ByKat Hours Updated
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Holiday Weekend Open Thread

woman of color wears yellow and white striped cropped sailor jeans and a matching cropped sweater

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Happy weekend! These yellow sailor pants caught my eye at Shopbop, but it looks like they come in a ton of colors and patterns at lots of stores. I think the place they're hemmed on this model — about 2-3″ above her ankle bone — look perfect.

Yellow is a fun color to wear — white is the obvious choice for a top, but navy and gray are also great. This stripe could also be a fun pattern to mix with another one — I could see a small floral pattern being fun, or maybe even a tie-dye or top with embroidered details or a small texture like eyelet. For my $.02 I'd avoid wearing it with another geometric pattern like windowpane, another stripe like Breton, or a pattern that is too “regular” like a polka dot — but that's just me.

(A yellow top would also be great, as pictured, but I find yellows hard to wear together unless they're the exact same shade. Orange or red could also be good options.)

The pants are $129, at Amazon, Shopbop, Free People, and RollasJeans.com (tons of colors, many on sale). You can find similar options (but not the yellow stripe) at Anthropologie.

Sales of note for 12.5

169 Comments

  1. TLDR: feeling emotionally fragile for no reason (likely hormones). What do you do when you feel like this?

    I feel like I have no protective covering, just super sensitive and borderline tearful for the past 48 hours. Pretty sure this is a combination of perimenopausal changes, sleep deprivation, lingering respiratory sickness, and end of school blues. What do you do when you feel like this?

    1. Go to bed early and binge-watch a comfort show. On a weekend, shut myself in my room for a whole afternoon and read an entire novel in one sitting.

    3. Warn your partner/children that you’re feeling this way.
      Eat yummy comfort food, go to bed early to watch tv or read.
      Stay away from booze.

    4. Briefly wallow by crying and listening to emotional music, then exercise and move on.

    5. I hear you on perimenopause. Ugh! Sometimes I just lean into it. Watch something sad so that I cry so that I can metabolize whatever lingering emotion is there. I do find that it passes more quickly if I give in rather than fight it. Give yourself some extra love and care — you deserve it!

      1. This! I actually have a “sad show” episode that I watch when I really want to cry. It is really effective.

    6. Eat well, get some sun exposure and lots of sleep. Don’t make any decisions. I’m

  2. For yesterday’s gallery wall poster – I was checking the clearance at Blick Art supplies and they have a bunch of frames and mats on sale/clearance. If your pieces are standard sized you could put together a pretty nice wall for not too much cash.

    1. I meant to chime in yesterday, but the easiest way to do it is to make mock-ups of your frames (I trace on paper) and then tape them on the wall with painter’s tape. You can move things around without messing up your walls. Also use 2-3 larger pieces to anchor the collection.

  3. TW: addiction issues

    I have been dating my partner for about a year. He has 50% custody of his two young-ish children. He also has a dear friend of many years that is clearly struggling with addiction issues. I’ve spent time with friend and he is intelligent and talented and kind to me. But he drinks more that I knew a person could. Partner wants to help friend and has been inviting friend along to various stuff with his kids, including a vacation (I couldn’t go due to work). Friend apparently drank so much he could not join many vacation activities.

    We just went out with friend for dinner. Partner invited Friend to move into his (large) home for a while, to get back on his feet. I was shocked. I said nothing and did not react. Partner and I do not live together. Kids are there half time.

    This seems…wrong? I am not a parent so I do not feel comfortable judging a parent. But…WWYD?

    1. How does Friend behave when drinking? If they’re angry and violent, then I’d be concerned, but you haven’t said anything that indicates that their behavior is a problem. If they’re not dangerous and they’re not responsible for the children, then this could be a good way of modeling compassion for someone who needs help. The specifics certainly do matter.

      1. Friend is not angry or violent.

        I agree with you re modeling compassion. To me it seems more important to ensure that adults in your child’s home are modeling functional adulthood. Friend is not family. Neither am I. I wouldn’t expect Partner to allow me around his kids if I had similar problems (and I do not think he would; he has made comments about the dysfunctional women he dated before me).

        1. Honestly, having an adult around who is not fully functional is a feature of many, many kids’ lives. My stepkids have several adults in their lives who are not models of functionality, family and otherwise. I’m not saying it’s great, but it is common. If the friend is 100% safe around the kids, I don’t think they will be harmed by his being there.

          That said, your partner has to have lots of communication with his kids, including willingness to hear that the arrangement is not ok with them or that the friend is not as benign a presence as your partner thought. I also agree with the point about codependency below. I personally would not do what your partner is doing because it could easily become permanent enabling.

          1. This is different, though–OP’s partner is voluntarily bringing his dysfunctional friend into the kids’ home. Very different from a family member who is already there.

          2. I said “family and otherwise.” This includes friends and partners of adults who are in or around the home.

          3. I don’t think enabling somebody’s self-destruction is good behavior to model for children.

          4. For “otherwise,” I’d kick anyone who behaved like this dude to the curb, not invite him to live with my kids. Also for most “family.”

          5. This is insane. Aren’t we the same group with ridiculous expectations for moms, who post stuff about resenting our own moms for serving bagels for dinner and not getting up to run every morning before baking fresh muffins for their 4 sons (both real comments from this place)? But it’s okay for dad’s friend to be drunk around the kids?

          6. The fact that some kids manage to survive bad situations does not mean that those situations are OK or that a person who voluntarily puts their kids in such a situation has good judgment. OP’s partner has demonstrated exceedingly poor judgment.

          7. I don’t think that caretaking is such a bad example to set for kids?

            But it does matter a lot whether this is helping or enabling. If he drinks this much I assume he can’t just quit, and I don’t think of this level of addiction as just a “behavioral choice” when it’s come this far. But obviously he needs medical care as well as support.

          8. I’m not blaming the guy for being addicted or saying kids shouldn’t see that, it just doesn’t sound (given what we know, which of course is not everything) that the BF is actually doing much to help him.

    2. I personally would not do that, but part of the reason is because then my partner would be able to do the same, and move one of their friends into the house. I find it difficult to be around addiction issues though. Especially if the help doesn’t actually help.

    3. Red flag for so many reasons. You do not want a frequently intoxicated person around kids. Being around intoxicated adults makes kids uncomfortable. They will notice and mention it to other trusted adults, just not usually to the parent allowing the intoxicated person in their presence because kids aren’t dumb. If I were the mom I would move for a modification of the custody agreement if I found out this was happening. Also, what does this say about your partner’s priorities with regard to your relationship? And about how he’d act if you ever married?

      1. Have you asked your partner whether he considered the impact on his custody agreement? Or does he assume the mom won’t mind? Even if the mom okays it now but at some point his friend endangers the kids she could try to modify the custody agreement later.

        This sounds like an absolute mess. I’m concerned that he sees this guy drunk around his kids and believes the answer is having him spend even more time with the kids. Unless the friend is proactively taking steps to address his alcoholism (like AA) and has demonstrated improvement this situation is a ticking time bomb. The best thing you can do is help your partner decide now what type of behavior crosses the line. Is he evicting the friend if he gets sick in front of the kids? If he damages the house or belongings? If he gets into legal trouble? If he injures the kids or drives them while drunk? It’s easy to make excuses in the moment so figure out the boundaries now.

        1. Custody challenge will not happen due to the mother’s own court-documented short-comings.

          But the point is well-taken that a parent with normal leverage could challenge custody in a scenario like this.

        2. Is this friend also known to the kids’ other parent? It could also be fine, or both know the depth of the friend’s troubles.

          It might be that your partner just doesn’t know what to do. They could go to an active AA meeting in the neighborhood together to see what the hype is about. They both might want to learn about a 12 step call, or both look at the friend’s insurance coverage for detox and recovery (which often has residential or intensive-outpatient options). Finding an opening can be very difficult.

          Your partner may stay for the whole AA meeting or be welcomed at the nearby Al-Anon meeting. It’s great that they care. AA is not the only option, however, when people hit bottom, it’s often the most affordable for many, and hey – details can be found (generally, without outing individuals) on the internet! Also, some AA meetings attract people who are also recovering from a DUI/DWI – you can ask the contact for the meeting if it’s a traditional meeting or if it’s a lot of people talking about traffic matters. The former are very engaging, the latter can discourage a new person from coming back.

    4. Does your partner see his friend’s drinking as problematic? And is there any history of addiction in your partner’s family? I’m wondering whether your partner might have codependency tendencies. It’s very challenging to support a loved one with addiction in a loving but emotionally healthy way, and it takes a tremendous amount of self-awareness. Does your partner like to be a hero or savior in a relationship?

      I agree that it can have unforeseen consequences for his children, perhaps validating codependency in their minds subconsciously.

      No specific advice, just some observations.

      1. One big consequence for the kids is that it tells them the drunk friend is more important than they are. His priorities are out of whack.

          1. Yeah, unless this is harming the kids in some way I’m not sure how “it tells them the drunk friend is more important than they are.”

      1. I suppose I wanted a gut check on whether I was being unreasonable. Again, I am not a parent. Or The Parent.

          1. DTMFA for trying to help a friend who isn’t doing any damage to his kids? That’s harsh.

    6. The answer doesn’t matter, you don’t see eye to eye with this guy and that’s going to make life hard. Cut your losses now. Always having to compromise isn’t a way to live, that’s a lot of what people mean when they say things should be easy.

      1. I mean…I am over 40. Marriage and family are no longer possible/desirable. I also do not need to share a home or a bank account with someone else. As long as I can maintain my own independent existence, this should not make my life hard. I will need to be diligent about maintaining boundaries though.

        1. Just here to support that you don’t have to break up with this man over this. You can choose how intertwined your lives are at this stage and it is perfectly fine to love someone with whom you don’t always agree. This seems like a judgment call not a disqualifying character flaw to me.

        2. Ehhhhh, I wouldn’t be so confident in that separation unless you’re never planning to get close to him. Even if you want to keep separate finances, eventually most people want more than a boyfriend. If you don’t align in your takes on how to handle things you’re just hanging around with someone who probably wouldn’t even qualify to be your BFF. I think being aligned very much matters for a happy relationship, regardless of how intertwined your life is.

          1. NO NO NO! Run like hell is chasing you because it it! Horrible, horrible idea, where is partners judgement for being willing to expose his own young children to the ensuing circus of living with alchoholic, especially when Mom already has court documented issues that have already affected the children (guaranteed!) Run away from this partner ASAP, but if you have a close relationship with kids and want to help the children take them for outings while not dating Dad, but you will not heal them you can only be a kind loving adult, OR a reporter to CPS! Not your circus! Wrote for many years on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) because of how I grew up and wanting to help parents and children professionally. There are all kinds of negative experiences from having an alcoholic living with children, that are not necessarily life endangering or illegal. However, not feeling safe or just uncomfortable around the alcoholic is a very likely consequence. e.g. Alcohol lowers inhibition and can lead to sexual acting out, actively with children or unintended (eg. falling asleep naked drunk that the children see).

          2. You’re right. I f partner is not a perfect parent to his children who are not yours, he doesn’t deserve love. Boot him and run and find someone worthy of affection. He is trash who should be shunned by society and reported to the authorities immediately. (CPS to start.) He is attempting to help a troubled friend for God’s sake. Ewww. Don’t be his lover, be his enemy. He really does deserve it even if you don’t see it. You probably have serious issues of your own that are blinding you to what is deeply wrong with him and the fact he is a threat to the community. Therapy and a new online dating profile for you (after you are done with therapy).

          3. Nanny, you are projecting your own trauma on this family. Does OP have cause for concern? Yes. But is the house on fire? Absolutely not. And for what it is worth, I am an ACOA, recovering alcoholic, I work with traumatized children, AND regularily present/lecture on the ACEs. Every person who drinks too much is not an immediate threat to children. As I said below, compassion is a beautiful quality. Yelling at internet strangers to DTMFA is ugly.

    7. There are ways your partner can support his friend that don’t include moving the friend into his home with his young children. Exposure to addiction is a factor in the childhood ACES test (evaluating childhood trauma). Even though he isn’t angry or violent when drunk, that’s not behavior his kids should have to live with. Not to mention excessive drinking could lead to accidents that potentially put his kids in danger (falls, fires, etc). I would question his judgement and his priorities based on this decision.

    8. Husband and I met in AA and early on, we let a few active drunks and shady characters in our home to detox or for toher 12 step work. Once we had our son, we were more careful with whom we allowed in our home. That said, some of the posters are jumping on you and your relationship unnecessarily. There is no reason to believe this man will be harmful to the kids on a short term basis. If partner and friend are that close, the kids know the guy, too. I would gently suggest al-anon to your partner and that perhaps letting guy live with him is enabling. But he is not a terrible person or father for trying to help a close friend. That is a beautiful quality. Have a conversation and leave it up to him because they aren’t your kids and you are not married. Hugs.

      1. Agree with all of this. Haven’t been in AA myself, but I have a close family member who’s an alcoholic.

  4. If you’re a lawyer – securities litigation – and you are in your 40s and becoming more and more interested in infrastructure, along the lines of roads, bridges, railroads but you aren’t looking to go back to college to be an engineer, would you think there was any way to get involved in that space like from the business side?

    All I can think of is – buy an existing small business in the asphalt, concrete etc. spaces and chase the state government contracts. I know people always say go in house but I have legit never gotten an in house offer any place with a resume that’s very very Wall Street oriented – though I’m in another east coast city now, not NYC. Pipe dream, right?

      2. This sounds like something my husband, a software developer, would say. He gets obsessed with a particular industry and daydreams aloud about starting a company. After a couple of years he moves on to another topic. Harmless as long as you know it’s just for fun.

        OTOH, my SILs have been talking for decades about opening a bakery. For SIL1 it’s a fun daydream. SIL2 is an extremely literal person who thinks they are actually going to do this when they retire even though it would be the world’s worst idea. I do not want to be around when SIL2 proposes buying the building.

        1. This. For a site where women supposedly support other women do we have to be so quick to put people down over something as simple as wanting to change careers??

          Sure it’s a big move but as others say, OP can try to transition to a consulting role in a transport or engineering type of company. And yes after researching it she could even buy a business. I mean people realize that the business owner does not personally have to pour the concrete right? If anything the business owner is managing hiring, getting contracts, managing the finances – things that a lawyer can surely do.

        2. Agree – OP sounds like she’s just looking to change careers, a much-discussed topic here?

    2. Have you thought about taking on a volunteer role with local government or advocacy? Planning Boards, Transportation Boards, Bike-Walk groups, and lots of other entities desperately need people who are qualified and smart. Plus your legal background would be an asset.

      1. A board is such a good idea! You can dive deep and geek out without risking any funds or taking a paycut.

        Find lists of city, county, and state level boards and see if any sound interesting. Attend the meetings of the ones that sound okay.

    4. That’s really all you can think of? You clearly haven’t thought about this very thoroughly or for very long.

    5. Plan trips to see cool infrastructure (the Lake Fontana dam has great tours; so does the Bonneville Dam), and keep your day job.

    6. I know someone who is a lawyer for our state transportation department. The legal department deals with all kinds of different issues dealing with the construction of roads and bridges. They also get sued all the time so you could work on the other side of it too.

    7. Yes! I work in a business role for the transportation group of a very large, multinational engineering consulting firm with no previous transpo experience. Majority of clients are government agencies. This sounds very doable!

    8. DH works in infrastructure finance at a publicly traded investment firm. They have in house council and hire outside counsel from big law Al the time, but more on the corporate side

    9. Why don’t you go work at an infrastructure-related consulting firm, like HDR. Buying a construction company sounds . . . out there.

      1. +1 to shifting gears to working in construction. I was in a legal adjacent role for a large contractor for a decade and trust me you’ll learn, live and breath all the amazing minutia of construction.

    10. You are really underestimating what it takes to run a business in a field about which you know nothing. NOTHING.

    11. Sorry to jump in on this thread so late. (I was on vacation when this was first posted.) I think it’s important to pay attention when some thing seems to pull us in a new direction. I am a former attorney and now coach attorneys and other professionals who want to thrive at work (whether that’s in their current jobs or in new roles). If you’d like to try a coaching session at no charge we could talk about where you are and where you are feeling pulled to go. If you’re interested could you let me know a way to reach you?

  5. Can we have a thread of recent purchases that you’re really enjoying? For me:
    – neon yellow Botkier purse I thrifted
    – brown Eileen fisher flatform sandals I bought a few years ago but haven’t worn until this summer
    – gray distressed Madewell jeans
    – black J.Crew sweater jacket I wear as a lightweight outdoor jacket

    1. Such a good thread idea! I had an etsy seller make a line drawing from a photo of my kid. I’m going to have a print of it hung in my office. I’m so excited to put it up.

    2. I bought two lightweight midi dresses from ASOS that I am going to wear into the ground this summer. They are suitable for work and play and keep me cool in the humid and hot weather. My first purchases from the brand.

    3. I bought a new iron the other week that is my favorite color. Yes, I’m one of those people that enjoys ironing…

        1. It really is.
          I find it so relaxing to set up in the tv room and binge watch one of my favorite shows while I iron.
          I also enjoy mending, it’s so satisfying to extend the life of something!

    4. Keds Women’s Seaside Sneaker https://a.co/d/geagJO9

      I think my grandma had these 20+ years ago but I love them and maybe I will just tell myself they’re coastal grandmother (she didn’t live on a coast but I do.)

    6. I am not a hiking-clothes kind of person but I bought a pair of Kuhl freeflex hiking pants from REI for a trip to Costa Rica earlier this year and love them – they are great for outdoor activities but still look good just walking around town and are surprisingly flattering (but I did have to size up to a number I never thought I’d see). I bought another pair in a different color on Poshmark. On a similar note, I borrowed my sister’s Keen hiking sandals and loved them so much I bought an identical pair. (I sent a photo of me in the pants and shoes to my lifelong BFF and she responded, “who even are you?”)

      I am loving this water bottle; it really does keep things cold (and ice solid) for 24 hours+. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MFSPHL5?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

      I just got these solar-powered lights that look lovely in empty wine or liquor bottles on my screened porch. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07SWZKQDM?psc=1&ref=ppx_yo2ov_dt_b_product_details

      Then there is this ridiculously cheap dress from NY & Co. that is cute and comfortable; I bought the petite, which turned out to be a bit too short on 5’5″ me for work, but I kept it for weekends to wear with sandals or Chucks and bought a regular to wear to my mostly casual office. https://www.nyandcompany.com/products/colorblock-trim-t-shirt-shift-dress-city-knits

    7. Got a pair of Stuart Weitzman wedges on super sale that make my legs look AMAZING, and I’m usually self conscious about my legs.

      Bought the Flip belt at REI and loooved it for all my runs this week!

      Got a brand new kettle that looks kind of industrial with several different colored metals and it brings just a bit more personality to the kitchen.

    10. -Nail Concealer (Londontown Illuminating Concealer): I was skeptical since it’s so similar in color to my standbys Essie Mademoiselle & OPI bubble bath…but it’s somehow so much better and easier to use
      -Pull-on linen paperbag shorts from Target. Bought in three colors. Easy and breezy
      -J Crew Factory Gauze Button Shirts: they’re workhorses for work and weekend for me here in causal PNW. I bought three colors last year based on recs here and added pink to my collection this year. Surprisingly versatile color—makes me feel very East Coast hah
      -a German egg slicer. Westmark brand; $20 is way too much for a kitchen gadget but it’s 100% stainless steel and it’s a total upgrade from our old flimsy plastic one. My kids fight over who gets to use it. We eat a lot of hardboiled eggs with soy sauce and on sandwiches

    11. Another one: merino wool bralettes from Branwyn. They’re comfy (no underwire!) and more breathable than my favorites from True & Co. Sure I still get b0 ob sweat, but my skin won’t stay sticky/clammy afterwards.

      While no pads/ inserts, they’re great under loose shirts

    12. Dazzle Dry nail polish! I’m genetically unable to do my own nails but this stuff is great, easy, and way better for my nails than gel or dip.

  6. For those living in the deep south or other really hot places, do you do anything to keep your fridge colder or make it easy on the fridge to stay cold? We’re New Englanders but in the south now and were feeling like the fridge just wasn’t cold enough. We asked our apartment people who gave us a fridge thermostat to monitor and that’s fine and the ice in the freezer is frozen solid. The maintenance people said that because we keep our apt on the warm side, likely it seems warmer because when we open the fridge especially for things like restocking groceries which takes time, a good amount of warm air gets in and it takes a while to cool that down.

    Any tips aside from keep it closed? In New England before snow storms it was normal to freeze bags of water and put those in the fridge. But that doesn’t work here because the fridge is higher than 32 degrees so over a day or so the bags of ice will thaw and drip so it’s messy. Anything else we can do?

    1. How warm is “on the warm side”? If your apartment is hot, the fridge warms up faster when you open it and it will have a harder time dumping heat through its radiator (for lack of a better term) in the back.

      You can do groceries more efficiently if you collate all of the freezer items in one bag and the fridge items in another in the grocery store. We bring along insulated bags for grocery runs, and everything goes straight into the fridge with minimal shuffling.

    2. Do you know about cleaning your refrigerator coils? I don’t know if that would be the problem if the temperature gauge says it’s cool enough, though. Does your fridge sit where the sun shines on it? If so, maybe blackout curtains on that window would help. And double-check your clearance between the back of the fridge and the wall. The fridge itself produces heat that has to go somewhere.

      To answer the question, though, lifelong SEUS resident here, and I’ve never heard of tips to make your refrigeragor colder other than fridge maintenance, keeping the door closed as much as possible and, of course, adjusting the fridge itself (the dial that says “cold” versus “coldest”).

      1. Not the OP, but I don’t know about cleaning refrigerator coils and now I think I should? Is this really a thing I should be doing? (I swear I need a comprehensive “home maintenance you never learned about” list). ANd while we’re on the topic–regular HVAC service appointments (like once or twice a year)–is this really a thing I need? I don’t remember my parents ever hiring someone do this growing up, but it’s also possible my dad just did things and I didn’t know about it.

        2. You don’t need to hire it done, just pull the fridge out enough to get a vacuum hose back there and slurp up all the dust bunnies.

        3. If your fridge isn’t ancient it is likely on wheels. Pull that sucker out and take a vacuum to the coils and the back. Bonus: vacuum the now vacant fridge area. Feel smug that unseen places are clean.

        4. Regular HVAC service appointments: I vote “no,” but you should definitely change your HVAC filters regularly. I buy them in bulk at Sam’s, change them every couple of months and feel very smug about doing so. I had a fancy accordion filter on a furnace in my previous home, and it was a bear to change but also very satisfying.

      2. Yes! I live in the hot southwest desert and we clean the coils twice a year. We also open and close the door quickly and I grew up with my mother constantly yelling at us to shut the fridge. No standing in front thinking about what you want to eat. Have a plan and get in and out lol.

    3. I keep my fridge at 34 degrees and my freezer at 0 degrees–both the one in the kitchen and the garage-rated one in our uninsulated garage in the SEUS. This is easy to do with a reliable fridge thermometer. If you’re keeping the fridge at 40 degrees you may think it seems warm even though 40 degrees is technically “safe.” With cheaper and/or older fridges you may also find that stuff in the door doesn’t stay as cold as stuff on the shelves, so you may want to keep your milk at the back of the fridge. And don’t leave the doors open.

    5. Our fridge warms up if you block the vents where cold air comes in. So be careful about keeping it so full that air can’t circulate, though you’re generally better off if it’s full enough that there’s decent thermal mass. In our fridge, it’s specifically the center back of the top shelf that needs to be left open, but I assume this might differ on different fridges.

  7. If you published a book and had the option to narrate the audio version, would you do it? Why or why not? As a listener, do you have opinions on whether or not authors narrate their own audiobooks?

    1. Listener here.
      For non-fiction like memoirs, essays, autobiographies etc I prefer read by the author. Personal stories benefit from personal voice.
      Anything else, I want a professional narrator. They are excellent at it because it is what they do.

    2. It makes more sense for the author to narrate a memoir than other types of books. Professional voice actors are professionals for a reason.

      I personally might consider narrating my own audiobook because I have done some voiceover work and a ton of public speaking, but even with my experience I’d want to hear some auditions to see whether someone else could do it better. A really good audiobook narrator can make the difference between a snoozefest and great entertainment. For example, I can’t stand The Wizard of Oz in print, but I love the Anne Hathaway audiobook.

    4. Are you the most excellent reader you know/can afford? If yes, then do it. I frankly don’t care who reads the book as long as the voice and reading are good.

    5. I listen to a lot of audiobooks and I think this really varies. In all cases, it depends on whether the author is a good audio narrator. In many instances, that is not the case. For instance, I just listened to Lessons in Chemistry, which includes an interview with the author at the end. It was clear to me that the author should not have read the audiobook herself. It would have been terrible (and I already didn’t much like the book). If the book is a memoir, I’d like the author to read it, but again, only if they are a good audio reader. The best readers are those with some acting chops. If you can find one who will do it, let them.

    7. Depends.

      Is it fiction? Get a professional narrator.

      Most other books should have a professional narrator, unless it’s an autobiograhy or memoir of some kind.

      I recently listened to a professional memoir read by the author, and she wasn’t a great narrator, uneven and a little flat. BUT, it was a highly personal and sensitive subject matter where her voice added content.

      When I don’t finish an audio book, it’s almost always because of bad narration.

  8. TW: GLP-1s / weight loss

    Has anyone who isn’t diabetic found a way to get a GLP-1 in the past month or so? I know the coupon thing stopped. I keep getting ads for how WW and Noom are going to be including GLP-1s but when I take the time to take the very long stupid survey it doesn’t actually tell me if I could get a GLP-1 through them.

    Meanwhile on social media I’m seeing people say they took it to lose EIGHT POUNDS. Who is prescribing medication (lifelong medication at that) so you can lose eight pounds?! Stunned.

    1. I got mine prescribed maybe 8 weeks ago from a telehealth place after my GP refused when I asked twice. I just googled the medicine name and telehealth and my state and checked out the options. I’ve been pleased with service and the quality of the medication. With delays in shipping waiting on compounding, I’ve only been taking it for four weeks, and I’ve lost 14 lbs. I need to lose another 40 lbs to get back to something approaching a healthy weight. I do plan to take this for life – I’ve spent every single day of my life since age 14 thinking about my weight – not worrying about my weight is life-altering.

    2. I think it’s pretty difficult, tbh. I’m pre diabetic with roughly about ten pounds I’d like to lose to get to my pre pregnancy weight (but I am still normal BMI). My endocrinologist told me there’s no way my insurance would approve it. I did look into the compounding pharmacies that I read a lot about on the subreddits, but it seems complicated and I am a little nervous about the source of the meds. Also, ultimately, i do not want to be on any of these meds for the rest of my life, so I know once I stopped, I’d have to seriously change my diet and exercise patterns to even have a chance at keeping the weight off. That said, if I had more to lose (say 20 pounds plus) I think I’d give it more serious thought. It really is such a game changer. My mom has been diabetic for 30 years and is finally down to a normal BMI, something she couldn’t do no matter how much calorie counting she did.

    3. I was able to get it from a med spa type place, owned by an actual MD (she works part time in an area ER as well.) Meds come from a compounding pharmacy, and I need to draw/inject myself (it doesn’t come in pre-filled capsules) and not covered by insurance.

    4. This is very late – apologies. You won’t be able to get Ozempic if you’re not at least pre-diabetic, but depending on your BMI, you should be able to get on Wegovy (which is the same medication, just designed for weight loss). My insurance is paying for Wegovy with a pre-authorization. (I am obese.)

  9. 3 of my neighbors have mowed their lawns today despite the hazy air from Canadian wildfires. Heaven forbid the suburban lawn grows taller than 2.5in.

    1. Wow you really have nothing better to do? How does this possibly affect your life?

    2. I’m also not going to let wildfires destroy my summer. maybe being outside and living life is important to them.

    5. Assuming you are posting this because you’re concerned about air quality and t/f keeping your windows closed, I’d think you should be happy that they’re mowing their lawns when the noise is going to least disturb you.

      2. Gas lawnmowers are a menace. The noise, the pollution, the maintenance. I love my battery-powered mower. It is easier to start and push, doesn’t have to go in for engine service, is quieter, and doesn’t spew exhaust. I don’t know why anyone buys gas mowers anymore even if they hate the planet.

        1. My husband is lawn mower in chief around here, and he is so psyched about the rechargeable electric mower. No pulling a cord to get it started (key, because he had rotator cuff surgery), you just push a button. The battery is also used in the weed whacked from the same company.

          1. Electric mowers eliminate 75% of what I dislike about mowing – the noise, the smell, the maintenance. Just the time is left. My workplace’s grounds crew is moving toward electric trimmers, chainsaws, etc.

      3. The post does not say the neighbors used a gas mower, nor does it support an inference that that is what the poster was judgmental about.

  10. Any idea if you refrigerate Heinz chili sauce? Oddly it doesn’t say it on the label – it has vinegar, tomato puree, ginger, garlic, onion powder, salt etc. Do I treat it like ketchup which I refrigerate or like vinegar?

    1. Ketchup. I think its fine to leave out if you plan to use it relatively quickly but I tend to not so I refrigerate.

    2. What are you using the chili sauce for? I’m always curious about the application.

      1. Not the OP, but it is great on burgers and meatloaf. Growing up we only had chili sauce. I didn’t know ketchup was something else until I started buying school lunch and then I realized my parents were right to choose chili sauce.

      2. Ketchup + chili sauce + lemon juice + prepared horseradish = cocktail sauce for chilled boiled shrimp

      3. I mix it with grape jelly and put it in the crockpot with mini-meatballs for a retro and delicious appetizer.

  11. Hello Hive, can anyone recommend a source for old fashioned-looking hardware and fixtures for your house, like cabinet knobs and curtain rods? I could use a new mailbox, house numbers, ceiling fans, and some lighting too. My house was built in the 19th century, and while I’m not trying to decorate to a particular era or buy historic reproductions necessarily, the sleek midcentury modern stuff that I see at West Elm and Rejuvenation doesn’t feel like it fits with the house. I appreciate any recommendations!

    1. Look on House of Antique Hardware and the reverse image search for other stores/better prices.

      1. Or just buy from them, I’ve found their quality is excellent and when you’re buying things for your home, it’s better to get something built to last.

        1. Most of what they sell are products sold elsewhere for better prices. Exact same products, no quality difference.

    2. Restoration Hardware?
      Alternately, Lowes and Home Depot tend to be mostly era-agnostic aside from the stuff that’s trying too hard to be trendy

  12. Most versatile Birkenstock Arizona strap colors? I am stuck between a lighter tan suede/nubuck and brown leather. I worry that if I don’t get the brown leather, I will just have an oily sauce accident and ruin them in a hot minute. And yet, my life is just a series of safe choices. Brown leather and something crazy (like if they had a metallic suede, which I don’t see and I don’t love the ultra-shiny metallics)? I did a Hard Hiking Thing and want these shoes as a reward and treat for my tired feet, and I feel like I’m stuck just shy of the finish line on this one point. Help!

    In case it matters, I wear a lot of black, but I don’t think I’d be wearing those close with the Birks. I see the Birks as around-the-house shoes and possibly while running weekend errands and cooking dinner. And the Birks would be worn with socks in the winter most likely.

    1. Get the shoes you want. The only caution I have is that the metallics, if you’re serious, are not made of leather, and the last pair of those I had in the mayari style, the metallic non-leather fabric ripped straight through at the place where they were sewn into the footbed. And it happened on vacation too, so I was kinda screwed.

      Other than that, get the ones you want!

    3. The big buckle Arizonas are cuter and come in fun colors. The black oil-tanned leather looks nice and should hold up well to spills. I would avoid the fake leather ones because they don’t last as long and get smelly.

  13. so I mourned the SCOTUS ruling by making a student loan payment and getting depressed by how much I still have in loans. Anyone else in this boat

    1. does anyone know if this decision means that interest will capitalize? i saw a good twitter thread about how there are some events that trigger capitalization, when your existing interest is added to your principal — but it isn’t clear to me if the scotus ruling is going to trigger one of those events. (the tldr was you should pay your interest before it capitalizes if at all possible.)

      https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/loans/student-loans/student-loan-interest-capitalization

    3. No. I’ve had to pay all along, got no interest relief, and wouldn’t have gotten any forgiveness because I consolidated back when everyone consolidated.

  14. Reposting for more eyes: I’m going to Mammoth for this long week-end. I don’t ski or do anything really strenuous. I want to take photographs, walk around with my dog and relax. Any breakfast recommendations? I’m impressed by the number of restaurants in town. What about spas? TIA!

    1. The Warming Hut for breakfast. I seriously doubt the spa will have appointments; they book up well in advance.

  15. Can someone dumb down how biglaw partner compensation works? I thought it was like, we budget payroll for employees and then anything left over (profit) is split amongst partners using a formula. But then I heard the percent they keep isn’t always profit, like their payroll is included too? I can’t figure this out.

    1. Some do a monthly draw at a set dollar amount and then divvy up the rest of the profits at the end of year via bonuses. I think that may be what you are referring to.

  16. Does anyone have a high low area rug? I like the look but wondering if they are a nightmare to vacuum? And if they feel funny to walk on?

    1. I think you mean high-pile and yes they are a nightmare to vacuum, but very comfy underfoot!

      1. There are rugs advertised as high low, and from the photos it looks like they basically have a bit of 3d texture that follows the pattern, like a relief on your rug. Anyway, probably sucks to vacuum!

  17. Fashion question – I’m wearing a pink maxi dress (halter top) to the Barbie movie with friends. Looking for fab earrings or hair accessories or some other type of accessories. Budget about $50 total but if it isn’t “too” ridiculous, and I could wear it again, I’d be open to spending $100 total.

    1. I was at Old Navy yesterday and they had some pink earrings that would be perfect.

  18. does anyone have a good tutorial on how to cut an oversize men’s athletic tshirt to be a bit more flattering? bought one from my school and hate the crewneck.

    1. I usually just cut out the neckband – not wider ala flash dance from the 80s, but just enough to make the neckline less restrictive and have it lay a little better.

      You can also crop it but it will probably roll up unless you have it hemmed.

      There’s really not a lot you can do about the shoulders being too wide.

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