Coffee Break: Vintage Waist Belt

63 Comments

1. Would like advice from the moms on here – how best to tell your boss that you’re pregnant? Technically, he’s not my only “boss,” but the partner I work most for at a midsize law firm. I’ll be a 4th year associate. He’s in his 50’s and has grown kids of his own, but I still think it will be really awkward. And how did your bosses react? I’m nearing the end of my first tri and not showing yet. (I’m nervous about what will happen to my work after I tell and after I return from leave, but that’s another topic.) Thanks!

   1. Don’t tell until you *have* to (ie, are well past 1st tri and showing).

      Then just tell him – smile, breathe, I have some personal news that I want to share, my husband and I are expecting a baby :). Give him a minute and he’ll probly react positively, but if he does not say congrats or whatever, then go on: my due date is ___, I expect to be fully productive until then and in the last few weeks before will make sure that all my matters/projects are up to date and can be managed by ____/to the extent necessary during my leave. And then smile, breathe and don’t say anything else (resist the urge to tell him that you will check email every day while you are on leave, that you will hire a squad of babysitters to take care of baby the minute your leave is up, and generally try to avoid discussing anything about what you will do post baby). Ask if he has any questions or concerns re timing (are you set for trial in a big case right around due date? have a deal set to close then? if so, try to offer some ‘pre-packaged’ work options, make sure he knows you will be a team player when it is time to hand off).

      1. Thanks, Anon for this. I don’t have anything big set to close then, but you never know. I think I would prefer to tell before I start showing, because I would rather not have people speculating about me – just a personal preference.

   2. However you get time with him alone, ask him for a few minutes. Tell him you have some good news you’d like to share, tell him you are X weeks pregnant, every thing is going well (if it is) and that you wanted him to know because it was important to you to share the news because it will impact him. Think about whether you want him to share the news with anyone. Also, I’m sure you’ve already looked forward, but if your due date comes at a busy time for your practice, signalling him about how committed you are to your career (“I know my due date is right around deadline X, we’ll have to start planning how that’s going to work”).

   3. Though you really shouldn’t have to say it, the advice to tell him that you are coming back and coming back full time (assuming you are) is good advice. You wouldn’t believe how many times I had to answer that question, even after I had been perfectly clear about it. And don’t apologize — be upbeat and straightforward, and to the extent you can have a plan to transition your assignments for the brief time you will be out, suggest it. And believe me — it’s hard to understand just how small a deal maternity leave is, all things considered — you’ll come back and find that next to nothing happened while you were gone. Don’t allow yourself to present it as some great tragedy in the trajectory of your responsibilities — it will be fine and convey that confidence when you talk about it. Congratulations!

      1. Biologically speaking, if you have seen the hearbeat on an ultrasound, you are 90% likely to carry to term, so you are “safe” to share the news at that point (this from my OB).

         You should check into what FMLA or state equivalents entitle you to before you talk to him, just so you know what your rights are. If you have an HR person, consider talking to him/her first. Assuming you are entitled to FMLA benefits (12 weeks leave), have in mind what your time-off plan will be before you have the discussion, if you can. It’s difficult, but it helps project the “I am prepared” part of you he has come to rely upon. If your firm has a set maternity policy, it would be good for you to be familiar with it before the discussion. If not, you should canvas other similarly-sized firms for what benefits they offer, so you can make your case. My firms gave 12 weeks off, 6 paid, 6 unpaid, as a comparison point.

         Both times I have shared this news, the reaction was overwhelmingly positive. Both times (at different firms) there were bumps along the way in working out the details of reassigning work and managing workload while I was out, but most people are decent human beings and although there might be some initial shock, someone with kids is likely to react positively and help you manage this relatively short time period in your lengthy career.

         Be prepared that no matter whom you tell and then swear to secrecy, the secret is out with the first person at work that you tell. It just is.

         Congratulations, by the way. It is an incredibly exciting adventure and your life will never be the same (as you already know)!

         1. Thanks all, for the advice and support. I do plan on coming back full time…unless I don’t…I hear that sometimes people change their minds and feel like they want to do part time after the baby is born. As for leave, standard is 3 months paid which everyone takes, and some take up to 3 add’l months unpaid for a total of 6 months. I guess I need to decide which I plan to do, but again, it’s hard to do without knowing what it’s like being home w/the baby. 6 months honestly seems like a bad idea given my long term career plans, but others do do it and I know you never get that time back.

            1. Associate:

               1. You won’t probably won’t ‘show’ until you are 4 mos plus. It is a really good idea to wait til you have seen a heartbeat for the reasons mentioned above.

               2. The ‘telling’ just needs to be when he has a few mins, undistracted (9:30 on Tues am after a holiday weekend would not be ideal) and be positive.

               3. Be specific in outlining how to approach leave/manage work while you are out. And as one of the other commenters said, say that you ARE COMING BACK. You don’t have to commit to the 6 month option (although I personally highly recommend it if you can swing the 3 mos unpaid) until you are out. Wait until you are home w/baby and have gotten some of your bearings before you make that decision. Reiterate frequently that you are COMING BACK.

               4. Congratulations! Enjoy your pregnancy – the first one is the only one where you get to bask in being ‘the sacred vessel’ AND not have to run after a toddler or whatever. And get ready to just fall in love beyond all measure with your baby :). Oh, and read and sleep a lot now – you will miss that for a while!

            2. My boss didn’t ask–and I didn’t volunteer–any information about coming back to work when I let him know I was pregnant with my first. You can also never know what will happen towards the end of your pregnancy–another associate who was pregnant the same time as me developed high blood pressure and had to go on bed rest a few weeks before her due date–so promising “I’ll be here through such and such a date” is unreasonable. Even I had a very easy, uneventful pregnancy and worked right up until the night I went into labor–a full three weeks before my due date :)
               I had always planned to come back to work, and I had always planned to come back part-time, but I didn’t even bring up that subject until I was already out on my maternity leave. My firm pays 12 weeks and you can take another 12 weeks unpaid, and the advice I got was to not say anything about coming back full-time or part-time because 1). you have no idea how you will feel after you have the baby and what you will want to do, so why make promises now; and 2). if possible, it is nice to keep getting 100% of your pay, and not a part-time salary, while you are on the paid portion of your leave.

         2. Not that this is an issue for the person with the original question, but I’d still wait out the whole first trimester to tell. I was in that 10% who miscarried after seeing heartbeat once (three other healthy kids now, thank goodness) and I can’t imagine having had to share that with my colleagues.

            1. This. Miscarried at 11 weeks after seeing the heartbeat at 9 weeks. I had only told me one close friend at work – I can’t imagine what I would have done if I had told everyone already.

            2. “My” one close friend. I’m not a pirate, I promise.

            3. Me too, multiple times. Sorry to be a downer, but it happens. No reason not to wait a bit!

   4. Learn from my mistakes – never say you will be 100%, give assurances, etc. about timing and what you will be able to do when you’re pregnant. I was hospitalized on and off — straight through would have been easier, because I would not have been in and out of the office and giving false hope of availability. And I billed in my hospital bed, while hooked up to monitors :-)

      Seriously, I’m a workaholic litigator. Yet I will still say that I was less than 100% while pregnant – it’s human (and before anyone bristles, people are less than 100% while sick with colds, going through family stuff, having pets die, etc).

2. I came in on a Sunday when I knew we’d be alone (boss is also mid-50s). And then I just spit it out — but *make sure* you follow up with words that very clearly state “But I’m coming back.” My convo went like this: “I have some some good news, I’m pregnant, BUT I’M COMING BACK.”

   I think he was just shocked and didn’t know what to say other than congratulations (so don’t be upset if he’s not visibly excited). There were lots of other times before I went out on leave that I was able to remind him “I’M COMING BACK” because when he starts sharing the news w/ other interested parties (clients, esp.), you want to make sure he’s got the party line straight. I was furious when I got calls saying “oh, we’re so sorry you’re leaving us….” because someone hadn’t gotten the message that I’M COMING BACK.

   And I’d encourage to you clearly send the “coming back” message, even if you’re not sure you really are. Good luck!

3. The belt is nice, but what an unfortunate-looking dress!

   1. That’s the first thing I said when I saw the picture!

   2. Agree — Anyone else reminded of “Blossom” a la 1990 or so?

4. I swear, Shopbop’s models make all of their offerings so much less appealing. That redhead (she is their worst repeat offender, IMO) is an expert at making things that are beautiful look awful with her weird poses.

5. PSA: Ann Taylor is having their F&F sale, 30% off everything online + in stores: http://www.anntaylor.com/catalog/editorial.jsp?pageName=afbfriends&cid=SMO182

6. This belt could look great, but the circa 90’s denim dress is just too distracting.

   1. I cant quite believe it either — but the 90s are back, big time. Denim dresses & denim on denim included :)

      1. Denim on denim is everywhere…yikes! I love the belt though and could definitely see it as you’ve suggested, Kat!

      2. Harper’s Bazaar’s latest issue actually went on about Caroline Bessette Kennedy as the latest style icon… which, and this may just be me, struck me as a tiny bit a. odd since the 90s don’t seem that long ago and b. icky being that she’s dead…

      3. There’s an article on msn about tie-dye making a comeback and there were actually pictures of celebs in tie-dye dresses! This is not good.

         1. I love tie dye. Not the 20 colors on a tee shirt but in a more subtle 2-3 related colors way. So I’m kinda thrilled!

            1. Apparently I don’t love tye dye enough to spell it right though :)

7. OK. I need some advice and am sorry for the length.

   I would like to take advantage of the Ann Taylor Friends & Family event starting today. Issue: I spent a lot of money at the Nordstrom sale over the weekend. My husband nearly choked when I told him how much I spent. He didn’t seem to appreciate how much I got for the money like I did. Why did I spend so much? I bought on-line because I was late to the party and couldn’t try things on in store. I have no idea if what I bought will fit me or look good on me. It could all go back. (I actually bought the same item in different sizes so I know at least something is going back.) If I return more items, I have no problem shopping at Ann Taylor, but I won’t know until I receive the items from Nordstrom and the date they quoted me is next week.

   Should I just blow off the Ann Taylor event? If it helps, I would like to buy a new suit at the sale.

   1. I feel like every other time I visit AT it’s having a 40% off sale, so I wouldn’t rush to this and anger your husband over a mere 30% off. Since we’re going into the suit season instead of coming out of it, it’s not like you’re going to risk not finding anything if you don’t go to this particular sale.

   2. It seems to me that Ann Taylor, like some other stores, has been managing its inventory more carefully so that some items/sizes may sell out before they ever go on sale. I would take advantage of the Friends and Family sale, leave the tags on/keep your receipt, and make a final decision about everything after you’ve received/tried on your Nordies’ purchases, then return what you don’t want/need. (Confession: I hit the AT sale at lunch.)

   3. Do you have your own money for shopping or do you and your husband commingle all your funds? Can you genuinely afford to spend money shopping? Personally I’d rather have peace in my marriage than new clothes that I don’t really need, so if the answer to either of those questions is no, probably better to pass on the AT sale (although I hear you about men not understanding the concept of returns – I consider purchasing something to just be a preliminary stage in the shopping process so I can try it on at home and see if I still like it). But you should discuss with your husband the possibility of establishing separate budgets of ‘fun’ money for each of you to spend on whatever you like without the other one’s input.

8. Threadjack:
   My company is moving into a new building and I am getting moved into a much nicer office than my current one (which is basically a closet). I have two windows now; the office is really light and airy and I want to pick some nice, professional decorations that will complement it. I am going to have to buy a couple of things, which is fine. Anything I buy, I keep, so I want to buy things I could repurpose in another office or my house if necessary. I obviously also want to conserve cash, though.
   So, I have a few questions:
   – In terms of wall art, I was thinking some nice framed posters. I like artists like Mark Rothko and Richard Diebenkorn and wondered if art prints by those artists would be good choices – one for each wall that doesn’t have a window.
   – I would like to buy a couple of live plants and wondered what species are best for offices. I have had bad luck with ficus in the past; I’d like something easy-care that does well in a dry climate.
   – Is there anything else people would recommend in terms of office decor? I am going to have a couple of “guest” chairs and room for a small plant stand or end table, which the company is providing naturally. I wondered about some kind of dried-flower arrangement? Does anyone do those anymore?
   Any advice is appreciated. I am good with home decor but most offices I’ve had up to this point have come sort of pre-decorated (I spent three years looking at a really ugly 1970s fabric collage in one job, yech) or haven’t been worth decorating (like the one I’m in now). I recently got promoted and want the office to reflect both my new position and my own taste. Any advice is appreciated – thanks!

   1. I wouldn’t do framed posters. That screams “student” to me. Do you have a camera? Take some photos of things that you love in your city/town and have those blown up through a good online printing service or camera store (try http://www.mpix.com). Or find a cool piece of fabric that makes you happy and frame that. A limited edition print can be relatively inexpensive and look much classier than a poster. Or try a local art fair and find something original (often, framing is essentially included “for free” with original works at art fairs). No need to get it up the moment you walk into the office, so take your time. Just put something up that is unique and adult, not something that could be found in a dorm room.

      1. Oh, I don’t know – posters taped to walls scream student to me, but framed adds enough that I feel like it would be unremarkable.

         But then, I’m biased – I have up a poster from an artist I like from my hometown and a framed vintage poster (WWII era) and people seem to react positively to them.

         1. Those sound unique and great! I agree with anon that dime-a-dozen posters like Monet or O’Keefe look a little dormy in the office. I have some painted vintage postcards of my city and a limited edition print on my walls, but I wouldn’t hesitate to put up a great vintage poster (the ones I’ve liked are just too expensive).

      2. Second the photo suggestion. It’s not that hard to get some interesting photographs and have them blown up to a size that goes with non-custom frames. When you get into framing anything, the custom sizes/mattes are what really kill you.

   2. Before you hang anything or invest in new fabric, investigate whether the window glass is coated with that stuff to prevent fading. If not, you will need to get special glass for your pictures.

      Dried flowers=out.

      You may also want new lamps and/or light bulbs. Industrial ones are so blech (and hard on the eyes).

      1. Yes. All that.
         I got a banker’s lamp for my desk — it’s very classic/professional but gives warm, non fluorescent light that makes me happy.
         In terms of plants — I have cactuses & a jade plants. Both are easy to care for.
         I would just go to a nice florist & ask them for a recommendation. Aloe is also easy & doubles as first aid if you burn yourself.
         I would bring a nice scarf to throw over a chair — nice touch/burst of color + gives you warmth.
         Avoid other “cozy” touches like pillows, potpourri, scented whatever…. Too frou frou. . .
         Maybe get a couple (2-3 max) nice pictures to frame in nice frames.
         Coat rack if you don’t have one.
         A candy dish w/some candy if you want to encourage visitors.
         Maybe a nice bulletin board to keep you organized.
         Congrats!

         1. Wow, great tips!! What kind of scarf? I have some silk ones and some wool ones I could use, the wool ones would probably be better I would imagine?

            1. I have used everything from a patterned pashmina to a wool shawl. Just fold neatly and hang over the back of a chair (you don’t want it to be strewn across; looks too bohemian for the office)… I think silk would be too “boudoir” so I wouldn’t. Sounds like an exciting project!

   3. Not to shill for Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (which I think is the Corporette community’s collective favorite book ever), but Frankel really advises against decorating your office like your living room. Show your personality, but unless you’re a counselor of some sort, don’t make it too comfortable and cozy. I find it useful to have a small guest table in addition to guest chairs so you can have meetings in your office if needed. I’d avoid posters as they seem too college-y, but you can probably get framed reproductions/prints of the same paintings instead.

      Frankel also writes that you should not pinch company pennies on your furniture and office supplies because doing so essentially devalues your worth to the company. So I’m not clear if you were referring to conserving your cash or the companies, but if the latter, maybe think again.

      1. And also from NGDGTCO, think very carefully about that candy bowl – I think there’s a whole mistake devoted to that topic. If you put it out, do it consciously and strategically. In my office, only secretaries have candy bowls. Never attorneys.

         1. It’s fairly popular for attorneys at my office – it does definitely seem like one of those office culture things; if everyone has it, it’s unremarkable, but if only you and the secretaries do, less so.

   4. I would lose the candy bowl mentioned above — not b/c professional women don’t have them, but b/c if it’s there, odds are you’ll eat it…

      Art prints are ok, posters of a band are not. You obviously know the difference, and if you have them framed in something nicer than the $5 poster frames from Wal-mart you should be ok… I would check out your local HomeGoods or Michael’s craft store for something a little more upmarket.

      Plants — Snake plants are supposed to be the best for air purification – and are very hard to kill. You do have to run a wet cloth over them once a week or so to remove dust. Also good are succulents – I have a jade plant that I (even w/ my black thumb) cannot kill… I would stay away from the philodendron/vines families… yes they are indestructible but there’s something very messy and unprofessional about a vine tumbling over the side of a planter or trying to climb the wall…

      1. I just put candy I don’t like in the bowl (I can’t abide York Peppermint Patties or starburst & those are my go to).
         Agree that it’s a culture thing though — if its just you and the assistants, don’t do it.

   5. Thanks for the tips everyone!
      Yes, when I said “framed posters” I actually meant framed art prints. I have some that I got from art.com in my house and they don’t look “college” at all; they’re glass-framed with mats, etc. I actually found out this morning that the company will pay for them as long as they get to keep them if I leave, so I am going with a couple of Diebenkorns I found on art.com.
      I don’t think I’m going to do a candy dish as our company is very big on employee-health initiatives and it’s become kind of frowned-upon to have one. Some people still do, but they’re the lower-level employees.
      Love the suggestion about the lamp and also about the scarf on the chair. There’s enough room in the office for a small “meeting table” so I think I’ll ask for one. I also saw some really cool small “succulent garden” pots at a hardware store the other day so I’ll pick up one of those.
      I appreciate the tips everyone! Thanks!

      1. I don’t think I’m going to do a candy dish as our company is very big on employee-health initiatives and it’s become kind of frowned-upon to have one.

         Lord, that would make me want to get one out of spite. (Not that I recommend that as a course of action, obviously).

9. Thread hijack to post a link re: a subject near and dear to our hearts:

   http://abovethelaw.com/2010/08/can-you-wear-peep-toe-shoes-to-court-women-judges-weigh-in/#more-29403

   Enjoy =)

   1. Ha ha re: both “Woodstock” look and “Home on the Range” look referenced by the judge in the article. I’ve seen both and knew immediatly exactly what she meant by each. That is great.

   2. This is great! But I am so sour on the general ATL comments that I didn’t even ‘peep’ at them – afraid it would make me mad!

      1. The commenters were actually half-decent for ATL. Most of them said: (1) Toes are not sexy, so why does this matter; and (2) It’s sad that women have to worry about this because this is how they are judged. Aside from the usual comments re: the authors and advertisers, that is. :-D

10. Eeeee! I just have to share: I won one of the JCPenney $250 gift certificates! Not here on Corporette, but from one of the other participating bloggers. I’m not a regular commenter on the other site, so I wanted to tell y’all here.

    I don’t know why, but I’m really giddy about this. I don’t do a ton of shopping at JCP, although they have some great basics like t-shirts that I’ve been happy with. Once I get the gift cert, I think I will try to spend as much of it as I can on the American Living collection items. For me and my currently rather casual non-profit sector work, that probably means mostly going-out-to-dinner dresses.

    It’s just so fun to have actually WON something! Thanks, Kat, for participating in the give-away. Your video led to me to check out all the other involved bloggers.

    1. I am sooooooooo jealous! I put some of the American Living items in my “shopping cart” but couldn’t justify the purchase since I have no $ and am still going on vacation tomorrow :)

       Please let us know about the sizing if you do end up getting any of their pieces!

    2. Sweet! Congrats!

    3. Congrats, that’s great! I once won two roundtrip tickets on Southwest in a charity drawing and was so shocked that I could have won that — I usually never win anything. :)

    4. Wow – Congrats!

    5. Check out the Joneswear and Liz Claiborne lines at JCP. You might be surprised to find something work appropriate.

       And congrats!!!

11. I love this belt (trying to picture it on a normal garment, not so sloppily as pictured). However, while I can justify a splurge on a nice bag or shoes, it kills me to spend this much on a belt. Especially since I don’t even know how to properly wear them. Anyone else feel this way? Know where I can get a similar belt for less? Thx!

    1. ohhh I love this!!

       But I can’t justify 84 dollars on a belt either! haha

12. Heard the good news, girlfriend! Congrats! LUV this belt.
    Also? You have no idea to believe we’ve meet IRL. *smiles & waves* ; )
    See ya soon. XXOO

13. I saw this one on Amazon — http://amzn.to/9SOIiW — it’s not exactly the same… but for $13, it’s also a lot better a buy for something so trendy

14. Just checking in to show some solidarity with “Anon for this one.” I, too, did bad things at the Nordstrom Anniversary sale, although in my defense the great majority of the damage was fall coats and sweaters for my children. I haven’t even looked at AT, although the 30% off coupon is SO TEMPTING.

    It has taken me almost fifteen years of marriage to realize that peace is better than yet another black pantsuit.

15. Do NOT tell until you are past your first trimester. I don’t want to scare you but in the event of an early miscarriage you do NOT want to have to tell more people than you have to (very emotional and unprofessional tears will flow).

Comments are closed.