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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Remember Abercrombie? The heavily-perfumed mall store of yesteryear? It still exists, and it has some items that are surprisingly appropriate for adults! I’ve heard rave reviews about their jeans, which go up to a size 37, but I’m really into these black flare pants, which are on-trend, but not so on-trend that you’ll embarrass your tween relatives.
The pants come in short (29.5”), regular (31.5”), and long (33.5”) inseams, so these might not work if you’re on the taller side, but they provide some options for the average- and shorter-legged among us.
The pants are $79 and come in sizes XXS–XL. They also come in cream.
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Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Anon
For student loan relief, is anything targeted towards parents who took out loans for their kids? I can’t seem to find anything and am not sure I’m searching the right terms.
Ellen
Elizabeth, I love these pants and am going to excersise for the next week so that I am able to fit into a size 4. Unfortunately, the pandemic and the rainy weather has caused me to get a little big, so I am buying size 4 this year. I really hope that I can work off enough weight over the summer to get back into size 2, but I am realistic about it. The manageing partner wants me to get new cleints, and that means taking them out to the Lambs Club again. I will only eat salads to help me get svelte again. YAY!!
Anon
For those of you with do NJ I got rooms and dining room tables, can you describe the rug you have underneath and how far it extends past the chairs?
Also, I think I like the look of natural fibers like Susan but hear that some are hard on feet and some that are soft shed to the point of being hard to clean or vacuum.
Anon
OP here: yikes! Not sure what happened here but I am asking about rugs you may have under dining room tables.
Anon
I love the look of rugs under dining tables but since I regularly have children sitting at my table, I find them very impractical. Sorry this is not helpful ha.
nuqotw
+1 to the kids and rug being incompatible. When you come right down to it, that’s true of the grownups of our house as well.
PolyD
Now I’m thinking about poor Susan and her fibers that are hard on the feet! And she can be hard to clean – poor Susan.
I know it’s autocorrect gone rogue, but thanks for the laugh!
Senior Attorney
Okay, this comment gave me the Big Laugh of the Day!
Anon
Lol. Fwiw, I think fibers like sisal are basically impossible to clean if you spill. I’d get a carpet with a waterproof backing. Carpet stores have carpet (designed to be area rugs, not boring high pile wall to wall carpet) that can be bound this way for area rugs. Otherwise if you need to spot clean you will have to roll up the rug unless you have waterproof floors underneath. That might not matter if you are child free, though!
Anon
We have a natural fiber rug in our living room and you can’t clean water out of it! So I’d be super careful with those.
I always hear recommendations to do an indoor/outdoor dash and albert type rug in this situation. We go rugless because we have young kids and it’s not worth it to me, but I’d probably start looking there.
Lily
Yes we have a rug under our dining table. I think it really pulls a room together. It is not a super fancy rug (purposely chose poly rather than wool) and it has a fairly busy pattern, so it’s easy to clean and doesn’t show minor stains here and there. It should extend far enough that when you push the chairs out to get up/sit down, they are still on the rug, to avoid tripping over the rug. So typically you will need a pretty large rug depending on how big your table is.
Anon
+1 to this. I got a 5 foot by 7 foot rug under my dining table, and it’s a bit small. The chairs hook the edges of the rug when being pushed back in. I also have a poly fibre, with a fairly busy pattern, and that keeps the obvious stains down. I also realize that this rug isn’t with me forever though, it will have to be replaced at some point in the future.
MagicUnicorn
No rug under my table because they are so impractical. I’m trying to think of anyone I know IRL who has a rug under their table and am drawing a blank.
I have visited a few higher-end restaurants recently with rugs under the tables and they are memorable for their impracticality. One was too small and the chair legs got hung up on it (so size-wise, it would need to be several inches bigger in all directions so you can get in and out of your seat without the chair falling off the edge). Another was far too plush and the chairs were nearly impossible to extricate from the pile, so you are pretty much stuck an awkward distance from the table.
I think a rug would need to be significantly larger than the table, very low pile with no plush pad underneath, heavy/firm enough that it won’t bunch up when the chairs move around, easy to clean, and not a color or pattern that would show spills easily.
Anon
Sisal is the worst, it’s itchy and sheds. My dog also thought it was a toy and ate it when she was a puppy.
Anonymous
The virtual designer I used recommended a rug under the kitchen table, so I did it but very grudgingly — with two small kids I couldn’t imagine it being practical. We got a bunch of Flor tiles (plus extras) and I’m amazed that in 7 years we haven’t had to swap a Flor tile once. My husband is a bit OCD about vacuuming it regularly. It’s got a very low pile so it works well in that spot.
The rug extends about 1.5′ around the outside of the table, so chairs are sometimes on/off rug.
brokentoe
+1000 to Flor tiles
Cat
If you have one, it needs to be big enough to be comfortably beyond the back legs of the chairs when they’re pushed out.
FWIW I think they’re pretty but impractical – hardwoods just wipe clean.
Minnie Beebe
I have a large Chilewich rug under our dining table. It’s not the fanciest thing out there, but it’s easy to clean up spills, comfortable under foot, and also easy to move chairs around on. We’ve had it for probably 15 years now? Still looks the same as on day 1, and I have an 11 yo who has eaten most of his dinners there since he started eating solids.
I would avoid sisal/jute because they don’t clean up well– anything wet (aside from maybe some water?) would probably leave an impossible-to-remove stain.
BB
Kind of surprised at some of the responses here…I’ve always had a rug under our dining room table? And they’re very, very often styled that way in photos, so I don’t think it’s that rare? I mean, pick a fabric that works with your lifestyle. I don’t have kids so we have a high end wool rug under ours. It gets vacuumed when needed and stains are blotted. You can probably do something more stain resistant if that’s an issue for you. Sisal would be really hard on feet (although our cat would probably love it :) ).
ALT
I’m surprised by these responses too! My parents always had an antique silk/wool blend rug under our kitchen table and a larger one under our dining room table. When they got dirty, they would just take them out to be cleaned, which was maybe once a year? Seemed to be a non-issue then and still remains a non issue haha.
Anon
And newer wool rugs seem to have color-fast dye? Or anyway, I’ve had no issues with spot cleaning them as needed.
Anonymous
Why did you choose to put a high end wool rug under an eating table!!; I didnt think people typically put something expensive where there might be spills –. Sometimes people have different ideas, though, I guess?:
BB
Umm…we don’t spill that much? And upholstery cleaning exists? Also, our philosophy is to “use our stuff.” If it gets irrevocably stained, then we’re unlucky I guess and have to figure out if we can afford to replace it, but I’d rather have it there looking nice and feeling great rather than trying to keep it pristine?
Anonymous
Yes, upholstery cleaning exists. And I do think you’d rather have it there looking nice. Thanks for following up with the additional questions.
Anonymous
Oh. I can’t answer whether you spill that much. Sorry for skipping over that question but IChat is something you’d be able to answer much better than I can.
Nesprin
I wonder if this is for a formal dining room + there’s an informal other eating place elsewhere.
Eliza
Same! We have antique persian rugs and they’re very forgiving. The pattern makes stains nearly invisible and wool is much easier to clean than most other fibers. Ours have held up to red wine, cat hairballs, and who knows what else.
Also, if you’re really sold on natural fibers, seagrass is the way to go. It doesn’t stain like jute or sisal. Our persian rugs are layered on seagrass and it’s a low-maintenance way to go.
WCEC
Yes. Rug is low pile wool poly blend (60/40) with a faded Turkish-rug inspired pattern. Extends maybe 3-4 inches past back leg of side chair when a person pushes it out to get up from table? I know that’s sort of vague because would depend on how far you’re pushing it out. The rug is a bit small lengthwise, if you push out the end chairs to stand, the back chair legs will fall off the rug.
The rug is soft on bare feet and easy to vacuum because low pile. Aesthetically plus the room together and protects the 100 yo hardwood floors. Yes, may be impractical for spills etc, but the pattern is forgiving and I don’t care too much about stains, the rug is mostly under the table and chairs. But no kids and my dog is not destructive, doesn’t slobber, etc, so there’s that.
Anon
I have a sisal rug in my breakfast room under the breakfast table but it is definitely harder to clean (and not the softest, though I do think you get used to it). In my dining room, I have a wool rug under the dining table. It can accommodate the chairs pushed in as well as out when people are sitting. I based the measurements more off the size of the room than the size of the table (though I think it’s all pretty proportional in size).
AIMS
I also like rugs under tables. I had FLOR tiles for a while but recently took them out and the amount of visible crumbs after every meal is so much worse on a bare floor! Just choose something relative flat with a busy pattern. I have two messy kids and a dog and don’t find it impractical at all.
Dee
We got an 8’x12′ rug from a big box store that is the opposite of a small mart. It cost about $300 iirc and fits around our 6 seater table and defines the room. It’s so cheap with kids who cares how gross it is. It has lasted about 15 years as adequate but definitely can be replaced. We feel like we got our money’s worth
Anonymous
I’ve heard hide is good under dining tables.
Anonymous
I have an indoor/outdoor rug under my table. It is big enough that when one moves the chair or bench to leave the table hey stay on the rug. The rug is not obviously indoor/outdoor and my table gets very very limited use as I am single and rarely have company for meals.
SSJD
We have an expensive wool rug under our dining room table. It’s large (maybe 9×11) and was an investment. I love it. We’ve had it for several years, since our youngest kids were 3. Having kids eat on it is not a big problem (we eat in that room at least once a week). It’s vacuumed regularly. Every few years we have a professional clean it. Is there food on it, sure. Has anything bad happened, no! I will suggest that you choose something with a busy pattern that might hide any stains that do occur. We have a persian-style rug with lots of colors and a busy pattern.
A rug does wonders to pull together the room and also helps a lot with sound (reducing echo).
We have another large wool rug in our living room and just bought a gorgeous new 8×10 for our family room. Rugs make a space cohesive. They are comfortable underfoot.
In the dining room: the rug should reach beyond the chairs, even when the chairs are pulled out enough for people to sit in them. Also, there should be sufficient space to talk around the table/chairs either stepping fully on the wood floor or stepping fully on the rug (without the walker straddling two surfaces).
We have never had a shedding problem with our wool rugs.
Senior Attorney
Cosign all this.
Anon
Bigger is better. You want to be able to pull the chairs all the way out and still be on the rug. There are online guides for this – first you have to measure your table. I ended up going with 8 x 11.
We finally got one after our kids were big enough not to be big spillers any more. The chairs had started to leave marks in the hard wood so it was kind of trading one problem for another, namely trying to keep a rug clean in the dining room.
Honestly I went cheap. Mine is a man made fiber Persian type rug. It looks correct for our house, which is old, and I went with a traditional red based design.
I really do like it but I will not be heartbroken if we slowly destroy a $130 rug over the next 7-10 years.
A
They look nice in photos but we have kids and need to wipe floors clean after meals. So it’s marble floors for us.
I’d explore other areas where you could do rugs….
Stephanie
We have a Ruggable rug under our kitchen table. I think it’s a 6×8 or whatever the next size up from 5×7 is. Yes it fits in the washing machine.
Anonymous
Does therapy help you make decisions? I am struggling to decide whether to leave my job (whether to make the time to look for another job is more accurate), whether to move in with my partner or 2 years or whether we should break up, whether to sign up for a long term training program, whether to agree to a board position or take an inactive membership year – anything that seems like a big commitment is just tainted with indecision. I feel like all options could be good, but/and there is a potential recession and I don’t have a strong feeling or thought on any of these things. I went to therapy a couple times pre pandemic and was told it sounded like I had thought through options and just needed to decide. I feel like I’m in that spot again. How do I figure out how to commit?
Anon
I wonder if an executive/life coach is more what you need? They might not be as able to help with the decisions about your partner, but might be able to help you a lot with the other decisions.
In the meantime, I really liked the book Designing Your Life for making decisions (especially professional ones, but you could easily adapt it to personal ones). I blocked a day to go through the book and do all the exercises and it was really useful.
Go for it
I found therapy helped me clarify my right to have a voice to make decisions and how to affirmatively take that voice seriously.
In the interim, I gently suggest 2 options:
1) write pro and con lists on each issue (take your time writing these)
2) do daily morning pages ( internet has details)
Good luck
Anonymous
Yes this. My therapist gave me the tools to trust my own inner voice.
Anon
Yes, therapy can help you sort out what are actually the important factors *to you* in making these decisions. Can also help you identify what is actually holding you back from making the decision – red flags, doubts, etc.
Anan
In the book Maybe You Should See Someone, Lori Gottlieb writes something to the effect that therapy is about self understanding and counseling is about advice. I think about that a lot when I wonder what I need to get out of therapy.
Vicky Austin
I really love that book.
Anon
It’s an expensive way to talk that stuff out. If you can’t figure out what you want and there’s some block to that (ie., I can’t decide on my boyfriend because I feel societal pressure to be in a couple yet something is wrong) then it can be helpful. But for stuff like this, your girlfriends are also helpful. I’ve done therapy so I’m not against it, but I also think it’s over prescribed for situations just that require a friendly ear and a conversation. If you don’t have close friends then it can be a substitute.
dafs
I think therapy can be helpful for the partner thing and for leaving the job. They can’t make decisions for you, but like some specific insights I’ve gotten from therapy that have helped me make decisions:
– Its not that I don’t like my extended family, its that I don’t do well with commotion in general
– Its again not that I have a fear of doctors, its that I don’t like to having autonomy. This has been helpful in reframing things
– Dont worry + worry about do the thing, just do the thing
A lof of these sound obvious I’m sure. It’s more about the journey and pinpointing patterns.
dafs
I also definitely talk to my therapist a lot about social pressure to be in a relationship, marry vs not
Dee
Therapy helped me trust my inner voice and hear the true compliments from my friends partner family and co-workers, to be able to trust myself more. Before I was only hearing criticism. Now I can take the criticism in stride and apply what is needed and best. And I know — everything is temporary. What is truly the worst case scenario out of X? How likely is that? What can be easily undone? What are the side effects? How to prepare for those? Not every choice is black and white, look for shades of gray
Anon
Therapy helped me decide to get a divorce and that was enormously helpful because the therapist just pointed out the reality that was staring me in the face if I would just open my eyes.
I thought of myself actually when I read your “whether to move in with my partner or break up,” and let me just say that if those two seem like roughly equal options, you are definitely not ready to move in!
Senior Attorney
When I was struggling with decisions where all options semed to be good, my therapist told me “whatever decision you make will be the right one,” and for some reason that was just what I needed to hear.
Anon
Therapy would probably help with your broader pattern of not being able to make a decision.
Anon
So I think the fact that you’re on the fence between breaking up and moving suggests that actually therapy might be good, because that process normally helps you identify blind spots and understand yourself better. These are quite contradictory ideas – like ‘should I have a child now or get my tubes tied?’. I’m struggling to articulate it but in that example, if you thought children were somewhere on your horizon, the question would be ‘should I have a child now or wait a year and re-evaluate?’, rather than these two diametrically opposed choices that preclude each other.
Your other two questions – training program and board membership – do seem to reflect more commitment concerns (time, energy, effort, enjoyment) and I think still working through it in therapy could be helpful to 1) pinpoint which of those is really the roadblock concern and 2) help clarify what your priorities are.
Anon
29.5 inches for short inseams, AUGH. I need about 26 inches. Any other corgi-legged ladies out there? Where are you shopping these days? I love flares, but hacking off too much hem ruins the shape. Being this short is much easier with straight-leg and slim-cut silhouettes, but I miss variety.
Anonymous
A tailor can definitely hem pants and keep the flare. 9th grade me had this done all the time
Anon
+1, just ask for original hem. Did this all the time in the 00s with bootcuts.
Allie
+2 but I just got jeans hemmed for the first time in over a decade and knew from the aughts to ask the tailor to keep the original hem and she didn’t – I think the tailors might be out of practice too!
Anon
I hope the tailor is paying for your jeans, since it was their mistake. I agree that the original hem makes a big difference, but not it seems some tailors don’t do this.
Allie
Eh, I don’t want to make an issue — bought the jeans second hand at least and just won’t go back to that tailor.
Anon
I can see that working with jeans, but these are the polyester going out pants from the 90s?
anon
black pants and my going out top! add in the nylon prada shoulder bag and this is peak 90s!
Anon
Exactly!! This is the trend I cannot do again.
Anon
I need to hear what shoes you’re wearing with this getup
Anonymous
What is the difference!! Can they not do an original hem on regular pants!.
Anon
If you are that short maybe try kids’ clothing? Pants like these are hemmed for heels, maybe something else to keep in mind. So that 29.5’ hem should work for someone just slightly taller than you. Hemming might not require that much to be cut.
No Problem
Lol. You know that short people aren’t shaped like kids, right? Where exactly do you think my size 8 booty is going to go in girls pants? We have hips and thighs that no 10 year old could imagine.
Anon
Same. I’m all b00bs and butt, no legs.
Anon
Fellow corgi checking in. I’m not that short (5’4) but I’m all torso. Even short lengths are usually too long for me since I like my pants to hit my ankle bone generally.
Cat
Tailors can keep the original hem, but the hardest part is often details like whiskering – if your knees are 3″ above the intended “flattering whiskering” end point, it doesn’t look as good! Following with interest…
Anon_05
I’m 5’0″ so everything is too long on me. Back in the day, I used to wear the Express Editor pants with pointy-toed ankle boots. With the right heel height, I could achieve Perfect Pant Length. I hate the look of flares that are too short like they are on the model. They need to just barely skim the floor. But 29.5 would be way to long for me, even with heels. That’s why I like skinny jeans. I can easily wear them with flats and don’t have to worry about hemming.
Formerly Lilly
J Crew’s Cameron Crop pant has a 26.5 inch inseam. I have them in black and navy and have put them through the washer and dryer on delicate for years now and they still look the same. Perhaps an exception to the general decline in quality at J Crew.
Senior Attorney
Corgi legs and T Rex arms for the win!!
anon a mouse
Check out Universal Standard. They list product measurements for all of their items. It looks like the “Cropped” inseam is 26 inches and the “Petite” inseam is 24 inches. I’ve been really happy with the jeans I’ve bought from there — though I usually buy a few sizes and return the ones that don’t work since the sizing can be inconsistent across products.
Anonymous
I am sick of wearing a standard swimsuit bottom. Why should I wear underwear (and have everyone know what my butt looks like) when my husband wears baggy shorts?? Also, I’m sick of inevitable sunburn! Please – Give me all your rash guard and swim short recommendations!
Anon
While I most sincerely wish that they could make the front cut of their standard swim bottoms maybe 25% more s*xy (like they used to be), Lands End is the place for you. Skim skirts in various lengths. Swim capris. Something called a swim dress. Swim shorts. Takes a beating and won’t die. Lots of mix and match options if you like a tankini top.
Anan
I have the Lands End swim shorts and really like them. They have all sorts of different lengths too. I particularly like that I can walk to the pool in them and not feel like i’m walking down the street in swimwear. And they have a small rear pocket!
PolyD
Title 9 has swim shorts that are a bit more sporty looking. Prana, too, although I feel like theirs might run a little shorter. Oh, also maybe check Athleta?
I found boyshort swim bottoms some years ago and never looked back. More for body hair issues than the size or shape of my butt, which probably would look better in a regular swim bottom but I don’t care. I love my boyshorts!
Anon
My mom has also found swim shorts at TJ Maxx. She’s beginning to want more coverage but thinks swim skirts are for old ladies. I hate to break it to you mom, you look fabulous (she still wears bikini tops because she has abs!), but you’re in you’re 60s… you’re now the demographic for swim skirts
Anon
Yes, but those of us in our 60s do not feel like old ladies, so we don’t want to dress like old ladies. Why I refuse to wear anything in mid-range colors that remind me of matching pieces, polyester warmup sets . . .
Anonymous
Yeah, totally, saying someone should wear swim skirts because they are in their sixties is really ageist. Please re-think that type of idea.
Anon
Yeah, saying someone should wear swim skirts just because they’re in their sixties is really ageist. Please re-think that type of idea.
Teens
Athleta has board shorts for women (looks to me like they are much shorter than men’s board shorts but same idea). My teenaged daughter decided several years ago to forgo traditional women’s suits and is always in swim/board shorts and some version of a sporty bikini top. (She figured out long ago that boys’ everything tends to have thicker fabrics and better pockets, so starts her shopping on that side of the store anyway to see what works for her shape.)
Emma
I used to teach sailing and just wore surf shorts on top of bikini bottoms. Mine were from Roxy or Quicksilver or whatever those surf brands were – I assume they are still around. I honestly didn’t love swimming in them – the fabric clung uncomfortably – bur they were great for traipsing around in and out of the water while generally being active.
Anon
+1 when sailing/kayaking/paddle boarding I wear baggies (Patagonia or Columbia), but when swimming/surfing/hanging on the beach I just wear my bathing suit – though I don’t mind the cut of them as much as OP
Anonymous
I have gotten swim shorts from Target the past few years. With a toddler and a baby, they are just much more practical and comfortable for me. The ones I have are made out of swimsuit material and fit like a regular pair of athletic shorts. They come with a bikini-shaped liner, so you don’t need to wear “regular” swim bottoms under them.
I also have some board shorts from Old Navy that I especially like when I am not planning on actually swimming. I wear them with my kids to the kiddie pool or splash pad, etc. They are more like swim trunk fabric and are designed to go over top of “regular” swim bottoms (or just underwear). These also just fit like a normal pair of shorts.
Anon
+1! I used some new running shorts from Target’s “All In Motion” brand as swim shorts on our last beach trip and they were amazing.
Notinstafamous
I have some from LLBean – they’re essentially guy-style swim trunks, with a 9” inseam. They’re sturdy and work well for kayaking / paddle boarding / surfing / playing around the water. I note that they don’t have an internal liner and so I tend to wear bikini bottoms or my athletic undies with them.
I don’t love them for swimming workouts because I find them baggy and not aerodynamic (although that is 100% emotional, it’s really not the shorts slowing me down…). They’re also not really the “sipping cocktails by the pool” aesthetic. But I love them for being something I don’t need to fuss about when I want to go play outdoors.
Senior Attorney
I love my Boden swim shorts and rash guard. https://www.bodenusa.com/en-us/search?fq_department=Women&q=swim+shorts
Anon
Your post reminded me of a Reddit I read where a guy wore a speedo type suit (he said it was like Olympic swimmers wear) to a Southern California beach with his girlfriend, and she kept asking him not to wear it and seemed embarrassed. The largely male commenters insisted it was because she was jealous of all the attention he would be getting from other women at the beach. Somehow they assumed this would be positive attention!
Anyway, yes, down with the patriarchy! Indeed, why do we have to wear basically panties while the menfolk (other than that guy) wear roomy boxers? I need swim shorts over my suit so I don’t have to deal with wet, salty chub rub coming out of the ocean – if you know, you know – so I bought some from all places Eddie Bauer! I pair these with a rash guard on top so the only time I’m actually in the underwear type pieces is when I’m swimming. I’m paranoid about skin cancer and very pale, so you won’t catch me on the beach trying to get a tan.
When I saw that pic of Nigella ages ago in her swim burka I thought it seemed like a pretty good idea. Bring back the swimming dresses from 100 years ago!
Anonymous
I actually like speedo styles on men, as well as the short shorts in speedo material. :D
Anon
Just came to say I agree! I hate seeing every single influencer in essentially a thong bikini bottom. They look so uncomfortable and I need bottoms I can wear around family.
A Nonny Mouse
My daughter loves her Tomboy X shorts (and they have swim hoodies – her perfect clothing, lol)
https://tomboyx.com/collections/swim
Anon
Thanks for this rec!
More Sleep Would Be Nice
Um, this thread has blown my mind. As someone with a short torso and currently a larger-than-I’d-like Mom pooch with nothing that fits, I just ordered a few one-pieces that I’m wary about for an upcoming beach trip. Knowing that now SHORTS are an option – with like a cute, tank-toppy rash guard – that’s MUCH more my vibe while chasing my 4 year old around the beach. Thank you.
Anon
YES you can wear shorts! Rock the shorts and be comfortable and enjoy the day!
Anon
I’ve gotten great swim shorts at Title 9 and Athleta. They both have had ones with built in bottoms, which I prefer rather than most board shorts which you wear over your suit bottoms. Much more comfortable IMO.
Anon
My mom asked for help picking out some new clothes/refreshing her style and I’m looking for blogs or other resources to help. She’s 60, size 12ish and doesn’t want to wear anything too loud, but wants to look current. She’s afraid of looking out of touch by wearing things that are too trendy, but I want to be able to show her she could totally pull off something like white sneakers/non-skinny jeans (and it’s different from crop top/bucket hat Gen Z style).
Her current outfits are along the lines of skinny jeans, solid color top with a cardigan, black Sketchers.
Wardrobe Oxygen is on my list, but where else should I look? Stores, blogs, influencers would all be helpful suggestions.
Thanks!
Mary
The Well Dressed Life
Une Femme d’un Certain Age
PolyD
There’s also a blog called The Well-Styled Life, not sure if that’s the same as the Well-Dressed referenced above. TWSL does fitting room try-one at places like J Jill, Talbots, and even Loft once in a while, which is a nice way to see how the clothes look on a 50+ body.
Camla
+1 for https://awellstyledlife.com/
Bette
These are not plus sized but for “older”, stylish women i like the following blogs –
– that’s not my age
– no fear of fashion
– un femme d’un certain age
Also, Kim France, from Sassy and Lucky, has a blog – girls of a certain age – where she posts a lot of recommendations and things that she personally wears. She has shared on her podcast (which is excellent) that she’s 58 and a size 12.
Anonymous
I like Kim and her picks but none would work on me (and they are $$). I can’t figure out exactly what it is about my body and hers that are so different but we clearly have different shapes. I think she’s a small busted pear, while I am a very busty and short waisted rectangle. Or something.
Anon
I like the blog so Susie wright
Anonymous
Maybe take a look at Evereve? I think she’s their target customer!
Senior Attorney
Have her check out youreverydaystyle.com. She has a free blog and podcast, plus very helpful “courses” and capsule wardrobes you can buy. Highly recommend.
Anon
I’m 57 and just on the sneakers with jeans – there’s a perennial old lady sneakers with jeans look and theres a Gen z sneakers with jeans trend, and the difference in these is basically just the age of the wearer. Very hard to get right. I wouldn’t advise you to try to dress your mom like a 20 something.
Anon
I like my job well enough—great pay and benefits, good work life balance. And usually interesting work. Plenty of dysfunction and politics, but what place doesn’t have that? Most weeks I tell myself this is enough. But I’m surrounded by coworkers, friends and acquaintances who are always on the move for the next big thing. I’m not convinced the grass is always greener, but then I wonder: could I be wrong? How do you deal with those feelings and find contentment where you are?
Anon
I think this is a personality thing. Some people will always be looking for the next thing (me, I tend to job hop every 2-3 years) and some are happy to just stay settled somewhere (my parents who have both been at their same jobs for 35 and 38 years)
AIMS
+1.
Anon
Yep. I’m a long hauler in my roles unless something really bad happens. My husband would be happy to switch once a year. He’s that way with where we live too.
Anonymous
I’m at a very similar job– good pay, good hours, love my boss and team. I’ve been in my role for a while and there’s not a lot of opportunity for upward mobility without adding a lot of time and stress. I’ve started looking at other jobs just to see what my options are. I just got rejected from one of the few I applied to and when I wasn’t upset at all, I realized it was because I’m overall happy where I am! For me, the things I know I like most about my job are things I wouldn’t really know about a new job until I was already in it. The trade offs aren’t worth it, but knowing the options helps remind me of this.
Anon
I often feel like this too. One thing that always pulls me towards staying in my current employer is PTO and the flexibility I have to use that PTO. I have been with my company long enough to have 5 weeks of PTO to use each year. It makes as a big difference for me, work life balance wise. I could not picture going to a new organization and shifting to 2 weeks again.
Anonymous
I’m an old who worked at one organization for 15 years, another for 6 and three different ones for 2 years or less (current gig is 5 mos in)–so I think I can speak from a variety of experiences. Your calculation on this is going to be really personal since there are pros and cons to each and importance will vary by how your company’s benefits are structured and even your industry. Main pros of leaving: Generally speaking, those going on to greener pastures get the benefit of pay bumps that usually exceed standard increases, better titles faster and exposure to different technologies and different ways of doing things more readily than the education or training a company provides (most companies don’t invest enough in continued education from my experience). You are likely to take on more hats with time, which may help expose you to tangential paths that you love (or hate) more–but you’ll at the least gain a wider view of your industry. You will have a much wider network, which can make it easier to land future jobs. You are more shielded from the vulnerabilities of an organization (tradeshow company meets Covid and collapses, new CEO comes in and cuts a department, etc.) You also are less vulnerable to “role creep,” where you take on additional work or grunt work or mentoring work without the promotion to accompany it because institutional knowledge is valued. You tend to become more marketable over time. Pros on staying: You get generous PTO that you’ve acquired, possibly weeks work. That’s an extra month someone else may be working. You get the true value of your 401K since you make it through the vesting period. You have a better sense of how to navigate your benefits, so you’re less likely to find out a major health expense isn’t covered or that you have to change doctors AGAIN. You run less risk of being under a truly horrid boss or sharing projects with a sociopath co-worker–you’re dealing with the enemies you know, which has huge comfort. When you go somewhere new, it’s always a gamble that you find yourself in a crazy toxic environment or just a much worse culture (I went from a job that basically ended at 5 or 6 most nights for everyone with the occasional 11 p.m. to one that is a daily 11 p.m. and can’t wait to get out the door right now….) You don’t feel like you’re always two steps behind trying to learn new things. You get the intrinsic reward of seeing projects you’ve worked on come to fruition. It gets easier to do some projects with time because you’ve been through similar already. You also know the politics around you and where to go to get things done. You are more likely to develop lasting bonds with coworkers. You don’t have to go through the misery of applications and interviewing and recommendations. Your network may be smaller than others but those in it are probably deeply connected to you. You’re less vulnerable to bad commutes or possible moves (and the expenses) to chase the next gig. There’s comfort in consistency.
Lots to Learn
This is a really helpful analysis. Thanks
pugsnbourbon
+1 this is fantastic.
Anon
+1 I want to save this for the next time I am exploring a new opportunity.
AFT
So, I could have written your post a few months ago. My little bubble of those I work closely with and my job on a day-to-day basis is very good, but the politics/company dynamics/etc. were not a good fit. I started a leisurely job search some time ago and allowed myself to be picky. E.g., find out a job is 80%+ in person? Nope, remove myself from consideration/turn down offer. Comp off? Nah. Startup type company that could go b u s t in a few months? No thanks. I finally found the right job at the right time and I’m moving on now, but to a job that (at least on paper/based on who I’ve met/etc.) seems to be an improvement on all fronts.
For me, I had a solid feeling that my future was not with this organization for a few years, but did not job hunt aggressively or feel like I had to move on for most of it, partly because it was still a “right job for right now”. I did eventually hit a tipping point where I realized what would be required to be successful at the company, and that I’d kind of hit a ceiling in development and would end up doing the same thing over and over and over again for the next several year if I stayed, & that pushed me to search more aggressively. I definitely get the “grass is always greener” concern, but I do think that if you’re looking when you don’t HAVE TO you’ll be better able to make the right choice. Good luck!
Anon
After doing some job-hopping in my late 20s/early 30s, I finally figured out that most places have some level of dysfunction, and it’s really about what flavor of dysfunction you find most unpalatable. For some people that’s workplaces where people are mean and rude to each other; for others it’s places where everything is decision-by-committee and it’s really hard to get things done; for others it’s where the culture is hyper-competitive and people are stepping all over each other all the time to get ahead. Etc – there are tons of flavors out there. The one flavor I definitely try to avoid forever more is the Founder’s Syndrome flavor, where the founder of the business is still in place and thinks no one could possible do as good of a job or understand the business as well as they do. That creates a whole lot of bad juju I personally can’t live with. Working jobs is definitely a “pick your poison” situation. If what you’re doing and where you’re at works for you, that’s actually pretty great and I don’t know if wondering if the grass is greener is a productive exercise. Especially if you are a person who fundamentally doesn’t like change.
Anon
Has anyone tried to schedule a Global Reentry/TSA precheck interview recently? There are NO appointments available in the 5 locations I checked – how often do they open up new appointments? What do people do, do people actually book a separate trip somewhere specifically for the interview? Arrgh.
Anon
I was able to schedule one about 7 weeks out (in Philly) and there were several appointments then, just nothing closer. I do know a few people in Albany who decided it was easier to drive to the Canadian border and do their interview there rather than try to find a slot near them
Cat
so I did one in Philly last year, and I just checked their s-te daily until a block opened. They seemed to open up like 1-2 months in one fell swoop so it looked like zero availability for the next 6 months… until sometime in October, all of Nov and Dec opened up.
LawDawg
I was trying to schedule a few months ago. Things were booked in advance, but it seemed like one or two appointments would open for same day or the next day on a regular basis. If you are very flexible, you can check each morning for cancellations. Also, at ORD, it seemed like they weren’t actually checking appointments and you could just walk in.
emeralds
No firsthand experience but I was just talking to a friend who had to book a separate trip (driving distance but pretty far) for the interview, although she’s traveling in May so didn’t have time to schedule too far out or hope something would open up in the more convenient locations.
Anon
NYC ladies: I get that older buildings in NYC have basement coin-operated laundry rooms. It seems that new builds have this also (vs in-unit laundry machines). Do you know why that is? Contemplating a move and my parents are flipping out a bit (their 100 year old house has laundry; even old apartments in our city have in-unit laundry; only dorms and really bad (this is what gets them) apartments here have laundry rooms and they tend to be dangerous places at times for a solo woman to be in very late at night). If I could explain it, they’d move on mentally, but I can’t. [I’m not looking forward to this change, but it is what it is and I’ve lived this way before.]
Anon
It’s just the way things are in NYC. Perhaps you should examine why you’re letting your parents’ feelings about laundry dictate where you live. Just don’t discuss it with them.
Anon
I don’t know why in-unit laundry isn’t as common with new builds, but a lot of people use a laundry service so maybe people care less.
anon
the pipes in old buildings aren’t set up for in unit laundry machines in every unit
Senior Attorney
Ah. There it is.
Anonymous
I’m guessing it has to do with utilities and building codes, but unclear on why. I have also never lived in a new building. FWIW NYC laundry rooms are often closed at night, especially if there are apartments nearby; in my building we’re not even allowed to do laundry after 10 I think. Also, even older buildings have switched to card-operated washers. In my current, smaller coop building, there is not a room but a washer and dryer on each floor. I am so used to living this way that I think nothing of it, but one plus side to not having our own washer/dryer is that I can do 4 loads of laundry all at once and then be done with a week’s worth of laundry. This is probably not useful if you are single but if you are doing laundry for a family it is super helpful. The key is the ratio of washers to dryers to people using them in the building. If you visit on a weekend and people are sitting around waiting for a washer (or dryer) to open up, that is a bad sign. In more affluent neighborhoods, a lot of people also send their laundry out, which is extremely convenient.
Anonymous
I mean the explanation in old building is the water load and in new buildings cost and market demand. But also you’re the one moving? So you can stop discussing this with them anytime. Or come to jersey city! For $2400 a month I have a big 1 bedroom with in unit laundry and there’s a pool :)
Anon
I assume that it’s for two reasons: in-unit washer-dryers add to the cost of construction (which is probably already sky-high in Manhattan). Furthermore, they take up more space than shared laundry. Apartments are so tiny that people might actually want the extra square footage more than in-unit washer/dryer. I guess you can do those tiny stacked washer-dryers; you can do the all-in-one washer/dryer; or you can give everyone a nice big full-size tub and dryer in the basement.
buffybot
I don’t know that there’s a “magic” explanation other than space and cost/logistics (you need the water hookups), plus what the market will bear. Perhaps it’s that NYC has so many older apartments where that wasn’t possible (because of the above mentioned space and logistical restrictions), so people living in this market accept that in-unit laundry (and dishwashers!!) are “luxury” amenity. Plus even new apartments tend to be very tiny, so it can be a question of where you would put it.
Are you looking to buy or rent? The rental market in NYC is BANANAS right now.
Anon
Honestly, 80% of everyone I know sends their laundry out. It’s inexpensive relative to how long laundry takes and easy — even my biggest loads for a family of 3 are around $60, and it would take me ~3 hours to wash and fold all of that. I do a load every other week of things that I’m particularly picky about (that I hang dry), but I send the rest out. I did the math when I worked retail for $10 an hour, and it still made financial sense to send it out (back then it usually cost me about $12-15 every two weeks). When I was WFH and work was slow-ish I did it myself, but as soon as I went back to the office full time, it was too much of a chore to bother.
anon
+1 I think the answer is a lot of people (myself included)) send it out
anonshmanon
wow. I had no idea that “normal people” do that.
Anon
Extremely common in NYC, not a luxury.
roxie
it was the first thing I outsourced when I lived in NYC as soon as I made over $40k a year. it was that important to me and that cheap, comparatively speaking.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
+1 – I was on a paltry salary post-law school in NYC and regularly sent out laundry when I couldn’t/did not want to cart everything to the laundromat.
Anon
Anecdata paid ~$20 in Brooklyn for (self drop-off, self pick up) bi-weekly Wash-n-Fold. It’s very affordable.
Cat
Even in new builds, it takes up square footage, plumbing, risk of leaks (affecting other apartments), how to vent the dryer outside, etc.
Linda
Apparently it’s impossible to build plumbing in New York in a way so that washing machines don’t leak. I don’t understand this either since everyone in the world has washing machines and no leaks. I think most buildings would have cameras in laundry rooms. I never felt unsafe. There is also the option of sending your laundry out.
anon
I think leaks are pretty common, both in multi-family buildings and in single-family homes with the washing machine on the second floor. My washing machine has been leaking lately, though it’s in a first-floor laundry room with tile flooring and is inside a metal basin. It’s pretty easy to collect horror stories of leaking or busted plumbing without even trying.
Anonymous
Can confirm – in older buildings there are a lot of concerns about the size of water pipes that connect to the municipal sewer lines and risk of backup, etc., as well as leaks (for which a co-op may be liable for damage to individual apartments).
Additionally, in a lot of new-builds the laundry hook-ups are not what people moving from the suburbs or a standalone home or larger apartments would expect; they’re typically small, shoved into a closet, and don’t vent to the outside, so it takes forever to dry your items, they are loud, and the amounts they can fit are very small. We have a large building laundry room and I’ve always felt safe doing my laundry there. That being said, like many others, I normally send out everything except my workout clothes, which I wash on delicate and hang dry on a rack in our bedroom.
AIMS
I think you got your answers: pipes, density, insurance, etc. Rest assured most countries operated laundry has been upgraded to card. Yes, many people send laundry out and it can be picked up and delivered. It is possible to find in unit laundry if that’s important and some buildings have it on every floor which is hardly inconvenient.
I will say that having once lived in a rental apartment where the washer flooded my neighbors I am not sure that i think it’s a terrible set up to have most people be without in unit laundry. You want to live in a house, live in a house. You want to be in a super densely populated area, make some concessions.
AIMS
Coin, not countries.
Anonymous
This is one of the many reasons I will never live in NYC. But you are the one moving, not your parents. If you’re willing to live without in-unit laundry, that’s all that matters.
Anon
This is why I live right outside of NYC in NJ where I get all the amenities in my unit. I don’t want to send out my dirty underwear for strangers to touch.
Anon
This is what has always weirded me out about sending laundry out for someone else to do. Even if I were in a situation where I sent most of my laundry out, I would wash my underwear myself.
Anonymous
I mean they don’t lick it. And if they do that’s on them.
Anonymous
I think your parents will adapt. I bought a 750 sqft condo in my downtown. My father, visiting from his exurban 4000 sqft house was visibly uncomfortable the first time he sat down in it. By the end of the weekend he was saying the 50 years ago a family of 4 would have lived in the space (and, tbh, he’s probably right).
Seventh Sister
My parents and in-laws sometimes act like we’re insane for living in a 1100 sq foot house with one bathroom (and three bedrooms!) but my dad did point out at one point that it was basically the floor plan and size of the tract house he lived in with his mom, his dad, his brother (they shared a room, the horror lol) and his grandma. Would I like a slightly bigger house? YES. Would I want 4,000 square feeet? NO.
Anon
The older I get, the more I think a lot of space in suburban homes is wasted. Our family lived in a split-level for about ten years and it it was the most useless layout imaginable. Despite the house being about 2,500 square feet, the master bedroom was barely big enough for a king-size bed and the master bathroom was minuscule (tiny shower, sink that had enough space for a bar of soap, etc.). One of the “bedrooms” didn’t have a closet and was a conduit for the laundry room. Yet, there was a massive game room that was large enough for a pool table.
So I’m perfectly content in our small, inexpensive space with a good layout. We will eventually move to get a third bedroom so we can have an office for WFH, but there’s no need for huge for the sake of huge.
Seventh Sister
My inlaws live in a very large house that is basically The Model Home from Arrested Development – except the TV house has a better layout. Their kitchen is tiny and cut off from the living room by a step and a huge bar counter, and their living room barely has enough space for a couch and a chair (which is mashed up against a fireplace). The “front room” isn’t so bad, but 50% of that space is taken up by a useless “lawyer foyer” and staircase to the second floor. All of the bedrooms are fairly small – except for the master suite, which is laid out in an odd way but is very large (it’s so them that the only nice space is the one for their own private use). The only ground floor bedroom is tiny, and I don’t think you could get a cot in their now because they put in a personal elevator (think a hamster tube but for people) right smack in the middle of it. They act like they are living in Hearst Castle and it’s just…a badly renovated tract house.
Anon
I lived in a house about that size for 10+ years, except 2 bedrooms + a sunroom off the master. The best best best thing we ever did was convert the laundry room from side by side full size machines to a 1/2 bath (toilet+the smallest sink we could find) /stacking washer dryer combo.
Katrinka
Another factor I haven’t seen mentioned yet: repair/maintenance for the landlord. It’s a lot easier and more efficient to maintain 10 washer/dryer sets in a common area than 100 individual sets in each unit. That also helps keep rents down.
Anonymous
I’m usually very cautious about safety but never had a problem in any of my apartment buildings — I tended to save up all my laundry and do it one Saturday afternoon though. (I could send some of it out but had a lot of delicates/airdry only so wanted to do it myself.) I just went to the bank every few months and took out $75 in quarters.
anon
When I lived in walkups I sent my laundry out. I did live in a high rise in yorkville that had in unit laundry. They do exist but aren’t as common. A good middle ground is some buildings have a laundry room on each floor. Honestly, lack of dishwasher is more annoying. You can send the laundry out but still need to do the dishes.
Anonymous
Portable dishwashers are great!
OP, do not tell your parents that no one in NYC has a garbage disposal.
Anonymous
I have one and it’s magical! They were banned until around 1997, but I have one in my newly-renovated co-op and I’ll never go without again.
Seventh Sister
YES! We had one for a long time. They are not high-quality appliances but they work and handwashing dishes sucks.
AIMS
I literally LOLed at the garbage disposal comment.
Dishwashers are fairly common, I will say. One of my worst apartments had one even.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
BAHAHAH co-sign on this dishwasher/garbage disposal discussion.
This reminds me of a brunch I was at, seated next to someone I did not know well who also lived in NYC at one time. A friend and I were discussing my NYC apartments in my 20s and how none of them had central air and instead had A/C units (public interest salary right out of law school + loans)
The woman next to me (who – no shade – was subsidized by family while living in NYC in her 20s) wrinkled her nose in disgust “EW, no I ALWAYSSSSS had A/C. That’s CRAZY!” Girl, you have NO IDEA how most NYers actually live outside of high-rise buildings!
Anon
My last three apartments in Manhattan, starting with the one (built in the 60s??) that I moved into in midtown west in 2012, the prewar on UWS and my current bldg from 1984, have all had in-unit washer/dryer. These are 2-bdrm rental apts. And unfortunately only the pre-war vented the dryer to the outside, so the dryers haven’t all been great. But I thought it was getting more common to have it as an amenity.
Anon
Don’t talk about this with your parents. You don’t need to convince them of anything.
Anon
Am I the only one who assumed your parents are paying/contributing financially and that’s why they’re commenting? Because if not, these comments don’t really matter?
Anon
Does anyone have a recommendation for a puffy jacket that is warm / very warm but also very packable? I need something to throw in my backpack b/c it gets surprisingly cool at night still. My current puffy coat is too big/heavy (and has a hood, which adds to the weight; I am Team Hat). My other coat is a very long coat that isn’t practical for hiking in. It also can’t be too delicate since it will have a 20ish pound backpack on it and I hear that that can make some puffers rip. LL Bean is a slight preference since I have a $50 gift card to there but I just want a good coat that I can wear over a fleece and still layer a rain coat over if it is raining.
Anonymous
Any high fill power (like 800+) thin down should be fine.
Anon
LL Bean has an ultralight down coat that is very packable – I wore my husband’s while I was pregnant and thought it was nice. I think most outdoorsy brands and Land’s End have similar products. I like REI’s house brand personally. But you might also want to look into those tri-purpose coats that are sort of like rain coats with zip out insulation. I know North Face has a nice one but I can’t remember the name. They’re great for hiking.
Cat
I hear good things about the Patagonia nano puff.
Anon
I love my nano puff, but it’s the perfect jacket for a breezy 60 degree day or wearing in my freezing office. If it’s actually cold out, you probably want something warmer, unless you’re really layering it.
Anon
LOL that you would wear that jacket when it’s 60 degrees. That jacket looks fine for 40s.
Ses
I wear my nano in 40-50 degree weather and love it. It scrunches into my backpack nicely.
I would need another layer of staying still outside, but for me this us god for a walking or cycling commune.
Ses
Wow, sorry, autocorrect seemed to appear after I hit post. Should say:
I would need another layer if staying still outside, but for me this is good for a walking or cycling commute.
Anon
I like Uniglo for this.
NYNY
Uniqlo is 100% what you’re looking for. I have a puffer jacket from there that can pack down to nothing, but it’s warm enough for all but the coldest days of winter. And it has lasted at least 5 winters and is still going strong.
AIMS
+1
Curious
Caveat that Uniqlo is cut fairly straight up and down in my experience (this may have changed). I like my down puffers from Costco, which accommodate more chest.
Anonymous
+1 for Uniqlo for packable down.
It’s not a winter coat IMO, but okay for hiking in -5 to 10 degrees Celcius with other layers.
Anon
Eddie Bauer, Lands End and LL. Bean
Minnie Beebe
Patagonia Down Sweater sounds perfect for this, it’s available with or without a hood. Not inexpensive, but will last forever.
anon
I live in Buffalo and have this coat and wear it almost every day. It is amazing.
anon
Can anyone recommend a Barefoot Dreams knockoff that holds up? My 8yo wants a full size one (he loves his baby version still) and I can’t stomach $150 for throw blanket for a kid right now.
Anon
Not a knockoff, but nordstrom rack has barefoot dreams blankets for anywhere from 35 to 50-some % off.
Anonymous
I really need date night tops. Where are people buying them? Any specific examples? I feel like I’m at a total loss for where to look right now. Let me know if you need more information. Thanks!
Clara
I bought a bunch from Express. Lulus also seems to have good options.
A&F
Abercrombie of all places
Anonymous
Ugh I have covid
Formerly Lilly
Bleh. Hydrate and rest. Hope you get better soon.
Formerly Lilly
“Edited” to add: by rest I don’t mean lay down and stay that way. Even if you feel badly, get up and move around regularly.
AIMS
Yes – a doctor friend really recommends walking at least 20 min a day if at all possible.
Anonymous
It’s so vile today though
AIMS
According to her, there is a risk of blood clots even with mild cases though so walking is a must, vile or not.
Formerly Lilly
Just get up and move around your house for several minutes every hour of so then. Particularly if you are suffering from cough, sinus, or congestion symptoms, don’t stay horizontal for long periods of time except to sleep at night. Even then it would be good to get up a couple of times.
Anonymous
Fineeeeee I will pace my apartment.
Anonymous
Ugh, I have a cold worse than covid (which I had last year). I’m just over being sick.
Shenandoah
Probably wasn’t your intention, but this comment just rubs me the wrong way. You are fortunate to have had a mild case of COVID, and I’m sorry you now have a bad cold. But this comment seemed very dismissive of the fact that the OP has COVID, a much more severe illness on average than your common cold.
Anon
+1
FormerlyPhilly
A few years ago I dismissed by medical providers of having a sinus infection and sore throat which I thought was horrid and the worst pain in my life. The culture came back positive for pseudomonas aeruginosa (and the second culture too). It’s not always as straightforward/”bad cold” as it seems on the surface.
Get well OP and Anonymous with a cold.
Anon
OMG you really have to bend over backwards to be upset by Anonymous @ 1:16. Find a better hobby.
seriously though
Who cares.
Anonymous
For those of you with kids in, about to be in, or recently graduated from college, could you talk a bit about the school choice and how it was/is/will be financed?
I hear a lot of the grumbling about the high cost of law school relative to career prospects, as well as the stories of “back in my day” (of which I am one! I’m college class of 2003!) but I’d like some more real time perspective on what it’s like to think through the college process, admissions, and financing among the population of what I am assuming is fairly upper middle class well educated women and their partners (if applicable), particularly from the perspective of parents.
Meredith
Following with interest. I have a high school junior and we’re visiting schools this spring trying to develop a solid list. Based on experience with her friends who are seniors and making final decisions now, the application process has completely changed since my husband and I went through. She has high aspirations, but I’m not sure how to know what is realistic.
Anonymous
This sounds like a question for the high school guidance counselor- if you have a good person, they keep in touch with recruiters and admissions offices, have their finger on the pulse, and can help you and your child set expectations.
Anonymous
I have found guidance counselors…not so helpful. I’m the OP and our public high school is very highly ranked/well known. We are good at sending sporty smart kids (most often white or Asian) with wealthy/well educated parents to college. My question is way more about how individual families that are similar in profile think about selecting and paying for college these days. The school always sends a dozen or so kids to strong Ivies, and another dozen to Ivy-caliber universities. You can’t throw a stone in our town without hitting a NESCAC alum so there is a crazy high proportion of kids that go to Williams relative to our HS’s size. Like 4-5 per graduating class of 350.
Anonymous
This makes me absolutely sick when I think about the fact that the seven high schools in my county typically could get one — ONE — kid into any Ivy each year, and in most years that was an athlete, and in some years the number was zero.
Anon
For the high aspiration kids:
Schools that were crapshoots in the ’90s (HYPS): don’t even bother applying if she’s not an Olympian with perfect SATs or a legacy.
Schools that were where the 1990s era straight-faced HYPS applicants would go when HYPS waitlisted them (Wellesley, Georgetown, Duke, Northwestern, Tufts): now total crapshoots
Solid schools that give out merit aid: because the above schools all cost $80k/year, the competition for merit aid is insane, so don’t think of it as an affordable school
Anonymous
Any thoughts on why this is? There aren’t that many more kids going to college now than in the late 90s/early aughts. I’m HS class of ’99 and was a Decent Achiever in a friend group of High Achievers, nearly all of whom went Ivy or a slight step down (Georgetown, Duke, etc). Several friends went to GW on full rides, my best friend went to Wesleyan with a ton of financial aid + some loans. I didn’t, but several of my same-age cousins went to Princeton, and I grew up in NJ.
And your comment on “don’t apply unless your an Olympian” is sorta confusing since our public HS sends a decent handful of kids to the ivies each year and they are certainly bright kids but also not curing cancer after school or anything. Our neighbors have 3 boys and they go to Harvard x2 + Williams and none of them are legacies.
Anon
We’re the same age; I grew up in Massachusetts. There are a lot more international students applying, as well as students from all over the country. Back in our day, a lot of kids from the Midwest and South “just” went to their local State U; there’s a huge effort to get them to apply to NESCACs and Ivies and similar. This comes from both the colleges and the parents: more applicants = lower acceptance rate = higher US News ranking.
Parents have access to amazing resources about all of the colleges out there that weren’t really available in the ’90s. I remember a hard copy Princeton Review book, which wasn’t hugely helpful in terms of figuring out campus culture, the types of students who thrived there, how invested the professors are in teaching, etc. Now you can find that all online quite easily, which will shift people from “eh, this is a lot of work, I guess I’ll just apply to Mizzou and WUSTL” to “Huh, maybe I should throw in an application to Williams, Colby, and Bowdoin.” Of course, the Common App makes it too easy (IMHO) to apply to a huge number of schools.
California state schools are now crazy expensive and impossible to get into, so loads of high achieving Californians are looking for other options.
As people start to think about the value of a college degree, there’s a belief that if you’re going to spend a zillion dollars, you should at least make sure you have a job at the end. There’s a belief, probably a very merited belief, that a name-brand school will give kids better opportunities during college (internships, research with professors, study abroad) and after college (jobs and grad schools). It’s not the days anymore of a college degree being enough to land a person a nice corporate job, so people are really concerned about making sure those four years deliver a ROI.
One of the things I say a lot is that about 40,000 kids are in the top 1% of their high school class, and Harvard only takes 1,500 total. Some schools really do send a solid number to HYPSM etc., but by the numbers, most do not. Acceptance rates are down in the single digits for most of those schools.
Seventh Sister
The UC and CSU systems used to be super low-cost compared to other state systems. When my husband went to college in the 1980s, the annual tuition cost was about $3k in today’s dollars.
Now the UCs cost as much as most state systems, plus room and board is pretty high. What some high-achieving CA students find is that it’s about the same price to go to a UC as it is to go to a private, selective liberal arts college that gives them financial aid. Also the UCs have decided to drop consideration of test scores, which means that way, way more people are applying.
Anonymous
I’m a Harvard alumni interviewer. This simply isn’t the case. Is it extremely competitive, yes, but I’ve interviewed admitted students who went to public high schools, weren’t legacies, and didn’t have perfect SATs.
Anon
You do know that Harvard’s admissions statistics – including those of legacies, development candidates, and recruited athletes – are all over the news, right? I can do the rather simple math to figure out how many students Harvard enrolls every year – of the 57,000 who apply – who are not athletes, legacies, development candidates, or underrepresented minorities. (Not looking to start an affirmative action debate; this is about the reality for suburban kids with parents who went to college but aren’t filthy rich or themselves alumni.) That number, by the way, is about 700. Out of 57,000.
Whoa, college...
Between 529s, a modest contribution from a grandparent, and our HHI, we can likely finance about 50K per year for our rising HS senior. (80% is from the 529s). Our kid has a GPA between 3.5 and 4.0; As and Bs and some AP classes. Her list of schools to consider (about 20 right now) includes in-state schools or schools where out-of-state tuition would fall more or less into that amount, although 2-3 are more in the $70K range. We are strongly, strongly discouraging undergrad loans. We expect our HHI of about $300-320K will put out of financial aid, and her grades may not make merit/scholarships all that likely. We are also asking her to look into which companies recruit on campus and the reputation of the career office (the office for my school was excellent and helped me get a MBB consulting gig, but DH’s school did nothing for him so his job search was totally solo). She’s interested in computer science or business, which is a relief to her parents.
Anonymous
Interesting, I’m the OP and I expect my kid’s profile will be very similar. We have two other kids and a mix of 529 savings as well as inheritance from grandparents that could be applied to schools, plus our HHI (which is $320 as well!) can bankroll part of it. But….just because we can doesn’t mean we should?
BACK IN MY DAY, my parents had me take out what I was allowed to take out for loans and they paid for/financed the rest. I graduated with $30k in debt in 2003. It wasn’t fun, but also, I really think it helped me make smart choices. I had a few poorly paying jobs, including $25k/year in a research lab, but that was a university-affiliated lab and it allowed me to go to grad school for nearly free, then I got a decent paying job ($60k). By the time I was 28 I had a masters and my $30k paid off.
Whoa, college...
Fair enough. We have basically decided to dedicate X amount for undergrad, and will encourage them to limit their choices – which are pretty good! – to get out of undergrad w no loans. We fully expect that the oldest and perhaps one or both of the others (heh – also two more in our pipeline!) will end up in grad school, and will need to take out loans for that. If any of them chose a very pricey private at what looks to be 80-90K per year, they will have to pay the difference via loans, which then could limit their grad school options or result in a huge loan burden.
Anon
I can understand that impulse – but would encourage you to look at the difference between what was vs. is allowed for loans and what was vs. is average starting salary. That model worked well when I went to school and tuition at my state school as $485/quarter. It does not work as well now that the tuition at that same school is $4,368 for a quarter (and that does not include room and board). My daughter COULD have borrowed $150K for our state university + living expenses (living at home would not have been an option; we are not close enough). But I was worried about what that would have meant for her choices moving forward.
I could afford it (although certainly that money could have also been used to pad my retirement accounts) but I wanted to give her the same debt free start that I got.
Anonymous
Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber and Who Gets in and Why by Jeffrey Selingo.
ArenKay
Seconding the Lieberman recommendation (I’m sure the other book is good too, just haven’t read it). He focuses on what you are paying for (i.e. value of high-impact practices), and frames it as what trade offs and priorities do you have? He doesn’t do simplistic ranking.
Go for it
This was our position: (1 recent college grad, one college junior)
We have X money towards it. Period.
We will not sign a parent plus loan
You will have Federal loans
You must look at state schools
You do not want to come out of college with a mortgage worth of debt
Have kid write their own list of deadlines for stuff
For the parents:
Start a binder right away with categories for the FAFSA,$$ paid, medical, Vaccine info, loan docs,
Write a list of deadlines for stuff
You cannot finance your retirement
The kids can finance their education
Enjoy looking at schools, try the food!
Book tours not on regular tour days~ then a current student will give the your and the inside scoop
If you have the $ after they get their degree help pay the loans~ do not tell them that before the degree is in hand
Anonymous
We told our daughter we would pay for her tuition at our large, well-respected state university. If she wanted to go somewhere else, she needed to get scholarships and loans. She ultimately chose our state university and has a scholarship. We paid dorm fees, books, etc. and now pay her portion of the rent on the apartment she shares with a friend. She works part-time.
ual
This.
My parents paid tuition/books at local state university with a solid reputation. I lived at home. Huge value was that I was then free to travel and take interesting jobs during the summers. Those work experiences (and LSAT scores), helped qualify me for scholarships at out of state law school.
DH grew up in a smallish city with no university. His parents paid basic accommodation and tuition at nearby good state university. He worked part time to pay for year abroad and other extras. We both have three degrees, very little student loans from later degrees and solid 6 figure salaried jobs. I knew I wanted to be a lawyer but I also knew I had less than zero interest in biglaw in NYC or similar so I knew I didn’t need Harvard or Yale etc for law school.
We have three kids and hope to provide them with something similar. If they want Harvard etc, they need to figure it out themselves. I’m not mortgaging my house or retirement for that.
Anon
Yes, I applied to one college and got accepted before I could apply to others. I went to the large state university. My parents paid for everything and I worked a part time job and worked on all breaks. I don’t think any university is worth $70K per year.
Anon
We talked up front that out-of-pocket costs vs. Return on investment, priorities. Our deal was “apply anywhere but keep an open mind.” After admissions decisions were made and aid packages were known, we worked together to make a spreadsheet to show total cost, grants, loans and immediate out of pocket costs, and then talked about the bottom line, long term. Both of my kids understood the implications and made choices that allowed them to complete their undergraduate programs without loans, but I feel like we dodged a bullet when they made the decisions they did.
Anon
we hope to pay for all of college for our kids (they are currently under the age of 5) assuming we can afford it (which as of now we can), because I don’t think our large state school is necessarily the right fit for every kid (we live in a state different than where i grew up, and i myself would’ve been lost at such a large school at age 18 and am fortunate my parents could afford to send me wherever), we are part of a religious minority and given where we are located, I am not sure we want them to attend one of the smaller/less well known state schools where there would likely be very few if not no one. but our kids are still so young we have to see what kind of student they are, their interests, personality, etc. I do intend on making sure our kids are aware of their privilege, because I grew up in a bubble where it just wasn’t really disucssed.
Anon
When we started our kids’ 529 accounts, we used an inflation calculator to estimate the costs of a 4 year in-state university education including housing etc. The calculator did a pretty good job because that’s exactly what we saved. I know it’s always better to save early, but it was a lot harder to do when we were paying for childcare and our salaries were lower, so we ramped up the amount we saved every month over the years. Our priority was always maxing out the 401k, then saving for college.
We were always open with our kids that we would pay for – in state tuition, room and board, for four years only – and anything else they want to do needs to be funded by loans or scholarships. We talked about how out of state public and in stage private universities cost roughly twice as much (before any aid) and discussed whether it was worth starting life in debt to attend them. I was a financial aid kid so I paid student loans until I was 35, so I could share my first hand experiences with them.
My kids grew up going to school with a lot of college bound kids whose parents said they could choose any college. My older kid felt resentful at times that we were placing these bounds on her (which is how she viewed it) but now that she and her friends are in college, she realizes a lot of them got small scholarships and big loans to attend their dream schools, so she understands better now.
I have two going to in-state universities so I feel like I’m living the dream! (We are in CA, so our public options are excellent)
Anon
I should add that, specific to California, lots of kids go up to University of Oregon – so much so that kids here call it UC Eugene – and Oregon tends to do a scholarship to make it roughly the same cost as attending a UC.
Neither of my kids were interested (we did a tour and I was interested! But they weren’t) so it wasn’t a factor for us, but for lots of parents who can fund in-state tuition here, it’s a real option. I don’t know if this is as prevalent in so cal as it is here in the Bay Area but I know lots of kids in both my kids’ classes who go to U of O.
SMC- San Diego
My kid from SoCal goes to U of O along with four other students from her high school graduating class. She absolutely loves it. That scholarship is pretty limited (and she did not get it) but between the much lower rent and the fact that she can graduate in four years rather than five because there is no issue getting the classes she needs, the price difference was pretty small. Her rent was literally a third of what a friend is paying for her daughter’s place at UCSB.
Anon
Our state (NM) now has tuition-free college at state schools. As long as our kid can get through the first semester that we pay for and then maintain a 2.5 GPA after that (which, if he can’t – college may not be the place for him), tuition is free thereafter. You can’t beat free, so the college “selection and admission” process is over for us. He’ll be going to an in-state school (either UNM or NMSU) and we’ll be saving most of his 529 funds for graduate school. We will have about $45k saved for him in 529s by the time he graduates from high school. We won’t be able to keep saving for him at the same level once he gets into college, as my husband is in his 50s and we need to ramp up retirement savings in preparation for him leaving the workforce sooner rather than later.
Prior to the Opportunity Scholarship getting enacted, we were looking at what schools participate in the Western Undergraduate Exchange program, where selected students in certain majors can get in-state tuition at out-of-state schools. Saving money on the bachelor’s degree is a high, high priority for us as everything my son is interested in at the moment – medicine, biochemistry, law, psychology – requires graduate education for people to have viable career prospects. I also think that going forward, people are going to need graduate degrees to set themselves apart in the workforce. I very much want to save as much money as possible on the bachelor’s so he has a nest egg when it comes time for grad school, whatever field he ends up choosing.
For folks asking “well, but what about what your son wants” – he really always just wanted to go to UNM. I floated the idea of going to look at U of Arizona, Arizona State, UNLV, University of Colorado, etc. but he wasn’t ever that interested and now really is not, because literally no one in his high school class plans on leaving the state to go to school. There is a general terror of student loans that has been infused into this generation and he does not want to go anywhere he’d have to borrow money to finish a degree. UNM is a good school; he’s been there a lot over the years participating in enrichment programs or on field trips, and now it’s where basically all of his friends are going, because, again – free tuition. It’s actually kind of a relief to know the decision is made and we won’t be engaging in the college-admissions rat race.
Anon
Good for NM! Fingers crossed it never changes!
Anon
We’ve actually had semi-free college for some time via the lottery scholarship. Not as many people buy lottery tickets these days and so the legislature voted to use tax money to fill the gap between what the lottery scholarship should pay and what tuition should cost. It may change at some point in the future, but very unlikely to change before my son is out of school.
Anonymous
As a fellow NM resident and UNM grad for both undergrad and law school, yay NM! I have one kid currently in college at UNM and chose to stay in state because of the free tuition (although Note that “fees” equal approx $4000 per year (and do not include books) and are not covered by the lottery scholarship.) But still a very important program!
Anon LA
Daughter is a college senior. It was very important to me that she graduate without any undergraduate debt because I have seen way too many people with limited options with respect to careers because of how much they owe. With respect to financing, I was able to afford $50K/year for four years. This was a combination of 529 plan and an inheritance from my grandparents. It ended up being a very small amount above that, largely because she took the opportunity in the summer of 2020 to take on-line classes so she could double major since her internship was cancelled. She did not need to take out any student loans. She had some small scholarships her freshman year that largely paid for her books and dorm room decorating! I make too much for her to quality for any need based assistance and her grades were decent but not spectacular so did not receive merit scholarships (which I understand are vanishingly rare). She lived in the dorms her first year and off campus after that. After her freshman year, she got a job working 10-18 hours per week (depending on her course load) and pays for her own non-essentials as well as food and gas. I pay for basically everything else. It is a good idea to make those agreements in advance!
One thing to look at that I did not appreciate at the time is (1) non-dorm rent and (2) how many student graduate in 4 years vs. 5. I live in California and my daughter went out of state, which cost more per year in tuition. However, her rent is much, much less than it would be at many California schools and she will graduate in 4 years despite the double major. There was no difficulty at all getting the classes she needed.
I was pretty hands off on the college selection process (and even the application process). I helped but did not micromanage (on the theory that if she could not handle that, she was not ready to go away to school). I told her no for–profit schools, took her on campus visits (which were surprisingly helpful in deciding what she was looking for) and then I let her make her own decision and stayed out of it. The visits helped her decide she wanted a medium sized school in a college town in a place with trees and green (I live in Southern California; rain is exotic.) She did several of the on-line school selection quizzes. Once her preferences became clear, I encouraged her to apply to schools in the Pacific Northwest. It was not the “best” school she got into, but it was probably the best possible fit.
Cora
The therapy question above is making me think.
I started to go to a pretty expensive psychologist only partially covered by insurance a while ago. I’ve been in therapy on and off for years but this has truly made a difference. I also started working with a psychiatrist who this psychologist works with and gotten back on meds.
I am feeling much better now, and a lot of the issues have been resolved, including some major life changes.
I still want to talk to someone each week, but I could find a cheaper therapist to talk about questions around dating vs. family issues / possible ADHD / other heavy things, which is what I’ve been talking to the psychologist about. Plus he’s an old white man which might not be the best fit when talking about dating stuff.
How should I handle switching therapists? I don’t have any problem with the current psychologist except that he’s expensive, and I want to stay with the psychiatrist just for conveniences sake.
Anonymous
Have you asked him for recommendations? Therapy isn’t really intended to be longterm, it’s pretty common to switch therapists for different needs or to get a different perspective. I’m sure you are not the first person to ask him to recommend someone less expensive.
anon
Have you asked your current therapist for the out-of-pocket rate? It could be more reasonable.
Anon
Is it reasonably possible for a person with basically no sewing experience to learn to do very simple alterations on her own? Anyone done this? Where would I start and what would I need?
I’ve found that getting things to the tailor is just one of those things I am basically incapable of getting done, particularly for very minor, it’s basically fine but could be better, type of issues (thinking of you, cute 2 year old sleeveless top that I think would be so much better with a tiny dart to shrink the arm area a tad).
Anonymous
Yeah YouTube will teach you. Just takes time and patience.
Anon
There’s a ton out there, and a lot of it assumes I know terms or have equipment that I’m not familiar with. Any specific suggestions for real beginners to look for?
Curious
I learned about basic top construction from this channel: https://youtu.be/G78XF71dBIc. She’s an educator with one of the craft shops and very clear.
Curious
Oh and here’s her video on bust darts: https://youtu.be/T_fT-KkMD0k
Anonymous
I learned basic sewing from my grandma BUT I’ve seen my local library offer some sewing classes along with some other helpful basic home ec/workshop classes for adults. My library also has rental sewing machines.
Anonymous
Are you good at doing things with your hands in general – e.g. are you reasonably handy or crafty? If so, then definitely. My husband taught himself to sew using only books/videos and progressed from making curtains to making tuxedos from scratch. But he’s someone who can basically fix anything, from a car to coffeepot (he’s a structural engineer).
Anonymous
Yes!
Sewing by hand is a great way to start.
Get a needle, polyester thread (does not shrink), a thimble and some pinning needles or pegs.
Learn the most basic stitches and practice on a cloth napkin or old pillowcase. When you can do small, neat and straight stitches okay, you’re ready.
For your top -iron and pin dart on wrong side, do your basic stitches. Done!
anon a mouse
There was a recent ask in my Buy Nothing Group for someone to provide a one-hour intro to sewing lesson, and the asker offered to cook dinner in exchange. There was a lot of interest on both sides of the deal – I thought it was clever!
If that’s not an option for you, I’d recommend a combination of YouTube videos and checking out a basic sewing book from the library. The book will give you a basic overview of all the components, and then YouTube can show you how to do any specific thing. Always practice on scrap fabric until you feel confident, though!
Horse Crazy
My back has been killing me for the last few days. It’s been hurting on and off for a few months, but never this bad. It’s my lower back/sciatic – the pain goes down into my upper butt. I got the first available appointment with my doctor, but it’s not for 3 weeks. What can I do in the meantime? I take advil, apply CBD and/or arnica menthol rubs, use a heating pad, and do some stretching, but it’s still severe. It hurts to sit…lying down is ok, and walking is actually the most comfortable, but I can’t walk all day. Help :(
Anonymous
Urgent care.
Anon
Chiropractor!!
Go for it
+1
Anon
No, a chiro can make it worse when you’re having an intense episode. First hand experience with this.
Rest, anti inflammatories, and gentle movement are key.
Allie
Icy hot patch and if your insurance allows don’t wait for your doctor appointment to schedule an appointment with a good PT. The first PT appointment should provide some immediate relief.
anonshmanon
I am sorry! For my sciatic episodes, only walking and heating pads brought relief, pain meds didn’t at all. With as much walking as I could fit in, it did get better after a couple of days. I also did some yoga for sciatic pain, there are videos online. Hang in there!
Anon
Physical therapist. Don’t see a chiro, they’re quacks.
Anon
This!!
pugsnbourbon
It’s funny – I didn’t know chiropractors weren’t really doctors until I was out of college. My anti-woo father saw one all through my childhood and I even went to him after some injuries as a kid. That said, the chiro we both saw wasn’t trying to cure cancer or align our energy – he was just trying to fix our backs.
Is it Friday yet?
+1,000 Not evidence-based medicine!
Anon
LOL. They may not be MDs, but they’re not quacks. My chiro fixed a neck/shoulder problem that was causing me to not be able to turn my head in two visits, where as the PT and pain relievers my doctor prescribed did nothing but prolong my agony for weeks. My chiro is all about “functional movement” and does not talk about toxins, “energy release” or any of that woo-woo stuff (and she is also pro-vax and still requiring masks at appointments). I am not sure if chiro is right for the OP’s problem but chiropractors aren’t quacks. If they were I don’t think my insurance would cover my visits.
Anon
Yes, this!
Anon
Y’all go ahead and live in pain then, it’s alternative medicine and very proven. Also first hand experience.
Anon
Yeah, I have to LOL at people advocating for the “evidence-based solution,” which involves addictive painkillers, muscle relaxers that make it nearly impossible for people to work, and physical therapy that does work but takes time and diligence to produce results. I’ll just go to the chiro and get adjusted and move on with my life, and not risk ending up in my own real-life version of Dopesick, thanks anyway!
Anon
It’s just a bad idea to go to a Chiro for lower back sciatic pain without seeing a Dr. first to confirm nothing is seriously wrong. Get a scan, make sure you don’t have a herniated disc.
Anonymous
It might be a herniated disc. You can google lying straight leg herniated disc test for a quick check (not as good as an MRI but a first step). Do not lift your leg yourself during the test – get someone else to do it. If you think it’s a herniated disc I strongly recommend emailing or calling your doctor and telling him/her. Ask for a PT prescription (if needed in your state) and a referral to an orthopedist. I should say, I have this problem so I see it everywhere, but it was also hard to get diagnosed initially because there is so much back pain out there.
Horse Crazy
I forgot to mention that I have an HMO so I think I need to see my PCP first before going anywhere else…this insurance is new to me so I’m not 100% sure though.
Anonymous
Anyone know of a good dupe for MM La Fleur’s Ginger heels? I was in a showroom last week and really loved the ones I tried on, but I didn’t love the price tag.
anon
Is cuyana worth it? I am drooling over some of their styles right now. I can stomach the price tag if the quality matches the price, but I also don’t love the preponderance of dry clean only stuff.
Anon
Yes, for their leather goods.
CPA Lady
I have never tried to clothes, but I have the zipper top tote bag and the quality is great. Very solidly made and sturdy.
Anon
Yes. I have several tote bags, a wallet, the makeup cases, one coat type thing, and a ruana/cape thingy. They’re all excellent.
Anon
For bags, absolutely.
Anon
Yes for bags and clothes.
Anon
I have a bag and a silk top and both are amazing quality.
Anon
Anyone want to share their thoughts on Mallorca? My husband is interested in going this summer. I have to admit I really dislike Spanish food (very unpopular opinion, I know!) and that has kind of put me off visiting Spain again. But I’m guessing given the island location the food might be a little different and more Mediterranean? Another wrinkle is we have young (preschool) kids who would be coming with us, so if anyone has been with kids or has a sense of how kid-friendly it might be, I would be curious to hear.
Cb
I think it’ll be super kid friendly but I always associate it with cheap British package holidays. And as someone who takes the 11am flight on the regular, those people are drunk before they get on the plane.
Anonymous
Unclear to me what the benefit of Mallorca is over Croatia or Greece both of which have better food.
Anon
I think the main advantages are we like exploring new places and we’ve been to islands in Croatia and Greece plus many coastal parts of Italy and France. Also flights to Mallorca are comparatively cheap and we are a little budget crunched at the moment so that’s a big plus.
emeralds
I love Mallorca! It’s one of my favorite places in Spain. If you go, definitely take the train from Palma to Soller–it was so, so beautiful, and Soller is very cute itself. I wouldn’t recommend staying in Palma for too long, although the old city is worth exploring for a day or to. I’d find a cute little beachside town with good access to hiking to spend most of your time.
Spanish food is Mediterranean food, so I’m not sure what type of different cuisine you’d be looking for–you’re not getting French, Greek, or Italian-type cuisine if that’s what you were hoping for (unless you go to a French restaurant). The food was not significantly different from where I lived on mainland Spain. The only difference would be the prevalence of UK-style places catering to the UK tourist crowd. YMMV on whether that’s something you’d want to partake in.
No kids myself, but I understand from friends that Spain is overall quite kid-friendly, so I’d expect Mallorca to be the same. I saw plenty of families out and about while I was there. It’s not party central like Ibiza (and I was at a partying age when I was there, albeit with some chiller friends–we found plenty of stuff to get into, but that’s definitely not all there was).
Anon
Thanks! This is helpful. Re:food I guess I was hoping for more fish and less pork, at least. I don’t eat pork (and am allergic to shrimp) and I had a hard time eating in mainland Spain. I often had to eat the one vegetarian dish the restaurant had and it was usually pretty bad. I remember getting a lot of quiche-like things. I was in a big group and didn’t have any say in restaurants though, and we were poor college students so we weren’t going to fancy places. Definitely possible I wouldn’t have had such a bad experience if I’d had more say in restaurants.
emeralds
Oh yeah if you like fish you’ll be 100% fine! It’s everywhere…which is also true of mainland Spain above the college student budget. Spanish food is definitely pork-forward but you should be able to find plenty of chicken and beef, too, if you eat those.
I hope you’ll go and give Spanish food another chance, it sounds like you really did not get the chance to have a representative sample!
anon
You’re not alone in disliking food in Spain. I mostly gave up eating on my vacation there and treated it as a scenic enforce cleanse. Everything was centered around meat and cheese and was really heavy and unappetizing.
Anonymous
I love meat and cheese and I still don’t really enjoy Spanish cuisine as a whole. Love Italian, though.
I think it’s basically that I don’t enjoy the taste of sweet red peppers, or paprika powder, or smoky BBQ.
NYCer
Mallorca is also one of my favorite places in Spain. Highly recommend. We found it very easy to drive there, so I would definitely consider renting a car.
There is lots of fish, but definitely typical Spanish food overall.
Anon
I went to Spain in 2019 and my group included a vegetarian. We had no difficulty finding plenty of good food so I encourage you to do some investigation of good restaurants in advance and plot them into a Google map. Thanks have improved and the ability to eat at nicer and less touristy restaurants should help.
Anonymous
Spanish food changes a lot from one region to other, then a bit surprise for some of the other comments. In Balearic islands yes, it is more what foreigners understand as “Mediterranean food”, plenty of fish, vegetables and rice.
Not sure which activities you like but in Mallorca you have plenty of options from the obvious beach and sun (please avoid Magaluf and other low cost areas for drunken brits&germans) to beautiful villages as Deia, Soller or Valdemosa (take the old wooden train) or some inland hiking in Tramuntana mountains.
As it seems you are keen in food please try tumbet (tomate, aubergine, potato), arros brut (rice broth with meat and vegetables), coca trampó (a base that resembles a pizza, this dish is a great option for kids, it contains plenty of oven cooked vegetables) Pa amb oli and ensaimadas!! (if you have a sweet tooth). I love sobrasada with honey but as you are looking sth outside meat..
The vibe of the island changes from one side to another as I said only avoid Magaluf, although lately is more family orientated.
If you can afford it you could consider Menorca, super low key island, really beautifull and great for family&kids. But maybe not in your budget.
A
You’ll meet zillions of the worst British tourists. I’d go to some other place in Spain.
Anonymous
Salary negotiation help! I’m a non-equity law firm partner looking to make the move to a non-profit that is a great fit for my skills, interests, and hobbies. The role is in the government affairs not legal (which I’m happy about). I believe a job offer is forthcoming and I’ve already been contacted by HR to talk for a second time about salary for the role. Early on, HR mentioned that the starting point for discussions was around 90k, which I agreed was a fine starting point. What do I do when they make an offer and it’s time to really get into salary discussions? I know it sounds crazy, but I’ve never had to negotiate a salary before. Would asking for $100k be unreasonable? I’m already taking a 50% pay cut at $100k level. The benefits are also not particularly impressive. I do have significantly more experience (like they asked for 4 years, I have 10) than the posting, so I think I can certainly make a case that I’m worth it. I think I will also need to advocate for more time to winddown my practice and transition my matters than the nonprofit may like. Any tips or scripts would be greatly appreciated!
Anon
When you say that you have ten years of work experience, is that ten years in governmental affairs or sufficiently related to the job description, or is it ten years in a law firm in a practice that is adjacent (at best) to the role you’ll be doing at the non-profit?
More importantly, what is your specific value-add? Do you have connections in your state legislature or federal delegation that will help your non-profit? Do you have enough skills and chops to be able to take their government affairs goals to the next level?
Anonymous
OP here! 10 years in government affairs with my firm. I do have the skills and experience in the type of work they need. However, while there is some overlap with the agencies and local governments I currently work with the non-profit job will require working with some agencies I don’t currently practice before.
Anon
That’s good. The one new agency shouldn’t be a huge deal at all. I would tie this back to the org’s mission and fundraising: as a very experienced government affairs specialist, you’ll be very effective at getting agencies and legislatures to adopt the policies you want. This is a win for the org’s mission as well as a feather in your org’s cap when it seeks new donors or money from existing donors.
Anon
I read “Ask for it” by Linda Babcock before I took my first job and negotiated a very good retention bonus. It was a good confidence builder. You might find it helpful
Anon
Which celebs do you love to hate? For me it’s Katharine McPhee and David Foster—so obnoxious. Also Christina and Tarek and their neverending thirsty posts about their new relationships. I can’t look away!
Anon
I don’t know who one of these people is. Living under a (happy) rock here.
Anon
I got married right after Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries and when I was dress shopping I commented to the sales lady that I didn’t want a poofy dress like Kim K [I ended up with a poofy dress, but that’s another story]. My mom said “I’ve heard that name before. Who is that person!?” The sales lady looked at her like she had three heads, but sometimes I really envy her pop culture ignorance.
Anonymous
Julia Fox, Kodi from Sister Wives, any RHNJ
Anon
ANY RH PERIOD
Monday
Rachel Hollis (self-help guru) and her ex-husband (now also a self-help guru). Aside from all the ridiculous things they’ve said in the past, they went from promoting their marriage as perfect, to being divorced and each promoting their new relationships as perfect. I never follow people like this directly, but I enjoy coverage of their antics. Recently Rachel Hollis said she avoids reading books (at least books relevant to her content) because she knows she will accidentally plagiarize. Safer to just not read.
Similarly, though they’re not really celebrities, I enjoy anti-MLM content that exposes the BS of people high up in their MLMs.
Anon
Yeah, I really dislike her. Don’t feed me a bunch of pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps-girl rah-rah BS when you mainly got ahead in life by being pretty and marrying a rich guy.
I dislike Sheryl Sandberg for similar reasons. Born on third base, but thinks she hit a triple. Also her silence on the big, gnarly ethical issues at Facebook concerning politics and misuse of user data has not exactly made her a shining star in my book.
Anon
I used to like Katherine and David Foster but then learned they are pretty Republican and his post about her post baby body was annoying.
Anon
They are full on MAGA/QAnon, not just ‘pretty Republican’
Anonymous
I’m going anon to say Chrissy Teigen and John Legend… gasp! I waffle so much on this. They seem so nice and likeable. But are they talented? Does that even matter? Why can’t I just like them?
Lucy Lawless
Anyone who has ever been on a bachelor/bachelorette show.
And Gabby Barrett. She’s local here and now a “celebrity” since being on AI and getting a record deal. I run in certain circles with people who handle/promote her and maybe it’s because I see things a bit differently than the average person, but…. Ugh.
Vicky Austin
Chrissy Teigen. Cannot stand her. I also have a mostly baseless distaste for Ed Sheeran.
pugsnbourbon
I think Ed Sheeran made a deal with the devil. HOW are his songs so dang catchy???
Anon
Chrissy is garbage and just needs to go away already. Messaging a 16-year-old girl telling her to kill herself; who does that? That goes way beyond just “online trolling.”
Gigi
+1 She’s insufferable. LOL to when she announced that she was leaving social media only to come crawling back mere days later.
pugsnbourbon
I know you said you hate Tarek but I love the meta-reality fusion of him appearing on Selling Sunset. I’d bet good money that he and Heather are hustling their own spinoff.
Anonymous
I haven’t heard of any of those people apart from Kardashian (never heard her speak, but I’ve seen pictures on gofugyourself) or that singer bloke, Legend (he’s one of those high tenors singing very softly, isn’t he?) so no hate, just bafflement. I don’t know if love to hate is the right term, but I can’t seem to avoid reading about Boris Johnson.
Anon 2.0
Has anyone changed their name recently? I got married last year and I want to change my name, however, I am lost on this process. My local social security office is by appointment only but they never ever answer the phone. Ever. Is there a way to do this entirely by mail? Do they return my original marriage license if I send them in an official copy? Also, any tips on what all I need to change? Things I’ve though of so far… driver’s license, bank accounts, credit cards, health and car insurance, and retirement accounts. Do I need to change utility bills? I also have a professional licensure to change and I also have to figure out how to correct my notary stamp and filing as well. It seems like so much! Please, no comments on keeping my current name, as I have thought this thru and I do wish to have my husband’s name.
Anon
I think you want to follow the Miss Now Mrs. process. You can choose the $30 or $70 version; either way, you’ll save yourself a lot of headaches.
Pardon the raging feminist response here: maybe your husband can do research on things like the law license and the notary stamp. Emotional labour is a thing and he should be doing some of it.
anon
+1 to your second paragraph.
Anon 2.0
Luckily it is not a law license, but a professional license that should be slightly easier to change. For the record, he does he fair share of emotional labor and I am fine taking the lead on this. In fact, we got married on the beach (just us) and weddings are one thousand percent not my thing. He did nearly 100% of all the work with the exception of my dress. He booked flights and the hotel, found a beach that was better for photos (lots of cool rocks in the water for photo ops), found the company that officiated and booked them, did all the research on the marriage license and the steps needed to get it. I wanted to be married but had no desire to plan a wedding. People are shocked when I tell them that all I really did was find a dress and show up, but it’s true!
Anon
Can we just assume that OP is a competent person who can make her own labor sharing decisions in her relationship? So condescending.
Anon
No you can’t do it by mail. Can’t you make an appointment at the SSA online? That’s what I did. They should return any official documents they keep, although I don’t think either the SSA or the DMV keeps your marriage license, they just need to look at it.
I changed (in order): SSA, driver’s license, passport, had my employer change my name in their records (which then changed health insurance and retirement) and then everything else I kind of just dealt with it as it came up. Credit cards and stuff like that it’s not really a big deal to have in the “wrong” name. I’ve been married for 12 years and my Target Red Card is still in my maiden name, it’s never caused any issues.
Anon
Also I purchased the Miss Now Mrs package and I thought it was worthless. It’s just a list of stuff you need to change, which you can find by Googling. They don’t do anything for you.
Anonymous
Actually, I changed my name by mail through my local SSA office last year. Googling it shows a step by step process on the SSA site
Anon
Passport. Life insurance. Other brokerage accounts.
I got multiple certified (??) copies of my marriage license in case they didn’t get returned (they all did).
Katrinka
Work records and email. Minor things like gym memberships, museum memberships, etc. TSA Pre-Check.
Anon
I know of someone (who happens to be a lawyer) who changed everything but her social security card after getting married 10+ years ago. She is now having problems getting the DMV to renew her drivers license because her name is not matching all of her documents. The DMV and the SS office are pointing the finger at each other about resolving the issue. She’s also had to file taxes separately for years because her name doesn’t match up with the IRS. She has spent hours trying to get this resolved, including trying to make appointments in-person at the SS office. It’s no fun. I wouldn’t recommend putting it off.
So with that: when I changed my name. I just went ahead bought 4 copies of my wedding certificate a the court house. They were only $7 or something really cheap. So I wasn’t concerned with mailing in certificates if they got lost or were damaged. Also, I recall the court house staff having some tips on changing names with SS. It might be worth a call.
Anon
You should always change SSA first, especially if you’re doing a non-standard name change (like taking your maiden as your new middle). SSA will basically let you change your name to anything you want, because everyone has a unique identifying number so the name doesn’t matter much. Then once you have a social security card in your new name, the DMV has no choice but to accept that as your name.
roxie
I legit don’t understand why anyone changes their name at all.
To go through this because you pretend “it will be confusing if we have different last names”? what a joke. I truly truly look down on any woman who changes her name and I’m happy to be judgmental about it. Call me whatever you want.
Anon
I changed my name because I hated my maiden name. It’s very long (often didn’t fit on forms), is not easy for English speakers to say and was always getting mispronounced and misunderstood. Some of the common mispronunciations also made it sound kind of like a vulgar word in English. My husband has one of the most common surnames in the US (think Jones) that is easy to spell and pronounce so I took his name mainly because I really wanted a new surname and taking his was easier and made more sense to me than switching to a random name I had no connection to. I don’t think it’s confusing or weird for couples to have different last names and most of my female friends kept their last names, but I was happy to become a Jones and never have to spell my name over the phone for a customer service person ever again. Shrug.
Anonymous
I changed mine because it was very similar to my husband’s which made hyphenating as well as moving it to my middle name pretty impractical options (eg. Barnes-Bearns, McCullin-McAllister, Lopez-Gomez) . He’s an only child of an only child; I’m one of four including 2 brothers plus male cousins with my maiden name. DH is the end of the line for his!
Anon
OK from experience some people have sh&t fathers, love their partners, and want to be adopted into a new family. PS you can change your name as a lesbian too.
Anon
On the SSA office – if they never answer the phone and it’s not too out of your way, consider just stopping by at a time you know they are open.
Grace
Mine wasn’t a marriage-related name change, but it was recent. You can do the Social Security part by mail, but they don’t recommend it because the documents involved are very sensitive. My only advice there is to try calling at other times of day, or start scoping out ones that you can drive out to – it doesn’t actually have to be near your registered address, you just have to explain why you opted for this location.
I don’t know if you get birth certificates re-issued for marital name changes. For mine, that was done at about the same time as Social Security. Driver’s license, insurance, bank accounts, and credit cards come after that – they cross-reference with Social Security, in my experience, so you can only change those once the Social Security change is through (about three days after your appointment is what I was told).
Grace
Update, because I was looking at their website: apparently they changed this today, and most offices are now open to people who didn’t have appointments. So that’s also viable now.
Anonymous
I will just say make sure you figure out exactly what you need for your driver’s license. Mine was a huge hassle in order to conform with the Real ID Act in my state (or federally?) Either way, it required multiple trips to get various documents and the DMV was entirely unhelpful.
Anonymous
Random Old Age Issue:
Yes, I’ve googled this.
My neck seems to randomly crack/grind. It’s not a specific motion. A few times a week, I’ll look around and feel this sort of cracking/grinding. Doesn’t hurt or anything but it is just very much Not What Necks are Supposed to Do. I joke with my husband that it just sounds like my head is about to fall off, NBD. When I google around, I get all kinds of answers- I’m only 37 so I doubt it’s osetoarthritis. I had no injury of note that could be causing this (the first time it happened, I was looking up at a shelf of paint in the hardware store), but at the outset I did have a limited range of motion. I saw a chiro who did a lot of adjusting over the course of 6 weeks and pretty much immediately the range of motion issues subsided but the random crackles have not gotten any better.
Ideas on what to google/ who to see next? Or is this really the beginning of my body falling apart at the ripe old age of not-even-yet-38?
Who do I see next?
Anonymous
My neck does this and I’ve never once worried about it. Sometimes it feels good to do in the same way cracking your knuckles does. Or is it a different thing?
Anonymous
A doctor
Anonymous
+1
Anonymous
Rank you for this extremely helpful comment.
My GP was the one that sent me to the Chiro, who suggested maybe a PT. If I see “a doctor” is it an ENT (it is not ear or nose), a osteopath of some kind? Neurologist? Something else entirely? All 3 of those are booking months out so it would be helpful to know what makes sense.
Is it Friday yet?
Sports medicine, physical medicine, or rehab medicine physician. Presumably, this is a spine thing if it’s neck cracking/grinding so they can order imaging or whatever you need. Orthopedists tend toward more invasive interventions so they tend to be my last resort.
Anon
My neck has been doing this constantly (dozens of times a day) since my 20s, but it also goes along with pretty bad neck pain. I’ve mentioned it to my doctors and PTs, but they’ve never thought it was anything even worth discussing- necks just do that. Both PT and botox for migraine have helped my neck pain, but it still makes lots of noise. If you feel fine, I wouldn’t worry about it, and I definitely wouldn’t go to a chiro for neck adjustments unless you want to have a stroke.
Anon
I saw a doctor when my neck started doing that exact same thing when I was close to your age (I was 39) and was told it is, in fact, osteoarthritis. It’s very common and I was told that as long as I’m not having pain or issues with range-of-motion, to consider it normal. I do see a chiropractor every six weeks to keep everything in alignment and it really helps with ROM in particular.
For Ribena - re: warm toned makeup
Hi Ribena – check some of the Asian Beauty brands. They have a good shade range and tend to be more of a warm undertone. I like BB creams from Missha and Skin79 but there are quite a few to choose from if you can buy online. I have trouble finding good ones for me because I’m fair with pink undertones and they skew too warm for me – so might work really well for you.
Anonymous
Also – try neutral undertones rather than just warm, that could work as well.
I have friends with pale olive undertones that get a warm summer tan, but their overall colouring is actually cooler, summer tones.
For good colour range I think L’Oreal (you can get more shades on Amzon.uk than in Boots) is quite good, try the 203 in Infallible Pro Glow. Hourglass has a good range with neutrals as well as warm and cool.
Oh, and every single Chanel foundation I’ve ever tried has been too warm for me (peachy neutral), looks like I’ve smeared warm dirt on my face, so might be what you want.
Deedee
I have a direct report who stepped into a stretch responsibility this year. She is completely competent at the job (which I had before her), but others who work with her have noted that she seems raw/young/hesitant/needs presence. I completely agree and see these as comments on her verbal presentation skills: tentative/feminine sounding speech patterns, uptalk, tendency to phrase decisions as questions. Her written work is great and her verbal skills are 100% appropriate, she knows content and is on message, it’s just the delivery that’s lacking. I’m struggling with how to incorporate feedback and coaching on this into our performance conversations.
Over the year, I have coached her as she prepped for public facing and public speaking parts of her responsibilities, to some improvement. However, this is a bigger theme about her approach and exec & prof “presence” that I think will hold her back in the long term. How can I offer this type of feedback to her in a constructive way?
(Other misc. things that might be affecting my views on this: we’re the same age and I feel uncomfortable with the idea of having to intimate that she “sounds young and inexperienced” (I wouldn’t use those words! that’s just how she sounds). Second, she is an *excellent* and motivated worker, but I don’t think she has strong ambitions beyond this role, so I’m hesitant about framing this as growth for the next level up.)
In this vein, any good books about leadership for someone new to management that you’d recommend for me?
Anon
Please don’t tell her that her speaking skills are lacking because they’re “feminine.” We need to push back against sexist garbage like this at work.
Anon
Does she actually sound young and inexperienced or does she just sound more feminine than everybody is used to? The only thing I see from your extensive list that is actually a problem and not just sexist bs is not confidently stating decisions.
Anon
I would do nothing. She’s competent in her role. You said that you’re concerned this could hold her back but you also said she doesn’t have strong ambitions beyond this role, so I’m not sure this is a real problem. Also agree that a lot of that feedback is nonsense and the world would be a better place if we can accept more ways of communicating as “professional.” I would tell people to get used to it.
Anon
Oops this was supposed to be a response to the original post.
Deedee
Definitely young not just feminine!! Please know I have fully interrogated whether our expectations at an org for women issues are sexist and this really is a perception of her that will hold her back in public facing activities
Anon
There is a good linkedin learning course on gravitas and presence. video examples are helpful.
If you notice specific behaviors like uptalk or not sounding authoritative, coach her in the moment. This is how you transition from an IC to a manager to an executive.
Deedee
Thank you I will look at LI!
DC Shopping
Single day in DC. Any one of a kind stores here I can’t find other cities? Thinking clothes, shoes, purses etc.
Anon
I don’t recall DC having any very good shopping when I lived there.
Hmmmm
No, I don’t think so, TBH. But interested in hearing other locals weigh in with places I don’t know about! I mean, I like to go to Eastern Market and browse the crafts and eat the food, but I don’t think it’s the kind of shopping you’re looking for. I still think of DC as being the Ann Taylor town, style-wise. (Admittedly more Athleta these days.)
Anonymous
Agree – DC isn’t really for brand-name stores shopping (since everyone basically went to Pentagon City or Tysons anyway) but there are some local boutiques scattered about the city proper.
Anon
Where are you coming from? Dc really doesn’t have one of a kind stores, but may have some good options if you are from a more rural area. If from another city, i wouldn’t spend your time shopping.
Anon4This
Lived in DC for 7 years and I thought the shopping/street style was mostly not great. Caveat my style leans a bit more statement-y. I also felt the same about dining there – never really thought any restaurants stood out compared to the major US cities, with the exception of the Ethiopian cuisine and Korean food in the burbs.
What IS great about DC, outside of the obvious attractions, is the natural beauty if you are into that type of thing (it’s not a make-or-break for me, but it is for many!) – weather permitting, grab a coffee and walk around the parks, monuments, etc.
Anon
I’ve been in local elected office for the past 4 years and I used to absolutely love it and I had plans to stay until I reached the term limits and ambitions to go one step higher (mayor). Recently I’ve just absolutely started to hate every part of it. Every person who complains about some complex situation they know nothing about, every local business owner who feels entitled to text me during the middle of a meeting to tell me what I’m doing wrong, my colleagues who make what I think are consistently bad decisions. My resentment here has a lot more to do with me than anyone else; I think I’m just burned out. I feel a lot of guilt for not wanting to keep going when I previously had these ambitions I was really proud of and wanting to quit when I could be making a real difference feels selfish. I’ve also been on the losing side of some very close votes lately and I’m feeling some self-pity about not getting wins, which is in turn triggering more guilt for feeling that way and not being, like, more mature about it. Ugh. Anyway, this was really just a vent, these are things I wouldn’t ever want to say IRL but I just need to complain into the void today.
Anon
So I just want to say you are a rockstar for taking this on – it’s something I theoretically want to do, but know IRL I could not handle even a small fraction of the kind of BS you’ve had to put up with for four years. Public discourse has gotten so terrible and I know, for myself, I could not sit there and listen to some Q-Anoner rail at me about – I dunno – Wayfair trafficking children in furniture and not say something snarky in return (and not smart snarky – more like “LOL dude you’re a complete idiot”), which would be the end of my political career, I’m sure.
It’s okay to be at a place of burnout with this and to say you want to step back from it for now. Are you up for re-election soon? I think it is totally fine and even somewhat normal – especially these days – for public servants to do something for awhile, then take a breather, then get back into a new race or position when they’ve restored their energy. Stepping away from this position doesn’t mean giving up on your ambitions, it just means you need to refocus your energy into something else for awhile.
NYC and Covid
DH is going to be running the Boston Marathon on April 18 and he has been training intensely for months to prepare, so this race is a huge deal for him. Months ago, when Covid cases were super low, we booked a family spring break trip to NYC (we have elementary aged kids) right before the marathon and we’re planning to all go together and then take the train to Boston at the tail end of the trip for the marathon. Given rising Covid case counts and how important this race is to DH, would you proceed with the NYC trip immediately beforehand? We could cancel our hotel and change our airfare. We have nonrefundable tickets to see Hamilton. It would be a huge bummer to cancel the trip, but it also would be even more devastating for DH (or one of us) to contract Covid and somehow make him unable to run the marathon. We’ve been super careful up until now, not dining indoors at restaurants, masking in public, etc. We are all fully vaxxed (and adults boosted, but boosters were months ago). Not sure how feasible it will be to try to dine outside or in our room for the most part in NYC. WWYD? Cancel the trip or proceed? What precautions could we reasonably take?
Anon
I’ve been similarly cautious and I would go. Dining outside in NYC in April is extremely easy. Masks are still required on the subway and Broadway, so you won’t be going anywhere with a lot of unmasked people unless you choose to go somewhere like a museum where masks are not required. Risk is objectively very low if you avoid indoor dining and indoor situations without mask requirements. There is lots of stuff to do outdoors in NYC in spring.
Anon
To make the “I would go” a little more emphatic – we are actually going to Manhattan, next weekend for Passover to visit my in-laws. I don’t have a major event the following week, and my in-laws had Omicron over the winter, which mitigates the risk to them (and us) a little bit, but I don’t think I would make a different decision even if those things were not the case.
Anon
I mean…he could catch Covid from one of your kids bringing it home from school. Unless you’re going to hermetically seal him in a bubble for the two weeks before the marathon, there’s a resident risk he will get Covid and have to drop out of the race. As for precautions, you know this – vaccinations, masking, washing hands, avoiding crowds. Hamilton will be a risky thing with everyone being indoors for 2+ hours but if I had non-refundable tickets – personally, I would go.
Anon
Masks are required for Broadway shows through the end of April (and compliance is extremely good – I was at a Broadway show last weekend and saw one person out of thousands without a mask and only a handful wearing masks incorrectly), so Hamilton actually seems like the least risky part of this to me.
Anonymous
I’d proceed as is since family is fully vaxxed and you can continue masking in public. Might be a bit harder to only do outdoor dining in NYC this time of year, but takeout is always an option.
NYCer
Since this race is important to your husband, I would follow his lead on cancelling. That being said, if it were me, I would still go. Someone in the family could just as easily get covid in your hometown in the next week, unless you guys are truly isolating at home.
Also, FWIW outdoor dining is still very easy in NYC unless the weather is absolutely awful (e.g., pouring rain). Almost all restaurants still have large outdoor set ups, and many/most are covered. The weather forecast also looks quite warm next week. And take-out is an option at almost every restaurant in the city.