Holiday Weekend Open Thread

388 Comments

1. Great sale at Aerosoles.com! I don’t fully understand how it works, but when I added something to my cart, it automatically deducted $10. I got these shoes in navy for $29.99! I already own them in black and brown and they’re super comfortable.

   http://www.aerosoles.com/product1.asp?P=ENVY

   1. Thank you! Great prices. Any feedback about size/width? Unfortunately there aren’t any reviews on the site.

      1. Google the brand and style name. It will bring up other websites that offer the shoe, and you can check out the reviews. I find that Zappos is usually pretty helpful.

      2. Aerosoles almost always runs half a size to a size large – so for instance if you’re an 8.5 you should probably order an 8.

2. Anyone have advice or success stories on negotiating for additional vacation days in lieu of an annual raise?

   1. I should add that this is for my current job – so the negotiations would be a part of my annual review, not as part of my hiring package.

   2. No advice, but I would be very interested in seeing how people think this might be viewed and whether this is feasible in the context of a law firm.

      1. Yes – I’m also curious (in corporate) — the kicker is that if you get what you’re asking for without too much trouble, odds are you’re not asking for enough!

   3. I think you just say “well, if i am not getting a raise OR well, in lieu of a raise, I would like some additional vacation time…” then go into whats the norm, and why getting more would be appropriate.
      Good luck!

   4. Probably pointless at a law firm, it just makes it more painful to make your billable hours target. But even if you are in a different industry I wonder if it would raise questions about your level of dedication?

      Sigh, I wish the US had more reasonable work/life norms, like in Europe. My sister works at a German based company, and gets 4 weeks of vacation, and people actually take it all.

3. Rant time: I have a few colleagues who send emails out to our entire 50+-attorney office/firm/agency (I’m trying to anonymize) using less than complete sentences and annoying abbreviations. They talk about a negotiation process or court hearing, and we all have to decode the abbreviations. It’s like collaboration by text message. I understand what “b/c” means, but “b/h”? Does it really take that much extra time to spell out the whole word, or throw a verb into your sentence? These people are sending the emails from their computers at their desks, not mobile phones. It’s so frustrating!

   1. I worked with a partner once who consistently wrote “TY” for “thank you” at the end of an email. What, was “Thx” too many letters???

      1. I work for a partner who always writes tks… ugh

   2. My dad worked for a large international consulting firm, and his e-mails read like alphabet soup. I always assumed he was annoying the heck out of his colleagues, until I had to work with some of them and it turned out to be deeply ingrained in the corporate culture. I guess my only suggestion is to be careful where you work if that stuff bothers you!

   3. KR – kind regards

      How kind are they really if you can’t be bothered to type the whole thing out!

      1. Yikes. I would be SO annoyed to see that in an email, and it would be a ding-worthy offense from an interviewee.

         1. Agree — though there is a difference between interview appropriate and working-in-the-firm appropriate. I worked at a midsize regional accounting firm (around 100 people) and had this frequently… that’s the downsize to the upside of smaller firms – the closeness – in my Big Corp. environment that would never happen (the div. I work in is over 50 people!), but when everyone feels close, the camaraderie goes up… and w/ familiarity comes casual parlance.

4. Ooooh, open thread a day early! Love red bags.

   I am taking my first deposition in two weeks. Any words of advice/entertaining horror stories?

   1. Don’t be married to your outline. Be willing to explore to conclusion any lines of inquiry the witness opens.

      Don’t be swayed from completing your outline. Don’t let the witness/opposing counsel throw you off and keep you from getting answers to your questions. This happens a lot. You ask a key question and the witness sidesteps or asks you to rephrase or the opposing counsel objects, and when you read the depo back you realize you never got an answer to your question.

      Don’t let opposing counsel rile you. If he/she objects, don’t get rattled. The witness still has to answer in all but a few cases. Unless opposing counsel is instructing the witness not to answer (in which case, get that clearly on the record – i.e. “Are you instructing him not to answer?”), or opposing counsel is objecting to every question you ask, don’t engage in debate about the objections. If you suspect it may be a form of the question objection, you could try to rephrase the same question.

      Remember that pauses don’t show up on transcripts (unless you are being videotaped…) Take time if you need it.

      1. Don’t get so caught up in jotting down the answers that you stop listening AND thinking at the same time. The court reporter will take everything down. Don’t be afraid to deviate from your outline — if deponent is saying something interesting, follow up on it. Be nice to your reporter. They can make you look very good– your “yeah” becomes a “yes” etc. Also, they are another set of eyes in terms of how a witness may be perceived.

   2. I once had an opposing counsel who question her own client for two hours in a deposition. These were many of the same questions I asked him that he tried to dodge and evade. I used many cites from her Q&A in my MSJ later in the case. This same attorney wore short shorts, a tank top, and a sport jacket to the depositions, and she would take off the sport jacket. This was in NJ and she was in her mid-forties.

   3. Be exceedingly nice to the court reporter and always reread your transcripts. Nice court reporters will omit some of your “uhs” and other stumbles but reading those first few transcripts is always eye opening. You’ll make pretty much every mistake you were taught not to make in law school :) You don’t think you’re starting every question with “and” but it’ll all be there in black and white when you’re done.

      If you need a break to collect your thoughts, ask for a 15 minute recess.

      If the witness isn’t prepared to testify or you can’t get a judge to rule on objections and opposing counsel instructs her client not to answer, leave the deposition open to be continued at a later date.

   4. I second the “don’t be afraid to take your time” advice, as well as not being married to your outline. What the outline is great for, however, is to get back on track when you take a detour through potentially interesting follow-up questions. Pause, gather your thoughts, jot down any notes, and go back to your originally planned line of questioning.

      Also, don’t feel obligated to “acknowledge” the deponent’s responses. I was horribly embarrassed to give the transcript of my first depo to the partner because I had responded to EVERY answer with “okay.” Then I’d pause and move on to my next question. I guess it’s just conversational/social norms that seem odd in a deposition — you’re not used to asking questions, having the person answer, then totally moving on to an entirely different question/line of questioning without acknowledging that they’d answered the previous question. Not the end of the world, and better than a transcript filled with “um,” but I was embarrassed nonetheless.

      1. I do the “okay” at the start of every question too. It’s taken a lot of work for me to get past that!

   5. I have a ton of first deposition stories (my own and those of colleagues). The BEST one, hands down, was the first deposition taken by a colleague of mine of a plaintiff in a personal injury case. (I accompanied her to make sure she didn’t run into any problems.) There were many, many funny parts to the deposition but the highlight came when he explained that the auto accident had resulted in an injury to his testicles. He went to see the urinologist (that’s what he said) who told him that he shouldn’t father any more children because his sperm was now bent and future children would be deformed like his sperm. He then pulled out several Polaroids of his injured testicles to prove his point. I thought the court reporter was going to faint!

      1. Poloroids of his injured testicles?

         Wow.

         Anyone else thinking of Arrested Development right now? “Those are balls”…

         1. “I’ve made a huge mistake”

      2. O.M.G.

   6. Remember that the questions you ask will tip the other side as to your strategy. Is your goal to get a good offer, or to win at trial? Sometimes it makes a difference as to how much you show your own hand in a depo.

      1. Thanks for all the suggestions – now that I am leaving Biglaw I may finally get to do some depositions myself, so I have copied all the tips into a file for future reference!

         1. Asking “anything else” or “is that all” when appropriate. You would be surprised how many times I thought I recieved a complete answer and that question led to the good stuff.

            1. If the witness is overtly adversarial and/or ‘doesn’t remember,’ you can shake things up a little by asking if they’ve suffered a head injury or ingested any alcohol or drugs that affect their memory. That usually clears up hyper forgetfulness. And every now and then, you get an interesting answer about all the drugs they ARE taking (one class rep plaintiff listed a half page of psychotropics that were being taken daily to manage bipolar disorder ). That information can come in handy for several purposes.

            2. @Suze’s comment about asking about head injuries when the witness has a bad case of CRS (can’t remember sh!t) also has the added benefit for you –it allows you to feel that you’ve snarked at the witness, when all you’ve done is ask a simple follow-up question…. ;)

5. My boss will regularly respond to lengthy emails with the single letter “y” – sometimes it means “why?” and sometimes it means “yes,” and it’s often very difficult to tell which he means. It is INFURIATING.

   1. At least he responds. I worked for someone who would fwd. emails w/o any accompanying instructions. Sometimes it meant, “deal with this person” or other times “take a look at the attached documents,” other times it meant “make sure X is never in charge of that again” . . .
      The perks of being in charge!

      1. BOTH of these would drive me absolutely batty.

         My current boss emails pretty clear instructions… but that’s because he seems unable to make sense in oral conversation, lol.

   2. I’d probably write back with just a “?” or a “Please clarify your response.”

6. Love this red bag so much.

   1. Me too. I am sucker for this shade of red and I love the shape!

      1. Love. Want. Have NO money. :(

         1. Just went on further sale to $213.

7. Someone on here was looking for a navy wool suit a couple weeks ago. Talbots has a new seasonless wool blend collection that comes in navy – selling out FAST! My PSA for the weekend. I’m always on the hunt for a navy wool suit, but alas it’s already sold out in my size. :(

   1. That was me! I see it, it’s quite perfect actually, but only the jacket and skirt are left in my size. I imagine they’ll have to bring back more!

      Ann Taylor also has one on sale now (or did a week ago) but I refuse to pay full price.

      I’m still really thinking of ordering from http://www.tailor4less.com though, they have very nice suiting fabric in navy and standard styles.

      1. Thank you for the link! This place looks awesome and I am very intrigued, since I’m very difficult to fit off-the-rack.

         1. If you order please report! I’ll do the same :)

            1. That place looks too good to be true. My experience with much more expensive custom-made clothing is that it requires numerous trips to the tailor to make adjustments to the fit. I’m skeptical that these are going to fit well, and then what? Can you go to these guys and make them alter it, or do you have to pay your tailor? Do they have any kind of satisfaction guarantee?

               At least with off the rack, you know which parts of the items don’t fit and can make sure that nothing is too small, so your tailor will have enough fabric to work with. Over time you learn what adjustments you need and how much they cost (and what adjustments are not really possible) so you can price it into the purchase of the suit.

               If you try this place, please at least have your measurements taken by a tailor so they are precise.

      2. The pattern has been that pieces go out of stock and are replenished for awhile while they are full price, so they may have the pants in stock later in the summer.

         1. Hey @Biglawrefugee – As mentioned above, I had a great experience an online custom designer: with Liorola on Etsy. I took my measurements myself and checked them against a dress that fits me well. She noticed when things didn’t quite add up and confirmed with me. I also sent her a picture so she could see how I “hold my weight.” LOL. I’ve also had a custom suit made by a local tailor in San Jose, CA when I lived there. There was no need to do multiple fittings for that either. They measured me in person, made the suit, and it fit perfectly.

            I so hear that wedding dresses and Hollywood couture gowns may require multiple fittings. I bought my wedding dress off the rack (used) and it was fine. I dunno. I’m a very predictable, everywoman, dressmaker’s size 4/6, with no unique fit challenges. Maybe that makes a difference? Or I’m just dumb and lucky? ;-D

8. Anyone else totally peeved about not being able to shop all the sales this week (BB, Banana, Talbots, Nordstrom, etc.) b/c you’re:
   a) broke,
   b) too busy studying for the bar,
   c) have no job to buy clothes for?

   1. YES! All of the above!

      1. oops, old computer tag name — I’m fresh jd :)

         1. let’s add: Divorce threats for the volume of boxes showing up at the door… ;-D

            1. Hey! I have that problem! :)

            2. i have a similar problem – no doorman, get everything delivered to work, secretary HATES ME

            3. oops, the above hated-by-secretary is me :)

            4. @dee – if you buy a little something for her in every fifth package or so, she’ll stop hating you and start loving you.

            5. I have the secretary issue as well except that I don’t think she gets mad, but I think she swears that I’m crazy and a shopaholic. I keep telling her that I end up returning most of what I order, which is true!

            6. Um. Yeah. I’m also having things delivered to work now. Fortunately everyone in my office does this so our receptionist is used to it. My boss’ husband had a fit when she got three Sephora boxes in one week at home so she declared the office a “no judgment delivery zone.”

            7. ha! Same here, and we’re not even married yet.

   2. All of the above! I don’t know why I keep torturing myself looking.

   3. d) pregnant and scared what my post-baby size will be

      1. I’ve never been pregnant, but this is my secret fear as well for when I do get pregnant.

         1. BTDT – my body has never been the same, even though I got back down to pre-pregnancy weight. Now 8 months pg again, and 4 years older – can’t wait to see what kind of havoc this one wreaks.

            1. So after my first I started Body for Life…. Yeah, it’s a little wacko, but omg, my body was waaaaaaaaay better than my 16 y.o. self (plus the nursing breast action)

               I’m on my third right now, so we’ll see how that goes.

         2. @Clerky, don’t worry. It’s not as bad as you think. I was fit, worked out all the time, super diligent (okay, obsessed) about my weight. Two babies come along in late 20s, mid 30s. You do get back to your size (eventually!). Things may shift, and waist and hips may widen a bit, but nothing dramatic (you’re probably the only who will notice). Better yet, you get an attitude adjustment and you realize that being a mom is much more fun and rewarding than just being hot. ;-D

            1. Things do shift a bit (mostly downward), but all of my clothes eventually fit again. Don’t worry!

   4. yes! all 3! It is getting a little depressing.

   5. Or you live in a country where shipping doesn’t work or you’d probably end up paying over 500 $ to get the items shipped, and they might arrive damaged, or missing and of course you have to completely forget about returns. Rant over.

      1. Houda – yes!!

      2. My coworker’s sister in Eastern Europe shops online and has everything shipped to my coworker in the US. My coworker checks everything out to make sure it’s nice, returns it if it’s not, and then takes the tags off and sends it as used clothing to avoid customs. So if you have friends in the US…

   6. Yes! a) :(

   7. Can I add d) Inundated with visiting relatives? I love (really!) my family… but part of me is excited to go back to work after taking off last week to spend with them…

      1. There you are! Seems like we are all ‘missing’…holiday weekend for sure and yeah, work is quieter than relatives>

         1. Hi! Yes — All of my FL relatives (seems like there are more of them migrating every year!) have been in town for 10 – count ’em 10 – days! Love ’em… but oh yes, the relative ‘calm’ of the office is positively alluring!

   8. I’m totally peeved that a bunch of stuff I paid full price for recently is like 1/2++ off.

9. I have a similar bag from Kate Spade that I’ve had at least five years. I love it and it’s very versatle.

   My tip for depositions is to keep them conversational. This includes listening to the witnesses answers carefully so that you can make sure you’re asking the correct questions and that they’re being answered. Also, don’t act like a prick (or prickette) just because you can. I find that I get a lot more out of a witness if I am polite and conversational. I am only curt with them if have to be. I ask a lot of preliminary stuff, let them tell their story, and then I’ll set them up for summary judgment in an unassuming way.

   Oh, and I always review all of the elements of each of the claims in the case and think about how the witnesses’ testimony is relevant to those claims. Why are you deposing this witness and what can you get out of the testimony.

   1. I agree with Carrie on all points. I had my first depos last year (yay for pro bono), and had very hostile deponents. I tried to keep the deposition as conversation as possible. I don’t think I took almost any notes, maybe just jotted down a few topics that I wanted to circle back to later. I virtually ignored my Q&A outline, but did use the list of topics I wanted to cover, and a couple things I wanted to establish. By being very conversational and listening carefully, I was able to gather a lot more information and draw out some very good facts.

      Also, when you sense that a lie is coming, think what Elle Woods did. How many perms have you had? More than 20? My deponent lied about previous litigation, so I started with an innocent question “ever been in a lawsuit before?” and after getting a lying “never,” I dragged it out a bit. Never ever? Not even traffic court? Would you remember if you were in a lawsuit? Ok, so… how about this other complaint here? Isn’t that your name there?

      If you can afford it, have the depo videotaped. It might keep the defendant better behaved. Or be a record of his poor behavior.

      Be unfailingly polite. Be firm, be persistent, but always, always polite. Be curt if you have to, but watch your words. That’s what’s in the transcript. If you are polite, the deponent looks like even more of a jerk when he’s rude.

      I look young. If it is to your advantage, consider playing the young and dumb card for a while. Let the deponent think he’s smarter than you. His arrogance is to your advantage, and what do you care what he thinks? I was able to lay some nice traps so I could come out blazing later in the depo. Surprise, I’m actually not dumb, but I appreciate you thinking so!

      Don’t take breaks until you feel like you’ve come to a stopping point. And note what you were talking about before you broke, so you can pick right back up again where you left off. Some attorneys are strategic about breaks and try to throw you off a good line of Qs by asking for a break. But, do take breaks.

      Take your time. Just like in public speaking, a period of silence is much shorter than it feels. This is YOUR deposition, you control it.

      Don’t say “ok” after every question. I was guilty of this. Instead, I would squeeze my finger to my thumb under the table so I could have some sort of expression of “ok” without actually saying it.

      Be very nice to the court reporter. If you’re going to say any numbers, say them slowly. It’s much harder for them to type numbers. Also, take breaks so the reporter’s hands don’t fall off.

      1. Love love love all these tips (especially the physical response to a question under the table instead of saying ‘okay’).

         Corporettes are the best!

         1. I’ve never done a depo yet, but I have read a lot of transcripts and I notice that one of the female attorneys tends to be fairly complimentary of the witnesses (male ones at least) and say things like, “Well that’s why you are so good at your job!” (after he explains some of his responsibilities at work). It makes them feel special and important I guess and more likely to share.

10. I love this bag. I am very into handbags and this one is very nice. It has the same shape as the classic Bottega but is obviously 1/5th the price (and sans woven leather).

11. Work issue?

    I am an intern who is HOPING to land a full time job come the end of summer (basically, at my performance/salary review in August, they’ll tell me). I am the only person working full time on the launch of a new product, and to be honest, if they don’t hire me they’ll have to hire someone at the end of the summer since everyone is stretched so thin that no one has the time to devote to this. They’ve hired one other intern, an MBA grad (I just graduated from undergrad) who is working full time on the launch of the other new product.

    The other intern is a nice guy, one of the few closer to my age (but still at a very different stage in his life, married with a baby) and his desk is directly across from mine, so we chat. He is a little socially awkward, but seems goodhearted and it’s nice to have someone to chat with in those awkward lulls during the work day.

    However, being that our desks are in such close proximity, we often overhear conversations about each other’s projects and he reacts very defensively when given criticism (even to the point of snapping at his direct supervisor who is extremely nonconfrontational, but even he looked taken aback). I usually keep my head down and pretend not to notice these incidents. However, the product I’m working on has substantially more institutional support – I don’t think because of me though (I hope) I’m easier to work with, but it offers higher revenue potential, has more arms and legs, is (I think) more interesting, etc. I feel bad about this but there is not a lot I can do. Today at work, he engaged in a fairly loud rant to me about how people are so obsessed with my product, they’ve stopped paying attention to his, and how can they expect it to succeed if they don’t put the weight behind it – and honestly, I agree with him, but we sit RIGHT OUTSIDE THE CEO’S DOOR. I didn’t know what to do so I just made murmurs and tried to look very busy with my computer.

    I don’t want to alienate this guy who I have to sit with and seems like a nice person. However, I also don’t want to make it seem like I am going along with his rants, or be grouped into them. I think it’s possible (just a gut feeling, it hasn’t been expressed to me this way) that at the end of the summer, they’ll pick one of us to hire full time. I want to consistently be putting my best foot forward (except in the fashion realm where this week I’ve been in big winter fleeces since they have the AC so cranked up and I’m sure that makes me look at little nuts). I don’t want the CEO to overhear us while I’m trying to be nice and assume I agree with him, when that may end up hurting me in the longterm. I don’t want to reprimand him or be rude to him either, since I have to share desk space with him I feel kind of stuck. Should I keep doing what I’m doing – act noncommittal and get back to my own work? How would you handle this situation?

    1. I understand that you want to be nice to him, but, especially in this economy, you need to look out for yourself. If I were you I would just “shhhhh” him so he vents softer so no one can hear or something along those lines. It’s not like you are telling him to stop talking all together, just to talk quieter. Also, if you just remain quiet while he is venting, it would make him look bad, not you.

       1. I’m just afraid since (I have been told) I have a friendly and encouraging “default” expression, even when I don’t feel that way – I try to turn this off but am not always conscious of it, and particularly when I am confused or feel a bit bad for someone, it seems to switch on automatically.. I guess I’m just worried that the one time the CEO looks up and hears a snippet, I’m sitting there not disagreeing. On the other hand, since my desk literally faces the other intern’s, I don’t want to make this an awkward summer since he is already nursing grudges and I don’t think he’d “let this go”. Even if no one can hear him, I’m really uninterested in listening to his venting since I can’t do anything about it.

          I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just start bringing headphones into work and plead loud music.

          1. It’s not like you have to yell at him or tell him to shut up. Just politely tell him to lower his voice. If he doesn’t or you really think he will make you look bad, then you must do what is best for you! Of course he might hold a grudge, but it’s not your problem. I know you don’t ever want to burn bridges but as long as you are polite and civil he should act like an adult, even though he doesn’t seem to.

             That being said, I don’t think a superior will really judge you as long as you don’t actively agree with him. Maybe tell him that he should try to encourage people to care about his project or give him advice rather than just complain. Ultimately, do not let his behavior affect you. You don’t have to be rude or anything, just don’t let him jeopardize your job opporunity/relationships with superiors.

          2. I think you should talk with him, preferably somewhere outside of the office (like at lunch). Just tell him you’d prefer that, when you’re both sitting at your desks, conversations be kept to work content. You could say you’re concerned about how people perceive your productivity, or you could be honest and say that you are concerned that it is unprofessional to complain about your work assignments in such a public place. So what if he holds a grudge? It sounds like only one of your will be offered a position anyway, so he won’t be colleague for long.

             Also, please don’t wear headphones at work! I’ve heard several recruiters specifically mention this as a reason interns are not offered jobs. It makes you seem unapproachable and uninterested in your work.

             1. I like Emily’s idea. If you want to be really supportive, you could affirmatively suggest having lunch or coffee occasionally, and tell him you are concerned that *he* will be negatively perceived if he is complaining at the office.

                Also, having just read “Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office,” I’m thinking that perhaps you should try to sit down with the CEO or someone else senior and say “I have the impression that the organization’s budget will only allow you to give one of your interns a full-time position. I like and respect [other intern], but I think I should be given the position because….” Your enthusiasm for the job should be one reason, but don’t spend too much time on it – you should emphasize the importance of your project, and the way your skills will benefit the organization in the longer term.

                Can’t say I’ve *ever* done anything like this, mind you, but I’ve heard the advice multiple times that you should ask for what you want (and I’ve seen in doc review that people in business actually do this kind of thing).

          3. It sounds like this guy has already developed a reputation for being confrontational and whiny. I would bet that it’s not going to reflect badly on you if he is complaining – especially if you are making it obvious to your superiors and other colleagues that you like your job, like your product, etc. People generally prefer to be around others who are positive and friendly, and that may even outweigh the fact that the other guy has an MBA.

    2. I think you’re doing everything right. Don’t agree with his rants or try to be nice; either don’t say anything or say something like “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I know you’re upset, but I’m really busy right now so it’s not a good time to talk”. Let him rant his way out of a job. Also, if your desk is in view of the CEO, buy some nice cardigans and get rid of the fleeces, stat.

       In work and in life, you’re going to be in competition with people who are nice and sympathetic. If you want to work in the corporate world, you need to act in your own self interest first no matter how nice your competition seems. Be polite to him, be collegial, work with him on your common goals, but if only one of you is going to get a job at the end of summer, you want it to be you.

    3. I feel badly for you; this situation stinks. At a previous job I shared an office with one other woman, who was my mother’s age, who would complaing about her job, and even our shared boss, with the office door open to the lobby. It was really awkward, but there were a couple things I did to avoid her reflecting poorly on me.

       Sometimes I would try to act busy, like you said. Sometimes I would respond mildly to a complaint she had (“Gosh, it’s too bad you feel that way”) and then say something positive about my own projects or our boss, although not in a sychophantic way (“I haven’t noticed that” or “I’m really glad we made X change in the way we do things”). This probably made it seem to her like I wasn’t terribly sympathetic, and we were never the best of friends, but at least she got the message that I wasn’t going to join in her complaining, or even encourage it. Sometimes, if she started on a rant and couldn’t be distracted with mild comments, I would excuse myself to go to the bathroom, so that when I returned she would be busy with something else or I could try to indicate through body language (facing away from her, which I guess would be difficult given your desk situation) that I didn’t want to continue the conversation.

       This co-worker actually wound up getting fired after several months of this. Apparently someone else at our office (not me!) told our boss about the attitude, which made me incredibly glad I had not chimed in.

       1. I agree with Eleanor and Eponine – you’re doing great. Trust your instincts. Listening (not “actively disagreeing”) does not mean you endorse his opinions. You can say, “I’m sorry you feel that way,” or “That sounds like a really difficult situation,” without agreeing with him. If he’s loud and ranting, chances are you’re not the only one that has noticed. And your reaction will probably be noticed, too.

          If things get too bad, you could talk to someone else at work (an immediate supervisor, maybe, probably not the CEO) and make sure they’re seeing the situation you are. But most likely, you’re doing fine.

          Please don’t bring in headphones – just work or look busy.

       2. Agree — I’ve had this type of situation, and remaining neutral is a key to not antagonizing either him OR (more importantly) your boss. Don’t be afraid to plead a deadline that you’re under, a phone call you have to make, or even a quick stop in the ladies’ room to put a halt to the rant.

12. hey ladies! i am joining my bf in munich in a couple weeks while he is completing a study abroad program there. we’re planning to tour the city and perhaps visit paris for a weekend. (ah, cant wait!) any advice on what to pack/wear for two weeks in europe? specifically, i need recommendations for cute and comfortable footwear. thanks!

    1. If you’re going to be in Germany, go to one of the Puma stores! Better colors than they have over here anyway. :-) I didn’t look for one in Munich, but there’s a ginormous one in Berlin.

       Blacks and browns do well for traveling for long periods of time. Also bring lots of shirts – it’s easier to just change your shirt instead of your pants/bottom. Also bring a light jacket. It shouldn’t get cold, but Munich is kinda up in the mountains a bit, and it might get a bit cooler at night. Munich is also a relatively relaxed city, so jeans are fine. Personally, I wouldn’t do jeans and tennis shoes, though.

       PS – Bavaria is the home of the cuckoo-clock, which they sell downtown Munich (right by the beautiful, ginormous, city cuckoo-clock. Beautiful clocks, and they’ll ship them home for you!

       1. Definitely get a clock — the Black Forest is the home of some of the most amazing clockmakers in the world… I say this as the daughter/granddaughter of clockshop owners/collectors (the noise at my parents’ house on the hour and half hour is deafening – when I went to college I had NO problem sleeping through roommates and partying neighbors after growing up w/ some amazing antique clocks!)

    2. It will probably be cooler than you anticipate, weather wise, so pack a light jacket.
       Also, people tend to dress a bit more formally, so keep than in mind too. Even basics seem to have more embellishments.
       I would recommend taking whatever shoes you get for a test drive — even the best shoes need a little breaking in. Merrill makes super comfy shoes that would possibly fly in Munich. Clarks, too. I don’t think Europeans are opposed to comfort; just don’t wear sneakers!

       Something like these might fly:
       http://www.zappos.com/merrell-oceania-sunflower
       http://www.zappos.com/merrell-circuit-mj-breeze-taupe
       Or go with a Made in Germany classic:
       http://www.birkenstockusa.com/products/women/sandals/gizeh/black-patent-birko-flor/4366

       Just remember : Europe = lots of cobblestones & windy uphill streets. Be sensible. Leave the pumps at home. Have fun!

       1. I’d wear loafers if i was doing a lot of walking. I love the Geox tan suede ones…they keep feet cool!

          1. I love all Geox shoes! They are the best (and have some of the cutest) travel shoes.

             http://www.shopgeox.com/

       2. I so ditto the Merrells. If Merrell makes a type of shoe that I am looking for, I will buy it. They are the most comfortable shoes I have. My husband and kids love them too. I only wish Merrell made shoes that were office appropriate. I would be in heaven.

    3. I just got back from 2.5 weeks in Europe including Munich and Paris. Amazing trip! Munich was a little cooler than expected – I wore jeans every day. And I wore Birkenstock Gizehs the entire time: http://www.zappos.com/birkenstock-gizeh-birko-flor-trade-golden-brown-birko-flor-trade

       They were comfortable, supportive on the cobblestone and you see Birkenstocks everywhere in Europe. Just break them in for a few days here before you do those long days of walking in Europe. Have fun!

       1. Germany is in the middle of a heat wave right now, so do check before you leave. (Am sweltering in my office at 30C at 11am!)

          Jeans are fine everywhere, but I’m also seeing a lot of knee-length cargo pants/shorts plus strappy tops.

          And sensible shoes are a must.

          Germany can be stylish, but it’s hardly a global trend capital (even in Berlin and Munich), so don’t worry too much. As long as you avoid double denim and socks and sandals, you’ll be doing better than many of the locals!

          1. I was going to say, I haven’t been to Germany in summer for a while, but I don’t remember them tearing up the charts in terms of style. I wore sneakers to walk around there and didn’t feel out of place by any means as it was still better than the sandals with socks look Germans seem to be known for. I really hate to wear open toed shoes while traveling in places that have cobbled roads. It’s just so easy to stub your toe.

             As for Paris, it is a bit more stylish but you can go pretty much anywhere with a pair of nice jeans. We asked for a jeans friendly restaurant at our hotel and were sent somewhere that was more along the lines of fine dining than casual.

    4. Hello
       Just to let you know, it is very HOT now in europe in the 30°C so you want to pack breathable clothes and shoes for walking.

       1. Can only agree with Houda – I’m sitting in my office wearing the floatiest work clothes I own and am still melting…and this despite my nearest coast being the North Sea!

    5. Leave your flip flops at home. My understanding is that most Europeans only where flip flops when going to the beach. You will scream tourist if you walk around town in them. It’s the equivalent of someone wearing their bunny slippers to a restaurant in the U.S. Also, avoid back packs, fanny packs or any other pack that makes you look like a ridiculous tourist – a large purse is fine.

       1. About the flip-flops – true at most times, but it’s so hot here everyone’s wearing them, so if the forecast is OK I wouldn’t worry too much.

          And backpacks – I don’t live somewhere touristy, and a lot of people carry them…bottom line, if you’re lugging around lots of stuff, is it better to look slightly like a tourist or to carry a large purse and wreck your trip with shoulder pain?

    6. I know they are ugly and unstylish, but a pair of crocs will get you far. I tried to wear cute sandals while in Greece, but the streets are all cobblestone and after three days I said screw it and wore my crocs everywhere. I may have been an ugly American, but I was an ugly American with happy feet.

       As a bonus, you can wear crocs to the shower (if showering in communal/hostel showers), to the beach, to the pool, everywhere. They are amazing.

       1. Am I the only one who finds Crocs to be wildly uncomfortable? I just don’t get it. I’ve tried on a few varieties and they did absolutely nothing for me. When I lived in London and it got hot, I was sad to see that so many people had bust them out to wear around town. Sigh. They are ubiquitous everywhere, not just here in the US.

          1. Have you tried actual Crocs or Crocs-like shoes?
             I don’t mean to be rude at all, but sometimes people refer to the Crocs-like shoes as Crocs, and they are not at all the same thing.

             If you have very narrow feet, Crocs might not be good, though. Same for people with very high arches.
             Otherwise, I also find that Crocs vary depending on where they’re made. Canada (the original country of origin) makes the best; Colorado & Mexico are also OK. China produced ones, much less so. Not sure why — the materials and the molds should be the same, but that’s just been my experience.

             Anyway, there is so much hatred towards these shoes, I would not bother trying to make them work for you if they don’t already.

             1. I’ve tried the traditional Crocs and the cuter flats/slingback style. The traditional style seem to wide, and since I have sensitive soles I thought the insole would really irritate the bottom of my foot with all that moving around. Any time I wear a shoe that is a little loose, I get blisters on my soles. The slingback was more snug, but doesn’t seem to come in half sizes.

          2. They don’t breathe… basically it’s like wearing a plastic foam blob… I can forgo attractive to a point for comfort/function…but crocs offer neither. I recommend Mephisto’s Allrounder: http://amzn.to/a1l1Ma I wore mine through a summer in Europe – walking everywhere on messed up knees – and they were terrific.

       2. Crocs give you heat rash and have no support.

          And they are ugly. I could never, ever wear them in public, much less in public in Europe.

    7. Speaking of packing for a trip . . .

       I have some good news to share: I am a finalist in a “creative packing” competition on BudgetTravel.com! If I win, I will be published in the November issue of the print magazine, which would be wonderful since I want to start doing some freelance writing on the side. I would also win a trip to Egypt! Hooray!

       Anyway, if anyone feels like voting for me it would be greatly appreciated (The contest link is near the top of the budgettravel.com homepage). Just thought I would share since all of you have been so supportive in the past, and this could be an exciting start to a side-career for me! Thanks!

       -Celeste

       1. Voted :). I need all the packing help I can get – I travel all the time and have never gotten good at it.

       2. By the way, LMAO at removing your dog from your suitcase! But he’s so cute!

          1. Thank you so much for your vote! I appreciate it! And, yes, he is a very funny little dog (and just a wee bit spoiled).

          2. Voted! Good luck- Egypt is one of the places I haven’t made it to yet, and it’s getting pretty high on my to-do list :-)

    8. I just got back from 2 weeks in Europe (Paris and Barcelona) and got by on the following shoes: Toms, no-lace Chucks, and Cole Haan gladiator sandals w/ Nike Air technology. The Toms were amazing and didn’t need any breaking in. They are surprisingly airy and supportive. I wore them without socks. I wore ankle socks with the Chucks. The Cole Haans needed a little breaking in but were very comfortable and cute.

       My trick when I’m doing a lot of walking: Alternate your shoes. Wear a different pair of shoes from day to day, never the same shoes 2 days in a row. I have back problems and this has really helped me.

       I’ve never heard anything positive about Crocs. I really don’t like the style and they just look like they’d make my feet sweat, but YMMV. I didn’t see anyone in Europe wearing them. I’d bring flippies to wear around the hotel room but I never wore them for walking.

       Have fun!

       1. Agreed on the whole never wear the same shoes 2 days in a row. I do this every day at work and even when I travel. Gives my feet a good break.

    9. any born shoe. I adore them for comfort without being a sneaker. I would avoid anything with a strap between the toe (flipflop style) as i feel like that’s going to end up rubbing if you do a lot of walking, regardless of brand, but anything else should be fine. I recently got a pair of gladiator sandals from born, and they’re amazingly comfortable: http://www.zappos.com/born-macadamia-pewter-metallic

       but really, i feel like everything they make is super comfortable. Not always the cutest (though they’ve improved recently), but definitely comfortable.

       1. I agree with Born shoes. My most comfortable, walk all days shoes are by Born and Clarks. Skimmers (cross between sneakers and ballet flats) are also a great option. I bought a pair (can’t remember what brand) before a trip to Orlando a few years ago and wore them all day at the theme parks with complete comfort, no breaking in required. They’re definitely more stylish than a regular sneaker but far more comfortable (imo) than a flat. Finally, I second the advice about alternating shoes every day. It’s better for your shoes and your feet.

    10. If you can afford them, Mephisto Allrounders — They come in almost every color, and are so comfortable – I wore a pair all over Europe a few years ago, and still wear them whenever I’m travelling in a city :-) Amazon has them on sale: http://amzn.to/a1l1Ma

        1. Oh my god! Hideous!! Do not wear these in Europe!!

           1. I have to second that. These shoes remind me of what flies in my NW metropolis, but I’d like to try to have a little more fashion sense overseas. Other serious gripe-keens in Seattle….really, only cute on little kids.

        2. Really? I’ve always thought they were kind of cute — guess, different strokes for different folks and all that – but I have a red and khaki pair that were great for running around and the ‘different’ color went w/ whatever casual outfits I wore…

        3. I love them and think they are very cute on, and are totally appropriate for Europe.

    11. For shoes, try Keen Venice H2, Newport or Whisper. I LOVE mine. They look really good on, and are so comfortable it’s unbelievable. The other shoes I wear for walking are Mephisto Allrounders.

13. Two comments:

    I don’t think I really knew how to take a deposition until my first trial (that is, carried the partner’s briefcase through a trial for the first time). I do NOT think you should do a super-detailed outline starting with the witness’ first-grade teacher’s name. I think that instead, you should write down the questions you actually need answered so you can plug them into your summary judgment motion.

    Second comment: I read about Kat’s potential meet-up in Dallas, and was momentarily jealous, wishing we would have a meet-up in Chicago. Then I started thinking about what I would wear to such an event. I think that decision would send me into a tailspin. Can you imagine the pressure? None of my perfectly acceptable everyday J. Crew or Banana or Ann Taylor suits would do . . . I’d have to go to Saks and get something from Armani, then have it tailored, then figure out shoes, and what if my hair is too long or my lipstick too bright?

    I say this with love and admiration, Kat! I just think this would be a very stylish group and I’d have to make you proud!

    1. LOL! I thought this, too. “Oh, too bad I can’t go to Dallas. Oh, wait! What would I wear?! Glad I don’t have *that* pressure.”

    2. Hilarious housecounsel!!!

    3. I would feel exactly the same way! Although if Kat ever visits Southern Ohio, I will make myself suffer through the decision process.

    4. This is hilarious because the first thing I thought when I read about the potential meet-up (I’m in Dallas) is “Ohmygosh, what will I wear??”

       1. I wasn’t thinking that, but I sure am now! :-)

    5. Ha, I thought the same thing!

14. HELP! I recently bought a 100% silk tank in a beautiful color that I really like. Unfortunately I accidentally put it into the washer today. It went in with other colors on cold wash. I saved it before it reached the dryer but now I have no clue what to do to save it completely? Is there a way to fix the shirt or is my all to brief relationship with this top done?

    1. Is it knit or woven? If woven, you can try ironing it on a cool setting to carefully reshape it. Silk is often tougher than we give it credit for.

    2. It should be fine. Cold water won’t damage silk. I handwash or gentle-cycle machine wash both woven and knit silk items all the time. If your detergent is harsh it could fade it or damage the fabric, but one wash shouldn’t hurt. If it dries wrinkly, take it to your dry cleaners to have it pressed.

    3. It should be fine if you didn’t dry it. I wash silk sweaters in the machine regularly on gentle. It will probably come out wrinkled, in my experience the wrinkles are a bit worse when they are hand washed. If that happens, you can iron the shirt with a press cloth or old pillow case over the top.

    4. Huh? I regularly throw my silk tops in the wash and then hang dry (one tank even went through the dryer once and came out just fine). Don’t panic – just use a steamer or iron if it dries wrinkled and it should be just fine.

       1. Exactly! Only sometimes I purposely put them in the dryer on a delicate/cool setting to minimize the need to steam them. Then again, I’m talking about cheap Ann Taylor silk shells… maybe if I cared more about an item I wouldn’t be so daring.

15. Back to the pregnancy thing – I am now 2 months postpartum and still a horrific 30 (!!!!) pounds above my pre-pregnancy weight…and the scale hasn’t moved in weeks. So much for the “breastfeeding will make the pounds melt away” idea…

    Anyway, I am due back at work in another 2 months and it’s starting to look like I am going to have to buy a whole new wardrobe…any tips on what to do from those that have gone through this?

    1. Congrats on the baby! I haven’t been pregnant before but I know all about dealing with excess weight. For now, I would wear whatever you were wearing during the pregnancy. Don’t buy new nice clothes or it’ll make it harder to lose the weight. If you have to buy some clothes to be professional – go on ebay or consignment shops. For losing the 30 pounds, I would do Weight Watchers and start hiking up your activity level.

    2. What are you eating? You have to eat well to nurse but that means quality, not quantity.What kind of movement are you doing? My advice is work on it now, it gets harder and harder the longer it hangs around…..

    3. Congratulations! Despite all the hype about breastfeeding helping with weight loss, I could never lose all of the pregnancy weight while I was breastfeeding. I always kept 10-15 pounds until I weaned. And I have to admit, I used it as an excuse to just not focus on those last several pounds until I weaned the baby!

       Anyway, from a clothes standpoint I went out and bought several things to help get me through. I could usually use some of my pre-pregnancy clothes, generally tops and jackets, but needed some basics to fill out my closet. I bought relatively inexpensive clothes because I only intended to use them for several months. If you’re planning to have more children, they will come in handy again in the future – as you transition into maternity for your next pregnancy and after that one as well. After 3 kids, I actually had a closet full of clothes in different sizes, which I recently cleaned out because I am officially done with the pregnancy thing! Also, be aware that even when you get rid of all the weight, your pre-pregnancy clothes may fit differently than they used to. Sadly, the same number on the scale does not necessarily translate into the same body you used to have!

       1. >Sadly, the same number on the scale does not necessarily translate into
          >the same body you used to have!

          Absolutely! I measure myself every few months and have been the same measurements at two completely different weights (10 pounds apart) more than once. For me it has to do with how much I work out and how much muscle I build.

          1. So true. And so very, very depressing. Sadly, after having twins, I am finally resigned to a lifetime of shapers to hide the skin baby I still carry around. It’s a good thing kids are cute!

    4. Congratulations! Just remember that it took you 9 months to gain the weight so don’t expect to lose it all right away. I lost my baby weight over the course of a year with a combination of diet and walking. I did have to buy some new clothes for the immediate post-baby body. I agree with the other posters that mentioned consignment shops. Also shop sales aggessively. Be careful though. I tried to buy cheap clothes thinking I would only be wearing them for a little while. What a mistake! I would have rather had a few nice things than a bunch of cheap things that didn’t fit me right and I always felt uncomfortable and self-conscious in. (Trust me. Cheap shirts and big boobs just don’t make a good pair.)

       Here’s the thing though…I then had to buy clothes that fit my body after I lost all of the weight. I am back down to my pre-pregnancy weight, but some of my pre-pregnancy clothes don’t quite fit. My bottom half went back to normal, but not the top. I went from a 32D to a 38H during pregnancy and now after 2.5 years post-partum am down to a 34DD, and these things are here to stay (at least until I visit the plastic surgeon someday ;-). What this means is that I couldn’t button any of my suit jackets. All of my cardigans were too small, not to mention all of my button-down shirts. The work wardrobe I had built up over 10 years was pretty much gone. I’m now slowly building it back up again.

       I view it as a blessing and a curse. It really stinks to go through your closet and shed 10+ suits and all the rest. The expense is also hard. But I also got rid of everything that was outdated and worn out. It’s forced me to rethink my style. I’ve been able to replace some trendy, dated items (i.e., the things you buy in your 20s) with timeless pieces that I love.

       Good luck!

       1. Hi, I went from a size 4/6 to a size 8 post maternity leave. I went to Macys and got some Charter Club pants and a few nice silk blazers (it was summer/fall). I didn’t buy entire suits in my new bigger size, just a few bridge pieces. I could wear many of the old sizes because they were “classic” not “modern”cuts, but not all of them. It was a gradual process for me, but I didn’t have to re-work my entire closet (thank goodness!). I guess I was lucky…

    5. Don’t give up on losing weight during breastfeeding. If you intend to continue to nurse after returning to work, you can count on the scale coming down a bit more. With both kids, I found that I had to work/eat a lot to maintain a supply while pumping for them at work.

       Also, your body will hang on to the last few pounds until you are done nursing. My advice is to let it, as much as you don’t want to do that. If you try to diet/lose too much, it will affect your ability to nurse.

       Of course, all of this is coming from an extremely pro-breastfeeding stance. I nursed both of my kids for 20 and 16 months, respectively, returning to work each time at 16 weeks. It is a huge commitment and is not for everyone.

       And because misery loves company, I am still holding on to an extra 10 pounds from my pregnancy with my son, who is 17 months old. I just stopped nursing and now cannot use that as my excuse anymore. I fit into my old clothes, but not very well. Some pre-baby things just need to go bye-bye.

    6. If you’re at home all day, you’re probably less active than you are when you were working. So breastfeeding burns calories, but doesn’t make up for the lack of activity. If you’re determined to lose the weight, start counting calories in, calories burned – I use fitday.com but others have recommended other sites here. Or even join Weight Watchers so you can lose weight in a supportive community environment.

       Also, don’t beat yourself up if you don’t lose it quickly or at all. You made a baby! That’s amazing, and your baby loves you regardless of how thin you are.

    7. Can you buy stuff that drapes nicely…will hide the tummy issues and will be ok to wear even later. That’s what I did when I returned to work.

       1. I bought a few suits in a bigger size. These have an added plus in that if you lose more weight and then get pregnant again, they can be your “fat” suits until you are ready to start wearing maternity clothes again! I also bought tops on sale – none of my button-downs fit and I had to get a few new ones, plus a bunch of sweaters. I also got a couple of wrap dresses that were easy to adjust, plus good for pumping at work.

16. Anyone have any experience with Origins makeup? Specifically, I’m thinking about getting the Nude and Improved foundation. I liked the way it felt when they tested it on me in the store, but I’m afraid to commit. My last Origins experience was their lip gloss in high school!

    My second option is Bobbi Brown tinted moisturizer, but since the Origins is half the price I’m really hoping it would be a good choice.

    For what it’s worth, right now I’m using Clinique Moisture Sheer Tint, and while I really liked it originally, I’m noticing that after a few hours it’s barely visible on me. I’m looking for very natural-looking makeup to give the appearance of better skin, but I don’t want to wear heavy foundation or have to spend a lot of time blending.

    1. I like to check out the reviews on makeupalley.com when I’m afraid to make a commitment to a product.

    2. Never tried Origins, but I love love love Bobbi Brown and think it’s worth the cost (which is honestly cheap enough that I as an undergrad can afford it if I budget properly).

       1. Second BB (I use their loose powder+lippies) but I also love Origins’ skincare (never used their makeup).

    3. I am a little irked at origins right now because they discontinued my favorite face wash, but I have been using the nude and improved for a long time and I really like it. Not to heavy, blends well, etc. Actually, I like most of their stuff. I’m not sure if they do samples on the foundation or not, but you could ask and they might give you enough to try it out for a couple of days.

    4. if you don’t like it, you can take it back. Just keep the receipt.

17. This is not my ebay item (I swear) – I was just searching for skirt suits and came across this beautiful black Armani a-line skirt suit. I LOVE it and think $340 is a great value, but I just bought a black skirt suit and don’t need another. Just wanted to share though.

    http://cgi.ebay.com/GIORGIO-ARMANI-NWT-3-2K-A-line-SKIRT-SUIT-w-JACKET-42-/230438010989?cmd=ViewItem&pt=US_CSA_WC_Suits&hash=item35a72d006d

    1. Pretty! The jacket seems a bit long though.

       1. Agree, the jacket is too long and makes it look 80s-style to me.

18. Informal poll: What time is acceptable to leave today?

    I officially ran out of work at 10:30 (I have more work to do, but only because I cajoled a partner into giving it to me today – he said, while handing me the file, that he planned to give it to me Tuesday).

    I want to go hooooome (or at least go shopping for new sunglasses)

    1. I would stick it out until lunch, and then shop for sunglasses! (Actually, I’m heading to buy a gazebo for our patio.)

    2. I’m working from home today. I think most people will end up leaving the office by 3 pm (I’m in Big Law DC).

       1. I’m in the DC area too. We should connect, Clerky! Hit me up at yahoehoehoe AT gmail.com. I’m a really person, promise!

          1. Just wrote you. :)

    3. Is there anyone still in your office who will notice if you are there or not? If no, I would take off now!

       1. yeah – it’s the downside of a small office. everyone sees me walk out. there are 3 people (other than me) here but that’s still a significant part of my office.

    4. I’m leaving in 5 minutes – noon EDT.

       1. My office “closes” at 3 p.m. today. I’ll be here all day, but only because I was on vacay last week.

          My thoughts are, depending how long you have been there, you are a professional. If you are typically there doing your job, getting your hours in, and getting your work done, no one is going to notice or care if you skip out early one day. Just don’t abuse it. It took me years to grasp this concept.

    5. I ended up leaving my office at midnight sharp. Looked like it was going to be a light day that would end at 5… until about 4 PM, when a co-worker and I realized each of us was expecting the other to crunch the numbers for a statement of work with a particularly complex pricing structure, promptly followed by noticing that my boss was in far over his head on a deck for a national conference that was due at midnight.

       At least it’s the weekend now, right?

19. Hey Clerky and others — got my pieces back from Liora on Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/shop/Lirola I got the Spring Dress with Secret Garden Belt bundle and the Coral Romantic Wrap top. I’m speechless. GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GORGEOUS! Everything fits perfectly. They are stunning. The spring garden dress is so beautiful, unique, and timeless. The coral wrap top is a showstopper. Quality is amazing (better than alot of stuff at Saks and Neiman’s, IMHO). I’M IN LUUUUUUUV! Go girls!

    1. Ooooh, thanks! The secret garden dress is gorgeous. I’m so glad that you’re happy! How long did it take for you to receive them, a month or so?

       1. She was super fast, especially given that it’s handmade. It was about 3 weeks from the time I gave her ALL my CORRECT measurements (she noticed when things were off..) to when I got the box in my hot little sweaty palms. And it sat at the Post Office for about 4 days! Liron works incredibly hard. She told me she has no assistants and hardly ever takes a day off. I worry that one day she’ll just slump over her sewing machine from exhaustion! I may be in Israel for business in a few months and I’ll try to meet her in person. Isn’t she beautiful? I’m a groupie! LOL.

    2. Thanks! These are gorgeous :) Saved for later :)

    3. Thanks for the follow up on this Lawgirl. I’ve been coveting some of her dresses for a while now! What fabric weight did you go with? And were the colors what you expected?

       And I agree, she is so pretty!

    4. OH YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

       I’m so ordering this weekend!!!!

    5. I love them both – absolutely gorgeous.

    6. More questions. sounds like the fit is terrific – how is the weight of the fabric? My office is business casual and I wear dresses at least 3 ays a week… I love her stuff but was wondering if the jersey was heavy or very light weight….

       1. Hi Divaliciscious11 (love that handle, btw):
          I’m holding the dress now. Wish I could upload a picture. I would say it’s medium weight to light-weight jersey. It’s not as “woven” as Tadashi or David Meister dress (which I adore; feels so good on the skin even though it’s poly). It’s more like heavier weight t-shirt material, ,if that make sense. But it’s substantial. I held it up to the light and you can’t see through it, but light does pass through slightly. I wouldn’t wear a slip with it, because it doesn’t have that “need a slip” feeling to me. If it were winter, I would though. I think Liron can add a lining to the skirt part if you ask, but I don’t think it’s necessary unless you get it in a darker color to wear for winter/fall.

          The taupe color is a deep gray’ish color with strong lavender notes.

          I used to be strongly anti-poly, but I’ve come around and now think that synthetic fabrics add more versality and offer draping and construction options that you don’t get with silk, wool, cotton blends.

          1. Actually, just realized it’s a rayon blend, not poly. It feels nice. I must say, it looks EXACTLY as beautiful as the picture. With all the fitted sheath dresses and pencil tskirts that are tendy now, it feels nice to have a feminine, swingy, loose dress to wear. I have nothing like it in my closet. I think this dress is super flattering for curvy women (ie, those who have a shape similar to Liora’s!) like me!

          2. Perfect! Thanks. You got right where I was going.

20. This is so totally off the wall for a fashion post. But any advice is welcome. My husband and I are ttc for the last few months and I’m a tad discouraged. (TMI alert!!). It’s hard to coordinate this with my cycle since he’s a consultant and flies out on a weekly basis. So we only have the weekends, and for the last 3 or so cycles I haven’t ovulated on a weekend. Sigh. We tried the ‘before and after’ and one time we actually did try on a day that the ovulation stick came back positive, but nothing so far. Any tips? :) Sorry again, I know this is far afield. Just a little discouraged.

    1. To be more specific, our main problem is timing I guess, so any advice from consultants is welcome (my husband is out of town Sun night through Thu night). I’m thinking about actually taking a week or so off work and flying out with him and staying in his hotel room just for this. Talk about romantic! :)
       Plus, any dietary tips or other things I can do to increase the chances (even if we do manage to be in the same city and ‘try’ on the right day)?

    2. From someone who did experience infertility issues (7 years TTC and then IVF/ICSI to actually do it), my advice is don’t borrow trouble. And I don’t mean that to sound offended or snarky. I remember being a couple months in and starting to stress, and I wish I hadn’t. If there is no problem, then basically having sex around the right time will get you pregnant. I’ve never understood starting to take basal temperatures and schedule everything right off the bat. Have sex. If it doesn’t happen, you’ll be jumping through crazy hoops soon enough. Just the perspective of someone who has BTDT. Good luck!

    3. It’s probably worth some vacation days for both of you, which it sounds like you’ve already considered (you take off and fly out with him, and if no luck, he should take some time off to stay home with you the following month). Good luck – this can be a difficult (but rewarding) process!

       Another possibility if it gets to be too difficult to be in the same place when you’re ovulating month after month is to look into collecting sperm in advance and doing the turkey baster (or similar) method… I’ve never done this personally, but it’s probably worth looking into. I’m sure there are clinics that would be happy to help, or it may be possible to do it on your own.

    4. I don’t know how old you are (since that seems to matter), but with our first, my husband and I just casually stopped preventing and never really said to ourselves that we were ttc. It took several months, but it was very low stress and getting pregnant was a nice surprise.

       The second time around, I was much more down to business. Then I had a miscarrage and that made me even more determined. I didn’t really have that much trouble, but it wasn’t a fun process at all (which it should be).

       My friends and I are at the tail-end of our child bearing years. In talking to them, most of those who had trouble ttc ended up getting pregnant when they stopped peeing on the sticks, charting their temperature, and the like.

       I would relax, have fun, and enjoy. Perhaps take a vacation with your husband during a week when you think things might happen, but don’t get too carried away. If you haven’t gotten pregnant after a year (again, depending on your age), talk to your doctor. But don’t worry for now. It takes time!

       1. Thanks! I am in the 30-35 range (and trying for #1) which isn’t too bad, but I have some (probably self-created) pressure due to several reasons which I won’t go into.
          I think part of the reason I’m disappointed is that I had high expectations based on friends (older than me, to boot) who said they got pregs the first time ever that they stopped using protection (‘I didn’t even expect…’). Two of my best friends said this, independently. SO unrealistic for me to expect the same, I realize now.
          I try to convince myself not to expect anything, but it’s hard to stop myself reaching for the pregnancy tests every few weeks, LOL.
          Have had to impose a moratorium on my buying any more!

          1. I would get fertility work done asap. You are late to the game and cannot afford to wait longer. This is from someone who has BTDT. If everything turns out fine, you can relax and it will happen! :)

             1. Sorry I’m not trying to be rude just curious – is not getting pregnant after a couple of months if you are 30-35 really reason enough for fertility work? I always heard that you should give it about a year (granted, I’m also on the 30 end of this spectrum, and not currently trying – I might react differently if I were 35 and trying).

             2. Thanks for the suggestion Anon. I thought doctors typically did not give you the full workup unless you had been trying for a year. What does this workup consist of, just out of curiosity?
                I’m reluctant to escalate the situation but I do see your point – which is I think, that if there’s something wrong better to find out early ?

             3. Samantha, if you’re under 35 you are going to have a tough time getting a workup from a fertility doc until you’ve been trying for at least six months. Unless you have an existing health condition that is known to affect fertility, and especially because your timing has been off – my fertility doc would be very nice and polite but tell you to come back after four to six months of well-timed intercourse. And he would be correct in telling you that.

                I cannot agree enough with the advice not to worry too much right now. Just because your friends got pregnant on the first try (and FYI – they may or may not have – a LOT of people are intentionally dishonest about conception timing for a lot of reasons) doesn’t mean you were going to. The fact that you haven’t doesn’t mean you need fertility testing or treatment.

                As far as timing – my recommendation is to try to have sex when you can, and don’t worry about it if it’s not timed perfectly to the OPK (or whatever you’re using). Sperm can live for 3-5 days after sex so it is totally possible to get pregnant even if you don’t have sex within a few hours of a positive OPK. If you guys don’t see each other much – make the most of when you’re together. And accept that during TTC you won’t necessarily always have the perfect romantic experience every time you have sex. TTC sex can get incredibly tedious after awhile, although you can do things to keep it interesting (and I recommend doing that if possible).

                That all being said – in four to six more months I would go see someone, just to get baseline testing done. I have PCOS and then it turned out my husband had low sperm morphology. We could have timed everything perfectly and our chance of getting pregnant unassisted would still have been less than 2 percent. There’s no need for panic but don’t be complacent either. Good luck and I hope you get pregnant soon.

          2. I’m one of those who conceived #1 the first time we stopped using protection but I have friends who’ve being ttc for months/years. I always think they add a lot of stress to themselves. Time enough to worry if you’ve gone 6 mths or more without any luck (assuming you tried at the right times each mth).

             Just take it easy, leave some fun in it!!

    5. You can get pg if you DTD up to 5 days before ovulation, so try to get a handle on when you expect to ovulate (based on your ovulation days for the past few months) and then time things for the week leading up to that. Easier if your cycle is regular, of course. Good luck!

    6. Samantha, this is our situation exactly. It took us 14 months to conceive (I unfortunately lost that pregnancy, so it’s back to the drawing board…) because my husband was only home on weekends and I seemed to ovulate on Wednesdays the entire time. My husband eventually worked from home one week when I knew I would be ovulating and that did it for us.

       I do have one friend that took the pill for one month so that she could force her ovulations to the weekends. I never tried that, but it may be an option for you.

       1. LOL @ ovulating only on Wednesdays the entire time. Thanks JJ! Good to know I’m not the only one.
          I’m so sorry about the pregnancy you lost.
          Good luck to us. And patience, which I sorely lack!

          1. Amen to needing patience. The waiting inherent in this process is interminable.

          2. Just wanted to say that I was in the same position, only saw DH on the weekends, and we still managed to conceive fairly quickly, so it IS possible…good luck!!

21. Well since we are getting into relationship advice now – I need some relationship/self-esteem advice.

    My husband has recently gone on a quest to get six pack abs. He is making it a serious mission, adjusted his diet, exercises a ton, etc. He does all this while I’m at work so its not like it is making me lonely.

    But I work at a desk 10+ hours/day. I go to the gym after work and then home to dinner. I recently tried on some summer outfits for vacation and they are all kind of snug. Now, normally, I wouldn’t mind if we were each a bit “soft” in the middle. (Neither of us are at all over weight).

    But, now that he is soooooo focused on his abs, I feel totally self-conscious about my less than fit belly. Long term solution is I need to tighten up too. But, any tips on surviving my vacation in a bikini next to almost Mr. six pack without feeling like I look 5 months preggo.

    It is also hard to be intimate when I think he is just staring at my gut and wishing I cared about my abs as much as he does. I’m sure he is not doing that but it is what is running through my irrational mind.

    1. I think you need to get some perspective. Your husband working on his body is about him and his thoughts about himself. He is not looking at you any differently with six pack abs than he was with a pudgy middle. He’s looking at himself differently. And your body image needs to be about you and your body, not him and his body. I’m assuming he loves you for all that you are – not for your abs, great or not.

       1. Forgot to say, my husband has lost about 50 pounds this year. Being a man, he just decided to lose weight and lost 50 pounds in 6 months. I have lost 6. His weight loss has nothing to do with his love for me. He doesn’t love me less because he weighs 50 pounds less.

    2. My dear anon,
       For yourself and to take your mind off your little tummy pooch (we all have one!!): Focus on doing fun things together and sharing great experiences with your husband, and rekindling all the activities that you did when you courted. Life is short – try to immerse yourself in each day and get the most from it, spend quality time with him in the few hours that you’re not working. Go for walks and bike rides together, walk along the beach, go to plays, watch old movies, cook and eat dinner together. There are so many couples where the man is a little flabby around the belly area and the woman is slimmer. Its not like those guys are worrying about hanging out with a good-looking woman, they’re enjoying it and showing her off.
       As for your husband: Compliment him on his abs and all his hard work, especially in bed. He isn’t thinking about you the way you think (comparing your abs with his and so on, most men aren’t!) but would love to be appreciated and to feel wanted (especially in bed).

       1. Love that advice, S!

    3. I think men have different expectations for their own stomachs than ours. My husband loves my soft tummy–he says it makes me look like a woman, not a teenage boy. :)

       1. I really think more men feel like this than women realize. Most men think women should look like women, not like skinny-but-ripped fifteen-year-old boys, regardless of what the media shows.

          OP – My husband also started a big bodybuilding/fitness kick about two years ago, and it also made me insecure for awhile. But it was also very motivating, and as a result of ramping up my workouts, I lost some weight and look better. So you can look at it like that, if you want to. However, I am not 19 anymore, and I will never look 19 again. I have had a baby and several surgeries and accidents that have left my body less-than-perfect. If my husband wants someone with a perfect body, he knows where our front door is – that is not me, and it never will be. But after 13 years of marriage, there’s way more to our relationship than what our bodies look like (and despite his workouts, his still doesn’t look the way it did when I met him). He still tells me that I am beautiful and sexy, even though sometimes I feel I no longer even resemble the girl he married. I think your husband probably feels the same way about you.

          I am not sure how long you’ve been married – it’s almost 13 years for me. I will tell you something that I just realized myself not too long ago. Being with someone for a long time, you see their mind and body change over time, and it’s not always towards the theoretical ideal. But being able to be there for that process – to be the one my husband is getting older with – is one of the greatest privileges of my life. I am the one he chose to be his life partner and part of partnering with someone for life is accepting their faults, and watching them age. Not to get weird, but it’s by God’s grace we’ve lived this long and although I bow to God’s will in regards to how much time we have left, I am grateful for every moment I’ve gotten to spend with my husband. No matter what he looks like, or I look like. Don’t you think there’s probably a pretty good chance your husband feels the same way about you, squishy tummy and all?

          Give yourself some credit, and have confidence about yourself. Wear your snug dresses and bikini with pride. Confidence goes a long way.

          1. This is the absolute best post I’ve read on Corporette in a long time! And your acknowledgement of the Lord made me tear up! I wish you and your husband a lifetime of God’s very best!

             1. Agree. Amy – thanks. We’ve been married 12 yrs & I completely agree.

                Just yesterday I was signing a chq for the sofa delivery man when hubs walked thru the door. Sofa delivery man was like “wow, your husband is so young”…and my insecure mind is thinking “as opposed to what…me?? Gee, thanks!”.

                Now my husband and I are both 35, and we look younger than we are. But he’s tall and slim and boyish looking, which doesn’t do a lot for my ego when I’m at the receiving end of such random comments.

                Anyway it took my husband 3 hrs to make me feel better (since I was in a really black mood after that) and I’m grateful for someone like him who knows my body’s flaws and loves me anyway!!

    4. I think it’s ok to let him know you’re worried. Loving partners let each other know concerns about things like this.

       I’m not sure how old he is, but it could very well be a mid-life crisis-type thing for him. Like he wants to look good because he’s worried about getting older himself.

       Good for him. Now you’ve got a hottie husband. :)

       1. Definitely a benefit for you! But I would say something – if nothing else, the reassurance that, in fact, he still thinks you’re as fabulous as always should help minimize your stress — and – this is just my personal thing – but if you can afford to, I would stop worrying about what number is on your swimsuit, and if it isn’t fitting, go shopping for one that does – Target has some great tankini/bikini separates …

    5. I agree with what everyone else has said. If you’re feeling insecure I would just let him know, but I bet that he’s still very attracted to you and doesn’t care if you don’t have rock hard abs like he does. We are women after all, and our softness and curves are what make us appealing.

       I’m in somewhat of the flip situation. I consider myself attractive, and my husband’s colleagues frequently joke around with him about how he managed to look the way he does and get a “hottie wife.” He looks fine by the way. It hasn’t made him insecure at all.

       Moral of story; Most guys could care less about whether they have a bit of a paunch, and most of us women are just too hard on ourselves.

       1. Yes, Legally Brunette – “Moral of story; Most guys could care less about whether they have a bit of a paunch, and most of us women are just too hard on ourselves.” Exactly. And if they do care about ‘a bit of a paunch’, they aren’t worth keeping anyway, IMHO.

    6. Why don’t you bring it up with him? I’m sure he thinks you’re beautiful and doesn’t care about your abs at all, but if your self-image is affecting your intimacy, you should communicate openly with your husband about this because it affects him too. And maybe you two can have gym dates twice a week or something? Even if you don’t lose weight, exercising will improve your self-esteem and lower your stress levels.

22. So naturally following Blagojevich like any Chicagoan right now and enjoying some of the talk about his clothes. I was really struck by the statistic in the following article though:

    According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average American household spent about $1,800 on “apparel and services” in 2008.

    Per household?!

    I just find this impossible to fathom. And I say this as someone who is doing well now but literally made low 20s as a newspaper reporter for a couple of years after grad school. (So I definitely know what it’s like to live on a tight budget.) Am I out of touch with typical budgets for clothes, or maybe just used to living with urban cost of living?

    I can’t imagine a couple able to do this, yet alone adding in the cost of keeping kids clothed with how quickly they grow out of things…

    http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/07/qa-how-do-you-spend-400k-on-clothes.html

    1. There are a huge number of clothing items from Walmart and Target and elsewhere that range from $5-20 (I even manage to pick up $20 items on sale racks at much higher end retailers). On $1000, you can buy well over 50 articles of clothing which should be more than plenty for a typical household in a year. Children in “average” families also wear a ton of hand-me-downs.

       My household of two with a combined salary ~$300k spends about $150/month on clothes, which is exactly $1,800 (I hadn’t reverse engineered that – really). Now, I don’t know what “services” includes – maybe we go over when you count services, but still. Unless I read your post wrong, I don’t get how you’re so surprised. Truly. I understand that most of the items featured on Corporette run north of $100 and a lot of the people here think a good suit is supposed to cost a minimum of $500, but this group is by no means average and even within the readership here, I think that $1800 a reasonable number for some.

       1. The Carters outlet is my go-to for my daughter. With a 20% off coupon in hand, I left there in May with two huge bags full of clothes (including 2 bathing suits and a beach cover-up) for summer for under $120.

       2. I agree, it’s definitely possible. Last year, my husband and I made about $150K and we spent $2000 on clothes total. Today I’m wearing a $5 shirt from Gap that was originally $25 and a pair of AT jeans for $30, originally $90. Now that I’m in big law I spend a lot more money on clothes, but I try not to go overboard.

          My elderly dad probably spends about $200 a year on clothing. Seriously. It can be done.

    2. I actually don’t think my household is that far off from this. (That depends on the definition of “services” though?) We probably don’t spend much more than $2500 a year on clothes. My purchases make up the lion’s share. My husband hardly buys anything. Things get replaced as they wear out, but he doesn’t really go out to buy new clothes. My 2.5 year old daughter’s wardrobe probably runs us about $300 a year.

    3. Keep in mind that this is the average household. So that includes people who live alone, off the grid, and make their clothes out of the leaves that grow on the tree outside their front door (0$) AND the Blagos who spent $400k of (our) money on clothes. I think there are just more people on the low end of the spectrum holding down the average.

       1. Also the many, many people who either wear a uniform to work or do not have to dress up at all (gardeners, construction workers, etc.). Imagine a family of four where hubby works in construction (cheap jeans and Ts), wife is a physician’s assistant (scrubs), oldest child wears cheap clothes from target, and youngest child wears hand-me downs. If hubby and wife’s weights don’t fluctuate too much, they may only buy a couple of items a year for themselves.

          Me, I’ve been working in Biglaw where I need suits, plus my weight changes all the time, so the budget for me alone has been dragging up this average! (Although who knows how they came up with it – it could well be a wild guess.)

    4. I think my boyfriend spent about $150 on clothes last year. Seriously. He only replaces as things wear out, and it takes a long time for things to wear out (even dress shirts which are in heavy rotation as he doesn’t have many and wears one 5x a week).

       1. I guess I was just thinking that if I cut that in half, then it would be less than $75 a month for me to spend. (I say “less than” because I took services to mean money going toward drycleaning, shoe repair, etc.– but I was just guessing. Drycleaning gets so expensive. Ugh.)

          A budget of less than $75 doesn’t seem like it goes that far when you start to factor in coats, sweaters, a suit or two, a nice bag, shoes (I admit, I’m a bit of a shoe fanatic having had some foot problems in the past), etc. Just the routine purchases of bras or “something to wear to X event” or “Shoes to wear with X dress or for X trip” seem to eat through that very quickly. I don’t even buy a lot of jewelry or anything like that. And I’m not above a good sale or outlet mall. Some of my favorite suits are from the AT outlet.

          I guess maybe I’m a bit off in perspective though, too, since my weight fluctuated a lot over the past couple of years with some foot and other health problems. I run, so weight went up a lot and then back down again pretty rapidly once I finally got back to exercising again. For awhile, I did need to buy a new winter dress coat and winter casual coat, etc. where maybe I wouldn’t normally. (Long story, but a lot of my nicer “thin” clothes went to a good friend who lost everything, so reshopped at my old sizes as well.)

          This is a good wakeup though. I am going to take this as a sign that it’s time to wean some of my shopaholic ways. Or sadly, I’ll have a moment of weakness and use it as an excuse to shop this weekend’s sales. :)

          1. Not to enable you :-), but if your household income is above the national average of ~$50k, then I wouldn’t feel too guilty if you scale up or down appropriately. $1,800 is 3.6% of $50k, so rather than benchmarking to $1,800 I might benchmark to 3.6% instead.

             1. I like this idea.

                Does “services” include trips to the hair salon, manicures, waxing, shoe repair, and dry cleaning bills?

    5. Granted, my husband and I are still starving graduate students, but we spend less than $60 a month on clothes and dry cleaning. This is true even though I’m building a professional wardrobe for the first time. Growing up, my family of four spent even less than that – probably around $30 a month for all of us, shoes and coats included.
       It’s surprising what you can do with Goodwill, the clearance racks and Walmart, and a sewing machine (not to sew clothes, as fabric tends to be ridiculously expensive, but to alter the too-big/unfashionable items you can buy for a few dollars). Today I’m wearing a suit, heels, and a button down, all flattering and professional, but the most expensive article of clothing I have on (aside from my wedding ring) is the $20 bra I got on clearance at the mall.
       I don’t mean this to brag – I’d spend much more on clothes if I could – but just to comment that, in my universe, an $1800 clothing budget seems quite luxurious.

       1. Love Goodwill… Also, look for Dress for Success in your area – they outfit women entering the workforce for the first time with a suit, shoes, etc. – when the affiliate I work with turns over is inventory for each season, we do a super-cheap clearance sale to the public… think Armani suits for $4! We only stock items that are within the current styles b/c outfitting these women poorly doesn’t help them. Most affiliates do the same b/c of lack of space to store out-of-season items.

          Conversely – quick plug for Dress for Success – if you do go through your wardrobe and find you have items you’re going to get rid of, donate the professional items to them – its a great way to ‘think global, act local’.

    6. I think there are several factors that can make 1,800 seem pretty low. Chicago has seasons that are distinct. I’m not from there, but my guess is even beyond coats, shoes, hats, scarves etc. for winter weather outer wear you’d need some real differences in your suits, skirts, tops, slacks etc. Even though they are worn for less time (not year round) fashions still change enough that hardly anything will last more than 3 years.

       Second, dry cleaning is what I thought of as “services” and tailoring. Both are going to be way more necessary in a “professional” job than a lot of other jobs.

       Furthermore being a “hard to find” size (plus sizes/ petites) or needing more tailoring, or special shoes, etc. also drives prices up and makes Goodwill a more difficult endeavor. Plus urban prices and urban sensibilities about fashion.

       If it’s not breaking your bank, I don’t think you’ve got a problem. $1,800 makes sense to me as a national average including single people, stay at home and work at home types who don’t need to wear suits and stockings, and people who wear uniforms etc.

       1. I was thinking $1800/year was pretty HIGH. I’ve probably spent $500 this year, and that includes $100 on running shoes.

    7. That actually seems low to me because I’m pretty sure I spend at least this as a middle-income single woman just on apparel. Throw in pedicures, hair and other “services” and I’m way over. And kids are so expensive – a growing kid might need new clothes twice a year and a lot of people buy new instead of using hand-me-downs. But, also, average doesn’t mean much. There are plenty of people who spend far far less, and plenty who spend far far more. Average just represents the sum of all the amounts spent divided by the number of people surveyed. An outlier spending $10K on clothes would drastically skew the average upward.

       1. Aaarrghh!! I am an awful spendthrift in that case! Though we’ve worked for 10+ years each/no debts etc/don’t live in the US, I still feel awful and think I will mend my ways now, after having read all these posts!

          1. Why? If you’re able to afford your purchases without debt and clothes make you happy, there’s no reason to feel bad. Besides, you’re supporting the economy, helping salespeople get their jobs, etc.

             I looked at my budget again and I spend more than $1800 – I spend probably about $200 shopping per month, plus dry cleaning and tailoring. Some months I don’t buy anything, other months I buy $150 shoes or a $400 handbag.

    8. Well, my household is just me, so I’m probably way below that — closer to $1K in normal years (as previously posted somewhere here, I had to totally re-outfit my wardrobe after losing a lot of weight, so this past year was much more expensive!) — and remember, the average includes households with much less income (or interest in fashion), such as other singles, lower income couples who shop at Wal-Mart… etc.

23. I’d like to hear some opinions on headphones/listening to music in the office (preferably legal, but anything is helpful). Is it acceptable? I listen to music ALL the time – studying, driving, cooking, working out, you name it; I particularly find it helpful to have something in the background when I’m doing research.

    I feel weird about wearing my headphones at work, however. I did it in my past life (creative industry), and sometimes when attorneys aren’t around, I’ll put one earbud in and listen to something softly on my iPod. I’ve gotten rave reviews on my performance and I get along really well with everyone I work with, but for some reason I feel like this is a slightly sticky wicket. NB: I live/work in a major city on the West Coast. It’s a somewhat relaxed environment (nicer end of business casual, suits for clients).

    1. Personally, I don’t think it’s professional to use headphones. It makes you look unapproachable and not interested in conversing with others. If you have an office, can you just turn the volume down low and listen? That’s what I do, and my neighbors can’t hear the music.

       If you’re in a cubicle, you have fewer options. I definitely would not recommend headphones in either situation though.

       1. Totally agree with Clerky. I just said the same thing to my husband last week. His office neighbor is a loud talker (uses dictation) and he wants to drown the guy out — but of course can’t play music that loud, or it would bug the next office over. I don’t think I’ve convinced him that headphones don’t convey the right message yet, but maybe I will show him this thread for support :)

          1. I had a neighbor like that once. She’d call her nanny from work and chat with the nanny and her child for almost the whole day. It was extremely hard to concentrate because she didn’t keep her voice low at all. Even if her door was closed, we could still hear her through the walls. My officemate tried to play music to drown it out somewhat, but it really wasn’t successful. Still, the music did help to district us a bit from listening in on every word of her conversation!

             1. Whoa! Was this OK with the managers at your company? I would think that this would totally have prevented this woman from getting her work done, in addition to being EXTREMELY distracting for everyone else.

    2. I think it depends on your office. My office (mid-size law firm) is fairly laid back and a number of people use headphones a lot, including myself. Others just play music softly in their office. It is really not seen as a big deal, although sometimes I do get startled when I have my headphones on and suddenly realize that there is someone at my office door.

       1. I try and save the headphones for after hours (like after 6pm) when I’m wrapped up in research or briefing or trial prep. I don’t necessarily think they are unprofessional, I just think it’s hard to hear the phone and involves too much difficulty when it does ring.

    3. I do exactly what you do – I put one ear bud in my ear that faces AWAY from the door and I drape the wire over my shoulder and BEHIND me so that noone walking by my office will see it falling down the front of me. Most times the entire earbud and the wire are completely covered by my hair and no one would be the wiser that I’m listening to music. The iPod itself usually goes in my lap or my back pocket (if I have one) or my desk drawer.

       Only the few people that come into my office on a regular basis know my secret because I will obviously take the ear bud out when someone comes in to talk to me. But even that can be done relatively discreetly by taking the earbud out and tucking it into the collar of my shirt right under my ear or letting it fall into the chair behind me.

       Of course, I try to do all of this without looking like I think I’m doing something wrong or getting away with something becuase I think that would be bad. My intentions are truly just to listen to some quiet music (jazz and classical mostly) without bothering my office mates but also without appearing unapproachable to someone walking by my office. I also have some comfort knowning that some of the head partners in my office listen to soft music on radios in their offices, however, their offices are much bigger than mine and so the sound has longer to travel before it bothers another officemate! So, to make up for that, I use headphones.

    4. A lot of the associates in my office wear headphones. I also have a Bose speaker that I can use. I keep my office door open and always take out the headphones when someone comes to the door. I also keep the volume low enough that I know when someone comes to the door. I really don’t think anyone cares at all, and it certainly doesn’t hurt my career. That said, I’m a very senior associate, so maybe I’ve put in enough time to be able to do it and not have people question my dedication?

       1. everybody in my office wears headphones too. One partner wears DJ-style headphones and keeps his iPod in his pocket and just walks around like that all day.

    5. If you have your own office, I’d say feel free to play some music softly in your office (sans headphones). I have plenty of colleagues who do this. As long as it isn’t noticeable to people in the hallway or neighboring offices, I don’t see the harm.

    6. I don’t know anything about Bluetooth earpieces, but is it possible to get one of those that can play music? Put it in the ear that faces away from your door so people won’t notice it walking by, but even if someone does come in they’ll think you use it to take calls (I suppose for this to work, you should actually use it for long calls…but that actually sounds nice compared to being loud speakerphone person or crooked neck person!)

       From your comment it sounds like you’re a full-time employee, so this story might not be applicable. But I know that there’s an undergrad intern at my SA firm who listens to headphones all day, and the associates find it really off-putting. They would otherwise go in and talk to him and maybe invite him on a few of our lunches, but the headphones keep everyone away and he doesn’t get to meet any attorneys. Seems kind of silly when the point of working at a law firm in college for a lot of people is to make contacts and make sure law school would be the right decision. For any interns/SAs reading this, I’d avoid the headphones. And I don’t think an intern can pull off a Bluetooth ;)

       1. Yes, my boyfriend just got one for his new iphone 4 and it works great.

    7. When I worked in corporate, I always had music playing in my office, so did a lot of the other attorneys. I never wore headphones. It was just low in the background. Even those in finance or tax played music. In fact my boss would often call me into his office to listen to his latest music download.

       I really don’t understand why some of you have to hide it, unless you aren’t supposed to have it on. I don’t think it’s unprofessional, unless it’s too loud or obnoxious. I also disagree that headphones make you unapproachable or not interested in conversing with others. My assistant was in a cubicle and wore them because it helped drown out all of the other distractions.

       If you are unsure about it, speak to your supervisor about it.

       1. I hate when people play music. I can barely hear myself think. Wear earbuds if you need to listen to music.

          For some reason earbuds are far less offputting than headphones, IMO.

          1. Ideally music should be played low enough that no one outside your office should be able to hear it. If it’s so loud that you can’t hear yourself think, it’s probably the volume that’s an issue. While working in the place I talked about above with the person next door who blabbed on the phone all day (management didn’t seem to care since she got her work done), my officemate regularly played music and didn’t really didn’t bother me much. As Shayna mentions below, people talking on the phone loudly are so much worse than hearing soft music.

    8. I wear headphones sometimes… the guys in the offices across the hall from me are often on the same conference call on speakerphone — from each of their individual offices (there are 3 – 4 of them on the call at a time plus whoever is outside our division — usually about 10 people on the call all talking over each other from all over the world) – the echoing and surround sound effect of the 4 speakerphones and the men talking is just more than I can deal with AND do my job! Headphones are fine – music from speakers in a cubicle is not, in an office – and nothing metal or rap – is fine.

       1. I work in engineering. We have a very open-plan office and wearing headphones is a well-understood sign of “do not disturb – I’m coding”. I always wear headphones when I’m working. Funny thing is, I never actually listen to music – I can’t work if I have music playing! But the headphones help muffle the ambient noise, put me in the mood for concentrating on my work, and signal to others to leave me alone.

          So – it all depends on your office.

24. (can’t answer this directly as Corporette does not work well with the iPhone)

    I’m in Rome at the moment, was in Austria not far from Munich a couple of days ago, and there is a definite heatwave going on. (So nice with a road trip where you drive with ac during the hottest part of the day)

    Bring a pair of jeans, but try to bring skirts, dresses or shorts instead of several pairs of jeans.

    For shoes, bring something you can walk in, that is also airy.

    It’s hot and humid. In Rome right now, we’re taking naps during the most of the daytim

25. So I’m in my 30s and have decided that it’s time for me to grow up and wear makeup. I am lucky–I have excellent skin and dark eyebrows and lashes, so I never really had to do anything other than some lip color. But…it’s time. My question is, how in the world do you find the proper eyeshadows and so forth for you? I know I could go to a department store for a trial run with a specialists, but there are *so many different brands.* How does one begin to narrow this process down?

    1. http://www.allure.com/beauty/best_of_beauty

    2. I think I am going to try Nordstrom’s Beauty Stylists.

    3. I wear Bare Escentuals, the Bare Minerals line. I started out with their foundation but now use them for just about everything — cleanser, moisturizer, foundation, shadow, lipstick (but not mascara, which I get from the drug store). I have a pretty fair complexion, with sensitive skin. I wear this makeup every day and often get compliments on my skin (which seems weird to me, to compliment someone on their skin, but I’ll take it, especially since I struggled w/ lots of adult acne in my 20s).

       Their makeup has SPF in it and you can adjust how much coverage you want. Their eyeshadows last forever and their lipsticks are also great.

       Yes, if Bare Escentuals was a church, I would be one of their most evangelical members. :)

       1. M, I like Bare Escentuals too, but not all their products are rated totally safe. Recently I’ve gravitated towards Sephora’s ‘natural’ brands for reason of avoiding environmental hazardous chemicals (especially in things like lipstick that I eat).
          The Mineral Veil and foundation powder are rated safe though so I use those.
          I generally check out stuff before buying:
          http://www.cosmeticsdatabase.com/

          1. S: GAH! That website … the stuff nightmares are made of! :) I’ve never heard of that before – VERY interesting stuff over there! I’m a little confused though — their SPF 15 foundation in Fairly Light was rated both a 2 and a 3 (or 4?) on the safety scale. How can that be? How closely do you follow this website?

             In any case I’ll check out the Sephora lipstick. Thanks for the tip!

             1. Heh, isn’t it? You’re welcome! I only recently subscribed to EWG’s newsletter so I also get mailers about which veggies are full of pesticides, so more nightmares there! :)
                Haven’t made any drastic changes in my food habits yet, just checked out all my existing (esp. daily use and lipsticks) makeup.
                No clue about your question on the SPF 15 foundation.
                By Sephora lipstick I actually meant the three brands Sephora rates as ‘natural’ – Korres, Caudalie and one more (I forget the name). They’re in a separate section in the stores. Not Sephora’s own brand which is apparently not so natural.

             2. If you want safe and natural products, mineral makeup is the way to go. Try Silk Naturals, Lumiere Cosmetics, Lucy Minerals. There is an ingredient in Bare Minerals that made my very un-sensitive skin turn red like a tomato, but mineral etailers don’t have it. In fact, Bare Minerals inspired most of them to formulate without it!

    4. Hi Em.

       Finding the right make-up can be difficult. My current look was discovered through trial & error. There are so many options. Sometimes it’s about color selection. Sometimes it’s about texture and feel. Other times it’s about whether or not it lasts through the day. Do some reading in “beauty magazines”. I’m an Instyle girl, and have found a lot of good suggestions for my skin tone and skin problems (redness and acne). They also have a great “best beauty buys” guide on their website.

       I’ve gone to the beauty counters at Nordstrom for a ‘makeover’ when I’ve been interested in a particular brand. (That’s how I found out I like Laura Mercier and don’t like Bobbi Brown.) I don’t wear just one brand either. Armani’s foundation is to die for and I like Dior’s blush.

       I would also recommend Sephora. Even though they have a big selection, you can ask for samples to take home. They usually give you enough for about 4 or 5 days.

       Good luck!

       1. Yes, exactly. So many choices dependent upon so many things. This is what I was trying to avoid. Nordstroms is advertising on their website a beauty consultant that is knowledgeable about all the brands, so I am hoping that they will be able to help.

    5. Totally go to Sephora. When I’ve needed to get something new — such as foundation — I go, tell them what my skin type is, and they try several brands on me. I like that they have loads of brands and no specific loyalty to one.

    6. Once you find a brand you like, stick with it. I love Nars for lipstick, gloss and stains, as well as for blush. I don’t deviate from that brand because it narrows down my choices for me and I like the quality. I never look at other brands for lipstick– too many choices. I use Yves St. Laurant touche eclat for a concealer, and urban decay for eyeshadow.

       If you find a brand of eyeshadow you like, you can find guidelines regarding color depending on your eyecolor and skintone. A good neutral is always professional.

       Sephora for me isn’t the best place. They are very, very heavy-handed with the makeup, and they don’t actually seem to be “experts”, they pick their favorites and use them on everyone.

       1. I think this is very situational, depending on which Sephora you go to.

          Currently, they have a new policy wherein only experts (who have attended extensive training) can give you a full-on makeover. You can call to set up an appointment and you must purchase a $50 gift card to get the makeover (which you can then turn around and use that day or you can wait to use after you’ve tried samples of the make-up they use on you). I had a great experience with a particular artist at my store and I know several other people who have had amazing experiences, as well (just in the past month or so). In the past, all of the employees, even the ones without the same extensive training, would do makeovers, so the quality wasn’t as good. All of the employees still do color matches, etc., so I would recommend actually making an appointment with a color expert to get the highest quality of service.

26. Does anyone have experience with Touch Ups or Annie shoes? I’m trying to find wedding shoes and most of the shoes in the appropriate color/heel height/etc. that I’ve found are those two brands, neither of which I’ve ever heard of before. Since I can get blisters just by looking at high heels, I’d love to know if anyone else has shoes from those brands, and if you like them.

    Here are the ones I’m looking at:
    http://www.zappos.com/touch-ups-lynette-gold
    http://www.zappos.com/annie-lola-gold

    1. I was just wandering around zappos, and I noticed that Annie shoes routinely got low ratings – something I’ve almost never seen. Maybe just fewer reviews, but I thought it was worth noting.

    2. I’ve had a couple pairs of Annie shoes…they are relatively cheaply constructed. One was a pair of sandals that I wore to death and the other was a pair of microfiber ankle boots. They were cute and cheap….but I wouldn’t wear them for hours and hours. Hope this helps.

    3. I’ve had 2 pairs of Annies. Cute, but about Payless quality at twice the price. Really quick to fall apart. BUT, they weren’t uncomfortable.

       If you are looking to wear them a few times for a few hours, I think they’ll be fine comfort wise. Annie’s makes shoes in Wide, which is my issue, so the fact that they are wide enough makes them much more comfortable than other shoes for me.

27. We have a 3 and 7 year old. They eat up far more of the clothing budget then either of the adults. I have to buy new tennis shoes, sandals and dress shoes for each child every 4 months and an entire wardrobes every year.

    Also, if the services include hair cuts and coloring, that would eat up a huge amount, especially here in So. California, land of the bottle blonde!

    I am interested in how much you pay for haircuts and coloring with tip. The least expensive salon cut I’ve been happy with comes in at $65. I need to start coloring my hair since I’m starting to go gray. (I’m Asian so the gray shows a lot.)

    1. I honestly have never added together what my husband and I spend on clothes per year. But if it includes hair stuff….hmmmm.

       My cuts are $60+tip, and color is $100+tip, and I get them done every 3-4 months or so. I’m in Texas, and this is moving toward the high range here. I just think that changing my hair color is one of the fun things about being female :)

       1. Question: Am I a terrible person for not tipping my stylist? I go to an expensive salon for curly hair (in NYC). I always ask for the cheapest stylist and end up paying about $85 for the cut. I know they do a great job, but it still seems really expensive to me. I recently graduated from law school and don’t have a job, so the cost of the haircut is a lot for me. (I go every 6 to 8 months or so, to cut down on annual cost.) I just can’t get myself to offer another $X for tip. Should I fork it over? And, if I should, how much do I give?

          1. I strongly believe in tipping stylists and other “service” personnel. Most of the people I know in that industry rely on those tips to make anything that resembles a real salary. Besides, if you routinely go to the same place, you will be known as the person who doesn’t tip – which probably means you won’t get as nice service. I usually give a few dollars to whomever washes/blow-dries/etc and then 15-20% to the actual stylist. Yes, it is expensive. But I do think it is necessary.

          2. i definitely think you have to tip, but i’ve heard you don’t have to tip if the person doing your hair is an owner of the salon. does anyone know whether this is the case or common practice? i used to go to the owner of a salon, and didn’t tip because i was under the impression that this was the rule. also, the highlights and cut cost $180, so i guess that’s how i justified it.

             1. So my immediate reaction to this was “I know I heard somewhere that you don’t tip the proprietor.” Then I realized the place I had heard that was an episode of Gilmore Girls when Lorelei realizes she’s been tipping Luke at the diner for years and shouldn’t have been because he was the owner. So if you take your tipping advice from an old TV show and translate restaurant owner into salon owner, then no…

             2. Check out Emily Post or any other etiquette manuals — You don’t tip the owner because they get the full cut of the price – whereas the girl working for the owner has to give the owner a percentage of the sale. Make sense?

          3. I honestly can’t believe you even asked that. If you can afford an $85 cut, you can afford to tip $15. Do you do this at restaurants too?? This is just unfathomable to me! The tip is part of the price. I would be so upset if I was your stylist.

             1. “unfathomable”?…that’s pretty judgmental…you can spend, say, $40K on a college education but still try to save money by buying used books…also, tip isn’t “part of the price” the way it is in restaurants (for one thing, stylists are paid min. wage and waiters aren’t b/c they’re expected to supplement w/ tips)…i personally tip when i get my haircut, but not everybody does…

             2. I just do not think you can try to save money by cutting out the tip. I wasn’t being judgmental about spending the 85, but yes I am judging someone who does not tip, I don’t think its acceptable.

             3. no, CFM is right. In NYC, you HAVE to tip. It’s part of the price. I honestly could not believe that Zoe asked this either. If one of my friends told me she didn’t tip I would tell her the exact same thing. I’m sorry, but if you can afford $85 for a haircut, you can afford $15 for a tip. If you can’t, get a $70 haircut and leave a $15 tip. It is simply not OK to not tip.

             4. I have to say, I agree with CFM. I could never imagine not tipping for a haircut! Now, my tip does vary, depending on how satisfied I am with the service. I tip at least 15% for satisfactory service and go up to about 25% for great service. If I’m leaving less than 15% (which I think I’ve done maybe once or twice), I’ll specifically tell the owner and/or stylist why I’m leaving such a dismal tip.

          4. When I did not have a job, I went to the beauty school for 4 bucks and still tipped. Look for a Supercuts and get yours done for $ 15 and tip at least $3. You cannot afford your haircuts, hon.

             1. Oh, and Jenna, of course my comment was judgmental. Who can possibly justify 85 dollars on a cut with no job?

             2. I don’t think you need to be so judgy. I do think Zoe needs to tip her stylist. But unemployed people deserve to look and feel good too, and if she’s not running up debt on haircuts and this is her main indulgence, good for her. And I think she can afford an extra $15 to tip fairly.

             3. One of the best lessons my late grandfather taught me was the “people have their priorities”… which pretty much means that what may be an essential activity/purchase/service to you may not be to another — and the value that you put on that item will correspond accordingly.

    2. I am also interested in this question. I’ve found this place I really like that does cuts (including wash and style) for $35 + tip. Probably on the low end of the spectrum, but it’s actually one of the nicer, more expensive places in Chinatown here.

    3. Cut (short to medium) and colour (single-process) is $95 before tip in a nice but not super-posh place in downtown Laguna Beach. With tip, $115. But I’ve been going to her for 5+ years now, we get along well together, so I think her base price might be higher for new clients. More fashionable places in town seem to be about $200 for similar work.

    4. I get a hair cut and a partial foil at an organic salon in the Pac NW every 3-4 months. I think it’s costs me 140 + tip all told, and I go to a relatively junior (but talented) stylist. Totally worth it to me, bit a little hard to justify compared to my husband’s $8 clipper cuts…

       1. I know the feeling. My husband pays something like $15 for his hair cut, and my bill is 4x that just for the cut. Not to mention the difference in cost for our shampoo and conditioner. I was paying $60 for a cut/blow dry in Providence, RI which is about average for the city, but just found a beautiful salon in the suburbs (met the owner through a women’s networking group) and got a great cut for $45+tip from a fantastic stylist who’s also an instructor. She goes to all the big name salons on Newbury Street in Boston to teach their stylists the latest techniques and things. She knew so much about hair and texture and color. Did I mention the scalp massage? I would have paid her more.

          1. I hear you re the husband’s hair cuts being so cheap! But I’ve noticed my husband has to get his hair cut every 3-4 weeks to keep from looking shaggy, while I go 10-12 weeks between cuts. I figure I’m actually saving money :)

    5. PHX: short layered cut, single process color at an Aveda salon — I think I am about $100 before tip…..sigh. I wish I weren’t so gray…..

    6. I pay about $60 for a cut here in Chicago. I’ve never colored my hair, but I am looking at starting and it seems it will run me between $100-200 depending on if I get highlights or not.

       1. Forgot to add 10-15 for a tip too. So in total I think it was$85 or 90 the last time I got a trim.

    7. My haircut and blow-dry is $60 – since it’s the owner doing it, I don’t tip. My mom pays approx. $100 for cut, color, and blow-dry plus tip… I’m scared of coloring — the cost AND the frequency is just terrifying. I suspect I’ll try at-home color before going to the salon route!

    8. $70 for the cut, $10 tip for my stylist and $5 for the shampoo/scalp massage person. There’s only one stylist i let cut my hair. I have gray hair too, and I use L’Oreal hair dye, $10/bottle.

       1. What color hair do you have? Mine is dark brown but starting to see some silver hairs pop up — Never dyed before and would rather do it at home, so would love to hear your review (I was in Wal-Mart tonight staring at the wall of hair color, simply terrified!!)

          1. I’m a redhead and I dye to match my natural color. I like L’Oreal Preference better than Feria – Feria tends to look dyed, whereas Preference tends to look natural, if that makes any sense. I think Preference produces a flatter, less luminous color so some might not like that. I have not had good luck in the past with Garnier but I’ve been using L’Oreal for 8+ years now so they may have changed their products. If you go with Preference, on the top of the box it shows how the shade will come out on different hair colors so that should provide a guide for you.

             The good thing about brown hair is that if you hate it it’s easily fixable. After experimenting with dark brown hair dye, I once had to have my hair bleached then redyed. You’d be able to just get it redyed. Good luck!

             1. Thanks!! Somehow paying $10 to dye my hair lessens the blow to my confidence that is admitting to myself that I have color my hair… you know, blah blah blah, I’m old, etc. My mom has forewarned me that her hair (which I seem to have inherited) is ‘resistant’ to absorbing color so I’m a little apprehensive.

             2. @Shayna – I have thick, coarse Jewish curls and I use almost a whole bottle on my chin-length hair. When it was long I needed two bottles. So yes, hair can be resistant to aborbing dye. I usually take the gloves off at the end and feel my hair to make sure every last bit seems to be soaking up the dye – I’ve definitely missed a spot before. If you do this make sure you wash your hands very thoroughly after.

             3. Eponine — Thanks! Just bought a package of L’Oreal ‘Perfect 10’ (I figured it was worth the extra $2 for the bottle… I’m terrified of accidentally dying my white bathroom!) — I have fairly short Jewish girl hair as well — My sister and I kid that w/out the miracle of hair straighteners we would be sporting ‘Jewfros’ in the warmer months (which for her, living in FL, is all year long)!

          2. I’m late to the conversation, but just to chime in, I love Perfect 10! I’ve used almost all of the at-home hair colors (no, I am not exaggerating) and this one is my favorite.

28. I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone on here who posted about the Couch to 5K Program a few months ago!! I finished the program this week and did a 10K with a friend this morning – ran the first half, then walked/ran the remainder and felt great afterward. It was a great way to train, very easy to follow and kept me on track much better than I could have done on my own. Thanks again!

    1. Congratulations on your running!! I started in college over 30 years ago and have been running ever since. All my doctors tell me what great shape I am in, low cholesterol, no hypertension, etc. etc. and attribute a large part of that to maintaining a reasonable running program.

    2. I would also like to give a shout out to those who posted about C25K. I started it right after that – on March 1st, finishing beginning of May. I had to take a few weeks off for finals, but I am back at it and up to 4 miles outside and 10 min miles on the treadmill. I can’t believe I am doing so well! I hope to work up to doing 10 miles at a time by the end of summer.

    3. Congratulations!!! Hopefully it’s just the start of a fun racing career for you :)

       I did the Couch to 5k a few years ago, and after a few half marathons and one marathon, I’m training for my first triathlon!

    4. That is so awesome!!! I seem to remember posting about it, and if not, I should’ve because that was the program that got me off the couch as well. Congrats ladies! (for anyone else, check it out at http://www.c25k.com, I like the iTunes podcasts :)

29. Hi, ladies — happy holiday weekend!
    So I am a lawyer in a fairly conservative firm. I’m also training for my first marathon, and have discovered that wearing heels all week after doing the weekend long runs is simply not going to work. My solution (so I don’t have to hem all my pants) is to get a couple more pencil skirts and some cute but comfy flats, and save the heels for court. Turns out, though, that cute but comfy flats are hard to find (partly because I sort of hate shopping). Has anyone seen any good ones?

    1. I have a couple pairs of work-appropriate ballet flats from Brooks Brothers that I like. Warning: I think they run about 1/4 size small compared to my other favorite brand Cole Haan.
       I’ve done 5 marathons, and I completely agree re not wearing heels the day after your long runs. Also, be sure to invest in Body Glide (anti-chafing stick) and use it on your feet to prevent blisters. I also like coolmax or thorlos socks, but I think that’s just a personal preference. Good luck!

    2. I recently bought a pair of Cole Haan ballet flats with the Nike Air technology and I LOVE them. They are stylish, and so comfortable. I wear them to walk to work every morning (about 1 mile).

       1. Second the Cole Haan Nike Air flats! I just got a pair at an outlet mall and they are really great for my bad knees.

          Agreed – running and high heels don’t mix.

    3. Nurture flats from Dillard’s are very comfortable and have a lot of arch support. Born also has a few cute styles now, but I don’t think there are as many in fun colors as Nurture offers.

       1. Co-sign. I just bought my first pair of Nurture flats this weekend (for only $29.99 after all discounts) and my feet have never, ever, ever felt better!

    4. Cole haan flats with Nike air technology have worked best for me–I’ve done 11 marathons and ultras, and I’m with you totally about the heels. You can probably find some on sale now. Also agree about the Body Glide and some good socks. I’m using Balega now, pricey but worth it. You can sometimes find the socks on ebay for about half the price of retail.

       CONGRATULATIONS on your marathon goal!!!

       1. How did you make the leap from marathons to ultras? I’ve done a few marathons, and I know there are plenty of resources on marathons, but have not been able to find the same for ultras. Any recommendations would be great. Thanks!

    5. I practice yoga, and I don’t like to wear heels either because they tighten my calves and it affects my practice (after 8 years I’ve finally gotten my feet flat in downward-facing dog and I am not giving that up, darn it). I have a lot of work-appropriate flats from Naturalizer and Clarks. The Clarks tend to be of overall better quality but the Naturalizers tend to be more comfortable.

       1. Second this — I’ve had a pair of Clarks ballet flats that I wear at least twice a week since I got them in Jan 2009, and they’re in great shape and still quite comfortable.

    6. I have a discount link for 15% for Infinity Shoes — http://tinyurl.com/2ejpyfg (if that doesn’t work, the code is LS15A — Love Clarks as well, and have a pair of Nine West flats that are cute, but more wintry (black leather w/ buckles). I try to find more structured looking flats for work than ballet flats, but that’s probably just a matter of personal taste… happy shopping!

    7. Sofft brand usually has work appropriate flats.

    8. Me Too has some really incredibly comfy flats. Check out Zappos. One thing — they tend to run big and stretch (if you get leather)

       1. Love Me Too – I have 5 pairs.

    9. Yes, I’ve been noticing this is as well. I’ve been trying to resist putting my heels away but it’s just too much to wear them after my trainer kills us in boot camp.

    10. My comfiest flats are Stuart Weitzman.

30. I’m interested in this as well. I can manage heels about half the week, but any more and it aggravates my already-blistered toes and my tight calves. I hate shopping too though, so I haven’t found any. I’m in the land of Tory Burch worshippers so that’s all I see on actual feet.

    Congrats on deciding to do your first marathon! Good luck with your training :)

31. Thanks so much for the suggestions (and the encouragement)! Loving the Cole Haan Air Maggies on zappos.com — I’ll try those and see how they do!
    @Lawyrchk — Thanks for the Body Glide suggestion, too. I just switched from Vibrams back to shoes (and socks), and haven’t hit foot blisters yet, but will definitely go ahead and take preventive measures.

32. Not tip????? Inexcusable. If you can’t afford to tip (assuming that the service was satisfactory), you can’t afford the service.

    (former waitress speaking)

    1. I’ve always heard this about hair salons — the owner does not (or should not) expect a tip. Something to do with how the other stylists “rent” their chairs from the owner, so they do not get 100% of the fee you pay for the service. I’m curious to see if others feel the same way now — Shayna, it sounds like this is the norm in your town.

       I’m trying to think of a parallel example for a restaurant, but because as opposed to a hair salon, where the “service” (haircut) is the only thing you pay for, at a restaurant, the “service” (being waited on) is distinct from the reason you go (the food) — so I think I would still tip a waiter-owner.

       1. The waitress is being paid sub-minimum wage w/ the expectation that tips will fill in her wages – the restaurant owner gets the full cut of profit from your meal. It’s similar to how the hair salon works, wherein the stylist pays a % to the owner, and if the owner cuts your hair, she gets the full cut of profit. You don’t tip in either scenario.

    2. I have heard this too about hair salons, and my mother has become friends with the owner of her salon (she’s been going their 25 years) and she has also confirmed it. But if you don’t know them, and it’s not obvious (say their name is the same as the salon name) how do you know if they are the owner? I tend to play it safe and tip anyway.

       I also tend to over tip waxers/stylists so I’ve been trying to cut back to doing 15 – 20%. I tend to give based on how long they spend with me, how much they seem to be trying to please me (asking me how i like the haircut and then going back 5 times to add more layers, make one part shorter, etc).

       I once gave a woman who screwed up my hair – with a heavy oily product – 20 bucks because she spent so much time rewashing it to get the damn Aveda flaxseed stuff out. I think the haircut at this trendy Aveda salon was probably only $45 – what was I thinking giving this woman almost a 50% tip? Who knows, it’s just hard for me to grasp only giving a few dollars to someone so I have to constantly remind myself only to tip 15-20%.

    3. Housecounsel is spot on. You *have* to tip. Each person that works on you – stylist, shampoo, manicurist, waxer, whatever. ~20% unless service was deficient in some way. If you can’t afford the tip, you can’t afford the service – the tip is part of the cost. Period.

       1. Oh, and the part about the owner…I don’t know, it seems like it cuts both ways (no pun intended), when the owner has been my stylist, I tip them anyway, but it could be a regional/community thing – eg, Shayna’s situation. But other than the owner, everybody must be tipped!

       2. I usually tip a flat amount rather than a percentage, based on how hard the service was to provide or how long it took – usually $5 for a manicure or for the shampoo person at a salon, $10 for the cut, $10-20 for a massage, etc. If I’m really happy with the service I’ll up it. But if a haircut takes 30 minutes, I figure $10 is a pretty good tip. My longtime stylist seems to love me so I guess I’m not undertipping.

          1. Wow! I ‘m glad I live in a “NO tipping” country!

       3. Absolutely re: tipping. Could someone suggest what the appropriate tip for the shampoo gal should be? I feel like I vacillate between overtipping and maybe not giving enuf depending on how cash I have.

          Re: restaurant tipping, as part of a new austerity measure, my company instituted a 15% max on tipping for meals. If we wish to tip more, we pay. Even though it is out of my pocket (my lighter pocket in this recession btw), I’ll cough up the extra 5%. I always tip 20%, unless the service is poor, whereby I’ll do 15%.

          Question: do you tip off the total or the pre-tax? I’ve always tipped off the total, but learned many folks tip off the pre-tax. Thoughts? Grrrr re: taxes on food generally and restaurant food in particular going up up.

          1. That’s a ridiculous company policy. 15% is definitely the lowest acceptable tip if the service is good.

             As a former longtime waitress, I’d say that people should tip pre-tax, and if you’ve ordered alcohol, it’s not necessary to tip a full 20% on the drinks, especially if it’s something like an expensive bottle of wine or champagne.

          2. I always tip 20% off the total (unless the service was outstanding or unbelievably terrible, and then I adjust up or down accordingly). My grandmother fed my mom and uncles on her tip money and money was always tight so I firmly believe that (1) if you can’t afford to tip for a service, you can’t afford the service (goes for meals, haircuts, dogwalker who should be tipped at holiday time, etc), and (2) if in doubt, err on the side of generosity, because the extra few dollars probably means more to the recipient than to you.

             1. I’m in NYC and have been going to the same stylist for almost 20 years. I’ve always tipped her 20%, even during the time when she owned her own shop. Tipping is just a way of life in NYC. I agree with the commenter above who said you don’t want to be known as “that girl” who doesn’t tip.

33. I have a bag-related question. I recently acquired my first grown-up bag. I am distraught about having spent so much money on a bag (well worth it though) and have not yet used it, will probably take it to work when I get back from vacation. My question is, am I supposed to take off the medal/leather tag that says Cole Haan? You can see what I mean here http://tinyurl.com/36cmmrw (not the same bag I bought, but similar, and the tag is the same). It seems a little tacky to have it on, but I don’t want to ruin any possible resale value of the bag either by taking it off.

    1. I take them off because I cannot stand a) advertising for a particular designer and b) having everyone else know that I spent a ton of money on a luxury item, but I don’t resell my bags. I think this is also a cultural thing depending on where you live.
       It’s your first bag, and if you chose well, you’ll have it for years. I don’t think the one you posted is particularly tacky, so it’s really a personal preference.

    2. I think I would take it off (and hang onto it if you’re concerned about resale). Less about the tackiness of a brand tag and more about taking away from the beauty of the bag. For the bag you posted (I know it’s not yours), I find the tag distracting.

       1. Looking at the photo, I can’t tell or not if this is one that can be taken off without ruining it for future re-use. My habit is to take them off if it can be done without damaging the bag, (and not buying the bag if it can’t), but often it will unhook in some way that damages neither the bag nor the logo-thingie. But I’ve passed over many an-otherwise great bag because it’s been junked up with a heavy logo tag.

    3. It looks like you can take it off without ‘hurting’ the bag, and just save the tag for resale – but I am thinking you won’t be reselling, because (I know this is not the exact bag, but..) it looks like a really good, use for years kind of bag. Enjoy!

    4. Thanks, all. The tag does come off easily without damage, so I think I’ll do that and hang onto it. I’m so excited to have a real bag instead of yet another $30 knockoff!

       1. Gorgeous! I want!

    5. I tend to de-tag my bags (not that I own so many…) — mostly b/c I’m constantly trying to pare down how much weight I’m schlepping on my arm, and – for example – the tag that came on my current bag was metal and not particularly light. Can you re-attach later if you so desire? B/c if you want to re-sell it, that is a must.

    6. Speaking of Cole Haan handbags- I recently bought this evening bag in the “roccia snake print.”

       http://www.colehaan.com/colehaan/catalog/product.jsp?catId=100&productId=333321&productGroup=333322

       I carried it out to a snazzy club and got complements, not only from my female friends, but from straight men. I think that’s a good sign for an evening bag.

34. Thread Hijack!

    I am wondering what everyone thinks would be a good gift to give to lawyers (all are mid-level associate) who helped coach my moot competition team at law school. I want to get something sorta unique (i.e. not a photo frame!), but obviously not off-the-wall. There is a mix of female and male coaches and we have about $100 to spend amongst the three coaches.

    Any suggestions? Thanks ladies!

    1. Personalized gavels
       Gift certificates to nice resto
       Take them out to team dinner/make a nice team dinner
       *Don’t forget a thank you card!*

       For next time, FYI: If your moot had any t-shirts/mugs/free stuff they gave out, if you registered your coaches along with your team, the moot would have gotten the coaches the free stuff too. Also, if your moot travels, a souvenir from wherever the moot was would be nice too. My team went to Vienna, and they got me the mug and t-shirt from the moot, and a really nice pair of cufflinks in my birthstone (due to my obsession with cufflinks).

    2. Having been a coach and judge myself, I wouldn’t want a gift but just a heartfelt thank-you card. Save your student loan money. Your coaches probably got all their expenses paid by their firm plus some pro bono credit.

       1. That brings up a good point – is the $100 part of the moot budget given by the school or your own $100? If it’s your own $100, then a nice card, maaaaybe something like a starbucks gift card for $10 or so. But if it’s the school’s money, the go all out! :-D

35. Thanks for all the feedback re: BB sizing — my Tailored shirts arrived today. The 2 was just big enough (34B; wearing underwire with no extra padding) to meet comfortably with no gap-ping (I think this shirt is perfectly proportioned for my shoulder-to-bust length — the darts were at the exact right place. Half inch off and I would have needed the 4.).

    1. I mean, arrived yesterday – tried on today. Happy 4th all :)

36. I just found out that I was accepted as a transfer student to another law school. The tuition is about half of my current school’s tuition so needless to say, I’m going to transfer. I’m a little nervous about finding a new apartment, meeting people, and leaving all of my close friends. Anyone have any advice?

    1. Join a club on campus and go to the activities. Ask around on the first couple of days to determine what clubs are really active. At my school the women law students group is very active. It also might be a good idea to get involved in some pro bono organizations. :) Good luck!

    2. I think it’s a good idea to get involved in activities where you see the same small group of people regularly. I have a close friend who transferred into my law school and she was very involved, but I don’t think she took the leap until second semester of 2L. She said she really struggled first semester to get to know anyone outside her transfer group.

       I think you just have to be proactive right when you arrive in terms of getting involved in activities where you’ll be in small groups and can get to know people. We didn’t get an established pro bono program until 3L, but it seemed like it was a great way to meet new people. Our clinic program was pretty tight knit as well.

37. I am a summer associate and my summer program is coming to a close. The summer has gone extremely well and I am anxious to receive an offer and begin salary negotiations. I am having lunch with the hiring partner next week and am curious how this process usually goes. When and how do firms usually make offers? Does anyone have any experiences or tips to share for negotiating a starting salary? Thanks in advance!!

    1. No major tips, but good luck — I wish I had been more prepared to negotiate for my first ‘real job’ salary — I would try to get a handle on what the going rate is for your position/experience level etc. so you’ll have an idea of how much you should be offered.

       1. Did your recent salary negotiations go well?

          1. Yes — and that is sooooo much due to the excellent Corporette help! I wasn’t sure how to post this without sounding like I was bragging (which is immodest and therefore, you know, bad), but THANKS ALL! Have I mentioned how much I wish I had connected w/ y’all and and your expertise about 5 years ago??

             1. Congratulations. Hey, I bragged about my raises while giving you advice on how to negotiate, so you may as well brag too.

             2. Good point :-) My friends like to kid me that I’m modest to the point of obnoxious ;-) I’m working on it!

    2. I’m assuming you’re not at big/mid law, where salary “negotiations” are pretty much “this is our starting salary, take it or leave it.” It’s printed in the offer letter. Either way, if your lunch with the hiring partner is close to the end of your program, you can initiate the conversation with a discussion of “next steps.” Then you’ll know the timeframe for the offer (which, in the glory days of 2007, came about a week after the program ended). Your program seems to be ending very early — are any other summers working the second half of the summer?

       The lowest they could probably reasonably offer is an annual salary that matches up with what they’re paying you now. Do you have any friends at similarly sized firms to compare notes?

       Having never been in this situation, I ask other corporettes — would this be an appropriate question for a summer associate mentor? Not nec. exact numbers, but whether the salary is negotiable?

       1. Thanks! The program is ending very early, but there are no summer associates working the second half of the summer. Due to the economy, the firms in my city are only doing eight week summers and mine started mid may.
          I had lunch with my mentor last week and she mentioned that because of my performance, they are considering hiring me and waiting for me to start next summer instead of hiring a lateral to fill a spot in one of their practice groups. Cat, I think that asking my summer associate mentor may be a good idea. What does everyone else think? Is asking my mentor about whether the salary is negotiable appropriate?

          1. You should wait until you have an offer to discuss salary at all. Once you have the offer, then your mentor is a perfect person to ask about its negotiability. But asking about salary before you have the offer may make you look presumptious and entitled.

             Congrats on your good performance! If you’d really like to work for the firm, you might tell your mentor that you’d be willing to continue clerking part-time for them during your 3L year if they’ll be waiting a year to fill the spot in the practice group. Even if you’re in another city you can work remotely.

             1. both good points!

          2. If they’ve told you that they like you and are thinking of hiring you instead of a lateral b/c they actually have work that needs to be done, you should offer to work part-time during school so that you can keep your foot in the door. If you’re not going to school in the same city as your firm, you could potentially still telecommute, depending on the type of work they have for you to do. I worked part-time at my firm for the last half of law school and I know that it helped me snag one of the very few offers made during our recent bad economy (I’m a 2010 grad).

             Also, about your concern over salary negotiations and timing of offers… The salary, if you are in a larger firm, is typically non-negotiable–everyone gets the same offer, take it or leave it. If you are in a mid-sized firm, you should ask around to your friends or folks who graduated last year so you have an idea of what to expect from similar firms. Your career services office may have some info as well but beware of their tendency to exaggerate.

             The timing of offers has been all over the place for the past couple of years. My understanding is that through 2007, offers were typically made within 2 or 3 weeks of finishing a summer program. In the summer of 2008, my experience (and that of my peers) was that firms waited a really, really long time to commit (that was when the stocks were crashing and everyone was waiting to see how bad things would get). I didn’t get my offer for the following summer until late October that year. In the summer of 2009, I got my offer within a week or two of the end of the summer program–but I was one of the lucky ones—My firm also sent out “no-offer” letters to some, and “hold” letters to others. The hold letters were basically “we haven’t decided whether we’ll need you yet” and the hold people didn’t get a final decision until sometime in October as well.

             The lunch with the hiring partner could be a time for delivering the offer. It could also just be intended to give you some positive words so that you’ll feel inclined to accept the offer when it eventually comes. At the end of the summer of 2008, I had a meeting like that with the head of the practice group that I was interested in—they were interested in me, but couldn’t pull the trigger b/c of the downward-spiraling economy, so the lunch was basically just a big ego-stroking thing to leave me with a good impression of them for later.

             Bottom line is, given the changes that the economy has wrought on the “typical” associate-hiring process in the past few years, it is pretty much impossible to say exactly what the hiring partner wants to talk to you about and when you might actually receive a firm offer.

             1. At my mid-size firm, I can promise you that if you ask about salary negotiations without an offer, you will not get an offer. Firms are looking for an sign that would-be associates feel entitled/are uninformed/etc. We have 5 stellar summers with great reviews and top 5 law schools and people are looking for any way possible to decide who (if any) gets an offer and who doesn’t. Heck, if you ask whether the salary is negotiable, the offer would be yanked, because it would be a sign that you did not understand how law firms in our city work/the economy/etc.

                Also, I wouldn’t assume that the salary offered will be 52x what you’re getting paid as a summer — at my firm, if any offers are given (which actually won’t be decided until September, and the summers are leaving at the end of the month), the plan is to offer about 2/3 of 52x the weekly salary. (i.e., they’re going to lower first years’ salaries, but had to pay the amount they did to summers because it had been promised.)

                Also, be very cautious in how you view your importance to the firm — register for OCI at least until you have an offer letter in hand. The world is full of summer associates who got great reviews, etc. but then the managing partner’s favorite caddy needed a job/the head of the practice group retires or leaves, taking all the business, etc. Be grateful to be in this position, but continue to tread carefully.

38. Quick brag moment – passed the 2nd section of the CPA Exam! 2 parts down, 2 to go (next 7/24… eek!, the last at the end of August… do I know how to have a fun summer or what?) — I realized that y’all are some of the few people who will appreciate this but – unlike my colleagues who are working on the exam, but not passing – will not resent me for it :-)

    1. Congrats!

    2. Congrats! I remember when my sister completely passed the CPA exam–I think it was one of the best days of her life.

       1. Congrats!

       2. Thanks all :-D

          I’m sooooo looking forward to that day! The exam changes 1/1/2011 to include IFRS (instead of GAAP… its the accounting version of European law vs. US law) – and having just shoved myself through a Masters in Accounting which had way more GAAP than IFRS, I really want to be done before then! Fingers crossed :-)

    3. Congrats! My brother just finished his CPA exams last year, passing with 90+ on all 4! Like you, he took 3 in the summer and the last one in the fall after he started working. I’m currently studying for the bar, so I’m having a similar “fun” summer (including studying all day over this “holiday” weekend)!

       1. Congrats! I took the CPA exam back before you used calculators and they were only offered in May and November. After my wedding day and birth of my kids, passing the CPA exam was one of the highlights of my adult life!

    4. Congratulations! I can appreciate what it takes to pass, I was able to add those 3 initials to my name back in the 80’s when it was 2 1/2 days of straight testing. It really does change how people look at you career wise, especially once you leave public (if you are currently there). Great job and hang in there for the next steps.

       1. Thanks — I have BIG respect for those CPAs out there who did all the sections at once AND without calculators… I also get to do the Becker class online instead of driving an hour four nights a week for six months!

    5. Congrats Shayna!

    6. Congratulations!!!

    7. Congratulations!

    8. I’m in the process of studying for it now. I’m taking the becker self study course (thanks to my employer for paying!). How many hours did you study for each part? I hear the recommended amount is 100 hours per part, but I’m not sure how accurate this is.

       1. I didn’t keep track of my hours, but I can say with certainty that I spent nowhere near 100 hours per part. I took 3 in the summer within 6 weeks of each other and the 4th in the next window and passed them all with 90+. I don’t think you need to spend X hours–just watch the video, do the multiple choice for each lecture, and do the practice tests at the end. I seem to remember a rough rule of the time to complete each Becker subsection (e.g., REG 1) was to double the time of the video–meaning you’ll spend about equal time doing problems as you did watching the video. The exam sections with more Becker subsections (FAR and REG, I believe) will take longer than BEC or AUD.

          It will depend some on how long you’ve been out of school. I started with a month to go in my Master’s program so a lot of the material was fresh. I saved my best subject for last because I knew it was least likely to fade (and it was actually a fun way to end!). If you’ve been out of your core classes longer, don’t feel bad if it takes you longer to review.

          Just a note: I did buy the flashcards. I carried them in my purse and looked at them waiting in lines, waiting rooms, and in the car if I got a ride to my test center. Excluding the iPhone line, it was probably less than 3-5 hours per test, so I didn’t count that in the above formula, especially since it wasn’t time I had to set aside.

          1. Wow– a 90+ on each part is great! I know all that matters is passing, but doing that well is something to be proud of. I finished my masters in May, took a break for the month of June, and am now into study mode. I did not buy the flashcards, but was planning on making them. Thanks for the info!

39. Anyone else born with knocked knees (knees pointing inward)? I was born pigeon toed and as a result, my knees point inward. I feel self conscious wearing any shorts, dresses or skirts above the knee as a result. I’m curious if anyone else has dealt with this. The doctors tried to cure this when I was a kid with corrective boots, which didn’t work. It’s not a huge deal and I wish I could get over it, but it bothers me.

    1. I had a law school classmate with this condition. I don’t recall anything about what she wore, but I do recall that she was smart and a lovely person. She’s now pretty successful, and I still don’t remember what she wears, any more than I remember what my non-knocked-kneed friends wear. So, I think you should wear whatever you like, because no one is paying attention and your knocked knees are not going to affect your friendships or your career success. If you like skirts, wear them.

       1. Thanks. I do wear skirts and dresses, but I always make sure that they are at least a smidge below the knee. You’re right, I’m sure not many people notice my knees, it’s just this weird hang up of mine.

          1. Wear what you like – people are too busy obsessing over their appearance to notice you! I work in Singapore where so many women are bow legged/walk in a way that gives me that impression and they wear shorts/skirts/dresses of any length (usually short:)

             Just below the knee is a flattering length too – I have muscular legs and that’s my favourite length!

       2. Agreed with Eponine, who always has good, sage advice. One of my children is knock kneed (badly) and it is not affecting anything the child does – is as athletic and energetic as all the others, and just so happens – because of my three, he has the most ‘popular/outgoing’ personality – that he has lots of friends. Kids can be brutal about this sort of thing, and while I have seen them be mean to one another about lots of issues, I’ve never seen any of them ‘knock’ my child over it…Eponines is exactly right – people remember if you are nice and a good colleague.

          All of that said, just for comfort, Donna Morgan makes a bunch of nice dresses that hit right around the knee (above, at, below) and several of them have a nice pattern/fluttery hem, not to mention they are uniformly figure flattering. Check out some of her dresses, either off the rack/online at Nordstrom or on whatever online shopping you like….

    2. I must commiserate: I am this way, and have the same issues w/ skirts and shorts. I hate seeing myself in pictures where I’m standing and my bare legs are visible. I just wear pants or capris most of the time, and skirts only when necessary.

       Beware that being knock-kneed makes you succeptible to injury and results overruse of certain muscles. After a running injury (resulting from my bad alignment) I now do certain exercises to strengthen muscles that are neglected by my usual knock-kneed gait. I feel like the exercises make me a bit less knock-kneed, and they definitely may my legs stronger and my balance better.

       1. Good to know. I have a really hard time running. Because I’m pigeon toed, I find that after running a few miles my feet are killing me and certain parts of my lower calf are disproportionately affected because of my gait.

          1. If running cause you pain, you should go see a sports injury doctor. They hooked me up w/ orthodopedic inserts to correct the foot pronation (not sure which causes the other– the pronation or the knock-knees, but they are complementary problems). Anyway, wearing the inserts helps straighten out my leg alignment when running (since the foot-bone is connected to the leg-bone which is connected to the knee bone, and all that). I only wear them when running, and they are a BIG help. Also, if you bicycle w/ clipped shoes, you can buy wedge type inserts that go between the shoe and the clip that will make your knees line up properly when biking, too.

40. I’ve been looking for a shoulder bag in a more fun-but-versatile, color (I have black and brown top-handle bags) and I loved the Furla bag in the OP. I went back to visit it a few times over the weekend, but $237 seemed like a bit much to spend after I just bought a brown bag about 2 months ago. Today, bluefly had a 10% off handbag sale and the price dropped down to $213, plus I found a coupon code for $40 off of a purchase of $200+, so I got it for $181 after shipping! I’m so excited! It is nice and large, so it will be great for weekends or non-court days at work when I don’t carry a briefcase.

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