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I love a print with just a hint of whimsy! This horseshoe-print top from Ann Taylor is fun without being too weird for work. From afar, it just looks like a half-circle print to me. Up close, you’re covered in good luck symbols.
The elbow sleeves are perfect for wearing under a blazer or sweater — long enough to provide a little warmth, but not so long that they’re bunching up. This “midnight fig” color would be really pretty paired with gray bottoms, but I also love the monochromatic look they’ve done with the model. I think these are the matching pants if you’re looking for them.
The top is $54.50 and is available in regular sizes XXS–XXL and petite sizes XXS–XL. Horseshoe Button Mock-Neck Top
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
anon
What are some things you do for yourself to be nice when you’re busy and have a lot going on? I’ve been gravitating toward retail therapy and eating a lot and would like to change that. It’s not to a problematic degree, but I’m sure there are still better ways to give myself a little pick me up. Working super long hours although generally able to get enough sleep and workout, but I’ve prioritized those things and don’t have time for much else.
Thouhgts?
Anon
Painting my nails to dry while I type out whatever I’m writing. It makes me happy. I keep remover near my desk too so when it’s time for the chipped polish to go, it does. (Using cuticle remover has been life-changing for how my at-home manicures look)
Go for it
Please send a link, winter has been awful for my cuticles.
No Face
I use Sally Hensen cuticle remover and my home pedicures look phenomenal now.
Anon
Yup! That’s the one I use, an Instagrammer with beautiful nails said there’s no reason to spend more that this gets the job done. And so far so good!
anon
Yes, this stuff is great!
Curious
Apropos of yesterday’s “what have you learned here?” thread — here’s a thing I never new existed and will be buying NOW.
Anon
ok i’m so dumb about this and i’m sorry – exactly what are the steps you do with the cuticle remover? do you wash it off after?
Curious
That’s what the Amazon reviews say — put it on, use an orange stick, wash hands, magic. I am so hopeful.
Anon
I take a bath once a week on Saturday evening after a hard workout and long shower. I put an iPad on my bathroom sink, watch Netflix and soak in warm water. Feels great. I usually have a face mask on. It’s nice because it keeps me away from my phone and is really relaxing.
Marie
Second the bath. I especially like to do this after a long day immediately before bed if I think I am so wired that my mind will keep ruminating when I try to sleep rather than turn off. If I want to make it feel like true pampering, I light a couple candles, find a “spa” playlist, put in a fancier bath bomb or bubbles, and read a guilty pleasure book. While I am in the bath, I also will put my pajamas in the dryer so they are nice and warm when I get out, and then I go to bed immediately.
AnonATL
I’ve been making a point of doing my skincare routine in the morning and night and actually enjoying it as a few quiet minutes to myself. When I get busy, I very often roll out of bed and right into my day, but those few minutes big difference especially in the morning.
anne-on
I’ve started making it a point to wash my face, put on cozy pjs, and do my skin care routine/throw on a mask after dinner. It only takes 10-15 minutes and makes me feel like even if I still have work to do that I’m intentionally prepped for bed so I don’t just ‘fall into the bed with makeup on at midnight when I stop working’. I was still doing email on the couch in pjs with a face mask on but at least I was cozy, doing something nice for my dry winter skin, and I was able to cuddle with pets/husband vs. being locked in my office.
Vicky Austin
I did this last night and I’m thinking of making it a regular thing!
BeenThatGuy
This is my favorite treat right now. I added a facial steamer to my weekly routine back last April and I’ve been so happy with the results.
anon
Love this idea. I have a bad habit of waiting until I’m really tired to do all of this, and since I’m homebound in the evenings anyway? Might as well make it an act of self-care and comfort.
Anon
for those of you who are skincare obsessive sense, WFH has given me what I think of as a third skincare period (optional). when I get up in the morning, I usually eat breakfast and catch up on emails in my PJs before I do the shower/get dressed thing. I’ve started using masks/leave on treatments like acids (lactic acid or PHA) during this third time. So, roll out of bed, put on Good Genes or Ole Henricksen PHAT, eat breakfast, do some email, then shower and do my normal daily skincare.
This way I can avoid layering the acids with my nighttime tretinoin or my day time vitamin c.
nuqotw
I’ve been trying to do (slightly) nicer versions of my normal routine because I am having a hard time maintaining routines and freshening things up helps. When I do go to work, I make a point of wearing my nicest clothes (even though no one else is going to see them because I immediately vanish into my closed office). When I go grocery shopping, I buy the fancier versions of whatever is on my list. I started buying all natural pleasant smelling soap instead of a giant box of ivory or dial or whatever was on sale.
I also decided to lean into hobbies that produce something I like. I knit myself a whimsical long pointed hat of multicolored yarn and put a giant matching pompom on top. I made myself a long out-of-style but super warm skirt to wear around the house. I put orange extract into the brownies when the kids aren’t looking.
Anon
Where is a reputable place to buy 25 or fewer N95s?
Anonymous
I’m also curious where to buy colored ones. I saw some colored ones at the inauguration yesterday. I need N95s long term, so I like the idea of less medical ones.
Anonymous
To me those looked like KN95s, not N95s.
I am skeptical of all the masks being sold on the web. In the Before Times I used to buy 3M N95s at Home Depot, which I was pretty sure were the real thing. None of the alleged KN95s or N95s I’ve found on the web look legit.
Anonymous
I’d be perfectly happy with a legit KN95, actually. I have some now, but I honestly doubt they are real. I just think they’re better protection than my cloth masks because they do seem to seal. I have some surgical masks, but they don’t fit me as well as the probably fake KN95s. I worry though that they may not be made of safe materials (if they’re fake, what if I’m breathing in something I shouldn’t be?).
Ribena
I’m doing a surgical mask (like you, I don’t find that they fit particularly well) plus a cloth mask in closer-contact situations. Which from this point onwards probably includes the grocery store.
KF 94
I have been using KF 94, the Korean equivalent of N95. They seem to be less targeted for counterfeiting. I get mine from a site that is a reputable Asian beauty site – masksheets dot com
Anonymous
Nice, thank you for the recommendation for both the masks and the retailer!
pnw anon
This is where I’ve bought mine as well.
Cat
Not N95 (KN95 instead) but there are colorful 5-packs for sale at NM.
https://www.neimanmarcus.com/p/private-stock-labs-5-pack-kn95-disposable-face-masks-prod238150070?childItemId=NMN7V9E_60
Cat
Noticed after posting that the more subdued colors are on backorder – but if bright or camo are what you’re interested in, I have the black set and can vouch that the fit is just like the single N95 I’ve been nursing along for appointments.
LSC
Try stockd dot com, which is a medical supplier.
Anonymous
I have bought from wellbefore (formerly honestPPE).
Anonymous
I was going to say this. I remember a bunch of people on this s!te recommended it, so I saved the link. https://wellbefore.com/collections/masks
OP
I just ordered from here. Thank you so much –
Sloan Sabbith
Online dental supply shops or medical suppliers. I just bought a box of 20 from Pacific Medical Solutions- the 3M Aura masks, which I’ve worn for years and are as comfortable as N95 masks can be. I’ve also bought some previously from Farris Laboratories, and bought ASTM Level 3 Halyard masks (which are not N95s but substantially better than the grocery store surgical masks- they’re what my doctor and nurse wear at the hospital) from Primo Dental Supplies and Common Cents EMS Supply.
Anon
yesterday was a good day. thank you to all the voters who showed up at the polls and to all the people who donated money or time to make it happen
No Face
I really appreciate everyone who stepped out of their voting comfort zone, from the left and from the right. Most of my progressive friends supported other candidates in the Dem primary, but voted for Biden when the time came. Most of my conservative friends voted for Biden even though they literally had never voted a Democratic candidate in their entire lives. For all the talk about the need for coming together, most of us did.
AnonATL
Last night was the first night I haven’t ground my teeth in my sleep in months.
Anonymous
I slept more soundly last night than I have since last March.
Trixie
I slept through the night, slept late, didn’t even get up to pe3. So grateful, relieved, happy, hopeful.
anon
Cute top; would definitely wear to the office! For a hot second, seeing all the pretty coats yesterday made me miss dressing up for work.
anne-on
For anyone tempted to buy a pretty colorful winter coat I’d suggest checking out the LK Bennet sale, they have a LOT on super sale right now.
Anon
Pretty sure I have a UTI. It’s been at least a decade since I’ve had one, but the feeling is pretty distinctive. I’ll call my PCP when they open in a couple hours, but I’m in CA where covid is out of control and would rather not go in to see the doctor if I don’t have to (and I REALLY don’t want to go to urgent care). For those of you who’ve had them recently, is it likely that they’ll let me do a telemedicine appt or just call in a prescription, or will I have go in to do lab work? Any other suggestions?
NYCer
You can get a prescription for a UTI online. I have never done it, but I have a friend who has and she said it was super easy. She used virtuwell, but there are others as well.
Anon for this
My dr was happy to prescribe me antibiotics over the phone since I’d had one before. However, (1) not all UTIs respond to the same antibiotics, so if the first one doesn’t work you’ll want to do a urine sample, and (2) it may not be a UTI at all; I went through this earlier in the fall – three rounds of antibiotics, a kidney and bladder ultrasound, and 4 rounds of pelvic floor PT later, a surprise kidney stone turned out to be the cause.
Dr’s offices are taking so many precautions that I would not hesitate to go in person, though. Like, if you do nothing else in person, do that.
anon
I did a televisit last year for a UTI and my doctor prescribed an antibiotic based on my symptoms. You can also buy Azo over the counter to help with any discomfort.
Anon
I’d just do Teledoc/telemedicine through your health insurance and skip the PCP if you have that option. Say you’ve had one before and you know the (very distinctive) symptoms, and they are likely to Rx you something with very few questions asked.
Anon
OP here- just to be clear, I don’t mind going to the doctor if I have to. I’ve been going for other things and actually have an appt with a different doctor next week, but would rather not get extra exposure if I don’t have to, plus it’s just sort of a pain to deal with the logistics if I can avoid it (childcare is not ideal right now!). In my previous experience, it was only the lab work that really mattered, so it seems like the seeing the doctor herself part could definitely be done virtually, though obviously if it doesn’t resolve with antibiotics, that’s another matter. Thanks for the comments so far…
CountC
I also was able to get an rx for a UTI with a telehealth appointment based on describing my symptoms alone. I was not required to provide a sample for a lab test.
Anon
You should probably still go in and provide a sample. I had one that didn’t respond to the first antibiotic that was prescribed and it was excruciating.
Equestrian Attorney
I recently had a prescription by telemedicine. The doctor did tell me that if certain things did or did not happen within 48 hours, I would have to come in, but it all worked out.
Nesprin
Can confirm telemedicine for utis is a thing.
Anon
also in CA. The doctors for the most part also don’t want you to come in if you don’t need to, so I would expect a telehealth visit at most. I have done that for a UTI pre-covid. feel better soon!
Anon
I feel a little embarrassed to ask this here, as this pant style is probably out and few on this blog probably shop at this store, but what is your opinion of the Gap skinny pant? Do they fade terribly like the reviews say? Do they bag out of shape? I purchased some in the curvy fit, because I am tearing my hair out trying to find pants that accommodate my thick thighs and COVID weight gain. I really hate wasting money on things that will look like rags after wearing them once, even if I am only spending $15 on clearance,
I purchased the slim pant as well, and I am wondering if they also fade and bag out. Does anyone know?
anon
Not sure if this is different- I have the Gap skinny jeans in the curvy fit and I really like them. they do stretch a bit with wear (I wear them multiple times before washing unless they’re dirty) but not in a bagging out way and they haven’t really faded. These are generally the only items I have from gap though so can’t comment on the non-jean skinny pants.
Anon
Have these and love them too! Very pleased w the quality. I’m on the tall side and ordered regular length, so I have cold ankles when I walk the dogs, but otherwise color/fit have held! Will repurchase (in tall).
Anonymous
I also like Gap skinny jeans. They do fade, but not faster than other brands. What I really like are the super high rise skinnies, these have a proper high rise that is excellent for a high waist.
I buy them in long (and hem them) to get the highest rise, and these are a full 10.5 inches from crotch seam in front, and 14 inches from crotch seam in the back (size 4).
Anonymous
Not an answer to your question, but I like the Talbots curvy fit pants, they last ball a few years for me, and they are frequently on sale.
Anon
Cant comment on the pant, but you’d probably be surprised where people here shop. I do most of my shopping at Old Navy / TJ Maxx / thrift stores. Gap, Loft, J Crew factory are my “fancy stores”.
Anon
Old Navy 4 life right here. I get all my workout wear and basic t-shirts, cotton leggings, etc. from them. Back when I worked in an office I got all my office clothes from ThredUp. In an absolute sense, I probably *could* pay the prices I see on some of the garments here, but I won’t.
Also, I am hanging on to my skinny pants/jeans as long as I can. I am over 40 and now thankfully feel very little compulsion to “follow fashion.” I remember the days of bootcuts and flares dragging on the ground or having to be hemmed – no thanks. Also my now-thicker thighs are not going to pair well with wider-at-the-bottom pants. So.
Vicky Austin
Another vote for that Old Navy/Target life.
Anon
Like 90% of my wardrobe is Old Navy!
Anon
Right? Wear what you want to wear! I’m my office’s “Bernie”, and am 100% good with that.
Anon
you only need one good coat!
Anon
I don’t know about the skinny pants specifically, but I wanted to say that I’m another reader of this site that shops at Gap and that I don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about. Their jeans fit me well! Their t-shirts are soft! Their sales are good! What’s not to like?
pugsnbourbon
I bought a pair of Gap skinny pants a few years ago and I found that they faded pretty quickly. Caveat – we have super hard water.
The best value black pants I’ve gotten are from LOFT. I’ve been able to get them for about $40 on sale, and they hold up well for me.
90% of my wardrobe is Target, Old Navy, and random stuff I find at TJMaxx. You are far from the only one!
Anon
I have hard water as well. I don’t want to do the vinegar trick, because I think that would break down the elasticity. Did you always hang the pants to dry?
The older skinny pants I have from Loft seem better than the new ones I bought on clearance. I was trying them on w/different tops and they stretched out in the knees. I wasn’t even sitting! I really hope things improve on the clothing front in the coming years, because I can’t live like this. I’m getting older, and I can’t look sloppier.
pugsnbourbon
No, I would usually run them in the dryer until just damp and then let the air dry the rest of the way. Which probably doesn’t help with the fading.
I replaced a couple pairs of LOFT pants right before shutdown, so not sure how well these newer ones will hold up. My first pair of their pants lasted a solid 5 years with weekly wear.
Emma
I have the Gap skinny ankle work pants if that’s what you are asking about! I had a paid from a few years ago that was a real workhouse – I wore it all the time and it did fade eventually after several years of regular wear. I bought another pair and was disappointed – the fabric is thinner, it bags out and will probably fade more quickly. The fit works well for me though.
Anon
How badly do they bag out? Are they not work appropriate and sloppy?
Emma
No, they are fine for about a day, but they bag out at the knees. I’ve worn them to work and they look cute enough but they aren’t my most formal outfit.
Anon
I ordered and returned immediately because the quality and fabric felt really bad. I bet they do get baggy. On the other hand, I kept the bootcut pants which were much nicer.
Anon
And I should add, this was about a month ago.
all about eevee
Yesterday, during the Inauguration, one of my coworkers sent out this completely unsolicited, unprovoked twelve paragraph rant about how she is a white woman doing her best and sometimes other races are racist. Absolutely no one has responded and right now we are all pretending it didn’t happen. That feels wrong to me but I am terrified of doing the wrong thing. What are we supposed to do here? What would you do? Would you approach her or let it slide or slip it to HR, or what.
anon
I would likely send it to either HR or a manager that you trust. I’m usually a “use your words” person but I think this is a management issue – regardless of the content of her opinions, there’s also a conversation that needs to be had about using company email to blast out your views to a bunch of your co-workers.
PNW
Agreed, this is a management issue. If you feel you want to respond personally, I would take it off work channels.
Anon
Oh yikes. No advice, but yikes. I can totally picture the awkward email silence as a team pretends it didn’t happen.
all about eevee
Later on, everyone on the e-mail chain was on a Zoom meeting together and it was super awkward. She was smiling and the rest of us were frowning or averting our eyes or looking down. I think it has to be addressed somehow because it made a ton of folks super uncomfortable.
anon
In light of that, in addition to forwarding to HR I would probably also pick up the phone to a few of my colleagues that were on the string and let them know you found it inappropriate and shared it with HR. And maybe encourage them to reach out as well. There are benefits to making sure HR is aware that multiple people found this uncomfortable/concerning – and other people who did feel uncomfortable will probably feel better knowing that someone has spoken up.
I’m not a fan of the check-in-on-your-colleagues’-emotional-state thing recommended below (and other times here in similar situations), unless you are already friends. Personally I think that kind of reach out can be a form of putting an emotional burden on your colleagues (I can’t quite explain why, but it sort of pressures them to share their reactions with you, which they may not want to do), so I generally only suggest doing that if you already have the type of relationship where you share your emotions about significant things. But reaching out to share your *own* reaction and what you’ve done is, I think, I okay even for people with whom you don’t have a friendship.
CHL
Please send it to HR or your manager. Letting stuff like that fester is bad.
Anonymous
I’d report it to HR immediately. Under my firms harassment policy I am required to do so. Also, I actually don’t want racists doing harassy things at work!
Anon
Was working at a different company last summer when an employee did something similar. I (and thousands of other people) reported the email to HR and then I sent a message to my boss just saying, hey, that was not cool and we may need to do some reach-out to our employees of color, or our LGBTQ folks, making sure they are okay. Also included some brief statements about, if this is “not who we are” at this company, we need to push back against this kind of thing or by default we are condoning it. The company had done a lot of work around diversity and inclusion and I pointed out that all that was for show if we were going to do nothing when an employee sent out a patently racist email. She forwarded it to her boss, who forwarded it to his boss (president of the company) and it apparently got included in the case they put together to fire the moron who sent the email (which took way longer than it should have). I also reached out to a couple of my colleagues just to check in, which they said they appreciated. One of them had been considering mic-drop quitting over the email – she did not feel safe being in an environment where that kind of BS is tolerated. I don’t think my conversation with her changed her mind but it did let her vent, which I was happy to help with.
Gonna be a little raw here: if you consider yourself an ally, you have to say/do something. You don’t have a choice. Either we speak up in situations of injustice or we align ourselves with the oppressors, as the quote goes. All the book-reading, “educating ourselves,” donating, keyboard-warrioring, etc. in the world doesn’t make a dang bit of difference if we don’t speak up for our colleagues when they are confronted (assaulted) with that kind of thing at work. The email your colleague sent was (going off your description) ignorant, racist and completely inappropriate, to say the least. You know your company best in terms of what you can do that will result in action. But do something.
Anon
This wasn’t an “assault.” Let’s keep a sense of proportionality here. The email sounds ignorant as hell, but judging by the OP’s description, it did not directly attack any protected classes.
Anon
You don’t know that, and if it was twelve paragraphs long and bad enough that everyone who saw it was uncomfortable? It must have been pretty bad. I was waiting for the racist apologists to show up so thanks for representing. Now I’ll just wait for the “well I’m not racist but I don’t want to do anything that will hurt my career” poster and I can check off that square on my “Culturally Incompetent Corporette” bingo card.
Anon
Do you even realize how unhinged you sound? That is exactly why I do not recommend that OP take this into her own hands. Personnel matters should be dealt with professionally, not emotionally, and by the correct authority. Nowhere did I claim that this should not be dealt with – just not by keyboard warriors.
anon
Good grief. Not who you are responding to but I support reserving the word assault to describe actual assaults. This type of language drives me nuts because it gives fuel to arguments that people are over reacting. I run into this regularly in diversity related discussions at work and someone always uses the fact that there’s a woman who takes every perceived slight as a gender discrimination case. It helps to use the correct language to describe situations to ensure when an actual assault happens people don’t accuse you of crying wolf
Anon
“Assault” has a meaning. What word do you use for people who were actually assaulted?
busybee
An email is not an assault. As a prosecutor I am well versed on the definition of assault. Calling this an assault minimizes the trauma of actual victims of assault.
anon
+1 to this not being assault but agree the OP should say something to boss/HR. I disagree about reaching out specifically to POC because (1) everyone should hear that the company disagrees with the email/finds it unacceptable to send those emails and that if anyone has concerns/questions they can reach out and (2) I agree with the poster above that this puts emotional labor on the person on the receiving end of the reach out. In a work context, a boss or HR checking in feels like the company asking for re-assurance that the employee isn’t going to sue or isn’t upset or whatever. It also puts more spotlight on the person which may be extremely unwelcome after someone else just put a spotlight on them that they didn’t ask for.
Anon
I agree with the sentiment that if you’re an ally, you need to step up. I have been in many situations over my 30+ year career where I experienced overt, in-your-face sexism and the majority of my male colleagues who would never have thought of themselves as sexist sat there in awkward silence. The couple of times one of them stepped up to say, “hey Bill, that’s not cool” or something along those lines made far more difference than any response I could
have made (because then I would have just been “uptight”)
Say something. Do something. Don’t assume someone else is going to do it, because they probably won’t.
anon
What in the world. Definitely forward to her supervisor.
all about eevee
Her supervisor AND our VP were included on the e-mail.
Anonymous
I would go through your own supervisor, as long as she’s a reasonable manager. If she had been included on the e-mail, I’d just express my concern and ask if anything were being done. If she hadn’t been included, I’d forward her the e-mail.
Anon
yes. don’t let your supervisor also sit there in awkward silence. talk to her and explicitly say you expect her to escalate this.
Anonymous
Is there any context to the letter or an incident which sparked this?
Everyone in my office is subject to a non-partisan clause, which the vast majority are not willing to break. This has lead to accusations of racism which are not infact racism, just staff abiding by their contracts.
Anon
Leave it to HR. Unless she was hurling racial slurs at coworkers, don’t address anything yourself or overstate the harm or anything like that.
Anon
What a brave and powerful suggestion. /s
Anon
It’s not brave and powerful to panic or take issues into your own hands. This is an issue for management/HR and I stand by that.
Anon
+1 — this is not the time for amateur hour.
Anon
Yeah, seriously. It’s not the KKK you need to be afraid of, it’s the white moderates who do nothing.
Anonymous
How do you know the race of that poster? You don’t. Your response just demonstrates the harm of a knee-jerk reaction based on assumptions and dramatization.
Anonymous
Going to HR is not doing nothing, it is doing exactly what your employer tells you to do when there is a problem in the workplace. HR has the authority to open an investigation and then with management to take action where action is warranted.
Anon
Going to HR is the opposite of doing nothing. Your knee-jerk response is really illustrating why the OP should leave this to the professionals.
Anonymous
Would forward immediately to HR stating you find it inappropriate. You could copy your coworker if you want– totally depends on your current working relationship.
Anon
Simple forward to HR and your superior saying this does not feel appropriate is enough. Let them deal with this.
theguvnah
To me it would be important for you to publicly respond. Ignoring an elephant in the room when someone is actively harmful is not okay. Even a simple reply all with “wow. This is highly inappropriate and offensive.” is critical here, regardless of what happens to HR. If you have POC on the team who received this email (and if i am assuming correctly, you are white) your silence is actively harmful here.
Anonymous
HR needs to handle this.
theguvnah
Yes, AND good people need to also be direct because we are all adults and provide feedback when someone does something shitty.
I know not every workplace is like my mine, but in my workplace we would be expected to provide direct and timely feedback in addition to whatever HR is doing.
Morally, I also believe white people have a duty to respond.
Anonymous
Please do not reply all. Your colleagues already think the email sender is out to lunch, no good will come from replying, your colleagues will just think you’re out to lunch too.
theguvnah
Your coworkers must be just as bad as this emailer if they think that someone publicly responding to a public racist screed is crazy.
We actually have a duty as white people to respond publicly when our fellow white people act shitty. Have you learned literally nothing in this past year? Let me guess, you posted a black square on your instagram and called it a day?
Anonymous
My colleagues are great people tyvm. Responding would just be seen as feeding the drama, plus it could backfire spectacularly depending on the results of the HR investigation. Most offices have very nonconfrontational cultures.
I haven’t posted on SM in years because I don’t want to risk my employment.
Anonymous
You are not on Twitter but workplace email. It is your job to notify HR and have HR determine appropriate course of action or punishment —jumping in with a reply all with what you deem personally to be “punishment” is not your place. Seeing a back and forth would actually compound the hurt to me if it were something where I had already just been made to feel “other.”
Sentaler Coat review?
Does anyone have a Sentaler coat? I am super tempted by the beautiful colors but there’s nowhere in NYC to try it on and they’re pricey enough that I hesitate to pull the trigger! I’m a 12 busty, with chubby arms, so dress coats are very hard to fit well.
Senior Attorney
OMG those are divine. I can’t help you, but… OMG those are divine!!
Anonymous
I tried one on and found it narrow in the shoulders, which explains why it’s a DOC pick.
Anon
Since this is a fashion blog, I want to point out that VP Harris’s stepdaughter was wearing a Batsheva dress for the swearing in (under a cute coat). I saw pics with some black boots (but would punk up the look with some Doc Martins). At any rate, Batsheva is theoretically my vibe (big Little House fan, always cold in winter so want something I can layer beneath) but other companies are offering more of a hybrid b/w Batsheva and Lilly and I think that this may be where my ideals meet and I can finally shop for something where I can be comfortable in my COVID-15, wear with tights + flat-heeled boots and not look too strange (yes, it is strange, but in WFH land, it is not too strange for me).
Anon
Huh?
Anonymous
The dress was instantly recognizable as Batsheva. I absolutely cannot stand the look. It is aggressively ugly and deliberately evokes styles favored by groups that oppress women.
Anon
I read it as supporting an American Jewish designer and wearing something not-sheath where spanx are not mandatory. Other fashion oppresses us in different ways.
Anonymous
I agree that fashion is often oppressive, including this Batsheva brand, but Ella Emhoff would not need to wear Spanx under anything. What are you talking about?
Anon
I’m guessing: the dress looks to be forgiving. I admire that in a dress.
Ditto Lady Gaga’s ensemble: to me, I’d have shortened the jacket just a hair, but it was perfection (to me), with the bonus that you could layer on the long johns without ruining the look and hide comfy boots underneath. It’s only an outfit for a performer though at a seated event — the skirt would have taken up too much volume to be sitting on seats with others for very long.
Anon
This whole conversation is brand new to me, I’ve never heard of Batsheva before but I went on their website and am not at all following how it’s oppressive. Can you explain this POV? I tried googling but I’m just getting results for a dance company in Israel…
Anonymous
Quoting from The Cut: “Hay has described finding inspiration in … the dress codes of religious fundamentalism …”
franklina
I’m guessing it’s not the brand per se but the prairie/modest/covered up lewk harkening to the trad-mormon, flds, frum/hasidic/orthodox (IDK the right term, but the really trad-jewish community in NY), old-timey-when-everyone-but-white-guys-were-oppressed era
Seventh Sister
I was in Target, of all places, recently and passed by rack after rack of prairie dresses that definitely reminded me of the Juniper Creek women on “Big Love.” I suppose they’ll try and sell us those pastel ones next.
Anonymous
This style resembles clothing prescribed for women by purity culture- promoting groups, particularly religions (think Orthodox and Hasidic Judaism, Westboro Baptist Church; LDS; Pentecostal, etc.,etc.)
Anon
It’s like “Juniper Creek, but make it edgy.”
Chloe Sevigny was the perfect person to play her role.
Anonymous
Ha, yes! I was thinking specifically of Juniper Creek when I responded, but did not recall the name. And Chloe is perfect for all her roles.
Anonymous
I think women have and have had more agency in fashion than you seem to think.
ernern
Ssshhhh, you’ll ruin the narrative.
Anon
I don’t think wearing bodycon is any more feminist than wearing a prairie dress. Wear what you want and be an actual feminist in your actions.
Anonymous
I don’t think this it likely the result of oppression that she wore something on trend.
Anon
same with bodycon
she’s an art student. let her express herself in the way she chooses.
Anon
Yeah, that aggressively ugly is really in vogue at the moment–taking the worst of the 80’s and 90’s–high rise mom jeans, huge glasses, etc. I think it’s a statement of “I’m young and hot enough I can actively try to look ug” but I am not in vogue and haven’t been for some time.
Seventh Sister
Back in the 1990s, I remember my mom and aunt being so irritated at the 60s and 70s stuff that came back at that time (bell bottoms, wrap dresses, babydoll stuff, army surplus). But my sister and I thought it was so cute!
anne-on
There are LOTS of ‘cottage core’ type of dresses based on this silhouette if you’re looking for something similar. HillhouseVintage on Instagram has shared sources for her clothing, which might be a good place to start.
Ellen
I would not be making any political statement with my own clotheing; I remember getting bashed years ago when I said I lwore some of Ivanka’s stuff–since then I have given all of those items to Goodwill. As for her coat, I did not like it, and while I think a young girl like her can wear what she wants, I wonder if she is even old enough to knowingly be making any political statement. After all, her Dad is an attorney, and she is probably still in school, doing her best to figure out what to do with her life.
Ribena
I have a couple of Toast dresses which have that prairie dress vibe/ length/ volume and I wear them with chunky zombie-kicking boots or with sneakers. (Also The Dress from Zara, which I dyed green).
Senior Attorney
My google skills are failing me. Anybody have a link to the dress without the coat?
Anon
No but it is on Vogue’s site (and a million others). Batsheva + inauguration
Madrilian
https://www.vogue.es/moda/articulos/ella-emhoff-batsheva-hay-vestido-investidura
https://www.instagram.com/p/CKRjILKALoS/
I love the coat from Miu miu
Madrilian
https://www.vogue.com/article/ella-emhoff-inauguration-dress-2021
Anon
people wrote the meanest comments on that instagram post.
Senior Attorney
Oh, okay. I found that one. Wasn’t sure if it was the one. Thanks! Not my taste but she can’t help but look cute.
Anon
It looks like my period tracker app now shares data with Facebook. I would prefer to use a very simple, native app that only stores the data on my phone and not the cloud. Does anyone have a recommendation? I also do not need a lot of bells and whistles and women-centric language is preferred. TIA!
Cat
I don’t know if any apps are truly local, but Fertility Friend does a fine job of period tracking. It has a lot of other features you can use if you are TTC but if not they are easy to ignore.
Anonymous
I use an Android app called “period tracker” and did not create an account. I’m not sure if it is sharing data but I don’t think it has any way to know what my Facebook account is. I will loose my info if I delete the app, but I’m fine with that.
Anonymous
+1 but on iPhone
Curious
I like Clue, and they are from Germany so they do much more for privacy than average. Can’t speak to cloud vs local data, but they don’t share it.
anon
Clue is extremely transparent about how they store, process, and use data. Their website is really outstanding in terms of trying to communicate clearly about their privacy policies. It’s pretty awesome.
Vicky Austin
I like Clue too.
anonshmanon
I am also happy with clue. Every once in a while they prompt me to create an account, but it’s been easy to skip, so it’s just on my phone, not connected to an email/name. I just poked around the app, looks like I could also back up my data manually if I was worried about losing the phone or whatever, but it’s not so important for me.
Anon
Another vote for Clue for all the reasons listed above.
But as a frilly bonus – they are not pink background with butterflies kind of period app. Nothing wrong with pink and butterflies etc. per se, but when 90% of trackers use that look its clearly about stereotyping which clue chose not to do, so I instantly liked them.
BeenThatGuy
I use an app called My Tracker. It’s not fancy at all but it does the trick.
Anonymous
Paper calendar FTW. You can print a one-page one off the Web.
Anon
Thanks for the recommendation so far. I will do some research into their privacy policies. It sounds like a European-based company might be the way to go. I do prefer an app rather than paper because of the convenience of predicting the next cycle start date and also because I like to have it in my pocket when I’m at the doctor.
Anon
It’s interesting to me that you mention language. How would a period app bungle this (maybe: designers are not people who have ever been there/done that)?
Anon
Thanks for your question. The answer is that I do not want to use an app that calls me a “menstruator” or “person who bleeds.” I find it dehumanizing rather than inclusive. However, my main priority is finding an app that does not share my data with the large tech companies for advertising/marketing.
Anon
What?! That is insane. I prefer bad English translations or Ikea pictograms to this.
Cat
I presume this is to cover people who are female at birth but do not identify as women, but I agree, I find it almost mechanical-sounding.
That said… I don’t think my app needs to “talk” to me at all. Just present me with a calendar that’s easy to mark as “spotting” or light – medium – heavy flow. I know what to do.
Ribena
I’m going to disagree with you there. Imagine having to go through a week or so each month where your body forcefully reminds you that your outsides don’t match who you really are, and that all the stuff you use to get through that week drums the message home even more. Does ‘people who menstruate’ language actually hurt anyone? No.
ernern
I’m going to disagree with you there. I don’t want to be called a “person who menstruates.” That’s my perogative. If someone else wants to be called a “person who bleeds” or “person who menstuates” I will call them that, but then I get to choose what I am called and I don’t want to be likened to a shedding uterus.
Anon
Ribena, the language hurts me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to prove to the world that I am a person and not a breeder. I don’t use or support dehumanizing language for women, even if someone else likes it. You are welcome to use whatever language you would like, but so am I.
Anon
I just save dates on my google calendar but under a keyword so that it isn’t obvious what it is.
Anonymous
I have a lump sum that I’d like to put at least some of toward my mortgage. I have the ability to recast the mortgage (which is easy and free), or I can investigate refinancing. Not interested in just paying it down because I want to reduce my monthly payment (which is manageable but high relative to my income).
I am not sure who to talk to for advice about weighing the pros and cons of these options…I asked the guy who sold me my mortgage at my bank and he wasn’t helpful. I have tried the online calculators but really want someone to help me come up with the most advantageous scenarios (putting down the least money to get the most bang for my buck).
anon
Interest rates are so incredibly low right now, which militates in favour of refinancing. But that also depends on what your current interest rate is and what refinancing fees amount to in your area.
Anon
Interest rates are so incredibly low right now, which militates in favour of refinancing. But that also depends on what your current interest rate is and what refinancing fees amount to in your area.
Anon
More than a year since you last refinanced
Anonymous
Thanks, sorry should have included! It is 3.25 and has been a year since I got the mortgage (not much more though).
Cat
We’re looking into this now as it would cut 1% off our interest rate. We would break even (if we replaced our 30-year with another 30-year) after 23 months.
anon
What is the mortgage relative to value? or what is the mortgage amount, if you’re willing to share? Are you looking for a 30-year fixed?
Anonymous
Mortgage a bit more than 500K, value around 700K (possibly down a bit since I bought unfortunately…I’m in Manhattan which has obviously taken a beating this year).
I have been thinking 30-year fixed but if someone trustworthy made a different case (eg a 15-year would really help me in the long run if I put down a larger amount of money than I am currently planning to).
Thanks for your help!
Anon
Here’s my math for a 30 yr fixed:
Current – $500k at 3.25%, you’re paying $2,176/mo.
New – $500k at 2.75% (+/-), you’d be paying $2,041/mo
Monthly savings is $135, and annual is $1,617 on a refi just to get a lower rate.
Closing costs are…..$3k? So you’d need to stay in the house 1.85 years to earn back the cost of the refi in savings from the rate reduction.
If you put an extra $50k down on the refi and refinance $450,000 at 2.75%, then your new numbers are:
Monthly payment $1,837 (monthly savings: $339, annual savings $4,067, refi payback < 1 year).
Anonymous
Thank you, anon, you are awesome and I so appreciate this.
Anon
I’m a mortgage broker. I got you ;)
Call some local banks, even teeny tiny credit unions. Sometimes they’re the most competitive on rate. If not, find a local mortgage broker. They’ll cost you nothing and should get you the best rate. Where are you located?
Anonymous
I’m in NYC and just used a big bank for my current mortgage (got a relationship discount for having other assets there). I actually talked to a mortgage broker too before going with the bank and he was offering significantly worse rates than the bank…but I will try calling another! Thanks!
Anon
One of the most competitive I’ve found in my market (Boston) is The Savings Bank in Wakefield, MA. I give you their name just to make the point that you should think SMALL. They don’t always win the day but very often do. Also, Guaranteed Rate is a national franchise but that’s who just did my recent refi. They were 20bps inside of the next guy. The “most compettive” one day can be different the next.
Anonymous
Thanks! Will do some sleuthing.
Anon
Insanely busy work day yesterday, so I finally got around to seeing Bernie Sanders last night.
1. He needs a hat. Bald heads freeze seasons before heads with hair.
2. I went to an inauguration once and am pretty sure I looked like this, but my gloves were not as cute.
3. The Brooklyn in him is gone, no? This reads as a crusty old New Englander. Like my dad has this stuff and also the demeanor.
Curious
Was his style ever Brooklyn? I must know.
Lilau
I think he is the proverbial (Seinfeldian?) old man sending back soup at a deli. His accent and mannerisms are very reflective of New Yorkers of his generation. As for style, he’s not hipster Brooklyn or bay ridge Brooklyn. But does he fit a certain sub-cultural sterotype of the guy who shows wearing absolutely whatever because he really doesn’t care (often while his wife is dressed to the nines)? Yeah I can see that.
I’m really into the mittens though.
Anon
They were a gift from a constituent.
Anonymous
I love this so much.
Anon
I saw a twitter post last night that said something like “those of you shocked at Bernie’s outfit have never had five jewish uncles named Marvin and it shows”
Lilau
Hahaha! Yes I love this!
Anonymous
He’s from Midwood, an unhip, predominantly Jewish neighborhood in South Brooklyn. He would fit right in there except for his lack of yamulke. Brooklyn is a large and diverse place – hipsters are a small slice of it. Ultra Orthodox Jews are super Brooklyn. Old Russian ladies with bright red dyed hair, tons of makeup and furs are super Brooklyn. There is no one Brooklyn look.
Lilau
Ugh! Agree totally and you said this better than me!
Anon
The memes of him had me crying laughing last night. Sometimes the internet really is the best.
Senior Attorney
Somebody on Twitter said he looked when this is in your plans, but not for the whole day: “Yeah, I’ll just pop in to Joe’s thing for a minute…”
Anon
my favorite said “you cannot tell me these pockets are not absolutely stuffed to the brim with with crumpled tissues and receipts”
Anon
also, I love the photoshops showing him in different places sitting like that. Jake Tapper tweeted one with him on the Friends couch hahah
Anon
And next to Sad Keanu…
Curious
Help me be kind to a couple going through hell. A friend just let me know they got bad results back from amniocentesis. Baby is over 20 weeks along. I don’t know what the results were, and they don’t know what they’re doing. This is a friend who sent me flowers for my miscarriage. I feel like sending flowers back would be somehow less than: if they lose this baby after 20 weeks… It’s even worse than a miscarriage. I was thinking of trying to send a care package with food and also something they can burn when they are angry, but I don’t know the spouse who is carrying the child as well as my friend and don’t want to offend. Inaction is worse than doing this wrong, but does anyone have any suggestions?
Anonymous
A meal that is easy to reheat.
Anon
+1
I’m in California so maybe this is here-specific, but “a meal that is easy to reheat” means enchiladas
anon
I would wait until you know what they are doing re: the bad results. I think food and a heartfelt card can’t go wrong, but it seems strange to send a thinking of you until they decide (because you are a 3rd degree, through a friend contact; if they told you directly I would send now).
Curious
They told me directly; I am close enough with the spouse who told me that I was in the wedding party. So you’d say send now?
Anon
Can you check back in the friend? In our state, if it is > 20 weeks, it is considered a stillbirth and the baby is afforded a death certificate and a funeral (eye-opening to me: before that, the baby is default medical waste and is incinerated with tumors and other biohazards) or cremation. So in Prior Times, there could have been a service to go to.
I lost two pregnancies and loved the flowers that said “We love you and are thinking of you.” I didn’t really get the Bath & Body Works gift baskets, so not that. Cards and notes are also good — something that goes to them that they don’t have to respond to live (like a phone call).
Curious
Thank you. This helps.
Curious
And I am sorry for both of the babies you lost.
Vicky Austin
I’m not well versed in this, but it sounds from your post like they have to make a decision still. I would wait until that’s been done before I sent anything bigger than a text to your friend saying you’re thinking of the family.
Curious
Okay. That validates why I’ve been holding off. Thank you.
Anonymous
If they do end up losing the baby, or there is a very difficult or grieving process, you can also think about support a little longer term. It can be different for the non-carrying spouse, and they may not get as immediate support or spaces to talk about this without being sort of second in the grieving. They might appreciate a safe ear to tell their concerns and losses, or a break from being supportive themselves, which it sounds like you are in a good position to offer, down the line.
anon
I had a not-very-close friend go through something like this (I was helping them with childcare) – I sent a cozy blanket and a “thinking of you card”. I don’t think you can go wrong with thinking of you card (not sympathy), because whatever they decide is going to be traumatic. Maybe with a food delivery gift card?
Curious
Thank you, anon.
Senior Attorney
When my mom died, some friends just left a complete easy-to-reheat dinner on the doorstep. Didn’t ask permission, didn’t call, didn’t ring the bell to chat. It was amazing.
Curious
Thanks, SA. They’re in a different state, but I can get comfort food sent.
Anonymous
I terminated a pregnancy under different but also traumatic circumstances and really valued check ins. Only a few people knew, but I find that most people find this situation sad/uncomfortable and after sending their condolences one time pretend it never happened. I really appreciated my one friend who checked in a lot, over many months, to ask how I was feeling, rather than ignoring the elephant in the room. I expect I’ll think about it every day for the rest of my life honestly.
I had a sibling who died a few days after birth from an undiagnosed birth defect (this was in the early 80s). My mom’s closest friend at the time sends her flowers every year on the date of the loss, and has done so for 30 years, which I always thought was kind and lovely.
Curious
Thank you. And I am sorry for your pain and loss.
Cb
I’m reading Unorthodox and realize I really don’t know anything about Hasidic communities. Obviously, the author left, so has a certain approach, but any reading recommendations so I can learn more?
Anon
Anything by Samuel Heilman: Defenders of the Faith is a good place to start
Kelsey
I was in the same boat last summer, and went down a rabbit hole on Wikipedia. It was a fascinating read.
Ribena
I really enjoyed Naomi Alderman’s novel Disobedience. Haven’t seen the film yet.
anne-on
Haven’t seen the film but from reviews/trailers the book was more nuanced and the film cut a lot of that out to focus on the sex/love story and less on the personal journey.
Ellen
I saw the Disobedience film. The women were very pretty and unlike my experences with local Hasidics. I recall some events occured in the UK, where perhaps they are different there.
anon
Chaim Potok’s novels The Chosen and My Name is Asher Lev are excellent, although they are both fictional and older.
Anon
I loved the Chosen when I read it as a kid and reread when my son read it as a teen. It takes place in an earlier era but is really well written and compelling
anonshmanon
thanks for those who recommended Unorthodox here! I watched it on Netflix, would definitely recommend.
AIMS
There is a good Netflix documentary called One of Us.
Giga
Hi ladies! After posting here for the past few months about my career woes at my job (depressing lack of diversity, lack of sponsorship as the only minority in my group, inability to figure out the promotion process, dealing with very sharp-elbowed untrustworthy coworkers)…I am finally getting my bonus soon, and plan to leave this job shortly after!
I do not have another job lined up, and plan to take a year off to pursue a few other pet projects and see if I can get my own company off the ground.
But in the meantime, I still have the comp and review conversation with my boss to get through, and navigating the quitting process.
It’s been ~5 years since I resigned from a job. Any tips?? I have endless grievances I can lay at my boss’ door, but I am going to let all that go and try to leave on a high note.
However, I am debating bringing up some fair things (in a good, not resentful tone) to my boss’ attention in the hopes that it might help the people coming after me (all of our analysts and some associates are minority, but I’m the most senior minority, and I have found our firm to have a culture that disadvantages minorities and women). I have given up on being a crusader on this issue, but if I can contribute even a little to helping these people be a bit more mindful without burning bridges, I think it is worth trying.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Curious
No advice on the conversation; I’m inclined to think your actions will speak louder than any words. But congratulations for not putting up with that crap and setting an example for the women and minorities in the more junior roles that they don’t have to, either.
No Face
Congrats on leaving! When I quit a job, my goal is to leave gracefully. If I give substantive reasons for leaving, I keep it factual and short. I only ever give substantive reasons for leaving when I know for a fact that there are many good people in positions of authority who want to improve the firm. I do not give any reasons when I am leaving because the place is garbage and will never change. The best thing for other minorities at that kind of place is to leave!
As an aside, I once quit a law firm because it was mind-blowingly sexist, in every possible way. I left with a smile on my face, ostensibly for more money. That firm would mention me to people who were interviewing as someone to talk to about the firm, because the partners thought I loved it and had a really hard time leaving. I managed to keep a lot of great attorneys from going there! Associates would also reach out to me and I encouraged them to quit. Some of my best work.
Anon
Opinions on this will defer. My strategy has been to say almost entirely nice things about the firm and my experience in the exit interview, frame my leaving around something neutral (more money, an opportunity to move, an opportunity to persue a passion project, an opportunity to recharge from the crazy year that was 2020, etc), but also list 2-3 things that could easily be improved along with the solution. You have to know your firm for this so my examples are made up, but things like “I know we don’t do anything for Pride Month usually, but connections I have at other companies say their firm gets a lot of teambuilding and positivity from acknowledging Pride and having a couple of social events around it. Maybe that could be something people like here” or “I really enjoyed [x feature] that we had as a response to COVID, and I’ve heard from some people who are parents that they’re able to much better manage [y]. Maybe that’s something worth keeping around after the pandemic.” Basically, trying to frame things in a positive way (this small thing is working, let’s make it bigger!), make it sound like an opportunity for the company, and offer a specific solution.
This way you still sound overall very professional and positive, but you’re nudging the company in the right direction. I’d prefer to do a lot more than nudge – but this is the balance I’ve struck for exit interviews.
Anon
If they weren’t going to change things while you were there, they’re not going to change them when you leave.
Kelsey
Any IP lawyers out there want to answer a question I couldn’t figure out through google-fu? I enjoyed reading Rodman, the novel by Curtis Sittenfeld. Fwiw, I’m a Dem and a huge fan of this author. For people who haven’t read it, it starts out sounding like an autobiog of Hillary Clinton, her college days, going to Yale, meeting Bill and then things change to an entirely fictional account. It’s written so well and refers to real and actual places and events that I often forgot that it was fiction. So, my question is this – isn’t the author using publicity rights owned by Hillary without paying her and is that allowed? I feel doubly so because there’s a picture of what looks like a young Hillary as the cover art. I remember from IP law that works of satire get an exemption from copyright, but this book is not a satire. Can anyone write a book about any living person – including celebrities – and change some but not all of the facts and publish it for money by calling it “a novel”? I can’t quite put my finger on why that seems weird to me from a legal standpoint. Hillary did not authorize or give her permission for this novel and it’s not newsworthy so there’s no public figure exception either.
Anonymous
If I recall correctly, the right of publicity is not protected in all states.
Ribena
I just went and had a look in my copy (U.K. edition published by Penguin random house) and it says on the copyright page:
Rodham is a work of fiction. While some characters have real life counterparts, their characterisations and the incidents in which they are depicted are products of the authors imagination and are used fictitiously. Rodham should be read as a work of fiction, not biography or history. The characters who are not recognisable are drawn from the authors imagination, as are the incidents and dialogue that concern them.
anonshmanon
I’m pretty sure even unauthorized biographies (i.e. with no fictional contribution) are published all the time, and the subject doesn’t receive any compensation.
Anon
I don’t think there’s any problem with the content of the book (which I loved), but I also wondered about the cover. I wonder if they got a model who looked like a young Hillary? Or got the photo from somebody outside Hillary’s circle? I’ll have to go see if it says on the book jacket.
Will You Take this Rose?
Have we talked about the Bachelorette? I am disappointed, but not that surprised that Clare and Dale broke up. Clare fell hard for him and basically shut out all of these other eligible men. I feel for her because how many of us have also fallen hard for the good-looking guy who seems perfect and then start imagining a long-term future with them together in our heads, only for things to come down to a cold reality that the he’s not the “one” or you want different things in the relationship or the timing isn’t right, or whatever. I think it would have been helpful for Clare to have taken things more slowly because the whole bachelorette thing is already a really short time to get to know anyone, and early passions don’t necessarily mean that things will be great in the long-term. Again, I’ve been there and done that too.
Abby
I’ve read internet rumors that he was cheating on her all fall in New York.. she released a new post on her instagram sharing that his announcement pretty much blind sided her.
Anon
Yes, I agree! I was rooting for her but am not surprised it didn’t work out. I feel like she should have stayed on the show and given more of a shot to everyone but I guess she felt strongly about things. There was a post show interview with Chris Harrison where he asked what was next and she said babies and Dale said marriage first. I thought that was interesting. I saw another interview where she talked over him about their plans and she said he was fine moving to her city. It seemed that she was pushing for her way too much and not listening to what he wanted. I do feel so bad for her!
pnwanon
If you like the Bachelorette, give the podcast Will You Accept This Rose a listen. They are super funny and do love the show so it isn’t all snark and hate like some bachelore podcasts.
I wasn’t surprised about the news, since there were a bunch of Dale and Clare Red Flags. They didn’t seem to be quite on the same page, although definitely both swept up in the excitement. Her reaction to him night 1 – while being my favorite 5 minutes of tv possibly ever (“i knew it, i knew it, i just met my husband” cut to Chris Harrison coming out with a shocked look and reminding her there are more guys to come – loved it) – was amazing.
If you’ve seen her in all her other bachelor appearances, she is a handful and while I wish her all the best and she has a great heart, she can be a tad emotionally immature and trying to find love in the middle of a pandemic while her mom is dying might not be the best circumstances for anyone to find love.
Am not a huge Dale fan, just because he didn’t seem to really open up. We got to know the rest of the guys so much more after Tayshia came on the show. I loved the whole season for the roller coaster aspect, but I don;t think Clare challenged Dale much, and took his position in good faith and unfortunately the gamble didn’t pay off.
I wish it had, she deserves happiness.
Lily
What has made you felt most refreshed during a staycation? I’m in a major city, no kids, love to read and swim. I have a week between jobs and I want to start my new job feeling well-rested, which is not how I feel right now. Left to my own devices I would watch netflix for a week and not feel better, so I need some structure. In an ideal world I would go on a real vacation on a beach, but alas, covid.
One thing I’ve thought of doing is ordering a book from a local bookstore, picking it up, going to the good bakery nearby, and then if it is warm enough reading for a bit or at least eating in the park. Just things like that.
Senior Attorney
I cleaned out my closet and Kon-Mari’d my dresser drawers (folded everything as she recommends) over Christmas. It was fun and relaxing and now I am happy every time I look at my clothes.
Anon
I would just sleep for a week, but if you want to be productive, deep clean and organize your house? When my house is clean, I feel so much more relaxed.
Anon
I’m currently doing a week-long staycation and I am sleeping and cleaning/organizing. And doing a lot of yoga. It’s lovely.
anon
digital detox and doing something new every other day
Panda Bear
I always feel good if I tackle one or two “I’ve been meaning to do that” projects on a staycation. Maybe something as big as finally repainting my office, or little random things like cleaning out the junk drawer. Stuff that’s been bugging me but that I never seem to get around to in a normal week. It’s not restful per se, but it is refreshing!
I like your idea of enjoying what’s near you – a book, bakery visit, being outside in the park.
Anonymous
Spending some time organizing my space was a nice preparation for the new year. Especially when I could take breaks and come back to it (I can only handle so much closet cleaning at one time). So if part of your exhaustion is related to a pile up of life tasks, getting those taken care of will be worthwhile.
Holly Flax
Over the holiday break, I did a lot of cooking and baking – specifically recipes I would not have usually made the time to try. Baking bread, in particular, was really good for me because many recipes require multiple steps, which forced me to step away from my phone and make something tangible with my hands. I’ve also tried crocheting and knitting a few times and I’m not the best at it, but it’s another way to disconnect from my phone and create something.
anon
I also need some structure on my vacations. Spending time outside always makes me feel more refreshed and relaxed, so I would find time for a long walk, sitting in a park, or whatever makes sense with the weather in your location. I would also order my favorite takeout a few times. One of my favorite things about vacation is not having to cook and clean.
Do you have any hobbies you could safely indulge during your time off? If you enjoy reading, there are tons of virtual “book tour” events with authors, or there are virtual museum lectures, concerts, etc. Are there any friends or family members you’ve been meaning to connect with?
I would also focus refreshing your work wardrobe, if you’re going into the office, or your work space, if you’re WFH. Clean out and actually clean, repair anything broken, buy any necessities/basics, and buy at least one fun thing. It’s nice to have a fresh start with your work clothes (if relevant) and work space too!
Anonymous
My number one step is have adventures/hobbies/tangible fun activities. You will NOT feel refreshed if you spend the time cleaning your closet or organizing your files or comatose on the couch with the remote in your hand. Don’t waste a vacation doing chores! Do something that will make the time memorable – so that means getting out of the routine a bit. Do everything you can to reduce screentime, get outside in the fresh air, try something new requiring a little bit of skill and risk (like mountain biking to give just one example), knit something, read a classic novel you’ve always wanted to read, reconnect with old college friends on a Zoom call, or other high-value activities.
Anon
Definitely do not spend the time doing chores. I know that some people like to use a week off to organize their house, but that sounds like an absolute waste of a vacation to me and the fast track to feeling like you didn’t have a break. The best way to make this time restful and memorable is to go to something new. Even walking around a cute town that you’ve always wanted to visit, which could be pretty covid safe if you take precautions, is better than sitting home on the couch or cleaning out your office.
Anon
Different strokes for different folks. When I go back to work knowing that my home is clean and organized, I feel much less stress. Not that it needs to take a whole week.
Anonymous
+1. Agree with this completely (and left a similar comment at 12:58 above). OP, you might want to check out Alistair Humphreys who has a blog/podcast about “microadventures” and how to incorporate more adventures into a 9-5 life. I’ve been working on that for a while and it’s REALLY helped me feel like the days and years aren’t just slipping by.
“Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that g*ddamn mountain.” – Jack Kerouac
Anonymous
My local outdoor pool is open and let’s you reserve lanes; I have booked in for swims there. Can you find something similar that would be safe?
Anon
We recently spent a night at a suite in a luxury hotel and it was so nice! I think it would also be fun to get take out from a fancy restaurant. Or pick up take out and have a picnic in the park!
Other ideas – you could spend a day focused on chores around the house, a day of relaxation (bath, facial at home, yoga or walk), a day outside, maybe a day where you meet up with friends, and a day or two of doing nothing but netflix and general laziness. Hope you enjoy whatever you decide to do!
Anon
I like the idea of designating different days, but I suggest no more than half a day each for Netflix and chores. Any more than that and you’ll regret it. Ask me how I know…
Anon
I would spend 4 or 5 days at an air bnb in the woods, somewhere a few hours drive away and would bring all my food with me. I would relax, read, and go on hikes when there. Then I would come back home, clean over two days so I would have a nice clean house to enjoy and not have to worry about when starting the new job. Then, for the last two days before starting, I would do more local relaxing such as reading, walks in different neighborhoods, pick up takeout once.
Anon
Good luck with your new job OP! Let us know how you decided to spend your time off!
Anon
I’ve just started listening to it, but given the recent discussion about the middle class and who’s rich, thought some of you might be interested in this podcast interview between Anne Helen Petersen and sociologist Rachel Sherman (sorry, no transcript!). The Vox Conversations podcast used to be The Ezra Klein Show before he left for the New York Times a few weeks ago. That was one of my favorite podcasts, so I’ll follow his new podcast there, but we’ll see how the new podcast goes too- it sounds like they’ll have rotating pairs of people in conversation: https://www.vox.com/22241343/middle-class-rich-anne-helen-petersen-rachel-sherman
Anon
Thanks for sharing this!
Anon
Advice needed. My productivity during the pandemic has been very low. For the last 3 weeks or so it has been acutely worse, I am profoundly unmotivated but also anxious and overwhelmed by my work load, constantly feel so much shame and guilt about it. I have been taking Lexapro for a few months and it’s improved my mood but not my motivation. In an ideal world I would take a few weeks or months of unpaid leave while I sort myself out. I could do it financially, but as a litigator it doesn’t seem feasible and like career suicide. How do I beat this?
Panda Bear
Commiseration over here. I haven’t found any perfect solutions, but a few things help – making and prioritizing lists, doing rounds of pomodoro to stay focused, turning off email notifications so I’m not distracted by every new message.
Time off to disconnect helps too. I don’t work in law so I can’t speak to that element of your question – but if a few weeks off to recharge isn’t possible, how about at least one or two?
Anon
Can you talk to your doctor about your prescription? In the meantime, I had good luck with the Pomodoro timer when I tried it recently. Best wishes; it’s so hard right now.
KP
This makes me so sad. Ninety days off to restore your body, mind and spirit (unpaid, no less) seems so reasonable. What has happened to us that this is career suicide? The two responses I see seem genuinely sympathetic but your weariness is not going to be helped by a timer. God help us all.
franklina
Feeling a little hurt today because the Annoying-Obstructive-Person did an end run around my group on something I’m working on and have well in hand to another group (who are only vaguely subject-matter-experts) and now my name is associated with incompetence … because Annoying-Obstructive-Person has NO knowledge of the subject or the things needed to be done to achieve our aims, and I had explained multiple times what the process/progress was… so Annoying-Obstructive-Person pretty much literally told them I didn’t know what I was doing (I don’t have the original email, but I have the follow up and it’s pretty obvious what language was used.).., and unfortunately, I’m the only one in my group with this knowledge, so I can’t even dump on it on someone else.
“A little hurt”? Talk about a euphemism.
Senior Attorney
Ugh, so sorry.
Been there ...
Acknowledge and name your anger. Is there a way that you can reply to everyone that makes it clear that you were not involved in the original communication and, without saying that it was dead wrong, clarifying that your expertise in the field leads you to xyz?
pugsnbourbon
I’m so sorry! A-O-P sounds like a real turd.
In your shoes, I might respond with something like “A-O-P, we’ve discussed this process previously and I had x and y tasks in progress. Can you help me understand why you did b and z tasks?” Very context-dependent, but if you have a chance to set the record straight, I think you should.