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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
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- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
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- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
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- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Anonymous
Before reading this morning’s thread about the fear of tampon use, I thought that was an extreme outlier position for girls who had been subjected to truly harmful messaging. I just was not aware there were even a handful of girls who felt this way. what is the root of this fear? (I am not advocating for forcing a child to do anything, but I do think it is tragic and I am curious how we can get girls to start from a less fearful and thus life-limiting place.)
Anon
I guess it seems normal to me that a tween would feel uncomfortable putting something inside their body that they’re unfamiliar with. For me, it didn’t have anything to do with thinking it was gross or difficult— just some instinct that I didn’t want anything put there. I started using them as an older teen but honestly still use pads sometimes (I’m 40) because of personal preference.
Anon
Also I think it’s fine for people to have different preferences, and it’s not tragic. It IS tragic that girls aren’t given more options (like period swimsuits and underwear) that would make participation more comfortable.
anon
Agree on both counts. I wasn’t grossed out or “afraid of my body” as one poster put it, but it wasn’t something I really wanted to do, either. And even as a teen who had been menstruating for years, being able to use a tampon (once I tried) took a while.
Don’t even get me started on the cups I tried to use in my 30s. It always always always felt like it was going to fall out, no matter how many times I tried different styles, insertion techniques, etc. I had given birth, for crying out loud, nothing really phased me at that point. That constant failure definitely made me feel weird about my body!
Now that I have a young daughter, I would love for there to be more options. Glad that period underwear is a thing, especially for girls who are just getting used to having a period.
anon
Yeah, I feel pretty strongly that it is okay – and not a sign of being repressed, ignorant, etc. – for girls (and women!) to have different preferences, and different levels of personal sensitivity and desire for privacy, regarding, well, pretty much everything but especially this. And ditto on cups – the menstrual cup evangelists of 10 years ago drove me nuts! Cups don’t work for everyone! (I use them now, but until I gave birth they just didn’t sit right internally for me – and I tried many.)
Anon
+1000 to the poster at 3:30. People have different bodies and different comfort levels and I don’t know why we can’t accept that.
Also 10 is so, so young. Most girls are still so childlike at that age. I get that being in college and unable to use a tampon is unusual (though still not something I would judge someone for), but I really don’t think it’s unusual for a girl who is still three years away from even being a teenager to be uncomfortable with putting something inside her body.
anon
To your point, 4:34, I wonder how many of these commenters who don’t understand why girls may not want to use tampons even know any tweens and young tweens. I promise you, they are still so young, despite their developing bodies. I worry more about girls being pushed to do physical things that they aren’t comfortable with, under the guise of being empowered.
Not everything is a messaging problem.
Anon
Agreed. I was squeamish about tampons until a few years after I got my period and grossed out by contacts until I was in college. I was also weirdly terrified of waxing my eyebrows for a long time, but that probably worked out for the best because I missed the pencil thin eyebrow period of fashion!
I now (late 30s) use pads most of the time because using tampons constantly gave me yeast infections in my 20s, so I only use them when I’m swimming or similar. I tried 3 different menstrual cups and none worked for me for various reasons so I just gave up.
Ellen
This is true. When I was getting my first period, I did NOT know everything I know now about this except that Grandma Trudy told me that I would soon start bleeding downstairs and to wear these pads she gave me so I would be protected. I had them in my handbag ready when it came, but did not know how to apply the pads properly so it was embarassing for me in school. If my Mom had told me instead of Grandma Trudy, I would not have faced the same embarassing comments from the boys in my class, who didn’t know anything either, as it turned out. I suppose with the Internet, kids now know everything, but remain hopelessly clueless nontheless on things they should know about.
AIMS
Kids have so many random fears! My 7 year old gets nervous about hangnails. I am an adult and still hate anything going up my nose like a nasal spray or a Neti pot. Why is it so hard to imagine that a teen or preteen would be nervous about inserting something into a part of her body she is only vaguely aware even exists? I don’t think this has anything to do with body positivity – I think it just takes time to get comfortable with certain things and some people are more reluctant about certain things than others.
Anon
It’s not necessarily fear. For some of us, tampons genuinely aren’t comfortable, no matter how hard we try. I don’t have issues sticking things up there (I’ve used the nuvaring for years), but even in my 40s, I don’t use tampons. Luckily my periods are so light or nonexistent that it’s not an issue.
Anonymous
THIS! Hate tampons.
anon
And I could tolerate tampons, but I haaaated the Nuvaring. I could feel it, despite many protests that I “shouldn’t be able to feel it.” Well, I did, bruh, and this is not for me.
anonshmanon
I mean, aren’t we all pretty clear at this point that every body is shaped differently? How can we expect that something so standardized as a tampon is comfortable for all?
Anony
Yes! I just don’t like tampons. I’ve comfortably inserted lots of other things, but have never not been annoyed by a tampon within an hour or two. Fortunately, we have lots of other options!
Anon
Yup. So uncomfortable for me. I can’t use them.
People never seem to understand this!
bird in flight
+1 SAME! so glad to read I’m not the only grown adult woman here who doesn’t like to use tampons.
Anon
I also don’t use tampons.
Anon
Yep, with you on this.
Anon
Yeah, I find it really fear-based as well. I think in some ways, there are downsides to how much information is available online about periods. With the click of a few buttons, girls can read all kinds of horror stories and have a front row seat to other people’s anxieties about their bodies. It can make it harder than it needs to be to learn how to use a tampon or to go pick up a pair of board shorts. There are lots of other factors at play, but I have witnessed this phenomenon and I think it is a contributor in many cases. My best friend spent so much time reading about gestational diabetes that she is petrified that she is going to get it and is managing as if she has it – even with normal blood sugar readings. Anxiety and too much information can be a bad combo.
Anon
Ahh okay. I’m not sure your feeling about your friend’s pregnancy experience really means that all that much in this context. But by all means, don’t believe the women here and elsewhere whose lived experience was not one of fear!
Anonymous
I think “fear” as the only factor here is too narrow. There’s a whole lot that could be going on that isn’t fear: discomfort, physical pain, physiology, distaste, embarrassment, difficulty, etc. For girls who truly are frightened, I’m sure there are multiple reasons for that fear rather than one root.
anon
+1
Cat
I got my period at 11 and was the first person (that I know of) in my friend group to have it. I wouldn’t call my lack of interest in tampons at that age “fearful” as opposed to “this is already weird and I’m squeamish about inserting something in a part of my body I have literally never thought about before and pads work fine so whatever I don’t need to think about that.”
Wanting to participate with friends at a day at a water park around age 14 finally got me to try them and then it was fine, but I wouldn’t call a unwilling 10 or 11yo a ‘tragic’ circumstance!
anon
THIS. It is not tragic if someone doesn’t want to use a tampon. Especially if they’re a young tween. My god.
Anon
I’m pretty sure people were only saying that it would be tragic if girls quit sports they otherwise wanted to do because of normal menstruation. That is very different from a girl deciding she does not want to use tampons but will find a better alternative that allows her to stick with her interests.
I had a friend who quit playing volleyball in middle school because she was heavier than the other girls and self-conscious about the shorts. For what it’s worth, she said she regrets that decision now and wishes her parents had encouraged her to stick with it. They were highly permissive (but loving) and it did come with some challenges.
Anon
There is no alternative though. Period swimwear isn’t allowed and doesn’t really work, and bleeding into the pool is unhygenic and embarrassing. For menstruating girls who swim competitively, it’s basically tampons or nothing.
joan wilder
The original post above is such a zero sum, all bodies are the same and all women must feel a certain way. I was using tampons about six months after I started my period (aged 13) but got my period unexpectedly the day of the school end of year pool trip. The only tampons the gym teacher had were Super when I’d been using junior/narrow… biology is biology–I don’t think think my inability to use it that day is some major character law…
anon
Some of us were never taught how to use one. Some parents find these conversations awkward. Or have mother’s that were raised differently/culturally differently, or have mothers that were ill or unhelpful or absent.
Some of us were shy and late bloomers, and didn’t have friends that could/would teach them.
Some of us were abused young.
NaoNao
There’s still a considerable amount of scare-tactic messaging about TSS, especially for women who are the age to have teen daughters or tween daughters. This was a *huge* thing in the 80s and 90s when those of us in our 40s/50s (those likely to have teen/tweens) were teens or tweens ourselves.
I have no doubt the gossip and rumor mill at school is just as alive as it was when I was a teen; meaning tales about things getting stuck/forgotten/hurting/”losing your v-card” to the item and/or not being considered a v-rgin anymore, and all those urban myths.
There’s a lot of messaging especially to girls that their “bathing suit zones” are private and personal–basically to protect them and encourage them to speak up if they’re being abused, but shifting gears to “let’s discuss and demonstrate a SUPER personal topic” is tough and weird.
I recall as a teen trying and failing miserably to figure it out. My mom was conservative and tight lipped (we went the pamphlet on the bed route as far as The Talk) and didn’t use them. Many (*many*) women were raised by women who were taught that having a period was a punishment meant to be endured and that tampons were a kind of “cheating” so that you could live a normal life (swimming, wearing light colored clothing or tight clothing, odor control, and so on) and that there was a spiritual and moral component to how they’re handled. Now is this the 30 something moms of today? I hope not, but that’s the messaging I got in school and at home for SURE. And I have no doubt some moms are unconsciously repeating that cycle with their own daughters, sadly.
Anonymous
I could have written this same post. I didn’t grow up in a conservative or overly religious household, and while my mom and I are close and we talked about puberty and periods and all that, she didn’t really explain tampons to me. And on the point about TSS, if there is a decent alternative (pads) to getting this terrible thing, then… why wouldn’t I just avoid the product that causes the terrible thing (tampons)?
Anon
There will usually be a small minority of girls with more significant challenges – differences in anatomy, severe conditions affecting menstruation, horrific home lives causing psychological problems, or other factors. They should be offered all the support in the world to help them manage their normal physiological processes better (acknowledging, of course, that for some conditions, there truly are no easy fixes). A small minority of that small minority may not be able to overcome their challenges and participate in sports or other activities. But for *most girls*, a little basic encouragement and review of different options are all they need to get the hang of having a period and to continue their activities. I went to a small public school where I played three sports every year from middle school through high school – we all did (there wasn’t much else going on). I was close with all the other girls. We all continued playing sports as we grew up and got our periods, shared tips and sometimes anxieties about wearing white basketball shorts and softball pants for home games, and all got through it. What was key was friends in the same boat (this was an era when most parents weren’t going into great detail about periods or tampons with their daughters) and normalization of life going on in our peer group. It wasn’t that there were zero anxieties, but that the default assumption was that we’d play sports together and that we could trade tips to get through it all. Looking back on it now, I think it was really healthy. Periods were a factor, but not THE factor.
anon
It was brutally painful for me to insert tampons when I started my period and remained so until I was early 20s and had been s*xually active. I definitely had other friends who also found it really painful or uncomfortable and didn’t use them.
Anon
Curious, have you ever tried sponges? I haven’t, but I have heard that the modern ones are effective and softer. I wonder if they might be a good option for younger girls or women who have pain from tampons.
anon
I didn’t even know sponges were a thing!
Anon
I’m 30, tampons are uncomfortable for me and I’ve never heard of sponges. Please elaborate!!!
Ellen
Sponges were used for our birth control, not for our periods. I think the poster was trying to pull our legs. Don’t you remember in Steinfeld when sponges were hard to get that Elaine judged a man by whether or not he was “spongeworthy”? Meaning a guy had to be pretty good before Elaine would have sex with him using one of her ever decreasing supply of sponges. Needless to say, we did not ever meet any man who was confirmed to be spongeworthy, as those were NOT reusable.
Anonymous
No, they were used in the Rely brand tampons that started the whole TSS awareness thing.
Anon
I had the unfortunate experience of having waded into an online conservative fathers discussion (via a relative) where they were discussing preserving their daughters’ purity for their future husbands by disallowing tampon use. I figure if these men think a jumbo tampon is going to ruin them for their future partner, they must personally be packing something smaller than that.
Anon
The staggering level of ignorance. How have these people managed to produce children and know so little about female anatomy?
Anonymous
Omg were 80+ comments this morning not enough for you?
Anon
On a semi-related note, I liked this article in today’s NY Times about changing women’s sports uniforms to be more period friendly and less about the male gaze: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/08/08/style/womens-sports-uniforms-change.html
AIMS
This is the answer. Not “everyone get a tampon, ASAP.”
anon
+1. And if you can’t figure it out, it’s because you’re fearful and your mom sucks. /s
Anon
They’re uncomfortable for me (tilted uterus) so I never wear them. I’m so glad that teens have so many more options than I had (even in the 00s!). Having my period in the summer was really really stressful as a teen.
Cerulean
My mom gave me a box of small tampons and some lube around the same time as the period talk (and also handed me a book). She let me know that if I could try to insert them before I had my first period in case I was nervous , but that it was also perfectly fine to use pads if I didn’t want to. I did ballet and you don’t wear underwear under leotards, so I was very glad to have had practice using one so it ended up being NBD for me when I had ballet class the day I got my period.
Anon
My mom had a friend in college who left a tampon in too long, got a uterine infection (I don’t think it was TSS from what my mom described), and got very very sick and had to have a hysterectomy; the woman almost died, and of course after that she could not get pregnant, which back then was seen as an extremely negative, shameful thing. This was in the early 1970s when there were some legitimately unsafe tampons on the market. This scared the crap out of my mom, and she never ever wanted to use them as a result of what happened to her friend. So when my time came and I was curious about tampons, she was not exactly pro-tampon and really couldn’t help me much. And she wouldn’t buy them for me; she would only buy me pads. It wasn’t until I went to college and had a friend talk me through how to use tampons (and generously gave me a few Playtex with Plastic Applicators to try) that I started using them. But when I had periods I had really heavy flow and so a lot of the time would end up with a tampon-and-pad situation, which was a drag.
I have now had an IUD for almost 20 years (not the same one, wocka wocka) and that is, bar none, the best way to manage menstrual periods, IMO. Because not having one is far preferable to having one of any kind.
Nudibranch
There wouldn’t be pads for sale if many women (including grown women) didn’t prefer to wear them. Otherwise the store aisles would be all tampons. They are not.
So why do you insist that a child “should” wear tampons. If the child chooses to in order to stay on the swim team, surely that’s up to them? It’s their body.
Count me down as another one who rarely wore tampons and almost always defaulted to pads.
NYC
One of the classes in my child’s daycare just closed due to more than 5 COVID cases. I know COVID is not “over” but this is horrifying to me… not looking forward to the fall/winter. *Shudder*
Anonymous
yep, it’s on the rise everywhere. i even pulled out my N95 for a 2-hour train ride into penn station last week.
Anonymous
But were any of the kids sick? I truly think places are going to need to change their policies.
Anonymous
Our daycare would close if there were a pervasive disease- flu, HFM, strep- if 5+ kids had it it would trigger a closure.
KS IT Chick
If they don’t have staff, they can’t exactly have unsupervised children running around the facility.
NYC
OP – yes they closed b/c the staff/child ratios were close to dipping below state mandates.
Anon
My brother (young, fit) has it for the fourth time. He’s fully vaccinated and he said he was “floored” on day 1 of illness.
Anon
To say nothing of the increased risk of long-term complications.
Anon
Just FYI: a study at Harvard found a strong correlation with above-normal anxiety levels (also worry, stress, depression and loneliness) and long Covid. The correlation with long Covid wasn’t found with other comorbid health conditions, including obesity, asthma and hypertension. Basically: the more anxious you are generally (and the more anxious you are about your health, and/or getting Covid) the more likely it is you will get long Covid. Fascinating, don’t you think?
https://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2022/09/depression-anxiety-may-escalate-chances-of-long-covid-says-study/
Anon
Couldn’t it be the other way around, that long Covid causes increased anxiety in some? It definitely has some psychiatric symptoms in some people.
Anon
Oh my god, such patient-blaming. It’s a disease. Worrying about it won’t cause it.
Anon
Read the article.
Anon
Anon at 5:34 – or it could be like when people think they have Morgellons, or they think they have “chronic Lyme disease,” despite having no evidence of ever being bitten by a tick or ever having had primary Lyme infection symptoms. Or it could be like when people self-diagnose themselves as having Sjogrens or fibromyalgia – which are real illnesses that can be diagnosed – despite going through batteries of tests and being told they do not have the disease, by multiple practitioners.
There have been other studies that have shown that long Covid has somehow disproportionately affected middle-age women who self-report that prior to getting Covid, they had low life satisfaction, high rates of anxiety and depression, and a history of seeking medical treatment for vague, unspecific symptoms that were ultimately unable to be attributed to any physical illness.
I don’t think long Covid is necessarily psychosomatic. But I do think there’s a contingent of people out there who are attributing vague health symptoms (which are likely not much different than the average fatigue, headache, malaise, etc. feelings many people have from time to time) to long Covid, when they don’t actually have long Covid. I have actually seen enough of this, IRL, that I no longer fear long Covid.
Anon
Picking out anxiety, worry, stress, depression, and loneliness but leaving out conditions like ADHD (also a big risk factor!) invites the interpretation that long COVID is psychosomatic. However we know from other research that it’s not psychosomatic. With this in mind, it wouldn’t be too surprising if a condition that can involve brain and vagal inflammation, brain shrinkage, and peripheral nerve damage would have neurological risk factors (obesity, asthma, and hypertension don’t imply something is vulnerable in the nervous system). I think a lot of neuropsych conditions were also risk factors for acute COVID (it’s not because people imagined the ARDS).
I think cardiovascular damage from COVID isn’t usually classified together with long COVID syndrome, since a lot of people feel fine and fully recovered until their cardiac event. Oddly pre-existing heart disease is not a major risk factor last I checked! I wish I knew what was.
Anonymous
My daughter and I just got over it. The other two in my family did not get it. We are all fully vax’d. Don’t know anyone else with but for the couple we gave it to.
I paid for a week of summer camp for kiddo that she never used. Ugh
Anon
You are going to be horrified every time covid goes around? That is going to be exhausting.
Anonymous
It’s okay to hate the thought of having a kid home from daycare with or without Covid when you’re trying to work and no offices are giving anyone grace for Covid anymore. I think horrified can work as a descriptor.
It’s not that the illness is disabilitating anymore (typically). It’s just incredibly disruptive.
NYC
Thank you. I’m horrified we still are experiencing instances of 10+ days of no child care with no advanced notice.
Anon
Then your horror is better directed at your daycare’s policies about closing for such things, not at COVID, which is not going anywhere.
Anonymous
Agree please spare us.
anon
Horrified about covid itself? Nope, not at all, and this coming from a pregnant woman who will give birth at Thanksgiving and have newborn during peak flu/cold/covid season.
Horrified that I could lose childcare for 10 days all winter for my other kiddo whenever there are positive cases? You betcha. Please consider yourself fortunate if this is not something that you have to think about. It’s particularly challenging for anyone with kids in the 0-5 year old range, which is also compounded by the fact that we basically had toddlers to newborns during peak COVID in 2020 and that was absolutely effing horrendous. Daycares took extreme measures (IMHO) and closed for excessive amounts of time. Kids were the last to be vaccinated. All the issues…. This small subset of the population with children in this age range is SPENT.
Anon
Yep. I think I basically have PTSD from 2020-21. The lack of available daycare (my employer-run care was closed to 6 months in 2020 then had repeated closures in late 2021 and early 2022) has permanently altered the course of my career.
Anon
“has permanently altered the course of my career.”
This seems melodramatic and like you are firmly in the “external locus of control” mindset. There are women who quit working entirely, for years, to do caregiving and they go back to work and still get to the highest levels of management.
Sorry, but this just seems like “woe is me” stuff, and also like you’re not taking the long view. If you’ve experienced career setbacks from a pandemic-fueled lack of childcare, I am sorry about that. But those will only hold you back if you focus on the unfairness of the situation instead of just dusting yourself off and moving forward. And also, they’re likely temporary. The pandemic just happened. A lot of things are still disrupted. Give it some time before you conclude the course of your career was “permanently altered.”
Anon
I’m not being melodramatic. A combination of decisions I made during Covid and things that happened outside of my control have permanently changed my career path. I know that in the scheme of Covid hardships, this is not a big thing. I’m not dead or disabled, nor did I lose a loved one to the virus, nor did I lose my job. I’m very grateful for all of those things. But please trust me that I know what I’m talking about and my career has been permanently impacted.
Anon
Anon at 5:42? What is the payoff for coming after her? You don’t know her career, age, or circumstances. Stop it.
Anonymous
I just had it for the 3rd time a few weeks ago. My symptoms were extremely mild, just as they were for the 2nd time (and really the first time, relatively speaking), but I tested because I knew I had been exposed by a coworker. And I kept testing after initially testing negative because I was seeing older family and was worried. I did not infect anyone else, including my husband, who did not isolate from me at all. But he had it in Nov/December, and I hadn’t had it for a year. It does feel a bit like we should start treating it more like any number of other viruses that get passed around daycare constantly, for which we can’t really test, but I know it is still more serious for some people.
Anon
It’s more serious for most people than the other viruses that get passed around daycare constantly (still in the top five leading causes of death, still a higher risk of long term illness, still a higher risk of post-illness cardiovascular event).
Anonymous
What idiot would even test a child and tell daycare?
Cat
It sounds like it’s a staff issue rather than a kid issue.
Anonymous
an idiot with higher morals than you apparently
Anon
+1000000000
Anon
Someone who does not want their kid to spread it, possibly to a household with a high-risk individual?
Anonymous
+1 – I’ve had both my kids into the urgent care this summer with possible strep/ear infections and covid testing hasn’t even been offered or suggested. And this is a large university-based healthcare system.
Anon
When my 5 year old had strep last month I asked about Covid and the doctor said “she’s too sick for it to be Covid.” Strep does make my kid SUPER sick in a way most viruses don’t.
Anonymous
100% agree.
anon
don’t take this bait
anon
+1
Anon
Decent people who don’t want to spread it to teachers and other families, some of whole might have vulnerable people in them.
Anon
There’s traditionally been a late summer spike. I wouldn’t necessarily infer that the whole fall and winter will be terrible.
Anecdotally, most of the people I know who’ve had it in the last few months (including me) had never had it before, although I know it’s not impossible for people to get reinfected.
Anonymous
For OP, if all the teachers have it now they probably won’t get it again for at least a few months.
Anon
I had it in July – knocked me out for four days. And it took 3 weeks for me to stop feeling tired all the time.
Anonymous
My daycare has closed a few times because of viral outbreaks…I’m so glad we had backup care. Now with covid being endemic it will just become one more virus they close for.
Anon
This really surprises me, and I think there must be a wide variation in policies. I had two kids in daycare for ~5 years each and we never experienced a classroom closure for anything other than Covid, let alone a 10+ day closure. We experienced outbreaks of hand foot and mouth, strep, flu, roseola, croup, norovirus (multiple times) and various other illnesses across my two kids and the daycare never once closed. Of course if your kid is sick they have to stay home, and the sick days add up, so agree on having backup care if you have a demanding job.
Anonymous
I’m the above anon. It’s policy that when enough staff are sick they have to close.
AIMS
I have accumulated a lot of jewelry I will never wear. Mostly gifts from a family member who is a bit jewelry crazy. Some are things I’m happy to keep for sentimental reasons but a lot is stuff that just sits in a disorganized jumble getting tarnished. I give away what I can and have donated some of the costume stuff but I’m stumped on what to do with the nicer things that I just don’t want. For example – a giant blue topaz ring I will never ever wear set in a gaudy setting with smaller stones I can’t identify. It seems weird to donate something like this (though no rule against it, of course), but it’s not like it’s a diamond ring that I can sell either. Just keep holding on to it in case my kids want it? What else am I missing?
Senior Attorney
Just off the top of my head, I did a few clothing swaps back in the day and they were a lot of fun. Might your friends enjoy getting together and swapping their unworn jewelry over wine and snacks?
anon
This. Don’t underestimate the effect of new to you, and also that your friends may have eclectic tastes. Also, if it is sufficiently nice, post your city and people will likely have suggestions for local jewelers who can remake it into something of your taste.
Anon
I did a clothing/accessories swap with coworkers a few years ago – we donated whatever people didn’t take, and also made a cash donation, to a women’s shelter – and it was a ton of fun. I got one of my favorite necklaces that I wear all the time from that swap – a sterling silver and semiprecious stone necklace that my former coworker had received as a gift from her ex-boyfriend. She was more than happy to see it go. Since there was no bad relationship karma attached to it for me, I was more than happy to take it!
Anonymous
You can always get jewelry reset, or made into other types of jewelry like earrings or whatnot.
AIMS
How does this work? I love the idea in theory – but I don’t have some trusted neighborhood jeweler I can just ask about this. Just go to a random store? What happens with the setting? How do you find someone reputable? suggestions in NYC welcome!
Anon
goldpoint in greenpoint brooklyn made our custom wedding rings from old family jewelry that they melted down. not sure if they do custom non-wedding related work, but they can probably point you to someone. they were legit amazing to work with.
however in your place, i would just put the stuff away and see if your kids want it. fashions come around and who knows what they will like when they are teens/young adults. my paralegal is carrying her mom’s coach purse from the early 90s.
Bean74
Is the diamond district still a thing in NYC? If so, start there.
A good bench jeweler would have ideas and the ability to know how to better use the stones.
AIMS
I’ll check them out, thanks!
Bean74, diamond district is def still a thing but has too many options, of varying degree of reputable.
Worried
I had a very pretty stick pin that my dad bought my mom at an antique auction, turned onto a pendant. In my case, I liked the style — a very tiny delicate Edwardian design. I took it to the jeweller and he gave me an estimate. He also used the gold from the pin and deducted it as part of the cost. I hope to do this in the future with some of my grandmothers gold rings. I like wearing one or two small gold pendants….usually all are smaller than a penny— and I’m thinking of ways to transform them, but still keep the essence. In fact, I walked by a jewellery store today, and in the window, they had a pendant that was sphere, and I thought it would be really neat to transform a ring that way.
Anonymous
You need a bench jeweler, that’s someone who actually makes things. It was not very expensive to turn an orphan earring into a pendant.
Cat
Do you like the stone? Sounds like it could make a pretty necklace in a simple setting for perhaps not too much $?
Anne-on
If you truly don’t like the pieces I’d have them priced by a local jeweler (or 2-3) that you trust and then ask if they’d be willing to buy them from you – I’ve done this in the past with a local jeweler with an estate case. Alternately any jeweler with a bench should be able to make you a new piece if you really like the stones but not the setting.
Anon
I had a bunch of 14K and higher karat jewelry like chains, chain bracelets, and earrings melted into one solid gold bangle that I love wearing. My local bench jeweler did it all.
Anon
Poshmark?
Credit cards in the EU
I’m going to start doing more travel in the EU next year. Am I correct in thinking I should just sign up for the Capitol One credit card? Free international ATMs and a chip is my reasoning, but I’m open to counter suggestions. Thanks!
AIMS
Capital One, yes, but because of no foreign transaction fees. I wouldn’t use ithe CC at ATMs b/c I think you still have to pay for the cash advance.
Senior Attorney
I use my Capital One 360 ATM card (free international ATMs) for cash withdrawals, and use my Chase Sapphire Preferred credit card for everything else (no international transaction fees, good exchange rate, triple points on travel and dining).
Senior Attorney
Reply in mod so check back.
Cat
If you want to maximize points or miles, look into Chase Sapphire or a co-branded airline card for the one you’ll be flying.
Anon
This is what I would do. There are tons of credit cards without foreign transaction fees, so make sure you’re maximizing your points.
Anob
Do any cards not have a chip these days?
Anon
Everything is tap pay on your phone now so the chip doesn’t even matter anymore.
Senior Attorney
Yes, I was in Europe a couple of months ago and I felt very behind-the-times with my chip-but-no-tap credit card.
Anonymous
We’re going to start composting, I think, inspired by that NYT article on the Redmon composter box. Does anyone do this? Any tips? I know not to put animal and dairy stuff in there…
Anonymous
On composting generally? We have a bunch in the yard away from the house. I use a small container (a big plastic Folgers can currently) and when that’s full I throw it in the yard. That’s it. No fancy equipment needed.
Cerulean
Yup. Although I’ve upgraded to a ceramic canister with a gasket so it looks a bit prettier on my counter. You don’t need a compost-specific container with a charcoal filter, just a jar with a tight-fitting lid.
Anon
I moved to the country a couple of months ago and no longer have twice-weekly garbage pick-up from my backyard. Boo. We take our garbage to the dump twice a week instead. I started composting to minimize the junk I take to the dump. There are tons of websites with complicated recipes for composting, but I figured it couldn’t really be that hard to make stuff rot, and it is not. Random tips: You may need to make sure you have enough “browns” to balance the food waste from your kitchen (which are mostly greens). My browns come almost entirely from wood shavings from my chicken coop. If you don’t have chickens, maybe figure out another steady supply. I use a $15 black garbage can from HD that I ventilated with a drill and a paddle bit. The composting process is pretty amazing-when I turn it, it is really hot, and I get a little excited to see my trash turned into something so healthy looking. I don’t think there is any way to prevent odors or bugs, no matter what the internet says, so I just put my homemade bin away from the house and live with it. Sometimes I dump Sevin in there to control the flies, which would horrify true believers. Oh, you do have to water it once in a while. If it gets too dry, the decomposition slows down. I throw in stale bread, veggies, fruit (not bananas-apparently the skins take forever to break down), egg shells, dryer lint when I think about it (this was a weird one to me, but supposedly it is okay), and the stuff I rake out of my chicken coop. I have piles of grass clippings but do not compost them in a bin because I would need 50 bins to hold all of my grass clippings. Also, I couldnever balance the grass with enough browns. My biggest tip is not to stress too much; just give it a shot and adjust as you go. It’s a cheap and surprisingly rewarding hobby.
Anon
I live alone and can’t make enough food waste on my own to have a productive, thermogenic pile unless I include my grass clippings. Because I put the grass clippings in, I need brown, dead stuff to balance it out. Shredded paper works well for this during the spring and summer. I eat very little meat, and the tiny bit of scrap does just fine in there.
Anon
We compost, but on a significant scale that you probably aren’t thinking of. Biggest advice is that you need way more “browns” (e.g. primarily carbon like cardboard, dried plants, etc) than you think you will. All our boxes are now composted.
Anonymous
i can’t tell you how delighted my husband is going to be at this news
Anon
I collect veggie and fruit scraps in a giant bin in my freezer and bring them to the farmers market for composting once a week. No smell and I’m going there anyway, so it’s minimal work. I live in a city with no yard though.
Carrots
This is how I do it. If you have an organic grocery store near you as well, sometimes they collect compost as well. I keep mine in my fridge and line it with newspaper each week to help keep it from getting too messy and absorb some smells and liquid.
Anon
I have curbside composting and we CAN put animal and dairy in, as well as food-soiled paper and cardboard.
The important thing is to make it easy. We have an open bowl on the counter near the cutting board that food scaps go into as I do food prep, and we also scrape plates into it. I’ve tried all kinds of lidded kitchen compost containers, both on the counter and under-sink, but I prefer the open bowl. We just have to take it out to the compost bin once or twice a day. The compost-specific bins with lids are just aimed at you not having to do this as often, but they always smelled and weren’t as easy to use. It has to be easy in order for people to really consistently use them.
One of the “closing the kitchen” for the night activities is taking out the compost bowl, because if they have any animal products at all in them, or even something that just smells good, my cat will get into it in the middle of the night!
Anon
If you live in an area with raccoons, get a composter with a lid.
Anon
We live in a rural area and skunks are the main reason we do not attempt to compost our kitchen scraps. Yard waste goes in a pile in the back corner where it basically composts itself with the help of a resident garter snake.
Anon
So curious about how the garter snake “helps”! Cute!!
Anon
He burrows around in the pile, kind of like an oversized earthworm.
Site Designs
Re Kat’s request for site design ideas – I like Cup of Jo’s newer design, and don’t mind the Stripe and The Mom Edit.
Ask a Manager looks soooo dated.
I can never find the latest posts on Memorandum. (Is she even writing that much now?)
I do like how some of the food bloggers have really easy home pages, like Skinnytaste.
Anonymous
I mostly just watch TikTok now, this is the only site I come to – I hope she doesn’t change comments much.
Cat
My biggest issue is the ads on mobile. The ones that pop up at the bottom of the screen have an infinitesimal x that’s super hard to tap, and even then it doesn’t get all the way out of the way.
What I would love added to the current – ability to collapse subthreads within a comment thread, not just “collapse all” at the top or collapsing an entire specific comment thread.
Anon
Yeah, the mobile ads are really annoying.
Anon
Another vote against pop up ads that block content!
Anon
I recommend using the browser Brave. It blocks all of it. I have no issues on my phone.
Anonia
I don’t mind most designs as long as the font color isn’t too gray. So many sites now have gray/blue lettering that is so light I can hardly see it. And I have good eyesight!
Anonymous
Is anyone changing their behavior at all due to this round of covid – or anyone’s offices? Just saw above someone said their NYC daycare closed or at least one class at daycare closed. Anyone resuming masking or avoiding events or anything like that? Also have you had it before – how many times – and does that change your answers to the above?
Anon
High-risk so never stopped masking (😰) and won’t now. But luckily I’m outdoorsy and feel comfortable with meetups outside. I also mountain bike a lot and feel like I’m not at all trapped. Some people with my condition don’t feel comfortable with those things and I think it would be so hard.
We’re also TTC so that’s another layer of immunocompromise now. We’ll likely replace our masks more often and be more vigilant about fit when we have prolonged indoor time.
Anonymous
You’re not another layer of immunocompromised because you are TTC
Anon
If I get pregnant, I will be. I think you already know that’s what I meant.
Anon
It might be worth a convo with your doctor. Most OBs don’t consider pregnant women “immunocompromised” even though there are changes to the immune system that happen during pregnancy.
Anon
I already spoke to her and that’s what she said, especially in the context of Covid. There is pretty solid evidence linking Covid infection during pregnancy to negative maternal and infant health outcomes. Best avoided.
Anon
No change. But I am immunocompromised, so we never stopped taking precautions.
Anonymous
Same here. I finally got it in May, and I am still mostly 100% masking inside, except for meals, and I only do meals with people who would be able to tell me if they had been exposed so I can protect my family member. Work is going to start putting the hard press again for return to office, and I’m gonna do my best to keep fighting that. Sitting in a conference room with 15 people, none of whom have to disclose that they have it, is still a problem.
Anonymous
Have fun getting fired. Why can’t you wear and N95 mask and go to work
Anon
Go away.
Anonymous
Haven’t so far! And if they force the issue, I’ll quit, and I’ll be financially able to do so. 🤷🏻♀️
Anonymous
Some people just can’t get over that they could catch something out.in.the.world. , anything at all. Covid is just one possibility. Just don’t engage.
Anon
Oh look, everyone’s favorite “WFH people are lazy” commenter is here.
Shouldn’t you be working, since you’re such a high achiever? Does your employer know how much you visit this site during the workday?
Anon
I’m the same as you – immunocompromised, got it in May, eating at restaurants with friends who would tell me.
Anon
I don’t get this logic. Yes your friend would tell you, but what about all the other random customers and workers that have zero ability to alert you if they test positive. (I got COVID eating a a restaurant earlier this year, as did the person I was with.)
Anon
I’m just doing my best trying to balance my life with being cautious. You do you, though.
Anon
I’m assuming that’s outdoors?
Anonymous
Absolutely not. I had Covid in July for the second time. It was fine.
Anon
Same. I had it in 2022 and I was less sick from the infection than I was after the third and fourth vaccines. Covid wasn’t even 20% as bad as the worst cold I’ve ever had. Also, one of my friends got Guillain-Barre this year after getting food poisoning from a dish at a church potluck. So that reinforced for me, there’s all kinds of stuff out there that can get us, anywhere, at any time; might as well live life.
Anon
Covid was basically just allergy symptoms for me. I’ve been very diligent about testing whenever I have a fever or really felt bad, but I don’t think I even would have tested when I actually had it except I had strep throat right beforehand and thought it was weird that my strep infection was dragging on so long. I was shocked when the test was positive.
On the other hand, I tested positive for 13 days, which was super annoying. In hindsight I wish I’d gotten Paxlovid just so I didn’t have to isolate for two full weeks.
NYNY
I was just talking about this with a colleague. For context, I have a hybrid role, but when I come into the office, it’s in a hospital. I’m well-vaxxed, with 4 doses in all, the last one being the bivalent version last October. To my knowledge, I have never had covid, even though I’ve been exposed multiple times. I swing wildly between believing I’m immune and fearing it’s inevitable and will come at a terrible time.
I have not yet gone back to masking, but I do carry a fresh K95 in my bag, so if a situation feels too crowded, I’m ready. I’ll be flying across the country in a month, and will probably mask on the plane.
anon
I’ve had it at least 3 times (two fully asymptomatic; one with minor symptoms). It is not changing my behavior and I don’t see any changes in my community.
anon
Also, like the commenter above, I’ve had 4 doses of covid vaccine. Not sure if they are expecting a new one this fall but if one is released and recommended for general use, I’ll get it.
Anon
Just so you know, there is going to be a new booster this fall that focuses on the XBB variants that have dominated this whole year. Whether it’s recommended for general use will probably vary by country (I predict it will be recommended to the same cohorts as the flu vaccine).
Anonymous
Which is … everybody?
Anon
The flu vaccine is very broadly recommended in the USA! I think that’s not true in UK and at least parts of Europe (and I think WHO still only recommends it for a subset of risk cohorts).
Anon
It’s everybody in the Us. But most countries don’t recommend it for everyone. The chicken pox vaccine isn’t even standard in Europe.
Anon
live with DH and 2 kids who recently turned 5. we were VERY cautious (nothing indoor unmasked) until kids were vaccinated, so basically for 2.5 years (March 2020-Sept 2022). we got Covid in May 2022. Basically since then we’ve been and continue to be totally inconsistent – I mask at the grocery store, target, airplane, etc., but I dine indoors. i mask when in 1:1 meetings in my teeny tiny office with college students, but not when in larger conference room with my team. as i said, i realize this is totally inconsistent, but i guess i am at the point where i mask when it doesn’t really limit my ability to partake in whatever it is i am doing, but am currently not letting risk of covid deter me from doing anything. i also try to be extra careful in the 2 weeks leading up to something important (vacation, first day of kindergarden, etc.). i realize we are fortunate that no one in our immediate family is high risk and i am happy to mask or test for anyone who wants me to.
Cat
No change. Have had all the recommended vax and have also had it at least twice, both times NBD.
Anon
High risk, so still masking and avoiding huge gatherings (but I did that every flu season prior to Covid becoming a thing anyway). I haven’t had it yet and plan to keep it that way for as long as possible. I know so many people who are suffering from long term symptoms from covid, that alone is enough to make me want to avoid it.
Anon
I’m not pleased any of us are in this boat, but I’m slightly heartened to see that there are other high-risk women posting here. It’s very isolating a lot of the time.
Anon
Same here. Hi from another immune compromised person who is unable to have any more vaccines so has to be ultra cautious.
anon
It’s a surprise to you that there are other immunocompromised people here? They’ve dominated the conversations about Covid for the last three-plus years.
Anon
We haven’t had COVID yet. We’re a high risk household (some risk for acute COVID, though we are immune compromised and under vaccinated, but significantly high risk for exacerbation of pre-existing conditions that it would be far, far better to keep in remission), so we’re still masking and will avoid crowded indoor spaces as the wave ramps up. There have been closures from people falling sick around us.
Since my focus is mostly on pre-existing conditions, I don’t think a lot about COVID itself. But I was surprised how hard it hit some people who hadn’t had it before. I wonder if it’s because they hadn’t had it before and weren’t recently boosted, or if it’s all just the luck of the draw.
Anon
Anecdata, but I had it for the first time this summer and it was nothing – just a stuffy nose. I did run a very low grade fever at a couple points, but I never felt sick and my energy levels were basically normal. I think it’s just very random.
Anon
My family actually just dropped masking & resumed indoor dining because the adults have finally both had it (husband had it in August 2022 and I had it in July 2023) and it was super mild for both of us. Our kid has been exposed dozens of time without catching it and/or had it asympomtatically without us knowing. I will say that I got it almost immediately after doing some very limited indoor dining on vacation to a cold weather place without good outdoor dining options… but I had previously been a Novid. My husband did not get it from the restaurant where I got it, despite us sharing all our meals, and I successfully avoided infecting him and our kid. I think people who’ve had it before definitely have higher baseline immunity.
Anon
Oh and I should mention we’re all maximally vaccinated, including Omicron boosters. I credit the vaccines with our very mild cases and we will continue to get annual Covid boosters.
Anonymous
Sooooooo you wasted years of your life not doing normal things and then got it and it was fine?
Anon
Nah, I don’t feel like I wasted years of my life. For the last two years we did everything we wanted to do, just with masks on. It really wasn’t that big a deal. Now that we’ve both had it, we’re ready to move on from masking but the last two years do not feel wasted at all – we took many fabulous vacations, spent lots of time with family and friends, attend weddings and holiday gatherings and our child absolutely thrived in in-person school & activities. We were pretty locked down during the pre-vax stage of the pandemic (as were most people I know), but since spring 2021 we’ve been doing everything we want to do and life has felt very happy and normal. I also think my bout with Covid was so mild because I’d had a bunch of vaccines (especially the Omicron-specific vaccine) so I’m glad I didn’t get it earlier.
LA Law
I have had Covid-19 once (moderately sick for 2 days, although not as bad as the flu). I am back in the office 2 – 3 days a week and riding public transportation (no other realistic options). Honestly I am treating Covid the same as influenza. I get all recommended vaccinations but I am living my life pretty much the same as before the pandemic (as are my older family members).
Anon 2.0
I’ve had it once confirmed and another time I suspected. I am not changing behaviors at all – I live my life. I am not masking and have zero plans of getting any more vaccines. (And highly regret the ones I did get.)
Anon
Curious why you regret vaccines? I got Covid despite getting the vaccines, as did most people I know, but I don’t regret the vaccine at all. I think it made the Covid much milder and kept me out of the hospital – that’s a huge win in my book.
Anonymous
Have never had it.
No behavior changes.
AnonSatOfc
No change. We were moderately cautious until summer 2022, with kids having it asymptomatic early (spring 2021) and adults never having it 2020-2022, largely not masking since Fall 2022. I finally got it in early 2023, and really think a recent medical procedure having my defenses down contributed to it finally catching up with me a few weeks later (and then hopping from me to two other previously-spared family members). I had the worst of it and was laidup for ~3-4 days, but everyone else (including an immunocompromised elderly person) basically had a cold.
I’ve had 4 shots, will get whatever is recommended in the fall, but I’m not masking on public transit, planes, etc.
I do see people in my city masking more now, but I’m honestly not sure if it’s due to wildfire smoke or COVID or ???
Anonymous
High risk, neither we nor our highest risk relatives have had Covid, just ordered a new box of masks. We do outdoor events that are sparsely attended, like a museum garden tour but avoid crowds.
Anonymous
I’m high risk and haven’t stopped masking this whole time. I did get COVID last year and it took me 8 months to recover unfortunately. Luckily my family and friends are all super understanding and generally mask with me indoors when we go out (except for actively eating/drinking) and I live somewhere with lovely weather so we do a ton of outdoor dining and stuff anyway where I’m happy to not mask.
Anon
Nope. We have a school age kid, and we don’t want her to wear a mask for social and developmental reasons. So we’ve accepted that we’ll all be getting Covid once a year or so. If we were childless we’d likely feel differently, but wearing a mask at the grocery store isn’t going to prevent us from catching Covid so we don’t really see the point.
Anon
Nope. Stopped masking in April 2021 when I got vaccinated the first time except when it was required. Started eating indoors then too and resumed normal life. Had Covid once and it was a non-event, barely sick at all (and I tested at every sniffle to make sure, I wasn’t personally worried about getting it but also didn’t want to pass it on). I see no reason to disrupt anything again for this. I’m 5x vaccinated now and will continue to get boosters.
Anonymous
Recommendations for a clear plastic bag to bring to concert venues etc.? The backpacks seem like they would be hot and uncomfortable so I guess I’d be looking for a tote. Also do you have smaller bags inside that bad for things like makeup, tampons, etc. that I don’t necessarily want visible to the world?
Anon
Lululemon has a clear belt bag.
Anon
I just bought whatever from Amazon. I took it to Beyonce, my daughter just used it for Taylor. It’s fine. No great shakes.
AnonSatOfc
Yes, this. Lots of options and most fit the NFL size limits.
If it’s a one-time use, ask around and see if any friends can lend – I purchased one for TS earlier this summer and have already lent mine out to someone else going to a concert.
Anon
The one I got from Amazon was so unworkable that I threw it away.
Anonymous
The one I got from Amazon was so unworkable that I threw it away.
anon
Packed party and Gloss game bags have some fun ones if you want to go for a more elevated look. I would just use whatever freebie bag you got with your Clinique purchase back in the day if you need a small bag, but realize you will have to open it at security. Otherwise, there is a knock off Chanel chain on amazon that comes up pretty early in the search results.
Anonymous
I got an inexpensive tote at Dick’s Sporting Goods. It’s held up to several years of use. The stadium guidelines will likely limit the use of bags inside your clear bag. Ours permits one wallet size bag.
Anonymous
I’m shopping for an upgrade to my engagement ring, looking at online auctions for lab diamonds. It seems they don’t give cut grades to anything but round/princess — any tips if I’m looking for an emerald cut or something vertical? (Also, if I want a really low profile ring, should I worry about that when buying or at the setting stage?)
recent lab diamond shopper
Check out the pricescope forums. I learned about it via reddit and they have great resources outside the forums as far as what to look for. You are correct – cut grades aren’t technically graded outside round brilliant cut – so each vendor may call something “ideal” but only rounds can be graded ideal. Also recommend checking out dreamstone for stones, they have great prices. The larger the stone, the taller it will be so the less likely it is to be truly low profile, if that makes sense.
Anon
Has anyone tried the Lido straight italian wool pants from Banana Republic? I am 5’7″. Would I need to get them hemmed most likely? I can only find the in-seam which seems the same as other BR pants like my favorite Logan pants (which seem to be disappearing?), but the description says they are “extra long cut to wear with your favorite heels”. I am basically trying to find another black dress pant.
https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=773624002&cid=1050786&pcid=67595&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3AWomen%27s%20Clothing%3APants#pdp-page-content
Anon
Also interested in the Siena Straight Italian Wool Pant from BR:
https://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=444813022&cid=1050786&pcid=67595&vid=1&nav=meganav%3AWomen%3AWomen%27s%20Clothing%3APants#pdp-page-content
Anonymous
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwie24rOq86AAxXmF1kFHbT1CzYQtwJ6BAgTEAI&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DF5Yw8QHfjvA&usg=AOvVaw1I4dxz2CI2tBQCThyzxvjB&opi=89978449
Anonymous
This is a video comparing the two styles.
Anon
Thank you so much!
Anon
Yes, you’ll need to get them hemmed unless you wear them with heels. I have two pairs. They’re quite wide; I was expecting a style called “straight” to be a bit narrower.
Anon
Thank you!
Anonymous
Dublin for one night – tomorrow – please give me pub and restaurant ideas!!
From SF – but just spent 2 weeks in Spain…
Thank you!!