Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Embellished Icon Shirt
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
We’re starting off the New Year strong with this gorgeous blouse from Carolina Herrera! I have a soft spot for embroidery and this is just beautiful.
Pair this button-up with a pleated midi skirt for a feminine, but crisp, office look.
The top is $1,190 at Bloomingdale's and comes in sizes 2-12.
A couple of more affordable options are from Tuckernuck (sizes XXS-3X, on sale for $149) and Sézane (lucky sizes, $175); the latter is from a collab with Baziszt.
Sales of note for 1/2:
- Nordstrom – THE HALF YEARLY SALE continues! See our full roundup here (or, if you prefer pictures, scroll through our favorites here). Quickly: Lots of good deals on work clothes and jackets from Reiss, L'Agence, Veronica Beard — also shoes and bags from Tory Burch, Tumi, Stuart Weitzman, Mulberry, Rothy's — as well as lots from reader favorites like Natori (best lingerie!)!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 70% off 3+ styles (extra 60% off 1-2 sale styles).
- Banana Republic Factory– Extra 50% off sale
- Brooks Brothers – Semi-Annual sale, 40% off sitewide + extra 10% off your entire purchase
- Cuyana – Free shipping on orders of $95+ (readers love their totes!)
- Express – Big winter sale, up to 70% off
- J.Crew – 25% off full-price styles, and up to 70% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory– 40-70% off sale
- Lo & Sons – Winter sale, up to 50% off – Reader favorites include this laptop tote, this backpack, and this crossbody
- M.M.LaFleur – 30% off all categories, and extra 50% off sale Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Neiman Marcus – Designer sale, up to 70% off
- Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale! All markdowns extra 60% off 3+ – red door deals start at $24.50
- Universal Standard – End of year sale, up to 90% off (!)
I didn’t get myself the Brandy color Jasmina boots from Aquitalia, figuring that they go on sale. Not only didn’t they not go on sale but they are sold out in that color. WWYD? Buy the champagne color or wait until fall? I was wanting another boot option beyond the black boots I have and have skinny calves so wanted these specifically. Is the champagne too light? I worry about me ruining a lighter suede, even though their suede seems to be hardy.
I wasn’t familiar with these boots, but the champagne doesn’t look too light at all! It’s a gorgeous color and style.
That color doesn’t look light to me – definitely reads fall-winter. But if you want a darker color, don’t buy these just to buy a pair!
I would wait for what I actually want. Otherwise I’d always feel like I sort of settled. Spend money when it’s actually what you want.
Agreed. The champagne is definitely a lot lighter than the brandy color.
Champagne looks to be a taupe and less ornate than the brandy shade. Maybe both are fine if you don’t want a dark brown color and just want not-black?
Orange-y, not ornate!
That’s a lot of money for boots you only kinda like.
PSA–You can search for boots by calf circumference on Nordstrom’s website. Blondo and Stuart Weitzman are both skinny-calf friendly. Also, IMO, Aquatalia’s run small/narrow in the foot, not just the calf, in case that matters for you.
I think I’m going to placemats from a tablecloth for my dining room table. Due to other things in the room, are there any hot pink / magenta placemats out there that you’ve come across? The louder, the better and patterns or bold stripes are almost preferred. We eat too many dark foods and beverages, so the light ones I started with are not long for this world and will be in the rag basket soon due to over-bleaching.
Definitely calls for some Etsy browsing. Just one example: https://www.etsy.com/listing/1703112166/red-pink-stripe-placemat-size-18×14?ls=s&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=magenta+placemats&ref=sr_gallery-1-4&sr_prefetch=0&pf_from=market&sts=1&content_source=cffe3f0f-a8ba-42b0-bca7-496ee6a86c93%253ALT4b2dabe177385eaf7c3a8c698248e9f8057db41e&organic_search_click=1&logging_key=cffe3f0f-a8ba-42b0-bca7-496ee6a86c93%3ALT4b2dabe177385eaf7c3a8c698248e9f8057db41e
Katie Kime has some fun bright patterns and colors.
Printfresh has a ton of options. Anthropologie has a few fun pink options. I would also check out a tj maxx or home goods, especially with valentines decor you may find something cute.
For placemats, I highly recommend using wipeable cork ones (they sell them at Pottery Barn). I hate the cloth ones because you have to wash them constantly and I find they never lie exactly flat again, get stained, etc. Maybe it’s just me. I also recently got some very cool wipeable vinyl ones (reversible) on Tuckernuck in loud patterns you might like.
I am also a fan of wipeable placemats after too many years of dealing with fading, staining, and ironing. I have the faux leather ones from Crate & Barrel. They look very nice.
Memory unlocked! Growing up, the local dime store carried vinyl placemats in a rotating variety of colors and themes. They cost something like 50 cents each and lasted forever. They were substantial, like 1/8″ thick very dense foam with a glossy surface on the public-facing side and a slightly grippy back. They could be wiped clean easily and dunked in the sink if they needed a more substantial cleaning. My siblings and I would save our pocket change to take our mom shopping for new patterns or colors on Mother’s Day each year.
When we moved her out of our childhood home, a number of the mats were still in use on the table, under houseplants, as shelf liners, etc.
We loved those, and my parents still have (and occasionally use!) them. Favorites included a world map featuring the USSR, the USA with state capitals, the presidents, a periodic table of elements, and a few more. Lots of dinnertime quizzes!
Wholly agree. I got mine from pimpernel on Amazon. They are sold in the UK as Portmerion. They are good quality and the smaller size which I prefer.
I would check on Etsy to see if anyone is making placemats from your choice of Anna Maria Horner/Parry fabrics.
I have something like this in many colors. I like them because they’re wipeable and I can throw them in the washer if they get really gross.
https://www.wayfair.com/Gracie-Oaks–Vienna-Woven-Spiral-Table-Placemats-15-Inches-Round-Set-Of-4-NonSlip-Dining-and-Kitchen-Table-Mats-X110605744-L7327-K~W009594633.html?channel=GooglePLA&ireid=219079042&fdid=1817&PiID%5B%5D=116160562&refid=GX712222613949-W009594633_116160562&device=c&ptid=2440185136941&network=g&targetid=pla-2440185136941&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=10254227640&gbraid=0AAAAAD9ISC4EF-IglkCK-vKl4HrmPKqm0&gclid=CjwKCAiA3-3KBhBiEiwA2x7FdFQT-OYX23ZxHfae8x8OMd2-v7_ppQlYPEwMTSF8-gIIi_ZYiRWV1BoCguAQAvD_BwE
We use the Chilewich placements and even the lighter ones stand up great to food stains. Easy to wipe down, and if it’s a lot, you can just use soap and water when you are doing the dishes. It’s the woven ones you frequently see at restaurants.
They are full of holes, though, so they don’t protect the table.
What methods/apps do you use to organize your tasks and projects?
I’m a transactional attorney and have always used a combination of practice group spreadsheets for ongoing matters, calendar reminders/ticklers, digital to-do list (in OneNote) and handwritten checklist of immediate items. I’m always looking to streamline this process and make my lists accessible across my devices.
I really like WorkFlowy and qlist.cc for different types of lists (projects vs. e.g. groceries).
Trello. You can add your own boards, so I have one for the team I manage, plus my own personal projects and to-do lists.
That said, my system isn’t perfect. I also have to-do lists in Outlook (mainly emails I need to respond to but I need to do some background work first) and a handwritten list of the “do not forget to do this small but important thing today” variety.
We have a strong Asana practice within my org but u also track my own to do list in Evernote (I’ve been a paid user for a decade so it’s actually cool to go back and see notes!) and some outlook calendar reminders. For truly urgent things on hectic days I make a written to do list that I follow religiously.
So basically similar to yours and I will be curious to see if there’s a better way…
I use tasks in Outlook and also an excel spreadsheet to track deadlines.
In-house, but I use a JIRA kanban board. I have “swimlanes” for the following:
– backlog / parking lot
– to do
– drafted
– out for comment (internal)
– out for comment (external)
– signature/approval
– done
I love having an electronic system where I can add attachments, links, notes, and correspond with other users.
Trello, monday, asana all have the ability to do kanban boards and you can organize by project or anyway you want. Recommend.
any suggestions for games that are fun for two (a teenager and an adult) my son and i played a lot of gin rummy this quiet week… thinking we should diversify
op: doesn’t have to be cards, would buy something
Old School Trivial Pursuit? My teens loved pub quizzes as an event.
op here: i love pub trivia. not sure if he knows anything, would be interesting to find out:)
We got a trivia game for Christmas called Outsmarted and have been playing it almost every day since. I think it would work well for 2 people. There’s a board game set up and an app with the questions. One nice thing is that players can get adult, teen, or kid questions, and you can adjust other settings, too (more time, etc.), so it’s great if you have varying abilities.
Scrabble as another classic!
Yes, we played Scrabble this week. It went over well.
I prefer Bananagrams to Scrabble, as it is faster-paced.
Ticket to ride, Splendour, Codenames Duet, patchwork, Jaipur, 7 wonders duet, fox in the forest, bananagrams, Carcassonne.
Egyptian Rat Screw!
Backgammon! I just learned over the holidays and it super fun.
Dominos.
We taught our 6 and 8 year old to play dominoes this break. It went over really well, and unintended bonus will help them with math.
backgammon
Sushi Go is unexpectedly fun for all ages I think. For non-card games, Clue and Ticket to Ride are both enjoyable.
i don’t remember, can you play clue with two people?
No
Yes, you can. For the newer versions at least. You put 4 cards out on the board in four of the rooms. I played numerous times over break with my daughter.
Codenames is fun with two people. If you are word people, bananagrams and boggle are fast-paced, I like them more than scrabble. Hive or Carcassone are more strategy-based. You might also check your local library, ours has games that we’ve checked out to see if they are worth owning.
Backgammon?
Dominion and Wingspan are both strategy games that are fun with two people. I personally adore rummy and still play it with my parents when I can. Fun times.
Set, Pandemic, Ravine, Quiddler
Husband and I play a lot of cribbage and it’s very fun and portable.
I love cribbage! I’ve played it on everything from a slightly wonky board my great uncle made to a gorgeous burlwood board made by an artisan. So fun!
Poker! Knowing how to play is practically a life skill :)
If you want to dip your toe into some of the more “fancy” strategic board games but aren’t sure you’ll like that style [and they can be expensive], you can play many of them online at boardgamearena (free, or the paid subscription is something like $5 to try for a month – I forget if you need a paid subscription to set up a game table with just you and your son, vs. making it open to other people online).
Splendor Duel (you can play regular Splendor with two people, but this version is specifically designed for it). Or just puzzles.
Scattegories and Monopoly Duel
Chess.
mancala is a two person game and really enjoyable
Wingspan.
If you like gin rummy, you can look into Siamese Mahjong, which is a two-player version of Mahjong and very similar to gin rummy. Also Mastermind and Othello are good two-player games.
My teenager and I really like a quick game of Uzzle after dinner!
We play hearts a lot as a family and it works well. I’m not great at card games but even I can remember the rules!
Our NYE tradition with our three kids (one adult and two teens now) is to go bowling and then play games after. This year we played:
Uno
Old Maid (we use a regular deck of cards and include one joker as the old maid)
Blackjack
Taco Cat Goat Cheese Pizza
Not Parent Approved (it is a milder kind of Cards Against Humanity)
Blank Slate
and new this year was Ransom Notes which was a lot of fun but can be a little dirty lol
Does anyone have the fleece/midlayers from Kari Traa? I’ve heard good things about the base layers but I’m in the market for a comfortable fleece that isn’t too snug in the hips. I also need zip pockets. Thoughts on this brand or other recs appreciated.
I have a lightweight jacket that I LOVE (I think it is the Tirill jacket). I am very hippy and it fits me perfectly.
I like NorthFace, Eddie Bauer, Lands End. Kari Traa fleeces are nice.
I do not like LLBean as they cut for petite people and I am long-of-arm.
Is there a good place to look at for an overview of telehealth? Looking at how easy it would be to know how portable your providers are if you move across a state line (adults) and for a kid moving out of state for college. We like providers and they do telehealth now and office visits (both of which we do). We live 5 miles from a border with another state. Is it regulatory or provider-determined or vary by insurance coverage (and if you use flex spending, do you even care)? I have no clue where to even look.
Most doctors cannot practice telehealth across state lines unless licensed in that state. Every time I log on for a telehealth visit, I am asked to confirm that I am in my state of residence
But there are often exceptions to this for bordering states. You’ll need to look up your specific scenario.
I haven’t experienced that in my state, and have had appointments cancelled because the provider was across the state line
Same
This is state and insurance company specific. You are going to have to google your state rules/call your insurance company.
I’d also check the rules of the state where your child will be attending college.
There are no global rules on this some one is going to be able to give you.
There are also weird practice quirks. My college kid’s pediatrician stopped doing telehealth visits even within the state, ostensibly because of changes to Medicare (not Medicaid). None of her patients should be old enough to be on Medicare. Just call each provider’s office and ask about your specific situation.
Some pediatric patients qualify for Medicare (such as those who’ve had kidney transplant or are on SSDI). It’s rare, but not impossible.
That’s still not a good reason to discontinue telehealth for the vast majority of patients who are not on Medicare. Just own up and say you don’t want to do it anymore because it makes you less money or because you enjoy making people wait for an hour and a half in your office or whatever the real reason is. Don’t blame the government.
Are insurance companies still covering telehealth visits? My BCBS planned stoped covering it, and I thought that was pretty common
OP here and I don’t mind paying out of pocket especially for mental health; I just want to keep our good team in place. Fit is so hard to find and relationships matter a lot.
Yes. Still covering. Totally plan and service dependent.
I work for a virtual physician practice and doctors can only treat patients who are physically located in the state in which the doctor is licensed. So, if you can find a provider who is licensed in both your home state and the state your child is going to school in that’s really the only viable option for continuity. If your insurance plan covers the visits in another state is really the question that you’ll need to look into.
I work in law related to health care and while a good rule of thumb (and probably best practice for a physician who wants to avoid any issues) this is not completely accurate. Some states allow a physician to provide telehealth services to an existing patient in another state to ensure continuity of care. This frequently allows a mental health provider to continue to treat a patient who goes away for college.
That said – this is extremely state dependent. OP – if you move permanently to another state, your providers will need to be licensed in that state. There might be an exception that would apply for a college student. The federation of state medical boards has some resources you can check out.
I’m fretting over what coat to wear for a business trip to New York next week. I don’t have a ton of options and I don’t have a ton of extra cash either. My climate (NC) gets chilly but isn’t super cold. I have two coats that currently fit me:
– Black waist length puffer coat, fur hood, feels a little inappropriate to wear with business attire
– Bright pink (I mean BRIGHT) wool coat that goes past knees, feels very bright for work
What should I wear? Scrape together some cash and get something else? Or wear one of the above? If so, which one?
Wear whichever is warmer. Its going to warm up a touch next week but the wind always makes it feel colder and you will be coming from a cold climate.
Everyone basically gets a pass on winter coats when its cold. Wear whatever works. Do not waste money on this.
+1 – When it is really cold in NYC, most normal people wear puffers – go for practical. It’s not like you will be leaving it on inside.
If you’re really uneasy about it and there’s a neighbourhood in reach with thrift shops that are likely to have fancy people’s donated coats I would consider a trip there this weekend, but I think there’s a lot of leeway in outerwear anyway and especially when people know you’ve travelled and don’t usually have to dress for whatever weather you’re visiting. I think either of these sound fine but I would wear the pink as it sounds formal in style, just bright.
This was my thought. If you can get a black or camel wool coat from a thrift store in very basic style it should last you years. Is there time to look in NY?
Either one is fine, pick whichever is warmer or would allow you to layer more under it.
I get compliments every time I wear my bright sun yellow coat, including from tons of colleagues.
I would wear the puffer
Whichever one is warmer. And next time buy a basic colored, professional coat so you have that option.
Pink wool. If you’re self conscious take it off in the lobby.
I’d wear the black one and try to dress it up with smart accessories.
Like what — add a belt and pin some broaches on there? That’s just calling more attention to the problem.
A brightly colored wool coat is perfectly appropriate for work, and is a safe way to signal individuality and/or seniority. A long wool coat will probably be just as warm as a short puffer because it covers your upper legs. If you are worried about being cold, you can layer a thin puffer vest underneath and/or wear a scarf crossed over your torso under the coat. Just don’t wear the wool coat if there will be rain.
But OP is not necessarily looking to signal individuality and may not be senior. She only has this coat because she rarely needs a heavy coat. The black puffer is a safer choice for sure. But removing the coat in the lobby and carrying it is perfectly ok, people might notice you own a pink coat but it’s not the same as wearing it.
Just adding, if OP is rarely in the office, there’s the risk she’ll be remembered as the woman with the bright pink coat, not the employee who’s an expert on X. As others have said, puffers in NYC are absolutely fine.
agree with whichever is warmer but i would say there is no coat that is too bright for work anywhere in new york especially if it’s a traditional wool in style.
If you are wearing a blazer, suit, or dress, definitely go with the longer option. I would say this even if the materials were reversed and the choice were long puffer v. short wool.
I would wear the black puffer. Lots of people in NYC wear puffers in winter, you won’t look out of place.
People definitely wear puffer jackets so the suits. You want to be warm walking around.
Whichever is warmer is fine
The puffer. Can you remove the fur hood? If you’re worried about sticking out, it seems like everyone wears black coats here, and puffers are super common in winter. You’ll blend in if that’s what you’re going for.
Wear the pink. If you will be in black suiting, add a black cashmere scarf.
Puffer with hat, gloves and scarf. It’s been very cold. Spend money on the hat, gloves and scarf. The scarf needs to be long enough that you can wrap it around your face to help prevent wind burn.
Wool typically isn’t earn enough in this weather. Unless it’s super heavy and thick it won’t be warm enough.
No one who walks more than a block is wearing a wool coat right now. It’s perfectly fine to be in a puffer but you dress it up with nice hat, scarf and gloves. I have 3 Burberry sets, in red, black and caramel (plain, not plaid). You don’t need to spend this much but I’m sharing so you get the idea.
Just wanted to say thank you to the poster that recommended Matterly for ultrathin door mats. Porte + Hall didn’t have the size I needed and Matterly did. And our low door sweep goes right over it!
That was me! You’re welcome. :)
Has the U.S. ever just gone in and essentially kidnapped a sitting president of another country prior to this past weekend? What unfolded over the weekend feels like it is out of some blockbuster action film rather than real life. While he seems like a terrible guy, I do not think we need to be in the business of running ‘other’ countries, when we can barely run our own
Noriega?
Noriega in Panama. And backed an awful lot of coups and assassinations.
Not publicly, usually those sorts of operations are not advertised
Word would get out if a president disappeared.
The “secret “ is that the US is involved. They usually let the opposition party or a military coup take credit, but it wouldn’t have happened without US support.
Hawaii, in the late 1800’s, comes to mind
But honestly, what this reminds me most of is the invasion of Iraq – not necessarily the particular military tactics, but the shifting justifications & goals (it’s for oil, it’s to establish democracy, it’s national security, it’s because the current leader is evil & harms his people, all & none of the above); and the uncertain status (we’re not going to be involved in long-term national building, oh wait, we’re running it; it’s not “a war”; oh wait, it kind of is). For the sake of both Americans and the people of Venezuela, I hope I’m wrong!
Sort of Saddam Hussein in Iraq although it was a little different because we’d invaded the country on the ground first.
Timothy Snyder had a good overview of precedents for this kidnapping/overthrow/extraction on his Substack (Called “Thinking About). It’s worth a read.
1953 Guatemala
1963, 2019 Bolivia
1964 Brasil
1965 República Dominicana
1968 Peru
1989 Panamá
1989 Paraguay
1973 Uruguay
1973 Chile
1976 Argentina
1980 Nicaragua
1980 El Salvador
1991, 2004 Haiti
2002, 2026 Venezuela
2009 Honduras
“Since 1953, Latin America and the Caribbean have been a testing ground for coups d’état with direct or indirect US intervention.
The methods change (CIA, sanctions, blockades, lawfare, opposition funding), the rhetoric changes (“democracy,” “stability,” “security”), but the objective is always the same: to punish any project that deviates from Washington’s economic and geopolitical script.
The Monroe Doctrine was not a phase. It was a manual. And it remains in use.”
Shouldn’t Grenada be on this list?
Also, I understood that the 1991 Haiti coup was internal, and the US went in in 1994 to reverse it. Is there evidence the US was involved in 1991? And then we regretted it?
(One of my professors was in Haiti in 1994 and that is not at all the story he told at the time. And he did tell quite a story.)
But US involvement in coups has by no means been limited to Latin America and the Caribbean. We’ve been extremely involved in the Middle East, Asia, and Africa as well.
Not only “but,” but the Monroe Doctrine refers to the American continent and not to any other part of the world. We can discuss US foreign policy in the rest of the world if you like.
On December 5, Trump presented his new foreign policy and made it clear what he wanted for this continent: he is the boss and governs other countries as he pleases.
And about the rest of the world what is next, invading Greenland?
Not the “American continent” (singular) but the Western Hemisphere. It’s all ours, baby!
Not only “but,” but the Monroe Doctrine refers to the American continent and not to any other part of the world. We can discuss US foreign policy in the rest of the world if you like.
On December 5, Trump presented his new foreign policy and made it clear what he wanted for this continent: he is the boss and governs other countries as he pleases.
And about the rest of the world what is next, invading Greenland
I believe Iran should be on the list. That’s one big reason why they hate the US.
It is the American way.
I am looking for artwork for my office- does anyone have any websites or pieces that they love? Interior design is NOT my thing…but I am trying. I am inspired by history, European scenes or sketches. I am an EP attorney for reference, so I do have clients in my office daily and need to warm it up a bit.
Go to a local antique mall or thrift store and buy some original paintings that you like.
Are there any art fairs local to you? You can see a lot of different styles and options to get a feel for what you like.
Most big galleries have online shops where you can order prints of their artworks usually with plenty of choice on size/canvas/framing. I would start with the National Gallery of Art or the main art museum in your city or state and go from there.
corporette did a post on office decor a few years ago. I would look at that – I vaguely remember that Crate & Barrel was on the list and they actually have some cool wall hangings/wall sculptures.
I got my office artwork from Great Big Canvas. They have a lot of inventory, and they can make really large scale prints. I did framed canvases and they’ve held up very well. You can browse by artist, style, and subject, which was nice since I needed to get a couple of pieces. I basically just went through and bookmarked the ones I liked just from a glance and then narrowed down to a few items that worked well together.
I’ve gotten some beautiful original pieces from Artfinder
Also, 1stdibs.
Buy a print on etsy and take it to a local frame shop.
I need to do some CLEs. I have access to PLI, but I think that this could be a local / state bar association thing. Willing to pay for high-quality ones I can replay on my own time. State is NC but I think that for the RMDs and tax audit risk, that isn’t so state specific (maybe so niche that I’m looking for any good program and will just check applicable local laws).
Areas:
1. Estate administration, particularly for IRAs and 401Ks with RMDs, including ones inherited with some problems (so also tax audits for this)
2. Farmland inheritances (and dealing with administering that, using an LLC, partitions, buyouts, etc., especially if you get down a couple of generations from the original farmer)
3. Estate administration controversies and litigation (and drafting to protect administrators)
Take a look at https://www.attorneycredits.com
I use LawLine for CLEs
Strafford has very high quality ones that are as specific as you say. ABA and ACC may also have very specific ones.
If you just need free CLE, Morgan Lewis and MoFo both have fully-free CLEs on their website, open to anyone.
I take four prescriptions for a chronic condition. Three of these are marked “may cause drowsiness” and boy, do they. I spend my days absolutely bushed and longing for a pillow; if I’m not asleep or wanting to be, I’m foggy-headed. It’s great that my condition is well-treated, but this sleepiness/fogginess almost makes me want the condition back. Has anyone discovered some secret to surviving this?
Take with food near bedtime, stagger them out, coffee, give it time; if none of these help talk to your doctor.
Have you had a talk with your doctor about side effects and if there are other meds that may work better for you?
There are two meds that are popular for various conditions that I just cannot tolerate b/c of the side effects. So the best medicine for those conditions FOR ME are the ones that I can take without the side effects. It’s not ideal, but it’s what gets me though my day. Maybe there have been developments in this area as second or third lines of attack?
You may get more helpful answers in a patient group for your diagnosis. There are unhelpful people in any group, but it’s usually easy to tell who is sensible and speaking from experience, and often you can learn what the most expert doctors are advising their patients (which is often more up-to-date than what our local specialists are falling back on). One irony of our healthcare system is that the experts leading research at university hospitals often give recommendations that overlap with so-called functional or integrative medicine. For example, if a medication is known to cause a simple vitamin deficiency that could easily be addressed if recognized, in my experience only the most expert specialists seem to consider this possibility. Sometimes there’s another med that can block or compensate for side effects, and sometimes there’s alternative meds they can consider if the side effects of the first line treatments are just too severe.
You can also always discuss side effects with a pharmacist. They’ll understand how and why a medication causes drowsiness as well as how they interact. They can also discuss the risks of putting up with the side effects or whether they go away in time (I would not want to stack a bunch of central anticholinergics personally given recent research). They may have more detailed advice on timing than what your prescriber gave you (vis a vis the other meds, sleep schedule, meals, hydration, and exercise).
This obviously depends of your condition, but many conditions can be treated with multiple medications with different side effects for different people and it’s matter of trying different drugs and accepting different trade offs of which side effects and medication effectiveness you prefer. And sometimes doctors will also prescribe another medication with more of a stimulating effect. If this is really a problem, it’s worth talking to your doctor, rather than just accepting it, as there may be some better options.
Another vote for speaking with your doctor about alternative meds. I take a medication that causes insomnia in some patients but for me it’s a perfect fit and just causes me to wake up alert and full of energy at 6 am. Chances are the people who are taking the medications causing you to be drowsy just aren’t experiencing that side effect, not that they are powering through it.
As others have mentioned, we have no idea what you are taking and why, and how the medicines were added on and your dosage. There is no one universal answer that would apply to you.
You need to talk with your doctor. Maybe you are overtreating your condition. You may need to decrease your doses of one or more of your medicines. You may need to change or stop one of your medicines. Sometimes once a disease gets stabilized, you can slowly taper a medicine over time. Never ever just stop a medicine on your own without talking with your doctor, as some medicines can trigger a rebound of your disease if you do this or other serious side effects.
But sometimes life changing diagnoses and treatments lead to dramatic changes in your life. You may need to change your priorities re: how you live, the job you are working, and how you structure your activities to save your energy. And for some people, like those with advanced cancer or severe epilepsy who have to take a lot of sedating medicines, they sometimes take stimulating medicines like modafinil or ritalin to help restore some energy.
Meanwhile get plenty of restful sleep, eat well, try modest tolerable exercise, treat your pain (and don’t forget yoga/meditation/massage).
Sometimes dosing time can help, but sometimes it’s just not the right med for you. Either way, your pharmacist and doctor are the correct people to talk to.
If you’ve had to set a safety boundary related to a family member’s dog, how has it gone for you? We have a baby and my parents have a mini Aussie that is somewhat aggressive. I’ve been pleasantly surprised that they take it extremely seriously if we’re around – muzzle, leash, separation in addition to the steps we take on our own. I expected defensiveness and minimization based on prior experiences, but for some reason, they’ve really “gotten it” that this dog is unsafe around kids and that it’s not worth relaxing precautions. In talking about this with a few friends, it seems that this is a common issue, especially around the holidays. One is really struggling with her MIL’s dog and her MIL constantly trying to push back on the boundaries – apparently the MIL removed the baby gate separating the two rooms because “the dog seems fine” and my friend chose to leave the house and it started a whole thing just before Christmas.
Boundaries are things YOU DO, not rules you impose on others.
Correct! Sometimes family members accept that and work with you to make life easier and often they don’t.
This is true, and when OP’s friend left her parents’ home when the baby gate was removed she was enforcing the boundary in an appropriate way.
With a dog safety issue, though, it can be helpful to inform others about the boundaries, even though you would usually keep the boundaries to yourself. It’s perfectly reasonable to say “Mom and Dad, we have some safety concerns so we’ll only be able to come if Fido is securely contained in a separate room from the baby.” Then you don’t go over if they won’t contain Fido.
I think this is a perfect example of setting reasonable boundaries. You have a clear sense of what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and because that is in someone else’s control, you’re giving them a heads up in advance about what you need for the visit to be a success. The only thing I might add is “we’re happy to host or meet at a restaurant if you prefer!” to make it clear that it truly is up to them whether they prefer to visit at their home with safety barriers or elsewhere without them. If you do not communicate this clearly in advance, you’re setting everyone up for failure.
Agree with all of this. Some people are just have their head in the clouds on dog safety issues and it drives me batty. The best thing you can do is inform people of your boundaries and stick to them. OP’s friend is unlucky in that her family member appears to have her head in the clouds but the only real solution is to adhere to her boundary and leave if the baby gate comes down. No negotiation, no pleading, no debating. Some people can be educated but the heat of the moment isn’t the time.
People disagree on risk level about a lot of things. All you can do is determine situationally for you and sort options that don’t depend on them changing.
You need to stop making pronouncements on “this dog is unsafe around kids” for starters. True or not, it’s more effective to say “I need x measure to feel like it will be safe for baby.” It shifts focus to the request versus opinions about the quality of the dog’s temperament.
My relatives readily agreed to the safety precautions we had regarding their dogs. That said, it was my side of the family and we’ve always been a pretty clear people first, animals second sort of group. It probably helped that the dogs in question were rescues (so had rough and/or unknown pasts) and we didn’t see them a whole lot.
If my MIL had a dog, I suspect she would have pulled something like removing a baby gate. She’s used to being told “no” to The Thing, doing The Thing anyway, then The Thing is allowed to continue unabated. My relatives know me better than that.
IMO, taking safety precautions with dogs isn’t putting the dogs second. It’s for their benefit, too. A dog that growls at, nips, or heaven forbid bites a person is worse off for it. Those incidents can increase reactivity and stress. If the incident is bad enough, that dog is looking at rehoming or BE. Not good. Even otherwise calm dogs can get stressed with kids around. Even if that stress never rises to a safety concern, it is still a kindness to put your dog in a calmer environment away from stressful stimuli. Perhaps a better way to reframe it is setting your pet (or everyone) up for success.
I agree with you. People who think this way, however, don’t need to be asked to contain their dogs because they are already doing it for the dog’s own sake.
This! My dog has prey drive. We don’t have a reason to be around tiny kids often. She might be fine, but we have not trained for squeaky tiny humans that sound like prey. I keep her on leash, in a crate or behind a gate when little kids are around. I’m not about to set my dog up for failure.
It’s perfectly fine to decline to go to someone’s house when they have a dog you don’t trust. My friend has two dogs that none of us trust (with good reason; they are huge and have nipped people before, unprovoked). The friend hosted the annual New Year’s party and gave the dogs anti-anxiety meds ahead of time. Not a perfect solution, but they did it on their own accord after several of us gently voiced our concerns. I still despise these dogs, btw.
yes – and very poorly. We no longer have a relationship with my SIL due to her refusing to take any action regarding her dog’s severe food aggression (which was previously unknown to us, until her dog tried to kill ours over a crumb on the floor). Not bringing him to gatherings, muzzle training, etc. were all ‘unreasonable’ requests so she’s not in our lives now.
As a dog lover & rescue volunteer, irresponisble pet owners are scum. So glad your parents have responded appropriately!
I am known for being intodog training and having high standards of dog behavior. When taking with people about their dog, I emphasize the dog’s comfort and social skills when laying down boundaries (for children and also for older adults that are unsteady on their feet) and people may roll their eyes in private but they’ve never said anything to my face.
a little end/start of year reflection — what are some things you’ve learned/taken from this board & what are some things that were total misses for you personally? (meant to be lighthearted!)
for me hits: the circles of grief & relationship dealbreakers/vs price of admission discussions have really helped me navigate & reframe some big life things. (not that they are unique to here but this was where I heard them!). Lots of great recipes/meal ideas and ways of thinking about hosting. Even when I disagree, the discussions around marriage/LTRs and wide range of approaches has been helpful to me in thinking about what I want my (newish) marriage to look and feel like.
misses: the discussion (I think holidays 2024) about how cookies are gross and stale and how could you possibly serve them to people if not made fresh that same day is still one of the wildest takes to me LOL.
Hits: random recommendations for products and travel options.
Total misses: almost every situation where I asked for personal advice. Most commenters took it as an invitation to attack, be obtuse, or be extremely uncharitable.
Hits: Someone recommended the Chanel lip duo and now it’s the only lipstick I”ll wear. (I wish they would bring back more colors!) I’ve also learned about glycolic acid pads to help slough skin away under my arms and I now look (and probably smell) better for it.
Misses: It was funny reading how little so many posters say they spend each year on clothes, while so many other posts make it sound like everyone is out there buying highest quality everything and anything all the time. The closet organization advice posts alone have me thinking a lot of y’all were fibbing on that one. LOL. (In fairness, I didn’t even try to calculate and that probably says enough right there on how out of control I can get.)
I think this is just bias in who responds rather than lying. The people who know exactly how much they spend on clothes and want to post about it are generally frugal (I’m guessing most people could only give a rough estimate or would have a hard time separating their spending from family spending or clothes spending from other discretionary spending). The people who care about high end clothes respond to those posts, the people who care about closet organizing respond to those posts. People who don’t care about those things ignore them, so you rarely get representative responses.
totally agree!
great point – I definitely spend less on clothes (or per item!) than a lot of posters here, but more than most of the people who respond on those threads! I know my estimate would be way off so I don’t respond
Also, I think that question was about this specific year. I spent a lot this year, but I don’t spend a lot every year.
Hit: The road runs both ways. I complained that our friends and family expect us to drive to them in suburbs for frequent visits, but they refuse to ever come to us in the city. Hearing it so succinctly on this board was like a light bulb. We’ve started opting out of low priority events and ignore any guilt trips. The complaints are still annoying but less annoying than traffic.
Miss: Anything related to weddings provokes extreme opinions. It’s true IRL too though
interesting point on weddings! There tend to be such strong regional/social circle norms around weddings too – or the ‘I hate weddings, being invited is such a burden’ crowd! most people I know IRL are generally happy to be invited & celebrate!
Haha, I still think about that cookie post too! I’ve been eating a bunch of different Christmas cookies and can safely say that all of them were just as good on day 2 or 3, and they were all still pretty good when we finished them off on day 6 or 7, some with no noticeable change in quality, others slightly decreased, but still fine. My new favorites this year were the Dark and Stormy cookies from NYT Cooking (ginger, lime, and rum), highly recommend!
haha yes!! unless they’re still warm from the oven, day 1 vs. day 4 is not a noticeable difference!
Hits: I already posted in the weekend post about how some commenters who wrote about how their mothers did not enjoy festive meals because they were too impatient to clean everything up. They helped me stay at the table and do not sneak to the kitchen to start loading the dishwasher and hand washing glasses. That was good. Misses: some times commenters seem to interpret comments in the worst possible way and get angry rally quickly. I mostly lurk and don’t often write, in part for this reason.
Any recommendations for dining or activities for a girls trip to New Orleans? Heading there for a week in March for the first time.
Jazz brunch
at Muriel’s
Tea at the Windsor Court
Mixology class or cooking class (New Orleans School of Cooking)
Meal at Jack Rose – cool vibes and they have a rooftop bar
City Park (would have to uber because it is not downtown) – walk around the botanical garden, get beignets, check out the museum of art. There is a little cafe in the museum and Ralph’s on the Park is close (but not walking distance) for a nicer meal
Vue Orleans – 360 view of city and they have a couple of exhibits but probably just an hour visit
Bottom of the Cup Tearoom – get your fortunes read if you are into that
Will post more recs tomorrow if you want!
Yes please! Will only be there M-F if that makes difference.