), but just how much longer I’m not sure because I’ve never had eggs in the fridge long enough to go bad.
Ribena
The sure fire way to check if eggs are good is to put them in a big glass of water. If they sink, they’re good. If they’re up in one end, they’re on the way out. If they float, they’re bad. I only bother to do that if I’m past the date on the carton.
Also, what are you doing to your eggs in transit to break some every time? Treat your carton of eggs like you would a bottle of wine and you should lose fewer.
Anonymous
Same. The water test is what I do.
Anon
The float test is a myth! It does mean they’re older and less fresh but it does NOT mean they’re unsafe to eat. In fact, for hardboiled eggs you want floaters. They’ll be much easier to peel.
https://eggsafety.org/floating-eggs-a-bad-egg-or-just-buoyant/
anon
yep!
Ribena
That’s reassuring to know! I always manage to catch my eggs before they float (and never eat them hard boiled out of choice!) but will bear it in mind for the time that I don’t manage to
Anonymous
Erm… I didn’t know eggs had an expiration date. The more you know!
Davis
Same as the others above. Plus, I feel silly, but I only noticed the expiration date on eggs recently. I would have a sense for when I bought them or do the float test. They do last so much longer than the date! Old(er) eggs are great for deviled or hard-boiled since they peel more easily. Of course a capful of vinegar will help with that, too.
anon
I’ve seen several posts recently about shorts, so here’s my PSA that I hope will help someone who is in the mid-sized range, which isn’t always the easiest to buy for.
For reference: I’m a size 10/12 with curvy hips and athletic thighs from running and biking. As I always say, though, I have thighs at any size. ;) Booty is average-sized. With my body type, I almost always need a size 12 in shorts. I can sometimes squeeze into a 10 but they’re usually way too tight for my comfort level. That’s a lot of fabric up in there, if you get my drift. So. I start with a 12 and size down if needed. I wear shorts all summer with tees and tanks; I just am not a dress person for casual wear. I’m 5’8″ and take a 4″ or 5″ inseam.
Here are some of my favorites:
– Athleta Cabo Linen short, size 12. Super comfy, lightweight fabric, elastic waist. My absolute favorite for hot days. They stretch out a bit over the course of the day, but I wouldn’t want them any tighter. Unfortunately, Athleta no longer stocks as many colors as it used to. Boo. If they phase these out, I will be so disappointed.
– Eddie Bauer boyfriend jean short, size 10. Mine are a couple of years old, so sizing might’ve changed, but these really did run big. It’s a lightweight, stretchy jean fabric, so it’s still really wearable when it’s hot. You can cuff them, unroll them, whatever works for you.
– Old Navy chino shorts, size 12. This year’s version has a higher rise, even though it claims to be mid-rise. Good color selection, cheap. Not much stretch. They are narrower through the thighs than my Athleta and EB shorts. They aren’t my favorites but I usually buy 1-2 new pairs every year for the color choices. (this year: red! yay!) They are cotton and will shrink, though, so be careful with the dryer.
– Target chino shorts, size 12. RIP Merona; they’re now under the A New Day label. Good, basic shorts; not expensive. They aren’t quite as narrow in the leg as the ON chinos. This year’s colors are very earthy if that’s your thing. ON’s are brighter.
– LOFT is worth a try. All my LOFT linen shorts are so old that my advice wouldn’t apply anymore, but the fact that they’re holding strong probably says something good!
ON linen shorts were a disaster. They are sized S, M, L, XL. Mediums were too tight for linen, and the larges were droopy in the seat. It was not a good look. Plus the fabric was rough. I had the same experience with the Target linen shorts. YMMV.
For ultra-casual wear, I’m a fan of the Adidas 4″ running short (looove the wide waistband) and the Eddie Bauer amphibian short. They look frumpy online but I swear they are so flattering IRL. They sell out fast, though.
Anon
I live in a city where shelter-in-place is likely to continue for at least a month or two. After that, it will likely be “people with white collar jobs who can work from home should do so” type of situation. My employers would have no problem with me working from home for the next six months — but I miss my office! Assuming restrictions are lifted, would you go into the office in this situation? My office is very small (5 people), we all sit apart, and everyone commutes by car. But, cases are likely to be circulating in my city long after any formal shutdown ends.
Anonymous
yes, because of this: https://thehill.com/opinion/healthcare/494034-the-data-are-in-stop-the-panic-and-end-the-total-isolation and also because i’m going insane.
this lockdown and the fallout will go down as one of the biggest public policy failures of all time.
Amberwitch
This week I went to the office for the first time in 6 weeks. The office re-opened monday, a week after daycare and elementary School. Only three out of app 30 people were in, and so far so good. I walked over, and didn’t see anyone apart from my two co-workers. In short, I did it, and I would do it again:)