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Coffee Break – Blue Chalcedony Natural Rock Gold Chain Necklace

I always like a statement necklace, and this natural rock necklace from Kenneth Jay Lane looks lovely. I like the adjustable chain (so you can wear it as tight or as loose as you like). Love the dirty blue — perfect to pair against a white or black blouse — but do note that the website has them in green and rose quartz as well. The necklace is $88 at Thomas Laine. Kenneth Jay Lane – Blue Chalcedony Natural rock Gold Chain Necklace (L-2)

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114 Comments

  1. Very pretty. But would something this chunky be too distracting in court? Although I can get away with a little more creativity in scheduling hearings than trials.

    1. I think it would work beautifully with a white collared blouse and a gray or navy blue suit. I haven’t seen it in-person, but I don’t think it’s any more distracting than the ubiquitous multi-strand pearl necklace that’s often seen in court.

    2. The texture of the stones in this necklace makes me think it might veer into the realm of the too distracting. If they were a more uniform color/size it would be okay.

      1. I think that if it was under your collar, from the distance that the Judge and anyone else would be, they could not really appreciate or notice the texture of the stones…. Yes, they could tell you had something “nonconventional” on — if they looked that closely, but I don’t think this would be that overt.

        However, I was thinking it would be great on weekends and a way to jazz up biz-cas. For court I usually play it a little closer to the vest — but that could be because I have the tendency to look young. (Only in court/business though… somehow the magical youth-enizing tendencies of the workplace evaporate if I set foot in a bar…).

        1. AT I posted this already on an old post but you might have missed it, but do you know you are giving out your email on your posts? Just fyi since it seems like a personal email

          1. Thanks Cora! I saw your other comment. I seem to recall that at some point you HAD to include your email in order to comment, but it wasn’t linked/posted. But perhaps I’m just confusing that with another blog’s policy? My computer just kept autofilling that info every time I went to Corporette (ah, the magic of cookies…). Thanks so much for the heads up.

  2. I love fun/funky/classy jackets like the jacket posted below and have been trying to amass a collection. I think jackets are a half-step nicer than cardigans without the formality of a full suit, which can often feel too stuffy (at least in my job.)

    Any have some good tips on shopping for them? Preferably ones that cost way less than $1k! thanks

    2. Just keep your eyes open! I was once forced to spend an hour in H&M (which I hate) while my much younger sister shopped. Even though they don’t have a petite section or really have much business wear, close to the end of the visit I spotted a really cute khaki jacket which happened to fit perfectly. It’s now one of my most versatile favorites – a matching dark top and bottom, plus this jacket in a neutral fabric but with a fun cut, seems to strike just the right note for bus casual. Another jacket I spotted on the sale rack at Nordstrom. Both jackets were about $60.

  4. I love chalcedony, and this necklace is beautiful.

    Any Canadian corporettes watching the election coverage tonight? I don’t know anyone holding an election party, unfortunately.

    1. Will be glued to my computer (no TV). No one I’m friends with here seems to be throwing an election party…sometimes I miss being a poli sci undergrad just for the mass excitement that happened around elections. It is going to be a wild, wild ride, I think.

        1. …Although while I agree with you about the Blue Menace, to be honest the idea of a possible PM Layton is a bit scary…do you think the NDP is ready for that?

          1. Not sure. Not even sure they’re ready to be the opposition. Harper’s a nut who needs to be put in his place so I’ll take the chance.

            My (Liberal) MP is Da Bomb! So I voted for her.

          2. While I’m not sure he’s ready, I don’t really think he will be any worse than the others, and I feel like it’s about time we had something different.

    2. I’ll be watching, but not all evening….I can only take so much election coverage. But I have voted already!

      1. I’ll be watching it late tonight on CSPAN 2, which should be streaming the CBC coverage in the US, as long as the bin Laden coverage isn’t superseding it.

      1. I’m pretty surprised by this outcome, I was betting Conservative minority and NDP opposition, so I guess I was partially right.

        I’m glad the SCC has already dealt with abortions and same-sex marriage, and that we have the Charter to hopefully save us from any crazy social conservatism.

        Poor Ignatieff, he’s so getting the boot. I wonder he’ll be replaced by…

    4. I am sad this morning.

      Though I have to say, Elizabeth May’s elation during her victory speech put a smile on my face, though I don’t think I could see myself voting Green.

  5. what kind of earrings would you wear with this necklace? I tend to only buy necklaces with they come in a set with earrings (boring I know) because I am not great at the mixing and matching, and I feel nekkid without earrings.

    1. I personally would wear small silver or gold hoops (or some more squarish shape) — metal depending on what you have and the rest of what you’re wearing. I usually wear silver ball posts as my default, but I think with this bold of a necklace they would be too much. But a small hoop, etc. would give you something to put in the ear, but not detract from or clash with the necklace.

    2. I wouldn’t wear any earrings with a chunky choker length necklace. I might wear simple pearl studs if the necklace fell a little lower on the neckline.

  6. Any advice/sites on inexpensive jewelry for work? I’m trying out wearing necklaces but don’t want to spend a lot because I’m just slowly figuring out what works for me and what doesn’t. I would try this … but even $88 is a bit much for me right now, especially on something I’m not sure I’ll wear much.

    One success: I got a lovely long necklace from Ann Taylor on clearance for about $14.

    1. I get necklaces from Forever 21 – no joke. They are about $3-$8. I don’t spend lots of money on jewelry – like to save my cash for clothes! :)

        1. Whole heartedly third Forever 21.

          I have one necklace from there, purchased off hand for a Barrister’s Ball, that I got for maybe 5 bucks. It’s beautiful and simple and I get tons of compliments on it.

          That said, I also have hot purple 3″ hoops from there. Those don’t go to work with me ;)

      2. I bought necklaces and headbands from forever 21 too.
        I realized they have some interesting costume jewelry (I like the ones with feathers).
        A funny thing happened to me when I was in LA: Last month was the first time I shopped at forever 21 and I went raving about a store called XXI forever (read: EX- EX- EYE forever).. little did I know it was forever 21.. everyone could tell I am a foreigner.

        1. houda, that is so hilariously cute. It sounds like you had a great time! How is your eye doing?

    3. If there’s one near y0u, Ten Thousand Villages always has really cute, inexpensive, fair trade jewelry. I’d also check out your local Saturday market/flea market as there are often crafters selling jewelry there–I’ve bought sea glass and stained glass earrings and necklaces from sources like that.

      Also, I know I’ve recommended it multiple times, but I adore the variety of jewelry on Novica. Much of it is not cheap (after all, it’s meant to be providing a living wage to artisans), but there are some reasonable deals to be had. This turquoise beaded necklace is about $35 and could be a really cool statement piece.
      http://jewelry.novica.com/necklaces/under-$50/beaded-necklace-gush/171749/

    4. Target – especially the clearance. Often colorful, usually mirroring latest trends, usually under $15.

      Otherwise, I love love love Etsy- but you have to know what you’re looking for, or it’s like drinking from a firehose.

      1. You are totally right. I’ve never been able to find anything on Etsy for this very reason. What are your favorite sellers? I’d really like to support the Etsy sellers, but I’d like to have a more directed search when I go on there.

        1. I agree, finding anything on etsy is difficult, unless you have something very specific in mind. Here are a few sellers with really lovely jewelry:

          http://www.etsy.com/shop/archaicdesign
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/fussjewelry
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/JenniferCasady
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/jadecicada
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/JenniferLynnJewelry
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/friedasophie
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/JAVA723
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/meadowsjewelry
          http://www.etsy.com/shop/Vivant

          I’d love to hear other suggestions!

          1. great suggestions, thank you! I love the description of drinking from a firehose :)

          2. I like Darleen Meier Jewelry. darleenmeier dot com. Not everything is work-appropriate, but she has some unique designs and fun colors.

          3. I try not to shill here, but since we’re on the topic, I’d love to hear what ‘ettes think about my Etsy shop:

            gewgaws.etsy.com

        2. My comment is stuck in moderation.

          Here are some sellers on etsy with beautiful jewelry:
          arcahicdesign
          fussjewelry
          jennifercassidy
          jadecicada
          jenniferlynnjewlery
          friedasophie
          JAVA723
          vivant
          meadowsjewelry

      2. Drinking from a firehose – perfect metaphor EC. I am totally overwhelmed by Etsy.

    6. If you have a Francesca’s, I love those. Also have bought necklaces at Forever 21, Target, and Anthropologie (from the jewelry sale section).

    7. I really like this Etsy seller:

      http://www.etsy.com/shop/gosia

      Otherwise, I usually buy my jewelry on overseas trips. If you travel at all, take some time for jewelry shopping. In Africa, Asia, and Latin America you can usually get nice jewelry for much less than in the US or Europe.

    8. I’ve had fantastic luck at Kohls. But this is for stuff that is def semi precious or costume, not fine jewelry. I like Kohls bc I can spend under $10 on something trendy and not feel bad if I don’t wear it in a year or two.

    9. My Kohl’s has a huge selection- racks and racks of cute necklaces. I got a few there recently for under $10. Sometimes they have cute ones for under $5.

    10. There’s a small costume jewelry chain of stores called So Good Jewelery. Super deals, and really fun to browse. I bought quite a few long necklaces there when I was just getting into the style. I also bought some Indian bangles that I still wear regularly on weekends. Everything is pretty cheap.

      1. So Good Jewelry! I’m so glad you mentioned that! I bought a necklace at a So Good store in Miami years ago, and get compliments on it all the time, and had forgotten the name of the store until you just mentioned it.

        Do you know if they have a website, or where you can order online? I remember when I bought my other necklace that there were tons of others, and I had a hard time picking which I wanted.

  7. PSA: I’ve been on the hunt for the perfect black pump for over a year and think I finally found one in my price range. It’s the Corso Como Declicious pump, with a 3 1/4 heel, in black leather. It’s so hard to find a good, basic black pump, but this might do the trick. I bought mine at Nordstrom yesterday, but I found it on zappos for less than $100! It’s got lots of padding on the inside, and has been very comfortable so far today. They seem to run TTS, and if it matters, they have a rhinestone embedded in the sole, which I thought was cute!

    Link: http://www.zappos.com/corso-como-delicious-black-silk-calf

    2. Nordstrom will price match – call them and tell them you found it cheaper on Zappos.

      1. I own those in three colors! My absolute favorite work pump (and even more comfortable than my Cole Haan Airs!)

  8. I like to wear some things like this so that I stand out a little from the others, even though I do not go into court.

    My firm encourages business casual, and this fits in perfectly.

    I have an unrelated question. How do we know that we REALLY got Osama Ben Laden if they already buried him at sea?

    Won’t there be questions forever about this?

    1. I had the same question! Also, I am a little upset in the way Obama handled the press conference…had a made the announcement, I would have worn a flight suit to the press conference in solidarity with my predecessor…and to commemorate the fact that we captured OBL on the anniversary of his “Mission Accomplished” speech! ;)

    2. This sounds slightly trolly to me, but —

      a) there is DNA evidence that sounds like it will be made available
      b) there is photographic evidence that could be made available if enough people like you express doubt

      What I want to know is that even if he’d had a more standard burial, what good would that have done in your mind? Would you have gone to take a look yourself?

      I personally believe the explanation offered for the “burial” at sea – no country we asked was willing to accept and bury the remains lest the site become some sort of terrorist shrine. This allowed the body to be buried within 24 hours (as called for by the Muslim faith).

      2. This is the same reason Israel cremated Adolf Eichmann and distributed his ashes in international waters. Of course, they managed to capture him alive and try him in front of the whole, wide world to conviction first — pretty impressive for a country that was only 13 years old at the time.

    3. There are still questions about whether men landed on the moon. Or whether the earth is round. Of course there will be questions among those prone to conspiracy theories.

    4. I’ve been thinking the same thing, though I’ve decided to just take it in faith that we got him. However, I find it perplexing that our President’s birth certificate was examined more closely by our media than the details of Osama’s death.

      1. I wouldn’t be perplexed. It’s less than 24 hours since the news broke. The media is already touching on this angle and I’m sure will continue to press for more information in coming days/weeks, particularly if it becomes some sort of political issue or Trump comes out questioning it.

        The birth certificate nonsense has had time to fester.

    5. Hi Ellen! I hear that Donald Trump demanded to see Bin Laden’s death certificate. The long form, of course. So this should all be cleared up soon.

  9. My guess if they didn’t, a tape will be on Al Jazeera within hours….

    Given the number of revenge threats popping up, I think they got him….

  10. Threadjack…

    I’m a regular poster but anonymous for this question.

    I am having a bit of career anxiety. I am a corporate and securities lawyer who has been practicing for 8 years. A few years ago, I left Great Firm in Big City (deliberately, my choice) to challenge myself and practice in a huge BigLaw firm in a big overseas financial center. I knew that I would only be there temporarily because while practicing in Overseas Firm was great for my career, I knew it would be very stressful and not a great long-term life choice.

    Last year I decided to return home, but because of the economy, Great Firm could not offer me my old position at that point. I decided to accept a position with Small Firm in my Home City (which is quite near Big City but not really commutable). I hadn’t lived in Home City for a long time and wanted to be near my family again.

    I like the people in Small Firm, and I like living in Home City. I also really like the shorter hours that working in Small Firm involves – I have been taking up old hobbies again, have been gardening and working on my new house, etc. However, most of my friends are in Big City so I spend a lot of weekends travelling there. As well, the transactional work that I really enjoy is not readily available in Home City and two important things have happened since I’ve moved to Home City: (a) I’ve come to realize that at heart, I am really a transactional lawyer and do not find the general corporate work that I’ve been doing for the past year to be very satisfying (I’ve had a few decent transactions, but there just aren’t very many of them in Home City), and (b) I have met a great guy who lives in Big City and things are going very well with him. My boyfriend and I are not quite at the point where we are ready to live together, but I know it is coming soon – it is a very stable relationship with good long-term potential.

    I am starting to worry a bit about what to do. The obvious thing to do is move back to Big City and see whether Great Firm is ready to re-hire. But that would mean giving up living in Home City, which truly is fantastic, giving up my fabulous hours, and disappointing the people at Small Firm, whom I genuinely like and who have been investing a lot in getting me established in Home City. I also believe they are going to offer me partnership within the next couple of months (which, for the record, is not all that important to me but would be a nice bonus).

    My boyfriend could move to Home City when the time comes, but to be honest it doesn’t make a lot of sense given how much time I spend in Big City for various reasons, and given my concerns about the work that is available in Home City.

    Sorry for the long post but I would appreciate your thoughts. Maybe I should just go for the obvious solution but I welcome other ideas. Thanks in advance.

    1. If and when you decide to get married, everyone at Small Firm will understand your decision to move. If your relationship doesn’t get to that point, only you can decide which kind of practice you want. It certainly doesn’t hurt to be in touch with Great Firm just to explore your options.

    2. My advice is to put your feelers out and start looking for a job in Big City, but don’t move until you have one.

      You love Home City, but you don’t love the work available there. During the work week, you spend at least 1/2 of your waking hours at the office, right? And Home City is close to Big City, so you can visit Home City every weekend if you want to? So you should pursue work in Big City, because it will keep you happy for that 1/2 of your waking hours that you’re at work. Plus, being close to Boyfriend will probably keep you happy for the other 1/2 of your waking hours, too.

      You say you are worried about disappointing your colleagues in Home City. I’m sure they’ll be disappointed, but at the end of the day, your job is a job, not a life commitment. It’s business, and they’ll understand. If they like you as much as you like them, then they want you to be happy. And surely you will send business their way should your new clients or other acquaintances need counsel in Home City.

      Hope this helps.

    3. Thank you to both of you, ladies. Even though you are both confirming what I suspected myself, it does help to hear it from independent third parties. But it doesn’t make it any easier….I thought I had finished with moving around! Sigh.

  11. Threadjack –

    Does anyone have any advice about helping your significant other get through a difficult or challenging time?

    I am graduating from law school this Saturday (yay!) and I couldn’t have scripted my life better. I am graduating at the top of my class from a top ten law school and have a great job lined up at mid-sized midwestern firm in my preferred practice area with all the perks (including a very nice signing bonus). My whole family is coming to celebrate this weekend and I just couldn’t be more excited!

    My long-time, live-in boyfriend, however, is on the complete opposite side of the spectrum. He graduated from a lower ranked law school last May (seriously, a year ago!) and has been unable to find a job. Two weeks ago he finally interviewed for a great job and thought it went well. Today he got the rejection letter in the mail. He spends every day calling firms, sending resumes, and looking for opportunities online. He is such a great guy – very motivated, smart, positive. The problem is he is getting really beat down by this entire process. I think that last job rejection was really hard to take. He was so excited about it and basically acted like a different person when he was talking about it.

    This is getting so hard for me. All I want to do is help him, but of course, he doesn’t want to be overshadowed all the time by me. I’m especially concerned that this weekend will be just a little weird given his situation. His family will also be here and they are really hard on him about everything. I asked him about it, and he, of course, said he was proud of me and wanted to celebrate…but, I still feel bad.

    I also have some very selfish feelings about our situation. He, obviously, is contributing nothing financially and I am about to be making a six figure salary. We also were going to get married and buy a house, but that is all on hold because he has no money. I want to start my life and plan for things, but he just can’t get on board because he says he needs to have money to contribute before we can start doing those things. I know that he is right and that he is doing everything he can to get a job and start his career, but I just hate being in this position and I feel guilty for having these feelings that he is holding me back.

    I know this situation is temporary, but after a year, it’s really starting to weigh on me. Please help!

    1. I’ve been in your position, and I’ve also been in his position–as the same person, in the same relationship. One year I was comforting him as he faced knock after knock, and paying more than my share of our expenses, and the next year we switched places in almost every way. It’s so important always to remember that career fortunes rise and fall throughout an adult life. What I value is the person who is proud of me–100% genuinely–when I’m up, and also when I’m down. This is how I feel about him as well, and he deserves no less, regardless of how the world treats him.

      I think if you really want to be with this guy, then delaying marriage (or just doing it more cheaply, I’d suggest), and ditto on the house, should feel like the right thing to do. If it doesn’t, then maybe the relationship isn’t holding up to the challenge of disparate career situations. I’ve seen both outcomes, and no judging on either.

    2. Question for you: do you agree with him that he needs to have a job and have some financial stability before you can get married, or would you be ok with going ahead and making that commitment knowing that you would likely be supporting both of you for the beginning of your marriage?

      I wouldn’t judge you either way, I’m just curious (and have a kind of similar situation).

      1. Original poster here….

        @ Monday: Thanks for the advice. I completely agree. I always try to think of what I would want if the shoe was on the other foot (which I’m sure it will be someday). Sometimes I guess you just need to vent!

        @ anon for this: I agree with him. Honestly, we’re fine not being married and renting our current place. I would rather wait and have the wedding and home that I want, and so would he. A lot of my concerns about moving forward are other things, such as financial planning, healthcare, savings goals, etc. For example, I am anxious to start thinking about these things because I have to make some decisions about the benefits packages at my firm and I want to make sure we are thinking about these things (exciting stuff, I know). He doesn’t see the point in talking about it because we have no money now. Also, I think he thinks/hopes he will be getting a job any day now, so we can discuss it then. Really, I think he just feel insecure because it is really my money that we are talking about and wants to avoid thinking about that fact.

        A whole other topic is how hard it is trying to convert your thinking about “his” money and “my” money to “our” money… it is my impression that a lot of couples have this issue when they move-in together or get married.

        1. What you’re experiencing is perfectly normal for a lot of young couples who are in unequal circumstances, which believe me, happens all.the.time. As a longer-married older person I have some perspective on this, but I am not living your life, so take it with a grain of salt.

          As Monday says, fortunes rise and fall throughout the course of a relationship. That’s why there’s that whole thing about “for better or for worse” in wedding vows. Right now, you’re up and he’s down. There’s no guarantee – absolutely none, and please do not convince yourself otherwise – that it will stay this way forever or that someday the situation won’t be reversed. You might get married, have kids and want to stay home. You might want to take a sabbatical and do a mission trip to India. You might get burned out in law and want to change careers. You might get laid off and not be able to find another job for awhile. Marriage should not be about tit-for-tat, but if your boyfriend is a sensitive, equitable guy he will be there for you if fortunes reverse and you end up needing his support.

          I understand the feeling of “I have all these things I want to do” but it’s okay to SLOW DOWN. You are young, you have lots of time. Yes, saving is important. But you can approach it as what do YOU want to do with YOUR money right now, and then when he has money, reformulate the plan to include him. With things like savings, there is no point in waiting for the other person to catch up – go ahead and save what you can, and then when he gets a job, figure out where to go from there. Nothing you do now is going to be set in stone forever. In fact, I would caution against buying a house right away or making a lot of decisions that are going to tie you to one place, because either your career or his career could take off and you may need to look at moving in a few years. Plus the housing market is still really unstable. Nothing wrong with renting an apartment and saving up a down payment bit by bit.

          This discussion has happened a few times on this blog, but if you really love this guy, think he is good husband material, and want to make it work, you can find a way to make it work. Be cautious about breaking up with a good person because he doesn’t fit in with your particular life plan at this moment. You may get down the road and realize he was “the guy” and now you’re ready to make a life with him, but then find out he’s no longer available. I was so much like you – I graduated from school and wanted the adult life NOW NOW NOW, but it’s OK to take a step back and figure out, this is what we can do NOW and this is what we can do LATER. As long as you’re on the same page about what you both want later, you can work the “now” stuff out. That’s one of the wonderful things about being young – flexibility. :) Good luck to you, and congrats on all your great accomplishments! Be proud of yourself and most importantly, allow other people to be proud of you. Don’t put him in an awkward position of feeling like he’s being pitied, or you’re trying to deflect attention from yourself this weekend – it will just make him feel worse. Again, congrats, and good luck.

    3. You’re living my life, except the other way around (well, almost, b/c my bf’s firm job is still deferred)–I’m in the same place as your boyfriend. It’s rough out there for 2010 grads, even still. I know it sucks (really, truly sucks) and I can promise you your boyfriend finds it just as frustrating as you do. I keep telling myself that I’m young (and if you’re just graduating from school, odds are you probably are, too. I’m going to consider anything under 35 still plenty young for life purposes) and while it sucks having to basically hit the pause button on my life plans, in the grand scheme of life, it is only a year or two (hopefully), and when I’m 50, this will just be a blip and won’t seem nearly so bad.

      I wouldn’t worry about the weekend being bad–I’m sure he really does want to support you and celebrate your success. As for house/marriage, do you really need both right away? Maybe you get married and rent for a few years instead?

    4. I was in your EXACT situation a couple years ago – graduated with a great job in Biglaw with minimal debt, and my boyfriend (who attended the same law school, a year above me) had been unemployed for over a year with six figure loans hanging over his head. He was really depressed and to be honest, the whole stressful experience changed him into an unhappy, miserable, pessimistic, borderline-verbally-abusive person. It ultimately led to the demise of our relationship. (Not that this is going to happen to you!!) I would encourage you to do a few things:
      1. If he begins to get depressed or seriously unhappy/frustrated, encourage him to talk to someone! Unemployment is really tough on a man (or woman) psychologically.
      2. Hold off on your long-term plans, but more importantly, consider the serious possibility that he may never achieve the long-term career/financial success that you may achieve. This may not be the case, but when he gets a job, it probably won’t be with a firm of your firm’s caliber, and that could mean a lifetime where you are constantly outearning. My ex ultimately found a job with a med mal firm where he earned roughly 100K less than me. This ISN’T a problem, unless you see it as a problem, or he sees it as a problem. My ex definitely had ego issues with this, and couldn’t take the fact that I was always going to “outdo” him in this area.
      3. Don’t feel guilty about your completely natural feelings of frustration. Make sure you have someone to talk to about these feelings – it’s tough on both sides of a couple when someone is struggling with unemployment!
      4. Stay positive. This too shall pass. And congratulations! :)

    5. Hi Anon – I am you in another year. I was c/o 2008, my SO was c/o 2009. I am in biglaw and successful, and my SO is still looking for a job, 2 years later. It is very, very hard. Yes, our lives are on hold because we can’t and shouldn’t get married/buy a house while he is unemployed. It is a terrible strain on our relationship, and has destroyed our sex life – I don’t seem to be “interested” in that way, and we suspect that his long term unemployment and my stress from being the sole breadwinner is the culprit.

      BUT – we’re getting through it, and through ups and downs we are closer than ever. I know we will have a long, happy marriage because I know from this experience we can get through anything. Friends and family will tell you to leave, that you can do better. Only you know in your heart what is right for you, so get used to brushing these negative comments off once you’ve decided you want to stay with him.

      Things I have learned to help manage/deal with the situation:
      1) get him into some contest/training he can work towards that isn’t about finding a job. Team in Training is a great option – it gives him structure and a chance for success while he is getting rejected over and over by firms. His unemployment is a great time to work out at the gym a couple hours a day to vent his frustration, and to be part of something bigger than himself, even if it’s not a firm right now. Help him find another way to get a sense of accomplishment.

      2) many firms have domestic partnership health benefits. If yours does, register. Yes, his benefits are paid from your after-tax income (thanks ever so much, Congress. Grr), but it will be much better coverage than he can get on his own.

      3) I got him a credit card linked to mine that’s in his name. That way he can buy the groceries, pick up the dry cleaning, handle my smog check, whatever household expenses or things for me without having to officially ask me for money. We found that him actually asking me for money was very upsetting for both of us, so this credit card is a good way around it. Set up boundaries though – for us, when my SO is out with friends or doing something else for him (not for me or for us), he needs to pay for it.

      Sub-point to that – your SO should be handling all the domestic duties. This is a difficult conversation because it’s not something men are used to doing, and often think they shouldn’t be a house-husband. But when you are working biglaw hours and he is not, he should be making dinner several times a week. And doing the dishes. And doing the basic house cleaning (we still do a full house clean together). And doing all the errands, from groceries to dry cleaning. He needs to contribute to the household. You contribute money, he contributes time. I’m not saying this is easy.

      4) Take care of yourself. Therapy. Gym. Yoga. Something. I have found it very upsetting and stressful, and incredibly disappointing, to not have an economic partner right now. You have to be very proactive in managing your stress level, especially since you probably can’t talk to your friends/family as much about it (because that usually leads to “why are you still with him?!”). You may feel very isolated at times.

      5) Try to keep lines of communication open and provide supportive reality checks. I struggle a lot with this – I don’t want to talk so much about what he’s doing to find work because I just want him to frigging get a job. It’s easier for me to ignore the problem if we don’t talk about it. Obviously this is a bad idea. My SO’s ego is too bruised to volunteer information, or even respond to a generic “how was your day?” – we had another blowout over the weekend and I discovered he was still focusing his job application energy in an area of law that is known to be JUST. NOT. HIRING. I kinda wanted to kill him. But it turns out part of the reason he was feeling so badly is he kept thinking that if he just got better grades or had a more perfect cover letter, he could get a job in this area. I think only I could provide the perspective of IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. This industry isn’t hiring anyone right now, regardless of credentials. I wish I had asked him more specific questions months ago.

      6) Watch for signs of depression. At about month 12 of unemployment, my SO started getting really depressed. I didn’t notice it right away because I was working so much and bringing home the bacon. Eventually I did notice and forced him to get help.

      7) Try to watch your talk about marriage/rings. I was talking a lot about weddings after watching the Royal Wedding last Friday, and it totally stressed out my SO. He really wants us to be able to move forward to, and he knows we can’t until he gets his career going. My talk about the pretty pretty dress and ring did not help.

      8) Try to keep your expenses down. Enjoy your biglaw salary to a degree, but don’t blow it out. The more you spend on extravagance, the more the SO feels like he’s not contributing his share. We go out to a nice dinner a couple times a month, but otherwise try to keep it low key. Especially with my SO making dinner every night, it’s easier to do.

      9) Subscribe to intellectually stimulating material, like the Financial Times or whatever. Your SO has a big brain and it is starved for food by not working. Feed it as much as you can. Encourage him to RSS to various legal blogs, and to consider writing an article. Keep those mental skills sharp.

      I may think of more later today. Hang in there. It’s not easy at all, but like I said, I know our marriage will be strong and happy. If you can survive this, you can survive anything.

    6. I say if you love him, marry him and see what happens. Don’t let your job (or his lack of one) get in the way of love. You may be in a situation where he has a job, but yours does not pan out; I am sure if he loves you he would not dessert you. So I think you should get married and take it from there. Simple advice. You can always get a job. You cannot always have a BF that is marriage material. I know because I loved a real loser and got dumped, but I still believe in love.

    7. My husband is an undergraduate student, with not much in the way of long term earnings potential. My career, however, is taking off in a good way.

      However, I am ok with the idea of my husband being a stay at home dad. In fact, during my 6 months intensive job search, he did almost all the house work.

      I too have given my husband a credit card linked to my account, as another poster mentioned. He uses this for any of our joint expenses – which is everything except video games & electronics, which he buys himself.

      He makes me feel complete, secure and very happy. I am so grateful to have his unconditional love & support that I really don’t care about his income contribution.

      That said, if at any point our situation necessitates that he get any job, even a minimum wage job, he will do it.

      Ultimately, it is your decision – all the best!

  12. Loyal reader, in tech not law, but I had to go to the courthouse to request disclosure for a traffic ticket (I actually wasn’t speeding, I swear!).

    When I retire, I plan to sit in the courthouse every day and watch what defendants wear to court. O.M.G. Some of those outfits belong inside a bar or on a day-shift stripper.

    FYI, these folks were going to family court.

    1. Not Really a Lawyer – ha! I typically practice in our “superior court” so I love going to other courts to see the sights! In my travels I have found that amily court is fun…district court is even more fun…and small claims court is a whole other level!

    3. Seeing a judge call out a DWI defendant for wearing a beer logo shirt to court was a wonderful moment in my life.

    4. I’m not a lawyer, but my office window looks out onto the court house. The funniest thing is when people park in front of the fire hydrant outside our office and then go into court.

  13. Oh ladies… I cried a little today in a supervisor’s office. Work has been so stressful, and he happened to say something (totally innocuous and actually meant as a confidence booster) that happened to just jump up and smack me right in the middle of a huge insecurity (think Imposter Syndrome). I immediately teared up. And then I got flustered, he got flustered, I kept apologizing and reassuring him that I was ok. Oh man. Rough start to a week.

    2. I did the same thing last week – it will be fine. Embarassing as it gets, but these things blow over

    3. I hope he let you sit in there with the door closed for a while. Sometimes that’s just what you need.

      Hugs to you. You’re only human.

  14. Threadjack — (I hope its not too late in the day to get responses)

    I am seriously considering breast reduction surgery and would like to hear experiences, including: 1) insurance coverage; 2) costs if not covered; 3) recovery time; and 4) satisfaction with outcome.

    1. If you have a doctor’s note that the reduction is required for your health (ie. document back problems, etc.), then the insurance will cover it. It removes it from the realm of “cosmetic” and makes it medically necessary.

      1. @dm58: does the doctor’s note/medically necessary reasoning still hold if the policy specifically excludes breast reduction (mine reads something like no breast surgery unless it’s necessitated by cancer — ie, reconstruction).

        I would very much like to read other Corporettes’ experiences in this area.

        2. I would double check that- they usually exclude breast augmentation unless necessitated by cancer, but most policies, in my experience, cover reductions if the breasts are causing back pain, etc.

        3. My understanding from my own insurance is that, if it covers medically necessary surgery, it HAS to cover the breast reduction. I don’t think they can deny the surgery if they cover other surgeries that are deemed medically necessary. I would think that is an actionable denial.

          I am sure it is different with every insurance, but that is my general understanding. My insurance tried to deny it, but I provided documentation from my doctor and they essentially had no choice.

    2. I have 2 friends who have done this. I don’t know the particulars of their experience, but thought I would share the following: neither one looked particularly different afterward (though both were said they felt better). I mention this in terms of worries about what to tell people (if that’s a concern) — almost no one will notice. They’re both very happy.

      1. I had reduction surgery a few years ago (not in the USA so I can’t speak to insurance issues). Afterward, a lot of people did notice that I looked different, but they generally couldn’t figure out why – several noticed that I stood up straighter and just looked like I had more confidence, but they didn’t specifically notice that my chest looked different!

        It’s definitely one of the best things I ever did for myself. I do have some fairly extensive scarring, but I’m not self-conscious about it, and nobody’s ever said that they minded. :-)

      2. A friend of mine had breast reduction surgery in college. It was such a positive experience for her. Afterward she definitely looked different–but it looked like she’d lost 50 pounds, not that she’d had work done on her breasts. She felt more confident and wore better-fitting clothes, and she carried herself with more authority. And she could stand up straight without pain.
        Good luck with your insurance company.

        1. This is what I meant — not that there was no difference, but that it was not the case of pinpoint-able difference.

        2. I had a friend with a similar experience — had the surgery just before college and had a very positive experience. I didn’t notice a major change in how she looked, but she was very happy with the outcome.

    3. I had a reduction surgery. It was a wonderful, wonderful experience and I would recommend it wholeheartedly. It was covered in part by my insurance, but to be considered medical rather than cosmetic, I had to have a certain “weight” removed. For me, I went from a large DD to a small C, which was sufficient weight. I said something to my doctor about back pain, and he didn’t question it all, just wrote it up. In truth, the pain wasn’t so bad, it was more about self-esteem for me.

      I had it done while on break from school. It was outpatient. I was sore for a couple weeks, but able to go back to school and carry my backpack and such with no problems. My breasts did *not* look pretty for a long time — that was perhaps the hardest part. (And this despite the fact that a couple of my OBGYNs have commented that I got a very good outcome, so it’s not like my surgeon screwed up.)

      I don’t think anyone could tell. I got lots of compliments on my weight loss and how great I looked, but as far as I know, no one knew what really happened. I wear loose clothes for a few weeks before and a few weeks afterward to sort of camouflage things. I have absolutely no regrets. And neither do any of the other women I know who have admitted to having the surgery.

      1. Thanks for all the replies. I am currently a large DD, but am a fairly small person. I would like to go to a small C/B. I definitely think my breast make me look bigger and they make me feel self concious, because they are the first thing that people notice.

  16. Any tips for spotting “fake” job postings?
    Situations in which they’re just collecting resumes for whatever reason?

    1. If the required/recommended experience is extremely specific, it probably means the employer has picked someone already, but is required to post the position externally. The announcement is written to fit that pre-selected person’s qualifications perfectly, so no one else will be able to qualify.

    2. No tips, but I sympathize. I’m sick of sending out carefully tailored application materials and getting a response that requires me to do some scam credit check or agree to accept money orders from other clients for payment, etc.

      I’ve noticed that most of these ads are the least detailed ads, but there have also been some ads with very few details that are legitimate. I’m continuing to apply to all of them for now.

    3. I feel your pain! Sometimes they even go to the extent of phone screening potential employees and yet I still see the same ad for months if not years. I have even seen different companies post the same ad! One such ad originally was from a telecom company and called for telecom experience. Copy cat company copied it verbatim including requirement of telecom experience – when their business has absolutely nothing to do with telecom. Then I saw the same ad from a third company! Needless to say – I did not send my resume to any of those companies.

      Sadly, even reputable companies do this.

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