Holiday Open Thread

154 Comments

1. Not so much a leggings fan but like the print on these ones. I can never figure out how to dress them up so they don’t look too casual i.e. dressed up pyjama casual.

   Any good book recommendations to while away the long weekend? For anyone looking for something new to read, I recommend “The Sleepwalker’s Guide to Dancing” by Mira Jacob, nice Indian family saga set in Seattle, Alburqueque and India (briefly)

   1. I recommend Joe and Marilyn if you like Marilyn Monroe. It was so tragic. OMG, are you Avril Lavine?

   2. I assume Avril Haines http://www.washingtonian.com/articles/people/the-presidents-top-lawyers-are-all-women/

   3. Books I’ve read recently & enjoyed:

      Attachments by Rainbow Rowell
      The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson
      Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake by Anna Quindlen (more non-fiction/memoir than a novel)
      The Interestings by Meg Wolitzer
      Life After Life by Kate Atkinson

      1. Speaking of Meg Wolitzer – did anyone read “The Uncoupling” by her? I was little unsure how to feel about it – it came off rather flat, but I still kind of enjoyed it…I think? Maybe I enjoyed it more because I was at the beach when I read it? I’m not usually this indecisive about books…

   4. Yay! Holiday Open Thread’s! I love Holiday Open thread’s! I love these legging’s, Kat, and will buy a couple of pair’s for the winter when I need to stay warm when I walk with my FITBIT, b/c Dad says I have to keep walking to control my TUCHUS.

      And this holiday weekend, I am spending it with Mom and Dad, even tho the manageing partner’s brother wanted me to go to the HAMTON’s with him and stay with Margie and the manageing partner. For once I decided NOT to go out there, but to stay at home (on LI) where we are haveing a family barbeqoo with Rosa, Ed and the Kid’s driveing down and pickeing me up so that I don’t have to take the LIRR (fooey b/c there are bedbug’s on the trains–at least on the subway).

      I hope Crumb’s open’s back up soon b/c I love to bring cupcake’s out to Mom and Dad and they eat all of them even tho mom is a great baker. Here is a Wall Street JOURNAL article for the HIVE that describe’s it b/c I could NOT explain all the bankruptcy stuff like they do. I do VERY little banrkuptcy work. If OTHERS know more about this, feel free to explain it to the HIVE:

      http://online.wsj.com/articles/crumbs-bake-shop-to-reopen-stores-after-court-approval-1409078024

      Some guy at the US OPEN stopped me to talk and wanted to go out with me but the manageing partner’s brother chased him away. That was OK, b/c the guy was all sweatey and smelled funny. But I wish the manageing partner did not think he owns me just b/c I work for the manageing partner and he now will live next to me.

      Noah also wanted to do something this weekend, but he did NOT want to come to LI. He say’s he likes NYC on the weekend’s and he does NOT like to go to the beach. FOOEY b/c Dad want’s to meet him and I have to explain why he will NOT come out and visit.

      I wish the entire HIVE a happy Labor Day, and not to spend to much at the sale’s! YAY!!!!!

2. I love that Zella comes in plus size.

3. Hubs and I are going to see a house tomorrow we have a lot of interest in. We don’t have a real estate broker as we have a very broad search radius. We have two friends, each covering different markets, on-call for when we narrow that.

   My question: is there any reason to not tell the selling broker at the open house that we do not *technically* have a broker hired? Specifically, if the selling broker hears we don’t have a buying broker, will they (could they) try to screw us out of broker commissions/closing costs, etc, if we decided to make an offer…which we would absolutely do WITH a broker? I never answer the question on the paper re: whether or not we have a buyer rep when I sign in at open houses, but sometimes they verbally ask and I don’t want to be caught off guard or hurt myself in the end.

   FWIW: I’d never try to negotiate or do anything without a broker, but I’m talking about just that initial intro at the open house.

   1. You don’t have to answer, but you have options if you want to: I’m just looking at this stage, I have one in mind, or even just “yes”.

   2. If you would hire your own agent before negotiating a purchase, there’s no reason that any answer you give (you have one, you don’t, you’re just looking, you’re a neighbor who’s curious) would make any difference at all. There’s nothing the showing agent could “scr*w” you out of (or into). At worst, they might try and talk you into using them or doing a dual-agency situation, but if you already know you’d want your own broker, just ignore anything they may say about that.

      1. Advice received from a “home buying seminar” put on by husband’s HR department was that if you don’t ID a broker up front, the selling broker can try to argue in the end that they don’t have to cover buying broker commission (assuming we’d ask for it/it would be a point of negotiation) since we, at one point early in our buying process, said we didn’t have one. It sounded like fishy advice to me, and it sounds like my instinct may be right. Thanks for the input.

         1. Most purchase contracts (even the form realtor ones) specify the seller is responsible for all broker commissions. If you’re really concerned the seller might try to pull something like that (though I’ve never heard of such a thing), you can always mark up the purchase contract by hand before you sign to call out the name of your own brokerage firm specifically. I highly doubt this would be necessary, however.

         2. I have never heard of this. I wouldn’t worry about anything other than the sellers agent trying to sell you on using someone they know.

   3. Not really. Everything is negotiable, so if you don’t like the deal you have just as much freedom to change it. You may even get a cheaper price without an agent, since the seller doesn’t have to pay commission.

   4. My husband and I go to a LOT of open houses. We are totally lookie-loos, until we decided to buy one we saw earlier this summer. :)

      They are most likely asking because the showing agent wants to build business and wants to call you later and offer to be your buyer’s agent, i.e., find you other houses to buy if you don’t like that one. This happened to use several times.

      1. +1 This is the reason the agent at the open house is asking. Open houses don’t sell houses, so agents usually use them to get more clients. They will call and follow-up with every person that comes to an open house unrepresented (they should anyway). I would just tell them you are working with a broker. You are under no obligation to tell them WHICH broker you are using.

   5. I literally just went through this process a few weeks ago and there’s no reason to say you have a buyer’s agent if you don’t – and there’s nothing wrong with finding one before you put in an offer. I went to see a place that checked all my boxes at an open house about three weeks ago, contacted an agent the next day when I decided to put in an offer. It was never mentioned that I had told the listing broker at the open house that I wasn’t working with anyone at the time. The seller pays the broker’s fees. I would DEFINITELY recommend working with a buyer’s agent once you’ve found a place if you’re a first timer though (I am). It’s been a huge help to have someone doing all the legwork so I just have to review and sign things, especially if you’re really busy.

4. Question–once you’re a grown up, and when you are single, how do you know whether you are fine with spending alone time with yourself vs. becoming an antisocial hermit? I am trying hard not to be an antisocial hermit….

   1. I have the same issue. I make plans with people and then really really don’t want to go, but find that once I’m out/ have returned, I’m glad I went to meet whomever it was. Not always, but usually.

   2. Someone somewhere made a list of events you must go to – your friends’ weddings, book publishing parties, maybe birthdays. I can’t find the list on google, but I think it’s a good framework. You don’t have to go out to every happy hour but you do have to show up to some things.

   3. And what’s wrong with being a social hermit?

      I’ve always said: give me a good book, a nice quiet room with a clean bathroom and enough chocolate and wine, and I’ll be happy for days — or until the book ends. Am I missing something?

      1. That’s why we created Kindle. . no need to EVER run out of books to read.

      2. +1,000 If I want to be an anti-social hermit, I see no issues with it. Don’t let society or your friends make you feel bad about it! Go to what you want, don’t go to what you don’t want to go to. Realize that they may stop asking you to do things if you keep saying no, but if you are okay with that, then go on with your self-loving self. You do you!

   4. It depends on how you feel about it. If you are just a natural loner (like me), you generally feel good about your time at home or doing your own thing. If you feel guilty about not going to things, especially the “obligatory” ones, or are feeling like you are missing out but just can’t be bothered to get together with people or go out and do things, you may be heading toward hermit.

   5. I feel like if you accept at least one social event each weekend you’re free to turn down others guilt free.

      1. One a weekend! Whoa whoah, what am I, a social butterfly?!

         1. Well you don’t HAVE to decline other stuff.

      2. Oh my goodness, I’m such a hermit! I’m actually pretty comfortable with that though.

         1. I think it’s hilarious that the two responses to this are the opposite. In conclusion, socialize however much you want.

      3. This is my rule also! At least one social thing with friends per weekend, and the rest is me/SO+me time.

   6. I think the key is booking yourself in advance. When the weekend comes my natural inclination is to hunker down with my book and a glass of wine or my dog and a long hike. In the moment, social activities never seem like all that much fun and I am way more tempted to say no. Scheduling dinner with friends two weeks out forces me out of my comfort zone and 99.9% of the time I end up really enjoying myself.

      1. I am the exact opposite. I have a friend that likes to book even just a casual dinner down the street up to two months in advance, and I just cannot do that with my unpredictable schedule. It also then becomes an albatross on my calendar and I end up resenting it. I’d much rather plan in the moment and just call up the girls on Friday as I’m headed home if I’m in the happy hour mood (I usually am, but if we planned it in advance, I’d probably be driving to happy hour thinking “ugh all I want to do is go home and curl up with puppy).

         I realize this makes me sound like one of those fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants people who can never plan ahead, but I’m usually the opposite when it comes to anything non-social. I don’t know why planning social events in advance stresses me out, but it does.

      2. I love being hermit like. I wish I had more time for it. I force the social but honestly, I love home. Agree we are busy with people all week.

   7. From one to another, I support you and tell you it’s not a bad thing. We can be friends. Or not. : )

   8. If you spend your entire week at work with people, I feel like it should be fine to spend all of the rest of your free time by yourself. If like me, you work remotely, you have to interact with real people (beyond person at the library / supermarket clerk) at least once a week.

      Yup, I’m an anti-social hermit.

   9. There are few things I will make an extra effort to attend: best friend wedding – visiting the parents every few weeks, they live 1 hour away so no excuses – death even if I’m the most awkward person, people usually appreciate me being there – if my best friend says let’s grab coffee and she insists twice, then I know something is up so I will make it happen.
      For anything else, I always put in the disclaimer that I am anti-social, introvert what have you and I’d rather stay home because I find being in social situations is emotionally and physically draining.
      Bizarrely, I start to feel more and more comfortable saying this.

   10. nothing to add, except this sounds a lot like me.

5. Has anyone bought a good mattress made of natural latex and/or organic wool and cotton that they can recommend? I’d prefer not to go higher than $3,500 for a queen. Any tips anyone can provide would be wonderful!

   1. Obasan.ca if you are in Canada! Amazing products.

      1. Yes! And I researched it fully, and love mine!! There are only a few providers in the US. A few bespoke boutique types. And.. Sam’s Club. Got a great fully organic latex wool / cotton for a few thousand. Was replacing an older one. It is lovely, had it a year now. I had to join to get it and have never been to a Sam’s Club, was annoying to fill that out but like any other annoying online transaction.

   2. I ordered mine from the Organic Mattress Store in Pennsylvania about a month ago. I have “The Waverly,” made by W.J. Southard. I found it to be a little firmer than I was accustomed to the first few nights but I like it a lot now. (Granted, I’m also not a very picky sleeper; I sleep on trains and planes like nobody’s business.) The queen is under $1,600.

      The store has some other mattresses too but IIRC they were somewhat more expensive (probably still mostly under $3,500 for a queen, though). They will also throw in 2 free organic wool pillows with your mattress order, and offer a discount if you pay by check. I was quite satisfied.

6. Any advice on how to cut down on my wine intake? I’m a lawyer with a pretty high pressure job and single. After work, I will often meet my girlfriends which I love but it involves quite a bit of wine some evenings. I don’t really drink anything else and love wine but I would like to lose some weight and I feel like the wine is hampering that. Plus I don’t usually sleep well after more than a couple glasses of wine.

   I know some people will say just stop drinking wine but I’ve found that my wine nights with my friends is the best form of stress relief I have, plus if I give it up, then I also give up the social aspect to my day, which I find cruical for me.

   1. 1) you can still go and be social, even if you aren’t drinking wine
      2) if you feel like you can’t be social if you aren’t drinking the wine with everyone else, then that is a problem
      3) if you don’t want to give it up completely, how about 1 glass wine, then one glass water. rinse and repeat. or 1 glass wine, 2 glasses water. or make like my german aunts and do 1/2 the glass white wine, 1/2 seltzer.

   2. Could you go out just the same but ask the bar tender to make you a creative mocktail instead? Or have one glass and then switch to carbonated water with a lime/lemon or ice tea? Or what about meeting your friends at a coffee shop or smoothie bar? Just because you go out to socialize with friends doesn’t mean you obligatorily need to drink alchohol.

   3. I always alternate – one drink then one (big) glass of water. It cuts down on how much I can drink, no one makes comments since I AM drinking, just switching out, I can go out and do it socially, and bonus points it prevents a hangover for me.

      1. +1 Try ordering fancy water (i.e., pellegrino). I’m more likely to work on that glass of water if (1) it’s sparkly (2) I paid for it.

      2. +1 I’m all about alternating sparkling water with wine when out at happy hour. It feels more festive.

   4. Sometimes when I’m out I’ll order a glass of a more expensive wine — not super crazy, but expensive enough that my wallet would rather I not order another round, and also high enough quality that I can enjoy the flavors of it and sip it slowly. That usually keeps me satisfied for a while and then I’ll switch to water.

   5. Hmm, I find it hard to see how going from “more than a couple” to a single glass of wine every time you go out would hinder your social life and it sounds like it would cut down your wine consumption quite a bit. Frankly, it sounds like you’re worried about giving up the wine and not your social life and that sounds like an unhealthy dependency to me.

      1. I prefer going out fewer times (but still having a few glasses) to going out more times with one glass per evening. So I think you can try different things to see what works for you.

      2. I think it is hard to cut back when you are around others drinking. I made friends who do other stuff for fun. We go do outdoors stuff, cook food, etc. However it is as home I find it tough. So I have little rules. And I break them. I find it hard- either I am Not Drinking At All This Week or I have a Little More than the One Glass I Meant to Have and now I have a headache in the am and am late which does not help with the stress in the long run. Sigh. I actually tell friends to help me on it, say I am trying to avoid having a problem. That doesn’t help. What helps is not being around it. Not keeping it at home, and not going to bars. Period. But I live in Seattle, where the lifestyle supports that. When I was in NYC, live revolved around drinking, so I was fighting a losing battle. It’s just too prevalent in places like that, and requires too much feeling of deprivation because it is in your face. So: create conditions that foster success. Whatever that means for you. From someone who had 2 glasses tonight… less better, but at least it wasn’t more..;)

   6. A lot of places will make a fun “mocktail” for you if you still want to have the social aspects of drinking without the alcohol intake.

      You could also try suggesting a different activity or meeting place, other than a restaurant or bar. My best friend and I have been trying to get in shape and will often meet up for a walk/talk session around our neighborhood, rather than for our usual happy hour. It’s nice to get an endorphin rush and catch up with my friend at the same time.

      1. Won’t a mocktail have as many or more calories, since they’re mostly sugar?

         1. But you probably won’t find yourself ordering an extra-large pizza delivery after one too many mocktails? (If you do that…)

   7. Can you replace one wine night with a yoga plus dinner night? If any of your friends are trying to live/eat more healthy they might be up for that, plus I often find that right after exercise I don’t want to drink a lot in one sitting. Or you could replace one wine night with something like a pedicure.

      If you can’t change the activity itself, my best recommendation is to slow down the speed at which you’re drinking. Always have a glass of water and swap sip for sip. Drink something that you have to drink more slowly (for example, I can’t drink red wine as quickly as I can drink white, so drinking red wine makes it easier to pace myself). Remind yourself that the point of seeing your friends is to talk to them, not to get drunk.

      I’m not sure how much wine you’re talking about, but I also think if any of your friends notices and asks you about it, you can laugh it off and say that you’re trying to drink less because you’re “getting old” and you’ve noticed that you don’t sleep as well, can’t take the hangovers anymore, etc. (I have some friends who can still drink a lot and have called me out on slowing down — yes, I realize this is not cool of them, but can’t win them all.)

      1. I agree with sipping slower, or alternating a sip of wine with a sip of water. Sometimes I realize I’m just sipping speedily because it breaks up the conversation when I can pick up the glass and take a sip. If this is the issue, focus on doing something else in the pauses in conversation: smile, glance around, adjust your shirt, whatever.

         Also, a while ago I felt embarrassed that I was trying to drink less to lose a bit of weight, but a friend of mine who loves beer turned down a beer and commented that she had noticed her pants getting tighter. She didn’t make a big deal of it or beat herself up – just said calmly and with a smile that she didn’t want to buy new clothes. Turned out several of us were in the same situation, and then I felt silly for being embarrassed in the first place. Tons of people out there are trying to drink less, for whatever reason.

         1. Sipping slower may work for some strong folks, did for me a decade ago. I find if it is there I drink fast and want more. And also as a lawyer I find the temptation of easy relaxation with wine so much more powerful than trying to motivate to exercise when I am Exhausted beyond Belief. The off switch stops working as well as it used to. So taking alchohol out of the picture is a better strategy for some.

   8. Can you develop a taste for something else? For me, that is a drink (bourbon) on the rocks. I tend to nurse that drink for a much longer period of time than anything else. I’m much more tempted to order a second glass of wine than I am a second rocks drink.

   9. I would try non-drinking activities, such as going for a walk with friends, trying a new activity, cooking something new, seeing a movie, some sort of “project’.

      Otherwise, I find exercise is a great form of stress relief. I often want to go home and have a glass of wine but instead I opt to do a quick workout. I find it relieves my headache and my body feels so much better from moving instead of sitting.

   10. I feel like people here are latching on to your drinking as a problem in and of itself but your concern seems to focus only on the fact that the wine is prohibiting you from losing weight. Therefore, I would consider running more or upping your cardio. Sometimes my metabolism can really drop when I am working too much and some cardio can ramp it back up.

       Also, I try to eat healthier on the days I know I am going to be drinking to even out the calories.

       Finally, if drinking wine with your girls is the way you relax and connect with your girls, I don’t see anything troubling with doing it regularly. It’s not like you’re talking about binge drinking. I think this is one thing where your geographic location and what stage you are in life really matters in terms of consumption patterns. I live in a major city, have no children, and make a good income. My friends and I often go out for nice food and wine. That is how we choose to spend our free time and re-charge. My sister lives in the burbs and has two kids. She and her friends choose to get starbucks while their kids are at soccer practice but that fits their lifestyle best. Don’t let the haters get you down. There’s a huge difference in liking to drink and alcoholism.

   11. I am in the same boat as you: like to drink, could stand to lose some weight. I have a girlfriend who used to be a happy hour girlfriend and I now meet her once a week after work for a brisk walk on the beach. We still go out for food and drinks sometimes, but it isn’t our regular every week thing.

       I switched another weekday happy hour friend to a weekend brunch friend. I might have a mimosa at brunch but it isn’t likely to extend into multiples.

       I still end up with a happy hour with a group of friends and several drinks maybe once every other week, but I am still getting plenty of less-lubricated social/decompressing time.

   12. I second the alternating with water approach if you’re set on wine nights. You might also want to consider getting manicures or pedicures with your friends as an alternative too. I don’t really care how my nails look, but I find that spa activities are a great, equally relaxing alternative to going out to drink.

   13. Maybe switch out one group happy hour a week for a group yoga (or whatever exercise you prefer) class? Kills four birds with one stone: (1) no alcohol, (2) stress relief!, (3) exercise to lose weight, (4) still fun with your friends. I completely comiserate with the wine to unwind from the legal job part. I recently incorporated yoga as a set part of my weekly routine and find that I look forward to those classes more than my social events and that I feel much less stressed and have more fun on those days as well.

   14. I’ve also cut back on alcohol recently to help control my weight.

       My solution for social outings was to switch from wine to Guinness. I enjoy the flavor, but it’s so heavy there is zero possibility of me ordering more than one. As a bonus, it tastes better (to me, anyway) as it approaches room temperature so there is no problem with nursing the same drink for two hours. Obviously a pint of Guinness has more calories than a glass of wine, but I usually end up ordering more wine. And for some reason, I tend to nosh on appetizers more with wine. I can estimate that this strategy saves me about 500 calories/night out.

       I also like to drink wine at home. My solution for that was twofold: first, I follow up every glass of wine with a LARGE glass of sparkling water (I use a Soda Stream to “make” it at home, more convenient and green than buying/reclycing a bunch of Perrier bottles). Second, although a glass of wine usually accompanies my evening meal, I made a commitment that if I am enjoying wine after my meal, I won’t eat any other food. For me, I have a tendency to reach for a late night snack before bed when drinking wine (this doesn’t happen when I’m not drinking). On nights when I drink wine at home, this probably saves me 250 calories.

7. Blanket observation based on a few of the recent TJ’s.

   In our first premarital counseling session, the rector told us both that 99% of the problems in marriages that he sees can be tied directly to one of these things:

   -Expectations
   -Communication
   and the biggie – Fairness.

   Fairness is not equity, but so many of the issues I’ve seen are because one partner just didn’t feel like there was fairness in their relationship.

   1. It seems like expectations and fairness might not be as big of problems if there is good communication! (And also caring about the other person – I guess you could communicate all day long and it wouldn’t help if your spouse didn’t care about you. That’d be a dealbreaker.)

   2. Interesting. I tend to agree from my friend’s relationships and my own. I think these are three things I will stress as priorities in my next relationship!

   3. I wonder if that’s because different people have different definitions (expectations?!) of “fair”. Which would be addressed if there was a discussion about what that meant to each person…

   4. I agree. I love a definition of ‘Fair’ that I try to keep in mind when parenting & dealing with my dh (who is much more emotionally high maintenance than I am).

      “Fair is everyone getting what they need, not everyone getting the same.”

      1. I love this.

      2. I really needed to read this today… thank you!

8. Y’all, I’ve worn the Tory Burch Amy shoes for a while. Out of the box they were very comfortable and were good for long periods of standing, so I’d recommend. After 5 years, it’s time to get a new pair. Or, rather, another pair. I like the Amy, but not the big gold logo and would like something else with a 2″ block heel (perhaps a bit less chunky). Also, I don’t like that the logo tells people that they are rather pricey shoes (for the crowd — I’m sure some people find them low-end for logo-wear) and would like something with no logo. Any recommendations?

   1. Calvin Klein Olive pump. Maybe closer to 3 inches but very comfortable, with a slightly blocky heel and almond toe.

   2. Brooks Brothers has some similar shoes in both the regular and sale sections (you have to search separately).

   3. How about these? http://www.6pm.com/cole-haan-edie-low-pump-black

      1. I just bought these in navy, and I adore them! So comfortable.

9. Reposted from the bottom of this morning’s thread (where it is currently in moderation anyway)

   Hi ladies! I have a PSA on a really great, cheap dress that I found. Remember a couple of weeks ago when we thought we had found a real wrap Land’s End dress, and it turned out to be faux wrap? Well, I scouted around their website (since I still desperately needed a dress that would open down the front) and found this plain black dress (link to follow). It is not fancy (I would call it business casual, or even a Friday dress), but I have to say it is the best purchase I have made in quite a while. The fit is good, the fabric drapes really well, and the cut is surprisingly good for a $60 dress. Two matters of concern were raised by reviewers: (a) the gold buttons – true, the dress has exceptionally ugly gold buttons, but I just replaced them with plain buttons that I already had lying around – an easy fix; and (b) the fabric – it is a polyester knit, but has a nice matte finish and is thick enough to lie smoothly and not highlight lumps and bumps. I am wearing the dress today with a green belt and cardigan, and black pumps, and feel like a million bucks. A highly recommended buy.

   1. And here is the link:

      http://www.landsend.com/products/womens-knit-matte-jersey-dress/id_262714

      1. Cute dress! I love the changes you made to it! :)

   2. Not business casual. Just casual

      1. Well, to be fair, my office’s business casual (mid-sized firm, Pacific Northwest) is probably way more casual than the business casual in the big-city Biglaw firms that I escaped from. Although come to think of it, not really. I saw a lot of scruffy golf shirts and chinos on non-meeting days in Biglaw. Dress this baby up with a nice blazer and a pair of heels and I think it would pass for business casual just about anywhere.

         1. I agree. With the right styling it’s definitely business casual, I could see styling it up enough to pass in a formal office.

   3. I also ordered this dress, but I’m returning it because I’m having issues with it gaping at the buttons. I was on the fence about trying it again in 1 size up – I think I might have to put it in my “save for later if it goes on clearance” file. I hadn’t thought about adding a belt, I may have to try it that way.

   4. Thanks for the tip- I just ordered it.

   5. This is my favorite kind of post. Thanks for this!

10. I exclusively wear the New Look Tall black leggings – they’re cheap and relatively durable, and when I have to throw them out I don’t really mind because they’re so cheap. I wear them as a more casual, thick, version of black tights, with dresses and skirts that are on the short size (I have a ridiculously long torso) or under denim shorts in winter

11. Vicarious shopping challenge! This doesn’t sound that hard, but I’ve had a tough time finding exactly what I’m looking for… and you ladies are so great at these things. :) I’m looking for a plain black (non-wrap) dress a slight level above casual (like I could wear on a date, or for a casual Friday if I had a scarf over the cleavage or something,). I’m looking for a thick jersey material or something similar, with either a v or scoop neck. Preferably sleeveless, although cap sleeves would be fine. An inch or two about the knee would be ideal, with a fitted/pencil-ish bottom (no flare). Some ruching or gathering of some sort at the waist for tummy concealment would be a plus but is not required. Available in size 6. The cheaper the better, although at this point I’m getting less frugal for this wardrobe unicorn. TIA!

    1. Fairly spendy, but try the Boden Selina dress or Casual Weekend Dress?

    2. If you can wear a petite (36.5″ length) the Ellen Tracy Knot Waist crepe sheath dress would work. Nordstroms only has the petite left in your size I dressed it up with blazer for work, but it would be cute for a night out too with the right shoes and jewelry.

       1. Thanks ladies!

    3. I like the Jones New York “Mallory” sheath dress in seasonless stretch. Sleeveless and quite plain — which means no ruching at the waist, but makes it very easy to wear the dress different ways by accessorizing. I’ve worn it both to work with a structured cardigan and out to dinner with fancier necklace and pumps.

       They used to make it in a heavy ponte knit as well, but I don’t see that on the JNY web site right now. Macys or Nordstrom stock it frequently, so one of those websites might still have some in the ponte.

12. I’m on the brink of leaving my law firm job for another law firm job in the same practice area. My current practice group consists of all male partners (old boys’ club) who regularly exclude the female associates from any major decisions, and withhold critical information about our work from us so that they are in charge and can take full credit. They recently hired a male associate who is at my level and have essentially picked him to be their next partner, despite the fact that I have worked my -ss off and sacrificed a lot for several years because I have been the most senior associate and next in line for partnership. They hired him without my knowledge (they literally reached out to him without even posting a job opening and hired him and then I found out about it right before he started because they were getting his office ready) and now he gets the interesting work that I would like to be doing.

    Anyway, I am about to get my offer finalized and give notice. I’m wondering how much I should say, if anything, to these people when I give notice, or if I should just move on, count my blessings, and not say anything so that I don’t burn any bridges. I doubt I will have an “exit interview,” since they have never sought out my opinion on anything before. But, they will definitely be asking me why I’m leaving to do the same work somewhere else, and what do I say then? Do I give some vague response about wanting a change or knowing people at that other firm, or do I hint at some of these issues that are motivating me (and every female associate in my group) to go elsewhere?

    1. Move on, count your blessings, and Congratulations!!

       1. +1.

          My test for whether or not to say something in situations like this is whether or not I think what I say will change anything. If saying “hey, you guys do a really bad job of incorporating women into the workplace” was going to lead to improved conditions for the other female associates, sure, it’d be an okay thing to do, but I don’t think that’s the situation you’re in here. They know they have no female partners, they know their female associates leave in droves, they know they just hired a dude at your level and gave him all the good work, and they (apparently) like it that way. Nothing you say is going to change things or make things better for the other women at the firm, and you’d likely burn a bridge in the process. Not worth it.

    2. Move on and count your blessings. Do not say anything that would burn or even singe any bridges. And congratulations on getting out of there and onto bigger and better things!

       1. It seems like these are the kinds of jerks who would discount feedback anyway.

    3. Don’t say anything (it’s not like things would change if you said something, right?) and move on.

       1. Move on, don’t burn bridges. If asked, give a vague response, like it better fits my lifestyle. Make it about you, not them. And congratulations!

    4. I find the reader comments so interesting sometimes. We are so quick to call out some people, so quick to support others.

       1) Maybe they do not like you and that is why they are not offering you a partnership. Maybe there is a quality you lack. Maybe it’s a personality thing. Maybe it’s telling that they hired a person and started sorting out furniture and office space and that is when you found out.

       2) Maybe they know you were leaving/interviewing outside. Word spreads. People are not stupid.

       3) Maybe it’s not about you and it’s about the new guy. Maybe he is magical. Who knows? You certainly won’t if you don’t ask.

       Seriously, congrats on your new job. New jobs are exciting and I hope you take time to celebrate and treat yourself. I hope you are happy there, I wouldn’t bring up the gender thing. You seem satisfied with the conclusion you have reached so why look for another one?

       1. But aren’t you assuming that it is her fault? The reason we call people out is because they give us context that supports that assumption. If she had said–I never hear about these things, but all these other people (not just the senior male partners) do –that would be red flag that it was *her* communication that was the problem. But it seems like it is not just her and often when it is an entire cohort of people, this suggests a different problem–as here, a gender discrimination issue.

          1. I’m saying that unless she asks, she is never going to find out what the issue is or if it has anything to do with her or if there is an issue. Maybe there is no issue and she would make partner someday if she stayed.

             I think she has jumped to a lot of assumptions about the new employee, her future etc. Maybe she’s right – I mean I’m not there she probably has a better sense of what is going on that any of us do.

             I think it’s easy to jump to sexism as a reason for not getting what we want but I don’t even see her not getting what she wants. In these circumstances, I don’t feel that she was passed over for anything, that she has been denied anything or that she has been told she has no chance at making partner. What does she want exactly from her current company? She’s a grown woman and clearly a professional of some experience.

             It feels like she thinks she put a lot into this job. I can’t imagine it would be an easy thing to walk away from it so I hope she took the time to consider all options and that she has found the best thing for her.

             1. Anon – I addressed some other reasons in my posting at 4:55, but to answer your question – I do think this hiring closes the door to my making partner either this year or next. At my firm, you make partner when a power partner wants to make you partner and nominates you for the vote. The main partner I worked with decided to hire this other guy to work on his bigger deals. That denies me an opportunity to stand out and show that I can run the same deals. Also, I was technically supposed to be up for consideration last year (I’m a lateral and was told this pre-recession), but last year, our group didn’t hit our billable hours (and I didn’t personally either), so that wasn’t going to happen.

             2. Anon at 4:48, you should consider yourself very fortunate that you’ve never practiced in an environment like this. Anyone who has recognizes it immediately and knows exactly what OP is talking about. OP, congrats on the new gig and getting out of that toxic, sexist environment.

       2. I totally appreciate your honesty, and thank you for pinpointing some interesting points.

          1) I’m sure there is some element of this. I can’t pinpoint it. I’ve asked for feedback/constructive criticism on multiple occasions, only to be told that I’m doing great and that they “hope” I make partner. I’ve even gone so far as to tell two partners (several months before the guy started) that I really love doing “X” type of work and would like to be the primary associate working on that type of work for them, etc. and they knew that. I really wish I knew *why* I fell out of favor with them because I thought I was doing well, doing work, etc. It may be that my golf game s-cks and that is how they like to socialize, but I’m not willing to sacrifice time with CH and young kids to get good enough to play with them.

          2) I sent out my resume after the guy got here and it was clear that I wasn’t going to be able to meet my hours because honestly, we were not that busy before he got here. So, in a way, I feel like I was set-up to fail.

          3) I asked the partners why they hired him (but not in a confrontational matter at all). The main partner working with him told me that the guy would be bringing in and generating most of his own work so I would still be working mostly on “X” type of work. All of the other partners told me that the main partner wanted to hire him to do “X” type of work. So I think the main partner was not being entirely honest with me.

          To add another element to this, main partner once asked me why someone with young children would want to do our practice, which can be pretty demanding at times. For context, main partner doesn’t have kids and told me (in a separate conversation) that he divorced his last wife because she decided after they got married that she wanted a child.

          1. I think I may have come of as a jerk.

             I dunno… I find life advice is usually one of two things on this site- reaffirming or telling people that they are terrible and should make drastic life changes. There is a medium somewhere.

             I really believe some people are just incredibly charismatic and for whatever reason find things like promotions come easy to them. My husband is like that. He’s super lucky, I’d trade a lot for it. When people meet him and instantly like him I assume its because he is that way, not because of sexism. :)

             Sometimes when we don’t get things like promotions it’s because of something that can’t be pinpointed. It is not about billables or intelligence or commitment, it’s because of hard to define qualities. It comes down to “do they like you?” And maybe they don’t. Maybe they’re sexist or stupid or maybe they didn’t give you a chance. Maybe it is something about you that you can change. Maybe it isn’t. Who knows. Even if you ask they might not tell you.

             You have a new job lined up and are probably a super accomplished lady so don’t worry about it. If this happens again or if you feel this way again you may want to think about it.

             1. +1

          2. Ugh. I so so so want the answer to be to tell them that they need to promote and encourage and mentor women more!! But all the other posters are right, there’s no upside for you in saying that.

             This whole situation is so disappointing.

             I’m sorry, and hope your new job is a much better opportunity!

    5. Move on, count blessings, don’t let it happen again. The first rule of discrimination is that when you complain about it you’re the problem. I don’t see any upside for you in raising this issue – especially where the situation is (as you describe it) so blatant any idiot should realize there’s something wrong with what they’re doing. Congratulations on getting out, and good luck in the new job!

    6. Don’t say anything. But when female law students or junior attorneys reach out to you for advice, etc., definitely warn them off.

       1. But – this just lets s*xism and the good ole boys continue as they like. Warning off may be the only reasonable course of action but it makes my blood boil that in 5 or 10 or 20 years, that firm will still be pulling this type of stunt.

          I, personally, agree with the OP in her assessment of the reason they hired the new guy and what it did to her chances. The partner(s) did it because they wanted a guy to be their next partner, not the OP. I doubt it has much to do with her personality.

          1. She has said she is having issues with billables, it’s implicit she is not bringing in clients and she acknowledges that they probably don’t like her. She’s not interested in trying to become a part of their golf playing (I sympathize, golf is a lot of work) but making those kinds of efforts help someone fit in with firm culture and become better liked.

             These are all relevant things before you cry sexism.

             It’s also relevant she didn’t really share any of this (particularly the billables) when she explained her problem (though I don’t read everything and she has said she’s explained it better previously).

             At any rate, I think she is a capable person and wish her luck. :) she seems to have found a solution and hopefully she won’t encounter these same issues again.

13. Zella! Best leggings ever. I don’t wear them often, but my teenage daughters do. Have bought both of them Zella (Nordstrom Anniversary sale every year). Zellas are thick (warm in winter) and do not have the see-through problem that a certain other brand with the word “lemon” in it has. Highly recommend! Buy them!

    1. In fairness to lululemon that was an isolated problem with a specific type of their fabric that has since been fixed, and it’s no longer an issue- it happened over a year ago. And, unlike many brands where quality declined (cough Banana cough), lululemon addressed the problem.

       Plus, their wunderunders are the most worn pants in my wardrobe- they are total workhorse leggings, because yes, I wear them as pants.

       *Comment hive hating*

       1. Ok well I am going to hate on the fact that you dont know the difference between workout pants and leggings. Workout pants fine. leggings, not fine as pants.

          1. Your opinion, my life.

             I’m wearing them right now, and they are glorious. And no, I’m not at work, I took a 4 day long weekend.

             1. http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/03/08/leggings_aren_t_pants_in_defense_of_the_better_alternative_to_pants_and.html

             2. Ok again, you are not getting it. Those pants arent leggings. they are fine to wear.

          2. Anonymous, leggings ARE pants. Are you thinking of tights? Tights are not pants (and sadly people violate that). Leggings might not be flattering or appropriate in many contexts, but they are pants.

             1. Agree! Leggings are pants. I always wonder if people are confused about tights when they say that. Tights are worn under dresses, etc, and have a closed toe and are undergarments. Leggings are largely worn with tunic tops (occasionally under denim skirts by children and students, and as pretend-tights by people who are cold), end at the ankle, are meant to be opaque, and are PANTS.

             2. I don’t think people are confused between tights and leggings, folks. I think they think that anything that skin-hugging, made out of that insubstantial a material, shouldn’t be worn alone without a top or dress to cover it.

                An exacerbating factor is that not all leggings are created equal — true, some are made more like workout pants (which, if we’re really having to define these things, are neither leggings nor pants)… but some are poorly made and have a sheerness to them that no respectable pants have.

                TL;DR: tights =/= leggings =/= workout pants =/= pants. Four different items, people.

             3. Traditionalist, you are talking about what you think is appropriate, and that’s a different question. I wouldn’t wear see-through pants of any kind, so to me, the idea of leggings not being pants because they’re sheer just makes no sense.

                Same thought to Red Beagle below— leggings only “need” a butt-covering tunic or dress if you’re not comfortable with a tight look on your butt, or if tight pants aren’t appropriate in the context for some reason. Doesn’t mean they’re not real pants.

                I mean, forget for us, does no one have contact with teens & kids? If leggings sans tunic are not “pants” then everyone under age 18 in my neighborhood goes without “pants” every day!

       2. But then there’s the part where the guy who ran the company refused to admit they had a fabric problem and instead said everyone was too fat to wear his clothes and also said women get breast cancer from working outside the home. The lululemon I already own is very high quality but going forward – Zella it is!

          1. My Lulu leggings have actually pilled between the thighs after infrequent wearing over one season. Am I the only one who wears Lulu leggings and doesn’t have a thigh gap???

             1. Mine are old – like 2008 old and indestructible. I don’t think they’re the same now.

             2. I have a pair from 2009 that is, like Wildkitten’s, indestructible. In recent years they have definitely declined in quality – I notice more pilling and just generally lower quality now not just on the pants but on the tops as well. And I miss the diamond gusset :(

          2. This!

    2. Zella also makes great workout tees. I prefer Lucy Perfect Core leggings, or Spanx brand. The Lulu Skinny Wills are nice as well, but I love the hold-me-in factor in the Lucy and Spanx.

14. I was recently informed by a reliable source that my dry sense of humor goes too far at work and may now start harming my career progression. Anyone have any tips for moving my internal line on when it is and is not appropriate to joke? Clearly, my own understanding of that line is off, and I just can’t tell where it should be. Only show humor at work parties? I just don’t know.

    1. This is certainly a risk. I think most of us tamp down our “true” personalities when it’s time to be professional. I’d suggest reading Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Dr. Lois Frankel. It helped me understand why I can’t be myself at work, and why that actually might be detrimental.

    2. I’m not saying this applies to you, but I know a lot of people who self-describe as having a dry or sarcastic sense of humor, and who just are not funny. They make comments that they think are jokes but are just awkward. Dry humor that is actually humorous is much harder for people to pull off than they think; it’s rare. Lots of people appreciate it, and find it funny, but that does not mean that they can pull it off themselves.

       1. +1 – it’s more likely not funny or rubbing people the wrong way than “no humor at work”. I also strongly disagree with the idea you can’t be yourself at work, I think the more authentic people are the better they do (of course within reason, you may want to leave your stoner self at home,for example)

    3. Try reposting on Tuesday because this is a really good question. It’s hard to give specific advice without knowing what you mean by dry humor. I’ve supervised people who constantly make sarcastic/dry/negative comments. They think they’re being funny but it can get in the way of communicating effectively when someone feels the need to respond to every instruction with a quip- let alone what it does in meetings. Given that someone has told you your joking is hurting you, I think you should assume for now that you need to move your internal line to “never at work unless you’re alone at lunch with your work friend who gets you.” Once you’ve gotten out of the habit of making joking comments at work, it might be easier for you to observe how others in your office draw their own lines.

    4. I’m still treading this line, please report back with any useful situational tips!

       In the meantime, may try that book recommendation.

       But also, I think I’m genuinely hilarious (also v dry sense of humour) and generally feel it’s well received. Hope I’m at least partly right…

       1. In general too many people have bad humor that isn’t funny, falls flat, is offensive, or isn’t understood by other cultures in the room. I wish people would curb it for the most part. But I’m a serious type. My boss struggles with this. He thinks he is SO funny. He tried for a week to be quiet instead of making jokes when he wanted to at meetings (often to avoid real conflict or work) and made little crosshatch x’s on a paper. He couldn’t believe how often he wanted to talk and then didn’t. He became aware through leadersrhip trainings and 360 feedback. He still does it WAY too much and at least half the time it is not good. Especially because he is not an effective leader.

          1. This goes with what Anon at 10:14 pm posted. Interesting. Good advice and good example.

    5. Very good question! I’d love to hear some of the answers. For me, my line blurs when I’m underslept and rather dark or what I mean to be ironic comments meant to be funny drop out of my month — then I wonder if I’ve crossed the boundary of professionalism. Then I just shut up for a few days and say nothing that isn’t entirely constructive or professional in the hopes that it reassures people I’m not that person who thinks she has a dry sense of humor but actually borders on mean.

    6. I think a good rule of thumb is to say arch things about situations, not people, so as to keep it from being so personal.

       Sometimes, I feel like people (including me) confuse sarcasm with just saying mean things in a funny voice.

       I can be pretty cutting with my humor sometimes (it’s totally my family’s brand of humor, bringing new dates home can be brutal) and I try to temper it in four ways.

       1) express genuine interest in other’s lives. remember your co-workers kid’s names, ask about their weekends, write sympathy cards when someone experiences a loss, etc. This establishes you as a nice person who sometimes says arch things that can skew the wrong way.

       2) Aim your arch humor at people at your level or above. Being very dry about the secretary can just come off as d!ickish if not done with a very light touch.

       3) if in doubt, just shut your mouth. It’s better to be thought of as as slightly boring than kinda mean, especially as a woman.

       4) be sure to make many dry comments about yourself. again, this makes it seem more like humor and less like you being a d!ck.

       1. Wow, this is really thoughtful advice–thanks for sharing! Going to take some of these suggestions home with me now….

15. And for my 2 cents on the are leggings pants question, yes, technically, they are, but in my world, they’re really not because they don’t work without a top that covers your bu t t. And if that is the mandate, that you have to wear a tunic or dress with them, then they can’t really, in all fairness, be real pants as pants are something you could, if you wanted to, tuck a shirt into or wear a top that skims your bottom and still be decent.

16. It’s been a while (3 or 4 years) since I’ve bought anything from Brooks Brothers. How is their sizing compared to J. Crew or Ann Taylor? Thinking dresses in particular. Thanks!

    1. For me, the button-down shirts, skirts, pants and suit jackets are the same as my JCrew sizes. I’m fairly straight and athletic shaped, with not much going on in the way of curves, and everything fits me nicely off the rack. I haven’t tried any of their dresses.

    2. I have to size down (and often have to go to petite to get stuff to fit.

17. Questions/recommendations for winter boots – I’m shopping for a pair of boots for my first NYC winter that must meet my 4 “W” requirements: warm, walkable, waterproof, and work-appropriate. I thought I had settled on La Canadienne boots, mostly due to the great things I’ve read about them here. Well, I ordered the Tiara booties and am frankly disappointed. While they are certainly warm and seem waterproof, my complaints are:

    1. The ankles are oddly tight (and I don’t have particularly large ankles, I don’t think). This makes me waddle (NOT one of my desired W’s), it makes my size 10 feet look even bigger, and it means I can’t tuck my skinny jeans in for weekends or Casual Fridays.
    2. They look significantly frumpier in person, and the material looks cheap and plastic-y (even though I know it isn’t). I don’t know what I’d wear them with.

    So my questions are:

    1. For anyone who’s tried La Canadienne boots: are my complaints typical of the brand? Or did I just make an unlucky pick? (Maybe these are the reasons the Tiaras were on mega-sale at DSW?)
    2. Any suggestions of different LC styles, or different brands, that I can obsessively stalk for sales?

    TIA!

    1. I think you just picked the wrong style – sorry, but those look like something my steam-punk sister might wear with a victorian dress. How would you tuck jeans into those?? Maybe try some of the taller styles? 6pm has some cuter styles on sale. If you are really trying to satisfy all 4 W’s, I think you’re going to have to fork out more cash, unfortunately. What kind of style are you looking for? What is your office attire?

       Also, as a winter veteran, you may consider more than one pair of boots – I have boots for winter wear and then i have POLAR VORTEX EVERYONE PANIC serious snow boots that are all function, very little fashion.

    2. Sorry but I agree that you made an unattractive pick. For an NYC winter, I wouldn’t want heels — there is so much slush, which I find can be slippery! I would also highly recommend a taller pair — the snow drifts on street corners can be much taller than those booties appear to be. Hope this is helpful and not just debbie downer.

    3. First of all, I agree with the previous responses suggesting taller and flatter boots for NYC winters — at very least one or the other, as I think the heeled short boot is unlikely to cover your winter needs.

       Secondly, my answer to any question about winter boots is always, always Aquatalia. I am convinced they can’t be beat for quality, style, or durability — they are in the same weatherproof category as La Canadienne, but I think they tend to look less much dressier and less rugged. YES, they are expensive, but I have four pairs and have not paid full price (or even half price) for any of them. If you’re into stalking for sales, you will probably enjoy tracking them down. I’ve had unbelievable luck on Amazon with what I assume must be their past-season inventory (one pair came from Nordstrom Rack). Side note: I also wear a size 10. In 3 of my 4 pairs, I have sized up to an 11. The calf measurements given for the boots are always crazy small — usually 13″ or so — but I have totally normal sized calves and as long as you choose a style without a rigid calf (many of the tall styles have discreet fabric insets that help the shaft conform to your leg comfortably), you shouldn’t have a problem. Also, I’ve found that the pair of heeled tall boots I have are extremely comfortable even at 3ish inches, and still give good traction in messy weather. Also, the suede miraculously stays beautiful even in gross weather, and it’s every bit as weatherproof as they claim. One pair of my tall boots is suede, the other leather, and I love both — I do think the suede present a bit dressier, which can obviously be helpful with workwear. Oh my gosh, I’m getting excited about winter just talking about them!

       Two taller heeled styles:

       http://www.amazon.com/Aquatalia-Marvin-K-Womens-Ramar/dp/B00BTZDGQA/
       http://www.amazon.com/Aquatalia-Marvin-K-Stretch-Elastic/dp/B00BTZAKFU/

       Two taller flat styles:

       http://www.amazon.com/Aquatalia-Marvin-K-Womens-Uplift/dp/B00BTZ93YE
       http://www.amazon.com/Aquatalia-Marvin-K-Womens-Lionna/dp/B00BU1XAV4/

       Hope this is helpful. Good luck!

    4. Thanks for the replies! Yeah, unfortunately I am entry-level (and not in law or finance, either) so I didn’t really feel like I should be spending much over $100 on a pair of shoes… those were the cheapest LC pair I could find, to be honest, and I had heard really good things about the brand in terms of functionality and versatility. I had hoped they’d look better in person but they were worse :( Maybe I need to lighten up and splurge a bit when it comes to winter boots, I don’t know.

       I am from the northeastern U.S., just new to the city and my career, so the walking-everywhere and looking-professional bits are the primary new challenges this winter. I really like the idea of having two pairs – I have old, beat-up (but still very functional) snowboots I wore around campus for the entire polar vortex, but can’t imagine wearing them to work (which is business casual, but not *that* casual). Maybe the solution is just wearing the snowboots and changing to heels once inside the office. Thanks again for the input!

       1. Omg definitely wear commuting shoes and change at your desk!! It’s a terrible terrible plan to wear your heels to commute — even on a beautiful, dry, warm day. You’ll ruin your shoes. Many if not most professional women change shoes when they arrive at their desk.

       2. Fwiw, I personally find it far more comfortable to just change when you get to work. I hate wearing boots all day and can’t imagine judging someone as unprofessional for wearing weather appropriate shoes to commute.

18. I am obsessed with the blazer but am not sure if I could wear it enough to make it worth it.

    For context, I am ED of a non-profit that deals with the private sector a lot (think community banking or the like). I usually wear sheath dresses and non-matching blazers in conservative colors and cuts, with a bit of an edge thrown in. I have enough clothes for office days so I would need this blazer to be able to be worn to meetings. Do you think it’s too edgy or too memorable to be worn frequently? Like once every other week over a gray sheath or something similar?

    http://www.zara.com/us/en/woman/outerwear/blazers/blazer-with-draped-front-and-zips-c498014p2178503.html

    1. I think it’s too edgy for outside presentations unless your non-profit is arts related or similar.

    2. I work in a very similar environment and like that blazer and think it’s perfect for what you describe. As to memorable, it has more details than a plain jacket, but personally I remember plain and detailed jackets. I’d wear this weekly.

19. Ok I have a confession – I have never posted anything on Facebook. I have an account and log in occasionally to see what my friends are posting but just recently put up a profile picture. Where do I start? Is there a good Favebook for dummies book anyone has read? My job is somewhat in the public eye so I have been leery of mixing friends and family and work connections – who all send me friend requests. Is there a way to separate what each of these sees? Where do I start with this new adventure?

    1. I would post this again tomorrow because I’m sure you’ll get some good answers. But I think you should start by deciding if this is more of a personal profile or professional. I don’t accept any coworker requests (except a few very good work friends) and keep my page pretty personal– but I know some people that use their page as part of the job, if they’re in the public eye.

       I mostly use mine to keep up with friends, sometimes by sharing funny or relevent articles/blogs/photos. I also use it as a way to aggregate photos (I’ll be tagged in a friend’s photo, then I can go back to view or download it in the future). Less occasionally, I’ll use it to disclose major life updates– things I would be happy to see one of my old friends post because I might not find out otherwise.

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