Coffee Break: Sydney Shopper

83 Comments

1. I’m a biglaw associate and having a baby in several months — although not definite, there is a possibility of me not coming back to work after maternity leave. I haven’t been able to locate any written policies at my firm about this and I don’t feel comfortable asking (for obvious reasons), does anyone have any experience quitting during maternity leave (NY biglaw specifically, but other places would be helpful)? In particular, whether I’d be forced to payback the salary or insurance premiums from during leave?

   Also – has anyone left biglaw and regretted it? I still go back and forth, I have a pretty good lifestyle as far as biglaw is concerned (though not family friendly), and am worried I’ll regret giving up all the goodwill (and salary) I’ve built up over the years.

   1. My company has a strict policy about maternity leave. If we leave within 1 year of taking maternity leave, we have to repay it in different increments (like if we leave the week after maternity leaves end, we’d have to pay back 100%). To be clear I’m not talking about the short term disability, but the fully-paid 8 weeks of maternity leave after that.

   2. You have not said whether you are married or a single mom. If the latter, do not leave BigLaw. If married to a guy who makes a decent living, it is much less of a big decision; however, know that you will likely not want to work the long hours you did before after you have a child that you want to come home to. Most big firms do have maternity leave policies; indeed the FMLA requires it! And there cannot be discrimination against you by reason of your pregnancy (and maternity thereafter) so fear not. The big question you will face is whether you want to even go back to the pressure cooker environment of big firm practice in NY City (one of the most competitive places) once you have a little one at home. Having been there and done that, I can say with some conviction that, having not gone or looked back, I am very happy in my present situation working part time as a scheduler for a construction company which is owned by my husband’s family. I get to bring my son to work with me and see my husband at work and of course at home. Do I make the same money as I did before? No, but I am doing this for our family and my husband is the owner of the construction company so everything I do is in effect plowed back into the business. We do collectively take home well in excess of $500K/year so in that sense, I have not sacrificed much, if anything. Good luck to you!

      1. Married, and husband makes a decent salary – though would definitely be a hit to our combined income. I’m WAY more stressed out by the loss of our dual income (and financial security) than he is.

      2. Just to clarify, FMLA does not require the maternity leave that many big firms offer. At least at the federal level, FMLA is unpaid leave.

      3. I mentioned this on a recent thread, but I know of one attorney at my firm who worked it out with the firm to come back at the end of her maternity leave for a few days before she moved across the country for her husband’s job, all so she wouldn’t have to pay back the insurance premiums.

         My advice is to take maternity leave without saying anything, then when you’re about 2/3 of the way through, if you’re still feeling this way, ask HR, but only if you’re really confident that you don’t want to return.

   3. In biglaw (non-NY). Pretty sure no repayment is required if you don’t come back but I don’t have personal experience. I’d recommend coming back (maybe part-time) and seeing if you can make it work before quitting entirely, because it is a very one-way street. If people like you, you may also be able to transition to a non-partnership track attorney role with a much better work-life balance (e.g., staff attorney or of counsel) and I’ve also seen people make the transition into recruiting or working for the firm’s general counsel office.

      1. That’s really helpful – thanks. My sense is that I wouldn’t be required to pay it back, and if I do decide not to come back it seems worse for the people I work with to come back for a month or so and then quit. The work I do is pretty specialized and though my total hours aren’t bad, I have very irregular hours and have to be able to drop everything and frantically work for a couple hours with little to no notice, which seems like it would be difficult with kids – especially given that my husband also has a demanding job. I’m coming from a very good negotiating position re figuring out a part time schedule, but given the type of work I do it seems like no matter what I’d have to be glued to my blackberry and we’d need a full time nanny.

      2. Not in NYC, but a close friend of mine is a former big law lawyer who now stays home with her son. She took full maternity leave and then went back full time after her leave ended for 2-3 months. Her nanny unexpectedly quit on her a few months in and she was struggling with working full time and balancing the baby. Her husband makes a great living, so she decided to stay home. As far as I know, she did not have to pay anything back to the firm since she returned to work after mat leave (albeit for a short time).

   4. If your firm has a written maternity leave policy, I would think this would be covered in there, and if not specifically spelled out, that there is no requirement to come back or repay. FWIW (not much…) I worked at two Biglaw firms and now a medium-sized firm (50 attorneys) and none of them had a requirement like this. I think it varies a lot.

   5. Is there any caselaw on if the you-must-pay-back-your-leave policies? EEOC Cases?

      Let’s say an associate was on extended leave because of an injury, and decided not to return, possibly taking another job with a friendlier workload when able to return to work because 60 hour workweeks are unsustainable for their re-entry at that point.

      It behooves employers to have a good conversation about re-entry. 3/4 time and 3/4 pay as a transition plan for X months may keep new parents on board for the longer haul.

      For the OP – network quietly to see what other parenting employees in your bracket have done.

2. Since there’s a promo running… Does anyone have the Lo & Sons Catalina Weekender? Thoughts?

   1. I have it & I like it, but I don’t love it. I got sucked in by their little video showing how much you could put in it & my stuff must be big because I don’t think it holds that much. It’s fine for an overnight but doesn’t take me much past a weekend.

      1. Good to know. I’m thinking primarily for weekend trips. What color did you get?

         1. Mine’s a medium grey – I can’t remember if they had other options at the time. The color is nice – it doesn’t show dirt and I’ve taken it on a few weekend trips. Seems to hold up okay too.

3. Pretty color.

   1. this bag is the shape/style I want, but it’s like just barely not big enough. I couldn’t fit a notepad/notebook, along with all of my daily stuff. And the straps on all these shopper style bags are too thin, if the bag is full it’s going to cut into my shoulder. Why don’t they make wider bag straps anymore? :o( I feel like my Special Unicorn Bag will never come….

   2. I like the color too. Cute bag.

4. can you iron a wool suit? I’m trying to make mine look crisp for an interview tomorrow without drycleaning it

   1. Can you steam it?

   2. I have a “my little steamer” from Bed Bath and Beyond that I bought for about $15 and it works great for this purpose.

   3. I iron mine on the low setting with no problems ever.

   4. Yes – the wool setting (with steam) is usually one of the highest (hottest) ones on the iron. If you are nervous, you can use a thin towel or plain t-shirt as an ironing cloth to use between the iron and the suit fabric.

      1. do I iron it inside out or the normal way?

         1. If you are using a press cloth, iron it with the fabric out. You have more control with how the fabric is laying if you can see it, then if you are working through multiple layers. Always start in an inconspicuous spot to see how the fabric reacts.

            Be warned, jacket/blazers are complicated to iron. If you are doing more than just the pant leg/hem, you may want to use a tailor ham or rolled up towel to maintain the shape of the jacket (arm, shoulder, etc.) and not introduce any new creases. If the jacket has the wrinkles, you may be better off hanging the jacket and steaming it.

         2. In support of Mpls – the lining is probably synthetic and may melt under high (wool-appropriate) heat. If you’re worried about marking it with your iron, follow Mpls’ suggestion of using a thin t-shirt between the iron and suit.

   5. Yes but I wouldn’t try the jacket unless it’s just a discreet spot. You can also steam (even with your iron) or you can bring it to the dry cleaner for a steam press (no dry cleaning required).

5. Needing some career advice today from you ladies. I am absolutely, positively miserable in my current role – working for an abusive manager, mismanaged department, underpaid – and am desperately searching for a new job. In my field, titles are pretty universal and rigid. I am up for promotion at the end of this year, so am looking for jobs at that level. However, I’m finding it incredibly difficult. I’ve gone through interviews with great feedback, only to be told “We have to bring you in at your current level but you’d have room to grow.” If I left, I don’t think I’d be at the next level for 2-3 more years.

   Is it worth sticking it out in this misery for 8 months to get the title, and then leave? Or should I make a lateral/slightly downward move to have a better quality of life/a little more money? What would you do?

   1. I’d stick it out for 8 months. Do whatever you need to do to get through them, and lock that in. I bet 2.5 years from now at the same level, you’d wish you’d done this.

   2. My career path has been circuitous at best, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

      Why keep yourself miserable for another 8 months (or more, including finding the right job opening and match) if you could get a better quality of life sooner than that and not even take a financial hit for it?

      Also, given your current work environment, with the “abusive manager, mismanaged department”, is a promotion in 8 months guaranteed? Like, absolutely, positively going to happen? It could 1) not or 2) be delayed until X (whatever reason they come up with).

   3. Stick it out however you can if it’s truly that inflexible to advance and promotion is pretty certain. The last thing you want is to go it that long and not have promotion happen.

      To get through this period, do whatever you can to protect your sanity.

      If you can, try to schedule a few days off every couple of months to give you something to look forward to and a few days to decompress from the crazy. Look at them like milestones you’re passing.

      Try not to focus on mismanagement unless it is an issue causing immediate (or near term) DIRECT effect on you. When you’re in an awful environment, it’s easy to take on the frustration being felt by others and to feel helpless witnessing injustice to others–but you can’t let that weigh on you. You need to focus on your own life boat right now.

      Do whatever you can to put work out of your head when you’re not there. Too often a bad boss is allowed to occupy headspace they shouldn’t. Focus on getting control during your off time. Compartmentalizing will help you have the strength to deal with the misery you’re going through in your on time.

      Still keep up the job search. There is bound to be one exception the “rule” on advancement. You just need to find it.

   4. How certain is the promotion? I wouldn’t stay 8 miserable months for anything that isn’t guaranteed. By the same token, why are you sure you wouldn’t be able to advance for 2 to 3 years? I think I would continue the job search — because who knows how and when that will pan out. Also, planning actively for the next role might make the remaining time more bearable. If you get a great offer, you can leave, but you have the backup plan of staying and hopefully updating your resume with the new title in 2016.

      1. I wonder if “you wouldn’t be up for promotion for 2-3 years” is interview-speak for “we are going to low-ball you on salary as much as possible.” I’ve gotten so cynical about that…

6. Help! We are house shopping and I’m having a really hard time deciding between the city and a suburb. wondering if anyone who has gone through this has major regrets one way or the other? I know there are many variations of city/suburb, but in this case assume historical smaller houses with lots of character in the city with ok schools, typical subdivision suburb, big box stores, etc, with great schools that only adds around ten minutes to our commute. Either way it’s not likely that we’d be walking distance to grocery stores/resteraunts/etc because of the way the city is laid out.

   1. I just made the move from a more urban place to a more traditional suburb. I actually really love the suburbs, but that’s probably because I grew up in a more suburban/rural area. It’s just more convenient for my daily life and running errands/going shopping. It’s not like there’s a lack of unique restaurants here. We’re also more outdoorsy so we like having easy access to nature trails etc…

   2. For me, the whole draw of living in a city is being able to walk to restaurants, etc. and being closer to work. For only a 10 minute difference in commute, I’d move to the suburbs. But like, anon @3:45 pm, I grew up in the ‘burbs.

      1. +1

         I LOVE living in the city, but that’s because I love being able to walk to work, the grocery store, friends’ places, restaurants, museums, etc. If your errands and activities aren’t going to be in walking distance, and if the suburbs doesn’t mean a long commute, AND the schools are better, that seems to weigh in favor of the suburbs in your area.

   3. I would go with the schools, assuming you have any kids. We moved out to the suburbs before we had kids and were able to fix up our house (we bought a wreck) before kids arrived.

      1. +1
         Or plan to have kids before you plan to move again.

      2. Yes we have two kids, but still a couple years from kindergarten. I really want them to have a public school experience so living in the city and going to private school is not one of our options. I just worry that the great school rankings don’t take into account other things we value, namely diversity.

         1. I think it’s a misconception that the suburbs are not racially diverse. We live in a suburb and are the only Caucasian family in our neighborhood and the vast majority of children in my kids’ daycare are non-Caucasian/white. We love living in our ‘burb – easy to get everywhere, awesome parks/trails/bike paths everywhere, diverse restaurants, and good schools.

            1. This. I was (pleasantly) surprised by the ethnic diversity of our suburb. Frankly, we went from a daycare in the city limits with all caucasian children to a daycare in the suburbs where our daughter is one of the only caucasian children in her class. With “gentrification” the way it is in many urban places, I think the pockets of less diverse neighborhoods are more maginified than in many suburban areas. I’ll also add that I love our new suburban home. We’re close in to the City and still get to enjoy it on weekends or evenings (and we both still work there), but we have more space than we would in the City and have interior upgrades we could not have afforded in the City without many years more of saving or sacrifices in other areas.

         2. If you have kids and are buying a house and value public schools, buy in a district with good public schools. Ten minutes of commute is worth the trade-off.

            In my great-schools district, there is a lot of racial diversity even in a pretty whitebread area. There is not a lot of economic diversity. But my kids are benefitting from a very stable, well-funded school district, so my high-achieving kid gets a great IB program and my kid who needed occupational therapy and reading pull-out gets well-trained reading specialists and so on.

         3. So, the thing about school rankings is that they mostly measure the socioeconomic status of the kids in those schools. Do you have reasons other than rankings/test scores to distrust your city’s public schools? I’d spend some time talking to parents who send their kids to school in the city to see how they feel about it. Those schools might actually be very good, even if it’s not reflected in the scores.

            FWIW, we had this choice and bought the city house even though the schools are ranked very very poorly. But our neighborhood elementary has a good reputation – parents in the neighborhood speak very highly of it, it has innovative programming, etc. It just has a lot of poor and ESL kids, which drags down the test scores. Also, at least in our case, the city schools really are more diverse.

   4. No experience doing this, but if I were you, I’d go with the suburb – Great schools is a huge plus, especially if you have (or plan on having) children. Plus the city is not ridiculously far, so I’d go with the suburb…

   5. Biggest issue for me was the commute. Are you being 100% honest with yourself about that 10 minutes? If it really adds (with traffic at rush hour, etc.) 15 minutes each way, that is 30 minutes a day, or 2.5 hours a week. That’s working out for 30 minutes every day, or cooking dinner, or 3 kids stories at night, or a substantial amount of cleaning, or .5 billable hours, etc.

   6. When I bought a house in the suburbs just blocks from the border of my big city, I did not factor in the change in convenience between commuting on a subway line (where a train comes every 10 minutes) and a commuter rail line. When I work past 5:30, the commuter trains run only hourly. So the time on the train is less, but the waiting around time is more.

      1. Yes, the sparse schedule of the commuter trains was one of my biggest complaints about living in the suburbs. I always felt rushed when I left in the evening, no matter what time it was, because if I didn’t finish up in time for one train, it would be a long wait until the next one. Plus, they barely ran at all on weekends, and stopped around 11 at night on weekdays, so if I ever wanted to go out in the city late after work, I’d be looking at a very expensive cab ride home.

   7. How do you spend your weekend time? Non-work time? (Schedule)

      How much yard work/house work do you want to be responsible for (including paying people to maintain it)?

      Several of my colleagues live in the city and send their kids to nearby private schools (via carpool, bus and transit) that mirror their own childhood experience. Most attend the local elementary school. YMMV there.

      My employer does not provide free parking, so there are perks for walking, biking, taking the free shuttle or transit options. Look at the infrastructure for each location. 1 block to transit v. .5 mile can sometimes make a hefty difference.

      Good luck!

7. Anyone familiar with Sole Society shoes? I’m thinking of pulling the trigger on a pair but any comments about fit would be appreciated. TIA!

   1. I just ordered 2 pairs, and they are both going back (one pair I didn’t like, the other is too big). I didn’t realize before I pulled the trigger, but there is an $8 re-stocking fee for *each item* you return which really sucks.

      1. Really? That stinks. The ones I’m looking at are at Nstroms, so no restock fee.

   2. Consider ordering through Nordstroms or checking out their reviews.

   3. I have several pairs and love them. I usually order a size down, as I find they run large and somewhat wide (which works for me, as I have semi-wide feet).

      1. Great to know–I’ve got wider feet. Thanks!

      2. I’d read the reviews carefully on size. I bought two pairs of booties this winter from there. One it specifically said ran true to size, and it did. The other it said ran small and I went up a half size. I probably could have gone up a whole size though. I ended up keeping both because they were real leather, bought on sale, and returning seemed to be a hassle. I like both and get compliments on them. But I do NOT think sizing is consistent.

   4. I have ordered two and have found them to be high quality for the price but the fit was off on one. The return fee does make it difficult, unfortunately.

   5. I have their Carmelle flat and it’s really comfy. Got it from Nordstrom.

8. I was invited last minute to a birthday party after work. It’s a wine tasting. What kind of gift should I bring? It’s for a guy in his late 20s/early 30s

   1. I would not bring a gift to an adult’s birthday party- maybe a card if you’re close.

      1. It’s quite a nice tasting, and he’s paying for it…does that change your opinion?

         1. Nope (different anon). A card if you choose, but nothing is required.

         2. +1 to no gift to an adult birthday, regardless of whether he is paying. Also, it was a last minute invite – I wouldn’t expect you to show up with a gift when you had no notice.

   2. Do you have to pay or is he paying? If it’s pay your own way I wouldn’t bring anything or just a card (depending on how close you are). If he’s paying I’d bring something small (along the lines of a hostess gift) like a bottle of wine or some type of gourmet food. Also depends on if it’s at his house (more likely to bring something) or a restaurant (less likely).

9. Why do our interns bring their phones into the bathroom stall, not just the bathroom but the actual stall? Is this a generational thing? Are they that concerned about not seeing a text for three minutes? Is it odd that this weirds/grosses me out?

   1. I occasionally do it, for example if I’m in an involved text conversation, but never while talking on the phone. I use both hands while I do my business, then don’t touch the phone with the wiping hand until after I’ve washed my hands. It’s the updated version of taking a book into the bathroom with you.

   2. I bring mine into the stall with me, because I can’t leave it at my desk and often I don’t have pockets. So, that doesn’t gross me out. It’s also often my chance to look at and return personal texts which I don’t want to do at my desk.

      The one that grosses me out is the people having Phone Conversations on their phones In The Stall Next To Me While I Am Going To The Bathroom!!!!! GAH! It’s been happening a lot this week and it is so Ewwwwww!!!!!! Why does it not weird them out to have the person they are talking to hear other people p33ing and flushing toilets!???? I don’t understand it at all.

      1. Agree- that is definitely weirder and haven’t encountered here yet. Our office is pretty secure, they leave their purses behind, and people check personal texts all day long.

      2. I agree! I used to work at Nordstrom, which as you may or may not know, has beautiful clean restrooms, with a nice big lounge area. I’d be in a stall and hear people having conversations on their phones! While they were taking care of their bodily functions! Conversation, on the other end, question must have been ” where are you”, and I’d hear, ” oh, I’m at Nordstrom. ” not, “I’m in the ladies room at Nordstrom in a stall.”

   3. Yep, in fact, in our office there is a distinct preference for the stalls with a “shelf” to put your phone on. If I don’t have pockets, I stick it in my bra. Why? I guess I don’t want to leave it out where someone could steal it, drop it, get it wet. I am usually coming from or going to someplace where I wanted my phone.

   4. Frankly, it’s most likely so that they can play Candy Crush while they poop.

10. I had such a terrible morning, there were so many things awful about it, I don’t even want to go into it. And, an even longer story short, I’ve been chronically sick for more than a year with thyroid/endocrine issues that left me unable to do a lot of things. I missed a lot of work, I missed time with my family, and I basically lost time that I will never get back. I had to quit my gym about a year ago because I was too sick to work out. (I was already at that point, at a healthy weight, but lost about 20 pounds in a few months). I’ve been keeping workout clothes & toiletries here at the office for about a month, waiting for…something…better weather? something? Today I left my desk and went for a run. Ran 1.5 miles, and then did some circuit stuff in our office gym. Can’t tell you how good it feels.

    1. Wonderful! I deal with chronic health stuff so I understand how frustrating it is to not have the energy to do what you want to be able to do, even keep your body healthy by exercising. I am so glad that you had the energy to run! How empowering!

11. Money question – I need to open an IRA because my current workplace doesn’t have retirement options yet. I am planning to max out my IRA this year ($5,500). So, I have $458/month in my budget to meet that goal. BUT, I was reviewing my savings and I see I already have $4k available to deposit into my new IRA, and I didn’t max out my 401(k) last year (I had a different job). Since it is before April 15, should I:
    – put $2k towards last year’s limit in a Roth IRA, and $2k towards this year (Jan – April contributions) in traditional IRA, then make contributions monthly, or
    – use all $4k to pre-pay this year (Jan – Sept), and bulk up my emergency fund (currently at 10k, already budgeted to save $500 a month).

    The reason I am considering bulking up my emergency fund is because I just started a new job, we bought a new house a year ago, I am the breadwinner and my husband’s income is not as stable as mine and he will certainly be job searching in 2 years (which may include a period of unemployment).

    My gut says option 2 but I know how strongly this crowd supports retirement savings first, and I don’t want to be kicking myself at the end of the year if I have extra money but can’t put it in my IRA. TIA!

    Edit to add: We don’t make a ton of money so maxing out the IRA this year will be a big accomplishment for us!

    1. Put $2K into last year’s ROTH. You can withdraw ROTH contributions (but not growth) without the tax penalty, so technically ROTH dollars can be used in an emergency. That’s obviously not a good use of ROTH funds because you can’t put back in, but it also means that you shouldn’t forego contributing to an IRA in favor of emergency savings, especially when you already have substantial emergency funds and are continuing to save there too.

    2. Put as much money into your 2014 Roth IRA as you can before April 15 to get to the limit. It sounds like you already put in $3,500, so put the $2,000 into yours and if your husband didn’t max his, put the rest of the $4,000 in for him. You can’t go back and contribute for 2014 again and you have a whole year to put money into 2015. Also, like SC said, if you really do need that money for an actual emergency, you can withdraw contributions from your Roth with no penalty, so you can consider it a backup emergency fund.

12. The Fuschia’s on sale for $126 at Macys.com!

    http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/fossil-sydney-leather-shopper?ID=1710444&pla_country=US&CAGPSPN=pla&CAWELAID=120156340000617772&catargetid=120156340000912710&cadevice=c&cm_mmc=Google_Handbags_Adchemy_PLA_PLA-_-Brand+-+Fossil+-+GS_Fossil-_-69538616647_-_-_mkwid_VKz7hTZH%7Cdc_69538616647%7C-%7CVKz7hTZH

13. Looking for a new weekend purse and can’t figure out what I want. I have a hobo from BR that I’ve had for years. It’s clearly dying but I haven’t found anything I like as well. It’s kind of like the one in the link to follow, but less western-y and more refined (more hardware). I love that it’s roomy but not bulky, and that it’s easy to sling on my shoulder. Anyone have any suggestions? I love the look of satchels, but don’t like having to hold them on my forearm. Not so into cross-body bags (they still look kind of “I’m in college” to me). Looking to spend less than $300, but want quality that will last for another many years.

    1. Link http://only-handbags.ru/banana-republic-tan-leather-hobo-bag/

       1. Actually, found the actual bag (Greenwich) http://www.pursepage.com/tag/banana-republic/

14. Just saw the story on Above the Law about the Weil April Fools Day joke. Curious what people think.

    1. Good grief. That’s messed up.

    2. Oh my gosh. How ridiculously out of touch. On the other hand, I like that they do April fools jokes and I’m afraid this horrible one will cause them to stop what could be a charming and somewhat personable tradition.

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