ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break – Amethyst Snake-Embossed Heel

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AMETHYST SNAKE-EMBOSSED HEELThis is definitely a “know your office” kind of shoe, but if you can get away with a 1″ platform as well as a fairly wide peep toe, I think these purple heels are gorgeous. Love the snake-embossed leather, the suede accents, and it's my favorite shade of purple. They're $118 at White House|Black Market, which not only has a lot of purple accents this season, but also apparently has a totally redesigned shoe collection. Amethyst Snake-Embossed Heel (L-2)

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

281 Comments

  1. Hmm…I’m skeptical. I think they are gorgeous but with a black cocktail dress for a wedding or a night out.

  2. Maybe these would be ok with pants, but between the ankle strap, peep toe, and platform to me these would read way too evening with a skirt or dress.

  3. Sorry. All I can think seeing these is that they’d go really well with shark shorts for a client meeting.

    1. Heh. I think they’d be cute for going out (I do love that shade of purple!), but they definitely look like more of a party shoe than a work shoe to me.

      1. I am a sucker for purple shoes. I just pre-ordered the Michael Michael Kors York mary janes in purple suede from Nordie’s.

        1. Those are so pretty! I lack the ability to walk in heels higher than 2 1/2 inches or so, but if I didn’t those would be mine. I’m looking for a replacement for my purple suede wedges that I wore until they fell apart.

    2. “With black tights and a blazer, you’re ready to swim with the sharks.”

      “Show them who’s boss by adding a statement dorsal fin cuff and a smoky eye.”

      “Your tooth-detail pleather clutch says it’s time to talk results.”

      …and I wouldn’t be able to make fun of Lucky, InStyle and the lot if I wasn’t a longtime subscriber. ;)

      2. Ok, all this shark shorts talk has got me curious enough to google image this (I never did find them in that issue of Lucky), and this is what I will now be picturing: http://tinyurl.com/9hmntpc

        Power lunch, indeed!

        1. Ha! The originals were only slightly more believable than those are. They were jade green with an allover black print. Of sharks. And the wearer specifically said she wore them for client dinners.

          1. Well, that does sound more seasonally appropriate. Jade is such a year round color. The hunt continues!

          3. And funnily enough, the lady had them styled with shoes very much like these — with ORANGE socks. So…that’s different.

          4. What kind of clients, precisely?

            Even working in event planning, graphic design, or some other “artsy” industry, I can’t see this as a work outfit.

            Maybe an actual fashion designer -not someone who worked at a fashion mag, surely!

            … just looked at the magazine spread. Is she the intern at Roxy? Even for a surf-wear clothing business that seems inappropriate.

            Just cannot get over how incredibly inappropriate this is.

          5. YES!!! TCFKAG has posted The Ones–I remember they were Roxy.

            I think I’ll order the ones AIMS posted instead, though. I have some VIP meet-and-greets coming up and I don’t want to be wearing the same shark shorts as everyone else.

          6. Wow. I have finally seen the ONES.
            Somehow they seem even more casual than the ones I posted or what my imagination pictured. And, yet, if it’s Roxy client dinners… Maybe we shouldn’t be so uptight, eh? After all she is wearing them with tights, people. Everyone knows, hose = business.

  4. Hi –TJ — Has anyone ever “made” a cookbook with software?

    A close family friend recently passed away and I would like to collect her recipes (she was motherly to many, and fed a lot of us with a lot of love over the years) to prepare a cookbook as a holiday gift to her family and friends. She had many of the recipes already typed, so it would be a “compiling” exercise. Word seems a bit “clinical” for this.

    Any sort of “bookmaking” software suggestions appreciated. Has anyone used MS Publisher for this? TIA!

    2. I haven’t used cookbook software but I do have sort of a homemade cookbook. I have typed up many of my recipes because I’ve taken food to parties and people ask for them (those are in Word – you could use a prettier font?). I also like to print out recipes I’ve used online. I bought a pretty binder and lots of plastic pages. I put them in back to back so there’s a recipe on each side of each plastic sleeve. It works really well to be able to pull out the page and use it in the kitchen. You can just wipe it off if you spill on it.

      1. There is a site called tastebook that does this, I keep meaning to do it for my family along with a family calendar with birthdays on it, but never get the time.

      2. I’ve done this too. My mom also made a similar thing for my younger brother when he got his first post-college apartment. We’ve all found this format to be great because you can spill and spill and never wreck a page and it is really easily customizable in terms of content. (I know my brother had a whole section devoted to cleaning. It was such a hit she made a few for some of her friends’ kids.)

      3. I did exactly what NOLA describes to make a cookbook of my son’s favorite recipes when he got his first apartment (with a kitchen!). I used a lot of clip art and also my own photos and photos I got from the internet. It turned out great.

      4. Thanks, everyone for the suggestions! I knew the hive would have the answers.

        Apologies for the quotes. I was in excel-land all day, hunkered down with super-busy-modeling-work, so of course, the verbal side of my brain was no longer working.

        Her cookbook was an overflowing 4″ binder with plastic sleeves, but I need to make it more scalable for others. Agree that this is my favorite way to keep my own recipes though. Thanks again, everyone!

    3. You could use lulu for self-publishing. I did something similar for a friend and it was really easy and fairly cheap.

    4. I digital scrapbook and use Shutterfly to print my books, but I know they have pre-designed pages so you can upload your pictures/recipes to make a book. They may even have a recipe book layout, but I’m not sure.

    7. I bought MasterCook software at Best Buy for around $30 that provides a lot of searchability, ability to upload photos, etc. (also comes with cookbooks loaded). It’s been wonderful. I even bought one for my mom as well so we could automatically swap recipes in the same format. It’s not as pretty as something formally printed, but it’s more than made up for that by being so user friendly.

      Here’s a review of the various software (and prices) out there if you might want to do the same: http://cookbook-recipe-software-review.toptenreviews.com/

  5. I’m not sure how these shoes are office-appropriate (even for some offices) but a Longchamps Pliage bag is never appropriate. I usually agree with your choices Kat, but I cannot imagine a law, financial, or accounting firm for which these shoes would be appropriate. They are TOTALLY evening wear.

    2. Really (re the Longchamps Pliage)? Not really my style, but I don’t see what’s out and out work-inappro about it.

    3. Oh, I could wear those in my office – with a black pencil skirt, black cashmere turtleneck and black tights.
      And I could easily see my GC asking where I got them.

    5. I hate Pliage. It’s too much “Look, I am wearing a designer item!” similar to logo-covered Coach.
      In my affluent suburban area Pliages are prevalent among high school girls.

      1. there was once a day (2005?) when only sophisticated parisian women carried le pliage.

    7. RB is right! Peep toe’s are OUT at my law firm. The manageing partner forbid’s me from even wearing them any where! And no reimburesement either. That is OK b/c I am not a big fan anyway.

      I saw Harold outside my apartement yesterday and now the manageing partner is askeing me to go out with him again. He is MUCH to young for me and I am not even sure Harold has a job b/c he was dressed all GRUNGIE in the middle of the day. If he was workeing, he would have had nicer clotheing on.

      I TOLD the manageing partner that he was NOT for me, but the manageing partner just said PISHAW, I should try goieng out with him.

      I think the manageing partner wants me to date Harold b/c there is a big formal family event comeing up and I am guesseing that Harold needs a respecteable date like me. When I last saw Harold, he was with his silly college freinds, and they were all grunchie, and the women were definiteley not what Harold’s uncle wants. Most of them had tattoo’s that to me speled “TRAMP STAMP” all over their tuchuses’ any way. FOOEY!

      I do NOT think that just b/c I work for the manageing partner that I should have to date Harold. He should find a younger person with more in common. All he does is stare at me and does not have the knowlege or sophistecation that I do b/c I am a lawyer admitted to the NY Bar, and he is a college kid with NO expereience. FOOEY!

      1. Ellen, you should go to the big formal family event with Harold and leave the event with the manageing partner’s handsome, intelligent, billionaire (other) nephew from California. A word of warning: the other nephew might dress grungie, too–‘cuz that’s how we roll on the Left Coast.

        1. Myrna seems to be OK with YOUNGER guy’s. Maybe she should GO with Harold and you can CALL UP Nerdy Guy!

          #ELLENWatch

      2. Ellen, you really should NOT have gone in the pool on the 4th of July. Now Harold thinks you like him. Maybe you should overlook his grunchie clothes and go out with him and then let him down gently. Or you could just make him over so he is a respectable date for you.

    8. I think Kat is trolling us. This shoe might be appropriate in an office in . . . Vegas, maybe?

      I have a knock-off Pliage bag (bought in a luggage emergency at an airport, didn’t realize it was a knock-off until yesterday). I wouldn’t bring it to the office. It’s too unstructured and hauling a computer in that bag would be a pain. Plus, it’s just so casual.

      If I had to bring something special to work like a change of clothes or snack replenishments, I’d consider using the Pliage bag. But that bag is not designed for daily commuting or hauling files around.

  6. Part 2 of the “Biglaw Lady Issues” on ATL:

    http://abovethelaw.com/2012/08/buying-in-biglaw-lady-issues-part-2-selling-to-lady-lawyers/

    What we do hear about, and those of us in Biglaw see, is that female lawyers sign up in droves, leave in droves, and frequently take up residence at former or prospective clients of their Biglaw firms. And they know the Biglaw game, and are rightfully skeptical about the traditional excesses like overstaffing, general overbilling, and other profit-maximizing measures that Biglaw has employed over the years. So they are less likely to pay for them, in a significant departure from the gentlemen’s agreements upon which many Biglaw client relationships were previously based.

    [ . . . ]

    Think about this issue for a minute. I am one young partner, at just one Biglaw firm, and I have at least a half-dozen former female colleagues who are now in-house — all of them at companies both I and my firm would be very happy to represent. And they all disparage our former firm as a horrible and unfair place to have worked. Even worse, they consider our former firm as symptomatic of Biglaw in general. But they are Biglaw’s current and future customers! These women are generally excellent lawyers, who benefited from basically the same training and exposure to work as I received. But unlike me, someone who is very invested both in the continued success of my former firm and Biglaw in general, they have a very negative view of Biglaw from their time there. Multiply this animus across the industry, and you start to have a problem.

    [ . . . ]

    What is the consequence? For me, it is simple. My client base is thankfully diverse gender-wise, but for the foreseeable future my best chance for significant engagements is from existing and prospective clients with female in-house counsel. And I am sure that I am not the only one in my firm, and especially not in Biglaw, who is in a similar situation. But no one is teaching me how to “sell” to female in-house counsel, or effectively manage existing relationships with them. So I am learning on the fly, and while it is fun and rewarding, the willful blindness of Biglaw to its shifting customer base is a bad omen.

    1. Wow. I just read that ABTL column linked above as well as the first installment. This BigLaw anonymous male partner who authored these pieces is really a jerk. He appears to be a real chauvanist, in my opinion ,who is so disconnected from his own reality that he has the temerity to not “understand” why women who have been chewed up and spit out by BigLaw and are now in house have nothing good to say about BigLaw and consider those firms to be gender biased. This just illustrates how little has changed. Gender bias continues to be a major issue but instead of being out in the open as it was in the early days, it is all under the surface hiding beneath a gloss of “free market” capitalistic nonsense. This makes me sad.

    2. The level of dooshbaggery in this guy’s posts are making my head explode. Oh NOES! Women who left biglaw are now in house and are potential clients! And for some reason, they aren’t too impressed with their former biglaw firm and their bretheren (i.e. the male partners… who made darn sure that these women never made partner)! Luckily, dooshbaggy partner has a way with the ladies, even though *sob* no one is teaching him how to sell to this new frontier of customers. He is the Alpha Male and all these in-house counsel ladies will soon be his harem!

      Maybe he should get Bic For Women pens as schwag, stamped with his firm’s name. Those pens have fantastic reviews on Amazon.

      4. I was a BigLaw partner for more than ten years and this guy’s posts remind me of all the good reasons why I left and have never looked back. My old firm was riddled with guys, old and young, like this one. Makes me shiver to recall all of it. Those were the days when partner meetings were held at males-only private clubs, announcements of the new partners were posted only in the men’s bathroom and the guys who actually ran the firm firmly believed you could not be a working mother and a partner — they were mutually exclusive. The guy who wrote these posts fits in nicely with that Alpha male profile (nice choice of words SF Bay Associate!).

      5. “Maybe he should get Bic For Women pens as schwag, stamped with his firm’s name. Those pens have fantastic reviews on Amazon.” -LOL for the win.

    3. Not in law, but this guy is so condescending. I love this sentence full of qualifiers…”These women are generally excellent lawyers, who benefited from basically the same training and exposure to work as I received.”

      Maybe the women you worked with who are now reps of companies you’d like to do business with don’t like the tone that seems to be coming from that pedestal of Mr. Anon Partner and company. Yeesh. All he needs is a strategically placed “sweetheart” in that article to make it even more obvious that he is an as*hat.

    4. Is there any chance this entire thing is a satire written by a really snarky feminist woman? If so, I want to meet that lady.

      1. Sadly, I don’t think so. He talks about his wife (who I *think* is a SAHM) and his kids often enough that I’m convinced he’s a lame-o man.

    5. I am not shocked that he is shocked that women leave BigLaw in droves and then disparage it. I love that he can’t figure out why…

    6. Didn’t read the article, but in a similar scenario – although I don’t hate my former Biglaw firm, just wasn’t the right work environment for me.
      But – there is some truth to what you right. I review bills quite closely, do not permit double billing, do not pay for endless meetings with JA/SA/Partner.

      I do not prohibit juniors from working on my work, but I am not paying for their training and i expect the partner working with the junior to appropriately write down the hours before I see the bill. If they don’t, I won’t. I also have no problem telling a partner when I think the work should be done/can be done by some more junior. I worked with a firm where, had I still been in private practice, would not have yet made partner yet (at 7 years out) who insisted the work required partner level hands on. Uh, no it doesn’t and you need to have someone who can handle the mid-range overflow, and the more basic overflow.

      So how do you market to me? Give me an honest value proposition. If I own the work internally, I have a pretty good idea whether what I have asked you to do is pretty complex, time consuming, or is run of the mill but my plate is too full.

      Maintain the relationship with me. Cultivate it. Don’t look at me as a mark. I wouldn’t say don’t ask me for business, but at the same time, let me come to you with a request. Do you work in a particular area of the law that requires on-going CLE/updating? Offer to deliver training. Invite me to similar types of events so I can see what the firm has to offer, especially if the lawyers have changed.

      Just a few thoughts about marketing to in-house.

      1. I nominate Divaliscious to write a guest post for ATL (of course, she is far too classy for that joint).

    7. Wow! This guy thinks women only want to complain and he wonders why they don’t give him work? Newsflash: no one wants to work with a complainer!

      The worst part of this essay:
      In my case, the fact that I lateraled helps with my former colleagues. We bond over barbs at our former shop (a practice which I engage in reluctantly, but I would get nowhere with them if I wanted to defend the place as being good to me when it was obviously not good to them), in addition to the standard family talk and general catching-up. Now, I don’t recommend lateraling just for the purpose of commiserating with former female colleagues over your mean old Biglaw firm, but in my case, it has been a welcome side benefit. Especially when I have more former female colleagues that have gone in-house than male, by quite a measure, and they are already much more likely to consider me for work than my former male colleagues seem to be. (And especially when it is rarer for me to pitch to a male in-house counsel at all nowadays. I wonder if others are living a similar reality.)

      And this part where he acknowledges that women are human beings (like men!):
      (One thing I know for certain: none of the women I know who work in-house want to be patronized or treated with any less seriousness than the (typically male) lawyer who preceded them in their job. So chintzy rebranding of Biglaw services to appeal to women won’t cut it. A more serious effort is called for. And what an opportunity for Biglaw partners who can actually get this right.)

      And I feel like I need a shower after reading that drivel.

    9. Maybe it is just me (it probably is just me), but I read this and thought it might actual be good in that there is now this wake up call to the firms that it is important to treat women well while they are there so that this won’t be as much of a problem in the future. It is good to see people acknowledging how unacceptable women have found the biglaw environment despite things like women’s groups and often generous mat leave.

  7. I would not wear these to the office. I used to work in a very relaxed office (jeans-are-Ok kind of place) and I don’t think these would have worked there either. They just seem a bit too sexy. But, I think they could work for a special occasion – a dinner, a party, etc. I personally do not like ankle straps. They are unflattering to women with bulkier ankles.

    1. I don’t have bulky ankles but I do have problems with ankle straps. I have wider feet so I tend to buy my shoes slightly bigger and generally with straps. If my foot slides down in the shoe, the ankle strap is not long enough. Drives me crazy!

      1. Oh, that sounds uncomfortable. I am not a big fan of shoes with ankle straps in general. There are all these little things about them that do not work for me.

      2. I have bulky ankles, but also a tendency to slide out of a LOT of shoes. My feet are weirdly shaped, I guess?

        Speaking of bulky ankles, The Dear Young Buck used the word “cankles” to describe a woman’s ankles the other day, to which I responded with Great Offense and Vitriol. The ankles in question apparently had great flaps of fat hanging in folds, which is obviously obesity to the nth degree, but I took offense at the use of the word. I feel that we have enough to worry about without feeling like there isn’t enough distinction between the size of our calf muscles and ankles, common usage of the word encourages the judgement on our cankles, regardless of how skinny or beautiful we are. Apparently DYB thought the term meant when your calf fat hangs down to your ankles, and was flabbergasted that I would take the energy to scrutinize the size of my ankles.

        1. Now I am left with the unpleasant task of trying to envision how a person could have so much “calf fat” that it “hangs down to your ankles.” Shudder.

      3. I am passionately in love with ankle straps. I have a very narrow heel, but a long foot, and an ankle strap ensures that my feet won’t come out of my shoes, ever. And I don’t care what they look like, I will love them forever and ever amen. ;o)

        1. Oh just because I have a hard time finding them to fit doesn’t mean I don’t like them! I have a few, just fewer than other kids. But there have been some I’ve tried on that didn’t work at all. Made me sad.

          1. Agreed, Zora. Many ankle-strap shoes look very cute and vintage. I just find them not the best choice for my legs. I have wide feet and I don’t have the sliding problem, which NOLA was talking about, so I never needed to get ankle-strap shoes. They just make my legs look a bit shorter and I really don’t like that. I wish they worked for me.

      1. People in my office wear gym clothes around pretty frequently. I was recently invited to join a friend at her pole dancing exercise class, which kind of sounds like fun. If I have to wear shoes like this to the exercise class does that mean I can wear them in the office? They’re like gym shoes… right?

  8. I don’t even care that this is evening wear! I’m just glad there’s a shoe thread at the same time as the baby thread. I am SO tired of hearing about pregnancy and new babies and the mochas mamas-to-be are craving. I need a blog reader Unbaby Me!

    Okay. End of mini rant, and thanks for indulging me.

    1. LOL! If you find an “unbaby” app or blog reader, please post about it. Even I might be interested at some point.

    2. Yeah, I am in the phase now where aaaaaaaall my friends are having babies, and while I’m super-happy for all of them, sometimes I’d just like a break from the topic.

      1. The phase where your friends have babies is better than the phase where your friends freak out and try to plan having babies. I have friends in both categories and the “just have baby” camp is infinitely easier for me to deal with than then “insane planning for potential baby” group. But maybe that’s just my experience..

      2. I’m in the phase where everyone I know is either getting engaged or getting married so as happy as I am for everyone, I don’t think I can entertain a conversation about favours or wedding colours or bridesmaid outfits etc. anymore without going nuts.

        1. I’m surrounded by a mix of both. So as much as I love Unbaby Me, I would also love an “Unwed Me” app that removes all of the engagement ring photos, big day countdowns, and “OMG I’m soooo lucky I’m marrying my BEST FRIEND today!!!!!!!” statuses.

    3. I love the babies but am seriously creeped out by 3D ultrasounds photos. Creepy blob babies. I only want to see that baby when it is fully cooked.

      1. No lie, they give me nightmares. Give me the fuzzy blob or let me meet it once it’s out of you.

      2. Ew, so true. Husband and I have even turned down an offer for a 3D for one of our children. At best, they look like ghosts.

      3. Totally agree. Our US tech gave us some for free (we did not ask for them) and I do not like them. I’d rather look at the 2D US or nothing at all. It makes me think I’m growing an alien. Which hopefully I’m not.

      2. I don’t mind the baby threads here at all, because they don’t bear any resemblance to stfuparents. But stfuparents is HILARIOUS.

    5. Hehe. I think everybody has a raw nerve or two. Vent away! I don’t mind baby/pregnancy threads.

      What I do mind is this pattern:
      1. OP needs to vent about something. Sometimes, it’s just a pet peeve, other times, it’s more serious, like OP being treated badly in some way.

      2. Someone posts a very harsh ad hominem attack at OP, and this attacker is (more than half the time posting as an Anon).

      I see it as an attempt to thought-police or censor. Yes, folks on here sometimes have (strange to me pet peeves) but that doesn’t mean they should be able to vent on this matter. That’s led me to:

      3. Harshly slamming the person who attacks the OP. And I do this under my handle. Not gonna hide under an ‘anon’ handle if I’m going to slam someone (or praise someone). I really resent the attempt to censor. Add 3x more force and vitriol to my slam if I suspect the attacker is operating from a worldview of “junior employees or women should always suck it up when they are put-upon, and if you don’t, you’re actually the problem person.”

      An older example of this is when women get s3xually harassed by leering creeps who demand that they smile. Some idiot slammed the women who complainted about this and suggested that we should be grateful for the attention and be doormatty about it. That sort of thing will make me want to tear said idiot apart. Worse– I’ll tear apart and stomp on the fragments if you suggest that you’re “worried about me” in some passive-aggressive way to criticize me for posting harshly. God forbid anyone ever get angry about something that’s seriously wrongheaded and f–ed up.

      Still, props to posters who clamped down the flame with humor and all-caps. Not my style, but I still appreciate you anyways.

      If anybody has wondered at some of my harsher posts this morning, now you know.

      1. Meant to say, “Yes, folks on here sometimes have (strange to me pet peeves), but that doesn’t mean they *shouldn’t* be able to vent on this matter.”

        1. props to you too Susan….signed, another person that always posts under her handle.

          PS – I’m not worried about you.

      3. Susan, one of the first times I really noticed you as a poster, you were taking an unpopular position against a bunch of ‘anon’ posts. I admired it then and I admire it even more now.

      4. Susan, this is all very laudable but what does it have to do with this particular thread? Have I missed something that was deleted? Who objected to EastBayBanker’s “rant”???

        I’m all about free speech so everyone can vent away, you inc., but this seems a bit out of place.

        1. @Adele — the posts from “this morning” that I’m referring to are in the comments section of the “Tuesday’s TPS Report: Ansford Three-Button Wool Blazer” post.

          @MaggieLizer, eek, Jo March, and Seattleite — thank you. Means a lot to me. Of course, folks who approach that “pattern” differently are OK by me, too. :-)

      5. Susan, I appreciate your posts and speaking “your truth.” Don’t let those Mean Girls bug you – they don’t even go here. ;)

    6. If its any consolation, I’m a currently pregnant person, and I REALLY don’t want to talk about it. I want to go to work, do my work, go home and chill out. I’m pregnant. I’m not pregnant with the messiah.

      2. “I’m not pregnant with the messiah.”

        I wish we had weekly awards or something for the best one-liners. This is awesome.

  9. I agree. Not for the office. You could probably tone these down enough for daytime but not with any kind of office wear.

    1. I can see one of the (amazing, talented, hard working) marketing women in my firm wearing these shoes, but definitely not one of the attorneys.

    2. I agree, and I am an avid wearer of the peep-toe. It’s the triple threat of the purple, the platform, and the peep-toe that makes this too much.

  11. While I would never wear these to work, we have a partner here that I could totally see rocking them.

  12. Advice please:

    I love my job, but I am concerned about my career. In particular, I think I am overdue for a promotion (my boss has said as much).

    I have started interviewing for other jobs, but when I think about making a move, it bums me out because I really love my job. That said, even though I love my job, I don’t want to be underpaid and I don’t want to forgo opportunities for career advancement. Have any of you found yourself in a similar situation? If so, what did you do? Simply move on? Have a talk with your boss? If you had a talk with your boss, how did you frame it?

    Thanks in advance.

    1. Your boss said that you were overdue for advancement. Did you ask why the promotion did not happen?
      Did you let your boss know you want to be promoted? She can’t read minds, you know.

  13. Guise, does anyone have any recommendations for a food product to lighten acne scars? My skin has cleared up a fair bit recently, but I have realised that a lot of the remaining redness is remnants of old spots and I’d love to know if there is anything short of laser that could help get rid of them. Or, in the short term, cover them as no concealer or foundation seems to stay on my face beyond two hours!

    Thanks in advance!

    1. I’m pretty sure you meant a “good” product. And I apologize for not having any recommendations for you. But I got a really good laugh imagining all of the different food product suggestions you might get! (Rub watermelon on your face! Make a mask of olive oil and fennel – fresh, not fennel seeds! Beet root and mustard!)

      1. Yes I did and I just spotted that when I reread the post! Ha ha! Stupid smartphone!

        1. See, I was gonna suggest rubbing lemon on your face and baking in the sun. Because for some reason that sounded logical to me.

          2. Well, they say it is good for getting rid of freckles (don’t know, never tried, have accepted my freckly state)…..

        2. There’s something from Origins that I used for a little while and liked. Spot Corrector? I’d put it on under moisturizer – it was very gentle so no irritation like with some harsher products, and I did seem to notice a bit of a difference.

          1. Origins Spot Remover is probably what you’re talking about. I use it as well, but do find it to sting a little when applied. It’s salicylic acid (sp?) so I tend to use it on up-and-comers as well as to get rid of existing acne marks.

          2. Actually it’s Brighter By Nature Skin Tone Correcting Serum – found the tube at home. But I checked their website and they don’t seem to sell it anymore, which is odd because I only got it last fall. Now all they seem to have is the Brighter By Nature moisturizer – bummer. I really liked this product precisely because it didn’t sting or irritate my skin.

    2. I’ve had good luck with consistent use of this Caudalie serum:
      http://www.sephora.com/vinoperfect-radiance-serum-P94421

      It’s not quick, but I did notice a difference over 4-6 weeks.

      Other people I know swear by the clinique lightening cream, but it personally didn’t work for me.
      http://www.sephora.com/even-better-clinical-dark-spot-corrector-P257535

      Also, use sunscreen like your life depends on it. It really helps the dark spots from developing more pigment.

    3. Clinique’s dark spot correcter seems to work great for about 50% of people and not at all for the other 50%. Worth a try, probably.

    4. Because I can’t help myself today, Fair and Lovely, snicker. NB, it’s supposed to lighten your whole face.

    5. I’ve heard good things about Kiehl’s sport corrector, but haven’t had the chance to purchase. This weekend it shall be mine thanks to a Nordie’s card. Will report back if you don’t get anything good soon.

      For rx, I use hydroquione, which works but takes awhile. I used to use Aveeno’s spot corrector and couldn’t tell any different. Sorry not too much help.

    6. for healing recent breakouts, I just started using apple cider vinegar (ironically a food product) and have been very impressed. It stinks like crazy, but has been really helpful at lightening the dark spots left on my cheeks after some nasty deep blemishes. I don’t think it would do much on old spots, though – for that the only thing I have had really work is rx hydroquinone.

    7. I’ve been using Paula’s Choice for a while at the recommendation of commenters here and have noticed that the redness – scars and otherwise – has gone down a lot. I use the skin balancing system; not sure which of the products is reducing the redness or if it’s just a combined effect. Also, do you use a primer for your concealer/foundation? My skin could never hold makeup before I started using one.

    8. Products that contain Retin-A. The best are through a dermatologist by prescription, but you can find some over the counter products with non-prescription grade retinoids.

    9. I’m really late to the game on this, but I had quite remnants from old acne in my early 20s. I used Philosophy’s On a Clear Day (contains Retin-A) nightly and they cleared up in a few months. I still use it a few times a week to prevent new acne and future wrinkles.

  14. I’ve been asked to apply for an internal position at my multi-national company that would be based in Denver. I currently live in Calgary. Anyone here live in Denver? What is the good/bad about living there? Winters don’t scare me and I love the mountains. Oh, and I have a family – 3 school aged boys & a husband.

    Thanks!

    1. I grew up in Denver and my parents are still there. The winters are definitely nothing to worry about for someone from Calgary; most of the snow falls in the mountains so the front range (where Denver is) stays relatively dry. Are you planning to be right in the city? I actually lived in one of the suburbs about 20 minutes to the north, so my living experiences are concentrated there, though of course I’ve spent some time in Denver itself. If you want to ask any specific questions, I’ll try to answer :) The weather is great, housing prices are reasonable, and the views are amazing! I suppose I should balance that with a few downsides: very “suburbia” outside the very center of the city, can’t really drive to other cities for a weekend trip (except Colorado Springs or Cheyenne, WY).

    2. I have lived in Denver for all of my adult life. I love it here. Of course, there are pros and cons. The population is very active and outdoorsy in general. I love this, but I know it’s not for everyone. The weather is better than you would think. Winters are fairly mild. Summers are beautiful and there is almost no humidity. There is a lot of suburban sprawl, but there are also city neighborhoods where people raise families. Denver is not cosmopolitan or fashion forward, but we have decent shopping and good food. The arts are pretty good and pro sports are big here too. People are laid back and friendly. One downside is that Denver, especially outside of the city itself, is not very diverse. You can find diverse neighborhoods, but you will have to look carefully.

    3. If you’re Canadian, check into the income taxes you’ll have to pay to both governments.

      1. Thanks – I have been thinking about that, and I believe my company has a program to help with this, but as an accountant who spent time in public practice, this is definitely something on my radar.

    4. I’m from Colorado, and I went to college in Denver and lived there for a couple of years afterward. Actual Denver is great. There are some wonderful little neighborhoods, concert venues, theaters, art galleries, restaurants, bars, etc. The suburban/exurban sprawl is godawful (to me, anyway) just like in any city. The weather is the best in the entire country, and so are the opportunities for outdoor recreation. The general attitude is very casual and laid-back as is the dress-code. I know high level executives who wear crocs to the office. A family friend once wore pearls and a polar fleece vest when we went to the opera. I don’t know how it compares to Calgary, but you don’t get the long-hours/working weekends/never talk about anything other than work type of culture that you find in certain east coast cities whose names rhyme with “Bee Gee.”

      Also, I disagree with the person who said it’s not diverse. There isn’t a large Black population, that is true, but the state is about a quarter Latino, and there are a lot of great Latin cultural influence including food, music, salsa dancing, Cinco de Mayo, etc. (Fun fact: part of Colorado used to actually be in Mexico.) The downside of this is that there is a lot of racism and anti-immigrant sentiment to contend with, see e.g. Rep. Tom Tancredo.

    5. I lived in Denver after b-school.

      The GOOD: It’s a great, livable city; reasonable cost of living; surprisingly pleasant weather (can be quite hot in summer, but really much warmer in winter than you’d think); decent schools in the suburbs (not so much in most parts of Denver proper unless you want to pay for private); excellent potential for outdoorsy-stuff. I absolutely adored the architecture in Denver proper (really cute craftsman houses). And it’s a super dog-friendly city. Denver had a lot of cuture, IMHO, for a smaller city–I was never lacking for places to go or people to see.

      THE BAD/MIXED BAG: There was a good deal of salary compression (if you want to live in Denver, then you have to be willing to settle for a much lower salary than some other cities of comparable size); there’s the whole “MENver” thing (which won’t be an issue for you as you’re all set with a family–I found more than my share of neanderthal outdoorsy types); there is somewhat of a bias against being from “outside of Colorado” depending on who you hang with–Boulder is a lot more “mixed” and cosmopolitan than some parts of Colorado–I (and others) found this to be more of an issue in hiring than anything, so if you can transfer interanally, you could sidestep it a bit; the traffic to the mountains is really incredible on weekends; and I absolutely hated that CO is a “swing state” for elections, because the ad barrage was intense–radio, TV, signs in yards…very aggressive. I really disliked the lack of racial diversity. Colorado is very, very white or very segregated by neighborhood.

      All in all, I was sad when I had to move, and I miss it a lot. I squee every time I land to visit friends or go skiing, so…I guess that’s your answer. I have a soft spot for Denver and definitely think it’d be a great place to raise kids.

      I would apply–the worse thing you could do is go, interview and decide it’s not right for your family.

    6. Denver (and Colorado in general) is wonderful for a lot of reasons, but you will find that underneath the crunchy granola-outdoorsy exterior, there are a lot of closet tea party conservatives there, with backwards ideas about women, race and class in this country.
      Of course, if you are a tea party conservative, I am the backward one, and the political climate is a plus.

  15. So this weekend I went through my credit card statements & my online shopping accounts and added up how much I spent on clothes & such, and subtracted all returns, and I was SHOCKED by how much I have been spending. I added everything—all work & personal clothing, shoes, accessories, outerwear, underwear, and toiletries & makeup (which I tend to buy at S*phora or department stores).
    Because I want to know what you really think, I’ll tell you it was over $7K in the last 15 months. While this is something we could, and did, afford to pay, it is way more than I believed that I had spent (and I’m the one who pays the bills). And as an absolute amount, this seemed insane to me. Especially because I return so much of what I buy, I guess I believed it couldn’t be adding up THAT much. But I don’t have anything to compare it to.

    I will definitely be taking a look at the budget going forward and adjusting my online shopping habits. So I’m not looking for advice on that. But I would really like to know if I am a total outlier in my spending or if others are in the same ballpark. Anyone care to comment on what’s”normal” here? (If it matters, I’m mid-thirties, lawyer with a stable job and a lawyer husband; we have a house and a young teenager, no major debt.)

    1. You know, that’s about $470 a month. I don’t think that’s totally out of line. I’ve budgeted less than that for myself, but I’m making less and don’t work a law job (and can wear jeans to work, so work and non-work wardrobes overlap).

    2. 7K over 15 months is about $467 a month. While I can see how that might seem like a lot, I don’t think it’s completely over the top (for a minute I misread and thought you said $7K a MONTH, which does seem excessive). Plus, this is clothing and beauty/toiletries AND underwear, which adds up quickly. If you can afford it, why not?

    3. mint.com tells me that I’ve spent a similar amount since May 2011, although I probably have around $1,000 worth of stuff to return sitting in my car/at home. Ouch. I hadn’t realized it was that much either. Late 20s, single, no children, no debt, so it’s not like I’m hurting anyone but myself, but it might be time to go on a shopping ban.

    4. …where do you PUT it all??

      I’d be less concerned with the cost and more concerned with the space necessary to house all that clothing.

      Unless you’re only buying all really really nice stuff, like $300+ shoes and $120 shirts and $600 suits. Then that is totally in line.

      1. Even without really nice stuff, clothes add up quickly. If you buy a decent top, it’s probably at least $50. Shoes are easily $100; boots can be $200+. A winter coat can also be 200+. I could blow $50 on makeup in 10 minutes on Sephora.com. And so on. Before you know it, you’re at $450.

        1. I guess I’m used to tiny Victorian rowhouse closets. I have EXACTLY enough space for what I have, and I have a one in-one out rule. I generally buy maybe two nice tops, a pair of pants, a pair of shoes, a skirt, a dress three times a year. A new coat only once the old one wears out (6+ years on my current one), a suit maybe once a year (I’m still building my professional wardrobe, and while I like suits, I don’t have to wear them often), and about $60 in makeup twice a year. I am guilty of spending $60 on face scrubs, moisturizers, lotions, etc every three months at LUSH, however. (Which reminds me, I’m almost out of everything.)

          2. Ohmigoodness no! I don’t have that much self discipline! Two tops three times a year! (Basically, seasonally) Work out clothes, basic tees, and undershirts/camisoles do not apply.

          3. Where did you get said coat? Or in the alternative, what brand is said coat?

      2. It’s a fair question, HP:)
        I tend to buy higher-but-not-nearly-highest-end items, and I’d say my biggest expenses for single purchases are handbags (which make a big dent fast) and suits. And cashmere.

        1. Mmm… cashmere.

          Anyone else really excited for fall and sweaters and boots and scarves?

          1. yes but everyone IRL thinks I’m nuts for getting giddy-excited about fall and boots and sweaters and scarves

          2. Yes! Summer clothes bore me after about two weeks. I can’t wait for layers and boots!

          4. Try wearing summer clothes from May through October. You want to burn them. Can’t wait for real fall weather!

          5. is it May through October in NOLA? I feel like it was March – November in east texas! Ugh.

          6. Yeah we actually have a beautiful spring and it doesn’t start getting really hot until May. It usually breaks a bit by mid-October but doesn’t get really cool until into November. Our coldest months are usually January and February. It goes so up and down in November and December. It can be 80 on Christmas.

          7. NOLA- My first year in Austin it was ninety my last day of finals (Dec 18??). and then it snowed that night. Some things I do not miss.

            I am realizing this month, however, that I do not miss the east coast downpour, sunny, rain a bit, sunny, rain a bit, downpour, sunny, repeat cycle.

          8. Try wearing fall/winter clothes October-June. Or, as in this year, July. I haven’t even worn all my summer clothes yet, and I don’t have that many! I want to burn all the sweaters etc. that I just put away 7 weeks ago.

          9. Seattlite, that sounds like where I grew up. When I tell people that we wore parkas over our Easter dresses, they just about die.

    5. I’ve never kept track over 15 months, but based on what I do track I am not all that surprised by what you found. How one feels about it, and what one does (if anything) is totally personal, but if you want to know whether this is crazily abnormal I say, for better or worse, no it is not.

    6. I spend much less – around $150 per month, but I’m the main (sometimes sole) breadwinner for a family of 5 (3 boys 12 years to almost 7 years). And I’m fairly low maintenance, I know. I also sew about half of my clothes which means they cost less. Oh, and I work in a business casual workplace, so I don’t need suits, which I’m sure makes a difference.

    7. I added it up recently, when I realized my post-college budget hadn’t changed on paper in 10+ years ($1,200). My spending is up in recent months, in large part because I discovered this site – about $2,000 in the last 12 months. I’m similar age to you, in finance, no kids and these are my clothes only (none for my husband).

    8. I did not actually do the math, but was having a very similar thought (while shopping for lunch today!) I suspect my numbers are quite a bit higher and, as you say, we can afford it. But something seems like I may be buying stuff for unnecessary reasons. How do you all curtail spending?

      1. I document every single thing I spend in a spreadsheet. As long as I max out my retirement accounts and meet a certain personal savings goal every month (usually a percentage of my take-home pay), I can do what I want with the rest. Some months that means I buy lots of clothes. Other months it means I treat friends and family to several meals out. Still other months it means I indulge in nail polishes or extra trips to Starbucks. The key for me was having a defined goal. Once I know I’m making my savings goal, I can spend the rest guilt-free.

        It sounds to me like the OP can afford this and just feels bad because she wasn’t keeping track, so maybe that will help her enjoy her personal spending while still feeling like her saving goals are on track.

        1. that is actually a great idea. I’m a little ashamed I never thought of it that way.

          Off to mint to set goals I go!

        2. I’ve been using this approach and it’s been working for me. Agree that without tracking, the surprise element makes the number worse than it is.

        3. Impressive… but gosh the time! Even though I don’t buy a lot of things, the idea of having to put everything in a spreadsheet is just too much for me. I guess if you make it a habit…

      2. I am working on it right now, and one of my tools is restricting my wardrobe, kind of like Project 333. By restricting the wardrobe available to me, it’s really opened my eyes as to what I actually need and don’t need, and how much excess I already have. It has made me realize that maybe I actually don’t need to spend my entire clothing budget each month.

        The other thing I recommend is signing up for a large mortgage. Yup. Scares the bejeebers out of me and will usefully restrict my spending for quite some time while I build up my house maintenance/emergency fund. But assuredly not for everyone, and if I didn’t have so much crap to begin with (see paragraph 1), I may not have needed the house/mortgage. Sigh.

      3. As I posted above, one in-one out is a fantastic rule, although not for ladies who like to be on the cutting edge of fashion. Figure out how many skirts, tops, blazers, etc are a reasonable number for you, and once you hit that number, the next time you buy something, you have to get rid of something else. If you get home and you aren’t willing to part with anything in order to make room, take it back for a return. You’ll end up only with things you love, although I do have a few slots in my wardrobe for things I plan on replacing every year (cute but cheap flats I don’t care about, a “fun” purse, trendy tops).

        If you invest in a piece you really love, and will last you a long time, you’ll keep it rather than replace it with something cheap.

        1. I really want to pare down my wardrobe, but am having a really hard time finding the sweet spot for me in terms of how many of each item I can allow myself before it gets excessive. I’ve been doing the one in one out rule for a year, but since I started out with way too much stuff, it’s just keeping the problem from growing rather than really fixing it. Is anyone who has done this willing to share their numbers?

    9. If you can afford it and your closets aren’t completely busting out at seams, then I don’t particularly see anything wrong. Also, is that only clothes for you or have you been buying clothes, toiletries, etc for your husband and child?
      FWIW, I’m a young lawyer (making a non-BigLaw young lawyer’s salary) and I’ve spent probably in the neighborhood of $2K on clothes and toiletries in the past year.

      1. This was just my stuff. Of course I also clothe my child (husband does his own shopping) but I didn’t include that in my tally—although I did not carefully parse billing statements to eliminate those things from larger orders that were mostly for me.

    10. If you are doing all the right “other” things (savings, retirement, college, etc) I say go for it. I don’t think it’s totally unreasonable, but to me it seems a bit high (I also probably make less FWIW). Online shopping is a blessing and a curse bc of ease. I often order with the intent to return half but somehow all of it stays. I try to keep running tabs on expenditures by only using one debit card for fun purchases.

      If you wanted to cut back, try doing it slowly and using the extra money towards something long-term fun (vacation, spa, etc) or to a charity you support.

    11. I have the opposite problem–I don’t buy enough clothes and they wear out. I hate shopping and I joined this site thinking it would help.

      FWIW, I spent $3200 on my Nordie’s shopping trip after not buying more than $500 in work clothes for two years. I’ve since added a few more (cheap) items for $300 more. I had to toss my entire old wardrobe (except for some cashmere sweaters and a little black dress) for being worn out or donated for not fitting.

      It’s a lot of money and not a crazy amount of clothes (3 pants, 2 jeans, 1 skirt, 1 dress, 3 shoes, 10 tops, 2 jackets, and underwear) and I was a little sticker-shocked. But I’ll probably budget about that much for next year and celebrate if I come in lower. I can easily see someone who likes clothes more spending more.

      I have a guy friend who uses a BR personal shopper and spends $1500-$1800 twice each year. Another guy friend (his wife referred me to my personal shopper) spends about $2k each trip (maybe 2-3 times per year?). His wife didn’t say what she spends!

    12. I think it’s probably most reasonable to compare on a monthly basis. As other readers have pointed out, that’s under $500 a month. I budget myself $500 a month on ‘all fun things’ which usually break down into clothing ($0-200), massages ($100-200), beauty/skincare products ($0-200 depending on the product and waxes, etc). To me, it is very reasonable since I am single, can afford it, and work ~70 hours every week and think I would probably go nuts without some pampering. Don’t just look at the absolute numbers over a year. If I did that, I would probably start living in my car instead of paying for a 1BR in the DC area.

    13. I’m in your ballpark, although I am quite a bit older than you (but my husband is not a lawyer so I wouldn’t be surprised if our family incomes were similar). I am on Team If You Are Not Spending Money On Clothes That Should Go Elsewhere, Knock Yourself Out.

    14. Hey, just want to thank you all for responding and giving me some food for thought without judgment. I was afraid I was going to induce gasping & clutching of pearls.

  16. NoVaAtty asked me for a review of my recent Target maternity purchases, so here it goes. Haven’t gotten everything yet, but here’s what I’ve got so far. I’ll do several posts due to linkedness.

    * Short Sleeves Surplus Dress: http://www.target.com/p/liz-lange-for-target-maternity-short-sleeve-surplice-dress-black/-/A-14109256

    I really liked this dress, particularly with the bright blue belt. It’s sort of a smooth, not quite shiney material that is nice and looks like it would hold up well. However, that also means that it’s a little bit more fancy looking of a material then I would prefer for work. Also, the “surplus” part of the skirt creates a long, flowing drape – which doesn’t look bad, but again, not really what I wanted for a work dress. I do think that I’ll keep it as more of a special occasion dress, though I think that if I’m wanting a special oc. dress, I might want a different color. So, still a little on the fence.

    1. Madge Flats (not maternity, but part of my pregnancy shopping is to find some decent flats): http://www.target.com/p/women-s-merona-madge-flat-leopard-print/-/A-14117794

      Very cute, but I don’t think they would be entirely office appropriate (too cutesy). I would be more inclined to wear them with dark jeans and a fun top for casual going out, I think. Also, the toe is a little more round than I like (I have a strong bias against shoes with very round toes). Also, I learned that my feet are apparently a little too long for Target’s shoes (I’ve always been fine with open toed shoes from there, but I guess I’ve never tried closed ones.) So, they’re too small. Going back.

    5. Essential Tee: http://www.target.com/p/liz-lange-for-target-maternity-short-sleeve-side-ruched-basic-tee-assorted-colors/-/A-14006430

      I liked this pretty well. The color is pretty and it looks nice under a suit. The rutching is comfortable without being too obvious. I plan to get the rest of the colors, since it’s such a basic. However, I would add that it is fairly thin, and also, weird issue – I wore it last week, didn’t really sweat noticeably, but noticed at the end of the day that the armpits were yellowish. It washed out, but that was sort of irritating and unexpected in a non-white shirt. I hope that it won’t happen every time.

      I also got a Core V-neck Tee, which I can’t get a link to for some reason. It was fine, but I wasn’t crazy about the V-neck and I didn’t think that it would look nice enough for work. I’d rather have the scoop neck, so I took it back.

    7. Yeah!! Thank you – I appreciate it!!

      I like the V-neck dress also and was thinking that would work for Fall/Winter with tights but might go with 3/4 sleeve.

      I also have been moaning about my lack of good work flats – I have 3 pairs that I just keep rotating. Let the hunt continue. Sorry the Sudie didn’t work out.

      I bought GAP black maternity pants – although they were about $50-$60 I felt like I would wear them every week to work from now through who knows when I return to my old size. It felt worth the price to me.

      Thanks again for the reviews!

    9. OK, I wish that I had just listed the items without the links now. :)

      Sabrina Flat: http://www.target.com/p/women-s-xhilaration-sabrina-pointed-toe-flat-assorted-colors/-/A-14075481

      Very cute, they actually look more sparkly in the picture than they do in person, more just an interesting texture. Love the point on the toe. Appear solid enough for Target shoes, though of course, not as solid as something at a higher price point. Alas, too small for my long toes, but I think that I’ll get the next size.

      1. I would not have guessed the Kimono sweater would be nice – now I’m tempted!

        I was thinking of the Long Dolman Sleeve Sweater for a good fall-winter transition:
        http://www.target.com/p/merona-maternity-long-dolman-sleeve-sweater-assorted-colors/-/A-14053871?reco=Rec|pdp|14053871|ClickCP|item_page.adjacency&lnk=Rec|pdp|ClickCP|item_page.adjacency

        Also thinking of the Merona Long Sleeve Scoop Neck Sweater could be a weekend go to:
        http://www.target.com/p/merona-maternity-long-sleeve-scoop-neck-sweater-assorted-colors/-/A-14021936?reco=Rec|pdp|14021936|ClickCP|item_page.adjacency&lnk=Rec|pdp|ClickCP|item_page.adjacency

        1. Those both look nice. I think that they switched over to colder weather stuff since I put the order in. It’s nowhere near sweater weather for me yet (we won’t really need them until November), but I’ve been concerned about what I’m going to do for that, as I always feel like it’s really hard to find reasonably priced sweaters that look nice-ish. I’m hoping that maybe I can rely mostly on cardis.

          I would definitely recommend getting the Kimono, though. Much nicer than I would expect for the price.

          Although not maternity, I also got the boyfriend jacket that Kat featured (actually, I think it was a guest post) a few weeks ago, a size up in hopes that it would work. Just came in today, and I think that it does work quite well. Much, much nicer quality than I would expect for the price. Beware that it runs large – I got a small (usually an X-S on top), and the sleeves are really long on me. But it’s very long, which I thought would make it work well over giant belly.

    10. Elbow Sleeve Fashion Knit Dress: http://www.target.com/p/merona-maternity-elbow-sleeve-fashion-knit-dress-assorted-colors/-/A-14092525 (the gray, black, and white blend)

      I like this more than I thought I would. It looks nice with a jacket and I think that it would be great for work. The style is very flattering and looks more sophisticated than I would see in the picture. Two issues, though – 1, the scoop neck is pretty low. Not a big issue for flat-chested even in pregnancy me, but might be for others, and, of course, how do you wear a cami under a scoop neck? 2- A little shorter than I would prefer for work. I’m 5’4, and it hit about an inch above the knee, and, of course, I’m concerned that it will just get shorter as the belly gets bigger. But I’m on the fence right now about keeping it.

      1. Totally checked this one out too. I’m worried the blue would make me look like a preschooler so I would probably do grey, black, white also. I’m pretty tall – wondering if a large size is longer?

      1. The neck is a little weird but I think it might be because it was folded flat. Overall, I actually liked this one–I’m pretty busty (currently 34DDD at 17 weeks, but I think I may need to go up again, blargh) and I liked that this had room for the girls. It’s been hard to find dresses and tops that fit, since they all seem designed to accentuate the chest, which doesn’t work so well when you’re too big for what was designed! (And as an aside, whomever suggested the stackedd+ blog, THANK YOU! That was a huge help to me!)

    2. I’ve been feeling a little rage-y all day, but that just took it to a new level.

      1. I’ve been feeling rage-y pretty much since getting halfway through How to Be a Woman.

        1. I saw someone else mention that. Even though it makes you rage-y, would you recommend it?

          1. Absolutely recommend it. Times like a thousand.

            It doesn’t make me rage-y because I disagree with what she says. It makes me rage-y because I want to shout from the rooftops, “YES! THIS!” and buy copies for all my lady friends. The flip side is, the other day someone made an off-hand remark of the casual sexism garden variety and I wanted to cry because all I could think was, “Teh sexism! It’s everywhere and inescapable! Have we REALLY made that much progress since my mom couldn’t wear pants to college unless it was < 10 degrees out?"

          2. I’ve just started it and am also getting rage-y. I read the chapter last night about how it is that our ladygardens are now expected to be Brazillian or bare, which was not expected even a decade ago. The author opines it comes from p*rn, and the reason the ladies in those films have bare ladygardens is that it’s easier for the camera to see what it wants to see without anything in the way. And as gentleman callers are consumers of said films, they expect to see similar looking ladygardens in their real-life companions. And we do it because that’s what they expect. So many gentleman callers never see an un-bare ladygarden. And now we have to endure expensive, painful treatments to render our ladygardens bare because that’s what is expected. And all the timing that goes into that – should I wax today in order to be sufficiently bare for this weekend? Or should I wait until next weekend, since I’m more likely to have a ladygarden party with the gentleman caller next weekend, and I can’t wax two weeks in a row. And all because of the ladies in the films who bare their ladygardens for their jobs.

            So, what Herbie said. “YES! THIS!” and RAGE-Y SHE-HULK SMASH.

          3. Read it. I’m recommending it left and right. And yes, the chapter on hair removal is particularly brilliant. My mom (who is also reading it) and I are now using “TAKE YOUR HAIRY MINGE TO DUBLIN!” as a replacement for “f!k this.”

          4. I’m almost done with it now, and for what is remarkable about Moran’s writing is that she is able to highlight the gross unfairness of it all, but with laugh-out-loud humor.

            Sometimes, even her humor isn’t enough to prevent me from shaking my fist and saying, “ARGGHHH.”

            @ Herbie– I think it’s actually harder, because enough progress has been made by women that people who are clueless (as well as people who have an agenda against women making progress) can try to say that everything’s peachy now and there is no need for more progress. The subtle sexism is the harder stuff to combat, because most people don’t even know they’re doing it. And it’s coming from people I consider generally well-meaning, with good intentions.

            One example of this subtle pervasive sexism: I saw an article in the Toronto Globe & Mail almost a year (?) ago about a woman who started a business to sell products to new moms. The tone of the article was dismissive– without being aware of being dismissive. The implication was: this is a throwaway vanity business for rich ladies who don’t need to work a real job. This is a distant echo of something I’ve heard ringing through the halls of many a private equity shop that won’t invest in businesses founded by women. If a guy does a nichey thing, he’s cool and trendy and tapping into what’s really hot. If a gal does it, she’s a glorified ditherer playing at various home/food/clothing-related cottage industries that are intellectually boring.

            Worse, the entrepreneur herself, when coming under some criticism for her products and her site, was quoted saying stuff like, “I didn’t expect my customers and audience to be so tough, because you know, they’re MOMs.” My sexism subtext translator says that means, “I, entrepreneur, believe that when women become moms, all their brain cells die simulatenously rendering them incapable of discernment or ability to demand better product quality. I also believe that moms have to be self-sacrificing and martyring to the point of being holy fools, so I was really surprised an indignant that any dared to criticize me.”

          5. Susan, the Globe and Mail used to be brilliant, the NHL of journalism but it’s now a boring rag not fit for my cat to crap on. They stir up gender politics to get comments and ratings. There’s a reason why they give it out for free, that’s about all it’s worth!

          6. Susan, the insidiousness of modern sexism is something Caitlin Moran addresses in How to Be a Woman. I call it casual sexism.

            And it is maddening. It’s not as outwardly inappropriate as your boss trying to put his hand on your thigh. But it’s still demoralizing and damaging. And it can be tougher to combat because people will mansplain to you why it’s not really sexist or how you shouldn’t really be offended because of course they were just joking. Moran also discusses the undercurrent of nastiness and meanness in a lot of this casual sexism as well.

          7. @Susan – obviously I completely missed the part where you say you’re reading the book, too. Oops!

        2. Oooh, I don’t know about this book! I’m already pretty rage-y about the patriarchy, but this sounds good!

    5. Switch all the gender pronouns. Now its an article about men finding their wives at business school. Its a place where they can find smart, intelligent women with similar values. Are you still raging? That article was not bad. Not a single person said they were going for the sole purpose of getting a husband. Just that theres a good dating pool there. theres also a good dating pool for men to find available women there. this site lately has just been looking for things to feel ragey about.

      1. I still think that is insulting. If you’re going to get a degree, let alone a prestigious degree, your primary purpose is education. To equate pursuing your MBA today to a college degree in the 1950s is a fairly stupid argument. Is the dating pool good at business school? I’m sure it is. But so is the dating pool on match, or community activities, or your gym – any of those places you can also find someone who meets your criteria and similar values.

        I went to a school known for the ongoing joke of MRS degrees for undergrad, but I chose the path of busting my a**. So yes, I do feel “ragey” about it because the degrees I earned are what matters, not who I did or didn’t date.

        1. There’s also an implication that if a woman is going for an MRS degree, then that’s the ONLY reason she’s going. Like she can’t possibly want the education and degree she’s working (really hard) for. If the dating pool is a side benefit fine, but to suggest that a woman wouldn’t be going for any reason other than to snag a man is insulting. And that’s what bringing up the whole MRS degree thing does – it makes it about man hunting, rather than pursuing an education and livelihood.

      2. I agree. The full-time MBA is all about the networking, with a side of classes. Might as well multitask and network your way to fulfill your personal goals as well as your professional ones!

      3. I agree – the people didn’t say that they were going there for the sole purpose of dating. But the article implied (at times outright said) that that’s why people were going. I actually think the quotes were poorly chosen (or the author couldn’t find people to say what they wanted) and the author completely missed the video satire.

        Of course there’s a good dating pool in grad school (just like anywhere else where a group of people with common interests come together). But I think a “trend” piece saying the MBA is the new MRS degree is insulting (and not true of the many women I know who are getting or have gotten them).

        1. Should add – IMO you cannot just “switch the pronouns” and say look, now it’s about men and it’s not offensive. It ignores the history of the way women’s ambition and education have been treated by society as a whole for generations.

          It’s like if there were an article saying black women are loud, and saying “well if you switch the races and make this article about white people, you’ll see it’s not about race at all! It’s just about *some people*!” You completely ignore the fact that privilege (either race or gender) exists by saying “you can just switch the main element and you’ll see it’s no big deal.”

    6. We had a lot of husband hunters at my law school- women who flat out said that they didn’t know what to do with their lives, but hoped that if they went to law school they would find nice husbands. A lot of people did find husbands in law school, but typically they tended not to be the blatant husband hunters.

      1. This. One of my good friends in high school went to college expressly for an MRS. She didn’t get married until she was 27–years after many of her college friends.

      2. I took a certificate at a Jr. College and there were husband hunters there too. They were a bit, uh, rougher but the idea was the same.

    7. I have mixed feelings. (1) There is undeniably a pretty good dating market in most professional and grad schools. Lots of lawyers and doctors marry each other. Wouldn’t surprise me if business is the same. (2) But that’s a really dumb reason to go to grad school, obviously. And resurrecting the old “MRS degree” is offensive on its face, just because of the era that created that cliche. (3) The video at the end of the article was pretty hilarious and, in my opinion, clearly satirical.

  18. Okay, ladies, tell me the truth — do I have to spend $100+ to get decent jeans that don’t sag after wearing them for an hour?

    I always prided myself on getting jeans for $50-60 and under at places like Gap, H&M, and Uniqlo. But lately even these places are disappointing. The jeans seem great in the fitting room, and then I wear them for an hour and I have saggy butt, thighs, calves… it looks horrible. I know I’m buying the right size because they fit exactly the way I want them to in the fitting room.

    Should I just suck it up and buy an expensive pair? Are there any cheap pairs that don’t do this?
    I’m frustrated!

    1. I was once told to buy jeans that are a leeetle too tight in the dressing room. Like, snug as if they just came out of the dryer. Then, when they relax a bit after wearing them for an hour or two, they’re just right.

      1. Second this *if* they have some spandex/lyrca in the fabric. If not they will remain too tight.

    2. MNG at JCPenney for like $30. Bam!

      I have no behind to speak of though, so maybe that’s why mine don’t sag.

      1. Oh, I haven’t tried those. Good idea.

        Nah, it’s not just the behind issue — I’m having problems with sag throughout. I guess I just want it to be snugger and sleek so I can tuck the jeans into boots or wear them with pointy-toe flats, that kind of thing. Maybe what I actually need is a (shudder) jegging…

        1. My shopper said you want to buy a jean between 1/2 and 1 whole size too small, so they sag to a good fit.

    3. Check fabric content. Stretch out and sagging is indicative of too much elastene. CapHillStyle had a post recently (within the last month?) that had a link to another blog about finding jeans that fit, which might be helpful for educational purposes.

    4. If they fit perfectly in the fitting room, the jeans are too big. Jeans stretch so should be a tad right when you first try them on. Most jeans also shrink slightly so wash th before hemming.

    5. You need to start sale-stalking! You can totally get jeans for $60-$80 (and sometimes less, though it will take more hunting) that retail $130+. Look at sample sale sites (gilt, ideeli and the like), Last Call Neiman Marcus, Off Saks, Nordstrom Rack, etc. My favorites are Earnest Sewn and Citizens of Humanity, and they have lasted me at least 4 years and aren’t sagging.

    6. I have this problem too. I find it difficult to buy one size down, because how can you tell if they look good in the fitting room if they are too small? But maybe I will try it, too. It’s a frustrating problem, and not one I remember from days of yore.

    7. white house black market has great stretch jeans that you can pick up on sale for about $60. i’ve found them to fit very nicely and not get saggy.

      1. I have WHBM “Noir” line black trouser jeans that I really like but by the end of the day they’re stretched out so much I can put both my fists in the waistband. If I’m going out, I get the top part of the jeans wet and put them in the dryer to shrink them back to size. The tag says they’re 99% cotton and only 1% spandex, but they stretch a lot more than, say, my Lands End stretch denim.

    8. Thanks, all! Good ideas here. I shall venture forth into the harsh and unflattering lighting of fitting rooms in hopes of someday finding a better fit (and if/when I do, I’ll report back).

    9. I went to Nordstrom and bought $130 jeans with the help of a salesperson, who helped me figure out the correct size and cut. I’ve since been able to replace them from Nordstrom Rack for about $60.

    10. Try Levi’s! I love their new Curve ID jeans and my skinny jeans from Levi’s are pretty stiff and didn’t stretch out at all. In fact, I think I only washed my black pair of skinnies once or twice all winter (and I wore them a lot)…

  19. These would have gone perfectly with my senior year prom dress. Not sure I could ever see them working in an office, though.

  21. About 4 months ago I totally changed up my workout routine and have turned into a crazy sweater. I know that typically people who are in better shape sweat more, so this isn’t all bad. But it is absolutely killing my hair. (!!!!!!) Ideally, I would only wash my hair every 3 days, but it’s just not feasible anymore. I have to wash my hair every single time that I work out, so it ends up being between 4-5 times a week rather than twice a week. My hair is now dry and getting brittle at the ends from all the washing. I was thinking about this yesterday and realized it corresponded more to the change in workout than the crazy hot August we’ve experienced out here, so I don’t know how much it will change once fall sets in. What do you do if you have long normally healthy hair that you need to wash every time you exercise? I’ve tried different super hydrating shampoos/conditioners, but it didn’t make much of a difference. Someone told me to do an olive oil or avocado mask-has anyone ever tried one of those?

    1. Don’t shampoo your ends (rub the shampoo into your roots) – of course the suds will go all over your hair but don’t scrub the ends on your scalp. And condition your ends and not the scalp. Also, my hair benefitted greatly from sulfate-free shampoos. The el cheapo L’oreal Everpure works fine for me.

      1. Sulfate free has changed my life! I try to only condition the ends already, but most of the sweat accumulates along my neck then seeps into my ponytail and the whole underside is wet. Like to the point that it drips on me. Top of my head is more or less fine, I must just have extra sweat glands on my neck/hairline?

          1. This times 10000! I started using Moroccan Oil on the ends of my hair after every shampoo, and it changed my life.

    2. I have an avocado hair mask made by a company called something like EarthScience (?) that I got at Whole Foods and that works pretty well. What’s even better though is Terax Crema. Or maybe you could try one of those cleansing conditioners.

    3. Could you put your hair up to avoid the ponytail touching your neck? Either a bun if you can get your hair into one (I can’t) or the “messy bun” where you put your hair up as if you’re putting it in a ponytail, and then on the second-to-last pull-through you only pull it halfway and wrap the elastic around the resulting blob. I have to do this on runs in the summer or I have the same problem with my ponytail end. It’s not the most feminine look, but it gets the job done.

    4. I work out at least once a day, and sweat profusely – like dripping off me on the spin bike into a puddle on the floor (eewww, I know) – so I have to wash my hair after every workout because it is soaked through anyway. Like the other posters, I recommend sulphate free shampoo only on the roots and conditioner on the whole head. I also find the ends get dry so I add a leave-in or a styling balm before I comb through. And special shampoo for after the pool is a must for blonde hair. That green sheen is not pretty. My hair is past shoulders, blonde, fine and usually stuck in a ponytail (read…broken strands at the point the elastic gathers the hair!).

      1. This is my hair too, down to the color and styling except mine is crazy thick. Yesterday I could have wrung it out and produced enough liquid for a small child to bathe in. Sulfate free leave in condition rec?

    5. Are you a curly girl with dry hair? I work out daily and sweat like a pig. I’ve discovered it’s best to leave my hair as down as possible during my workout (usually a low ponytail), let it get sweaty, leave it up so it doesn’t get wetter in the shower, then just take it down and let it air dry. It looks decent enough that so long as I put it up during the day, I can go 3 or so days without washing. If I absolutely have to get it wet in the shower, I just rinse it and put conditioner on, no shampoo.

  22. I must confess when I had my first office job I had a similar pair of shoes (black instead of purple) that I wore with circle skirt dresses (twirly dresses) or pencil skirt suits. Now I look back on the foibles of my early outfits and shutter.

    1. I wore shoes almost exactly like this (except in navy) to my first law job interview. With pants. And I got the job.

      I will admit that I never ever wear those shoes with skirts at work, though.

    2. Aww, that sounds like an adorable outfit for a quirky office girl in a RomCom! Did you wear your circle skirts with bright lipstick and thick nerdy glasses and your curly hair pulled into a messy bun?

      Bonus points if you wore a crinoline.

      1. Just what I was thinking! Also, amazing what will look good on a very young woman that just…won’t on an older one! (Thinking of myself, what I wore when I was 20 vs 30 e.g.)

      2. Yep , Messy bun, tortise shell cat eye glasses no crinoline though – that was for special occasions. I was more the side kick romcom girl though. The one that say go get him, he’s your destiny leave the other one.

  23. I know people joke about the dry cleaners shrinking their clothes, but can dry cleaning really shrink your clothes? I’m wearing a linen blazer today that I’ve had for years,just had it dry cleaned, and suddenly the sleeves are too short. They’ve never been too short before. And the lining is sticking out around the edge of the sleeves, like the lining is too long. Which it might be if the outer fabric shrank and the lining did not. WTH? I thought dry cleaning could not shrink fabric. Should I find a different dry cleaners?

    1. Yes, it can. I have a pair of wool suit pants that definitely shrunk up like an inch. I had to get the lining hemmed and can’t wear them with heels anymore. Someone was discussing this earlier in the week. Consensus is yes, it can happen. Not sure if it’s the dry cleaners or the fabric, though. But couldn’t hurt to try a different dry cleaners, right?

      I’ve also started handwashing anything that doesn’t say dry clean only. If it just says dry clean, it’s getting hand washed and line dried.

      1. Seems like it would have to be the dry cleaners in my case, because I’ve had this jacket dry cleaned many times without a problem, even at this same cleaners. They must have done something wrong this time.

  24. Anyone have any recommendations for dictation or voice recognition software? Most of what I have tried has been extremely slow or otherwise ineffective.

    1. Naturally speaking. You have to train it for a bit, but then it’s really good.

    3. Dragon…it’s on sale for free (with rebates) this week. Check out L I F E H A C K E R dot com…they just did a story on it yesterday and where to get the rebates.

  25. Still have power but I wonder how long it will be. I’m starting to hear some scary banging outside and the house is creaking and groaning. We haven’t gotten a lot of rain but I’ve heard that the MS Gulf Coast is getting pounded. The wind is really picking up. The giant cypress across the street and bending and waving.

    4. I went through it (though not as strong and not as close – in Miami) on Sunday, and after Isaac had passed on, Sunday night through Monday was much worse for wind and rain. Hang in there. Those of us who have been through this before always get a little rude awakening when it hits and the wind starts whipping everything around – how quickly we forget! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. Stay safe.

      1. Yeah I’ve been here for three hurricanes in the past and a few tropical storms but never by myself before. So far so good!

        1. well, now (7:25 CDT) they are reporting 30K in NO without power, hope you’re not one of them! ;o)

          1. Doh! As soon as i posted that I got an email from NOLA that she just lost power, and it will be out for the duration. I told her to be safe and hope things don’t get too bad. I’ll repost if I hear any more news from her.

  26. Well, ladies, I am now officially in thrall to the bank for a spectacularly large amount of money. I also now technically own a house.

    On to choosing paint colours!

    3. Congratulations! Have fun choosing paint colors! Going for any off-the-beaten-path colors?

      1. Oh yes. Me, I’m not afraid of colourful decorating schemes. My home office is going to be all white with one freaking bright pink wall. My BF is slightly afraid. (One of the shades I am considering is called “Flamingo”.)

        However, the existing peach-pink walls in the living room have got to go.

        1. Ewwww! i lived in a rental with an all peach living room. I ended up almost never hanging out in that room, bc just being in all that peach made me feel washed out. ;o)

          all white w/ one pink wall, tho? So Kick-A$$!
          enjoy the new place!!!

        2. I painted my bathroom all white with one pink wall and it looks awesome! Mine was called “panama rose”.

  27. omigosh, i JUST figured out how to change my imap settings to make g-mail stop scr3wing up Apple Mail, and, by extension my computer… Whee, I actually feel Productive today!!! I forgot what this feeling feels like. ;o)

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