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Thursday’s Workwear Report: Gauze Above-Knee Shirtdress

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A woman wearing a red/orange shirtdress and off-white flats

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Spring in the Northeast this year has either been cold and rainy or unseasonably warm and sunny, with very little in between. I’m prepping for the extra warm days by grabbing some work-appropriate dresses that will keep me cool when I step out into the sunshine.

This gauzy shirtdress from Banana Republic Factory will look beautiful layered under a blazer, but the bright red color and breathable fabric are perfect for summer lunches in the park. 

The dress is $91at Banana Republic Factory — with 20% off at checkout — and comes in sizes XXS-XXL, XST-XLT, and XXSP-XLP. It also comes in “transition cream” and “oceana.” 

Sales of note for 6/19:

151 Comments

  1. I feel absolutely massive right now – I don’t feel like I even recognize myself and I hate how I look. I’ve been heavier than I’d prefer to be for a few years now, but now I don’t even fit in my sized up clothes. I don’t know what to do, but I’m miserable.

      1. Obviously talk to your doctor and do your research, but I do second this. I have been overweight for years and years. I started a low dose in feb and have gone from 225 to 199. I’m obviously eating less but I actually don’t feel like I’ve done anything different. The loss has all been around my stomach too. I’m obviously not like skinny but losing it around my stomach has been huge for how I feel and how clothes feel. I started working out last week for the first time in years – losing the weight has removed a block I had there.

        For a healthy life there are other things you should do besides just take the shot, but I think it like mental health – sometimes you need to start the medicine so the therapy can take

        1. Counterpoint, I had no desire to wait and deal with my doctor gatekeeping and went online to Ro. They still have doctors but you can get started immediately. And see your doctor later if you want to.

          1. Counter: I decided last night that I was ready to take the GLP-1 step. I contacted my primary care doctor and I already have the prescription and the connection to the Lilly direct pricing.

        2. Also, this is sad, but the difference between how I’m treated by people after losing weight is starkly different. I hate that that is the case, but that also contributes to day to day happiness and feeling

          1. This. I’m a big believer in looking a certain way “for you.” But the way the world treats me affects my mental health and pretending my looks don’t impact that is crazy.

          2. 100% After I lost the first 50 on a GLP-1, my mother-in-law said something nice about my appearance for the first time since my wedding 30 years ago, and is generally more affectionate. She is actually otherwise a wonderful person, but has a giant blind spot about how she treats people in bigger bodies.

    2. I’m sorry you don’t feel good.

      You deserve clothes that fit you. Buy new clothes, including undergarments and exercise clothes. It doesn’t have to be a lot of clothes, but it’s hard for anyone to feel good in clothes that don’t fit.

      If there might be health factors involved, make an appointment with your primary doctor.

    3. No advice, but solidarity. I was already not comfortable in my perimenopausal body, and I’ve recently put on a few more pounds. It sucks, and I hate this.

    4. Hugs. If you want advice, scroll down. If you don’t, know that you will get through this stage – lots of ways, and time will heal. You have so much worth as a person and human regardless of the number on a tag.

      Ideas:
      – IF you can afford it, go to Old Navy, Walmart, or somewhere in person. Purchase 3-4 bottoms (like 2 pants, 2 skirts) in neutral/dark colors. Purchase 5-6 tops in neutrals or simple prints that fit you right now. You can do this for <$200. This is not forever: this is for right now. Fitting room tip: if you think you're a 14, grab an 18. See how it feels. Anything uncomfortable goes. Know these might be clothes for less than 4 months.
      – Give yourself time. GLPs can speed things up, but whether you do that or not, it may take a year for you to build new habits. That's OK. Give yourself grace. Your body has changed over the last five years, speedy reversals rarely stick.
      – Try finding one thing in the next two weeks you can change. I cut out super sugary drinks last week and no weight change yet but am drinking crystal light-flavored water and am saving money and also drinking way more water than before. (like, 30 oz compared to 8. I have a long way to go)
      – For me, moving makes me feel better, but food is how I change weight.

      1. Not the OP, but just struck by how compassionate this was. Think I needed to hear it as well :)

      3. The last one is true for me too, unfortunately because I’d prefer to do more exercise than change my food. But food is how I change my weight and moving my body makes me feel better mentally and physically.

    5. I recently started a few sessions with a reputable health coach. She keeps me accountable and helps me with planning out meals and overcoming my barriers. It’s helped me a lot. Also just a kick start of trying no alcohol, added sugar, focus on protein, and movement through the day (aim for 8-10K steps). I also have been using fitness pal for tracking protein and calorie goals and that keeps me accountable. I feel so much better after just a few weeks (39, need to lose about 10-15 pounds).

      1. Adding, I also started following the other mk on insta- I like that her posts are realistic for womens bodies. It’s hard to feel this way but you’re not alone and you have to start somewhere, whether it’s a change in habit or buying the bigger size for now. (I opted to do both!)

    6. I read your first few words and was like – yesssss go girl. I consume too much fitness content where gains = the goal I guess haha. Best of luck in your journey whatever you choose to do.

    7. I agree with the advice to find clothes that do make you feel good for now. We’ve all been there. That will improve your feelings while you figure out the next part.

      I lost weight before glp-1s so follow what feels right for you. But I was finally successful when I used an app to count calories. Not in an extreme diet way, but just to see what I was eating and try to cut one thing or a few hundred to start. I did not give up anything because I don’t want to live my longterm life that way. I just tried to get myself to what would be the right portions and calories for my age (and at that point without working out).

      After I lost some, I started working out and adjusted. But the first thing I focused on was just food I was consuming.

    8. What worked for me: going on daily walks and using the LoseIt app. I made realistic adjustments to my diet based on seeing the numbers.

  2. Coming back to say thank you – I posted yesterday asking for help looking for shoes to go with a dress I selected for my daughter’s wedding, and then got unexpectedly busy all day. Checked last night and loved your suggestions! Have ordered several. So grateful for the help. Thank you!

  3. Reposting from last night:

    Probably too late in the day for this question (so I will ask again tomorrow), but does anyone have a really cool job that dictates a different lifestyle? I’m thinking foreign service, oil rig engineer, wildland firefighter, field archaeologist – really anything that’s not a “9-5”? If so, I’d LOVE to hear about it.

    Many, many years ago I worked as an implementing partner for USAID and I have a bit of “fomo” that I changed careers (though, I’m of course lucky to be in a more stable field at the moment). I pretty much left so I’d have more stability so I could settle down, get married and have kids. Now, over 10 years later, that’s not the path my life took and I wish I could go back to the “cool” career path. While I wait for the international development field to recover, I will settle for living vicariously through anyone here :)

    1. I don’t know if my job counts as something all that interesting, but it’s not 9-5. I’m a college professor, and that means that I have classroom time, plus pre- and post-teaching stuff (planning, grading, etc.). I can do all of that anywhere, on my own timing. And then the research takes me around the world (sometimes really interesting places, sometimes not so much), and the writing happens on my own time, too.

      I very much like what I do. But doing stuff on your own time/space has its drawbacks. It’s easy to procrastinate and fall into a slump of unproductive self-shaming. During the summers, when I don’t really go to campus, I sometimes feel lonely, even though I do other things.

    2. I work in disaster response. Approx 80% of the year I have a 9-5 office job. Then I spend about 20% of the year “deployed” for disaster response. My duties and location (office or field based work) while deployed vary depending on my role, but the lifestyle is often similar. I usually get to stay in a hotel (basic, not extended stay), but sometimes it’s a cot in an office space or large shelter or temporary lodging. I’m usually somewhere rural with really limited food options (having access to a Walmart is thrilling). Depending on the disaster and the timing there may be decent infrastructure or it might be quite austere. We usually work 12-16 hour days 7 days a week, which is kind of nice because the only thing I have to think about is my job – there are no distractions like chores, social life, or errands. You do your job and you sleep and maybe once or twice a week you make time to workout or grab dinner with colleagues. I really love the lifestyle, it makes me wish I’d joined the military when I was younger.

    3. Honestly, relatable, even though I have settled down, got married, and had kids. I’ve always wished I was buff enough to be a wildland firefighter, cancer risk be damned. I just really struggle with bulking and can really only handle a 30 pound pack max with my weight/muscle.

      My husband is the one with the cool non-traditional schedule job (airline pilot) and it’s definitely tough to balance, but it’s nice how it keeps you out of the rut that a more settled life with kids can easily become. Spur of the moment travel plans are fun, being able to have a full week where he’s home for more involved home projects is fun, and he likes being able to see the world and fly planes. I also enjoy the crazy stories about the flying public. Like the one time some guy at the back of the plane with the row to himself decided to strip, and rather than confront him they just jacked the AC until he decided to put his clothes back on of his own volition, no confrontation necessary.

      1. The A/C story is great. I would love to use my creative problem solving muscle more regularly.

  4. Does anyone collect ginger jars? They seem pretty and a way to add some blue / white elements to a room (vs the jaundiced yellow vase given to me once). Is there anything to be aware of other than just get what moves you? I take it that they are just decorative now and not otherwise used for anything.

    1. Manufactured ones are everywhere – like you can’t swing a cat in a Homegoods without taking out a small army of them – are you talking about collecting antiques?

    2. Yes, I collect antique ones and buy what I like. Like anything there’s a range of pricing based on who made it and its condition. I live in an area with a lot of antique dealers so they’re easy to find.

    3. They are very pretty! (I can make the jaundiced yellow vases work too, but they flatter a more retro color palette for sure.) I know someone who works them into their decor, and I think it looks nice.

    4. I got some in a lot I bought at an estate sale — I keep matchboxes in them. Not terribly useful but it’s nice to know where the matchboxes are.

      I tend to buy a lot of colorful vases at estate sales, you can even get Murano for affordable prices these days. Even if I don’t like the actual color of the vase I’ve been sticking them in high useless windows like in our master bathroom so I can enjoy the colors in the light. I also donate back a lot that I buy (when they come as a lot of like 15 pieces).

    5. Had to google what a ginger jar is, but if you want some with actual use, Italian sour cherries come in those jars.

      1. I love the jars Amarena Fabbri cherries come in, and OP might too, but I feel like you didn’t Google enough if you think they qualify as ginger jars.

        1. You are absolutely right on both counts, thank you! When I googled ginger jars, the Fabbri cherry jar shape is 100 percent what turned up, and I love mine. Thank you for pointing out that OP was thinking of something very different in an elegant and kind way.

  5. I’ll be in NYC for July 20-24th for a conference. Conference will be at the SUNY Global Center and will end around 4:30 each day. I’m staying at the Courtyard Marriot a couple of blocks away. Please give me your dining recommendations and any must-do evening activities. It’s been more than a decade since I was in NYC but I will very limited free time.

    1. Any interest in a show?
      My recs are: Ragtime at Lincoln Center (sad but great), Two Strangers (rom-com), Cats: The Jellicle Ball (re-imagined classic), and Moulin Rouge (fun and closes in August).

    2. Get rush tickets to a show from TKTS.

      NYMag.com has great restaurant recs by neighborhood. You shoul definitely take the subway elsewhere and not stick to your own (hotel/event) hood.

    3. if you like oysters check out Grand Banks – it’s on a moored boat so it’s kind of an unusual dining experience. They have plenty of bar seating if you’re by yourself. Definitely make reservations.

  6. I have had undereye bags for as long as I can remember, but one side’s bag is showing to be more prominent. It’s basically a line in the shape of a crescent below one eye, not as noticeable on the other side. I am almost 50 so I suspect it will get worse. Has anyone had any procedure to correct this type of issue and if so, are you happy with the results?

    1. Following with interest. Same situation, although much younger. The surgery is supposed to be quick and easy, but anything that could affect vision seems hard to justify for a cosmetic reason (for me.)

    2. Yep, I had a lower blepharoplasty to correct this. It was an easy surgery, although the scars were very slow to heal for me. The surgeon said I was an outlier. I’m happy with the result now 1.5 years later. I had upper and lower done at the same time.

      1. i just saw someone on IG recording their blepharoplasty recovery – it seemed to take her two weeks of looking absolutely awful also, and by the end of the 2 weeks she still looked pretty bad.

        did you have to take time off work?

    3. I have a friend who had upper and lower bleph in her 50s. It was not an instant heal but good results. I saw her last week and she is now 80 and does not have undereye bags at all, so I would say it was very successful.

  7. Has anyone ever painted the interior of ugly particleboard cabinets yourself? Any tips for me?

    1. I would be very concerned about how well it’ll hold up over the long term. I did this at a previous house. Hard to explain, but it was part real wood/part particle board. The particle board never looked quite right, and it was much more prone to chips and wear and tear than the real wood.

    2. I’d consider (pretty) contact paper for the bottom and (pretty) high end wrapping sheets for the inside. Paint may be hard to adhere…

      1. I generally hate contact paper, but I agree that this is the perfect application for a product like this. OP, you may not be very happy with how paint holds up.

      2. Yeah, my thoughts are that if the contact paper doesn’t work the way you’d hope or wears quickly, you’re not really worse off than you were before because it’s so easy to remove/replace. If you paint it and it gets weird though, you’re stuck like that without a lot of effort.

    3. If you like a bit more of an old, house lived in look. I’ve used Annie Sloan chalk paint on many, many Ikea particle board pieces. It’s pretty easy to work with, but I’d suggest buying something cheap from Ikea to test how you want to work with it and the colors/wax since it’s a bit different than regular paint. After a couple coats with a messy brush, I was able to get an almost faux bois grain to the particle board to make it seem less like particle board.

    4. Oh yes, I have thoughts here. Flat, smooth, shiny surfaces are the hardest things to paint and have them look good.

      I would use a paint sprayer (35$ at harbor freight if you can borrow an air compressor). Roughing up the surface a hair with a mid grade sand paper (200ish) and using a separate primer (i.e. Kilz or the like) are probably necessary for paint adhesion+ making sure the original color doesn’t show through.

      Now that I’ve written this all out, that contact paper idea makes a lot of sense.

    1. Golas and Adidas Gazelles and Spezials seem really popular in my area. I’m personally a New Balance girl.

    3. Which New Balance are right?

      I can’t wear Adidas because my 13 year old wears them as do all her friends. I’m 50. It’s just wrong to follow the middle schoolers at my age!

  9. Office etiquette help. My office has cubicles outside of it. It has been an empty row for years and recently we added more staff, so now 3 people sit across a hallway from me. We usually have an open door habit (maybe not policy, but habit). I hear them talking constantly. Boyfriends, anime preferences, how to open documents, ‘have you mailed that yet’ – they aren’t yelling, but our cubicles are large, so they’re probably 15′ – 20′ from each other, and they talk all day. I want to have an office culture where people talk and I get that it doesn’t make sense for them to walk over to each other all day. Most other hallways don’t have people talking so much, this is very unusual for my firm. I could relocate to the other side of the building. I don’t want to ask them to stop. Is it rude to have my door shut constantly?? Sound machine? What do I do?

    1. You just shut your door. It’s not a big deal. Say hi and be friendly when you walk by.

    2. If you have a door use it and close it. I am in the oposite situation of you. I am in an open space and the people I had in the individual offices near to me they put the telephone or the teams conference in speaker mode so loud that I cannot focus on work. I wake up a couple of times and I close their door smilling.

    3. This is wildly dependent on your workplace, but I was in a similar situation. My short term fix was a noise cancelling earbud (singular) with white noise or lofi beats and keeping my door closed when I really needed to focus.

      In the long term, I moved to another hallway in my office, because there was space to do so. When I asked/did, I made it clear that I was asking so that my own work flow would be efficient while not limiting the staff that was outside my door. I was able to move with zero drama.

    4. Shut your door. It may take people a few months to adjust, but then it will be the new norm.

    5. I was in a similar situation and would close my door but have rotating signs — please come in or do not disturb. After a while people got used to the idea that the “please come in” sign meant that they really should come in!

      1. Same. I also framed it as me being the one who was sure they were bothering them. I did it with a smile and paired it with my teams status/teams responsiveness and it was a non-issue.

  10. I think I’m hurting my marriage because of how crappy I feel about myself these days, and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m 45, DH is 47, and we’ve been married more than 20 years. We have two teens. This stage of life has, bluntly, sucked. I blame the perimenopause and midlife ennui. I’m more insecure about myself than I have been in literally decades. In short:
    – I never feel like I’m enough, at work or at home.
    – I’m carrying way more responsibility than I’m actually comfortable with.
    – My body has changed, and I don’t want to be touched. Also, it takes me a LOT longer to get in the mood for gardening. DH doesn’t seem bothered, but I am! I do not feel even a little bit s3xy.
    – I am resentful that DH was able to make a career switch that has made him much happier. He feels valued and excited about what he does. I have not been successful in making a change. To add insult to injury, we used to have the same (large) employer, so it feels extra bad (to me).
    – I used to be so consistent with working out. I know what that feels like and looks like. Anymore, I cannot force myself to do it if I’m not feeling it, which I’m sure is not helping matters.

    DH asks me what he can do to help, and I literally don’t know. I feel like I’m a more tired, uglier, less hard-working version of myself than I was 5 years ago and can’t seem to pull myself out of this funk. I did some short-term counseling, and it wasn’t all that helpful. Maybe it was just a bad fit and I need to try again. But in the meantime, I feel like my general disposition is affecting our closeness as a couple.

    1. I reluctantly agreed to go back on birth control pills at the behest of my OBGYN to tackle peri symptoms–which match most of what you’ve written–and have been really pleased at how it’s evened out my darker feelings. I would also recommend considering an SSRI or other medication for depression/anxiety, particularly because counseling wasn’t helpful to you. Sending you good vibes. This is a hard time of life.

    3. Perimenopause is medical, and stress resilience is all about sleep and nutrition and a well functioning endocrine system. My next step would be to find a really good women’s health practice that will make you feel supported and not like it’s just one more thing to handle (honestly I’d even consider something integrative if it is relaxing and restorative to you subjectively). If you are on an SSRI, you can ask your psychiatrist about adding or even switching to bupropion.

      1. (The way my psychiatrist explained it: SSRI can blunt positive as well as negative emotions for some people, which can be rough. Bupropion can sometimes mitigate that side effect. Or if the depression seems more like a dopamine issue to begin with, bupropion can be more relevant.)

    4. This sounds medical: the low grade depression, the lack of motivation, body changes, interest in gardening.

        1. OP here, and it would absolutely do that. BCP and I have never gotten along well, which makes me VERY hesitant to try hormone therapy. I do take an SSRI and it’s possible that I need to up my dosage or switch to something else.

          1. I had terribly dark moods any time I was on birth control pills for more than a couple of months. I was worried when I had my hysterectomy (ovaries and all), and needed hormone replacement afterward. Fortunately, I’ve had none of that in the 5 years since my hysterectomy. My n=1 doesn’t mean it can’t happen, but for me anyhow, my experience with the two couldn’t have been more different.

          2. Sometimes they’ll do “body identical” or whatever they call it now instead of just more BCP, which can be a very different side effect profile, but maybe only at older ages.

            Aside from the other issues, I have very low motivation on SSRI. It is like I just can’t make myself do things.

          3. I have never been able to tolerate BC pills but HRT (progesterone only) has been good for me. It hasn’t helped with the energy and libido though. Just saying don’t knock HRT because of a bad experience with BC. My understanding is that it’s different forms of hormones.

          4. I could have written your comment and finally called my GYN. I told her I needed help but wanted the lowest-level intervention first. She put me on progesterone-only pills that I only take the last 14 days of my cycle. It worked IMMEDIATELY. So immediately and so well that I am kicking myself for just letting myself be in the depressive funk and not taking it seriously sooner. I am not back to my “old self” fully, and probably should have started this between 1-3 years ago (I’m 46), but the difference in my mood and the reduction in all the symptoms/feelings you outlined is quite apparent. I am optimistic that continuing it will continue to improve my sypmtoms, and when/if I plateau, I’ll be ready for the next level of HRT, whatever that is. I also didn’t do well on BC. Get help, it gets better.

    6. This is important to recognize and work on. What do you do for fun? When was the last time you felt accomplished at something you enjoy (hitting a new running PR, for example)? I personally believe that this kind of mid-life malaise is often a symptom of a lack of fun/play/joy. As women, we’re at higher risk with everything we have to deal with, whether it’s pregnancy, hormonal changes, discrimination, elder and child care responsibilities, you name it. It’s so, so vital to find a way to experience joy that’s just for you.

      1. OP here, and thank you for this thoughtful reply. I am definitely lacking joy and the satisfaction of working toward something I enjoy. I used to be a runner and have tried switching to both OTF and strength training. They have not taken. Running doesn’t give me the same satisfaction that it used to, and I have not found a replacement. Basically … knowing that I’m trying to find things that I like, and I’m failing to do so, is not helping my mental state. Like WTF is wrong with me?

        1. Be kind to yourself – punishing yourself for not enjoying something that you used to enjoy is a great way to make yourself more miserable. This is where you may try a different kind of therapy. My general recommendation for this sort of thing is to try ACT if the last therapy was more traditional CBT or vice versa, but from what you’re saying you really need more ACT. The “A” is for Acceptance, and it sounds like you’re either beating yourself up about or in denial about where you are right now physically, mentally, and emotionally.

        2. Where did you like to run? Is there an opportunity to revisit running in a new way with more pleasure added, like going with a friend, going somewhere particularly beautiful in nature, treating yourself to your favorite Starbucks after? Would signing up for a race feel fun?

      2. I agree– aside from the very valid medical side of things, injecting more playfulness and joy into your life can help that helpless slump kind of feeling. I would personally recommend reading more. Fiction, nonfiction, anything that gets you to imagine how wonderful and big and complex the world really is. Bonus if you pick something engrossing that you can read on the treadmill at the gym (walking). And obviously this is something finance dependent but if there’s a place *you* want to travel and go. Not, where does my husband want to go. Not, what’s best for the teens, but YOU. Do you want to hop on a plane to NYC and see the ballet? What’s something wild and fun that cracks the whole world open for you again?

    7. You’re the only person who can change yourself, but your husband can support you in what you choose to do. Agree with the BCP/HRT but that’s only half the story. GLP1s are a major part of peri treatment too and do wonders for energy in addition to weight loss. Get on both of those and you may or may not need an SSRI. And for work, since your kids are older, revisit what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Consider a new role, consider going into the office if you aren’t. Finally, buy some new clothes and get your hair cut and colored.

    8. Hi! I’m seeing a lot of similarities to my life, and therapy has helped. It hasn’t fixed the things I struggle with (stressful job where I don’t feel valued, etc.) but it helps me to separate myself from the bad feelings the job creates.
      I think our mid-40s are a common time to look at our life and kind of question how we got here and where we want to spend the remaining time in our careers. Perhaps try again with a new therapist experienced with a similar demographic and see if it helps?

        1. I honestly just googled and found a nearby and newer practice. I completed the intake forms and they paired me with the right person. If it hadn’t worked with her, I could have moved to others.

    9. This all sounds really relatable. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I’m 40 and recently started estrogen (intrav@ginal). It has changed my marriage and really helped my mental health. Please call your OBGYN today. Start there. Can you find a way to make moving your body fun? Get some new clothes, new workout program, do a competition with friends (I got a dog…maybe don’t go off the deep end like that but she and I are bffs and walk 3 miles a day together). You deserve to be at least a little bit happy. Go have a lil treat.

    10. This definitely sounds like depression. Who is helping you now with this?

      Depression mid life for women can be tricky, as you sometimes need a combination of a good PCP, GYN and possibly a psychiatrist. Your gut feeling that maybe your SSRI dose/type is not working is a good one. But it may mean that hormonal therapy (can be a much lower dose than the pill) is needed too.

    11. agree with the others it sounds chemical/medical at this point. i’m more or less in the same place as you — something i’ve been trying to think about is leaning into the future, e.g. young old age and future retirement. i read somewhere that when you retire you should treat working out like your job so I’ve been trying to think like that. (but my working-out-after-dropoff schedule just went out the window because school ended). maybe try to find active activities that you and husband can enjoy together — pickleball, a dancing class, etc. i’ve also been trying to lean into the bougie feels-good-but-is-it-exercise kind of thing like Pilates reformer classes to treat myself.

      not to make you more depressed but you only have a few more summers with your teens — if you’re not into planning family vacations this seems like a great summer project for them.

      gardening also helps (flowers) and so do gummies but that’s obviously not for everyone.

      1. Trust, my kids growing up is not helping my ennui! We are definitely getting away together this summer.

        1. I don’t know if this helps with the ennui but I think when I was high school age ish, it was a broken dream/source of sadness to my mom that some of her dreams for family vacations with us as kids hadn’t worked out as she’d hoped, for a variety of “life happens” reasons.

          And I’m here from the future to tell you that my mom and I went on some fantastic adventures together when I was in my late 20s and 30s. They’ve been some of my favorite trips! My mom is a wonderful travel buddy, in a way 17 year old me couldn’t/didn’t realize but adult me does.

          So I hope you have some great adventures with your teens this summer, but also in the future :)

    12. You say: “I never feel like I’m enough, at work or at home. I’m carrying way more responsibility than I’m actually comfortable with.”

      I know it can feel tough to do when you are down, but are there things you can permanently cut from your to-do list? Delegate to your teens, hire someone to help. Get your supportive partner to help you problem solve. Not everything is an “in your head” or hormonal problem. Some of these problems may just need attention and a new solution!

      About being resentful of your husband for making a career switch, I felt that way too for a long time. I had several rounds of interviews at other companies that didn’t work out and I felt like I was stuck in my job due to life’s responsibilities and convinced myself that it was the best I could do blah, blah, blah. Well, I DID get another job after six months of serious job searching, and my life is indeed better! Not all jobs make you feel like you’re not enough. I’m not telling you to try to make an immediate job change, but just reminding you that change is possible, that burnout is not YOUR fault, and that things can improve with time. Sometimes a plant just needs a bigger pot, and it will thrive.

  11. did any one else see the style question in the NY times about showing toes and socks? It’s interesting, i have always worked in casual offices where people wore open toes in the summer but i have noticed that people don’t anymore…. apparently younger people don’t show toes? who knew?

    1. I don’t want to see your snagle toe. And although I keep my own feet well pedicured it feels far too intimate to let colleagues see them.

      1. I think this may be regional – I live in a warm area, and sandals are totally normal. Of course, we’re talking about ‘nice’ sandals, vs crappy flip flops.

    2. It’s an online trend, like not liking the word most, to be disgusted by feet. It’s stupid and weird.

  12. Is there a reputable source to explain to someone who has never tried drugs beyond alcohol what the differences are between marijuana, cannabis, THC, and other drugs that are legal in some states and not others? And other drugs that are commonly used recreationally.

    I feel like I don’t even know what I don’t know.

      1. Oh. In my state, places sell something that I think is slightly chemically different than MJ. But that could be what people want to believe vs what a chemist or botanist actually believes.

        1. one difference is whether the product it is derived from hemp vs. marijuana. honestly, start with the google ai explanation as a start. It can be confusing!

        2. That’s probably delta 8 THC. Delta 9 THC is the “traditional” thc in marijuana that you think of when you think THC. Delta 8 is a slightly different, less potent THC that’s a legal grey area in a lot of states because it’s usually derived from hemp instead of marijuana (which, as stated below, are actually the same plant species, just different THC levels).

        3. You may also see something labeled THCA, which is a precursor compound to THC. When the plant is first harvested, the flowers contain THCA in its acidic form. When the flowers are dried (yes, the flowers must be dried), THCA converts to regular THC. Some unscrupulous sellers attempt to skirt the law by claiming that their products contain THCA, rather than THC. This is very misleading, because that THCA when burned or dried will concert to THC. There are also new semi-synthetic compounds labeled Delta 8 or Delta 10. These are usually synthesized by unscrupulous sellers who take lower-quality, lower-intensity extracts and add solvents to make them more psychoactive.

    2. Marijuana is a slang term for two plant species named cannabis indica and cannabis sativa. THC is the acronym for the chemical compound tetrahydrocannabinol. It is the “psychoactive” compound in cannabis. CBD is the acronym for the chemical compound cannabidiol. It is the non-psychoactive compound in cannabis. THC and CBD levels vary widely depending on the strain and the individual plant. A strain is basically a sub-species of cannabis, such as Purple Haze (which, if you actually look at the growing plant, has little bits of purple at the edge of the leaves). Some strains have greater proportions of THC than CBD, or vice versa. Most THC is in the flower, or “bud,” of the plant. That is why “bud” is also a slang term. If cannabis is recreationally or medically legal in your state, go to a dispensary and ask the staff. That is really the best way to learn. I am a lawyer for a state-licensed cannabis company.

      1. In my state, MJ is not legal but there are “cannabis” dispensaries everywhere. The stuff is inert then or very low-test? I feel that every failed retail space now has a shop like this in there.

        We have friends who partake and spouse wants nothing to do with seeing them at their house because he gets tested for work and he doesn’t want any trouble with that. IDK what is even reasonable vs an overreaction with that. I also don’t know how sensitive tests are.

        1. Maybe your state doesn’t allow recreational use, but does allow medical use. That would explain the dispensaries.

    3. Oh, and “hemp” versus “cannabis:” “hemp” is defined in federal law as cannabis sativa or cannabis indica containing less than 0.3% THC by dry weight. So they are really the same plant species, except one varietal has extremely low THC.

    4. If you can buy it at a gas station or regular store, chances are it’s not the real deal and probably just Delta 8 or CBD.

      There are supposed to be differences between marijuana strains—sativa versus indica—but nowadays, everything’s pretty much a hybrid. Honestly, I haven’t really noticed a big difference either way.

      If you’re thinking about trying a gummy, it’s best to start low—like 1 to 2.5 mg. Aim for a 1:1 ratio of THC to CBD—that’s a good place to start. If you go to a dispensary the budtenders are usually really helpful, I’d suggest gummies, mints, or drinks to start like Camino or CANN (just reduce them into your desired dose by cutting them with scissors or only drinking half). Just a quick tip: avoid chocolates or honey-based products because dosing can get tricky; I find tinctures to be tricky too.

      You may be able to order low doses online like from Mary & Jane.

  13. Just a vent: end stage alcoholism really, really sucks to watch as a kid of the alcoholic.

    If you feel like your drinking is starting to get out of control, today is a good day to start the hard work of recovery. I know it is hard and scary and it feels like you can address it later, after this one last drink.

    Signed, someone who is watching her husband go through this with both parents.

    1. I’m really sorry. I’ve heard people in medicine cite alcoholism as one of the worst ways to go, despite everything else they see. I hope modern meds will make the work of recovery a lot easier before people get to this point.

      1. Agree. DH’s BFF lost his wife and kids, career, savings, house and actual liver / kidneys and finally died at 52? Ditto a guy from my college dorm. They had to move back with their parents as functioning -impaired adults and it can’t have been easy for the parents to watch that play out in slo-mo.

    2. I’m really sorry. My BFF lost her younger brother to alcoholism. It is a brutal way to go and causes so much pain for the individual’s loved ones.

    3. And be honest with yourself about the amounts. It’s not “I just drink one glass of wine a day” if it’s filled to the very brim.

    4. we drink way too much (4-6 martinis per week when we’re being good, that plus bottles of wine when we’re not) and i’ve thought about stopping but honestly i’m not sure we’re going to be here in 5 years b/c of stupid trump so i’m just going to enjoy my little pleasures now.

      1. Therapy and meds (there are meds these days that really help with moderating drinking).

      2. Alcoholism will latch on to any excuse it can to keep the booze coming.

        With no judgment, just the sad resignation of being in the middle of watching someone die slowly and painfully, I hope you find alternative little pleasures that are less deleterious to your organs.

      3. This is addict reasoning. I hope one day you can admit it to yourself and get help. I’m from a family of addicts and luckily my dad sobered up when I was 18, but I watched every single one of my aunts and uncles die gruesome deaths at the hands of alcohol.

      4. There is medication that can help a lot with alcoholism. You could ask your doctor about. It’s not talked about a lot, so I thought I’d mention it.

    5. My best friend just lost her father after decades of alcoholism. It’s really, really hard. Wishing you and your husband comfort.

    6. Sure, having someone on the internet tell an alcoholic that “today is a a good day to start the hard work of recovery” is going to work.

      Signed, the ex-wife of an alchoholic

  14. Where (or what) to buy a thank you gift for a volunteer leader who is leaving the organization? I’ve only been there a year, so nothing huge, but a little something nice to show my appreciation for her showing me the ropes. Thanks!

  15. Is there anything similar to the Summersalt swimsuit that has a little more chest support? The Sidestroke that everyone wears is flattering everywhere except the bust for me … the girls look tragic and flattened down.

    1. Not similar to Summersalt bc the absence of support is where it gets the look, but I like the bra sized swimwear from Panache and Freya. Super comfortable when you have proper support! (I’m 30E for reference)

    1. Some seem to lean corporate now (eg just set up a checking account with us or buy our dog treats) vs actually helpful stuff (attorneys who do really good estate planning when you aren’t Ozzie and Harriett and aren’t a married couple or even part of a couple, powers of attorney, etc.). It’s also sort of a minefield sometimes, especially for anything that is T-related or directed at youth, especially if under 18.

      1. Remember sunscreen on your shoulders / legs if you are generally indoors. Also a hat if it works with your outfit. And hydrate! Alcohol is dehydrating, even low-ish alcohol stuff like beer. Diet Coke does not count.

    3. Have fun!! I march with a volunteer org in my major city’s parade most years, its a great time.

    4. Double check the schedule for any events you’re particularly interested in. In smaller cities, in particular, events may not be in one particular area, or spread throughout the month. Support your local vendors, and have fun! I’m really looking forward to Pride night at my local minor league ballpark.
      If you’re in a state with draconian rules about things like drag and minors, be respectful of whatever age restrictions they have (even if your kids would have a blast, or look 18 or whatever). The governments in those states are foaming at the mouth for a kid to accidentally be allowed into an age restricted event and organizers have to be extremely cautious. Sucks to be under a microscope like that, but it’s the world we’re in.

  17. I’ll be going to a conference in New Orleans in the fall, and would love all your best ideas on where to take clients out for meals, great cocktails, and music. I am a woman in marketing in a male-dominated field and definitely not interested in a vibe that is too crazy, but want to see the city and for everyone to enjoy themselves.

    1. Preservation Hall is so fun. Small venue though, so it may not work for a large group.

    4. For client dinners/lunch— Herbsaint is a classic, Peche for seafood in the warehouse district, Luke is good in CBD for a nice lunch. Meril is popular too, food is good but it’s more small plates which not personally a big fan of. In the quarter, I like the French 75 bar, Carousel Bar (at the Monteleone), Patrick’s Bar Vin (for a wine bar). Head to Frenchman for music not bourbon. If it’s a big conference or a popular time of year make reservations early, lunch included.

  18. I just won a really big important motion! And the judge made nice comments about my work on the record which feels really good.

      1. Unless you’re my opposing counsel, in which case boo! (But also still, go you!)

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