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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 243 Comments · by

Coffee Break – Multi Stripe Mixed Media Tote

Coffee Break

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Multi Stripe Mixed Media ToteI have a million totes like this because they're so functional — they're especially perfect for carrying reading materials and work papers on to an airplane. (I always keep the whole “reading bag” packed in my rolling bag until I get through security, and then pull it out before I board.)  I like this fun blue and green tote in faux leather from Express — and it's on sale: it as $39.90, now marked to $19.99, and then take an additional 30% off. Hooray! Multi Stripe Mixed Media Tote (L-2)

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Comments

  1. Equity's Darling

    How many bras is one supposed to have? Like..how many day-to-day? How many sports? How many push-up/sexy? How many strapless?

    I’m in the process of a bra wardrobe update, and I’m not entire certain how many I’m supposed to buy…

    • nona

      My strategy is to have enough so that I don’t wear the same one two days in row, so it has a chance to air out and give the elastic a rest. So, I have 2 nude and 2 black that are in the regular rotation, along with a handful of other colors for when I’m feeling more colorful.

      I’ve got 2 sports bras (for the same “resting” reason) and one strapless one.

      I also don’t wash after each wear.

      • a.

        I’m similar. I have around three nude-for-me (or-nude functioning, like light pink or gray) and three black (or black-like), plus one fun bra I can wear with clothes, then two ~extra-fun~ bras for ~special occasions~ if you’re getting my drift, although I might as well throw them out because I haven’t been having any ~special occasions~ recently. I do own one strapless bra, but it’s so uncomfortable I never wear it.

        For sports bras, I have four that I love, and then four/five more I wear after the good ones get foul.

      • Flamingo

        Hmm … How often does everyone else wash? Maybe I’m being too rough on mine.

        • b23

          I wash my bras exceedingly rarely. Perhaps every two months? I know, it’s terrible, but they never smell or look dirty.

          • b23

            I was my sports bras almost every time, though. The problem is that they are nicer too (underwire, specialty sizes, etc.), so I have to hand-wash them as well. It gets kind of annoying.

          • Ella

            Yeah, I basically never wash mine, except for the sports bras. Maybe twice a year? (So b23, you should feel less gross in comparison.) They’re expensive (I am a huge and expensive size)…they don’t smell bad…they don’t look dirty….

            Basically, if I ever feel really gross, or I sweat a lot unexpectedly, or the armpits start to look discolored, I wash them. Otherwise, no. And I don’t have b**b/back-ne, so I don’t think it’s too bad for my skin/hygiene.

            I have maybe seven nice bras. There is one that a wear a lot, maybe three-four days/week. The others are for if I need X (cleavage? minimizer? padding? a change? etc.). And then I have a sports bra that I wear on weekends (I hate my real bras, love sports bras), and other sports bras that I wear for sports (or “sport,” as Mitt Romney might say).

            If this grosses you out, you can be grateful that I am not your girlfriend.

          • nona

            I’m probably similar. If I’ve had a particularly sweaty day, I’ll throw that one in the wash and take it out of rotation.

          • anon

            Okay good, y’all are making me feel better! I’m the same as you, Ella – a huge and expensive size. I don’t want to ruin my nice bras.

          • yay

            I feel so much less alone. Thank you all for admitting this. I’m a bra-washing slacker as well.

          • he Melitta

            I effin’ hate Ella for being a huge and expensive size. However, I wash my brassieres approximate;y every month or so, unless I get ridiculously sweaty in one of them. Sports bras are a one-time kinda thing.

        • Frida

          I wash mine everyday.

          I’d read about a study years earlier, that said that women who wear bras are more likely to have breast cancer.

          I think it has to do with the fact that most bras are not cotton/absorbent, and the sweat, body oils and skin cells accumulating in them.

          So I feel it is a good idea to wash them as often as you wash underpants.

          • anno

            Hmm…I’m wondering what the causal relation between bra wearing and breast cancer. Having breasts?

          • Anie

            The bra/breast cancer connection is actually supposed to be about lymph—lymph doesn’t circulate as much, since your breasts are held in place and the natural swininging can’t move the lymph.

            A discussion of the study can be found here: http://www.all-natural.com/bras.html It’s worth a read.

          • PollyD

            It’s probably too late, but I cannot stand to see this stupid rumor promulgated. There is absolutely no relationship between wearing bras and breast cancer risk.

            Check out this statement from the American Cancer Society (link: http://www.cancer.org/Cancer/BreastCancer/DetailedGuide/breast-cancer-risk-factors):

            “Internet e-mail rumors and at least one book have suggested that bras cause breast cancer by obstructing lymph flow. There is no good scientific or clinical basis for this claim. Women who do not wear bras regularly are more likely to be thinner or have less dense breasts, which would probably contribute to any perceived difference in risk.”

            So, worry less about wearing a bra and more about maintaining a healthy weight. Also, get your cancer risk information from reputable places like the American Cancer Society, National Cancer Institute, CDC, or even the Komen site.

        • Giraffes? Giraffes!

          I wash after wearing 2 or 3 times. Even if I’m not sweaty, they’re still absorbing dead skin cells. I had no idea that some women wash their bras so infrequently!

    • Midwest

      I have 4 everyday bras, 1 strapless, 1 racerback and 4 sports bras. It seems to be the right amount for me.

    • Always a NYer

      6 t-shirt bras (which are great as they don’t show under work shirts)
      3 push-up/sexy bras
      No strapless bra because I’m relatively flat-chested and can get away with just pasties if needed
      Re: sports bras, because I’m flat-chested I normally just wear a tank with built-in shelf bra

      Now to jack your threadjack: what brands of underwear do you all buy? I used to love the VS cotton hiphuggers but the quality has gone down dramatically and I’m looking for better brands to buy. Thanks!

      • Merabella

        I love Soma’s vanishing edge panties. They have similar styles to the VS, but they have these silicone things on the edge that keep them from riding up.

      • Barrister in the Bayou

        I swear by Maidenform – The Smooth Panty Collection. They are very comfortable, and there is very little vpl.

      • Anon0321

        CK black cotton briefs are my long time faves. They are comfy but not too granny looking.
        On bras I have 4 currently- I wash every 2-4 weeks just on principle & because I like habit. If I didn’t do that, I’d probably wash them even less. I thought this was weird, but I read a dear abby style thing recently (were someones bf was writing in because he thought it was weird/gross) that said that’s pretty much the norm.
        I am a REGULAR clothes rewearer though. I shower once or twice a day, wear great deodorant & always do the sniff test & don’t think I’ve ever had a problem.
        I think it’s pretty personal though– My bf on the other hand, wears jeans once, somehow makes them totally gross & has to wash them pretty much daily.

        • Lover

          I just found out that my bf washes his clothes by type, not by color. One load is just pants. One load is shirts. One load is towels.

          Do other people do this? I sort by color (which is really by water temp), and then by delicates.

          I have 2 main bras I wear, one dark and one nudish, of the same brand. I usually wash one or both about once a month, depending on how often I’ve been wearing them. I have a hard-to-find size (38B) so I would be open to more bras that were affordable.

      • Echo

        I’ve only bought Gilly Hicks’ underwear for years, and it’s definitely stood the test of the washing machine.

    • Pest

      I think this depends on your needs and how often you want to do your laundry. I, personally, think that bras are like the rest of my underwear and don’t wear them more than once without washing them. I have enough regular bras so that I can comfortably go two weeks without doing the laundry. I have a couple of strapless bras that I wear when I wear strapless dresses, which is a rare occasion. I have five sports bras that I wear to run. I don’t like my sweaty gym clothes to fester in the hamper for too long, so I don’t need as many.

      • Anonymous

        Glad to hear that you don’t wash your bras every time you wear them. I don’t either because it is a chore washing and drying by hand and I machine washing and drying ruins them. I do need a good sports bra though.

        • Pest

          You misread my comment. I DO wash them every time I wear them. I machine wash them on the delicate cycle and hang dry.

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      Wow, ED I think you must be me – I had just been meaning to post this exact same question, so I’m very interested in the answers.

    • eek

      2 nude, 2 black every day bras that are great under t-shirts (Calvin Klein brand from Nordstrom anniv sale – holla!).

      If I am wearing a shirt that won’t show the bra, I have lacier, pretty ones in pink, off-white, white, a few black ones.

      2 strapless bras (1 nude, 1 black).

      2 workout bras (white)

      Then I have a few that are just for going to visit SO since we are long distance that were bought just for him.

      **I generally buy all mine in the Nordstrom anniv sale. I air them out to get a few wearings out of each, wash them in a lingerie bag on the handwash cycle w/ special detergent. Air dry.

    • Lyssa

      I have 3 nude, smooth bras (ones that can be worn under just about any top), and one black one that I try to work into the rotation when I’m wearing dark clothing. I also have at least 5 nicer ones in varying colors, but I (unfortunately) usually forget to wear them because the nude ones are so easy. One, a black lace, is my go-to sexy bra (I don’t have any that are push-up, based on my lack of much of anything to, well, push). I have one strapless, but I probably don’t pull it out but once a year or so. I’ve been getting away with 2 very snug shelf camies as sports bras, but I’m not really a worker-outer.

      I’m pretty flat chested, so I can go without a bra on a regular basis (not for work, of course!), and I don’t sweat all that much, so I really don’t wash them very often. (I’ve never had a bra fail the “sniff test”.) I also don’t really wear them out very quickly, since they’re not really under a lot of stress. :)

    • Happy Anon

      This is so embarrassing but just yesterday as I’m lounging on the couch in my cute and well-thought-out weekend outfit with a gap body “bralette” on under (not a bra w/ cups or clasp, not a sports bra, so comfortable and perfect for my *tiny* chest…fiance leaned over on the couch, tugged the strap and said very laughingly (but he meant it) “can we please finally upgrade these to something more fun?!” Oops. I HAVE BECOME SO BRA LAZY! I don’t even remember the last time I wore a real bra – granted I don’t need the support, but I guess I’m letting myself go in that department! Does anyone else have this problem!? PLEASE help motivate me to get some cute/fun/s*xy bras so that I feel a bit more like a lady! Haha.

      • KC

        Haha. I hear you! My friends and I are a fairly athletic bunch, and we joke about how we lapse into sports/comfy bra phases all the time.

        • AIMS

          Can I make a recommendation for Hanky Panky bralettes? They are the same exact concept & super comfortable but really cute lace, in lots of bright colors. I particularly love the neon. My SO loves them all. They have them on sale pretty frequently at places like the NM Last Call stores, Lohmanns, etc.

          Oh, and they also come in a tank top/cami version that I frequently wear around the house.

          • Happy Anon

            Oooh AIMS that’s a great idea! Purchasing a Hanky Panky bralette immediately and will test the fiance’s reaction. I’m thinking the lace/cute colors will be a major upgrade from my gray, black or white gap body things.

            KC – YES – that’s where the problem stems from! I was a college athlete and still work out all the time and it’s just so much easier/comfier/better for me to have that sporty feeling. To some degree I’m like, well, he knows who he’s marrying! But to another degree, I’ve gotta do something about my un-s*xiness! Haha.

            Thanks ladies!!

    • Bonnie

      I’m bad about doing laundry so probably have about 10 regular bras in black, nude and a couple in fun colors. Probably the same amount of sports bras. I rewear the regular ones if it’s not a sweaty day. Your post does remind me that I need to get rid of the bras that don’t fit and are just taking up valuable space in my dresser.

    • SF Bay Associate

      3 nude, 2 black, and 3 fun colors which I rotate through, plus 2 sportsbras, a strapless, and a nubra, and the ones that aren’t for wearing out of the house. I never sweat and I handwash/dry flat my bras (washing machines destroy bras), so I probably wash my bras every few weeks or so. I expect I wear them 4-6 times each before washing. That might sound icky, but they never smell, so it doesn’t bother me at all.

      For the corporette with the bralettes, take a look at lula lu petite lingerie. She offers beautiful lingerie for sizes like ours :).

        • KC

          I have a left to right system in my drawer. Clean bras go on the left, and I put them back on the right side. I usually only wear each bra 2-3x before washing, so it’s easy to keep track. I also imagine you could do the same sort of thing by folding them differently after one wear (for example, inside out after one wear, hamper after two wears, etc.).

          • Anon0321

            I keep a draw for stuff “in-use” … the way I remember to do stuff is just to do certain things on certain days of the month.
            For example, the first of each month is my new razor, clean bras, comforters, sheets & towels day… otherwise I’d be hopeless and either do it everyday or never. ;-p

    • How Timely

      I like Maidenform bras and panties.

      I have 3 nude and 3 black bras (One Fabulous Fit Tailored TShirt Bra #07959) and 6 nude and 6 black panties (The Smooth Panty Collection Bikini # 40253). I just purchased a whole new set online yesterday because mine were three years old and starting to not fit properly because they were so stretched out. Maidenform is giving 30% off online EXTFFMAR12 until midnight tonight NY time.

      I also have about 6 or 8 sports bras and one black strapless bra.

      About the washing and the “bra laziness:” I refuse to buy bras or panties with any lace whatsoever. I wash panties after every wear and bras after every 2 or 3 wears (except sports bras, which obviously go in the wash after every wear). When you wash them so often (and I can’t imagine not), lace does not last.

      Yes, I am married. Yes, I like to look sexy. Yes, I have at any given time one fancy lacy bra/panty set which I wear for dress up. But I am always disappointed by how often I have to replace the lace set compared to the every day sets.

      With the discount, my supply of bras and panties for the next 2-3 years was $170; not having to worry about which bra to wear or how long the lace will hold out? Priceless.

    • Echo

      I probably have too many, but I love lingerie! I don’t even own a white or nude bra anymore, and my only black bra is strapless. Mine are ALL fun colors, with various amounts of padding: blue, neon pink and black, pink leopard, regular leopard, rainbow leopard (sense a theme?), lavender, hot pink, red… I have probably around 6 sports bras as well, and I wash those every time I wear them.

      • nona

        My question is…how do you wear all those fancy colors under your shirts without them showing. That’s why I really only wear the nude and the black – you can see the prints through everything else…

        • Echo

          I usually wear a nude camisole under everything, or the shirt’s thick or dark enough that you can’t see through it.

  2. AIMS

    Cute! I like the colors.

    Gift threadjack: I am going to a bday party for a 6 year old girl. She has a ton of toys and just about everything else a child could possibly need, probably in triplicate. She is also not particularly into dolls, according to my friend/her mother. But the last time I saw her, last month, we were in a toy store and she really wanted this doll. My friend wouldn’t buy it for her because she said she knew she would not actually play with it. Perhaps not my best move, but to avoid the tantrum, I told the 6 yr. old that she should pick something else out and maybe I would buy her a doll for her bday. Now, 2 big questions: do I have to get her a doll (is she going to remember???) and/or what should I actually get her?? I don’t hang out with too many kids so it’s hard for me to know what’s popular with this age group. Help!

    • ADL

      I’m a big fan of giving books to kids, no matter the age of the kid. Your local bookstore can help with the appropriate selection, if you’re unsure. I would also say, there’s no need to get the doll (but I’m kind of a meanie).

      Or if you’re super-close to the kid, then maybe an “outing”? Such as, this entitles you to a mani/pedi, lunch date and movie with Auntie AIMS.

    • mamabear

      I have always been surprised at the things my kids remember, and the level of detail of those memories. So if you promised her the doll for her birthday, I think you should get it for her. Promises are super, super important to six year olds.

      For what it’s worth, my 11 year old was not much of a doll kid at that age, but really likes them now in more of a collector sense.

      • Anonynonynony

        Unless the doll is super-expensive, I’d get the doll. What can it hurt? And yeah, six year olds have freaky memories for things like that. Its a real pain in the *ss sometimes actually.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I still remember the care bear that my great aunt got me one year after she promised she would. Get the doll. And an inexpensive paperback book. All presents I give to children always include a book.

      • Distorted Memory

        On the subject of kids remembering things: what do you do about kids who mis-remember facts? Is there any way to deal with that?

        Yesterday, my SD (16) told me that a certain event had happened while we were all living together and that was why her mom did X on that day. In fact, the event happened in April of 2009, and we did not all start living together until June of 2009. I gently reminded her of that. She blew it off.

        BTW, her mom’s behavior that day has nothing to do with whether the event happened before or after we all moved in together. It has to do with the fact that her mother yells to everyone, about everything, all the time, including SD. SD somehow believes that if she were able to do exactly what mom wants, mom wouldn’t yell. Which translates to “dad and SM should do exactly what mom wants, and then mom won’t yell.” So basically it is everyone else’s fault that mom yells — never mom’s fault.

        There is a lot of dysfunction here, but my basic question is: how do you deal with a distorted memory/statement of fact?

        TIA

        • Hel-lo

          This is a heavy question, SD.

          Honestly, people misremember. Kids misremember. People, and kids, who are going through a traumatic time (like mom yelling all the time) misremember things.

          I wouldn’t focus on that.

          Your SD is human, and humans are mistaken sometimes. I would ignore it.

          But your SD needs to understand more about why her mom yells. It likely doesn’t have anything to do with your or her behavior.

          • Distorted Memory

            Thanks. Mom’s yelling absolutely doesn’t have anything to do with what SD or Dad or I or anyone else does or says. Dad and I have been pointing that out to SD for years. She doesn’t see it. I mean, she just does.not.see that Mom yells at everyone all the time for no reason.

            Instead, SD believes Mom when Mom gives an excuse for each yelling episode (think, I yelled at the gas station attendant because there were no towels or I yelled at the waiter because he didn’t bring water — no, you yelled because that’s what you do, and if it hadn’t been the towels or the water, it would have been something else). We can all see that the stated reason for each yelling episode is a pretext, but SD believes it is real.

            I normally can let this stuff roll off my back, but this week has included a couple really bad examples and I am having difficulty accepting the distortions. Thanks for listening.

    • Mom to a six year old

      She will remember. Get the doll.

      If you really don’t want to get it for some reason, girls this age tend to love crafty things. There are all kinds of kits available at Target, craft stores, and toy stores.

      • AIMS

        Thanks, you guys! This was my big fear – that she remembers. I would normally do something like take her to that store and let her pick something out but we don’t live near each other. Now I just have to deal with the fact that my friend will think I suck and don’t pay attention because I am giving her kid a doll she doesn’t think she will play with and probably won’t play with for more than a day…
        Not sure how to address that one.

        • 30

          Your friend was there and (presumably) heard you say you’d buy it. She will get it. :)

        • Always a NYer

          Remind your friend of how you promised her daughter that day in the store and you always keep your word. If she thinks that’s ridiculous because her daughter doesn’t play with dolls, say a promise is a promise. I also second getting a book as well, that should appease mom ;)

          • AIMS

            I am going to have to lie a bit. Mom didn’t hear me promise – girl was very sad and about to cry and I said, “be good, you can’t have the doll now; if you did, what would I get you for your birthday?” I am not proud of myself but I was very tired and I also love dolls, so whatever. So, I am just going to have to vaguely say I asked her what she wanted that day and she said doll, and leave it at that without going into specifics. And definitely get some books to assuage my guilt. Thanks all!

          • TCFKAG

            Also AIMS if the mommy gives you guff about a birthday present you got for her daughter, then she’s the rude one! :-P Get what you want.

          • Esquared

            If it makes you feel better, my mom was always anti dolls (& trolls!) for some reason I never quite figured out. Also, my parents had a principle of not letting us buy random things at the store while we were there so that we wouldn’t have tantrums. Of course I wanted what all my friends had & my birthdays were my only chance to get them. My mom didn’t really care if other people bought them for me. I’m sure it will be fine.
            Oh and I’m on the “6 yr olds remember” bandwagon. It’s not nice to break promises to kids once you make them, unless the mother explicitly says no to you.

        • CKB

          And kids often surprise you with what they play with. I have 3 boys, and they have received gifts that I though “Oh, they’ll never play with that” and it was a favorite for months. Then there are the gifts that I think they’ll love that never get touched. You just never know.

    • Seattleite

      She will remember, and not only that, it will be way more important than could even seem possible.

      (I still remember, and resent, a broken promise from when I was 8. Yes, I should get over it, but I haven’t.)

      • nona

        Oh man – I was convinced I was going to get a sister when I was 8. My mom was pregnant, so this wasn’t completely delusional. I was convinced that God would be so mean as to give me another brother. ( I already had 2).

        I did not get a sister. I got a third brother. And while I love him to pieces, 8 y.o me was NOT happy.

        • Anonny

          Ha this sound like me as well. I actually knocked on my parents door one night after my brother had been home for a month and asked when he was “going back” in all seriousness.

          • nona

            Ha – I was in denial that mom was even pregnant with Brother #2. The last time she was pregnant I got a brother (#1), and since I didn’t want another (#2), she just wasn’t pregnant. How’s that for 5 year old logic?

          • TCFKAG

            When I was an infant (about a month old I guess) my five year old brother was standing over my crib and my mom came into the room and asked “what’s going on” and he looked at her and said in all earnestness “Mommy, it would be really sad if baby TCFKAG died, wouldn’t it?” And my mom said “yes that would be VERY sad” and then kept a SHARP eye on him for a while after that. :-P

          • AIMS

            TCFKAG, I’m sorry to say this, but your brother sounds hilarious. I literally did a spit take with my tea just now.

          • TCFKAG

            Its all fun and games, until your brother smothers you with a pillow.

            (Which, for the record, he never did……that I know of anyway. ;-)

          • KC

            According to my parents, as I was leaving the hospital, my older brother looked up at them with big eyes and asked “Can we just leave her here?” Here’s to being an unwanted sibling ;)

          • AN

            We have the opposite problem. 4 year old son insists the new-baby-in-mama’s tummy is HIS daughter, not my husband’s daughter. And yes, we are giving him stuff ‘from the new baby’….!!

        • Esquared

          Hahaha, so great! My mom sent me gifts & cards “from my brother” in the mail while she was pregnant with him so that I’d like him better when he came. +1 for bribing kids!

          • In-House Europe

            That is brilliant! I am totally stealing this for when (hopefully soon!) I am pregnant with #2.

    • goirishkj

      What about a doll and a book that go together? I found out at a party recently that at one point there was an Anne of Green Gables doll–not sure if they still make it or if it would appease the six year old, but it never hurts to start the Anne love early!

    • Bunkster

      Children always remember. That’s why you should never break a promise to a child.

      I’m going to my niece’s 6th birthday at the American Girl store next month. Luckily, I don’t have to get her a gift from there. That stuff is not cheap. Instead, I’m giving her a bathing suit, flip flops, and a beach tote, plus a promise to take her to my beach club for a special day.

    • Anon

      She will remember, maybe get her the doll with a gift receipt. Crafty stuff is also great for this age.

  3. Kaitlin C

    I am so excited- I just got offered a summer job at a big NYC bank in their private wealth management division (dream job, one that I never thought I’d be qualified for after a rough freshman year of college) but now it’s starting to hit me that I have absolutely no idea what this job will entail day to day. I have absolutely no finance background/experience so I’m trying to gather as much info as possible beforehand so I can focus on actually learning the finance side of things when I’m there.

    Do any of you have any experience with these big bank training programs? It’s 3 weeks of training, 8 weeks of work. I’d love any advice about what to expect or how to prepare! Thank you!!

    • Susan

      PWM is very much a relationship business. The reality is that most of the new hires these programs make from MBA programs and elsewhere go through some in-house training program. You’re not expected to be a finance expert, but it wouldn’t hurt to get some introductory books on personal finance/investing and retirement planning and read up to get the basic principles.

      A Private Wealth Management associate is usually part of a hub-and-spoke team– you are the hub, you connect with the clients/hold their hands, gather information, etc. The spokes are all the specialists that are in-house– tax attorneys, probate lawyers, etc. You are the translator that explains all this stuff in plain English to your clients, and manage the relationship.

    • Anon Lawyer

      I mean this in the nicest way possible, but how do you know it is your dream job, if you have no idea what it entails?

      • Kaitlin C

        The same way anyone just starting a career is drawn to any field? There are aspects of the job that I think sound amazing. I love that it’s relationship driven and encourages individual ownership over beginning a client base and rewards entrepreneurial efforts. I’m now trying to understand how the fact that the job involves a lot of long term planning/relationship development is going to influence what I’m doing in a summer internship.

        Usually if you have to start with “I mean this in the nicest way possible” it’s not a very helpful comment.

        • ACK

          I also agree with Anon Lawyer, and there has been a multitude of helpful comments posted on this website with that preface.

        • Seattleite

          I mean this in the nicest way possible, but if you are this touchy in your internship it probably won’t go well.

          • springtime

            I’m gonna cut the OP some slack – sometimes comments written on the screen seem way harsher than had they been said aloud.

          • NYC

            seriously, it’s amazing how supportive this site is for the most part, but I’m equally amazed by how unkind some comments are.

      • SLCanon

        A summer job during college is exactly the sort of place you confirm whether something is or is not your dream job – best case scenario says it is, and now she has her foot in the door. Worst case, she’s crossed something off her list while she still has time to decide, and has spent a summer doing something productive and impressive.

      • KLG

        I think an internship like that is a dream in this economy. But that might just be me projecting my job search woes…

    • Flamingo

      The fact that this is a summer job would tell me the whole point of is to provide you exposure to what this job would be like, so that you can decide if this is really a dream job for you . So, you’re not supposed to know the ins and outs before you start.

      To prepare, you could identify 1-2 top industry publications, or WSJ or whatever and make sure you are reading those now on a regular basis. Get as much information as possible regarding the firm and the clients from the website and news releases so you’re familiar with the main things they’re working on.

      Twelve weeks will go by very quickly, so make some goals for yourself – what are the main questions you have: career trajectory? quality of life? This is not my line of business, but you get the idea. When I was an interning, it helped me to commit to having at the very least one informational interview per week, and to identify two people at the end of the summer who could be mentors. These are just ideas, YMMV.

      • KC

        This is excellent advice. While you’re not expected to know financial intricacies on day one, set yourself apart by doing your homework. Your university library should have several guides to finance (and perhaps even PWM). Get in the habit of reading industry publications and set up a Google Alert for the bank so that you can keep abreast of the public perception of the company.

        Make an effort to meet people, collect business cards/email addresses, and when appropriate, follow up and ask for informational interviews. This is an opportunity to explore a career path, but it’s just step one. Building connections now will help you sort out what this career holds and what aspects appeal to others (and might therefore be attractive to you).

        Good luck!

    • MJ

      Kaitlin,

      Go to your college’s career services office and check out the Vault and Wetfeet guides on PWM, banking etc. These will be very helpful. If you have a technical background at all, (like Econ or Finance major), go to your school library and check out Bodie Kane Marcus’s “Investments” book. It is very math-heavy, but goes over basic concepts like interest rates/real rates of return, asset allocation, alpha, beta, equities, fixed income, derivatives, etc. If you don’t have a technical background, BKM will be too overwhelming, so buy the WSJ’s Guide to Finance–it’s a $20 book, tops, and has a lot of one-page explanations on things like “What is the money supply?” “What are the major U.S. exchanges” etc.

      PWM is mostly a people business, so your number one job this summer should be to be helpful, always “on” and always ready to learn. You are expected to “like” markets and stocks and investing. A lot of PWM folks will expect you to be able to discuss at least one “stock” you like and why. Even if you don’t get the financial modeling (and you don’t need to–that’s equity research’s job), you should try to get access to some analyst reports on a stock or two (go to your school’s library) and see what analysts think about when they like or don’t like a stock (cash flows, P/E’s, etc.). You can read about personal investments (like “what is an IRA”?) by checking out Money magazine or Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine too.

      I also think you should find out where at school you can find the Wall Street Journal and read it every day. Try watching a little CNBC in the mornings to understand what’s going on in the markets (e.g. how does trading in Tokyo affect New York markets?, or What does the Greek bailout mean for U.S. Investors? What _is_ a bailout?).

      If your school has a finance club or alumni network with email contacts, you might want to do some informational interviews before you head out, but contacting some recent alums and asking for guidance on what they do. If you’re really, really green, this could backfire though, so keep it to people that have graduated in the last few years.

      Good luck!

  4. Blonde Lawyer

    Need some real estate advice.

    My husband and I still own a home in the state we used to live in. We currently rent it out. Renter has expressed an interest in buying but hasn’t made an offer. We want to sell and be done with it. We were planning on putting it on the market in April. Renter now tells us she is working with a Realtor and a lender and gives us their names for us to confirm. Her Realtor offers to be our selling Realtor. Normally the buyer and seller realtors each get 3% but if one serves as both they take 5%.

    I feel like paying 2 realtors in this scenario is a bit of a waste because we already have a potential buyer. Though, if she falls through, I don’t want to be stuck w/ their realtor instead of picking my own. Also, an old neighbor would be our realtor and will probably be a bit insulted if we went with someone else. (She did a free market analysis for us awhile back.)

    If I already have an interested buyer, do I even need a Realtor? If I do, do I just go with theirs to save the money or go with my own to have an independent advocate? Thoughts?

    • Mo

      I believe the only thing you’d want a realtor for would be to help you set the price.

        • Anonymous

          If you get a good lawyer, you won’t need a realtor. My husband has bought several properties using only his lawyer.

        • Diana Barry

          You just need a real estate atty for the docs. USually buyer has one and you have one. They prepare the P+S, do the closing, etc.

          The issue would be if renter signed a contract promising to work with the realtor – then you might need to suck it up and use her in this transaction. (I would ask a real estate atty in the state though, I could be wrong)

        • No Realtor

          We sold a house awhile back and in this situation I absolutely do not think you need a realtor. Get an attorney or work with a title company that is comfortable with FSBO and you should be fine. The job of a realtor is to locate a buyer, and here you already have one. Find out if the buyer signed a contract with the realtor, because they don’t really need one either and you should be able to strike a better price without a realtor involved. But if the buyer has a realtor, I would ask that realtor to deal with a 3% commission. For 5%, you are not really saving that much and you might as well have your own realtor (and you may even get your own realtor to agree for 2%, again because the hard work is already done if you have a buyer).

          • No Realtor

            I also meant to say we sold a house awhile back without a realtor. Realtors hated us and tended to steer their buyers away, but our buyer (who did not have a realtor) got a much better deal and the transaction worked out really well for everyone. I think realtors are great in certain situations, but here you have a situation where the realtor would add little to no value if your renter ends up buying the place.

  5. Dahlia

    Can you ladies recommend yoga pants/sweatpants for lounging around the house? I’m looking for comfortable and cheap, and decent enough looking that I can answer the door for the delivery person without feeling awkward :)

    • Blue

      I have a bunch of yoga pants from Target and I love them. They’re just basic black (or gray) stretchy yoga pants, but they fit really well and they’re only like $20-30. They also come in petite sizes, which is really hard to find. I can’t remember exactly what brand they are, but if you go to Target they’re easy to find.

      • Nan

        Just a warning. Don’t buy the yoga pants from Target that have colored waist bands unless you want sparkly words written across your backside. I either didn’t look closely enough at the website pictures or Target wanted to play a funny joke on me.

      • eastbaybanker

        Ditto. For cheap, Target yoga pants are the way to go. If you’re petite or tall they have different length inseams. I guess they’re trying to complete with Lululemon’s hemming services?

      • SLCanon

        I have yoga pants from Target (they sell some athletic brand – Champion I think?). Love them, and you can definitely open the door with them. Mine have a colored waistband, but no sparkly letters – just a pop of pink. They definitely sell them in all black, though.

      • PollyD

        I agree, Old Navy. New York & Co has decent yoga pants, too, they do cost a bit more but you can usually get coupons.

    • KinCA

      I love Old Navy’s active line. Also, Aerie from American Eagle has some nice stuff.

    • 312

      I like the Tek Gear line from Kohls too. Basic black styles – some are form fitting, others are looser.

    • AMB

      Third (or fourth perhaps) old navy, I have pairs I’ve worn for years and look better than my lulus of the same age.

    • Esquared

      I’m going to throw costco in the ring. I’ve gotten some great workout/comfy pants from there in the past.

    • Bunkster

      My favorite pair of yoga pants is a kyodan pair I got from TJMaxx. I like them so much I bought a second pair. And then my mother, sister-in-law and sister bought pairs.

      Also, I just bought a pair of Yoga Jeans. I love them so much I want to wear them 24/7. Link to follow…

    • Cb

      Do you have a Gap outlet near you? You can typically pick them up for Target prices ($14-16) and they last 2x as long.

  6. B

    Does anyone have a Boston obgyn they can recommend? I need to get back in the habit of going once a year, but have been so hesitant after one bad experience with a judgmental doctor about a controversial medical procedure…

    • Anonynonynony

      My PCP does basic OB-GYN services — she is Dr. Patricia Raney at Fenway Health and she is fabulous.

      For more complicated services, I see Dr. Sandra Mason (at BIDMC and Fenway), who I was also very happy with.

      I would happily recommend either.

      • Anonynonynony

        Oh — as a side note — if memory serves, I think Dr. Mason was not accepting new patients at BIDMC but was accepting new patients at Fenway (at least — when I made an appointment awhile ago) — so you may be better off trying to get an appointment through there.

    • Merabella

      I don’t live in Boston, so no recs here, but if you are just looking for someone to do a pelvic exam – try your GP. I have never had a bad experience with mine, and then you can get all of your yearly exams out of the way at once.

      • Lover

        I don’t live in Boston either, but I had always felt judged by gynos… until I decided to go to Planned Parenthood for my annual exams. They give great care, and are about the least-judgy possible. I did not feel weird about asking them to test me for every STD they could think of. They were happy to do it.

        And they took my insurance. And I felt very happy about being a paid customer when they give away a lot of services for free.

    • Diana Barry

      I go to Dr Laura Riley for OB – she is great, but I think only does high risk OB. I haven’t had a regular gyn for a while…whoops! But I used to go to Dr Khachadoorian-Elia (also at MGH) who was perfectly nice.

      • WWM

        When I lived in Boston, I went to one of the family practice doctors at MGH. She could do both gyn and regular internist work. I didn’t need to go to a specialist until I was actually pregnant. Can’t remember her name but there are only one or two family practice doctors at MGH.

    • rosie

      When I lived in the area, I saw Dr. Ronee Skornik at Womens Health Associates in Wellesley.

    • Two cents

      Dr. Khatchadourian (sp?) at MGH – the Yawkey clinic on the 4th floor. Wonderful, wonderful person and doctor, great bedside manner and you can ask her many questions and she will patiently answer them.

    • Bunkster

      Just commenting to say that I just go to my GP. Her name is Nancy Drew and she’s in Quincy. Yup, I picked her solely based on her name…

  7. Kaitlin C

    I think I’m mostly unclear on what I’ll be doing for the 2.5 months I’m working for the bank, particularly when I’m in a division that is so relationship based. It seems like everything centers around bringing in clients, but I’m not going to be bringing in 10 million dollar investors as an intern!

    • rosie

      Did you discuss what the job entails on a day-to-day basis during your interview?

    • P

      I interviewed – but ultimately didn’t get – for a private wealth management position not too long ago. My impression was that interns at this particular bank do a lot of internet sleuthing and research for prospects. And possibly cleaning up PowerPoint slides or other presentation materials as well.

    • dancinglonghorn

      I used to be in finance and I strongly suspect you will be doing sales type activities. Did you ask about sales in your interview? Can you contact any of the current/prior interns?

    • ss

      PWM is usually short-handed for the paperwork required to execute client transactions in a compliant way and to respond to client requests for customised service. Each client team usually has a couple of young folks to deal with internal paperwork (the relationship manager will still be required to sign off), collate research and responses to client questions, help out with logistics for travel, client events etc. I can imagine there’d be quite a lot of activity to keep busy while you wait for the 10 million dollar investor :-)

      I’ve also posted a longer response to your original Monday am question so check there as well, but once again good luck and enjoy yourself !

  8. anon

    What do you runners do about getting pedicures? Be warned, this is gross. I have this big, nasty, dark spot on my toe (possibly a broken blood vessel or something). Last time I got a pedicure, the lady was able to take it off, perhaps because it was just dried blood by then. But it’s come back since then, bigger, nastier, and darker than ever! So, I don’t necessarily want to get her to take it off again, but I also want to be able to wear sandals without this looking so gross. Any thoughts?

    • Always a NYer

      Get it checked out by a podiatrist just to err on the side of caution.

    • EK

      Agree with the above comment – go to a doctor. If it’s reoccurring there could be something weird going on. As a fellow runner, I only get pedicures once every few months to really clean up the ol’ nails and treat myself. I found it was too costly to get them every time paint began to chip. In between formal pedicures, I use a hard loofah thing on my heels in the shower and then go around my cuticles with a tool after the shower, then I paint and use a good top coat (I prefer OPI, but to each her own). It looks good enough because toenails aren’t nearly as tricky as fingernails, and saves me a ton of money.

      • running feets...

        Agree with EK – but is this on your toe or toenail? your shoes sound like they may be too small. I usually get pedicures in the summer, and im a runner, but i usually don’t get polish, just get the calluses cleaned up a little.

          • Eloise Spaghetti

            After you get it looked at, go to a good running store where they can fit you for shoes. It is worth the money – especially in the summer when your feet are visible.

            I have two different sized feet and had a similar problem with uneven blistering. I got Asics but it turns out they were cool with giving me two different sizes and I did not have one serious blister after my first half even though I had blisters the entire time I trained. Plus, now I know what shoes work, so I don’t have to pay the running store price for them, until those shoes are discontinued of course.

    • Mo

      Agreed that they may be too small, my running shoes are a full to 1 and 1/2 sizes bigger than my street shoes. (i.e. I wear a 6 to a 6.5 and my running shoes are a 7.5)

      For pedis they are super cheap on my block so I get them every 3 weeks or so in a color I own so I can fix chips myself. I also have them cut super short and trim as necessary.

      I had to go sans-polish last fall for marathon training to monitor a black spot under both big toes, I was afraid they were going to fall off. (That said, I have a friend who did lose 3 nails and she just has her salon tech paint the skin underneath to look like a nail.

      • Anonynon

        I’ve had this happen to me . Switched shoes and used 2nd skin blister pads and/or glide and problem solved.

    • a.

      Like other people have said, check your shoe size if it’s a reoccurring problem. Is there a reputable local running store in your area that could help you out?

      When I got a random black toenail last fall, I experimented with polish colors and found that dark reds and purples covered it like a charm; darker, more coral pink worked if I was patient enough to get 3-4 coats on. The toenail appears to have suffered no ill effects from being polished, although it did hurt a bit when I had to rub it to get chipping polish off (but better pain than exposing my chipped soul).

      • a.

        Also, think about your socks! My black toenail was from an overly-loose sock that got stuck weirdly around my toe during a speed workout.

    • Hel-lo

      My dermatologist reminds me every appointment to check for dark spots under my toenail polish. So I agree – get thee to a derm. It could be serious.

    • Anon

      That appears to be a blood blister. I used to occasionally get them when playing the harp with a lot of force. A trip to the doctor and new shoes as recommended by a doctor should help.

  9. anon

    Threadjack about switching jobs as a junior associate for the second time….

    Background: I’m currently a 3rd year associate at a large national firm. Last summer, I lateralled from Firm A to Firm B for a variety of reasons, and it was also a step up in terms of firm ranking and quality of work. But, Firm B pays less and works its junior associates much harder (which I was willing to tolerate to get out of a rapidly deteriorating situation at Firm A).

    Overall, it has been a great switch, but I’m coming closer to the conclusion that I’m not really cut out for the hours/craziness that life at Firm B entails. I found a job posting for an in house position in an industry I think I would really like to work in. However, the wife of a partner whom I work with frequently works at the company in their marketing department.

    I’m concerned about two things (1) am I switching jobs too soon and should I wait until I’ve put in at least 2+ years here at Firm B to even start looking around and (2) is there a huge risk that word will get back to my current firm that I’ve submitted my resume? (I understand that if I get to a round of interviews there is a higher risk, which I’m willing to take, but I’m not sure if I’m willing to take that risk just to throw my hat in the ring.)

    Any insight that members hive have would be really appreciated. Thanks!

    • AMB

      I doubt that marketing sees resumes submitted for in house positions so I don’t think you’re in danger there but I could see you applying for your third job in three years as a bit of a question mark, especially for the new potential employer, who could be concerned about your longevity.

      • Former MidLevel

        Agreed. But it still doesn’t hurt to apply, if this is a job you really want. If you don’t get it this time, it doesn’t bar you from reapplying in the future.

    • karenpadi

      I did three jobs in three years starting out–2 years at one and less than 1 year at the second. I didn’t get the vibe that it was an issue. But, other people who’ve never felt the need to lateral anywhere) on our recruiting committee disagree. I point out that I was one of those people (and so were a few other over-achievers in our office), and they rethink about their reasons for not wanting to hire the person. They normally can’t come up with a good reason. These are also the people who don’t want to consider people unemployed for > 6 mos.

      Re: 2. If P’s wife is in marketing, probably not–unless you are applying to the marketing department. HR usually handles resumes and the resume will be seen by the legal group. Unless there’s a big gossip, I can’t see anyone caring enough about job candidates to name names.

    • Coach Laura

      Depending on the size of the prospective company, it’s possible Susie in HR would know that Betty in Marketing’s SO is at Firm B and mention it to her. So you are right to think about it.

      It’s rather old-school, but you can always put wording in your cover letter that you “would appreciate it if this application would be kept confidential.” Or if you’re dealing with a recruiter, tell him/her the same thing.

  10. AMB

    Tips on writing a ‘hey – remember me’ e-mail? Just found out a professor I adored now works for a company in my industry and I want to send her an e-mail, underscore our continuing common interests, maybe find ways to collaborate. Ways to make it seem less awkward?

    • TCFKAG

      I always go with something along the lines of.

      Hello XXX. I know its been awhile since we’ve been in touch, but I see you’re doing XYZ now. Congratulations on the new position. I’d love to get together for coffee/lunch (whatever) soon and chat if you’d be interested. [Insert something about what you do here.]

    • PM

      Second TCFKAG’s template, but recommend that anyone writing a professor be sure to give a time frame and context (“I know its been awhile since I took your American Lit class in 2006”) because most profs work with scores of new people each year. Even if he or she loved you, it’s wise to jog the prof’s memory.

      • KC

        Especially as this saves her from the potential embarrassment if she doesn’t remember exactly who you are. Professors see a lot of students semester after semester; she’ll appreciate the memory jog.

      • Jules

        This. My DH is a professor and tries really heard to learn all the students’ names each semester but to make room in his brain I think he forgets the old names as soon as he turns in grades. This is true even for his favorites. We have a standing rule that, if we’re out somewhere and he starts talking to anyone who seems young enough to have been one of his students, I have to stick out my hand and introduce immediately so the ex-student will have to say his/her name and clue him in.

      • TCFKAG

        Craziest story in the WORLD. So my dad went to the same law school I went to, but 35 years before I did. We had the same criminal law professor. A could weeks into the class, I went up to the professor after class one day and told him “oh, you taught my dad — I’m sure you don’t remember him of course — his name was xxx and he was class of xx.” And my professor goes “Of course, xx, with the beard — I loved him. How’s he doing?” He remembered my father clearly. That’s when I decided not to make any mistakes in HIS class. (Note, at graduation, he came up to my dad and said hi as though they had seen each other just yesterday…even though it had been almost four decades).

        • AMB

          Thats a great format TCFKAG, thanks very much. I was definitely going to offer some context as its been going on 5 years (eep!).

    • chicago prof

      agree with what others posted here. I know all my students’ names, but forget them after a semester or two. Also remind the prof of when you took her class and which class. I think if you really liked her or her class, I would mention that. It is a great compliment to someone who gives a lot of energy to teaching and also might help her understand why you are reaching out now…

  11. Anon

    Money / anxiety threadjack:

    When I think about the future, I feel poor. Objectively I know that I’m not – DH and I both have good jobs and good salaries, and while our savings is not where we want it to be, we’re both working towards building our bank account. But, when I think about having kids, I start getting really anxious about rent for a bigger place, the associated costs of having a kid, paying for a nanny or daycare, an inability to continue to save for retirement, or a house, or college, the amount of my student loans, etc., and I feel like we will never have enough money, and then I just feel stuck.

    Anyone else feel this way? Anyone feel this way and have kids and realize that it’s not the end of the world? Tips to make me less anxious?

    • TCFKAG

      I think many people feel this way. It got a lot of play when there was that series of articles about how making $250,000 really wasn’t that much — or more accurately doesn’t “feel” like that much — because it is human nature that our “needs” grow consummate with our income. So as we make more money, we don’t feel more fulfilled, we just feel like we have more needs.

      I have no idea how to battle this and completely suffer from it too sometimes (especially when I think about kids!) — but its definitely a phenomenon. I guess one way to think about it is really to start categorizing needs and wants or needs and nice to haves and wants. But its not always easy certainly.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I feel the same way – especially about having too small of an emergency fund and not even close to enough retirement savings for my age. No kids yet. I’ve moved from never ever to maybe someday. This months Money Magazine’s question of the month was “when do I know I have enough money to have kids.” Funny, thing is, a lot of people’s advice was “life is short, have kids, it will work out.” I just found it so bizarre that people give completely different advice when it comes to having kids then they do for anything else. No one says “life is short, adopt a puppy.” Instead you hear, “did you save enough for that vet emergency?,” can you afford the monthly food, how will you manage with your work schedule? But with kids, the advice is “just do it!”

      I think there has to be a happy medium. I think the people that blindly think it will all fall into place end up nervous and miserable and resentful when they realize kids actually do cost a lot of money. Those that realize “this will throw me off financially but I will do it anyway” probably come out happier, at least in my opinion. I think a lot of other expenses go down too when you have kids. For example, the money drain in my budget is travel, and food and drinks out. The first year with a kid would just slash that to nothing since I doubt I would be eating out, drinking and traveling much.

      I guess this is my long winded way of saying, I don’t have an answer but commiserate.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        I think the corollary to this thinking is that the current generation is probably one of the first that truly viewed having children as a choice. Before it was just this holy grail that everyone had to do and no one ever questioned anybodies intentions or motives because IT WAS A CHILD and that was sacred. I remember a friend getting pregnant just before her husband deployed and wondering “why would she put herself through that on purpose” but nobody would ever question it out loud. Likewise, it was just taboo to suggest that if you didn’t make a certain amount of money you shouldn’t have kids. I don’t know what the “right” amount of money is but I think that mentality is changing. While I certainly don’t agree with it, there is a lot more “if you can’t feed ’em, don’t breed ’em” mentality.

        Random aside, I have never wanted to be a SAHM but I am doing some doc review and coming across emails from a SAHM wife to her husband and feeling slightly jealous even though I don’t have kids. Why yes, it would be lovely to be hiking with the kids and dog and then baking apple pie instead of sitting here reading all these emails. Rose colored glasses seeing the grass greener LOL.

      • Blonde Lawyer

        Self-moderating before the crap storm – by choice, I refer to the choice whether to even have children at all. Not pro-life/pro-choice. I am not entering that debate.

      • KK

        Well, firstly, kids aren’t puppies. Those are not equivalent things. At all. (I know this is probably not what you meant, but still, it’s not an appropriate analogy).

        Leaving that aside, I do think there is a change in that people think more about the lifestyle they can provide for their kids. In prior times (and still, in many parts of the country), it was more common to do your best until the kid is 18, then they are more or less on their own, with some support from parents as they launch. They work to pay for school (which used to be manageable) or take out loans etc. In other parts of the country/social groups, parents anticipate paying 4 years of college + grad school and maybe even for private k-12 schooling. That’s a lot of additional expense to consider, and I think that is a big reason for shifting attitudes.

        But I also think it affects the quantity of children people have, not so much whether they have any. Even today, I think there are few people who have no children at all because of money, when they otherwise would be open to it. I think there are a ton of people who only have one or two because of money.

    • Esquared

      I feel this way a lot even though I grew up in an upper middle class family & my bf & I make over 6 figures. I always feel like with our loans and daily life we are just making it & get totally freaked out about the future. I just remind myself that lots of people have happy families on far less than we have & that we’ll be fine. Also, in the current time frame, I crazy upped our law school loan payments so that they will hopefully not be hanging over our head until we die (which is part of the feeling very poor each month).
      I think this is a pretty common phenomenon & David Bach even has a forward about it in Smart Women Finish Rich— he calls it bag lady syndrome– the idea that no matter how much together women are financially, no matter their history, we always have this weird fear that we are going to end up as bag ladies.

      • Homestar

        I’ll have to read Smart Women Finish Rich. It is probably really destructive, but I keep a running tally in my head of “weeks until homeless.” I don’t have family that I could live with if things ever went bad, so even though I am doing quite well I have always feared homelessness. On the upside, the tally helps motivate me to build the emergency fund.

    • Anon

      I always feel this way. I feel very insecure, as if my job is my last job ever and I will never find another. As if I spend a dollar, I will never get it back. I think it’s because I grew up in a lower middle class household and live in a very expensive area. Our needs are modest but it never feels like we’re comfortable. I don’t have a solution though.

    • Hel-lo

      I think this is a pretty normal feeling.

      You could try setting aside $100 every month. By the end of the year, you will have saved a lot. I did this with my direct deposit – just told my employer to deposit $100 into a savings account. It was a great way to keep my saving up.

  12. karenpadi

    Must rant.

    If I contact you for a phone screen on Wednesday, don’t make me send you a reminder on Monday.

    When you do respond to the email, don’t propose times when I’ve already told I’m unavailable this week in my initial email.

    When you send a proposed time, don’t use “sure” in your message, don’t assume I’ll call you, and don’t use an imperative sentence with “@” instead of “at”. His message says “Sure. Can we do (date) (time)? Call @ (phone number) [no period]

    If this is his most professional behavior, I don’t know why I’m even bothering to do this phone screen. It’s almost worse than blue nail polish. :-)

    • TCFKAG

      God. Its this e-mail behavior that gives the “young” generation a bad rap. I’m more formal than that when anonymously posting on my ladyblog!

      • karenpadi

        I don’t think he’s a young’un. He got his undergrad in 2004 and this would be his third law firm since graduating from law school in December 2008 (three firms in three years! Now I know why I got this phone screen…I’m one of the few who will give him a chance).

        • TCFKAG

          Well, that’s why I put “young” in quotes. Because I’ve seen bad internet etiquette in people as old as say 35 or so — basically people who came of age professionally using computers.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            I actually find older people worse when it comes to internet etiquette.

            Like why is the one partner I work with so opposed to typing in the body of the email? Doesn’t she realize that it is, in fact, harder to read when she puts the entire email in the subject line?

          • Hel-lo

            Me too. It’s the 50+-year-olds that are awful. My parents are always answering their phones in restaurants and movies. A senior colleague that, also, will put an entire paragraph in the subject of the email, and nothing in the body.

        • Young or full of himself

          I had the same thought — he’s young. But, if he’s not young, my back-up snark of someone I’ve never met ;-) is that he’s totally full of himself and will not be a pleasure to work with. I mean, COME ON… use full words. Use pleasantries or at least respect. Pretend you want the job instead of assuming the job is dying for you.

          Maybe you can model good behavior for him (and put him in his place) by writing back in the style and tone that he should have used (e.g., “Dear X, I look forward to speaking with you. Please contact me at [time], at [number]. [insert other formalities that make sense.] Best regards, Karenpadi Lastname.]

    • Woods-comma-Elle

      I’m with the others – this is not the way to impress someone, now you are starting off with a negative impression of him which is very get over.

    • cc

      Why give him the interview? I see people like this getting rewarded all the time. Don’t be passive- you have all the power! If he inspires you to rant, just send him a “We’ve gone a different direction”

      • cc

        I appreciate that it is great that people have a place to vent/rant here, but lately I’ve just been wanting to scream “So do something about it!” to the corporettes. It makes me feel like I must be a super aggresive person irl

      • karenpadi

        Ah, but I have to report to the hiring partner regarding my phone screen. Plus, this guy came through a recruiter and I think we are trying to foster a relationship with the recruiter so we get better resumes. Or something.

        • TechAnon

          I think the recruiter definitely needs to hear your feedback about this kind of email response. Let them know that you negatively pre-judge a candidate that won’t compose full, grammatical sentences. That encourages the recruiter to come up with a set of guidelines they can give their candidates about such things.

    • anon

      I am so with you! I am interviewing candidates this week and their email exchanges have been less than professional. Don’t these people want jobs?!

    • no longer "job hunting"

      Can you just clarify what’s wrong with the word “sure”? I use it all the time in email scheduling situations.

      • springtime

        IF it makes anyone feel better, I just promptly replied to a phone call screen interview with a formal, yet friendly, email to the sender suggesting a time that they proposed would fit into their schedule. Go me! :)

      • CA lawyer

        Sure can be taken to mean yes-to-oblige-you instead of yes-I-want-to-do-this.

      • Tired Squared

        Thanks for asking that — I was going to ask the same question! To me, “sure” is slightly less formal than “of course,” but more formal than something like “definitely.” Learn something new every day!

      • sutemi

        I see a difference between using the word sure in a full sentance and as the full sentance. “Sure, that time sounds great and I am looking forward to speaking with you” would sound fine to me.

        • IBL

          I think there is also a difference between someone trying to get a job and emailing with those in your department/otherwise on a relatively equal level for scheduling (unless you work in a wicked formal office). I would never use “sure” in some cases, but I see no problem (and use it) in others.

    • Niktaw

      I think that the interviewer should be the one making the call at the pre-arranged time.
      I do not have a secretary or a switchboard person that screens my calls and am not too comfortable exposing my telephone number to a job seeker, especially one that does not seem too mature or professional.
      If I am being interviewed, by offering to answer their call I hand the apparent control over the situation to the person on the other side and this should make them feel better.

  13. Flamingo

    Yet another wedding threadjack / rant. Out to lunch with co-workers today, one of whom is recently engaged and in the midst of planning. The conversation:

    Random coworker: What’s your wedding theme going to be?
    Bride to be: Wedding theme? I’m not.. uh.. what’s that?
    Random coworker: Wait, you don’t have a wedding theme?? You know, like the 20’s, or NY NY?
    Me: How about um love, or joining of two people together, or marriage (in true Flamingo style, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut)

    Seriously, wedding themes? A quick Google search informs me that yes, wedding themes are a thing. Am I the only one who was not aware of this? Another reason, why the idea of planning a wedding makes me hyperventilate.

  14. Blue

    Has anyone ever gotten a totally random magazine subscription without ordering/paying for it? I recently started getting Vogue in the mail, which I love, but I’m positive that I never ordered it. It’s also being sent to my old address at my parents’ house, which is definitely not where I would have had it sent even if I had somehow ordered it and forgotten. I logged in using the account number online and it says that it was ordered a few months ago and no balance is due. I checked through my credit cards just to make sure, and I can’t find a charge for anything that looks like a Vogue subscription. I guess this doesn’t really matter if it ends in me getting a free magazine, but it just seems odd. Vogue doesn’t seem like the type of magazine that would be sending out random free subscriptions.

    • another anon

      Not exactly the same, but I ordered a 1 year subscription to Marie Clare with airline miles that were about to expire about 5 years ago. I’m still getting it, even though I’ve definitely never renewed. I figure they make most of their money off of advertising anyway, so maybe this is their regular practice now, to just keep sending it?

      Vogue is even more ad-packed that MC, IIRC, so maybe they somehow identified you as someone likely to buy products from their advertisers, and gave you a free trial without telling you?

    • a.

      OMG YES. I started getting Vogue at my mom’s house a couple months ago. It is so baffling.

    • mamabear

      Oh wow- Blue and a. – do I know you?

      I have a tendency to subscribe friends to magazines as a little gift – usually around holidays, as they run specials, typically $12/year.

      I do usually manage to tell everyone I subscribed, I think, but I never send out the “I bought you a subscription” cards the magazine sends me.

      Anyway, the timing is right for the same to have happened to you. I think February or March tends to be the first issue for gift subscriptions bought in December.

        • mamabear

          if I do it online, the magazine’s website will usually tell me if so. Even if they are already subscribed, my gift serves to extend their current subscription 12 months.

    • zora

      I think this came up before, and some people mentioned that if you are subscribed to a magazine that goes under or is no longer available, often they just switch your subscription to a different magazine. Is it possible that’s what happened?

    • Lyssa

      I’ve never had it happen, but my husband has, three times, and for absolutely no reason that I can imagine. Several years ago, and then again just recently, he started getting “Jet” Magazine (er, he’s not black), and about 6 months ago, he started randomly getting Cosmo. I must admit that I kind of love the Cosmo, though. :)

    • IBL

      This has happened to me multiple times (even when I was in high school). One time, my sister got a magazine for about two years (never ordered) and then one month it started coming to me instead of her. We’re close in age, so we were both in the demographic.

      I love the random ones you get sometimes though. My father recently started getting Martha Stewart Living (or something like that). As someone who is not into arts and crafts and believes women should be cooking/cleaning/doing everything around the house, he is quite annoyed… but the rest of us find it hilarious.

    • Hel-lo

      Bizarre. My bf gets Maxim, delivered to his address, but someone else’s name. So someone miswrote their own address or something. And it’s a woman’s name.

      (Or maybe he subscribed himself, and put someone else’s name on it. He swears this didn’t happen.)

  15. IsItFridayYet?

    I was just invited to spend a holiday weekend with a close friend’s family on their beautiful estate/ranch in New England. I will be the only non-family member there and the weekend will packed with amazingly fun activities (lawn games, horse riding, eating, bike riding, etc.) . The description of the estate and the plans reminds me of Wedding Crashers, without the weird characters… hopefully.

    I’d like to bring a gift basket of some sort with me but I have no clue what to bring. They can buy anything they’d ever want so I’d like to go more the unique route. I am happy to make baked goods or canned items to include in the basket if appropriate but I’d like it to stay classy and not cheesy. I’m staying away from including wine since their wine collection is worth more than my car.

    Any ideas?? I’m at a loss. They are very generous to open up their lives to me and I want to bring something as a sign of my appreciation.

    • nona

      Do you have something unique/special/traditional that your family does for reunions or camping trips? Is there something that your hometown is known for? They are welcoming you into your family environment, so could you bring something from your home/family?

    • Lobbyist

      Fancy fruit (like pears from harry and david; pretty berries from whole foods), expensive homemade artisan jams and cheeses, crackers from whole foods.

    • Lyssa

      If they are out of town (from where you live), you could try to seek out some local treats that your area is known for.

  16. darby

    Another gift threadjack — I recently went on vacation with SO’s family & want to send a thank-you gift (they paid for lodging & a number of meals). Any ideas?

    • Monday

      I once had a hit with a box of unique (blank) greeting cards made by/bought at a local museum. They could either memorialize a specific exhibit, or show the place where you live (if it’s not where they live and they might like to get a sense of its scenery and history).

    • Seattleite

      The best thank-you gift I ever received was a small photo album of pictures from the week. The guest put it together and wrote captions, etc. I appreciated it so much, because I’m always full of good intentions to album my photos, but in reality I’d rather chew off a paw than sit down and do it.

  17. F in LA

    Advice from the hive – I want to re-renegotiate my offer from a company. I’m inexperienced at negotiating and don’t want to come off as too harsh.

    I got an offer from company A for X and 5k signing bonus, and company B for X+20k and 20k signing bonus. After asking A for X+20k, A countered with X+10k and 10k signing bonus. I really want X+15k.

    I’m having trouble wording an email to company A – opinions?
    ‘I want to work for company A, and my successful internship experience convinced me I can contribute to A. However, this salary difference makes me it hard for me to choose company A. Can we reach a compromise at X+15k and 15k signing bonus?’

    • Anastasia

      This wording looks good to me, and not harsh at all. You’re expected to negotiate. FWIW, I used a very similar technique, and it worked for me. Good luck!

      One note, take a very careful look at the benefits packages for both companies; it may make up the difference – although that shouldn’t stop you from asking for more. Don’t forget a good health care plan, company-paid STD and LTD insurance premiums, 401k match, and paid time off all have $ amounts attached to them. Also, future raises will likely be based on salary, not bonus. Unless you need cash in your pocket right now, or there is an absolute cap on salary, it might be better to ask for X+20k and leave the 10k signing bonus alone.

    • Diana Barry

      You might try calling instead of emailing – it comes off softer/less harsh when speaking with someone directly. You can compare their offer directly with the competitor, apples to apples, to make sure it is the same that way.

  18. Canadian

    Big news today out of the highest court in Ontario – the majority of the provisions which effectively illegalized prostitution in the Canadian criminal code (which is a national law, unlike the state specific criminal laws in the US) were struck down as being unconstitutional (for being contrary to the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms). This will certainly be appealed by both levels of government to the Supreme Court of Canada – very interesting issue (link to follow to avoid moderation)

  19. Gooseberry

    Does anyone know how Muse dresses fit? I’m typically a 2 in AT and JCrew and a 2 or 4 in BR.

  20. Eloise Spaghetti

    You should re-post this. I just got that e-mail too and was wondering the same thing.

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