ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 145 Comments

Coffee Break: Grilled Haunch Meat Bag

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

plush bag looks like a cartoonish grilled haunch of ham

I always appreciate a spacious bag for work, and I love how this one picks up the very trendy color brown.

Of course, know your office — the plush bag designed to look like a cartoonish grilled haunch of meat may not be appropriate for every office.

You can get it at Etsy for $95. (Seller Lairbrew also offers a two-bone version, should that be more your speed.)

(Hat tip to commenter Wildcat for suggesting it!!)

Sales of note for 4/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – 5,263 new markdowns for women!
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 40% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles
  • Brooks Brothers – Friends & Family Sale: 30% off sitewide
  • The Fold – 25% off selected lines
  • Eloquii – $29+ select styles + extra 40% off all sale
  • Everlane – Spring sale, up to 70% off
  • J.Crew – Spring Event: 40% off sitewide + extra 50% off sale styles + 50% swim & coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – 40%-70% off everything + extra 70% off clearance
  • Kule – Lots of sweaters up to 50% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Earth Day Sale: Take 25% off eco-conscious fabrics. Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Madewell – Extra 30% off sale + 50% off sale jeans
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 50% off last chance styles; new favorites added
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 30% off entire purchase w/Talbots card

145 Comments

  1. I can kind of see this with the dress from this morning’s post for prehistoric vibe…

    1. I wish they had other out-there bags that looked like various animals or other weird stuff! :)

    2. It reminds me of a purse my teenager has that’s shaped like a paper coffee cup.

    1. Me, too. I wonder what kind of search Kat or whoever uses to get these amazing April 1 picks!

  4. What are some great family resorts in the Caribbean or US? Dreaming about next year’s spring break already

    1. I’ll assume you want warm weather – I’ll plug the BahaMar (though try to avoid college spring break weeks, it’s a zoo), the Hyatt Ziva in Cap Cana, and the Bluefields Bay Villas in Jamaica if you want something very small and chill.

    2. Beaches is $$$ but has the best food of any family-friendly all-inclusive resort I’ve been to (for some reason food at family resorts tends to be worse than adults only resorts at a similar or even lower price point) and also has a great beach and waterpark. Grand Velas is also supposed to be good, I haven’t been. I didn’t think Hyatt Ziva was very good for the price.

      I’ll also put in a plug for a Disney cruise, especially if you have kids in the 3-10 age range. We went on one this year for spring break. We thought of it mainly as a present to our princess-obsessed 7 year old girl, but DH and I enjoyed it more than we expected to. The food was quite good by cruise/all-inclusive resort standards, the cabins were spacious, the stage shows were phenomenal and although DH and I are pretty emphatically not “Disney people” it was hard not to get caught up in the magic, especially with a kid in her peak princess era. It’s pricey per night but they have some short itineraries which help bring the overall cost down. I didn’t feel like we needed more than 4 nights – there are only 3 unique restaurants and shows and a finite number of characters to meet so it felt like 4 nights was plenty to experience everything.

      1. I’m not a Disney person but we did a 7 night Disney cruise on Magic. Food and service 5/5, and the kids are entertained during dinner.

  5. What would you want your team to do for you as a condolence gift, if you are the manager? Anything? Assume the team is supportive and no weirdness, and you just lost a parent.

    1. Sign the card for company-provided flowers (etc), and otherwise just make a little extra effort to resolve things without escalating. Not to go out of pocket.

    2. Years ago when I was basically entry-level paralegal, the wife of the junior partner was diagnosed with cancer. I got a super nice “thinking of you” card and passed it around to the 4 junior staff on my project team; the other staff team that worked closely with the junior partner said that that was not appropriate. I couldn’t see why not. I left it on his chair or inbox and I believe we all got a “thanks” email in return. Not sure if that helps

      2. It’s possible he didn’t want it acknowledged and someone closer had relayed that (sometimes work is the safe space to get away from caregiving stress). It also could be that “making a a big deal” feels too much like acknowledging death may be likely.

        I don’t know how competitive the environment was but there also may have been concern from the individual that focusing on spouse’s illness would make him vulnerable in some way. I had cancer (including pretty major surgery) and didn’t tell my boss or colleagues because I didn’t want it to be on anyone’s mind should cuts come (which looked likely at the company at the time). It’s sad to say that. But it is a business, after all, and sometimes, this system of capitalism is cutthroat.

    3. Time, space, understanding that the person who lost the parent is distracted and grieving. Also, a card either from the group or individual cards, especially from people who also have lost a person close to them and are willing to share something indicating understanding. I found losing a parent to be a lonely experience. I also encourage people to verbally recognize the loss. I know people don’t know what to say, but hearing “I’m sorry your parent died” actually matters. We acknowledge the happy life events, and I learned through experience that it’s important to recognize the unhappy ones too.

      1. Agree with all of this. When my father-in-law passed away years ago, a not-very-close co-worker left a card on my desk that said “it’s always too soon to lose someone you love,” and that lovely sentiment has stayed with me all these years. You never know when your acknowledgement will be just what the bereaved person needs.

    4. My team sent me flowers at home after my mother died. My boss/the company sent a spray for her funeral.

    5. Card from you. My go to is always to include a gift card to some form of comfort food with the note “for the night you don’t feel like dealing with dinner.” Team gift is some flowers for the funeral.

  6. How often do you and your partner argue or fight? And what do those arguments look like / what are they about?

    1. I really hope you’re not asking “is this relationship normal?”

      The better questions are “is this the relationship I want” and “is this a healthy relationship”

    2. not often, maybe once a month or so. usually because one of us is stressed and therefore overreacts to the other person minorly inconveniencing the other one, forgetting something, or similar. But it doesn’t turn into a big thing, the snippy party apologizes and we move on.

    3. My husband and I rarely fight fight with raised voices – like one time in the last five years maybe?

      Most often (quarterly-ish) we may get “off” with each other for a day or two. We are both really talkative and while we don’t think alike, we are usually in sync. When we’re “off”, this looks like comments more having an edge and conversations not flowing as freely. Inevitably we can both feel it and end up bringing it up and talking it out when we’re relaxed after work or taking a walk (taking walks together is a huge relationship hack IMHO).

      Both sets of parents had much more explosive yelling styles of fighting and we don’t want that in our marriage, which we’ve discussed in depth. We’re closer proximity with his parents and they fight constantly (it’s gotten worse over the last few years); we’ve very strongly reacted against that dynamic and learned specific behaviors that we do not do because we can see how harmful they are from an outside perspective.

      I think it’s relevant to add – DH and I have been married for 16 years, together for 21 years, and happily childfree. No kids makes a lot of life things a lot easier, especially when the kids are little.

    4. Almost never. We had one fight when we were engaged and afterward I was like look if you don’t want to get married that’s one thing but don’t shout it when you’re angry. Since then (16 years later) we’ll get pissy with each other but never truly fight.

    5. Basically never. The worst that it gets is that one of us (usually me) gets a little snappy when stressed out. But the problem is rarely actually with the other person, so we just give each other a little space, don’t let things escalate, and everything’s forgotten pretty quickly.

      1. Same here. One of us might be snappy because of circumstances, and we usually give some space and later the snapper apologizes.
        If we disagree on some action, we talk about it until we find a compromise.

    6. Married about 20 years. We hardly ever raise our voices and then it’s usually only for a moment or two. One of us will usually make a joke then and it sort of resets things. If he seems like he’s in a crud mood, I’ll usually just give space recognizing it’s not a good time. I think he usually does the same. We argued A LOT those first few years of marriage though. I think it was hard to sort of figure out routines around the house and how we were going to prioritize friends and step-children relationships and parents with our new normal of being married. We married later in life so were kind of set in our ways. I only say this because everybody talks about that as sort of the honeymoon period and for me it was anything but. I’d say the best times came 3+ years on. We’ve only become a stronger team and better communicators as time has gone on.

    7. We argue/ bicker pretty often about small stuff. The most frequent arguments are probably (1) whether my husband is a good drive (he’s not) and whether I am a backseat driver (I am), (2) chores and division of labor, especially when one of us has forgotten something or blown something off, and (3) communication and calendaring. These arguments may get snippy or even loud, but we’re not mean spirited or hostile or even all that angry. We usually diffuse or resolve this type of conflict in a few minutes.

      We rarely have big fights–maybe once every few years. I only really remember a couple, and they each have their own specific reason. If the reason for any of these specific fights were repeated, we’d probably get divorced.

      1. Your points 1 and 2 made me laugh. Married 25 years and there’s definitely some of that going on here.

        We bicker but don’t often big fight

    8. We never have raised voice fights. Disagreements are pretty much about money, parenting, and whether we’re giving each other enough support. Discussions to resolve disagreements center around shared values and what are realistic expectations.

    9. We disagree about minor-to-moderate issues on a fairly regular basis but manage to work them out without it rising to the level of arguments. We just discuss and if we can’t reach agreement (which we usually do), generally the person who cares the most gets their way.

      We never ever fight, if by “fight” you mean “raised voices and/or saying mean things. or other bad things like The Silent Treatment.” VERY occasionally (like less than once a year) one or both of us will get a little snippy but it never lasts long and we generally are able to laugh about it even in the moment.

      All that said, I often say our marriage is Difficulty Level Zero because we have enough money, we have good health, and no children at home. (Actually the difficulty level has risen a little lately because my husband is struggling a bit with retirement, but we still have it way easier than most couples.)

    11. We normally don’t fight at all. But the year after my dad died, I found myself picking fights. I was overwhelmed with grief—so sad and angry at the world. We also had a newborn. My husband isn’t great at showing affection through physical touch or words of affirmation, which are what I needed most then. He’s more of an acts of service person. Normally, that’s totally fine, but during that time, I wanted something different.

      As I got a grip on my grief, things got better. These days, we almost never fight, which is good because we’ve never really learned how to do it in a productive way. We’ve done some counseling to work on that dynamic, but it’s hard to make the time when things don’t feel urgent.

    13. We bicker and tease each other, but rarely ever fight. The bickering is apparently hilarious to other people, especially the great carpet cleaner debate of 2010 which got laughs from strangers. We both came from households that believed “you yell because you care” and have worked really hard to not be like that – e.g., recognizing that someone can be angry without being angry at you, waiting to have conversations at the right time, not bottling stuff in, etc.

    14. We rarely argue about big stuff, but every couple months there’s a straw that breaks the camel’s back and someone (usually me, tbh) gets snippy and needs to go calm down and find the right words to express what’s really bothering us. Usually it’s that I’m feeling overwhelmed and underappreciated, which is… possibly just a default state with kids and finite resources? DH is generally a supportive and helpful partner, but his homemaking “good enough” and mine have some daylight between them. Sometimes kid responsibilities delay resolution for a couple hours, but we almost always go for a walk and sort it out before the end of the day.

      A couple times a year we have a serious “hey, XYZ isn’t working for me, can we talk about it?” kind of a conversation, but that is problem-solving, not a fight. Those are always about one of four things: frequency of gardening, budgeting, the kids’ technology use, and how much time my husband spends coaching one kid’s travel hockey team and leaving me solo-parenting and chauffeuring the other kids. (Before every season I agree to this, and by January, I get frustrated. Luckily the season ends after February, and this is the reason our kids never get to play spring league hockey.)

      Together 19 years, married for 15.

    15. Rarely. Maybe once a year at most over a child safety issue. We’ve already had our one for this year, so it’ll be smooth sailing from here.

  7. if you have a walking treadmill desk thingy how do you keep track of steps? does my apple watch need to be in my sock or is a pocket enough?

    1. I’ve had an Apple watch, a Fitbit and a Garmin, all have tracked steps normally on a treadmill so I would assume they would all do so on a walking pad as well. You could also use a pedometer in your pocket.

    2. I put my Apple Watch on my ankle. I purchased a band that was one size up to facilitate it.

  8. I have a 17 year old daughter who lied to me about a very minor issue. Basically, she couldn’t find her wallet and I told her I’d help her look for it and then she basically lied and said she found it and took off. Later on, when she actually found it, she told DH and he told me and that’s how I know she had not told me the truth in the morning. She confessed it to me later and was sort of laughing it off and I basically remained pretty stone-faced and asked her why she lied and she said she just wanted to get going (she was going off to do some volunteer work, ironically). Anyway, I keep flip-flopping from thinking that I just raised this girl who has no problems lying to me to my face and then thinking that it’s not a big deal, all teenagers lie at some point and I should just be happy that she’s overall a good kid and not a trouble-maker. Can anyone here relate? I’m not trying to say this is a huge problem; I guess I’m just facing a moment where I am surprised that this is how I raised my kid and I’m sad about it.

    1. This seems completely normal and like the type of white lie adults do all the time and I don’t think your should worry about it at all.

      1. I agree with this. If this is the biggest worry you have with your 17-year-old’s behaviour you are BEYOND lucky. She’s old enough to have some autonomy and decide whether or not you get access to every single piece of information about her life. Just let it GOOOO!

        1. +1 to letting it go.

          If she did lose the wallet for real, she would have to face the consequences.

    2. It’s a really big leap to go from what she did to “this is how I raised my kid and I’m sad about it.” You’re very very far from being able to draw that connection.

      If she makes a pattern of it, then you begin to talk with her about her character.
      If she makes a pattern of it AND you laugh it off with her or don’t even care, THEN that’s the time to go for “this is how I raised her.”

      My guess is that what she did doesn’t have anything to do with you personally, or how you raised her. I love honestly. It’s very important to me. But there are times I catch myself lying in a generic conversation and then think, “What’s going on? Why did I just do that? That’s not who I am.” It certainly has zero to do with how my parents raised me.

    3. I like to think I am a good person with integrity but this is the kind of lie I would tell my mom as a teenager because I knew she would make a big deal out of it and get mad at me for losing my wallet and nag me about it and it would become a whole thing. So it was just easier to lie to avoid the fight.

      1. And to add to this, the fact that you’re coming on here and acting like you’ve failed as a mother over a white lie tells me you are the kind of person to make a whole big thing out of it!

        3. Yeppp this is exactly what my relationship was like with my mom when I was a teen, and why I don’t tell her much as an adult

    4. I’d bring it up but start with curiosity – do you feel like it’s hard to talk to me or tell me things? If it was truly a one-off, she had to go and didn’t feel like getting into it I’d leave her be.
      I’d also do some introspection. Fwiw, I lied to my mother constantly as a kid about small things because I didn’t feel like getting the third degree and/or getting screamed at/hit constantly. We were punished for getting sick so I learned early on to avoid the truth if it would inconvenience her. I have zero guilt about ‘lying’ for my own mental health or my own self-preservation.

    5. Tbh, makes me wonder if your “help” isn’t all that helpful… Does your daughter seem to enjoy your company generally? Kinda reminds me of how I tried to get out of my parents “helping” me with my homework. If you’ve generally got a good relationship I wouldn’t worry about it (every parent needs to be annoying or embarrassing in at least one way).

    6. I lie to my mom in a way I don’t I lie to anyone else, simply because she’s so unreasonable about things that I feel like being honest isn’t ever an option. I’m not someone who lies very often to anyone else (or really at all other than the kind of white lies that make people feel better in social situations), but I could absolutely see myself having been in your daughter’s situation where I knew that my mom was going to blow my lost wallet out of proportion, not let me leave the house until it was found, and lecture me for hours about how irresponsible I was for losing it. In that situation, I absolutely would have lied so that I could make it to the volunteer activity I had committed myself to and not felt the tiniest bit guilty.

      1. I’m kind of oddly comforted by seeing that so many other people have the exact same relationship with their mom, which is to say, not much of one. And now I’m (mostly) capable of simply changing the subject and not laughing in her face when she bemoans the fact that we’re not ‘super close’ like her other friends and their daughters.

    7. Girl, with love, I’d lie to you, too, if this is how you react to minor issues like a white lie to get out the door.

    8. This seems like way overkill on your part.

      Today I lied by pretending I was on the phone when I passed an ACLU canvasser on the sidewalk. This lie feels as serious as your daughters lie – and by that I mean not at all serious.

      A teenager pretending they found their wallet so they can get out the door and not be held up by their mom? Totally, totally harmless.

      If you’re so worried about the fact taht she lied, consider the fact that she told your DH the truth so she wasn’t even lying to hide something.

    9. OP here. Wow, some brutal feedback here but I appreciate this group so much and thank you for your honesty and for sharing your views. I lose stuff all the freaking time (and to be honest I’m pretty good at finding things as a result), so I don’t consider myself one of those nagging moms. I will let this go and try and do a better job of not getting all up in her business.

      I think it’s a bad idea for people to be driving without their driver’s licenses, but maybe I’m more paranoid about that then other people on this board.

      1. In most states you actually don’t *have* to have your license on you. You should, but you’re generally given 24 hours to produce it.

      2. fwiw, I think a lot of the feedback here is way way too harsh – it’s pretty typical for teens to lie; and the lying can be not ok and ALSO not a sign of some huge problem with how you raised them. It’s also doesn’t HAVE to be a sign that you nag all the time or explode at your kid for minor issues like some commenters have suggested. It sounds like you have a generally good relationship with your generally good kid.

      3. In my state, you’re required to have it on you, but if you get stopped and cited, the fine will be waived as long as you show your license before your court date. So you should have it, but in the scenario where you can’t find your wallet and you’re late, I would definitely side with your daughter that it’s more important to be on time to volunteer than to have my license, and if my mom was going to stop that, lying is the moral good, not bad.

        1. I spend enough time in courts to know that these days even a young white girl is putting herself at risk of being arrested for driving without a license. And I don’t trust that insurance companies wouldn’t see the charge even if it were dismissed.

          Completely separate from the legal issues, it is a terrible idea to go out without ID and a health insurance card in case of an accident, whether or not you are driving.

          1. The law in my state explicitly states that “No person charged with violating the possession requirement shall be convicted if the person produces in court or the office of the arresting officer a driver’s license previously issued to that person for the class of vehicle being driven which was valid at the time of arrest or satisfactory proof that at the time of the arrest the person was validly licensed for the class of vehicle being driven.”

            And everything online says they just look up your license with your name and birthdate to verify that you have one (and I’ve never been pulled over in 30 years of driving, so what are the odds it would happen the one time I don’t have my license?). Plus, the car registration and your phone have emergency identification, so it’s not like you have nothing if there’s an accident (I even have a copy of my insurance card on my phone). Obviously it’s better to have your wallet, but if it’s lost, that’s not possible, and the debate is whether you skip out on obligations or go without your license, and I think it’s better to go without the license.

    10. Move on. If this is your biggest problem with a 17 year old daughter, you are very, very fortunate.

      Tell her in no uncertain terms how very disappointed you are about her lying to you but don’t make it a big punishment thing.

    11. I have a 17yo daughter and can completely relate. I feel like I am reasonable all the livelong day and she would 100% do this kind of thing because she wouldn’t want to hear my “drama” about a lost wallet. She’s a good kid, very studious and hardworking, but she thinks I’ve ruined her life about once a week over some perfectly normal request.

  9. Any advice or commiseration for folks who have a spouse that really likes nice things? We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment which is very cheap and is in a pretty good neighborhood. Great, love that for us. But it’s a constant struggle to remind him that we can’t get things we don’t have space for. Half the living room is fenced off from the toddler to accommodate his tools and gaming setup. Our child still doesn’t have his own room, just a crib in the room that stores a chest freezer, camping equipment, more tools, and various board games and books. And now he wants to buy a third car so that he doesn’t have to use his truck that he has put tons of off-road modifications on as a daily driver. If it wasn’t for the toddler, I know the advice is “declutter your own stuff” or “move somewhere bigger,” but I do not like that advice. I have already declutterered my stuff as much as I can, and my husband is in line for a promotion that will require an interstate move within the year so we can’t move until that happens. He’s a wonderful spouse in every other way, but I’m sick and tired of our mismatched Stuff Preferences.

      1. He worries about people stealing stuff from the storage locker when I’ve brought it up. Right now we have a storage locker that contains only an old motorcycle helmet and pregnancy/postpartum/baby clothes that we’re saving.

          1. This. I would love a 2nd fun car and more camping gear, but my clean, safe, small and dirt cheap rental doesn’t have the room or setup for it. Being an adult is about educated trade offs. Is he a man baby about other things? In other words, is this the problem, or a symptom of something more wide ranging?

        2. So rent a storage unit with security cameras and a guard at the front and key code access.

      2. +1. This seems like the obvious answer if you don’t want to move right now (understandable) and your husband doesn’t want to sell his stuff (maybe understandable if your next place will be bigger).

    2. Is this a money problem (spending $ you don’t have, ignoring a budget, or spending with no thought of a budget?)

      Is this a space problem? (you have plenty of money to buy the stuff, but no space to put it in)

      Is this a problem-solving issue? (you guys don’t have a way to talk about stuff like this and come to an agreement, or one of you won’t talk about stuff)

      Is this a stubbornness or “I don’t care” problem? (one or both of you have entrenched positions and aren’t ready to make a move toward something that works for both of you)

      1. Mostly space with some communication/stubbornness thrown in. Oh, and his difficulty adapting to parenthood is definitely a factor as well. He’s coming around, but it’s definitely been harder for him than it’s been for me.

        1. I feel like this might be an issue that could profit from a few sessions with a couples counselor.

    3. You could bluntly tell him the options: he can have all the stuff, but then kiddo doesn’t have room to explore, play, etc. Or, kiddo can be prioritized and husband has less stuff for this season of life.

      Right now, he’s prioritizing stuff. You’d rather he prioritize kiddo and you.

      Honestly, with this level of preference for stuff, a bigger house will only help temporarily. It’ll get filled up too.

    4. Unfortunately, I think your question boils down to “how do I get my spouse to take this issue as seriously as I do?” and I don’t think we can be much help there, but fwiw I think you’re the reasonable one in this scenario.

      1. I don’t have the healthiest relationship with Stuff myself, so it’s good to hear that I’m being reasonable. (I get nervous when I have too much stuff.)

        1. I get that. I grew up with a mother that was very messy and left stuff all over our house. She wasn’t a hoarder, but cluttered our house up with all of her paperwork and clothing. I get twichy when I feel like my husband and I have too much stuff.

          I am guilty of aggressively declutterring too much and then wishing I hadn’t gotten rid of something.

      2. Worse yet, it is “how do I get my spouse to think/feel the same way I do about stuff?” Because he loves his stuff; you get nervous when you have a lot of stuff. Neither of you is right or wrong. You are just different and those are the hardest disagreements to have.

        Personally and in light of the pending move, I would let it go on the theory that I am no more entitled to a space without stuff than he is to have his stuff, kid is too young to really care and replacing stuff when we move will cost money. My only question to him is whether he really wants to move all this stuff, because if the answer is no then he needs to start thinning it out sooner rather than last minute.

        If you were not planning a move, this would be a bigger problem and would require more serious compromise (on both sides).

    5. Is your husband my husband? Up to and including the third car purchase which will “save money” because gas is so much cheaper even though he still owns and pays insurance for the truck.

      All I can say is that we moved to a bigger house and he has certain areas (his office, the garage) which he is allowed to clutter as he wants. My husband also loooooves single-function gadgets – he came home with a meat chopper the other day – and gets really excited about stuff and then doesn’t use it after three months. We have a dehydrator that made like one thing of dried apples and two batches of jerky and has not been pulled out in five years. And a desk lamp that he bought in order to entice and kill stink bugs has been sitting, unused, on our countertop since last year. He also likes to accuse me of throwing stuff out, which is hilarious because I never do even though I greatly desire to, he just can’t FIND IT.

      Maybe you’ll feel better for venting, but if you need a practical solution, can you go through a drawer at a time and ask what he wants to keep and what can be tossed?

      1. Sounds like my DH too! He has a “workshop” in the basement with all his tools. He keeps buying more items and never pitches anything out. I once tried to straighten it up when I needed a screwdriver and couldn’t find one. I found 10 hammers and 6 drills in the process- obviously we don’t need that many, he just kept buying more because he could not find one when he needed it due to the clutter. That was when I decided to let it be. When he gets frustrated over not being able to find things in his space, I walk away. Not my problem. Give him his space, let him do whatever he wants with it, then walk away but hold firm that he only gets that one space and no more. And don’t try to clean it up for him either. He owns it.

    6. Husband doesn’t get to have a whole room for his stuff while your kid doesn’t even have a bedroom (!!!).

      1. Right?? This is so alarming to me. He loves his stuff more than his child???

        My husband and I have a 4 BR house: master, guest, my office, his stuff. Now we have a baby on the way. Guess which room we’ve converted to a nursery? The his stuff room. I offered for him to put his stuff in the guest room instead, but he wants to leave that room free for family to visit. So his stuff is in the basement or garage, it’s not even displayed anywhere in the house (he has a lot of legos and action figures, which we could’ve worked in somewhere). He recognizes that people come before stuff, no matter how much he likes his stuff.

        1. Unless there is way more to the story, I wouldn’t default to “the stuff is more important to him than his kid!” (and if that’s truly the case, OP probably knows it already). Way way more likely explanation is that OP and partner don’t see eye to eye on whether the kid having a room of their own is important at this age; or whether the amount of stuff is enough that it impinges on the kid or whatever. Not having a separate room for a toddler is not some basic need that’s going unmet.

          1. But having a room for stuff when you don’t have a room for the kid is different than living in a studio with a newborn. Tools and a chest freezer in the toddler’s room? That’s verging on get back in your closet under the stairs, Harry.

    7. advice from a decluttering book that i read (at the speed of life, i think?) is to designate a container or space for The Stuff. Then when The Stuff begins to expand the space it is time to declutter. Not find new places for it or buy organizing things for it, just get rid of it.

      is the living room fenced off because the stuff is dangerous to the baby (cords and sharp things) or because he’s worried the baby will hurt it? tools sound like a great thing to put in a truck, just saying.

      1. A healthy mix of the two. And about 60% of the tools live in the truck, but a floor jack is not something I want to haul in and out of a lifted truck.

        Looking at your comment and the other person’s who has my same husband, I think the problem is that we no longer have clearly defined containers. The spare room used to be the office that kept most of his stuff, but now it’s the kid’s room and we’ve been trying to shift things around so that all his stuff will still fit and it’s just created chaos. If we could redefine parameters, it might reign it in enough it’ll so bothering me so much.

        1. Honestly, if he has that many (presumably expensive) tools in the truck, the refusal on the storage locker is a red herring. There is no way that storing stuff in the truck is not also a security risk.

        2. so this will absolutely create chaos especially since babies come with so much stuff. my MIL kept buying us absolutely huge things (a trampoline! a 4′ tall slide tower to send cars down!) too. but since the kid will be small until you move does s/he need an entire room to themselves? also you can move all of the baby clothes and outgrown stuff to the storage locker.

          either way i think you need to sit down and decide what the container is for His Stuff. but if you’re worried he hasn’t come around to the idea of being a parent yet that’s the bigger discussion you guys need to have.

          1. We’ve made it this far because babies don’t actually need too much stuff; toddlers on the other hand… The space requirements expand expand exponentially.

    8. No no the answer is you’ve let his hoarding get out of hand already. You must start fighting back aggressively. Your child and you deserve better.

      1. Honestly, this. I don’t have a lot of faith it’s going to get much better unless he’s open to a serious come to jesus moment about what parenting entails.

        1. We’ve had a couple come to Jesus moments about parenting, just haven’t quite hit the “I will need to get rid of some things” one yet. The ones we’ve had include screen time priorities, how to manage dinner with a baby and work schedules, and trip planning with a baby/toddler. And he’s good at all of those things now! Just because being a parent doesn’t come naturally to him doesn’t mean that he’ll never get there. But the process sure is exhausting for the both of us.

          1. Oh dear you’re raising two human beings. DH should be assistance to you not something else for you to manage.

          2. I mean, if I was left to my own devices I wouldn’t be going on any trips with a toddler. And how many posts have we seen here about people trying to cut their phone addiction? We’re still definitely playing into tired gender stereotypes and I wish we weren’t, but he’s hardly a deadbeat.

          3. Yeah, but “being a parent doesn’t come naturally” is a bs excuse that he’s exploiting. He didn’t realize parenting would require paying attention to a baby instead of a phone? Come on. You weren’t born knowing how to parent either. He sounds like an ex of mine who tried to tell me with a straight face that men “don’t see messes.”

    9. I don’t have the exact same issues as you, but I have a husband who has way too much stuff for our space and it’s a constant source of irritation for me. We have been together in 4 different homes, and each one was going to be the magical “if we just had one more room we’d have enough space” solution. Nope, I’ve made peace with the fact that his stuff expands for whatever space he has, until it is filled to the brim. Which is also why we are not moving for more space ever again.

      If I could go back to my pre-married, pre-kid self, I would insist on therapy for both of us to agree on space priorities.

  10. Go Cory Booker go!! If his filibuster time keeps running while people ask questions why isn’t every democrat down there asking Qs?

    He’s close to beating Strom Thurmond’s record.

    1. He’s doing a great job of marketing himself for his own political ambitions and an absolutely dogshit job of being an effective Senator. Yay? Go him?

      2. What are you talking about? Compared to most Dems sitting back and doing nothing, he’s being an absolutely effective Senator.

          1. He’s stopping regular business of the senate. Given that their regular business has been aiding and abetting fascism, I’m good with it.

          2. Oh yes, that classic Democratic goal of *checks notes* causing a government shutdown.

          5. Actually, I’m not. But I believe that those who voted for fascism deserve to feel the results of their choices.

          6. You realize many, many poor people did not “vote for fascism” and are even more likely to feel the effects of these cuts, right?

          7. I am queer and didn’t vote for my history to be erased and trans ppl to have their rights to medical care taken away. It still is.

            Also, if you voted for this current administration, you voted for fascism.

      3. Seriously. How is this going to help those harmed by the current administration? If this is Dem’s idea of doing something, we’re in for a long 4 years.

      4. Agree with everything that something is better than nothing. And I’d like a million more ambitious Cory bookers standing up to trump. I mean, I hope he’s ambitious. He actually respects our democracy. Why is only ok for republicans to be ambitious? I really hate this brand of cynicism.

        1. Ambitious senators co-author legislation, hold serious hearings, etc. They don’t do a TikTok live on the Senate floor. HTH!

          1. Do you think this level of rude snark is effective in getting people to see your side of things?

          2. Ambitious senators in the minority do not actually get to do any of those things. (Well I suppose they can co-author legislation, but that is no less performative when they do not have any chance of getting it to the floor, much less passed.)

            The Democrats are in the minority in the House and the Senate. There is not a lot they can do other than protest.

        2. Agree. I love that democracy is burning to the ground but we are going to criticize a single Dem for a filibuster. I don’t know where my other comment went, but Wilkie Farr caved today. Which means we have very few BigLaw firms willing to challenge the Trump administration. And we had the FBI allegedly seizing Habitat for Humanity bank accounts today for complying with Biden green new deal initiatives. We have all become numb to how bad things have become. I would ask the Republicans in the room, how would you like it if the Democrats pursue and prosecute you and yours for no legal reason when the pendulum swings back? Honestly, we should all be very, very concerned about how things are going in this country because if they can come for Habitat for Humanity, ain’t none of us safe. And I say this from the perspective of someone who has the resources to renounce citizenship and move to Portugal if I’d like. Very, very sad day and very sad that our largest legal establishments won’t fight to uphold their First Amendment rights.

          1. > how would you like it if the Democrats pursue and prosecute you and yours for no legal reason when the pendulum swings back

            I’m a Democrat, but I absolutely view the January 6 and the NY state Trump prosecutions as just that.

          3. Anon at 8:48, you view the J6 prosecutions as a prosecution for no legal reason? WOW. You are aware, I assume, that even some of the individuals convicted acknowledged that they acted outside of the law. We can agree to disagree on the NY state prosecutions (which ones? The sexual assault one? The Trump University fraud?) but I have never met anyone other than Super MAGA who believed that storming that Capitol on J6 was legal and not deserving of criminal prosecution. I am a lawyer, fyi.

      5. Reading letters from Americans who are worried about and/or affected by many of the things happening in our country today is a very effective way of making people feel heard.

  11. thing I’ve been putting off for years: canceling our landline. is there anything i should look into before i call someone to look into better deals we might get? we’re using AT&T fiber at the business level because we both work from home.

    1. Travel. My colleagues joke that I’m super reserved until someone mentions travel.

      1. Oh, same. People have commented that I should actually be a travel blogger/airline advice consultant. However, I don’t want to lose the joy by monetizing it….

        1. I have side gigs as a travel writer and travel advisor and have not lost the joy by monetizing it. Go for it!

    3. Recipes and their ingredients.
      Houses I have seen and loved.
      How fascism is not compatible with Christianity and I kind of hope hell is a real place so some of these people can go there.
      The last is an unworthy thought but yet I have it (thanks a lot, maga) and could expound at length on it.

  13. Wow, Wilkie Farr just caved and settled with the Trump administration. If our biggest and best law firms in the country don’t think they can fight back against obvious illegal First Amendment targeting and retaliation, how will the rest of the country survive this administration? I cannot imagine how anyone thinks that targeting colleges and universities, having the FBI seize bank accounts of non profits such as Habitat for Humanity (for complying with prior administration’s green goals) and ALLLLLL the other nonsense we have seen thus far from this administration is good for democracy. Even the Republicans should be worried that the Dems will take the same steps when the pendulum swings back their way. Truly sorry to see the state of our country.

    1. The good news is that no one thinks Willkie Farr is one of America’s best law firms, so this doesn’t really move the needle.

Comments are closed.