Coffee Break – Snakeskin Leather Heel Pumps

91 Comments

1. These are the PERFECT shoes for The Lady With The Charcoal Dress And Orange Cardigan.

   1. That would be me! :) Thanks.

2. I have these in black leather. Two things:

   Cute, but (for my feet; very high arches so all my weight is on my forefoot when I’m walking) incredibly uncomfortable.

   That “snakeskin” heel covering tears very, very easily.

   1. I have these in brown leather and I agree w/ KE on the tearing issue (I’m very careful though b/c I love the heels).

      But I find them very comfortable and TTS. They feel like the AT perfect pumps on me.

   2. These are “live at work” shoes for me so I don’t need to worry about the heel scuffing – have them in the brown leather + croc and gray suede + snakeskin. Leather was TTS; I would size down half a size in the suede (I am normally a 7 – although the 7 isn’t slipping off my heel, there is definitely more room than in the leather version).

      Very comfortable IMO for the heel height.

3. Oh good! A shoe-related post! I need to restock my boot wardrobe. Starting from scratch, what boots should a professional woman have in her closet, and what are the hottest looks (not necessarily trends – I tend to wear my boots for multiple years) this year? I don’t know where to start. Ankle, mid calf, knee high, slouchy, stacked, wedge, ugh – I’m overwhelmed!
   I work in a business casual mid-size law firm, do not walk far from my car to the office and don’t mind heels. I want to stay away from suede and patent leather and keep it under $200 per pair.
   Suggestions?

   1. i would start with:
      – polished looking knee high leather boots in black or dark brown with heels that can go with skirts to the office.
      – a stacked heel ankle boot in brown or black to wear with jeans and pants.
      – for weekends or more casual days, you can veer into slouchier territory and experiment with straps, studs, different heights, etc.

      the mid calf style looks terrible on me (and on most women, IMO)
      and wedge boots are nice, but i’d get a heeled pair first.

      1. I have two nice pairs of riding boots (flat or 1″ heel) to wear to work. Knee high.

         Then I have snow boots and various casual boots – a couple pairs of ugg-like things that are warm, and two pairs of ankle-ish boots, one black, one brown.

         I used to have heeled boots, but I hardly ever wear heels so I find the riding boots great for work.

         1. The riding boots I have are cut so they are more comfortable in a riding position (for English riding, with your heels lower than your toes) and I don’t find them all that comfortable for while not riding…

   2. I have and adore these. Would work in a business casual office, I think.
      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/enzo-angiolini-saylem-riding-boot/3098009?origin=category&resultback=313

      1. I have these and love, love, love, love them! I’m in a biz casual office and wear them with skirts all the time.

   3. For your initial pair, I’d go with a riding boot or low-heeled wedge. I just got this one http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/bp-runway-boot/3167229?origin=category&resultback=0 and feel like it is very versatile. I can wear it with skirts/dresses and they’re still comfy enough to wear on weekends. I feel like when you get more straps and studs, it puts the boot more into casual/weekend territory, but there are plenty of riding boots that would look great with skirts/dresses.

   4. Avoid Nordstrom’s suggestion and skip these: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/fergie-captive-boot/3181063?origin=category

      1. Those ankle boots must be really embarrassed, they forgot to shave their legs.

4. Makeup: UGH. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it. My nose is typically redder than I would like, so if I wear foundation (liquid or mineral powder). I get the coverage I get, which is great, except, throughout the course of the day, the skin of my nose feels itchy. The rest of my face doesn’t feel itchy. I’ve tried different concealers and foundations, even tinted moisturizers and I still get the itchy nose, as if my nose is kindly reminding me not to clog its pores. Any tips?

   1. Hydrocortisone 1%, available OTC at any drugstore. I’ve had all kinds of skin problems, and prescriptions for them, and this is the ironically simple solution to most of them. My medical advice has been that it’s fine to use on your face up to 2x daily, so I apply where needed in the morning and before bed. I suspect that once you start using it, any makeup (or none) will be fine on your nose, because both the redness and the itchiness will go away.

      1. OMG this is a *great* idea. I will implement posthaste!

         1. I would be VERY careful about applying a steroid to your nose twice daily without medical supervision. This may be fine for Monday, but I’d see a professional before doing it myself…

            1. This is a good point but I don’t have the attention span to apply something twice a day for a prolonged period of time. Actually, it didn’t occur to me to seek medical advice regarding my itchy nose so now I think I will.

   2. My skin is super-sensative and I have finally had good luck with everyday minerals: http://www.everydayminerals.com/ they are all-natural, organic, etc. and do not irritate my skin at all (even less than with bare minerals which I used for a few years).

      1. This stuff is half the price of Bare Minerals! How do the colors compare?

         1. I used to use Everyday Minerals and I loved it, but the company was sold to a Chinese firm and formulas changed. And changed again. And are being changed yet once more, so if you try it and like it, don’t expect the same item you got previously.
            I now use Lumiere minerals, it’s really nice. When I was looking for a replacement, I tried Silk Naturals and Lucy Minerals too. All were very nice but Lumiere was fuss-free

         2. Didn’t know about the changes, but the colors are very similar to bare minerals. I got the free sample first to find the type of coverage that worked for me, but I was the exact same color as bare minerals. Usually Lurks: thanks for the heads up I’ll keep that in mind.

   3. For a more important fix I had good results with a photo facial.

      1. Ugh. I meant more permanent. Need more coffee…

   4. I’d like to point out that Bare Minerals contains bismuth oxychloride which can cause your symptoms. Many mineral makeups don’t include it though! I use Alima Pure and love it.

      1. I use Clinique Superbalanced Minerals and love that, too. It’s pretty light coverage, but the $34 pot of it lasts for about 3 months. I previously used Neutrogena’s mineral powder, and I liked the makeup itself a lot too but a $15 pot only lasted about 4 weeks and the applicator got icky fast.

5. Threadjack – I need a fix for my new firm’s time management software, which I hate! Because it is awful and I do not know how to use it, I have been writing my time in a word document and my assistant enters it. However, this system does not work for me. I am losing hours, falling behind on my time (not typical for me), etc.

   My old firm used to a time management software with buttons — i.e, a small window on my desktop that allowed me to toggle between activities by selecting different buttons for specific matters; the time accumulated throughout the day and I filled in descriptions every evening. This button tracking system worked very well for me.

   Does anyone know of free online software that provides the same functionality or, really, any general ideas on how to better capture my time now that I’m subject to this awful system? Please help.

   1. I had a similar situation when I moved from a firm with timer software to one with a very basic, dinosaur system. What works for me is to keep a dedicated steno pad next to my desk just for time keeping. In the left column, I mark the time I start working on something. In the right column, I note the client/matter and jot down notes during the day about what I’m working on. If I have to switch matters, I just jot down the time in the left column and the client in the right column and keep going. I then record everything in an Excel document, which I update about once a week.

      The only hassle is that you have to add up your time manually. I use a calculator and I’ve gotten pretty fast with it, but it is one more step. If I kept my notes neat enough I could give them to my secretary as-is without adding up the time myself or entering it into Excel, but I’m not very good about that.

   2. Manic time. It tracks everything you are doing on your computer and you just drag and drop your tags. You can export to excel for your assistant to enter the time. It is free too.

      1. Time Tracker is a free program. It doesn’t have a small minimized display, but it will let you start and stop timers and write notes in entries. It looks complicated when you open it but it’s actually pretty easy to use so do be scared off.

6. Having a hard time focusing because of love troubles, even though I had a hearing this morning and one tomorrow morning as well (and spending way too much time stressing during the train ride to/from the hearing instead of mentally preparing).

   This past week, I got a call from Love of Life (“LOL” regardless of this being a laughing matter). LOL left me about a year ago to get back with his estranged wife, who decided to move back to my city and give it another go. In a very difficult situation, he chose to give it another try and, in his words, felt he would “be happier with the comfort and stability of getting back with [wife] than he would be in a happy relationship that has less history” Which, at the time, I thought was BS, we parted ways, and he has been respecting my boundaries since as far as time spent together and contact. Sometimes I would break off contact entirely, eventually he would always say he missed having me around him because I made him “feel alive” and he wasn’t happy without me in his life regardless of in what capacity.

   This past weekend he asks me to get a drink after work on Friday, I agree, and he tells me that now he is seriously contemplating a divorce. I am at the same time thrilled and sick to my stomach. He hasn’t filed yet, and wants my help and even asked if I had recommendations for a divorce attorney (I am not a divorce attorney). I have started dating someone new, who I am not yet emotionally attached (just seeing him about a month now, but going well).

   I feel like LOL already backed out on me once, though he was always very respectful of my feelings through the entire thing and we communicated very well about his decision. My fear is that he went back to her once, now he is going back to me, and that this would not be a final thing (i.e., he will eventually go back to her). I am reluctant to be close to him while he makes the decision whether or not to divorce his wife. Should I get involved at all? The thought of him going through that alone makes me want to be there for someone who I am in love with. But I don’t think I could take him backing out on me again — I informed him of this. We are going to talk later in the week about our plan of action going forward as far as our interaction during this time, and I am at a loss.

   I am feeling very guarded about getting back emotionally involved, though at the same time I have never been emotionally NOT involved (this is not a guy that I have truly “gotten over” regardless of trying . . . he and I match in every way, have excellent communciation and respect for each other, similar life goals, same energy level and sense of humor, etc.). What do I do? Advice? If I say no to helping him through this, will he resent me for it? If I say yes will I resent him? I have never even been close to this situation before. Anyone been through something like it?

   1. oh goodness.

      tell him – good luck and please don’t contact me unless the divorce is 100% final and done with no strings attached. make sure you both stick by that. don’t call him, don’t answer his intervening emails/messages.

      meanwhile, focus on this new guy, and give him a real chance.

      i get that you’re into the ex and all, but so far this is all about his needs. if he’s really right for you, he’s going to respect your need to take care of yourself, and he’s not going to monopolize/waste your time with more of his shite. he needs to be an adult. you do not need to play therapist, second string, or shoulder to cry on or whatever it is.

      frankly it doesn’t sound promising. good luck.

   2. You were right the first time: it was BS, and still is. I’m sorry, and I have been there. I know this will sound harsh, but it’s what my friends told me as well.

      This is someone you can’t trust. He’s hedging and doesn’t know what he’s doing (in the most generous analysis I can offer). Who cares if he resents you for backing away? He hasn’t been fair to you, or to his wife. Time to think about Number One.

      You never got over him because you stayed emotionally involved the whole time. Now is the ideal opportunity to cut off contact completely. See where things go with the new guy, but moreover, take time to get perspective. Eventually you will realize how unhelpful a presence this man is in your life. His problems are just that–his problems. He’ll be just fine without your “help.” And you know that isn’t really what this is about anyway.

      1. I agree with Anonymous completely. Just to add, my therapist once warned me that men don’t usually go back and forth on relationships, there is usually an underlying issue there.

      2. Also agree with Anonymous completely. He’s already reneged on you once for his wife. At the best, he’s hedging his bets between you and her. At the worst, he’s having his cake and eating it, too. This is the type of guy that’s willing to string his estranged wife along through all this. Do you really want a future with a guy like that? Walk away.

   3. OK, never been in the situation before, but I don’t think it’s fair of him to use you as his sounding board for this situation. He needs to figure out the stuff with his wife and then he can start wooing you again. At most, you should recommend a divorce attorney (and only if you know one), and let his sort through his life. He needs to make a clean cut before he starts trying to start things up again with you. It’s only fair to you.

   4. “I am feeling very guarded about getting back emotionally involved” – pay attention to your own red flag!

      This may sound harsh, but you need to tell him that while you still care for him, he needs to figure this out on his own. Call you if he goes through with the divorce and you can see if it makes sense at that time. Don’t spend your life waiting for something that may never be yours.

      1. I agree with this advice. Don’t get involved until the divorce is final. At this point, he’s proven that he has been unreliable and I don’t think you should sit around waiting for a man who may never be ready.

   5. My immediate reaction is this: is getting a divorce really coming back to you? Or is it just leaving his marriage? Even if he does go through with the divorce, IMO, there’s no guarantee he will resume your relationship or that he won’t bail out on you again, in favor of someone else.

      I do not think it would be good for you to be involved in his decision to divorce (or not). You have a vested emotional interest here; you’re not impartial. I would honestly tell him that he needs to make the decision of what happens with his marriage in consultation with his wife, a therapist, anyone other than a woman with whom he shares serious emotional entanglement.

   6. Do not get involved until his has a finalized divorce. He needs to figure out his own stuff before getting involved (again) with you. You deserve someone who has their baggage as packed away at least, instead of strewn about.

      And you can’t wait on him to do that. If he gets it done, great, but don’t put your life on hold for it. You need to live your life for you, not as a just-in-case for him.

   7. I’m sorry, but my spidey senses are all tingly over your description. Are you sure that he’s been estranged from his wife or that his divorce contemplations are real? One of my best friends was involved with a married man and the things he told her sound suspiciously like what you describe. Have you been to his home? Do you know other people in his life (specifically, family) that confirm what he has said to you?

      To reiterate what others have said. Keep away until he has the divorce decree in hand.

   8. This man is willing to have a wife and a girlfriend at the same time. Think about that.

      1. Exactly. It’s as simple as this.

   9. but as evidenced by your wise corporette sisters … the verdict is to steer clear. at least until the divorce is 100% done, but more likely, for good.

      1. Yes, and we NEVER 100% agree on anything, ever. This is a first!

   10. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction of this man. Get on with your life. As long as you have stayed in touch with this married man, who continued to use you while pretending to try to make it work with his wife, you are living in a fantasy land that is going nowhere.

       1) He was married when he got involved with you. Okay, maybe forgiveable.
       2) He went back to try to make it work. Maybe he has some decency.
       3) He kept seeing you. He is a jerk. Unredeemable.
       4) You kept seeing him. You never moved on. You never gave yourself an opportunity to get over him. Your second biggest mistake. You have a chance to correct that mistake now.
       5) NOW he’s contemplating a divorce? Good for his wife. She deserves better. You really need to run far, far away from him.
       6) You are wondering how to be there for him? Don’t be a doormat. Please. Run.
       7) You’re feeling guarded? That’s your gut telling you that this is a bad, bad guy in spite of any chemistry that got you involved with him and made you believe his lies and manipulation.
       8) Oh, and he has absolutely no respect for you, for himself, or for the woman he’s married to. He is using you. You are convenient for him. Move on with your life. Who cares if he resents you? You should resent him.
       9) Excellent communication? Seriously?

       If I knew you personally, I’d call this tough love and tell you like it is and then give you a hug and let you cry it out. You can live without someone like this, you can move on, you can find someone better. But you won’t until you get him out of your life and start repairing the damage he’s done to your confidence and self-worth.

       1. Yes to all of these please! You should not even be getting drinks with him. Please protect your heart! cut this man out of your life.

   11. “What do I do? Advice? If I say no to helping him through this, will he resent me for it? If I say yes will I resent him?”

       You may (or may not) have a vested interest in how his marriage ends. He needs a friend, not someone who might want to date him if he were single. If you have no interest in dating him despite the outcome of the marriage, then you can be his friend and give him advice.

       I agree with the others that you remain un-involved in his divorce. He might resent you for staying out of it, but you will more likely resent him if you are involved. The best chance for you two to have a relationship in the future (if that is what you want, and I’m not sure that you should) is for him to handle this without you.

   12. I have been there. Almost exactly. He still hasn’t gotten the divorce, but I moved on, though it took me a long time. And if I recall, while I was there (and I stuck around regardless of my gut instinct) it was one of the worst times of my life because I constantly felt like I was second best, and was continually second-guessing the relationship, such as it was. You need to step away. At the very least, stop all contact until the divorce is complete. And I am not telling you that from a moral standpoint, but as someone who has gone through it and knows that you need to establish serious boundaries for self-preservation purposes. You do not want to go where I have been. Be strong and take care of yourself.

   13. This guy is bad news. Ugh. He doesn’t know how to respect women who he purports to “love.”

       This is what a future with him will be like. Only he can make the decision to change, and most like, it won’t happen.

       Check out http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk. That site helped me to understand these crazy cycles.

   14. Some posters have said not to get involved with him again until the divorce is final. I say don’t get involved with him again period! He doesn’t know what he wants, but he want to have all the options. Don’t make someone a priority when you are just their option. You deserve better!

       1. Another dimension to consider.

          If he and wife/ex have children, he will have to deal with her on a regular basis. He’s already been a yoyo over her. Do you want that to occur on every holiday, weekend schedule, rite of passage, event? Just something to consider if it applies.

          Above all, keep guarding your heart as if it were a priceless, irreplaceable jewel. After all, it (and you) are! :)

   15. I read this yesterday and resisted the urge to respond. After seeing some of the responses you’ve gotten, I feel compelled to share my thoughts.

       While I understand how the entire situation can look to someone who isn’t involved, it can be/feel/seem quite different to those who are involved. Only you know how you feel and truly, only he knows what he wants. I find it unfair for so many responses to sum up the entirety of your relationship into a few black-and-white “absolutes” about what a jerk he is, how he doesn’t respect you, or how he wants to have his cake and eat it too.

       Many times life is more complicated than these observations by people who are not connected to the situation. I’m not challenging their validity, because everyone has an opinion, and I agree that to an objective third-party, the whole situation sounds painful and hard and like it is detrimental to you. And it is good for you to hear the perspective of others because it helps you understand the situation more fully. However, there are many intangibles that cannot be weighed and calculated so easily.

       The bottom line is that I don’t think any of us on Corporette can tell you how to proceed in this situation. We can provide advice and perspective, but in the end, the choices are yours. Sometimes the best things in life come through extremely painful circumstances. It is up to us to discern what we value most and how much we are willing to endure in an effort to attain what we seek. If this truly is the love of your life (and no one on this site can tell you whether he is or not), then you might be willing to give this a shot regardless of the circumstances. It’s just too complicated to boil down to a black-and-white answer. I hope things work out for the best – and whatever that actually means in this situation, I’m not sure. You might not even know what is best at this point. Maybe the new guy is better for you. Maybe LOL really is the love of your life and you’d be happiest with him if he can get his side of things cleaned up for good. It is possible that LOL is a wonderful man who has made some mistakes (haven’t we all!) and hasn’t known how to fix the mess he’s found himself in. Then again, it is possible that the Corporettes are right in their estimations of what a jerk LOL is. Regardless, I think you are best-qualified to determine what’s right for you… and maybe it isn’t what everyone here thinks it should be. Life is complicated, after all!

       1. “Love of your life” is something teenagers say. Though I suppose that level of rationalization is necessary when you are trying to break up a marriage.

          I really hope that karma does not come round to bite her on the a**. It would be terrible to finally “extract” this guy from his legally wedded wife (and children?) only for him to fill the m*stress vacancy!

   16. Don’t get involved with married men

       – rules to live by

7. Has anyone ever used professional coaching? What is it like? Is it helpful?

   I’ve looked at a few of the websites and they all seem so vague, but I can see how it would be helpful to have a disinterested person tell you what you could do better…

   1. About 18 months ago a friend/mentor recommended a life coach who he said really changed his life. I had some conversations with the coach but was gunshy on the price. This particular coach seemed like kind of a middle ground between a therapist and a career coach/recruiter. I so wish I’d taken the referral because I made a series of really bad professional decisions shortly thereafter when I really should have just made some smaller-scale fixes.

   2. I think you have to first figure out what you want .. a therapist? or a career coach? (or a nutritionist, or a trainer, or an all-encompassing “life coach”, or what?) Are you dealing strictly with career concerns or is there other stuff going on you need help with?

      If it’s career-only, I recommend gathering as much info and data as you can (e.g. performance reviews, feedback from bosses and others, your resume and examples of your work .. etc) and finding a career coach or executive training program that will also administer tests like myers-briggs, etc. Then work with a coach to sort and sift through your situation at work, your strengths and weaknesses, your reviews, etc. That can be very helpful.

   3. I had a client who was a very high-end career coach. Honestly, it was kind of a club for bored, rich business owners. They would do some coach-y activity and then socialize. So I think it was mostly a peer group for CEOs who don’t really have any professional peers in their day-to-day.

      I am just glad to not be working for any of the coach-ees–they came up with some ideas that sounded like they should work but would be a nightmare to implement.

      1. A good coach will ask you the kind of questions that will get you to put words to: where you want to go, what barriers are keeping you from going there, and the specific actions you need to take to move to where you want to be. Do you have a clear-thinking friend who can do this for you? Could you say, “Can I buy you lunch once a week for four weeks so we can talk about this and so I leave with a clear action step to take before we meet again?”

         Most coaches offer a free first session so you can try out the fit and see if it seems worthwhile.
         Fascinating article by a surgeon on why he went out to find a surgery coach:
         http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/10/03/111003fa_fact_gawande

         1. Also, if it’s not a highly personal area you’re dealing with, check with your HR department. They may have someone trained in coaching who is available to meet with employees.

   4. Thanks for your thoughts. I was thinking about career coaching, specifically, but now that someone brought up sports coaching, I can admit that I’d love that. Not practical though :(

8. http://www.cnn.com/2011/10/04/opinion/bennett-men-in-trouble/index.html?hpt=hp_c1

   Discuss

   1. Feminism’s over, everybody! Yay, break out the champagne! The poor men! Now their wives bring home the bacon and they have to fry it up in a pan themselves!

      * massive eyeroll *

   2. A lot of people seem to think that for women to succeed (whatever that even means), they have to put men down. We see that a lot in pop culture, for example- watch a few commercials or sitcoms and the trope is almost always “stupid man, corrected by the smart woman” (I don’t think that this serves either sex well, BTW- it makes the women look like scolding mothers and implies that they should just settle for these idiot men, more often then not).

      Ultimately, this doesn’t serve either sex well. Women may be making gains in education and career, which is great, but those things aren’t everything. Men and women need to work together and support each other, in familes, careers, and community.

9. Last week there was a thread about THE SKIRT and petite versus regular sizing and length. Thanks to some good advice from other Corporettes, I purchased the teal color in the petite size (it was sold out in the regular size). I’m wearing it today and am very happy with it!! My one piece of advice (now owning THE skirt in both petite and regular) would be to order your usual size in the petite, but order one size smaller in the regular (there isn’t much of a difference in length between the two).

10. Hi, I have a HUGE favor to ask the Corporette community. I’m working on a school project about blogs, and I need some survey respondents. Can you please fill out this survey? Should take less than 5 minutes and is only 4 questions. Thanks!!!

    http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/RRFS9CY

    1. done!

    2. Done

    3. Done!

    4. There you go. I’d be curious how many responses you end up getting – update us if you have a chance.

    5. Done!

    6. C’est fine!

       1. oops–should be fini. This is why I don’t try to be clever…

    7. Done!

    8. Done!

    9. Done

    10. finite!

    11. Done! It only took about 10 seconds.

11. Another shoe question! I just got some lovely bronze flats to serve as my primary pair of brown shoes, and am wondering if they can also be worn with black pants. Shoes are similar in color and style to these, though in person they’re more bronze than brown.
    http://www.naturalizer.com/en-US/Product/EC0203559-3008352/Naturalizer/Bronze+Leather/Violette.aspx

    1. Yes, you may wear them with black pants. I would.

    2. I have a pair of bronze flats that I love and I often wear them with black pants. I consider them more of a metallic than a brown, and use them for that “pop” that I sometimes feel like one of my ordinary outfits needs.

       Short answer? Absolutely.

    3. Same as @JJ. I have a different pair of bronze flats and wear them with black. Go for it! :)

12. How do professional women make new friends?

    After going away to college and law school, and starting my career in a different city across the country, I moved “home” last year. I’m extremely lucky — near family (parents and bro), great house, awesome boyfriend, good job, but…no girl friends. I work in an extremely small office, and so far, I’m the only female. I’m active at my church, and go out to networking events about once a week. And yet, I’m having trouble finding women to connect with.

    I have great friends spread across the country whose friendships I cherish dearly, but I am really missing grabbing drinks after work, or an afternoon of shopping with some friendly female acquaintances. Any suggestions Corporettes?

    1. Re-post this tomorrow morning. People aren’t reading this thread anymore, but you’ll get good feedback when everyone is here.

    2. I’ve met most of mine through my job, alumni club, church, yoga classes, and foreign language classes. And several of my close friends are from my law school class. Are you in a city with lots of singles, or are most people you meet at church or networking events married? If the latter, you need to find activities that are more often frequented by single, childless people – look for classes that take place after 6pm on weeknights, happy hours for various professional associations, a singles group/young adult group at your church, etc. You could always start a club – for instance, someone at my church started a “Wine and Wisdom” club that is a women’s-only scripture study with wine and snacks, or you could work with the local bar association to hold a happy hour for women lawyers, etc.

    3. As someone who’s preparing to move to her 4th new city in 4 years, I can tell you that the key to meeting new friends is to place yourself in situations where you will be meeting people who are actively looking to meet people. My top suggestions are: Meetup.com (whatever you can find the piques your interest) and book clubs.

    4. Maybe your church doesn’t have many single/childless women your own age? If that’s the case, you might want to consider looking for other churches. I moved to the suburbs more than 2 years ago, and it has taken me about that long to find a church where I can meet other professional childless young adults. I get the feeling that many people in the church have their own primary “home churches” but come to a small group at my church for a peer community.

       I also think there’s a better chance of forging real relationships when you’re working with a team or toward some common goal–say, in a volunteer setting, or a class, or a book club–than when the activity is simply “networking.” Here are some ideas along those lines: volunteer with your local legal aid organization, YWCA chapter, join a running group like Team in Training?

    5. You’ve got the right idea. Join a club/civic organization/athletic group — whatever hobby/passion/interest you have, find a group that has the same. Whether it’s volunteering for a non profit, or joining a running club, it’s a great way to meet people.

       Also — some of my best girl friends are the wives of the male associates at my firm. If there are men at your office who you are friendly with (or could see yourself being friendly with), invite them and their wives/girlfriends over for dinner, or out for drinks, or something.

    6. Consider joining your local Junior League Chapter. If your local chapter is anything like mine, it will be filled with educated, bright women who want to make a difference in the community while making new friends. I think the current statistic for the most recent incoming group of women in my League is that 94% of them work and about 50% are single women . . . clearly not your mother’s Junior League.

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