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There are a number of cute heels in the Donald J Pliner sale at 6pm.com today, including these lovely red slingbacks, marked 75% off. We like that they seem lightweight and airy, and think they would be a fun pop of color to add to an otherwise sedate outfit of blacks or grays. They're available in bronze as well, in sizes 5.5 through 9. Were $315, now $78.75. Donald J Pliner – Dolly (Red/Red) – Footwear
N.B. Peep-toe slingbacks will not be appropriate for all offices — know your office!
Suom Y. Nona
OK, so I could use some advice. I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks and am a little stressed out because of how birthdays are celebrated in my office. Several other attorneys and I share a secretary, and a certain routine seems to have developed for celebrating birthdays among the group. This involves a breakfast (usually some kind of danish or strudel), going out for a long lunch, then having a dessert later in the afternoon. All three of these events seem to require socializing for at least 15-20 min (e.g., it would not be acceptable to take a piece of danish and head back to my desk). It is a ton of food, and a ton of time out of my day. I find this to be kind of annoying on others’ birthdays, but I have just been tolerating it so far. But for my birthday, I would really, really, love to skip the breakfast and the dessert, and just do the lunch. I would much rather get some work done and go home at a reasonable time to have dinner with my S.O. than to spend the whole day socializing with coworkers. But I feel like if I say anything, I will hurt people’s feelings and I will ruin everyone else’s fun. Also, I am the newest attorney in the group and I feel like the others will resent me for trying to change what seems to be a long-standing tradition. So can I say something to get out of the breakfast/dessert? Or do I just have to suck it up and deal?
(Note–taking the day off or working from home that day would not work, because they would just do it on a different day)
AIMS
I am having a hard time picturing an office where you would not be able to afford to have a somewhat less than productive day but where you would nonetheless be expected to have a morning clatch, a long lunch & an afternoon dessert break. My advice would be to just try to be extra productive in the week or 2 leading up to this, and than just do your best to enjoy the good will. It’s one day — I think you just have to suck it up& give in to the corporate culture on this one.
That said, to prevent too much dithering, I would say something like “my S.O. has decided to surprise me with X tonight, so I can’t stay too long or take too many breaks much or I won’t make dinner/theater/whatever. . . “
s-k-s
Suck it up and smile. Sorry, but this is definitely a situation where you just need to float with the firm culture. Try to get in a little early or stay late the night before to make up for the time you will miss.
Office food culture is really weird, but its one of those things where if you fight the system you will get labelled as the strange/anti-social associate. You need these people on your side – trust me, the time investment will be worth it!
We had an associate who refused to participate in an office food tradition (all attorneys chipped in money for a weekly office breakfast for all the secretaries, it was a very minimal amount, less than $50 over the course of a year). His refusal to participate was heavily discussed by the secretaries in a very negative way. Obviously this is not exactly your situation, but its amazing how to this day people remember him as the weird guy who wouldn’t chip in. Note, he did not last long at the firm.
Shayna
This is so true — And a case of ‘go along to get along’ — much like sharing your toys in kindergarten.
Blue
I completely agree.
B
Just accept it, and then enjoy the day! A lot of times things like this are enjoyable or not depending on your own mindset. If you stop looking at it as a “chore” and just realize it’s going to happen, and if you loosen up and allow it to be fun it could be just that – you might enjoy yourself!
KateL
I too work in an office with a food culture and agree you have to be social. As birthday celebrant I think you have some lattitude to make requests – e.g. fresh fruit for breakfast and a lunch choice that skews healthier.
K
Suck it up. It’s the same at my office, except figure an hour for lunch and another hour for cake. If you like the people you work with, it’s tolerable. But if you don’t, oy, what a pain.
N
I think you might have to go with the flow here, unless you want to be seen as someone breaking the tradition.
BUT: I also think that it would not be unreasonable to say something about your SO having planned dinner for you, and perhaps asking if you can either cutting the dessert part short or moving it to be included in the lunch?
My old firm had the tradition that people would bring in some snacks/foodstuff to mark their birthdays, no matter who it was on the ladder. (secretarty, consultant, partner or summer intern) People would bring in some chocolates or candies, bring in some Danishes (this was in Denmark, so they were yummy yummy yummy) some breakfast food… or a cake. But the good thing was that it would be put in the tea kitchen, with just an e-mail to everyone that it was there, so people could go eat when they had the time. And the birthday boy/girl would get a bouquet of flowers from the company to mark the day.
It feels rotten working on your birthday without it being noted by anyone.
zee
yeah, unfortunately, I think you just gotta go with it.
N
So that’s a 2.7 hour investment in developing your relationships within the firm. Yes, you could bill those 2.7 hours, or sleep those 2.7 hours, but sorry, it’s life and I undertand (I *hate* this sort of thing) – but you absolutely have to suck it up and consider it an investment in your career.
I hate going to conferences, since it’s 8-40 hours I could bill or sleep. Let’s be honest, work still hast to get done, it comes from sleep or “free” time. It’s still important.
It’s not about you, it’s about everyone who likes this tradition and culture. Unless you can claim to be a Jehovah’s Witness, declining will have most of the support staff, at least, against you.
But, at least remember this is *exactly* the plot of a Seinfeld episode!
A.
Agree with this. I actually think that in some offices, it becomes this perverse thing where if others can tell the birthday target feels ambivalent or awkward about the whole thing, the coworkers ramp up the festivities and make them an even BIGGER deal – almost like they are goading the target to do or say something, so they can pick over it later. I wouldn’t even ask to skip the afternoon dessert as it might tip them off you’re not into this – could you fake an emergency meeting or doctor appointment or something, to get out of that? If you can’t – sorry to say, but you’re going to have to grin and bear it. Remember that there are a lot of people in offices who have absolutely nothing better to do than dissect behavior they consider to be “weird” or “inappropriate.” Don’t feed the beasts.
Suom Y. Nona
Thanks all. I had a feeling that the answer was going to be to suck it up. And just to be clear, I really like my coworkers…this just feels excessive. And it’s not just about the time, it’s about the massive amount of food too. I have worked hard to lose a bunch of weight recently and I just really dislike feeling like I *have* to eat something that I don’t really want to eat. Glad to know that others hate this kind of stuff too though.
anon
I feel your pain…yet I also agree you will have to endure it if that is an inevitable part of your firm’s culture. I would concur with the suggestions to amend the degree of the eating/socializing/time wasting.
Maybe you could say something to the effect of “I’ve worked so hard to lose weight…I’d hate to sabotage my efforts by gorging myself all day…I don’t want to be too full for my dinner date” (ok maybe a little more diplomatically phrased, but you get the idea) Perhaps you could grab the bull by the horns and order dessert AT lunch to bypass the later afternoon nosh…or eat a lot at breakfast and feign fullness later?
Anyhow, good luck and happy b-day. Sorry office politics make such simple things a ridiculous minefield.
AN
Just eat super-healthy for 48 hours before your birthday – that should balance out the rest! Your office sounds like a really nice place if they do all this to make people feel a bit special on their birthdays.
N
Try to see if there are healthier options for lunch, and ask beforehand if it is possible to have a fruit salad for the dessert part of the day? There are healthy options for almost everything (but the Danish part of the morning, but I guess you could settle for a nibble or two then and drink down on coffee or tea instead)
As long as you don’t make a big deal out of it, I don’t see why you shouldn’t be able to eat as little as you like of the “bad” stuff, and compensate when you can set the menu, ie. for lunch.
luluaj
I’m sorry – I think these shoes are awful. They look grandmotherly.
RR
Ditto. I think these are very ugly.
B
Agreed 1000% – these are terrible terrible terrible
anon
I totally agree. Low heels on peep toe slingbacks just scream church lady to me
Bonnie
They look like something an old woman would wear to church.
B
With stockings on. haha.
Bonnie
Definitely!
Lynette
((Sigh)). So dowdy.
Cat
Agree with the above re: grandmotherliness. Too primary-color of a red, ACE bandage looking fabric texture, and too much fabric covering the top of the foot.
Kate
Whether or not they are ugly, they are inappropriate for a corporate setting — lipstick red AND peep toe is just too much.
lawDJ
AND sling back!!
I think just lipstick red and peeptoe (that one’s pretty demure) *MIGHT* be ok, but all 3…..
Shayna
Dorothy goes to Atlantic City!
luluaj
More like Sophia Petrillo
Shayna
Good call… and so easy to visualize it’s scary!
The Image Expert
Particularly in red. Any efforts a professional woman makes to bring attention to her face for effective communication will be thwarted by these red shoes.
Particularly in professional office settings, stick with neutral colored shoes and save the red ones for social situations.
s-k-s
I think in somewhat more relaxed offices, worn with pants of the appropriate length (so they just pop out a little), red and peeptoe could work. That being said, this particular pair is dog ugly.
Kaye
Well, I guess I have to comment to tip the balance :) I think they could be cute, I’d have to see them on my foot. Concerned about the “too much fabric” but what a great color!
Elle
While I don’t particularly love this pair, I have to note that I appreciate the smaller opening on the peep toe. Is it just me or have the peep toe openings in the last few seasons been getting larger? I think the larger openings makes it look more like a sandal whereas a smaller opening makes it look more like a dress shoe.
I tend to push the line and wear peep toe shoes quite often in the summer – they make me feel like a girl. :-)
SUCL 3L
Agreed. I prefer the “you have to look at my feet cross-eyed at the right angle” peeptoes personally. While I usually keep my feet pedicured, I prefer to not show my toes at the office.
AnneCatherine
It’s not just you! Not only do I like the look of a smaller “peep” in peeptoe, I am finding the kind of shoe where the whole front has just basically been cutoff really, really uncomfortable. If you wear heels higher than, say, 2″ (and good luck finding “cute” shoes–flats excepted– below that height . . .) the pressure/gravity that is USUALLY pushing your foot forward and creating pain in the ball of your foot will, in a wide peeptoe, almost push your foot out the front of the shoe. I’m over it!!!! I have a really cute pair of Tahari peeptoes that are three years old but they are my favorites. All of the recent iterations are like convertibles or something. They are like reverse slingbacks.
cat
I agree; I think the peeptoes with bigger “peeps” just look strange…they make your toes look big and seem sloppy for officewear. I think the cole haan open toe carmas are the perfect size peep!
Lawgirl
Like everything but that hideous kitten heel…. In fact, it messed up the entire shoe, IMHO. If you’re wearing BRIGHT RED shoes, why would you go all granny with it?! 3 inch heels would’ve been cute.
Ri
I have a shoe question if any has any advice or tips. I bought a pair of flats this weekend and wore them today, with the realization that when I wear hose with them (I have awful blisters right now) they are too big on my heal and slip off. Is there anything I can buy/have a cobbler do to fix that and make them tighter (or just more grip) on the heel?
Anonymous
Shoe stores like Nordstroms actually have little heel grabber strips (kind of like a thicker bandaid) that can be permanently affixed as a sticker to the back of a shoe. If you would rather a more temporary option, you could still use the strips, but just slide them in, rather than using the adhesive. I might be worried about them coming out unexpectedly during the day though. You should be able to get the strips for free or a very low cost. I often use these when I have to buy a half size too big (I have really small feet and shoes often don’t come in my size).
Cat
drugstores are a safe bet for these as well – CVS usually has a good selection.
Ri
That sounds perfect, I will check that out thank you!
Liz
I don’t know about the kitten heel on these. It makes them look kind of matronly.
AN
Like the colour, but not the heel or fabric.