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A tweed jacket is a great way to add a little texture to an outfit, and this one, with a fringe trim, is just gorgeous.
I wear a lot of black, so when I’m trying to make an outfit out of black separates, I try to make sure one of the pieces has a little texture to it to ensure that it doesn’t look like I’m trying to make a suit out of non-matching pieces. So, for example, I’d wear this jacket over a solid black sheath with a chunky necklace or with a pair of black ankle pants and a printed blouse.
The jacket is $218 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 1X–3X. It also comes in white — and in straight sizes, on sale for $75 at NicandZoe.com. Fringe Mix Jacket
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
In-House in Houston
Ladies, I bit the bullet and bought the Dyson Airwrap hair styler as a Christmas gift for myself. It’s not cheap, but it’s a game changer for me. It’s a hair dryer, but also has 5 attachments that give you straight hair, volume or the bouncy waves/curls that everyone seems to be wearing. What I love about it is that it curls the hair with hot air and has a cold-flash setting that sets the curl. But what’s really amazing about it is that it literally wraps your hair around the barrel with air (there are 2 different barrels that wrap your hair in the direction you want for either side of your head). There are all kinds of tutorials online for it, but essentially you hold the strand of hair in the middle and put the barrel at the end of the strand and watch the hair wrap around the barrel and then you just move it closer to your head (not twisting) and voila!! I just bought the larger barrel because I have longer hair and can’t wait to try that for loser waves/curls. Like I said, it was $500, but because we already have a Dyson vacuum cleaner, we’re considered and “owner” and by calling customer service I was able to get 20% off! Anyway, just wanted to share my thoughts. My hair is shoulder length, fine but a lot of hair and for the first time I feel like I have pretty hair and have gotten a ton of compliments at work. People can’t seem to tell what’s different (I used to just wear it straight) but when I tell them they say it’s really flattering. I hope you all have a great day!
anon
Ohhhh that is so tempting. So it sounds like someone with absolutely zero hair skills could use it easily? And just to clarify, you’re saying you hold it at the end while your hair is still wet, right?
In-House in Houston
Yes, I have ZERO hair skills. I just clip the top section of my hair so that I get the base first, then drop the top layers and do them. Your hair should be damp, but not wet. I use the dryer setting to dry my hair so that it’s still barely damp (if I pull it all back in one ponytail it still feels a little damp). I think why it works is that it’s drying your hair in the style that you want it in, so it really holds the setting/curl. It’s really pretty amazing to watch it – as it wraps the hair around the barrel, you can see the suction pulling in loose hairs and wrapping them around the barrel too. It’s really neat (maybe I need to get a life….LOL!) Once I get the curls/waves, I put on my make-up to really let the curls/waves set and then I throw my head over and loosen the curls/waves with my fingers. I might use the device one more time if I want more definition in the curls/waves – I’m really liking the long/lose curls that fall on either side of my head. I can’t wait to try the larger barrel to see how that works. I ordered them before Christmas but they weren’t available to ship until early January. Oh, and I forgot to mention that it call comes in a really sleek case (looks leather but probably isn’t) that holds all of the attachments and a matching pad to put on you counter when you lay down the device. I’m pretty sure you can send it back for a full refund if it doesn’t work for you.
BeenThatGuy
I’m glad this has worked for you, but as someone with thick, always wanting to frizz hair, the Dyson Airwrap Styler is wasted on me. I bought into all the hype and got one 2 years ago. I’ve watched all the videos to try and figure it out for my hair and it’s always looked horrible. Just like a lot of these products, you’re not supposed to use them until your hair of 80% dry. For my hair type, at that point, my hair is already a bush and there is not amount of heat that can tame it; especially the roots.
No Face
I air dry my hair until it is 80% dry for various types of styling. I let it air dry in very, very loose braids (2 or 3) to prevent frizzing and tangling.
Anonymous
That would take 8 hours for me
No Face
Forgot to mention that I do it overnight. So I wash my hair in the evening, sleep in 2 or 3 braids, and style damp hair in the morning. Just throwing it out there for anyone else with similar issues.
Anon
I don’t know what it is about certain hair types that take forever to dry. I have hair that is slightly wavy, not really curly, not frizzy, and if I air dry my hair, my “kitchen” is still damp at dinner time, any time of the year.
This is why I can only air dry in the summer. In the winter, being this damp all day makes me cold.
anne-on
Same – I wrap my hair in an old school claw clip, let it dry for an hour or so, then style it. I’ve also shot it with a hair dryer for a bit while wrapped in the clip to speed things along, it definitely kept the frizz down to a significant degree.
Anonymous
Same. I cannot get the curls to work for the life of me. I do like it for blow-drying straight using the brush attachment. It’s like the Revlon one everyone raves about here, except that I spent 5 times as much on it… ha.
LaurenB
I wish there could be an actual trial. This sounds tempting. I normally let my stick-straight hair air-dry, so I’d want to do an actual trial run to see how easy this is and how much better than air-drying it would make my hair, before I’d want to spend that kind of money. As it is, I’m one of those who still has the $20 Conair from Walgreens on the few occasions where I do blow-dry it. So I don’t know how far up is up, if that makes sense.
Anonymous
This. I feel like there is a mint to be made in renting it out for a 24 hour trial for $25-50 like a rental car. I definitely wouldn’t drop that kind of money without trying it out first.
anon
I would definitely do that! Or if someone here wants to sell theirs second hand, I would totally buy it.
anne-on
This. I have (and LOVE) my regular dyson hair dryer (which is probably 2-3 yrs old at this point) and I keep waffling on the airwrap but I’m just not willing to drop that kind of cash without being able to try it first to make sure it works for my zero skilled inherently clumsy self.
Is it Friday yet?
Same! I’d happily spend the money if it were a game-changer, but not for something that will end up just sitting in my bathroom cabinet. I used a friend’s regular Dyson once while staying with her and did really like it, so I may buy one of those when my current dryer dies, but I didn’t love it enough to simply replace what I have.
anon a mouse
Isn’t this what return policies are for? Why not buy one at Ulta or somewhere that has a reasonable return policy and if you don’t like it after a week, return it?
Anonymous
So they can toss it in the garbage? I’m really working on not buying stuff with the expectation that I can return it if I don’t like it because so many returns get tossed. I guess I could resell or something.
In-House in Houston
I just checked the website and you can return it for a full refund. Dyson even pays the return shipping. If you might return it, I would suggest that you buy it from Dyson and not Ulta or another site. On the Dyson site there’s a place for you to enter the info on the return and they’ll email you the return label. If you buy it from Ulta or another vendor (I think Best Buys sells them too) you might be able to return to the store where purchased. If you’re on the fence, try it. I’m very pleased!
anna
I got a revlon hair dryer brush for Christmas and its also so easy to use. It only really straightens, and its definitely the same effect as a round brush and blow dryer, but its much easier.
Anonymous
Step back a minute and think of the last vacation you worked through, the last time you fell on a sword in front of a client to make your boss look good or perhaps the last several all-nighters you pulled. Did it rocket you to the top? Likely no. The truth is your employer will ask for whatever it can from you at times, and while these sacrifices feel so important in the moment, they often have little effect on long-term pay or advancement.
Maybe it’s that I’m jade right now. But over the break I cleaned my home office and stumbled across a bunch of meaningless plaques I was given early in my career and a bunch of docs related to past projects where I had killed myself to help someone else’s advancement or make an artificial deadline that required me to work through or skip a vacation. I just realized that I had been so gullible early in my career, assuming that advancement would be commensurate with level of sacrifice. The reality was that while there was some advancement, it wasn’t all that different from my peers who took their vacation days and guarded time with their kids as sacred or what not. At the end of the day, you need to put your needs first sometimes. Your employer isn’t going to magically do it–there is no incentive for them to do it. And something like this–where it’s literally your health and the health of those around you at stake–I can’t think of a more clear time to set a boundary.
A close friend of 20 years has had to fly domestically about once a month this past year to participate in face-to-face meetings and she FAR exceeded all of her sales goals by working crazy hours–like literally peed outside of her car one night so she could stay on a call. She tested positive for COVID after one of these trips but recovered OK. (Thankfully) The kicker? They just took away part of her territory to give her a poor-performing one since she had done such a good job bringing up the others–so even harder work to try to get the same pay.
The reality is that how much you sacrifice isn’t a guarantee of how much you will advance professionally. And the consequences to your health on this sacrifice can go on much longer than this job. You matter more than this job.
anon
THIS, a million times over.
“I just realized that I had been so gullible early in my career, assuming that advancement would be commensurate with level of sacrifice. The reality was that while there was some advancement, it wasn’t all that different from my peers who took their vacation days and guarded time with their kids as sacred or what not.”
In my organization, there is a culture, IMO, of unhealthy sacrifices. We aren’t saving babies, people. Once I got it through my head that being a martyr was benefiting no one except my org, I quietly scaled back. No big announcements or pronouncements; I just took my time and stopped feeling bad about it. If it’s affected my career, I have yet to notice. Also, my ambitions look different now. I am no longer striving for that next step because to me, the personal sacrifices are just not worth it.
ArenKay
This is such an excellent reply that I hope you copy and paste it to the proper thread instead of the luxury hair dryer one.
Senior Attorney
Agree x 1000.
I’m still mad about the time I cancelled my vacation to show what a team player I was. It’s been 30+ years and I still remember my preschooler’s face crumpling up when I told him we weren’t going on the airplane after all. Don’t be me.
Anon
So I should buy the dryer because my work doesn’t love me back? Or I shouldn’t buy the dryer because I need the money in case they throw me out?
Anon
I personally love it – but don’t use the drying function at all. I use it as a hair curler. The heat is lower than a curling iron, so it’s easier on my hair. And it’s pretty much idiot proof. (Which is good because when it comes to curling, I’m an idiot.)
Anokha
I haven’t been inside a sephora in a year, but I wish they would set up trial stations! I have thick, wavy hair, and I am skeptical it would work.
Sunshine
I have super short hair and don’t own a hair dryer. However, caphillstyle posted about the Dyson dryer on December 8, 2020. Short review: she said it tangled her hair. There are 24 comments on the post, presumably other people’s experiences with it. I’ll post the link below.
Sunshine
https://caphillstyle.com/capitol/2020/12/08/opinion-page-product-follow-ups-pt-iii.html
What would you do
I was “asked” to travel to the UK by my employer in my capacity as a technology expert in an essential industry. I would have to fly commercial / taxis / hotel for several weeks. I advised them that I’m not comfortable traveling internationally, particularly the UK with the other strain and lockdown. The “ask” was one of those ask=order, and now I’m concerned I torpedoed my career. Maybe that’s a little hyperbole, but at least scarred it a bit. I guess I’m looking for opinions that I did the right thing? Any ideas for recovery of my image (“not a team player for my company”)? Ugh.
Anonymous
I would have done the same, and I’m sorry making the right call has consequences
Anon
Good for you – youre uncomfortable with the request and you made that clear. You made a decision for yourself, set a boundary and you’re going to stand by it. Your employer needs to respect that. You did the right thing and you will earn respect from others for doing so. You are an expert in your field. When I have turned down travel for important reasons, I have always offered to support the initiative remotely. Can you consult remotely?
LaurenB
Tell them that if they can jump the line and get you the vaccine, you’ll do it. (I am actually not advocating that anyone should “jump the line” – everyone needs to wait her turn, of course, per public health guidelines.) But seriously, I would not consider international travel without both shots of a vaccine. I’m sorry you are in this position. Is your role something that could be accomplished over Zoom, etc. even if you have to be up in the middle of the night to do it?
Anon
I think you did the right thing. Can you coordinate with them to do the same job virtually? Like you’re happy to work UK hours for the week you would have traveled.
Cb
Wait, that’s bananas. Who is even meeting in person? The UK just went into full lockdown, although stupidly flights are still arriving. Hopefully the UK will close the borders (talks today) and make it impossible.
Anonymous
Is that even legal right now with the level of lockdown they just announced? I have a hard time believing there isn’t a way to do this remotely. Definitely offer to work UK hours/extra hours to coach UK staff or whoever is onsite, through the necessary work.
Anonymous
Yup, the way to object isn’t “I’m concerned that I will get sick” but “There is a very substantial risk that I will not be allowed to enter the UK, go to the worksite, or leave the UK and return to work here.” If the employer cared about employee safety it wouldn’t be asking anyone to travel. With employers like this you have to frame it in terms of the risk to the purpose of the trip, not the employee.
Anon
This is also what I was thinking.
Anonymous
Of course you did the right thing. Any employer with at least one functioning brain cell would see that. Time to job search!
No Face
Agreed. Offer to handle whatever it is remotely, working UK hours. Job search when you are not working. When people show you who they are, believe them. Asking someone to travel to a country that is on lockdown during a pandemic is irrational.
Anonymous
Yup, they just made it reallyyyy clear for you that they’re not a good employer. Save yourself a few more years of heartache and GTFO.
anne-on
THIS. I would also not be above quietly shaming/outing them in your industry if they’re making these asks more widely. This is NOT safe and so out of touch with reality.
anon
You did the right thing. I’m sorry you’re in this position. I’ve learned the hard way myself, and seen in other people’s careers, that doing the right thing (for your health, or ethically, or in this case, both) often hurts your career short-term.
But look at it this way–it would probably also torpedo your career to get Covid in the UK. You wouldn’t be able to attend in person whatever meetings you’re asked to go to. You’d be stuck in quarantine in another country. If you got sick, you might not even be able to attend the meetings virtually, plus you’d have to deal with the ins and outs of their health system, which I presume you’re not all that familiar with and which is also under strain right now. If you were entitled to 2 weeks of Covid sick leave last year, you’re not anymore, so you’d use up all your regular PTO being sick and in quarantine, and it would cost the company a lot more to pay your quarantine expenses (which they’re ethically, but probably not legally, obligated to do).
You’re in a no-win situation, so you might as well do the right thing.
Anon
This is a great take. I seriously doubt OP’s company would help her negotiate the UK health system, financially cover any medical bills incurred overseas that her insurance doesn’t cover, navigate/advocate with the UK or U.S. immigration systems to get her home for treatment, or give her leave they are not absolutely obligated to give her if she gets Covid over there. The last place I want to be right now is an area where a virus variant that is 70% more transmissable is running rampant. Hard no. After reading recent articles about people post-Covid having psychotic episodes, or never regaining their sense of taste or smell, I firmly believe the right decision is to keep ourselves and our families healthy. I would have said no also, OP, and I also would have zero Fs to give about it. If it’s so important to the company to have someone over there, one of the people who asked you to go should go themselves.
Anon
I am going to tentatively disagree with the responses. Is this truly an essential trip? Is your expertise needed to support something that is critical to an essential business? If so, then I would say you should go. Certain jobs have certain risks. Healthcare workers are continuing to work despite their personal risks. Grocery clerks, bus drivers, etc. If this is really an essential task, you should go. What are the consequences of you not going? And by that, I don’t mean to you personally but to your business and your customers?
Anonymous
Who cares if her not going has negative consequences for the business? It’s a pandemic and they can learn to roll with the punches like the rest of us. There’s no way that international travel for consulting purposes is “essential” like a bus driver is. She can use Zoom like everyone else.
Anon
That is why I said tentatively. There is not enough info to make a decision. Her post does not say shoe would be consulting. She said she is a technology expert. What do they need her to do? Not everything can be done remotely. What are the consequences of the task they want her to complete not being done? Will it impede the delivery of healthcare, will it disrupt the supply chain, etc? Or is the result less profit for the company?
Anon
I was thinking the same thing. I have a client that manufactures and repairs devices that maintain temperature for vaccines. I could see one of their technicians having to travel to repair something and that would absolutely be essential travel. However, such businesses are few and far between.
LaurenB
It seems to me that if her technology were such that it was providing services for essential businesses (like the IT of a hospital, or the IT for the company that is providing refrigerated services for vaccines) she would have mentioned that upfront.
Anon
If this is her situation, then her employer should vaccinate her prior to travel.
Anon
@11:54, how? Your employer doesn’t decide when you get the vaccine. At least in my state the government does. Plus it takes a few weeks from getting the vaccine for it to be effective. In my state essential travel doesn’t get you bumped to the top of the line. Facetime with COVID patients does.
Anonymous
International Government officials literally aren’t traveling to London, nothing industry does is going to be more essential than governments, yet governments are not permitting travel of their own staff.
Anon
Repair and service ventilators, lab analyzers, ECG machines, IV pumps, blood bank equipment, electronic medical records – these are not essential? And are done by industry.
Anonymous
Well the UK has universal healthcare so they aren’t technically industry functions, but good try.
Anon
The UK may have universal healthcare, but that doesn’t mean that every function associated with the delivery of care is done by the government. Most of the specialized equipment is serviced by the manufacturer. That requires specialized knowledge and skills.
Anon
Anonymous @ 11:04 that makes no sense?
Anonymous
@ Anon 12:49 – Not Anon above but in Canada most of those jobs (repair service ventilators, ECG machines, IV pumps etc) are done in house within the public healthcare system and not done by industry and thus it is unlikely that OP was needed for that type of work.
Servicing a PET scanner or similar advanced equipment is about the only thing I can think of that might not have staff in place for servicing because of the lower number of devices compared to IV pumps or something, even then I’m skeptical that there is no one in the country who can go there in person and zoom in OP for directions on diagnostic tests/equipment repairs.
Vicky Austin
I don’t think that matters when the UK is actually in lockdown.
Kitten
This was my first thought too but I question whether her being there in person is truly “essential”. I can understand that for some people the risk to their own health from covid is negligible but that doesn’t seem like a reasonable ask of employees. If it’s truly essential they should have asked if anyone would volunteer before putting someone on the spot and potentially making them feel pressured to discuss personal health information.
No Face
The jobs you identified all require the employees to do 100% of the work in-person. Offering technical expertise to a business is most likely not in that camp. It is possible that there is literally no one in the entire UK who could do this, or that there is no way for OP to provide her expertise by phone or videoconference to support others who can do whatever physical tasks are necessary, but highly unlikely.
Also, it is very healthy and reasonable to put your own health and well-being (and that of your household) above the needs of a business and its customers. Business relationships are not marriages. A business will lay me off if it is in its best interests, and I will put my own interests first when necessary too.
Anon
This is probably another post for another day as it goes a bit off topic, but I’ve set healthy boundaries for myself (outside of COVID) at a law firm that will take every last breath you have. A coworker has not, has zero boundaries, zero life outside of work, and guess who is the favorite moving up faster than me? I had that aspect of capitalism. If we all had reasonable boundaries there wouldn’t be a constant need to one up each other with time worked. Also, this isn’t big law. It’s a small firm where it would be easy to band together and say “here are our limits.” My coworker often says she envies my ability to set boundaries but then she just works every weekend for a month straight and says maybe things will be better next month. But they aren’t.
Anonymous
And this is why we are in the situation we are in. I find it hard to imagine what could be so “essential” that it requires an in-person overseas trip. She’s presumably not being asked to fly to London to deliver groceries or perform surgery.
Anonymous
Sorry-nesting fail and initial posted under the hair dryer comments:
Step back a minute and think of the last vacation you worked through, the last time you fell on a sword in front of a client to make your boss look good or perhaps the last several all-nighters you pulled. Did it rocket you to the top? Likely no. The truth is your employer will ask for whatever it can from you at times, and while these sacrifices feel so important in the moment, they often have little effect on long-term pay or advancement.
Maybe it’s that I’m jade right now. But over the break I cleaned my home office and stumbled across a bunch of meaningless plaques I was given early in my career and a bunch of docs related to past projects where I had killed myself to help someone else’s advancement or make an artificial deadline that required me to work through or skip a vacation. I just realized that I had been so gullible early in my career, assuming that advancement would be commensurate with level of sacrifice. The reality was that while there was some advancement, it wasn’t all that different from my peers who took their vacation days and guarded time with their kids as sacred or what not. At the end of the day, you need to put your needs first sometimes. Your employer isn’t going to magically do it–there is no incentive for them to do it. And something like this–where it’s literally your health and the health of those around you at stake–I can’t think of a more clear time to set a boundary.
A close friend of 20 years has had to fly domestically about once a month this past year to participate in face-to-face meetings and she FAR exceeded all of her sales goals by working crazy hours–like literally peed outside of her car one night so she could stay on a call. She tested positive for COVID after one of these trips but recovered OK. (Thankfully) The kicker? They just took away part of her territory to give her a poor-performing one since she had done such a good job bringing up the others–so even harder work to try to get the same pay.
The reality is that how much you sacrifice isn’t a guarantee of how much you will advance professionally. And the consequences to your health on this sacrifice can go on much longer than this job. You matter more than this job.
Anonymous
“I just realized that I had been so gullible early in my career, assuming that advancement would be commensurate with level of sacrifice. The reality was that while there was some advancement, it wasn’t all that different from my peers who took their vacation days and guarded time with their kids as sacred or what not. At the end of the day, you need to put your needs first sometimes. Your employer isn’t going to magically do it–there is no incentive for them to do it. And something like this–where it’s literally your health and the health of those around you at stake–I can’t think of a more clear time to set a boundary.”
I love this. I’m pretty strong on the boundaries front myself, but I still love a good reminder to keep fighting for them even when it’s hard to do.
Anon
Yes!! I’m the poster from above that has a coworker working insane hours that by comparison makes me look bad even though I’m still working a lot of hours. It has made me realize there is always someone else willing to kill themselves more than you. Since I’m never going to be top gunner I should respect my boundaries, even if that means I make a little less.
Anon
If you’re that essential, they can charter you a private plane and assign you a stretch limo to get around after you land. Short of that hell no.
The dysfunctional company I happily no longer work for has been having US regional execs regularly fly to their Midwest headquarters for meetings that could easily be conducted over the phone. It’s a loyalty test. Is the CEO a trump supporter? Oh my yes. If you wear a mask, you’re ridiculed at said meeting by the boss.
Anonymous
My brother-in-law just strong-armed my sister-in-law into going to the UK over Christmas to see his parents. He’s unemployed, and her employer was not supportive of her taking the trip (her job requires that she be in-person). She basically had to imply that my father-in-law was on his deathbed in order to get approval. Well, lo and behold, no sooner do they arrive than this highly contagious strain appears. And, to top it off, my father-in-law had an episode during their visit that suggests that his cancer, previously in remission, has returned. It was hard not to think: karma.
This is really just not the time to push the boundaries. Stick to your guns, stay home.
Anon
Looking for a futon for an attic/den space. Can anyone recommend a particular model they’ve been happy with? Due to being on the third floor, it needs to be a futon so it can be moved in pieces then assembled. Hoping to strike the balance of not spending too much, but also comfortable enough for middle-aged non-athletes to fall asleep 10 minutes into a movie on without our backs being out for a week afterward.
Anon
I have been told that Ikea sofas are modular and easy to take apart to move into tight spaces, so I would consider that if you prefer a sofa to a futon. My family members love their Ikea sofa.
Ribena
I have the Friheten from IKEA and I love it.
Emma
+1 on the Friheten. It’s pretty comfortable as a bed (my parents have one in their office and I’ve slept in it for a few days in a row)
Anonymous
We had this because the stairs to its space were tight and turned twice. Good as bed; has storage. Would get again and was much comfier than other IKEA offerings more like futons.
Anonymous
Not a futon but I like the Hemnes daybed from Ikea. Ikea flat packs so should be no issue to get into your space. Uses an actual twin sized mattress so usable even as a guest space.
Anonymous
The Futon Shop but wait for a sale.
Anon
I have an all cotton/wool futon on a frame with arms that we use primarily as a couch in a similarly hard to get into room (end of a narrow hall with a 90 degree turn to get into a small doorframe)
I will note that a full sized futon looks much more like a real couch than a queen sized, but we have a queen. The cushion is really comfortable. It was hard at first but it broke in.
I got it from the futon shop. Having the all natural futon makes a great deal of difference vs what I thought of as a futon back in my college days. Agree to wait for a sale.
Boots
What’s your best recommendation for black ankle boots/booties that you can wear to the office or on the weekend? My cold feet and ankles are sending me signals that I finally need to buy a pair after years of debating it.
Anon
The Cmoms page is showing the Ugg Quincy boot today and I would be very tempted if I didn’t already own 4 pairs of black ankle boots.
anonymous
I like the look of Blondo boots, but unfortunately they are a bit narrow for my feet. I ended up going with Clarks. When I was looking for black ankle boots, I bought several pairs from Zappos so I could try them on at home and return ones that didn’t work.
Senior Attorney
I LOVE my Seychelles booties. These are not the exact ones I have, but they’re close and are 60% off right now: https://www.nordstrom.com/s/seychelles-floodplain-block-heel-bootie-women/4936772?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=black%20leather
Carrie
Well, if you’d like an investment classic piece you can wear for years if you care for them, this is the time of year to splurge on Aquatalia or La Candienne boots that are warm/waterproof and they have some styles that are sleek and work appropriate. The sales now are great.
Anon
I saw black ankle boots from both of those brands on sale at Nordstrom yesterday.
CPA Lady
Have any of you been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult?
I’ve been experiencing symptoms since I was a child and have always been able to cope well enough, but 2020 has kind of pushed me over the edge and I need help.
I’m going to talk to my doctor about it at my annual physical next month, but I was wondering if any of you have experience being diagnosed as an adult and could tell me about your experience? Esp. those of you who work in a billable hour environment.
Vicky Austin
I haven’t been diagnosed, so I can’t actually answer your question, but I’ve been pondering this for myself, too. I would love to hear how it goes for you. Good luck.
Quail
I’m right there with you. Currently in therapy and am going to bring up going to a psych for meds next session. I will say I went to another clinic in my city that did a battery of tests that I “passed” – but to me (not an expert of course) that’s exactly the sort of situation that I have always thrived in and why I’ve been able to be as successful as I am despite my inability to focus when it is NOT an “emergency.” I work in a billable industry and WFH has been terrible – terrible for my career, my self-esteem, my health, my marriage. I have 100% textbook symptoms, was suspected to have it as a child but “was doing well in school so we don’t see a problem.” But I feel like there’s this sense that I’m just trying to get meds to cheat or something. I blame the patriarchy. Keep us updated.
mascot
I’m a lawyer with billable hours. After years of struggling and getting brushed off a few times by therapists (it’s just anxiety, you couldn’t have gotten through school/ passed the bar/had some success if this was really a thing) I was diagnosed a few months ago by a psychiatrist who treats adults with ADHD. Basically, I asked for an evaluation which consisted of a computer test and then meeting with the doctor to discuss my personal history and symptoms. I was very honest about my personal and professional struggles. Based on that and my family history, he diagnosed me and I started medication. I still have a lot of work to do to overcome a lifetime of habits and some self-doubt, but just having that context of a diagnosis and some pharmaceutical support has really helped me. If you want to post a burner email, I’m happy to discuss in more detail.
Anon
My DH did, get a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADD (never sure which term is in favor), talk to them, get the meds. Don’t bother going through a primary care system, you need someone who understands it. The meds are game changing for him (lifetime high achiever with coping strategies who can now concentrate)
confused
I have a question about the coping strategies – I have definitely thought that I might have ADD or ADHD, but when I look at the list of symptoms or any type of assessments it’s always “I would be like that but I have XYZ coping strategy to get around it”. I went to an academic skills counselor in grad school, have talked to a therapist about anxiety, so I have a lot of sources of good advice and coping skills. When I look at articles like “how to deal with having ADHD in the workplace” I already do all of those things because I need to. I think people think I’m very type-A and organized, when its really just me corralling my own brain
All that being said, maybe I do have ADHD because I’ve naturally developed the type of coping strategies that are recommended for people with ADHD. But since I have, and I roughly do know what I need to succeed, is there a benefit to being formerly diagnosed?
I also took Wellbutrin for a while for anxiety. It definitely worked great, but I would say it helped more with anxiety than with ADHD-ness. Although its hard to tell since they’re intertwined
Notinstafamous
Diagnosed last summer and honestly the meds are a game changer for me. That and working with an occupational therapist to figure out structure and habits I could build into my work day. Biglaw here and it was a rough 6 months when I transitioned from an emergency-heavy / crisis mode group to a more stable and well managed group because I couldn’t seem to reset into normal working hours when there wasn’t a fire. Also a couple good books – Designing your work life, ADD in intimate relationships, and overcoming distractions were all really helpful for me. But it was mostly the meds. If you post a burner happy to talk about it more?
Anonymous
I was diagnosed in March 2020. I’m not sure how I would have handled 2020 without it. Finding a good ADHD specialized psychologist was a good place to start for me. They provided the diagnosis, and then referred me to a psychiatrist to discuss medication who in turn referred me to a very good therapist who works with adults with ADHD. Even though I do well in school, and have lots of coping mechanisms, the diagnosis has allowed me to stop attacking myself as lazy and disorganized and actually see the way my brain works and how to work more effectively with and around it.
Anonymous
I am also an attorney, and I think there actually might be a higher than average % of hidden high functioning ADHD people among lawyers, but I have no actual evidence, just a get feeling. Often, as long as the work is done, law is more flexible than some jobs about specifically when and how the work gets done, so at least for me, I can work when my brain is cooperating and let myself slack off a bit when it’s not. For me, this year has been about accepting my ADHD, combating negative thoughts about myself from a lifetime of not knowing, and building new and more efficient coping strategies with the help of therapy and medication. Once those new habits are built, I will re-evaluate the meds, but I know I can’t build them without their assistance.
Anon
I was and I’m an attorney. Diagnosed in 2011. I took Adderall for a few years but then due to some heart issues had to go off stimulants. I now take Wellbutrin. I find it helpful but also found a lot of the habits I made while on Adderall stuck around even when I was off of it. Things like not interrupting people as much, being cleaner, not postponing everything until the last minute…
Anon
Yes. On my psychologist’s referral, I saw a neuropsychologist and received thorough testing. Some of the tests are pretty objective if you know you gave it your best effort (e.g., “take X amount of time to do Y task aiming for Z accuracy”). The results stunned me since I had always done well in school and never thought of myself as having problems with attention. I’m still trying to find a medication that I can handle (Strattera was a cure for me but came with insomnia, and I like sleep better than attention), but even so, it was worth it to me since it’s helped me play to my strengths and work on my weaknesses.
anon
DH was diagnosed as an adult – he’s highly intelligent, high-performing but was seeing a therapist for anxiety and depression and the therapist referred him to a psychiatrist for ADD testing. If your doctor brushes you off go straight to a psychiatrist who specializes in adult ADD and get tested anyway. Low-dose daily Adderall was life-changing for DH – he’d learned lots of coping mechanisms to get through school + grad school with high marks but when he started Adderall the anxiety and depression resolved completely – he said he felt like he “had control of his brain” for the first time ever.
Greensleeves
Yes, and also an attorney. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago. I was a great student and never would have believed I had adhd, but eventually was no longer able to compensate while trying to juggle kids and billable hours and perimenopause all at once. My doctor said that’s not unusual for women to cope well for a long time until life gets more complicated and/or hormonal changes make things harder. I have tried a number of meds and none of them work amazingly well for me, but we did settle on one that is helpful.
I echo Anonymous who mentioned learning not to attack myself as lazy and disorganized! That was key for me. It has also really helped to understand why my brain works in certain ways and then focus on working with that instead of trying to fix it. I’m currently working through A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD and I’m finding it really helpful – highly recommend!
Anonymous
I was diagnosed exactly 2 years ago at 35 and it has been a game-changer. I’m a lawyer. I went to a younger (approx 30) PhD psychologist who does ADHD evals for adults. I wanted a younger professional who was more up to date with the current research, especially as it relates to adults & women. We had a 1 hour talk session to review my history and a 4-hour session of testing. He diagnosed me as moderate combined type. A psychiatrist in the practice prescribed long-acting meds. They work very well for me. I also saw an ADHD coach to learn time management skills and to talk through /problem-solve the challenges I was experiencing at work.
Before the diagnosis, I was anxious, underperforming and miserable at work, had piles of paperwork around my apartment, and was suicidal off and on for a decade. With meds, new habits, and therapy, I love my new job and am performing well, know how to handle my anxiety, have dug through the paperwork, and am not suicidal. It is nit an exaggeration to say the diagnosis and treatment saved my life.
Also happy to discuss over email if you post a burner.
Anon
Big law attorney who was diagnosed with “mild ADHD” about 4 month ago by a psychiatrist. I basically just told him why I think I have it, he agreed, and prescribed Vyvanse. I have since learned that while Vyvanse was helpful in some respects, stimulant meds reallly aren’t for me. I am working on treating my anxiety which I think is what is exacerbating the ADHD symptoms, if I truly do have ADHD.
A
It’s hormones and sexism. Women get diagnosed later in life with babies or menopause when things go extra wonky, but we are just “flighty” to start. +1 to law. Check out Bad Ass Women ADHD podcast.
Horse Crazy
I’m trying to start eating less meat, and something I keep running into when I look for vegetarian recipes is that I don’t like two foods that regularly show up in them – mushrooms and curry. What are your some of your favorite vegetarian recipes that don’t include either of those?
nuqotw
How do you feel about garlic? I like to sauté pine nuts, cherry tomatoes, garlic, and thyme in olive oil and toss it over pasta.
We have a book called “Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone” and I love it. It’s got a delicious (if you ask me and my spouse) white bean soup recipe, lots of little dips and spreads, and all sorts of other stuff we haven’t tried yet. I made little pear custards from the book and the kids hated that I made a fruit dessert instead of serving ice cream so spouse and I got double dessert that night!
anon
I am not even a vegetarian, and Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone is one of my favorite cookbooks. It’s basically falling apart because I’ve used it so much. The chapter explaining how to cook each vegetable is amazing and made me like vegetables in my 20s. Some of my favorite recipes are the goat cheese enchiladas with red mole and the quinoa salad with cumin-lime vinaigrette. The sauces, dips, and dressings are all yummy.
TheElms
This is a long time favorite: https://www.budgetbytes.com/chunky-lentil-vegetable-soup/
emeralds
FWIW, I cook a lot of veggie food and my husband despises both mushrooms and curry, so I’m used to working around those ingredients and I don’t find it limiting. It’s definitely doable!
Cosign Budget Bytes. She has some really great vegetarian soup options. I’d also recommend her tomato lentil, rosemary/garlic white bean, and sweet potato tortilla soups.
Check out Cookie and Kate as well. She’s another fav for veggie soups, and she also has some great salad/grain bowl recipes. Her spicy black bean soup and vegetarian chili are both really good. Everything she does is veggie, and off the top of my head I don’t recall seeing a lot of mushroom or curry-based dishes.
Other easy veggie staple recipes for me: pasta + some mix of veggies (e.g. sautéed frozen peppers and/or wilted spinach in jarred tomato sauce; oven roasted tomatoes with goat cheese and basil; blanch broccolini in pasta water, sauté a few minutes with garlic, mix together; sautéed summer squash with red pepper flakes, really good olive oil, and parmesan…I don’t really have recipes for any of these at this point, but if you google you should be able to find some); sheet pan gnocchi (see https://www.thekitchn.com/sheet-pan-gnocchi-recipes-22997407 for a few easily-adaptable base recipes, I know not all of them will suit your needs as-is but you should be able to get the idea; a personal fav is butternut and red onion, with spinach chucked on top at the last minute to wilt); quiche (I usually make crustless because I’m lazy, again google will have a ton of options); and grain bowls (rice/quinoa/farro + roasted veggies & chickpeas, rice + frozen peppers & frozen corn sautéed in Mexican spices + black beans + salsa).
Vicky Austin
To pick up a couple different threads from emeralds’ comment, I’ve successfully made Budget Bytes’ Spinach Mushroom Feta Crustless Quiche for years with a diced red bell pepper instead of mushrooms. This has worked for me in many other recipes too (stir fry comes to mind).
Anon
This is one of my favorite recipes. The only tricky part is getting hands on Salsa Lizano. I order mine online, but you might be able to find it if you live in a bigger city. https://stripedspatula.com/gallo-pinto/
Ribena
I also don’t really like mushrooms and as a result I don’t cook with them.
Curious by what you mean by curry, though – is it ginger you don’t like? Or hot chilli?
The vegetarian recipes on Smitten Kitchen will probably work for you, as would the recipes in The Green Roasting Tin by Rukmini Iyer.
For lunch today I made a big pot of spicy tomato-y beans and served slices of halloumi on top – recipe from cateinthekitchen on Insta.
AnonATL
I made a simple Ratatouille this weekend, and it was awesome and easy. Slice a bunch of vegetables, put them in a glass pan in neat rows, cover with tomato sauce, and bake for an hour. Top with Parmesan. If you are vegan, the cheese is easy to skip since it doesn’t add a ton imo.
Very hearty if you use things like potatoes in it, though that’s not super traditional.
subs
Can you use tofu or lentils? Mexican food has some easy swaps: black beans, sweet potatoes, butternut squash (black bean and butternut squash quesadillas a delicious). I’m not a huge fan of eggplant, but I know that’s a common substitute for Italian dishes like veal/chicken parmesan.
Anonymous
Check out the recipe blog Cookie and Kate. Tons of great recipes, very few of which are curries and/or contain mushrooms.
Shelle
Lots of Italian recipes are vegetarian or can be modified, like spaghetti with rice meatballs (homemade or store bought), eggplant parmesan, stuffed ricotta shells, tortellini, pizzas.
Also Mexican / Tex Mex, like fajitas, tacos, stuffed poblanos. Sans mushrooms I like extra cheese and different kinds of beans.
I’ve discovered a lot of these recipes in the book Betty Crocker Vegetarian Cooking, I’m a little embarrassed to say! If you’re interested, this book is easy for a novice cook like me and has widely available ingredients and common American dishes that are modified to be meatless. If you wanted to check out the free pages in the book preview on amazon.
anon a mouse
Pizza beans! https://smittenkitchen.com/2017/09/pizza-beans-cookbook-preview/
Anon
This one is great and easy: https://www.101cookbooks.com/archives/melissa-clarks-black-bean-skillet-dinner-recipe.html
SSJD
Mujadara, falafel, roasted chick peas, vegetarian chili, roasted tofu with tehini sauce, black bean burgers
Anon
I just made mudajjara last night and it was easy, healthy, cheap, and delicious—and no mushrooms! Just rice and lentils cooked w/garlic and topped with crispy fried onion strips.
anonymous
I’m trying these for dinner tonight:
https://www.cookingclassy.com/honey-lime-sweet-potato-black-bean-and-corn-tacos/
Monte
I also love mujadara and always recommend that. The NYT has a recipe for sheet pan feta and roasted vegetables that I love, as wells an eggplant, chickpea and tomato casserole.
If you are a cookbook person, I love Madhur Jaffrey’s vegetarian cookbooks. Yes, there are a fair amount of dishes with curry, but her World Vegetarian in particular has dishes from all over the globe, and if you skew African or Mediterranean or Southeast Asian, you won’t see the prevalance of curry or mushrooms.
Bonnie Kate
Pinch of Yum is doing Plant Powered January this month – definitely check out them! I’ve never made a Pinch of Yum recipe that didn’t turn out great.
Specific recommendation: this is my favorite lunch recipe: https://pinchofyum.com/30-minute-meal-prep-roasted-vegetable-bowls-with-green-tahini
The sauce freezes well in small mason jars as well.
Bonnie Kate
I realized I have a few more favorites –
Legit awesome cucumber sandwich – https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/18003/cucumber-sandwich/?utm_source=pinterest.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=allrecipes_allrecipes_7520319&utm_content=lunch_verticalimage&utm_term=vegetarian_201811
Love this because easy to throw in whatever you like/is in the refrigerator – https://pinchofyum.com/lo-mein
Last January I won a soup/chili cookoff with this soup: https://www.extraforavocado.com/creamy-acorn-squash-sweet-potato-soup/
Finally, this isn’t for the OP since it’s mushroom soup, but for others – this soup is amazing. Top with buttered saltines – https://www.thekitchn.com/mushroom-soup-22997705
Thanks, it has pockets!
What about black bean tacos or enchiladas, or a chili loaded with beans and peppers?
If you’re not opposed to onions, check out the Meatless Mixes from Urban Accents. They’re these packets of shelf-stable, dehydrated soy crumbles with seasoning, you rehydrate them with hot water and add a few ingredients – the taco packet calls for a chopped onion and green pepper, the Korean BBQ packet calls for a chopped onion and soy sauce, and the sloppy joe calls for ketchup and green pepper. We do the street taco packet quite frequently, and I’m a big fan of the Korean BBQ for lunches.
Horse Crazy
Thank you all!! I can’t wait to try these. Now I’m so hungry!
Anon
My daughter went through a vegan phase and I asked for help here. What ended up being her go to were sauces and dips. She could eat really plain good as long as it had a sauce she liked. Her favorites were homemade hummus, green harissa (puréed parsley, cilantro, lemon, oil, salt and spices like cumin), homemade ranch using store bought vegan mayonnaise, a smoky tomato sauce using smoked paprika, etc.
She would eat whatever we were eating excluding the meat – so a plate of veggies plus pasta or rice or potatoes (she likes roasted potatoes the best) with one of her sauces and she was happy. A little hot sauce helps too.
It’s nice to have this as an option rather than thinking you have to make a special vegetarian meal that mimicks meat with tofu or beans.
Z
This, exactly. My sister and I went vegetarian in college. Dinners at home had always been balanced (meat, veg, starch) so they would make dinner as normal and we would not have the meat, sometimes subbing something else (pasta, rice, quinoa).
We make gravy and stuffing with veg broth. Dad started making 2 sets of hash browns with the same potato/onion/pepper base then split it into pans, adding sausage to one of them. We also would do veggie pot pie. Make a veg filling as normal (great recipes online) then split it into pie pans or ramekins, layering in cooked chicken to some if desired.
Anonymous
Can we please stop framing values and ethics as a phase?
Anon
I read it as it wasn’t a permanent dietary change for her daughter, therefore it was a temporary phase.
Anon
Wow, yeah, she’s not vegan any more. I said nothing about her ethics, or mine. I worked hard to support her choice by finding foods that worked for her.
I said phase because it was literally a phase.
You’re vastly overinterpreting my trying-to-be-helpful comment.
Anon
Smitten Kitchen has a great sheetpan tofu and squash recipe – super simple and delicious, and you can drastically cut down the amount of oil it calls for.
The eggplant and pomegranate from the cover of Plenty by Yotam Ottolenghi is fantastic, and everything I’ve made from his cookbooks has been amazing and worth all the effort.
Jules
This is my current favorite pasta recipe and it is ridiculously easy. I make it with the Barilla high-protein pasta (well, it’s high-er protein than most). It makes a lot, so I usually cut the recipe in half; a half recipe takes one container of premade baba ghanouj. If I have extra time, I saute some diced eggplant to add to this. I don’t care for sunflower seeds and leave them off, it’s still great.
https://www.foodandwine.com/recipes/spaghetti-with-smoky-eggplant-sauce?utm_source=pinterest.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=foodandwine&utm_content=20200812&utm_term=472000
A
Vegetable lasagna, it can be very hearty and easy to make, add all the vegetables you want.
Consider using meatless crumbles in place of ground beef, I like to make a quick Bolognese-saute a pre chopped container of moirepoix in olive oil, add salt and pepper, add in a couple cloves of garlic chopped finely or shredded over a microplane, and a bag of vegetarian crumbles, cook until veggies are soft and translucent and garlic is soft, add a jar of premade sauce like Rao’s, you can heat everything to a simmer and stop here. If you have more time add some sprigs of thyme, oregano and a half cup of red wine or veggie stock. simmer for about 30 minutes or until reduced a bit. Serve over pasta or poleta or zoodles.
Hair clips?
Is it acceptable to put hair up in a hair clip type thing? Would anyone be able to give an example that’s acceptable for a middle-aged woman? I’ve had my hair fairly short for past 10 years, but since pandemic my hair is now at my shoulders. It’s very straight. Also, I’m 44 so I don’t trust my instincts (which were formed ~25 years ago) and am at high risk for frump.
givemyregards
Hair clips from 25 years ago are actually back in style so your timing is perfect!
https://www.thecut.com/article/hair-claw-clips.html
Anonymous
Acceptable to who? You’re 40. Live your life.
Anonymous
+1M.
Ribena
Related to this, are you seeing anyone in person? I let my hair air dry and so if it’s still wet on my first Teams call of the day I twist it up into a lazy knot with a scrunchie. It transpires that, from the front and over Teams it actually looks as if I’ve done something a bit clever with it – one of my teammates was admiring it completely unprompted the other week and I had to explain that it was a ‘my hair is wet’ situation rather than having been actually styled.
Anon
My favorite thing about getting older was running out of f***s to give about what other people think. Wear the hair clip if you want to wear it.
Anony
+1
blueberries
I’d avoid a clip when I want to look polished/current. I value sometimes not caring what anyone thinks and wearing whatever I like—at those times, rock the clip.
Anon
Is this a real question?
Shelle
I can see this being a real question. Like big scrunchies are very in style but I’d wonder aloud if I should start wearing them at work. They skew juvenile and casual so probably not. And then I’d wonder if other hair accessories are perceived that way. Styles change, and popular fashion tends to skew young.
Anon
Claw clips were once in style until they were very aggressively not in style. Not sure why it wouldn’t be a real question.
Cat
Given the number of claw clips I rocked in middle school in the 90’s, I am not interested in revisiting the trend. I just pull my hair back in a ponytail.
lydia
a claw clip seems frumpy unless you’re an edgy cool influencer and also rocking the intentional high waisted mom jeans, etc… Go with a bun (in the back, not the top-of-head bun the bloggers were all doing 10 years ago) or ponytail. Or scrunchies have made a comeback (I know, but also, turns out they are *great*)… that could be a more current way of pulling your hair back (although some frump risk, depending on your outfit). it also holds your hair up a bit better than just an elastic. or for something with little to no visual impact, try the goody spin pins.
BeenThatGuy
I’m 44 also and would say any clip is fine except a banana clip.
Anonymous
I like a claw clip. I don’t care if might be frumpy or unstylish. It gets my hair out of my face and looks tidy. That’s professional enough for me.
Anon
I was a senior Vice President at a f50 company until a few years ago. I started every day with my hair down and then by 10 am on a bad day, 2 pm on a good day it was up in a claw clip. I’m professional AF and good at what I do. If they’re going to hold me back because of a stupid claw clip, that’s their problem. But in reality it was never a problem. I was busy, my hair bugged me, I dealt with it.
podcast recs?
Any podcast recommendations? I know there will be many actually, so let me rephrase that. Please send me your podcast recommendations! I’m slow at work but back in the office so trying to entertain myself while I wait for things to pick back up!
Specific episode recommendations even better!
Carrie
What kind of things do you like, in general?
Storytelling? News? History? Comedy? Music? Gossip? Science?
If you have never heard This American Life before, just start at episode 1 and go. They also have a list of their “favorite” episodes.
I’m also listening to a lot of Death, Sex, Money lately.
Carrie
And I’m also a big fan of The Moth
JustmeintheSouth
The History Chicks if you enjoy history, with an irreverent spin. Lots of episodes well-known and more-obscure women who made a difference.
Ribena
The History Chicks if you enjoy history, with an irreverent spin. Lots of episodes well-known and more-obscure women who made a difference.
Cb
I want intelligent ladies chatting about issues since the end of the High Low (sob!)
Ribena
Okay so for this genre my top recommendations are Call Your Girlfriend and Bad On Paper, plus The Wingwoman (currently on hiatus due to mat leave) and The Cut’s podcast. Hillary Clinton’s podcast (You and Me Both) has also fit this bill for me but I’ve only listened to a couple of episodes. Likewise Terrible, Thanks For Asking. Oh and I have just resubscribed to the podcast of BBC Woman’s Hour to see how I like Emma Barnett.
Anonymous
Forever35 is a lighter version of these. Show Your Work is a version of this focused on celebrity gossip. You’re Wrong About is two friends revisiting old news/cultural events with a modern lense (their OJ Simpson series which focuses a lot on the women involved in the case is excellent; as is the DC Sniper series).
Anonymous
Podcasts I enjoy include Milk Street (food), The Alarmist (comedy podcast that digs into great tragedies from history–funnier than it sounds), Twenty Thousand Hertz (all about sound), The Allusionist (all about words).
Jeffiner
Shedunnit. Discusses Golden Age detective fiction with a feminist slant.
Senior Attorney
I’ve been enjoying You’re Wrong About. The one about the Electoral College was a real eye-opener.
anon.
This is THE answer. I listen to a lot of podcasts … I can’t say how many it’s embarrassing … and this is my personal favorite. The DC sniper series was incredible.
pugsnbourbon
Someone on here recommended Noble Blood a while ago and it’s EXCELLENT.
I really like Criminal – in theory it’s a true-crime podcast, but it’s much more than that. And the host’s voice is incredible.
99% Invisible is also great.
Anonymous
S*hagged, married, annoyed!
Health Insurance Question
Our nanny recently found out she is pregnant and doesn’t have health insurance. Anyone have advice here? I’m looking into obamacare and it looks like the special enrollment period only starts once the baby is born. We’d like to be able to help her figure out something because she’s planning to quit and go on medicaid otherwise! In Texas if that matters
Anonymous
Yeah this sucks.
Carrie
Hmmm… This is unfortunate. Unless she can afford the thousands of dollars that pregnancy/delivery can cost, Medicaid may be her safest option. There aren’t a lot of other options.
What state is she in? Sometimes there are state run programs for pregnant mothers that could be helpful, and/or subsidized/free clinics.
You could glance at the Mr Money Mustache posts on his attempts to save $ on health insurance. He tried a couple of the few health insurance options that currently exist that are not Obamacare. But I worry they would not accept your Nanny now that she is pregnant.
This is a good reminder to us all. I helped my parents’ caregiver sign up for Obamacare years ago, when she didn’t have health insurance. She worked for an agency but her benefits were terrible. The process is confusing and the caregiver didn’t even know it existed. Even with the subsidy she qualified for based on her income, she had a hard time affording it.
OP
Oh one follow-up, we (DH and I) were also going to offer to cut her hours so she’s below the Medicaid threshold if she wants (we pay her on the books). Would that even make sense?
This all stinks so much for her. But really not sure what we can do.
Anonymous
Honest question: how are so many families ok with this nanny arrangement? If you’re rich enough to afford a domestic servant you are rich enough to provide her with health insurance and other benefits. If not, your kids can go to daycare like the rest of ours do.
Anonymous
Yeah, I have to say I agree. This country sucks and we need true universal healthcare stat, but in the absence of that, I do believe that employers have an obligation to provide employees with health insurance, even if it’s only partial premium assistance.
OP
We offered that – she didn’t want to spend her money that way. It felt too Lord of the Manor to require her to get health insurance. We pay her on the books and well but she doesn’t work for us full time hours either. She reduced her hours last year when her youngest graduated college (this stinks).
Anon
Honestly, and speaking from experience, convincing people that you want to pay them on the books is harder than you would think. A lot of people would rather that you didn’t for various reasons.
Cat
whoa – she has a ~22yo and a baby on the way? This sounds like the Father of the Bride Part II plot :) No advice, but sending moral support!
anne-on
Agreed – this is pretty common setup for kids in the elementary/middle/high school stage. You don’t need ‘full time’ hours but parents can’t stop working at 3pm either, so the ‘nanny’ is really more of a driver/supervisor of homework/prepper of after school snacks/runner of random errands. I would dearly love to have access to after school care (or daycare! daycare hours till 5 or 6pm was a dream!) but that’s not an option right now. And very, very few sitters want to be paid on the books for 20-30 hours of work.
anon
When we had a nanny, we paid on the books, but we paid her an hourly rate (plus OT, if she went over 40 hours). She had the option to buy health insurance on the exchange, but I didn’t purchase it for her, and I didn’t check whether she bought it. She was an adult, only 2 years younger than me, and she was born in the US, native English speaker, with a masters degree. Also, I really couldn’t afford a nanny. There are not many infant daycare spots in my area, and we didn’t get in or have grandparent help, so we didn’t have many options (other than DH staying home, which he didn’t want to do). We paid our nanny more than DH’s take-home pay.
anon
FWIW, we pay a large portion of our nanny’s health insurance and you can deduct that amount. It’s such a win win for us.
Anon
I sent my kid to daycare but nannies are the better choice for a lot of families. One of my kid’s friends had autism and couldn’t ever adapt to a daycare environment, so they had a nanny. Another kid we knew was immunocompromised and couldn’t go to daycare; they got a nanny. Daycares are only open certain hours and certain days that don’t fit with everyone’s work schedules. Etc. etc. Do you actually have children? If you do and can send yours to daycare (like I did) and it works seamlessly for you, congratulations. The OP says they are paying the EMPLOYEE (she is not a “domestic servant,” get over yourself) on the books. The real question is, why are we as an American people okay with a situation where someone has to work for an employer large enough to offer health benefits to get health care? I know some of the lower achievers here love to bag on the higher earners because it makes them feel better about their own lives but the ire is misplaced in this case. Blame the people in our society who have fought healthcare reform and Medicare for All for years. I am sure you are aware how much of an outlier the United States is in terms of covering healthcare needs for its citizens.
OP – Medicaid is likely the employee’s best option; many states have special supplemental or alternative programs for pregnant women. She can go to a Planned Parenthood near you and they should have someone who can help her understand her options for signing up. In our state, it is extremely common for people to use free clinics or PP for prenatal care and then get on Medicaid before the birth, and/or deliver at the local public university hospital, which has Medicaid navigators and also offers special programs for people who don’t have health insurance but also don’t qualify for Medicaid. In our state, no one wants a pregnant woman not to get health care and so there are multiple programs funded by the state, my city, the public hospital, and nonprofits to provide prenatal care. I realize not all states are like mine but with a little investigating you should be able to help her figure out her options.
Anonymous
“Lower achievers”
Wow
#bebest
Anonymous
Seriously! The number of people who equate salary with achievement on this board is intense. I guess they never heard of public service!
Anon
As an apparent “lower achiever” I otherwise agreed with a lot of this comment too.
Anonymous
Oh wow I can’t imagine calling anyone a lower achiever based solely on salary. Have you looked at salaries for the UN or other similar agencies? They certainly don’t come near big law $ but I’d argue they are much more important.
Horse Crazy
Hi, as a lower achiever, I’d like to say that you sound like one of those people in our society who have fought healthcare reform and Medicare for All for years.
anon
Incredibly low-achieving, by these standards, phd student checking in.
anon
Incredibly low-achieving, by this metric, PhD student checking in.
Anonymous
This whole situation is super squicky but I live somewhere with excellent universal healthcare and I just can’t imagine thinking intertwining healthcare and capitalism was a good idea.
anon
You’d be shocked how hard it is to convince someone to be paid on the books let alone give them insurance. They would prefer you spend that money on paying them more. Obviously not universal but we ended up doing daycare after striking out on finding someone willing to be paid on the books.
cbackson
How much do you pay her per month? Would she qualify for CHIP (there’s a version that covers prenatal care)?
OP
We pay her more than CHIP but looking into that. The threshold is higher. We pay her $800/month. She doesn’t work full time hours for us.
OP
Sorry $800/WEEK
cbackson
Ah, got it.
ToS
On the brainstorm end of things…decades ago, there was a group called Birthright that helped expecting mothers through pregnancy and birth. The politics were not my cup of tea, however, childbirth is horrifically expensive without insurance. It may be worth a call from an anonymous number.
I had to prepay for my child’s birth in 1989 – most of it was reimbursed because the OB’s office manager was a piece of work – not trusting me as a paid 22-year-old professional with wonky people at my insurance. (Honeymoon pregnancy, LMP was prior to my wedding day, Baby arrived 9.5 months after wedding). My eye is still twitching as I write this. My best friend was also pregnant and quit her vet-tech job to qualify for health insurance, so your nanny’s decision has been around for decades, and remains just as terrible. Bonus round, sometimes there are penalties for not joining, however they can be waived – read the fine print and don’t be afraid to ask questions.
cbackson
Does she have other household income? If she’s the sole income in her family, at $800 she should be well under the CHIP threshold I think.
OP
I think this was after I accidentally said per month.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply cbackson. I really, really appreciate the constructive thinking.
I promise, earlier posters, I have all sorts of guilt about not having forced her to get health insurance. I would have said she was past child bearing age! I think she thought she was too! We’d been talking about setting up some sort of long term retirement savings plan or discussing health insurance with her this year since she’s been working for us for a while now, but that just hadn’t happened yet. Things have been going so well for her – she got citizenship after only having a green card, kids both graduated college and got jobs teaching… becoming a single mom in her mid to late forties without health insurance is just not good. It’s breaking our hearts because we care about her. We’re planning to give her some paid maternity leave too obviously. But with reduced hours and finding extra coverage this is all getting expensive and complicated for us too!
Ah, sorry about the vent. A helpful reply from a stranger and it all comes out.
Anon
If she gained citizenship in 2020 but more than 60 days ago, she may be eligible for a special enrollment period in ObamaCare plans.
Look into a SHOP plan for her. You can even get a tax credit for paying her premiums.
Water under the bridge, but it’s not “Lord of the Manor” to have set up her remuneration such that part of it goes to health care coverage. The way to do it is simple: if she declines, she doesn’t get access to the money you would have spent.
NYNY
This. If she’s single and has no children, she would qualify for prenatal care under CHIP if she’s making $2,148/month or less.
https://hhs.texas.gov/services/health/medicaid-chip/programs-services/women/medicaid-pregnant-women-chip-perinatal
Texas is one of the states that refused to expand Medicaid under the ACA, even with the offer of Federal money to do so. I do not understand politicians who want to limit access to healthcare. SMDH.
Anon
This only works if she is interested in it but could you reduce her pay but still pay her over minimum wage such that she would qualify for Medicaid and then increase her pay again after baby is born?
She can check w/ her provider to see what the self-pay discount is and what her flat rate for birth would be assuming no c-section. This works if baby gets covered by Medicaid at birth. She can compare what is cheaper, lowering her income or paying the flat rate.
She can also talk to a health care navigator at a community health center but she would likely need a change of circumstances outside of open enrollment. That may include losing her job. In that case, after consult with her, it may be better to lay her off rather than have her quit so she qualifies for open enrollment. I’m not sure if she can just quit and go on Medicaid if she voluntarily quits.
OP
so this is interesting – from googling, it looks like if we lay her off she still wouldn’t be able to enroll because she didn’t have insurance through us (so she didn’t lose her job based insurance). but i’d be open to trying to figure it out that way for her!
i think we are going to reduce her hours but still pay her over minimum wage (she makes $20 after tax) so she qualifies for medicaid. And then I’m going to hire someone else two days a week. And also pay her some maternity leave. If she agrees with this plan. It will be expensive and cumbersome but we’re loyal to her and this really stinks.
Anonymous
Is this really a sustainable long-term child care situation? Are you planning to allow the nanny to bring her baby to work with you?
Anon
This was a day’s discussion on the moms page a few weeks back.
Anon
Favorite BB creams? Just need a little something to even out my skin tone when going to the grocery store (ha).
Anonymous
I like the Maybelline Dream BB cream.
anonshmanon
This is ridiculous. But then I pick the most presentable pair of sweatpants for going to the grocery store. We live in ridiculous times.
Anon
Lol I didn’t even wear bb cream to the grocery store before covid!
Anon
I have been living that athleisure life since April and I really embraced it, but I have to say, I miss getting dressed in work clothes. It makes a big difference to me mentally and I’m going to try to get out of my sweatpants habit for work.
kk
Hear me out here- I was a bb cream devotee and now I really, REALLY like the Ilia skin drops, especially for winter. They sit nicely on top of my skincare, they add SPF and a little bit of deweyness, and they even out my skin tone while still making it look like my skin. The botle is a dropper liquid, and I only need a tiny bit- I’ll be using these for a long time.
Anon
Do you really get enough spf using just a few drops? I thought the rule was 1/2 tsp for your face
Anon
Not a BB Cream but I really love Supergoop Glow Screen for this purpose.
Bonnie Kate
Just this last weekend I was super appreciating wearing a mask and a stocking hat while going grocery shopping means that I don’t feel the need to put on any makeup to go run errands, even when I have a major breakout going on.
AnonATL
maybe a quick threadjack- Has anyone tried the garnier serum cream? I keep seeing ads and coupons for it.
pugsnbourbon
I don’t think it’s technically a BB cream, but I like the NYX Mineral Veil. It’s pretty sheer but still evens things out.
Anon
Dr Jart Premium BB cream. I am cool toned pale and the light/medium shade works for me, but I’ve seen it work well on all kinds of skin tones. I don’t know how they do it but I hope they keep doing it. It’s my ride or die.
Anon
Ps sunscreen is more important than coverage, even for just a trip to the grocery store, so be sure you do that. I will admit I use the Dr Jart BB cream mentioned (spf 45) as my only sunscreen for days I’m only briefly going out. For a day at the beach or at a baseball game or whatever, of course I’d use something more.
I also use sunscreen on my neck and chest rain or shine, religiously.
Anon
Can anyone help me be better at meal planning and grocery shopping? This spring I muddled through with a once a week grocery trip but there was a lot of waste and stress. This summer and early fall things were pretty decent in my area so I aimed for one grocery trip a week but often stopped in mid-week for a few things, the way I did pre-pandemic. We also did plenty of outdoor dining. Now I’m able to actually get grocery delivery but am having a hard time figuring out what we’re going to want to eat in a week, and how much fruit/snacks/breakfast things we need. We’re 2 adults and 1 elementary aged kid, and we eat meat about once a week and fish or seafood once a week, otherwise we’re vegetarian. My freezer is terrible (gives everything freezer burn!) so I don’t rely on it. I would appreciate all the tips you have!
Anonymous
I embraced that for me it is hard and it is work! I take often a full hour to do it. The more routines you have the easier it is. For instance in my house for breakfast on weekdays you can have toast or cereal. That’s it. Sunday’s I make a stew, Monday’s leftovers, Tuesday’s pasta etc.
No Face
I also embraced that meal planning is labor for me. Accepting that really did make it easier.
I always get the same lunch stuff, snacks, and fruits. Once I week, I plan our dinners. Friday is always pizza. I get takeout once a week. That leaves five dinners to plan. I have a table with the day of the week at the top of the page, and then I right down the list of ingredients underneath the table. After shopping, I hang it up in my kitchen.
Panda Bear
I would start by tracking what you do eat (and what you end up tossing) in an average week – so you get a baseline and can see patterns, especially for perishables like fruit. For the freezer issue – you might have to double wrap things, and make sure to squeeze out as much air as possible.
Anonymous
Have you tried adjusting the temperature control in your freezer?
Vicky Austin
+1 – I would make friends with your freezer first and see how that helps you.
Anonymous
Also clean and check the door seal.
anon
For my family — 2 adults + 2 elementary-school kids — I aim to plan four “real” meals per week. The rest are reserved for leftovers or easy things I don’t have to think about, like breakfast for supper or spaghetti and garlic bread. My tips are:
– Have a list of go-to meals that you can refer to and pick from, based on the mood/activity level of the week. Basically, front-load all that work, and then make it as painless as possible so you’re not having to dream up new ideas all the time.
– Keep a running grocery list on your phone. As soon as you run out of something, add it to the list. Bonus points if you can share the running list with your spouse.
– I really hate food waste, so I buy only 1-2 fresh veggies per week to supplement *specific* meals I’ve planned, and then rely on frozen for anything else that might come up. Bagged salad is super helpful for rounding out meals, too, and it doesn’t take that much. I buy more fruits because we use those up more quickly.
– Clean out your refrigerator OFTEN and build meals around what you have left. I can’t tell you how many times I realize — oh hey, I have half a bell pepper that needs to be used ASAP, so we’re having egg scrambles tomorrow night.
– Not every meal needs to be full of variety. Breakfast is pretty much the same thing every day at our house, which eliminates a lot of the thinking. Lunches will be sandwiches or soup or leftovers.
I do some meal prep on the weekends, but not a ton. What helps me is stocking up on something like hamburger, cooking it up all at once when I’m making a meal anyway, then freezing the remaining portion for a rainy day to use in casseroles, soups, pasta dishes, what have you. I don’t set aside extra time to do that; I try to make it part of my cooking routine. Or if I’m simmering something, I’ll go ahead and chop up veggies for the next night’s dinner. I burned out very quickly on weekend meal prep but adding on to what I’m already doing doesn’t bother me in the same way.
anonshmanon
I do it in a similar way. Meal prep on the weekend means that I cook one large dish (usually a curry, soup or bean stew), which gives me 1-2 easy reheat lunches in the week. Meal planning ideally starts with looking at my fridge and fruit bowl. What needs using up? Random veggies go into eggs, or more often pasta sauce. Random fruit go into oatmeal for breakfast. My breakfast rotation is pretty repetitive: yoghurt and fruit once a week, oatmeal 1-2 per week, maybe scrambled eggs once, other days are a sandwich or bagel, with a side of fruits and some nuts (it’s really amazing how a tablespoon of walnuts rounds out the meal and helps me to make it to lunch).
Dinner once a week should be enough to give leftovers for one lunch.
Meal plan usually includes one covenience meal (cheese burritos from Trader Joes, or some kind of frozen gnocchi/pelmeni, or ready made ravioli tossed in pesto (Costco sized pesto jar lives in the freezer). Also one night most weeks is takeout night, and I get enough for 2 or 3 meals.
On the fruit and veggie front, I have optimized some things for longevity in these pandemic times. A side salad is nice, but you can make a tub coleslaw in 5 minutes, and it keeps in the fridge for like a week, and you can toss a portion on the plate with whatever less healthy takeout you are heating up on day 2. I was not especially fond of coleslaw and had actually never made it before, but hubby is wild for it and doesn’t mind that it’s paired in random food pairings. I love the flexibility it gives me. Can’t find 5 minutes to make cole slaw? That head of cabbage will be quite patient hanging out in your vegetable drawer. I’m talking 3 weeks or more. Bananas sit on my counter until optimal ripeness, then they go in a plastic bag and into the fridge. The skin will turn black, but the fruit ripening will significantly slow down, and for about a week they remain near that point of ripeness that you had them at. When I shop, I try to buy a mix of things to eat in the first few days (mushroosm, asparagus, berries in summer) and things that will wait until I get to them a week after purchase (pumpkins, brussel sprouts, cauliflower, carrots, pineapple, apples).
anon
I went through a phase (most of 2018) following the skinnytaste.com weekly menus. They aren’t perfect, but hey, I liked looking up the answers to my menu-problem on the internet.
Anonymous
I plan set meals for two weeks at a time and we stick to the plan. We some have easy meals that just require jars and cans in the mix. Indian prepared meals with rice, chili or soup, pasta with pesto, etc. Put those late in the grocery cycle and use fresh stuff first. I also buy some things every shop that will survive for a while in the fridge, like potatoes, onion, shallots, fennel, and make the meals using those second. The meals using fragile things like greens and fresh herbs are made first.
anon
+1 to using the most perishable items first
anon
DH and I use the Paprika app to store our recipes, meal plans, and grocery lists. Back in August, we spent a whole morning coming up with about 20 quick, weeknight meals. We saved recipes, or at least ingredients lists, for each in Paprika to make it easy to compile the grocery list. To meal plan, we can scroll through that list and know that any of those meals will work. We’ve added a few meals over the past few months, so we’re up to 25 or so.
On Saturday mornings, after breakfast and coffee, I take about an hour to meal plan and make a grocery list. I start with checking what we have on hand and build around those things. I usually plan meals for 4-5 nights per week, with the other nights being for DH to use up whatever ingredients he finds laying around, leftovers, and/or takeout.
Anon
+1 I also use the Paprika app, mostly to store recipes. It helps to scroll through and remember what we know that is easy to make.
I generally plan for no more than 3 dinners per grocery trip, knowing the rest of a week will be filled in with leftovers/inevitable take out etc. I never go to the grocery store without having those 3 or so meals planned out and added to the list. Any more than that and food starts to get wasted around here. Then we always have frozen pizzas, cans of chili, ramen, everything for spaghetti except the meat, etc. on hand. Life also became much easier when we embraced letting our elementary school kids eat essentially the same thing every day for breakfast and lunch (as long as they’re generally happy doing that, which they are).
Nicole
I subscribed to emeals for like $40 for a whole year (you can find coupons). They give you a meal plan for the week and a grocery list and you can sync it with some grocery delivery services. They also have vegetarian plans. Sometimes I look at the meals and they seem so boring, but turned out so good! I would definitely subscribe again.
Anon
I take an hour each Sunday to create the meal plan for the week, then my DH takes about an hour to make the grocery list based on that plan and order it all for pickup. We have a dry-erase board on the fridge where we write down the plan, so we’re more likely to follow it. We have 2 adults and 2 early elementary kids who eat really unpredictable amounts but will try most foods.
1) I review the calendar to see if there will be any nights that are different – like a cousin birthday zoom at 6pm or a night I’ll need to work late – so I can plan super easy items for those nights.
2) We have a list of 15 easy kid-free lunches that we rotate through. PBJ, turkey and cheese sand, ham and cheese sandwich, homemade “lunchables” aka salami cheese and crackers, mac and cheese with hot dogs, etc. I just pick whatever, add a fruit side, and otherwise put zero effort into lunch planning.
3) Breakfast is either cereal or toaster strudel on weekdays, eggs and toast on Sat, cinnamon rolls in a can on Sun. Also no thought.
4) We aim for beef one night, poultry one night, fish one night, and vegetarian the rest. The meat meals take the longest to make, so I slot those in first avoiding any nights I noted above.
5) I have a list of a few options for each of the meat nights. For example, for beef I have hamburger helper, beef and broccoli, sloppy joes, burgers on the grill, or taco night. I just pick the one that sounds best to me and trust everyone else will try it.
6) I have a longer list of vegetarian options, with things like stuffed peppers, zucchini pizzas, and veggie soup, but easy quick pasta meals like spaghetti and tomato sauce, or tortellini with butter and parm, even grilled cheese with tomato soup all count too.
7) I add two sides of fruits, veggies or grains to the main meal. Grapes, roasted carrots, french fries, spinach with almonds and cranberries, snacking peppers, couscous, quinoa, jasmine rice, etc. I try to always have one side that I know the kids will like so there’s something they’ll enjoy on the plate. But they love most of the lunches so I know they can fill up the next day if they truly hate the dinner.
8) My DH is responsible for keeping a running list of all the “extras” that we run out of. Milk, ketchup, butter, coffee, etc. He writes it on the side of the dry erase board throughout the week. He also keeps standard kid-snacks in supply for the week but honestly we don’t get creative there. Granola bars, fruit, string cheese, goldfish, raisins, carrots and hummus.
We tend to be more “creative” and try new meals on the weekends. If they’re winners then I’ll add them to my list for future rotations. If they’re bad, we keep a stash of frozen pizza for backup. And once every other week we’ll have a “leftovers” night where we either clean out the fridge or order out if it’s all gone.
It took a few months to come up with this system, find the meals that work for us, and figure out how much of the fruit and snacks to buy. But once we stuck with it, this became a habit and it’s a nice Sunday activity to prep for the week ahead. Not having the daily stress of what to make or what ingredients we need is really a lifesaver for us.
Anon for this
I came up with a meal plan that rotates across 5 weeks and involves about 4 hours of cooking that I can batch on a Sunday. Generally I theme it around a type of cuisine so the proteins and spices match. It works for 2 of us; with kids, it might not stretch all week. I make large quantities of dishes that are favorites enough that my husband will eat leftovers.
Week 1:
Kid tested firefighter approved collard apple salad
Chicken enchilada casserole (2 pans)
Chicken tortilla soup
Week 2:
Falafel (baked)
Hummus
Cucumber salad
Taratoor sauce
Week 3:
Bag salad
Chicken and rice bowls/ stir fry / wraps
Borscht or lentil soup using the stock from making the chicken (I like vikalinka’s recipe)
Week 4
Bag salad
Meat loaf
Mostaccioli bake (2 pans, different veggies)
Week 5:
Brussel sprout salad
Italian sausage rolls
Lentil and sweet potato casserole (basically tomatoey lentils with veg and then mashed sweet potatoes on top, baked.)
Anon for this
I have a long comment in mod with our rotating meal plan. But also check out meallime! Friends love it for this.
Anonymous
I write out what we are going to eat everyday and shop for a week at a time (2 adults, 3 kids). Breakfast during the week is either cereal, yogurt, or oatmeal. Lunches are either a sandwich, leftovers from dinner, or sometimes the kids can make themselves whatever frozen snack things I might have bought that week like frozen pizza, Amy’s burritos, etc. I always buy a couple different kinds of fruit and vegetables like carrots and celery for snacking. For dinner, I have about 20 things I rotate through randomly. I will try and plan to use leftover ingredients so nothing gets wasted. For example, one week we might have spaghetti and stuffed bell peppers and I will use the other half of the spaghetti sauce in the peppers. Or I will make pork chops one night and use the leftovers in fajitas later in the week. I also leave one night without a plan and we either have leftovers, cereal, or pick up takeout.
Anonymous
So, I don’t really meal plan but I also have minimal food waste and here’s what I do.
1. I keep a list of what’s in the fridge that needs to be eaten within a few days on the fridge. It helps me remember what I’ve bought/should use.
2. I freeze almost all leftovers, rather than put them in the fridge. I keep a list on the freezer of what leftover meals are in there. We either reheat the next night or pull from these in the future.
3. I keep a list of what we’ve run out of or are running low on on the fridge/freezer and take a picture when I go to the store on the weekend.
4. I don’t buy any produce at the store – I use a produce delivery service. I can select the vegetables I get each week. I just sub this produce in for whatever produce the recipe calls for.
5. If I have extra produce, I make something with it and freeze it. Usually this is vegetable lasagna or chili. Sometimes I just roast the vegetables and freeze them and toss them into omelettes/pasta/stir fries later.
6. We have a ton of sauces/spices on hand. The freezer is always stocked with a ton of protein that I commonly use in recipes (chicken and fish mostly). We eat the same breakfast every day. Once a month I go to a cheaper grocery store to restock our protein/sauce/breakfast/snack supply.
So my actual shopping is once a week, where I basically buy bread, deli meat, dairy products and replenish a few things we’ve run out of. Once a month I buy things we eat a lot of in bulk. I make one recipe a week that calls for stuff we don’t have in hand, and buy it at our weekly shop. Otherwise, all dinners are assembled from what we already have and lunches for me are leftovers.
Anonymous
Meal planning doesn’t work for me. I don’t want to spend precious weekend hours figuring things out and slicing veggies and all that it entails. I aim for 20-30 minute easy meals on weeknights that don’t require advance prep. I just buy and make the same things and it works well enough. Budget Bytes has good recipe ideas.
FP
We are a family of two adults and two young children, and I shop once a week (usually go to Costco and Whole Foods one day on the weekend). I try to plan to cook three times a week (sometimes this is Blue Apron, sometimes this is from scratch, and sometimes this is pre-made meals from Costco or Whole Foods). Kids typically eat the same thing all week for breakfast and lunch: smoothie with waffles or cereal and fruit for breakfast, and either sandwiches or pasta with fruit and raw veggies on the side for lunch). If you’re on a strict budget maybe the pre-made meals are not a good option but I find it’s much better than takeout, so I lean into it. We typically get through the Costco ready deli some mix of: chicken pot pie; taco kits; stuffed bell peppers; enchiladas; ready to bake pizza with salad. Whole Foods we have gotten their “family meals” which are an entree and big salad, and usually result in a bit of leftovers. I eat dinner leftovers for lunch (WFH). The other 4 nights are typically: bagged salad + grilled chicken; pizza delivery on Friday nights; baked salmon & broccoli rice; leftovers; “snack plates” where we clean out the fridge before shopping again. For fruit to last the full week, we eat the delicate stuff first and save the apples/pears/bananas for the end of the week.
CHS
CookSmarts. Great meals, only buy the groceries you need. Love using everything we buy and having an empty fridge at the end of the week.
Thanks, it has pockets!
First I plan out what I’d ideally like to make that week, working off what we have, what’s on sale, what I might be craving or itching to try, and I do use things like “taco Tuesday” and “Meatless Monday” and chili on Sunday as guidelines, but not hard and fast rules. I also look at what proteins the store has on sale. I make a list based on what I want to make, I get my groceries, and then when I get home I may adjust based on what I was/wasn’t able to get, and also based on what’s going to expire soon and what can keep in the fridge.
It also helps that I go to a store in person on the weekends, but I also order from Whole Foods during the week. Helps me get the best of both worlds, it also provides a little flexibility, and it means reduces the risk of us running out of fresh produce between grocery trips.
Anonymous
I really get a lot out of the app PlateJoy. It is highly customizable, creates a plan and a shopping list (based on what you don’t already have) and you can reject or add recipes if you don’t like the first suggestions. It also accommodates many eating preferences.
cbackson
Just checking in from GA, where I cannot wait for this runoff election to be over so that I will no longer be besieged by canvassers, phone calls, text messages, ads, and political mailers.
Anonymous
But have you voted?
cbackson
Why do you ask?
Anon
Not Anonymous at 10:48 am. Answer is straightforward: many campaigns keep track of who has requested an early ballot or voted absentee and will not continue to text, call, or door knock. As Election Day gets closer, they will focus on the people who have not yet voted, and on Election Day (should state law permit), they will keep track of who has not yet voted and call them.
Anon
Ha, that was not true at all for me this election season. I continued to receive text messages and calls until the election (and mail until Thanksgiving!)
Anonymous
Not that poster, but why do you think? Like it or not, all eyes are on Georgia and people are going to want you to vote.
Anon
Lol, really? You brought it up! Do your civil duty and go vote! If you don’t vote, you really don’t have a right to complain.
Anonymous
+1. Super weird to get defensive and cagey on a thread you started.
cbackson
Do you really think that snide anonymous comments on an internet message board are an effective get out the vote strategy?
Anonymous
Do you really think I wasn’t just being sarcastic? Obvi I’m sure you voted.
Anon
LOL, A+
alica
Huh? You brought up this question, it’s a natural follow up. So – did you vote?
Also, at anon @ 11:39 said, if you are just ignoring the campaigning, and neither voting nor telling the campaigns that you love the other candidate, you’re being clueless and need to do one or the other.
Horse Crazy
Yeah, Anonymous at 10:48, why did you ask such a relevant question??? /s
AnonATL
Agreed! Good riddance to all this *radical liberal agenda* socialism is the devil* nonsense. I early voted and am ready to stop hearing the commercials and getting all those stupid mailers.
I know it’s highly unlikely they will call the election tonight, but I’m happy to no longer hear the commercials constantly.
Anonymous
SAME. So over it and all the negativity and divisiveness that is going on. The amount of money spent on ads is eye-popping ($1B+) and I wish it could have been spent on things that actually help. And yes, my spouse and I voted early in-person for both the general and run-off and reminded our friends to vote.
cbackson
The expansion of early voting in GA has made life so, so much better. I waited 15 minutes a couple of weeks ago. For the general, I waited less than 5 minutes. It’s so nice not to have to worry about taking time off on a specific day, facing the possibility of hourslong waits, etc. And feels safer from a COVID perspective bc you’re less likely to end up with long lines.
Horse Crazy
…so you DID vote.
Anonymous
I apologize as someone who may have sent you a postcard. ;) It’s just that this particular vote matters so, so much.
cbackson
It is unexpectedly exciting for a vote in GA to matter nationally, TBH. I do wish the Democrats were running someone other than archetypal mediocre white man Jon Ossoff for that seat, but Warnock is awesome so at least I got to be enthusiastic about 50% of my votes.
LaurenB
I’m not in Georgia, I wrote my postcards dutifully to a couple hundred people there, and I could not care less about whether Jon Ossoff is a “mediocre white man.” He’s a Democrat, and right now that is all I care about.
Anon
This is lazy thinking. There are plenty of mediocre white men out there. Jon Ossoff is not one of them.
Anon
As a Georgia voter, I was definitely not excited about Jon Ossoff. I voted for him, but I don’t think he represents the best or brightest among Georgia Democrats.
Anon
Please tell me about your home office chair that you love. I want it to be beautiful but also supportive for my cranky lower back. And ideally not black because it will be in my living room and I don’t want it to be so visually heavy. Willing to spend 500-600. Herman Miller seems like the obvious answer, but what else are you loving?
anon
I am currently eyeing a steel case leap. I actually got to sit in one once and it felt incredible – with the exception that the arm rests were oddly padded (to me). Actually sitting in the seat though was so comfortable. I haven’t sat in a HM, so I don’t know how the two compare. I can tell you the youtube may be a great source for reviews and comparison videos of higher end office chairs, if you end up having to decide between multiple options.
Anonymous
I dont know that I would call it beautiful, but my Steel Case Think chair is my fave. I’ve recommended many times here, so I sound like a bit of a broken record but it genuinely is the best. I was having issues with other chairs and so glad I splurged for this one. New they’re $$$$, but so are new Herman Miller chairs. I was able to get mine gently used for $300 at a local used furniture store. You could easily find in the $400-500 range online.
Greensleeves
I have a steel case leap! Ordered in July when it was clear that we would work at home for the rest of the year and my back couldn’t take a crappy chair anymore. I really like it, and prefer it to the HM Aeron I have at the office. It fits me better and is more adjustable.
anne-on
I went with the Herman Miller Sayl , and my husband got an OG one. I have a crabbier back and I honestly don’t think the more expensive one is worth it unless you really want to play with all the adjustable bits.
aBr
Went with the Herman Miller Lino for my home office in white/silver. Visually, I like it but it is still very much an office chair. There really isn’t a way around the office chair look, unless you bust the budget on leather. It’s as comfy as my HM Aeron chair at work although the seat is a bit less soft. I picked it up because it had the widest width and I often sit cross legged while working.
anon
Welp, I’m leaning into the WFH life and bought yet another fleece pullover. I’m finally getting to dress for winter the way I’ve wanted to all along. Fleece + tee underneath + jeggings/jeans + warm socks + boots on the rare occasion I go out. Slippers around the house. If I have a meeting, I will quickly change into a cardigan or something that looks slightly less outdoorsy. I have always despised that I usually have to be slightly-to-very uncomfortable in the name of looking professional. I am going to be feral when I have to dress up again in business clothing. I really, really do not miss freezing my a** off in the office, no matter what I wore or how much I layered.
This long WFH experiment has confirmed that while I don’t like to look slovenly and disheveled (hair is still done daily), I really hate being physically uncomfortable in my clothes, whether it’s because the temperature isn’t right, or layers are bunching up, or a waistband isn’t quite right, whatever. I don’t like wools or cashmere. I swear that if sensory issues were diagnosed among little kids in the 1980s, I would’ve fallen into that category.
Anon
Ahh, I totally agree re: sensory issues! I have learned I am SO sensitive to uncomfortable waistbands, ill-fitting shoes, scratchy materials, and so on. It is going to be hard to go back to that (well, or maybe we never will? Maybe we will come out of this with less tolerance for uncomfortable clothing?).
I do my hair every other day, do makeup daily (not much, but I need it to not look totally dead on zoom), but my outfits are a joke and I’m fine with that.
Anonymous
Same here. I’m SO much more physically comfortable working from home and wearing shorts, sweats, pajama pants, no bra, etc. I think I would have been diagnosed with sensory issues back then too – I remember getting SO upset when the sock seams didn’t align right and felt uncomfortable in my shoes.
anon
OP here. I remember being SO upset with my mom when she made me wear tights with dresses for church. Everything felt so itchy, they were too tight, I was always cold, and the toe seams were uncomfortable. To this day, I still hate wearing tights! IME, adult tights have the same problems, minus the toe seams.
PolyD
For real, when I find out when I’m going back to the office again, I’m going to have to retrain myself to wear a bra. Like maybe I’ll start wearing one for 10 minutes at a time and build from there.
Fortunately I could totally wear elastic waist pants at work, especially since there are so many now that essentially look like real pants, as long as you cover the waistband. And I’ve always worn comfortable shoes.
Anony
Also agree RE: sensory issues! Definitely would have been diagnosed back in the 80s, along with my mom. I’m still doing my hair and makeup daily, otherwise it feels like my ‘day’ never actually starts. Currently, completely comfortable in Lululemon blue camo leggings and a gray BR mockneck sweater – I do not miss office clothes, at all (or shoes for that matter!).
pugsnbourbon
I would be up for a “business feral” dress code.
Anon
Totally with you. I’ve always had sensory issues when it comes to clothes, and find being to be the most distracting thing in the world. I really do need to be as comfortable as possible to be productive…
Anon
Another 80’s kid with undiagnosed sensory issues here! Being comfortable while working is amazing.
Anonymous
Totally with you about hating being uncomfortable in my clothes. If you do have to go back to work, here’s my formula: Eileen Fisher stretch crepe ankle pants + loose fitting blouse + knit blazer = office appropriate pajamas.
Anon
Poll: How are you getting your groceries these days? Curbside pickup, in-store shopping, CSA or other produce box, Amazon, something else? I am mostly doing curbside pickup and it’s fine, though sometimes I do not love the substitutions. I am surprised to admit that I miss shopping for groceries in stores, but I find it very anxiety inducing as positivity rates continue to go up and there’s always at least one person who doesn’t wear their mask properly.
cbackson
Produce box from CSA for fruit and some veg; meat/egg CSA (and we get some veg from them too); Instacart for everything else. We don’t go to the grocery store basically ever (I’ve been 4x total since last Feb).
Anonymous
Someone here recommended Good Eggs (Bay Area) and that’s been perfect for us. I really appreciate that they pay the drivers and workers as full employees with benefits, not contractors, and that the food arrives with much less plastic waste. We’re going to stick with it post-pandemic for sure – I love getting that time back in my life!
Anonymous
Mostly in store, occasionally I’ll get delivery. People are pretty good about masks here.
Anonymous
Until I tested positive (traced to a specific exposure not grocery store related), I was going to the store once a week. While I am quarantined, I am using Instacart. I don’t love it (they forgot to leave me something I paid for – I got refunded), but obviously I am not going anywhere while positive.
Anonymous
Thank you for not going anywhere while positive. I wish more people would do that! Hope you feel better soon.
Anonymous
Thank you! I was careful, but obviously not careful enough. There is a zero percent chance I will go anywhere during the quarantine period. I would feel so incredibly guilty. I potentially exposed one person (who of course could potentially expose more) before I was aware I had been exposed and I feel awful about it.
Diana Barry
Delivery only: Baldor (wholesaler that does home delivery now), Whole Foods, and Dumpling (an app that will have the shopper go to any store, so I can have them go to market basket). I haven’t been to a grocery store since March.
BeenThatGuy
I’m going to look into Dumpling. I love and miss Market Basket!
anon
About half curbside pickup, half in-person store shopping. It has varied depending on what the numbers look like in my area. Over the summer, I felt comfortable shopping in person, but I’ve scaled way back given the caseloads. It’s not likely that I’d get sick that way, but not impossible, either. My FIL basically never left the house, except to get his weekly groceries, and still got covid (and died, btw).
Anonymous
I’m very sorry for your loss. It’s tragic and infuriating.
anon
Thank you. I feel like people think I’m making it up when I say he barely left the house during the pandemic — but he really didn’t. He had mobility limitations so even simple trips were NOT easy on him or his body. We truly have no idea how he was exposed. :(
Anonymous
I am so sorry. :(
Cat
Combination of in-store shopping and curbside. We have been doing weekly shops throughout. Generally mask compliance is very good in my neighborhood so the occasional rogue nose isn’t something that keeps me up at night.
emeralds
In store, once every week/week and a half. I live in a locality with high mask compliance and low rates; I’m really picky about produce; and grocery stores are statistically unlikely to give me covid.
Anony
Same here. Although sometimes one of us will have to make a quick stop for some random item but typically once a week-ish, in-store. DH is even pickier than me about produce but we both prefer to pick out of own groceries. And when we get there, there is always something that we had forgotten to put on the list.
anonshmanon
all of this for me too. People here wear masks, and stores limit capacity, so it’s usually a few minutes queuing. I am on the waitlist for a CSA but that’s less for covid reasons. If it works out, I could probably stretch grocery store trips to every 3 weeks, now it’s every 10ish days.
Anonymous
So people in the city are wearing their masks properly? Where are you shopping that feels safe? I am in the county just north of you that is insisting on keeping schools open. People here do not wear their masks over their noses.
emeralds
If I’m reading your comment right, I think you’re referring to a city I have since moved out of, sorry.
emeralds
If I’m not and you are referring to my current city (which I don’t remember having mentioned on here but I could be wrong!), I see mayyyyybe one person per trip with their mask under their nose. I go to the big grocery store on the south side of town at very random times of the day.
Anonymous
Ahhh, that makes sense.
Anonymous
In-store plus farmers market and occasional local farm pick-up. I also have a few things delivered via mail order. Same as before. I go a bit less often now as I am now working through my pantry and freezer.
buffybot
NYC – primarily through FreshDirect once a week (online delivery, pretty great service, enjoy giving my money to Not Amazon), with the occasional orders from AmazonFresh when FreshDirect doesn’t have something or we run out midweek, and maybe once every 2 weeks, a quick run to either the local small grocery store or Whole Foods if missing an ingredient. Plus the Farmer’s Market when the weather was good/there was produce, but not so much in the winter.
AFT
In IL, doing 80-90% delivery and 10-20% in store (masked, low traffic times, typically things we can’t get through Am@zon Fresh). I’d say our store usage is between where we were at the beginning of the pandemic (almost non-existant) and where we were in the good ol’ summer times (maybe 25%?)
NYCer
I go to the grocery store. We shop mainly at Trader Joes, which doesn’t have a delivery option in NYC.
NYNY
Weekly farmer’s market trip for as much as I can, supplemented by in-person grocery shopping no more than once a week. As winter advances, I’ll need to supplement more, so I’m considering Farm To People for a weekly delivery. I tried grocery delivery, and hated the substitutions, but my supermarket is good about enforcing masks, and I’m only there for 15 minutes, so I’m not worried about exposure there. I have gone and felt like there were too many people, but then I just leave and come another day.
Emma
My CSA/produce basket has added a lot of additional options since March (cheese, meat, pantry staples, etc) so honestly I mostly order from them. They deliver to my door and although it’s more expensive than the grocery store but also better quality. The range of choices can be narrower than I’m used to but I usually make do with what they have.
Vicky Austin
In store, always masked, once every two weeks.
Anon
NYC – just switched to Fresh Direct (delivery) only a few weeks ago. A few times my partner ran into the supermarket for 1-2 things we really needed, but I’m trying to discourage that as much as possible. The numbers are so high right now, and I’m so worried. I feel awful for the fresh direct workers and try to tip them a lot, but I also feel bad for the workers in my grocery store and it’s always so, so crowded in there.
AnonMPH
We’re just shifting back to in-person at Trader Joe’s. We were in various states of self-quarantine since mid-November to allow us to see different family members safely, so we were doing delivery only, either through Safeway’s app or through Whole Foods/Amazon Prime. It’s very physically convenient, but also still takes a fair amount of work and planning and the substitutions were driving me insane (no, a bag of garlic heads is not a substitution for fresh rosemary! A loaf of bread is not a substitution for bread crumbs!). Total first world problem, but if I’ve gone to all the trouble to pick three recipes I want to make this week, and ordered groceries specifically to be able to make them, and then my order is missing one key ingredient from each recipe, it’s annoying.
Anyway, DC’s cases are higher than I’d like them to be, but the surge isn’t insane here, and my neighborhood TJ’s isn’t super crowded and mask compliance is nearly 100%. Grocery bills are so so much less at TJ’s than any of our delivery options. So for now we’re hoping this will improve both our budget and the number of steps we get (we’re walking distance). Aiming for weekly trips but it will probably end up being twice weekly (oh hello milk going bad this morning and realizing we finally used up the giant cereal boxes we bought at Costco in November). As with all things COVID, we’ll continue to reassess as things shift. And maybe once my husband gets second dose of vaccine I’ll just make him get all the groceries until the pandemic is over…?
AnonMPH
Oh- also we get a “damaged” produce box weekly from Hungry Harvest, which makes the TJ’s option better. Their produce is always hit or miss.
anon
In person. Our area’s grocery delivery was never very good, and our last curbside attempt was a disaster. I shop in a local grocery store where aisles are wide, mask compliance among customers and employees is good, and I’m likely to get everything on my list, or at least a reasonable substitution, in one trip to a single store. The store doesn’t have curbside or delivery, so I can shop without being crowded by professional shoppers in a hurry to fulfill orders.
Gail the Goldfish
In-store. We usually go on Saturday or Sunday evenings (exciting life, I know), and there’s basically no one there. Our main grocery store usually has some people but not a ton, but I had to go to my backup grocery store last weekend to get something main grocery store doesn’t carry. They have a guy counting customers going in and out and husband saw his screen. Customers in the store: 4. (and these are large suburban southern grocery stores, not cramped city stores) My grocery stores also seem to have good mask compliance. I haven’t seen anyone failing to properly wear a mask in a while.
Anony
HA I know what you mean! ‘Date Night’ at the grocery store! Any time after 7:30 here is the time to go. I needed some things on New Year’s Eve and tried to go around 2:30; there were no parking spots and I was shocked.
Anon
Produce box + in store shopping
Ribena
Delivery once a month from the big supermarket chain, supplemented with going to the ‘posh’ local grocery store the other three weeks of the month for perishables – it’s the one with the widest aisles/ most space/ best practice on masking and shopper numbers.
In voluntary self-isolation just now after domestic travel so getting a supermarket delivery tonight and will be fine after that til next weekend.
Anon
In person. I WFH and my family is all low-risk, and those limited delivery and curbside slots should be saved for the high risk and elderly.
Anon
My husband is doing all of ours as he is lower risk than me and already an essential worker in the field. He at least has plentiful access to N-95s. I understand that if he gets it I’m likely to get it but if he found out promptly he was exposed, I could quarantine from him before he’s symptomatic. I’m also someone that catches everything that goes around (work from home has been amazing in this sense) and he very rarely gets sick so we hope he’s overall less likely to catch it than me. Oh and he now has his first dose of the vaccine!
We don’t have a big Instacart market here and we want to save those slots for people stuck in quarantine.
LaurenB
I still go to grocery stores as usual, though I don’t do any “pop-in and grab one thing” shopping; it’s more planned out. I don’t feel comfortable taking up delivery slots for people who might need them (high risk, elderly, immunocompromised, etc.). But I’m also in an area where I can fairly count on everyone wearing masks, and the stores restrict the number of people at one time so it’s never been crowded. I have seen exactly one person without a mask in a grocery store since the pandemic began, and that was a weirdo who had all kinds of whack-job bumper stickers on his car. While of course nothing is without risk, I don’t feel I’m really close to anybody in a grocery store for any meaningful length of time. People give one another space.
Bonnie Kate
In-store shopping because in my area to get curbside pickup you have to schedule more than a week in advance and I can never get my stuff together in enough time to do that. I only go every 2-3 weeks, and cut out Aldi stops – in normal times I like to get produce from Aldi, but now I’m just doing local meat market (family owned/want to continue to support a business that is taking sensible COVID precautions) and the big grocery store. Avoiding the closer smaller grocery store because all the employees and half of the customers aren’t wearing masks. DH doesn’t come with for grocery shopping any more; in beforetimes he would come with about 75% of the time.
I will say that in the past few months I definitely had some big anxiety spikes while grocery shopping, mostly related to flashbacks to the spring when the shelves were all empty from everyone panic-buying. For some reason I have random strong emotions pop up in grocery stores.
I do skip buying a Starbucks drink and sipping it while grocery shopping, even though the grocery store Starbucks is still open. I miss that.
Anon
We never stopped going to stores. Multiple stores per week since we have a household of 6. Mask compliance is good here. If masked grocery visits were a common source of transmission, I feel like we would have gotten it by now. (I sympathize with the poster whose relative got sick and died from just going to the store: heartbreaking).
Anonymous
Blue Apron box delivered covers most of my dinners, and then usually Whole Foods delivery. Maybe once a month or so, I’ll go in person. I prefer in person because not everything is always listed on the websites and sometimes the susbstitutions aren’t great if an item is out of stock. However, I hate carrying groceries (I’m in NYC), so delivery is more of a convenience thing than a COVID-avoidance thing.
Senior Attorney
Curbside pickup + meal kits (Sun Basket this month for their paleo options) + occasional Costco shipments of things like coffee beans and big jugs of olive oil.
PNW
Since I come in to my (30% capacity) office for work and that’s enough potential exposure for me, my husband is the only one going to stores. We do one big, planned shop on the weekend and usually have one quick run mid-week but try to avoid that. The stores in my city are very good about masks and distancing, which is ironic since we are in South Florida. They also are seldom ever crowded (even pre-pandemic) because there is a Publix about every 1/4 mile.
Anonymous
Curbside pickup at the big chain grocery store since slots are plentiful now. This fall I made two or three trips to Trader Joe’s first thing in the morning, but I haven’t done that since before Thanksgiving. I tried Shipt and Instacart a few times, but there were far more out-of-stock issues than with curbside pickup (probably because the curbside pickup store is pretty good about updating availability on its website) and the price markups were ridiculous. The curbside pickup store seems to charge the same prices for in-store shopping and curbside pickup. The main problem is that they seem to use curbside pickup to dispose of rotten produce and nearly expired items.
Anon
Amazon, curbside, and pick-up orders from local farms. I haven’t been inside any store since March; curbside or delivery has always been available.
Horse Crazy
In store, about once a week. I live in a rural enough area that we don’t have grocery delivery, and our local stores don’t offer curbside pickup. I also have a CSA box that I get once a week. I live in a very mask-compliant area.
Anonymous
Either my husband or I shop in person. One major shop each week, one or two fill-ins at a locally owned store that also has great prepared food. In CT, our state has relatively good numbers, my suburban town is even better, and everyone masks and social distances.
I leave the delivery and pick up options for people who really need them, it was so disheartening earlier to not be able to get food delivered to my 85 year old mom because there were no time slots available. Please don’t use delivery unless you are at high risk.
Not That Anne, the Other Anne
In person, once a week, but I switched grocery stores to the one that’s more strict about masking. It also, coincidentally, has better stocking than my previous store. There are fewer options because the store is smaller, but the shelves are almost never empty, even in the height of the Toilet Paper Insanity.
I’m lower-risk, so I want to leave the pickup/delivery spots for those who really need them.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I like ordering from Whole Foods because you can set substitution preferences when you place the order, and then they text you to confirm substitutions while picking and packing the order. I do that once a week, ideally delivery, but sometimes I settle for pickup. I’ve also started getting some of my non-perishables from Amazon Pantry and Target.
I do go to the store on weekends though. There’s one store near me that’s so unpopular there’s never even a line to get in. Everyone in there has a mask on, but there’s always a couple, family, or small group of roommates completely ignoring the one-way aisle markers. But I’m in and out fairly quickly. We did also start doing a monthly meat delivery from a local farm, they’re a little cheaper than Butcher Box AND the packaging is reusable, you leave your empty bag out and they pick it up when they deliver your monthly share. I actually just got my first delivery today, I’m pretty happy with it.
Anon
2 adults, 2 kids. One adult goes to a supermarket every 2 weeks. In the Before Times we’d supplement with an additional produce run on the off week or stopping at a different store on the way home from work to grab something we couldn’t find in the big shop, but we don’t do that anymore.
Anonymous
Target pick up; Thrive, and quarterly Eden and Stonewall Farms shipments; and a twice monthly in person trip to the market for fresh stuff. I go to Sprouts because Whole Foods is overrun with Amazon professional shoppers.
Anon
DH and I got a dyson vacuum and would like to mount it to the wall, but without using screws. has anyone tried command strips or the like? my online searches of alternative ways to mount weren’t very successful, so wanted to see if anyone here had any suggestions/ideas
anon
I don’t know that I’d rely on a command strip to hold up a $400 vacuum!
Cat
Why do you want to avoid screws? Those holes are easy to cover later if you’re renting. The only thing Command hooks have ever reliably supported for me are a mask or two on the back of the door. Even a 2-pound blow dryer defeated them within a week or so.
Anon
No, because you have to push up a bit to seat the vacuum in the charger (there’s a spring). The amount of force needed to put it on the charger – not huge, but not nothing – would make quick work of a command strip or other less permanent attachment. Use a screw, into a stud if possible.
AnonMPH
Yeah, I would say you need screws (either into studs or with good drywall anchors. Like Anon at 11:06 said, you have to push it a bit to click it in and you want to push against something solid. Having lived with it un-mounted for a few months, I want to encourage you to bite the bullet to mount it, even if you have to make a few holes in the wall. We mounted it in a place we can keep the charger plugged in, and we use it so much more often now that it’s always charged. It’s the best!
Anon
I left mine unmounted in a closet that happens to have an outlet inside it. My house doesn’t have drywall, but old and very hard plaster that is a massive pain to drill into.
Honey
What activities/events are you guys looking forward to doing this winter? I managed to find “joy” in December by looking forward to time off and doing festive things like decorating or looking at lights, but now the January blahs are setting in.
I think having something fun set up would help, but I’m stuck. The usual options of travel, movies, dinner out or seeing friends and family are out this year. Because of a neurological thing, I can’t do the fun cold weather activities like skiing. I’m really trying to avoid the winter blues. Any ideas?
Anonymous
Travel isn’t out for me. I booked a cozy Air BnB for a week in February. I’ll work from home from a delightful cabin in the woods with a fireplace and love it.
Anon
Same here. We’re okay with “travel” as in drive to an airbnb an couple hours from home (within the state).
Curious
Is everything cold out? We have been enjoying snowshoeing, which more consistently warms your body (no lifts).
Maybe get into all the holidays? Listen to MLK speeches for MLK day and make a Southern dinner, go on an Airbnb tour in Montgomery… Watch Hamilton for President’s day and make old fashioned ginger cookies… Valentines for EVERYONE and individually wrapped candy left on neighbors’ porches?
No Face
I bought a ninetendo switch and requested video games from the library. If I really like a game, I will buy it.
That’s all I got, sorry.
Is it Friday yet?
If you, or anyone else with a Switch, hasn’t played Hades yet, HIGHLY RECOMMEND. You’re the prince of the underworld, trying to escape, and while there’s an excellent main storyline there are also lots of other little threads you can pursue (romancing Death Incarnate and/or one of the Furies, reuniting both Orpheus/Euridice and Achilles/Patroclus, freeing Sysiphus from pushing a boulder from eternity, etc.). I usually hate roguelikes, but because dying is what progresses the storyline in this one, it doesn’t bother me at all when it happens. I think it was only like $25, as well, so totally worth the cost. I’m completely obsessed with it right now, it was perfect for hiding from the world and avoiding the emotional trauma of the holidays.
Anon
I had non idea you could request switch games from the library! Thank you
Bonnie Kate
Good question; I was just beginning to contemplate this yesterday. I had a lot going on personally in the last few months but it’s going to thankfully slow down here fast and the rest of winter is looking long.
Ideas:
Pick a fancy restaurant and get takeout from them. DH and I hadn’t done this and tried it a month ago with our favorite place we hadn’t been to forever and loved it. Delicious and felt special.
Pick a movie challenge and do that. DH “made” us watch only Halloween movies in October and Christmas movies in December, and that was surprisingly fun. Now I’m thinking we need another theme, and if you google movie challenge you’ll find all the different ideas. Click on the image tab and there are a ton of checklists.
Winter photography challenge. My best friend keeps taking the coolest winter pictures every day. Maybe commit to one picture every day? Just with a smart phone; no need to get crazy.
Moonstone
There is only one thing I like about January: Corduroy pants.
Anonymous
I am going full-on hygge. I bought an espresso maker and have two lattes every day. I have been baking cakes, cookies, and muffins. I put a not-Christmasy garland with fairy lights in it on the mantelpiece. I light a candle on the dinner table and turn on the gas fireplace every night.
Anonymous
I am determined to finish photo albums of all my trips from the past 3 years this winter. I used to be good about making albums as soon as I got home, but I am woefully behind.
Anon
Similarly — I’m finally going to finish scanning my box of family photos, pick a few to frame, and for bonus points will trying to make albums!
Anon
How many credit cards do you have? I currently have two and thinking about getting a third. I pay everything off in full each month and am responsible with my cards but I don’t “need” another.
Monte
Why are you thinking of getting another? I have one (Amex) and a debit card (Visa). Everything goes on the Amex other than a couple of really old recurring expenses and the occasional food order where the vendor doesn’t accept Amex.
I could in theory go for a higher reward card, but it just hasn’t been worth the hassle for me yet. But I guess the question is why you think you need more than one.
Anon
OP here: I currently have a cash back card and a travel card. However, my cash back card rewards are not good, id prefer a new card with better rewards. However, I wouldn’t get rid of the original cash back card as it’s my oldest existing line of credit (student loans are paid off). I’m young and so need to hold into it for my credit score.
CountC
This is my same arrangment – one Amex and a Chase Visa for everywhere that won’t take the Amex. I love the cash back rewards on my Amex.
Anonymous
One. Same one for last 20 years. I have a mastercard, DH has a visa. Both are set on automatic deduct and paid off every month. We only have them for the airline points.
ollie
I have 5: a general cash back card (Citi Double Cash), a card with higher rewards for travel and dining, a Target store card for 5% off and free shipping, a Discover card that I keep because it’s my oldest card and I only use now for the rotating 5% cash back categories, and an Uber card that was my general-purpose card until they changed the rewards categories and made all rewards Uber cash instead of real cash. I rotate which ones I used based on rewards category, and I pay off in full every month.
ollie
I should add: I don’t carry any cards with annual fees
Cat
Four (primary, backup, and two store cards that are worth it for rewards). Pay them all off each month.
Anonymous
I think this depends on your desire to maximize points. My sibling is a Points Person and has probably 7-10 different cards – they traveled for work pre-COVID and were permitted to keep their points, so this made sense. They’ve taken a lot of really cool vacations for free using points.
I originally didn’t care about points but my sibling helped me become a Lazy Points Person. I have three cards. My sibling had me look at my expenses to figure out my key areas of spending. I ended up with one card that helps me maximize travel points based on my spending; one card with a high cash back rate for other things, and one card only used for Amazon purchases (although I’ve dramatically decreased Amazon usage). I’m happy with this arrangement – I get meaningful benefits from the points/cash back but I spend almost zero thought on the points stuff.
emeralds
Lazy points people unite :)
Anon
This is the OP. I’m a middle of the road points person -I have a basic discover for cash back and the chase sapphire preferred for travel. I put every single purchase on a credit card, with the exception of places with cash discounts (like my nail salon, before covid). I only ever use my debit card at an ATM – to me, not using a credit card is losing money! There are two other cash back cards I’m looking at getting that do much better than my current one but I’ll keep my current one since I got it at 19 and it’s my oldest line of credit. I definitely see credit cards (used responsibly) as a way to earn rewards, while I guess others more as a means to an ends which is why I’m interested in a new one even if I don’t need it
Anonymous
Two. One cash back card, and one with no foreign transaction fees. My combined credit limit is $35K, and I also have about $20K in cash in my emergency fund. I can’t imagine a situation where I would need quick access to any more than that.
emeralds
I have two. One I got my senior year in college and will keep forever, since it’s good for extending my credit history and doesn’t carry a fee; and then a Chase Sapphire Preferred, for the travel benefits. I put everything I can on the Chase for points, and chuck a takeout order or a grocery trip on the other one every few months to keep it active. (Obviously I pay it in full every month.)
Why are you thinking about adding a third, if you don’t need another one?
anon
DH and I have 5 total–2 in my name, 3 in his (I think). We have a general cash back card from Fidelity, the American Express Blue Cash Preferred, the Chase Sapphire Preferred, an Amazon credit card from Synchrony, and an older free bank credit card that has a high limit and is DH’s longest credit history.
Anonymous
Chase sapphire — the points have funded most of my travel since I got it in 2012. Also a target card for the 5% off and free shipping and as an emergency back up card. I rarely use the latter. Using just one card makes it easier to keep an eye on my spending.
Ribena
Three.
An Amex for their points.
A MasterCard linked to one of our stalwart high street shops (M&S) for when I’m shopping there or places that don’t take Amex (ie instead of Amex points I get points that become M&S vouchers).
A bank-branded ‘student MasterCard’ with a really low credit limit which I can’t figure out how to cancel without going into a branch, and which I think I might as well keep open just in case.
Anonymous
More than I would have if it was just up to me, but husband is a Cash Back/Points Person. We have Lowe’s (5% off Lowes purchases), Amazon (5% off amazon), one that’s 3% on gas & restaurants, one that’s 3% on groceries, and one that’s 2% back on everything. Oh, and one that’s 5% on rotating categories that doesn’t get used much any more because the categories are usually not helpful (this was the first one we got years ago and just haven’t cancelled). Half the time I forget which one I’m supposed to use for which category, of course. None of these have an annual fee and are paid in full every month.
Anonymous
Forgot one: Quicksilver card for international travel because it has no international transaction fee.
Walnut
Three. A Fidelity cash back for 95% of purchases that deposits into my brokerage account each month, a travel card for my preferred airline that we use for point advantaged travel spending, and my super old bank visa that is in my name only. The other two cards are joint with my spouse.
emily
My husband and I have at least 10-12 between us – medium Points People plus we never close cards that don’t have an annual fee, even if we don’t use them much. Each have a Chase Sapphire Reserve as our main cards, others that get a lot of use are Amazon, Bank of America cash rewards, and sometimes the Costco Visa which isn’t a great card but is the easiest to use at Costco since it doubles as the membership card!
Anonymous
I have an AmEx for the points and a Visa that I use as a backup that is tied to my favorite airline and keeps my miles alive.
Kelsey
My dentist went out of her way on her day off to call multiple people in her network to arrange for a much needed procedure and I am grateful beyond words. I’d like to give her a thank you gift when I see her. She doesn’t drink alcohol. Does anyone have any suggestions? I was thinking either pastries for her staff from a good bakery (but with covid I don’t know about this idea) or a box of see’s for her kids. Any thoughts?
Senior Attorney
I feel like sticky candy for a dentist’s kids might not be the best thing. How about flowers for her office?
Anon
I think flowers are a wonderful idea. If she can’t use them at the office (public allergies), she could take them home with her.
Brunette Elle Woods
Flowers and a very nice card.
Anon in Dallas
Here’s another question about office chairs.
I just started a new job and the chair they gave me is godawful so I’m switching it out ASAP. It’s going to my office so I don’t care how it looks and I’d prefer black but I’m open to other colors if a chair is the right choice. Thoughts?
LaurenB
I am curious about what you think the responsibility of a physician is in this situation:
H is a physician who employs about 12 people, obviously follows / enforces Covid protocols in the office and in our personal life.
One of his long-time staffers had a death in the family so he felt obligated to make an appearance at the funeral — in-and-out, show his (masked) face, remain socially distant, pay his respects and then out of there — which I understand and fully trust that he wouldn’t hang around and chit-chat. He did so, and told me that when he was there, there were other people there who didn’t have masks on. I said – really, in the middle of a freakin’ pandemic? And you didn’t say anything to them? My feeling is – he’s a doctor, he should be an advocate for mask-wearing in a public setting. He said, basically, you can’t fix stupid and I was more concerned about just getting in and out and not starting an argument with someone who probably wasn’t going to listen anyway. We’re (lightly) disagreeing on this, so I’m curious what your take is on the ethical responsibility of a physician in this regard and in this setting.
Anon
In a normal situation maybe it’s appropriate to say something, though they’re probably not going to listen anyway. At a funeral it’s creating drama and it is more appropriate to leave.
Anonymous
He should have left immediately.
LaurenB
Anonymous at 1:32 pm – he did leave immediately. He wasn’t even there for 5 minutes, and that’s being generous. It was literally “show my face, say I’m so sorry for your loss, murmur a few comforting words, and peace out.”
Anonymous
+1. I’m not above judging stupid people, but a funeral isn’t the time to pick that fight. Get in, get out, go home.
pugsnbourbon
+1. I’m with your husband here.
The people at the funeral knew they should have been wearing masks and chose not to (which is irresponsible of them); the best thing for your husband to do was leave as quickly as possible.
Anonymous
This.
Senior Attorney
Agree. Don’t make drama, but get out ASAP.
anon
I don’t think a physician has a responsibility to start an argument with stupid people in the middle of his employee’s family member’s funeral. Just get in and out, and move on.
Cat
+1
Cat
Adding – picture this from the employee’s view. “My boss came to the funeral which was really nice of him, but then he picked a fight with Aunt Karen over mask wearing and it’s all they could talk about afterward. Now I feel like my family hates my boss.”
Anon
+1
Anon
What? No, physicians are absolutely not required to start fights everywhere they go just because they have medical degrees. Not to mention, it’s probably not a very effective strategy.
Vicky Austin
He should be an advocate for mask-wearing in a public setting.
For these purposes, a funeral is not a public setting.
Vicky Austin
I mean, yes, they should have had masks on at the funeral. Sorry, it sounds like I was saying it was ok not to. The funeral is not the setting for this advocacy, is a better way to put it.
Thanks, it has pockets!
I agree. There are many situations where it would be appropriate to say “hey, you need to wear a mask” and have “I’m a doctor” in his pocket in case people push back, but at a funeral, you want to avoid doing or saying anything that’s likely to cause unnecessary conflict. Telling people to wear masks won’t result in them putting on masks, it’ll just start a fight.
Anonymous
My take is he is the physician he gets to decide not you. End of story.
LaurenB
Well of course he got to decide, not me; I wasn’t there. I was curious what others thought.
Anon
I mean, it’s a funeral. If he saw someone smoking, would he feel obligated to say something at a funeral? People are there to grieve and pay respects, not get a public health lecture. If you did, and I were the surviving spouse, I’d be pretty incensed. If the deceased died of Covid (I assume not, or you’d likely have mentioned it), then there’s a bit of macabre humor in not wearing a mask, but I still wouldn’t say something.
Marie
Agree with the comments above. People who aren’t wearing masks at public events at this point either have made a concerted choice not to do so or are being willfully ignorant about the risks. Nothing your husband could have said, physician or not, would have changed anyone’s behavior in the moment. The only result would have been inciting defensiveness at his employee’s family member’s funeral. His goal in attending the funeral was to offer his support, and he accomplished that by showing up for his employee. Getting into an argument with employee’s family members/friends at a funeral would have put his employee who is grieving in an uncomfortable situation during what is already an extremely difficult time, which is opposite to his intention to show the employee support. I think he handled the situation appropriately and tactfully, given the circumstances.
Anon
I wouldn’t even expect him to say something in public. There are way too many crazy people out there. The only way I would is if I was going to have prolonged contact with someone I couldn’t avoid, in which case I would ask super nicely and tell them I’m high risk instead of demanding they do it and tell them they are stupid. I think I’d have a much better result with “I’m sorry, I’m high risk, can you put your mask back on while you check me out” versus “are you an idiot? It’s a pandemic. Put that GD mask on!” Someone you are just passing in an aisle, ignore and get away.
Anonymous
I wouldn’t expect him to say anything in either a public or private setting. Anyone with half a brain and who cares in the least for others is wearing a mask at this point. Including my dad with COPD and 50% lung capacity. If people aren’t wearing a mask it’s either because they have some exceptionally rare medical condition that prevents it or it is because they are conspiracy theorists with zero empathy for their fellow humans. Him confronting them does not help in either situation.
Like at that mall in California, a doctor confronted the protestors and said her mom had covid and they were like ‘everyone dies’. They DNGAF.
LaurenB
Thanks everyone. This is helpful to hear your perspectives.