Coffee Break: Whoa, Surprise Early Black Friday Sale?

64 Comments

1. Any recs for childless lifestyle bl*ggers who do travel recaps but aren’t taking 27 sponsored vacations per year? I like Sarah’s Real Life and am looking for others like her, perhaps with less focus on fashion since that isn’t really my interest.

   1. I like Whiskied Wanderlust – not really fashion at all but she does great travel recaps. Also, Looks Good From the Back – some fashion, some beauty, some travel.

   2. Merritt Beck at the style scribe. NOT the first time I have plugged her (she has a new capsule wardrobe for the winter!!!) but it’s because I think she’s the best. She has entire travel guides and her style is super sophisticated. I don’t know her in real life or anything…I just think of all the bloggers I follow on insta, she is super real and authentic.

   3. She travels a lot, but I love her photography and style – Stacie Flinner

      1. Everything Stacie Flinner does is sponsored. But I’m sure you’d find that to be the case for a majority of lifestyle bloggers!

   4. Salt and Wind is great. It’s a foodie and travel blog combined, and the head editor is a former Food Network Star, Aida Mollenkamp, of Ask Aida. Love her vibe and style and taste.

2. I’m having a surprisingly hard time finding a classic, tailored wool coat, so looking for leads. I am trying to replace a camel-colored Lady Day Thinsulate coat from J Crew that is really on its last legs. I don’t love the current J Crew offerings, and I want something more tailored/slim-fitting than what Aritzia seems to have. I am willing to pay a bit more than the J Crew/Aritzia price range, but so far haven’t found what I’m looking for. Maybe Brooks Brothers? I see Soia & Kyo highly recommended, but their coats for winter weather seem to have fur, which I don’t wear. I’m in the DC area if that helps — I have a decent outside chunk of time commuting to work, so want something warm enough for most winter days that looks sleek and professional. (I can pull out my Northface parka on really cold or snowy days.)

   1. Why draw the line at fur but not wool? What about leather?

      1. Totally unnecessary tr0lling.

         1. PETA is after wool now…they want people to wear plastic and totally cool about ocean animals dying of plastic ingestion..

      2. Not OP, but I don’t wear fur or faux fur because I don’t like how it looks. Faux fur especially gets matted and gross quickly. Wool, on the other hand, is warm, washable, and wears well.

      3. Lol because of the very clear difference of killing an animal and just sheering off its fur, to be grown another year. People that willfully ignore the very obvious difference between two things being compared in favor of whatever argument they want to make I think are about 50% of the trolls on the internet.

         1. You do realize that the sheep that wool comes from are the same sheep that become shearling and mutton, right?

            1. Do you honestly have no idea how wool is gathered?

            2. I know exactly how it’s gathered. You seem to be the one who has a false narrative of happy sheep that live idillic lives in a nice field…they don’t, they are sold and killed well before the end of their natural lifespan.

            3. They’re actually not the same sheep. Sheep bred for better wool are a different breed of sheep than those bred for their meat

            4. You do realize, Anonymous at 5:53, that sheep left unshorn are vulnerable to parasites, disease, overheating and infection?

   2. I have a Fleurette coat that I bought about five years ago – expensive, but it’s still gorgeous. Nordstrom looks like it has some Fleurette stuff on sale right now. Reiss makes lovely coats as well.

      1. This is exactly what I am looking for. Thanks!!

   3. I’ve found nice wool coats with a high wool content and other warming options (Thinsulate) at LL Bean and Lands End. I have tried to go fancier and haven’t found anything better even going up multiples of their prices.

      1. I got an L.L. Bean wool/nylon/cashmere blend coat from ThredUp that sounds like exactly what you’re looking for. It’s camel-colored, tailored and trim and the fabric is substantial. I feel very put-together when I wear it and it’s warm. So maybe check L.L. Bean to see what they have right now? I have no idea how old this coat is that I got but the label looks new-ish.

   4. Have you looked at Boden? I have a lovely wool coat from them.

      1. I was looking there the other day to replace my 100% wool coat from them that has gotten a touch too small and sadly couldn’t find anything on their website that was 100% wool outer. I ended up going with one from LL Bean.

   5. I just bought a MM Lafleur Sofia coat, and it is gorgeous.

   6. Pendleton usually has some options.

      1. Can you speak to their warmth? I’m surprised at how low the prices are!

   7. Aritzia!

   8. Reiss has beautiful javkets right now. MaxMara from the realreal website.

   9. Check out Talbots. Although I find their clothes frumpy, their coats are wonderful. And not synthetic blends–at least when I was looking about three years ago. I bought a regular wool and another that was an Alpaca that is so soft. Highly recommend. (Oh–and both came in at the waist. Not all boxy the way Talbots’ tops tend to be.)

   10. I really like Cinzia Rocca coats. Classic and well made, mine have lasted forever. I buy the cashmere blends, not the wool blends.

3. My Cuisinart handmixer (from college) just died. What should I replace it with? I almost never used the Cuisinart in the 20 years I had it, but would like the ability to puree soups or (very occasionally) make something like a coconut or key lime pie that is better with electric mixing.

   1. Are you talking about an immersion blender? I can’t imaging a hand mixer would be good at pureeing soups.

      1. Yes sorry — that’s how little I used it, ha

         1. Yeah, immersion blenders are like $30. Grab whichever one strikes your fancy.

   2. Cusinart hand blender is $10 off right now in Costco. I bought one for $20.

   3. I love the Breville immersion blender. It comes with a whisk attachment.

4. Any advice for working for someone who seems determined to dislike you? Fortunately I don’t have to do a lot of work for this partner, but she’s a big deal in the firm and I think she could impact my partnership prospects. I work in a niche that partner knows little about. Every time I’ve worked on her matters, I’ve gotten spectacular results and her clients adore me. Despite this, she nitpicks me endlessly about inconsequential things that I objectively didn’t do wrong.

   As an example, she got very angry with me – and continues to be angry with me 2 years later – because I had to ask another attorney in our firm to file something in a state where I am not barred. I explained all of this to the partner ahead of time and she ok’ed it, but I guess she didn’t tell the client that an additional name would be on the bill, so the client reamed her and she reamed me. I tried to show her the email where she approved the additional attorney and she got even more angry, said that wasn’t what she was talking about (it was – the other attorney worked on this matter exactly once), and accused me of being unable to take constructive criticism. She has put this and similar things in my written reviews, but she couches it in such vague terms that it could be about anything; i.e., be more cognizant about the bill, so if I tried to challenge it, I’m sure she would say she was talking about something else. More recently, she’s taken to telling lies about me – she says I was very rude to other attorneys; I don’t think I was but I apologized to them anyway in case I was unintentionally short with them. They were super confused and didn’t know what I was talking about. What am I supposed to do about this?

   1. Change firms.

      This happened to a friend of mine. An extremely powerful partner went to bat for him. He changed offices and practice groups so there were legit reasons not to work for the vindictive partner anymore. It didn’t matter. He still got passed over for partner despite having all the numbers typically needed (billables, collections, his own book).

      One reason law firms are terrible places to work.

      1. +1000. This happened to me, I stuck it out and my career suffered as a result. I too had a couple of powerful partners advocate for me. Switched practice groups too. Made non-equity partner – because I did good work for other equity partners – but then my career completely stalled out. I consider staying to be the worst career move I could have made. I just thought that if I worked hard enough, got enough good results, and did good work for other powerful partners, it would work itself out. It didn’t.

      2. With due respect, this is just as likely to happen in a corporate setting. Anytime a powerful senior person takes a dislike to you, it’s a problem. Not fair, and can happen anywhere.

         1. It can happen anywhere but law firms are particularly notorious for having bad management (as in most partners have no management skills and that has never been a prized skill in law) and high amounts of politics. A person that doesn’t like you in a large corporation (because you can move departments or companies more easily is less likely to harm your career ), whereas in a law firm the only way forward is up, and a part-owner of the business that dislikes you gets to decide your fate.

      3. Law firms are NOT worse then other places. Partner’s can be tough, but that is b/c they have liability for screwups. I think female partners have it particularly tough b/c we are not taken serious by men and are thought of lowly by men who just want to use them for s-x. We must standup to these loosers who just want to objectify us. FOOEY on them!

   2. I have a similar issue and I chose to stay at my firm. My exit options (both firm and non-firm) are much better in my practice area if I stay a few more years. I have found it does not really impact my reputation – all of the other partners in my group, and the other groups I work with, love me, as do my clients. They mostly ignore this partner. They have all offered to help connect me with opportunities when I leave. I won’t make partner here because this partner has enough power to block me, but I am fine with that and comfortable I will get another job.

      I know the advice is often to leave but I think it makes sense to look at where you are in your career and what your other contacts look like and try to optimize. For me, the benefits of staying have been worth it because I have great contacts at my firm otherwise and I want to leave my firm on my terms at a time I can maximize my exit options.

      1. +1 This is a good perspective. I agree with the other commenters above (having been in a similar position), that even one person who dislikes you this strongly, rational or otherwise, can stall your career in a firm. But if you’re primarily focused on maximizing your exit options and not on partnership, then it’s worth considering whether you will be better served by simply focusing on your relationships with the people at your current firm.

   3. I left the firm because of a senior associate like that (also a woman). I don’t know what it is, but it’s always a senior woman picking on another woman.

      1. No it isn’t. Mine was a man.

      2. Can we not? There are vindictive women out there but there are plenty of vindictive men out there. It doesn’t help any of us to perpetuate the stereotype of the b*tchy successful woman who hates women

         1. I am not the Anon above, but working for a female technical lead was the worst experience ever. A big time bully specifically preying on women (two women left before me and they had the same experience as I did). I did a lot of research during that time hoping I can find something help me deal with her. One of the statistics was male bullies target both men and women equally. Women bullies target women 75% of the time. So instead of just saying the problem doesn’t exist, may be we should look into how to fix the problem.

            1. yeah the problem with this is that the way that people will “solve” this “problem” is to just promote less women

         2. Amen.

      3. I am anon@4:20. In the situation I’m aware of, it was two male partners being extremely unfair to a male associate. I don’t think it’s “always” women, and I don’t think it’s helpful to stereotype women as being uniquely petty, vindictive, or just plain mean. Men are a-holes too. Sometimes to other men.

   4. A few possible avenues not already mentioned:

      – is there a way you could try to befriend this partner or seek her out as a mentor? Perhaps she’s just a little stressy and threatened but you could become buddies through your firm’s women’s group or you just seeking her out?

      – is there a way that you could have a partner you’re close with engage in a “Sarah Senior Associate is awesome” campaign to her face, so that she has to get on record as a weird nitpicker? So Partner Advocate says “Sarah Senior Associate is amazing at XYZ. We’re so lucky to have her.” And then Nitpicky Partner has to say, “Wow, that’s not my experience, she’s screwed up QRS for me.” And then have Partner Advocate say, “Really? That surprising. She’s handled QRS for me easily in the past.” And repeat. You really need to be close with Partner Advocate to get this to work.

      – If possible, if you’re not the only sr associate in your specialty, be too busy to work on her matters. It’d be pretty rare that she’d write a review for an associate that doesn’t work on her matters. If you’re too busy to work for this lady, she can’t really connive against you any more than, “she’s not available” in a partnership meeting, which honestly, everyone in the room can understand.

      Hope these help.

   5. Do you have a partner mentor who can advise you on this? Institutions vary a lot in how they would handle this.

   6. From painful personal experience: this partner is a narcissist who is divorced from reality and is always going to make everything someone else’s fault (and showing her that you literally did what she told you to do will not help because she is unable to accept personal responsibility for anything, ever).

      If she can torpedo your partnership chances, she will. So if she can and you want to be a partner, then you need to switch to another firm while you still can. (You will get to be so senior that changing jobs is really hard.) If you just want to stick it out a few more years so you can move to a corporate job then be sweet as sugar pie to her face and document every single thing you can behind her back so you have insurance.

5. The Madewell tee link goes to the Manolos.

6. I love cooking with cast-iron pots / pans / etc. Can I use them on the smooth surface of an electric stove (flat surface; no metal coil things). I am worried they will scratch it up. It’s a rental.

   1. I do it all the time. My stovetop has held up fine.

   2. My husband uses our cast iron skillet on our electric stove all the time and we’ve never had a problem with it scratching it.

      1. Same. Our cast iron lives on the smooth stovetop most of the time, and I haven’t seen any scratching.

7. I’m going to the Bahamas for a conference and would like to add on a few extra days. Any recommendations for places to stay for 2 nights for a couple in their 30s without kids? Flying into Nassau and would like to stay in that area. Budget under $400 a night. TIA!

   1. I would stay at the Baha Mar, either SLS or the Grand Hyatt. Rosewood is great but probably out of the range (but maybe there are deals?)

8. Looking for some medium brown chelsea boots with a low-ish heel…..what are your favorites?

   1. I don’t have the Cheleas, but so far my Thursday boots have held up well, are comfortable and I like how they look.
      https://thursdayboots.com/collections/womens-boots-chelsea?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIlfaHwK2G5gIVhsDACh38uQlsEAAYASACEgJBqvD_BwE

9. I just bought the drybar round brush thing on a total whim. Anyone have it? I have thick hair that is kind of tough to blow dry because it is curly in the back of my head. Thinking this might help?

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