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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Floral Ann Cardigan

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A woman wearing "sand" colored pants and a navy cardigan with white/cream flowers, carrying an off-white drawstring bag

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

How pretty is this cardigan from Ann Taylor? The style of the sweater is a classic, but the floral design is just lovely. If you’re looking for a little bit of a winter pick-me-up or even just “back-of-the-chair” cardigan with some pizzazz, this might be right up your alley. It doesn’t look super heavy, so you may even be able to wear it through the spring and summer. 

The sweater is $89.25 at Ann Taylor (marked down from $119) and comes in sizes XXS-XXL and XXSP-XLP. 

A plus-size option is from Eloquii (the first image makes it look like it's color-blocked; it's not), and it's on sale for $56.97 and available in sizes 14/16-26/28.

Sales of note for 2/6:

203 Comments

    1. Yes! Am dreading this weekend. Trying to focus on little things:
      1. That we are getting a few extra minutes of daylight every week now
      2. Planning a vacation for May
      3. Stopping at the grocery store tonight to get the ingredients for my comfort food (Love and Lemons Potato Leek soup – it’s killer)
      4. Stopping by library to pick up a book so I can sit in my favorite chair, with a cup of tea and a blanket, and escape reality for a bit.

    3. Raises hand. I spent the first ten minutes of therapy yesterday just venting about my anxiety about the state of the world. Now I am determined to do something ALL CAPS FUN on Saturday before we get snowed in. Still brainstorming a list (and happy for suggestions!!)

    4. Not blues so much as annoyance at my neighbors. North of Atlanta here, and our local FB page, which I read only for kicks (as opposed to actual information or guidance), is going bonkers. “Let’s prepare a list of high-protein snacks that can be eaten cold.” And so many, “Let me tell you about the Blizzard of ’93.” Y’all, we are not going to be iced in for a week. Calm down. The obvious answer here is to stop reading, but it’s so hard to look away.

      1. People are so extra about storms. You’d think it was 1841 and they’re making the first sorties over the Sierras in a wagon.

        1. Living in the mid-Atlantic, I do worry about storms because our state and local governments cannot handle them. The power inevitably goes out, which often leads to a water outage because of crumbling infrastructure with inadequate backup capacity. (Also what kind of idiot designs a water treatment plant that requires an electric pump to constantly run to prevent untreated water from backing up into the drinking water supply? I never heard of such a thing until I moved to this ridiculous place.) If roads are plowed at all, just enough snow is left that it melts and refreezes into a thick layer of ice. Nobody else knows how to drive in the snow, so it’s not safe to venture out on the roads even if you know what you are doing. An inch or two of snow will close school for a week at a time. Panic buying means that it’s impossible to do your regular grocery shopping even days before an anticipated storm. When I lived in the northeast, even 6-8 inches of snow was no big deal and life continued as normal.

          1. This reminds me of once hosting a training in Syracuse NY, on a week we were supposed to get a massive snow storm. I was concerned about making accommodations for people being late/not making it because of the weather. In the end it snowed a foot overnight and no one was even late!

          1. They didn’t know it was coming. E.g., Donner party, who got their info from a lawyer describing a way he had never actually gone.

        3. Northerner here currently living in the South. Best way to explain in northern terms is our house are built and insulated like the cabin your grandpa built in the 1940s and the power infrastructure’s ability to handle the storm is like to old lines going down a rural road… but, you live in the city. I am not stressed about cold weather, I am stressed about whether we are about to lose power and relatedly water for several days.

          1. This. Southern houses are built so cheaply. Uninsulated crawl spaces. No insulation on the pipes. Crappy windows and doors that fail within 10 years of installation. The siding on our house is literally made of paper, which our inspector didn’t warn us about when we bought it. It would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars we don’t have to fix it all. Then we’d have to install a standby generator, and maintain it so it would actually come on during a power outage without spewing carbon monoxide into our house. Public infrastructure is even worse.

          2. I don’t fear cold or snow. I do fear several inches of accumulated ice as a major threat to life: our area has both many big older trees and above-ground power lines, so if they go down (and they will), people will be in freezing houses, often for more than a day, often with no sense of what to do to survive that (camping gear + hot hands + hot water in a Nalgene + huddle with people/pets in a small room = yes; run panic purchase generator inside the house = OMG do not do this). We have a substantial freezing rain forecast when it will be below freezing for > 24 hours, so linemen can only work so fast to fix what will inevitably be broken. Old people in congregate care must hope that they have enough fuel for their generators and that staff show up (ADL staff, dietary staff, etc.). Hospitals must make contingency plans for staff to stay over. You still expect for 911 to work and for EMS, fire, police to come (to the inevitable crashes in addition to the usual things).

          3. As a northerner, I role my eyes a little internally at southern freaking out about ice storms. But then I look at how blase and cool-headed they are about hurricanes and am astonished in the other direction. It’s unsurprising that people are more worried and anxious about things they aren’t familiar with.

          4. We have muscle memory for some things and not for others. For a hurricane, you may get a warning to go inland. For ice, you know it’s coming and then it’s a waiting game to see which friend’s house you need to go to because it has power (but good luck driving on ice). Often, the best thing to do is wait a day until temps rise above freezing. Great if you are 25; not great if you are 75.

          5. The south’s ice storms are also often just worse and more, I think because of hovering near melting temperatures more than farther north? It’s hard on trees in a different way from northern winters that get more snow.

          6. Southerners freak out about snow and ice because we know from experience that our infrastructure and public services can’t handle it. We’re not afraid of the snow itself, just of the incompetence.

        4. People do die as a result of winter storms from car accidents, hypothermia, and heart attacks while shoveling the snow! Careful shoveling if you aren’t in tip top shape.

      2. Come to the city. We’re not like that here. Getting prepared? Certainly. Obsessing about missing fake macro requirements by not eating 1 g+ of protein per kg over the course of a few days? Definitely not.

        1. Shelf stable foods on restricted diets can get tricky (anticipating a lot of sardines here).

      3. I’m glad that’s unlikely in Georgia!

        My family in TX were out of power for more than a week during their big ice storm. My family in Ohio were out of power for more than a week last time they lost power too.

    5. Having the opposite problem, I’m a skier out west bemoaning our lack of snow! I hope you all have fun and cozy weekends without too much hassle.

      1. Same from the Rockies! and looking at the radar map thinking “it’s soooo cloooose”. Send it our way please!

      2. Yes, going on a retreat this weekend and it will be chilly in the mountains but no snow.

    6. It’s cold, it’s really cold, but I’m a New Englander with a dog who likes to ski and has all the warm stuff to wear in the crazy weather. I pulled out the ankle length down puffer and walked the dog with handwarmers, a wool hat and a balacava.

      FWIW, our dog loves this weather because he’s built for it- he’s out happily frolicking in the snow, digging a bunker, chonking on ice, sniffing animal tracks in the snow etc. until I call him in.

      I think one thing is I work from home so I can get out and enjoy some of the daylight. I’m up to get the kids on the bus at 7am, walk the dog, come home and work, then do another quick bundled walk around noon.

      I also have a garage for my car. This is a recent addition to my life and a total game changer. There is nothing worse than a cold car.

        1. Well, it’s still New England. :) We’ve been getting snow but it’s been melting and refreezing giving us a lot of ice-encrusted hard pack to slide around on…but the season is definitely been much longer than usual!

          1. I just spoke to a colleague who went skiing in upstate New York and “skied powder every day.” Almost asked her to repeat herself!

          2. I was at Saddleback all last weekend playing in the powder. It was amazing! Relatedly, my quads hurt because I’m not used to powder!

          3. in NY that’s probably true if you hit the timing right. We’ve had some good snow! But I mostly ski weekends.

      2. I know that you meant that *you* like to ski, but I initially read this as your dog likes to ski and I am chuckling at that image lol

      3. +1 to bundling up. My lab is also thrilled with the snow and walking her in the (weak but there) sunshine twice a day is probably the best mental health boost I get all winter. I’ve fully given up on anything more than walks/gentle yoga/bodyweight exercises at the moment, I just don’t have the motivation to do HIT classes in the depth of winter.

        1. My Akbash (Turkish version of a Great Pyrenees) loves snow so much that I wish we got enough of it to teach her skijoring.

          1. I considered a move to Michigan after grad school, and weirdly one of the the things I was most excited about was learning how to go skijoring with my husky. (Job didn’t work out, oh well. The pup didn’t know what she was missing and continued to be my running buddy.)

          2. Mine is half Pyr and like 20% German shepherd. Played in the pile of snow from the plow this morning for like 20 minutes and was annoyed to come in.

          3. I’ve only encountered my neighbor’s otherwise surprisingly well behaved Siberian husky running free twice; both times it was during a rare snow event here in the SEUS. The call of the wild!

      2. I’m taking two hours off work tomorrow so I can do mine outside on Friday morning. I know I’m just not going to do it on a treadmill. I’m worried that there still won’t be a safe (non-icy) place to run outside next weekend though!

        1. If it’s safe, do it. The Dreadmill is awful for a 3 mile run, but really terrible for a long run.

      3. I love long runs on the tread, at least up to 15 miles or so. I would just tuck in with NFL on Sunday and watch the better part of a game. In an ideal world I have the game on TV with closed captioning and then my favorite playlist over the headphones. Way better than worrying about slipping on black ice.

    8. I normally like winter and the cold, but we have a sick, possibly dying, cat, and having to haul him back and forth to the vet when it’s below zero, on top of everything else going on right now is really getting to me.

      1. I’m so sorry. I had to put down an elderly cat during Covid times and the visits to the vet to try to diagnose her/initial treatment were so miserable for both of us, especially as I wasn’t allowed in at first. Give yourself lots of grace and snuggles with your kitty.

      3. I’m sorry. We lost a cat the morning after a hurricane when every vet and veterinary hospital was closed, as well as the roads to get there. He had had it with seeing the vet at that point, and seemed to take a lot of comfort from being at home with us nearby, but it was still strange to have no choice at all. It probably went better than it might have because one vet had been willing to prescribe buprenorphine even though his condition was considered painless (I think this is probably why he seemed to pass more peacefully than a cat I had euthanized at a hospital that never administered pain meds at any time during his stay there right up until the end).

    9. Meeee. I have been wearing sweatpants for 10 million years and have no motivation to change. I’m also undergoing fertility treatments. Luckily I have a giant stack of fun books to read.

  2. Going to have a free day in Orlando next week and am not interested in the parks. Any recommendations on great designer second-hand or vintage shops I can peruse? Staying a bit southwest of the city and will need to rely on rideshare.

  3. Which purchase has taken you multiple times to get right? Any lessons learned or realizations?

    Mine is that I need to size up cotton underwear…. I wear a size 4/6 (medium bottoms) and after buying multi packs of medium at TJMAXX, large is much more comfortable and reduces VPL. I feel bad about the waste though (can anything be done with washed but unworn undies? obviously tags are off).

    2. It’s okay to toss the undies, really. But if you are dedicated to finding a use, here are some ideas for NWOT items: seam rip the elastic off and use it for sewing projects; cut the fabric into squares for bathroom or garage cleaning rags, strips for tying up vines in the garden (only if the fabric is all-cotton with no elastane) or braiding into a dog toy.

    3. Shoes…I’ve learned that it’s really worthwhile taking the time to go to a physical store to try shoes on, for comfort and fit. It’s rare that I can order shoes online, and return them within the deadline. I donated around 15 pairs of of shoes to a charity a few years ago, and never buy them online any more UNLESS it’s a repeat order of favorite shoes, from zappos.

    4. I will never, ever be a person who wants to wrangle and roast a whole butternut squash. Pre-cut all the way.

        1. Yep. I don’t know what it is but doing it myself always leads to a weird thing with my hands after.

          1. Mine too! I still do it, but yes to the weird hand feeling. It’s like it sucks all of the moisture out, but lotion doesn’t cure it.

          2. Same! I remember doing some goo gling after it happened once and its a very harmless contact reaction–allergy? maybe?–to something in the outer layer of the flesh where it meets the skin.

            Pre cut all the way unless I’m roasting it in full halves.

      2. It’s always slimy when I buy pre-cut. I am a cut-your-own produce person. I do need a cleaver, though.

        1. Yes that’s why I don’t buy it precut. I don’t have too much problem cutting it. You can also cook it a few minutes in the microwave to soften before cutting it in small pieces.

      3. My 80 something year old grandma taught me to just throw it on the floor hard to crack it open then cut it from there, especially for acorn squash. She’s been departed for many years and the act of rebellion with throwing it on the floor brings me joy each fall.

      4. I am team cut-your-own. You can prick it with a knife, microwave it for 5-7 minutes, and then it will be soft enough to cut safely with a cleaver!

        1. i used to do this with spaghetti squash and then stabbed myself one day and had to call 911. so… no more spaghetti squash for me!

    5. To be wary of buying back-ups for current fave clothing items. 9 times out of 10 by the time I wear out the original, the style doesn’t look fresh anymore anyway – think a long v-neck cardigan that was perfect with skinnies, but the proportions are off with wide-leg pants.

    6. Lip products. The super popular Laneige Sleeping Mask doesn’t work for me. The Trader Joe’s one does. I’ve gone through tons of supposedly non-drying lipsticks, and the only one I can regularly wear is Dior Addict Lip Glow.

      1. My lips are perpetually dry and cracked and the very best lipbalm I’ve ever used is from Osmia. I highly recommend it, I buy it in 6 packs for our entire household.

      2. Another vote for the Trader Joe’s lip mask! The Laneige one made my lips tingle uncomfortably. TJ’s is not irritating and works amazingly well.

      3. After trying every lip product under the sun, I finally listened to my dermatologist and just use Aquaphor. I don’t know why I spent so much time and money trying other options, only to end up with cracked lips anyways. Aquaphor has been great!

      4. I too have chronically chapped lips, only Vaseline at bedtime and first thing in the morning every day works for me.
        For lipstick I’ve tried a ton of them and the only one that works is Fresh Sugar, I love the Berry color and the red as well. They are more moisturizer than color, but enough color to look good.

    7. Colors for my wardrobe, and I am in my mid-40s upon learning this lesson.

      I am drawn to earthy, rustic fall colors. Oranges, browns, greens. My personal coloring needs clear, cool jewel tones.

      It took seeing a photo of myself wearing my favorite outfit to realize how very unflattering my default color preferences are for me. Last year I committed to turning over my wardrobe and shifted to colors in the deep winter category. I have never received so many compliments on how I look, from all over the place. I feel good and am no longer horrified when I see photos of myself.

      1. Truth. My wardrobe got a lot better when I narrowed down my color palette. I am a cool summer who tried wearing bright colors for way too long. Although I had to adjust to wearing softer colors, it has done wonders for my overall appearance.

      2. +1. I’m a deep winter as well and my entire face looks more alive in deep jewel tones. I can wear the other colors as pants/in smaller areas but almost all of my tops are now ‘my’ neutrals (navy/grey/army green) or jewel tones.

    9. Bras, and jeans are the bane of my existence in midlife. I finally found a small shop on vacation that properly sized me for a bra and it made a huge difference, I looked like I lost 10lbs in a day.
      Jeans I have resigned myself to going to a bricks and mortar store, trying on a dozen, and maybe buying 1-2. I either order a ton directly to Bloomingdales/Nordstrom and then return immediately, or go to Madewell and Anthropologie on a weekday and hope for a good salesperson.

      1. Jeans are the bane of my existence, too. I have finally realized that I’m going to be wearing bootcuts for the rest of my life because they’re the only ones that truly work for my shape.

    10. Chicken sausage. I have textural issues with certain foods and I strongly, strongly dislike the plasticky texture of some not-pork-sausage casings. Applegate farms makes the only chicken sausage casings I can deal with. I don’t like spending $10 for a 4-pack of chicken sausage, but I also don’t like throwing away food that I won’t eat because I hate it.

      1. You can often just remove the icky casings! I don’t remember the brand name because our store stopped carrying them…it was almost paper-like. In spite of the packaging stating it was ready-to-eat and the casing was vegan, it felt like chewing coated cardboard. I like the sausage inside, though, so I started peeling them like bananas and they were quite good after that.

  4. I posted not that long ago about beginning a search for a house in the Bay Area, which is obviously very expensive. I’m having a hard time with the mental block of needing to contribute less to our 401(k)s to get more take-home money for the monthly payment. We had said all along that we would only max out those accounts as long as it was feasible and I don’t think it’s going to be feasible anymore, but why am I stuck? I guess I feel like we’re just falling behind our peers. We’re almost 40 and only just now even able to possibly consider the tiniest house around. One of our jobs is Bay Area niche (the other isn’t) and we have family here so we’re not that eager to just leave either. Sigh.

    1. Do you have to buy?

      I’m a lifelong renter and lived many years in the Bay Area / high cost areas too. My retirement accounts are flush and I will retire early.

      At some point you have to just focus on what is best for you and stop comparing yourself to your peers.

      1. We originally planned to be lifelong renters (and DINKS) but we decided to have a baby and we’re finding that our rental really doesn’t work for us anymore and that we can’t find anything else that would that isn’t $6000 a month – at which point buying starts to look more appealing. We just want a teensy yard and a few other routine features of houses that are super hard to find in rentals here. It’s tricky because we’re doing this to find a place to live, not to maximize our investments, and yet it’s hard to fully make the shift. Maybe I would feel differently if we had been maxing out retirement for years but we weren’t – only made enough to do so a few years ago.

        1. I’m curious how you ended up making the decision for kids from DINK? My cousin did it a few years ago and she didn’t really have any insight.

          1. We were on the fence for over a decade with a strong lean towards no and then changed our minds. It’s so individual but we decided to have one (and done) and take the chance that things would work out.

    2. As someone who is much closer to retirement than you, can I just suggest some different ways to reframe the retirement prep component? You may be doing all of this already, but these are some of the things that helped me get comfortable with where we are for retirement:
      1. I track my spending in Simplify so I know how much, roughly, I will need in retirement. Our monthly spending over the last 2 years has remained pretty stable, so I take that number, subtract expenses that will go away in retirement (kid stuff, mortgage) and use that as my estimated need in retirement.
      2. There are tons of retirement planners online that will show you how much your current balance will be or will produce with all sorts of different scenarios. Your may be further along than you think even if you never contribute another dime.
      3. Think about different ways to fund retirement, such as part-time work, working a couple of years past retirement age so you can maximize SS, or moving to a lower-COL state, as opposed to a retirement cliff where you work to 67 and immediately go to $0 income.
      4. When looking at your current spending, consider expenses that will be away in X years, e.g., a car payment, or that will be a smaller share of your income as your income grows, e.g., the mortgage.
      All of these things helped me look at my financial picture more holistically, rather than as a snapshot. We contributed a lot to our 401(k)s in some years and much less in others, but we never withdrew anything, and we invested our balances pretty aggressively. It seems to be working out.

      1. You’re completely right. We need to sit down and look at our exact retirement numbers so we’re dealing with the reality and not vague anxiety about whether it’s enough. We’ve done this before but not recently and I think we need a refresher. Having baby has been such a joy and also such a shift to our whole way of doing things.

      2. We borrowed from our IRA and my husband’s pension to afford a down payment in NYC; I was 40 when we bought, and my husband 48. 9 years later we are doing just fine. Look at the long term!

    3. You are switching from investing in one asset class to another. That’s all this is.

      1. THIS! a house in the bay area is not a bad investment.

        Our house in a MCOL area is probably a little nicer than it should be, but we will definitely have made money when we eventually downsize. And it’s a very stable investment. This money isn’t straight consumption, it’s also an investment (though higher yard maintenance, increased home owner taxes, etc. are consumption for us)

      2. Not really. The cost of living in that house is so much higher than renting. Higher utilities, repairs/maintenance/cleaning + lawn care, furniture and more.
        And you can’t eat your house in retirement, unless your plan is to sell it and downsize/move away. But in this scenario the OP wants to stay in this area as family is here. So this really is a big sacrifice to decide to bite the bullet and buy.

        It is wrong to think about your house as being your retirement savings.

        1. This is the worst advice I have ever read here. Rent is tossing money down the drain. Owing a home builds equity.

          1. No, rent is paying money for a place to live, with more flexibility and less responsibility than owning a home requires. There are a lot of people for whom renting makes excellent financial sense. I bought a house after about 15 years of renting, and there are great things about being a homeowner now but there were definitely advantages to renting too.

          2. Our home has not appreciated nearly as much as it should have in the time we’ve owned it, and I am 99 percent sure that after all the money we’ve put into maintenance, HOA dues, etc., we’d have come out ahead renting for the past 20 years.

          3. Agreed. Throwing money away would be lighting it on fire. Putting it to rent is paying for a roof over your head.

          4. I’m so tired of this line. Most of your mortgage payment goes to interest for the first ~5 years. That’s all money down the drain too. Renting means never paying for maintenance or repairs – things that also don’t build equity.

          5. DH and I are landlords on a triplex we bought 15 years ago, and we own the home we live in now. This is definitely not in the Bay Area, so OP’s mileage may vary. But shockingly little of what we pay to maintain either our home or our rental property goes toward principal/ building equity. I did some rough math, and roughly $112 per month from each of our 5 tenants (in 3 units) goes toward principal (though this will increase during the course of a standard 30-year loan). That’s not a bad “price” for the flexibility and lack of responsibility and risk.

            Homeowners’ equity is built primarily through appreciation, but the stock market beats most real estate markets over the long term. Of course we have friends whose home values doubled in 5 years because they bought in a gentrifying neighborhood at just the right time, but we also have friends who’ve made money in crypto–it’s not the norm.

          6. 12:00 ,do you live in the Bay Area? The Bay Area is its own universe in terms of housing costs but also in terms of housing appreciation. The appreciation for my friends who’ve bought there in the last 20 years has been absolutely wild, like selling townhouses they bought for $1M for over $2M.

            Maintenance also does not correlate closely with housing cost (which is really mostly land cost) so is comparatively cheap in the Bay Area. Someone in SF in a $3M home spending $20k a year on maintenance is going to feel much less strained by those expenses than someone in the LCOL Midwest in a $500k house spending $15k a year on maintenance.

          7. Anon at 10:42, you really need to do some reading about this. It is absolutely fine if you value living in a larger house you own and can modify to your tastes, while paying the larger house surcharge in monthly payments/interest/rising property taxes and insurance/repairs/ lost time opportunity cost in taking care of the house/tons of additional expenses in maintenance and more. That is a value choice. But when you actually do the numbers, it is rarely the smart financial choice. Again, you cannot eat your house when you retire, and most of us on this site are not rich rich and our savings is targeting our retirement and not fun money investing.

            You need a place to live and have to pay for that regardless. You are not throwing money down the drain. Sadly, you stating that shows how little you understand about this. “Owning a home builds equity” sounds like a reddit meme, and is not what they talk about in the Bogleheads or smart retirement forums.

          8. 3:02 is spot on. I bought a home in 2002 for 575k now worth 3.5M in the Bay Area. Not looking to sell and it just keeps appreciating. It’s a different market here and if you’re not here, you’re not giving OP good advice.

        2. No one said to think about your house as retirement savings. I said you are pausing investing in one class in favor of another. Not all investments need to be retirement focused. Plenty of us around here will retire with much more than we really need.

          People who have consistently been maxing their 401k and can afford a Bay Area home are not going to be destitute in retirement. This comment would make sense if we were talking about scrimping and saving to afford a down payment for a $300k house in Indiana, because if you’re struggling to save $60k, you probably aren’t putting enough in retirement to have a ton of margin.

          1. But this thread is about the OP, and I was addressing her question.
            She hasn’t been maxing out her 401k until more recently, and the Bay Area home is going to be a stretch.

            So the prior suggestion that she sit down and actually do the numbers to see how on track they are for retirement is the only way to know for sure where they are, and what is best. And maybe she can relax.

            Chances are if her family all live in the Bay Area, her family is wealthy, so that may provide her a cushion as well.

          2. She’s going to be fine. She is not going to be at risk of having to “eat her house” in retirement.

    4. Until our mid-40s we weren’t even able to max one retirement account and couldn’t contribute to the other beyond the required minimum because of grad school, student loans, etc. Now looking at 50 we are able to max both accounts and are on track for retirement. You are in a much better position than we were because you were maxing early in life and have the power of compound interest on your side. When looking at what you need to retire, remember that you will no longer be making retirement plan contributions and won’t have a mortgage if you play your cards right, so you don’t need to replace both incomes at 100% to have a better lifestyle than you do while working.

    5. ” but why am I stuck?”

      There’s a ton of emotional satisfaction and security from seeing the amount of $ you’re saving for an unknown future go up–especially if you lean on having enough (lots of) money in order to feel secure.

      You may need to deal with the emotion of it all (including whatever money story you’re living out of), and not just the rational financial decision. Or maybe you simply recognize that you’re going to feel emotionally bad about putting less money into retirement, and feeling that way is OK– you’re not going to wait until your emotions catch up and signal to you that they’re good to go with all this. Your brain is going to make the money decisions, and the bad feelings can come along for the ride, but they don’t get to weigh in on the outcome.

    6. When you buy you will build equity in your home and that’s just as good if not better than a 401k, especially in the Bay Area.

    7. The Bay Area is just very strange – I think you have to lean into “it’s gonna be different” if you’re staying there, and part of that is spending ridiculous money on housing. I am not sure if the peers you feel behind are in the same area – if not, well, that’s why. If yes, the Bay is the kind of place where you are *always* going to be “behind” someone. If you stay there, you have to find a way to be at peace with running your own race, and setting your own values, or you will end up like my grad school professor who owned two houses, told us about how happy he was with his new 40k pizza oven, and in the same breath complained to a (very broke) group of students about being “the poorest of all his friends”.

      1. +1 to running your own race being key to happiness in the Bay Area. Probably most everywhere, but especially here.

    8. I skew pretty conservative about saving for retirement (and left the Bay Area because we couldn’t afford the lifestyle we wanted there) but a house in the Bay Area is one of the best investments you can make. Assuming you’re comfortable selling your house when you need to go into a nursing home, you don’t really need a massive cash retirement fund.

  5. I know there are some Orange Theory devotees on this board. I’d like your advice on whether I should a) keep going; b) freeze my membership for awhile; c) bail and find something else to do.

    I started OTF about a year ago and have taken close to 100 classes. For the past several months, I have struggled hard with motivation and will find literally any flimsy reason I can to not sign up for a class. The reason: It’s still really hard and takes a lot out of me physically to recover from class. I have changed my nutrition, have played around with various hydration options, tried resting more, etc. But I’m sore for several days afterwards and really tired on the day of my workouts, which is interfering with the less-intense workouts I want to do the rest of the time.

    I can tell I’m stronger, but I don’t look any different or better, which is discouraging. (I get that abs are made in the kitchen, AND OTF makes me want to eat like crazy when I’m done.)

    The workouts are fine. Some templates are so chaotic, which I don’t love. I like that I don’t have to think about what to do, though. I show up, I do the thing, I go home and get ready for work.

    Plus, and this is silly, I feel very self conscious about the fact that I’m always going to be one of the slowest people in the room. I don’t have an awesome gym bod, either. I know I’m the only one who cares, but I care.

    Prior to OTF, I was a solo exerciser. I was struggling with motivation so I started OTF for accountability purposes. It worked for awhile, but I find myself really missing the flow state I reached when I was just doing things on my own, even if the OTF workout is probably a better one.

    I’m in my mid-40s with a stressful job. Maybe adding more stress through this type of workout isn’t helping matters. But I see plenty of people in their 40s/50s/60s in my classes, so I don’t know why this seems to be hard for me.

    1. Maybe Pilates with weights or a vigorous yoga class instead. When my job has ups and downs but when it is high stress, I need my exercise classes to be a hard workout but a chill vibe.

    2. If it’s not working for you, pause your membership and do something else for a while! You can always pick it back up if you miss it, but not every form of exercise or workout has to be for everyone…or forever even if you like it initially.

    3. freeze and try something else for awhile. If you’re not doing it, it’s not working now.

    4. It sounds like OTF just isn’t working for you. You don’t enjoy it, you don’t want to go, and it makes you feel bad. I’d quit and look for something else that works better for you. I had that experience a few years ago with one of those “boot camp” classes – it met at 5:30 am (way too early for me), I was uncomfortably sore all the time, and it made me feel tired and bad overall. I nonetheless pushed through for more than a year, before finally asking why I was torturing myself?

    5. The best exercise is one you want to do. You don’t want to do OTF right now and that’s fine! Find something else that suits your current needs and wants. I might be reading into it too much but It seems like you might have a bit of ‘I don’t quit hard things’ mentality (which is not a bad thing to have) but it’s not that deep for this thing.

      1. Ugh, yes, that mentality trips me up. I am totally guilty of not quitting things when I really should!

    6. Unpopular but I dislike exercise classes full stop. I think it goes back to needing a time and space where I’m not going to be bossed around or made to feel bad about myself. If my aim is to exercise every day I need to not hate it. Also? Everyone acts like Pilates and group fitness is the only path to health. I think you can do very well with consistent solo cardio and resistance training with progressive overload.

      1. This is what I did for a long time (like 5 years!) because I have historically not liked group fitness at all. I joined OTF because I was slipping and needed accountability. But now I am remembering all the reasons why I avoided classes for years, lol.

    7. What I’ve done occasionally is to see a personal trainer once or twice a month for a few months. I get some guidance for accomplishing physical goals and some accountability, but I also do most of my workouts by myself, which is easy more enjoyable for me. I live by a university, so it’s very affordable to set something like this up with an exercise science student for a semester.

    8. I love OTF, but I’d quit if I were you. Try a different fitness thing for a while. You can always come back!

  6. Has anyone had a breast lift? After breastfeeding my breasts became very droopy and it makes me sad.

    1. I’ve had two consults and plan to schedule in the next year. I was most intrigued by the doctor who suggested a lift and an upper tummy tuck (my loose skin is all above my belly button) along with a new filler. The filler is called AlloClae and is used for smaller volume increases which is exactly what I’d want.

    2. Having one done in a few days! Check out the r/reduction on Reddit. It has been a great resource

    3. Not me. My mom had implants and a lift in the mid-80s. She never liked the implants. She had those taken out around 2000 and just did a lift no implants. She ended up with teeny tiny ones that she loved and that were okay on her frame because she was very thin. I think that if she had just done a lift the first time, she would have had an A or B cup that she would have been happy with.
      I plan to get a lift if I get to the point in life where mine feel droopy.

  7. I’m headed to a beach for spring break, and I need a new swimsuit. I am long waisted, pear shape, size 12/14 and a small mom pooch. I feel good about some recent weight loss, so I’d love to consider a high waisted two piece. Because I’m a pear, my boobs look a bit better with the uplift of an underwire. Love color. Any suggestions? I’ve heard Andies is good?

    1. I’m around your size and shape, and have found Andie swimsuits to be really cheeky, if that bothers you. Even the styles labeled “moderate” don’t cover enough if I’m actually moving around and swimming, not just sunbathing. I learned this the hard way with two different Andie styles. Worth trying, but do some light calisthenics when you’re trying them on just to make sure, lol.

      I have had good luck with the Jantzen brand for full booty coverage.

      1. Andie and Summersalt are so skimpy on the bum. I cannot understand why, since they are allegedly made to be flattering and comfortable. Cheeky cuts aren’t even flattering or comfortable on stick figures. If you want to elongate the leg, cut the suit higher in the front, not the back!

      2. I am tall and thin, and I also find Andie to be very cheeky. I have and wear one suit from the brand, but I have other bathing suits that I prefer for coverage!

      3. Spendy, but I love Zimmerman swimsuits for booty coverage. Especially if you would like to channel your inner rich b for spring break.

    2. I am a similar shape except not long waisted. I really like Athleta suits. They make tons of different bottom and top styles so that I can pick and choose what works best. They also make tops for DD+ if that is a concern for you.

      1. Athleta is hit or miss for me as someone with a long torso. Some years their styles are very frumpy. Their long torso one-pieces aren’t really that long, either. I have had better luck with J Crew long torso sizes in recent seasons.

        1. Athleta swimwear has been abysmal the past 2-3 years. The tankinis, for example, are just crop tops. No thank you. Don’t really need to highlight that if I’m going for a tankini, you know? And hard agree on the long-torso options. It’s sad; I used to buy all my swimwear at Athleta!

    3. Swimsuits for All has many bra sized suits, and you can buy different top and bottom sizes. LOTS of styles.

    4. Nani or Athleta. I wanted to love Summersalt, but agree with the person that said they are too skimpy on the bum.

  8. Just got off the phone. I was fired, effective immediately. They said there was negative client feedback, but didn’t say what it was, and said they wanted to take the role in a different direction. How do you get over the ignominy of being fired? Tell me it becomes a blip on your resume that you don’t ever think about.

    1. Oh, dang. I’m so so sorry. Yes, it will definitely be a blip.

      I think you should take a vacation away immediately.

    2. Ah shoot that sucks.

      Practical advice: Are you talking with HR for logistics, things like returning equipment, last day of health insurance, etc? If so, ask them to confirm they will 1) not contest your unemployment; and 2) give you a neutral reference in future.

      Other than that, give yourself the day off. Long run, beer with friends, climb a tree, wallow in Netflix, whatever feels right.

      Longer term: lots of people have been fired and yes, it will become a tiny temporary blip, or maybe even a turning point you look back on and tell younger, struggling folks about.

    3. Oh I’m sorry! I’ve been fired a few times and each time was a total surprise. It’s tough and hurts a lot.

      It took me a while to get over each instance, so I’d recommend therapy. I really struggled with my job being my identity and that took some time to work through. I also struggled with what I would consider very very minor PTSD—someone correcting me in a job would make me spiral a bit, or my boss just saying “hey can I talk to you for a second” would make me think I was being fired, even if the reason ended up being good. I couldn’t fully relax at work because I thought anything wrong would lead to me being fired again.

      Happily though, I have since found a wonderful company with wonderful people and love my work. It’s taken some time and emotional distance, but I now see my firings as blessings in disguise—I wasn’t happy at any of the jobs but didn’t know how to quit. It als has helped me to read stories about NFL coaches or similar being fired and they have all been able to move on to other roles and it’s been a blip in time—yours will be the same! And yours isn’t headline news :)

      Be gentle with yourself, do things that make you feel good about yourself, lean into your people who love you. You have something better on the horizon, I know it.

      1. Same! After my position was terminated, I remember breaking out in a sweat when the HR lady at my new company asked to talk with me. I thought I was being fired again. All she wanted to do was tell me it was my boss’s birthday that day, so I would know to wish him happy birthday. Could it be any tamer than that?! Here I was questioning my life over that…

        The pain is real, but you have so much more to offer and can move past this. I do look back on being fired as a learning experience, and I was very glad I left that toxic company even if it wasn’t on my own terms (their stock later went from $90 to $3 and the company tanked in every way and became a stain on people’s work history).

    4. It will become a blip but ngl, being fired was one of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through. I was so completely devastated and felt like I was worthless. Therapy helped a lot.

    5. It’s fresh and hard today and that will get better. I would also say in time, not now, but before your next job, do some reflecting on what happened. Most of the time it’s an issue with soft skills. It also could be a skills mismatch. To keep it a blip, you’re not going to want to repeat the past.

    6. I’m so sorry. There’s a new book called “All The Cool Girls Get Fired” that will help you feel better very quickly.

    7. I’m just going to say that the way that this happened makes me think you are better off somewhere else even though this sucks in the moment.

    8. Is it fired or laid off (taking role in different direction)? Can affect your ability to get unemployment. If laid off, file for unemployment ASAP as getting benefits can take a moment. Try to track down any work product you might need while you’re still fresh thinking about things and have contacts to possibly nab it (if OK to do so). You will have some time to elect COBRA. It may make sense to explore other health insurance options that could be cheaper. Don’t sign a separation agreement right away and get legal review if needed (sometimes you can get them to agree to neutral references this way). Hang in there and go for a walk if you can. It’s going to smart for a minute, but better things will come. The economy is garbage right now, and I know so many people looking. I think a lot of companies are cutting costs this way without admitting it.

      1. Taking the role in a different direction is CYA for firing without the formal process. It means they’ll create a slightly different title and fill it immediately.

        1. But it is much better for the terminated employee because they get unemployment benefits and don’t have to tell potential future employers they were fired.

        2. Sometimes it is, sometimes it is CYA for the-CEOs-nephew-needs-a-job, sometimes it’s CYA for we’re-taking-the-role-in-the-direction-of-hiring-a-cheaper-person, sometimes it really truly is what is says on the tin: they realized they needed a different skill set.

          But when you’re the person losing your job, it actually doesn’t matter why *they* are saying it (even though it’s natural to want to know the real reason!). What matters is what it means for you, which is that you should be able to get unemployment, and they are much more likely to agree to describe it in references neutrally, as “we took the role in a different direction”. Both of those are good things for OP. They get what they want, whatever that is under the surface, OP gets some things that benefit her.

    9. It’s absolutely going to be a blip. If you don’t like the voice in your head, talk to yourself as a best friend or loving partner would talk to you and advise you on next steps.

    10. I’ve been fired before. You do get over it, but also, it helped to think about what was true in the feedback that was given. Some of it helped in that it made me realize certain environments weren’t for me and that I would thrive elsewhere. And I did. Some things I changed.

      But also, second the take your mental health time. I’m being laid off and have been beating myself up for not being productive enough, but like it’s ok to just give yourself a few days too.

    11. File for unemployment today. It takes a while to kick in so your future self will thank you. Also, figure out if you’re going to take COBRA or get health insurance on the market. Line up some references right now too. Then go through your budget and cancel everything you don’t absolutely need so that you don’t end up paying an extra month. Follow up and ask about severance and health insurance.

      Then take some time off to decompress—this storm will pass. It is possible to come back from this, and it may take longer than you would like.

    12. I was fired in the financial crisis and it was horrendous at the time, but led to me moving, which was a really good thing. My career went in a different direction which I enjoy, and in retrospect that role I was fired from was not the right fit culturally…I could never have done my best work there, and that wasn’t a reflection on me, it was a reflection of the misfit between that culture and the culture I do best in. My advice is to find out where you do your best work, and seek out that place. Go blossom somewhere greener.

    13. I was fires twice in a row (well, my positions were eliminated in tech layoffs). Star employee, consistently stellar feedback from upper management and peers, just was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was a blip and life was so much better after leaving those places. I felt shame about this but have learned that I don’t need to. Hold your head high and know it will get better.

  10. I need a makeup refresh. I default to concealer, brow, mascara, and allover rose/mauve/gold Laura Mercier stick, then blush and lipstick (NARS wicked ways IIRC) if I have time.

    HOWEVER, I don’t like to watch videos on IG – I find them too long and I hate clicking through to see what the products are. Any suggestions? I would love having a makeup artist actually come to my house (I have way too many products that I don’t actually wear, also) and do an audit with me.

    1. Do you need a refresh, which implies NEW, or learn how to best use the products you already have?

    2. Google around and find a makeup person in your area to come to your home and do exactly that! It sounds like a great idea.

    3. I did this and got a lot from it. I love makeup, but after seeing some pictures of myself, felt I was looking dated, and getting older made me reassess how my foundation looked. I hired someone to come to my house, and she had me send her a list of what I wanted to get out of it ahead of time, and had me layout all of my makeup for when she arrived. She had her kit with her, but taught me using my own makeup and brushes. Highly recommend

    4. Look for a local business that does bridal makeup. They are used to sending artists to your location.

  11. I feel insane. I’m working on a vacation itinerary and one of the flights that I saw yesterday doesn’t exist today. A noon flight would be so much better than a 9am flight! Where did the noon flight go?????

    1. Is it a codeshare? Airlines tend to push their own metal over their alliances so the airline algorithm may have bumped it out of the results. Check kayak and google flights as well.

      Are you searching on the same day? Could the flight time have changed slightly? Like 5 minutes before and after midnight will show as two different days.

    2. Switch to a different browser and look again. Maybe a longshot, but can’t hurt.

    3. Sometimes when airlines are tweaking their schedules, they’ll block out the relevant flight from bookings. Check back in a day or two and it may reappear at 11:47 instead of 12:02 or whatever.

    4. Are you looking on the same day of the week? Daily schedules sometimes vary. I have hit this when I was playing around with cross country flights, and certain flights were only available on specific days of the week.

  12. Any advice for how to deal with an employee who is perpetually confused? We can loop back to an issue we discussed at the start of the meeting and his mind is completely blank. He uses AI a lot, with limited success and truly has no problem solving skills. I’ve tried sending meeting recaps, having HIM take meeting notes, senting itemized to do lists and somehow huge chunks of info just poof from his brain. At this point I kind of think he needs an MRI.

    1. Was he previously an excellent, capable of strong critical thinking, and this is a massive shift, entirely out of the blue? If so, that like warrants a “hey, what’s going on? There’s been a massive shift in the quality of your work like example, example, example.”, and depending on the answer, connect him with HR for a discussion of resources like medical leave.

      But if he’s been like this all along, it’s possible he’s just not suited for the role. It sounds like you’re already investing a lot of time in him, and it’s time to think about whether that’s a good use of your time with a reasonable expectation of success, or is it time to find someone more competent for the role.

      In either scenario, it’s definitely not your role to suggest an mri

      1. Yeah, he’s always been confused. He was transferred to me from another team (I’m assuming because he also sucked there). He will likely be getting laid off soon, but given he has no clue what’s going on ever I don’t even understand how he got a degree.

        1. I think there are a lot of people like this in the world and scraping by at universities.

    3. I had one of these. It never got better. :( Have you had a conversation yet about how problematic this is?

    4. One of my general rules for people is that if the things that should be very basic or easy are really hard, the situation/person is probably beyond help. That appears to apply here.

  13. Debating taking a solo trip to Palm Springs/Joshua Tree in February for 4-5 days. I can work remotely so I’d probably work a day or two. Would you/have you done this? I’m not super familiar with Palm Springs, but it sounds like a place I would love in terms of architecture, shopping, and scenery. Worth going alone?

    1. I did this a year or so ago and highly recommend. I spent roughly half days working in coffee shops and the rest of the time rambling around JTNP and art galleries. Beautiful area and worked great. For logistics, be aware that there were long lines to get into the park and very limited cell service in the park.

  14. Trying to escape this winter weather by planning my vacation in June. Does anyone have any recommendations for things to do with a three year old in OCMD? I have been there many times before but never with kids, so I’m not sure what the options are.

      1. And read the book about the island ahead of time! Misty, I think it’s called?

    2. Rent a place with a pool, it’s so much easier to clean them off. When I’ve gone with the kids, we have stayed away from the boardwalk. It’s just so loud. Fish Tales and Lazy Lizard both have outdoor gated playgrounds. When we were tired of the sun, we went to an indoor mini golf place.

  15. i know a few weeks ago Target had some issues with its website. Is anyone encountering issues today? It’s driving me nuts!

      5. Target is being especially awful and unhelpful here in Minnesota, for anyone who hasn’t yet boycotted but may want to now consider it. There is a verified report (and widely circulating video) of a 17-year old who is a US citizen, who ICE grab while he is working and injure him and dump him bleeding, in the cold, at another site. This is not an isolated example. Target is apparently afraid to tell ICE to get off their property and stop staging raids in their parking lot. A large group of interfaith clergy in the Minneapolis/St. Paul area is meeting with Target leadership asking them to speak out against ICE and stand up for their employees, but Target isn’t having it. Regular people are protesting Target by purchasing a single box of salt (to melt ice) and then immediately returning it; over 70 people were lined up to return their salt at a particular Target store a few days ago. We are throwing sand into the gears of their machine because they have built their brand on being community minded—yet those principles are nowhere to be found when the stakes get high and truly matter.

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