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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
It finally feels like fall in the Northeast, so I’m ready for all the autumnal shades. This clip-dot blouse from J.Crew Factory would pair beautifully with shades of khaki and brown, as well as all my usual work neutrals, like black, gray, and navy.
The '90s kid in me wants to wear it with a brown corduroy skirt, but for work, I’d probably do navy trousers.
The top is $39.50 at J.Crew Factory and comes in sizes XXS-3X. It also comes in ivory, black, and “autumn pine.”
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
I looked at the Scout bag that holds all of my purses last night. I think I am the sort of person who needs assorted clutches. It is almost comical. I must shop as an optimistic version of my best future self.
I’m going to try to start using them.
Cat
Ha, I accumulated 4 of them during Peak Wedding Season since I needed summer (cork, straw) and winter (black, metallic). They earned their keep in my late 20’s but the rise of the gloriously hands-free cute crossbody has left them mostly gathering dust for regular “cute outfit” occasions!
Anon
Ha — I tuck my phone and wallet and sometimes keys under my left arm. And yet I think a clutch is just too hard. Gonna try this soon.
Anonymous
Wut?
You definitely need a clutch.
Anon
I cannot figure out how to hold a drink and a clutch and a little plate at a wedding so I need at least a wrist strap.
AIMS
Mine serve two purposes at this point: 1) to gather documents into when I travel or coral other small things as needed in my bigger tote, and 2) as dress up items for my daughter (for the truly impractical ones that are too bedazzled for the first category of repurposing).
Anonymous
I like wristlets, mine are about the same size as a clutch. They toss into my work tote, and I can use them instead of lugging the tote around all day. I can’t stand cross body bags.
Anon
Has anyone tried Marimekko clothes? I’m wondering how they run since not a lot is fitted. I have a waist but full hips and do t want to be overwhelmed by a big silhouette in a bold print. But their stuff would be a nice break to my usual winter goth palette. It does spark joy.
Anon
I love their clothes and patterns, however my budget limits me to what I can get secondhand. The “traditional” Marimekko dresses aren’t fitted and aren’t going to accentuate your waist or hips. Some of the brands that partner with them and use their fabric in patterns are, though. I have an Anthropologie/Marimekko summer dress that is a bit straight from waist to hip, or rather a bit straighter than I am.
For dresses that aren’t fitted in the waist and hip (this goes for Zuri, too, which I also love), fitting correctly in the shoulders is key to making the rest of it hang right, that is, intentional, rather than too big/baggy.
Anon
Side note: I love my Zuri dresses so, so much, and I *love* that they’re designed to be fitted only at the shoulders.
AIMS
They’re roomy but I don’t find them overwhelming and I am easy to overwhelm. You may need to shorten some things. I have a dress that is supposed to be ankle length but unless I belt it and kind of bring up the upper portion to hang over the belt I would trip over the length. This is actually a good reminder to go to the tailor.
Anonymous
I used to work near their NYC store and would go try things on for fun, years before I could afford any of it. I thought it was all beautifully made and beautifully cut – there are still pieces I remember and wish I’d been able to buy at the time. I don’t remember if they ran big or small, but in general where things are oversized they were designed to be oversized, so for example there would be volume around the torso to create a cocoon shape, but the sleeves would fit more closely. Some of their navy-on-black prints are gorgeous and also more subtle, that’s where I’d start.
Seventh Sister
Marimekko did a run with Uniqlo a few years back and I love that stuff. It might be worth looking around the secondhand sites.
Formerly Lilly
I have a couple of the knit material tops. They run true to size, for a boxy fit.
Anon
FYI, for anyone tracking passport timelines, I paid for expedited processing + expedited shipping, and I received my passport in 5 weeks!
AIMS
I wonder how the impending shutdown will affect this now.
Anon
OP here – I wondered if the processing sped up before a shutdown!
Anon
It took my family members about 4 weeks a few months ago (also expedited) so I don’t think there’s been a recent speed-up.
Cerulean
It took 9 weeks for my toddler’s expedited initial passport app that we submitted in March, so it looks like it did speed up.
Anon
Huh ours was also submitted in March! Maybe it depends what area of the country?
Anon
Or maybe initial ones take longer? Ours included kids but they were renewals not first passports.
Senior Attorney
ugh now i am nervous sgain…
Anon
We didn’t pay for expedited and it only took about 8 weeks. Juneish-augustish.
Metro atlanta.
No Problem
Expedited processing and shipping in 5 weeks is…still not very fast. Obviously better than the standard processing, but not very fast at all.
Anon
OP here-definitely not fast! I’m traveling in Nov. and was nervous because I kept hearing horror stories of 4-5 months. Grateful that wasn’t the case.
Senior Attorney
Thanks for this! I have a 15- week window between trips so it looks like I will be ok with expedited service!!
Anonymous
Just got mine renewed. Took 6 weeks. In NYC.
Anon
Feinstein replacement thoughts? I hope Newsome doesn’t appoint himself — he seems so thirsty lately
Anon
Her team is going to try to fill the seat with Feinstein herself – weekend at Bernie’s style.
Anon
ha!
Anonymous
My thought is that she lead a long and distinguished life and deserves like a day minimum of appreciation and reflection and thought. Before diving in like a vulture. Yes she declined in recent years and should have retired but her life as a whole was extraordinary.
Anon
+1
Anon
Sorry, but as her constituent, I’ve been essentially unrepresented for years now and I still blame her for bungling the Kavanaugh hearings and not doing justice to Christine Blasey Ford. She could have had plenty of opportunity to be celebrated and appreciated, but instead she greedily clung to power and I lost all respect for her.
Anon
+1. I’m sorry to say but my first thought when I saw the news alert was “what a relief.”
Anon
I am not her constituent but I also felt relieved when I saw the news alert. Now she can rest, instead of being dragged around to hearings she clearly couldn’t understand enough to participate in.
It’s a shame that either she hung on, or was pushed to keep going, to the point that she was “working” almost up to the moment of her death. Who benefited from that, really? Feinstein, or the people around her who didn’t want to give up their own positions and influence?
Anonymous
Yep. She $cr3w3d us over the same way Ginsburg did. A whole career’s worth of good work, undone by the desire to cling to power.
Anonymous
Not the same. She’s a Democrat in a state with a Democratic governor. Her successor will be a Democrat. Even having the seat vacant for a few weeks won’t really matter. The budget action is in the house, not the senate.
Anon
It’s definitely not as bad as RBG, but it’s still not clear whether republicans will allow a replacement on the judiciary committee, which would mean no more judges.
Anonymous
+1
anon
+1000 as another one of her constituents. It’s appalling to me that she didn’t step down sooner.
Anonymous
Because she was no longer competent. 100% agree. These people’s egos are ridiculous. They should make them step down.
Anon
Yes
Anon
My grandmother declined through the end but had the sense to retire because she was old, tired, and not able to get around. She still had her wits about her. Not sure F did, hence her path after a lifetime with a solid record.
Anon
I thought about my grandmother as well, who lived to 91. At 90 she was still mentally sharp, but she got tired easily and didn’t have a lot of stamina even for things like talking with visiting family, which she loved. She had worked until she was 75, as a sales clerk in the lingerie department at Dillard’s (she could sell the heck out of bras and underwear lol) and then for a couple of years after complained about being bored, until she got more involved with her church. But at 90 – she was fine, she was happy, she was surprisingly healthy, but she wanted her rest and she did not want to be dragged around to places she didn’t want to go. I really, really question whether it was Feinstein holding on to her seat or people around her not letting her quit. And I question whether she was competent enough to even make that decision, in the last several months especially.
Anon
Nah, she clung on to power for way too long to the detriment of her constituents and the country. It’s her own fault that her legacy is tarnished to the point that people are relieved she passed away. She showed us who she really was — power hungry and self interested. We didn’t create the situation, she did.
Anonymous
+1, some respect. She was such a great example when I was growing up, that women could be mayors and senators. Her generation paved the way for the rest of us.
Anon
See she was already old when I was growing up – so I guess I don’t share the same misty nostalgia that some of the more “seasoned” folks here do about her, and thus I feel perfectly fine talking about the fact that while she did some great things, she also should have retired years ago, if she really cared about serving her constituency and doing what was right for the nation.
Anonymous
“I have no sense of or appreciation for history or the experience of my elders” isn’t the gotcha you think it is.
Anon
LMAO. Neither is “I’m old and therefore I’m right about everything.”
Anon
He’s promised a Black woman, but not one who’s already running (so not Barbara Lee) and Karen Bass and London Breed have said that they want to stick with their current jobs. It was a stupid promise, but I think he now has to find someone who’s willing to take the job for 16 months.
Anon
Me? I’m old enough and promise not to run again.
Anonymous
I mean probably can’t hurt to make a phone call!
Anon
In all seriousness, float your name and credentials up to your local party.
Anon
I posted recently that I have a relative with dementia with anosognosia, which means her brain cannot see that she has dementia. It’s a total lack of awareness. I believe Feinstein had this as well and it wasn’t her fault – it’s a symptom of the disease. If you haven’t experienced it, it’s really hard to understand just how intractable and frustrating it is. There should have been a mechanism in the Senate to have her step down gracefully – she was never going to on her own because she thought she was fine. She deserves our respect today.
PS I’m a Californian.
AIMS
I think people can agree to disagree. RBG didnt decline and I still think she should have stepped down early due to political considerations. I am all for working late in life but if your job and when you retire has a meaningful impact on the issues you purport to care about, you need to take that into account and I think it’s fair game to criticize you for hanging on too long. In the case of RBG, it was a gamble and she lost the bet. In the case of Diane Feinstein, I don’t think it’s even a matter of looking at the last few years, she could have let someone else come up 10 years ago.
Anon
Sure, make any criticism you want and I plan to do the same, just not on the day her death was announced.
Anon
And it’s a matter of taste, not law, of course.
Anon
This. Have a little respect.
Anon
This is what we call weaponized decency.
Anon
And that is what I call social justice gobbledegook.
Anon
Haha ok. Do you also wag your finger at people who bring up gun control when there’s a mass shooting? I’m sorry we are bursting your professional, elite white woman bubble on such a sacred day. This is the perfect time to talk about entitlement, retirement and what’s wrong with the ruling elite. This woman was a ghoul – the only way she could be stopped was through her death. Good riddance.
Anonymous
Weaponsized decency to not speak ill of the dead who did tons of great work and then suffered a disease? For a day?
Anon
Sorry, but this is ridiculous. If you don’t want to talk about Feinstein’s replacement or see other people talking about it, then collapse the thread and move on with your day. You don’t get to dictate what other people do here.
Anon
No one was dictating anything – taste, not law. It’s in very poor taste to call her a “ghoul” (not to mention misogynistic). It’s my right to have that option and post it here.
Anon
Not every criticism of women is misogyny. Weaponized decency is being more upset with Internet commenters than self serving politicians who failed to groom the next generation of leaders.
Anonymous
Get over yourself.
Anon
I’m also all for working late in life, but I don’t love a societal double standard and not many people with another role could have hung in there this long with this much difficulty.
Anon
Sure, let’s focus on Mitch McConnell then. Let’s leave a great woman alone on the actual day she died.
Anon
“Let’s leave a great woman alone on the actual day she died.”
That’s clearly not going to happen, so if you are super-triggered by this whole thing, do yourself a huge favor (that will probably benefit your entire life, in general): Go up to the corner of your computer screen, click on the “x” button to close your browser, and spend some time off the internet today. You can thank me when you get back online tomorrow.
Anon
You too 12:03
Anon
That’s fine, and I’m absolutely sympathetic to your relative and Feinstein’s situation most recently where she clearly didn’t understand, but SHE WAS 90. Even before dementia was a major problem, I don’t know why she felt like she needed to still be our senator, exactly because of this possibility. There was no reason why she shouldn’t have retired gracefully one or two terms ago like Barbara Boxer did. And if she couldn’t see that on her own, she deserved people who could have advised her better, including the rest of the Democratic party that supported her.
I liked this article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/power/2023/09/26/senate-age-retirement/
Anon
Also a Californian, and my response is nunya business. Take care of issues in your own state – let’s start with Elise Stefanik for all you smug New Yorkers.
Let’s have a little respect for a great lady on the day of her passing.
Anon
Diane Feinstein was a Senator. Her stupid decisions affected the entire country. As for Stefanik, there are plenty of nutty Reps from CA.
AIMS
I mean – what? i’ll see your Elise Stefanik and raise you a Kevin McCarthy. DF affects the ability to have judges appointed. That affects smug New Yorkers and everyone else in this country.
Anon
I’m in no way saying CA is perfect. I’m saying you don’t vote here. DiFi’s constituents (not you) overwhelmingly re-elected her to office every time. Fix your own problems. We’ll work on ours.
Anon
What happens in Congress affects everyone in the United States. Mostly to the country’s detriment, these days. It’s absolutely my business when other states decide to elect a complete moron (Boebert), a lunatic (Taylor-Green), a slimy unethical weasel (Cruz), or leave a distinguished-but-clearly-struggling elderly senator in her seat past the point where it’s reasonable to think she’s doing the job (Feinstein). Your argument is ridiculous on its face. Do better next time.
Anonymous
No state elected Boebert or Taylor Green. A few nutty counties did.
My state elected Warnock and Ossoff. And you’re truly welcome.
Anon
Anonymous at 12:15 – if you were trying to make some kind of point here, I don’t think you succeeded.
Anon
RIP DiFi from one of her constituents. I’m old enough to remember the Moscone/Milk assassination and how gracefully she handled it while she was most certainly in a state of shock.
Anon
SF was a beautiful city back then. It’s become the black hole of the Bay Area now.
Anon
I see you are not from here, don’t live here and haven’t visited. I love uninformed opinions.
Anon
Too much Fox News I fear.
Anonymous
+1. Love it when fox news watchers criticize the bay area. Maybe it makes them feel better since they know they could never afford to live here.
Anon
Meh, I’m local and she’s not entirely wrong. Just before the pandemic, I was commuting home from Civic Center and had to walk past at least 15 extremely high, semi-conscious men who stank of urine and feces and who leered at me as I went by. Garbage was everywhere. This was IN the BART stairwell/hall just below. “Black hole” seemed accurate in that moment. I have since changed jobs and haven’t been back there since.
Anon
I used to take the subway when I visited SF for work (main office is California Street). Am relieved I haven’t been summoned back for meetings since COVID b/c none of the “local” (people who used to have lengthy commutes — no one could afford to live close) people go in anymore. They are pushing an offsite in Palm Springs, which I am here for.
Anon
I started living and working in The City in 1987. I stepped over passed out men in BART stations then. It’s not as black and white as Fox News and apparently deep suburbanites would have you believe. It’s still one of the most beautiful cities in the world.
Anon
Not a fan of the “it’s not new, I did it in the 80s” argument. We’re not saying it’s new – we’re saying it’s detrimental to the city. Novelty is irrelevant.
Anon
I can think of a few iconic buildings in SF, but the scenery there, OMG. Sailboats in the bay. Mountains + water. Usually I have to go on vacation to get that. Vancouver is maybe close (same deal though — make a wrong turn and you are stepping over bodies). Similarly not every going to be affordable to me but it’s nice to have a work trip to these places. San Diego also. The places I go in LA are inland (Pasadena), but maybe I need a client in Santa Monica to go see. Honololu also has that mountains / sea / city vibe going for it, but work never takes me there.
anonshmanon
The question of whether it’s a new thing or has always been that way is very important though. ‘Our values are under attack’ is frequently used as an excuse to pursue one’s own agressive agenda. Whipping up fear over the loss of something that was taken for granted is a powerful populist tool and it doesn’t work as well if you are proposing a change over the status quo.
Anon
“Not a fan of the “it’s not new, I did it in the 80s” argument. We’re not saying it’s new – we’re saying it’s detrimental to the city. Novelty is irrelevant.”
Also not a fan but unfortunately it seems like some folks cannot seem to get their brains updated to living in the present day, and internalize the idea that “that was then, and this is now.” They don’t seem to live in the “now,” “now” for them is perpetually 40-50 years ago. “We did that in the 70s/80s, we wore stuff like that in the 70s/80s, that looks like something from the 70s/80s,” etc. etc. I wasn’t born then so I have no idea what they’re talking about, but they seem to think everyone here is menopausal and near retirement age and has seen it all before. The repetitiveness of the cluelessness gets old.
Anonymous
SF is still a beautiful city. Every city has been hit hard by the current wave of drug abuse. SF is just what Fox likes showing.
Anon
Philly is just as awful in parts as portrayed, but it’s never been a city you visit for its beauty (more: it’s history). SF is just in a stunning part of the country.
Seventh Sister
Yeah, I didn’t even tell my elderly parents I was going to SF for work until I got back from the trip. There was plenty of open drug use (reminded me a bit of DC in the early 90s) but it was hardly the predicted post-apocalyptic hellscape.
Anon
Philly native here – while we certainly have issues with homelessness, vagrancy, and drug use throughout the city, at least Kensington (the heart of our heroin epidemic) is not a place you’d end up unless you’re trying to go there. The tenderloin is much more centrally located.
Anonymous
This actually isn’t true. And I love here. Market street is a disaster, the rest of the city is fabulous.
Anon
There is plenty to criticize in Congress this very day without touching Feinstein’s legacy. I prefer to remember the great things she accomplished and just hope we’re not shut down by the idiot (mostly
male) right wing.
Anon
My thought is that whenever a person purposely puts themself in a public position that affects the entire country, then they’re taking on public comment of their work. This doesn’t have to include only positive commentary. My view is that comments about the work are somewhat separate from comments about the person as an human being. No one here has said anything that dehumanizes her. And none of the posters here are saying anything to her family. Of course they deserve empathy and a space to grieve. Which is why I assume they aren’t going onto random websites to read anonymous comments about her.
But aside from that, the OP was about her successor, not anything mean. The fact of the universe is that our government needs tending to. Someone needs to do the work asap.
Anon
Yes, this. She’s a political figure with whose life has political implications so we talk about her in political ways. It isn’t personal and her family isn’t reading here. Given that she stayed in office because she wanted to keep doing political work, she’d be the absolute last person to say that we shouldn’t care about the political implications of her death. We honor her legacy by caring about that work and wanting representation (even as I think she failed us by holding on too long).
Anonymous
I won’t speculate since I am not a Californian and thus not close enough to know the players. instead, I will share that in 1996, I was a young intern-type in D.C. The org I worked for hosted a cocktail reception in one of the Congressional office buildings and I was checking in attendants. Recently-elected Senator Feinstein was approaching my table and I, then a young Poli Sci grad with aspirations of a public service career, anxiously reached for her name tag and checked off her name on the list before she reached me. When she approached, she humbly announced to me her name, as if I and every woman like me hadn’t been fan-girling and looking to her as a role model for years. When she realized I had already checked her in and had her tag in hand, she gave me a surprised look and an embarrassed smile, shook my hand, and asked me my name. Right after that, a woman who, at the time, had position because of who she was married to (and about to be divorced from) and for having a role in an occasional comedy sketch on a little late-night cable show, walked up to me, turned sideways, and held out her hand without ever announcing herself or even looking me in the face. Since I was wonky enough to watch that little show and I was a fan of the actually famous star of the sketches, then a comedian, I did know her name, but no one else at the table did.
Anonymous
I mean, so what? You met her ok.
Anon
To answer your question (Californian here): He will need someone who can run and win in the next election. I don’t know whether Schiff or Swalwell can do that, but they seem to be the most visible.
Anon
Y’all are absolute ghouls.
Anon
And some of you folks are apparently too sensitive to be on the internet today. Sign off and go touch some grass; it would benefit you greatly, in many ways.
Anon
🙄🙄🙄🙄 good one
Anon
Agreed. With no respect or sense of history.
Anon
We mourned her a long time ago.
Anon
I’m loving the use of “ghoul” on here today. Halloween in the air? Anyway…where do you draw the line on expressing any emotion other than sympathy or “respect” when a politician dies? What about H!tler – would it be ghoulish to be grateful that he died? And if that’s acceptable (which I think it certainly is given the harm he caused), where does that line stop? Dianne Feinstein’s choice to stay in office, which is a public role that she signed up for, has had real and tangible impacts on the lives of U.S. citizens. People are allowed to express a range of emotions at her death. It doesn’t make them ghouls.
Anon
I really can’t believe how worked up some people are about someone they didn’t even know personally. Some folks are acting like we’re criticizing their grandmother, or something. (And BTW? Not everyone is criticizing Feinstein, from what I have seen?)
And also, to your point – are we supposed to refrain from commenting on the deaths of all public figures on the day of their death? Or does that rule just apply to Feinstein? Apparently there were some “rules” in effect that many of us were not aware of, but which are being indignantly and viciously enforced by the “Feinstein Was My Hero” contingent.
Anonymous
I don’t think it would be appropriate (or at all likely) for Newsome to appoint himself, but calling him “thirsty” is a bit much. He’s an obvious contender for President, a position he has earned over decades, but can’t get there, at least in part for the same reason CA now has an empty Senate seat. Dems need to start exercising and feeding their stable and giving them a little time in the show ring.
Anonymous
I don’t agree that Newsome is an obvious contender for President. He’s quite polarizing, some people love him but others think he’s a joke. I won’t vote for a person who publicly states he’s going to “appoint a black woman” instead of the best person for the job.
anonymous
Did you vote for Biden?
Anonymous
Will you/did you vote for Biden?
(FWIW I also don’t think anyone should say that but I’m not sacrificing democracy for it)
Anon
*Newsom
Anon
Happy Friday. Can anyone recommend a good alternative to these in white gold or silver? They were almost perfect (not too heavy; size I was looking for) but became distorted at the hinges/didn’t close properly after a few wears.
https://www.quince.com/women/14k-gold-bold-large-hoop?color=yellow-gold&g_network=x&g_productchannel=online&g_adid=&g_acctid=978-058-8398&g_keyword=&g_adtype=pla&g_keywordid=&g_ifcreative=&g_adgroupid=&g_productid=43555226026154&g_merchantid=128669708&g_partition=&g_campaignid=20572575045&g_ifproduct=product&g_campaign=&utm_source=google&utm_medium=paid_search&utm_campaign=&utm_term=43555226026154&gclid=CjwKCAjw69moBhBgEiwAUFCx2KNqWrq_V1-a1HNpKJo7P0X_gJt5C1wemVZl_IgRkTMurRum4H27QhoCe74QAvD_BwE
Anon
My Foxy Brown hoops from the aughts would like a word with whomever decided hoops this size were “bold” and “XL.”
add
Check out Aurate. Their jewelry is all excellent. I have not been impressed by Quince quality.
Champagne Problems
I have 12 hours in San Francisco tomorrow with two friends. What should we do in the afternoon? Planning to spend the morning at Ferry Building, Saturday market, and getting brunch! Looks like weather will be overcast and mild!
Anon
Go shop on a Fillmore Street, take an Uber to Fiat Lux’s location as a starting point and wander around, there’s a bunch of cute shops and other stops for coffee and snacks.
Anon
Be sure to go in an look around there too.
https://fiatluxsf.com/pages/fillmore-store
Anon
Have a Bloody Mary at Tadich Grill. Maybe the crab Louis as well.
https://tadichgrillsf.com/
Anon
I would go over to Alcatraz. It’s actually really cool! (I’m a local).
Anokha
I would take an Uber to Valencia Street! Start at 15th and Valencia with a coffee at Four Barrel and walk south. Check out Clarion Alley for the graffiti art and Dolores Park for the amazing view from the top.
SF
Exploratorium or Cal Academy!
Anon
Marina or Cow Hollow wander/shopping plus Tunnel Tops Park in the Presidio (it’s new and spectacular). I live in the Presidio. Follow up with late drinks at Dalida in the Presidio.
Nesprin
Cal academy or De Young museum and golden gate park!
Anon
Land’s End, Sutro Baths, and the de Young Museum. Casual meal at Hook.
Anon
Forgot to add: chocolate kouign amann at B. Patisserie
AIMS
Has anyone experienced this recently – on at least 2-3 occasions w/in the last few months I have called customer service (different retailers) to ask about something like an expired gift card or coupon code to be very nicely told that they will reissue it and check my email/go ahead and use it and then find that it doesn’t work. Is this a new thing where the agents just tell you what you want to hear to get you off the phone ? It’s such a pain to get an actual human on the phone that I actually wonder if this is a sanctioned strategy.
Cat
Ugh — not recently but the last time this happened, I placed the order myself (without the discount) while on the phone w customer service, and then emailed them the receipt and they issued a separate refund to the cc used for the purchase.
Anon
Any other feds about to be furloughed? Guesses on how long this will last?
Anonymous
Here! Betting on about 2 weeks.
anon for this
It will either be resolved over the weekend or will drag on for a month or more. I’m making my to-do list of house projects and planning some catch-ups with friends who will also be on furlough.
Anon
My husband is an essential employee (works at a federal prison), so he will be going to work and not getting paid. He also receives VA disability, but I don’t believe that will be impacted. We can stand to lose his income for 6-9 months, but I hate to think about what other people are doing that cannot weather this for any significant length of time.
No Problem
Try being a contractor. At least the feds are going to get back pay if they’re furloughed (the right wingers may be crazy, but they’re not stupid enough to anger millions of federal employees by not giving them back pay). For us contractors, some of us will be lucky and our contracts will be able to continue during a shutdown, but many will be put on stop work and then it’s up to individual companies what to do. Some (not many) will pay them, some (most) will force them to use all their vacation or PTO and then unpaid leave when they run out, and some will be able to find other work for them for a short period of time before forcing them to use their vacation. It’s a $hitty, $hitty situation and we are fed up with these clowns in Congress who refuse to do their jobs and keep the government running.
anon
That is my situation–we were told we could use PTO.
anon
I’m lucky in that my contractor employer is able to keep operating at least for a month or two. Agree with others that this one might drag a few weeks.
McCarthy’s chickens coming home to roost would be more satisfying if I thought MAGA reps could learn from their own mistakes and make better choices.
Anon
My sister works for the VA, they’ll be in processing the checks for benefits and disability. I’m a former fed and lived thru multiple shutdowns, I feel really bad for the feds working and not getting checks.
Anon
It is so incredibly unacceptable to screw with people’s lives and mortgages and bills in this way. It’s shameful. There should be massive personal penalties (10,000 per day at least) for EVERY member of Congress during a shutdown.
Anon
It is so incredibly unacceptable to screw with people’s lives and mortgages and bills in this way. It’s shameful. There should be massive personal penalties (10,000 per day at least) for EVERY member of Congress during a shutdown.
Anon
On the subject of unstructured time – anyone else planning to retire in the next 1-2 years and want to share ideas?
One thought I have comes from “Crossing to Safety” by Stegner, in which one of the characters structures her family’s summer days broadly as: breakfast, some outdoor activity, lunch, some indoor activity, dinner, after dinner activity. Could that be modified for retirement days/weeks?
Anonymous
Yes. I need this. Thinking of : Get up, 1 hr computer time, 1 hr gym time, lunch after lunch 1/2 hour piano practice, mid-afternoon coursera class on topic of moment, dinner, relax,tv,bed. Alternating with cleaning on weekends and twice daily 1 mile dog walks.
Anon
I’m in the middle of the interview process for a federal job, so this is just drawing out an already drawn out hiring process…
Anonymous
I was about to apply to a DOJ job and am wondering if it’s worth it if Congress is going to keep pulling this nonsense every few years.
Anon
I will be furloughed, but I’m already out on maternity leave. I can luckily afford to have my paychecks delayed, so it won’t have much impact on me (besides potentially extending my leave). If the shutdown lasts more than a day or two, I’m guessing it goes for most of October. And that it will take something like the air traffic controllers’ “blue flu” that happened in 2019 to end it. But I think they will not wait as long this time given the 2018-19 long shutdown.
LawDawg
I am a week into my radiation treatments for breast cancer, so I wouldn’t mind having a few weeks off while I take care of myself. But I feel for those who don’t have the resources that I do to weather this. My guess is that I will be hanging around the house for at least a month.
Anon
Good luck to you! Keep up posted.
I have a breast biopsy in a couple weeks. I appreciate when posters share these personal details, and also share how it affects their life/career differently, and how they move forward.
Anonymous
Sending good thoughts, LawDawg! I did find the exhaustion from radiation was cumulative, so while I worked throughout, hopefully you’ll get some downtime!
Anon
I’m a godawful pointless Zoom for 2 hours, happy Friday.
No Problem
When I have these, I paint my nails, peruse my grocery store app for this week’s sales and make my grocery list/meal plan, clear out my inbox, pay bills, online shop, browse my library website for books I want to read and put them on hold, make a chore to-do list, fold laundry, etc. I hope you can find something productive to do!
Emma
My pointless zoom is from 4 to 5 today. Technically fair game but ugh, not how I want to wrap up my week. I have actual things to do and am really not in the mood to listen to random updates from other departments.
Anon
4 to 5 on a Friday?
I hope whoever scheduled that steps in a puddle today.
Panda Bear
Ha! I love that.
Anon
With a hole in their shoe.
Anon
Shopping help. I am looking for a pair of off-white/ivory corduroy jeans and can’t find anything that works. I have a very short torso, so I need low-rise (~8″ rise max). I want either a small flare or bootleg. Size 2/25″ waist, and an inseam of at least 30″. I have looked at all normal places (BR, J Crew, Anthro, Gap, Loft) and everything either has too high a rise or is too short. Help!
Anon
Did this same thing yesterday and am trying Talbots. Also try Nordstrom, but I knew my Talbots size. They are rare in 2023 but my old ones are too snug now.
Anon
I looked at Nordstrom and nothing there. I’ll check Talbots.
Anon
Have you tried Zara? They have some really cute cords, but I don’t know if they fit your needs. Maybe Aritzia?
Anon
Have you tried teen stores like American Eagle and Pac Sun?
Anon
Express. Express is one of the only retailers that currently has a good selection of low rise. Even if it does not have corduroy, it definitely has white/ivory pant options in low-rise.
Vicky Austin
Old Navy has cords, but not sure if the color and rise are right?
Anon
Anyone in tech consulting at Accenture? I am getting reach out from a recruiter and would greatly appreciate some insight. I am in leadership at a small consulting company, with good pay and high variable comp, decent culture and relationships and some long-term incentives I would leave on the table if I walked out. The accenture job is an XYZ Deliery Lead. What is a Delivery Lead in the Accenture world specifically? How senior, what level, is it typically more hands on or management, what are the career options, and what is the culture and stress level like? If you are at a similar level at Accenture (or in tech consulting there) what do you like and hate about your work there? Are you looking to grow internally or move out?
If you prefer not to write here, you can email me at retteburner at the mail of google. Thank you !
Anon
Don’t leave stranded comp. If they want your, they’ll pay it as a sign-on bonus. Hold out for that.
Anon
In a different kind of consulting – but try to find someone in your network who joined Accenture as an experienced hire (or ask Accenture to put you in touch) and ask about their experience. Nearly all large consulting firms struggle to effectively integrate experienced hires.
Anon
I would never consider going backwards like that in your shoes. You’re where people who start at a place like Accenture hope to land. It’s a churn and burn entry level company.
Anon
+1000000000
OP, this seems like a really bad move.
Anon
as a client of their so called “tech services”, don’t do it
Anon
If you work FT and have two teens who aren’t yet old enough to drive and don’t come straight home from school every day and some days have orthodontist or other appointments, what do you do and how do you manage? I made it through having two in diapers and then elementary school and then the pandemic for middle school and now I feel like I am really limping towards the finish line and worrying about not making it (and yet for household finances, I can’t not work and we’ve never been able to find the elusive consistently-reliable PT driving helper who is willing to work on the books).
Anon
Is there a late bus at school? we have a 4PM and 5:30 PM bus.
Anon
I wish! We have a driver shortage, so I’m glad that they have any bus service (they are cancelling field trips b/c of this and now we have to budget for a charter). FWIW, we live in a city and I’m not confident that my kids will be comfortable driving at 16, but I can dream still, no?
Anon
I was told, as were all of my friends, that parental rides for sports, work, extra curriculars, and social things stopped when we were eligible for licenses. We didn’t have to get a license, but it’d be on us to figure out how to get to these things. Living in the suburbs, there was some public transportation or carpooling so I know a few friends who didn’t get theirs right away, but pretty much everyone did.
Fwiw, this was about 13 years ago.
Anon
From what I hear now, kids just don’t get their licenses the minute they can. IDK what is different, but I know two college freshmen who are ostensibly normal and from normal families who do not drive. Maybe the pandemic messed that all up for them and they never got through the queue.
Anonymous
This trend took hold long before the pandemic. I am not a parent but have zero time for this nonsense from near adults. Maybe it is good that I don’t have kids because it is my opinion that if your kid isn’t clawing and scratching their way to independence at 16 you’ve failed in some respect. (That does not mean they have to be immediately comfortable driving on the most complicated stretches of highway, of course.)
Anon
I remember so many driving casualties among high schoolers when I was young. Maybe today’s youth are more responsible about their own limitations and less willing to take unnecessary risks.
Either way, if the only way to get places is by car, we’ve failed an awful lot of people.
Anon
Did all of those parents pay for their teens’ insurance and buy them a car? Is that the norm these days?
Anonymous
Kids mostly got part-time jobs and clunkers where I grew up. Some got more parental.supoort. My parents paid my insurance through the summer after college and my grandmother gave me her 10-yr-old car. But I had multiple jobs and paid for a lot, including basics like makeup, shampoo and conditioner, and tampons, as well as most clothes and entertainment.
Anon
I can at least pay for insurance and a car. A couple years of used car car payments + insurance is still less than we have been offering for an on-the-books PT person with a clean driving record to drive our kids around. I’m neutral to ahead if my kid drives.
Anonymous
Cars are so expensive to buy and to fix that a part-time job is no longer enough to pay for an even an old car and insurance.
Anon
This is a real struggle. Do you or your partner if you have one have flexibility to WAH and make up time later? Is there a public bus? Are they close enough to bike or walk (even if it’s kind of far)?
Cat
this is not my life stage but most I know with teens are senior enough in their career to say “I need a break to commute home at 3 today” and then log on after they’ve dealt with 45 mins of kid logistics. Or WFH on those days to make the break easier to fit into their schedule. They then log on in the evening to catch up on email.
Anonymous
High school is logistically the most complex season of parenting, and late buses don’t seem to be a thing any more. You either have to hire a driving nanny or just designate one parent to sacrifice their career to handle all of this stuff, plus college applications, SAT prep, etc. etc. etc.
Trish
We were not involved in applications or SAT prep.
Anon
Okay? A lot of people are involved in those things because we want our children to be successful and get into the college they want to go to.
Anonymous
Didn’t your kids go to college like 20 years ago? College applications are much more complicated now. You have to take them on college visits to show “engagement.” And there are forms the parents have to fill out. And audition recordings to arrange and on and on and on.
Trish
Um, no. He graduated a year ago and went on a full scholarship. Now in grad school. I didn’t hover because I expected him to be handle life. Most of this handwringing my parents is due to helicopter parenting. They can study for SAT all by themselves. They can also take busses and bikes.
Anon
We faked having it together during that stage by having our teen hang out at the school, head to the walking-distance library or coffee shop, sit on the sidelines at whatever sports practice was in season, and do homework until one of us could pick her up. Once in a while there was a friend with a parent who was willing to play taxi driver.
It seemed like a bigger deal at the time than it really was, mainly because our mindset was still stuck on treating her like a young kid who couldn’t be left unsupervised in public. But in reality, a 15 year old is plenty old enough to occupy themselves in a safe public location for a few boring hours a week. It went by much faster than it seemed it would.
Anon
“But in reality, a 15 year old is plenty old enough to occupy themselves in a safe public location for a few boring hours a week.”
I would say even earlier than that, this is true. We realized when my son was about 12 that he was bigger than some adults, knew how to use his dumb phone to text/call if he had an issue, and could navigate his way through situations like ordering a drink in a coffee shop and paying for it. So, honestly NBD if he has to park himself at Starbucks for an hour and do his homework until one of us can come pick him up. As long as he bought something, no one ever hassled him while he was hanging out waiting for us at Starbucks. But it absolutely is a mindset shift and it was harder than I thought it would be to let go of the idea that “this is a little kid; we can’t leave him alone in public.” At 12, my kid was taller than me but somehow I kept thinking “if we leave him alone he’ll be kidnapped.” It took work for me to let go of that mentality.
And it’s crazy because at 12 I had to walk a mile home from the bus stop, alone, every school day, and at 14 my husband’s mom got him one of those “farmer’s drivers’ licenses” because they lived in a rural area and she wanted to stop having to drive him to school. So he started driving himself to school, alone, at 14. I got my first job, that I drove myself to, at 15, after I got my drivers’ license – and then my son did the same thing, a mere three years after I was agonizing over him being by himself for 30 minutes. But somehow, when it’s your kid – the risk perception just hits different.
Anon
Thank you for this, my son is 12 and I am exactly where you were! Talking myself through letting him hang out in places alone etc. He is short though and hasn’t yet hit the growth spurt so looks like a little kid.
Anonymous
My teen cannot just bum around like this. The school library is closed after school, and any students hanging around must be enrolled in an activity that is supervised by a coach or teacher. There isn’t anywhere else they can go within walking distance because the school is in a residential area. It’s too far to walk home. They can ride the school bus home and hang out at home, but that doesn’t work if they have activities.
Anon
If it’s a residential area, is there a park, a friend’s house (either your own friend or your kid’s friend), a community rec center, a public library, a Taco Bell, anything at all like any of those within a mile or two in radius from the school?
Anon
I miss the day care years, where unless it was a public holiday, every day was the same. There was no tryout for youth orchestra, and practices, and performances (which I love, but those come with a lot of my labor also and calendar management) and braces and scouts and XC summer practice and camps that only last from 10-3. At least I can just have them catch the bus home for early release days and know they can feed themselves and not die.
It works, but the minute one parent has all-day meetings or is out of town (lots of elderly family that is not local and no local younger family) or has client dinners or work travel, it all goes to hell.
Anon
Amen
Anonymous
+1 million to your last paragraph. We all make it work, but it’s on a knife’s edge.
Anon
Not helpful, but we have a full time nanny for this very reason.
When we were in-between care, I used Kango and HopSkipDrive to get them to some of their activities if they didn’t need an adult (sports practice, for example). Although, I’ll note, only for the older two (both boys). I am thinking of switching to Lyft for the oldest.
anon
+1, I realized a few months ago that even though both of our young kids are in full school days now, we can’t let go of our nanny. Winter break is three weeks, there are minimum days and in service days constantly, and neither my husband nor I can afford to take off that kind of time. We do have some family help, but not any that can cover that volume of days. :/
Anon
I’ve notice multiple road side signs recently for kid taxi service. I have no idea how parents would vet one of these for licensing, back ground checks, etc., but think it’s a genius level idea.
Anon
I was in high school when Uber was brand new. Lots of parents were ordering Ubers to transport their kids.
Anon
So the early teen years before they can drive are some of the worst years, IMO. Between extracurriculars, sports, ortho and tutoring appointments, and my kid’s social engagements I felt like I spent half my life in the car.
One thing I will say – start using a shared Google or other online calendar now, if you haven’t already. Teach your kids to use it and also tell them – if it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t exist, so I have no obligation to transport you to the thing, because I have to plan my own schedule. If they can text their friends, they can add things to the family calendar. We sat down and put all school events, holidays, sports practices and games in as far in advance as we knew about them with our kid, but then it was up to him to add in other things. You will still have to deal with stuff that comes up unexpectedly, but knowing the scheduled stuff, and having a place where everyone in the family can go to see what’s going on (and also – everyone is getting reminders about events) was a huge help.
Things we tried:
– Coordinating with other parents who were able to help us with transpo to or from (or both) extracurricular meetings/events and sports practice. We would reciprocate as we were able
– Encouraging our kid to ask his friends about transportation plans and asking if he could get a ride. Our kid has social anxiety and so this required him developing some bravery, but once families knew he sometimes needed a ride, they were really helpful. Again, we reciprocated as we could
– There was a public library near our kid’s school where, if need be, he could wait for us and do homework or read while he was waiting to be picked up. We also had him wait a few times at a Starbucks that was near his practice field.
This is the age when kids need a cell phone, even if it’s a dumb phone. We resisted giving him a phone until he was 12, and then gave him a dumb phone, and then at 14 he got a smartphone (because he was starting to learn to drive and also starting to ride with kids who had licenses and we wanted him to be able to access the internet and maps, etc. if needed). Without the ability to call/text, a lot of confusion/missed information can happen that burns time and patience.
I will also say – in a lot of ways, you just have to grit your teeth, jerry-rig some solutions together, and hang on. Sign your kid up for drivers’ ed as soon they are eligible so they can get a leaner’s permit as soon as they can, and start financially planning for purchasing another vehicle. My kid driving was scary but it solves so much family stress, on everyone in the family. Good luck. I promise – you can do this!
RR
We have an after-school nanny. It still makes sense for us otherwise because I also have a 10 year old. I also work from home sometimes to make it worse. Fall is the worst, when both of my teens have very time consuming sport/activity schedules. Honestly, it’s just harder having teens than it was with the littles from a time perspective. You get to sleep through the night. It’s physically easier. But they need so much more from you and have such hectic schedules themselves.
No Problem
Not helpful at the moment, but the rule in my house growing up was that we got our licenses as soon as we were able and had to get ourselves to and from school and all of our own activities. And then older siblings with licenses were responsible for taking younger siblings to all scheduled activities when mom or dad asked them to (that was part of the deal for having a car and parents paying car insurance). So I’d say that the oldest kid needs to get their learner’s permit as soon as able and you need to be prepared to do a lot of practice driving with them to get them comfortable. At a bare minimum they need to be able to get to and from all of their usual haunts. If there’s a scary left turn or something, teach them to take multiple right turns and take a different route until they are more comfortable. I’m thankful I grew up in a small city with relatively little traffic so driving was easy. Not sure I’d want to be a teen learning how to drive in my current east coast city!
Anon
Driver’s licenses must work so differently in the US. Where I am in Canada, you can’t drive without another adult licensed driver for almost a year before can you move to the next step in the licensing system. So even a 16 year old can’t drive themselves around.
Anonymous
It’s different in every state.
Anon
In my state, you get a permit at 15 and have to spend the year doing a lot of driving with another adult in the car with you. At 16, you could get your license, but there are limits (no car full of teens unless they are family members). It’s the same rule, rural and urban. I grew up outside of NYC where it was 17 to drive, very white-knuckle.
SMC - San Diego
I remember that stage well! (And not fondly.) A few things that worked for us:
(1) Have kid asked around about how others are getting to and from. Is there a group text? I regularly switched off with other parents. The kids are actually pretty good at figuring this out, particularly if the alternative is “wait for me at the library.”
(2) If you are comfortable with this and your state laws allow it, the older kids are often happy to drive, especially if you throw in $20 “for gas”.
(3) This was the stage at which all of the favors I did for other moms paid off because if I sent out a “is anyone free to . . . ” I often got a response, even from parents whose kids were in other activities getting out around the same time.
(4) A few times kid walked to the public library, which was near the school, and waited for me.
(5) She had math tutoring 2x/week and her tutor could pick her up (retired school teacher I go to church with, so I was comfortable with that).
And of course I was pretty senior and had already paid the mom penalty in my career so unless I had an actual court hearing/deposition/mediation, I just went and got her.
Anonymous
I am in this exact situation. Luckily my kids (ages 12 and 14) ride the bus in the morning, and my job allows us to flex our time, so if I need to leave early to take them to the orthodontist or pick them up from an after-school group, I start my work day early or work later in the evening. Sometimes I just use leave. We also do some carpooling with other kids in the same after school groups. But I think all this will get much easier when my son drives next year.
RiskedCredit
I have an au pair. It’s coverage for up to 45 hours a week and they do meals, driving and appointments.
Mine are 7-12 and I will be using au pairs until my youngest goes to college. I do not trust my children to not get themselves into trouble.
As a child in London my father used a black cab driver to ferry us around town. When at home up north, I was expected to cycle. I don’t trust Uber so went with the au pair.
Anon
“I do not trust my children to not get themselves into trouble.”
Sorry, as someone whose kid is about to go to college, I will just tell you that – when they get a little bit older, they will not assent to being supervised by the au pair if they want to be around friends, etc. What’s your plan for that stage? And also, it’s not entirely fair to tightly supervise kids and then send them to college and expect them to know how to handle themselves and how to make good decisions, just miraculously, with no practice. I don’t know what the issue is here, but your perspective is going to cause you, and your children, problems. You have to let go a little and let them make mistakes when the mistakes are still relatively low-risk. Otherwise, when they’re out from under your thumb, they will make big, high-risk mistakes that could really cause serious long-term problems.
Anon
We couldn’t afford paying for rides or a car for the kids even if we wanted to.
So this limited all after school stuff to places they could walk to, ride their bike to, take the bus/train to, or get a ride to (from another participant). But that was normal….. Most kids in our communities couldn’t afford cars. We chose a community to live where basic needs (ex. dentist/stores etc..) were a walkable/bikeable distance, or had help from friends in a pinch, or scheduled for saturdays.
Anonymous
Sports-carpools, getting rides (their job). For medical/dental a parent needs to be with the kid, so PTO.
Anonymous
I found someone on Care dot com. Also did light housework. Worked 2-6 daily. Off the books though. I never heard of paying for this kind of thing on the books. Just doesn’t exist.
Coach Laura
I’m late to the conversation but Uber has been advertising enhanced safety Uber rides for teens. There are some teens I would do this with and some not, same for destinations etc. But if I had two teens going together I think that might be very safe. One teen, depends. Probably not much riskier than taking a subway in NY or a taxi in LA.
Anonymous
I won’t even take an Uber myself after multiple scary experiences, and I am good in an emergency and have self-defense training. No way am I putting my timid teenaged daughter in one.
Trish
They can ride their bike or take a bus to their appointment.
Anon
Wildly out-of-touch answer given A. the safety of bike riding in a lot of cities and B. the lack of public transportation in other cities. Maybe this worked for your kids, in 1974 or whatever, but it doesn’t work now in most places.
I am way more comfortable letting my kid drive himself (now that he is able, which doesn’t help the OP) than I would ever have been letting him ride his bike the distances he would have had to go to get from one place to another. My city is actually better than most in terms of bike infrastructure, but we have multiple cyclist fatalities every year due to inattentive drivers, and we also have a lovely situation where people are getting ambushed on bike trails by criminals who beat up the cyclist, rob them, and then ride off on their bike. I know all of this because I myself am a cyclist.
Trish
lmao to the ageism. My son was born in 1999. Keep hovering.
Anonymous
Kids under 18 cannot go to medical or dental appointments without a parent unless it is for something like BC at a place like Planned Parenthood. Normal pediatricians, dentists, orthodontists, etc. require a parent to be there at least in the waiting room for consent.
Anon
Anyone here with a bulging disc in their lower back have experience with wearing a back brace? I am seeing a specialist who scolded me for bringing the brace back to return it, but based on the guidance I was given about when to wear it I don’t see a time that makes sense to wear it.
I have a driving commute to my desk job and was told not to wear it while sitting, ever, and definitely not while driving. I was told to wear it while walking gently but not while exercising. Don’t wear it while lying down, and don’t wear it while doing anything where it impedes the range of motion needed for the task. I was also told not to wear it too much, because they don’t want my muscles to become dependent on it.
So I guess I can put it on for the 40-second walk from my bedroom to the bathroom in the morning, and maybe after I shower for a minute while making my coffee, but take it back off while I sit down and drink said coffee. When I get home in the evening put it on for a few minutes while running laundry down the stairs, but then to take it off to actually do the laundry, because I cannot bend enough to reach into the machine. Put it on to take the basket back upstairs, but then take it off before I fold the laundry because it doesn’t allow me to bend enough to do reach the bed surface and folding laundry in the air isn’t exactly feasible.
I confirmed with the doctor that I am wearing it properly and that it is fitted appropriately. It takes a hefty amount of time to do and undo all the velcro straps each time I put it on or take it off. It is also rather big and I don’t want to dedicated shelf space to storing it just on the off chance that I might use it 5 minutes next month. Am I missing something here? When would I wear this thing? Am I supposed to just stand around like a mannequin?
Anon
I have dealt with bulging discs for years and have never been advised to wear a brace. It’s my understanding that they don’t really help that much and that you’re better off working on your core.
Anon
+1
Absolutely this.
OP – don’t worry about it.
Continue your home exercise program for your core/back religiously, and or yoga/pilates, and if you need a tune-up…. get another script for PT.
Anonymous
Get a standing desk and wear it at work. You only get one back!
Nesprin
Bracing helps with setting posture (i.e. for treating scoliosis) and with taking load off an injury temporarily but doesn’t make much sense for this indication, and especially not if you’re taking it on and off all day.
So if your ortho specialist is recommending a back brace for a herniated disc, I would get a different ortho specialist.
Anon
I’m supposed to fly out for respite care for my dad (taking care of mom with advanced cancer) and help out next week. If I fly out, I should be able to fly back (and not worry about renting a car and driving cross-country), even with the shutdown? From what I’ve read, air-traffic controllers and the security screeners will still be working (but not getting paid, so they may start having sick-outs). So delayed and slow, but likely I can go / come back?
Anon
I’m worried about this too. We are supposed to move a relative into assisted living and we have two people who need to fly in to make this happen.
Anon
Yes, flights are still operational during government shutdowns though delays are likely.
Anon
It’s possible you will have a day or two delay, but the flights will be operating. During the long shutdown of 2018-19, a sickout by the air traffic controllers is what got trump to the table and the shutdown ended within a day. If air travel starts being impacted again, it will get the shutdown ended – congress has no problem messing with government employees, but will end of when their big donors who are executives at large company start complaining because they are being impacted (by a disruption to air travel).
Peaches
I was just scrolling through google news and saw this: https://www.nbcnews.com/business/travel/government-shutdown-affect-air-travel-flights-wait-times-airport-rcna117820
Anonymous
I don’t know but now I am glad my planned trip set to begin on Monday got canceled.
Anon
Flights will be operating. The worst case is long delays at TSA but in past shutdowns it hasn’t been that bad.
Clara
Between a demanding job, babies and a parent with cancer I have completely lost touch with what’s current in youngish middle aged women’s fashion. I desperately need a closet overhaul. Can anyone recommend people I can follow on insta or TikTok to get a better idea of what’s going on currently?
NaoNao
I love @two_scoops_of_style for “Millennial Makeover” styles, @minimalistoutfitideas, @dominiquesachse for 50+ style and fashion ideas, @jaglever for cutesy “it’s always fall” looks, @dressing_dawn (for plus sized sustainable looks) @closetvomit for girly goth fashion, @sammijefcoate for sexy, upscale goth and rockstar looks, @asmallcloset for capsule wardrobe and sustainable options.
JD
Sigh, I follow two scoops of style, but to be honest, I hate their outfits. I usually like the Before more. I’m also going to check out these other recs. I’m thinking of sticking with classic dressing since the current sort of 90s fashion (that I lived through!) is fairly unflattering and ugly to me.
Anonymous
An Indigo Day fits that demographic and looks current without tipping over into fashion victim territory. She even has an “update your millennial outfit” feature.
Anonymous
Erin Busbee is great!!
Anon
Can anyone recommend a pair of pregnancy-friendly cycling shorts? I’m finding that I need a little extra padding in the seat (my usual shorts are pretty light). Prefer non-compression styles to wear under my outer shorts. TIA!
No Problem
I don’t have any cycling shorts recs, but if you can’t find any you could always get one of those cushy seat covers that you strap onto your seat. Bonus is that you could then cycle in any bottoms and still have padding, even after the pregnancy.
anon
I was able to wear Pearl Izumis until I stopped biking around 13w then limited peloton rides until the 3rd trimester. Everyone gains pregnancy weight differently though; I gained 40 lbs but still fit into some pre pregnancy leggings at full term.
I don’t want to be a wet blanket, but depending how far along you are you may not be able to bike much longer. At my intake appointment at 8w, the NP cautioned me not to bike after 20w as my balance would be off and a fall would be risky. I ended up stopping bike rides around 13w bc my balance got so bad. At one point in late pregnancy I fell down the stairs at work (I was fine) and stuck to elevators after that. I had a lot of hip pain in late pregnancy as DD was breech and didn’t even peloton much. Did a ton of walking and hiking though.
Anon
I stopped being able to bend forward comfortably early in the third trimester and switched from my bike to swimming or recumbent bike in the gym (where I didn’t need special shorts or a seat pad).
Anon
Thanks! I plan to go as long as I can, listening to my body. I only ride safe trails though – a little boring but well within my skill level (and then some).
Anon Child Free Relative
I will be spending time with family at a resort over Thanksgiving, and will be around a couple of small (5-ish) children who I’ve not seen since they were babies. I won’t be involved in the actual child care, but will see the kids at meals (I think). I have no natural “knack” for children -At All-, but would like them to like me. Any ideas on how to accomplish that?
Anon
Bring stickers and sticker books and carry some sugar free gum in your purse. Talk to them as if they are full grown adults. Hero Auntie.
Anonymous
It cannot be said enough how great it makes kids feel when adults talk to them like adults!
Also seriously participating in their conversations even if it sounds like nonsense…talk about mermaids or dinosaurs or talking animals or whatever else like you are having a conversation with your bff.
Anon
Many of the same things that work with meeting new adults work with kids. If they’re chatty, ask questions about what they’re talking about and listen to what they have to say. Show interest in what they’re doing/into. Lots of stuff crosses into adult fun (think Legos). Kids often get treated like they’re stupid and they’re not – they’re kids and lack the experiences many of us take for granted. Treat them like people you’re interested in getting to know better and they will almost certainly like you.
Seventh Sister
Ask them about stuff they like doing, and let them prattle on even if it’s a video game or a tv show. Do you have a pet? Kids love photos and videos of people’s pets. Play tic-tac-toe with them before meals.
Anon
And hangman if they know the alphabet!
No Problem
Be willing to get down on the floor with them to play some games. Bring a deck of cards and hopefully the resort will have some board games or someone will bring a few. Participate in hide and seek. Ask them to tell you about their trip to the resort – did they fly, did they drive, what did they do during the trip, etc. Find out what they’re into and engage on that – favorite types of books, sports/other activities, the latest kids movie (ask them to tell you the plot if you haven’t seen it), etc. That’s a fun age because they’re able to play independently or with each other and are also old enough to have a bit of a conversation.
AnoNL
This. Just show interest, start a chit chat, let them talk, ask follow-up questions. One time, I have asked my nephew [4 y.o.] how would he tell the difference between a bandit and a good guy…. turned into a 20min discussion. My forte is playing board games – it’s fun, they learn something new, you have a chance to bond over something and chat.We love playing Uno, Hali Gali, Exploding Kittens, Sushi Go, memory games, we build age-inappropriate Lego together [i.e. I bring a set for 10y.o. for the 5y.o., so that it is a real challenge].
Anon
I love kids, but have none and haven’t been around them much for many years.
But reading this thread was amazing…. I had forgotten how much 5 years old could actually do!
Talk to little kids like they are normal adults sounds odd, but it really totally works. Even ones that are barely verbal sometimes get into it, and babble back at you and respond emotionally appropriately to your essence/excitement. It is really enjoyable.
Anon
I find unfamiliar kids way easier to talk to than unfamiliar adults! Just let them talk and act interested in what they’re saying. And yeah a sticker book or coloring book wouldn’t hurt.
5 is a really sweet age. Around 8 or so they start to get more standoffish around adults they don’t know, but if you show a modicum of interest in them pretty much any 5 year old will love you. I volunteer in an elementary school and it’s non-stop hugs from the kindergartners and first graders.
Anon
What a great reward for volunteering!
Anonymous
You don’t really have to do anything special, just treat to them like you would any other person you don’t know. Ask questions, show interest. Don’t be offended if they don’t want to engage with you, though, some kids are shy and take time to warm up to new people…kids that age can be pretty unpredictable, so just take them as they are.
IS Love Blind?
LiB is back!!! I won’t spoil, and I’ve only gotten halfway through Ep 5, but I think Lydia is exhausting.
– Does anyone here know Uche or Johnie, since they’re both lawyers, presumably in Houston? Johnie seems unduly dramatic, and I’m not so sure about Uche . . .
– Overall, I think everyone is SO much more cringe that any prior season, and I’m loving it.
Anon
I’m in Houston and want to know everything about these people. Following with interest.
Anon
My DH and I watched the first 4 this week. I’m also curious what they’re like! My husband can’t believe people with professional jobs do this show, knowing their bosses, clients, etc are watching. What was with the “scientist” woman? Bad editing? I feel like giving her the benefit of the doubt with that weird, evasive conversation.
IS Love Blind?
No kidding! I just looked up Johnie – it looks like she had been at Latham in Houston, though she isn’t on the site (anymore). She seems like someone who would really have something to lose!
But, overall – I can’t imagine putting all this stuff out in the world and then having to face my coworkers, clients, etc. Bonkers.
Anon
Was hoping for this thread! Omg the drama with Lydia – is she clueless? How could she have thought it would be ok to talk about Uche like that with Aaliyah? I feel like she still wants him to like her even though she doesn’t like him or she doesn’t want him to move on. Uche does not seem to be a catch though – I think Aaliyah dodged a bullet there. He seems like the type who will be controlling
I didn’t think I would like Stacy and Izzy but they seem like a good match! I initially liked Johnie but she does have red flags. Oh and JP – how awkward! Can’t wait to watch the new episodes!
Anonymous
I’m stuck in a required suicide prevention training at work. I’m fighting cancer right now and trying so hard to live and I recognize I’m not in the right mindset for this at this moment. I also feel sorry for those where this will be a huge grief trigger and it’s starting their day. Maybe it’s partly the trainer. She’s talking about finding dead bodies. (Wth?) Some things just feel like the wrong thing for a large group workplace meeting that you’re not allowed to opt out of.
anon
Unless your role is directly tied to this type of thing, I think this is absolutely unacceptable. Since when is it a coworker’s responsibility to prevent suicide? I posted about a year ago that I was forced to sit through a “positive thinking” meeting a couple of days after a close friend killed himself. Workplaces needs to provide work and salaries, and stay in their lane. Get out of my and everyone else’s mental health, for many reasons.
Anon
Ugh, I’m sorry, that’s so rough. It’s not quite the same, I attended a roundtable yesterday that was billed as a policy webinar and instead it turned into a highly personal confessional with one of the speakers detailing her miscarriage and PPD. This sort of thing is happening a TON in my industry lately – a real blurring of the personal/private and professional. It can be really hard to watch, especially for people with their own challenges.
anon
And then it gets labeled as bringing your whole self to work. IDK. I’m in my early 40s, believe me, you don’t always WANT me to bring my full messy self to work. You want me to bring my self that’s faking it sometimes but manages to get stuff done.
Anon
Yep. I was actually emotionally triggered by my interaction with a sex worker who had been a victim of a brutal assault this past week. The result was a emotionally vomit-shared with some colleagues and I am regretting it.
Anon
That sounds awful and counterproductive, I’m so sorry.
Anon
I am so sorry; I cannot imagine that this is good practice.
Anonymous
A seminar like this should be 30 mins long, outline available resources, and communicate the employer’s support of using those resources. Nothing more. How is this hard?
Anon
This is shocking to me, and so inappropriate.
I’m a doctor.
I’m so sorry OP.
Anonymous
Why would an employer expend time and resources on this? Is some sort of weird CYA in case something happens to an employee? Or is it one of those things that’s designed to push responsibility for mismanagement and a toxic culture onto employees’ shoulders? Like the organization doesn’t need to fix the problems that are causing employees undue stress because they should just be meditating to handle that stress?
Anon
What in the what? Why did they feel this was necessary to do as an all-hands training?
My grandfather committed suicide and I would NOT want to be reminded of all that on a Friday at work. OP, I’m so sorry about this. Please give feedback on the seminar saying it was inappropriate; if people say nothing the powers that be will think everything was fine.
Anonymous
My knee jerk was that this is beyond inappropriate. But then again I’m in a profession with a fairly high suicide rate. I’ve known several colleagues who lost their lives that way. Maybe this kind of “training” should be more common. Not mandatory, though.
Anon
I agree. I feel the same way about the active shooter trainings with the sound of gunfire. Completely unnecessary.
Anon
Can you speak to someone senior and get out of it ?
Anon
I am starting a new job and struggling to build a wardrobe. My last office (government) was very casual. I dressed up only to go for trial.
Going into a firm as a partner. Will be much more visible and client facing. Any suggestions on building a base wardrobe? I’ve got a suit from mm lafleur arriving today. (Black blazer, pants, skirt) A few silk long sleeve tops. Happy to invest in good, versatile clothes at this point.
I’m 5’10”, a 14 or 16. Struggle to find heels so mostly flats. Thanks!!!
Anonymous
i’m a size 16 also… look at brooks brothers, favorite daughter, karen millen… not sure if lk bennett and hobbs come in size 14/16 but they always look great. i don’t think the fold comes in size 14-16 but maybe i’m wrong.
RiskedCredit
LK Bennet have the Natasha dress which is machine washable and a classic that survives the suitcase squish.
In general both LK Bennet and Hobbs saved me last year when they didn’t really have any dress suits available in 14-16. Ann Taylor is the other great place for that size.
Anonymous
I have a client that is in the middle of a very stressful, time-sensitive, and public situation (think: labor strike, messy divorce of CEO, merger, etc.). I am their outside counsel for general corporate issues but I brought in a specialist for this issue, a lawyer from another state/firm. I need that lawyer to take over the issue. It seems he is very deferential to me, and although I appreciate that from a “not stealing clients” perspective, I don’t know this area of the law and I need him to stop waiting for me to say “yes please do X” or whatever he’s waiting on me for. I have said to him, “don’t wait for permission from me,” “I need you to take the lead on all questions from John,” “please just cc me but move forward as you see fit, call me with questions about history/background if needed”, etc.
He’s been paid in full every month, I don’t think he’s nervous about getting approval so he’s paid. I’m stressed because I can’t keep up on things or review his work all the time. How can I be more clear?
No Problem
Basically tell him what you said here:
“Brad, I need you to fully own this issue. Do not wait for me to say yes to something, just go ahead and do it. Answer all questions from the client and do what they ask. If you need any info on history or background I can help with that, but I just do not have time to handle this and we cannot afford for me to be the bottleneck on anything. You have the subject matter expertise here, which is why we’ve brought you in to handle this matter. I appreciate that you want to defer to me and don’t want to steal my client, but I trust your judgment and need you to be in the lead on this. You have been and will continue to be paid in full every month, so don’t be concerned that you won’t be paid if I don’t approve something in advance. Is this clear? Do you have any questions?”
Anonymous
All this except the last two sentences Those sound like unnecessary scolding and at the same time invite additional consultation you’ve indicated you don’t want.
Anonymous
Have you said, “Joe, you are the expert on this situation. Assume I am okay with the actions you take and do not defer to me unless it is an absolute emergency.”? Basically, it seems like you’ve said “please, you don’t have to defer to me” rather than “do not defer to me.” You’re leaving the door open for questions. This is how Elroy how partners I work with pushed me to take more ownership of deals as I grew more senior. I knew I knew what I was doing, they knew I knew what I was doing, but we were falling back into habits of me checking with them. I needed to be pushed our of this comfort zone with very, very direct language.
An.On.
Soliciting advice from my plant gardening ‘rettes! I have a non-flowering plant which was given to me as a housewarming gift about a year ago. For the last six months or so, I’ve had a problem where the leaves will become sticky to the touch, then little sticky brown dots will bead up on them, and they’ll wither and die, sometimes very quickly. Could this be caused by contaminants in the water I’m using? There’s no evidence of bugs.
I have no idea what kind of plant it is, but after many google searches, to my completely beginner eye the leaves are kind of shaped like a cross between maple and sweetgum leaves.
Cat
to ID – take a picture of it and then use the info button to search!
Gail the Goldfish
my better local plant nurseries will help ID and solve plant issues–take a picture to show them (or if it’s small enough, bring the plant)
Secret Dinotrux
Scale insects?
(For brown dots)
Anon
Leaves browning could be overwatering.
Could also be aphids or some other pest.
Is the pot large enough and does it get enough sun and space to grow?
Use plantsnap to figure out the plant. Then google “brown spots on maple plant leaves” or similar to see what the most common problems are.
Anon
It could be scale, which is caused by an insect. Some plant pests are too tiny to see easily. The moment you notice stickiness I would put the plant in a sink, outdoors, or a bathtub or shower – anywhere you have a hose with a high pressure sprayer available. Turn it on its side and spray the living hell out of it, from the top, from the front, from the back, from the sides.
JD
There is a gardening subreddit that’s very helpful and you can post pictures. Also local facebook gardening groups have retirees who are desperate to help you :)
Anon
Anyone know where I can dispose of old bras? I know I can just throw them in the trash but wondering if there’s any service that recycles or something.
Anon
H&M does textile recycling!
Anonymous
They are trash
Anon
Find a local Zonta group that participates in Free the Girls. Even bras that are too old to be sold can sometimes be used for spare parts.
anon
I volunteer at a day shelter for homeless women and we always need bras, even used ones! Sports bras or similar are preferred, but we take them all. Please check similar organizations in your area before throwing them away. Alternately, goodwill accepts used bras and sells them for a couple of dollars.
Anonymous
Most second hand stores sell donated bras so if they are in good condition you can donate them. If they are worn to the point that they can’t be worn anymore then just throw them out.
Smokey
Soma sometimes collects them for donation and gives you a coupon for each bra you donate.
Anan
Are they still usable? I Support the Girls is a great non profit that collects used bras an distributes them to the homeless .
Hollis
I need to bring an after dinner snack for 20 ppl, including kids, vegetarians and a person with a nut allergy. I don’t mind making something but only if it’s easy to do. Other people are bringing desserts, drinks, etc. Any suggestions?
Anonymous
After dinner snack that isn’t a dessert?
I would do a tray with a mix of fruit (grapes/citrus) cheese, pretzels, crackers, hummus, olives.
Anonymous
An after dinner snack that’s not dessert? Is this a late-evening, snacks and drinks type thing?
Some kind of chips and dip, maybe artichoke spinach
Fruit and dip
Some sort of snack mix? Like chex mix but nut free?
Charcuterie tray – you can pick one up and everyone can eat the parts they want. YMMV depending on severity of the nut allergy though
NYCer
I am not sure what qualifies as an after dinner snack, but what about popcorn? Individual packs or a big bowl, depending on the circumstances. I can’t tell if this is a family event or work.
Florida
lol and the mean girls digging in on trashing Feinstein. Those asking for deceny are not triggered. They are politely suggesting that you are terrible people. Maybe you need to stop posting awful things about people who just died if you are too sensitive to be called out on it.
Anon
I swear, there’s a contingent here that just waits, salivating, to pounce on anything they can.
Anon
Sigh. We are all (presumably) professional, educated adult women on this forum. Instead of immediately jumping to name calling, is there any chance we can respect people who have different opinions? No one is “too sensitive to be called out on it,” we are trying to explain why we are expressing that opinion. Maybe try listening, even if you don’t agree?
Anon
The fragility here is just amazing, lol. Calling people “terrible people” is okay but what people are saying about Feinstein is “awful”? Do you hear yourself?
I’m 100% sure you’re one of the people that posts terrible things to others under an anon handle, I recognize your terrible sentence construction and spelling mistakes.
Anon
Right! She was a person who chose to have her actions be part of the public discourse. No one is saying she kicked puppies or anything.
Florida
I don’t even care about Feinstein. I just think those trashing her are hypocrites who cry when others all you out.
Anon
If you want to talk about terrible people – maybe start with her staff who wheeled her half dead corpse around the Senate floor, mmk? At least I don’t engage in elder abuse.
Anonymous
Not everyone has the same opinion on a politician. That should not be surprising.
Anokha
I would take an Uber to Valencia Street! Start at 15th and Valencia with a coffee at Four Barrel and walk south. Check out Clarion Alley for the graffiti art and Dolores Park for the amazing view from the top.
Anon
My 80 year old, midwestern FIL is working his way through his bucket list and is now down to: Visit NYC. He’s in moderate health for his age, and does have some mobility challenges (could walk a mile slowly, with breaks). I’d like to start planning a 4-5 day trip that would including hitting the big NYC highlights (major landmarks, see a show, walk through central park) but I haven’t been in 20 years and have never had to think about this from the perspective of someone who can’t just walk or easily take a subway from place to place.
Thoughts on where to begin? Where to stay – how to get around – things to do/skip? A few other adults and my 10 year old will come along. April – May 2024 timeline.
Anon
Some thoughts:
* Stay in midtown manhattan.
* Focus on large, public (especially government run/owned) spaces like museums, memorials, gardens because they do a better job of making sure their spaces are wheelchair accessible, which means that the spaces are also easier to navigate for slower walkers.
Anon
Just Uber everywhere. Very easy.
Anonymous
Yeah just plan for this.
Anon
Does he have a wheelchair? Or one of those wheeled walkers with a seat? Either of those will make a world of difference in getting between places.
Anon
I would consider a hop on/hop off bus tour. The stops are normally right at the major attractions, so it would minimize walking and give him a chance to see the city.