ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 315 Comments

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Cotton Artist Top

A white top with a blue-and-green floral print

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Spring is here and I’m ready for all the floral prints. The large blue-and-green print on this blouse top from J.Crew Factory is really working for me. I would wear it tucked into a navy skirt for an easy casual look or under a camel blazer for a more formal look.

The top is $39.50 at J.Crew Factory and comes in sizes XXS–3X.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

315 Comments

  1. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can reframe and turn around what’s looking to be a crummy weekend? I’m a divorced mom with shared custody, and this weekend I have my teen. School is out today, and we had been looking forward to a weekend trip to our church’s retreat in a beautiful location. Instead we are coming off a week of teen being sick with strep throat, which was picked up on a rapid test and is now being treated. I’ve been running a low grade fever for a couple of days but tested negative on rapid test, also negative for all the other usual suspects (flu, covid, RSV). I’m waiting on strep culture results. I feel fatigued, deeply disappointed, crabby, and frustrated. Life has been drudgery the past several months, and we were looking forward to this retreat that we can’t go to. A bout of covid last month threw a wrench in other plans, so this is another hit. Any suggestions on how to make a sick weekend better? Or just embrace the suck?

    1. Embrace the suck. Find something to binge watch, order in your favorite foods, pull on your comfy sweats, spend the weekend camped out on the couch.

      2. This. Maybe splurge on matching pjs or silly slippers and fun cups and straws for your smoothies or kombucha or whatever and get some cozy blankets to camp out on the couch. Find a show or movie series to binge and try to make the best of it.

    2. Movie marathon with ice cream. Maybe something nostalgic like Harry Potter series or some Disney series that was kid’s favorite when they were little?

    4. I think you just give into it. You’re sick! I’m not sure there’s a way to reframe that. Pushing through it is not a great idea.

      1. I think she means a mental reframe, not that she’s going to push through. But, how to make the weekend fun and not disappointing

    5. oh that is awful, I’m sorry for your ruined plans! I would embrace the suck: favorite movies, favorite takeout, favorite snacks. Can you spend some time this weekend with your teen making a fun plan for when they’re on summer or spring break?

    6. Could you go stay in a hotel? two queen beds, big screen tv, room service? you might be too sick to do this, but maybe you can check in wearing masks, be considerate of others and escape for a night.

    7. If you and teen are tired of TV binging. Maybe picking up some books and reading them through the weekend would be a good distraction. I really like the other suggestion of doing summer planning with them.

    8. I am really sorry. We’ve had that happen a couple of times in the last year, and it was a kick in the gut. I think you embrace the suck, binge on movies and rest, and plan something to look forward to when you’re feeling better.

    9. I’m sorry, that’s really crappy.

      Are you well enough to play games? Maybe pick up a more complicated game and spend the weekend learning and playing it. Or video games? Complicated Lego project you can do together?

      And echo everyone else: just embrace the suck. Are there any changes from your normal routine that sound good to you? Could you get ridiculous takeout (like fried chicken if you never get it, or have fancy desserts delivered from a bakery, or something)? Order a sampler of ice cream from a place like Jeni’s to soothe your throats?

    10. OP here. Thank you all for the suggestions! I will lean into the staying home and we’ll make the best of it!

      1. how about a chicken noodle takeout soup taste test from all the places in your town?

        1. Or order in soup from multiple Asian restaurants and compare them to see what you like best.

    11. I think all of the above options sound like great ideas. I also know that sometimes the planning of a trip can be half the fun – could you and your kid think about a trip you would want to take? Either a fun weekend trip nearby you could try to go in a few weeks or even have them start thinking about a bigger one, like a high school graduation trip (if that’s feasible for you and your budget)? You could watch some travel shows for inspiration, like Somebody Feed Phil or that Zac Efron show on Netflix, or the Stanley Tucci Italy one, and maybe order in food from the place the episode is about.

    1. I love it, too. It must be fairly new because I just ordered from Factory earlier this week and didn’t see this. Maybe I’ll try to quickly order it to wear Easter Sunday.

    2. I think it isn’t to my taste.

      Combine this top with yesterday’s pants = Grandma’s Easter outfit in the nursing home.

      I just don’t get it at all.

  3. If you have successfully and substantially pared your wardrobe down, I’d love tips. I’m one of the folks from a recent comment thread who hasn’t really changed size since my professional career started. I get rid of things that have holes, but end up increasing my wardrobe every year. I have some time set aside this weekend for a purge. The motivation is, I’m excited about a likely transfer with my job, that will take me to a larger city. My LCOL current rental costs $1800/month for a brand new, 3 bedroom 2.5 bath condo with garage. I have clothes in every closet. (I live in a 4-season climate and keep off season stuff in the guest closets) I would likely be moving to a HCOL area. Even if I don’t move, I’m very open to downsizing – but have only really tried “does it fit, do I like it, is it in good condition.”

    1. The Marie Kondo method really works. Do you get excited to wear this item? If the occasion and weather was right for it, would you WANT to wear it today? There’s a lot of stuff we end up with that’s…. fine. If you have too much stuff, get rid of your “just ok” stuff. Only keep the stuff that makes you feel confident and like the best version of yourself.

      Also stop buying stuff for a while! The stores will almost always have things that you like. That doesn’t mean you have to get them.

    2. Congrats on the exciting transfer!
      Is the new city also a four-season place? If not, there’s an easy way to start the paring down.
      We moved from a 3 br house with a full basement to a 2 br apartment last year. What worked best for me is only keeping things I either loved or were workhorses. My body changed a lot over the pandemic so I also took it as a chance to try everything on, see what still fit vs. what pulled/was tight. And finally, there’s a mindset shift when you own fewer clothes. Do I wear this gray sweater once a week? Yep. Does anyone care? Nope!

    3. +1 to the Kondo method. Are you excited to wear this piece or do you wear it just because you have it?

      Do you have any interest in creating a capsule wardrobe for work or another occasion? I pretty much rotate through 4 or 5 work outfits right now (I go in 3-4 days a week, so I am definitely an outfit repeater). But, I’d rather have easy work clothes (much less effort when laying out my outfit) and fun weekend clothes.

      Even if your HCOL is also a 4 season climate, is it the same type of 4 season climate? If you’re moving from Minneapolis to DC, for example, yes you’ll still have winter but it will be shorter and more mild so you won’t need as much winter clothes or as intense winter gear.

    4. It sounds like your biggest factor for going through your clothes is that you have too many clothing items and you want your clothing to take up less space. Therefore, I’d start by deciding how much closet space you want to devote to storing clothes: one of your current closets? Two closets? How packed do you want those closets to be . . . airy and spacious? Crammed full?

      Once you’ve decided how much room you want to devote to clothes and how full that space can be, then start by putting your favorites in that space. You can keep adding the next tiers of favorites until your space is full at the level you want. Everything else gets donated.

    5. I do “does it fit, do I like it, is it in good condition, can I make at least 3 different outfits from it”? That really helps me with separates – do I have pieces that actually go together and give me a cohesive set of choices, or do I have pieces that only make a single outfit. For things like dresses, I consider whether I have toppers (sweaters, shawls, jackets) that go with them or jewelry/shoe changes that will help freshen the look.

      Congrats on the job transfer!

    6. Reasons to get rid of an item: You only wear it when you’re behind on laundry. You would be embarrassed to run into an acquaintance while wearing it. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror midday you wish you were wearing a different outfit.

      I’m a fan of putting questionable items into a certain section of my closet then donating or tossing if I never reach for it by the end of the season. That means I either don’t like it or have enough similar items to survive without it.

    7. Ive done downsizes on my closet in the past and my BFF just did one. She couldnt organize her closet space and couldnt fit everything in her apartment bedroom. But now everything can fit under her bed, in the closet or in the dressers.

      Try the kondo method like others suggest with the time you have set aside this weekend.

      Anything that you’ve put off cleaning or fixing that you havent done yet isnt going to happen, just let em go.

      If theres older tshirts, flannel bottoms etc that are past their prime, turn some of them into cleaning rags. I use mine for wiping down surfaces and dusting.

      Anything that bothers you when you wear it, say goodbye. For me it was annoying sleeves, tanks that slipped around too much, socks that dont feel right etc.

      Ditch anything thats a ‘base layer’ thats seen better days (socks, bras, 1st layers etc) Am I the only one that had 8 year old socks still kicking around?

      Actually take everything out of the closet, drawer or storage place.

      Weed through for the obvious things that need to go, the no brainer goodbyes.

      Then go through and grab anything that is a Hands Down Favorite A Listers. Those are the no brainer keepers. Set them aside or just put them back

      Everything else is probably an Yeah, I like this or some variation of Maybe Ill want to wear this again. These are the hard ones you have to be more ruthless with especially if you really want to downsize.

      Do a yes, no, maybe pile.

      Call in the reenforcements. Either facetime or invite a friend over to get an objective opinion.

      When you have a pile of donations ready to go, take them to the donation place ASAP or schedule a pick up ASAP. Dont put them in a corner to deal with later, they tend to linger around for months that way.

      A question I like for things that are Nice But I Dont Use Often is, does keeping this in my closet and occassionally or rarely using it bring me more satisfaction than it could possibly bring someone else?

    8. Welcome to tiny closet club! It actually makes life a lot simpler once you get the hang of it :) Some things that have worked for me:

      ++ to everyone who’s already mentioned Marie Kondo – especially her thing about taking everything out of your closet and then choosing what to put back in. That’s always more effective for me than just trying to find a few things to pull out of my closet.

      When choosing what to put back in my closet, I ask “would I buy this again today if I were out shopping?” helps weed out the stuff that’s just ok, or I’m holding on to out of a sense of guilt (it was a gift, I spent too much money on it but doesn’t really fit, etc). I also ask “can I make multiple outfits out of it?”

      I recently did a purge focusing on clothes that are a good color for me – I haven’t had my colors professionally “done” but I know I look good in certain tones, so I pulled out everything that isn’t in one of those tones or a predetermined accent color.

      Sometimes I also give myself a hard limit – like, I can only have 30 hangers, or I can only have 50 items total (including shoes, purses, etc).

      Don’t know if this would apply to you, but key for me is having a few plastic bins in my attic where I can stash stuff that I’m on the fence about tossing, or stuff I like sometimes but don’t want to include in my current wardrobe, or stuff I don’t wear often like formal attire.

    9. I sympathize. I moved the opposite direction (HCOL apt to MCOL house) so haven’t been forced to do this. I do capsule wardrobes for the season in my bedroom closet.
      I just went thru all my clothes and after 2 kids and ~15 years, the black pants I got in college for interviews still fit and are back in style (wide leg)! I have almost gotten rid of them so many times.
      I would start by eliminating things that are trendy and low quality, and any prints or colors that you don’t love.
      Good luck!!

  4. I’m dating a divorced dad. We’ve been together 3 years. I have no complaints about him – he loves me and treats me really well, his relatives are great, and we communicate better than I thought possible. His kid is sweet, elementary school and we waited a year before I met kiddo.

    His ex wife absolutely hates me. I don’t need her to like me, but I guess I thought there would be some level of respect? She got my private work number somehow and regularly leaves messages about how she doesn’t think their kid should ever be around me, the few concerts/sporting events I have seen her at she will either flat out ignore me or say in front of the kid, “never talk to her when your real mommy is here,” …. There’s more, it’s just a lot. I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Maybe, does it ever get better? I don’t think I could see her less other than totally skipping all kid events, which kid usually asks me if I will go to and watch, so that doesn’t feel great either. Advice?

    1. I hope the kid has access to therapy because oof that mom sounds difficult (even if she’s otherwise fantastic and is only difficult about this, it could be challenging for the kid). Especially since it sounds like you have a good relationship with the kid (if they’re asking you to come watch). But saying things like “never talk to her when your real mommy is here” is not good.

      How is your BF’s relationship with her? Can he ask her to back off (leaving messages on your work number is inappropriate). As you said, she doesn’t have to like you. She doesn’t even have to respect you. But she shouldn’t be harassing you.

      1. There’s no way she could be otherwise fantastic – she’s manipulating and emotionally blackmailing her kid. This is selfish and immature behavior and it probably carries through her parenting.

        1. And her out-of-bounds behavior might be a pattern that far predates the OP’s appearance in her life, and may be the reason for the divorce. Which she might have a hard time recognizing or reconciling.

    2. Caveat that I’m not divorced, nor dating a divorcee.

      What does your partner say about all this? It’s really his to manage.

    3. I’m sorry, this is hard. I’m not sure it ever gets better though — sounds like she has issues and there’s nothing you can do about that. You have to decide if dealing with this is worth the rest of the relationship. Does your boyfriend know about the voicemails at work?

      I really doesn’t have to be like that. I’m divorced with a kid, and am now remarried and my ex’s new partner just moved in. I like her! She seems sane and fun (which is more than I can say for my ex) and I’m glad that my kid has a positive role model when she’s at that house. I grew up with a difficult step-father and I would not want my kid to have that.

    4. Block her number on your work phone. IT can help with that.

      As for everything else: she’s trying to get under your skin to make you look like the bad guy.

      Whose idea was the divorce? Is there some way that you’re “better” than her?

    5. This is a her issue not a you issue. Document call dates/times/content notes. Use an email to yourself or yourself and DH. The contemporaneous record is useful if she becomes more problematic. Do not answer her calls or discuss with her. It might not get better but not giving into her drama (think grey rock) is your best bet.

      Attend every event the kid expresses an interest in you attending. Don’t say anything bad about his mom.

      You’re doing amazing. And with a mom like that, I bet the kid is so grateful that you are in his life.

    6. This was my mom when I was a kid. My dad and my step-mom dealt with it by always coming to events, but not sitting with my mom. They also never made me feel put in the middle, even if that meant telling me it was ok to go sit with my mom instead or whatever. My mom was never going to get along with either one of them and so it was better if everyone just ignored each other when in the same place. I was always jealous of other families who managed to get along, but as I got older I knew the reason was my mom and not my dad or step-mom.

    7. I’m a stepmom of two. Their mom hates me and blames me for the divorce. It only got better for my family once she and my husband started going to co-parenting counseling…she’s never going to like me but things are civil now and the kids aren’t being put in a terrible position for liking me.

    8. I think it’s unlikely to improve and I’d examine whether you want to live the rest of your life this way. It would be a tough thing for me to sign up for, no matter how great the guy is.

      1. Me, too. I’d be setting some hard terms with the boyfriend, like he needs family counseling with the ex wife. This goes beyond chilliness, which I’d somewhat expect.

        1. I wouldn’t expect to be besties with my partner’s ex, but I would expect that (especially in front of her kid) we would treat each other with the basic respect and good manners that all adults are supposed to employ when interacting with other human beings. Chilliness/lack of warmth would be fine; blatant cold-shouldering and snide comments that are meant to be overheard are not. Her behavior is bad role-modeling for her child, who may get the idea that it’s okay to behave disrespectfully with people you don’t like. And that will cause the child a LOT of problems later in life.

      2. As someone who just ended an otherwise-amazing 5 year relationship with a man because of issues with his kid and ex, this is a real consideration for you OP. I’m sorry. it sucks. But if someone was harassing me I’d be out in a heartbeat.

        Do you plan on having kids with this man? I’m imagining how she might escalate if so.

    9. Sorry. That’s tough. I’m a stepmom and found the book Stepmonster by Wednesday Martin extremely helpful.

    10. Calling and leaving bad voicemails on your work phone is not normal behavior. Nor is saying bad things about you to the child, whether or not you are present.

      Have you talked to your partner about this? If he doesn’t know, he needs to know. If he knows and he’s not doing anything about this, that has to change. This may not get better ever, but it will definitely not get better if he sits passively and doesn’t intervene. Minimum, he needs to tell her to stop what she’s doing, which is frankly kind of bananapants crazy. He may not want to “rock the boat” with a volatile ex, but that generally means she will just escalate the behavior. I don’t want to be alarmist, but people do get hurt physically in these situations. You need to guard your safety and protect yourself. And your partner also needs to be concerned about what’s happening with the kid when he’s not around, if his ex is acting out in this way about you.

      I know you love this guy, and three years is a pretty good amount of time to spend with someone. But you can’t fight this fight on your own. If your partner won’t stand up for you in this situation, he’s not the man for you, long-term. You deserve peace and not to be harassed, regardless of the ex’s feelings about her divorce.

    11. In about 10 years time (if the kids is elementary now) you will have very little occasion to coparent or see her. Maybe at graduations or special occasions only. Your kid also will not be asking you to come to school events much in high school. So, hang in there? If your relationship is great otherwise, this need not be a deal breaker.

      1. This is a wild take! “OP, just spend 10 years being harassed, and then it might end.” Like, what?!?!?!

  5. I realized this crummy cold morning that I hate all my winter work tops. I like my sweaters but I didn’t wear a single long sleeve poly-blend AT/Banana top this entire winter. I wore them a lot pre-Covid. Is it crazy to donate them all and keep an eye out for 1-2 tops this fall?

    1. No. I got rid of every single long sleeve cr@ppy poly blend LOFT top I owned. This winter my work wardrobe consisted primarily of sweaters, the occasional short sleeve or sleeveless work blouse (I still like those!) with a blazer or sweater over it, or a dress (I have 1 with sleeves, the rest I wore with a blazer). I also have a few “weekend” tops that can pull double duty (floral, flowy blouses and peasant tops).

      2. I should do the same thing. In the winter, I strongly prefer a sweater blazer and top, or a simple sweater. I’ve grown tired of my LOFT tops that are, at this point, ancient.

    2. No. I recently came to the realization that I just like knit tops better than blouses. I’m apple shaped so something more form fitting is always better to balance me out. (This is especially true with the wider pants I’m wearing now.) Also I think it’s fine to move away from poly blends if they don’t feel good on your skin. Im no fashionista but I think we’re moving to simpler cuts in blouses (seeing simple button ups in a more oversized cuts and clean crew necks without ruffles) so it makes sense to focus on better materials.

          1. Sorry that’s meant to be supportive of your comment! I one day realised that I’ve had knot, cotton, cashmere, and silk tops that I have loved or liked, but basically zero long sleeve polyester.

    4. Nope, I’d donate them. Cheap poly blend tops are either too hot or too cold and for an added bonus seem to hold onto BO funk like crazy.
      I have a handful of silk/higher end poly/cotton blouses but I really save them for fall/spring – I just run too cold in winter to wear them unless I’m layering under a sweater.

    5. I like the strategy but… what if the fall offerings are terrible? I tried in the fall to update my work wardrobe and I think only added one sweater … granted I am picky but for many of the items something was seriously off (fabric, fit, heft, etc.) I do almost all my shopping online so if you go in-store, you probably could avoid that.

    6. I’m done with that entire category of garment. I am all about sweaters and blazers with Quince silk underneath when it’s cold. Looked and felt much better.

  6. I have been looking into women’s organisations lately, and a bit more broadly into any non-religious (this is important to me) volunteer orgs and communities. Do you belong to one and which one? Do you find it meaningful and enjoyable? Has it helped you build a community? Make friends?

    Bonus question: any Canadian orgs (womens or not) you would recommend and why? Especially interested in ones that have a local chapter in Montreal.

    I am looking for a way to give back, connect with people but also, I realise, for something like this community, in real life. Tall order, I know, and it may take a combination of things to fulfill that.

    1. What interests do you have? What do you mean when you say women’s orgs? In the US, the only thing that comes to mind exclusively for women is the Junior League.

      I’m sure you have refugees in Montreal – working to help families acclimate to their new country has been one of the most deeply fulfilling things I’ve ever done. (I should change my handle to Refugee Lady 😏)

      1. My sister-in-law really loves her Junior League chapter – they seem pretty active. The other US group that comes to mind is the League of Women Voters. I don’t know if there’s a Canadian equivalent.

    2. do you have any sort of neighborhood organization that hosts community type events? The equivalent for me is a Center City residents’ org and while some people go overboard busybody about it (as it sometimes gets involved in zoning and architecture stuff), you can also casually meet people while doing something like a street cleanup.

    3. Canadian Federation of University Women? You don’t have to be affiliated with a university.

      They are a long-standing and reputable organization that advocates and works directly in the community in a variety of areas.

      Or if you like young people – Girl Guides of Canada. My best leaders in the junior and senior high years were childless women with ‘big’ careers who opened my eyes to what was possible.

      1. Girl Guides of Canada is a great idea. You can make a huge difference in the lives of young women – in an era where we seem to be going in the wrong direction on gender equity issues.

    4. I made a committment at the beginning of the school year to be a ‘Big Sister’ to a local school where I was matched with a younger child to mentor for the whole school year. It’s been really amazing to feel like you’re tangibly impacting someone’s life and frankly I find it much more pleasant than sitting on a board and replicating a lot of long meetings/nonsense I face at work but at a non-profit. Is there something like that near you? I also did meal delivery to senior citizens in high school/in my early 20s and found that quite meaningful as well but the timing is difficult now as a working mom.
      In terms of friends – I’ve also made more of a committment to investing in ‘weaker ties’ – moms in my son’s class I like but wanted to know better, our neighbors we only waved to, etc. It’s involved more hosting/inviting and putting myself out there. Not something I was super comfortable with but I was surprised (nicely) by how open and excited people are to engage. I think we are worried about being rejected but 90% of the times I’ve reached out people were super on board with a hang out/dinner/etc.

      1. I can’t recommend Big Brothers Big Sisters enough (or other programs where you get to mentor young girls). Truly life changing.

    5. I work with a local zero waste project and while it’s not a women’s organisation, it is all women who turn up. We help think about sustainability projects, and run reuse fests which are hugely beneficial to the community/diverting waste from the landfill. I’m more interested in hands-on work, so I’m always the first to volunteer to sort donations, etc.

      1. Yeah, do anything charitable that’s hands-on and with few exceptions (aviation, repairs, boys-only groups) you’ll find yourself in a women’s group.

        1. Yep, when I go and help out at PTA things, it’s the same group of women. Most of us have jobs as well…

    6. My sister-in-law is involved in a women’s lobby organization for our state, and a quick search indicates that other states have them too. Definitely non-religious, focuses on state policy issues affecting women. No idea about Canada, but I wonder if searching along these lines would turn up results for your province.

    7. My friend became certified as a doula to help support low-income women through pregnancy and childbirth. Works with a local org. She does it outside of her 9-5 job.

    8. P.E.O. Sisterhood has an Ontario-Quebec chapter, so that might be worth looking in to.

    9. Any specific interests beyond women’s orgs? There’s a lot of niche ones that come to mind — it might depend on who you want to support. I’ve had some good experiences over the years in Montreal with: True Patriot Love (women in the armed forces), Equal Voice (women in politics), Logifem (women’s shelter), Native Women’s Shelter, and Dress for Success if any of those are of interes!

        1. Counter experience; I volunteered with EV and found it mildly interesting but not really impactful. Maybe my perspective is coloured because I actually ran for Parliament as a 30 year old woman.

          1. I find them very effective at the local level – they’ve put off some great training sessions in our area and lead to many more women running municipally and provincially. Having lived and worked in Ottawa, and now living in provincial capital, I do think provincial vs national is a big difference in terms of lifestyle. Outside of people living in Ontario and Quebec, the commuting involved makes it very challenging for women with families to be appealed by national office.

    10. Hi, fellow Montrealer! I’ve made friends getting involved in local politics, but it’s not women-specific. I’m also part of a few women in law/tech/business groups which I like, but it really depends what you do for work because they are mostly about professional networking, not really about giving back.

    11. My friend loves her Junior League in Toronto so there might be one in Montreal.

    12. Rotary International has its first woman president this year and she’s a Canadian woman. Maybe check into your local chapter.

    13. Girl Guides? There are probably things you can do that aren’t leading a whole troop (unless you’d want to do that).

    14. Assistance League is another women’s volunteer group. Your local performing arts organization probably has a volunteer committee or two –for a fund-raising event, or for running a speaker series.

    15. Thank you to all who responded! It’s been a long day and I didn’t get a chance to see them earlier, but wow, so many good suggestions!

      1. Inspired by recent events and the movie last year, I am interested in learning how to help women who want or need an abortion – not just donating money to an abortion fund or serving as a clinic escort, but actually either performing early aspirations or helping women get to a place where they can be treated. If anyone knows where to start, please post.

    2. A lot of flower patterns remind me of sheets and window curtains lately. Not a good look.

  8. is it just me or does anyone else find collars like this to be just kind of off for work? It always looks too casual somehow, or just funny with a suit jacket, and not all that flattering (at least on me; only ever worked when I was pregnant but on “regular” me I think it just make me look like I might be pregnant). I normally wouldn’t complain but it feels like most work tops are this style now and I would just love to see something different.

    1. This gathered collar is also an immediate no for me. I agree it doesn’t work for layering, and on busty me it just looks too much like my whole torso is a bubble. I wonder if it’s another cost-saving option in manufacturing, as darts and shaping involve more seams and closer measurements. Whenever something is cheap to make, it shows up everywhere, as with exposed zippers and formless knit dresses.

      1. You used the c-word, lol.

        I also dislike this style of c-ll-r and top. The resulting draping makes my b–bs look like they hang to my waist.

        Also, I refuse to buy anything light colored from JCrew. If you look carefully at the picture, you can see the outline of the pattern from the back of the top. I don’t want to wear a cami.

    3. I don’t think it really goes well under a jacket. I like this style, but don’t wear a “third piece” when wearing styles like this.

    4. My exact, immediate reaction was “maternity top from Wal-Mart” but I’ve never weighed in on a featured item up to now because people have different tastes and who am I to ruin The Personal Shopper’s day? The point is to generate clicks on the store’s website.

      Also, to the bedsheet-to-skirt commenter, I think we had a pillowcase like this too, but it was from a great-grandmother who put away gifts and never used them, so maybe from the fifties? Anyway, it required ironing.

    5. I went into LOFT the other day and every single top was frilly, flowery, and precious. Nope, nope, and nope.

    1. Second, it was extremely thoughtful and well done. I’d like to learn a bit more about the host; her story is fascinating (member of the Phelps family who had a complete turnaround and left the (odious) Westboro Baptist Church), and I was really interested in the way she applied her experience with that to this topic.

  10. Am I crazy for considering a Costco membership?

    I live alone and don’t have a car, so I would only be able to go to Costco in person rarely but it looks like they have a decent selection online that they deliver (packages are usually safe at my apartment). My apartment has a TON of storage, including two walk in closets (I use one for clothes and one for random household storage; there’s definitely plenty of room there to hold Costco sized items).

    I am someone who eats mostly the same things on rotation, so if I ordered a 48 pack of granola bars, I would go through it in 48 days. Ditto protein powder, chia seeds, rice, lentils, coffee, oatmeal, pasta, etc. I wouldn’t use Costco for perishables but could use it for household items and non-perishables. I do end up eating more convenience foods than I’d like, so this might be helpful with that (in that I could buy the convenience foods in bulk, not that Costco would help me cut back).

    I am a full time employee and part time grad student so anything that saves me time, mental energy, or money is good.I would say feeding myself is one of the biggest hurdles in my life, so having nuts, granola bars, etc. in single servings in bulk I think would be helpful.

    It’s a little hard to compare prices, as many items on their website don’t have a price listed until you log on. But, grocery stores near me are quite expensive, so I’d imagine there’d be some cost savings (and, what I’d give for an Aldi near me!).

    I also have to walk for all of my errands, so cutting down what I buy at the grocery store and walk home with would be nice.

    1. Honestly, I can usually get the same things at Target or the grocery store for the same price. I shop online there sometimes with my mom’s account but it’s pretty lackluster for my purposes. You also don’t need a membership to buy some of their products online.

    2. I’m for it. I saved a lot of money in grad school with Costco. You should know that website prices are more expensive than in-person prices, and so taking an Uber and doing a big shop every 1-2 months will save money, if there is an in-person membership nearby. Also, the produce is a huge savings, if you buy items that keep (onions, potatoes, etc.).

    3. I have a Costco card and most of the time ride my bike there to shop. A membership is worth it for me, even though I never go in and load up a flatbed’s worth of stuff (IDK where people PUT all that stuff once they get it home. Spare room?).

      1. Yeah, I live in an apartment and have limited storage. My dad loves Costco and he was like “Look at this great price on shampoo!” It was two giant bottles in a pack. Fine, but it’ll probably take me a year to get through one bottle and in the meantime I have to store the second bottle in the tiny cupboard under my bathroom sink.

        1. I love this because I’m over here buying shampoo wishing it came in gallon jugs. I have 3 long haired sporty girls and we go through it like water!

        2. I bought a box of 13 gallon trash bags when I moved into my house. I will probably use them up this summer. I bought the house in 2017. Normally I’m better at estimating my usage before buying something like that, but the trash bags were a big fat fail.
          Dog food and the pharmacy are the main reasons I keep my membership. Not everything at Costco is “bulk” and some things I buy and split with others, so it ends up being generally worth it. Costco is also fairly near my house, so it’s convenient.

    4. I live alone and am single and have costco. I’m actually the second card on my mom’s membership but it is worth it for me just for the premier protein and fairlife protein shakes. I also do a lot well with pasta sauces (Rao’s), nuts, vitamins, other medications. My mom has said their prices on toilet paper and paper towels are good. I haven’t looked yet.

      You do have to know your prices. Cokes aren’t better than sale prices at grocery stores. Some things are just laughably big. I was making lots of quick pickles for a while and bought a 3 pack of 2 liter jars of apple cider vinegar. I’m not sure what I was thinking in that moment.

    5. I live probably 20 minutes from a Costco but I can’t stand shopping there is person. That said, I instacart from there every Friday. It’s worth it for the savings over the local grocery stores. I do order perishables in things that I know the kids go through quickly. We also do a lot of Italian recipes (risotta, homemade pizza, pasta) and their Italian food selection is good in my area.

      Our go to items are (we don’t order all these every week):
      Grapefruit cups, frozen mango – microwave for 30 seconds and blend in food processor and it’s like mango ice cream, passata, jars of olives, jars of artichokes, paper towels, brown rice, toilet paper, canned tomatoes, bags of nuts for snacking and baking, snacks for work/kids lunches (fig bars), gala apples, carrots, mandarins, non-fat greek yoghurt (Kirkland), baking paper, dog food, soup broth. DH gets socks and underwear on occasion if he goes in person.

      We’re a 5 person household so we still stop at the grocery store once a week but it takes like 20 minutes vs an hour and there are rarely large items to lug home.

    6. I didn’t find it to be worth it for our two person household. We got a membership in Jan 2020 and thankfully bought TP and paper towels. We didn’t go back until December when we canceled our membership. The food portions are just too big and I don’t have a ton of freezer/fridge space to store stuff.

    7. I had one when I lived alone but I had a car and it was part of my weekly grocery shopping routine.

    8. I think it sounds like it could be worth it for you, although the membership fee means that you might not save money. Personally, I love buying in bulk so I can leave a box of protein bars in my desk drawer and never need to worry about running out of laundry detergent. The bulky stuff is a total pain if you are shopping on foot anyway, so that’s a bonus.

    10. Do you have any friends with a car? You can put 2 people on a membership, you could offer to pay for them if they would drive you every other month or something. I think there are some things that would make it worthwhile, even for a single person. Meats, if you can freeze some for later use. String cheese. Snacks like you’ve identified. Coffee. They also have good prices on things like shampoo, vitamins, OTC medicines, protein shakes if that’s your jam. Glasses/contact lenses. Discount movie tickets, stamps, restaurant gift cards.

      Honestly, we’ve gotten our membership’s worth over the last few years with a few big purchases like a new laptop (saved $200 off apple’s retail) and a car rental for a vacation that saved us close to $300.

      1. +1 +1! Do this! My car-less self did this with a friend the first few years we were out of college. She got the benefit Costco’s gas prices (this right here pays for our membership for a family of 4 now) and we would split perishable purchases.

        Also, echoing other posters on this thread, Costco has great prices on non-grocery items. Their car rental rates are often lower than corporate rates—BTW, you reserve on their website and pay when you pick up the car and no cancellation fees.

        If you wear contacts, their prices are far lower than others online. Glasses / lenses are great too (more than Warby Parker, but WP’s plastic frames did not work for my face shape)

    11. We’ve always done Costco as a household of two. A lot of items are items that only one of us eats (including perishables), so I can easily imagine Costco for one. For example, the Romaine hearts come in a bag of six. If I eat Romaine salad for lunch or along with dinner every day, and use a whole heart of Romaine for each salad, that’s gone in six days.

      In graduate school, the non-perishable convenience items were really helpful (yes to the granola bars and the nuts).

    12. We’re a household of two and I can totally see it working for one. Also, like all my athleisure comes from there – great prices and good quality.

    13. I don’t know about CostCo, but when I lived in New York, I would rent a Zipcar once every other month or so to go to Target and stockpile nonperishables because the prices were so much cheaper than the grocery stores near my apartment. Checkout guy looks at you a little funny when you come through with 8 12 packs of Diet Dr Pepper, but worth it.

    14. I am single and have a Costco membership.

      With your interests/needs/storage space/busy lifestyle, it will work well for you.

      I LOVED the shipping/Instacart deliveries – especially during COVID. Saved me. Make sure you order the food delivery items on the Costco website using the Same Day tab. The prices have gotten higher in the past few years, but depending upon what you order, you absolutely still save money. And the convenience and reliability are wonderful. Every time something gets delivered that is not acceptable (doesn’t happen often), I just submit an online complaint and they credit my account.

      Things on my regular rotation: almonds, pistachios, milk, eggs, cheese, frozen fish, coffee, splenda, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, Campari tomatoes, organic baby spinach, carrots, mangoes, oranges, Rao’s tomato sauce, bulk grains, protein powder and the occasional treat. Also paper products (toilet paper, paper towels, tissues, napkins) and the occasional cleaning supplies, garbage bags etc…

      Make sure you get the Costco credit card to get the additional 5% cash back on all Costco purchases.

      I have also found it very convenient for buying vitamins, filling some medical prescriptions, gasoline, glasses, some skin care, appliances, air cleaners etc… Every month I scour their sale book, and try to buy most things on sale.

      It works well for me.

    15. I live alone and have Costco because never being able to get a $5 Costco chicken would make me sad. :)

      1. ha ha…. I totally agree.

        As a single, that chicken is amazing. I don’t buy one every week, but tearing it up over a week for dinners…

        Gently warm the chicken on the first night for a basic dinner with sides
        chicken quesadillas
        Curried chicken salad
        throw in with asian flavored stir fried vegetables
        throw in with a Trader Joe’s packet of curried lentils
        on top of a Trader Joe’s salad mix

        So simple and so tasty and so cheap.

    16. I have a credit card that pays for an Instacart membership, and I have a lot of storage space, so I love Costco for deliveries of big, bulky items like TP and paper towels, laundry detergent, cases of Diet Coke and LaCroix. I buy canned tuna, and organic ground beef and chicken that comes packaged as normal size portions and that I can freeze, etc. I don’t usually buy produce because the quantities are too large for me. I save a lot of money by avoiding the warehouse and its many odd impulse temptations, although I don’t regret the $12 fleece half-zips and running gloves.

    17. Sounds like it would work well for you. They also have great prices on rental cars, TVs, appliances, and not bad on glasses and contacts, so there may be ways to get benefits of the membership beyond buying goods. Splitting the membership with a friend would make it even more affordable.

    18. You can enter your Costco membership number into your instacart profile and get better prices that way.

  11. I am attending an outdoor wedding in Tuscany in April and will be ~4 months pregnant. Help me find a long dress? Currently a size 12.

    1. What’s the weather in Tuscany in April? I just got the somerset dress from anthropologie and love it and think it might be pregnancy friendly. It comes in a bunch of different fabrics/colors/patterns.

  12. It’s Tra ns Day of Visibility – sending love to the ‘rettes who are tra ns, love someone who is tra ns, and who are working alongside the tra ns community to keep them safe during this very scary time.

    1. Thank you & happy Tra ns Day of Visibility to you and yours, too.
      Love, support, and safety to all our tra ns sisters. (And brothers although they’re probably not reading this.)

    2. Thank you for this. I have 3 stepkids, and one is non-binary and another is tr ns. As they’ve come into these identities, the issue has come into a much sharper focus for me. We’re in a rainbow-friendly metro area, but it’s terrible to think that as my tr ns stepson gets older we may have to start telling him how different things are elsewhere in our state, let alone our country. In fact, my partner and I would be considered abusers for facilitating his gender-affirming medical care right now if we were in Texas.

      1. I don’t have much experience with this personally, so I really mean this from a place of learning, but I am blown away that someone could know they are tr*ns before they know how horrid parts of our country are.

        1. No problem, I will respond from a place of learning as well. We are very much in a “wait and see” position, and everyone involved (including stepson himself) is open to the possibility that he will change his mind. However, it’s been about 18 months and so far he has not. First he asked to be called boy/son/male pronouns, and then he came up with a boy’s name that he now uses. What kicked it off is that he has always loved running around with no shirt on, with boys, and he had a real problem with the impending situation of having bre@sts and not being able to do that anymore. Like, it wasn’t just a bummer, he was highly distressed about growing into a female body.

          No decisions will have any permanent results for about 6-7 more years if he wants that long to think about it. I am open to more discussion in a learning spirit if anyone wants.

    3. Absolutely! A good pal transitioned last year and I cried when I saw him for the first time. I’ve known him for years, and for the first time he looked so happy and comfortable in himself.

    5. Thank you for posting! My older child (7) is gender non-confirming and it has been an extremely hard few months watching these anti-trans bills roll in. We are in a currently safe city/state for my child, but holy cow there is a lot of hate out there. It is terrifying to be a parent with a trans or otherwise gender non-conforming child right now.

      1. I feel for you. I am the parent of a young teen who has come out in the past year, and I worry about him. While so much progress has been made, there are still pockets of individuals who are still very much against the “LGBTQ lifestyle.” (An actual quote from an email I received this week that made me see red.)

    7. I love this. We have at least 3 people in our lives who at least deserve to feel safe– I’m not sure if they’d be considered [by themselves or others] trans and they are very young, but they deserve to be how they want to be. We live in MA and I just f*cking love that to my kids kiddos and it’s just not a thing. We call people what they want to be called and treat them how they want to be treated.

      Alex (10) is Alex and she plays basketball on the girls team, even though she wears boys clothes and looks nothing like her identical twin sister and even if her name used to be Elizabeth.

      Emily (10) is Emily even though they prefer a neutral pronoun, has short hair, and dress in “boy clothes.” Emily is one of my kids’ best friend’s big sister and it’s been so great for my kid to be around Emily as they find themselves. Emily was a long haired dress wearing child that went by “she” when we first met them.

      Josh (7) is Josh and it’s fine if he dresses like a boy and even though he was born with female s*x organs and a girl’s name. Josh is in my 1st grader’s class and played on her K girls soccer team and the level of understanding and compassion that is in that classroom (for Josh as well as other children) is completely astounding.

    8. Thank you from the mom of a trans woman who has just blossomed since coming out and receiving gender affirming care. it’s been like a miracle and it hurts me to think of the many people who still face terrible obstacles.

  13. Long time lurker here . . . I’ve always been confused by something in this group–how can so many of you have these high powered, high paying jobs that require you to work 60 hours a week so that you need housekeepers and live-in nannies and gardeners and so on, yet you are able to comment/read here so often? I make decent money but I work in higher ed where I have a lot of independence and a flexible schedule, so I can do things like mess around on the internet half the day if I want. But I would imagine that if I was a lawyer or a finance person or whatever . . . wouldn’t I be too busy for that? In other words, I’m guessing I made the wrong career choice if I could have done exactly what I’m doing now but been paid more to do it. Or in other other words, how do you executive types manage to be here?

      1. Ha, me too. I’m a SAHM and can’t keep up! For some posters there’s a time difference (so it’s their evening), but most of us are in the US.

        1. I think being a SAHM is a much more hands-on, non-stop job than virtually any office job! (Assuming you have at least one kid home with you and not in full day school.)

      2. Me too! I think this board might be everyone’s little break throughout the day to clear their mind. When you’re working 12 hour days, you need a break.

    2. I read here while waiting for things. Coffee. Toast. Food when dining alone. It’s pretty seasonal for me – some weeks I’m all over the site, and then I’m too busy for months (years, at one point).
      But I think some of our most senior members have been overachieving long enough to be more valued for their wisdom than their hours.

    3. I’m on the west coast, so most of my reading and commenting actually happens before the business day gets started (it’s only 7 am right now!). I wake up early and take my time getting ready. Otherwise, it’s when I have a few minutes to kill before a meeting, while eating lunch, or when I’m bored on zoom. I’m also in higher ed, though.

      1. +1 – I read and comment in the morning before work and occasionally over lunch if I have a few minutes.

    4. I’ve been reading here since law school and I’m on here a lot during calmer periods and when I get really busy I don’t come here for weeks or months. I was super busy in early 2020 and then came here and people were at each others throats about whether or not this whole covid thing was something to worry about and I was like whooaaaa what did I miss!! I think most people come and go a lot depending on their schedules.

    5. I’m in a similar job to you now but I’ve been commenting since I worked in Big Law. Just quick breaks through the day and also checking in while doing more mindless tasks like doc review.

    6. It’s my break between tasks, at lunch, or whatever. I also go 2-3 days between looking sometimes because I’m out and about. I’m in Big Finance and have a lot of autonomy in my day.

    7. I’ll bite on this.

      I am a high powered lady who spends a lot of time just working, in law. Sometimes I need a 15 minute break. Sometimes I haven’t seen my friends for days. You are my friends. This is my community when I am working 12 or 15 hour days. This might be the only “fun” thing I do all day.

      I am also on the West Coast, where I start my day reading the morning thread, and then lunch is catching up on the coffee break thread.

      I’ve been a reader since 2008.

    8. It is 9:25 in the morning and I have sent 11 emails and had one zoom call at 7 am my time. I am taking a minute or two to read here and drink a cup of tea while I wait for responses to some questions and while I plan my day. I do have another call in 5 minutes but I should be a listener on it more than a participant.

      1. This. I work in blocks, so I get an enormous amount of work done, then need to clear my head.

    9. I come here throughout the day for the kind of 5 min break that I used to get saying hi to someone down the hall.

    10. I have a high paying job, but I barely work 40 hrs a week. This site is a break for me while on boring calls or between projects, or just when I am bored.

      So I am not really your target poster, but even when I am busy, it’s necessary to take a 5-15 min break and this is an easy place to come and do that.

    11. I work anywhere from 60-80 hours a week, but frankly a lot of that happens in evenings and weekends and is not a function of “efficiency”. E.g., I get urgent requests on the weekend and am expected to handle them, I have zoom meetings in the evening that cannot be rescheduled to the day because of time zones or client availability. So it’s not like taking 20 minutes to read a website makes me finish literally 20 minutes later in the day. There are definitely days where I don’t have time for literally anything but work during the day, but a lot of times I do have a couple 5 minute breaks between things. But for what it’s worth, I also don’t have a nanny (we use daycare), or a housekeeper (we clean ourselves), or a chef (we cook ourselves), etc etc. So maybe you’re conflating a couple different profiles of people on this site!

      1. And on the flip side I work part time and make waaay less than most here, but have a cleaning service – it’s pretty much the last luxury I’d give up. I think it’s fair to say that people who work more typically outsource more, but a lot of it also comes down to individual preferences. I would be eating rice and beans before cleaning my toilets, but not everyone feels that way.

    12. Not here every day but some days if I didn’t pop in for a few minutes I’d never take a second to breath. I like it here over scrolling reddit for 5 minutes or something because it’s less of black hole. Posts and convos are finite, so I know I can scroll, maybe pop in a comment, gulp down some coffee and get a decent 5 minute break.

      There are also people in a LOT of different time zones from Europe to West Coast so sometimes it might be the middle of the work day for you but I’m waiting to pick my kid up from swimming lessons or whatever.

    13. Ehhh yes and no. I’m sure you recognize that taking a fifteen minute break to play on your phone is not the reason that certain people can’t reliably be at daycare pickup at five or have time to do all the housework right? That said, my husband makes several multiples of my salary and his day to day isn’t five times longer or more difficult. There are definitely trade offs (more weekend work, more late night work) but he has a reasonable lifestyle with time for a walk and a nap during the workday. I promise you even the hardest working lawyers need coffee breaks most days.

      1. I’m the one in my household with a big job (relatively) and I’m glad my husband doesn’t micromanage my day. “You could log off 15 minutes earlier if you weren’t goofing off in the internet!” No, brains don’t work that way. This is my water cooler break.

    15. I’m not high-powered nor high-paying (by these standards) and actually can no longer access this site due to a firewall at work. (I’m off today.) Anyway, there are many little otherwise wasted times when you can stop by here and get caught up: when on hold, waiting for a return email, on a video meeting, waiting for another app to open . . in short, ANY time you’re waiting. I’m one who has many tabs open at all times and can’t stand waiting and having nothing to read, if you can’t tell.

      I log in here the minute I get home, and am grateful for West Coast respondents who keep the conversations going.

    16. I’m currently on maternity leave so I lurk while the baby naps. But my work has super busy periods and quieter periods. I’m not around during the busy periods but I have some downtime between emails in the quiet periods and like some posters, I get a lot done with intense focus for 2-3 hours, then allow myself a 15 minute break, and this is kind of the equivalent of the coffee room at the office.

    17. You can’t fire on all engines all the time. Your brain needs periodic breaks throughout the day. This fills that function. Nobody can provide unending focus all day, every day.

    20. Because there are a lot of people here that only pretend they have those careers. How I know it? Because the income level they suposely have and the kind of skin care brands, travel tips or fashion they talk about doesnt match. A lot of low middle class around, IMO.

      1. What a gross comment. If we’re too plebeian for you, you could always go somewhere else?

      2. I don’t think you can judge based on skincare and discretionary spending. It’s all about what your priorities are. My car is ancient but we spend easily mid-5 figures on international travel each year. Other people drive a brand new Lexus or whatever and vacation less/just do an all inclusive type vacation.

        1. Right. I don’t spend big bucks on skincare or makeup because I haven’t found it to be worth it. Ditto with very high-end designer clothes/accessories (and props to this community for talking honestly about the mileage they get out of designer items relative to the cost – I no longer covet Louis Vuitton bags due to the conversations I’ve seen here about whether or not they’re worth it). I do drive a Lexus, which we bought used, and we have a nice house, which we furnished with the same antique and vintage furniture we’ve had for years, that still serves us very well. We make $250k/year household and most of our money goes into our retirement, savings and investment accounts, where it will ultimately do the most good. I don’t mind buying basic t-shirts at Old Navy or JC Penney because I know I’ll be able to retire at 55 and my kid has his college paid for. I would rather be real rich than fake rich – fronting like I have money because I have designer/luxury items, but everything is bought on credit and there’s no money in the bank, where it counts.

        2. +1, also, I earn a lot but I also want great retirement savings, so I’m not about to blow $ on something I don’t care about just because I have the cash on hand.

      3. Isn’t it often regional and cultural whether people scrimp or save in these spending categories?

      4. ok your comment is a little mean but TBH I’m surprised how many rich people here shop at Talbots and Ann Taylor. People have different priorities but couldn’t be me.

        1. have you considered it’s partly cause and effect? We have a lot of money because we don’t increase our spending proportionately to our income.

          1. Personally I’d rather shop at Zara than those places but that’s a good point for sure.

        2. I could afford to buy more expensive clothes, but Talbots fits better for my size and I tend to get bored after a season or two. I would feel like I had to keep expensive clothes for too long.

      5. Echoing what a gross comment.

        I grew up in the wealthiest city in the country. My mom still clips coupons, and we definitely shop at Costco. My parents’ money is not my money. Income is not wealth.

        I now work in Silicon Valley. Wealth is understated here. What is cool in New York or Miami or Paris is not what’s cool here. I feel sorry for people who hope to get “recognized” and form a good relationship with a SA so they have the _privilege_ to shop at Hermes. What a load of hooey, to quote E l l e n.

        I made seven figures two years ago and I’ll make well into six this year. I drive a volkswagen, and I love it–it’s just fancy enough that I don’t worry too much when I park it in SF at times. My dad drives a really rare Mercedes.

        You’re confusing consumption with wealth. They’re different. And wealth and money don’t buy grace or class, either. Your attitude is disgusting.

      7. Huh, this comment is fascinating. I’m double biglaw, no kids (HHI ~800K) and still get most of my clothes at Ann Taylor, Boden, or Everlane. I’ve never understood why I’d buy fancy designer clothes when I could spend my money on investing, paying off my mortgage early, travel, etc. No shame in others liking nice clothes though! People should spend on what they value.

    21. I read when I have a few minutes between meetings but not enough to do anything productive (although, enough to do small things like schedule dog day care etc). Sometimes I just need a quick break before solving more people’s problems.

      1. oh, and I also don’t always read all the posts in depth, even when I’m commenting on a thread. This is what leads to reading comprehension fails, but I’d rather be as engaged as I can be vs letting perfect be the enemy of good. I’m generally hungry these days for connection with people who don’t depend on me in one way or another.

    22. We have desk jobs where we are frequently at our computers for many hours of the day. We still need to do things like eat and/or take mental breaks, so we pop over here for a few minutes. I highly doubt that any of us are on here for half a day. (PS- many people comment under “anon,” “Anon,” or “anonymous.” That’s not just three people writing dozens of comments.)

    23. Haha! I am currently stuck on a drafting project, so I came on here to take a little mental break before I try again. As many others said, this is my water cooler break. My brain cannot be “on” 10 hours a day and I need a little fun distraction to recharge. As for your career choice, you may not be realizing that yes, we take little day breaks to read/post, but we also consistently work past 7 (or 8, or 9…), and on weekends. It’s why we need this!

      1. Thanks, I love this answer! Yes, you are right, I very rarely work past 4pm or on the weekends. I can see why if you have a 10 hour day, you might want regular mind breaks.

    24. I post often while sitting in court, waiting for a case to be called. Or while on a boring zoom call. Or when procrastinating. . .

    25. Thanks all! I didn’t mean to imply that you higher ups are lazy or not working or whatever. It was more of a ‘how does this work” kind of question. When I”m really busy at work, I am barely at my desk or if I’m at my desk, I’m going from meeting to meeting that requires my engagement and full attention. My husband works in a very deadline driven industry and I know that man barely takes breaks because he’s speeding to get things done (and also in a “groove”). So I was just curious how you all do this. I have no idea what its like to be a lawyer, though I’m about 99% sure its not a career I’d enjoy.

      1. I’m a lawyer and it can vary quite a lot. My BFF is a litigator who is rarely at her desk. I’m in another branch with the same employer and I rarely leave my desk. 99% of my clients are remote from my location so meetings are always physically in my office but online. I spend a lot of time drafting with multiple parties on zoom or skype.

        This place is my water cooler because I don’t get to the actual water cooler too often.

  14. Looking for a recommendation for an unflavored protein powder. I can’t stand the flavored ones (and I’ve tried a lot!) but figure an unflavored one would be unoffensive enough in a smoothie with lots of other good flavors.

    1. DH likes unflavored pea protein: he specifically likes the brand NOW. I think unflavored protein is gross, but I find pea protein flavor easily masked.

    3. I like True Nutrition. You can get pea protein (which is what I use) and they also offer whey.

  15. One of my friends has gotten really into competitive rowing and I’m so inspired by her. She’s super disciplined about training, eating, mindset, etc. I think adding something like that, something demanding that takes discipline and has concrete goals to work towards and external recognition of those goals, would help snap me out of my current (long) period of feeling stuck. Has anyone found something similar to fully invest yourself in? What was it? Any ideas of other things that you can throw yourself into?

    1. I love triathlons and trail running as they’re different and challenging in different ways than other types of racing or exercising.

      I’ve been a casual competitor in the past but this year I’m following training plans, focusing on my diet, and prioritizing training. It’s so fun.

    2. If it’s accessible near you golf can be great for this. You’ll be learning a physical skill and getting quantifiably better at it. With a side of time in the outdoors socializing with friends or strangers. Once you’re decent at it you can join leagues and be as competitive as you want to be.

    4. I lift weights – not competitively, but just because I like being strong. It’s gratifying to track your progress and see how far you’ve come.
      I also submitted a couple pieces to an art competition recently. They didn’t make the cut, but I was really proud of myself for trying! I’m going to look around for other artist calls and give it a shot.

    5. I joined masters swimming; it forces me to be accountable to actually attend practices.

  16. I’m taking 3 teenagers to Los Angeles for spring break and I would love some suggestions on things to see and do. Right now, we are going to Santa Monica beach and pier, universal studios, Getty Center and Villa, The Grove/farmer’s market and exploring Koreatown and Downtown. We have better hiking where we live (PNW) and I think hollywood is too kitschy? Anything else to see and do that would be interesting for teens?

    1. Griffith Observatory. If any interest, a college tour of UCLA or USC. Venice, walk along the canals and people watch at the beach.

    2. I went to Santa Monica as a teenager and this was exactly our itinerary! I had a great time. We had a car so we were also able to take drives to the beach or through all the fancy neighbourhoods in the Hollywood Hills.

    3. I wouldn’t write off Hollywood as too kitschy. I went to LA with my dad in my teens and enjoyed it. Getting tickets to a taping of a talk show like Jimmy Kimmel would be fun.

      1. I agree. I still have very fond memories of hiking up to the Hollywood sign my first time in CA. You don’t have to spend a lot of time but it’s iconic for a reason.

    4. Very unpopular opinion but I think the Getty Center is so overrated, a hassle to get to and takes far more time than it’s worth. I’d consider skipping it personally. Instead, I’d go to The Broad, Grand Central Market and The Last Bookstore.

      1. Did you mean the Getty Villa? The one in Malibu? Because the Getty Center is right off the 405 and no harder to get to than any other place in Los Angeles – which I recognize is not saying much.

        My teenager very much preferred the Villa to the Center because she is more interested in Greek and Roman art, which is what the Villa specializes in, but that is very much a matter of personal preference.

        OP – If you are going to be downtown anyway, your teens might enjoy the Grammy Museum.

    5. Live here and think this is a great start. You probably know this but pay very close attention to what times of day you’re driving to avoid the rush! It can take a crazy amount of time to go a couple of miles if you time it wrong. Getty villa is not exactly right by the center so plan accordingly. I’d also consider a show taping like someone suggested above or, when I visited here as a teen on a fam trip ages ago, we did a studio tour (I think it was WB?) which the teens enjoyed. And maybe Malibu or Manhattan Beach. When you’re in SM rent some bikes. I love doing anything here that allows me to soak up the views near the water, even just going for a walk or grabbing lunch.

      And if you’re going in the water, do it NOT right by the pier (that water is often gross) – head over a tower or so at least.

    6. I hear you on the hiking, but if they are into anything celeb/pop-culture focused, they still might enjoy hiking Runyon Canyon.

    7. If you have any interest in escape rooms at all, LA has the BEST escape rooms. Probably because of the film industry, there are so many of them and the production quality is just exc3llent. Hatch Escapes Lab Rat is hands down my favorite of all time. Huge, elaborately themed, and so, so fun. Quest Room and 60out are also great.

    8. instead of hollywood, take them to the new Academy of Motion Picture (tge people who do the Oscars) museum. Also if they like cars, tge Peterson Auto Museum is across the street and its great (make sure to do the basement tour).

      1. Cosign the basement tour. Was outstanding. Loved it. My whole family went.

        I’d also look up itineraries in Sunset Magazine. they have great ones for travel and certain neighborhood gems.

  17. How do you build your self esteem? I’ve been unsuccessfully dating for years and am feeling really down seeing things work out for all of my friend and not for me. I’m mid-30s so it’s been ten years of this feeling and it’s really destroyed my self esteem. Any advice on how to build it back up?

    1. Right there with you. I feel like good things (especially re: dating) happen to everyone except me.

    2. Well reframe that! You just haven’t met the right person yet! If you conflate your self esteem with being in a relationship, you’re setting yourself up to settle for anyone who will have you instead of choosing someone right for you. And that is a recipe for a miserable life.

    3. Look into “self-compassion” as an alternative model. It works far better for me.

    4. Sometimes, your self esteem can take a beating because of the people around you. Are your parents kind to you? Are your friends kind to you? Is your workplace reasonable? Note I didn’t ask about whether or not your parents love you; plenty of parents convince themselves and their kids that they love their kids, but are very hurtful to them.

      Sometimes, the problem is a tiny bit of inapplicable truth, smothered in a mountain of lies. Some people have trouble finding someone because they are actually bad people. They are mean, cruel, arrogant, not nearly as amusing as they think they are, and it gets old. MOST people who are single just have not met the right person yet because it’s really hard to meet the right person. If you’re a basically reasonable person, this isn’t a referendum on you. It just isn’t.

    6. Stop dating. Focus on living a beautiful, fulfilling life. If the right person comes along, great. If the right person doesn’t come along, great.

  18. Damp weather laundry question! I just moved from the dry South West to the damp Pacific Northwest. I have a lot of knits (nice tshirts, nice workout gear, sweaters) that I air-dry to preserve their longevity. How do I do this in the PNW without clothes getting moldy? Did someone invent something for this?

    TIA!

    1. I don’t live in the PNW, but it is cool and damp for a large portion of the year and I still air dry most of my clothes. It just takes a few days and you need to give them plenty of space. I have several drying racks and a lot of hanging space. In this house, it’s a second bathroom we don’t shower in so I can hang things above the tub. In a previous house, we had a shelf above the washer/dryer that also had room to hang damp clothes from.

      1. As a tr nsplant from the UK, I still really miss the drying rack on a pulley system on the high ceiling. Now in the US, in the winter I substitute a drying rack in front of a radiator in the visitors’ half bathroom.

    2. I have a heated airer, so a drying rack that warms up. It’s pretty energy efficient and gets the clothes much more quickly. I’m in the UK so no make and model recommendation, but they do make a big difference.

      1. I am in the US and I bought a heated drying rack from Amazon. It is amazing. I rarely use the clothes dryer now. I even dry sheets on it.

    5. I live in the desert now, but I used to set up my sweaters on a drying rack and aim a little fan at them. For heavier pieces I’d dry them on low or extra low for 30 min or so, and then lay flat to dry the rest of the way.

          1. Do you have a modern washing machine? They’ll dry faster if they start out drier, which will be based on the spin cycle of your washing machine. Newer machines spin faster, or if you’re using the delicate cycle, they might start out wetter.

          2. Yeah, I am mostly using slower-spin / delicate. That could definitely be part of it.

          3. Delicate cycle will do that. It won’t wring out nearly as much water as a faster speed.

    7. Have you actually even tried doing this yet? I’ve lived in the PNW all my life and just put my clothes on a drying rack and it’s literally never been a problem.

      1. +1. We moved to PNW from mid-atlantic region; we stopped using our dryer completely to cut back on costs after we realized we air dry the majority of our clothes regardless. In the winter, we use 2 fold out drying racks and 2 makeshift ones that we rigged up to hang from our basement ceiling in certain places. In the summer, we use the 2 fold out drying racks outside in the sun and a clothesline between our fence and house. Things dry super fast in the summer obviously but nothing is so slow in the winter that we worry about things molding. Compared to the mid-atlantic (aka swamp lands where we also hung clothes on racks to dry & they were fine), PNW is very dry in terms of actual humidity.

        1. I have tried it twice (I would not waste the time and wisdom of the hive), and I wish it was an imagined problem! There have been some great comments and I think there’s a lot of other things going on with room airflow, washer cycle having low spin, etc.

        2. We have a dehumidifier in the same room where we dry the clothes – the basement. Bought at Costco.

    8. They should dry fine indoors. If your house is very humid, you may need a dehumidifier

    9. I set up my clothes on a drying rack and put a fan a couple feet away to create airflow over the clothes. Really speeds up how long my chunky sweaters take to dry.

    10. If it’s heating season I put them on a drying rack and out the rack over a floor vent. If it’s not hearing season I put them on a drying rack and aim a portable fan at it.

    11. I don’t live in the PNW but I grew up in Northern Europe and it was plenty humid and we air dried everything. Second the heated airer recommendation from CB. Otherwise, just space things out well so they have decent airflow, pick a well heated room and open a window on days when it isn’t super humid. If it’s a real issue, a dehumidifier can help, but I’ve found that things don’t get moldy unless I pile too many things on too close together in very humid conditions.

    13. Thank you hive! I’m definitely going to check out the heated airer. I think a lot of this is poor airflow in the room + me washing on delicate (which has a slower spin cycle). Appreciate all the wisdom and suggestions – you are the best!

    14. For items that are very heavy or thick, I turn inside out and run on a long “air fluff” cycle with no heat before putting on the drying rack. Lighter weight items go directly on the rack. Do not overcrowd. You may need to move things around so that all areas of the garment get sufficient air.

    15. I live in the PNW and I air dry my clothes all the time. The air here is actually pretty dry (found that out when hyaluronic acid didn’t work like it did when I lived in the South) despite all the rain we get. Everything dries overnight, from my clothes to the inside of my dishwasher to my washing machine drum.

      1. I made the opposite move (PNW to dry southwest and have been wildly surprised at how FAST things air dry here)

        so my takeaways are
        — in the PNW you have to make sure you’re hanging things well/ leaving adequate airflow — in SW I can get away with eg overlapping stuff by a couple inches that doesn’t fly at home
        — I air-dried in a laundry room inside the heated part of the house in pnw; rather than unfinished basement
        — think about towels in the bathroom too! sometimes if I’m showering twice now, it still surprises me that .. wow, my towel’s dry!

  20. I have a broken foot, and my doctor has recommended the use of a bone stimulator to speed the healing process. My insurance won’t pay for this for another month, and I am trying to decide if it is worth paying out of pocket or whether to wait another month for the insurance to kick in. Does anyone have any experience with a bone stimulator and the healing process? Did it help you heal faster?

    1. I’ve used one twice: fractured pelvis and then when I broke the third metatarsal in my right foot. That break was right up near the joint and I was determined to give that break everything it needed to heal properly (I’m a runner).

      It’s hard to say if I healed faster since I did use it; no way to know honestly.

    2. Can’t saw whether the bone stimulator is worth it, but when a family member had slow bone healing it responded rapidly to Forteo. He also had a new diagnosis of osteoporosis, which was an unexpected discovery. So I’d make sure your doc was sure there wasn’t another reason why your bone isn’t healing in a timely fashion.

      1. Yes–the fractured pelvis was the first indicator that my bones are crap. I started on Prolia but had an allergic reaction to the second dose. So I did Tymlos (very similar to Forteo, daily injections for 2 years. Now I get Reclast infusions once a year.

    3. I’ve used one and it worked! I had bunions on both feet and surgery to correct. My right foot (the worst one) healed ok but my surgeon noted that my bones were healing slower. Still, that foot was ok. Then I had surgery on my left foot. All was going well until it wasn’t. Turns out I broke a screw. So, a ‘revision’ surgery with 10 weeks no weight bearing. She authorized a bone stimulator and it really helped the healing move along much faster. She said it definitely helped. Only 20 minutes a day and it felt like a little tickle. For whatever reason, I never received a bill from insurance. That setup is expensive! But I highly recommend it if you can.

    4. If the brand is Exogen and your insurance won’t cover it they will negotiate with you. They will quote you thousands of dollars. Try to get it down to around $800.

      1. My insurance will cover it, but not for another month (they want to see no healing after 90 days). I’m trying to decide whether it’s worth it to just bite the bullet and pay myself so that I can get the process started earlier. They quoted me $750.

        1. If you can afford it and your doctor thinks it’s the right call, I would pay out of pocket and appeal the insurance decision. The degree to which a broken foot heals will dramatically impact your quality of life for the rest of your life. Do everything you can to get the best possible healing.

  21. Today is my absolute last day to Do The Thing and I don’t want to but I really need to. Anyone else trying to Do The Thing today?

    1. Do the thing!
      I finished grading essays (except for the late submissions, they can wait) and now I’m going to do proofs on a book chapter, which I HATE doing. I’m trying to leave my computer at home during some travel next week, so I’m trying to get all the computer-required jobs done today and tomorrow.

        1. Nowhere exciting sadly… Liverpool for a conference (which takes 4 million hours due to railworks) and then meeting my in-laws and family in York en route back. I’m trying to go into it with a positive attitude after a tough visit with them in January.

    3. Do the thing and enjoy freeing up that part of your mind that’s been devoted to nagging you about how much you need to do the thing.

    5. Gotta work on my self-evaluation today. I dread this but will feel better when I’ve at least started the thing.

    6. OMG! You just saved me $400. I have to update my S corporation by the end of today. I have had only four months to do the thing that take 15 minutes.

    7. Do the Thing! I did 2 “Do the Things” yesterday and felt relieved that I finally did something productive than just be on Teams calls all day.

      Mine were call Verizon Fios to downgrade my plan and get rid of the landline I haven’t used for 5 years, and finally get around to submitting the HSA transfer form from my old job to new job.

    8. Ugh, I didn’t but then I read your post and did! Last child registered for K (which involved photocopies and driving to the town offices). Thanks!

  22. I’m attending a memorial service /celebration of life at a Bay Area Presbyterian Church. This was my colleague and I don’t know the first thing about this church community. Should I aim for funeral black or something less severe?

    1. In general, I think “funeral black” is less of a thing, even services held at churches. I see all types of dressy clothing at funerals these days.

    3. You can never really go wrong in black, but if you don’t have something anything subdued will work and the Bay Area is very casual, less formal than other parts of the country.

    4. Going for something muted would be very safe, though some people may dress colorfully if they’re embracing the “celebration of life” aspect (especially in Christian setting). In my experience, head-to-toe black is just not a thing anymore the West Coast. For example, if I were attending a funeral tomorrow for a colleague, I’d probably wear my dark purple blouse with charcoal pants and a black cardigan.

  23. Recommendations for a 65 year old relative’s birthday present? I don’t know much about her tastes or hobbies.

    1. I would go with something like a plush throw or a nice Yeti coffee mug (can also be used for tea) or a consumable – like champagne. If you want to splurge, a Diptyque candle in Baies would be nice.

    2. As a 66 year old, I would appreciate consumables such as a bottle of champagne (as you suggested), a box of nice chocolates, hand lotion, a book from a book store where it could be returned if I’ve already read it, or a gift certificate for a manicure or pedicure. I would not want you to spend much money on me or to add to the too much stuff I already own. But a sweet gesture would be lovely and very much appreciated.

  24. Can someone give me the high level summary about who or what “vanderpump rules” is? Like were these people friends with each other before the show, or is it like Real Housewives, where the TV network put together a group of people to film and create drama, or what? And why do people care about them and their lives – like are they famous or rich? I get the voyeurism aspect of looking at the lives of the Real Housewives or the Kardashians, but I don’t know why we’re supposed to care about these folks. Is this an acted show?!?

    1. LOL. A woman named Lisa Vanderpump owns a restaurant and the show features the employees who work at the restaurant (who are trying to get famous by appearing on the show). It’s a reality show.

    2. RH spin off. Base group were real friends working at L VDP’s Sur restaurant. Various additions cast in similar to RH method. That’s purportedly why Raquel was happy to hook up with Tom – wanted to stay on the show.

      People care for the same reason they care about the K family or RH stuff – hot mess drama that is entertaining to watch. RH but younger.

    3. Follow up question – is whatever the recent drama that was so scintillating worth diving into the show for? Or should I just read a TL:DR somewhere?

      1. I prefer it and the yachting shows over RH stuff because no one has kids on the show so don’t feel gross about kids being on reality tv.

      2. haha my bf and I just started watching from season 1 a couple weeks ago and we’re really enjoying it, him even more so than I. It’s kind of fun to watch it with the hindsight of the recent news in mind. It begins back when reality tv was still in its prime, before everyone just wanted to be an influencer.

      3. I’m a shameless reality TV lover and I really think that season 1-4 of VPR are some of the best reality tv ever made. What’s compelling is that these people were friends for years prior to the show starting, so there’s tons of history that triggers the drama vs. it being overly produced. It entered a slump around season 6, last season (9) got better, and now obviously the rest of this season and the following season will be great with all the hoopla.

        However, feel good TV it is not. It is standard Bravo–name calling and drink throwing and constantly backstabbing abound.

  25. Are there any synesthetes on this board who found their synesthesia to be a hindrance to learning, rather than a help? I have number-form synesthesia, and it has always helped me with math and historical dates. My understanding is that while it may be genetic, it often emerges as a method to help with learning.
    My child has color-grapheme synesthesia, and she finds it extremely distracting, especially with reading/math when the colors don’t “line up right” for her (meaning, answers to problems). She is really struggling with reading/math, and I’m not sure how to help her. No one at the school has even heard of synesthesia, and they have basically dismissed my concerns. She has received academic support since kindergarten and has a 504 for anxiety, but I feel like there must be more that could be done to help her. Online resources are limited and tend to focus on the benefits.

    1. I am a grapheme-color synesthete. My mom told me that when I was about 4 and I learned to read, I would complain about colored text in books because “the colors weren’t right” on the words. Later on, in elementary school, I would try to add numbers up to make the correct color (blue number plus yellow number equals green number) instead of adding the numeric values. I just had learn to ignore it, for lack of a better word. It’s a kind of mental discipline that comes through getting reinforcement for getting the right answers. I still think words and numbers have colors but I learned to pay attention to the actual words and actual numbers, and let the colors recede into the background.

      I just remembered this part – at one point, my mom (who was an educational diagnostician) got some transparent colored page overlays from a special-ed teacher she knew, that I could lay over whatever I was reading or working on. I figured out that the yellow overlay turned all the “colors” brown and it made it easier to concentrate on the content and not the synesthetic effects. Might be worth a try? I’m sure that was some kind of educational theory that has come and gone but I think getting ahold of transparent colored plastic sheets might not be too hard.

    2. I suspect my son has Irlen syndrome so I’ve looked into this kind of stuff a bit – if she wears eyeglasses you can get “fashion tints” at Zenni for extremely cheap (~$40 a pair with prescription lenses) – lets you try a few. (you can also get them with non prescription lenses too. even blue-blocking lenses might help, i think, i’ve seen some people saying that.)

      Also look up “color strips for dyslexia” on the river site – lots of products that might help her if overlaying one color would help.

  26. I woke up with what can only be described as a charley horse in my side and lower right ribcage. I showered and dressed to see clients at the jail and do some returns. Changed my mind because I can barely turn my body so I am back in WFH wear with ice. How does a person injure themselves this way while SLEEPING? Ugh.

    1. Honestly, even if I were bubble wrapped, placed into a snug blanket, with a helmet on, and then placed inside those bubble things, I’d still manage to injure myself. IDK

      1. It might be time for a new mattress. Because THAT’S what I want to spend money on.

        1. One of those things — like tires — that is so frustrating about being adult. Such a large amount of money with something so boring to show for it!

    3. Does it hurt when you breathe? Is it like a pins and needles or just needles sensation in your lungs? If so, go to the emergency room because you might have a pulmonary embolism (source: have had a pulmonary embolism)!!!

      1. I thought of that, but, no. It does not seem to be impacting my lungs. Thank you for the suggestion though!

    4. Often it isn’t because you did something in the night. It could be that yesterday something got strained, and it stiffened up in the night.

  27. Recommendations for sturdy yet comfortable jeans? I’ve loved the Old Navy jeans for fit and comfort for so long, but now that I’m size 14, the thigh area just disintegrates within months even though the rest of the jeans could go for another few years (side note: is there a better term to use than “chub rub”?). Recommendations?

    1. I love love Levi’s ribcage ankle fit. I have 6 colorways. I only buy them on Black Friday though since there are 40% off sales and I can’t spend $90 on a pair of jeans.

Comments are closed.