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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Floral Puff-Sleeve Split-Neck Top

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A woman wearing black shorts, a black belt, and a black-and-white floral top

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I have a big gap in my wardrobe for short-sleeved work blouses that can be worn without a topper, so I was delighted to come across this puff-sleeved shirt from Loft. While I am always trying to branch out from black and white, a top like this one is just so easy to wear.

Pair it with your favorite trousers or midi skirt and you’re ready for just about anything in the business casual realm. 

The top is $34.97, marked down from $69.95, at Loft and comes in sizes XXS-XXL and XXSP-XXLP.

Sales of note for 9/4 (Happy Labor Day — see our big roundup!)

193 Comments

  1. I feel like I’m a bit of a cultural imposter in BigLaw (state U grad, kid of teacher and farm equipment mechanic). My state’s U was likely not in what this board thinks of as a flagship. But if you are from one of those states (NC, VA, etc) where your college is like that but you go to Duke, etc, can you explain to me how that thinking goes? Plenty of co-workers always want me to know that they got in to X (in my mind: could have gone at minimal cost) but went elsewhere for much more (and then still had funds for law school). I feel that I’m smart, but in a book smart and street smart way that has a culture gap.

    1. As someone who went to a fancy private university: If your colleagues are still talking about undergrad they’re snobs. Nothing you can say will impress them or make them rethink their opinion of state schools.

      Is your imposter syndrome limited to the college topic? Or do you feel out of touch in other ways?

      1. Am in academia but co-sign. I roll my eyes (internally) at people who rush to let you know what Very Fancy Undergrad School they attended (or grad school, if they’ve been out for more than a few years).

    2. Hmm DH went to duke instead of good state school. And he was from a rural area and solidly middle class so I’m sure the cost hurt.

      He’s a smart guy and was planning to graduate and earn money and pay off those loans. And he did relatively quickly. I’m sure he’d make the same choice again. He’s always been good with money and he wasn’t aiming to go and become a teacher or something like that which might have made the choice harder. I think part of being street smart is learning where you can make connections that will benefit you down the road, not just where you’ll get an education.

      1. Oh and this is not something that ever comes up. Was just trying to answer why one would do that since he exactly fits your hypothetical. It’s just not that big of a deal at this point – it’s been a while.

    4. To answer the q of “why would you do that?” pay $$$ tuition when you could stay in-state for $? Your parents have the money to send you to the school that you liked best or that was higher-rated (even if not by much).

      However, anyone who is still talking about their own college admissions process a decade later is a bore.

      1. Agreed. Not everyone is trying to get max ROI from their education. If your parents went to highly regarded schools, and your grandparents went to highly regarded schools, they will all want you to go to a highly regarded school, despite the cost. But yeah, talking about your fancy school is in bad taste and annoying.

      2. +1 as to the answer and + 1 that anyone talking about where they got in and chose not to attend is a bore.

      1. For about 15 years, when people you know now have kids who are looking at colleges. Then it all starts again.

        1. I am shocked at how much harder it is to get into some buzzy schools these days. U Mich is now more competitive than some ivies for out of state students? How is that possible?!?

          1. That was true of some strong state schools when I was applying (’03 HS grad). I’m from suburban Boston, got in to ivies but was rejected from UVA and UNC, which is what my guidance counselor told me to expect.

          2. +1 from another high school class of 2003. Schools have generally gotten more selective, but getting in out of state to top tier publics like UMich and UVa has been seen as essentially on par with some Ivies since I applied.

          3. I got into one of those schools but opted to attend elsewhere. A coworker discovered this one day and suddenly went from bland small talk when we got stuck in the elevator together, to treating me like we were BFFs. Constantly talking to me and everyone around us about how I got into that U all those years ago. It was weird and gross.

      2. This is college anxiety poster, so the answer is it does not get better as she gets older. I wish to god she would get treatment.

        1. Every time one of these posts comes up, I am so glad I live in an area of the country where college doesn’t seem to be such an arms race. My god, the lack of perspective is breathtaking. You can still live a great life even if you don’t go to private school or live life in the 1 percent. It seems exhausting to approach life like it’s a cutthroat competition in all things.

          2. There are plenty of downsides to Southern California, but one of the things I find refreshing is that there are LOTS of successful people who didn’t attend elite schools. Sure, you do meet snobs from time to time but most people really don’t seem to care. Maybe it’s because my kids attend a public school, but people were really nice about ALL of the college choices, including my kid’s admission to a UC that she’s thrilled about but isn’t one that most citizens of Cambridge, MA could name off the top of their head.

          3. yeah sometimes I get a little sad that 98% of the honors track graduates from our (excellent) public high school go to one of our state’s two major universities. These are really bright, accomplished kids and many of them could probably go to better places. But it’s really nice for my kids that they won’t have a college arms race, and the in-state options are strong enough that kids don’t usually have any trouble in the job market or getting into selective grad schools.

    6. There are plenty of good reasons someone might choose a private school over a public school if either is an option. There aren’t plenty of good reasons to always want your coworkers to know where you went to undergrad though!

    7. I feel that parents here get called out a lot for trying to help their teens and young adults. But if you have a kid at Davidson or Vandy or Richmond and you have a buddy who will take him to dinner and maybe a round of golf, that’s compounding waves of head starts in life. I get why people try to get their kids all of the help they can. My family could help out if I wanted to be a nurse’s aide in any number of nursing homes but not if I went into any sort of city-based finance job.

      1. This exactly.

        Like it or not, it also helps years down the line. People see “John’s Hopkins engineering” on my resume (I’m an attorney) and it doesn’t matter than I’m 47 years old; it signals “very, very smart and very, very disciplined.”

        2. As a fellow Hopkins grad I’m dying to lovingly tease you about that rogue apostrophe.

          1. My BFF went to Hopkins and I was tempted to reply saying “oh did you mean John Hopkins” just to see the reaction ;)

        3. I went to MIT, and same, it opened a lot of doors for me in the legal industry and helped me get back into Big Law after my career got derailed by the Great Recession. Although I think that’s less about a fancy school and more specifically about a STEM degree from a fancy school. Harvard and Yale and Stanford has a similar caliber of student but liberal arts degrees from those schools are so much more routine in Big Law so I’m not sure the degree has the same wow factor.

    8. Because except for W&M the highly ranked state schools are all gigantic, and some people want a different college experience.

      1. This, and the culture at the southern flagships can be dominated by a homogenous majority, with more pressure to fit in (for better and for worse).

    9. I’ve told my kids that kids with fewer needs may go to private meet-needs schools for less than the instate cost of UNC, but we can’t really look at private schools the same way because we will likely be paying sticker and we really card afford that. We can afford state u. But they can apply and wait to see if they get merit aid (unlikely at places more selective than our flagships, but if you don’t ask, you don’t get).

      1. Private schools use their own formulas to calculate need. W&M wanted us to pay full freight, but the private school my daughter chose pegged our ability to pay at a few thousand dollars less than that. If your HHI is in the 200-300K range you may get a lot more need-based aid than you would guess.

        1. +1 need-based aid is far more common than merit aid at the more selective schools. A lot of the most selective colleges have gone tuition free for families making under $200k and even in the $200-300k range you can still get a lot of aid. I doubt my kids will be positioned to get into Ivies and even if they have the talent for it, I’m not going to pressure them because there are a lot of factors that should go into choosing a school beyond raw academic prestige. But if they do end up going to a place like Harvard we would probably pay no tuition (and we’re very comfortable in our LCOL area).

        2. Our family is in that salary range, and some of the small liberal arts places offered in the neighborhood of 40-60k in need-based aid.

      2. Yup. I went to Holy Cross. Cheaper for me to go there than any of the “good” PA state schools.

    10. That is not the culture at all in my BigLaw firm in D.C. Maybe it’s a NY thing? I have no idea where anyone went to law school. The only time it might come up is during March Madness. I also handle some associate staffing and law school has zero impact.

    11. As someone who was recently the parent in this scenario, it was not about prestige. We have excellent public universities in our state (I went to one myself) but they are huge and a bit impersonal. My daughter really wanted to go out of state because she has lived in the same city her entire life and fell in love with a smaller school (not “small” per se but also half the size of my school).

      Was it a great ROI? Not really. But it was a great fit for her personality and she was incredibly happy.

      I spent my teens through my 20s getting ready to live and then turned around and realized this was my actual life. University is not just preparing for the next phase; it is a phase. I had the money and considered it well spent.

      That said, anyone over 25 who is still bragging about where they went to undergrad is an insecure loser.

      1. +1
        Also, I wasn’t an excellent decisionmaker at 18. I think that there was a bit less trouble for me to get into at Wash U as opposed to at a big state school. I am grateful for the smaller pond as I think it helped me contain my impulsive decision making a bit.

    12. My parents sent me to an expensive schools. That enabled me to meet elite connections who are in my network today. Not that you can’t be successful going to any old school, you can and most people do fine. It’s just so much easier if you have a senator or CFO you can call when needed.

    13. I’m not a lawyer but I have a similar background to you, could have gone to my state’s flagships for very low cost as an academic scholar, and didn’t even apply because I wanted a competitive education. I went to private school out of state (highly ranked for my field). Yes, I’m still paying my loans off, but I likely make 2x the salary (if not more) of my peers. Even if I didn’t though, I wouldn’t have had a good experience going to the 45,000+ school with everyone from my rural high school. I think, for instance, I’m the only person who studied abroad. I went to a completely different part of the country. Those things mattered to me as well.

    14. I went to a generic public high school, public State U, and elite law school, so I have seen both sides of this culturally.

      At a certain point, you aren’t paying for a better quality of education when you choose to go to the private college, but you are paying for an alumni network and close-knit student body. It’s the same reason why someone would choose to join a sorority/fraternity at a large state school. I’m 10+ years out of law school, but I still keep in touch with friends from law school, and I could still call most people in my class to help me find a job if needed. The same is true for my friends that went to smaller private colleges or high schools.

      I have a couple friends I’m in touch with from college, but I’m definitely not in touch with my class. We don’t have reunions. There is an active alumni network, but it’s so large that there isn’t really a scenario where someone would treat me differently because I went to State U.

      The flip side of this is that if you are at a private school and don’t find your people, you are paying a lot without getting the benefit. Smaller schools also often don’t have as many programs/majors offered as big schools.

    15. Re. making it known that they got into the state school: we live in a state with an excellent public flagship university, in a community where no one ever goes out of state and the only private colleges people attend are local and have admit rates of nearly 100%. My kid was admitted to flagship state U’s honors program and turned it down for an out-of-state private school that is the top in her field but isn’t an Ivy so no one here has ever heard of it. When college choices come up in conversation with locals, I am often tempted to mention that my kid turned down flagship state U because otherwise they will assume that it, plus all the mediocre state schools, rejected her and she chose the private school because she had no other choice.

  2. I’m intrigued by the mention of Murphy cabinet beds from yesterday. We have a (used daily) home office that needs to double as a guest room and we’ve been toying with whether to do a pullout couch, a futon, or a bed, but a bed will definitely make it very cramped. We used to have a futon that my husband loved but I didn’t, so it’s not my first choice. We don’t have overnight guests often, maybe a couple times a year. Can anyone recommend a specific cabinet bed that you’ve loved?

      1. This. I wish i could recall the specific brand we had, but all I know is we got it on Wayfair. my ex slept on it daily for 6 months during our living together but breaking up phase and said it was very comfortable; I also ended up sleeping on it a few times and other than being kind of low to the ground it felt just like a normal bed. I would go by whatever has good ratings on wayfair, honestly.

    2. For a couple times a year they get an inflatable. Do not arrange your lives around rare guests.

      1. No, we want an actual bed/couch/futon. It will also be the place for one of us to sleep if we need to isolate/separate due to illness or needing a concentrated night’s sleep off of toddler duty. It’s not often but often enough to want a real bed.

    3. We have a murphy bed from Costco and love it. Nice thing about those beds is you can do some light customization with other drawer systems and it can fill in a wall and look like a custom built-in.

    4. I’ve visited friends in Japan a few times, sleeping with “real” futons. A futon is the comforter. You sleep with a futon over you while you lie on the floor. Sometimes your pillow is actually a sack of beans. I don’t get how this futon morphed in to an American futon that is a really hard mattress on a cushionless frame.

  3. This is kind of a specific request but I have a pair of hiking pants that I bought in 2017 that are still great. Unfortunately, they’ve been discontinued and I can’t find any more pairs on eBay. One thing that makes them great is articulated knees, which I didn’t realize was something I needed but it turns out it’s so helpful with my body type and lifestyle. In googling, there aren’t that many other brands boasting this functionality. Has anyone come across any great women’s hiking or lifestyle pants that have articulated knees?

    2. Swix has a running pant with articulated knees on their website right now. The “force pant”. I have ski pants from the same brand with articulated knees that I love.

    3. I know Prana, Kuhl, Duluth, and Eddie Bauer all have hiking pants with articulated knees. Maybe not every style and maybe not a searchable feature, but you can usually see the seams in product photos.

    4. I’d say to shop in person at a large outdoor store like REI. Try on men’s styles, as well as women’s. With elastic/adjustable waists, the men’s often fit me well.

  4. One thing to add to the discussions that occurred yesterday about feeling economically pinched. I keep looking at my budget and wondering where $500 I would have liked to direct to savings (beyond 401k and back door Roth) went.

    Answer, an out of pocket GLP-1. I am so thankful for it, I look at the health problems that run in my family and it’s a gift to be at an age to take advantage of it, but it’s definitely taking the place of the non-tax advantaged retirement savings I used to do. Well, can’t enjoy retirement if you’re sick!

    1. It’s such a scam that it’s out of pocket though. Insurance companies have figured out that if they refuse to cover meds that actually work, people will take them anyway, so they’ll get the benefits of healthier members without paying for it. (Same story on liquid and gel capsule thyroid meds right now; almost everyone has to cash pay.)

      1. +1000. The evidence is substantial and yet insurance companies continue to refuse coverage. You always have to follow the money.

        1. Parts of insurance are priced based on risk shifting / sharing and parts are just prepayment of known expenses. Why should my insurance be based on someone taking an expensive when that may be 1/3 of the adult population or some other sizeable percentage? I need insurance to deal with the catastrophic expenses I can’t budget for (get hit by car) vs something that is more of a personal cost. Insurance is too expensive as it is. Make it cover all the like-to-haves and soon none of us can afford it for the need-to-haves.

          2. There was a WSJ article recently showing that many small-town governments that offered GLP-1s on their health insurance plans have gone bankrupt and can no longer afford other essential services for the town. It’s not like there’s endless money out there to cover these new medications. I do hope the prices will come down.

          3. Except most people die of heart attacks and GLP1 reduces all kinds of diseases that cause folks to be in the ER in the first place. It’s not only a weight loss medicine. It’s been studied for cardiovascular, cancer, arthritis, and more.

          4. Regarding the WSJ article, how did those small governments deal with multi million dollar cancer diagnoses previously? I’m just a regular chronic disease sufferer and my meds run $100k a year. There are thousands of me across all sorts of insurance programs . I’m not buying the GLP 1 story.

          5. I think that cancer doesn’t hit 1/3 of people at the same time for the remaining 3-5 decades of their lives. Cancer hits most people when they are on Medicare. If they are younger / working, it pays. Many cancers are curable / treatable, so you have years of less eventful years ahead of you. Others just up and kill you (pancreatic), so you are expensive until you aren’t.

            The article was from when the meds were like $1,000 per month and you can’t make the math work if you have maybe even 20% of your subscribers on that sort of meds, potentially forever. Or your health insurance is something like $3,000 per month to cover all other risks and costs, and most people don’t have that sort of budget (and most employers can’t subsidize it to the point it’s attractive or affordable).

          6. Anon at 12:05: ” It’s not only a weight loss medicine. It’s been studied for cardiovascular, cancer, arthritis, and more.”

            maybe the excess weight was *causing* heart, cancer, arthritis and more problems. The GLP doesn’t *cure* those other problems. It cures obesity.

          7. So you know, GLP1s can impact issues other than obesity without or before affecting weight. Even bariatric surgery is known for this, so it is not a surprise.

        2. I think that these meds will either reduce in price from competition and uptake, or be covered later. But the annoyance now is real.

      2. I wonder if that dynamic will continue to drive down prices. If the drug companies see the big market available if they make the meds affordable, why wouldn’t they cash in. Prices are already down significantly for self pay from what they were initially.

        My health insurer calls me quarterly to invite me to participate in their weight loss lifestyle coaching. I ask the rep each time if they will cover a GLP-1 for someone with my BMI (lower than it used to be, but still overweight. Not obese), and they say no, so I say “no thanks” to their health coaching and hang up. It’s a fun little conversation!

        1. I’m on a “made headlines” expensive maintenance med that has weight based dosing. I feel like they should be begging me to take GLP1s; they’d save a bundle! Instead they just keep harassing me about their “weight loss kit.”

      3. On it now, and agree! It’s highway robbery, and in fact Eli Lilly told their shareholders that they made more money when they lowered prices because they got more customers! And who let all the insurance companies off the hook. Even (especially?) Kaiser. It’s infuriating.

        Having said that, this medication has changed my life, especially in getting rid of inflammation and pain I didn’t even realize I had until it was gone.

    2. Is it true that GLPs save you grocery money or dining expenses? Perhaps that’s lower than their costs?

      1. Yes, and OP, there are cheaper options out there, Ro is 225/ month if you do their yearly subscription. My savings in groceries and dining out far cover that and more.

          1. Wegovy pill, lowest two doses I believe, I take the lowest and recall pricing doesn’t go up until the third, but don’t quote me on that.

      2. It saves me money. I need a noticeably less amount of groceries, and when I dine out, a glass of wine and an appetizer is quite sufficient.

      3. A little, but not anything like the upfront costs. I think if you were drinking and cut back on the medicine or did a lot of impulse DoorDash/UberEats the savings would be more substantial. I still eat out socially for dinners, and find that picking the healthier option is also pricier than the burger and fries.

      4. It was definitely true for me. I probably recovered $50 just in groceries, and way more from not getting takeout or restaurant food. Maybe broke even.

    3. I get this! But I am considering the monthly cost to be an investment in my health, which as I have gotten older I understand the value more. I could join a fancy gym for what I pay each month for my GLP1, and that could easily be considered an investment in your health that many people do without a second thought. And, the GLP1 has been a worthwhile investment for me: I lost 50 lbs, I am no longer on a statin (cholesterol has not been this low since my 20s), I am no longer pre-diabetic or insulin resistant. It has made such a significant difference in my life that I am happy to pay this monthly cost and will budget it and potentially forgo other things if necessary to continue to pay for it.

      1. I think it’s amazing. I’ve found other random savings too, like my clothes always fit now so I’m never buying something new to deal with fluctuating weight gain. Cutting down even on low cost purchases saves money.

        1. I am shopping in my closets of old clothes these days as I slowly trend downward on my size. The suit I wore to court today is I think from the early 2000’s: 100% cotton canvas fabric, slightly low rise boot cut pants, and slightly skinny lapels. Not exactly on trend but I was tickled to death to be wearing it.

    2. Yes, but lower than the ones my feet were used to pre-2020, and by no means daily. Typically 1.5-2″ block heels or 2-2.5″ stilettos on heels days. Otherwise I’m in pointed-toe flats or Sam Edelman type loafers.

    3. I’m not in a biz-formal environment, but I still wear pumps more days than not. I just think they look better and I don’t find them uncomfortable, while I personally don’t care much for flats with most of my go-to outfits (I feel like they rarely look good with non-casual dresses, for example.)

      But that’s just my preference; I don’t think pumps are ever required, even in biz-formal.

    4. Rarely. My fancy shoes these days are low block heels in leather (the Mgemi Loriana) or The Fold’s Bianco flats). These are only for my biggest days, the rest of the time loafers or ballet flats are what I wear with midi dresses and pants. My clothing is now tailored for low heels, the days of 3-4inch heels are over.
      I honestly don’t see women wearing spiky heels anymore unless they’re older and clearly just pulling out the shoes they’ve always worn.

    5. Yes but slingback kitten heel or block heel at about 2″ max height, and only on court days.

    6. Not to work anymore but I have been into wearing high heels again to go out to dinner and parties. It’s feeling fun to get really dressed up again.

    7. I do see others wear pumps in my office, but I avoid heels myself these days. I also notice far more of my colleagues are also exclusively wearing flats now than before the pademic.

    9. I’m in an environment between formal and casual and yes, but flats are more common.

      I keep them for days when I want to feel tall or dress up a less formal top.

    10. No. I wear flats or less than a one inch heel. I haven’t been able to tolerate heels since I was 45 years old.

  6. Happy Friday all-

    I asked for advice and reassurance after possible bed bug bites earlier in the week.

    I think I’m in the clear!

    I’ve kept both my couch and materess uncovered and off the walls all week. And, set alarms to wake up and shine a light in the middle of the night.

    I did have a few of the existing bites on my arm develope some more redness, and there was a couple of hours of itchyness.

    I put small marker dots near the bites I had already found, to track anything that might appear later.

    And nothing! No new bumps or bites or itchyness. No signs of anything new all week. And no signs of bugs themselves.

    I’m going to stay vigilant for a while longer, but my living room and bedroom will go back together this weekend.

    Thank you to everyone who commented, I’m so relieved!

    Just hearing that I was doing what was right in the moment and acting reasonably was a great help.

    1. Oh good! I know it’s so stressful. My bed bug bites were the itchiest bites I’ve ever had in my life, large hard red bumps. Your sounded a little different, but I’m sure people react in different ways. My boyfriend didn’t get bitten at all at the time!

      1. We had the exact same experience – itchiest bites ever for me, husband had no bites at all. The pest control guy told us some people get bitten but don’t react at all, and my husband and your boyfriend must be non-reactors. That said, I can believe there’s a middle ground and some people get a more mild reaction than we had, but still a visible bit. OP’s bites didn’t sound like bed bugs to me though.
        Hooray OP! I’m happy for you.

    3. I read that you can also put out a bar of soap onto the bedsheet, with the duvet folded back, and that bedbugs might be attracted to it. I think watching for traces in the nooks and crannies around your bed, mattress, baseboards, and looking for blood spots on your sheets is your best bet.

      I have PTSD from catching a very bad case of bedbugs while traveling for a few weeks in Europe last summer. Including quarantining our luggage in a garden shed, washing every single piece of clothing (3 suitcases), vacuuming every suitcase and other items repeatedly, putting shoes, books, and backpacks in the freezer, etc.
      Happy to report that we did not bring bed bugs home, nor to any relative’s house overeseas. But boy, never again.

  7. Looking for advice on divorcing a a narcissist/controlling ex. I left last year after the abuse started to become physical towards me. Now he’s essentially refusing to get divorced. He’s already fired one lawyer, who according to my lawyers is a harda** and probably could have gotten him a lot. It’s been almost a year, I’m at my wits end and it’s the lawyer fees are piling up with no result.

    The situation could not be more straightforward. I’m not asking for anything from him, except the divorce, half the value of assets acquired jointly — which are minimal and were truly 50/50 paid for/in while we were married. We both have government pensions, which an actuary has valued as essentially equal in PV term, so I’m asking to waive rights to them. Custody proposal is 50/50 because my understanding is it’s unlikely I could get anything better from a court. He’s refusing to negotiate on the draft agreement or discuss anything.
    I know the next step is filing and court ordered mediation, but I’m concerned how much that will cost me if he continues to refuse to engage with anything and I’m the one paying for my lawyers to try to move things along.

    1. You have to force his hand, and that means court-ordered mediation. I’m sorry you’re in this situation. I saw this happen to a loved one, and it was awful. But she’s thankfully divorced now.

      2. +1. File. You need the divorce, so bite the bullet, put it on a credit card if you must, and just keep pushing forward.

    4. If there was physical abuse, does it mean that your chances of getting custody are higher? I’m not very knowledgeable on this but I’d like to think that you could get more and I wonder if you should enter this asking for more. Sending hugs.

    5. Echoing the recommendations to file. He’s negotiating by refusing to negotiate. Maybe he won’t respond to you, but he’ll have to respond to the court process.

    6. I think Senior Attorney said it best: Remember why divorce is expensive; it’s because it’s worth it.

    7. He’s using this process as a new form of abuse.

      I would call a DV hotline for advice, they’ll have seen this again and again.

    8. I would get a consultation with an attorney who is known to have expertise in the DV area. Please do this even if you like the attorney you have now.

    9. I assume you are already separated.

      My ex is a classic controlling ex whose behavior is ‘narcissistic’. My advice is very straight forward. Your marriage has imploded and you have decided to move on. Your lawyer is there to just do the paperwork.

      He is going to be difficult so start thinking about post divorce life. Since he is being difficult now, file and in about 3-6 months the judge will tell you to go to mediation. What helps my ex behave is to have a man as the person telling him what to do or have a very hot woman who makes him think he could have his way with her. You know your ex and you know how to get this over the line. I went with the hot woman and everything was signed in an hour. I got both houses, he kept his pension. I didn’t have to refinance the houses. I also didn’t get child support or alimony but hey, I got $2m in real estate vs his $350k pension.

      You need to think about post divorce. Communication needs to be on an app with zero phone calls that aren’t on the app. Calls should be recorded. Talking parents and our family wizard are the two apps. Pick one and go with it.

      My ex became very challenging post divorce. I now have a parent coordinator who will be in place until the youngest child finishes college. The abuse got a lot worse post divorce, using PIs and friends to intimidate me. I am extremely fortunate that my family have been able to support me. I tried therapy, it didn’t help me much. What helped was knowing I was safe. I live opposite a shelter where the police are present 24/7. They keep a close eye on what is happening.

      My advice is to get the paperwork in place that a parent coordinator can be assigned at the first moment of insanity from him. Let custody be 50/50 and put the kids in therapy. Time will either mellow or harden him. The evidence post divorce is treated differently with no evidence from the duration of the marriage being considered. This is why I advise you to say nothing about the DV. My experience was that it doesn’t get you anything except make you look weak to him and the court. I said nothing about the DV during mediation.

  8. How do you organize your office supplies and “stuff”? Pens, tape, scissors, clips, notebooks, etc. Plus personal items in your office (if not at home) like hand sanitizer, personal products, change of shoes, etc. Interested in as much detail as you want, whether “filing cabinet” or “cart with [link] dividers with [link] brand of [link] product!” I have empty square footage but a small desk and keeping everything on top of the desk is a recipe for disaster.

    1. I really don’t and I have a private office. All that stuff is just clutter and anything I need during the day is in my work bag.

    2. Cup of pens & highlighters, pack of Post-its, and my daily notepad on my desk. All other “office supplies” are stuff I don’t use frequently and so stash in an inconvenient drawer, organized using small bins that somehow float around every office I’ve ever worked in, and probably have some hole-punch discards in the bottom that have been there since the Reagan administration.

      Another drawer has snacks and my “emergency” kit (feminine products, small containers of OTC meds, etc).

      I walk to work so ALL my office shoes live there. They get their own drawer, though my go-tos have a tendency to collect in a line under my desk vs. being put away neatly.

    3. I have a cup for my pens on my desk, along with a tape dispenser, stapler, and a pop-up post-it dispenser.

      The only time I have extra shoes at the office is my snow boots during the day in the winter; I take my office shoes back and forth in my backpack rather than storing them at the office for the season. The boots just get placed neatly in the back corner until I change into them to go home.

      I have one small drawer for my personal stuff. I keep it pretty minimal: chap stick, one pair of spare eyeglasses, a small spool of thread with a sewing needle, and my tea diffuser. I do keep a work-logo fleece on a hanger behind my door.

    4. To be honest, it’s 2026, I hardly ever use office supplies anymore! I like the Poppin brand of desk organizers/office supplies. I keep a small tray and cup holder on my desk for frequently used items (lip balm, headphones) and a few pens. But scissors? Staplers? Tape? Haven’t used in years.

    5. My spaces need reorganizing, but both my office and my linen closet are a mix of clear bins and wire baskets. I’ve purchased them from Amazon, the container store, target, whatever. I do try to keep my paper clutter like cards and photos in archival storage boxes from the container store.

  9. We just redid our home office. It used to be a combination guest room and office, but we realized it did not make sense to have a tiny desk yet a large bed that got used once a year. Anyway, I’m happy with the furnishings and there is some existing artwork on walls. (More is needed.) But the whole look is really flat? I don’t know how to describe it, other than it feels like it needs something. I don’t necessarily want to add a bunch of tchotchkes, but maybe that’s what it needs.

    We have an L-shaped desk (flat surface) with a medium-sized lamp (also flat).
    A club chair in a textured fabric with a small side table.
    A low bookshelf that is purely functional, not decorative. I’m pretty sure we got it at target at some point in the last decade. Yet another flat surface.
    It’s a carpeted room, but I added a large area rug under the desk. It is a mix of neutral colors.
    White linen curtains.
    Lots of natural light, yay.
    A couple of small plants but nothing big.

    I’m probably being overly critical, but it doesn’t feel finished. Thoughts/ideas?

    1. What’s sitting on top of the bookshelf — it probably needs something decorative, a lamp, etc.
      Is there a pillow on that club chair, with color/texture/pattern?
      Is there a lamp next to the club chair?
      Is the art hung randomly, or do you have enough of it, hung at good heights?
      What’s on the desk — anything decorative?

      Look up Caroline Winkler on YouTube — she sometimes does a video where she goes into someone’s home, rearranges the furniture in their room, shifts their art around, etc. Low key, low budget. She did someone’s generic-feeling home office, and the result was remarkable. It could give you some ideas.

      1. On the shelf: One plant, a charging station, and some random crap that my DH has piled there.
        The club chair needs a lamp. Maybe a tall one behind it.
        I do need a bit more artwork. I will admit that my office is where a random hodgepodge of “art I like but really doesn’t go anywhere else in my house” lives.
        Nothing decorative on desk other than a table lamp that is nothing special and that I could get rid of.

        I will check out Caroline Winkler!

    3. I’m guessing it feels unfinished because it IS unfinished! A room needs decor, and it sounds like the only decor you have is a couple of small plants and some sparse art on the walls. Think lamps, pillows, decorative items, stacks of books, a throw on that chair, frame photos on the desk . . . lots of options. Also, more wall art, and you can hang items on the walls that aren’t pictures — mirrors, baskets, plates, old record albums, shelves full of your collection of seashells or the rocks you drag home from vacation or your two-year-old’s pottery creations . . . lots of options again.

      Also, it helps if a room has some personality — is there anything in the room that reflects your unique personality or interests?

    4. Does it look good on camera? Rooms that look good as Teams backgrounds can look sterile in person, but that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. To some degree, you either optimize for the in person experience or the online experience. Neither is wrong per se, they are just different options.

    5. Sounds like not enough texture, pattern or layers. Think of a room like an outfit. You need contrast and texture. Hard to say what to change without looking at it. I know people hate AI but I have actually had good luck asking ChatGPT to suggest decorating changes to rooms.

    6. it sounds like you have nothing really taller than chest height — you need something to bring the eye up. A large mirror or colorful art over SOMETHING.

      1. OP here. Yes, this might be the single biggest problem! I have art above the desk, but something looks really off balanced.

    7. Books and some pretty bookends on the flat surfaces would help bring some texture and color. Personally, I prefer to use real books from my own collection rather than fake books or things purchased just for aesthetics.

    1. I find Dishoom very boring, but it’s a 5 minute walk, some people loooove it.

      Find something towards Covent Garden (around Henrietta St, 7-10 min), Seven Dials (10-12 min), Soho (15 min) or Chinatown (5-7 min), do NOT go towards Leicester square.

      If you like red meat, Hawksmore Seven Dials (5-7 minutes) have lovely steak, sides and cocktails. There is no mobile phone coverage, so meet up outside.

      There are a couple of traditional pubs with okay pub food in St Martin’s Lane, as well (4-5 min).

    2. I liked Dishoom but agree it’s a bit overhyped. I was there with my daughter and my favorite thing we ordered was actually the kids meal. It’s grilled chicken with a lot of flavor but not super spicy so kids will eat it. Seriously the best grilled chicken I’ve ever eaten. But probably you want something more exciting than grilled chicken ;)

      Bancone is phenomenal Italian, probably the best Italian meal I’ve ever had outside Italy.

      We loved Blacklock. We were there for Sunday roast and the highlight was the beef. Not sure how their non-meat stuff is.

      The Ivy seemed kind of touristy but had good food.

      Hawksmoor is now in the US (at least Chicago and NYC) so personally wouldn’t seek out in London if you live near one of those cities, although I do like it.

    4. I’ll be in London soon and my pre-theatre meals are booked at Bancone (been before, it’s delish) and Din Tai Fung (never been but can’t escape it on social media so figured why not). I love Dishoom for breakfast.

    1. I don’t think so. I was a fan and had a pair literally fall apart on the first wear. Their customer service was terrible and almost accusatory as if I wanted the sole to separate from the shoe while I was out. Never again. Crummy quality and terrible service.

    2. I tried the pointed-toe flats and hated them (sooooo stiff) so haven’t bothered with the heels.

    3. I have picky duck feet with high arches and needed a dressy but supportive tall boot for work. I also have wide calves so it’s a tough ask to get ones that would fit. I snagged the ‘perfect stretch’ tall boot in a lovely grey that is perfect for fall on a deep, deep sale. Would I pay $800 for it? No, but at $385 it filled a hole in my work wardrobe and I’d rebuy at closeout sale prices.

    4. I don’t think so. I have a pair of dressy black heels and they aren’t more comfortable than department store brands.

  12. I’m going to meet the GF of my stepson next week when they (in different exurbs of our city) come over and then we go to dinner at a restaurant. This is a new event — I never met any high school or college GFs. She is in a field that seems interesting but I know nothing about. How do I chill? I want to really like her (she seems great already). I also don’t want to spook her or be weird (“William would be such a great baby name.”).

    1. Treat her like any new acquaintance. Be polite, take an interest in what she says and her life, don’t come on too strong.

      1. +1, also resist the temptation to tell a bunch of stories about SS, even if you think they’re cute. Talk about what they’ve been doing this summer, shows, books, what her job is, literally anything else.

          1. Yes, also agree with this. Your desire to get this right makes it so much more likely you will! Good for you for caring here.

  13. One last Lindsay Clancy question. Assuming she goes to prison, what prison is handicapped-accessible enough for someone with this amount of paralysis and need for help with ADLs? She’s a relatively young woman, so she will need assistance for the rest of her life.

    1. See, this is literally just voyeuristic and creepy. This question has no legal relevance or importance to you or society. If I were dealing with a physical disability, I’d be incredibly creeped out by anyone asking “curious” questions about the facilities and how I’d be assisted with ADLs. You want to know who’s going to wipe her @ss in prison and at which facility? Is that truly what you’re asking?

      1. Access to medical care is a big problem in prison. I’m glad that people are asking these questions because I hope it leads to a bigger push for change.

        I’m so tired of hearing, why should prisoners get better medical care than everyone else? Everyone else should get care too! That’s why we’ve been pushing for socialized medical care for decades!

        1. How is one gross poster speculating about this on a fashion blog going to “lead to a bigger push for change” lmao

      2. I am no one’s liberal, but do think that our treatment of prisoners should be a national scandal.

    2. Will she? I thought a lot of people with the same amount of paralysis didn’t get any assistance with ADLs outside of prison (maybe they could use it, but the criteria for assistance are very strict and narrow).

      Disability in general is common in prison. The one person I know who went to prison who was comparably paralyzed did end up with medical complications and served part of their sentence in a hospital though. So it wasn’t a great outcome.

    3. I feel like people with life sentences sometimes get released on medical / compassionate grounds when their care is too expensive / complicated to provide, provided that they don’t pose a threat. If they don’t get needed care, the state can get sued and that seems to drive the releases that I’m aware of. I’m not in MA though.

    4. There is usually a “special needs” unit for those with significant health issue or other issues that make them not a good fit for general population.

    5. NEWSFLASH: there are hundreds, maybe thousands of black and brown men who are severely mentally and/or physically disabled in prison suffering on horrible beds with no entertainment and no real care right now. If they are lucky, another inmate will turn them to keep bed sores at bay. Many of them are elderly. Stop voting for cruel policies.

      1. Not necessarily if she’s convicted of murder. I wouldn’t presume her defense will work.

      2. That’s a whole different proceeding in most jurisdictions, and commitment to a psych setting is generally for those who are not competent to stand trial.

  14. I’ll be going to the office 1-2x a week through the end of the year. My office is very business casual so I’m not concerned about clothing but I haven’t bought any work shoes since 2020. Any ladies with 11W shoe size out there? Where are you getting them? What’s in style?

    2. Not quite your size, but Margaux has a lot of options for pretty much all styles of shoes. The woven options have a bit of extra give if you are worried. I’m also a fan of buying sneakers and loafers from the sale section of men’s designer shoes.

    3. I’m seeing a move toward sleeker flats and loafers (away from lug soles that were trendy last year or two).

    6. Look at Marmi shoes–they are a catalog that carries Trotters, Auditions, van Elis and others, all in larger sizes. Also, of course, Nordstrom.

      I am a 12M, and LOTS of Rothys and Birdies come in larger sizes and wides.

  15. If you’ve wished someone well via text on the anniversary of a loved one’s death for several years and they reply “thanks” or a heart emoji or similar but you never speak at any other time, do you eventually stop doing it? It feels awkward to have this be our ONLY (they don’t wish me well on those anniversaries for people in my life, so I do mean only) and neither of us appears interested in taking things further.

    1. I would stop now. Is this a friend or a family member? If it is a friend, it sounds as if the friendship has drifted and neither of you care enough to change things.

      1. Family member. We saw each other multiple times a year 20+ years ago, but then the family matriarch died, so that stopped. We emailed a few times about meeting up but it was always “let’s do it soon” and neither really followed up. I attended the funeral for her husband 4 years ago and it was nice to see her again (even under the circumstances – and I know she appreciated family being there) and have texted on the anniversary since. I wouldn’t say no if she did want to meet up or grow closer but I’m pretty hesitant these days to be the one who’s always doing the outreach and trying to make reluctant relationships work (bad prior experiences). I don’t think she wants that though.

        1. I’d stop. If you want to keep in touch, switch to some other way of doing it. Remember her birthday, have coffee with her when you’re in town, etc.

          1. +1. Since it is a family member, if you want to try to reconnect, I would reach out about something happy instead that will (hopefully) lead to more engagement than just a “thanks”.

    2. As someone who lost my absolutely beloved mother 5 years ago and am so grateful for friends who texted me on the anniversary of her death, I say let it go. That being the only contact makes it odd and also the passage of time would say that you’ve done enough. On the 4th death anniversary, I heard from my absolute BFFs who knew me when my mom was alive and were part of my support system during her treatment and death and no one else. And that seemed appropriate.

      You’ve been very thoughtful to continue this long.And you can now let it go.

    3. I think you should stop. I think it’s odd to continue to send well wishes like this to someone you’re not in contact with. You don’t know what their grieving process is at this point; it changes so much over time. Some people prefer to not think about it. You can’t know whether your messages are welcome or not, so I think it’s best to not send them. If you want a once a year contact then send them a birthday or holiday card.

    4. Stop with the morbid death anniversary texts. It’s kind the first time or two, but after that it is very possible the person doesn’t want to relive that trauma with you year after year.

      If you actually want to keep in touch, switch to reaching out on a happier time. Wish them a happy new year, national taco day, something that lends itself to a pleasant interaction instead of tears.

      1. This. And I would make an effort to stay in touch with a family member. I’d wish them a happy whatever winter holiday they celebrate and/or birthday.

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