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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Is it just me or is this giving “lumberjack chic” vibes? I know this isn’t for everyone, but I could not stop thinking about this Smythe blazer once it caught my eye. Is it the turquoise plaid? The leather accents? The impeccable tailoring? Hard to say, but I’m certain there is someone out there who desperately needs this in their closet and I’m hoping to play matchmaker here.
The blazer is $895 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes 0–12.
P.S. This “watermelon plaid” version is 40% off at $477.
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
Anon
I’m getting some wrinkles in my under-eye area – actually quite a few – and wonder if anyone has recommendations. I have naturally very dark circles so I do wear concealer, and I think it emphasizes the wrinkles. Are there any good products for hydrating this area and reducing the look of the wrinkles? Should I be using those silicon under-eye mask strips? Using a different type of concealer (I use maybelline fit me which is kind of liquidy).
anon
I think it really depends on how deep the wrinkles are and what your goals are. Concealer and skin care won’t give you injection level results. With that in mind, look for things that specify they can lift or tighten if you want a temporary effect of smoothing. Total lift eye cream and/or beauty flash balm from clarins, or something with retinol in it to use at night. For concealer, i think biggest advice is to use much less than you think. Extra product sinks into the lines.
anon
I use a very basic eye cream (Cerave) to hydrate and then lightly pat on concealer. As I’ve gotten older, I use much less concealer. While I don’t get total coverage, a bit of darkness peeking through looks a lot better than makeup that’s settled into lines. I refuse to do any treatments, so I guess this is as good as it’s gonna get.
anon
Oh, I’ve tried tons of different concealers and the super liquidy ones are not my friends anymore. My favorite is the super cheap Maybelline Age Rewind.
Greensleeves
I switched to NARS soft matte complete concealer a few years ago in my 40s and I really like it. I apply with a brush, which allows me to get a thin layer but even coverage and a nice finish. I have not had trouble with it emphasizing or sinking into wrinkles.
Anon88
+1 love this concealer. you only need the tiniest bit and it’ll cover anything
Anon
You need a richly hydrating eye cream at night (and I would consider doing eye masks/patches as well, like the Peter Thomas Roth gold ones) to smooth lines, and then, as someone else mentioned, a thicker/less liquidy undereye concealer. I like Nars Soft Matte Complete Concealer – in general, I’ve liked Nars concealers for a long time; they work very well and continue to work well as I age.
If you want a longer-lasting fix, you can get filler injections. Be very careful who you get undereye fillers from; people really have to know what they’re doing, and there are only a couple of products that are appropriate for under-eye use. I believe Juvederm and Restylane are the only appropriate options.
Anonymous
I got fillers under my eyes in my tear trough and I LOVE them. I had genetic dark circles and the filler basically smoothes out the harsh contrast between the sunken tear trough and the fuller cheek. It really makes a difference. Totally worth it.
Anonymous
That concealer is so drying. Switch to one with more polymers. I like Kosas. Chanel is amazing but was a little to expensive to justify so that has been my next-best dupe. I Highly recommend thelipsticklesbians on Instagram. She did a “showdown” about a month ago going over differences in different brands of concealer and best by skin type. It was really informative.
Anon
I love the Colorscience 3 in 1. I put a serum or moisturizer on before a dab just a tiny bit on and it makes a world of difference.
Anon
I like Tarte Creaseless – specifically made to – wait for it – not crease in the undereye area. A million shades available at Ulta.
I also have very dark, natural undereye circles that have nothing to do with sleep, allergies, etc, and this is my favorite concealer by far. I used Maybelline Age Rewind when I was younger, but Creaseless has been my go-to over 40.
Anon
What rituals do you have to embrace this season and find time for yourself? Sometimes I feel like I need extra alone time during the holidays to recharge and restore energy after all the gatherings.
Cat
know thyself. Personally I opt out of a few because I know my own social stamina, and if they are back to back weeknights one of them is def getting a ‘no’. But if you can’t or don’t want to skip any gatherings, can you find ways to attend for an hour and then head home to have quiet time? Like most work-related parties, as long as you say hi to your must-haves and mingle a bit, no one will notice if you duck out midway through.
Anonymous
I am an introvert who hates big events, so I only go to the ones that are the most important. I am also a very early riser so I only go to events that are on a Friday or Saturday.
anonshmanon
I cherish getting up on the weekend at 6:30, sitting in my living room with tree turned on, and having a quiet cup of coffee looking at the lights while it’s getting light outside. Maybe light a candle. I’ve lost the ability to sleep in, might as well appreciate my decorations.
Auburn
Same! It’s such a cozy time, and our tree is only up for about a month so it feels special.
anon
We put our tree up yesterday and it made me SO happy. It was a dark, gloomy day, and those twinkly white lights really lifted my spirits.
anon
It’s a little silly – but try laying down under the tree and looking up. It’s my favorite weird way to enjoy the season.
Mantra Magic
I loved to do this as a kid! I can’t do it now because of my tree configuration but you brought back a happy memory.
Anonymous
I do the same thing on the weekend mornings, although 6:30 is sleeping in for me.
Anon
Biking in the cold. It makes me feel accomplished to be out in tough weather and refreshed to feel the cold on my cheeks. It’s been a rough year and I’ve found that sitting at home “relaxing” doesn’t do anything to recharge me (unless it’s with a great book). I’ve watched less TV than ever this year for that reason, although I didn’t really do it deliberately. I just kind of found that it wasn’t helping at all.
Anonymous
Uitwaaien—walking in the wind. Preferably with my dog and no humans.
anon
I love sitting by the tree and the fireplace with a book and warm beverage. I absolutely need more alone time when I’m doing all the social things. Finding time alone is hard but essential. Even sitting in a dark room for 15 minutes can be strangely restorative.
anon
Also, a brisk walk is very good for my physical and mental well-being.
Savory treats for gift jars?
I’m a new member of a group of women friends who exchange small holiday gifts. The gifts should be modest, so I was thinking of Mason jars filled with snacks. One of the women is famous for her baking, so I’m going the savory route. Suggestions?
What I’m working with so far is Cookie and Kate’s maple / cayenne pecans. (Link to recipe to follow.)
Thanks for any other ideas!
Anon
101 cookbooks has a bunch of soup mixes to gift for like camping
Anne-on
I will never turn down homemade chex mix. A friend makes it with life cereal using the same chex recipe and it is amazing that way – a nice hit of sweet that balances out the other savory flavors super well. Cheese straws are also a classic!
Alternately a go to holiday gift for me is a loaf of homemade bread with a spread on the side – banana bread with nutella, challah with jam, focaccia with balsamic or flaky salt, etc.
Anonymous
I was coming here to say Chex Mix. I leave out the bagel chips and use pretzel Goldfish in place of pretzels.
Anon
+1 I look forward to a friend’s homemade Chex mix every year!
Anon
Another +1 for homemade Chex mix. I toss most baked goods and other peoples nuts, but never ever Chex mix or this incredibly complicated cookie a friend has made for 20 years and is her signature.
Anonymous
We made a spicy Chex mix with pizza flavored goldfish and a bit of cayenne. Delicious.
Senior Attorney
My mom used to make homemade Chex mix by the truckload, and we all groaned when we saw her coming with it, because that meant we were going to eat it by the truckload. Now that she’s gone, I’m the one who makes it by the truckload and everybody groans when they see me coming! Good times, man…
Jules
My mother is famous for making Chex mix at the holidays and is still going strong at 85. For her birthday last month – aloong with some real presents, including an electronic picture frame that was a huge hit – her daughters and grandchildren all gave her boxes of Chex cereal, mixed nuts, pretzels, etc. for her next batch. She then surprised US by pulling out a large gift bag filled with sandwich sized baggies of Chex mix!
Anonymous
OP: Here’s the pecans recipe: https://cookieandkate.com/naturally-sweetened-candied-pecans-recipe/
Anonymous
This looks perfect, although I will warn you from experience that it gets expensive to make candied or spiced nuts in large quantities.
Auburn
Maple and cayenne pecans sound lovely! I’ve made chocolate spiced pecans (so chocolate, cinnamon and cayenne) before and handed out to coworkers to rave reviews. Another option could be jam which is pretty easy.
Anon
Homemade pickled cherry tomatoes or quick pickled cucumbers – though these need to be refrigerated if you’re not canning, which I certainly would not be doing
anon
I give homemade granola in simple jars and it always seems to make people happy!
https://cookieandkate.com/healthy-granola-recipe/
https://www.marthastewart.com/312508/homemade-granola
Senior Attorney
Oh, somebody gave me a jar of this homemade peanutty granola a few years ago and I now make it regularly for a breakfast staple: https://pinchofyum.com/big-cluster-peanut-butter-granola
Anon
I love gifting the union square bar nuts (google for recipe). Can attach the recipe to the jar.
Pompom
Friends of ours make the BEST salsas, chili crisps, and other savory seasoning mixes (a BBQ coffee spice rub for example), and they are always so appreciated. Not a “snack” food but savory.
M
Tea lovers of this board — have you tried David’s Teas? I just ordered this gorgeous holiday tea sampler for myself: https://www.davidstea.com/us_en/shop/sugar-n–spice-8-tea-sampler/202212133US01.html
And my family’s Yankee Swap gift too! Excited to try them.
Anonymous
This looks like an affiliate link to me.
M
Hi, it’s not! Just sharing something fun.
Anon
You can tell it isn’t from the code.
AIMS
I say this without any snark intended but as a “tea lover” I wouldn’t consider any of these to be actual teas. I think it’s wonderful if you like these and I hope you enjoy them but as someone who loves actual tea and gets too many gifts like this throughout the year and especially at Christmas, I feel compelled to point out that just because someone likes tea does not mean they like this kind of thing.
Anonymous
I’m not fond of flavored tea either, but give me a nutty genmaicha or creamy milk oolong any day!
AIMS
I actually don’t mind flavored tea as long as they have actual tea as a base. French tea companies are the best at this. I am obsessed with the black and green teas from Palais Des Thes.
Anonymous
This is my pet peeve about tea advent calendars in general—half of the flavors are not really tea. Ick.
Formerly Lilly
Have a look at the brand Mariage Freres!
IL
I agree with this. Flavored tea is fine, but if there’s no actual tea leaves in there, it sits in my pantry for 2-3 years unopened before I give up and toss it. And I drink industrial quantities of tea.
Anon
Yes my dear husband got me something like this last year and I felt terrible that I just didn’t enjoy it. It’s like coffee and hot chocolate — both are nice but they are not the same thing, at all.
anon
I love both black tea and herbal teas (infusions/tisanes if you want to be particular like AIMS) like these, so would love this as a fun gift. One recommendation for putting this sort of gift in a yankee swap/white elephant would be to add a tea infuser, since a lot of people don’t have one. I’m sure someone in your gift exchange will love this.
M
Yes good point! I did snag an infuser too — I only recently got one myself so I know it’s annoying not having one on hand.
Anon
David’s Tea is Canadian, there are lots of stores here so yes I’ve tried it, they’re pretty popular. They have some nice blends but my daily morning tea is Earl Grey and I don’t like theirs.
Anonymous
Earl Grey is one of my favourites, and David’s Tea’s is just…bad, lol. We had a store in our mall and I never saw anyone inside it, even on a busy Saturday.
Anonymous
Ew, David’s.
Emma
I have – it’s local to us and they used to have stores everywhere. I liked some of their classic blends, like the organic green jasmine. But they are heavy on the flavored tea with very artificial flavors. There was a whole craze around their popcorn flavor and I remember finding it really awful. So I don’t really buy from them anymore. Their packaging is pretty though.
Anon
This looks fun – thanks for sharing! I just bought a sampler jar from the republic of tea for a gift!m but will keep this one on my list for next time!
Anonymous
I love tea, it’s all I drink, I drink an insane amount of it, and this would not be something I would like at all. I find David’s Tea to really lack in quality and flavor overall, especially for the prices they charge.
Anon
Does anyone have a recommendation for a tall, slim (no more than 20 inches wide) dresser to fit into a closet? It looks like dressers of this width are sometimes called “lingerie chests.” I’m hoping to find a solid wood option, but am striking out everywhere except for Amish stores that charge a lot more than we can afford for this. TIA!
Anon
Solid wood furniture is usually pretty pricey. Have you tried looking on FB Marketplace or other places for secondhand furniture?
Anon
In my city, Craigslist and FB marketplace and nice used furniture stores are where you can get these from real wood. It’s mainly retirees emptying houses to move to assisted living or estate sales and most pieces are quite nice.
Anon
Been striking out on the used market for months, but you never know!
AIMS
I think used is your best bet but this may work too -https://www.litfad.com/modern-solid-wood-lingerie-chest-with-6-drawers-narrow-design-s-5394755.html
No experience with the company. I think real wood is hard to come by on the cheap unless you get lucky with vintage.
Anonymous
https://walkeredison.com/products/lee-mid-century-modern-wood-collection-nightstand-or-dresser?variant=40468015087682¤cy=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiAjrarBhAWEiwA2qWdCJhr-S6AFb-0_h3lak37Rr_O4Jl4nl9hRVAVBXp3_V15ZRyOO3oXgxoCH7sQAvD_BwE
Anonymous
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Welwick-Designs-5-Drawer-Caramel-Solid-Wood-Mid-Century-Modern-Dresser-with-Tray-Top-HD9544/324222428
Anonymous
Oooh pretty! Love this
anon
The linear dresser from room and board isn’t quite all solid wood, but the main parts are. A brand to check out that may have availability near you is durham furniture. They have a lot of solid wood pieces. In general i would look for things made in north carolina/georgia right now.
Cat
have you tried upscale closet systems? Like I don’t know what California Closets makes their cabinetry pieces out of, or if they even sell pieces as a one-off, but those types of companies integrate drawer storage into the closet design.
anon
California Closets does not use solid wood. In fact, having now had our master bedroom walk-in done by them, I’m unimpressed with the quality of the materials overall. I can find composite wood kitchen cabinets that are nicer than what CC uses.
Anon
Same. Very unimpressed with Cal Closets
S in Chicago
Wayfair lets you search lingerie chests and dressers by width and material. Solid wood is going to be hard to find today since it’s so heavy.
Anon
Solid wood is great, but for an item with smaller drawers that won’t be carrying so much weight, it’s not 100% necessary.
Emma
Probably not the kind of thing you’re looking, for but I have a tall Ikea dresser (the one in pine wood, I think it’s the Rasta?). I painted it and added nice hardware and it looks nice enough for something that lives in my closet and is highly functional for the price. It’s not all solid wood but it is wood and untreated so very easy to “hack”.
Anon
Thanks everyone – helpful recs so far!
Anonymous
If you want solid wood you are either going to have to increase your budget (a lot- solid wood is pricey because it’s made well enough to be an heirloom purchase) or start looking at second hand (where you find what the people inheriting these heirloom purchases don’t want).
We prefer solid wood so we start by checking local antique and second hand stores as well as online buy and sell places. It might take us a little while to find what we are looking for, but we have always ended up finding it and at a good price.
Senior Attorney
Agree with this. Also if you know a good carpenter/handyman, you might want to consider having something built in.
Anon
If you’re more after sturdiness than the look of wood, I love the metal drawer sets from the container store (from the elfa line). They have free standing ones. I use them as “dressers” inside my and my kid’s closets, and they have held up well for years, even surviving my kid climbing the pulled out drawers as stepstools.
Anonymous
you might have more luck with shelves and then baskets? or something else to subdivide? i’ve put shelves in a lot of our closets.
Anonymous
For a closet, just get a freestanding Elfa drawer unit.
Anon
I move every 2-3 years and use the slim cardboard dresser moving boxes for my clothes (metal rack at the top). These fit in small closets.
Anon
In late September, I requested a sit-down with my boss (we’re in-house lawyers) to try to push along a promotion to a more senior role he had indicated he was interested in giving me in the past. He basically said everything I had wanted to say right out the gate, that it was time for this and, while he had to get approval from the top leader, he was planning towards having me promoted Jan 1. He sent me the job description several days later, but I haven’t heard anything else about it. (I should add that our current team is the first legal team for the company, so although we’ve been at it for several years, there’s no actual precedent for this promotion – the job description was made several years ago for a different reason).
I’m getting increasingly nervous about it, though I’m trying to tell myself whatever happens happens (I probably wouldn’t leave; I’m very comfortable here, though I am worrying that’s holding me back.) I should add that I like my boss a lot; we’ve worked together for over 10 years and get along great. But the nature of my job is that I support another department and rarely work closely with him or have one-on-one time with him. When should I follow up, and what should I say?
Cat
Maybe schedule a half hour checkpoint? I would say “Boss, since it’s been a few months and we’re getting to year end, I wanted to get your thoughts on where we left off with the Role discussion – is that something that still has potential for January? Anything I can do to help you and or myself here?”
Anon
Just ask what’s going on but fwiw, his timing was probably ambitious and not the ask. If your company is big enough to have in-house lawyers, it’s got a promotion process too. He probably needs to drive it with HR and it can take a while or need to hit a particular cycle. At a few companies I’ve been at, 1-1 in line promotions are rare because the budget is for raises and those happen in the spring. Etc. I don’t think it’s anything about you, likely just stuck in the machine and a check in may prompt him that he needs to babysit it too.
anon
FWIW, in my company your sit-down was too late in the year for a January 1st promotion. So it may be in the works but not on track for the date you are hoping for. I would remain upbeat and optimistic about it and approach any future conversations with a “what date are we looking at for this” attitude.
anon
I wondered this, too. In my org, promotions and raises only happen during a certain time of year (and that fact is not very well publicized).
Anon
I like the idea of framing it like a given, “What date should we expect this to come through?”
Anon
My work day is usually very meeting intense, but today some got unexpectedly cancelled. I really need to use this time to power through random tasks and I’m just not in the mood.
Anon
Also, my 4:30 meeting is still on the books and is likely to go long. Sorry, I’ll stop whining now.
anon
This is the appropriate place to whine!
I would jot down a quick to-do list on a Post-It, turn on some music, close Outlook and dig in.
Anon
I hear you! Everyone likes to diss meetings but I like them to break up the day and to give me some time when I don’t have to be doing focused research.
Anon
Lean out for the day, random time is often harder to harness than planned heads down work. Get some administrivia done, clean your workspace, organize email, don’t try too hard and the other stuff will happen. You might also get into a workflow better by not trying to.
Anon
This!
Anon
for those who’ve been following the Israel-Hamas war, one of the conditions of the pause (that has now ended) was the red cross visiting the remaining hostages – i was unable to find anything in the news of that actually happening, but perhaps I missed it. if you read something about that please share
Anon
No, the hostages have not been visited by the red cross. They have been treated miserably, according to those who have been released. I’m almost amused that Hamas has somehow led the world to believe that they would let the Red Cross visit the hostages.
Anon
then it seems kind of unfair Israel is getting so much sh*t for the fighting beginning again, when it sounds like Hamas never fulfilled their side of the bargain
Anonymous
It’s amazing to me how well Hamas has done on the propeganda tour. We saw the images of hostages bleeding from ra pe live on October 7 but somehow you have many americas talking about how there was no rape, how the hostages that have been released look like they loved their captors, how sweet the Hamas seemed to them. The people at the Oakland city council screaming that Israel did this themselves was flabbergasting to me. Everyday I see more and more antisemitism on social media.
Anon
There was an excellent article in Spiked about denialism of Hamas’ atrocities (specifically related to the command center under Al-Shifa Hospital and how this was downplayed/doubted in the media):
“When IDF commanders displayed the Kalashnikovs, ammunition, hand grenades and bullet-proof vests they found at al-Shifa, the woke media shrugged. These are just ‘small stashes’ of weapons, said the BBC in its best haughty voice. This begs the question of how much weaponry Britain’s public broadcaster thinks it is acceptable for a fascist movement to store in a hospital. Ten guns? Twenty? ‘Those piles of Kalashnikovs’ are ‘frankly not convincing’, said the BBC’s Jeremy Bowen with superb derision. Maybe they belong to the hospital’s ‘security department’, he said.”
It also contains good information about the historical record for Hamas using Al-Shifa as a base and torture center for years prior to this – facts reported by Amnesty International at the time.
https://www.spiked-online.com/2023/11/20/al-shifa-hospital-and-the-pathological-distrust-of-israel/
Anonymous
Genuinely asking: where are these images? I understand that they may not be plastered all over mainstream media due to being graphic, but I don’t see coverage from legitimate news sources indicating their existence. Just today the NYTimes reported about “accusations” of sexual violence. Again, genuinely asking and please forgive my ignorance.
Anon
Yesterday John Kirbey said that the RC had not been allowed to see the remaining hostages.
Anon
First result when I searched “red cross visiting hostages” – looks like it’s scheduled for today.
https://www.jpost.com/breaking-news/article-776393
Anon
No, I don’t believe the RC was allowed in for that. The Biden Administration said the talks broke down because Hamas would not release more hostages (or confirm the age/sex/other relevant details of remaining hostages). It’s not surprising since it’s in Hamas’ strategic interest to maximize the death and destruction from this war.
Another thing I’ve been thinking lately – if Israel’s goal was genocide, it would commit genocide. It has the manpower, bombs, and nuclear weapons to level Gaza in hours. Distributing evacuation route information and strategically attacking targets to minimize civilian casualties is…not that.
Anon
The BBC has a wonderful article about the telephone calls. The IDF was making to Palestinians in Gaza, trying to get them to evacuate buildings before bombing. Whatever your thoughts are on the reasonableness and proportionality of Israeli response (and there is a lot of room for debate there) the accusation that they are trying to commit genocide is not really consistent with the facts as we currently know them.
But the poster who said that the violence and destruction was what Hamas wanted is spot on.
Anon
I agree, the genocide claim makes no sense. I think there’s definitely an argument to be made that Israel has committed war crimes (whether those are justified is up to debate) but if they really wanted to commit genocide, they would no be dropping flyers, calling people etc. to try to minimize civilian casualties. They have the military capability to flatten the Gaza strip in a few hours.
Anon
I don’t understand this reasoning. Couldn’t the flyers and phone calls all be for show? I assumed the idea was that they’re trying to temper the international response and get away with as much as possible without consequences. I don’t know if that’s true, but it makes a lot more sense than the idea that they’d just flatten the strip in a few hours if they wanted, since that would definitely provoke a different international response!
Anon
I see the flyers as propaganda to curry favor internationally. It’s hard to understand the argument that dropping flyers is demonstrative of a humanitarian response when the military is also dropping banned white phosphorus on civilians, per Amnesty International.
Anon
Anon @12:07: Read the BBC article (based on an interview with a Palestinian in Gaza). Based on what he said (and he is very, very, very much not pro-Israel) they really did try very hard to get people out of buildings before they bombed them.
Whether should have bombed them at all is another question. On the one hand, nonmilitary targets. On the other hand, we have pretty definitively established that Hamas has embedded itself in the civilian infrastructure (which is itself a war crime – but it is clear at this point Hamas really does not care at all about that).
Anon
Did not happen. And Hamas does not know where many of the hostages are because they are held by the other groups who planned, trained for and executed the invasion with Hamas.
Anon
Just curious who theses groups who trained with Hamas are, and why Hamas suddenly has no knowledge of who they are and their whereabouts, when Hamas is the governing body and maintains tight controls on the population. ?
Anon
yes, for such a well orchestrated attack on October 7, this makes no sense
Anon
nope, didn’t happen. i know this isn’t why the deal broke down, but it seems like a deal works if both parties adhere to all terms. Israel followed through on its side, but Hamas did not. Hamas is fully responsible for every innocent palestinian life lost.
Freezing in church
I joined new church and I am freezing. What would be the best jacket/cardigan to buy? I want something very warm, but something very elegant. I think it should not be long enough to sit on so I can put it on, take it off easily while sitting on a pew. TIA!
anon
What about something like a ruana or a cashmere wrap?
Like this: https://www.alpacaunlimited.com/alpaca-vests-ponchos/reversible-ruana-wrap-shawl-100-baby-alpaca-wool/?com_cvv=8fb3d522dc163aeadb66e08cd7450cbbdddc64c6cf2e8891f6d48747c6d56d2c
Freezing in church
The warmth looks good. Maybe something shorter?
anon
I would get one of the lady jackets from Jcrew
Freezing in church
I will check these out, thank you.
Z
I see those online all the time and want one so bad but haven’t committed. I need to try it on in-store.
Anon
I have 3 (black, navy and ivory) that are in constant rotation. The exact styles that I have would not work for tall women, I think, but there are similar offerings that are longer. I also like the Emilie cardigan for a slightly more casual vibe.
MJ
LongTallSally often carries Tall Chanel knockoff jackets for the talls. They’re not A+ quality (nothing from there ever is), but some colors are really cute.
Anonymous
Get a lined neutral blazer in wool. I don’t know if Talbots still sells, but true wool or high wool percentages are always pretty warm.
Freezing in church
Thank you.
anon
My family is adopting a 4-month-old kitten soon. Yay! It’s been a LONG time since I’ve had a cat this young. Any tips on helping the little fuzzball acclimate? She is currently living in a foster home, so I plan to use whatever litter and food the family is currently using. And I know she’ll need lots of toys to burn off energy.
Anon
A kitten friend will make you life a lot easier.
LawDawg
+1 to a kitten friend. A kitten that young needs more than just toys. If you are set on just one kitten, then make sure that someone actively plays with the kitten every few hours during the day. The kitten will need to have that interaction regularly during the day, but may still be very mischievous at night. Honestly, two cats are so much easier than one.
anon
Unfortunately, that’s a no-go with my husband. Luckily, we have two kids who are very eager to play.
Anon
If your husband is just ignorant about this, would he be open to learning from a veterinarian or another expert source?
Anon
With kids, I’d also keep in mind that kittens often learn how to play gently from one another. When they only have humans to play with, some of them can end up a lot rougher with scratching and biting (because realistically, your kids will not bite and scratch back like another kitten would!).
Anonymous
Why? It makes no sense to be cool with one cat but not two.
Anonymous
Why?
Anonymous
Two cats are easier than one.
Anonymous
Kittens like to play by pretending to kill each other. Kids tend to dislike being scratched and bitten. The advance of 2 kittens is that they can play with each other instead of you.
anon
You might try showing him info on “single kitten syndrome” – it really does help cats to learn socialization with another young one.
Anne-on
This, the place we adopted from won’t adopt kittens unless you take two or have another cat in the home.
Beyond that, don’t be afraid to (slowly!) swap the cat food once you have your vet’s ok. Our kitten had terrible gas/bathroom smells until we swapped her onto Nulo wet and dry food. The foster org simply couldn’t afford expensive food for the volume of strays they have. They also typically trap strays with churros/extra stinky wet food because it’s so yummy smelling, but not great for cats long term.
Anonymous
I adopted a brother/sister kitten pair and will never get a solo kitten again. They love each other, entertain each other, and cuddle together. it’s so cute.
Anon
Yes, get 2 kittens if at all possible.
Anon
It will be so much easier on the kitten and on you if you adopt two.
anon
My adult cats love Da Bird cat today. Make sure to get refills for the feather. Also look for other types of wand toys where you can change out the toy on the end. Obviously supervised play only with anything that has a string.
Lots of springs and ping pong toys to chase around. A Ripple Rug might be fun. Also boxes.
Make sure she has perches to climb and various scratching surfaces. I have several horizontal cardboard scratches around the house. The SmartCat Ultimate Scratching post is great.
I can’t remember how old cats have to be to enjoy catnip, but the Yeoww catnip toys are great.
When you first get her, start her off in a small space with her food, water and litter box. Then I would monitor her as she stars exploring the house. You may need to hide coeds and make sure she can’t get into cabinets.
When you have a playtime session with her, feed her afterwards. Cats have a hunt, eat, groom and sleep routine. You can try doing this in evenings so she sleeps through the night.
Anon
I’m surprised the place you’re adopting from is letting you only take one home. Two is much better for the kitten.
Anonymous
+1 no rescues in my city do solo kitten adoptions. It’s really important for development to have a friend
Anon
There are animal advocates who think “solo kitten syndrome” is a myth: https://www.humananimalsupportservices.org/blog/you-dont-need-to-adopt-pets-in-pairs/
Anon
Does anyone hand wash their clothes (including clothes that are not hand wash only or delicates) on a regular basis? My apartment building’s washer is out of commission and I haven’t had a chance to go to the laundromat so I have hand washed a fair amount of clothes this weekend. I’m oddly enjoying it and enjoying not having to do the rigmarole of shared laundry. But, I do wonder if my clothes are truly getting “clean enough” this way? Obviously, my ancestors survived for generations without washing machines, but I’m still wondering if I “should” go back to the washing machine once its fixed?
Anonymous
No but I’m sure there’s a tradwife using a washing board out there somewhere on TikTok. Really getting your clothes clean clean by hand (versus occasional hand washing) requires real elbow grease.
anonshmanon
To be fair though, back when washboards were widely used, clothes also got dirtier/sweatier than they do today, when many of us just go to the office and sit in a chair all day.
Anon
I’m sure your clothes are getting clean enough with detergent and water, and they aren’t getting as much wear and tear that they would get from most washing machines. My concern would be how quickly they are drying. How are you extracting the water? I do hang dry a lot of (machine washed) clothing, and in the humid summer I find they can take days to dry, and I worry about mildew.
Anon
Sounds like you need a dehumidifier in your basement/wherever you dry clothes.
I hang dry almost all my clothing, except for the rare sturdy pajamas.
Everything dries quickly in my basement, where I have a good dehumidifier going through the dry seasons.
Cat
+100, clothes actually dry faster in summer than winter for us since we have a dehumidifier we run in the basement in humid weather. I started using a box fan to speed it up this week.
Anon
Each weekend, I hand wash whatever bras, silk, and wool items I have worn that week that need laundered. I don’t have space to air dry other items and don’t like ironing enough to deal with that part even if I did have the space. That said, it isn’t like there is some cleaning magic the washing machine brings other than convenience, so if your clothes do not smell and are not stained, hand washing is totally valid. Probably better for the environment and your clothes themselves, too.
Anon
I’d be shocked if you were able to wash your clothes more efficiently than a modern washing machine, assuming you run reasonably sized loads. They’re very water efficient these days and don’t use that much electricity either (that’s mostly the dryer). Hand washing is certainly gentler on clothes, though.
Anon
Okay? I neither claimed nor implied that handwashing was more efficient.
anonshmanon
I think this was aimed at the claim ‘better for the environment’.
Anon
In that case, I will bite.
No electricity is more efficient than very little electricity. Filling up a normal bathroom sink while leaving room for clothing only takes 2 gallons, so unless they are rinsing with the drain unplugged while the water runs nonstop, or using a fresh sink for each article of clothing, that is still less water than a high-efficiency washer. Less water is more efficient than more water, and additionally means less energy to heat said water.
Some people just like to find the most inane things about which to vocalize their opinionated ignorance.
Anon
Yes. I spray rubbing alcohol on the armpits and let it sit a few minutes before washing. That kills any sweat smells. After wetting the garment I rub special hand wash detergent directly into any, erm, traditionally smelly areas on my clothing. Then I add more detergent to the tub, swish everything around, and squeeze the garments a few times to absorb the soapy water. I let everything soak for about an hour before rinsing. Squeeze dry with a towel (turn the clothes inside out if your towel color doesn’t match) then place on a drying rack in front of a fan or warm vent.
Anon
Do you dilute the rubbing alcohol or spray it on full strength?
Anon
Not the original commenter, but I regularly use full strength rubbing alcohol as a stain remover. (It’s excellent for organic stains, like food and dirt.) So full strength won’t damage clothes
Anon
10:39 anon here. Full strength rubbing alcohol. I decant rubbing alcohol into a generic spray bottle, which you can find at Walgreens or Home Depot. Turn your clothing inside out before spraying on the pits.
I use rubbing alcohol even for some clothes I put in the washing machine. Certain fabrics just hold onto stink. I pour white vinegar into the wash if I’m dealing with musty towels or gross workout gear.
Anon
When I lived in an apartment I just took my stuff to the dry cleaners for their wash and fold service. Clean clothes, I didn’t have to do anything and a lot more hygienic than hand washing. I miss my perfectly folded underwear as I type this…
Anon
While that sounds lovely, I hate paying the $3.75 to wash and dry a load as is, I can’t see myself paying for wash and fold!
Anon
It’s not that much more and you get your time back, they charge bulk prices.
anon
Yep, it’s $1/lb for me in NYC, with 24 hour turnaround.
Anon
Yes, you should. Don’t make a laborious cleaning routine your usual hobby.
Anon
While it certainly wouldn’t replace one of my many hobbies, one of the things I hate about shared laundry is that I have to be home (and awake) while my laundry is running to change it over / get it out of the dryer. I’m not often home without much going on for 2 hours unless it’s bedtime!
Anon
I did this for a bit when I lived in a place with no washer/dryer. I got a big plastic tub and would dump things with a bit of handwashing soap, swirl around in hot water, let sit for a bit, rinse out. I pre-treated stains with soap if needed. I did a lot of small items that way and it worked fine. Anything very dirty and bulky was taken to the laundromat, but I honestly this method worked fine for everyday stuff.
Anonymous
I’ve done it. It takes some elbow grease, can be really hard on the back, and you have to really, really make sure you’re rinsing all of the soap out, but you can get really clean clothes that way. I wouldn’t do it again, though, unless I had the whole washboard/tubs/mangle setup.
Anon
I think it’s fine to keep doing this while you feel like it and I think it’s fine to go back to the washer when you feel like it. If your clothes aren’t getting clean after a few weeks of this, you’ll notice and switch back. NBD.
I did a lot more hand washing when I lived in a building without in-building laundry and was broke, then switched to a service that picked up and delivered, and now I mostly use the building washers and hang dry 2/3 of my clothes. I oly hand wash delicates now, but it’s nice knowing I can hand wash anything I want if I need to.
Anonymous
I hand-washed a lot while waiting for machine service a few years back. Wool, silk and bras are fine, but handwashing jeans, thick cotton, towels or sheet is a nightmare. I had to iron my jeans dry enough to hang, since there was no way I’d get enough water out of them by hand.
All in all I hated it, and fully appreciate the magic convenience of a washer.
Anon
When my washer went out. I wash small items of clothing using a salad spinner. It was great for getting them clean, as well as getting excess water out so they dried faster.
Anon
I do a lot of sink laundry when I travel because I’m a carry on only packer. I always have a couple of packets of woolite in my cosmetic case.
At home I hand wash my handknits and my cashmere sweaters. I have a little collapsible tub + a bottle of Euclan near the sink. I let whatever it is soak a bit, then squeeze as much water out as I can without wringing, then roll it up in an old towel and step on the towel roll to get the water to transfer to the towel. Then I dry flat on my blocking mats, or draped over a drying rack.
My husband does the household laundry and he’s a big one for hang drying lots of stuff after washing in the machine. He doesn’t like how dark colors fade more quickly in the dryer, and doesn’t want things to shrink.
Anonymous
I typically delicate wash any tops or dresses that I worry about shrinking on the delicate machine cycle and hang dry, but that’s it. I do hand wash when I travel but even then jeans (not to mention blankets/sheets/towels) would be a pain to deal with regularly.
anon
PSA to those who have sensitive skin and are worried about how to incorporate anti-aging products: Proceed with extreme caution, use very small amounts of actives, and be very wary of the 10-step routines that all the influencers peddle. I am currently dealing with a nasty outbreak of dermatitis and rosacea, which had been in remission, due to stress and overloading my skin with anti-aging products. I went slow, per all the advice, and did not react to the new products initially. After a few months, I started noticing issues cropping up. Now I am, once again, working on repairing my moisture barrier and kicking myself for letting myself be influenced to go all-in on an anti-aging routine. Because skin issues can be painful and uncomfortable, in addition to not looking great.
No chemical exfoliants for me, no anti-aging ingredients, no heavy anti-aging moisturizers (they, too, can cause problems like dermatitis), no more extra vitamins. Turns out, my best anti-aging plan is to not mess with things too much. Ugh. Don’t be me.
anon
To be clear, when I say “overloading,” I mean that I used minimal products compared to what I see many people recommending even here. We’re talking a glycolic acid exfoliant 2-3 times a week, a nightly serum, and a heavier moisturizer than what I typically use. Vitamin C during the day, in addition to moisturizer and sunscreen.
Anon
I had the same issue with chemical exfoliants, and I don’t have particularly sensitive skin. They seemed great at first, but then over time, I started having really dry patches and increased acne. Everything got better once I stopped.
I have been able to use Vitamin C Serum, retinol, and niacinamide and not had any issues.
Anon
I’m like you. Pretty much everything I put on my face causes some kind of unpleasant and unattractive reaction. My skin looks best when I use absolutely nothing but vanicream moisturizer. I usually don’t even wash my face at night or use sunscreen more than absolutely necessary (I cover up and am generally only outside at dawn and dusk).
Anon
+1, im pregnant so had to stop using retinol and my skin has never looked better. Although the pregnancy hormones could certainly be helping with that.
Anon
Oh yeah, this is totally true.
Many women discover this as they get older, especially in their 40’s 50s. Lots of rosacea, perimenopausal changes, other auto-immune/systemic disorders that affect skin start presenting.
Less is more.
The 10 step skin care plans are really a ploy by companies to get you to buy…. 10 things.
Young genetically blessed skin can tolerate a lot.
Avoiding the sun.
Sunglasses, good physical sunscreens.
Mild cetaphil, cervae skin cleansers and moisturizers twice a day.
Manipulate the skin as little as possible.
Treat acne as need be.
Consider retinoid when appropriate.
See a dermatologist interested in women’s skin earlier rather than later. Can be hard to find a good one though.
Once a year skin checks for skin cancer.
If you are prone to allergies, avoid all dyes/scents etc…
Anon
I use it all and I’m 58 with sensitive rosacea skin, but I tend to rely on prescription stuff as much as I can (curology, working with my dermatologist) and I am so so so cautious about adding things to my routine. Everything other than my prescription actives (a tretinoin mix in the PM, a rosacea mix in the AM) is just focused on general, gentle hydration plus sun protection.
Samples are wasted on me. I try nothing!
Anonymous
I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. I’m in a male dominated industry, I also happened to write our industry’s bible (my name is on there but it’s published under the orgs name). I was in a meeting today where I was talked down and told to read our industrys bible so I said “I’m glad you like my work, the issue were discussing is covered in chapter….” but then I later got reprimanded for “correcting a superior” Ugh. I know I didn’t do anything wrong, I know this is just part of being a woman, but I really wish it wasn’t. I don’t even feel like a human.
Anon
Who reprimanded you? Whoever is in a position to reprimand you was also in the position to promote/advocate for you in the meeting by saying, “Actually, she wrote the Bible, including chapter X.”
Anonymous
that… totally sucks. i’m so sorry. can you look for a new job in the new year?
anon a mouse
UGH, I feel you. You are justified in your irritation and anger.
If you have a decent relationship with the person who reprimanded you, it’s worth a conversation to find out whether it was your message (that you are literally the expert on the subject) or your delivery that ruffled feathers. It’s a delicate line, and one that men don’t need to navigate nearly as much, but you could ask whether there’s a better way to help inform your audience of your credentials. And yes, I hate that this is even a consideration, but it is.
Anon
+1 this is very good advice.
I’ve found that it’s important to come across as calm, collected and competent when I point out my prior knowledge to someone who is mansplaining.
It makes it clear that you are the bigger (more professional) person. Work with the person who gave feedback to see what exactly the feedback was referring to.
Nesprin
Congrats on being the definitive expert and for pointing out your expertise to that jerk. You deserved better treatment, and should probably loop in HR on this mess. The sort of mansplaining jerk who feels threatened by the literal author pointing out her expertise in the thing she wrote the book usually does this sort of thing more than once.
Anon
Any advice on sources to figure out a make up routine for the office? I’m 47, brunette, medium not interested in a complex foundation, concealer, highlighter routine for my skin. Also, I’ve never really mastered applying more than one shade of eyeshadow. But I’d like to look put together? Ideas on tutorials for a beginner for a brief day time office “look”? Eye shadow shades that are current?
Anonymous
Merit beauty is what you’re looking for.
Josie P
No idea if this is current or not but I use undereye concealer (Armani), eyeshadow stick (Laura Mercier caviar) in one of the rose gold shades, mascara, and swipe of lipstick (black honey or fresh tinted) and call it good. I am 45.
Josie P
PS, sometimes I use undereye primer as well (smashbox) and I do always use eyeshadow primer (urban decay) to prevent creasing.
Anon
When you say “fresh tinted” what do you mean? I love black honey, so maybe you use another lip color that would work for me.
anon
Fresh is a brand that makes tinted as well as clear lip balms.
Anon
Right, but I was hoping for a color recommendation to supplement the black honey option that is also mentioned.
Josie P
Yes – I have several shades but use “poppy” and “plum” most often – worth it IMO to go to S e p h o r a and swipe all of them on the back of your hand
Anon
Yes – I have several shades but use “poppy” and “plum” most often – worth it IMO to go to S e p h o r a and swipe all of them on the back of your hand
Anon
Thanks for the suggestions.
Trixie
You tube has hundreds of make up tutorials…you could start there…also, Sephora and any large department stores have cosmetics counters where you can get a ‘makeover” and tutorial and buy products. Fun project!
kag
Andrea Ali on You Tube. She has plenty of involved tutorials, but also some surprisingly quick and easy ones (especially at the beginning of the pandemics, I think it was called a 5 minutes ZOOM face).
anon
Youtube tutorials like Lisa eldridge or dominque sachse. Sephora/Nordstrom beauty advisors can be hit or miss, but it is always worth a try to book a service and ask for product recommendations/application tips. If you don’t like a lot of make-up, stick with simple routine designed to emphasize features you like, and fitting your skin texture/concerns. For eyeshadow, you may just want a single color shadow stick or cream like laura mercier or charlotte tilburry and some mascara.
Anon
Should eye shadow for the office be limited to matte shades? In-house counsel.
anon
No? I wouldn’t go full-on glitter but a subtle shimmer is completely fine and professional.
Anon
I do NARS tinted moisturizer, concealer under my eyes, curl eyelashes and use mascara, and a swipe of blush. I also use lip balm, just for moisture. I look well rested and people seem to think I don’t wear makeup.
Anon
This is what I do as well. As you age, ‘less is more’ really applies.
Anon
My friend who previously worked in makeup taught me a trick – use your bronzer as eyeshadow. I love it and never have to worry about it looking over the top – just gives my eyes a nice subtle pop.
Anon
I do tinted moisturizer with a beauty blender, concealer, blush, eyebrows, mascara, tinted lip balm. It takes me like 5 minutes.
Anon
I’d do one light color of a shadow stick like Bobbi Brown (I like golden pink for shimmer or malted pink or nude beach for matte), a pencil liner smudged at your upper lash line. Mascara and you’re done.
If you want skin stuff I’d do concealer under eyes and a tinted moisturizer on the face over your skincare.
I like a brow gel and a quick not heavy sweep of cheek color just on my cheekbones (I mentioned Bobbi Brown products in a post below) and a sheer tinted lip balm, and I’m out the door.
anon
My routine is eyeliner, mascara, concealer, blush, clear brow gel, and lipstick. It sounds like a decent amount but it really takes ~5 minutes. I do the same thing every day and just switch up the lipstick. I’ve started curling my lashes and think it’s work the extra 20 seconds.
LT
Check out Jones Road beauty (Bobbi Brown’s most recent endeavor). They have a lot of application videos and it’s very subtle/easy but noticeable. I’ve been very happy with almost everything I purchased from them (except the eyeliner…goes on nicely but doesn’t stay for me). The face pencil is a really quick & easy to even out discoloration & undereye circles. I’ve repurchased multiple times.
Anon
Mac Studio fix powder (this is powder foundation–takes 10 secs to apply), blush in a natural shade and a clinique quickliner is all you need. Add mascara if you want that too.
I recommend you go to a department store and ask exactly for this.
anon for this
I’ve been reading this page for a very long time. Yesterday I noticed that another mom at the Chuck E Cheese birthday party was wearing a $7K Celine bag. I guess that’s the progression after an intern with a birkin bag.
Anon
What’s the matter with that exactly? If you don’t like bags, fine, but why shade someone else for liking them?
anon for this
Sorry it wasn’t clear – if anything I was snarking on myself for reading this page for more than a decade, and when I saw the (beautiful) bag, my first thought was the birkin discussion on the page. No shade intended, though I do admire her bravery for wearing it around lots of children with very sticky fingers and zero sense of personal space!
Anon
I will grant you the sticky fingers bravery for sure!
Anon
It’s a statement when you show up to a kids’ bday party with a $7k accessory. The kids’ friends may be from varying socioeconomic classes, so showing up with a $7k bag to an event where other people may view that as an unattainable luxury item could be viewed as tone deaf. Or not. Depends on the audience.
Anon
Haha, I feel you. There was a mom on our kids’ public school soccer team who always carried a $4k YSL bag to Saturday morning games in the rain and mud. I came to admire how much she did not give a f**k. It was very JLo.
Anon
That’s why I can’t have things like that. I can totally take my car off-road and get it muddy inside with muddy boots, but my one Hermes scarf is practically kept under glass and I don’t have nice purses because I can’t relax around them and the disasters I flirt with daily (red sauce, hairspray, rain, queso).
Anonymous
Meh. I carry my Chanel a lot because I’d rather it be ruined than sit unused. You might consider actually framing your scarf if you refuse to wear or. At least it would make you smile every day.
anon
Same here. And, honestly, a lot of the designer bags hold up pretty well to good amounts of abuse from having my shoving a laptop into them, along with everything else.
Anon
A grownass woman had an expensive bag? I’m not seeing anything worth snarking on here.
LawDawg
I recently bought a Celine bag for myself. Every other bag I have ever owned was under $200. This one was a splurge that I bought in Paris for a milestone birthday. The thing I love about it is that it is wonderful quality and looks “normal.” I don’t feel odd wearing it casually and enjoying my big expenditure. I say bravo to Chuck E. Cheese mom for getting good use from her purchase instead of letting it sit in a closet.
anon
I wouldn’t even know what a $7K bag looks like.
anon
Same. I recognize the logos of some brands, but I don’t know what a Celine or Birkin bag looks like.
Anon
I wouldn’t know the Celine but if you google a Birkin, you’ll realize you’ve seen that style of bag everywhere. Even high end brands seem to make their version of a Birkin now.
Anon
I know what Celine looks like generally, but wouldn’t be able to tell a fake one vs real one.
Anonymous
Same.
I’m another who can recognize a couple of logos, but that’s it.
Anon
Purses weren’t meant to sit unused in the closet. That woman is getting her money’s worth.
Anne-on
+1. I buy expensive handbags because they are beautiful, sturdy, and can be used for a lifetime. I don’t intend to mistreat them but I certainly use them regularly!
BeenThatGuy
This. I cleaned my closet a few months ago and realized I had a Gucci tote in there that I had not touched in 13 years! I felt my options were use it or sell it to someone who would bring her out into the world. So, I repurposed it as a laptop bag. I don’t fret about pens opening up or spilling coffee on it, after all, it was sitting in a closet for 13 years being untouched.
Anon
I love this point of view. Use your nice things, people!! You can’t take them with you.
Anon
+1. I have a $3k Gucci bag that is my daily carry. Yes, it will get worn out. I didn’t buy it to have it sit in a dust bag in my closet. I love the bag and hopefully when it falls apart, I’ll be able to replace it with something just as fabulous.
Anon
I’m a “one purse” kind of person. Nothing I own costs 7k, but my everyday purse was a couple hundred and I wear it everywhere, including to walk the dog, because that’s where all my important stuff lives and I don’t feel like moving it around on the daily. I agree that nice things are meant to be used.
Cerulean
Honestly I assume a good chunk of the very pricey ($5k+) bags I see around are fakes. Some are obviously real, but dupes are really common, even in some wealthy circles. People just don’t like to talk about it.
anon
Even if it’s real, there’s the resale market as well.
Anonymous
Not gonna lie, the only Celine I would recognize on sight is Dion, but good for this mom if that’s what she likes.
Anon
I went to a dog holiday party yesterday (I said what I said) and didn’t even bring a bag. I had everything in my pockets, so I look lumpy in all of the many, many pictures on everyone’s social media, and somehow didn’t get my lipstick into one of those pockets. And forgot to bring my regular glasses so I was in sunglasses inside for 3 hours.
In hindsight I wish I’d brought a bag, even a 7k bag! I’d imagine a Celine bag would withstand sticky fingers, or in my case, bulldog drool. The nicest bags I’ve had (not 7k but designer) have also been the sturdiest.
Anon
Um I would love to attend a dog holiday party, that sounds amazing
Anon
It was. I’m exhausted because it was chaos but it was so fun. Someone had a puppy there (old enough to have shots but still a pop) and another person I knew from last year showed up with a human baby! So exciting.
My dog got sooo many treats. He would go again any time.
KP
My most expensive bag is $800. But I drive a cheap car and never travel. I don’t judge people who talk about their trips, or drive $75,000 gas guzzlers. Well maybe I judge them a little. So if I want a $1000+ bag, just judge me a little because frankly it would make me feel like a million bucks.
Anonymous
also asking on the mom’s page — but i know there are moms of older kids here. what are y’all doing with money your parents give to your kids? my parents give $500 to each kid for birthdays AND christmas, and it’s adding up. i want to keep it separate from my and my husband’s money, invest it, not have it be theirs automatically at 18 and not have it count against college $$ or whatever. thank you in advance!
Anon
I had my own savings account starting around age 10 and my parents put that kind of thing in there. I doubt it would end up significant enough to be a college finding issue, but those times have changed and I’m not current. Regardless, I think it’s a great idea to teach kids about money early and have them get used to saving.
Anon
Open a 529 for each kid
Anon
Just learned that 529s owned by parents count as parental, not student assets for financial aid, so you are only expected to contribute around 5% of them vs. 20% for student assets. My state allows you to deduct the full amount of contributions from state taxes, too.
Anon
Yes a 529 owned by the parents is a parental asset. It will still reduce your financial aid award, but so will all other parental assets, excluding retirement accounts and primary residence home equity.
Anonymous
Save it for a car down payment?
Savannah
Depends on how old your kids are but you can open a custodial account at a place like Schwab and invest it for them. For very young kids, I would do this since it has time to grow and they’re not independent enough to want or need to spend it.
For older kids, around 13 and up, I’d open a teen checking account at a bank linked to yours, deposit it there, get them a debit card, and let that be their general spending money for things you wouldn’t otherwise pay for. Great way for them to learn about saving/spending/value of money.
anon
+1. Sock away most of it and give them $100-$200 for them to manage themselves.
Anon
Pretty much this, we opened UTMA accounts at Schwab when they were babies and put all the gift money in those accounts and invested it. When they were around 10ish, they each opened an account at our local bank. For sizable gifts we asked them to put about 50% in the UTMA account and the rest in the local account. They learned a ton about compound interest and spending wisely from those savings account — they were well worth it from that perspective. They got access to the UTMA at 21, so college was already paid for. My oldest used hers for a down payment on a house, and my youngest is saving his — he switched some of the investments to things he liked better (he’s a finance bro), but basically uses it as his emergency fund.
Anon
There’s no way for it not to count in the college financial aid process, whether as an asset of yours or theirs.
Anon
+1 unless you stick in a retirement account like an IRA, but that seems to go against the relatives’ intent that it be used for your kids.
Anonymous
And there shouldn’t be! Your kids should spend money they have on college if they want to go to college.
Anon
Right. It’s money for college. Of course it should count!
OP I’d stick it in a 529 account. You don’t pay any taxes on the gains if you use the 529 for qualified educational expenses when the day comes. I have two in college and I am patting myself on the back so hard – one of the smartest financial decisions of my life. All because I attended a work sponsored meeting that was basically an ad for 529s when I had a baby.
Anonymous
my understanding is that if it’s an asset of the kid’s it counts 5x as much as parental assets
Anonymous
I guess I’m an outlier but if the gift is to the kid then it should go to the kid. You should coach them on what to do with it, with a heavy hand when they’re younger, but ultimately it’s more or less up to them, subject to age appropriate limitations. It should be in an account that is in their name as well as an adult’s so they can see it grow (or dwindle, if they make withdrawals).
I don’t understand what you mean – “not have it be theirs automatically at 18”? It’s theirs now, and even if it weren’t, why would you think you’re entitled to keep their money from them when they reach adulthood? If you want to set up a trust then talk to your parents about contributing to that.
Anon
I agree. It’s your kids’ money, OP, not yours, and it doesn’t sound like amounts ($1k per kid per year, if I’m reading correctly) that will knock them out of aid consideration or allow them to become wastrels for life at 18.
Put it in bank account in their names and teach them to save/budget as they and their money grow, including saving for college expenses themselves. Those are invaluable life skills.
Also, don’t necessarily assume your parents can or will continue gifting at this level until your kids are 18+. Hopefully they will, but circumstances can change quickly.
Velveteen blazer
Would it be out of place to wear a velveteen blazer to my very casual office? Does it read too party? Co-workers often wear jeans and t-shirts. I wear jackets because I run cold (with jeans or casual trousers). This is the jacket in question.
https://www.talbots.com/on/demandware.store/Sites-talbotsus-Site/default/Product-Variation?pid=P234019527&dwvar_P234019527_color=INDIGO%20BLUE&dwvar_P234019527_sizeType=MS
anon
not out of place this is lovely and totally work appropriate. in fact my boss is wearing one today (with a turtleneck sweater and check trousers)
Anon
I have owned several of these over the years in different colors (black, red, blue) and they are beautiful. I have never and would never wear them in an office setting. I have worn them for going out to dinner, holiday parties (day or evening), at dinner events in Vegas for business conferences in the winter months.
Anon
+1. I was taught that velvet and sparkles (so metallic fabrics, sequins, beads) are after-work/evening attire only. I would wear a corduroy blazer to work, but not a velvet one. Like you, I have several velvet blazers, in different colors, and they are fantastic to wear in cooler months to any event/activity I can think of. But I wouldn’t wear one to work.
Anon
I think it’s a great look with jeans. Life is short, wear stuff you like!
NYNY
The onset of winter has had my face feeling really dehydrated and sensitive, and this weekend I remembered that I had a sample of Barbara Sturm’s hyaluronic serum. Since my usual products weren’t doing the trick, I tried it. I used it once on Saturday and my face still feels good from it. It’s shockingly expensive, but I’m thinking of sucking it up and buying while I have a 20% discount code. And I’m totally aware that this is why Sephora gives out so many samples – to hook you! Any good dupes out there for less $$$?
Anon
I’ve never tried that one, but there are lots of other HA serums. I’ve enjoyed Vichy’s. https://www.ulta.com/p/liftactiv-supreme-ha-wrinkle-corrector-pimprod2021421?sku=2577181
anon
I’ve really liked first aid beauty hydrating serum, allies of skin multi hyaluronic serum, and jordan samuel hydrate facial serum.
SDCityGirl
I have the same serum, and it is wonderful. But a good standby that is great for sensitive skin and also moisturizing is SEBAMED. Can be purchased online.
Anon
Paula’sChoice hyaluronic booster serum.
Anon
CoxRx snail mucin serum is excellent and mostly HA. I love it and it also makes me feel mo*sturized from the inside for days….
Anon
I’m naturally pale but tan very well in the summer. I need something in the winter to add some color or dimension to my face, otherwise I look like a corpse. I’m never quite sure if I need bronzer, blush, or highlighter? Or a combo of them?
I have pink undertones, medium brown hair, and blue eyes. I wear makeup every day, but I’m not great at it. My current makeup routine is less than 5 minutes and I’d like to keep it that way. I’m pretty basic with my makeup knowledge too (have never contoured, just started wearing eyeshadow (one color at a time) and also recently started wearing lip color).
Current makeup routine is a very light foundation (more coverage than skin tint, but still very light coverage), blush, eyebrow mascara, mascara, and lip stain. I dropped the upper lid liquid liner last year and now occasionally wear eyeshadow, but not always.
anon
Your coloring sounds similar to mine. Blush does the trick for me. I just … don’t like bronzers.
anon
I would suggest blush. I have similar coloring and I feel like bronzer looks odd on me in the cold months. I also wear highlighter most days, which I think adds some dimension, but not color. You could get the best of both worlds by trying a blush marketed as “glowy” or “brightening.”
My go-to is the Rare Beauty blush in the shade Hope, but I’m not sure I would recommend it to a makeup minimalist — it’s a great product but is very pigmented and has a bit of a learning curve. In your shoes, I would pick up a cheap powder blush and play around with the placement for a few weeks before committing to a more expensive product.
Anon
I’m very pale and I’ve never found a bronzer that doesn’t look muddy on me. I do the blush + highlighter combo, plus lips.
Anon
I mentioned the Bobbi Brown bronzer in golden light below. Not muddy. Apply lightly. It’s magical. I’m pale and pink and every other bronzer I tried before made me feel like my face looked dirty.
Nudibranch
My coloring is similar to yours. I like Glossier cloud paint as blush. The shade that works for me is Haze. A little goes a long way. Puff is also okay–although a little warm–for my coloring. Puff is much more subtle if that’s your jam.
Anon
Has anyone tried Bobbi Brown’s Jones Road balm? I keep seeing popup ads, and it seems like this would be a good use of it.
Anon
So greasy! It’s like putting straight Vaseline on your face. I have dry skin but they’re an absolute no for me.
I prefer the original Bobbi Brown brand pot rouges. Powder pink is a very neutral not too pink shade. Bobbi Brown also makes the best bronzers – Golden Light with a big fluffy brush so you don’t apply too much.
For reference my natural color is also corpse-adjacent. I’m a NW10 at Mac (NW= “not warm”)
Anon
As a pale, pink toned person, I find that I need some blush and a tinted lip balm to look more alive and awake in the wintertime. If you want something easy, there are a number of cream lip + cheek products on the market. If you’re very fair, you might also consider some products from Laura Geller. They have a porcelain powder foundation that’s gorgeous int he winter (it has shimmer so it lights up the skin); and they also have a baked bronzer in fair that has a lot of pink and brown in it that looks so nice on fair skin and was designed for fair skin (be warned, it is shimmery as well so I don’t feel the need to double up with blush when I use it, it’s kind of a combo sunkissed look). Benefit’s Hoola Lite is a great option too.
Anonymous
Pink is your overtone, not your undertone.
You need blush.
You can have pink-looking skin (overtone) with a cool undertone, a warm undertone, or an only barely cool or warm version.
Why does it matter? It will be easier for you to choose blush and eye shadow if you know your undertone.
Don’t “warm up” cool undertones with a peach blush or apricot, gold or warm sand eye, you’ll look dirty and smudged (unless you are very talented).
Don’t make warm undertones “polished” by using elegant rose pink, silver or grey – you’ll look ashy and ill (unless you are very talented).
Match you foundation to your jawline and overtone, and the makeup to undertone.
Examples: pale light olive can have lots of yellow in the overtone, and cool undertone – silvery grey is lovely. Pale pink can be both cool rose (dusty cool grays!), or peachy pale warm pink – apricot tan is lovely.
Anonymous
Are lug soled Chelsea boots still in? I’ve delayed getting I’m onto the lug soled trend but now that I’m back in my normal Chelsea boots I’m realizing how hard they feel compared to sneakers. I’m guessing lug soles would feel a bit squishier. I’m eyeing a couple options from Blondo. Thoughts?
Anonymous
I am still seeing the taller, chunkier kind that look like combat boots. The regular Chelsea boot with a lug sole is over.
Chl
I am generally not the best source on whether something is in or not but I have the cole haan zero grand lug sole wedge city boots and they are great for the winter. Really cushy, give a slight lift so pants don’t drag but not very much of a wedge and I wouldn’t wear them to a Board meeting but they can go with black pants or tights and a skirt to a lot of business places. I wear them all the time.
Anon
My husband received an email save the date for a colleague’s holiday party that we’re 95% sure was a mistake. The colleague has hosted us before but only with work people and the email list all appears to be their personal friends, no one else from the office. My husband and this colleague don’t have a particularly warm relationship, and I can’t imagine they’d include only us and no other coworkers. The email said “details to come” – I think we just do nothing and presumably they won’t send us the details. Does that sound right?
Anonymous
Yes.
anon
I think you say nothing, I suspect that they will send you details whether or not it was a mistake. it seems you’re not interested in going so you can decline and that will be the end of it. if you want to go i think you can. it seems very unlikely under these circumstances that they are going to tell you you weren’t invited ( i once invited the wrong owen to my kids party and i just invited the right owen, i didn’t disinvite the wrong one)
Lily
Yep. If you get an actual invite, I’d decline but (if there is a place for a note) thank them for the invite. That way they can save face and you can avoid awkwardness.
Cat
Is it possible it was an autofill mistake and that Colleague inadvertently excluded a personal friend when your email address filled in? I’m on the fence about whether to say something like “hey, this party sounds really fun but just wanted to check that you didn’t mean this for another Dave based on the guest list” or just say nothing!
Anonymous
Or “Just got the saved the date and wish we could make it. Have a great time!” It’s enough to make them check their email.
Anon
I love the crazy featured blazer. I’d never wear it but I dig the look so much.
Anonymous
Gift inspo as I’ve decided my gift is a gift of service this year and I’ve taken up collections for a few different people/groups:
– My kindergartener’s 2 daisy troop leaders (budget $25ish each)- this will be a gift from the whole troop. Maybe flowers? A plant? It’s not quite enough for a manicure or a gift card to a local restaurant. My 2nd grader’s brownie troop leaders are getting a gift card for a mani/pedi and a bottle of wine (this troop is bigger and was very generous with donations so we have more $$)
– I’m a 4th grade room parent and getting the classroom teacher a gift- all set with that- but there are two aides in the classroom that are technically assigned to a specific student but they are functionally part of the classroom. I’m using a portion of the funds collected for the teacher to get each of the aides a token gift.
Aid 1- woman in her late 50s who lives in our wealthy suburb down the road from the school and has this job because she loves kids. A gift card or cash is not appropriate. We want to get her a Thing, about $20-25
Aid 2- young guy at the beginning of his psychology career (I believe he’s still in grad school). He probably wouldn’t mind cash, but it’s weird, so I’m thinking a gift card to the coffee place by his house? (he’s mentioned where he lives to the kids before). He is big into sports but I can’t think of something in that range that would make sense.
Anonymous
My girl scout troop gave a thoughtful card and a mug that says “This is what an awesome girl scout leader looks like” and honestly, I treasure it. I assume it was like $17 max.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
THANK YOU for doing this work! I’m so grateful to all the parents that stepped up this year and allowed me to just Venmo them for the logistics/brain-work.
Anon
I’ve been a kids coach and really treasured the end of year card I get from the little ones. I have one of the cards here at my desk, in very wobbly handwriting says “you are the BEST coach” except the coach was written before the BEST!
The parents also gave me a REI sweatshirt and a water bottle, I use the latter but not the former (doesnt fit well).