Thursday’s TPS Report: Reagan Washed-Silk Top
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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
There are a ton of Equipment washed silk blouses at The Outnet right now.
There are so many to like, but this bright pink shell makes me happy and would, I think, look great with pretty much any color except purple. (It's also available in a version with long sleeves.)
The pictured top is $76 (was $168), and is available in sizes XS-L. Equipment Reagan Washed-Silk Top
Here are two plus–size options.
Psst: here are more of our latest favorite silk blouses…
Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.
Sales of note for 2/7/25:
- Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
- Ann Taylor – Extra 25% off your $175+ purchase — and $30 of full-price pants and denim
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – 15% off new season styles
- Eloquii – 60% off 100s of styles
- J.Crew – Extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything including new arrivals + extra 20% off $125+
- Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 40% off one item + free shipping on $150+
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- My workload is vastly exceeding my capability — what should I do?
- Why is there generational resentment regarding housing? (See also)
- What colors should I wear with a deep green sweater dress?
- How do you celebrate milestone birthdays?
- How do you account for one-time expenses in your monthly budget?
- If I'm just starting to feel sick from the flu, do I want Tamilfu?
- when to toss old clothes of a different size
- a list of political actions to take right now
- ways to increase your intelligence
- what to wear when getting sworn in as a judge (congrats, reader!)
- how to break into teaching as a second career
Help me my break my fast fashion habits. I’ve known for a while that fast fashion had poor working conditions, labor practices, and environmental impact – but decided to turn away and continue to shop at Old Navy and H&M. I saw the John Oliver piece about fast fashion and decided to make different choices, except, I am not even sure where to start? Patagonia isn’t exactly my style or very work-friendly (business casual office). American Apparel has its’ own issues (doesn’t it?).
So, ‘r e t t t es where can we shop to make conscious clothing decisions?
Consignment shops and thrift stores can be a great start. You can beautiful, high-end pieces at a fraction of their original cost. They are well made and well constructed and last longer, so you won’t be contributing to the practices of Forever21 and H&M.
I also love Everlane (US owned and manufactured).
I *want* to love Everlane, but I feel like their clothes are a) designed for a certain body type (not mine, hourglass) and b) so small!!!! (I wear a 10/12 and I’m 5’10” with a larger chest.) Is there an Everlane alternative for the Joans among us?
I feel the same way! Every blogger seems to sing the praises of Everlane, but I feel like they must just be getting free stuff in return. Everything I bought was extremely short and boxy. Even on the models, the clothes look ridiculously short and boxy, but since they are models, it somehow works (barely).
Not all of everlane’s line is US manufactured. They do seem to use ethical practices, but not all American. For example, their silk is all China based.
Kat this would be a great topic post: made in America (or other country with fair labor laws, etc.) brands or picks.
I typed “made in USA” into the N-strom site and got lots of results, although it’s hard to filter beyond that (narrowing to dresses included beach cover ups, maternity wear, and c-tail attire). It also includes things made in US of imported fabric– not sure what the ethics of that are.
I commented about this earlier this week. The results from N strom look inaccurate, mine listed products from Kate Spade which I’m almost positive can’t be true.
https://corporette.com/2015/05/12/rebecca-taylor-textured-knit-blazer/#comments
Everyone had great suggestions for better sourced clothing.
If you want to shop USA-made things to support American workers, fine. But if your concern is foreign workers’ welfare, I wouldn’t simply assume lack of “fair” labor laws = not buying there helps workers. (I’ll leave the discussion of what the word “fair” means in this context for another time.) If workers are locked in the factory and have no ability to leave, then, yeah, slavery is pretty heinous and definitely do not want things made by slaves. But in many cases, the conditions may be poor by our standards, but are still better than whatever alternatives were available before the factory showed up. Take the use of child labor for example. It seems like a no-brainer that child labor = bad. But in many places, it’s not that the children’s options were “work in sweatshop factory” or “go to school.” I honestly find the belief that everyone’s labor laws should look like ours to be a fairly privileged position. It feels good to believe that, and it would be amazing if everyone could work only 40 hr weeks and earn enough money to take care of their families doing so, but that’s just not the current reality.
I agree with this.
I don’t all mean this to be snarky and appreciate your reply, but what do you suggest then? Doesn’t showing a demand for products made in the US or other places with (our, privileged) standards only help show places that charge very high prices but don’t pass any of that along to factory workers help? I fully admit I don’t know much about this issue- I skimmed through Overdressed and in general try to make ethical decisions throughout my life, and that’s about it.
This is far from my area of expertise, but it does seem that meeting countries/regions/cultures where they are would help. So the standard is “better” not perfect. I think the risk is that if you, for example, boycott clothing made in a certain country, or push a brand to stop using a certain factory altogether, the people who bear the first loss are the workers who are out of a job. More nuanced solutions, such as Sarabeth suggests further down, could be helpful. But I think often what happens is (1) shocking-to-Americans labor practice is exposed with no context; (2) outrage in media and Internet; (3) company issues press release saying they’ve stopped using factory; (4) everyone goes back to what they were doing and pats themselves on the back for “helping poor people.” But we never know what happened after the major brand pulled out of the market. So instead of boycotts, supporting incremental changes. Also, viewing the practices in the context of the market in which they exist. How can you encourage companies, including the foreign companies that white-label their products for US retailers, to follow better policies? Is there a way to make it beneficial for them? Instead of saying “they can afford it,” which never convinced anyone to do anything, how can you make it even more profitable for them to make the changes you want to see? Because I do think there are legitimate arguments to support a claim that better treatment for workers leads to a more profitable company. And that’s what’s going to make long-term, positive change happen, be authentic (instead of a whitewash), and be lasting.
I had a reply to this and it seems to have been eaten so sorry if this posts twice.
I hear you TBK and don’t mean this to be a snarky response in the least: what do you suggest, then? What ARE good options? I admittedly don’t know much about this topic– I skimmed Overdressed and try to make ethical decisions throughout my day to day life, but sometimes it’s just hard to know what the best answer is.
Good point
I think you are right that it’s a complex issue. I think the bottom line is that consumers should be aware of some of the issues and not have blinders on about how items are produced.
+ 100. I enjoyed the John Oliver piece and was glad to see him talking about it, but I think this is a pretty big blind spot for a lot of privileged Americans.
I see your point re: US labor standards not necessarily being universally applicable, but I still find myself troubled, morally/ethically, by labor practices in other places. I mean, okay, sure, maybe it’s “normal” for a 9 year old to work 16 hours a day sewing labels into jeans for $0.32 a day in some places, and sure, that 9 year old’s not *technically* a slave, but, at least for me personally, “well, it’s not like they’re SLAVES, these practices are totally normal there, those kids’ lives would just suck differently if they weren’t sewing their little fingers off in some sweatshop” just feels like a morally lazy way to excuse myself from giving a damn about where my $35 Old Navy jeans come from.
Edited to Add: I understand that only buying items made in the US (or similarly industrialized country with high labor standards) is not necessarily the solution, but this sort of knee-jerk “as long as it’s not slave labor, whatevs” kind of justification just sits wrong with me.
I’m not sure I said “as long as it’s not slavery, whatevs.” I don’t think that’s a fair summary of my argument. Nor am I talking about just another kind of something equally sucky. What if the money the 9 year old earns from her job means the children in her family now have milk to drink? Or what if the alternative for her was being sold into marriage at that age because her family can’t afford to feed her if she’s not earning money? Companies are very sensitive to consumer pressure so it’s important to be sure that you understand the implications of what you’re pressuring them to do. I’m not arguing all the sweatshops in the world are good or even neutral. I’m just saying that “sub-US labor practices are by definition bad” is simplistic to the point of being harmful. On the whole, I find it morally lazy to, for example, pressure companies to close factories in other countries because of these practices without investigating what the factory’s closure would mean for the community.
I personally don’t think all overseas factories need to close, but at the same time, when clothing producers can’t or won’t be transparent about what their labor practices actually are and how their clothes are made, I reserve the right to shop somewhere with more transparent practices (like Everlane, which actually isn’t 100% made in the US but provides detailed information on all of their factories online). If your company is opaque about its labor practices, uses subcontractors to actively hide said labor practices, and does all of its manufacturing in countries that are notorious for poor labor standards, I’m not buying your clothes, because honestly? It shouldn’t be that hard to tell your customers where your product comes from and how it’s made. Unfortunately, so many companies do such an utterly poor job with transparency that people who care about how workers are treated end up with few options for how to figure out where to shop, and do end up defaulting to “Made in the USA” or similar brands just because it’s the only way to have any hope of understanding how the workers making the products are treated.
TBK, I might be beating a dead horse here, but in the actual world of international labor organizing, the goals are to improve working conditions in these factories, not to close them. The choice of abusive factory work v. being sold into marriage is a false dichotomy. Companies can afford to pay their workers better (so, in your hypothetical, to employ adults for high enough wages that they can actually feed their kids). Consumer pressure is one way to get them to do that.
Thanks. This is essentially what I was about to post (though surely less eloquently). I view the issue similarly to environmental regulations that the U.S. and other more developed/Western nations try to now impose internationally. The U.S. benefited economically from long periods during which our workers and our natural resources were abused. For us to now turn around and shame other countries for the same, and to also starve them of our trade, with no alternate contribution to their development, is not inherently good for people in those countries. Obviously this is complicated, and no one should be enslaved, physically abused, etc., but just not buying from certain countries doesn’t seem to be the answer.
Cheers. I think you’re quite eloquent.
Yes, buying from other countries is not the answer, but that’s because other countries are not monolithic entities. You can choose to buy sustainably sourced and ethically produced clothing from China or Bangladesh. That’s the ‘alternate contribution to development’ that you are looking for. Or you can choose to buy clothing that’s produced in abusive conditions and using processes that create lasting environmental damage. In which case you are complicit in that abuse and that damage; the fact that there is also an American/European history of poor labor practices and environmental degradation does not get you off the hook.
There are organized movements of workers and environmental activists in all of these countries. It’s not about the West versus the developing world – it’s about who we choose to align ourselves with in these developing countries.
Agree with TBK. Pertaining to child labor, the kids would not be in school if they were not working. Frequently, they’d be worse off without the work. It always humbles me when I travel to less developed nations and see how others live in poverty. As much as I’d like every country to have labor laws, I don’t think the solution is to take he work away from those who are relying on it to avoid starvation
I’m British and some of your American labour laws seem pretty barbaric to me (expecting someone to work a clopen, for example – illegal here. No paid sick – illegal. So little paid vacation – illegal. No mat leave – illegal).
It’s all relative.
Also, part of the ‘ethical’ thing is just not overconsuming. So even if you buy the most ethically made products, don’t just throw them out when you don’t like them any more. Give them to charity, or keep wearing them. Likewise, even H&M can be ‘ethical’ if you keep wearing it for ten years.
+1
This argument is a red herring. The issue is not ’employ the child labor or let her family starve.’ It is
‘how to get manufacturing companies in the developing world to pay fair wages and offer decent working conditions.’ They can absolutely afford to do so, but it is more profitable not to. The leverage that we have, as consumers, is 1) organizing (I recommend Students Against Sweatshops to anyone who wants to get involved in these issues), 2) political pressure via the American government, and 3) consumer power such as boycotts. Refusing to buy unethically produced clothing is a way to get companies to commit to better labor practices. It is not a magic bullet, but it is better than buying unethically produced clothing, which incentivizes the manufacturers to keep using those unethical processes.
Honestly, until we are willing to pay $500 for a suit again, and $100 for a pair of jeans, I just don’t think you’re going to see much change. And there’s all sorts of ways around the labeling laws – as long as the last part of the manufacturing process is done in the US, it can be made in the USA (also, Guam counts as the USA, and there are some pretty iffy factories in Guam). I’ve been working in and around the industry since 1990, and I can tell you that my very first job at BR as a store manager, a full, 3 piece suit was easily $400 full price (not adjusted for inflation!), and markdowns were relatively rare. But a company would make a 15-20% profit with each piece of clothes they sold, which has been whittled down to under 5%. When the brands didn’t have to focus on turnover so much, they could afford to pay a lot more to the manufacturers, which meant there wasn’t this constant pressure to chase the cheapest manufacturing.
I appreciate what some of the big brands have done – they may not be the best at overseeing all of the subcontracting, but most of them have seriously elevated the conditions at their main contractors (and in the most important ways, I personally think – which is basically, the factories are not death traps and have decent day-to-day working conditions (e.g., moderate temperatures, space, clean, etc…)).
I agree, it would be a great topic for Kat!
Personally, I have so many issues trying to find clothes that fit and flatter my body type, I don’t feel like I can be picky about sourcing. I try to make up for it by buying as little as possible, treating everything really well to get as much wear out of it as possible, and donating or recycling when I can’t wear it any more.
If you shop IRL and not online, I have to say I have had surprisingly good luck at places like TJ Maxx and Marshalls. They are all brands I’ve never heard of, and it’s always a one-off, but sometimes I like to go to a store like that and rummage around. I’ll pull five pairs of black pants and then check all the labels before I go in the dressing room and try to narrow it down to just the ones made in the US.
Depending on where you are, local makers are good options. People have mentioned everlane, but I also think cuyana, the Podolls, and Emerson fry are a few bigger lines to check out. Not all work stuff, though.
Oh, another USA made/small/slow fashion line is Lesley Evers for dresses
Unfortunately, most places with better working conditions make casual clothes. Fair Indigo makes more earthy business casual styles.
Look, just whatever you do DON’T buy organic cotton. It’s pretty much guaranteed to be grown outside of the US, and to be farmed by enslaved child labor.
Google “Victoria’s Secret organic cotton scandal” to get a taste of how bad it is out there. (At least one “fancy” retailer tried to spin it as “cotton so delicate it must be hand picked” which is so gross it’s unreal.)
Most cotton grown in the US is low-water usage GMOs, which makes the farmers beholden to Monsanto, but it beats slave labor.
Here is a link to the clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VdLf4fihP78
This is an admittedly ignorant question, but what kinds of shoe problems can cobblers fix? I have a couple of pairs of leather shoes, and the leather just doesn’t look as nice as it could. Some water stains and scuffs mostly. Can a cobbler fix that, and what do I ask them to do? “make these look pretty again” seems a little silly…
Yes, that’s a completely normal thing to say to a cobbler! I have a beloved pair of heels that are beat to hell, and I take them every few months and say “save them please!” and they come back look new, stain and scuff free, with the worn down heel refinished.
They can fix worn toe tips, that annoying thing where the screw in the heels wears threw, if teh heel separates from the shoe, replace the soles, repolish/refinish the leather, etc.
how much is that usually?
I had the sole fully replaced on a favorite pair of kitten heels. They also fixed a nick on the toe that had been there for years. They weren’t horribly expensive shoes but they were a favorite (slightly crinkly red patent kitten heel pumps with a flat bow). I think it cost around $55 to have all of that done but they look new again and they are probably 8 years old.
Probably $15 for new heel caps + overall polish. Add another $10 or so if you need toe protection added. Replacing soles is more expensive.
Can I get some help? I’m joining the gym again and am looking to buy some more athletic pants. I’m looking more for the kind that are like leggings (as opposed to yoga pants). My criteria are
1. $50 or less
2. Thick waistband
3. Long (I don’t want capri-length)
4. Maintains shape and doesn’t stretch out
5. Machine washable
Zella? I love mine and got them for about $34 on sale.
+1 I love Zella leggings! I have two pairs that I bought during the Anniversary sale and they’ve held up really well!
I’m a big fan of the old navy compression leggings. I actually wear them with long sweaters and boots in the fall/winter in addition to wearing them and their bootcut style counterparts to the gym. The regularly go on sale for $20 and last me forever.
Love Old Navy for active wear.
I second the Old Navy recommendation!
Target
Target.
Thirded. Target C9 (Target’s Champion brand).
I really like Target C9’s brand! It’s great quality for the price!
Target & Old Navy at retail price, or Zella (Nordstrom) on sale. Pants may be easier to find online than in stores since it seems like a lot of brands are now displaying shorts/capris for summer, versus capris/leggings for winter.
I would like to hear suggestions as well, but I am looking for athletic pants with pockets ( why is this so hard?) that are not pricey.
Athleta. The Be Free Kuickers and Drifter Capris both have pockets. I can fit my phone in there and love them.
EMS stuff on sale.
I swear by Gap Outlet “Fast” capri leggings. They have a pocket at the small of your back that is about the size of an Iphone 4S or a pack of cards.
Athleta leggings are the best I’ve found. Super thick, never see-through, wide band, etc. If you get them on sale, they can come in under $50.
H&M workout gear is surprisingly good, and they have long leggings in almost all the time, in either the generic ‘training’ or the ‘running’ line.
Undearmour, just buy at the outlet store. They are the same full length leggings they sell at Dicks, but way cheaper.
Nike dri-fit stuff is more expensive than $50, but it lasts forever. I have a couple that I wear and wash 2x a week and they have held up for years. Cheaper leggings just . . . don’t. The seams come apart pretty quickly.
Lots of great responses here, thanks everyone! I’m going to read all the reviews and order a few of the ones mentioned. I’ll report back here with my favorite.
Wow, Kat, I LOVE Silk Top’s! How cute! But what does it mean to be REAGAN-Washed? When I was a baby, President Reagan was President of the USA. I can NOT beleive he was also washeing clotheing, but is this a style that he liked? Please to explain to the HIVE, if you are aware of what this mean’s b/c Dad does NOT and he is VERY smart and so is Mom on all matters relating to laundry and she to does NOT know what this mean’s.
The manageing partner want’s 36 hours billed today — up from yesterday. I think he is punisheing me for considering starteing my own firm. He want’s me to see what it is like to work for myself b/c he says this is what I would have to do every day w/o him, Frank, Lynn and Mason and the software support the firm provide’s me. FOOEY b/c I would hire my OWN people and get my OWN software program. He also cover’s firm malpractice coverage, which he did NOT tell me how much that was. Myrna told me I am working to hard and she knows a freind who would come over for $200K/year. I can get another Lynn for maybe $70K and a Mason for $120K. That just leaves me with the software and computer set up, which I do NOT know how much that is. Does anyone in the HIVE know what OTHER startup cost’s I would have? FOOEY b/c I am a lawyer NOT a busnesswoman, tho Dad say’s I am like Melanie Griffith in Working Girl — he say’s that that “I have a head for busness and a bod for sin!” That is very nice of him, but since he always critizicses my tuchus, how is that true?
I am goeing to be very busy billing today so I may not get back here to post to often. FOOEY!
At first glance, this top looks like it’s crushed velvet. No thank you!
I thought so too. Or that squishy ruffled fabric that was popular in the late 90s.
Yes, that stuff, although I thought more of my 1993 “broomstick skirt” that I bought in Paris. :)
I had a full wardrobe of those. My favorite was black with rainbow tie-dye medallions and small mirror accents. I wore it with a black bodysuit, a beret, and knee-high lace-up John Fluevogs.
13-year-old me would NOT think 34-year-old me was stylish AT ALL.
omg, you were the style ICON of 13-year-old me. So jealous.
The Mary McFadden fabric – definitely good for mothers of the bride and not much else!
This might be what L meant by “squishy ruffled fabric”– it reminds me of those popcorn shirts that, when not on your body, were teeny tiny, like the size of your hand. Then, when you put it on, it magically stretched and grew into a human-size shirt. Wish I could say I didn’t have any of those in the 90’s. That would be a lie.
To me it looks like the ticky tacky tye dye shells at Walmart and the Dress Barn clearance sale. Not a good look for me.
In a shirt this short the vent in the back would be problematic on me.
This style of shirt (boxy, silk fabric, buttons in the back) is actually one of my major staples to go under just about everything. I have them short like this to wear untucked, and I have them longer with a side-split, for tucking or for wearing off-hours with leggings and a cardi.
I think the crushed velvet look is due to computer screens not the fabric IRL. I like the print but not the high neck. The long-sleeved version is much more my style.
Gah! I have on navy pants and a black jacket today! ARGH. Why is my closet so dark? (I forgot to check it in natural light)
At least navy and black is considered very chic right now!
Yes, just work it. Pretend it was on purpose. (This works best with white or very neutral-colored tops.)
My friend bought several pairs of the same pumps in different colors, and she once went to an interview wearing one black pump and one navy pump. I don’t remember if she got the job or not.
I have lots of black and navy clothes and I put a ribbon on the hanger of the navy ones. I also have a flashlight in my closet, just to make sure. For shoes, I write the color on the sole, near the heel. What happened to you happened to me more than once!
Yup. I write NAVY on tags inside my navy clothes.
I should have started doing this years ago.
That is brilliant. I have the same pencil skirt in several colors and have, at least once, had to go back in and change after I discovered I was wearing the navy skirt with a black tank and black print cardigan.
This is SO much better than trying to compare the skirt against a black jacket in my dimly lit closet in the morning.
Ooo, this is a good idea. Definitely stealing!
I hang my black clothes on black hangers.
I once showed up to a hearing wearing a navy skirt and black blazer without realizing. Kid you not, I raced home a lunch to change because it bothered me so much!!
Sorry for the immediate threadjack, but I’ve realized that I need to do something about my look (or lack thereof) for work. I’ve gotten in the habit of looking sloppy (for longer than I care to admit) and have ordered new clothes (in the right size), scheduled a haircut, etc, etc.
I work at a place where people’s range of dress is all over the map. Most people in my department dress on the casual side of business casual. When I (or anyone else) dress up, you get the interview jokes, lots of comments, etc. My question is, do I just start dressing nicer off the bat or do I work up to it slowly? I think people have gotten used to me looking like a slob (sad, I know), but I’d rather not draw any extra attention to it (or myself).
My response to those jokes is always, I don’t want to forget how to dress myself nicely. I think either way you go is fine, but I think there is nothing wrong in being upfront when people joke about dressing up. In a, hey its something I want to do for me, I feel more productive this way, insert your reason here. I went through a similar change about 5 years ago at a very casual workplace, and it was seriously just due to wanting to take myself and my job more seriously. I’m not sure what look you are going for, but I found that just starting with dresses in the summer time was easier to work in (it’s hot, and to me they are way easier) and by the time fall came everyone was kind of used to my being a little more dressed up.
I am thinking that it would be more easy for you to ease it in.
If you are used to being very casually dressed, you could be a little exhausted if you feel you have to be very dressed up from day X until eternity.
But if you commit to wear every day one piece that really fits you, for example great pants or a nice top it can have a great impact on your appreance, does not scream “makeover” to the people you work with and is easier to keep up.
This is hard to answer without knowing what you mean by “looking sloppy” – is it just wearing a bunch of stuff that doesn’t fit right? Or do you mean you’re wearing stuff that’s boring but basically fine? If all you’re doing is replacing ill-fitting, worn-out stuff with better versions of the same, I don’t see how this would attract all that much attention, other than a couple of “hey you look nice”s in the first couple of days. If it’s more like, you’ve been coming to work in ripped jeans and drapey cardigans and you just bought a bunch of dress pants and blazers, I can see how that’d attract more attention – in that case, I’d probably try upgrading slowly by integrating the new stuff into my existing “look,” then slowly phasing out the existing look. So, for example, if you’re jeans and cardigan lady, maybe swap the jeans for dress pants and keep the cardigan, instead of going straight from jeans-and-cardigan to sheath-dress-with-a-blazer.
Doesn’t fit right, isn’t really well-put together, out of style a bit. I am a bit fluffy so I bought a bunch of stuff just to have clothes and none of it really works. I have a style (I swear!) but right now it’s just in my head and I have a bunch of stuff that just looks off. Combined with the lack of grooming (TBK hit the nail on the head) I think I give off the sloppy/disheveled look.
Ironically, now I miss my very old job where I had to wear suits every day (I hated it then) because I could just toss it on and go. This in between is hard to nail!
You can dress “not sloppy” without “dressing up.” I dress business formal most of the time in my own work, but I saw a woman on the Metro yesterday who was dressed down but looked very chic (I made mental notes of what she was wearing because she just looked stunning). First, her hair, make-up, and nails were all very nicely done. She was wearing a pencil skirt, fitted gray t-shirt, oblong ikat scarf looped almost like an infinity scarf, and nude flats. She had a very nice, structured leather tote bag, a chunky but sleek watch, and her other jewelry was small and very tasteful. So very much on the casual side of business casual but still very pulled-together. I think if you focus on grooming (well-cut and styled hair, neat fingernails, and tasteful make-up) and wearing clothes that fit you well, are good quality in classic styles, and are in good shape (i.e., no pills, worn spots, etc.), you’ll lose the sloppy look.
I take your point about grooming and I think that’s where some of my trouble falls. Even when I wear stuff that is seemingly “nice” I feel like I look disheveled (and often do). I’m just in a weird place where I feel like there’s no point to doing all the primping because my clothes look a mess (ill-fitting, too casual, not really my style). So I end up feeling like a hot mess.
Start small, it sounds like you’re completely overwhelmed, and trying to be some fashionista will make you feel worse.
Take a few baby steps.
Spend a little time surfing pinterest for easy office updos. Things like a sleek chignon, gibson tuck, and french twist are super easy to do, and are great for when you’re too tired/overwhelmed/stressed to do a blowout/style. They look pulled together without being overdone or fussy.
What’s your makeup routine? Do you have one? if not, don’t feel like you need to do a full face. Maybe just a tinted moisturizer, a coat of gloss, and a little mascara to even out your skin and add some color to make you look awake and poised.
As for clothes, a lot of people end up in the knit-rut. Ill-fitting ponte, knit shirts, flats. All of that combined gives a very frumpy look. Try just adding one piece with structure, like a blazer. Or some simple sheath and wrap dresses-easy and comfy without being super dressy.
A couple people in my office (we sometimes take ourselves too seriously) have started a habit of “formal Fridays.” The men break out their pocket squares and matching ties, I’ve been known to wear my nicest sheath dresses or even a suit and silk blouse. One guy on my team wears a beautifully tailored suit three times a week -he’s just known as the best-dressed man in the company. If people ask on the first day, you can ease them into the idea of seeing you in more formal clothes by saying you decided you just needed a boost.
I like this, thanks!
I sometimes feel sloppy or disheveled if I’m on a run of wearing a bunch of clothes with less structure. A structured blazer (not a sweater blazer or swacket or whatever), a pencil skirt with structure (so, not a lot of stretch), and sheath dress (not ponte), etc. This means the clothes really have to fit, because there’s less give than if you’re wearing a sweater and leggings or what have you, but I feel much more put together.
Wearing clothes that fit is also helpful here. There is no way I ever feel put together when I’ve squeezed myself into something that fit perfectly 5 or 10 pounds ago.
+1 to that last sentence about clothes that fit. I’ve gained some weight over the past year and finally bought pants that fit. It was challenging figuring out what size would fit my new figure. I ordered and tried on a bunch of stuff but finally found some pieces that worked.
+1 to that. I’ve been all over the scale in my adulthood, and nothing makes me feel more “put together” than when I’m wearing clothes (pants, especially) that fit the size I am. Plus, it makes me feel better, no matter what the size on the tag. Stressing out about being heavy = harder to lose that excess weight (at least, for me).
Who cares if people make comments? Dress so you feel good.
If people make comments, just look at them with a confused expression and say “I’m sorry, I don’t get it. What do you mean I look different?
They won’t want to say you normally look like a mess, so they’ll stutter and squirm and never mention it again.
Well, she cares. Them saying things about her dressing doesn’t make her feel good, which is valid.
I have a list of things that make me look sloppy/lazy v. put together. None of them are egregious on their own. However, when I do all of them at once or many in a week I have a very different look. I try not to do a bunch on the same day basically. Here is an example:
1. No Makeup
2. No shower
3. Hair not straightened
4. Flats
5. Glasses
6. Ponytail
7. No earrings
8. Older blazer or pants/blazer combo instead of full suit or skirt/dress blazer combo
Today, I’m getting over food poisoning and it is my first day back in the office so my expectations for myself were low. Get to work and get home. So, I’m in flats, glasses, ponytail, no makeup, older blazer and black pants. I do have earrings in though and I did shower (but didn’t wash hair).
So, if I’m feeling lazy on another day, I’ll do the ponytail and glasses but I will wear make up and heels. Basically, if I do the converse of 1-8 I look great, if I do a few of them, I look presentable, if I do none of them I look “eh, she’s having a rough day.”
I wear a low-pony bun or a high pony half-pulled-through-bun-splayed-and-pinned hairstyle (is there a name for this?) when I’m a lazy greaseball. It makes me feel slightly better than a ponytail.
There’s great advice in this thread–just one little tip that might help you feel more polished: consider getting a set of simple stud earrings and a necklace that you can sleep/shower/leave on. I feel way more polished and “together” by just these two pieces alone. I’d suggest either sterling or real gold for these pieces (I have a 14k fake diamond studs and pendant that I wear). Might be an easy way to feel more polished without any extra effort. If you do leave them in, you might want to take them out and clean them every 2 weeks/ 1 month or so (I just use warm water, dish soap, and a toothbrush) to keep everything sparkling.
+1 this is my strategy for life.
I’m cringing at this. Sleeping and showing with your jewelry on can seriously damage it by tugging on the chains, bending or scratching metals, and loosening the glue keeping your stones in place. I’m all for having one set of earrings and one necklace that goes with everything and just putting it on automatically in the morning, but don’t sleep or shower with it on!
I’m meeting with a lawyer for the first time this week because my husband and I need to have will prepared. The person we are meeting with was recommended by a friend but she didn’t use her for estate planning. I’ve never met with a lawyer for anything before and not really sure what to expect.
What sort of questions should I be asking at our first meeting? Or does anyone have a recommendation for an estate lawyer in NYC?
Ask re: hourly rate and how much she anticipates it will cost, also what documents she is recommending you do.
If you have kids, you may want will + revocable trust for each of you, in case of simultaneous accident.
The lawyer should ask re: your asset levels and what you want to happen to your property – usually it is all to spouse, otherwise to kids/other relatives/charities.
You should also think about people to name as alternate executor, alternate guardians (if applicable), health care agent, and power of attorney.
Give her all of the information she asks for – on financials, addresses, etc. I can’t tell you how much time is racked up (and billed) trying to get basic information out of clients. For example, you need addresses and phone numbers of the people you intend to name as agents under your power of attorney and health care proxy. Also, it’s sort of unclear from your post whether this attorney specializes in estate planning — if not, you should consider looking for someone else.
Thanks for starting this topic–I also would love to hear some NYC recs. TIA!
I’m an estate planning attorney, but not in New York. Generally ask about the cost, of course. Make sure this attorney is either very experienced or is working under attorneys who are experienced in estate planning. Depending on your circumstances/ finances, it is not always a simple will. There can be tax implications, a need for certain types of trusts, etc. If this is a second marriage or you have children from a previous relationship, that should be mentioned to your attorney. You should be sure to have an idea of 2-3 people who will be your executor and attorney in fact for a Power of Attorney and Living Will/Healthcare Directive. Have full names, addresses, phone numbers, etc. It is also very important to be honest about your financial situation. Let you attorney know everything! Bank accounts, mortgages, debts, retirement accounts, real estate, etc. Also consider beneficiary designations on accounts because they trump a will. If you plan to have children you will need to revise your documents at a later date. The attorney should guide you through everything. Before the meeting, find out if there is a fee for the consultation!
Thanks, ladies! This is really helpful. She does specialize in estate planning, but also does matrimonial law (which is why my friend worked with her). There is a consultation fee, but will be waived if we choose to retain her. So I think we are prepped and ready.
I’d ask about a flat rate rather than hourly rate. In the estate area, flat rates are very common.
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I’ll second the idea of asking for a flat rate. In the DC area, got a great estate attorney to set up all of our documents for a flat $1700, including minor updates forever and annual payment of the life insurance premiums through our ILIT. Our documents (married, own multiple properties, young children, multiple retirement and savings accounts) included: will, life insurance trust, regular trust (I didn’t know we needed this till she explained it), durable power of attorney, the thing that you need when you are incapacitated and they need to decide what your wishes were about pulling the plug, and maybe a couple of other things.
Anyway, the attorney had a system for this: we talked by phone once for the initial consult, she asked about our basic situation (see above) and then told us what the flat fee would be and what it would cover. We agreed, and she sent us some detailed forms to fill out to collect all the information she would need (I think banks and accounts, names & addresses of executors and caregivers, etc…). We filled it out on our own as we could, and then had another conversation with her to clarify what we couldn’t fill out (i.e., what the difference between different kinds of executor powers meant). She was very patient and helpful, and sent over drafts of all the documents, and we reviewed again by phone. When we were comfortable, we met her face to face for the official signing. I should mention I was by this point 9 months pregnant so I was quite emotional about the whole thing…several years out, I am so glad we got this taken care of.
I hope this is helpful to you. Good luck!
We are closing on our first house in 3 weeks! Yippee! Long, emotionally draining process in our HCOL northeastern market, but we are so, so excited.
What advice do you have or do you wish you followed after closing on your first house? House has extremely solid bones but 1980s-90s cosmetic finishes. We’ve already agreed to live in it for a few months before redoing anything major.
Also, any legal matters we should be considering? We’re married one year and no will or other docs of that nature to speak of, which I’m sure is frowned upon. So, where do we start?
If you want to paint, paint BEFORE you move all your stuff in and unpack/arrange everything. Our office and bedroom are the most blah, boring color, but we’ve been here seven years and haven’t painted them yet because it’s SO much easier to do in an empty house.
And floors. For the love of all that is holy, if you’re going to do the floors (or actually anything with extensive sanding) do it before your stuff is in there.
Signed, the lady who is still dusty from drywall sanding 2 years ago.
FLOORS BEFORE EVERY OTHER THING.
No seriously. We painted, then did our floors. We were planning on moving in after floors were done, but the dust from the floor-refinishing (plus the inevitable dings from the sander smacking into the walls) meant we ended up having to paint again post-floors. Floors first, before you move in, before everything else.
+1. We still haven’t refinished the floors after living in the house for 10 years because it’s too much of a pain to move everything. Definitely do floor work before moving in.
Yes. I always say you have one chance to refinish your hardwood floors, and that is before you move in.
We replaced ours because they couldn’t be refinished, and it wasn’t so so bad. No dust but a lot of hammering. (These days hardwood planks come prefinished, which is awesome).
If anyone in the equation has allergies or asthma, consult carefully before doing anything that creates that fine particulate in the air. The sensitive person may want to vacate until that work is done, the area is cleaned thoroughly and the air has been “switched out” (well-ventilated, HVAC, HEPA filter etc.). We learned this the hard way, and once you trigger an asthma episode, it can take months to settle back down.
Consider repainting the insides of your closets.
Someone on thissite told me ‘if you don’t do it before you move in, you’ll probably never do it ’cause it’s such a huge pain.’ Well, I didn’t and dealt with a very dark-painted closet for months. A side effect of this is that the paint color made it so dark, I couldn’t distinguish between black and navy and did exactly what someone above did in showing up at work in a black jacket and navy skirt.
A fresh coat or two of white paint in a satin finish made all the difference in the world.
Great advice. You might also consider painting the inside of your closet a (light so you can see your stuff) fun color.
If you can at all afford it, pay actual professionals to paint. It doesn’t look *that* hard to paint yourself, and I’m sure some ladies here have skills to do a great job, but Mr. and I decided to save a couple grand by painting the bedrooms ourselves, having professionals paint the main areas, and not repainting the trim. We deeply, deeply regret saving that money now. Painting takes a long time, painting is tiring, and despite our very, very best efforts to be careful over several weekends, the rooms we did ourselves just don’t look as good. And wow how I wish we had had the trim (doors, frames, bannisters) painted.
OTOH, putting an epoxy coat on the garage floor ourselves was one of the smartest things we’ve ever done. It’s fantastic.
+1 to epoxy floor coating in the garage. After dropping a whole watermelon and several gallons of milk (I’m a clutz and have no other excuse), the epoxy floors have been worth their weight in gold because they are so easy to clean. Please add flecking in! When we did ours, flecking was an option, but apparently it is now used to help with traction, and when the floors are wet, it’s really really slick.
My principal contribution to the epoxying effort was throwing the confetti/flecking. Tip: throw it up vertically and let it fall more naturally in a scatter.
PS for our small two car garage (as in, barely fits two cars), we used a “two car” epoxy size PLUS another “one car” epoxy size, both of which we bought at Home Depot. We wanted a nice thick coat of epoxy. Each came with confetti. I used alllllllllll the confetti.
I love picturing you doing this, SFBA. ;o)
The trick to painting yourself is to have an OCD friend do the taping.
I actually love painting and I feel like I’ve gotten really good at trim (especially after the 6 doors in one hallway). I offered to help a friend with a new house paint. But yes, Baconpancakes is correct that the trick is good taping. Also, going back and rechecking every wall to be sure you didn’t miss spots with the roller. I get a paint card and live with it for a while before committing to a paint color.
My sister and I make a great painting team. I do all the trim: taping and painting. (The trick is placing the tape straight and using your nail to push it really hard into the wood/wall.) She picks the color and paints the large areas. We read to each other while the other is working. It always comes out great.
+1 to good taping
Also, if you’re in an older home or one that has several layers of paint and/or non-crisp edges, a cheap set of small artist’s brushes can be an amazing tool.
Ugh. Clementine, when I painted my upstairs hallway, there were places where I had to scrape down three levels of paint (beige and two shades of green) and then sand the edges smooth before I could paint. That include mostly trim, but some walls. In that case, you need a scraper and sandpaper.
Yeah, by saying you’ve already agreed to move in and live in it for a few months before doing work, you’re already going against my best advice based on experience – do all the painting you want BEFORE you move in. (And floors too, though that’s never been an issue in any place I’ve moved into yet.) If you move in without painting, you will live with that color for WAYYYY longer than you intended. Like maybe the entire time you live in that house. Same with light fixtures, faucets and other small cosmetic issues.
Practically speaking, the biggest thing I always notice when I move is the upfront cost of moving in – new shower curtains, garbage cans, and other misc stuff. It’s not super expensive in the whole scheme of things, but be prepared to spend $500 at Target before you even get a full night in the house.
You mention concern about legal docs, if you’re married without kids and are buying the house jointly, there shouldn’t be any issue for which you need add’l docs – it will pass to your spouse automatically if something happened. Yes, you need a will. But not for that necessarily.
We were thinking of waiting so that we could better prioritize bigger projects since we can’t afford to refloor (carpet) basement family room at the same time we retile the kitchen, but your point is well taken. We will tackle painting ASAP, however.
Don’t worry if you can’t do all the floors at once. I waited too long to replace the wall to wall carpet in my first house because I was afraid of the effort.
To my relief, the carpet installers also move large pieces of furniture. I had to empty my closet and strip the bed but that was about it. They moved everything else, including a full dresser.
Good luck! Home improvement is challenging and expensive but so worth it! It felt great to make even small improvements and learning how to use tools (especially power tools).
FYI, home depot will cut lumber free for you. If you have a project, just bring along your measurements. It saves so much time and means you don’t have to buy a table saw.
Actually, decor folks will tell you to live in a space before painting to observe lighting at different times of day, test colors, etc.
Unless there’s a room painted a colour you just can’t live with (lime green walls in what used to be a nursery and is now your study) and you’re painting it magnolia just to be able to breathe, that is.
I completely agree with the refinishing floors/replacing carpets recommendation. Do it. No question. We didn’t refinish our floors before moving in, and we’ve lived with scratches for 7 years.
I’m going to go against the grain on the painting recommendation. Unless you know you want to repaint the kitchen cabinets, the ceilings, or do the trim in the whole house, painting while you live there is just not that big a deal. We’ve repainted nearly every room in our house and have only had to shove the big pieces of furniture into the middle of the room. Conventional wisdom from decorators is to pick the wall color after you have chosen your furniture, rugs and window treatments. It’s much easier to find a paint color that works than to try to match fabrics and rugs to a paint color.
If you’re moving into a place with a yard and this isn’t your “forever” home, start with landscaping. New gardens look kind of weird for the first year, so you’ll want to maximize the amount of time you get to enjoy it. Plus, any trees or bushes you add will be more mature by the time you go to sell. (By the way, if you’re in the Boston area, be sure to take photos of your yard every summer because the big selling season is end of March/beginning of April when nothing is out yet.)
On the flip side, if you live with something for a few months and realize that the color of the walls/finishes/floors don’t bother you enough to fix, then you’ve just saved yourself some money.
Re: non-decorating things — make sure you have the right insurance.
I would have a solid plan for storage, particularly for your kitchen. Plan out where you want dishes, pans, glasses, special occasion stuff to go, etc. before you start unpacking. Think about ease of unloading the dishwasher, locating like items (like all the baking supplies) together, etc. If you have a plan, it will be so much easier to unpack and get situated. It can also help you see if you need some organizers / shelves / drawer liners, etc. so you can have those on hand when you’re unpacking.
I’d also start collecting key measurements in an easily accessible place (like Notes on your phone or Evernote) as a reference if you’re shopping for furnishings. Room dimensions, size of door openings, window sizes, etc.
One last tip, if you’re friendly with the sellers and have a few minutes at the closing, quiz them down on reliable contractors, schedules for trash pick up, who do they use for cable and internet, who are the friendly neighbors, ask about the garden in different seasons, etc. This can work in reverse too – I knew to avoid the electrician that our seller recommended since our inspection showed up his shoddy work.
What does everyone do when they order a suit online and it comes in wrinkled? It doesn’t need to be cleaned, but it should be pressed or steamed. I bought several suits from Ann Taylor and I don’t think they are quite wearable in their current state. Do you just take it to the cleaners and have them press it?
You can try steaming with a steamer or hanging in a steamy bathroom by running the shower. Worth a try before you pay for a pressing.
I would think that yes, you would want to have them press it the first time. Alternatively, you can buy a steamer to keep at home. I bought one several years ago, threw my iron away, and have never looked back. I rarely take things to the cleaners anymore because I can do just about everything I need to with my dry clean only clothes at home. Blissful!
I have a Conair steams (less than $30) that I swear by for suits/dresses
Does anyone have a link to a steamer they would recommend?
This is the one people LOVE: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0000665TD/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl
I wonder if the store would press it for you, if you have one nearby?
I’ve done this with Jcrew suits. It is, of course, free.
This sounds like my house.
-Take the time to live in it before you make changes that are minor. Seriously, you would be surprised how your tastes/desires change over the space of a weeks or months.
-Paint makes a world of difference. You may wish to do that sooner rather than later, especially if the house feels “dated”(and while the rooms are still empty).
-Don’t listen to realtors/contractors/friends/relatives, etc. who tell you “it’s just cosmetic” so its “no big deal”. Even small cosmetic changes take time, energy and effort and the costs add up.
-Speak to contractors about work you may wish to do in the future so you can plan for improvements and get costs estimates to help you prioritize.
-If you or your partner are even marginally handy, you can do the following yourself: add crown molding, change base molding, remove wallpaper, de-popcorn ceiling, add wainscoting, change lighting, update window treatments, minor landscaping.
-Purchase some pretty spring flower baskets or annuals that you can plant. It will perk up the exterior and make you smile every time you come home.
I’m meeting my boyfriend’s mom for the first time on Saturday. For some reason, I’m really nervous. Any suggestions about an outfit to wear?
Thanks ladies!
Tasteful sundress (no cleavage), cardigan, ballet flats.
What are you doing? What’s the weather like? I’d aim for baby-shower-chic here (cute, but not sexy). For me this would mean an A-line skirt, t-shirt, low wedges and a jean jacket (weather depending). Alternately, I’d go with dark wash jeans, a draped top and cuter flats.
I think it’s just lunch at his mom’s place but I’m irrationally nervous. I was wondering if my skinny jeans are too tight. I’m probably over thinking this…
You’re overthinking it. And remember, any man who chooses his mother (or her opinions) over you is not worth your time.
OH he would never. I just want to make a good impression!
I would not wear jeans…I’m sure it would be totally okay if you did, but if you’re nervous, I’d avoid.
Any of the above. If you are having lunch at her place, bring a hostess gift. It is an over-the-top gesture for a simple lunch but a gift in hand makes a great first impression!
I agree with this. I can totally be bought with wine or chocolate (check with her son to see which way she rolls).
Relax. For realsies.
I’m probably the age of your boyfriend’s mom (my son is 28) and all I would care about is that you are reasonably decently covered and are nice to my son and reasonably polite to me. I would probably be wearing jeans for lunch at my own house, so I think jeans are fine.
But if you really want some guidance, how about calling her up and saying you look forward to meeting her and oh by the way, what’s the dress code?
My mom is retiring from teaching at the end of the month. I’d like to buy her a piece of jewelry to commemorate the occasion – possibly with “Education is light, lack of it darkness.” engraved on it. I don’t want to spend much more than $150 on it, and she’s very sensitive to jewelry looking “cheap.” Any thoughts/suggestions on where to start?
I’ve used the Etsy store Spiffing Jewelry for a custom quote necklace. She has various choices of metal, with silver being the most “real.” Not sure if your mother would think it looks cheap.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/SpiffingJewelry?section_id=8005948&ref=shopsection_leftnav_2
Try BlueNile?
Aw, what a sweet idea! My mom will be retiring in a few years, I might steal this idea. Your mom is lucky to have you!