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Coffee Break: Okala Pumps

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Sam Edelman Okala Pumps | CorporetteAngie at You Look Fab has a post today called “An Aha Moment for Happy Feet” wherein she sings the praises of these gorgeous pumps — if that isn't a killer recommendation I don't know what is. I am in love with this black calf-hair/purple pair, but they're also available in cheetah/black and a “saddle”/tan pair. They're $120 at Zappos and Nordstrom. Sam Edelman Okala 2016 Update: These heels are now in our Workwear Hall of Fame — they've been around for years now, win amazing reviews, and keep coming back in new styles and colors. (L-4)

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

140 Comments

  1. Just found out that I’ll be moving to a new job in Atlanta! Yay! Any suggestions for dermatologists (ideally, who have experience with “ethnic” skin), GP’s (or preferably internists), dentists, or any other general recommendations/advice? For context, I’ll probably be living in Midtown and I’m fairly familiar with the city. Thanks!

    1. You didn’t ask for this specifically, but if you need an ob/gyn, I recommend Jennifer Williams at Piedmont OBGYN.

    2. Congrats on your new job. I like my dermatologist Dr. Mack Rachal, although I don’t know about his specific experience with “ethnic” skin. I also like my GP Dr. Scott Kleber, ob/gyn Dr. Betsy Collins, and eye doctor Marisa Feliciano. All work at Emory Midtown so would be convenient for you. And my favorite restaurant is Cakes & Ale in Decatur, fyi.

    4. Congrats on the new job! I second the recommendation for Dr. Jennifer Williams at Piedmont OB/GYN–she is fantastic! I also recommend Dr. Ibrez Bandukwala at Laureate Medical Group as GP and Dr. Richard Rodgers as dentist–both of their offices are located in the office tower attached to Emory Midtown Hospital, so I can get to both on MARTA, and they both are really great.

    5. Thanks for all the recommendations, including ob/gyn! Don’t know how I forgot that one! One of my friends used to work at Emory Midtown, so I’m very familiar with the location. Hopefully I can meet some of you at a future Atlanta r*tte meeteup!

    6. For a dentist: Herman Donatelli at 999 Peachtree. He and his dental tech are wonderful.

  2. So I’m a regular poster going anonymous for this one. I just made partner at my smallish-midsized firm. I came in several years ago with several years’ experience practicing law in another state, and was told that I would need to start at Square One – same salary as the kids right out of law school, same number of years to partnership. I was also told that this was the deal for everyone – the explanation I was given is that, because the firm has a pretty fast partnership track, there was no preferential treatment based on prior experience unless you were coming in as a lateral partner with a book of business.

    Fast forward to now, when we have an applicant whose resume is almost EXACTLY like mine was when I came here – same or equivalent schools, same or equivalent experience, etc. And all of a sudden there is a lot of talk about offering him a much higher salary than a typical first-year, and maybe fast-tracking him for partnership. Needless to say, this is making me sort of ragey.

    I’m not interested in torpedoing the applicant’s career, and I’m not really a follower of the whole philosophy that, just because things were hard for me they should be hard for everyone that follows behind me. However, I am REALLY just stuck on the fact that it’s simply not fair that the firm would change its entire “we all start on the same footing” philosophy just for this applicant. I’m also having a little bit of trouble believing that, on some subconscious level, the fact that he’s male isn’t playing into this (the culture here is frighteningly similar to Mad Men – right down to the gender ratio).

    So my question: would I be making a horrible mistake raising this as an objection, or am I being childish? “It’s not fair” sounds like a kindergartner’s complaint on the playground, but it really *doesn’t* feel fair. I wouldn’t necessarily raise the sexism argument – I know how poorly that would go – but I’m thinking it’s at least worth broaching the “same footing” argument. And, as a baby partner, should I raise it with one or two senior partners with whom I have good relationships, as opposed to in a general meeting? Any advice would be appreciated!

    1. I think you should definitely say something – not that it’s sexist, and not that it’s not fair, but that the policy is in place for some reasons (presumably), and this person’s credentials aren’t reason to deviate from it. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pointing out his credentials are similar to yours, and the partners didn’t deviate from the policy for you. This is framing it as a business decision – you all need to see he can bring in business, whether you can work with him, etc. – whatever the reasons are for the policy.

      FYI, I work for a similar-sounding firm. Even though I think it would be shooting yourself in the foot to be explicit about sexism, etc., I don’t blame you for being ragey.

    2. Sexism was my first thought on reading your post.
      The second thought was that maybe this applicant has strong connections either to the firm’s management, or to someone powerful in your geographic or business area.
      Regardless, I would talk about this in a private conversation and not in a general meeting. Even if you don’t mention the difference in treatment between genders, it’s still risky.
      You should also have more examples than just you and the star applicant. Are there more people in the firm with the tenure comparable to yours? Did it take them longer/less time to make partner?

    3. What are their reasons for deviating from the existing policy? Can you point to other examples (besides yourself) of stellar applicants who did not receive special treatment?

      Perhaps if you can keep the conversation/objection framed around quantifiable measures such as “we’re spending more for the same caliber candidate”, etc. you will make some headway.

      Eager to see others’ responses to your post and please keep us updated on the outcome!

    4. It sounds like one of those situations where you want to go in knowing exactly what you’re asking for. Simply presenting a problem may make you look like a complainer even though your point is completely fair. So–what do you want? If it isn’t a downgrade on the applicant’s offer, is it a new consideration of yourself as an asset to the firm, since your resume was so similar to his? I.e., use this to open a discussion about a raise or benefit increase? You may not get it, but your point will have been made. You will look like you were going for equality by lifting rather than by pushing down. I agree that having other examples of similar candidates who didn’t get any special treatment would be ideal, so it doesn’t look like it’s all about you. But that may not be possible.

      I think it will probably be clear that you’re pointing out a sexist mindset even if you don’t mention gender at all. Raising a question about the differential treatment, if there’s no real answer, does that for you.

    5. The truth is that the fact that the new guy is coming in on better terms than what you got doesn’t really affect you. The favorable treatment he’s getting doesn’t change your current situation. So any complaining you do will kind of sound like you’re whiny about how unfair it is. What you could do, I guess, is question why he’s getting this favorable treatment. Especially now that you’re a partner. You could bring it up to the senior partners – “I thought the deal for hires with this experience was [deal that you got], is there a reason he’s being fast-tracked?” But you have to keep it really neutral. And if they tell you that there is no particular reason, then you kind of have to drop it.

    6. I am ragey on your behalf.

      I agree with Eleanor’s comments about raising this as the policy that’s in place other than raising it for not being fair or because they are sexist pigs (which it’s not and they are).

      I’m thinking an e-mail to the partners you are closest to with something along the lines of what you said here but spinning it in such a way that you are ready to talk about your “substantial pay increase” and “partnership track” now that this policy has been lifted. Obviously if you had known this policy was lifted earlier, you would have brought this up at the first instance. “When can you meet later this week to discuss?” And go in with all your List of All of My Great Things. Maybe an in-person conversation would be better. Good luck!

  3. As I’m TTC, I have stopped bleaching and started waxing my upper lip….but everytime I get it waxed, I get whiteheads in the area that is waxed. Even if I ask for sensitive-skin treatment. Even if I use witch hazel. Etc. Has anyone managed to defeat this problem? FWIW, I tried threading once but found it to take longer and hurt more than waxing…

    1. It’s been a while since I have been pregnant, but is bleaching really a danger?

      1. I think there are tons of things that are a “danger” and “should be avoided”, because they haven’t been tested and confirmed safe for foetuses (for ex. most meds, retinol). Since this is something I can substitute easily enough, I figured it wasn’t worth arguing with my current obgyn about. (Old one said bleaching was fine, new one says to avoid.)

    2. I had the same situation with my eyebrows and never could figure out how to prevent it or what types of products triggered it. It didn’t happen all the time, but often enough that I switched to threading permanently. I now get my lip threaded as well. The first time hurt SO MUCH that I had tears streaming down my face. I soldiered on and after 3-4 sessions it takes less time and is nowhere near as painful.

    3. I have this problem. If they use oil to clean the wax off, that can be a problem for me so I wash my face right after I get waxed. I also make sure to gently exfoliate the area when washing my face for the next few days. I have been going to the Benefit bar for my waxing, and for some reason I break out less when I get it done there. Maybe try different places to see how it goes at each one?

    4. What about—gasp—just not doing anything? No one’s going to mistake you for a dude in your current condition.

      1. Ummm, that may be true, but some people are not comfortable walking around with a visible mustache. I am one of them. Its not about being mistaken for a dude (I have DDD breasts and hair down my back so pretty sure that’s not going to happen.)

        I don’t have solutions other than cleaning carefully before and after and weighing whether hairless lip > pimply lip.

        1. +1. I’m pretty laid back about grooming, but keeping little upper lip hairs is not an option. I’m assuming Nair isn’t an option if bleach isn’t an option?

          1. I second Nair. And I would also reconsider whether bleaching is really that bad. You think that much bleach on your upper lip once every two weeks really does anything?

    5. I don’t have a whitehead issue but do have sensitive skin that would get all red with waxing, and tweezing took forever. I now use the “Bellabe” – http://tinyurl.com/ppso2zm. It’s not painless, but it’s not awful as long as you make a face to tighten the skin as you use it.

    6. I am fair and I probably don’t have to do this- but I use a tiny bikini line trimmer (obviously I don’t use it for it’s intended purpose too), that is like battery-operated blades to trim away my upper lip hair. It’s pink and grey- I’m sure you’ve seen them in stores. It takes two seconds and trims it very close to the skin. I’m not sure if it would work as well for more obvious hair, but worth a shot.

      1. Also fair and I do the same thing. Though I have used mine for both purposes and now I’m wondering if that is gross.

    7. I use surgi-wax (the stripless kind from the drugstore) and it never bothers me. When I get waxed at a salon, I do get bumps. Spread it on (not too hot), wait for it to harden, and then hold your lip taut and rip. I think I do a better job of it myself.

      1. This is usually caused by one of two things; a reaction to the specific wax or (more commonly) the waxer not pulling the skin tautly enough when she rips the wax/strip off. She should be doing one side at a time, and have you pull your face one direction (not with your hand, just pulling your lip taut over your teeth, if that makes sense) then she should pull very firmly the other way with one hand while pulling the wax off. She should pull parallel to the skin, NOT UP. If she pulls with an upward motion instead of a horizontal slightly lifting motion, bumps will frequently result.

    8. Stop waxing, start threading. Unlike waxing, threading doesn’t remove the top layer of skin. Threading cuts off the hair a the surface of the skin. In my experience, the hair grows back softer than when it’s pulled out. It hurts, but maybe only as much or slightly more than waxing.

  4. I’m pretty obsessed with the Tory Burch Simone cardigan for year-round wear, but at $225 it’s pretty pricey. I have a couple in basic colors and would like to spring for a couple more, but before I do that I was wondering whether people had suggestions for similar products that might be less expensive. I’ve heard good things about the J. Crew boyfriend sweater but it’s been pretty hard to find and I remember it feeling a lot thinner than the fairly substantial (although still great for year-round wear) wool of the Simone. Any suggestions for workhorse cardigans that won’t break the bank?

    1. I like the J. Crew boyfriend sweater – it fits really well and is a great length for a variety of outfits. I have one in merino and one in cashmere and the merino is much more versatile.

      1. Thanks, all! I’ve never tried C. Wonder but this may be my first purchase.

  5. Someone posted here several times a few months ago puzzles by weird bleach stains on her towels, always in the same area of the towel. She said that she never used bleach and didn’t know where they were coming from. She also had a couple on her clothes I think but the issue was towels.

    I ended up having the same problem and figured it out so if you are still reading, lady with the towel problem, I have figured out the issue!

    I use a whitening tooth paste. When I’m done brushing my teeth I have a habit of drying my hand or my mouth on my bath towel which is usually hanging on a hook on the door or over the shower curtain rod. The residual toothpaste on my mouth is causing the bleach spots when I was the towels! I figured this out after a mystery line of bleach spots that showed up on a suit after I had it dry cleaned.

    The dry cleaner said it looked like someone w/ whitening toothpaste had dropped their tooth brush. I in fact use whitening toothpaste and do occasionally drop my toothbrush. After that, I started noticing that the place I wipe my mouth after brushing my teeth is the same spot that is bleached on my towels. I bet this is your problem too!

    2. Also, if you use any kind of acne product with benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid, that will definitely bleach your towels or your bedding…(learned the hard way ).

      1. Haha, this was my first thought when I read “weird bleach stains”. Took me the longest time to figure out why all my pajamas had bleach stains around the collar. It was from the b.p. cream I was using at night.

  6. Early THREADJACK

    How do you handle when a business associate compliments you in an email to your boss (or boss’ boss) and that person then forwards it to you with their own “attaboy”? I’ve lucky enough to have had this happen more than once recently and do appreciate that people take the time to let my boss now they think I’m doing a great job, but I’m always at a loss as to what to do from here – particularly since I don’t feel like I have done anything above and beyond my job.

    My thoughts are:
    ORIGINAL SENDER
    1) Do nothing
    2) Acknowledge the compliment with a quick email thanking her for passing that along to my boss

    BOSS
    1) Do nothing
    2) Acknowledge boss’ compliment with quick email
    3) Acknowledge both compliments and find something nice to say about original emailer

    1. Reply to the Boss by email acknowledging the compliments. Last week (?) there was a discussion about responding to praise and there were good suggestions for the exact wording.
      Stop by the Original Sender’s desk and thank them for the kind words about your work (related to you by Boss).
      Save the complimentary email in your “Brag folder”.

    2. Acknowledge/thank the person who complimented you to your boss and forwarded their email to you. No need to say anything to your boss, especially since as far as they know you’re unaware of the original complimentary email.

    3. Acknowledge both. If the original sender is a co-worker, stop by and say, “Thanks for the email.” If the sender is external, a brief email to explain that it was forwarded on and your appreciate their input is appropriate.

      Your boss wants you to know that s/he is hearing how good you are and that others are taking the time to write about you, and that your boss cares enough to pass it along to you. Thank your boss for sending it along, and make an appropriate (but not falsely modest) statement about it — “This was complicated, I am glad we could work it out,” “I really liked working on this kind of project,” “[Sender] has been great to work with, so I am glad she is happy with my contribution,” etc. But receiving compliments and not acknowledging them is generally bad form.

  7. Question for the lawyers out there. I am a 3rd year litigation associate in BigLaw who went to a T5 school. I have not clerked. I applied to two one-off opportunities that came up through connections and did not get them, but I never did a big sweeping application process (for various reasons, mostly personal circumstances). The thing is, the further I get in my career the more I really really regret that I did not do it. Based on my grades/etc. I have a shot (not a great one, but a shot) at getting a federal clerkship in my area and a very good shot at getting one if I am willing to move to some other part of the country. I’ve now seen many 3rd and even 4th years leave to clerk, and am starting to think that it might not be too late for me to apply. If I got one for 2014 (which is unlikely, I hear most judges have hired already) then I would be leaving my firm after 4 years. If 2015, I would be leaving after 5. Is this too late in my career to be clerking? Also, if I can’t get one in my area, would I be crazy to pick up and leave my life (including great rental apartment, huge social and professional network from living here for 8(!!) years, family nearby, etc.) to go somewhere else, especially considering that I am in my 30s and single and really really want a family someday and that it would be locking myself into moving away at least one year from now if not two?

    For what it’s worth, some of the reasons I want to clerk are (1) I love research/writing and tossing around ideas about cases and therefore think I would enjoy clerking, (2) I want to see if courtroom/trial lawyering is for me and am not going to get that experience at my current job, (3) I might want to work in government someday (for example as an AUSA) and think it would be really helpful both in terms of helping me figure out if that’s what I want to do and in terms of getting a position if it is, and (4) from what I have seen and heard clerking gives you such tremendous insight into the judicial process that it is very helpful for almost any type of litigation career.

    Apologies for the length. Any thoughts appreciated. TIA.

    1. I think you should clerk. I did NOT clerk, but spend alot of time in front of judge’s in the WC section and at the WC board, and think that if I had clerked, I would be abel to be become a judge that much faster. I also did NOT go to a T5 school. My LSAT’s were NOT good enough for Dad to get me in to Harvard or Stanford. FOOEY, but I am now out for over 5 year’s and NO one ask’s about law school any more, just what kind of litieagation do I do.

      Since you are alot like me, I will tell you to do the clerk thing, even if you loose some money for a coupel of year’s b/c you will always be abel to say you clerke’d for a judge. The judge I spend alot of time in front of has become my mentor, and I can only imageine how much better our releationship would be if I had clerked for him. Also, I would be even MORE of a WC expert then I already am, and would be a good candideate for the bench, he think’s.

      I think everything I say should apply to a FEDERAL clearkship, but will defer to other’s on this b/c I do NOT know any one who ever clerked for a FEDERAL judge. I know you have to be VERY smart and at the top of your class. None of my freind’s at GW were abel to get a FEDERAL clerkship, except one guy went to the EPA, and is now MARRIED to a woman who worked at the Commerce Department. YAY!!!

      1. Ellen – You are a lawyer, you are active on the board, and you obviously have a lot of good advice and experience to impart to this group. Why not use proper spelling and grammar and give your honest opinions? I’m serious. Your intentional misspellings make it so that I often just ignore your posts. I’m sure you can be funny and creative without using ALLCAPS. Contribute some posts in your normal voice and I think everyone here will find you more interesting.

        1. Isn’t that her whole point? Obviously she could post regular if she wanted to but her whole shtick is this made up character who can’t spell

          1. Right, but I was trying to point out in a nice way that misspellings and using allcaps is not really funny, at least not to this audience. Since I don’t read her postings anymore (it takes too much effort and I’m busy), I’m sure others here ignore them also so she (he?) is just wasting her time by posting in this manner.

          4. Aw, I read Ellen’s posts. I know she’s not the same “Ellen” that started the whole gimmick (which actually originated with B. McLeod or someone at Above the Law, and morphed into Alan then Ellen). I would also encourage this Ellen to lose the schtick, but it is a spoof of a spoof so I won’t complain. I do think it makes it harder to read her posts, which is too bad because there’s some good stuff in there.

    2. I think if you are still thinking about clerking after 4 years out, you should do it. It is definitely not too late to pursue this dream, and you have some very valid reasons why it may help your future career! I can’t think of a reason why it would hurt you-and you may even be able to finesse some of the things you are concerned about (e.g. sublet your apartment in case you decide to return etc). Go for it-you don’t want to be 15-20 years out and still be wishing you had pursued the opportunity at 5 years out!

      1. Amen! And seriously, you law students, if you’re interested in clerking, don’t not do it because of money, or because you’re ready to get your career started, or you have loans. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it, but I just don’t think those are reasons not to if you have an interest. The practice of law is a long game. One more year at your firm is not going to do much for you, and the difference in money is not that big.

        1. Thanks for the advice everyone, and I totally second this. My reasons for not doing it right out of school seemed important at the time but in retrospect I wish I had just done it anyway. Once you start working and get into a groove it’s much harder to find time/energy to apply.

    4. If your think you might want to be an AUSA clerking will definitely give you great insight, and more importantly, a federal clerkship is almost a prerequisite to that job (obviously there are exceptions to every rule, but at least in my geographic area almost every AUSA clerked).

    5. I agree with all of the others who recommended going for a clerkship. Also, the timelines for hiring this year (well, for 2014-15) changed abruptly and kind of at the last minute. While some judges jumped and hired early, others decided not to play the game this year and may be hiring in the fall. It may be worth spending some time on OSCAR seeing if there are any local judges to whom you could still apply. Good luck!

  8. Anticipating a negotiation and need some tips, re: leave time.

    I am about to reveal to my employer that I am pregnant (yay!). I have been working part-time on a fellowship for about a year, and am being hired in the fall. I will need leave beginning in January. The leave policy is that employees with a year or more of service get A + B leave package, while employees with less than a year get A only. Obviously, I want to make the argument that my year-long fellowship counts as employee service time and I should get A +B, and I am anticipating push back on that.

    If it matters, my fellowship salary is paid mostly from an outside funder and the organization provides a small additional amount. I am supervised by internal employees and generally subject to employee policies, though I never received a handbook. I did fill out a W-2.

    Any tips on how to go about making my case? Thoughts on framing or wording or strategy are appreciated!

    2. I’m not an expert, but I’ll chime in.

      Hard to say without reviewing the actual language.

      Are you an employee of the employer, even though your funds come from largely from another source? It sounds to me like you are, if you’ve done a W-2.
      Generally there are quite specific hours/FTE associated with the length of employment. Does the amount that your employer pays you meet that minimum requirement?
      Is the organization the recipient of the outside funds, which they allocate to you?

      If yes to any of these, I don’t see how they could possibly argue against it.

      I would sleuth out how they have handled questions of length of employment for similar employees. Perhaps not for maternity leave in particular, but for any HR/legal definitions such as superiority, tenure, promotion, etc.

      Is benefit B provided *by* your organization or is it afforded by a state or federal government, etc? If it’s an organization other than your employer, they may have their own definition or may have an administrator who could potentially advocate for you.

      1. Thanks for pointing out these good questions and explaining why they matter. I appreciate it! Hopefully there wont be a fight, but I always light to come prepared. Thanks for your help!

    2. Yes this exactly. But I love Sam Edelman shoes – they are so comfy for the heel height/price!

    4. Are ankle straps OK for work? When I saw these, I thought, “not work appropriate.” But now I can’t pinpoint why I think that.

      1. The ankle strap in and of itself I think is fine with this closed toe shoe, just make sure the rest of your wardrobe is both appropriate and compliments the shoe.

      2. That was my reaction as well. Maybe it’s the uncovered heel and sides? But trying to articulate why is difficult, so maybe they’re perfectly fine, just a different shape than I’m used to.

    1. Make yourself really, really busy – with work, hobbies, cleaning, shopping, whatever. Spend as much time with friends as possible. But when you are alone and get sad, let yourself be sad. Let yourself cry. Don’t ever beat yourself up about it or feel like you should be getting over things faster than you are. Be good to yourself, whatever that means for you — take care of your body, get sleep when you need it, take time off if you need it, allow yourself little indulgences (a manicure, a cupcake, etc.). Recognize that being sad will come in waves — you will feel like you’re totally fine and over it, but then it will hit you again. Don’t be shocked when that happens or feel bad about it. If you have trouble sleeping, don’t be afraid to get pills (OTC or if you need something stronger, go see a doctor). Do things you could never do during your relationship — eat food your SO didn’t like, watch tv/listen to music your SO hated, kiss someone random in a bar some night just because you felt like it. Don’t force yourself to date before you’re ready, but feel free to flirt like crazy if you want to. Take on a new project (e.g. a new language, some home repair, cleaning our your closet) that makes you feel like you are accomplishing something. Do some combination of these things and one day you will wake up and realize that yesterday you went the whole day without thinking about it, and eventually you will stop being someone who is getting over something.

        1. This really is great advice!
          — from someone who beat herself up for not getting over it quickly enough and lost a lot of valuable time and opportunities as a result.

    2. Time, new environment, new interests/goals. The beginning will always be tough and you should have patience with yourself as you occasionally dissolve into tears for no apparent reason. If you were the one who ended the relationship, it helps to reaffirm to yourself that it was the right decision and you did everything you could to save the relationship before ending it.

    3. Takeout, wine, ice cream and episodes of TV shows. Especially at the beginning – I watched tons of TV as a way to distract myself.

    4. Think about all the things that irritated you about the person. You will soon find that you are relieved to be rid of them.

    5. I’m going through this as well and I would also advise that you not burn out your friends. When I’m upset or trying to figure out how to deal with parts of my break up, I always want to run to my BFF — until I think about how often I’ve run to her lately or how I already know what her advice is going to be (“Get over it, he’s not worth it”). I try not to sound like a broken record, especially when I meet new people, although so many stories seem to involve him or our break up (“Oh, I’m new to town and don’t really know anyone because my first two months here I was in a cross-country LDR.” “Well, I painted my wall that color because at the time I thought my BF was going to move in with me, so the color was a compromise between my taste and his.”).

      I am finding that the busier I am the less I think about it. Weekends are particularly hard because I have so much downtime, so try to find things to do to keep yourself busy. I’ve even picked up lame hobbies for the first time since I was a teenager just to try to stay busy.

      And I guess remind yourself that it’s ok to be hurt over this. I keep feeling like I’m overreacting (especially because he took the break-up in stride, or at least so it seems), but then I remind myself that when you start to build a life with someone (or at least plan for a life with someone), the dismantling of that will inevitably be hard, painful and sometimes slow. So let yourself be sad and know that it’s normal and that it will start to get better slowly. I’m about a month and a half out from the break-up and while I’m still struggling with disappointment, sadness and missing him, I don’t cry anymore and I’m crawling back out of the cave of depression and pity that I dug for myself during and after the break up.

  11. Read this article and thought it was a good reminder for me to be cautious of the proliferate “ride share” services out there which I always think about trying out (IMO Uber is an exception to this, except for the UberX service). While I do have some qualms about how this girl handled things, there is something scary in general about getting into a car in an unlicensed cab that is actually just Random Joe Neighborhood Guy driver. Of course, cab drivers can be scary and dangerous in their own right, too, but this somehow seems more concerning to me. I think the end of the article sums it up well:

    “…the service wants to erase the line between The Person Who Drives The Cab and The Person Who Rides The Cab. Good! We shouldn’t treat people behind the wheel like worker robots. But the big risk of Silicon Valley’s good vibes utopia delusion is that the person playing the role of your friend with a car isn’t your friend. You’re not their buddy—you’re a paying hitchhiker with a smartphone. The world as described in a startup elevator pitch, wherein everyone can share everyone’s car or apartment without risk is a fantasy. San Francisco, like the rest of our planet is a human crapshoot: the guy who picks you up with a fistbump could turn out to be a kind, interesting stranger, or a complete nutcase—and if the latter comes true, you’re stuck in the front seat.”

    http://valleywag.gawker.com/when-your-smartphone-chauffeur-becomes-a-stalker-801080008

    1. Ok yikes. That would really freak me out.

      This really also needs to serve as a reminder that women do not need to be polite and give out their phone number if they don’t want to. Say no or if you really don’t feel comfortable doing that then at least give the person a fake number. You do not have to do something you feel uncomfortable with just to be polite.

      1. Also, someone commented on the story about Airbnb bring a comparison and I immediately thought about the couch surfing site. I don’t know about the couch surfing one, but Über and Airbnb and the like are illegal in NYC. I assume the car one is to protect the interests of the cab drivers here, but it is nice to know that these drivers are being somewhat screened and at least if something happens you can report it to the taxi and limousine commission.

        These types of things seem awesome if everyone who participates is awesome, but there is just no way to be sure. Best to be careful and prepared.

        1. Yeah, I always thought it was just pessimist/cynical me, thinking it didn’t sound great to invite a total stranger to sleep in my home, or sleep in a total stranger’s home. I just had some friends have a really weird experience with Airbnb hosts and decided I’m no longer embarassed by my instincts. They ended up being safe but were very uncomfortable with the hosts’ behavior and the fact that their room didn’t have a lock on the door.

        2. uber isn’t illegal in NYC. It’s been here since Memorial Day.

          the fact that airbnb is “illegal” in NYC is ridiculous and speaks only to the power of the hotel lobby.

          1. Oh I take that back then! I didn’t know it had been approved. Good to know.

            People do Airbnb all the time, but I’ve heard that the city is cracking down. Of course the hotel lobby is fully in support of it being illegal, but I’d guess that there are also a lot of landlords as well as regular people living in apartment buildings who don’t want short-term renters coming in and out of their buildings (even though that happens all the time anyway).

          2. @ Sydney Bristow: I agree that landlords and neighbors wouldn’t want random people in and out, but that would be an issue that should be in a lease and resolved through housing court. To me, the fact that a city inspector investigated this and brought the charges for violating a NYC administrative rule shows that the City was behind it and there was probably a deep pocket (the hotel industry) behind that. Maybe a little conspiracy-theorist, but I cannot imagine what other interest the City would have in this.

          3. I work for a city in another state. My guess is airbnb is illegal because the City is not collecting room tax dollars on it.

          4. I did find out that some of the justification is that the buildings aren’t zoned as hotels and don’t have the extra smoke detectors, fire doors, etc that hotels are required to have. So there are some safety concerns, but definitely supported by the hotel lobby!

          5. So it is safe enough for people to live there, just not to spend a night there?

          6. I’m just passing along what I heard as the justification. It makes a little sense to me in that if you love there you’ve become comfortable with your surroundings and are familiar enough to evacuate the building more so than someone who is there temporarily. In a hotel at least there are more things in place to assist people who aren’t familiar with the place. Not a strong justification since obviously people stay at places everywhere that don’t meet hotel standards of safety (and hotels that don’t as well!). I wish it was legal and if Uber can make it happen then maybe Airbnb has a chance as well.

    2. Is this story really about the dangers of lyft? I actually think that’s a red herring. I though the story was going to say he used her number through the service or kidnapped her or something. But this story comes out the exact same way if she met the guy on the subway. I guess the implication is that she wouldn’t have given it to him if she wasn’t in his car- but I don’t really see this as a “dangers of lyft” story. Although I also would never use that service.

    3. This is the first I heard of Lyft but their safety page makes it sound safer than the cabs in my city:

      http://www.lyft.me/safety

      There is an application and screening process for drivers. It is not just Craigs List Ride Share.

    2. Yeah, saw that and loved it. Haven’t seen Smashrun before but might check it out since it’s compatible with my GPS watch … although it would be the third site that I use to track my running (after Map My Run and Garmin Connect), although it looks like it does some slightly different stuff.

  13. Shopping help needed! I’m looking for a maxi dress for under $50 that would be good for traveling and general leisure (i.e., not for work). All the ones I’ve tried on (Old Navy – I’m looking at you) are way too low cut. Ideally I’d like to not have to wear a camisole with it. Any ideas?

    1. Oh and another wish – a dress I can wear a regular or strapless bra with, so no crazy patterns in the back that are too low for a bra.

    3. I looked for a maxi dress for a long time that I could wear a regular bra with but didn’t have sleeves. I finally found one at Target that I LOVE. It has thin straps but actually covers up my bra straps too. It was also the only one I found that was neither too body-con nor too baggy. For reference, I’m a 5’4″ hourglass so my problem with other maxi dresses was usually that they were too long or if they fit in the chest it looked like I was shapeless. This one nips in at just the right spot at my waist and I have gotten a lot of compliments on it. Link to follow.

          1. I like it! I may have to order it to try it on. Will check out JCP too.

        2. Do y’all think that maxi dress is too short on the model? It seems like when they first came out, people were wearing them floor length, but this season, they’re wearing them shorter. As a kid who was always tall and growing too fast, such that I had to wear pants that were too short on me regularly (“just put ric rac on it,” my mom would say), I am VERY sensitive to things being too short.

          2. Looks too short to me! But I have the same sensitivity (tall, grew too fast). I love when maxis almost touch the ground and then little painted toenails peek out in cute sandals.

          3. Yes I agree it looks short on the model! But at 5’4″ it just skims the ground in flat sandals for me. :)

    4. I highly recommend Max Studio maxi dresses. I wear them all the time for everyday and for travel. They’re as comfortable as pajamas and resist wrinkles. TJ Maxx/Marshalls usually has them for $30-$40.

    5. Check out ModCloth. The Demeter maxi dress is gorgeous, and they have several other $50ish options.

    7. Not sure how tall you are or what your figure is like, but I have come to the conclusion that a lot of dresses, esp. casual ones, require me to shorten the straps about an inch or two because they are otherwise too low. It’s a subtle difference so unlike with pants, it’s not obvious that the straps need shortening, but the dresses all look much better and more appropriate when I do this. Obviously, this makes it easier to wear a bra with them, too, because it doesn’t peak out on the sides, etc. Maybe you just need to do the same? For reference, I’m about 5’3-5’4 and have relatively narrow shoulders.

    8. Check out garnet hill. They are having a fabulous sale right now that is loaded with dresses.

  14. I need makeup help! I have dark brown hair and eyes, but my skin is very pale. I feel like I always look washed out. But bronzer looks ridiculous on me because I’m so fair… and you can only wear so much blush before it looks overdone. Any recommendations for my coloring?

    1. Have you experimented with more noticeable lipstick? Maybe that would bring color to your face without having to load on more blush.

    2. Lipstick and make sure your brows are well-defined. I think the two help to balance out the dark/pale combo.

      1. Agreed, and my coloring is the same. It took me a while to figure out that this was how to work with it. Get a good brow pencil if you need to fill in a bit, and have fun choosing favorite lip colors. You can pull off a surprising range!

      2. Yep, as someone who is unbelievably pale with light brown/dark blonde hair, I ALWAYS have the strong brow-lip combo going on because I otherwise look tired and not put together.

        As for bronzer, I’ve had really good luck with Everyday Minerals’ “soft bronzer.” It looks like it would be too light to do anything, but I find that it’s a really good shade for pale skin and pretty hard to mess up.

    3. How about using a face powder that’s a few shades darker than your skin color as a bronzer? Imo, matte bronzer looks more natural.

    4. How much are you looking to spend? If you want to keep it inexpensive, I agree with Veronique. You can use a darker shade of powder or (my preferred option) some eyeshadow a couple of shades darker than your skin. The eyeshadows I’ve tried have been more finely milled than powders and blended into the skin a little more. Every time I tried to sculpt/contour with powder, I looked like I was in 7th grade and experimenting with makeup again. YMMV. Inglot also has a sculpting powder that is a little more than drugstore products, but less than MAC and other department store stuff.

      If you’re cool with spending a bit more money, I like the Make Up For Ever sculpting kit.

    5. I find that Napolean Perdis colors (and NP Set at Target) look good on pale complexions.

    6. I’m pale (the lightest shade in most ranges is usually too dark for me, that pale) with dark hair and look waaaaay washed out if I use just foundation and most blush looks silly on me IMO. So what I do is make sure to fill in my brows, use a flattering lipstick (I’m a fan of Smashbox in Celebrity, which was limited edition, but a similar shade might be good for you), luminizer on my cheekbones (Stila), and then a light cheek stain (tarte is great).

    7. Hope you’re still reading – I have the same issue with bronzers and don’t wear blush. I’ve found that I love mixing a little bit of the Stila one-step bronzer with my normal moisturizer. Gives just enough color and you can experiment with the proportions. It’s expensive but with just a dab every day, it lasts quite a while.

      1. I am still reading! Thanks for all the suggestions! I’m going to Sephora tonight to check out the Stila and Make Up For Ever products.

        1. In the winter I usually go with a peachy blush instead of bronzer- Laura Mercier Orange Blossom is fantastic.

  15. I am a BigLaw associate, pregnant with my first child, due just over a week into November. I just found out today that we are trying to schedule depositions in Asia for the last week of September/first 1-2 weeks of October. I really want to go take these deps, and I am the most qualified person on the team to do so. Setting aside discomfort, would you make the trip with barely a month (or less) to go? My pregnancy has been normal and uneventful thus far, and I know that usually the rule of thumb for air travel is nothing after 36 weeks (which is what my OB told me when I asked generically about flying a few appointments ago). I suspect that I know the answer is I should let someone else take the deps, but it really burns me to let this opportunity go for a few reasons. One, the managing partner has already brought on another associate to “replace me” and two, I’m up for partner, and need to get my below-pace hours for the year up. I know that my health, and my baby’s health takes priority over work and promotion, but it is hard to let go!

    1. can you attend remotely at all? I’ve known several women actually give birth at or shortly before 35/36 weeks — can you imagine being stuck in Asia with a premie, even though there are obviously sophisticated hospitals there?

    2. That’s a tough one. I really feel for you, but I think you should probably skip. Maybe if it weren’t so far away, but I cannot imagine flying to Asia at that stage in my pregnancy. I know you said to put aside discomfort, but there’s no way to do that when you’re nine months pregnant. All you’re feeling is discomfort.

      But it really really sucks to miss out on this opportunity. :(

    3. How about the other solution of scheduling the depos earlier in September instead? I wouldn’t risk it myself because of the distance (there’s no way I could have given birth without epidurals) and just the fact that you will be so uncomfortable flying at that stage. While I’m sure all doctors are a little different, my OB suggested that I not fly after 33 weeks so you could also ask for a second opinion (or just ask an OB/GYN friend).

    4. I wouldn’t risk it. I had a totally healthy, uneventful pregnancy with no indications of early labor, and my baby showed up at 36 weeks.

      1. Same uneventful pregnancy with a surprise delivery at 35 weeks. Do not do it.

    5. If you could be home by the 1st week of October…but sound like you won’t be home until 3 weeks prior to your due date. That’s too close for comfort IMHO. You may also check the airlines–you might not be allowed on a trans-ocean flight that close to your due date. Domestic carriers have a limit of 7 days from due date.

      What do your healthcare options look like if you had to give birth in Asia, or if you were to go into labor during the flight and had to make an emergency landing? Or drive immediately from plane to hospital?

    6. Sounds workable to me. Main question is how comfortable you can be with other cultures, including reading up on maternity practices there, just in case. But I assume that if you’re being flown in to take depos, you’ll receive whatever healthcare the highest-paid folks in that country get, and your babe will be fine.
      My take on the discomfort is that if you’re feeling fine, it won’t be a big deal, and if you’re uncomfortable, you’ll be uncomfortable whereever you are (unless you can arrange to spend all your hours floating in a pool 24/7).

    7. That sux, but unless you can move the depos earlier, I dont think you can reliably make this happen – one, it is unlikely that doing the depo by phone or video conference will work (or be allowed, depending on what this is for) and if the depo is being translated, it will really be unworkable, whether consecutive or “translate the the whole thing at the end” is used. Second, and what really struck me was, putting aside the issues with having a baby in an unfamiliar setting without your doctor, family members, your stuff, etc., you would risk being in the hospital while the depositions should have been occurring. Your client suffers, unless your firm has a second attorney coming with you who can easily step in (which I guess could be set up,but it is expensive and probably unnecessarily duplicative) and your firm may look unfavorably on a medical emrgency that you could have planned for — whether that is fair, it sounds like the partner who already replaced you could use this against you come promotion time. I would see about being the point person who trained the attorney who will tale the depo and see if you can second/first? chair by phone to demonstrate your future skills as a partner. Good luck with your pregnancy, and congratulations!

    8. Do you have a spouse or partner? Assume you are totally comfortable having a baby in a foreign country where you may or may not speak the language or have access to the same resources you want for your delivery. How does your spouse/partner feel about the distinct possibility of missing the birth? Even if you live near SFO and are flying to Tokyo, there could be a 12-24 hour gap between the time you call home and the time your other half arrives at the hospital. I think that is worth significant consideration as well.

    9. I wouldn’t do it – too risky to both you and the baby (and as a secondary issue, your client), and if you do deliver early and your baby needs extended care, you may in Asia for a while until you or your baby can leave the hospital. As an aside – I hear you on already “being replaced”. I start my mat leave in a month, and transitioning some of the files is going to be really frustrating as I’ll be leaving just as the “fun” stuff starts happening. It is what it is unfortunately.

    10. Thanks everyone for the thoughtful comments and advice – very much appreciated.

    11. I wouldn’t do it either. I had a perfect pg with DS. He was due 7/7 and I went into labor 6/19.

  16. I love these, including the dividers in one of them, but can’t see spending nearly $60 for 4 plastic boxes with one lid. Any suggestions on where to get them for less (but not low quality?)
    http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.productwiki.com/upload/images/plastica_bento_box.jpg&imgrefurl=http://compare.productwiki.com/plastica-bento-box/&h=550&w=432&sz=12&tbnid=ZEEoiDPtovDc1M:&tbnh=90&tbnw=71&zoom=1&usg=__5wldl115XRvPXpVyK6iQ7FEeGlM=&docid=z7hTXs3yeB4oCM&sa=X&ei=O-vlUZKWHNK24AOxqoHQAQ&ved=0CDgQ9QEwAQ&dur=336

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