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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
We’re entering sweater blazer season and I couldn’t be more excited. My cozy toppers have been mostly retired for the summer, but like a pumpkin spice latte, they'll reemerge the moment a chill appears in the air.
The Eloise sweater blazer from J.Crew is one of my favorites and clearly I’m not alone. It comes in a wide range of sizes and nine colors, all perfect for autumn.
The sweater blazer is $158 full price but currently 50% off (along with all other full-price items) and comes in sizes XXS–3X.
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Sales of note for 10.10.24
- Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
- Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
- White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles
Anon
I have the no-lapel version of this and wear it a lot in the AC inside or in the shoulder seasons outside. Sykes loose, not with a belt. I have never figured out how to wear with a dress and would love a high-hip version that is still boxy like this. Any thoughts?
The jardigan did NOT work for me — I need something warmer than nylon because I run cold. I’m also a pear, so I like some volume above my waist to balance me out but not a giant block like this unless I’m in pants.
Anon
I purchased the BR Factory’s Pique Knit Jacket a few months ago and it’s already been a work horse. I haven’t had a sweater blazer in years (last workplace was more casual – no blazers in any form, all previous work places were too formal for them – real blazers only).
Anon
Look at J Crew Factory, they have the Chelsea sweater blazer (IIRC) that is a bit shorter.
Anonymous
Talbots has one that I wear with dresses.
Anon
I have a faux suede moto jacket. I’m struggling with what it is: outerwear? Part of an outfit? I was expecting #2 but maybe it is #1?
Anon
Lightweight outerwear
Anonymous
It can probably be either. Do you know what’s keeping you from wearing it as part of an outfit — does it feel too heavy to wear inside?
Anon
I think it can be both! I use leather jackets as outerwear but often leave them on when I’m indoors as part of my outfit. Kind of like a cardigan.
BeenThatGuy
I have a lot of these and I wear them as part of an outfit. If for work, it’s with a pleated midi skirt and a form fitting top, tucked in. If it’s weekend wear, I like it with jeans and a loose top. But I generally consider it to be part of my outfit.
Cat
It’s both. I wear jackets this style as part of my outfit for days I’ll be primarily outside (fall brunches, farmers markets, etc).
A dowager, apparently
So I know my posture isn’t the best and never has been, but I’ve started to notice a little hump at the very top of my back between my shoulders and it’s the only thing I can see when I look at my profile in the mirror. My husband thinks I’m nuts but I swear it’s there. Any commiseration and/or tips? Seems like I can course correct now with stretching (this YWTL stretch I learned about online actually feels quite good) and resistance training focusing on muscles in my back, and correcting my posture going forward. Anything else?
No Face
My favorite way to address posture issues is a ballet class. I saw a permanent change in how I carried myself after taking class for fun.
Anonymous
+1 for ballet. Also check your monitor height and desk setup.
Anon8
I have the same issue. I have horrible posture and working from home just makes it worse because no one is ever looking at me. My friend is a physical therapist and says to do chin tucks (move your chin straight back, as if you’re trying to give yourself a double chin) 10 times, 3 sets a day. Driving is a good time to do it when you can push your head back against the headrest.
Also awareness of when your chin is gutted forward and moving your head back to a more neutral position is helpful.
NYNY
I was a dancer in a previous life, but my posture has deteriorated over the past couple years. I try to have moments of mindfulness, which help me. If I’m stressed out, I think about where I feel tension (spoiler, it’s always my neck and shoulders) and then try to drop my shoulders and move my ears into a vertical line with my shoulders. Maybe do a few slow head rolls if I’m feeling really tense. It helps.
Mrs. Jones
Yoga
Anon
Have you been checked out for osteoporosis etc? I think weight-training can be important for maintaining core strength/posture.
AIMS
I just saw an article about this & had no idea it had a name! I remember one of my grandmothers having a very pronounced one though so maybe I need to get on this too. https://www.bustle.com/wellness/exercises-for-dowagers-hump
Anon
The wall angels have made a difference for me in my dowager’s hump!
Shelle
I went to a physical therapist for an unrelated issue and she commented that my posture wasn’t great and gave me tips on how I should be standing. Maybe a quick session would help?
Pilates
Pilates! I have had terrible posture my entire life and private pilates instruction once a week for three months has made a bigger difference than anything else I’ve tried, including yoga for over a year and somewhat related physical therapy for nearly a year. I tried group pilates in the past twice a week for about a year and while I got a slight improvement it was nothing like I’m seeing now.
Who can help?
Bear with me as I ask this very basic and naive question…
I am ready to get some help for my anxiety/OCD (self-diagnosed for 10+ years, though likely had it since childhood; recently got the courage to bring up with my PCP and she agrees) — but what kind of a professional am I looking for? I’m thinking psychiatrist, in case meds are involved? (I also have other “baggage” to process…does a psychiatrist do therapy in that manner?)
I really have no idea where to begin, and doing the research and making the appointment has felt so overwhelming. I finally have childcare, etc and know it needs to be done. My PCP did give me some recommendations, but I put it off and now we’ve moved two hours away so I’m back to square one. And this is really daunting.
(I’d also love any tips for navigating insurance coverage for this!)
Anon
Hello there! You have a few options. I’ll tell you what I did. I have anxiety and PTSD for context.
I started seeing a therapist, and she has helped me get a handle on my anxiety and has helped with some good habits. I lucked out that I got the referral from the lawyer assistance program in my state, and she and I clicked. Once we got to a certain point, I had a very bad flare up of my ptsd, and my therapist recommended I consider medication. She referred me to a psychiatrist she works with closely, and he started me on Lexapro (often the first med people try for anxiety, though there are others). I started on 5mg and have worked my way up to 15 my over the last 3 months. It’s made a huge difference. I still see my therapist and we are starting intensive work for my ptsd.
You could see a psychiatrist first. Also, a lot of PCPs will give basic psych meds. If you are ready for meds already, you can try either of those routes.
I have a friend with OCD and she’s on some antianxiety medication and has done CBT as the type of therapy that helped her a lot. That’s a good term if you want to try searching for therapists in your area. I specifically go to a DBT therapist, and I love it. That type of therapy focuses on emotions and developing strategies to deal with intense emotions.
The process is overwhelming and can be really hard. This internet stranger is proud of you for taking the first steps toward wellness.
Anon
For insurance— I will admit that neither my therapist nor my psychiatrist take my current insurance. My therapist took my old insurance and she would just submit everything for me. I wasn’t willing to change providers when I changed jobs so now I pay out of pocket (eesh).
pugsnbourbon
+1 to all this, great advice. I’ll add that I did CBT for a long time, but meds were really what helped with the OCD/anxiety “buzz” of repetitive thoughts. Good luck and I hope you start feeling better soon.
Anon
I was where you are when I finally realized my symptoms were anxiety. I first went to a psychiatrist to get on meds. I felt I needed meds, since I realized I had been dealing with this my whole life. I didn’t even know I needed a therapist, I just asked the psychiatrist for a recommendation for someone to talk through my stress issues which I thought was the cause of my anxiety. The therapist was incredibly helpful, because they taught me CBT which significantly helped, and I realized it was much more than just stress causing my issues. Years later I now say that it is 50% meds, 50% therapy (specifically CBT) that helps me manage my severe anxiety.
Anon
PCP, therapist or psychiatrist. Therapists and many psychiatrists don’t take insurance. For the fastest med option, a PCP may be the way to go and transition to a therapist who can refer you to a psychiatrist (both can be harder to get into and find the right fit).
Anon
PCP, therapist or psychiatrist. Therapists and many psychiatrists don’t take insurance. For the fastest med option, a PCP may be the way to go and move to a therapist who can refer you to a psychiatrist (both can be harder to get into and find the right fit).
Anon
“Don’t take insurance” often means that they won’t process it for you, not that insurance is not going to pay for it. Just as an fyi.
Shananana
check with your insurance first. I am with Blue Cross and in our state was able to set up a psychiatry telehealth appt via their mobile app and they did all the initial screening, handled my meds and overall made something I thought was going to be very daunting very easy. From there, psychology todays website was a good starting off place for me for finding a talk therapist. CBT is very helpful, am planning to start trying some EMDR to try to process some things so look for people who have some flexibility in their approach. I will say, whether or not insurance covers it is very state dependent and insurer dependent. Have never had an issue in Michigan (particularly the detroit metro area) finding doctors who took my insurance. Don’t let that scare you!
I have OCD
I would recommend looking for a therapist that specializes in OCD and specifically, ERP (Exposure Response Prevention) therapy. I have OCD and per my therapist, psychiatrist, and own research, ERP is the gold standard for OCD (along with medication). My understanding is that CBT is not always the best approach for OCD – I know it is not for me!
Therapy with an OCD specialist / ERP plus a decently high dose of an SSRI allows me to now live relatively symptom free!
Best of luck, proud of you for taking this next step!
Anon
Is it okay if I threadjack? I’m in a bit of a clothing crisis. Are any of these options suitable (heh) for a government lawyer to go on-site to review and collect documents from the world’s most annoying subpoena recipient? (1) old gray skirt suit (Calvin Klein), a bit ratty, with an oil-like stain (about the size of a nickel) on the front of the skirt–my partner didn’t notice it, but I think I’d be a bit embarrassed to wear it, and I’m also worried they’ll jack the AC while we are there; (2) Loft Sutton pants in dark navy with an orange flower-y top (also loft lol) and the jacket from the Calvin Klein suit; (3) Loft Riviera pants in black with a blue shell and the Calvin Klein suit top; (4) one of the Loft pants options, but with a cardigan (which is what I wear to work normally, but I feel is not sufficiently formal for this).
If none of these are appropriate options, are there any least-bad options?
Some additional context: I’m the lead on this investigation. The meeting could be as early as tomorrow. I’m totally open to buying something tonight if they my size in stock (I’m quite petite). I live in DC (Dupont Circle) with no car if anyone has any recommendations–I’m not sure what is in stock at the Macy’s downtown and the last time I was at Ann Taylor (in Clarendon) they didn’t have a great selection in my size. I know, beggars can’t be choosers, but if I’m going to drop $400+ on a not-on-sale suit I’d like to at least like the color of it :/.
Really kicking myself for not moving on this faster :/. I had other suits and somewhere between a pre-pandemic trial three years ago and now I lost them. I’ve known I needed new suits for the last 18 months but kept procrastinating :(. And I knew I should have looked at stuff on sale over Labor Day but instead I spent the weekend watching YouTube videos of cake decorating.
pugsnbourbon
First, everyone threadjacks. That’s why we’re here.
Second – don’t wear the old suit if it’s going to make you anxious. If you can’t get the stain out, pitch it. IANAL, but I vote for option #3 or #2.
Anon
I feel like Banana is better for suits these days, and they are having a 40% off F&F sale if you get the card (so get the card; or any Gap / Athleta / ON card will do) that started today.
Hugs. DC is a hard place for good women’s clothing (but basic is the right note to hit here, IMO).
Anon
This is literally the last thing I’d buy an outfit for. I’d go with 2 or 3, basically no stains on clothes and agree a sweater or cardigan just isn’t a vibe you want to project. But make it work with what you have, it will be fine. Personally I’d opt for the darkest color options.
Cat
I would vote for 2 or 3.
For 1, I would suggest trying dish soap – they’re great on oil stains. If you can’t get it out, pitch it, you’re never going to feel confident wearing a skirt you know is stained.
No Face
I personally don’t think you need matching suit to collect documents. Also, you are the authority figure that the subpoena target needs to respect. You do not need to impress them.
If these are your options, I would wear pants + blouse. It does not sound like the jacket matches. Bring a cardigan in case you get cold. ALSO, do you know any other professional women roughly your size? I’ve definitely borrowed and provided emergency blazers before.
I don’t live in your region, so I don’t know any last minute stores to recommend. Are there any resale shops near you? I have a large collection of gray, black, and black-and-white blazers that are not a part of a suit. They go with any and all of my pants and sheath dresses.
Anonymous
2 3 or 4 are fine. You don’t need a suit. It’s not court. You’re good.
Anon
I vote for #3. I agree you shouldn’t wear something that’s stained (or that you feel self-conscious in), and the blue shell sounds more basic and formal than the flowery top.
You can probably look online (or call ahead) to see what items and sizes are in stock at AT and Macy’s, if you go get something tonight. I’m also quite petite and have never had luck getting suits in DC.
Anonymous
I would not buy something new if you don’t have time to get it tailored, especially not a suit. A suit that is not tailored does not look authoritative, unless you are a unicorn person whom suits fit perfectly straight off the rack. #2 or #3 is better if it fits perfectly and is in good condition. Definitely do not wear anything stained.
DC
Agree with everyone else– you can wear what you have for this. But if you want something new, just a note from another person who lives in Dupont– there is an Ann Taylor near metro center, a Banana in Georgetown, and Bloomingdales in Chevy Chase. Typically I metro up to the Bloomingdales in situations like this because they have sizes and a lot of work options at that location. I have definitely run in and out of that store in under 30 minutes to buy clothes a few hours before I had to leave for trial!
Anonymous
Not a lawyer so sadly no advice. But do you have any channel suggestions for the cake decorating? Here for all of it.
anon
Thank you, everyone!! I am glad I asked on here instead of rushing out and panic buying. Ironically there is another person on this matter who is very similar in size to me (which never happens) and she just happens to be out on vacation this week. I’ll go with the blue shell + black pants and my hardest resting bitch face I can drum up.
Jules
If your annoying subpoena recipient is at Mar-A-Lago, keep in mind that it will be hot outside and over-air-conditioned inside …
Anon
Ha! :)
anon
This subpoena recipient wishes they were as important as someone at Mar-A-Lago, and wishes (or has convinced themselves) that the materials we are seeking are as important as national secrets…there are a handful of people who care about what is in these documents and all of them work on this investigation lol.
Anon
I posted yesterday about favorite restaurants near center city Philly and got some amazing recs, thanks! Wanted to repost earlier in the day in case others have recommendations. I love sushi in particular!
Anon
I don’t generally go out for sushi, but I order take out a lot. I like Kei, Nori, and Bleu for that. Qu Japan has a good happy hour deal on basic rolls.
Anon
The person’s recs yesterday were spot on. 13th street has great restaurants. I don’t live in Philly anymore but miss Barbuzo! Double Knot is also good, or at least it was when I lived there (it has sushi on the menu!) I don’t really think of Philly as like the place to get sushi, but Morimoto is there. Talulua’s Garden is also good, especially if it’s still nice enough to sit outside
Anon
Yesterday’s anon here! Thank you for the validation lol! For as much as I love Sampan, I still haven’t made it to Double Knot! I agree that Philly isn’t known for its sushi. Plenty of good enough takeout places (that I guess also have sit down). People like Royal Izakaya too.
Anon
Wow i just realized it’s been 4 years since I lived in Philly and I think Double Knot was one of our last meals before moving (though i don’t know that i would’ve wanted to sit downstairs in the midst of the pandemic). I also loved Sampan for pan Asian type food. Someone below mentioned Zahav which I totally forgot about, though not as centrally located. Agree with the below commentary re Parc vs Bistrot la Minette, and if you like Italian I do recommend checking out a byob. I feel like the small Italian byobs are a uniquely Philly thing and otherwise i don’t love going out for Italian food (though obv my thoughts are a bit dated since it’s been a few years)
Anon
I always say that I only go to Italian spots in Philly that are BYOB and cash only… if they serve alcohol or take credit cards they cannot be trusted :)
Zahav is amazing, but it’s likely too late to get on the waiting list for the weekend.
Cat
Adding dinner recs-
Second the 13th St corridor
French – Bistrot la Minette for food, Parc or Rouge for the scene (food good but not AS good)
Italian – Gran Caffe l’Aquila (or just go for gelato, but they serve savory gelato on some of their main courses and it is as amazing as it sounds), or check out a BYOB (I like Ambrosia at 24th & Locust bc you can make reservations, also Mercato; personally I think Melograno, oft-recommended, overcooks their pasta)
Zahav if you can get in (maybe bar seating?)
Oyster House (more casual) or Vernick Fish for seafood
Thai – Kalaya
Upscale brunchy scene – The Love
Cat
oh, re reading I see you asked about sushi. Zama is good for dinner-out sushi IMHO!
Anon
If you can get into Zahav in any manner, take it!!!
Anon
I know you said center city but I can’t help but recommend Zeppoli in collingswood, NJ. It’s amazing! Better than a lot of the Philly restaurants IMO.
Anon
Any more annecdata for how it is getting the new COVID shot? I was all set to get it and then my kid came down with COVID, so I’m still testing to see if I am getting immunity the hard way or not. Ugh. So 2022.
Anonymous
I haven’t gotten the shot because I got Covid instead. I am just posting to encourage you to wait a bit before confirming you didn’t get the virus. I was exposed on a Tuesday night and although symptomatic starting that Friday, which in my mind could have been the virus or exhaustion following a major, weeks-long work event, I did not test positive on a home test until Monday night. I would hate to get the shot and then find out I already had Covid.
Anon
It was NBD for me. I’m pretty sure I haven’t had Covid, don’t know if that’s a factor. If you test positive I would wait at least 60 days before getting the shot to stretch out maximum immunity.
Grace
I just got mine on Monday alongside the flu vaccine. It was very easy to find an appointment with Walgreens (booked maybe a week in advance to get my preferred location and time). Note: at least in my area in New Jersey, Pfizer appears to be much more available than Moderna so it might be harder to find a Moderna vax if that’s your preference.
As for the shot experience and side effects, I really only had symptoms in the first ~18 hours after the vax. Mild fever, chills, headache, neck pain, and pain near injection sites. It wasn’t pleasant but it also didn’t really knock me down. I would still plan for a rough 24 hours or so, but my experience was pretty good and certainly much better than my first covid vax, which laid me out for a day.
Anon8
I just got the new booster on Friday. It was very easy to get an appointment, was in and out of Walgreens in ten minutes. I have gotten 3 Pfizer shots before this and I would say the side effects were similar to the first booster (I also had COVID in April, between my first booster and this one). For a day or two after the booster I was tired, didn’t sleep very well and had a mild headache. Side effects were mild enough they didn’t stop me from going to my local farmer’s market, cleaning the house and seeing some friends Saturday, so I’d say overall it was easy peasy.
Anonymous
Hard? It’s not hard. You just make an appointment.
Cat
OP is asking about side effects, not access…
Anon
Yes, and when you show up for a shot this time of year, they’ll offer you flu also. So both together?
Anywho, my kid has COVID and it must be omicron b/c a sibling had it the spring and this is more intense (phlegmmy, for a kid who is usually never like that, plus HIGH fever; this kid had had 3 real COVID shots and didn’t catch it from a sibling earlier).
Anon
Spring 2022 Covid was 100% omicron, although there are different omicron variants. But I think a bigger factor is that the virus just hits different people so differently. My husband had the sniffles. My best friend couldn’t get out of bed for two weeks. Both triple vaxxed although BFF much more recently so.
Anonymous
How was I supposed to know that
Cat
context? OP was “all set to get it” until her kid got Covid?
Anon
Has anyone done this with the flu shot? I have my flu shot scheduled for 9/27 and can’t decide if it’s best to combine or not. I am currently sick (waiting on COVID results, so of course this question might be moot) so don’t want to have to burn another PTO day for feeling cr@ppy after the vaccines, if I can help it (and can’t afford to be sick for the next several weekends)
Anon
My colleague did and felt yucky for a day after. I plan on doing both next week and then taking lots of Tylenol. I had flu symptom type reaction to my last booster
Anonymous
I did the flu shot and the Pfizer bivalent COVID booster together, and so did my husband. We each had a fever, dizziness, headache, and fatigue the evening of the shot, the following day, and that night and were better the second morning.
Anon
Did both over the weekend. Flu stung when injected. Arm was sore for a few days. No other side effects. Both of my primary-series shots hit me pretty hard, but minimal to no side effects for the boosters.
Anon
The flu shot stung like a MF for me too! It has never been that bad before. Got the covid booster in the other arm and barely felt it.
Anon
Me too.
Anon
I did one of the earlier boosters with a flu shot and it was fine. I’ve never reacted to the flu shot, but have had a range of reactions to the Covid shot. I don’t think the flu shot adds anything bad.
Anon In-House Empt Lawyer
I had it on Friday. As background, my reactions to prior COVID shots have been nothing-to-minimal (sore arm & mild headache for ~0.5-1 day). My reaction to the bivalent was the same (woke up Saturday AM with a sore shoulder and mild headache which went away midmorning with advil), and anecdotally most friends are finding their reaction is similar to other COVID shots they’ve gotten (e.g., if you got a fever from #2 MRNA or first/second booster, likely you will here… if not, you’re probably in the clear).
Anon
Mine was similar to my second shot and my other booster. I got it on Saturday and on Sunday had body aches, sore arm, and a low-grade fever. I woke up Monday morning like nothing had happened.
Carrots
I got my booster on Monday (Modern booster after going Pzifer for the first three) and yesterday was rough (fever, chills, super achy, fatigued) but was able to temper it with Tylenol. Woke up this morning feeling almost completely recovered – arm where I got the shot is still sore, but fever and chills are gone, ache is mostly gone. This was a little rougher than getting my first booster, but was only for the day.
Wallflower
I got my booster on Monday and am still feeling side effects 48 hours later. Congestion, night sweats, chills, coughing
Anon
Are you sure you don’t have Covid or the flu? I never heard of congestion or coughing as vaccine symptoms. Fever/aches/night sweats yes because those are symptoms if your body’s immune response.
Wallflower
My COVID test was negative, but there’s a chance I may have come down with a cold
Cat
+1, cough and congestion are not side effects, they are a separate bug!
Anon
Coughing in particular is not a side effect. Keep testing!
My BIL got COVID when he went for his booster (This was pre omicron booster), his guess was at the drugstore because he was otherwise WFH and hadn’t gone anywhere in a while, and he also though it was side effects. Even so he was happy he got the booster because he didn’t have a severe case of COVID, so maybe it helped? Who knows.
Miss Marple
I had a month-long bout of coughing after both my second and third shots and both times, the coughing started 1 day after receiving the shot. Those were the only times during the last 3 years that I’ve had a cough so it seems more likely than not that something in the vaccine caused the cough. My doctor thinks it might have been an allergic reaction so I plan to get a different brand for my fourth shot. There is still so much that we don’t know about the possible effects of the vaccine.
Anon
My arm was sore for 2 days, and no side effects. Got my shot a week ago, and my flu shot 3 days prior.
anon
I got my bivalent last week and felt nothing. I truly forgot that I had it until maybe I would reach for something high up, activating that part of the arm that was a little sore. I will go back next week for my flu shot. For context, I felt totally fine with shot #1, felt the FULL range of symptoms on shot #2 for exactly 24 hours, and then totally fine with the boosters.
Anonymous
DH and I have a few days of child care in the fall to celebrate a milestone anniversary. Is it ridiculous to fly to London (or Paris) from east coast USA for a weekend? With direct flights, we’d land early (7 am) on a Friday and leave late afternoon (4 pm) on Sunday. We want to make the most of the celebration, but don’t want to go and feel it wasn’t worth the travel. We’ve never been to London but have been to Paris. We’d be using points for hotel and flight, so it’s less about the money.
Anon
Nope! Not to me anyway. But I’d pick one city, not try to do both.
Anonymous
Yes– definitely picking one! Thanks. Lisbon is also in the mix.
Anon
+1 – although flights are so expensive these days, I might not be able to stomach for a super short trip
Anon
Agreed, also for a short trip I’d go to Paris since you’ve been before, less pressure to do anything specific. Just go to a lovely hotel and get a fabulous meal.
Anon
I know people who have gone to Paris from NYC for a 3 or 4 day weekend. I think if you can reliably sleep on planes for your flight over, then it’s probably worth it (or if you are like me and can’t sleep on planes but are great at hitting the ground running when you land).
Also – I hoard my points like I hoard my (very limited) money, so I think I’d have some sort of regret about using the points on a trip I may or may not enjoy, but if you don’t have these weird hangups, then I’d say go for it!
Veronica Mars
We just did this this spring with direct flights that were about 6.5 and 8 hrs if I’m remembering correctly. Here’s the thing–even though it’s a direct flight, it’s still super tiring to be on that long of a flight and then arrive in a brand new time zone (especially since your flight there is a red eye). We were complete zombies on the day we arrived, so that whole day was a scratch. I don’t think you’d really want to do anything that day. If you’re a really good flight sleeper, it might be possible, but it was just very rough. I think adding a day or two so you leave Tuesday or Wednesday would make a world of difference.
Anon
I would 100% do it, especially if you have small children so a longer kid-free vacation is not on the horizon. I would pick Paris because you’ve been before — you won’t feel as pressured to see “everything” but can instead concentrate on having a nice relaxing weekend doing your favorite or new things, hanging out in cafes, etc. My partner and I do lots of weekend trips (but closer to home — he can’t sleep on planes) when we have grandparents watching the kids for the weekend.
Cat
If you’re familiar with how well you sleep on planes and handle jet lag, go for it. We go regularly enough that we have a total groove (arrange for early check-in, take a 1.5 hour nap to take the edge off but not prolong the issue, and then get outside and exploring).
Cat
oh- and I would pick Paris. The familiarity is good for a short trip. Feel no pressure to sightsee. Just walk around, eat all the food, explore neighborhoods, etc.
Anon
Can you fly business class and sleep on the plane? The flight is only ~8 hours so you won’t get a great night of sleep even in a lay flat seat, but a solid 5-6 hours makes a big difference for me. If I flew economy I’d have to spend most of the first day napping and then it wouldn’t really be worth it.
anon
No, in fact it sounds like a dream… jetting off to Paris for the weekend! I’m in Boston and flights to some European destinations (ie: Ireland) are shorter than going to LA or San Fran. Do it. I might suggest leaving Thursday and doing Thurs-Sun if you can swing it, but I think it sounds totally fun and doable, esp with adults only.
Anon
For me it probably wouldn’t be worth it bc I’d come back so tired and due to having my small children at home won’t be able to sleep and recover. But I’m also a person who needs sleep to function. I’d rather go somewhere more local and relax But that’s just me!
Anon
If you’re planning on going soon be aware that London is crazy busy right now because of the Queen’s death. I would pick Paris!
Anonymous
I’ve done it and find it draining but worthwhile. My big tips are for Friday, plan on lots of outdoor walking, book in for afternoon tea at Fortum and Mason at their last seating time, and after that go to the hotel and go to bed. And the other one is pack super light. Super. Like it’s a waste of time to trek from Heathrow to your hotel to drop bags and on Sunday to leave bags at the hotel and circle back. Rewear clothes, use hotel toiletries, it is two days, use a purse or a mini back pack. Do all your shopping in Heathrow before going to your gate, including a tote bag for your souvenirs.
Anon
I literally dream about being at the stage in life where I can go to Paris for a long weekend. Enjoy!
Anon
I think the biggest factor is how you handle jet lag. If you won’t feel drained after the flight with the time difference I’d say go for it! It sounds romantic! Only issue is the constant flight delays May eat into your travel time.
Seafinch
I wouldn’t do it. I just came home from a European trip and while I sleep well on planes and also don’t get jetlag, it was exhausting. I definitely couldn’t manage it with a job the next day and kids. Also, every single leg of every flight was delayed or cancelled.
Jules
To me, the expense wouldn’t be worth it for a trip that short, but YMMV. Have you considered Montreal or Quebec City? Very European – well, I haven’t been to Quebec City but have heard wonderful things about it – and much closer to hom.
Anonymous
I would go to Quebec City. And splurge!
Anon
I’ve done it between business trips. Go for it!!
anon
Help me feel better about giving my notice. The actual work I do is meaningful but extremely stressful. I’m drastically underpaid and commute two hours a day, five days a week. My new position will double my salary and I’ll be remote. My biggest hesitation is that I really like my coworkers and leaving will make them even more overworked. We have had a LOT of turnover lately. I know this is a problem for management to solve but the line workers are the ones impacted. I just feel crummy that I’m going to make my friends’ lives harder.
Anon
I left a job like this last year: meaningful and important work but low pay, very long hours/high stress, high turnover, but had some very, very close friends at the job. In an org of about 40 people, I was the 13th person to leave in 9 months. I was worried about dumping more work on my friends and also sad about not getting to work with them every day. I cried handing in my notice and again on my last day, that’s how much I loved the people and how conflicted I was about leaving.
So, in the 9 or so months since I left what’s happened? 10 more people have left, including 4 of my close friends. This means I only have like 3 close friends left at the job (and all of them are actively job searching). In talking to my friends, morale has continued to plummet. Bad leadership keeps getting promoted to higher levels. Everything I hated about that job has gotten worse and nothing has gotten better.
So, it will be rough on your coworkers in the mean time but they’re likely also job searching! And then you get to become real life friends with them, not just work friends.
No Face
Well said, much better than how I was going to say it. I have left multiple jobs for Reasons. All those Reasons are still happening, and the people I really cared about have all left those places anyway. We are all much better off at our new places.
pugsnbourbon
If one of your coworkers was leaving, how would you feel? You might be slightly annoyed bc you’re human, but I bet you’d be very happy for them. Trust that they will be happy for you, and know that you’re doing the right thing for yourself. A 2-hour commute alone is brutal, let alone everything else you mentioned.
And congrats on the new role and BIG raise!!
Anon
As they say on flights, put your own oxygen mask on first before helping someone else. You can keep tying yourself up in knots over how things will be when you leave – but guarantee it’s going to be a weight coming off your shoulders once you do. Hopefully you’ll have some time between jobs?
Anon
Keep in mind your coworkers have the ability to leave too!
Anon
It’s not your job to self-sacrifice. No one else would bat an eye at leaving your current firm. End things on good terms, maybe take a few people out for some drinks and enjoy your new salary!
Anon
“It’s not your job to self-sacrifice. ” That’s probably the best phrasing I’ve ever seen, better than the oxygen mask analogy. Thank you!
Anon
That is a management problem and it’s not your job to solve it by making yourself miserable.
Anon
How do I not become a parent losing it at a school board meeting?
Our large urban school district closed schools for a year and a half. Learning was bad, but the learning loss, particularly among the district’s majority-minority population. To help fix this (really questioning the logic here), they have a new police that 10 absences, excused or unexcused, will result in a kid failing each class, regardless of grade.
Kiddo has gotten COVID, so has already missed 5 days (which should be excused and NBD) but also misses classes for various services like physical therapy and speech therapy (which the district isn’t providing b/c it thinks IEPs are only for academic problems and kiddo isn’t having academic problems). I am about to lose it. Teachers have been stressing this policy (which comes from the board, not from them) to the point where not only does kiddo have COVID, but her anxiety about this is through the roof.
Ironically, high school kids can make up “seat time,” hour for hour, by just sitting in something like detention, but not younger kids.
Anon
Wow that is a horrible policy. I don’t have advice but I share your outrage. We have a similar cap on parent excused absences, but sickness with a doctors note doesn’t count towards that limit (and the peds in our town write notes liberally, especially inCovid times).
Anon
Ha — our practice is saying they can’t write a note without a visit (and yet won’t see a kid with COVID, which is understandable). I sent in a picture of a + COVID test (which is basically what they will do) and it was somehow not good enough for the school or the doctor. I would like to start fundraising for my inevitable legal defense fund because I am going to lose it.
No Face
Wow your doctor’s office stinks too!
Anon
Everything stinks now. It is amazing, in a bad way, how little time it took for everyday things we count on to go to hell. I feel like I might as well go full unibomber (cabin in Montana, not the blowing sh*t up, although that would be understandable) because I just feel so totally alone that what is the point of living in civilization if it has all gone to pieces and nothing works?
Anon
Yeah your doctors office is crazy. What is their solution? Do they think your kid should go to school with Covid? Will they accept an official test from a pharmacy like Walgreens? I don’t understand what they think you should do in this situation.
KS IT Chick
Would they be willing to do a telehealth appointment? I understand both not wanting to give a note without an appointment and not wanting to see a patient who is COVID positive, but they need to offer something for their patients.
Anonymous
And I bet they won’t see kids with COVID symptoms or a positive test either, right?
Anonymous
They probably don’t want to write a note they can’t bill for. I think the suggestion for a telehealth visit is a good one, because they can bill for that.
Anon
Will they do a video visit to check the box?
Anon
If I were you, I’d be looking at an alternative. Not sure what private or other options exist in your area, but this policy during the COVID/post-COVID era is insane. Choosing to close schools for that long was insane.
In large, urban districts so many kids are just a number and everything is brought down to the lowest common denominator. A kid needing physical/speech therapy but who is doing well academically isn’t going to receive the support needed.
Anonymous
Move your kid to a better school. Stuff like this is why nice white parents leave these schools. Sure go to a board meeting and raise it but you won’t solve it and this school is harming your kid.
No Face
Definitely speak at the board meeting. Also, check out any plaintiff-side education firms in your area to advocate for an IEP. Finally, look into other options for your kiddo. If there are special needs programs or schools that you can afford, it may be time to switch over.
Ribena
Would this not breach the Americans with Disabilities Act by being de facto discriminatory to kids with disabilities?
Anon
So much noncompliance is the new normal, like schools can’t even get the minimum done. Rights only matter if there are competent hires with enough hours in the day at each school. They can’t get math teachers. So I’m not surprised. Your rights exist in theory. But they aren’t funded, just like safe roads and bridges. Or social security or pensions. Words on paper are pretty meaningless.
Anonymous
Is this productive? You need to move your kids to a functional school. Not Moan about the unabomber.
Anon 2.0
But what about the kids who have parents who can’t just move schools? What about the parents who can’t make it to school board meetings or maybe they don’t speak the language to express their frustrations? I am not saying OP’s kids need to be the martyrs to save others, but there is something to be said for stepping up in an attempt to enact change versus fleeing the problem.
OP, I’d try to adhere to the old saying of the squeaky wheel gets the grease. Make a big deal out of this. I’d also play up the angle of this policy basically forcing people who are sick, even those with Covid, to come to school. Ask them how they’d deal with a mass teacher illness, etc?
Anon
Right, because that’s super easy to do.
Anonymous
it is productive, because people need to realize that rights must be protected or they will be encroached gradually until they disappear. that’s what happening in every sector and the economy is about to sh*t the bed too. buckle up!
Anon
Have a kid on an IEP in a public school; can confirm. Their attitude seems to be “we will follow the ADA if and when you sue us, and not before.” I have had more interaction with the administration and SPED coordinator at my son’s school in the last month than I have had in his entire school career to date. We have a clear diagnosis of dyslexia and ASD-1 from a neuropsych from years ago, and an approved IEP, and they won’t follow it. Overall test scores due to Covid learning loss were pretty bad at the end of last year, and they seem to think that violating the ADA will make up for it, somehow, when kids who are already at a disadvantage are pressured into struggling through their education. We’re looking at moving schools mid-year, if not before.
Anon
If so, it’s nothing new. It’s really common for children and teens with medical conditions to be penalized for absences under zero tolerance attendance policies.
anon
Where I live, this policy would violate multiple laws, particularly as applied to a child with a disability. In OP’s shoes, I would look into engaging counsel to write a demand letter for a reasonable accommodation for my kid. The squeaky wheel with a lawyer often gets what everyone should be getting.
If I had the energy, I’d also try to organize parents, the health department, media, etc because this policy is bonkers and will lead to more illness transmission in schools. This is draining and after the past few years, I probably wouldn’t. I am so grateful to parents who still have the energy, though.
OP, I’m so sorry. This isn’t right. It’s absolutely good for the community for you to speak up at a board meeting. There are so many parents whose families have the same needs, but have too many barriers to participate in a board meeting. Thank you.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
Our district has the same policy without the makeup provision. You can appeal the failure towards the end of the year. I don’t know how often appeals are successful. My read is that it’s driven by a desire to maximize attendance-based funding. It seems counterproductive because when kids come to school sick, they get teachers sick and we are having a huge substitute crisis.
Anon
My kids’ school had this same policy. However, they didn’t enforce it. Not knowing this, I just figured if it came to failing because of absences, I would deal with it at that time. And turns out it wasn’t an issue. Shitty way for the school district to run, getting everyone worried and hyped up, but in the end it had no teeth anyway.
Anon
No kids, but a policy like this would make me send them to school with Covid unless their symptoms were bad. How utterly idiotic.
Anon
You SHOULD be the parent losing it at a school board meeting. This policy discriminates against people who need required medical / disability related care, and it encourages people to send their sick kids to school. I’d call the media and your state representative too. This policy is terrible and doesn’t make up for or mask the equally terrible decision to close schools for 18 months. I’d
Anon
Right? A parent taking issue with an actual policy is what these board meetings are for (as opposed to the dingalings who show up at every meeting to yell about kids being indoctrinated to identify as cats or whatever the conspiracy theory du jour is.
I hope you get a resolution soon. This policy sucks!
Anon
Agreed. You should. Maybe don’t *totally* lose it, but show up and say something. If they don’t hear from parents at school board meetings, how are they going to know how batsh*t their policy is?
Anon
Yep! Make a big fuss, write to the local paper and hire an attorney. I’d consider bringing the attorney to the board meeting if they are local and willing.
Anon
Feel free to ignore this because I do understand this is a BFD, but I would recommend starting very calmly and not bringing the attorney and not yelling the first time around. If they’re not responsive, absolutely escalate. But as somebody who is in a similar position to a school board member, it really sucks when people come out swinging and threatening and demanding action when it’s something we would have done anyway! School board members are humans and will react like humans do, which unfortunately means sometimes not rationally or professionally.
Anon
I would switch schools!
Anon
If it’s a district-wide policy, that seems pretty difficult to do.
Anon
To clarify – I would switch to private, charter, parochial, whatever but I would not keep my kids in public education
anon
There aren’t always many options. In my college town, for example, all the private schools are parochial. And they are associated with the most conservative churches in town, so I would never ever be comfortable sending a kid there. Especially one who has additional needs.
Anon
Yup private school is definitely not an option for everyone. My college town has two private schools: one Catholic with good academics but a heavy emphasis on religion and one Christian one with joke academics (taking the Bible literally, no evolution etc). Obviously the Christian one is out for anyone who believes in science. I do know some non-Catholic people who send their kids to the Catholic school but we’re Jewish and it makes me really uncomfortable. I wish we had a secular private school but there isn’t one within a 50 mile radius.
Seventh Sister
In my area, the choices are: (1) iffy charter schools, (2) Catholic schools that are affordable but my spouse is 100% opposed to sending our kids there, or (3) $40,000/year private schools that were already full.
If the public schools had not reopened in 2021, I probably would have moved in with my in-laws (who live 50 miles away in a more conservative district that opened quickly).
Anon
Is this an IEP or 504 type issue? (I don’t have kids in school and IANAL but would have guessed 504.)
Anonymous
504 does not come with services.
Anon
Sorry, I think I misread and interpreted that absences occasioned by services were being penalized, which I thought could violate a 504.
It would definitely help if the services were already covered by the IEP!
I’m generally pretty skeptical about what IEPs and 504s can do; schools were never designed to be inclusive or accommodating and it all feels like underfunded attempts to compensate for that.
For the mom of the daughter looking for a unicorn school
Does he have a 504 rather than/instead of an IEP? That may be more appropriate for a disability requiring physical therapy. Oh, and the policy sucks.
Nesprin
If your school isn’t providing services that your kiddo needs, get an education lawyer. The school district should provide IEPs for any kid who needs one, but having gotten B’s with my learning disability, they will not want to unless pushed. Given that your kid’s teacher has been pushing a dumb, discriminatory policy, I’d also ask the education lawyer to write a strongly worded letter about missing class time for medical issues.
Seventh Sister
If I was in your shoes (and I live in a small urban school district with absence policies that aren’t quite this bad but still bad), I would detail/document all absences, notify the school admin and the teachers every time there is an absence for illness or therapy.
I’d also complain up the chain of command.- asst. superintendent for your sub-district, superintendent, school board members. Look at the website for the district and try and figure out who is responsible for attendance stuff and contact them as well. I’d also get in touch with your local paper and your elected representatives (start with your state reps and move upward). Speaking at the school board meeting may be cathartic, but they are likely to listen/push you off without real action if that’s the only thing you are doing.
Also, is there a local FB group or other group for parents in your school or district? It’s easy to brush off one parent, but if there are a bunch it gets harder.
I got a truancy notice during the year and a half closure because he didn’t even bother to log in for Zoom for @ 9 days over the course of the “remote school” sessions. There was no requirement to respond, and I probably would have skipped any hearing or meeting as a waste of time. Frankly, if they’d decided to send out CPS, I would have welcomed the break (this is my nice white parent privilege talking but I’ve been come a bit of an f- around and find out sort over the past few years).
Two more thoughts: if your kid is in elementary school, tell the teacher and the principal in writing that they are not to discuss the absence policy with your child because they are causing her extreme distress. And the grades don’t matter. If the kid is in middle school or the grades would matter, keep a log/record of her actual grades so that even if she shows as having “failed,” you have actual records of her work. In many places, all classes have to be open enrollment by state law, so they can’t deny your kid entry into an accelerated class because of her prior grades.
Data point of one, but the fact that I’m *still* so mad about what happened to my own kids during COVID should be noted by people who work for left-ish politicians who think that they will get parents’ votes by pretending everything is fine. Everything is not fine, I view the school district as my adversary and I didn’t always feel that way.
Anonymous
I haven’t read through the thread but I’d say you have 2 choices: 1) call the local news station to see if they’re interested in the human effects of this policy, or 2) send you kid to school. In our district people are doing the second, my kid has been told by numerous kids (5th grade) that they’re positive but in school. Last year in May we waited until they tested negative but didn’t bother with the other quarantine regulations; they were only out for 1-2 days (this after them both missing 30+ days for following the regulations and guidelines otherwise).
Pandemic is over to 95% of people around us, most people aren’t even testing or they only test once.
Anonymous
re the IEP services – will they not do virtual or makeup sessions? that seems wrong — whatever their plan was in 2020 should be their backup plan now. My son is also on an IEP and I guess you’re right he didn’t get speech/OT while he was out sick with covid – but he’s 3rd grade now so he’s had years of speech and OT at this point, so missing one here or there isn’t a big deal.
In our state (OH) our IEP status entitles us to state scholarships to go elsewhere – we take the $33k scholarship and go to a private school for ND kids that costs just around that.
Anon
Favorite smoothie recipes? I just got a nutribullet and would like to start doing morning smoothies either pre or post workout or on my walk to work. I enjoy smoothies but I don’t think I’ve ever once made one myself!
Wallflower
I like Daily Harvest’s smoothies
NYCer
+1 to Daily Harvest.
Anonymous
My general formula is 1/2 frozen banana, 1 single-serve carton Greek yogurt, 1 cup frozen fruit, 1 cup juice or milk. Mix and match fruit, yogurt, and juice flavors that go together.
Some less sugary favorites made with milk instead of juice are:
Whole frozen banana, vanilla or plain yogurt, 2T peanut butter powder, 4 ice cubes, 1 cup milk
1/2 frozen banana, blueberry yogurt, 1T almond butter, pinch salt, 1 cup blueberries, 1 cup milk
Anon
Just mix together stuff you like. I make smoothies all the time out of whatever frozen stuff is in my fridge and freezer. Start with a dollop of juice or milk (some kind of liquid) first so your blender works better; add a scoop or two of frozen fruit(s) of your choice (cherries, bananas and strawberries), spinach, whatever; add a dollop of Greek yogurt for the protein; and, if it is not sweet enough, a glug of maple syrup. It’s all to taste. My favorite combination is frozen cherries and bananas (I freeze bananas that are too ripe to eat fresh, just peel and wrap in plastic and throw in the freezer) with a handful of blueberries. But it’s not rocket science. I highly recommend smoothie straws, though, for optimum smoothie appreciation.
Anon8
This almond butter smoothie tastes like cookie dough to me. Soooo goood.
1/2 c non-dairy milk
big handful of spinach
2 Tablespoons of almond butter
1 banana
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
Vicky Austin
oooo, yum, thank you.
Betsy
Catherine McCord has a book called The Smoothie Project that is full of great smoothie recipes! I got it from my library and ended up buying it because I referred back to it so often.
Anon
Ice + frozen raspberries + tart yogurt or kefir + my preferred sweetener + enough water to make it blend. Sometimes I add bee pollen because I like the taste.
Mouse
1 frozen banana + TBSP almond butter + some greens of choice + big scoop greek yogurt + frozen berry mix + coconut water if I have it (otherwise some water)
Anon
This recipe looks great, thanks!
Anon
I buy frozen mixed berries or other frozen blends (I have a pineapple strawberry mango one I like). I slice half a banana, throw in a cup or two of the frozen fruit, put in some milk – less if I want it thick, more if I want it to be easy to sip as I drive to work. Proportions will change texture and flacor but it’s all fruit and milk and delicious every time.
Anonfor
Has anyone jumped back in to biglaw after being in the public sector? I left as a mid-level associate, spent several years clerking and in a high-prestige and low paying public interest position, and am now considering going back. Wouldn’t have my own book of business so I’m not sure what level I’d be (of counsel)? Also wondering if this is a silly thing to do for life balance purposes now that I have a LO, although I have been working crazy hours anyways and it would at least be nice to be paid.
Anon
Is theoretical? B/c my sense is that BigLaw is about to sh*tcan a bunch of people who are cost centers, and if you have no work and a high title, IDK why you’d be doing into BigLaw now. Unless you are on the side regulating against or litigating against their clients, in which case, maybe, but that’s because they have high-need work. FWIW, once I had a LO I really quiet quit and just worked on my own cases and I hate to sound all princess about it, but developing my own book was the only thing that let me stay in big law and manage my own hours (which can be crazy, but I work for external clients where the crazy pays vs internal clients and there actually is loyalty both ways now because I have a direct line to helping a profit center stay a profit center).
Anonymous
So it works for you but no one else could POSSIBLY do it, right?
Anon
I look around my firm and the number of senior women with kids is . . . 3? But I think 1 has two nannies (makes 7 figures a year, so she can afford that) and 1 has had a nonworking spouse since the last recession. So 1? The odds are pretty dismal. For anyone.
Nyc
Yup. Similar stats at my firm. Not inspiring
Alanna of Trebond
What do you mean by senior women with kids? All of the women partners at my firm have kids except two.
Anonymous
I’m in a government job now, no prestige but over 200k salary. I know I could double my salary as counsel if not more, but I haven’t been able to make myself do it. From a work perspective I want to as my current work is terrible and presents no challenge. But the lack of stability in biglaw combined with a zero respect environment which is what my first firm was, not to mention the hours, makes me think twice. I’m convinced I’d go in, work 80 hours a week and still would be let go in two or three years once they decided I wasn’t going to be partner and they wouldn’t keep me as counsel forever and then I’d regret letting go of a hard to get 200k stable job.
Anon
Can I ask what government lawyer job pays $200k? I’m on the GS scale and am increasingly stressed/depressed about my salary.
Anonymous
Look at the financial regulators. You don’t necessarily start at 200k though can get there usually in under five years because if you come in with a number of years of experience you start usually at the top end of what GS attorneys make and then raises tend to be in the five to seven percent range, rather than the one or two percent that GS has gotten for years.
gov't job
I’m a public defender in California. I make over 200K.
Anon
I used to work for the county as an attorney in CA and made just shy of 200K when I left. Government attorney jobs here tend to pay better IMO, depending on the particular county/city you are in.
No Face
I think it is reasonable to do a stint in Biglaw to make and save a ton of money for a few years before you move on to what you actually want to do. So if you love clerking but need more money, do Biglaw for three years and then apply for more clerkships.
Anon
BUT if you are working 40 hours in govt, jumping to 60+ in BigLaw (and that’s 60+ irregular hours, sadly, not 9-9 every day) may require a PT nanny. But you can rarely get a good PT nanny, so you may have spotty hit and miss coverage or need to pay for FT help and just have a very clean house and done laundry on top of the 20+ hours of child care for pickups / dinner / activities that you now need. So factor that in as a cost to doubling that salary.
FWIW, I’m not convinced that it’s worth it to try to make more than you can easily make in a 9-5 job once you have kids. Like I feel that if I don’t hit the EASY button at work, life has thrown me curve balls since 2019 and I’d have lost my mind / job / spouse / kids if I had a very difficult and demanding job on top of it (so, Cadwalader, that’s why I didn’t return your call). I can only be spread so thin before any work I do becomes utter crap. And I need to sleep and not be at a point of running on empty or screaming at everyone.
I’d need good expensive help and in the pandemic, you really had to struggle to get even bad expensive help. To me, even double the $ isn’t worth the drama. Triple? 4X? Maybe. But those hours have to come from somewhere and it’s not like I’ve got them with kids and a 9-5.
Anon
Look at Lagliv blog. But also I think law firms might be poised to go through some contraction at the associate level in the coming year.
anon
my fed office is a revolving door for biglaw (people come in as mid level associates, stay 5-7 years while doing a bunch of big cases, and then head back to biglaw as counsel or income partner) and I’ve noticed there’s been a definite slowdown in movement over the past six months (I think the hiring spree of about a year ago has passed). To be sure, it’s nothing like it was from 2009-2012, when pretty much no one left, but it is slower for sure. In general, as others mentioned above, it is mostly single and or childfree men/women, or married men with kids (and a spouse who can and wants to downshift) who are leaving. The running joke at my office has always been that when a male attorney has his second child, he’s looking for the exit path to biglaw.
Anon
Over time, maybe 15 of my FB friends have died (older relatives, but a few same-aged friends as well). What do you do with them? I don’t want to defriend, but some things are just creepy when you know that the person is dead (Anon, you have been friends with Dead Kim for 10 years (except Dead Kim has been dead for 3 years)). Wish Dead Kim a Happy Birthday! Etc.
Cat
You can always unfollow them without unfriending. (This is great for acquaintances in MLMs, too…)
Anon
I would unfollow.
I wish Facebook weren’t so sociopathic in general!
I was looking back to a messenger conversation I’d had with someone and learned that her family had deleted everything — her account, all photos, all messages — and that was a weird feeling too.
embees
FB allows an account to be “memorialized” – cuts down on those inappropriate notifications while still keeping pictures, etc. A family member/close friend would usually be the person to do it, perhaps you could offer (in the case of older family members etc)?
Anon
I would unfriend. For me, continuing to be facebook friends with somebody wouldn’t be a way I’d want to memorialize them or honor our friendship.
Anon
I’m not sure I would be on Facebook at all if I felt this way. What else is it really for than updates and photos and memories from people in our lives? It matters to me to see other people’s memories when they post them, or even small things like photos from when someone visits the headstone. Sometimes I search old messages for something someone told me about that I can’t quite remember. I guess I would leave Facebook before I would unfriend someone because they passed away.
Anon
I can see that. Facebook plays a much different role in my life. My closest friends barely use it anyway and it isn’t a part of our friendships, so it wouldn’t mean much to me if it weren’t there anymore.
Anon
A very good friend died a few years ago. I don’t have the heart to unfriend her. I do like the pop up notification to remember her.
Grace
Is it rude not to reply to recruiters that message you randomly on LinkedIn? I try to but sometimes get overwhelmed by the messages, as I’m in a high turnover industry, and don’t respond.
Anonymous
Absolutely not rude.
Anon
Definitely not rude. It’s on them to provide valuable info for you up front. If they seem scammy or vague, I ignore. If there’s a slight possibility I might be interested, I ask for basics (client, rate) and if they won’t tell me I move on.
Chl
Some that are truly unprofessional I ignore but for most I’ll just say something like ‘Thanks for reaching out, this sounds like an exciting role but I’m not interested in making a move right now. Best of luck with your search.’ You never know when you might need one:)
Walnut
I ignore 100% of recruiting messages on LinkedIn.
Explorette
Not at all. I ignore all LinkedIn messages and messages sent directly to my email. If they are cold contacting me, I have no obligation to respond.
Ribena
I generally ignore any truly generic ones; if they’ve put some effort in I will reply and say I’m not looking right now but thanks for thinking of me
Also Anon
I say this as one of those people who send messages to passive talent, I do not take it personally if people don’t reply. It’s great when someone’s interested, I’m always happy when someone isn’t interested but is transparent about what they are looking for in their next role in terms of comp and title so we know if something along those lines opens up, but no response is also fine. It’s a cold outreach, I know not everyone will get back to me.
smurf
Des Moines recs needed!
Headed to des moines at the end of September for a concert – I’ve only driven through before. Any recommendations on food, fun places to walk around, etc.? Likely staying in downtown. Our only plan for the weekend is the concert so far.
(not nearly as glamorous as most of the travel asks on here, but coming from MSP and this is the closest city the artist we’re seeing is performing in!)
Sunshine
DH used to travel to Des Moines for work. He liked West End Architectural Salvage & Coffee Shop; it’s like a coffee shop and antique store combo. And he isn’t into home decor at all. But said the coffee was good and it was a fun place.
smurf
that sounds right up my alley – thanks!
Des Moines metro resident
the DSM register just published an updated list of where to eat in the metro this week – suggest searching for it. My defaults downtown are Centro, Bubba, Django. Proudfoot & bird is newer and fancier but still may be getting its feet under it as they just got a new chef a week or so ago. Love the happy hour at eatery A. There’s also an Eater list from last year for where to eat in the area that is really accurate. As far as other things to do, if it’s nice, recommend walking thru the sculpture garden, hitting up the art center, walking around the east village, loop around grey’s lake if it’s warm, or maybe around raccoon river park. Check the DSM partnership website to see if there are any festivals that weekend that interest you. I think there’s a Latin one coming up but am not positive. And – welcome!
smurf
Thank you!!
Anon
Downtown Farmers Market Saturday morning is a must do if you are in town for it. Sculpture Park is really nice. East Village has some cute shops. Food, depends on what you like, so will recommend a broad range of things: Cheese Bar, Big Grove Brewery, and Eatery A (just west of downtown) or in downtown Fresko, Centro, Django, or Malo.
Anon
Has anyone upgraded from the Chase Sapphire Preferred to the Reserve — did you find it to be worth it? We don’t travel a ton but would love to travel more. What was the process of upgrading like?
Anon
Started with the reserve but find it totally worth it. Basically take a free trip every year and it’s great for travel benefits.
Anon
I never had the Preferred but I like the Reserve. I travel a lot though. Not sure it’s the right card if you’re not a big traveler.
Anon
We just weren’t able to afford it prepandemic and now with a few raises our annual travel budget has gone up… and if we can stretch it with points…!
Anon
In that case it probably makes sense!
Anonymous
Yes, I highly recommend it and there is a trick to making it even better if you don’t mind using two credit cards (Chase actually told me about this when I called to upgrade my preferred card to reserve). Downgrade your Chase Sapphire Preferred card to a Chase Freedom Unlimited card (free) and apply for a Chase Reserve card. Put all travel and dining on reserve (3x points) and everything else on the freedom card (1.5x points on everything). You can easily transfer points from the freedom card to the reserve card online and when they are redeemed for travel they are worth even more. While the annual fee on the reserve card is a lot, the first $300 in travel is automatically reimbursed and I’ve found the benefits far exceed the remaining cost.
Anon
Wow this is interesting! Did you need to downgrade first, wait, and then apply, or were you able to do it all in one call?
Anonymous
I think I downgraded the preferred card on the call and then applied online for the reserve card (because we put the reserve card in my husband’s name, but we only did that to get extra bonus points for new customers – I don’t think they do the crazy extra points for signing up for reserve anymore). The cards have worked really well for us! I recently was on vacation when we had an unexpected death in the family. It was a terrible situation and we were very far from home – the chase reserve people were really helpful and were able to change our return flight to an earlier date and a different return city.
Anon
I did this and I way more than made up the difference in cost (via insurance reimbursements, free meals, and stipends) on the very first trip I took with it. I had a flight delay turned cancellation nightmare that stretched over multiple days. The upgrade isn’t just about the points acrual. Be sure to factor in Priority Pass (which in addition to lounge access often gets you free meals at airport restaurants) and the various types of trip insurance that are generally better on the Reserve than the Preferred.
Anonymous
For consideration, instead of CSP to CSR, you may want to look into Cap One Venture X, who are/were having an intro offer of 75k miles after predefined spending. (It was originally 100k, sad I missed it!) Fee is comparable to CSR.
Anon
Tell me about your favorite sateen or percale sheets! For reference, I was oddly obsessed with the Kohl’s J Lo 600 thread count sateen sheets but they no longer make them and I have yet to find anything similar at that price point.
Hoping to spend $100 or less on a Queen set, but if I am hopelessly out of touch on pricing I can go up.
Anon
Parachute Home makes a great percale sheet. I like a sheet that fights back, so a good percale, and theirs does. They are above your price point, but they sell fitted and top sheets separately, and they last FOREVER.
Anon8
As someone who likes crisp, cool sheets, LL Bean cotton percale sheets are my holy grail. I love them so much and they only get softer and more comfortable over time. They are $160 for a Queen set but very worth it.
startup lawyer
second the LL BEAN sheets
Anon
I love Target’s Performance sheet sets. They’re not percale but they have some crispness while still being soft. Really good value for the quality.
Mouse
If you need less expensive sheets, I really like Target’s Threshold sheets.
EJF
After doing a Reddit deep dive, we followed the recommendation for The Company Store’s Cotton Percale sheets. I think these may be slightly more expensive than you are looking for, but we’ve been very happy with them.
Aunt Jamesina
I like these and the percale sheets made in Portugal that are sold at the Vermont Country Store (of all places!). The Company Store ones have the handy tags on the fitted sheet that tell you which side is the short versus long edge.
PJ
I have both the LL Bean and Target Threshold sheets. I really prefer the Target ones, they are softer.
Aunt Jamesina
Threshold aren’t percale weave, though.
Cat
Company Store percale has been awesome, going on 3 years now and they still look new
Anon
I really like Tuft & Needle sheets. I got a set based on a recommendation somewhere that they were cooler (I sleep SO hot!) and I’ve had them for just over a year and they’re great.
Anon
I really like West Elm’s Tencel sheets. There is also a Silky Tencel version. I’ve been using the regular Tencel for a few years.
Aunt Jamesina
If OP wants percale, then Tencel won’t be the feel they’re after. It’s also really energy intensive, I hate that it’s found in so many items used to be made out of 100% cotton.
Anon
Kirkland signature cotton. I think you can buy online without a Costco membership, but not positive.
Anon and on
buying less question:
anyone have a good to for unsubscring to lots of emails ( mm lafleur, talbots, etc) I get tons!
anonymous
I just sit down with my laptop and put on a TV show in the background and unsub from the emails one by one. If there is a tool, that would be great!
Cat
I just unsubscribe as they come in rather than trying to do all at once.
Anonymous
+1.
Anonymous
I’ve heard of people using unroll.me, but I just went into my trash to find all of the retailer emails I had deleted and spent a boring meeting unsubscribing from them one by one.
Elle
How do I address a boss who seems increasingly distracted? It’s been getting bad for about 2 month. He’s not forwarding along email about work I need to do and just generally seems checked out. I shrugged it off for a while but it’s really starting to impact my ability to do my job. We’re remote, the last time I saw him (a few weeks ago) he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring- so I do want to be considerate if he’s going through some life changes.
Anon
I solved this by leaving. My checked out boss was derailing my career by literally never being present or mentoring me. You may need to do the same.
Anon
A few days ago there was a poster that was attacked by a dog, and someone mentioned pepper spray.
When would you carry pepper spray?
I’m thinking of the 30ish runner that was killed on her 4am run, would pepper spray have helped then?
I’m curious what everyone thinks!
No Face
Never, because I lack coordination. The chances of me stopping the attacker instead of spraying my own eyeballs is fairly low.
Anonymous
Never. And this post is victim blaming.
Anon
Are you for real? It is not victim blaming for women to discuss self-defense.
Anon
Yeah, “she wouldn’t have been murdered if she had pepper spray” is kinda victim blaming.
Anon
I disagree. It is just wondering about what might have prevented the kidnapping. No one said “what an irresponsible dope for not carrying pepper spray!” If we can’t have these conversations, how can things get better? I’m not waiting around for men’s behavior to improve.
Anonymous
That’s not what she’s saying. She wants to know how better to protect herself. Are all precautions now victim-blaming? Should we stop wearing bike helmets and seatbelts?
Anonymous
Many people here seem live in a fantasyland where their moral righteousness (I shouldn’t have to take any precautions because bad behavior is men’s problem) will protect them against harm.
Anon
Literally no one said that.
Anon
Victim blaming would be “why was she on a run at 4am? Why was she alone? What was she wearing?”
“I wonder if I should carry pepper spray and I wonder if it would have saved her” is not victim blaming.
Anon
Anon at 12:30 is right. Murderers and rapists don’t think the way normal people think, and not just in the “it’s okay to kill and rape” way. They need swift, painful, and certain consequences to deter them.
Anonymous
It is to speculate whether or not a particular victim of a murder would have been saved if only she had done something different.
Anon
You can’t make everyone comfortable with words. But I get it. “I run in the pre-dawn hours. How can I make it home other than to pray that some man doesn’t kill me? What steps should I take?”
No headphones or earbuds.
IIRC pepper spray is illegal in some places (where I used to work); I had a shrieker alarm (just noise, but painful).
Airtag yourself?
AIMS
I think this is being a little nit picky. I read it as “would it helped in X type situation.” And that is a perfectly valid conversation to have imo.
FWIW, I don’t think you can run with pepper spray. But one of the apple watches does have shrieker alarm, which seems like a useful idea.
Anon
I carry it in my purse when I’m walking alone late at night (which, I admit, is frequent). I don’t carry it while working out or if I”m not carrying a purse. I do hate that so many venues prohibit pepper spray (I understand why, but it makes it much less safe for women trying to get home after the event).
Compared to most, I’m pretty okay with walking alone after dark – I walk with friends as far as I can but then we have to split off to get to our own apartments.
I used to commute at 5am on a walking and subway commute, I didn’t carry pepper spray then but in hindsight I should have.
Like I said, I never carry it while running/biking. But, I don’t run or bike very late or very early. In the winter, of course it’s dark outside when I’m exercising outdoors, but it’s at a reasonable enough time (usually like 6am or between 5:30 and 8pm) that there are enough bystanders. I also avoid the trails when its dark and stick to city streets. We have an awesome trail but I only use it during daylight hours. I also plan my routes to be near busier areas and to avoid sketchier areas if its dark.
Anon
Who knows about the runner in Memphis. It’s impossible to know what would have helped or hurt in a specific situation unless you were there.
I never carry pepper spray while walking in the daytime, whether I’m alone or not. The only place I walk alone at night is my neighborhood, and I also don’t carry pepper spray just because I’ve never felt unsafe in that way (though I wear a light up vest).
I have a few friends who feel more confident with it, so they carry it anytime they’re walking or running alone, especially in more isolate areas or early morning/evening time frames. I don’t know anyone who has ever actually used it.
Anonymous
Pepper spray would have helped IF she had the opportunity to use it (had it accessible enough to grab easily enough and to be able to spray the attacker in an effective way at the effective moment, etc.)
I carried pepper spray all the time when I was hiking, for bears. Would it have stopped them? Who knows. But it was something.
Anon
I carry bear spray when I hike with the intention of using it against an animal (we have bears, as well as bobcats and mountain lions, in the areas where I hike). Using it against a person who is intent on harming me would be a whole different deal. And I think the situation with the runner in Nashville is a tricky one to second-guess because I think the guy was a predator who was intent on abducting someone, and there’s likely little she could have done to avoid being targeted by him.
As for how/where to carry the spray: mine has a carabiner on the end and I clip it to a belt loop, or if I have a pack, I clip it to a loop on the shoulder strap of the pack. Having it in a hard-to-access pocket or backpack essentially renders it useless.
Grace
I recently bought pepper spray / bear spray to carry on hikes. There is a big increase in black bear sightings in my area this year. I have carried it previously for walking and hiking alone (to protect against human assailants and aggressive dogs).
It’s no guarantee that something bad won’t happen but probably can help in some fraction of cases.
...Wildlife, too!
Same. I live in the Boston area and also remember a young woman that was kidnapped and killed maybe 10 years ago. She was my age, lived near me, and my SO at the time worked in the same circle as her. I ran a lot in the city and at odd hours, and had my fair share of run ins with folks who made me really uncomfortable. That shook me to my core.
I now live in the burbs, but it’s also pretty quiet when I’m out running around 5am, despite being only 12 miles outside the city. I often wonder what I can carry to make me more comfortable. I honestly also worry about some wildlife. Most are pretty chill – deer, foxes, even coyote go on their merry way if you leave them alone – but we have some MAD aggressive turkeys in my town (laugh if you must, but if you know, you know….). About two weeks ago I was just running on by, ignoring a flock of about 8, and I was chased pretty aggressively. I haven’t gone running since.
So, would love to hear what runners on this board do to make themselves feel safe. I think the odds of me using/needing to use anything is minimal, but there’s something to be said for having a sense of security.
memphis
I’m in Memphis and have read a lot about the Eliza Fletcher case — I don’t think pepper spray would have helped her.
Anon
She put up a fight it seems. He was in what seems to be shower shoes and he wasn’t able to keep them on and that’s how they got his DNA. IDK if spray would have helped or if a noise alarm would have helped in that area (I’m familiar with Memphis but don’t know if it’s an area of homes close to the street vs empty buildings in that part of Memphis at that time). Her phone was dropped crushed, so an airtag on her shoe might have found her faster but not changed the outcome. I know parents of austistic kids who “elope” — wander away — do something like an airtag on their kids.
Anon
I would carry it for bears/dogs/other aggressive animals if I lived somewhere where that was an issue. I wouldn’t carry it for human attacks bc of the risk the attacker would fight me for it and I’d end up getting sprayed in the process. I’d opt for a sonic panic button instead – super loud and shocking if unexpected, so more likely to cause an attacker to fear discovery.
Anon
I carry a pepper gel (doesn’t drift in the wind) because I was attacked by an unleashed dog in my local park last year. Not bitten (thank god), but jumped on repeatedly and knocked down, and the lady had no control over it and couldn’t catch it. My neighborhood is unfortunately infested with large breed, untrained “pandemic pooches” who will try to get away from their owner and “approach” me (approach being a catch-all for charge, jump on, etc.) I carry the gel in a belt pack when I take walks. When I see a dog that is unleased, or is not fully under the owners control, I make an overt show of taking out the spray and carrying it in my hand. Dog owners notice that and will generally leash their dogs and/or pull their dog in close so it can’t charge at me. So far it’s been a good deterrent. If I felt forced to use it I intend to warn the owner loudly before using it.
Anon
I carry it when I go hiking in bear country and that’s it.
Anonymous
I carry bear spray when hiking in bear country, in a holster where it’s instantly accessible. I have had a bear get close enough that I drew the canister, but have never had to spray it. I’m very worried that I would miss the bear’s eyes and the spray would blow back at me and make the situation worse. I’d be more comfortable if I’d been able to practice with a training canister that sprayed something inert.
I do not carry pepper spray anywhere else. I would mostly want it when going to/from places that prohibit it. I also don’t think it’s of much value unless it’s in your hand and ready to spray at all times, and you know how to use it properly. Especially the teeny little keychain cans–how does that not run out before you’ve found your target?
I took a RAD self-defense class in college and highly recommend it to all women. I don’t think it would have helped the dog attack poster, but it’s as effective against human attackers as anything can be.
Anon
I live in a city. I carry pepper spray on early morning walks (I’m sometimes out an hour or two before sunrise, like 5:45-7ish range) or if I’m running errands after ~9 pm.
Anonymous
I got a tennis bracelet as an anniversary gift! I love it. Is it OK if I wear it every day with my watch, or is that trashy? Do I have to save it for special occasions? I wear dress clothes and a silver Anne Klein bracelet watch every day to work.
(Bracelet is about 1-4 to 1/2 carat total weight, probably $500-600 at the store, giving context as this is my most expensive piece of jewelry other than my engagement ring but also not Marilyn Monroe type of diamonds.)
Cat
personal preference is not to stack bracelets with a watch (especially diamonds, which scratch!), but I see no issue wearing it daily on your other wrist!
Anon
I’d wear it on the other wrist! I wear a Garmin watch on my left wrist and a delicate bracelet on my right wrist and I love the look.
It can definitely be an every day look! We own pretty things to wear or use them, not for them to gather dust :)
Anon
Is there an equivalent of ponte pants or yoga dress pants for men? My husband has been dealing with groin pain that went away completely while WFH because he can wear looser fitting or stretchy pants (he’s also seen a doctor, everything’s fine). He’s still WFH for the foreseeable future, but wants some new pants appropriate for business causal when he does have a meeting or needs to go into the office occasionally. Any suggestions on where to look? He’s tall and thin, so pants are often too baggy on him, but tightness still seems to be an issue, maybe the rise is too short?
No Face
Try the lululemon non-exercise pants for men.
Anon
+ the ABC pants are super popular for dudes, including my husband.
Sasha
The ABC pants are great–every guy I know who owns them loves them and they do look quite sharp for a more smart casual office.
I believe Athleta has a similar kind of pant that’s less $$
Anon
Interesting I may buy these for my husband who has definitely gotten very used to soft pants.
Anon
Old Navy has a dupe that my husband loves
Anonymous
Agree with these. My tall, thin husband also likes the Banana Republic traveler pants and the Public Rec all day every day 5-pocket pants.
Ellen
If I had a husband or a putative spouse, I would make sure that he would be able to provide us with a bona fide opportunity for me to bear children; meaning that he should not wear tight undees and that he would regularly air out his privates so that we could have procreative relations rather than what all of the other men I have been with recently want. I am reading the Book “Bad S-x”which is actually an existential history behind a NYC’s divorce got her. She is younger then me, but she has had s-x with quite a few men, so she has some interesting perspectives. Her mom was also a famous writer, who died young from lung cancer, even tho she never smoked.
Anonymous
Second this. My husband got a pair that look just like khaki pants.
Anon
Thanks, this is helpful!
Anonymous
Bonobos has some really stretchy pull-on pants also, I think they’re called their WFH pants.
Anon
As I am mourning the summer, I need to get excited for the fall (which I like too!I just love summer). I’m currently sick in bed, so what movies bring out the fall nostalgia for you?
For some reason, A Few Good Men does this for me (they’re pushing Sam’s baby in a stroller walking around a picturesque street and it feels like ah! this is fall).
Anon
Gilmore Girls is definitely a fall show.
Grace
Too recent to be nostalgic yet but I feel like Knives Out will become one of my go-to Fall movies
Cat
Harry Potter, the episode of SATC where Miranda has her baby and the weather’s turning (I think it’s I heart new york), Gilmore girls, Stepmom (the woodsy setting of the house; also helpful if you are in the mood to cry), movies or shows centered on football…
Anonymous
You’ve Got Mail
Anon
Harry Potter movies always feel like fall to me, probably because Harry & company are always starting a new school year and the movie takes place over the course of the year.
Anon
You’ve Got Mail.
helloanon
You’ve Got Mail is a yearly fall rewatch for me (don’t you just love New York in the fall…)
Anonymous
+1 to You’ve Got Mail. I know it’s spans a few months, but it’s such a fall movie to me.
pugsnbourbon
Hocus Pocus!
Anonymous
When Harry Met Sally
Dan in Real Life
Anon
Practical magic
Anon
My husband and I watch Fantastic Mr Fox every fall and drink hard cider! It’s such a fun tradition.
Sydney
Y’all, I’m a nervous wreck and need some advice. How do you guys deal with toxic/belligerent male bosses? My boss is recovering from quintuple bypass surgery, and he has taken it upon himself to argue with me and borderline berate me over the smallest things in company group chats. Examples will be: I say something, he implies it’s stupid and says something else. I restate what he said, and then he says that THAT thing (his original idea) is the stupidest thing he’s ever heard. On and on, making it impossible to get any resolution. Another example is that I will have a simple/straightforward thing I need to communicate, and he will argue with me in completely off-the-wall ways about things that don’t make any sense. I’ll try to gently redirect back to the thing I was talking about, and he’ll say “Stop repeating yourself!! We all already know that!!” or “Stop repeating X – you need to drop it / get over it.” Even though X was something we’d all agreed was important and yet don’t seem to be paying attention to.
I would understand it if I were genuinely repeating myself, but it is often that I am saying something straightforward, not controversial, and objectively important. Sometimes he will even immediately afterwards deal with the thing I brought to his attention, after acting like I was a belligerent loon for even bringing it up.
He doesn’t seem to do this with anyone else on the team, but they are all men his age while I am a woman about twenty years younger. I’m telling myself that’s what it is at least, and not that I’m super annoying.
Anyone have experiences with bosses that seem to create arguments out of nowhere? Or try to control everything you do but then don’t accept any input about how it should be done? I’m at my wit’s end with it.
Vicky Austin
Are you working for my old grandboss? It will not get better, get out.
While you’re working on that, is anyone else on the team sympathetic? Can you ally with them?
Anon
I’ll second Vicky Austin. I would think you were working for my old boss if not for the bypass surgery. Leave. This won’t get better.
Anon
It sounds like he is, whether consciously or subconsciously, trying to get you to quit. He also won’t change. Take your smart, talented self somewhere else where you are appreciated.
Ellen
I hate old farts like this one who don’t respect women. We need to take back the power from these farts. My ex was not old, but he did not respect women either. I dumped him when all he did was wait for me to come home, then jump on me for immediate s-xueal gratification. What a looser he was.