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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Edina Tie-Front Slit-Neck Dress

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A woman wearing a black dress and low black heels

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A friend recently bemoaned the lack of good workwear options for petites these days. She used to have good luck with Of Mercer (RIP) and was looking for something comparable. Although it’s not exactly the same, the dresses from Modern Citizen have a similar “young, competent professional” vibe.

I really like the tie detail of this midi-length dress, and the neckline is perfectly work-appropriate. Grab it in black or navy if you like a neutral, but it also comes in a lovely mulberry color.

The dress is $168 at Modern Citizen and comes in petite and regular sizes XS-1X.

Sales of note for 8/10:

208 Comments

  1. Would you replace your 7-year old fridge if the ice maker keeps breaking and you ..love.. ice? Paid someone to come out to fix it (partial fix, partial replacement) and $350 later it broke a week later. Trying to figure out what a reasonable person would do here.

    It’s a Samsung and I’ve since learned that they have their issues… maybe the life span of this fridge is approaching it’s end anyways.

    1. I would just buy an ice machine and then when the rest of the fridge dies, go for one without an icemaker. They are so temperamental!

      1. I would fully look at a pebble ice maker if you’re a huge ice fan. A good friend got a countertop one and swears its the only thing getting her through a summer pregnancy!

      2. I think this is the answer if manual ice making doesn’t keep up with your ice needs, OP. I wouldn’t want to resign myself to buying a new fridge every 7 years because of a feature that’s easy enough to separate out.

      3. Sadly, no space for it on the current countertops. We’re also contemplating a full kitchen reno in 1-2 years (just got concept drawings done) so I’m reluctant to buy something new for current kitchen given new kitchen will give us so much more space and potentially allow for a bigger refrigerator altogether.

        I should have added the fridge has had other issues – none that have caused us to truly evaluate buying a new one quite yet, but the ice…ugh. I hate Samsung. I knew better and bought it anyway.

        1. I was going to say if you need an excuse because there’s other issues, this is a good one. But if you’re doing a full renovation soon anyway, I’d hold off and just get big cube trays in the meantime.

        2. Add an under-counter, built-in ice maker to your reno plans. I got lucky and found a new scratch-and-dent (internal dent) on FBMP, and it is one of the highlights of my new kitchen. Chick-fil-A ice all day!

    2. Sadly I think a 7yr old fridge is likely at the end of it’s natural life span. I refuse to ever buy a Samsung again after too many catastrophic failures at 4-6 years of use. I’d go with the ‘dumbest’ highest rated fridge you can find.

    3. Absolutely not. I would just make ice in cube trays. Like I do. I don’t think our ice maker every worked, to be honest.

      I can’t believe this is even a question. I know we are a wasteful society but this seems crazy to me.

      1. Same. I intentionally did not hook up the ice maker in our fridge when we purchased it 15 years ago because I know ice makers are prone to failure. I have an embarrassingly large collection of ice cube trays in different styles and shapes. Very happy with this setup.

        1. To further clarify: we left the icemaker out completely and sent it out with our recycling. More freezer space for nicer ice and completely eliminated that potential point of failure. Also no worry about ick building up in the water lines since they were never hooked up and are not used.

          1. I also removed my ice maker in favor of added freezer storage and just make ice when I need it.

      2. Yeah, my fridge doesn’t even have an ice maker and somehow I survive with regular ice cube trays.

      3. Agree.

        There can be problems about mould with plumbed in ice makers so wouldn’t use one even it worked. I’d make my own fun shaped ice cubes/stars/pineapples.

      4. +1. Keep a pitcher of water in the fridge, pre-freeze part of your water bottle overnight, and use an ice cube tray for other beverages. Buy a bag from the gas station when you’re hosting a party. Having an instant, endless supply of ice is not a necessity.

    4. We had this happen with a somewhat newer fridge (they replaced it the first time while still under warranty, but it broke again not long after and could never be fixed for more than a few months at a time). We limped along for several years until it finally started leaking from the water dispenser, too, and we finally got a new one, and it is a major relief! We don’t even use a ton of ice, but it is just really nice to have. We tried a countertop ice maker but it was a pain to keep filled and clean, then it broke quickly, too. If you’re a big ice user and you can afford it, I recommend getting a new one.

    5. My stupid fridge has broken a thousand ways but not the ice maker! I tend to put water bottles in the freezer with just a few inches to freeze my own, I like really cold water. But I’d just get an ice machine if I actually liked chewing on ice. Or there was a NYT article a year ago or so about some lady who did asmr content with a zillion ice trays, I don’t recall name.

    6. This is a perfect opportunity to get a countertop clear ice maker. My cold beverage connoisseur coworkers are obsessed with these.

    8. Our ice maker is temperamental, and we bought an ice maker. We had space for it to have its own little stand next to our refrigerator.

    9. An ice-loving family member solved a broken ice maker by buying those big bags of ice at the grocery store 2x per month. Bonus was that they preferred that ice shape. I would do that or use ice cube trays rather than throw out the entire appliance, especially if you’re thinking about a kitchen reno in the next couple of years, which might better align with the fridge’s lifespan vs just the ice maker.

    10. I intentionally have basic fridges. There are nice metal ice cube trays you can buy.

    11. I’d get screened for iron deficiency, because loving ice (especially loving chewing ice) is a classic symptom. Then I’d make a decision about the fridge.

      2. This seems like a big leap. She doesn’t say anything about chewing ice. Wanting to have ice in your drinks is perfectly normal, especially in the summer months.

        1. That’s true. It’s also true that a lot of people don’t know about the iron thing!

          Unless I’m having a cocktail or am feeling ill and need a coke, I never want ice, so for me it would be a deficiency sign.

  2. Portland, Oregon top tips, please! Best place or area to stay in the city with kids that is central and won’t require a car? Where to eat and things to do? Have about a week in August to plan for and you ladies have never let me down with your amazing ideas and recommendations for other locations. Thanks so much!

    2. While I admittedly wasn’t there for very long, Portland is one of the few cities I’ve visited that i have zero desire to return to. Lots of homelessness, etc. a week seems like a long time

      1. Same. I think it has a reasonable cost of living to move there but it’s not a place I’d vacation. For a last minute summer trip, I’d find a cabin somewhere lake, woods, beach.

      2. Same, but the areas AROUND Portland and out to the coast are fantastic. If you have a car, drive to Seaside or Cannon Beach and enjoy.

      3. +1
        I went to a wedding outside Portland (gorgeous scenery!), but I struggled to figure out what to do in the city itself that would be interesting besides eating. Rent a car and get outside Portland. The Columbia River Gorge was beautiful.

      4. It was a while ago now, so maybe things have deteriorated but I really enjoyed it when we visited – amazing food scene. Agree that a week feels long, but I think a week is long for pretty much any US city that’s not NYC. I think you could do 3-4 days there and 2-3 days on day trips though, spending the whole time at a city hotel.

    4. Get outside the city one day and go to the coast! You could tour the Tillamook creamery while you’re out there too. You’d have to rent a car though.

      1. Viator does tours from Portland, I clouding one up the coast for the day. That would be more than a rental car for a family, though.

    5. I leave tomorrow and could use suggestions, as well. I’ve been looking at an article on this site a lot, though:

      https://destinationlesstravel.com

      I will report back if I find anything great while there, but I am going to meet up with family the first part and it now looks like I may be working a lot along the way, so the extension may not involve as much exploring as I. had hoped

    6. OMSI science museum is fun for kids. If you do have a car, another option Multnomah Falls. Not that far away.

      It’s been a few years but downtown does have some rough characters.

    7. I will be honest (and I love Portland) but a week is a bit long to spend there with kids and no car. A lot of the great things to do in the area would require driving (although it is a LONG drive to Bend!). The Oregon Zoo is quite nice and it is in Washington Park which has a lot for kids (check out the Rose gardens). You could spend a whole day there. We also did a Columbia River cruise, and everyone enjoyed that.

      If you are willing to rent a car for a day and your kids are old enough for it, Multnomah Falls is a beautiful place to visit for a hike. Also, one of my favorite places to go from Portland is Astoria, but that is about a two-hour drive each way. But the coast directly west is also amazing and will be much cooler than Portland in August (like bring a sweatshirt cooler).

      If your kids are old enough for a college visit, even if just for vibes, you can take Amtrak to Eugene and visit the University of Oregon (go Ducks!!!)

      It would be helpful to know how old your kids are.

    8. I was impressed by the Portland Art Museum – the collection was really great for a smaller city and it was in a pretty part of the downtown. There was a lot of Native American art from tribes in the area, which I always enjoy. Definitely worth an afternoon.

      FWIW, I didn’t feel like the downtown was particularly unsafe, there were certainly unhoused people but nobody was openly using drugs or aggressively asking for money.

    9. Lan Su Chinese Garden Is beautiful. If you’re interested, I recommend a guided tour. I second the recommendation for OMSI. Shalom Y’all is a good place to eat near there. Also see Laurelhurst Park.

  3. Not a fashion question but why do songs seem to be sung in standard American English accents? Even if the singer is from elsewhere that speaks English (American or non-US)? Adele isn’t British sounding when she sings. Is that on purpose? IDK why sung English sounds so standardized and spoken English varies widely with accents.

    1. I’ve read a lot of non-English speakers sing phonetically. I think it’s about the market being broader for English than almost any other language.

    2. Often American English, but not always! Old movies have the “Transatlantic accent,” for example (though that’s film not music). There’s actually an amazing article about a linguist analyzing the pop punk accent, which is sort of British, even though it originates in California (think of Green Day). I’ll link it in a follow up comment.

    4. I’d really recommend you like take a deep dive into English accents, there are quite a few linguistics experts with YouTube channels that explain this sort of stuff. I don’t have the tact or knowledge to explain it well, but the variety of English accents are a much newer ‘invention’ (or creation of class distinctions) than you would think and aren’t very natural.

      1. This stuff is really interesting! I understand that what we consider the standard British accent is actually more recent than the US. In other words, during the American Revolution, King George would have spoken in a way that sounded much closer to a standard American accent!

        (For interesting language stuff in general, I really like the podcast Lexicon Valley, particularly when John McWhorter is hosting.)

        1. Yes, I think it’s a pattern generally that colonies can conserve older forms of language and often culture since they end up isolated from changes happening back wherever they came from.

    5. A simple non-academic answer for a former singer and foreign language teacher that took linguistics classes forever ago: A lot of English accent variants are due to variations in vowel sounds. When you sing, the vowel sound differences are neutralized somewhat as syllables are drawn out or, alternatively, quickly passed through, so the differences aren’t as pronounced.

      Also, a lot of professional singers say different sounds to get a clearer note/tone than the spoken word would require. I think The Wizard and I is a great example if you know it, when Elphaba sings “with meeeeee” — it’s not a hard “eeeeee” if you listen closely. It’s more of an “ehhhhhhh”. I suspect some of that comes in to play, too.

      1. As a classical singer, I only modify vowels on very high notes. Belters (which includes most current female Broadway stars) distort the vowels on purpose to pull the chest voice up higher, and also to match what’s trendy. One of the basic belting exercises is to sing with whiny vowels (“nyah” or “nyeh”).

    6. Singers aim for pure vowel sounds. Regional accents in both Britain and the US distort their vowels.

      1. I’m from a part of the USA with very “pure” vowel sounds, and I think a lot of old rock songs sound like they have more of a country twangy accent, even if it’s British vocalists. I assume it’s just a genre convention.

    7. I am a Beatlemaniac. Before the Beatles and the British Invasion in the 1960s, rock and roll was dominated by Americans. The Beatles and the rest of their British contemporaries grew up idolizing American singers and trying to sound like them. John Lennon wanted to sound like Elvis. Paul McCartney developed an astonishingly accurate Little Richard impression. They also loved Carl Perkins, Roy Orbison (with whom they toured), Fats Domino, Chuck Berry, and of course Buddy Holly. The Beatles then established the vocal trend for several decades of British popular music. Now, as a Beatlemaniac, I can absolutely hear where the Beatles let their native Scouse accents show a bit more (for example, Paul on Here, There, and Everywhere, John on I’ve Got a Feeling). It is not so much that British singers are trying to sound American; rather, they are trying to sound like they fit within a tradition that ultimately started in America.

    8. Thank you. I:m.going tomorrow. Laurelhurst was not on my radar but I looked it up and now plan to see Shakespeare in the Park! Perfect.

  4. Side question – does anyone have a fridge they love? I don’t remember what brand ours is but the deli drawer keeps breaking. It’s 12 years old so maybe time for a new one.

      1. Yeah that’s a bit much. I LOVE my LG fridge, I have indeed broke the deli drawer and it was a whopping $42 to get a replacement and took 3 days for the local appliance place to order it.

      2. My mother wants to replace hers because of a slightly chipped side near the hinge.

        Champagne tastes, tap water budget, so it isn’t a rich people thing.

    2. I have a Dacor. Love it!! We put up with an old refrigerator for so many years.Now we ask ourselves why.. Was so dumb.

      1. +1 to new appliances. Instead of a full renovation, I got Cafe Line appliances that are very pretty, had our cabinets deep cleaned and replaced the pulls, changed our light fixtures and wallpapered. It’s a whole new room at a fraction of the cost that we love.

    3. You probably know this, but I have replaced broken deli drawers on eBay. I replaced a handful of deli drawers on our old fridge before adding a built-in Sub-zero as part of a kitchen reno.

    4. girl I had a 12 year old fridge that worked great, but like 3 different shelves/drawers were broken, GE priced them out about $500 total. I felt this dilemma! we sold the house, I know the new owners replaced the fridge, but not sure if it died or what. Sell it on marketplace, someone will use it as a garage fridge, and buy yourself something nice.

    5. We moved into a house with a Jenn Aire and it is GREAT. Smoothly-movable shelves, organized well, stuff functions. 12/10.

  5. Please be gentle; I know not everyone cares about how they look. Thats fine, im not saying
    anyone should.

    I’m beyond frustrated with my looks. My hair is extremely well considered, and fairly high maintenance, and I think it looks great. My teeth are pretty white and straight and I don’t want veneers. I get tasteful Botox in what I think is the right places. I’ve done micro dermabrasion and my med spa isn’t pushing anything in particular as a next step. Im good about skin care. I dress well , I think I know my colors and I’m sure I know my shape. I recently lost 30 pounds of Covid weight and I’m good about diet and strength training even though running is my jam. I’m just not loving the overall picture and I cannot for the life of me to determine what the problem is. I’m surrounded by women my age (mid forties) who are much prettier than me so I know it’s possible. My husband says because its a wealthy area “most of these girls were the prettiest girl in high school, they married rich men.” I recognize there is some truth to that but he forgets I was reasonably pretty in high school too! I am able to afford significant cosmetic improvements but I’m stuck.

    Is there such thing as a professional who can help pinpoint where I can and should improve?im looking for real big picture improvements, not say buffing my fingernails until they’re slightly shiny. I’ve tried ai and it lead me in an annoying circle. Maybe an image consultant? Is that a thing? I feel like a teenager again trying to figure this out.

    1. This is kind of an insane suggestion but can you hang out with ugly people? I mean that’s a strong word but like, not polished, not fancy, people who don’t care about their looks so much?

    2. I’m sure professionals exist but given that you already describe investing significant time and effort into your appearance and that you aren’t identifying one specific thing that is making you unhappy, this sounds like lining up for a circus ride you can never get off. Why not try volunteering or an outdoor hobby or something that doesn’t allow time for ruminating on it? Fixations happen but they can go away. I’m not sure it’ll make you happy to chase down the illusion of a perfect appearance.

    3. What jumps out at me reading your post is that you didn’t actually mention anything specific that you dislike about your appearance. Gently, is this more of a self-esteem issue? Just harsh self-criticism and too much mental energy comparing yourself to others? I don’t mean that to sound flippant or like it’s easy to just stop doing, to be clear, but if that is the case it would be better in the long run to address the root cause.

    5. What do you mean when you say the other women are ‘prettier’ – nicer clothing? hair more ‘done’? Better makeup? More fit?
      Is there a particular part of your face that bothers you or that ages you? I’m your age (44) and at 40 I had a rhinoplasty, under eye microneedling, along with a series of lasers to get rid of sun damage. It made a big difference – I’d never liked my nose and as my face thinned/drooped it was more noticeable. I also do botox every 6ish months, started sofwave and microneedling and that leads to the overall quality of my skin.

    7. If this were me my first step would be a baby step – I’d have my colors done and then hire a stylist. And I would also try to remind myself that comparison is the thief of joy.

    8. It sounds like you have a lot of thought put into various parts of your overall look, but perhaps they are not cohesive with each other. I would start by finding a good, in-person stylist who can help you analyze your whole picture and provide suggestions for making everything work together more smoothly.

    9. I also don’t know what you are seeing that is bothering you. I know that you strength train and run, but have you worked in a targeted way on posture? Most people have at least a little forward neck posture they can work on with PT, gentle soft tissue mobilization manual therapy, and some daily stretches. Posture improvements can make a huge difference with things like face/neck appearance and how clothes fall. Somewhat to my surprise I’ve also seen runners who have overlooked their walking gait (pigeon toed or cow-splayed), but I doubt that’s coming up in photos.

      1. I worked with a body coach once who helped me with posture exercises (farmers walks and stuff like that.) It helped my walk (visually) tremendously.

        1. Thanks for understanding what I mean! I don’t want to proliferate people’s insecurities, but it felt like working on this had a lot of benefits beyond appearance too (feeling calm and grounded while breathing more comfortably in my case!).

        2. Op here: where do I get a body coach?

          Also this is a me thing probably because I hate yoga and Pilates, but my yoga teacher mother in law does not move elegantly, at least to my eye.

          2. I found mine at my tennis club—she specialized in movement and corrective exercise. In my experience they tend to not work primarily in big gyms, but sometimes contract with smaller ones or do home visits.

          3. I hate yoga too; I wouldn’t do that. I’d sooner do barre!

            I started with manual therapy so that the muscles weren’t as tight and then exercises to strengthen other muscles, but I was able to start with some complaints about pain and stiffness.

      2. Agree. I feel like I have a lot more body confidence after doing classical pilates for a few years. Nothing overall changed about my body comp but how I carry myself has improved a lot.

      3. True! I have to consciously walk heel/toe and one foot in front of the other. But also a professional will be able to help pinpoint uneven gait and posture.

    10. You’re putting a lot of time into clothes and grooming, and this is still vague. So, questions:
      What conveys “pretty” to you? Are you looking at these women’s facial features, body shape, outfits? Do they carry themselves in a way that communicates confidence?

      Do your best to break down what it is that you’re seeing in specific women whom you view as being “prettier” than you. Get REALLY specific. Then get super honest with yourself about whether those things you’re seeing are something you can ever replicate. If it’s just how they wear clothes, you can work on that. But if it’s more than that, you may need to accept yourself and the fact that they don’t have whatever flaws you perceive in yourself.

      For example, one of my “prettier” friends has an even and smooth skin tone, an outdoor lifestyle, and lean legs, resulting in a look that I will never, ever, be able to replicate because a) I’m not built that way, b) I dislike an outdoor lifestyle and won’t try to create one and c) my skin tone on my legs has always been uneven, veering reddish, and shows bug bites and bruises so easily. It’s been that way since I was a kid, and it’s not going to change as I get older. I need to accept this.

      1. +1 to noticing the details in other womens’ appearance and styling. Talk to a dermatologist about a prescription retinoid and laser treatments. If you don’t already wear daily SPF on your face, neck, and chest start now.

        But is there any chance you’re hanging onto old cosmetic and clothing styles that don’t look as good on Current You? If you’re wearing the same makeup products and applying them the same way you did 10 years ago it’s time for an update. Are your clothes meant to flatter a younger woman? Or a woman in 2015? If you’re wearing what made you feel pretty and stylish a decade ago those clothes will have the opposite effect today.

    11. Agree this sounds like self esteem more than anything else. In your shoes, I’d buy some new clothes and take a girls trip. Laughter and connecting with yourself as a person who’s got more going on than her (good) looks cures a lot. As does a great outfit. Oh and put on some lipstick too.

    12. Some years are just ugly years for no good reason. If I were you, I’d keep doing what you’re doing, make sure you’re hydrating and getting good fats in, and be very watchful of everyone around you. You might get some inspiration and the benefit of time to make your next step.

      1. I widened my palate in my late 30s and it did wonders for my face shape. I think a homeoblock helps with cheekbones, but I did the palate expander/invisalign instead.

        1. How did you decide to widen your palate? I have tiny mouth (due to a medical condition) and which I should widen my palate (as is recommended by my medical providers) the thought of two ugly years is just too much for me to handle and the sensation of the metal in bone gives me heebie jeebies.

          1. I could take out my expander, but tried to keep it in at least 18 hours a day. I had (and frankly still have) a gummy and narrow smile. It is VERY improved, but I probably could have kept it in another year for better results. But I was impatient and wanted to start the Invisalign 😹

          2. You could remove your expander? I was told those were only for children and adults need the expanders surgically implanted into the bone since the palate has already fused and you need to crack it back open.

        2. Help, I thought you “widened your palate” to eat more healthy fats, meaning to “eat a more varied diet”

        3. I’m so intrigued by this. I have what I consider a small mouth and though my top teeth are relatively straight, sometimes I feel like my tongue is too big for my mouth? Did you do the palate widening for cosmetic reasons, or orthodontic ones?

          1. I looked into it for cosmetic reasons but then the doctor I found (originally looking for a homeoblock) said I’d have better luck with the expander and Invisalign. My tongue was also too wide for my palate and it helped.

    13. Are you sure this isn’t a husband problem not a style problem? I feel like the only reasonable husband answer here is you’re prettier than X, Y, Z neighbor.

      1. No. I love him but he’s brutally honest by nature and I’ve gotten upset with him when he’s not. I’m not jealous and he was completely neutral throughout my weight journey. Basically he knows my looks are important to me even if he doesn’t care. I want to do this for me.

      2. Stop it. This is not a “husband problem” and they’re allowed to have honest conversations without him shutting her down with “not a problem, you’re the best, moving on.”

        1. I mean, yes, but if I were venting to my husband about feeling low in the presence of my neighbors, I would expect him to say “you’re always the prettiest to me” not “it’s true, Marcy’s hot, but she has been that way since high school”. And I would do the same for him, even if our neighbor was objectively the most handsome man ever.

          1. This isn’t vague venting though. She’s actually seeking an answer to something that bothers her. And having been around people who have been gorgeous their whole lives, I know better than to compare myself to them, but I still like to dissect what I can emulate. It wouldn’t threaten me if my husband said the second sentence.

          2. That’s great for you. But my husband wasn’t replying to a comment about the looks of a particular person; we were speaking in generalities. I would never bother him if a particular neighbor made me feel insecure and demand to know if he thought she was prettier. That puts him in such a bad position. Besides even if he thinks she’s objectively prettier he’s not going to throw away or emote relationship and life so who cares?

            He doesn’t dismiss my insecurities through platitudes; he helps me evaluate whether my thoughts are reasonable. He acknowledged that on average, the women in our town look amazing, especially compared to the women we grew up with. I think these women are doing a lot to maintain and enhance their looks; as am I, already. He thinks is it’s possible they’re doing less than I think they are. Obviously, it depends on the person. Thats the only reason I bring up other women.

      3. Ridiculous. There are objectively places where the women tend to be “prettier” such as Miami and LA. That is why there was a whole show called Hot in Cleveland. The attitude toward clothes and looks in the four cities I’ve lived in across Florida varies greatly. I am afraid she may be living in a real housewives area and it can be hard on our self-esteem.

        Personally, I think she needs a new hobby.

      4. +1 this sounds like a self esteem issue. Does your husband honestly believe that the prettiest girls in high school marry the wealthiest men? That’s a staggeringly reductionist take if so; he’d be shocked to hear that women are judged on more than their looks, and that wealth at 40 is often vastly different than wealth at 20. If this is the kind of attitude you’ve internalised, then it might be a matter of realising that there is more to beauty than looks; brains, being well informed and connected, and charisma (confidence) might be where to look if you want to get to the next level.

        Hopefully this is not what your husband is like.

    14. A hairstyle can be beautiful, but does it flatter you? Do you really know your colors or do you looked washed out? Your clothes maybe be beautiful but do they flatter your body? Maybe find an image consultant as a first step. A plastic surgeon will find things wrong with the prettiest person and they are going to want to operate, Thats what they do. Unless you specifically hate your nose or jowls or something I would not start there. Look at princess Kate. Early pictures of her show an average college girl. Nothing special. Pictures now show real beauty. What changed? No plastic surgery but image.

    15. Have you studied yourself from a symmetry standpoint? That’s what counts for beauty a lot if you break it down.
      But what’s that quote about before 18 a girl needs to be pretty, up til 35 she needs to be interesting, and from 55+ she needs good money? Lean into being interesting, don’t chase beauty and youth. Plus if you’re looking at influencers online a lot of the midlife influencers are just AI creations.

    16. Two things:

      1. You say that being surrounded by prettier women makes you know that it’s possible.

      This simply is not true. Face shape, symmetry, and such are important to looks and immutable.

      You also said that you recently lost 30 pounds. When people are overweight, they often do not have a lot of confidence in their looks. Weight loss can, initially, also make people lose confidence in their appearance; skin seems a bit looser, texture can be dull, things have not really had time to settle.

      To that end, I cannot recommend enough that you eat a lot of vegetables and fruits (particularly avocados). What they do for skin tone is amazing.

    17. What does prettier mean though? I’ve definitely thought people were prettier than me but it usually meant that they dressed better, had more polished hair, that I wanted to lose weight etc. Which of these does it mean to you?

      1. Some people are soft and beautiful, some people are more angular and striking. I have strong looking features—I will never look like the well-kept blonde women who spend all summer at their beach house. And i know better than to think I will. That said! I can still be the best version of me and ai think it’s fine that OP is searching for that.

    18. Is this a class thing? I don’t come from an UMC background but make an UMC living that also puts me in touch with some of the very wealthy. There is no way I will ever look like one of the women who has every defect smoothed away for them. I just have to be grateful we are in an economically solid place and not even start with the comparisons.

    19. This is probably too small of a step for you, but what’s your makeup routine like? The focus on “prettier” in your post really made me think about that. It sounds like you’re doing a lot of comparing with your wealthy neighborhood peers who may have a lot more time than you, and if they’re spending a lot of time/money on flawless looking makeup, that can be a big difference.

      I once had a job where I was objectively the fittest person but I’m very low maintenance when it comes to makeup. Meanwhile all the other women wore a lot of makeup, very expertly applied. Full faces, every day. After a few months I started to feel weird/insecure and started buying more makeup. Luckily I got a new job shortly after that. :) but I do think there is something to being around “made up” people every single day and that becoming normal.

      1. Someone on this board said, many years ago, that your corporate office job wasn’t paying you to be pretty, but to be smart and capable. Obviously that’s different in different fields, but it gave me so much permission to lean out on the blowouts/manicures/full face of spackle every day. I’ll still put in more effort on big days but overall I’m so much more comfortable in normal, minimal makeup. Plus in my firm the only ones who do a ‘full beat’ are junior new hires, or support staff (and even that’s not really the case now that clean girl makeup is ‘in’ again).

          1. Yes, but all makeup is not objectively better looking than a natural face. A beauty with no makeup will outshine lipstick on a pig every time.

          2. This is my experience. I think people here tend to equate “beauty treatments” with long nails and “spackle” makeup. That’s not moving the needle for anyones perceived attractiveness. But having excellent white teeth, great hair and skin and a slim toned body goes SO far in life for most women, even as they age. It’s not about being attractive from a dating standpoint point it’s about being reasonably pleasant to look at.

          3. Bleached teeth are a eye of the beholder thing I think. They can be as weird as stained teeth.

        2. If you don’t want to put in much effort every day that’s a valid choice. But I don’t think intentional hair and makeup is associated with being low on the totem pole.

          I’ve never once looked a woman who was makeup-free with unstyled hair and thought “She must be too busy with Important Things to bother.”

    20. I am not pretty, in part because my face is asymmetrical in a way that’s beyond (reasonable) surgical repair. I’m in the fat middle of the bell curve of human attractiveness. Of course, I take the typical steps one does to maintain one’s appearance, but I am very seldom the best looking woman in a room. I have noticed that conventional beauty involves a conformity. Pretty isn’t full lips: it’s full lips in the current shade of lip color. Pretty isn’t a shapely figure: it’s a shapely figure in the same style of tasteful clothes everyone else is wearing. I feel bad about myself (and, as an embarrassingly anti-feminist bonus, bad about other women) when I make “pretty” my goal.

      On the other hand, when I focus on presenting myself in a way that feels like “me,” I find that I feel more attractive and that other people perceive me as more attractive than they otherwise might. Maybe the solution is to take a step back from external standards and start exploring your own standards a little? Pretty is short-lived. Style can be eternal.

    21. This is soooo interesting and for so many reasons.

      First I’m a believer that most of what passes for “pretty” is simply conformity of Maintenace routines and choices. Look at a southern school sorority: most of the girls are probably not actually pretty, (they’re probably totally fine looking!! But not truly pretty) they’re just going through the motions of what is accepted as pretty in the moment of time. They have the markers (likely blond, thin, straight white teeth etc.). Most men fall for the markers because men conflate conformity with easiness and prettiness.

      Pretty as a social construct is relatively easy to achieve if you have the time money and desire.

      Actually pretty? It’s something you’re either born with or forced to through other measures. Maybe one example is stassi from vanderpump – truly excellent surgical and dermatological work that has made her very pretty. Not born that way and not actions available to most of us.

      1. I’ve never understood Stassi’s before and after pictures. She was pretty before and also looks nearly the same to me. I do like the way she does her make up better now.

      2. I have no idea who stassi is but I googled her and wow excellent work she went from rodent like to classically beautiful, very subtle work but obviously talented surgeons.

    23. I think wealthy (or other) areas can become a weird microcosm of beauty where women go uncanny valley keeping up with their peers but look weird to anyone who doesn’t live in their neighborhood.

    24. I will say, you are not crazy. I’m two decades older than you and have felt the same way. One thing you might consider-mentioned below-makeup! I was beyond frustrated with my looks until my son got married. I.e. hated every photo of myself, didn’t want any taken. I spent several hundred dollars on hair and makeup and loved every single photo. Casual iphone photos, professional photos, you name it! I’m now convinced it was the full face of makeup, the eyebrow tinting, the eyelash extensions, the professional hairdo and the high dollar dress that did it. I did not even do any spa treatments in advance so this was all external! Your peers may also do some of this-particularly the eyebrow tinting, lash extensions etc.

      1. Makeup that looks good in photos does not look good in real life, and vice versa.

      2. I would collect photos of women who strike you as attractive. Or whose make-up looks really good. I think Princess Caroline of Monaco has a lot going for her, and I study her hair and make-up colors. Even though she’s a brunette and I’m blonde, we have other features in common and her “look” would translate well on me.

        Collect some photos and then study what makes you think *these* women are attractive.

  6. Tennis players: I have a question for you. Which ball pockets on the undershirts of skorts do you like better? The ones where you drop the ball in or the upside down ones where you have to roll the ball up under an elastic lip?

    Good pockets are so hard to find.

    2. I like the ones where you put them in from the top. My Lulu skirts will hold 2-3 balls per pocket.

  7. Y’all please let me scream into the void.

    Two months ago I notice a big global issue in my field, I bring it to my boss’s attention and write a one pager. He never acknowledges the email and at a meeting he says ‘thanks very interesting.’ Fast forward to today my boss brings up the global issue and demands a one pager asap, so I take a whopping 4 minutes to track down the one pager I wrote 2 months ago and send him the file link. Boss replies he ‘wants something thought through not AI’ so I screenshot the edit history to prove not AI, I just had this prepared. Radio silence. He will not respond ever and will likely give me the silent treatment for 2-5 days before talking to me again and pretending nothing ever happened. Ugh.

    2. maybe you did this? I would have forwarded him the original email and attachment and said “by way of response to your ask on Topic X, here’s what I pulled together previously. The analysis remains current. Please let me know if you’d like a deeper dive on any of this.”

      If you just replied to today’s note with the link and no context, I can see why it gave the impression of quick and dirty even though it wasn’t!

      1. The devil doesn’t need an advocate but that seems to be the only thing you ever post here.

        1. It’s what I was thinking too though; there was an opportunity to contextualize and I couldn’t tell if it was taken.

          The boss is still really frustrating! But that’s more of a reason to be careful how things are presented.

          1. There was indeed a blurb. ‘As originally mentioned in May… Blah blah blah’ then I intentionally didn’t change the document title (we use date/file/subject) notation at my office. So he missed a lot of clues. Plus he himself could have clicked the edit history more expeditiously than writing the rude response.

        2. Two things can be true: you’re right about Cat in the general sense, but I think she is correct here.

          Don’t expect your boss to do mental lifting, and context also makes you shine. You’re the one who saw this coming down the pike! “Hi Boss,

          As you may recall, I drafted up this very issue in May. I verified that the information this document is up to date. Please see attached.”

        4. There is a lot of professional immaturity on this page and I appreciate that Cat corrects it and does it kindly.

        5. Wow – I have been reading here long enough to know that Cat doesn’t need anyone backing her up or giving her props, but her replies are always on point, practical and helpful.

      2. I agree with this. If he never saw the first one and you sent it back to him with no context, I’d have made the same assumption.

  8. Has anyone done a “garage glow up” recently with learnings/tips to share? We are upgrading our basic two car garage with insulation and drywall, concrete coated or epoxy floors, and storage. We’ll end up renting a Pod for a few weeks to store the contents of our garage, and will also get a dumpster so we can trash some of the stuff as we unload it. For storage, we will do some kind of mudroom/locker situation near the door to our house, pegboard type storage to put the wall space to work, a workbench, and some overhead storage for plastic bins.

    Any tips / lessons learned would be greatly appreciated!

    1. We did epoxy floor coating and picked the multichip coating to hide dirt better. Had to be out of the house for 1.5 days, smell is really bad. Result is amazing.
      Our next big purchase will be to upgrade more of our storage: think about the way your family uses stuff. for us there is paddleboarding gear, ski/snow gear, bikes and gear, tools/supplies, recycling station, gardening supplies. The least often used is stored in the back, and most often towards the front. We did get units on wheels. We bought ours at home depot and customized by what would be stored on each unit.
      currently large tools/shovels/rakes are in a large garbage can upside down.

      1. Can you share the units you got at Home Depot? Also, are you storing skis in the garage? I’m keeping mine inside because I’ve always heard that’s better for them (our garage is poorly ventilated and gets pretty hot/cold).

    2. Also interested in doing this. Are you getting a general contractor to lead this work? Did you get a designer?

      1. I am bringing in a GC to do the drywall/insulation work but I’ll manage the overarching project. The organization company I’m planning to work with has a designer so hoping that will work out to do more of the layout/planning for storage.

    3. I learned that in my tax-happy town, the second you put up drywall/insulation, you have converted your stand alone garage/outbuilding into an ADU and need to have it inspected for fire/water/electrical and it is taxed at a much higher rate. We would have had to add egress windows and some other changes that were costly and just decided to leave well enough alone. I’d check your local town bylaws just to be sure!

      1. This sounds like bureaucratic madness. I understand getting an inspection when covering electrical lines, and a slightly higher taxable value for improvements, but insulation alone doesn’t make a shed suitable to become an occupied dwelling. Don’t you also need plumbing?

    4. gently, but – why? when we moved into our new constrution home my dad tried to talk up the epoxy floor. looked into it, $3k, pass for us.

      12 years in and i spend a looooottt of time in the garage with gardening and stuff… but wouldn’t want to spend more than $50 on it because it’s all just a garage for us.

      1. The garage is fairly dumpy right now (damaged concrete floors etc) and needs a storage upgrade! So if we’re going to fix stuff anyway, I want to make it nice while I’m at it :)

  9. i know sometimes there are posts about what people leave in their offices. I just added a large towel for a day when i absolutely can’t spill lunch or coffee on my clothes….

    3. I eat lunch at my desk, and when I had an office with a coat closet I kept an apron in it. Covered me up so no lunch spills got on my clothes. I once wore the apron to keep clean while setting out catering (I’m an EA) and my boss got a huge kick out of it and started calling me Betty Crocker. I loved that job and miss that boss a lot.

    4. Oof, I miss having an actual office. We are all open space now and I would look unhinged, but back in the days of having a real office I would totally have done this!

    6. I used to keep an extra top at the office when I was there every day. Extra pair of underwear too!

    7. I have been thinking I need a bib in my car for shake and coffee spills. Why AREN’T bibs in public a thing?!

    8. When I was pumping at work I kept a thin short robe to throw over myself when I didn’t have pumping friendly clothing on.

      The best thing I’ve seen someone have in their office is an ice maker.

    9. Ha! I sometimes wear my office jacket backwards if I need to ensure my lunch does not contact my top.

      Other than that, I keep tea, a tennis ball (for softening up a back spasm), and a spare pair of Rx eyeglasses at the office. Not much else in the way of personal effects.

    10. I kept a big, black t-shirt in my office for this purpose. I just changed into it when I ate my lunch. That, and a big Snuggie-like thing that I also wore when it was freezing.

  10. So I mentioned to a friend in passing that I would have no problem watching her dog if she ever needed it. We got a dog fairly recently who loves everyone he meets and would like a buddy. She just texted asking if I would be up for having her dog for two weeks (!) at the end of the summer. How do I politely say “I was serious about watching your dog and it’s not really that, but 2 weeks when I’ve never done it before and you will be out of the country is really too much and our dogs have never even met.” Like, I was thinking maybe she’d take me up on it for a weekend?

    I’m just a little caught off guard and this is totally a favor I would do, and I value this friend, but it just seems like a pretty big ask out on pretty short notice. If it were an emergency situation I would 100% do it. But it’s the end of summer and I want the flexibility to travel around with my kids and only have to deal with the hassle of my one dog.

    Anyway, help on the wording?

    1. “Unfortunately we’ll be traveling too”?

      It sounds like you need to introduce the dogs sometime though!

      1. Yeah, and also, it would be fine even if they weren’t besties if it were a couple nights.

    2. Dear Friend,
      Unfortunately I cannot help with this now as we will be out of town most of that time.

    3. “I would looove to watch Booboo but we have a scheduled [thing] and wouldn’t be able to do the whole time. Happy to help out for [this pd of time]!
      Vacation
      Floor sanding
      Medical procedure
      Have to go help my mom with stuff
      Etc

      It does mean that you might need to deal with dog handover logistics. Be VERY clear about what happens if something goes wrong… if dogsitter#2 bails, dog goes to this particular kennel that has already been prewarned and has CC info on file.

    4. “Ugh, unfortunately we can’t because I’m pretty sure we’re traveling to ___ then.”

      1. +1 to this text. If you’re feeling kind you can also recommend a local boarding place you like.

    5. “I was serious about watching your dog and it’s not really that, but those 2 weeks won’t work for me for trying it out…sooooo many kids things right there at the end of summer and it’s already too hectic for my taste without adding another dog in the mix! Let’s try a weekend sometime so we can test out how the dogs are living together for a shorter amount of time and hopefully it works out next time.”

      I’m a millennial, so I’d add in some LOLs and :Ds but I edited them out in case you aren’t. LOL

      1. If I got this message, I would assume the friend was lying about actually offering to help watch my dog and just saying that to sound like a good person.

    6. Keep it simple. “I think 2 weeks is a little too long for a first time, given we don’t know how the dogs are going to handle sharing a house or how your dog will do overnight at mine.” Most people with some situational awareness are able to read between the lines on why that might be difficult and won’t push.

      2. That just opens the door to “how about I drop him off tonight for a trial night??”

        1. Yes, only say this if your goal is to work up to the two weeks before now and then!

        2. I assumed the timeline for getting them used to each other would be too tight, but you are right that for some people that would be their counter. That’s when you pull out all your other weekend obligations that are flexible, but not negotiable “we wanted to do X with the kids before the summer is over, so we can’t spend that much time watching your dog”

    7. I think exactly like you said – you were serious about the offer, but two weeks is longer than you can commit to, especially since your dogs haven’t met. If there’s a weekend you need in the fall, ask me then.

      1. OP here, and thanks. I think even one of the two weeks would work, but two weeks where I’m basically stuck not being able to do any fun last minute summer stuff because of a second dog is really not how i planned the end of my summer. Like, we could board our dog overnight or drop him at my dad’s for the night but if I had someone else’s dog on hand that just adds too much complexity.

    8. I would just be honest. You don’t have plans, so don’t lie to your friend that you do.

      “Oh man, I would love to help out, but two weeks is a bit too long of a commitment this time, especially since Jim and Jam have never met! [If you feel like it:] I could take Jim August 13-17, and I’m happy to drop him off wherever his next stay might be if that’s helpful. Just let me know, and I hope you have a fantastic trip!”

    9. I usually mean it when I offer to do something…. so I would do a trial weekend- introduce the dogs, see if they get along and if the energy levels are reasonable, and if not make sure there’s time to board the dog.

    10. Ugh, this is why I’m so hesitant to offer stuff like this. You expect people will apply a reasonableness standard when taking you up on it, but some people don’t do that and then it creates awkwardness. Sounds like you’ve handled it perfectly.

      1. I think being willing to offer specifics (either at the start or at the end) is an important part of being a person who offers things well! Like, there is a real generosity in saying no to things you can’t actually fulfill with joy, because then the favor remains a happy affair for everyone.

  11. I finally ‘did the thing’ and swapped to another doctor in my area. The first doctor was fantastic but has the worst scheduling staff I’ve ever dealt with in my life. The new staff were horrified to hear about how badly my care had been handled AND the doctor’s office is closer to my home. Win!

  12. what’s more impactful if you want to up your game at work in a reasonably casual office? to wear equally priced but more corporate clothes or more expensive, nicer versions of more casual things? like should i start wearing suits or just buy better sweaters, pants, etc?

    1. I think equal quality corporate clothing is going to have more immediate impact on how you are perceived, especially if your goal is to be seen as more professional or career-oriented.

      If you want to be one of the Joneses that everyone else wants to keep up with, then top-level versions of your current stuff is the way to go.

    3. I work in a similar office. The people that look more put together either wear better tailored/fitting casual clothes or more corporate clothes. For example, a lot of people in my office just wear jeans a a top/sweater. The people that get compliments tend to wear dresses or coordinated blazer + pants outfits.

    4. If you suddenly start wearing suits, it’ll feel like a costume. If that’s where you want to go, start incorporating more formal bits and pieces (better shoes, blazers, whathaveyou) bit by bit.

      To answer your question — what do the people two steps ahead of you wear? Start emultating that (again, bit by bit).

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