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Kady
Can’t afford, but I love! Is it really dark aubergine though? Looks really brown to me.
Elle 2
I have a small wallet-pocketbook type thing from CH in this color (Crosby Snake Print Clara Wallet). It is definitely purple but muted – at first glance and under certain lighting it can even look black or brown. It’s not going to be a “pop” of color, but it definitely does add some interest.
COS
also unsure about purple. but would love in just about any other color.
L
I have a very similar one (the village I?) that I just got at the cole haan outlet for $150. It is gorgeous! A bit big and heavy but can fit lots of stuff. :)
Mac
Love the style and the color!
TT
Threadjack – Advice needed – TIA
Hi Ladies
While out on maternity leave, one of my colleagues was asked to sit in for me on the initial meeting for an industry/academic consortium. This consortium focuses on collaborative work that directly intersects with my area of expertise and interests.
This colleague never followed up with a summary of the meeting so I thought that it might have amounted to nothing. Today I received an email thread that shows that he has been actively participating: It turns out he has been following up with the connections from the meeting and has established himself as the working member who will participate in future meetings. I am completely off all the lists and have not received any communications that have since occurred.
I don’t think that he was trying to be “nice” to allow me to focus on my maternity leave. We have some history where he has left me out of meetings and announcements. He has always played it up to “I just forgot…” I did bring this behavior to the attention of our superiors. But their response was a mere “don’t do that again…”
I am pretty upset. Am I over-reacting? I want to send a WTF email that I would most definitely regret immediately after hitting send. Suggestions for what do next are appreciated.
surrounded by lawyers
First off, I’d be very angry as well in this situation.
I think history is on your side, though. You mentioned this issue to your supervisors already, and they asked him not to do this again. It is now demonstrable that he has done it again. Two points in your favor: this means he disregarded their instructions, and also makes clear that you weren’t making a stink for no reason (neither that time nor this time around).
Definitely wise not to send the WTF email on impulse. In fact, if you plan carefully and breathe deeply, would it make more sense to talk to him in person? Even if he’s a total ______, in my experience, this makes it more difficult to totally dismiss what you’re saying. If that doesn’t get the result you need (which, admittedly, it probably won’t), then you go back to the supervisors, and you’re able to tell them “yes, I did try talking to him about this again.” Good luck.
Preggo Angie
You could also write a memo/email to him (and CC your superiors) in which you thank him for his assistance with this org, and look forward to being briefed by him as you take over responsibility for this org in the future – making it clear YOU ARE TAKING CONTROL OF IT. Even if he never briefs you, it puts you back in the driver’s seat.
Of course, when I went out on leave, people were more than happy to give me back my responsibilities! We’ll see how this next leave goes.
Samantha
Ooh I love this suggestion! Very calm, yet takes control.
unpopular?
I expect this to be a very unpopular response, but from the cover-er side of things, I think more needs to be understood about the context. I have covered for colleagues that were on maternity leave when cases came in, and two or three months after I have been working the case, the individual comes back. Most times, its not a big deal, i have kept the case, or i have known from the outset the person wanted it back when they came back (we alre always in some communication!) so back it goes. But there was one time where it was a particularly intersting case and the person wanted it back and I wanted to keep it. Ultimately, client wanted to keep me since i was up to speed and doing fine.
The point is, I had spent a few months working on the case and there had never been any indication she would want it upon return. It got interesting later on and that is what caused the issue. I thought it was really unfair that after all that work I had done, the person wanted to take it away. If I had known I was just keeping it warm for her, that would have been a different story, but the expectations were not made clear up front, which caused the issue. (frankly, i think she didn’t think twice until it got interesting!) Because the client made the call, it hasn’t been an issue for us.
I understand that this person had done this sort of thing before, but had there been discussion beforehand? What about the involvement of the rest of the group? Did they think he was going to be on it for the long term or just till you came back? Has he invested a lot of work in it? I don’t think it is unreasonable to assume he would retain ownership of the project that he was investing his time and efforts in unless it was discussed up front.
surrounded by lawyers
I don’t discount this, it just sounded to me like the colleague had made a point of going behind her back. He didn’t say anything about the meeting, he didn’t copy her on any emails, and it sounds like he pretty deliberately made it appear to the organization that he was taking over for her permanently. It did not seem well-intentioned as I read it, but maybe I got the wrong impression.
unpopular?
fair enough- i can see the issue in that.
TT
More details:
The email that requested his participation stated we were looking for someone to “cover the initial meeting” as I am on leave. As I planned my return I had already emailed asking if anything interesting came about from the meeting but got radio silence.
The issue is participation in a joint industry-academia consortium to do joint research (we are engineers). There is room for more than one person to participate and work within various aspects (e.g., subgroups that focus on security issues versus performance issues).
So it’s not too late for me to participate now, but I have already missed out on a lot of the planning portions. And if I had continued to be unaware I would have missed out completely.
Preggo Angie
This discussion is reminding me to be crystal clear as I prepare my “leave” memo for my colleague who’s taking over for me. It helps that I took over for her when she was out on maternity leave. Last day is next Friday!!!!!!!
7
Umm, hate to break it to you, but with so many women who go on maternity leave and either (1) never return, (2) return flex time, or (3) take VERY extended maternity leaves, I would probably think he was justified in assuming he was the point person. (and this coming from a woman, not a man).
K
Sorry, unjustified rant coming…
This attitude drives me crazy and is so unfair to the women who come back as scheduled and are prepared to take back their previous duties. One of the mid-level women I work with is out on her third maternity leave and every time people have insinuated she won’t come back because “a lot of people haven’t in the past.” She’s on our managing board, has participated in some matters for her biggest clients while gone, and people still whisper. One of the more junior women here is pregnant with her second child. She’s the breadwinner for her family and loves this job more than I think is humanly possible and I know she’s already gotten a few comments about how she won’t come back this time. I honestly am glad I’m single and don’t have to worry about the kid thing because I probably wouldn’t handle it as graciously as they do.
Preggo Angie
Thanks for that. In my experience, I’ve not known anyone who hasn’t come back full-time – friends, colleagues, etc. We really don’t have children to inconvenience everyone else!
TT
On a related note, someone took my 20 inch monitor from my office while I’ve been out. I assume it’s because they didn’t think I would be back for a while or at all.
I understand this viewpoint, but am not sure what else I can do to make it clear that I am coming back.
This leave is for my 2nd child. Both times I’m coming back after a standard 8 weeks. I’ve notified everyone of the date both times and have been responsive via email throughout. Short of coming in to the office and actually doing work…
houda
Just had to chime in.. 8 weeks is too little for people to say you are not coming back! In my country you have to take at least 13 weeks (that’s the law) and most ladies end up taking 4 months, no one bats an eye.
Jas
Maybe 7 isn’t American? I’m not, and I forgot how little maternity leave American women take. I have one coworker out on 12 months maternity leave and another on 8 months paternity leave and we don’t generally keep them up to date on the results of meetings. It wasn’t until I saw you mention you’d be gone 8 weeks that I realised my mistake.
Anon for this
It’s very frustrating. As someone who just returned from maternity leave and learned that no one expected her to come back (and in fact it seems like hiring decisions have been made with that expectation in mind), I just don’t know what to do to be clearer.
Anonymous
Wow, I’m surprised that a time traveler from the 1970s can use a computer!
Now go back, and take your sexist attitude with you.
Anonymous
At my last job, a male IT employee took the six months paid paternity leave…and didn’t come back. It happens, and it’s not sexist to admit that some people use the opportunity to change jobs or careers or life track. Would I take their 20 inch monitor in the meantime? No. But unless I knew the person really well, I would recognize that there’s always a possibility that they won’t come back.
Ann
No, assumptions like this are never OK. Regardless of what “other women” have done or will do, the fact of the matter is, the OP said she was coming back to work and she came back. Even if he had suspected she would not return, the day she showed up back at work, he had an obligation to go into her and say “this is what has been going on.” Not conceal information and his ongoing participation in something she should have known about. That to me is tantamount to both insubordination and intentional deceit. If one of my employees had done this to another one of my employees, I would be smokin’ mad. Your attitude is repugnant and I hope you at some point develop some better sense and a better sense of fairness, especially if you ever end up having to take any kind of leave yourself (which can happen even if you don’t plan on having kids – you could get sick, your parents could get sick, etc.).
Anonymous
Geez, not sure if I’m the repugnant one, or 7 is, so maybe I should clarify (I was the one who gave the example of the male co-worker not coming back after paternity leave). I was responding to the specific comment that 7’s comment was sexist, and my point is that anyone, male or female, can choose not to come back after a leave. It’s not based on your gender, it’s based on your particular situation. To recognize that some people will not come back is not sexist, it’s reality.
I have taken leave (bereavement), and unfortunately my life changed to the point where I wasn’t able to go back. I’ve also covered, happily, for others out on leave, and, happily, handed back their work on their return.
Is what this guy did wrong? Absolutely. Should the OP be pissed? Clearly, especially given his past actions. Is acknowledging the fact that some people go on leave (family, medical, paternity, maternity, bereavement) and don’t return sexist? No. That’s all my comment was intended to point out.
Ann
This is the comment I was responding to:
“7 01/20/2011 at 7:18 pm
Umm, hate to break it to you, but with so many women who go on maternity leave and either (1) never return, (2) return flex time, or (3) take VERY extended maternity leaves, I would probably think he was justified in assuming he was the point person. (and this coming from a woman, not a man).”
Ann
First off, if you know you will regret sending the email, for the love of God don’t send it. Been there, done that, more than once, always always always reaped the whirlwind because of it. E-mail is definitely not the way to solve this.
Your problem/concern is totally justified. I think you need to sit down with him and be really clear about why what he did was a problem and tell him, point-blank, that you are going to take steps to get re-involved with the group and you will do this by doing steps A, B, and C. Don’t position it as a negotiation. He should not have done this and now you are going to address it. If he protests, is rude, tries to sabotage you, etc. then write a neutral, coherent memo with the timeline and the impacts to the organization (not to you personally) that will result, and escalate it to your superior.
I am sorry this happened and I am burned up about it on your behalf. I would always rather someone come at me out in the open than do things behind my back, and to use your maternity leave as an opportunistic way to get himself out there – bleh. Just remember to be neutral, be professional, be calm, and don’t get emotional. But don’t let it pass and do what you need to do to rectify the situation. Good luck to you.
rg
Does your firm have a lot of women or a more standard engineering ratio (of probably less than 20%). I think how you handle it will depend on whether there is a clear pattern, not just policy, of how maternity leave is handled or not.
If he clearly violated an established pattern, then I’d call him out individually and notify your superiors. It’s just him.
But if there isn’t a strong pattern, then be prepared to get some pushback or attitudes suggested it’s not a big deal (but it definitely is a big deal). I’m guessing by the 20″ monitor comment, this is the case. I’d say that you need to establish that your expectation was to be the lead on this project upon returning, and even if they tell you it’s not a big deal, carefully lay out why it is a big deal and how it hurts you professionally. And if he continues to participate in the meetings, maybe you can make a comment along the lines of, “Joe was nice enough to attend this meetings on my behalf during my leave and he’s brought me up to speed. It turns out, though, that Joe has found the topic so interested he’ll be staying on as well.” Or something similar that establishes you as the initial POC.
S
I think you should take control back. Go into his office, thank him for covering and ask him what you need to know to get up to speed before taking it back. Ask him who the key contacts are and ask him to send them an email, letting them know you are back on leaving and will be taking over, ccing you. Be very nice and polite during this exchange. If he give you any problems or doesn’t follow up then I’d consider going to supervisors.
Chix Pix
Here’s a question for you knowledgeable people with young teen daughters – what is the very best product for young tweens who are just beginning to have their period?
AIMS
Do you mean maxi pads?
I would say that Always Ultra Thin with Wings have always been my go to — at that age, and if when I’ve needed a pad since. It’s very overwhelming when you first get your period and something absorbent but not clunky makes a world of difference. Also, maybe get her some always “overnight” pads — when I was first getting used to my period, I found them very comforting. I would go for wings, here, too.
Do not get tampons at this point — the Toxic Shock Syndrome warning on the back of the box terrified the living daylights out of me when I was 12.
I would also say it would be very nice if you found some very discreet, small purse/pouch for your daughter to keep pads in when she goes to school, etc. It can be very embarassing to have a classmate see a pad in your bag, or have it fall out in the locker room, etc.
Just don’t get one of those cases specifically for this purpose from the pad/tampon manufacturers — they make it very obvious what’s inside!
AIMS
Oh, I would also add to get some pantyliners. I remember a lot of uncertainty and spotting at that age. These are a good solution.
E
Hmmm, I preferred tampons from the beginning, because I was always self-concious about whether people could see my pad through my clothes (they couldn’t of course, but you know how it is at that age). If she wants to use tampons, I would explain that the TSS thing is only a risk if you leave it in for too long and that it is important to change it at least every 8 hours for that reason. For tampons, I think the best is OB, although some people do not like them because they don’t have an applicator. I like them because they are small and thus easy to put in a pocket discreetly, they expand horizontally rather than vertically and thus are less prone to leakage, and they are more environmentally friendly than tampons that have applicators.
AIMS
There’s apparently a huge shortage of OB tampons, and they are actually going for a whole lot of $$$ on ebay.
Anonymous
Weird. There’s plenty available at CVS and Rite-Aid in DC.
Anonymous
Yes, also plenty in Atlanta (where I just bought two boxes today before reading this). Why a shortage???
cbackson
Here’s info about it: http://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/health/OBTampon-Shortage-114233344.html
I also read an NYT article that said that there were some production issues.
Midori
Tampons w/o applicators are fine for ladies with experience with tampons, but for a newbie teen? I remember crying in anguish every time I tried to use a tampon at first because I had those awful cardboard applicators–they HURT! The plastic ones may not be quite as environmentally friendly, but they are much friendlier to someone new to the game.
coco
Tampax also (used to?) make a “junior” tampon that was smaller. I got my period when I was on the young side, and those felt less uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure they still have some version of them – and others might as well.
jr. prof
If you go the Tampax route, make sure to explain – even show – how the applicator works, and that the applicator comes OUT of the body, after the tampon goes in. uh, I speak from experience as a confused and freaked out teen…. Then switched to OB, and have never used an applicator tampon since (still not really sure how they work!).
SF Bay Associate
Depending of course on the tween, tampons may be fine. I started using tampons on probably my second or third cycle, hating the “diaper” feeling of pads. (Of course, pads probably have improved significantly since I last wore them nearly two decades ago.) I was responsible enough to wear hard contacts, which are very important to keep clean and not wear too much (at least back then), so I was certainly responsible enough to avoid TSS. I preferred the Tampax lights, though your tween may prefer the ease of a plastic applicator. My mom also got me a small tube of K-Y to ease use, which I was officially horrified/embarrassed and secretly appreciative of at the time.
A nice makeup bag (maybe very entry-level designer? My current favorite is from an art museum) is the perfect pouch/holder for supplies, and will help mark her special transition into puberty.
eaopm3
I think that I used pads/ pantyliners maybe for two cycles before I got fed up with them and wanted tampons instead. I was only 12 when I got mine, as well, but I was too active to wear pads and pantyliners exclusively. I used them as back up, almost always, though, so I think it’s good to have both options available.
Another Sarah
I second the Always Ultra Thin pads. I would also go for the overnight or extra-long version; I remember when I first started my…ahem…aim was always a bit off. It made for a particularly embarrassing day in 6th grade. I’m not really a tampon person, but I definitely remember them being uncomfortable when I first wore them. So to each his own. :-)
K
The best thing my mom ever did at that age was get me a variety of everything: pantiliners, pads, and tampons in varying flow levels (with accompanying instructions that it’s best to use the smallest possible). It probably cost her a fortune but it was really nice to be able to take some time to figure it out and be able to try different things until I felt comfortable with something. After awhile I developed my preference and let her know that’s what I preferred to go with.
MM
Variety is a great idea, and you might check with the school nurse or an OB-GYN about getting samples to do this at a more reasonable price. We received a “variety pack” of samples from our school nurse during a “special girl’s health day” in sixth grade. That was indeed awesome. I tried out many things and ended up loving some type of thin pad, which I used exclusively for a number of years because I was scared of tampons. I did not want to talk to my mother about my options, just try them out on my own.
Anonymous
I always preferred tampons from the very beginning. Pads have never felt comfortable to me. Tampons were hard to insert at first and my mom taught me to smear a little vaseline on the top to ease it in better. I’d suggest the light or junior size tampons to start, and with an applicator, not the applicator-free kind. Also, I recall it took me a while to become able to feel when I needed to change my tampon. Make sure she wears pantiliners (maybe even extra-long pantiliners so she doesn’t have to worry about placing them just right) to avoid embarrassment.
If she has trouble putting them in, a gynocologist can help her learn how. My mom was a nurse and she helped me, but I think that’d be awkward for a lot of families.
Anonymous
Oh, and as someone mentioned, definitely get her some nice little clutch or makeup bag to carry them in. I still have horrific memories of being teased when a box of tampons fell out of my locker in 8th grade.
kz
I remember not being able to wear tampons when my period first started. Like, not at all. They were uncomfortable and painful. It was actually incredibly disappointing because I was a swimmer and quit the team since I couldn’t just not practice during my period (a fact which mortified me so much I didn’t tell my mother the real reason I quit until years later). So tell her to try them, but she may need to “grow” into them or something (it took me several years).
anonymous
A lot of people actually recommend against letting girls use tampons regularly during the first year or two of their cycle because it is so much harder for them to guage the heaviness of their flow (and it can fluctuate so much during that time), so I would recommend Always thin pads with wings – they are night and day difference from the old “sitting on a phone book” pads, but absorb a lot and cover a lot of area. If she needs tampons for swimming or sports, Playtex makes a slender variety that is still full coverage (as opposed to light tampons) that is great for smaller bodies. Hope this helps!
abc123
I like the suggestion of the other poster to buy a variety of products so she can try out different things. That being said if you do get her tampons maybe try to explain the different positions she can be in to put them in. Sorry if this is TMI but my first time I tried to put it in sitting on a towel on my bed. It hurt like crazy and insertion was unsuccessful. Later on i saw an instruction manual that suggested standing with one foot on the toilet and that’s what eventually worked for me. Definitely go over the risks of TSS – maybe it’s not as dangerous now, but I know someone whose mother died from TSS. Very sad.
Anonymous
Teen daughters is not my area of expertise. I have only the same knowledge about what feminine hygiene products work best for me as others have about what works best for them. But as someone who suffered TSS as a teenager (21 years ago today, actually), I do want to share a little about what I have learned about that, since this discussion seems to have gone in this direction.
First, TSS is very uncommon, but it does happen. I think any young girl should be informed about the symptoms, as should her mother and any other regular caretaker, so that she and others will recognize it should it happen. I had no idea. I ran at full speed my entire teenage life and never stopped to read that dreaded pamphlet in the box. Had I just known the symptoms, I probably wouldn’t have spent a day and a half at home getting worse, thinking I had the flu. As it turned out, it was my mother who recognized it before the doctors – and thankfully, before there was any permanent damage. That said, I do not think any young girl (or grown adult) should be scared or threatened with this information.
Second, TSS is often related to tampon use, but it is not necessarily related to “irresponsibility” or leaving a tampon in place “too long” or “over 8 hours.” In my case, it was not.
Third, TSS is always related to bacteria – bacteria we carry on our hands, in our mouths, etc. And there are common sense precautions a girl/woman can take to prevent the spread of bacteria during menstruation. Hand washing before (rather than just after) using the restroom would be the obvious and (not a doctor, but I’d venture to say) most effective strategy. Keeping hygiene products clean, such as in a nice, designated case as others have suggested, also seems like a good idea. (This will sound ridiculous, but I once had to slap an unopened tampon from someone’s mouth on her way to the dormitory bathroom.) On this issue, I would also mention that tampons without applicators, and tampons that are highly absorbent, are those most likely to create TSS risks because they present greater opportunities for bacteria to enter the body and to incubate there. There is at least some evidence that internal scratches can present a risk for TSS (without necessarily leaving a tampon in for a long period of time.) I have no interest in convincing anyone they shouldn’t use a tampon without an applicator (or any other hygiene product). I can tell you that when I got sick, I had borrowed just such a product from my mother, rather than the usual cardboard applicator product I ordinarily used. I had also been around young children who were probably full of germs. Extra precautions are simply necessary here.
I almost died from TSS. It goes without saying that it was a horrible experience. (Imagine being deathly ill in high school, recovering, then losing your hair six weeks later, just before the junior prom!) However, I will also say that very shortly thereafter, I returned to using tampons. (I was a competitive swimmer and runner who worked out once or twice every day and a lifeguard every summer, and I was not going to give up any of that. ) And on various occasions since, I have also used applicator-free products because I found them convenient.
I think a calm, rational conversation about TSS is a valuable way to spend a few of those many minutes you will likely spend talking to a newly menstruating girl about this new part of life. At the same time, I would hate to think that she would be uncomfortable or quit the swim team or gymnastics or just be uncomfortable in order to avoid using tampons so as to avoid the small risk of getting TSS. Just give her the facts, warning signs, and preventive tips; know them yourself; and share them with anyone who will be caring for her regularly.
Ernon
I’m not sure this is a real question that a woman would ask in earnest in this forum. I know personal topics are covered here, and I have no complaint about that, but something of this question raises troll flags for me. This is the same commenter who tried to bait overweight women in a recent thread (re the blue spotty cardigan).
CFM
I agree, chix pix has been sending up huge flags. She tried to bait overweight women, and she had a racially questionable post last week as well.
SuzyQ
Agreed. Kind of a weird question to hash out in this forum since it’s all personal preference (kind of like boxers vs. briefs). Nonetheless, Anonymous at 1:58 – your posting on TSS was eye-opening and educational and thanks for sharing with us what must have been a very scary experience.
Ballerina girl
I love this bag! I’m not allowing myself to buy an new bags for a while, but I love posts about bags! Keep ’em coming!
J
I seriously love this bag. And I haven’t bought a new bag in years. And it’s my birthday next week. Fate?
Ballerina girl
Yes–get it.
Chix Pix
To TT: the advantage when you are an engineer is you always have a clear-cut chain of command. I think you need to discuss this situation very discretely with your boss…. explain you feelings and why you thought your colleague was unfair. Tell your boss what you would have done in your colleague’s shoes. Find out what you can do to get yourself back into the project you want.
Maybe suggest better teamwork for the team in the future – really important to engineering.
Next step: you then take the offending colleague out to lunch. You nicely discuss the situation with colleague over food, explain your perspective on what happened and you ask him to please be more collegial with you in the future.
Then if something like this ever happens again with the same person (it won’t) you document it in writing.
TT
:) We engineers love free food.
Ru
While I think your suggestions are good, Chix Pix, I think TT should talk to her colleague on her own and then inform her supervisor of the situation, i.e. “Me and John had some issues, we talked about it and if it arises again, I’ll let you know.” It seems more mature and less permissive to me. As a woman in engineering myself, I know for a fact that my supervisors appreciate my actions after the fact rather than getting feedback for my intended plan of attack for something that seems more personal. I really liked the suggestion about sending out an email stating that you were taking over your assignment again – I’d cc the supervisor on that.
On a side note, I finally read “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.” Great, great read. Just bought it for my friend (also a woman in engineering). I found it really helpful in illustrating the way women are perceived.
anon41
I think Ru’s advice is a reasonable approach IF the manager didn’t already know about the issue. here, it seems like this is not the first time the guy’s been a jerk.
Something similar happened to me when I returned from maternity leave — my colleague was happy to turn over the thigns she didn’t like doing but wanted to keep the fun/interesting litigation. I didn’t speak up then and am angry that she got “away” with it. So speak up for yourself in whatever way will seem most mature and least passive-aggressive (much better to be plain old assertive). For some reason telling the manager later doesn’t sit well with me, maybe because it has backfired on me in other situations when my manager has said that he wishes I would have talked with him first so that he could help with a more robust solution.
And I’m sorry to be the grammar police, but whichever path you take, for the love of Pete, don’t say “me and John…” but rather “John and I…”
TT
Thank you all for the great advice. I’ve done a sort of best-of-breed (hopefully) based on the suggestions:
– Message to colleague thanking him for his help, and stating that I should be included going forward
– Message to boss reminding him of 1) my interest in and qualifications for this work, and 2) originally this project was mine
– Schedule a joint meeting to discuss how to best transition
Unfortunately for the purposes of talking to people, there is a lot of telecommuting going on in my office. I know it would have been better to do most of this in person.
Thanks again!!
avonlea
I have to disagree with Chix Pix — explaining feelings and saying something is unfair, and taking the colleague to lunch? That just sounds like ‘tattling’ to the boss and then trying to curry favor with the colleague who is in the wrong. I think the original poster has the right ideas below. Direct, to the point, this is her project, and discuss how to handle the transition.
Kady
This! http://finance.yahoo.com/family-home/article/111851/your-handbag-your-self