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Workwear sales of note for 3.24.23:
- Ann Taylor – 40% off everything
- Athleta – 20% off shorts, swim, linen & more
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything; extra 15% off purchase
- Boden – Up to 50% off
- Brooks Brothers – Clearance styles to 70% off. Some pretty serious markdowns!
- Express – 40% off dresses & tops
- J.Crew – 25% off your purchase; up to 50% off special-occasion styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 15% off 3 styles; extra 20% off 4 styles; extra 50% off clearance
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty
- Talbots – 25% off select styles; 25% off markdowns
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- What are your favorite parts of a typical day?
- At what point in your life (age, income level, whatever) were you able to take an annual vacation?
- What shoes can I keep at the office to go for mid-day walks (that go with everything)?
- How do you release stress or trauma that’s stored in the body?
- What are the best “networking for women events” you’ve ever been to?
- I feel like we’re burning through any savings we acquire…
- I hate my job and make 30% of what DH makes – should I quit?
- What do you keep in your office?
Does anyone know what Talbot’s price adjustment policy is? Is there not one? I cannot find it on their website. Thanks!
You mean if something goes on sale right after you order it? I called; they made me reorder the item, and send back the previously ordered item — which I hadn’t even received yet, although it had shipped out. They did refund me the full price item, minus the return shipping. I did my best to work my way up the CSR ladder on the phone, but was told there was no other way to do it.
Ugh. This is what I feared. Luckily there is a Talbots near my house, so hopefully I can return my online order there. Could they make it any harder?
I don’t know how Talbots ships their orders, but if its UPS you can refuse delivery on the package and you won’t have to pay return shipping. I’ve done this with Amazon packages and I know people who’ve done it with Lululemon. It’s actually what customer service at those stores tells you to do. I typically call UPS ahead of time and alert them that I am refusing delivery because they otherwise leave stuff at my door and I’m not sure if they’d read a note. If you know you’ll be there when UPS arrives, you could always just wait and do it in person.
I’ve called and explained and they fixed it for me with no reorder. Said the hold on my card would be as when I ordered, but the eventual actual charge would be adjusted, and it was. Try again.
Try contacting them on Facebook. I had something a few months ago that I thought could get a price adjustment, but it turned out the amount charged to my card and on my invoice was already less than the new price even though my order history showed a higher price. Not sure if that made sense. The woman who responded to me on Facebook was very nice and it seemed like she would have just done the adjustment in a straightforward way if I actually needed one.
In search of Bunkster's Bark
I was able to call and they adjusted the price item by item, so I had lots of little credits on my credit card statement. The items had been shipped by the time I called for an adjustment ( just the regular customer service #) and when I returned some of the items the system knew the sale price (the price on the packing slip less the adjustment),which made it easy.
I am a fan of the clunky heel but these are veering into clog territory for me. Pass.
Seconded. I agree with Kat’s mother. Yuck.
Me too. These read a little bit too Maria Von Trap.
I like them – sort of like a very low lace-up bootie.
I’m approaching a turning point in my career and am trying to decide what to do next. I’ve been in gov’t for some time (law firm before then) and am currently in a job which makes me attractive to the private sector, either law firm or in-house. To make a long story short, I may need to make a decision on my next steps sooner than later. I had expected to jump to SES from my current job, but due to a lack of openings, that’s not looking all that viable now.
So I’m thinking about either trying the in-house thing or returning to a law firm, either as a counsel or partner. And I just plain don’t know what I want to do. I spent many years in a V25 firm, which I left to go to gov’t to improve life balance. Now my former partner is encouraging me to come to his new firm, which he says is much better than our old one in terms of balance, firm politics, etc. It sounds very attractive, but I’m worried about the sustainability of being in a big firm as a mother, possible part-timer, being a counsel for life instead of pushing for partnership, etc.
Anon for this
I left the govt to go in-house. I recommend evaluating your reasons for wanting to leave. Is it salary? Figure out the numbers and whether the extra salary would be worth it. (Your costs often go up when you leave – you may feel the need to “fit in” with your colleagues’ lifestyles or have to incur additional commuting costs.) Or is it because you dislike your current job or are bored? I have not found the work to be much different from when I was with the govt – its the same subject matter, just representing the other party. But you can’t beat the govt for lifestyle, and if that’s important to you, I’d stay.
It is lifestyle … but from the opposite end. In my current job, I’m working all. the. time. Did probably 10 hrs this weekend. Basically, as much as I did in my firm, but for gov’t salary. Am thinking that if I’m going to work this hard, I might as well be earning a salary to match. Yes, this is a prestige job and I can go back to a lower-key one, where I won’t work beyond 40ish hrs per week. I’m trying to decide what my bigger picture plans are, I guess.
Are you a political appointee?
Doubt she’d answer.
SES is the top level for career employees. Some political appointees do transfer from that position into an SES job; that process is sometimes snidely referred to by the career employees as “burrowing.” I’ve seen a career person who has worked his/her way to the top GS scale job, apply for the SES job that’s the next step up, and see a political appointee, sometimes from a different agency, get the SES job.
So – OP could be an appointee hoping to shift to the permanent/SES spot or a career person who, unless she gets an SES job, is topped out on pay and opportunities.
I actually asked this question previously but am hoping to collect more opinions on the matter. TIA!
I have finance interviews coming up (think Wall Street caliber) and know that Corporettes highly recommend the skirt suit over the pant suit. However, given the coldness of the weather, I’m not relishing the prospect of wearing nude pantyhose. I have a pair of black wool tights that I’m considering wearing instead, but they’re not completely opaque (FYI, they’re the Wolford merino wool tights). Thus, should I 1) suck it up and go with the nude pantyhose, 2) go with the black wool tights, or 3) switch to a pant suit?
Personally, I think pant suit is fine.
I also like off-black pantyhose w/a suit. Not as stark/evening as black, but not nude either. I wouldn’t do opaque tights for the interview.
Either pantyhose or pant suit. If you are worried pants are too casual, black tights are not the answer, as they are even more casual, IMO.
And I say this as someone who loves wearing opaque tights in my gov’t law office.
As a 3 year (maybe 4) corporetter, I actually do not think that statement is true. I think the skirt suit is prefered in some law situations, in front of old timey judges or at old timey firms.
I think that the question that arises is what do you look most professional in. I would say 5/6 pants suits I see do not look all that great. I think its easier to go frumpy/too casual looking in a pant suit. That said I also see inappropriate skirts all the time too haha.
Yeah, my issue with pants suits is that I feel like they have to be tailored very well in order to look good (except, perhaps, on very tall, slender women).
The skirt rule is for appearing in federal court or in front of judges who still think women shouldn’t wear pants (can’t believe there are still judges with this mentality out there).
Long story short, wear pants. The most important thing is confidence and I think you’ll have more of that when you’re not freezing anyway. Good luck!
I’d go with a pantsuit.
I’d say go with the skirt suit, the nude hose, get the job and celebrate with a warm, alcoholic drink! You never want to second guess whether something so small entered into the decision even a tiny bit. I say, put your best [nude hose-clad] foot forward here!
I think pantsuit would be fine. Stick some silk long-johns under there for extra warmth.
I hate to start off with a threadjack, but am hoping for as much input as possible. I’m 28 years old, and in the second year of a two-year clerkship that will end Sept 1, 2012. I don’t have a job lined up after the clerkship, yet, but I’ve begun the tentative process of looking. We’re trying to decide whether to try for a baby in the next two months: making a due date of the beginning of September or October of next year. The reason we’ve discussed trying is because we’ve been told that although I’m “especially fertile” that I’m at a high (>50%) risk for second trimester miscarriage. (Note: we found all this out through various tests for a totally unrelated issue). Money-wise, we can afford for me to have ~ 3 months unpaid before starting another job. I don’t want to get pregnant right when starting a job if I can help it, especially because we’re moving after the clerkship to a relatively small city in another state for my husband’s job (the largest firm there has 17 people), meaning it will be more than a year before any paid maternity leave could accumulate, and I don’t want to start a job with a small firm already several months pregnant and with a decent chance of having to go on bedrest for 2+ months prior to delivery. On one hand, I think we should wait because so much is up in the air in terms of jobs and money, but on the other hand, we can’t see a better time to try. We’d only be trying for the 2 months, and if we don’t get knocked up, we won’t be trying any more until after the clerkship is over. I feel like I’m in uncharted territory and am wondering what the community’s thoughts are, especially on what it might be like to interview while many months pregnant and trying to start a new job with a 2-3 month old infant – both from my position and from an employer’s.
Go ahead and try! :)
Do you know if your likelihood of miscarriage is based on some kind of genetic thing that can be prevented/mitigated? I have a genetic clotting disorder, but have avoided miscarriages during my pregnancies so far (knock on wood) bc the issue can be medicated.
I was fired while pregnant (!) and then interviewed once I had had the baby and she was 2 months old. I had gotten a settlement from my old firm for the firing that let me take a 6 month ‘leave’ after baby was born, which was great. The second time I went back after 3 months and IMO that is a little early – you are still really tired, esp if you are nursing.
I say this with love.
You may be setting yourself up for disappointment if you try to plan your pregnancy to the month. If you manage to hit your desired month dead-on, you’re the exception rather than the rule. There are so many factors that are completely out of your control. You could get pregnant right away, or it may take a long time. Adding potential complications to that, and you’re putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself to time this perfectly. Pondering every scenario (if this, then that, but what if?) is something we high-achieving chicks are very good at, but that skill can drive you downright bonkers when you’re trying to conceive.
Some times are better than others, but there really is no perfect time to have a baby. Yes, there are a lot of things up in the air, but as you said, there may not be a better time to try. If you want a family, at some point you just have to bite the bullet and let the chips fall where they may.
Also, how your pregnancy is perceived by employers isn’t totally in your control, either. You could do everything in your power to minimize the inconvenience to them and some people would still second-guess your plan.
My bias is that prior to having kids, I sounded just like you. Now that I have a toddler and want to have another soon (hopefully!), I’ve kind of veered into the mindset of “this is an intensely personal decision and to hell with what anyone else thinks about timing.”
Taken with love.
“If this, then that, but what if” pretty much sums up my endless thought process about conceiving PERFECTLY, and humorously. Thank you.
The crux of the decision…try for these two months, with the doctor saying we’ve got a better-than-average chance of getting pregnant, but with me having no job lined up post baby-birth, or not try for another two years?
If you’re at risk for complications, don’t wait. You may not really have as much time as you imagine.
This, this, this. A few years down the road, you may regret not trying, but if you think you’re ready and have this window of time (and I promise, there really never is a “good” time to get pregnant), you won’t regret getting pregnant.
And may I humbly recommend the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” If you’re going to seriously try to conceive, that book is awesome (as is a Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor).
Go for it. You’ve got your husband’s full support, right?
Not having a job lined up might be a good thing, if you are surprised either by how much you love watching baby developments or by some medical problem (or quasi-medical thing that makes your life really really hard but doesn’t get you medical leave). In any of those situations, a deadline to return to your job could be pressure you don’t need.
If it works, you might want to talk to your employer about the possibility of delaying your start time by a ling time. For their convenience, not yours.
Anon in ATX
This. Been trying since Aug. and even though everyone says not to worry until a year, it is hard not to be disappointed each month- especially if you are trying to plan it so precisely – as my mother keeps trying to warn me – this will be the last plan you ever make b/c babies do not follow plans :)
So I would say go ahead and try for the two months if you think you will be able to go back to “not trying” without too much disappointed if it doesn’t happen.
I really don’t have too much advice for you. But, on the bright side, I am currently trying to recruit a mom-of-3 who left her job after the third was born. It’s been a few months for her and she wants to work again. So it is doable to take a few months off between jobs to have a baby.
Also, depending on how elastic your expenses are, could you continue to save to allow for more time off or to allow you additional time to job hunt after the move? If you are moving to a much smaller town, I would think that living expenses would be cheaper.
When was in law school I did not have a job lined up for after graduation. We could also afford for me to not start working right away, so we decided we would plan to have a baby around October after I graduated law school and then I would up the job search that following January. (This was before the legal market crashed though….so it never occured to me that I would not find a job.)
Anyways, we got pregnant right away, and when I was a few months pregnant I got an email about a job I really wanted. So I applied and interviewed while 6 months pregnant. I got the job, and negotiated a later start date (basically 3 months after the baby was born.)
It was not difficult to interview while pregnant, and I was upfront about the fact that I was pregnant early on in the application process. However, it was difficult starting a new job, with a new commute, while having a new baby. It was not impossible, but it was tough. I have since had another child and coming back to work this time was much easier since everything wasn’t new.
Anyways, that was a long way of saying that I would go ahead and do it!
While I generally agree with the sentiment “there is no perfect time to try” I also feel strongly that some times would just be way more difficult than others so why put yourself through that. In your case, I would be concerned about making sure I have health insurance. If your clerkship is ending and your husband is starting a new job, will your pregnancy be covered? For me, that would be a deal breaker and I would wait to conceive until I knew my pregnancy would be covered by insurance.
Thank you for bringing up this important point – given that we know we have a large chance of complications/preterm delivery, right now we have AWESOME insurance through my clerkship that covers 100% of maternity & newborn costs. It’s a pretty big factor that I forgot to mention. Thank you.
Each (!) of my 3 children was born late-between 10 days late and 3 weeks late. If your insurance will end with your clerkship, please keep in mind that even though you may be able to time your pregnancy-you have NO control over the timing of the delivery (and that would likely be the major expense).
If you’re a federal clerk, I assume you have access to the fed insurance plan? Keep in mind, once you quit, you’ll be paying COBRA rates to keep your insurance, not your current rates. If your insurance is through your clerkship, I would be *very* hesitant to go proceed without lots more research into bed-rest implications (feds not so great with disability ins), COBRA costs, etc.
Are there good ins options through your husband’s job? Is he changing jobs or being moved with his current company?
You sound so much like me when I was trying to plan my first child. I was lucky and got pregnant in the exact month I wanted to. Then, circumstances changed and the “perfect month” to get pregnant turned into the “no so perfect month” to get pregnant. But after having 2 kids, I have come to the conclusion that there really is no perfect time to be pregnant. The big question you really need to answer is if you want to have a child now. If the answer is “yes,” then just do it and assume that, no matter what you do, your timing will always seem terrible.
After a weekend of sloth and bad food decisions, my face has broken out all over in zits. Holiday party on Thursday. What can I do to help calm my skin down?
I’ve found the ‘sulfa mask’ from acne free helps things look calmer for 4-5 hours on my face – if I am going to dinner with friends or something similar.
drink lots of water, get a lot of sleep, and don’t do anything drastic like go for a peel or a first-time facial (not that these are drastic, but 48 hours is not long enough to bounce back from the resulting redness). there are calming masks, cucumber masks, etc. that people use to relieve redness, and i’ve also heard people use oatmeal masks – maybe worth a try if your skin is not particularly sensitive.
most importantly, don’t pick at it. it’s probably not as bad as you think (which is annoying to hear, i know) and will recover best with minimal interference. good luck! the holiday party will have dim lighting and stiff drinks, so don’t worry too much :)
SF Bay Associate
Agreed. Water, sleep, don’t pick (not enough time to heal), and don’t touch your face at all unless you literally just washed your hands. We unconsciously touch our faces all day (thank you, Contagion movie), and our hands just aren’t that clean. Also don’t try to dry the hell out of your face to “clean” it – that’s just going to irritate your skin. See a dermatologist if you must, but know that anything they do will result in redness that won’t fade by Thursday. Also know that it’s probably not nearly as noticeable to everyone else as it is to you. Maybe wear a really blingy necklace or something that draws the eye away from your skin mishaps – then partygoers will remember your awesome jewelry!
Take Aleve 2x a day for inflammation, drink a ton of water and green tea, and eat as many blueberries and raspberries as you can. Avoid dairy or other high inflammation foods like sugar and refined carbs.
Second the aleve. Also, if the blemishes are in the painful swollen stage, ice packs can do wonders to minimize the inflammation. If you screw up and pick at it, apply neosporin.
Third the aleve/NSAIDs recommendation, and the water recommendation. And, as mamabear said – no dairy, no soy, no sugar.
Change your pillowcase.
Tonight and tomorrow, wear your hair off your face.
I always find that not wearing any makeup for a day or two improves my skin a bit (I wear high-quality products; my skin just doesn’t like to be “covered.”)
Eliminating sugar, even for a day or two, does more to clear up my skin than anything else.
You could, in theory, go to a derm and get shots to make the zits go away.
A less drastic remedy: DDF’s sulfar mask. I find it really help clear stuff up faster than it otherwise would. I would also agree on the water & ibuprofen.
What kind of shots? I’m curious.
Not AIMS, but I’m guessing she’s referring to cortisone shots. My derm mentioned the last time I was in that their office does them for a flat rate of $15 (no insurance), but I haven’t done them so I can’t speak to how they work.
They work like magic! On a visit to a derm, my doctor offered to give me one in a pimple I had at that moment, and it was gone in 30 min. It doesn’t hurt (like a flu shot).
Anon @ 8:31
Do you find that it leaves less of a mark than if you’d let it run its course? Right now, it’s the months of scarring that gets to me moreso than the “active” blemishes, even as painful as they can be.
Also, to clarify from above, I have insurance, but at my doctor’s office, the cash rate for the shots and chemical peels applies to everyone. I’m not sure if it’s that insurance doesn’t cover that stuff or their office just decided not to accept it, but I’m guessing the former.
[email protected]:31 —
No mark at all for me. I find that I get marks only if I pick at the pimple or it’s a particularly bad cyst-like one. For the former, I just try not to pick; for the latter, I find DDF sulfur mask does wonders. I also like Origins evening serum/lotion. It helps everything fade quickly.
If your face hasn’t broken out in patches of them but rather, you have a bunch of “independant” zits, try Origin’s spot remover. If I have a gnarly, ugly, zit, I put a tiny tiny dab on it at night and by the next morning, it has calmed down and usually by that evening has gotten to the point where I can wear concealer without it being obvious that I’m concealing a zit. It’s drying which is why it wouldn’t be good to use all over. Good luck!
i second Origin’s spot remover, but again, only in localized areas. don’t go crazy on the stuff (like i sometimes do) – 2x as much is not 2x as effective :)
If you have isolated zits, get them with a topical treatment from the drugstore (look for an active ingredient of up to 10% benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid–there should be tons of options). They won’t go away, but it should help flatten them and then cover with makeup. For makeup, I recommend Laura Mercier concealer. And be sure to get some sleep! That will help.
Mario Badescu drying lotion–it’s a bright pink lotion under like an alcohol layer. Dip a q-tip in and just get the lotion, dap on zit at night, zit disappears. It’s amazing.
Milk of magnesia. Use a cotton swab to apply. Let it dry. Occasionally, I’ll keep it on overnight, but I’ve read of other people rinsing it off shortly after it dries and still benefiting.
A dab of toothpaste on each zit has always worked wonders for me. I usually put it on and let it sit overnight, but if you need to leave the house you can use a tiny bit of clear gel toothpaste.
Aspirin mask: 4-5 aspirin, mashed up with a little water to get a good paste, placed on the face for 10 mins or so. Voila! And, it feels fantastic.
I am NOT a nun, but these DO look like my GRANDMAMA’s Orthopeedic Shoes!!!!!
If I wore these two work, the manageing partner would NOT be interested in promoting me! FOOEY!
Also, these are not the kind of shoe’s I need to attract a decent guy who will marry me. I perfer ALEXANDER MACQUEENE and his shoes for LADY GAGA!
Yay! Huray for LADY GAGA!
Responding to trolls at all only encourages them. So, you stop it if you actually want “Ellen” to stop it.
I had these shoes in 1998! They were from Aldo and very uncomfortable, but I was in high school and thought they were so grown-up and cool that I wore them anyway (with my favorite Express flared jeans).
YES. I just cannot see myself going there ever again!
I lol’d- mine were brown and from Steve Madden. I wore them with my favorite bell-bottoms (senior year of high school 98-99.) I did wear those shoes to death, I think the sole fell off.
Oh, wow. I think I had that exact pair of Steve Maddens. And I loved the **** out of them. I wore them with flared cords (I think from the Gap?).
Research, Not Law
I was thinking the same thing!
Yes, my mother would also call those nun shoes, and then go on to say, “As in, never had nun, don’t want nun.”
+10 for you, +50 for your mother!
Mine would as well. But in my house, that was more aspirational than critical.
KE, my mom would love your mom.
LL thank you for the points!
Always a NYer
I liked a pair of shoes similar to this once, until I showed them to my grandma that is. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, “My grandmother had shoes like that.” My want for an oxford heel was effectively knocked out of me that day.
Hey, what comes around, goes around! Thanks for the brush recs yesterday. I ended up buying a Sephora-brand flat eyeliner brush before I saw your response, so we will see how that goes.
Always a NYer
Happy to share =) I’ve never tried Sephora brushes. Some of their shapes intrigue me because I haven’t seen them elsewhere. After using your brush for a while, post what you think of it as I’d love to know the quality. As you read yesterday, one can never have too many makeup brushes.
threadjack: My office is freezing. Please recommend any thick, cozy, preferably knit, preferaby somewhat professional looking cardigans or jackets you have found. Thanks!
The 100% wool Target cardigans that are out now are nice. They come in raspberry, blue, and a few other colors. They are open (no buttons), but pretty well structured. They have a tiny ruffle on the border, and they are $39.99.
I second this – these sweaters are great!
What about keeping a warm shawl in your office. When I am cold, I put mine over my shoulders or I drape over my legs for extra warmth, and it does wonders.
I keep a blanket in my (freezing) office. Drape it over my legs on cold days like today. I highly recommend it – there’s something about a blanket that makes endless hours of document review slightly more acceptable.
I got a wool shawl from Ann Taylor a few years ago that I keep in the office for this purpose.
Research, Not Law
Ditto on the wool shawl.
Lands End will have wool, cashmere, and mix options for cardigans. And usually have deals happening (which they tell you about if you sign up for emails).
Thanks, all. I have hit Marshall’s and bought all the boiled wool jackets I could find, but unless I buy duplicates of the same style/color, I am still only up to 4 on the really warm jacket front.
I have a pashmina & employ that, but the woman down the hall has a snuggie! I might break down and use her technique, though it doesn’t seem all that professional to me. :)
My building has really inconsistent heating, and somedays I wish I could wear gloves and still use my computer. I rely on cashmere cardigans (a few sturdy ones from JCrew before their quality went down, but mostly I haunt Marshalls and the like for my supply), and on really cold days, I add a silk scarf. A wool scarf, even a pashmina-style scarf, to my mind looks too much like outdoorwear for the office, but good silk scarves can be as warm, even though they still look lighter and dressier.
I got a couple of McDuff knit blazers at the Nordies mid-year sale. They look like blazers (collar, lapels) but are made of a soft, warm wool blend with a little cashmere. I loooove them for winter time and wear them a lot.
Your office building offers to move your small firm into bigger office space for the same cost as your current office. The bigger office will be renovated/customized, and you have some room to make requests regarding the office. (E.g., coat closet, double glass doors for conference room, kitchen with dishwasher and refrigerator, separate small room for copier)
What would you want to request?
multiple conference/meeting rooms or other group meeting spaces. there are never enough. plants. a room for pumping, if you have the kind of company that would be open to that.
Can't wait to quit
My office has a “pumping room”. It has a small fridge, a sink and counter and cupboards, and a big comfy chair that has a sort of “desk” attached to the arm. When no one needs it it turns into an auxiliary kitchen, but folks seem to know that if the door is locked they should not bang on it.
Good lighting, individually controlled air/heat, kitchen with microwave & coffee machine?
My instinctive question: Where’s the catch? This seems too good to be true.
What I would request: Phone booth with door. Always handy for clients who have to make confidential calls between meetings, and also useful for staff who have to make the occasional short, private call and can’t close an office door.
SF Bay Associate
Agreed with everyone’s suggestions so far. I really wish I had a small coat closet/wardrobe/vertical cupboard in my office. For the staff, consider trying to maximize natural light. Have at least part of the attorney offices along the window walls have translucent walls and/or doors, so that some natural light gets into the interior hallways and cubicles. So much more pleasant for everyone.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions! I will pass them along. I do not know what the catch is (possibly that when the original lease is up, the rent will jump?), I have just been asked to provide suggestions.
Consider how people like to work. When the last office I was at moved into a customized space they went with lots of long tables so that staff would have room for both their computers and documents spread out. And they put in as many outlets as they could!
They moved the filing (which had been primarily around the perimeter of a mostly open floor plan) to a separate room with a large table which was a sort of “junior conference room.” It was less formal — no clients meeting in there — and the table could be used to organize files or for searching through files. I think it was also meant to be a “sometimes” office for legal assistants on deadlines who needed not to be disturbed.
Also they got a Miele dishwasher — because they are so quiet they can run them during office hours without it being noticeable.
And if your firm isn’t necessarily interested in a pumping / nursing room, you might suggest more than one small restroom with the second or third in a more isolated spot (where noise / usage is less of an issue). Not ideal, but better than nothing.
Ladies, I am stuck. I want to email this person I do not know to see if we can work together (we have related businesses). How would you ask someone to have an informational cup of coffee with you without coming off creepy??
Maybe it’s all my years of being careful online, but everything I come up with seems to hit the wrong note. From those of you who receive these kinds of requests, what makes you respond?
I’ve been struggling with this with my job hunt. (I work in a very networking-focused field – jobs come from introductions, not interviews.)
A few things I’ve done:
Comb through any public bios to find things you have in common like schools and hometowns.
Mention an article or interview they did that you read and were impressed by.
Use facebook and linkedin to see if you have any friends or contacts in common and ask them if you can drop their names in the email.
And where necessary, I’ve sometimes just called it out and apologized for cold emailing before going on to explain why I’m so interested in talking to them – a little flattery seems to go a long way with that.
So far, so good. I think the key is just being able to mention something or someone you have in common. Also, keep in mind that they can just google you if they’re wary, so make sure a google search of your name shows positive info.
IDK, trying to pull off a cnx that really isn’t there or combing through everything public about me online would creep me out. Hearing from someone whose work is similar or complimentary to mine and who wants to get together for coffee to discuss working together would not.
On fb, I noticed someone whose responses to bigname dude in my field were similar to mine & friended her. We got together next time she was in the US and are planning to take time off from a conference we are both speaking at in a couple months to plan out our joint grant application for a project we would both travel for. I hope it goes as well for you when you reach out!
Thanks to all those who answered questions about my trial. I won! And the Judge did not allow the bumper sticker question. :(
So happy to hear! I remember your question and think it’s amazing…and so true :)
Can't wait to quit
Reposting this from earlier thanks to JJ’s suggestions: I would love to hear from any of you who are HR professionals, or have done some hiring. I’m an executive assistant and have decided to leave my current position at the end of April next year, mainly because I’m burnt out and sick of working for a hand-me-down boss who “doesn’t need an assistant”. The odd thing is that my current company (VERY LARGE financial institution) has a policy against giving personal references – you can show your performance reviews and they will verify employment dates and salary, but your supervisor or any other employee is not allowed to provide a reference. As the person doing the hiring, would this cause you problems? I have several other, excellent, references and am happy to show performance reviews, but I’m just trying to guage how big of a problem this is going to be.
It’s actually not that unusual–the reason generally seems to be that a company doesn’t want to run into defamation issues because of a rogue reviewer or something. It really shouldn’t be a problem, especially if you can show your reviews.
Not a problem at all, because it is so incredibly common.
A for this
Related question: I’m currently in my first post-law school job and am causally looking for a new position. I worked both summers and during the year in law school and for 2 years before starting law school, but haven’t really talked to those employers in 1-4 years (I know, bad me). Would it be weird if I contacted them out of the blue about being a reference? Would potential employers understand if I didn’t have references? How about using a trusted current coworker as a reference? Any advice would be appreciated!
Why don’t you contact those employers and tell them you’re looking and see what they say? Maybe they have something for you. If not, then the conversataion can go to references
Anon for this
I need some advice re: bridal party wear. My sister is getting married in April and wants the bridesmaids to wear this: http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_84305-84305_Bridal-Party-Features-Wear-Again-Looks
Which will be adorable on our 23-year-old sister who is a size 4 on a fat day, but I’m a pear-shaped size 10 … and I just found out I’m pregnant. Last time I would’ve been able to order up a couple of sizes and would’ve been OK at that point in pregnancy, but this is baby No. 2 and I’m sure I’ll be bigger this time around. How long I can hold off on ordering this dress without risking that it’ll be out of stock? My sister wants to order soon since David’s selections turn over fast, and I’m thinking this style doesn’t look very forgiving to weight fluctuations at all.
Also, I’m planning to wait as long as possible to tell everyone about this pregnancy so I need to be discreet and not raise this concern with my sister, if at all possible.
Wow, this is a really cute dress – and looks like it would be perfect for a pear shape. Doesn’t look like the typical bridesmaid’s dress at all. What is their return policy? Could you order 2 sizes and return one at a later point? Or guess what size you would be (based on your last pregnancy), get one size bigger, and plan on having alterations?
Anon for this
I agree; it’s a cute dress. I’m just really self-conscious about that length and hemline on a good day, much less during pregnancy.
Here’s hoping that alterations will work and they won’t cost more than the dress itself? :)
Bubble hems are tough. I tried some on for my brother’s wedding – and while I was standing it was just above knee length (a lot of their styles were short on me, and had NO hem to let out), and when I sat down, it went up to mid thigh and I had a huge poof in my lap. And I was not pregnant at the time. I think the style is going to be tough with a pregnant belly.
David’s return policy is crap. Basically, once you’ve bought it, its yours. Or they’ll try really hard to give you store credit, rather than a refund.
And frankly, I think the bubble hem might suck a bit if you are pregnant. The outer layer is cut generously, but the inner lining is cut more narrowly, especially around the knees, since that’s how they get the bubble hem effect. I would definitely discuss the pregnancy issue with a consultant – provided they have a dress to try on in store (your link said online only for that dress – which, now that I think about it, may affect the return policy – but I’d check on that to be sure).
Anon for this
I’m 5’9″, so the bubble hem would be problematic even now. Add pregnancy to it, and you’re right — this could look obscene! A
I’ve never bought anything at David’s. That said, it looks like a reasonably simple dress in terms of construction, so I might order it 3-4 sizes up and expect to take it to a tailor come March to get it altered to fit your pregnant self. The off-shoulder might be a bit difficult to pull off if you’re heavily pregnant anyway, so you might plan to wear a black wrap, sweater or scarf etc. on top (assuming that’s OK with sister bride) and, that means you don’t have to be quite as exacting with the fit on top …
Of course it may be tough to explain to sister bride why you’re ordering a size 16, but does she need to know?
Ugh. The site is telling me that I am posting too fast. My deleted post said talk to your sister if at all possible. If not, don’t order the dress and consult with your sister later to wear and appropriate black maternity dress.
Anon for this
Here’s why I’m hesitant to talk to my sister about it. If she knew I was pregnant, she would pick out another dress without a second thought and be totally happy with her decision. But I don’t want her to HAVE to do that. She’s a totally selfless person, this is a much-anticipated engagement/wedding, and since I’m 5 years older and inevitably get most of the “firsts” in the family … I just want her to have an awesome day in the spotlight with her fabulous fiance. She’s already had to make lots of comprises because of budget & timing. Plus, she’s not a big fan of wedding planning in the first place. I don’t want to be the reason that she has to make yet another “second choice.” Not sure I’m saying that very eloquently, but basically, I don’t want to be another burden to the planning process. I just want her to have an awesome day, even if it means showing up in a floor-length chartreuse gown.
Anon for this
ugh, compromises, not comprises.
Could everyone else keep the dress (I’m assuming there is more than just you in the wedding party), and you look for a maternity type dress in a black and white print? That way she’s not having to pick a brand new dress, and if you end up with a slight different dress because you’re pregnant, it will be pretty evident why.
I was thinking along these same lines . . . is at all possible to get this fabric from David’s Bridal (or another source) and have a dress made for you? I think that makes more sense than trying to fit a pregnancy shape into a dress that isn’t really made for that.
I don’t have any original advice about what to do, other than ordering big and planning on getting it tailored, but I do want to say props to you for this attitude about your sister’s wedding. Most wedding stuff I hear about seems to be fighting and selfishness. It’s refreshing to hear about someone just being happy and accomodating.
Probably stuff like this happens all the time, since many families actually do seem to contain reasonably sane people who generally like each other, but I feel like it gets talked about much less often than the petty wedding nonsense. I hope the dress looks great on you, and that your sister has a wonderful wedding.
I agree with everyone about talking to your sister, and also asking her to keep the news private for the time being. If she wants everyone to wear the same dress and needs to change it to a more universally flattering cut, she’ll want to know now, rather than be surprised later on that the dress isn’t going to work for you and you need a different dress, or be stressed because you are “inexplicably” dragging your feet on ordering the dress (obviously you wouldn’t be, but she wouldn’t know that).
Props to you for not wanting to burden your sister. It is a cute dress, but I don’t see it working unless a tailor can remake it. I would talk to a sales associate asap, and you might have to bite the bullet and tell your sister. It will be less stressful for her if she knows now that there may be a problem with the fit of the dress than to have to find an alternative later.
I would talk to your sister now and let her either pick something else for everyone, or decide to let you wear something else (especially if you could get it in the same print). It is awesome that you don’t want her to have to change anything for you, but as a little sister who is getting married in April, I would much rather change things early on than realize that something wasn’t going to work or that my sister would be uncomfortable wearing. Trust me, the news that she will be getting a new niece or nephew, and that she gets to know before the news is public, is MUCH more important to her than which dress you wear as a bridesmaid.
I agree, and also, you could go to her with a bunch of photos of dresses that are of a similar “tone” but would work better on a pregnant version of you.
I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago, and what helped was that the bride and all of us bridesmaids went to David’s together to pick out our sizes, and when I stepped out of the fitting room with my dress on it was very obvious to everybody that that dress was a poor choice for me. Then again, I was much bigger than your size 10 at the time, so it might not be such a dramatic moment for you! I also had enlisted the other bridesmaids to gently encourage the bride to consider styles other than the bridesmaid dress she had originally picked out for us, and we ended up trying on a whole bunch of dresses and coming to a consensus that made everyone happy – and ultimately the bride was really pleased that her bridesmaids were going to be comfortable instead of miserable on her big day. Good luck!
I’ve heard people say that they have “bumps” at David’s Bridal that you can try on with a bridesmaids dress to see what size you think you might need if you’re pregnant. You might want to look in to see if your store will do that (and then go try on the dress by yourself if you’re still being discreet).
I was in a wedding last June and had to get a dress from David’s Bridal and I believe that I had to have it ordered 90 days before the wedding – so that’s probably your “drop dead date.” I didn’t need it altered, so you might want to factor in more time for that. All things considered, I would err on the side of ordering too big and just have it altered down as necessary.
I say call David’s and ask them…you could ask to get in touch with a buyer who would know how long they’re going to carry the dress. I am sure they would help you out.
Also – is this the identical print?
Maybe order a top as a backup and if the dress is a disaster you can pear the top with a fabulous black skirt?
Anon for this
Thank you! I didn’t see that! That could be a good backup plan.
No problem – also, i meant “pair” the top. Can you tell who needs her afternoon snack? :)
Oof, I don’t see how a set-in ruched waist will be at all flattering or comfortable if you’re going to be in your 2nd or 3rd trimester for the wedding. (I say this as someone currently entering my 3rd trimester).
Any way your sister would agree to something in a jersey fabric or in an empire waist style?
Research, Not Law
I would call David’s directly and ask when you need to order. My memory from bridesmaid days is 8 weeks – but you’ll want to allow for extra time for the inevitable alterations.
David’s does have strap on bumps. I can’t vouche for how accurate they are. I’m in my second pregnancy, and I’d recommend planning for an extra month (so if you’ll be 6 months at the wedding, plan for a month 7 bump). I’d also add an extra inch (one cup size) to you pregnancy bust last time.
The upside is that I’m carrying lower this time (“pre-stretch”), so I think the waistline would work okay. But boy, that hemline would make me nervous. Maybe you could gain an inch or two if you had the seamstress convert the bubble hem to a regular hem? You’ll have enough bubble of your own, so I don’t think it would be noticeable.
Honestly, I’d tell your sister about your pregnancy. If I were her, I’d want to know before I ordered everyone’s dresses. They are absolutely not returnable. I think you have a valiant reason to not want to tell, but she’s obviously going to find out soon, and she may have wanted the option to pick something different. Although you’re worried about taking advantage of her selfless nature, keep in mind that even for selfish-reasons, many brides would prefer their bridesmaids to wear a flattering dress.
Anon for this
This is why Corporettes rock. I’m leaning toward telling her, knowing that David’s return policies suck and this particular style is pretty unforgiving.
When you tell her, have a pic of the matching top and some maternity skirts on hand, to make it really clear that you are not trying to change it for everyone. At the wedding, it shouldn’t be a problem at all because by then the reason yours is different will be obvious.
Can you get a maternity dress in the same print? How pregnant will you be, 5 months or so?
Are you the matron of honor? Can you look for a different yet related dress?
I have a question for those of you at large law firms (or I guess probably other places too). So, last summer I was a summer associate at a large firm in a big city. And…I ended up “seeing” one of the other summer associates on and off for a lot of the summer (we stopped seeing each other at the end of the summer when we went back to our different schools). It wasn’t the type of thing that would normally be scandalous per se (we were both single, around the same age, etc). But, it still felt very scandalous at the time, so we kept it a big secret from the firm, and as far as I know, they never found out. So, my question is, do you think it would be looked down upon by the firm (or people at the firm) if it ever got out? I certainly don’t plan to announce it, but we’re both going to the firm next year, and I just have this nagging anxiety that someone finds out somehow and I end up looking unprofessional, etc.
(Also, I know it was probably a bad idea to do it in the first place, but that ship has obviously sailed).
Being at a large law firm and having supervised our summer program, I would see this as amusing gossip and nothing more. And given that you kept it very quiet, it might make me think more positively of you — as in “that girl knows what is and is not appropriate.”
Also no offense, but the lawyers don’t pay too much attention to the summers’ personal lives.
This. Though I would also add that you should be prepared for it to come up again at an inopportune time, like when people are drinking.
A few years ago, a couple of our summers were “seeing” each other. They tried to keep it a big secret, but we still noticed. We the firm never talked to them about it because we didn’t “officially” know, but we talked about it amongst each other, and even now when either of them comes up, someone always remembers that one of them was seeing the other one. Several of the people I work with certainly thought less of both of them – the summer associate session is only 10 weeks. They couldn’t wait?! They were axed in the 2009 massacre, along with many of their classmates. I certainly think it was unprofessional as well. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.
Yikes. Were you the one bringing it up to these “several” people?
I think it would be mild gossip at my firm, but no one would really care after everyone got past the “did you hear that Dick and Jane dated over the summer?” As long as you and the guy can get along in the working environment without acting weird around each other, it’s not a big deal at all.
Related question –
How frowned upon would it be for two junior associates at the same firm to be “seeing each other”? Assuming they’re the same year and are in wholly separate practice groups, would anyone care?
One thing I’ve learned from this site: no matter what you do at work, SOMEONE cares, and probably doesn’t approve. That doesn’t necessarily mean you shouldn’t do it, though.
This. There’s always going to be someone with an opinion, regardless of whether they should even have it in the first place.
Agree with Jas, someone will care, because people are ninnies.
I think that if you keep it discrete and don’t get into fights with each other at work or make out with each other at work functions, you’re fine.
When I was a junior associate, I was seeing another junior associate in my group. About the same time two other associates in our group started seeing each other too. They were public. My ex and I were not (and though good friends now, still no one to my knowledge knows that we were dating). No one frowned upon the other couple. However, people did talk about them. (Not in a malicious way…but people do like to gossip). I was of the opinion that my private life is private. It is easy enough to keep any romantic involvement out of the office environment and just appear to be friends. IMHO there is nothing to be gained by letting folks know you are seeing someone you work with. The more important question is whether you want to take the risk – because of the potential for a messy breakup (which is much harder to hide).
Its not like omg fire her but, yeah it is unprofessional. Unfortunately the woman always takes the harder hit in the gossip too I’ve found. I find two summers dating much less proffesional than actual associates especially since it was “on and off during 10 weeks” sorry that isn’t “seeing them” thats sleeping with them…
I have to say, I don’t see why this should be a problem/the firm’s business. I get that people think that it is, but I don’t get why it should be. Now, it’s different if you’re talking about a partner dating a junior associate, or two associates who will be working together. In those situations, the firm has a clear interest. But in a big firm if you’ve got two people in separate groups who aren’t going to be working together, as long as they keep it out of the workplace, who cares? If they’re not working together, then why would this affect the firm anymore than any other relationship with a non-firm person?
That’s just my two cents, but in my opinion, as long as you are otherwise acting professionally, I would not judge you/look down on you/whatever.
Given that it’s over, I can’t imagine that anyone would (a) be interested and (b) care. I barely know who our first-year associates are, much less care who they dated. Not to be harsh, but my experience is that gossip about first-years (who are, by definition, unknown to the vast majority of the firm), is primarily of interest to other first-years.
Maybe it depends on the firm. Definitely, at my firm people loved to gossip about everyone…
Yeah, this is firm-dependent.
Hah, or I am totally out of the loop, which is also possible!
Nothing you can do about it now, quite frankly.
People will gossip, although most likely nobody will ever say anything to your face (or his). Some people probably will disapprove, but again… absolutely nothing you can do about this. And of all the SA hook-ups I’ve heard of, this sounds like the least scandalous…
If it helps, I think that that’s pretty much the way that the Obamas got together (actually, if I remember correctly, she was an attorney and he was a summer, but that’s close.) So there’s that.
Long-time lurker – first time poster.
I think this is definitely a know-your-office kind of thing. At my old firm, there were several married couples, some more scandalous that others (2 partners married to each other, partner married to receptionist, partner married to assistant, partner leaving wife for law clerk – now happily married). Aside from standard, playful chat over lunch, no one cared or disapproved.
I met my husband at work. We took the attitude that while it wasn’t a secret, it also wasn’t an announcement we needed to make. People found out eventually in the normal course. When we got engaged, many at the firm congratulated us for carrying on a proud firm tradition.
Don’t stress about it!
Hey ladies, it’s time for a random Ru story/interjection/observation/whatever, which I know you all have been missing desperately. Please, someone explain to me, how, while working in the same office for the past 4 years, today is the day someone walked in on me praying? For the first time? Two different people on two different occasions on the same day. Once in the conference room and once in an empty plotter room used for storage.
Actually, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened sooner (4 years!!!!). And I’m a little relieved. I’m hoping the gossip mills will get the word out and it won’t be so weird. I have to say, the dudes who walked in on me were very shocked to see me sitting on the floor. Also, I’m grateful for my outwardly observant attire for explaining the situation (or weirdness, whatever).
I hope you are not offended by this, and maybe it’s not relevant, but when I was a surgery resident I often pumped in a room that had a lock (with key pass) but was used by myself and three other (male) residents. I usually tried to time it so they wouldn’t be around, and there was a lock (that I thought worked) from the inside.
Anyways, one day I’m pumping and one of the guys walked in on me. Instead of being composed, I just yelled “get out! get out!” I was totally freaked out. I don’t think he even actually saw anything (I was covered) but it was such a moment of embarrassment for me. He and I literally never spoke of it again. It was like a cone of silence around him.
Yikes, I would be mortified, too. Cones of silence are wonderful things.
think of it this way – 2x in one day, word gets out, maximum efficiency! if you were planning an awareness campaign, you couldn’t hope for better.
LOL that’s one way to think about it. I was trying so hard to keep it on the DL, I don’t want to make people uncomfortable in the workplace. Oh wells.
It’s been 4 years… are you so sure your religion was still on the DL?
She wears hijab, her religion isn’t on the DL! She’s talking about praying at work
How? The same way I keep walking into a file room expecting to get some files but turn on the lights and find a sleeping secretary, that’s how.
Either that, or we’re alone in a cold, uncaring universe. Your choice.
Uf, that was for Ru.
Does she have a pillow and blankie, too?
Always a NYer
One of my coworkers got “reprimanded” because he would sleep under his desk during lunch. We have pretty private cubicles but his boss constantly pops in and out of her teams cubes. Let’s just say I could hear her down the hall.
Oh DEAR! That’s bad!
(Sorry for ELLNE caps.)
A to Z
What are the rules for writing off personal cell phone regularly used for work when employer does not supply a cell phone?
In search of a sweater dress
Has anyone tried the Islesboro dress from LL Bean Signature?
I am looking for a long-sleeved sweater dress that isn’t super boxy. Last year I tried one from Athleta, but the quality was disappointing, so I returned it. I’m already on the taller side (5’8”), but I think I have the long torso issue, too, so I need something that is on the longer side.
Always a NYer
I have to share this somewhere because I’m having a MacGyver/Michael Westin/Annie Walker moment. My friend’s on call for work tonight and her cell phone literally fell apart after getting a call. While she was freaking out, I was able to switch her SIM card into her boyfriend’s phone and it worked! One step closer to my super spy fantasy =p