ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Flutter-Sleeve Blouse

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I added this Universal Thread top to a Target pickup order on a whim this week, and I couldn’t be more delighted. The fabric is lightweight, but not flimsy, and the cut is relaxed, but not sloppy.

I would wear this to the office on a casual Friday with white jeans and black mules. For the weekend, I’d buy the matching black shorts and hit the town.

The top is $15 at Target and comes in sizes XS–XXL. It’s also available in plus sizes, although not in black.

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Sales of note for 12.5

201 Comments

  1. I eagerly read about clovering your lawn’s bald patches earlier in the year. I have been trying and trying and trying, sometimes with grass, more often with clover. I have seen the clover sprout and little green dots start then grow. Then . . . the vanishing happens. I don’t see them except rarely, but it seems that there are wild bunnies on my street, and I see their poop in my yard (so grass / clover would hide that nastiness). Could they be eating all of the new shoots every time (but not so much of the existing grass)? I am diligent about watering. I have a bit more times to try before the leaves start falling (so choking any existing seed off from water and light), but it’s getting old. The yard guys will aerate sometime after Labor Day (but often some leaves will start falling shortly thereafter).

    2. Yes, bunnies could definitely be eating the fresh tasty shoots of clover and ignoring the grass! You can get something called floating row cover to put down over those areas while the clover is filling in that should stop the bunnies. You hold it down with either rocks around the outside or metal stakes and it lets the light and water through but should provide a bunny barrier.

    3. Clover is very nutricious, and bunnies absolutely eat clover. For pet bunnies, clover is often recommended along with other wild plants like dandelions.

    4. Wild bunnies have absolutely eaten my new lettuce seedlings so I’m sure they could be eating your clover. You could put a little fence/chicken wire tent around them and see if that helps. Your local hardware shop might have something ready made.

    5. Its not really the best time of year to plant things. Try in the fall when the weather cools down, then again in the spring.

  2. So with the caveat that I love hybrid schedules and have zero desire to wfh full time: this is the first week my company instated a company-wide schedule of Monday and Friday are wfh, Tuesday through Thursday are in office. Previously, we were 2 days a week in office and had the flexibility to choose those days. I loved the flexibility of choosing my days based on my work and personal schedules. I often came in 3-4 days a week (more than required) and always came in on Fridays due to a weekly report I have to run that is way easier to run from the office. I almost always was wfh on Thursdays because of an after work commitment I had that made being home easier. I usually came in on Mondays because with my ADHD if I don’t start the week off on the right foot, I’m a lost cause. I was off this Monday so we’ll see how I am next week. I’m all for being in person for collaboration so I get the idea of wanting common days but this new setup feels so inflexible.

    They also used to have perks (expensed lunch 2x a week) and give random surprise perks (expensed coffee, transit passes, permission to leave early (like a summer Friday midweek), occasionally a raffle for tickets to an event) during the week as a “reward” for coming in and announced that that has ended now that being here is mandatory.

    It’s a very first world problem and I’m lucky to have any wfh (spent all of 2020 working 60 hour weeks in person), but policies like this are alienating everyone, even people who prefer to be in person like me. My already pro-wfh colleagues are livid and job searching.

    1. My company announced a similar move (moving from 3x week in office, you choose when to Tues-Thurs mandatory in office) and people are unhappy as well.

    2. Not so much a direct response to your challenge – I’ve experienced something similar – but with the economy in it’s current state I wonder how much of a shift, if any, there will be away from the employee and back to the employer.

      My company and industry is already talking about potential layoffs (off the record, but from people in power). I have to think my colleagues who have put up the biggest stink about wanting WFH and flexibility, and some have been downright defiant to the point that even as their friend I’m like, why do you still work here if you’re that unhappy, will have that work against them, esp when one of the underlying arguments (rightly or wrongly) for coming back to the office comes down to perceived productivity, or lack thereof in the WFH and hybrid setting.

      I will say, many in my office who like the hybrid did have major frustrations when the WFH days did not align with other team member’s WFH days. Because then it was like well what’s the point of coming in at all if my peer/boss/whoever on my team isn’t even here to see in person.

      1. Oh I have no plans to leave over this. Grovel sure, but not leave. Partially because I’m stuck here while I’m in grad school (company pays 50%) and partially because I too am concerned about layoffs.

        I hear the complaints about why come in if no one else is here, but if everyone actually is in 3 days, then there should be sufficient overlap. Or teams could informally coordinate days instead of everyone being forced in on the same days.

      2. If I were a manager, I would absolutely require common in office days for my staff. When I worked in an office, it was frustrating when my team members were not around, even if it was that they were in the field on another project.

        1. I require 1 common day for my team. It’s important to have that touchstone. I am a fan of the hybrid schedule but imo the free for all approach doesn’t work great.

        1. There’s been rumors that my company is doing this to avoid layoffs: people will choose to find a new job and won’t be replaced. Of course, this means high performers will leave and scrubs will stay…

          1. One of my friends who became CEO of a floundering company did that. He moved the offices to a location where people would have to move to keep working there, offered relocation to those who elected to move and severance to those who didn’t. The company is now turned around and thriving in a lower cost of living area.

          2. Oh wow I would hateee that. I’m a pretty dedicated employee but I will never move for a job and honestly absent there not being other options I don’t understand those who do. Living near family and friends in a neighborhood I like > staying with a job

          4. But didn’t he loose good people that way? I’m a high performer and I would never leave my home for a job

          5. It was this or go under, and the company is doing really well now so it seems to have worked out. They’re a nonprofit so it really didn’t make sense to have the offices in a super high rent area.

          6. Ugh. As a life long non-profit employee, I hate that this happened. Employees are expected to put up with so much BS for the sake of the “mission”. I’m sure it was couched that if you care about the mission then you uproot your life and move to follow the job…

          7. Alternately, having HQ in an expensive area is a luxury that the org could not afford. They had to move, and adults can use their adult words to say “no thank you.” The employees in the lower cost of living area benefit by having mote job opportunities and the same quality of life.

    3. I would also not be happy with a forced Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday schedule. I generally like going in on Mondays too.

    4. I would also be super unhappy with this. The flexibility to be in or out as it suits your day’s tasks and work-life balance is the whole point. I would be ok with 1 “everyone here” day per week but not 3.

    5. No offense, but you seem to forget that the operative word in WFH is, and remains, “WORK”. In a for profit environment, companies and lawfirms can’t babysit people forever if the job is not getting done efficiently, and I am guessing, with my dad’s input, that your firm is tired of “incentivizing” people the way they had to when there was a pandemic, b/c some work was getting done. But after 2 1/2 years, it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee, and evidently, more structure is needed with you and your co-workers than you are comfortable with. So you have 2 options; sit back and whine, while continuing to collect your paycheck, or pick up and go somewhere else where you may have more flexibility.

      As someone who can work any where, any time, I am perhaps exempt as I get my hours in no matter where I am. For most others who need closer over-site, they must bill a set amount each week, and if they don’t for 3 weeks in a row, they are placed on probation. If thereafter they continue to miss more then 80% of the weeks on their billables, they forfeit X% of their salary. I can’t tell you what x% is, b/c that is our trade secret.

      So in your case, you must pick and choose. If you have ADHD, you may want to reassess, as this is not something another firm is looking for with a new employee. You have a good gig, and you have guaranteed 4 day weekends, as WFH is often akin to a day off for some people. So I would live with it unless you find yourself in demand elsewhere, b/c I always remember that the W in WFH will always mean WORK, and WORK is not a bad 4 letter word. YAY!!!!

  3. Can someone explain Nancy Pelosi’s trip to Asia to me? It seems that she was suggested not to go due to pot-stirring and then made a statement along the lines of no other branch of government tells her what to do. Then S. Korea is “busy that day” when she stops by. I want to think that the adults running the country always make good decisions that are well thought-out and b/c of the good that will result from them. I’m kind of scratching my head here though.

    1. And not to threadjack you, but… Can someone explain to me why members of congress take trips like this one? (Question applies to members on both sides of the aisle, it was just this trip that made me question it). I clearly understand why POTUS, the VP, Sec of State, etc. take such trips.

      1. Ugh I used to work for USAID and congressional delegations to visit our projects were a giant PITA. I also do not know how/why this happens.

      2. Congress writes laws, holds hearings, etc. There should be experts in Congress on a variety of issues, which is why it’s important for congressional delegations to visit various places, meet people, etc. Not to mention, she is second in line to the presidency. It’s a show of confidence. In terms of whether it was wise, I think once it got out that she was considering the trip, it would have been devastating to Taiwan, and shown weakness on our part, to back down in the face of Chinese opposition.

        1. I get that you have to support Taiwan. But the messaging on this has really gone sideways. There are trips and then there are junkets. When another big Asia-Pacific conference going on right now, this seems to be a weird competing narrative. Maybe someone really dropped the ball? But this seems to look really sophomoric. Not what I expect from someone in her position, especially with the flouncing retort that she doesn’t answer to the executive branch (which is not wrong as a matter of civics, but is a bad look).

          1. Honestly if someone dropped the ball it wasn’t Nancy herself. There’s no way Nancy is planning and booking her own travel. If her staff said you’re going to Taiwan and then South Korea she just got on the plane and went. I’m not sure how it got messed up but it’s time to publicly stand with Tawain before it becomes the next Ukraine.

    2. Also interested to learn more about this. I was told the trip was intended to make Xi look weak in advance of the upcoming communist party meeting in China? I am not sure if they’re trying to have their cake and eat it too by having her go “on her own” or if she really went on her own? I guess I don’t know civics, because I didn’t honestly realize her office was powerful enough to fly around on military aircraft on its own initiative in the first place! Curious what people who actually understand this will say.

      1. I can answer the military aircraft part. The unit that owns Air Force One (which I’m sure you know is only called that when the president is on board) has a whole fleet of executive jets of different sizes for flying lawmakers, undersecretaries, generals, etc, wherever they want to go. Has to be official business, of course. (Commuting back home to the district doesn’t count; they fly commercial for that.) Pelosi’s third in succession if anything were to happen to the president and VP, so she’s pretty high up there, and if she wants to go somewhere, they say yes ma’am.

    3. This has strong vibes of offering support to Taiwan and giving a warning to China without ACTUALLY offering support to Taiwan or warning China. The administration can wave this off with “well, what can we do; she is Speaker of the House and we do not control her” while tacitly supporting the message she is sending.

      As to why they do it, there are a laundry list of reasons ranging from “free trip to Paris” to diplomacy to politics to fact finding to building relationships to naked power plays.

  4. Can anyone recommend an attorney that can probate a will in Florida? (Broward County, if it matters). Sadly my mom passed last week and the attorney who did her will doesn’t do this. I am out of state and new to this process. Thank you.

    2. Elizabeth Bertrand in Orlando is excellent and handled a very sticky situation for a close friend. Highly recommend.

    3. Kathy Crotty at Cobb Cole is incredible. Well versed in FL law, estate transactions, and family dynamics.

  5. I have a kid who was late-diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum. I asked her pubic elementary school repeatedly if she should be in the couple of area private schools devoted to kids with learning disabilities and neudivergencies, and they assured me that mainstreaming a kid who wasn’t academically struggling was the best thing for him. Then the pandemic happened. We were reviewing his clear and persistent social skills deficits (despite what supports his IEP calls for) and the speech-language pathlogist and therapist were shocked that I didn’t know that the public schools could never recommend the private school as needed b/c then the school system would have to pay for it. In the past 3 years, I have been running myself ragged to supplement what my child needs vs what the school is providing (which is about as expensive as private school would have been, but the key thing is that missing work and driving my son around for this therapy and that therapy and this social skills group, etc. is EXHAUSTING). I am shooting daggers and feel so lied to and misled by people I was told to trust with my kid. Private school may be 15-30K/year, but I am so worried about my son and he has so much to catch up on that I feel like I am lucky that I can try to throw money and have people who are actually willing to help us (instead of saying they will help and doing nothing for a kid who struggles, but is academically OK).

    1. I am learning the hard way that a school’s job is not to support your child emotionally, but to educate them. Obviously many people go above and beyond that but when push comes to shove their job is education.

      Big hugs.

      1. In our city, the metrics are in and we are apparently not even educating students. It’s all nonquantifiable “social and emotional learning,” which I agree is needed, but maybe with a side of math?

    2. I am so sorry to hear this story. Both for you and your child. You sound absolutely exhausted and frustrated, and you have every right to be. I did not know this about public schools. I wish someone at the school would have just told you this so that you could find other resources to help make your best decision. Now that you have the information, can moving your child to a private school held your child and reduce your stress simultaneously? I realize it’s pretty late in the summer to be talking about changing schools though.
      Internet hugs from a stranger.

    3. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. In my community, there are consultants (I think largely people that have worked in the school system and gone through this themselves) that offer to help you through the process and connecting you to the right system of people to help (combo of medical professionals, public schools, private schools, therapies, govt agencies and lawyers when necessary) to help navigate this. Which is gross that it needs to exist, but there you go. Maybe in your community there is something similar or a facebook group of parents who have been there before?

    4. Public schools can and do suggest out of district placements for kids who need them. But they aren’t going to suggest that taxpayers pay for private school for a child who is doing well academically.

    5. The pandemic threw a wrench into so much, but especially public schools and parenting. The school administration probably did not intentionally lie to you. They were just not ready to deal with the pandemic. Schools were abandoned by society in 2020, just like kids and working mothers. Also, don’t just rely on the therapists’ understanding of when the school district would be required to cover the costs of private education.

      My public school is my first stop for my autistic kid’s needs, but the pandemic required me to do a lot of supplementing too. (Going to PT at the hospital when school was closed, paying for special needs services though independent organizations, etc). It was exhausting, but when school became 100% normal I didn’t need all that anymore. If we were in a blue state that delayed reopening, I would have gone private.

      If your school isn’t a good fit and you can afford to go private, then do it. I love a special needs school in my area and I will apply the second it becomes necessary for my kid.

    6. I’m sorry. I’ve heard so many horror stories about how our schools handle students with spectrum disorders. I don’t believe that mainstreaming is right for every child, at least not in the schools that we currently have. Ordinary classrooms are a sensory nightmare for students with sensory sensitivities (and no, accessibility aides like noise canceling headphones, ear defenders, indoor sunglasses, etc. are not always adequate). As for social benefits, social skills aren’t always learned by osmosis or exposure, and the social skills that are advantageous in school aren’t actually the same as the social skills that are advantageous outside of school. I worry it can lead to ostracism, stigma, and resentment when students with competing access needs are mainstreamed in the same classrooms on a compulsory basis. I think it’s a kind of political ideal that all children should learn together in the same spaces at the same times, but I notice that it’s not something that adults choose for themselves! I think libraries are a better expression of an ideal of universal, equal access to education. I just don’t believe in a “sink or swim” approach and can see why you ended up driving around to access additional support. (I do understand the reality that the schools that we have are under political attack, understaffed, and struggling.)

      Your son is lucky to have you, and I hope it all becomes easier soon, for both of you.

    7. Honestly schools really fail autistic kids. My own school experience was so bad and lonely I took it upon myself to graduate early, my school was more focused on having my high test scores count towards their metrics than actually helping me.

    8. I’m so sorry, but it’s good to understand that the public school employees don’t have the same goals and needs as a parent/student. You can’t trust them to make the big decisions or really even to measure progress. But absolutely try to get them to meet the IEP until/unless you move the student. You may need to make noise.

      My experience is that other parents are a good source of what works and what doesn’t for IEPs: Maybe there is a parent group in your district, or a facebook group either local or wider. And if you pay to get your child evaluated, the experts should be able to help you understand what the public school can do and cannot. They can act as consultants or maybe refer you to someone who can help.

      And I agree that the pandemic may have messed up the growth and learning that was going to happen or that was on track to happen, based on a plan. Nothing has gone right for students during this time and teachers/staff are still behind.

      Good luck.

    9. I’m mom to an autistic 8yo boy, a rising third grader. He’s currently in a private school for ND kids because of his behavior issues, but only because this is a ND school that *does* focus on academics – many of them don’t and it’s more like institutionalizing your kid. The prevailing thought is that it really is better to keep your ND kid in a mainstream school if they can do it, at all — you have federal rights in those situations that you completely give up if your kid goes to private school. (Also public schools do have to provide OT/speech but note that school OT will only address fine motor issues, not the sensory stuff you get at private OT.)

      Just a gentle note on the therapies – if your doctor has told you your kid needs 20-40 hours of ABA a week, strongly question it. They told me my 3yo needed 40 hours of therapy a week. ABA is hugely controversial because it’s got the same base as gay conversion therapies – but it’s so data-driven that it’s the only therapy that has any “proof” of working with autistic kids, unlike play therapy or other kinds that don’t have the data. (It’s also a billion dollar industry.) This article goes into the pros and cons. We did it for 2 years but I wasn’t really sure what it was doing for him because it’s also kind of opaque (like WTH even is the VBMapp crap?); we got into a billing dispute at the start of the pandemic and stopped it and haven’t looked back. We focus on OT/SLP and also do social skills etc when we can fit it in.
      https://www.spectrumnews.org/features/deep-dive/controversy-autisms-common-therapy/

      I hear you though, it’s exhausting. Just this summer we’ve had camp 1 25 minutes away to the east, then 1 25 minutes to the south, then another 30 minutes to the northeast. His private school is 25 minutes to the south, with no transportation so it’s just us. It’s constant, constant driving.

  6. ISO new hand cream to keep in my bag (so < 3 oz). Flip top preferred. I don't like a strong scent – L'Occitane is too stinky for me. I have and like the Origins make a difference – any other suggestions? TIA!

    1. Working Hands–not glamorous, but not expensive either. (I have a CVS knockoff amusingly called Laboring Hands, and am perfectly happy with it too!)

      Neutrogena is also a good one and has no scent that I can tell.

      1. Neutrogena Norwegian Formula is my holy grail and does not smell. I don’t remember that it comes in flip top though unfortunately.

        1. Yup this is what my mom and I have used for decades. I can only use it at night because it’s kind of greasy on me, though oddly enough it soaks into my mom’s skin right away.

          During the day I use Supergoop’s hand lotion with SPF.

      2. OMG Neutrogena unscented is amazing and is all I use for hands and rubbing into cuticles. It’s true, as the product says, that a little bit goes a long way. I don’t find it greasy at all, but I see others say it is.

    4. I love the Camille Beckman unscented & vanilla flavor. I usually order from their website. I also love their spray hand sanitizer that I put into small hand sanitizer bottles that I got at Trader Joe’s.

    6. Caudalie Hand and Nail Cream. Fast absorbing and a light citrus scent. I’m scent-sensitive and it doesn’t bother me.

  7. Anyone else interested in a back to school shopping thread? I need 2-3 light blouses or nice sweaters for fall along with a more current pair of jeans (which means I need to suck it up and try on a million pairs somewhere, ugh). Anything else anyone is hunting for or looking forward to nabbing?
    I’ll also take any suggestions of stores to check out – this used to be the sweet spot for Rebecca Taylor/Kate Spade/Boden but long sleeved blouses (not button downs) seem to be oddly hard to find at the moment.

    1. More spendy: Amour Vert (some good sale items left for blouses)
      Less: AT

      Jeans: have no idea; I do not understand 2022 pants for pears; fearing return of the camel toe for fall; someone recommended Abercrombie last week for pears and I may try to duck in a local store this weekend.

      1. I’m a pear and the Abercrombie curvy jeans are my go-to. It feels very strange to buy anything Abercrombie as an almost-40 year old woman who shopped there as a teenager, but the jeans really do fit like a glove.

        1. The Girls Night In just recommended Abercrombie for Millenials who aren’t sure where to shop! I’m 39, and squarely in this demographic sometimes.

          I finally tried to wear a Reformation dress I bought pre-pandemic and was confused how to work with the all-the-way slit while my b**bs hung out of the top part.

    2. the rag & bone Dre are a nice slim boyfriend that bridge the gap between skinny and not. I also like AG’s Mari style for another variation with a slightly wider flare.

    3. I’m newly pregnant so hunting for all the comfy work pants I can get my hands on. (I plan to spend the winter exclusively in sweater dresses.)

      2. Congratulations. About two minutes after my first positive pregnancy test I couldn’t stand anything tight around my waist so I remember that feeling!!

        1. Same! I’m on the cusp of being an 8 or a 10 and suddenly I could not stand wearing my size 8s all day long. Nope nope nope. And thank you!

    4. I went to Madewell and tried on a bunch of jeans and it was surprisingly painless.
      Went with the vintage perfect straight but lots of options.

    5. Check out Evereve! I went there the other day for the first time, and their selection was great. Online presence as well.

    6. Jeans: cabi — it’s MLM, but they are totally cut for adult women without being frumpy. I wear mine as much as lounge pants for WFH.

      Blouses: look at Bella Dahl. They are super modern, soft and somehow have room for my giant knockers. The drape is really good.

      Also try Ever Eve for some options.

    7. I have always wondered why women work so hard to fit into jeans. It’s such a struggle! I have found the perfect solution. I don’t wear jeans.

  8. With the caveat that I’ve spent my entire career working for NGOs, in light of the Netflix and HBO/Discovery news (and I believe this is the first time Comcast has lost internet customers), do companies really expect continual growth? Is there no consideration about how to move forward as a company after the market is saturated?

      1. I started my own law firm in January after 25 years in indigent defense for the State. People are worried about when I am going to get an office or if I am going to hire an associate. I am here, just thrilled to be on my own, working at home in my jammies, and paying my bills. I don’t even know why I would want an office or an associate?

          1. Trish is using her own life as an example of the “always growing” mindset. She started her own firm. Yay!!! Except people think that in order to be “successful,” her firm has to be growing – office, associates, etc. This ignores the fact that you can run a profitable business that is merely staying the same size.

          2. Ok, but it is objectively true that the system of capitalism depends on perpetual growth, even if one person chooses not to operate that way.

          3. It is not objectively true that capitalism needs perpetual growth. Companies may chase perpetual growth, but you can operate a capitalist society at a steady state of growth.

        2. I’m the same. Sole practitioner in another field. I turn down work that would require me to hire staff.

          I think publicly traded companies are the ones that are under pressure to constantly grow. Before I left corporate life I moved from a publicly traded company that had to constantly grow to a privately held company that was happy to preserve capital for just the right opportunity, and it was such a relief.

    2. I honestly don’t think they think this way. I have a client who genuinely believe every household in America needs his product-of-limited-applicability and is working on some truly hare-brained schemes to get there. Every single time I get on the phone with him, I’m banging my head against my desk because he’s simultaneously very smart (about his product) and such an idiot of breathtaking proportions (about society at large, government regulations, literally anything outside his field). He keeps bringing on and then firing different consultants when they tell him he’s reached market share; the current consultant is still in place because he’s a total yes man – who knows what’ll happen when he fails to deliver all of the country 🤦🏻‍♀️

    3. Yeah that’s capitalism, consume consume consume, any suggestion otherwise will get you tarred and feathered.

    4. This mentality was fine when the population was growing, or at least the population of adults with purchasing power was growing. With years of a lousy economy, punctuated only by like two good years before the pandemic, and a shrinking birthrate, businesses and investors will need to find new metrics of success.

    5. The book Less Is More, on the degrowth movement, was fascinating to me on this topic. Yes, companies and even the concept of GDP rely on continuous growth, and since it’s measured by percentages it’s exponential growth. No wonder it’s totally unsustainable!

  9. Low-stakes, borderline woo-woo question. I constantly have dreams about getting together with a longtime, former crush – I liked this guy through HS and college, and am in my late 30s now. I haven’t even seen this person in a decade. I’m happily married, and have a great gardening life with DH as well so have no idea where this is coming from. I don’t even stalk this guy online!

    1. I think this happens to everyone. Brains process things in funny ways. I interpret it as needing to plan something to break up any ruts in my real life :)

    2. I think dreams like this are sometimes more about enjoying a particular time in life than the particular person. For me, it’s college. The person is a reminder of what things were like back then or what you like to think they were like back then and a way of trying to connect with that. I only say this because I’m 48 and sort of have similar but in addition have dreams that have some other folks from that time where there is no romantic connection whatsoever. (Like a group of my good friends from that time hanging out together again) I always wake up feeling a little wistful for that time in my life.

    3. No big deal – this is not that different from the s e x y dreams you might have randomly had about some dude from school you didn’t even like. Brains brain weirdly sometimes!

      1. BAHAH well this guy never reciprocated my feelings, despite what 80s and 90s romcoms taught me about the effortless cool guy and the Type A-girl…so maybe it’s something related to that.

    4. Sometimes I dream I’m back together with my ex husband, but in my case it’s a nightmare!

    5. Same, girl! I had a low key* crush on a guy in high school. I had an *elaborate* dream about him earlier this week- not even $exual, just that we were together. I then of course woke up and found him online (we are Facebook friends) and it turns out he works as a partner in a PE firm I’ve worked with a lot in the past and just moved two towns over with his wife and new baby.

      What, even! Also in my Facebook stalking I realize he looks very much like my husband, so I guess I have a type, ha!

      *Our younger sisters were friends and our moms had lunch regularly, I think it’s possible he drive my sister to prom one year? So even though we had totally different circles we occasionally buddied up as partners in classes we had together. I thought he was cute but neither of us ever got around to doing anything about it and I had a boyfriend most of high school. Literally this paragraph is the most I’ve thought about him in easily 20 years.

  10. I will be visiting my nephew at Michigan State University in East Lansing next month. I’m open to suggestions of any restaurants or activities near the campus. Thanks!

    1. Definitely check out the Dairy Store in campus! Get ice cream and buy some cheese to take home.

    2. Good Truckin Diner had excellent breakfast options. Go early to avoid waiting. There are some cool murals around there too!
      A

  11. I always enjoy the travel recommendations here. Anyone have a good suggestion for a Berkeley hotel to explore the area?

    2. Claremont hotel is beautiful. Make sure to stop by Fournée right below the hotel for your breakfast pastries!

    3. Hi from a Claremont Hotel neighbor. Yes, the Claremont is the best we have to offer. Aside from the neighborhood shops on Domingo right below the hotel (Fourneé, Peets, Rick and Ann’s, etc) walk a couple of blocks down Ashby or Russel to the College Avenue shops and restaurants of the Elmwood neighborhood. Wave at me as you walk by!

    4. Second the Claremont spa.

      For hotels, my husband and I have enjoyed the Hotel Shattuck Plaza. It’s in a great location, very walkable to many excellent restaurants including Chez Panisse, and quite close to the Berkeley Rep theater where we’ve seen several wonderful plays, some of which eventually made their way to Broadway.

    5. Depending on your budget and what you’re looking for, I’d also recommend the Graduate hotel in Berkeley. It’s right next to Berkeley’s campus, which has its pros and cons (tons of students and student dining very nearby, and you walk a block and you’re on campus) and it’s a historic old hotel that was renovated fairly recently. Great themeing and comfortable (if tiny) rooms. It’ll be cheaper than both the Claremont and Hotel Shattuck.

      Also, they just built a high rise Marriott Courtyard smack downtown in Berkeley. It kind of appeared out of nowhere one day, and I haven’t been inside yet. Location is prime though.

  12. Random-if a guy holds a door for you at a store, you say thank you, and he responds in a nice voice, “thank YOU” does that seem flirtatious? My flirting antennae is totally gone.

    1. That feels more like catcalling than flirting to me?

      I once had a bad IBS morning and had to duck into a grocery store on the way to work. As I was leaving a dude leered at me and said “looking GOOOOOD, mama” and I was like buddy, if you only knew what I just did in that bathroom …

    2. I don’t know, I think it’s creepy., even if intended to be flirtatious What is he thanking you for? The eye candy? The attention? Totally fine with someone holding the door for me, but would expect them to say “you’re welcome” or “no prob” or just nothing when I say thanks.

    8. Seriously? This is now considered “creeping”? I would smile, nod, and go on my way and not think about it twice.

      It’s sort of a clumsy and dumb response, but eh. I’m sad to hear that people can’t just assume that someone, usually especially males, is a little socially inept. No, we must jump right to creeping/harassment.

        1. I’m not that commenter but i am a lifelong feminist including building my career from it and there is no way this is creepy or catcalling. You’re massively reaching with a “boys will be boys” accusation.

      3. Why do we have to give them a pass for being that way? You go ahead and let yourself be objectified without caring. I certainly won’t.

        1. I wouldn’t feel objectified by it?

          Seriously, humans can be clumsy in their interactions – don’t we see women here lamenting all the time about how they feel like they said something stupid? Why not assume that someone misspoke rather than jumping to OMG SEXUAL HARASSMENT OBJECTIFICATION!!

          If the guy persisted, that’s a different story, but it doesn’t sound like he did.

      4. Agreed PolyD. This world has become too “woke” and sensitive to everything… sometimes, a compliment is just a compliment. A flirt is just a flirt, even if it was done so awkwardly.

    9. Half the time if someone says “thank you” I respond “thank you”. Like when someone says happy birthday and you respond “thanks, you too”. Americans say thank you all the time. Give cash to a cashier, they say thank you. Get you change back, you say thank you. They hand you your purchase, you say thank you and they respond thank you.

      I am the last person to excuse gross male behavior, but getting in a twist about someone saying thank you – even if he is saying thank you for being pretty and a woman is a bit much. This is not cat calling – it is a simple phase we toss around all the time. Smile, nod and keep walking. If he pushes past that, then start thinking he is creepy and weird.

      1. I too have a very sensitive Gross Male Behavior Antenna, but it may just have been a verbal flub. I called a colleague yesterday afternoon and he said, “hey [my name],” and I promptly said “hey [my name].” We do not have the same name. Or it’s just autopilot brain: A: “how are you?” BL “Great, how are you?” A: “awesome, you?”

    10. If this is “shocking” to you all i fear you need to leave your suburban lives a bit more often.

  13. My hairdryer died and I need to replace it. I have easy to manage medium length hair. What do you guys recommend? Do the splurgy hair dryers actually make a difference? Something lightweight would be good.

    1. I bought a mid-range one at Costco a few years back that I really like. Definitely better than the $30 ones you can buy at the supermarket, but it was only about $100, not the many hundreds those fancy Dyson ones cost.

    2. At the recommendation of Wirecutter (I believe), I got a Rusk W8less hairdryer. It’s $80 and a great normal hairdryer. I do find it’s lightweight and does dry my hair quickly. It’s just a nice hairdryer.

    3. I recently tried a T3 for the first time and was pretty much obsessed. It is way better than the other ones I’ve tried, including brands like Rusk, Conair, and Babyliss.

      I also am thinking of buying the Drybar blow dry brush for my next dryer.

      1. I have the Drybar doubleshot and have loved it for a year now. My daughter just purchased the single, which has a slightly smaller barrel and rounder shape, because she liked mine so much. We each paid a little over $100 for them (mine on NAS last year and hers on Prime Day last month).

    4. Love my Sam Villa. Light and easy to hold, no frizz, hair dries quickly. And when the cord frayed after 5 years, I shipped it to them for a repair. For the $38 repair fee (including return shipping) I had a new cord, new motor, and heating coil. Fan for life now!

    5. I recently got a Shark hair dryer, which in the curly hair community is often compared to the Dyson. My previous hair dryer was $20 from Marshall’s. It absolutely dyers quicker at a lower temperature than the cheap one. I got it at a discount from Costco. I would say the jump from $25 to $75+ seems like a large one, but after watching/reading hundreds of reviews, I couldn’t justify the jump from ~$200 to $400 for the Dyson. I went with the Shark mostly because it has a diffuser that a lot of people like, but it also has a brush attachment that I find better than my revlon brush/dryer combo.

    6. I splurged on the drybat that is both a hair dryer and a brush – so you basically have to be brushing your hair out to dry it. It’s amazing and gives me great hair each time. Highly recommend.

  14. There’s a good Atlantic article this week on what actually happens to old clothes: https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2022/08/what-to-do-with-old-clothing-donation-waste/671043/

    Basically, a lot of the things we do just trick ourselves into feeling better about the outcomes when our stuff probably just ends up in a landfill somewhere. If it’s junk to you, it’s probably junk to everyone else. There’s really no easy way to donate clothes that also is perfect for the planet and the people in it.

    I don’t mean to post this in lecturing or condescending way at all, I struggle with this a lot. I have a huge pile of clothing in my bedroom right now I want to get rid of and I’m trying to figure out the best way to do it. There is some very nice stuff in there, but I need to go through and iron some of it probably and wash some more of it. I’m going to try to take it to the local consignment shop where you can donate the credit to the local women’s shelter for their clients to use. Unfortunately I’ll still probably end up throwing it away.

    1. Don’t throw it all away. If it’s clean and has an upscale label you’re good. If it has spots or holes or significant wear, no one wants it.

      1. Yep. and many old clothes can be used as washable rags. then you throw them out once the rags are beyond usable.

    2. Probably half of my clothes are purchased second hand both from nicer consignment shops and from goodwill/salvation army. If there’s still life in the clothes, absolutely donate them!

    3. Thanks for posting this! People think donating make overconsumption okay but it doesn’t, we need to consume less.

      1. I recently read that clothing items are worn an average of 7 times before being discarded. I was blown away.

          1. Anon at 1253 here – I’m with you. Especially work clothes, over half of my work wardrobe is from when I entered the workforce 7 years ago…

        2. Wow – is that because of the fast fashion trend? I’m genuinely curious, since I am not a fashionable person myself and I try to wear my existing clothes until there are holes or stains that don’t wash out. In fact, the top I’m wearing today I bought back in 2016 from Express and wear every summer multiple times…

        3. Wow, really? I definitely wear stuff way longer than that, except maaaaybe special occasions dresses, and those I keep until they no longer fit (because slow weight gain seems to be a constant of aging. *sigh*) and then donate.

    4. Is there a Dress for Success or similar group in your area? Or a Buy Nothing group – at least that way it’s going to your neighbors, though because most communities are of a similar economic level not necessarily to people who couldn’t otherwise afford what you can afford.

    5. The problem is that the clothes no longer last. I had a pair of black yoga pants from Target that I wore for TEN years and they never pilled inside the legs. I only replaced them because I gained weight. When was the last time any of us bought a t-shirt or blouse that didn’t wear thin and get hole or pill or look faded? Plus, we can usually get clothes from JCP or Walmart for the price of what you might pay for a used pair of slacks or work blouse.

    6. I just take it all to goodwill. I fully understand it isn’t perfect. It seems better than me trashing it. And I try to buy less.

      1. If you read the article, you’ll find that most of the stuff you donate probably ends up in a landfill anyway. You just feel better about it since you didn’t do it yourself.

    7. My county’s recycling center accepts clothes and other textiles for recycling; check if your area offers this.

    8. For anything cotton, I start using old clothes around the house. Current example:
      -old t-shirt is now a bathmat
      -cut up an old pair of soffes (that I had from the early 2000s wowza) and use the pieces as dust rags
      – cleaning rags
      -cut up a pair of old jeans and used small scraps during craft time with my niece

      I have no ideas for old work clothes, which for me are blazers, more polyester, rayon, etc.

    9. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is really not true. If you are done with the item, it is almost always because it is worn through or was never a good quality anyway. The few instances of high quality goods with a lot of use left in them doesn’t really change this.

      I believe that 100% of the items I purchase will eventually end up in a landfill. They might get used a lot first or not, but that’s where they go. So I try to buy less and use it until it is worn out.

    10. The cost of the global north’s overconsumption is borne by the global south in really heartbreaking ways. I recently attended a talk by one of the founders of the Or Foundation, which operates in a city in Ghana that has the largest secondhand market in the world. The environmental and human costs are staggering. Young women carry 100 lb loads of clothes all over the market, which causes debilitating neck and back issues and sometimes kills them and their babies, who are strapped to the girls as they work (no daycare, of course). It’s horrifying. I wonder how many articles of clothing that I have touched ended up there. It’s really made me reconsider my purchases.

    11. If you’re getting rid of clothing because it no longer fits, you don’t like it anymore, you’re cleaning out your closet and it doesn’t make the cut: donate it

      If you’re getting rid of it because it’s stained, torn, has a hole, is so unbelievably dated, etc: upcycle it (rags, kids craft supplies/doll clothes, reuse fabric elsewhere) or recycle it (fabric recycling via township or a fabric store, give to someone looking for fabric for a project, donate to vet/animal shelter – they always need towels, etc). If that’s not possible, then trash it.

  15. My older daughter will be old enough to work by the time stores hire seasonal staff around Thanksgiving for the xmas season. I want her to try this, but I am also wary that this will be her first exposure to being around a lot of adults, some of whom may be creepy / weird to a teen girl (she is very tall and looks not almost-14 but late high schoolish). Thanks to COVID, I think her being-alone-around-adults skills are a bit naive (so parents won’t drop teens at the mall for a movie b/c of COVID whereas these kids who ride buses to school and have phones would have done this at their age 4 years ago). Are there good resources to go over with her about what do to when something inappropriate happens (realizing that there are ranges from “tell your supervisor/manager” to “call 911 right away and then me”). I don’t want to scare her, but to have a sense of what is normal, what is not normal, and what is dangerous (e.g., you are alone in a stockroom and something is making you uncomfortable or you get groped). I wouldn’t want a kid to suffer in silence or for my kid, worry that speaking up will get other people in trouble or be annoying to grownups (I hate that girls are taught to be quiet polite people-pleasers). I know school doesn’t teach this and our usual “use the buddy system” approach to personal safety doesn’t seem particularly useful in this setting.

    1. Wait – are you saying she’ll be 14 by Thanksgiving or is that a typo? Most places won’t hire someone until 16 at the earliest. The only place that hired me at 14 was the local privately-owned pool and I was definitely not on the books.

      1. Yeah, I wouldn’t let a 13- or 14-year-old work at a store, I don’t think.

      2. In my state you can get your working papers at 14. I made bank babysitting so didn’t get a w2 job til I was 17, but I had plenty of friends get very part time jobs (like 4-8 hours on a Saturday) at 14/15, with many more having summer only jobs starting at that age and many more getting weekend jobs once we got our licenses at 16/17. I’m about 10 years out of high school so my anecdata isn’t very old.

      3. Our state has 14 as legal working age (with working papers) but often places won’t hire until a kid is 15 or 16. But in this labor market, 14YO kids can get low-ranked jobs like xmas helpers. They need to have a parent drive them (driving age is 16) but a 14YO kid is likely in high school and this doesn’t seem like a reach. It’s that or babysitting or walking dogs.

        1. Fair – I haven’t worked retail in a while and with the market the way it is, more places are probably hiring younger.

          OP, your daughter has probably already had experience with creepers, unfortunately. Talk to her about that, how she responded, and what she can do if it happens again. You can remind her that she doesn’t have to quietly accept creepy comments – even if they’re coming from a customer. A firm “that’s inappropriate” is one way to respond to someone being weird. She can also laugh it off, if that feels safer, and then alert another coworker or manager.

          Finally, remind her that she is always allowed to leave and say no, and that you’ll have her back. In the stockroom and uncomfortable with another staff member? Walk out. If her manager tells her to go back in, she can say no, call you, and you’ll pick her up. I wish someone had made that clear to me when I was younger.

          1. Agreed with all this! I had a retail job at 15 and would have appreciated tips like this on how to respond. Not just in a work setting but in general at that age (12yo+ …barf) when you start getting attention from older men.

    2. It’s bizarre you want to force your 14 year old child into a job where you anticipate she will be sexually assaulted.

      1. I don’t think that people expect this. It’s more that since I was a kid, we have all of these Me, too reports where one common factor was that young women who were beholden to men for their careers were put in positions to be alone with them when the man planned to be a predator. So I travel and have dinner with my boss (and clients sometimes). But it’s in a restaurant. I would not go to someone’s hotel room (but I am not direct: I would claim food poisoning rather than “WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE A PREDATOR?!”). I know what safe vs unsafe looks like, but I am not a teen. Also, my first job-job was a front-of-house cashier at a Food Town, so I was not alone and always very visible to others and never felt at risk. A friend worked in receiving at a KMart and was often alone and one guy on the “pack-out” crew was very sketchy towards her, also while we were high school students. Very different if your actual work tasks aren’t done in the public eye. You want a kid’s first job to be on the store floor, re-folding shirts. [OTOH, I had a babysitting job where there was an adult male relative with a key who would come and go and that really creeped me out, so babysitting is one of those jobs that is safe until it’s sketchy.]

    3. What is this? Stop borrowing trouble. If you think your daughter is going to get groped in the stock room, find another way for her to interact with adults. Teach your daughter to stand up for herself and how to find help when a man won’t back off. Your entire attitude would scare me away from working if I had been your kid, because you’re acting like leaving the house will expose her to predators.

    4. I’m somebody who worked from the time I was 14 and… I was your daughter. I looked older than I was and frankly got some unwanted attention.

      I think the conversation needs to be not just about work but about life in general. It’s not okay for people to treat you in XYZ way. It’s okay for you to walk away. It’s okay to tell your parents and ask for how to handle an uncomfortable situation in which you did nothing wrong. For life!

      Highly recommend teaching your daughter the power of looking somebody creepy dead in the eyes and saying, either: “i’m 14.” and letting the silence hang OR just a simple “Wow. That’s really inappropriate. I’m going to walk away now.”

      1. I said almost the same above before I saw your comment! Wasn’t trying to step on your toes.

      2. I agree completely. Honestly I didn’t have any issues at my retail jobs when I was a teen. Tons of creepers everywhere else!

        1. Agreed. I find it highly unlikely she hasn’t already had to deal with this…

          I was accustomed to creepers by 14 but didn’t encounter them at my retail or fast food jobs

    5. If she doesn’t have any idea how to respond when an adult is inappropriate with her then she shouldn’t be put in a situation where that could happen (and it could most definitely happen working in a retail store — I’ve certainly heard horror stories about food service and have no reason to think retail would be much different). And again, I feel like 14 is too young to be working with adults for just that reason.

      1. How about for babysitting? To me, that is a lot more potential responsibility (and being able to tell the drunk parents that you do not want them driving you home and that you will call your parents instead or walk) and potential awkwardness in a non-public situation.

        I’d rather a first job be something like a camp counselor where there are large groups of peers and children and many adults with oversight. It’s just harder for bad stuff to happen without privacy.

        1. Good point about babysitting. I was babysitting (even newborn infants, good grief!) when I was as young as 11 and while I never had any trouble with the parents, it was just dumb luck.

      2. This. A younger teen, especially a girl, needs to be in a job specially set up for youth employment, like a camp counselor, junior sports coach, office intern, etc. I would never, ever let my 15-year-old daughter work retail, customer service, food service, or really anywhere where she’d have contact with random members of the public or would be around adults in anything but an open, large-group environment.

        My first job at age 15 was an office job at a desk located in an open area where there were multiple parent-aged adults around at all times. If any of the older dudes were creeps, they kept their comments to themselves because they knew another adult would hear.

        1. this is insanely limiting, I feel sorry for your daughter.

          I started working the day after I turned 14 including dealing with the public and it was fantastic. I learned a ton including a work ethic, and I had a blast.

        2. Meh. I worked at Burger King at 14 and it was wonderful. It was mostly other teens and lots of flirtation.

    6. We had our kids (starting from age 6) in an after-school language class that met at their school. Should be safe, right? It turned out that the principal and teachers left generally the minute the bell rang. The language teacher was let into the building then for the class. The door was locked to the outside. His wife, who was his assistant, didn’t always come, so it was often just him.

      You know how this story ends, right? He’d let the kids know that it was a lockdown drill. That he was going to turn off the lights. They needed to put their heads down and close their eyes and be very quiet. You know how this ends. These kids were taught to trust adults. They are familiar with drills. They were very young, but even some older kids would probably get trapped by someone like this. They are ashamed that they let it happen to them, so they don’t speak up.

    7. This is an old 8th grader or a freshman in high school. Honestly this just seems like a dreadful idea. There are other jobs than retail more appropriate for such a young teen. Does SHE want a seasonal retail job? It reads like you’re the one with the interest.

        1. What are her interests? Babysitting is an easy one, or pet sitting? If she wants a job around the holidays probably lots of people will be out of town. Programs catering to school camps during school breaks?

    8. How much independence does she currently have and to what extent has she not interacted much with adults?

      Can you get her more accustomed to being out in the world over the next few months? By her age I was walking between my school and extracurricular activities solo, walking into town to run errands, going to the mall/movies/out to dinner with friends unchaperoned, walking/biking to other neighborhoods to see friends, and therefore was used to talking to and interacting with strangers or adults I kind of but didn’t really know (neighbors/friends neighbors, store employees, other teams’ coaches).

      I didn’t get a retail job til I was 16 because I made good money babysitting. I started babysitting at 12 and by 14 was doing it weekly for a long roster of families. I think in many ways retail/food service is “safer” than babysitting.

      I think regardless of job status, a goal for this year should be to increase her independence and comfort being out in the world without a parent/chaperone. Even if she is reluctant to do that, she’s definitely old enough to know how to recognize creepers and figure out exit strategies in situations where she feels uncomfortable. Unfortunately, she’s probably already had these types of uncomfortable interactions.

      Is there a friend she could work with? Or a store where the kids at her school tend to work? Kids talk so I’m sure some employment options have good reputations for younger workers and some have bad ones. I’d encourage her t do her research before she decides where to apply.

      Finally – I’m the dissenter but I think it’s great for her to start working sooner rather than later.

      1. Thank you for being a voice of reason here.

        The parents here who don’t think 14 year olds can work are so emblematic of the devolution over the past 25 years of raising children to be completely unable to function in society.

        1. My mom id a teacher and saw lots of coddled students who can’t function independently, think critically, etc. She was adamant that we would not be!

          She started her career 35 years ago teaching 5th grade and now teaches 7th and 8th. She says todays 7th and 8th grades are as mature and responsible as the 5th graders in the 80s

          We got jobs early on, we went places without supervision, we were raised to be independent and problem solvers and hardworking. And I’ll say – it’s served us well.

        2. I don’t think anyone is suggesting a 14 year old can’t work, but that seasonal retail might not be the best foray for brand new 14 year old who, as described, seems to be pretty sheltered.

        3. I would never make my 14 year old work. They have their whole entire lives to work. Let them be a kid!! Sheesh.

    9. I would focus on the gray areas. Presumably you’ve covered the basics like, an adult shouldn’t touch you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, from the time your kid was like 5. And hopefully you’ve been talking to her about not posting personal information online. Remind her that the same rules apply in person: talk about what she should say if a stranger asks her where she goes to school or lives or when she gets off work, even if they seem nice and not creepy and like they’re just making conversation. Talk about how to respond to compliments and back handed compliments from adults – both men and women – even if she thinks they are nice. Let her know that some people might make her feel as if she did something wrong, or she’s being unfair to them, when she didn’t, and reassure her that she should talk to you even if she thinks she didn’t handle the situation well. If you can share examples from your own life, that might be helpful too.

  16. I finally got a ring light it it reflects on my glasses and you can see an awkward glowing circle! Any solutions? Mine is the kind that clips onto your laptop, would a stand one be better?

    1. If you can’t move the light so that it doesn’t reflect, I feel like the solution is “accept that glasses are reflective surfaces and don’t worry about it.”

  17. I’m in Edinburgh for the weekend and would appreciate recs on where to buy good cashmere / wool sweaters! Thank you in advance.

    2. Not what you ask for but check Ness shop for lovely clothes and other items make with tartan cloth.

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