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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This cardigan from ba&sh is described as a “little couture jacket that’s revisited in a knit,” and that feels spot-on. I love the round neckline and 7/8-length sleeves, which lend themselves perfectly to accessorizing.
The best part is that it comes in 12 (!) different colors, perfect for topping off any fall outfits. This olive green caught my eye, but I could also be persuaded to add the kelly green or navy versions to my collection.
The sweater is $380 at ba&sh and comes in sizes XS–XL, but size availability may vary depending on color.
A more affordable option is from J.Crew Factory — it's available in XXS–3X for $48.50.
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Anon
Reposting from weekend thread:
Has anyone tried Musely The Spot cream to treat melasma/dark spots? I’m 40 with olive skin and prone to hypopigmentation when scars (loss of pigment.) Have some dark sun spots on my face and above my lips but am afraid of causing hypopigmentation. Thanks and would love to hear your product recommendations
Anonymous
The only thing that ever worked for me was YAG laser at the dermatologist.
Anon
I tried it – no hypopigmentation but it didn’t work at all.
Anon
Yes, I gave it a full three months and it did nothing. I’m trying Moxi/BBL lasers now and showing some progress, but obviously that’s a lot more money (I have darker skin so I can’t use most lasers).
Anon
Hi, fellow melasma sufferer here. I haven’t tried that product, but I took a quick look. Looks like there are several different formulations for that product. The actives look good (although 12% hydroquinone is higher than I’ve seen before). Only the hydroquinone is associated with hypopigmentation AFAIK. My understanding from lots of reading and talking to my board-certified derm is that melasma is a complex and stubborn condition. Different people can have different triggers. The idea of using multiple different actives like in that product makes sense from the standpoint that they target different pathways for melasma to occur or worsen. I think it looks worth trying.
I use 6% hydroquinone nightly and am seeing modest results. No hypopigmentation on my light olive skin (I’d call myself relatively fair but I’m considered “dark” in my Asian community.) I’m going to use it for 4 months then take a break for a month (per derm’s rx). I’m thinking of trying tranexamic acid during my off month. I also use tretinoin, vit C, azelaic acid, and salicylic acid, though not all at once!
I think I’ve seen the biggest treatment benefit from the Clear + Brilliant Permea laser, which I’m going to do again later this year. And the biggest prevention benefit has been through a combination of a high SPF, PA++++ sunscreen that’s tinted or combined with a tinted makeup product. Melasma is often reactive to visible light, and the only thing that protects against that is a visible shield such as products with iron oxides: foundation, tinted moisturizer, tinted sunscreen, etc.
Anon
Do any of you have a primary or secondary home located on or near water (lake or ocean?) Are any of you contemplating a move (retirement or just a move in general) near a body of water and how do you gauge climate change and flood risk? I feel 100000x happier living near water, but am cognizant that my inexpensive current home with a good amount of equity (purchased for 200k something now worth 475k and rising) is much safer. Contemplating eventually renting it out and trying to purchase a condo or inexpensive second home but know that doing so would be fairly unwise.
Anon
We owned a home in a beach town in California that we sold last year, not entirely but partially due to climate change. Our concerns were more fires and mudslides than flood because of our location, but there have has been sole flooding there, too. It has been great to not have this particular worry since then, although prices have continued to escalate.
Anon
Can you put in a pool where you are? I get that it’s not a natural body of water, but it’s a realistic compromise. My pool in the suburbs brings me a great deal of calm and relaxation.
Anonymous
Publicly available flood risk mapping is a good starting place. If it’s not available in an area, then it shows that it’s not being taken seriously especially with climate change. Pay attention to the 1 in 50 and 1 in 100 year predictions as those are much more likely than they used to be with climate change. Most regulation is currently based around 1 in 20 year scenarios and hasn’t caught up to 1 in 100 year events.
And cost/risk analysis. My parents bought a cottage in a lower cost area knowing that they could lose it to rising sea levels as it’s closer to the water than would be permitted now. They are prepared to risk that for the time they will get there. They don’t keep anything valuable in the cottage and it’s not dangerous like on a height of land.
Anon
+1 to cost/risk analysis. I have an inherited family beach house, I know it’s probably going to be a problem in ~30ish years but I love spending time there with family and friends, I love the beach, and I love my lifestyle at the beach. So I’m going to enjoy it now while I can and deal with the consequences later. No mortgage and we rent it out for the month of July to offset costs, so I don’t spend much money on it so I feel like I can “afford” for it to not be a good financial decision in 30 years, but I’ll get 30 years of enjoyment out of it.
Anoon
I think inherited properties are a much different calculus than purchasing a home, as OP is asking.
Anonymous
Your local to the area Flood Plane Managers would be able to tell you were to find your state or areas flood risk maps. You can also start with FloodSmart from FEMA and the National Flood Insurance Program https://www.floodsmart.gov/flood-zones-and-maps
Anon
I have an inherited second home (shared with several family members) at a beach destination. We have no plans to sell. House had a line of credit on it when we inherited it, we rent it out for ~6 weeks a year to pay for that, upkeep, taxes, and insurance. We probably spend a few thousand of our own money on it a year, rentals cover the rest. I recognize that this is a very different financial picture than other people with second houses.
We mostly keep it because we LOVE it, but the fact that a) it doesn’t cost us all that much and b) we know if we sell we’ll never, ever be able to get back “in” also helps us decide to keep it.
FWIW, I work for FEMA and spend a lot of my life working on natural disasters that are exacerbated by climate change. I know that this isn’t the wisest house to own, but its chock full of family memories and sentiment and I (and my family) just love the beach so much.
I currently rent in a city, so my access to nature is otherwise pretty limited without the beach house. When I’m ready to buy a house, it will be a very safe purchase and will be “boring” (suburban house, probably in a development, in a school district) and thus a safer investment.
I agree that a beach house or any house on a tidal waterway (coastal rivers, bays, and the like) are not good ideas moving forward due to climate change. I would think that a lake is a “safer” investment though as at the least it’s insulated from sea level rise.
Anon
This is why g-d invented renting someplace for a year and seeing how it goes. It’s OK to dip a toe into something without going all in with limited knowledge.
Anon
How would renting for one year help the OP to “gauge climate change and flood risk”?
Anon
Man, people so needing some coffee this morning! Must be a Monday.
For starters, whether street flooding is currently already a problem, if you can even get homeowners insurance (not flood, just general) easily or it’s shockingly expensive, whether condos are doing huge assessments to shore them up, etc.
caveat emptor
Anon
I would caution the OP against following this advice.
Anon
Agree this isn’t necessarily good advice. As a renter you’re not going to be able to get good ideas on insurance or condo assessments. For street flooding, a) you can find that info without being there and b) street flooding isn’t the main issue – the real imminent concern is tidal or coastal flooding from major storms and the long term concern is sea level rise.
Anon
IDK Buy the milk and see if it feels worth it to buy the cow?
Anon
Just a PSA for everyone (renters and owners) living in any sort of flood plain (this could be living over a mile from an inland river, FYI – chef your flood maps!) – Flood insurance is separate from renters / homeowners insurance. Your regular insurance will not pay out for flood damages if you experience flooding. You need separate flood insurance on top of your regular insurance!!!
The threshold for FEMA funding via individual assistance is pretty high – it looks at OVERALL losses / costs not individual ones. If an individual home is decimated but that’s the only one, then there will not be a disaster declaration and therefore there will be no federal or FEMA funding for you.
Anon
Completely agree! Anyone shopping should consult flood maps early in their search and understand that renters/homeowners insurance does not cover flooding. Buying flood insurance is the only way to guarantee that you will have coverage in the event of flooding. Flood insurance can be very expensive, so you could consider that expense when evaluating the all-in cost of a property.
anon a mouse
I would buy something near but not on the water, ideally uphill with a view. Flood risks are not going to ease anytime soon, and insurance premiums are going to continue to rise. I’d be perfectly happy with a condo a half-mile or mile away from water with a nice view. It’s a good time to familiarize yourself with the FEMA flood maps – you can learn a lot about where water travels within an area, even the areas that aren’t designated flood plains.
Anon
This. I wouldn’t buy beach front anymore, but I would definitely buy near the water. If there’s a hill that’s even better (no hills near the beach in my neck of the woods), but even without a hill (or a view) being like a half mile and elevated on pilings from the water would be great.
anomanom
This is what I did – my primary residence is up on a hill overlooking really beautiful inland lakes. I originally was looking on a lake but between flood concerns and a water loving dog, realized my life would be better looking at the lake and driving 5 mins to put my feet in it. The joke among friends and family now is my house on the hill is now the safe place should water start rising.
Anon
Above, I mentioned selling a house in California. It was, indeed, uphill, with a view on the water in the distance. It was also downhill from other houses in an area that has experienced mudslides, and we had needed to evacuate for fires several times. West coast climate change brings a trifecta of flooding, fires and mudslides.
Anonymous
Not every where is like California with earth slides. A hill is good in 99.9 % of cases.
Anon
Dumb question – what’s the risk with lakes? I very much understand ocean, river, and other coastal concerns due to both hurricanes and rising sea levels, but I would think that lakes are relatively risk free? FWIW, I live near the ocean and a tidal river but no lakes near me so I may just be misinformed.
anon
Lakes overflow, too?
Anonymous
Less flood risk with inland lakes but other climate change issues like algae blooms making the water unpleasant and sometimes unusable.
Anon
In the west, I would say that lakes are pretty risk-free in terms of flooding (except for the odd high water year where rivers take out homes), but they’re usually in areas with high wildfire risk. Lake Tahoe, for example, has had severe fires almost every summer for the past several years and it has affected the recreation opportunities for locals and tourists.
Anon
It depends on the exact lake. It is hard to generalize. Big Bear Lake (In California) is not likely to overflow but is in an area of high flood risk. Lake Santeetlah (in North Carolina and where my family has its lake house) is in an area of only moderate fire risk and the lake is controlled by a TVA dam (and most of the houses are up high because it is the mountains) so low flood risk.
Also when you talk about beaches there is a lot of variability: open ocean or bay? Right on the sand or a few blocks in? I have a friend with a house a five minute walk from the beach and that is very different than a house right on the boardwalk in the same neighborhood.
Anon
High FIRE risk. Big Bear Lake is in an area of high FIRE risk. Dear God I need more coffee.
Anon
I know people whose beach is shrinking. Extreme weather (droughts, heavy rain) can affect the water level. If the water level is low it can become too shallow to back your boat out of the dock. It’s also easier for seaweed to grow, which can wrap around your boat’s propeller or clog up the engine of your wave runner. If the water level is too high some towns institute no-wake laws. Maybe your house isn’t at risk but your recreation options are limited during an already short season.
Anonymous
Yep, an ironic risk with lakes is that of course they could flood, but they could also disappear or be variable with drought conditions. My husband’s parents had a lake house where the lake has receded 50 feet from shore, so you had to walk out on mud flats and can’t launch boats from shore except at the island maintained (island with lake in the middle!) launch site. I think the lake has recovered with higher current water levels, but the water level will be down again when there’s a drought.
Who knows what it’ll look like in a few more decades.
Another consideration is if you can buy a home near major medical centers and other conveniences as you get older. There are tons of lakes out there in the world, but only so many that have accessibly built houses, convenient to cities. Do you want to be three hours from cancer treatment and specialist doctors?
anomanom
Midwest lake heavy area – heavy snowfall winter or a heavy rain spring can raise lake levels pretty quickly depending on the soil in the area.
Anon
The FEMA flood maps will help you to understand current flood risks. I have no experience with it, but I’ve heard that First Street is a good resource for evaluating future risks of all environmental hazards (flood, wildfire, pollution, etc.)
Anon
So not me, but relatives who have bought in Florida for retirement. They intentionally bought much smaller than would otherwise be affordable and actually didn’t get flood insurance at all – cost of insurance was basically higher than seemed worth it, they figure if it gets flooded/destroyed, they’ll just take the loss, and they have enough in savings to buy elsewhere at that point. So for them, it was a cost-benefit analysis: living near the water is a major quality of life benefit for now; and they have a backup plan they’re comfortable with for *when* (and it’s likely a when, not an if) the house gets destroyed.
Anoon
I think if you are in a flood zone you are REQUIRED to carry flood insurance. If it was optional for your relatives then they must not have been in a flood zone? Or maybe that varies by state and Florida is characteristically under-regulated!
Anon
As far as I know, you’re only required to buy insurance if you have a mortgage. Maybe some states are different, though.
Anoon
Ah, it didnt even occur to me that folks are purchasing without a mortgage, LOL. How the 1% lives…
Anon
actually, informally passing down houses is really common with lower income families. But then your house floods because and you don’t have flood insurance because you didn’t know it was a requirement because the house hasn’t had a mortgage on it in decades and you may or may not have a title or deed for the house you’ve lived in and “owned” for 20 years.
Anon
It’s a requirement of mortgage lenders. Not a government requirement.
Anonymous
It really is a cost benefit analysis. Housing has gone up so much recently that it can be much more expensive to pay for a new build than when people bought in. For the risk averse, you should consider if your savings can keep up with more aggressive inflation projections. Also in California, I know of people who built beautiful mansions with horse stables, etc out in the country (east county of southern california) who can’t get fire insurance anymore. If they ever want to sell, they’ll have to take a big hit on what the property would be worth with standard insurance.
Anonymous
We have a place on a hill above a lake; gorgeous, but we have fire, earthquake and avalanche risks. We inherited it, but would never have bought it. We still have insurance but it’s price has doubled.
Anon.
Don’t come to Florida.
Runcible Spoon
My Roth is at Tweedy, Browne, and I’ve always done the back-door Roth contribution by myself. They are very efficient at processing the forms and deposit, especially near the tax deadline (I’m a procrastinator). Basically, you open a new conventional IRA and fund it, and simultaneously fill out the form to deposit 100% of the contents of that conventional IRA account into the existing Roth account, and to close out the conventional IRA acocuntl. There may be a difference in deposit amounts by a few dollars, depending on market change, but that gets addresed in your tax return paperwork. Once the funds are moved to the Roth, they appreciated tax-fee!
Runcible Spoon
Oops, sorry, thread-embed error. This was meant for the comment below (“Investing q”)
investing q
Is it unrealistic of me to think that I could handle making my and my husband’s backdoor Roth IRA contributions? It seems simple and straightforward to me. In case it matters, this would be at Fidelity.
anon
We do ours solo, but at least when I started doing backdoor contributions in 2017 it wasn’t easy through Fidelity so I opened up a new Roth IRA at Schwab. Now I have two Roths that I should eventually consolidate, one at Fidelity and one at Schwab. Schwab makes backdoor contributions very easy. DH has his at Vanguard which is fine but seems to take a few more days to process.
OP
Thank you very much!
Anon
Not to thread jack, but what does backdoor mean here?
Anon
It means contributing to a Roth IRA even though your income precludes it. Google can explain it better than I can.
Anon
Good question
It literally a way for high income folks to get the tax advantages of a Roth, and oddly it is legal. Why it exists makes no sense to me.
Anon
I’m not sure how else you can do it. Even if you get a broker or advisor, there is still the basic paperwork to do unless you give someone a POA, no?
OP
Currently, I give our advisor a heads up that I’m transferring $14K and he should use it for our backdoor Roth IRA contributions. He handles literally everything else. I’m trying to determine how difficult that “everything else” is.
Anon
You can definitely do it, it’s easy. The only catch is that if you have a managed account with an advisor, they might insist on being the ones to push the final button, but you could still call and give the instructions.
Paris
We’re headed to Paris at the end of September for 6 nights to celebrate an anniversary. I have never been and DH has been but years ago. We unexpectedly had time off so this is very last minute. Flights are booked. Any recommendations for areas to stay or specific hotels that are nice and walkable to the main attractions? Also, recommendations for tours? I think we’d like to do a couple day trips while we’re there (Versailles. Maybe Normandy or Champagne). My husband prefers having small group or private tours booked and/or a concrete daily plan. Also, just checked and Eiffel Tower tickets are sold out except for the “plus champagne toast” option. Should I get that or are there better ways to get to the summit when the online tickets are sold out? Finally, recommendations for restaurants? We’d like to have a couple special ones booked ahead. Thanks!
Cat
Logistics:
-Buy a Navigo Decouvert weekly pass. The metro is SO easy to save your feet, and if you buy the pass, the RER to the airport is included, meaning it half pays for itself immediately.
-Related, but Citymapper is the best for a quick evaluation of walk vs. metro
-Hotel Monge has been recommended here several times and I passed it along; friends have all raved about the value.
What to see:
-We prefer no more than 2 touristy attractions per day to leave time for the best part of Paris – sitting, eating, and people-watching.
-I would skip going up the Eiffel Tower or just climb the stairs a level or two if you have healthy legs (typically negligible wait time). Go up the Montparnasse tower instead so you can get the skyline without it (a big brick) instead, or the top of the Arc de Triomphe, or the view from Sacre Coeur.
-Normandy would be a LONG day. With 6 days I wouldn’t spend one of them there unless it’s particularly meaningful to you.
-I could not WAIT to escape the inside of Versailles as it was wall to wall people, stuffy, pushy, like you were on a moving walkway of humans and selfie sticks. And this was in September. I would go to absorb the scale of the place and then get out to the gardens for a beautiful day outside. We rented bikes to pedal around the enormous pond, get out to Petit Trianon, and that was by far the best part of the day.
-Highly recommend a day trip to Champagne!
Senior Attorney
Counterpoint: I had heard Versailles was super crowded and not so fun, but we were surprised by how much we loved it, including the inside. We did a private tour with driver and car that included a stop at Monet’s house in Giverny and it was a great day. We found it on Viator.
Food: I just discovered an outfit called eatwith dot com that matches you with people who live in different cities around the world, including Paris, and they host you in their homes. Haven’t tried it yet but have a dinner set up for Paris this coming October. Also the food tours from Paris By Mouth are great.
We have stayed at the Hotel Regina (super expensive but can’t beat the location across the street from the Louvre) and Hotel d’Angleterre in St. Germain de Pres and loved them both.
Anon
Hotel Regina is the best!
Anon
I loved Versailles too. One of those tourist things along with the Vatican that actually lived up to the hype for me.
anon
Additional counterpoint: we never planned on going up the Eiffel Tower but we happened to be strolling by it around 4pm and there was no line so we said what the hell. It was a top 3 highlight of our trip, hands down. We were up there as the light show came on, grabbed (obscenely overpriced but #yolo) champagne at the top. Honestly, it was awesome.
Cat
oh restaurants – Frenchie and Septime were both divine (I think res open a certain # days in advance, look them up and mark your calendar), and otherwise we love just trying nearby cafes and ending up returning to our favorite a few times!
Anonymous
Frenchie was so, so good. Books up very quickly when reservations open, though. My husband had to do it at an odd time of day, IIRC, because of the differences in time zones.
Cat
this is a great tip – we did this too. Like if res open at midnight at 14 days prior to the dining date, that’s 6pm Eastern the day BEFORE 14 days prior.
Anon88
For the hotel– I went in March and stayed at Hotel des Grands Voyageurs– LOVED it and will absolutely stay there again. Location was great, rooms were small but extremely nice and the staff were all very helpful. Also, it’s somehow not that expensive. Definition of a hidden gem.
Of Counsel
Oh I am jealous! September in Paris is lovely (although early September can be quite hot so check the weather before you leave; I went last year and it hovered around 100 degrees the first three days of my trip).
I am going to disagree slightly over the recommendation for Navigo Decouverte. It can be great, especially if you are comfortable using it with luggage from the airport but it is only worth the money if you are going to be there Monday through Sunday. Iff your stay (for example) starts on a Saturday and runs through Thursday, you would need two and that gets pricey. I generally find the Navigo Easy is much better for most tourists. It is easier to use and the cost savings are negligible even if your stay does fall between Monday to Sunday. But full disclosure – I prefer a taxi from the airport to the city because I hate trying to navigate the Metro with luggage when I am jet lagged coming from California. But 100% take the Metro! It is faster and easier than trying to get taxis or Uber. Google maps will give you great directions.
I disliked Versailles for the same reasons Cat pointed out – it is crazy crowded. But the gardens are beautiful. That said, I preferred Giverny. Rheims was absolutely amazing! Take the train, see the cathedral and visit at least one champagne house (Pommery is lovely and you can almost always get a last minute ticket). The people in their visitor information center are very, very helpful. IMO Normandy is too far for a day trip with only six days.
Tours – I booked a lot of small group tours through Airbnb. I can recommend the Louvre tour with Martina and the walking tour (five hours and a really good overview) with Claire. I have generally had good luck with tours booked through them but double check with TripAdvisor on the reviews.
Food – I ate amazing food but mostly just looked at Yelp and went wherever was close/convenient for lunch. Once you decide where you are staying (for a first visit I recommend staying relatively central on either side of the river) come back and let us know. I might have some recommendations. I was traveling with family so Airbnb’d and therefore do not have any hotel recommendations.
Les Frenchies have a lot of really good videos on YouTube. The one on navigating the Metro as a first time visitor is particularly good. Hope you have a great trip.
Anon
Normandy is awesome but not really a day trip, IMO. We did 2 nights (one full day and two partial days) and it was not enough. But if you can swing that I highly recommend!
For Versailles try to get your tickets ahead of time (maybe in combo with your train ticket) instead of waiting in line when you get there. This may be dated information and maybe you can just buy everything online and not have to wait these days…but I remember spending like 2 hours of my Versailles trip in a ticket line
Cat
https://en.chateauversailles.fr/plan-your-visit/tickets-and-prices
You still have to wait in the security line, but you can and should 100% buy tickets online in advance!
Agent99
Re Normandy, we did do it as a day trip a couple of years back – long day, but doable. We took an early train from Paris, booked a half-day guided tour, had a lovely dinner of moules frites near the train station, and were back in Paris late in the evening. We didn’t want to burn two days on that trip (I think our whole trip was also about six days) so it was worth it to us.
Senior Attorney
We had a private guide and were able to skip the line. HIGHLY RECOMMEND.
Anonymous
My husband and I stayed at Hotel du Louvre and loved it. We had a small balcony overlooking the Louvre got some decent perks by booking with our Chase card travel portal (the breakfast buffet was incredible!).
Z
RE Eiffel tower:
I went to Paris early last September. I also saw that the only tickets available online are “plus with champagne toast” and $100+. We ended up just going to the Eiffel Tower and buying tickets in person. We went late in the afternoon and the line to buy tickets was not long at all, with plenty of availability. I’m not sure if we got lucky that day or if it just isn’t as busy that time of year.
It takes a considerable amount of time to get up the tower, so do plan for that. We were in line for the first elevator for about 30 minutes. The next elevator had a much slower moving line and we had dinner reservations coming up, so we took our pictures on the second level and left. The view was still incredible and we felt very high up, so I don’t feel like I missed out and probably would have been scared at the very top.
Seventh Sister
We went about 18 months ago and bought a $$ Viator Eiffel tower tour, definitely recommend as an option (grumpy unpleasant Americans with us but the tour guide was lovely and fantastic). Our AirBnB was near Montmarte (near Absesses), the area was very central and quite safe. Not necessarily the best food (good but not great), but we did a dinner river cruise and it was super fun (Calife was our boat).
Lorelei Gilmore
We went about 18 months ago and bought a $$ Viator Eiffel tower tour, definitely recommend as an option (grumpy unpleasant Americans with us but the tour guide was lovely and fantastic). Our AirBnB was near Montmarte (near Absesses), the area was very central and quite safe. Not necessarily the best food (good but not great), but we did a dinner river cruise and it was super fun (Calife was our boat).
Anonymous
Do the champagne toast option for the Eiffel Tower! There’s really no better place to enjoy a glass of champagne, IMO. We did that toast option at sunset and it was so beautiful to be able to see the view in daylight and then as it got dark.
KP
So like do you hand him an agenda each day? Your husband sounds like a lot of work.
Anon
You sound needlessly judgmental.
Anon
I’m at the point in my summer where I think it would be nice to have a fall weather break. Just a week of mid/late-fall weather to before going back to summer. I was master of the universe, we’d also have a spring weather break in later February or early March.
Anon
I would love a good week of skiing weather: 6″ of fresh powder, highs in the low 30s, and then back to our regularly scheduled summer programming.
Anon
Yes, we have a cold snap of highs in the 70s coming this week and I’m actually excited!
anon
Me too. I’m not ready to give up summer yet, but a break in temperatures would be glorious. As it is, we’re supposed to be in the 80s by the weekend and I am so excited.
Anonymous
We definitely get that spring break here in Atlanta. Sometimes two. It is amazing to see everyone come out of the house and decide to do outdoor activities for the weekend then. No fall weather break to the summer, though.
Anon
For an older person with some arthritis, what is a good starter phone? The jitterbug looks different than I remember. His wife used the older family iPhone but died recently and he is just very frustrated. I wish he had a teen neighbor who could help him troubleshoot, so just seeing if there is a big button simpler phone that is much more of a “just a phone”.
Anon
Jitterbug still makes a flip phone that looks pretty easy.
I spent a few days as a new grad a few years ago helping my grandfather with his new cell phone. I, at times, wanted to bang my head against the wall but was glad to be able to help him and got some good memories from the experience, which was nice as he passed only a year later.
Anecdata
If it’s mostly for use around the house, what about going to an iPad (bigger screen/font; larger “buttons” to tap; doesn’t help if his main problem is understanding/remembering how to do things)
Different tactic – has he tried voice commands?
Anon
iPad plus have family FaceTime. Speaking from experience, FaceTime is a great motivator to learn how to use an iPhone/ iPad.
anon
Regular flip phone? They still exist, and the raised buttons seem to be very helpful for older adults.
A
My mom goes to the verizon store at a time it is not crowded and asks an employee to walk her through everything slowly, she gets that employees name, and then stops back and asks follow up questions. It’s worked well for her, though my mom is kind and charming so probably quite pleasant to help.
Anon
Just got the Jitterbug smart phone for my mom. The menu is really easy for her to use and she loves that part. But there’s no FaceTime bc it’s an Android phone. Jitterbug is now partners with BestBuy, so you can go play with a phone in store. I also confess that the call quality is inferior to her old iphone (a little tinny), but the phone was $35 after BestBuy’s in-store discount, and there was no reason for my tech-limited mom to have a $1k phone, and the call quality is perfectly fine for a $35 phone.
Anonymous
My in-laws refuse to get an iPhone but they love their iPad for FaceTime and texting. They have flip phones for calls.
anon for this
Speaking of home stuff… I recently got a letter from my insurance company that I was potentially overinsured and should contact them to review my coverage. I live in an small older (1940s) home worth about $1M in a VHCOL area, I assume it would cost a lot to rebuild in the event of a major disaster because most of it is probably not done to current code. I’ve had estimates for renovations and they are eyepoppingly huge. How can I get a reliable estimate of what coverage I need to ensure that I’m not short in the event of a major disaster?
Anon
Maybe talk to local design/build firms? Or take a look at cost of new construction homes and deduct 20% as a starting price?
Veronica Mars
I’d be wary– a lot of home insurance policies are being pulled by companies because they’re costing way too much to honor. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were trying to limit their liability/make more profit off of you without as much risk that they’d be on the hook for $$$ repairs or rebuilding.
Anon
This.
Olivia Rodrigo
Here to thank you all: I posted back in June when I found out my job was going to be eliminated in July 2025. My boss had offered me a severance package equivalent to one year of my salary and posters overwhelmingly urged me to take it and run. I did end up working through an employment lawyer and taking the package, and have been off work since mid-July. I have to say, it has been GLORIOUS. Not all roses and unicorns — there’ve been some high highs and low lows, especially as it relates to which colleagues have/haven’t reached out to me. But all of it has truly been a learning experience and I am deeply, deeply grateful for the money that’s going to allow me to take some real time off.
So far I’ve gotten tickets to a live taping of the Daily Show, signed up for a Habitat for Humanity build event, leaned into my workouts, spent quality time with my kids at the pool, and am now looking into taking an upholstery class at our local community college — all things I’ve wanted to do but never had real time for. I’m also doing less-productive stuff like napping and watching the Olympics. The next year is going to be a little scary, I think but also super exciting. Thanks to everyone here for your advice!
Anokha
I love this so much for you! Take this time to unwind.
Ses
Thanks for the follow-up. I’m glad it worked out and that you’re having a great summer! I’m a little jealous, actually.
Anon
That sounds absolutely superb. Time is such a gift! Enjoy it
anon
So glad to hear this – thank you for the update!
Anon
That all sounds awesome. Hope you got to see the GUTS tour too ;)
Anonymous
Y’all, I am having a rough anxiety day today about the state of the world. I’ve been loving the Olympics the last week and feeling so good about humanity, only to have my BF burst my bubble last night, talking about the issues in the Middle East, London, and the world markets. And now I’m spiraling. How do I stop?
Anon
I feel the same way at times – I work in government and my work often deals with the worst things going on. Part of me things we’ve gotten through so much crazy sh!t in the past, it’ll be fine and part of me is like this has to be what it felt like in the 1930s with WWII on the horizon, right?
Anon
Focus on what you can control. You cannot control what’s going on in the Middle East, London or the stock markets.
Anon
Not to be dismissive of real problems that affect real people that should be taken seriously by people whose job it is to think about them (and when by you when you’re voting), but these things most likely don’t affect you in your day to day life. Focus on the things you can control and do what you can in your own life to make the world better. I can’t bring peace to the Middle East (honestly, I’m not sure anyone can!) , but I can try to make my neighborhood better. I don’t plan to retire for several decades yet, so the markets being down just means it’s a good day to throw some money into my Roth IRA, not a day to panic.
Anecdata
Turn off the news. Do you have any direct influence over these issues?
(As a substitute for international news & political issues, sometimes I find it really satisfying to do a deep dive in informing myself about local issues – especially with the election coming up, would researching eg. every ballot measure in your state and the random utilities commissioner races and stuff both scratch that itch to be an informed, participating citizen; and also be much more likely to be actionable for you?)
Anon
(1) Stop doom scrolling or listening to people who do.
(2). How old are you? I ask because I am hearing similar things from my daughter’s friends who are all in their mid-20s. The problem (not their fault) is that they have zero historical perspective because we do such a terrible job of reaching history. The Middle East may be on the verge of war (again). Or it may just be that Iran will launch a strike to retaliate for the strike that Israel ordered to retaliate for the strike that Iran-backed militants launched on the Golan Heights. That cycle of strike and counter-strike has being going on for 80 years. You cannot control it and working yourself up over it is useless.
(3). Re the world markets – the last time I checked, the Dow is down around 2.5%. That is not some kind of historically horrible downturn. But remember this for the rest of your life – markets go up and markets go down depending on a lot of factors. No money you need in the next five years should be in equities. Take the word of someone who lived through 1993, 2000 and 2008 as an adult with a 401K, you cannot obsess over every minor blip.
Humanity has always been capable of wonderful things and humanity has always been capable of terrible things. All you can do it try to be a net positive force but working yourself up over things you cannot control in other parts of the word does nothing to help anyone and makes you miserable.
Ses
This is good perspective.
Anonymous
So true. The Middle East is always on the verge of war and always will be. Get on with life.
Anon
While I don’t think any of us will bring peace to the Middle East, I think saying get on with life is not the right approach. We’re all incredibly privileged to be living the lives we live, pretty far removed from the daily horrors currently occurring. I think we all have a responsibility to do what we can to help those who are less fortunate.
Anon.
I focus on one or two areas that I know about locally. For me, that’s criminal justice. I am not a climate scientist or a biologist and I don’t work for the state department. I then make small donations to groups that I align with politically. For example, when I hear news that another unarmed black woman was gunned down by police, I might make a donation to the NAACP LDF or the ACLU. I spent a decade MAD about all the things and this is what I now do to stay focused and happy.
Anonymous
They all want to kill each other. What are you going to do about it?
anon
I’m going to address the question of how you stop spiraling in the moment. IME, either a really intense workout or a really difficult challenge that takes all your mental energy is the best way to pull out of a tailspin. I find it cathartic to get outside and tackle some of the harder projects in the garden and work up a sweat that way. Absent that, a nice five mile walk/run should wear you out enough to settle the emotions.
Anon
In this vein, if you live somewhere that doesn’t have burn restrictions, cutting and burning brush has always been cathartic for me.
anon
yikes….
Anon
I take it you’ve never lived on a property that was massively overgrown when you bought it.
Anon
Some of us live in a place where this is the only feasible solution to avoid living in a jungle, unless you hire goats to eat it back multiple times per year.
Anonymous
huh? Do you live in a jungle?
Anon
Rural Florida so…. yes.
Anonymous
I always find that heated yoga does the trick. First, I dedicate the practice to whoever is upsetting me the most, or whoever has the means to solve the issue that is driving me insane (or just to say a prayer that something helps resolve it), then I get out of my head and concentrate on moving and breathing. By the end, when we bow to the teacher, I feel as though I’ve sent some good energy into the universe. At the worst times in my life, this would carry me about 36 hours, and then I would need to go again as the anxiety would start climbing again. I swear this got me through some of the darkest years of my life.
Anon
I second the 36 hours experience. Massive improvement in my depression, anxiety, and the way my body feels for about 36 hours. I sleep so well afterwards, and my posture has improved too.
Anon
Subscribe to a reputable Sunday paper and two high quality weekly magazines, and otherwise stop consuming the news. Your goal should be to be “informed enough”, not to be constantly informed.
Anonymous
Only check the news twice a day. Turn off the notifications. Get outside, get some exercise, go to an event where no one talks politics. Negotiate with your BF limits on when you two talk politics or serious stuff. My husband and I talk about that stuff only in the am and mostly on our walks, and try to make the rest of the day stress bomb free. Otherwise we will doom bomb each other randomly, and cause undue stress.
Anonymous
I think that part of being a human is bearing witness to the horrible things happening in the Middle East, Palestine, Ukraine, Sudan, Venezuela, etc — so I wouldn’t say stop looking at the news. But recognize you can’t do much about any of it except vote (for the bus going in the general direction you want to go, not the soulmate match of your life).
Anon
Former humanitarian aid worker here, and while its not easy to bear witness to atrocities it is important. I think that too many people are too comfortable with atrocities being out of sight out of mind and we’re all worse off for it…
Anon
But what can we do about it? I understand what you are saying but how can we help or make an impact? Money is out for me bc well obvious reasons (inflation).
Anon
Or if the buses are headed the same direction, maybe the bus that’s headed there slower…
Anon
Being well informed without being overwhelmed with the news is such a delicate balance. I read the news every morning and as things I’m interested in come up, but I have turned off all news alerts on my phone, don’t get social media notifications, and don’t follow news publications or politicians on social media. I’m still very informed, which I think we all have a duty to be, and I spend about one hour a day reading news but I have to seek it out, it doesn’t pop up and “ruin” whatever I’m doing. However, I really do NOT think that putting our heads in the sand is a good approach. The world really does rely on us all doing our best to make it a better place and I think we all have the responsibility to do so. In order to do so, you need to be informed. But, you also need to act. And not enough people act.
I focus on doing the best that I can – voting for candidates who I think will handle issues best, doing my part to make eco friendly choices, donating to and volunteering for causes that matter to me, and working in a field where I can make a difference, being informed and aware on important matters, getting involved in building community, and personally trying to be a kind, compassionate, and peaceful person in my day to day life.
Since I work in a field where I deal with some big, bad things pretty often, I also focus on self care. I have hobbies and a social life that allow me to really ‘escape’ my work.
Anon
Random observation. People love to hate on car salesmen and funeral homes. But as a person who has dealt with both recently after sudden unanticipated needs, my impression is that the great ones of each are truly invaluable (and there are great ones — not everyone comes to the car dealership due to happy circumstances and in my case both were related).
nuqotw
Definitely on the funeral homes. My dad died far away from home and the funeral home folks were just so compassionate.
Anon
You are lucky. Our experiences were more predatory, and dismissive.
anon for this
And both are open to negotiation! A lot of people don’t know that about funeral directors.
Charlottesville
I will be doing a quick trip to Charlottesville for a few days of good food and nearby hiking. What location would you recommend? Favorite hikes nearby? Best choices for food, particularly geared towards dinner/evening? I saw the post on Friday, but we are not looking for anything like a spa or resort.
anon
Old Rag is a really fun hike. It has challenging scramble sections, but they’re not exposed on the side of a mountain. You go around a corner, do a little scramble that feels like a puzzle, take the trail around another corner, another little scramble.
Anon
Thanks. Old Rag is on our list and I know that reservations may be needed.
PolyD
You mean Charlot*esvil*e VA?
There is a restaurant named Tonic, it has the most lovely outside space. Eats are is
delicious, although more along the lines of salads and sandwiches (but extremely nice ones). Amazing drinks, too. We also ate at Maya, kind of elevated, but casual, Southern style eats, it was fantastic.
Also stop at Wayside Chicken for fried chicken, the place resembles a gas station and is take out only, but the best fried chicken and hush pup-pies I’ve ever had. Oh, and Marie Bet-te bakery – get a prez-sant, which is the amazingly delicious love child of a pretzel and a crois-sant. I continue to dream about those.
This post brought to you with no double let-ters to try to avoid moderation.
PolyD
I had a comment about places to eat – Tonic, Maya, Wayside Chicken. Prezzants (pretzel x croissant hybrid that is so delicious) at Marie Better bakery. Tried to avoid mod by eliminating all double letters, but that didn’t work.
I would really love some sort of cheat sheet that tells me how to avoid moderation, because it is happening more and more each time I try to post, and there seems to be no consistency in what triggers it.
Anona
I was the person who recommended Alley Light last week, and I stand by that rec! I also had a good meal at Umma’s recently, and Tonic for both lunch/brunch and dinner. If you’re looking for food to take hiking, The Market by Tiger Fuel is tucked inside a gas station with great sandwiches. We also like Bobo’s Bagels and Marie Bette for breakfasts.
Anon
OP here, thanking everyone who commented.
Anon
For anyone renting who is on the fence about making a few minor changes to their space, go for it! The main bathroom in our rental house was old and repainted many times and a bit dingy. It’s still technically all of those things, but smallish changes have honestly had such a huge impact on how it looks and how I feel being in there. This is what I did:
Chose a shower curtain and overall color theme that works with the existing wall color, which I would not necessarily have picked out myself.
Replace shower curtain rod, light switch plate, and doorknob (all were old and mismatched and kinda yucky). Also replaced the very old (and stained!) toilet seat with a nice soft close one.
Bought a grout paint pen and touched up all the visible grout that was very yellow. Used the same pen to touch up some spots on the door and cabinets.
Replaced the old mirror with a new very inexpensive but much nicer looking one (luckily it was a hanging mirror so very easy to change out).
Put up wall art (cheap prints and frames from Amazon, made a huge difference).
It seems so minor, but having a bathroom that feels nice to be in made such a huge difference, and none of the things I did were expensive or big changes. Just wanted to share!
Anon
Any chance you happpened to get a tension curtain rod? I’m looking for a new one that doesn’t fall down. The shower is tiled, and I’m nervous to drill into tile.
Anon
Yes it’s tension! And it’s a curved rod. Looks like it’s out of stock on Amazon, but I’m sure there are others like it.
Anon
i am so impressed by much of the sportsmanship at the olympics. maybe these athletes are just such experienced competitors or have secretly taken lots of acting courses – like it almost seems fake to a degree. i’m sure they deal with their disappointments in private, but it really has been nice to see and especially watching with my kids. i mean i know politics has bigger stakes, but i think they could learn a thing or two from the althletes
Anon
I’ve been enjoying watching the lesser-appreciated sports (like kayaking) where many of the athletes toil in obscurity and have to work day jobs to afford their attendance at events. I feel like they too set such good examples. I also really like seeing athletes in their 30s and 40s (and 60s if you look at equestrian sports). Older athletes are incredible and I wish they were in more disciplines.
Anon
i liked hearing the story of the brazillian gymnast Rebeca and even Simone Biles overcame a lot of adversity in her youth. my kids also got super into archery
Runcible Spoon
I found it super-interesting that one of the feature videos included someone remarking about Rebeca Adrade that in Brazil, only poor children take up gymnastics (with financial support), because it is so unrelenting and difficult and time-consuming — the commenter said you have to practice every day for hours, including on Saturdays, and wealthy families like to go on vacations and travel and do other, less taxing, activities, so they don’t enroll their kids into long-term gymnastics programs. Was food for thought, at least for me.
Anonymous
I’ve been watching gymnastics and was inspired by Rebeca’s story too. This weekend I was also listening to an Ancients history podcast about Gladiators. The historian was saying that the poor people (but with high physical potential) were the ones going into gladiator training then and that it’s still the same now. The most physically punishing sports (football, boxing, etc) are more likely to allow people to climb out of their class, making the risk worth it. At the end of the day, only a few reach the heights of sport. Funny how little the world has changed sometimes.
Clara
I think part of it is that they often know each well and may even train together / sort of be friends. So yes its a huge disappointment but if its someone you know well maybe it stings a little less or at least you get it.
Anon
Yes, the ones who make it to the Olympics have lots and lots of experience and definitely lots of experience with disappointment! Can’t make it to that level without it.
Anon
Some remarks seem diplomatic (admirably so), but a lot of the sportsmanship seems very genuine to me! Young people often seem so open and friendly compared to my generation at their age. They clearly do know each other well, but even the way they talk to their interviewers makes it sound like it’s one human to another, and not persona to persona or professional to institution? Some of the encouragement and congratulations between competitors from different countries was also good to see.
Anonymous
Love this olive color and the sweater. Does anyone know how BASH sizing runs and the quality?
BeenThatGuy
I have a few things from Ba&sh and they run true to size and are decent quality. Not Ted Baker quality but certainly would be in that class or just under.
Anon
I personally think BASH is overpriced. It doesn’t strike me as super great quality, I think COS might be better quality
Rtr
this is on rent the runway (haven’t borrowed it yet myself) so it’s definitely worth checking their extensive reviews and photos
Anon for This
Does anyone here work in the construction industry? Husband is switching fields from a closely linked field – engineering to construction-related engineering – and has been hired for a job that I’m… I just feel like it’s red flags, but he is telling me he thinks it’s the industry generally?
First, it seems that he gets no paid vacation time. His hourly rate is sufficient enough that he can take time off with no problem financially, but is this normal? Second, he has been working with a recruiter but will ultimately be a contractor for (big entity); however, nobody can tell him who his health insurance will be through except that he will have it and the company will pay for the majority of it? This is also not an issue because I carry the family insurance, but it just is screaming to me. He may need to trade shifts if he needs a weekday off because he needs ‘coverage’ but the company doesn’t help with that.
Upside – it pays well, has a really short commute, and works really well for our family. Downside – it feels like the same level of organization I had when I worked waiting tables at a place on the ocean owned by a crazy old man who had the police stop by to ‘confirm’ that when he fired his cannon it didn’t have anything in it.
Anon
A contract job isn’t necessarily a red flag. Is he being paid by the contracting company? They will also handle the health insurance.
Anon for This
It looks like he reports physically to the contracting company’s job site, is going to fill out timesheets which are signed by contracting company but submitted to Firm that hired him so firm that hired him is going to pay him?
But he’s now gone to orientation and physically worked a day and still somehow nobody can tell him anything about the benefits… just very different than where I’ve worked.
Vicky Austin
I’m an accountant and I’ve worked with small construction businesses in a few different capacities. They are ALWAYS messy, I don’t know what it is.
Anon for This
This is actually SUPER reassuring.
Honestly, at one point I was convinced the job was a scam because he was hired for a six figure gig just based on his resume and certifications with no interview and no concrete job description…
Anon
My old roommate was an engineer working in construction management and frankly, I was surprised by a lot of his job. Even though he was an engineer, you’re still working in construction so the hours (really, really early starts) and overall culture were weird to me.
I’ve worked my whole career in government, so have been around a lot of contractors and no paid vacation but enough hourly rate to cover unpaid time off is not uncommon. Ditto questions about insurance and not helping with coverage. IME, with contractors they get the absolute bare minimum support from their contracting firm and then the workplace where they work has no ability or responsibility to help them since they’re not employees.
Anon for This
Okay, this is making me feel better. Yeah, the weird hours (early starts or even overnights) are actually really good for us because husband is home for after school kid stuff. I think it’s the culture for me.
It’s funny, I work in government and manage contractors but they’re always like.. big professional firms who 100% offer paid vacation. It does seem like he is pretty much going to be floating in limbo between the firm who hired him and the group who he’s going to be a contractor for and it definitely feels just… weird.
Anon
Not sure how similar this is, but my husband is union in the construction industry – he does not have paid vacation time. He just takes time off. I think he applies for unemployment for longer stretches, like when we had our baby. Of course this is specific to his industry and local (and employer).
His health insurance is also through the local so this probably will be different for your husband. Ours is technically a BCBS plan, but honestly, it’s some sort of byzantine arrangement that I end up dealing with some third party employee benefit administrator whenever we have a claim issue.
Anon for This
Husband has been in a union before and insurance was through them and that was fine, but this is really confusing to me. He was hired being told the job was non-union, but now the paperwork he has includes union paperwork? He’s guessing that the firm doesn’t require union but the contracting company does?
Again, thank you for the reassurance because it all seems off to me.
Anon.
Maybe he will really enjoy a less formal environment as a change.
Anonymous
are there any shortcuts to hemming or anything to make it easier? i just bought a dress on sale that has a pretty wide skirt that i’d like to take an inch or two off… i hate spending another $15 on hemming at the dry cleaner on a $30 dress
Anon
Learning to sew isn’t that hard, but learning to hem abnormal hems is still perplexing to me. I’ve taken a few sewing classes and dabble for fun, but hemming anything that’s not basic is tricky.
anon a mouse
would you have loved the dress at $45? If the answer is yes, do the hem and don’t look back! Hems on something straight are easy. Hems with a curve, or a wide skirt where you have to take fabric bias into account, are more complex and it’s worth paying for the skill.
nuqotw
Yes! I have bought stuff on sale that cost less than the subsequent tailoring but the total cost was still a bargain now I wear the pieces all the time.
Anon
This. If you would feel comfortable spending $45 on the dress than it makes sense. Also, if you won’t wear it as is, then isn’t the $30 just going down the drain?
Nudibranch
Yes, agreed. I sew my own clothes and have my own machine. Shortening wide (flared?, circle?) skirts would not be easy for a beginner.
NaoNao
If you know basic sewing skills, using fuseable hem tape (from Michaels or Joann Fabrics) is an easy shortcut. You just position the fuseable tape in between the layers, pin, (I’d press the hem first to ensure it’s even and easier to work with) and then slowly use a hot iron to fuse the layers together. I mean…I wouldn’t do this on an expensive designer item or something you need to be perfect, and I might practice on some scraps first, but I use it to hem waistbands and other hems/seams and it works really well.
Anon
I would reframe the issue: it’s not $15 for a $30 dress, it’s $15 for you to look and feel polished and confident.
Nesprin
The trick to hemming things well is to have someone else mark the hem with a tape measure while you stand up in the shoes you’d wear with that garment. Unless you’ve got another person in your house who’s handy with a hem, it will look funny.
Anon
I sew and hemming a voluminous skirt is annoying enough that I would be happy to pay $15 to have someone else do it for me. Usually a wide skirt has enough bias in parts of the hem that you can’t just fold & stitch without easing the extra into place and it inevitably gets wrinkly somewhere.
NaoNao
Any of the hive in the Boulder area or Boulder proper that can speak to the pros and cons (aside from the cost, that’s a given!)?
I’m in the Denver suburbs currently and have visited Boulder a number of times over the years I’ve been here and never quite been blown away–I consider it mostly “nice to visit, but too expensive to really consider”.
My husband *loves* Boulder however. We recently went there on a daytrip/whim visit and found a part of town we’ve both never seen: North Boulder Arts District. It’s tucked away and very cute, reasonably affordable (albeit apartments are about what we’re paying now for 1 less bedroom and -500 square feet or so, so that’s not great) and has many of the key “quality of life” factors we’re seeking (close to library, walkable town, close to park, quiet area, etc). I said I would consider a move if we could find a comparable apartment to what we’re in now, since this is just very different than the Canyon/Pearl St./CU Boulder area that most people think of when they think of “Boulder”.
We’re in a unique situation: I work 100% remotely and while Boulder would be a bit of a commute to my local hub office it’s still doable. Husband doesn’t work (lives off investments). We have no kids, so no concern on relocating them there. No local family and after 10 years in Denver, I think both of us are ready for a new adventure, and Boulder feels like it’s close enough but also new/different enough that it might get us out of a “been there, done that” local rut. Husband is outdoorsy and loves nature, I’m indifferent but honestly, I’m considering doing something “for him”–he’s been very generous, supportive, and giving in our marriage and one year in a town he loves prior to a move to be around my extended family in my hometown feels like a very fair compromise to me.
We’re planning a permanent move to the NE US in 2025 when some key investments are slated to mature and pay out, but in the meantime I am considering doing a 1-year “last hurrah” move to Boulder–my husband is over the moon and 100% on board and willing to do whatever it takes to get us there, but I’d love to hear more about the day to day life beyond the stereotypes (uber-rich stoners and college kids, etc).
Anon
Isn’t this kind of the equivalent of moving between neighborhoods in a bigger city or different suburbs? It’s all the same metro area and they’re so close to each other? So, I would say go for it because its not that big of a change, right?
Also, if you’re going to relocate to be near your family in the future, I agree that it’d be nice to relocate here for him for the present.
Anon
+1. This seems like a no brainer. It is a one-year move. Go for it without a second thought.
Anon
…isn’t Boulder more or less a suburb of Denver? I know its its own city, but its about 30 mins from Denver right? Is this like moving from Brooklyn to Hoboken or DC to Alexandria?
NaoNao
It’s about 45-60 minutes depending (and 90 minutes during rush hour) but yeah, it’s not a cross-country move if that’s what you mean!
Cat
I have no specific advice but given it’s a 1-year decision, don’t see this as particularly high-risk to try?
Anon
A one year move to move to a suburb of the city you already live in? Yeah, why wouldn’t you go for it.
boulder
Do it. I love that district. I lived about 10 minutes up Lee Hill road from there (I left last spring) and if it had been up to me I would have lived right there, off broadway.
Pros – all the things you mention
cons – is broadway still under constant construction? Lots of the little plazas will prob get bought out and redone over the next few years. I’d expect ongoing construction and road work. Other con – in my experience, the people in boulder are really hit or miss. lots of wealthy botox SAHMs (super snobby, sorry not sorry), lots of trustafarians in boulder still, but some good people once you find them.
Schools seem great but I am childfree so can’t speak to it directly. good local trails.
I lived in Denver, too, and found the vibe in boulder pretty different. I’d go back in a heart beat if my ex left ;)
Anon
Do it! Why not have a small adventure before you move back east? But warning: my very good friend moved from the NE so her husband could take an opportunity in Boulder, with the plan to stay a few years and move back to the NE to be close to family. When they moved back, both my friend and her kids missed the outdoor lifestyle and Boulder so much that they moved back.
Anonymous
I remember someone talking about a husband who lived off investments and had Great Big Ideas about wanting to move to new locations. People responded extensively and with much wisdom. Is that you? If so, does any of the (extensive) advice that we gave on that thread help you in this situation?
Anon
I could be wrong, but I”m pretty sure this is the same poster.
NaoNao
It may be! In this case, moving to Boulder is pretty reasonable and risk free, so just trying to get some impressions from people who lived there or do live there currently to gut-check my pros and cons list.
Anon
out of curiosity, what does your husband do all day since he doesn’t work but you do?
anon
I was curious too. What is this like for your relationship? Does he do the household management stuff…. cleaning/cooking/bill pay etc..? Or does he just throw $ at that because he can?
I do have some friends that made fortunes in Tech (selling companies etc…) and took time off for a few years. But living essentially “retired” while your spouse is still working full time seems tricky.
NaoNao
It can be challenging since we have such different stress levels. I used to travel for work a lot and it was great to have him keep up with the house and be there to “play taxi” to and from the airport and watch the pets, etc.
He was a full time student (returning/mature student!) and is now working on his honor’s thesis and will likely swing into the next level degree next year/year after so that’s how most of his time is spent.
If he were stingy or crabby I might feel differently about how much free and leisure time he has and how easy things are for him but he’s honestly a gem, so I’m pretty hands-off about how he spends his time. I occasionally rein him in if I feel he’s getting a bit blobby, but I’m not a super Type A person myself, so the very low-key, not-ambitious personality type is fine with me in a way that might make other women’s skin crawl (and the reverse is true, the Master of the Universe type is a repellent to me).
Anonymous
For a single year, do whatever you want. Boulder is fun. You may need to work to find local friends, but yoga/climbing gyms are an easy start. If you were staying longer to buy, I’d look at Golden or Longmont for similar but maybe cheaper.
I don’t know that I’d move to the very North part of Boulder unless you really hate Pearl Street. I think my sweet spot would be near that shopping center by Alpine/Broadway that has a number of restaurants. Cute older houses, can bike to the Pearl area but not right in it, have walkable things right there. You could also look up where hiking trailheads are to try to find an apartment.
Clara
I’m the director of a sort of support function department – like being IT director. I feel like I have to spend a lot of time telling people to submit requests through the right platform or to do things properly XYZ way. This feels like I’m being mean or nagging them but really they should be! This isn’t like a law firm situation. It’s completely appropriate for me to be telling them what I am and I’m doing it as politely as possible. Maybe compliance is the better comparison.
Part of the reason I am this strict about things is to protect my teams time. If not people are just unreasonable and I would always want my boss to protect my time this way too. So am I overthinking this?
All of these things have improved since I’ve been there – people are bothering my team less, doing things correctly, I’ve had no negative feedback, etc
NYNY
It sounds like that’s just the gig, and you’re doing it well. My one note would be that if you get feedback from other departments that the process is cumbersome or not intuitive, make a visible effort to address the issues. That helps you get buy-in, especially from leadership. But honestly, it sounds like you’ve got this down.
roxie
As someone in leadership at a place where the admin and finance teams are finally implementing actual processes and systems, I beg you to remember that it takes people multiple times if hearing something for it to stick. And a process that is simple for you may be much more difficult for someone who only has to use the process once a month or whatever – they aren’t steeped in it everyday.
I am pleased as punch that my colleagues are creating and training us on all these new systems but I also need to point out that the new system you are implementing that you think is common sense and simple is one of literally one thousand new systems, projects and things on my palte – I cannot be expected to do it perfectly right away. It sounds like you are being rightfully patient – you aren’t a nag and you directing people to the process is the right way t
Anon
I work in compliance. Being a smiling broken record is part of the job.
When someone catches me in the hall with a question about a disclosure or report? I listen, talk through it, and tell them to email me/submit it in our system/etc. A hundred times a week. It helps that I have a stock phrase for referring to the process; people often laugh, catch themselves, and say it for me. Some days I feel like a TV jingle, but it really does make things work more smoothly.
Clara
Okay this is helpful, this is what I’m doing. The process changes are needed and reasonable, and while I said “support function” does in fact inform how the company operates. It’s a multifaceted situation
Anon
You’re in a support function, your job is to support the people doing the work of your company. If your processes don’t work for them, you need to change them. The support functions shouldn’t be dictating the work that gets done by the rest of the organization.
Anon
We don’t have enough information here to assume the support functions are dictating work that gets done by the rest of the organization.
And I’d note that EVERYONE in the company does “the work of the company.” I’ve been in-house legal for many years, which is a support function. We have a certain submission process for a couple of relatively routine functions. There are very good reasons for this to be in place, and it does annoy folks sometimes. But if we suddenly have a preventable legal issue because a function got missed, then the rest of the org can’t function efficiently.
Sometimes there are processes that are ridiculous, but that doesn’t strike me as what OP is talking about.
smurf
assuming said processes are well set up & easy to navigate – yes, that’s the job.
I find when people are going outside of that it’s 1) they don’t do it often so just reach out to the person they know in that area 2) they got in the (bad) habit of not following it and it still being done or 3) the process is arduous or inefficient so looking for ways to shortcut.
1&2 – keep doing what you’re doing. 3 – how can you make it better for internal clients?
Anonymous
what do you look for in a good foundation? coverage of dark spots? coverage of pores? redness control? shine control? do you think a “lightweight foundation” can ever do all of those things? just got the FutureSkin for $90 and it disappears into my skin — I can detect a slight difference but trying to figure out if it’s worth the price. (I have pretty good skin so don’t wear foundation regularly, but as I’m closing in on 50 wondering if I should…)
Anon
I use a “tinted serum” and it provides lightweight coverage to cover dark spots and redness, which are my concerns. I haven’t paid attention to shine or pores, because they’re not really on my radar. I think it’d be hard to have a $90 foundation be worth the price though…
NaoNao
I *love* my FutureSkin because it’s so skin-like and invisible. I have textured skin and sensitive, oily skin and it seems to smooth out and even out my complexion without seeming heavy or obvious. I haven’t found a foundation that deals with my pinkness, I use a color corrector when it seems to be flaring/bad, but I have a couple different foundations for different needs–
FutureSkin for everyday or going to office/looking polished on Zoom calls
Chanel Sublimage le Teint Foundation for more coverage (special nights, events where I’ll be photographed, bad skin days)
Westman Atelier Vital Skin foundation stick for most coverage.
I’ve tried a bunch of foundations over the years and the Chanel and FutureSkin are the best so far, with the Westman being a very close second. Armani PowerFabric is excellent as well (and they have a bunch of options like their Luminous Silk and Luminous Satin, that are terrific).
Anon
For a cheaper light coverage option, I LOVE the L’Oréal true match skin tint.
Anon.
Has anyone noticed that all the CC and BB creams are no longer all the rage? I recently looked for a BB cream to replace my garnier that I had forever and didn’t see any BB creams in the drug store. I wanted it for WFH days when I don’t want to use my Estee Lauder double wear – the only foundation that matches my skin and covers all the redness and brown spotches.
Loofah
Very limited shade range, but Missha has a BB cream that I really like.
Anon
Try the Estee Lauder Futurist Hydra Rescue. Same color convention as the rest of EL. The description talks a big game, but to me it’s just a great, everyday foundation.
Anon
I use hero cosmetics rescue balm to cover redness which is my main skin issue. It also helps significantly with my pores. For anny blemishes that pop up, I just used a dab of concealer or sometimes just a little extra of the rescue balm right on the spot. I use a color correcting eye brightener under my eyes. Finish with a translucent powder and I’m set. I no longer own a foundation and I don’t miss it.
NYNY
I’m going to have a few weekdays in Baltimore later this month, and looking for recs for food and experiences. I’ve never been there before, and am pretty open to ideas. DH and I are more arts/culture tourists than sports/adventure, and he has motion sickness issues, so no boats or amusement parks. Tell me what you enjoy!
Cat
it’s been a few years now (pre Covid) but Woodberry Kitchen was fantastic and looks like it’s stayed that way.
Anon
Woodberry Kitchen has largely switched to more of a catering/events place, but the bar and a small amount of seating is still available.
Anon
Oh I love Baltimore, it’s my second favorite US city!
Walking around Fed Hill and Fells Point is always fun.
I enjoy the Ministry of Brewing, its a brewery in a church.
Anon
The National Aquarium at Baltimore is my happy place. You can’t go wrong with a visit there. I know you said arts/culture are more your thing, but if the Orioles are playing at home, Camden Yards is the best baseball stadium in the country.
nuqotw
+1 to the aquarium. It is so lovely.
Anon
Camden Yards is great, also recommend going even if you’re not usually a baseball fan.
PolyD
The Visionary Arts Museum and the Walters Art Museum are solid museums.
Anon
American Visionary Arts Museum! For food: Alma, Cinghiale, and Woodberry Kitchen; LP Steamer’s if you want crabs.
Anona
I was at the Baltimore Museum of Arts for a wedding, and would love to go back for a longer visit. I lalso really like Cinghiale, and if you enjoy a steakhouse (and it’s nearby where you’re staying) I think Rec Pier in the Sagamore Pendry is beautiful.
Ceremony Coffee is great to stop in for coffee if you need a morning pick me up (although the food is decidedly meh if you want a more substantive breakfast).
NYNY
These are all great! Thank you.
Anon
Don’t miss the Peabody. It has one of the most extraordinary libraries ever, architecturally speaking. It’s in the same square as the Walters.
NYNY
I think we’re staying really close to the Walters & the Peabody library. I’m looking forward to checking them out – thank you!
Annabel Lee
Edgar Allan Poe’s grave. It is in a churchyard in downtown Baltimore.
NYNY
Love your user name!
Anon
The American Visionary Art Museum is one of a kind.
Anon100
Depending on which days you are in town, the aquarium tickets are half-off on Friday evenings, and the Walters Art Museum is open til 8pm on Thursdays.
The Peabody Library, across the street from the Walters, has the first floor open for all visitors to take a quick look and snap some photos, but definitely check the website for its hours as it’s an active study space students do use for quiet study.
Also in that area is the Washington Monument, the oldest one in the country and predates the famous one in DC. It’s $6/adult and 227 steps to climb up, no elevators.
+1 to the recs of the American Visionary Art Museum.
Anon
Friends kindly gave me a National Parks pass for my grad school graduation in June (so its good until June 2025).
I don’t have any trips planned that would need the pass (which is a shame! I usually take a big hiking trip every other year, but due to schedules and vacation time and finances and hiking partners’ injuries and whatnot, I can’t take one this year or next). There are no “close” NPs to me, and most of the non NP sites that are still administered through NPS don’t require passes or payment. I really don’t want the pass to go to waste – it was a really thoughtful gift but the gift givers aren’t outdoorsy and I don’t think they understand when you need a parks pass vs when you don’t.
I live outside of Philly, any places that would need the pass that I’m not thinking of? I could do a weekend trip, but a day trip would be better. I have been to Shenandoah several times (used to live in Arlington), so I feel like going there would truly just be to go to use the pass.
No Problem
You can use your pass at Fort McHenry (Baltimore), and it’s definitely worth a day trip to Baltimore if you haven’t been recently.
anon for this
Is it the America the Beautiful pass? If so, it covers all federally managed lands like National Wildlife Refuges and National Forests. Could you plan a weekend trip to Chincoteague? Or Cuyahoga Valley NP, even if it’s not a substantial hiking trip?
DB Cooper
Cuyahoga Valley NP has free admission. It’s a great area, though!
Anonymous
I was hit in a bad car accident—it is worth hiring an attorney, or I should I just work through my insurance?
Runcible Spoon
Do you have injuries and hospital costs? I suggest you go see a personal injury attorney — they should provide a free consulation. Typically, they charge 1/3 of any recovery, so they won’t take your case if you don’t have a case. I hope you get better soon!
Anonymous
Yes, I have hospital bills coming in the mail and have to replace my car.
anonymous
I recommend hiring an attorney, or at least getting opinions from a few before deciding. I’ve heard a lot of stories about insurance companies dragging their feet, and an attorney can help look out for your interests.
Anon
Get a personal injury attorney, ASAP.
Anon
+1 especially since you say “bad accident” which implies injuries
Senior Attorney
Agree! A consultation will at worst take a bit of your time and could have a big upside.
Nonny
+1000 you dont know the extent of how your injuries could heal or not heal yet. Eight yrs in physical rehab and hired one of the best PI firms. Very complicated case but excellent atty won the case, not a huge win but the very best outcome considering the challenging fact pattern. You have nothing to lose by going to 2 or 3 PI firms and hearing their evaluation of your case. Best of luck and prayers for excellent healing!
anon
How bad? Lots of damage to the vehicle, or damage to you? If it is just to your vehicle, I’d work with your insurance. If you have personal injuries, then a lawyer.
I was hit by a drunk driver (I was the passenger in my friend’s car), and hospitalized with serious injuries (brain injury, etc…) but was very lucky in many ways. Lots of medical appointments, needed plastic surgery to repair my facial injuries and left with scars, followed by specialists for years on meds etc… Fortunately my friend who was in the car with me was not as injured, and while I was recovering got in touch with a lawyer. It was helpful, as my health insurance refused to pay for ANYTHING as soon as they heard it was a car accident. That alone was very stressful as I was in grad school with no money and terrible student health insurance as it was. The lawyer at least dealt with all the health insurance/bills/threat letters and worked through the car insurances and coordinated payments in the end. The final settlement was done with a mediator. What seemed like a lot of $ to me at the time, was actually very modest compared to what you might think. It covered my medical bills, and 1/3 goes to the lawyer and I had an additional 5 figure amount for my personal losses/”pain and suffering”/anticipated future medical needs. If I had been employed and not a student, I would have been eligible to lost wages. But it really messed me up for a several years. I never sued the driver (a “businessman” who was bar hopping with clients in the car) directly – I believe the insurance company for the businessman’s work paid the settlement since he was entertaining clients.
If you hire a lawyer, I recommend getting recommendations from here, as the one we chose was literally one of those TV personal injury lawyers. Not the greatest.
Yes
Yes, ask around, speak with and if possible meet the attorney who is helping you.
Anon
+1 to the Walters. It’s a gem.
Upcoming move
Does anyone here live in Austin or its surrounding areas? We are looking at a move in the next couple of months from the northwest. We are both lawyers and have three elementary aged kids. Anyone have recommendations for areas of town to look at, public vs private schools? Also, what is the legal community like? Any recommendations on how to make some friends and network when I arrive?
Anon
I can’t imagine moving to Texas in any situation, but can you at least wait until next summer so as to not move your kids mid school year?
Anon
Same here.
anon
Well, we need strong women / good people to move to red/purple states, or else we are just bowing to the Republican agenda – Drive or scare all left leaning / moderates out of red states so they stay red forever. That kills us with the electoral college and senator numbers. It is the only way Republicans will stay in power at the National level, and they know it.
It’s the weather that keeps me out of Texas more than anything.
Anon
OP doesn’t mention her kids genders, but over my dead body would I move a daughter to Texas.
But really, in case I have LGBTQ kids, I don’t want to move them to a red state either. Plus, I like living in a blue state with more gun control.
Anon
If everyone thought like you we would never have Democratic presidents.
Anon
Austin is very different than a lot of Texas but I agree on not moving mid year.
Anon
+1, why would you move your kids cross country at all, let alone mid year?
anon
Listen to people when they tell you about Austin traffic and that a location will be a long commute. Suggestions on where to live really depend on (1) your budget and (2) where your offices are. Austin does not have the same private school culture that you see in other cities, as the schools have tended to be fairly good. For that reason, historically most people that went private were religiously (conservatively) motivated – so I would encourage you to do your research before considering any private schools.
Anon
Religious doesn’t always equal conservative. I know several liberal people there who send their kids to Jewish schools.
Anonn
Are you counting charter schools as public or private? (Because the charter school scene is a big deal in Austin)
Anon
I’m not familiar with Austin specifically, but:
1) Typically Episcopal schools are the best schools around, or at least are very, very good schools.
2) As a denomination, the Episcopal church is not conservative and would not be like attending a conservative Christian school.
3) Episcopal schools really run the gamut in how religious they are, but most are not very in your face religious and have room for lots of different religions to be visibly present.
My DH and I both went to Episcopal schools in different states and our rule of thumb for looking at schools is that we’re probably going to be pleased with the Episcopal school.
Anon
Have you visited? More than once? Have you met Texans, not just other transplants?
I lived there a decade ago for 2 years, so I can’t speak to something current like schools, but I have some general pointers.
IME, you’re either A Texas Person or you’re not. Texas People genuinely and truly believe that their state is the greatest place on earth; to an outsider, the level of fantacism about this borders on cultish. To wit: they have a Texas pledge of allegiance that school children say in the morning before the American one the rest of us know. I was once in a bar listening to Texans earnestly discussing the premise that the United States of America would crumble as a nation and cease to exist if Texas were to secede. (Texas secession comes up more often than you’d expect.)
I found the legal community to be welcoming and open to newcomers, but again, a decade ago. It was easy to go to mixers and the like and I found work fairly quickly.
A long-time Austinite once told me that in the ’90s, the town council was opposed to growth, so they just refused to approve infrastructure projects. “If you don’t build it, they won’t come,” sort of thinking to maintain Austin’s weirdness. But even a decade ago, there wasn’t any weirdness! There was only South Congress/Sixth Street/Rainey Street for bars (ranging from college hangouts to more sophisticated options); for activities, there was watching the bats come out from under the bridge and paddle-boarding on Lady Bird Lake; for eclectic shopping, there was only South Congress. People were raving about the Domain, a standard shopping mall with regular mall stores, but one built as an outdoor, walkable mall.
Anything outside the tiny “weird” core just struck me as a generic town that I could find anywhere. (Except HEB, breakfast tacos, and Texas-style donuts – miss all those still.) I can completely see that back when Austin was small and quirky, it would have been a fun little place to hang out and totally different from the rest of the state. But by the time I got there, it was just this concrete wasteland of strip malls and stoplights and traffic and HEAT, so much heat.
All my friends there live in Round Rock. That’s where I’d concentrate your search.
And a decade ago, I was dying from the lack of culinary variety. It was all Tex-Mex, all the time, and a dearth of other restaurants. Hopefully they’ve fixed that in the last decade.
Anyways, go check it out and see what you think. Obviously hundreds of thousands of people move there every year and love it.
Kat
I live in Austin, but work remotely so cannot speak to the local legal community. The Eanes (Westlake and Rollingwood) and Lake Travis (Lakeway and Bee Cave) and and Dripping Springs (Dripping Springs) school districts are generally regarded as the better school districts. Dripping Springs has recently experienced explosive growth but is a further commute from Austin downtown, especially with traffic. Westlake is a nice commute and has really great schools, but you pay for that in real estate prices. Lakeway and Bee Cave have also gotten very expensive recently.
Austin is very different from the rest of Texas, but its still in Texas….