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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Hutton Dress

A blue and white Ikat-print dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

A friend introduced this brand to me a few weeks ago, and now that it’s found its way into my social media algorithms, I have come very close to pulling the trigger on this dress many, many times. I love the cinch waist, the ruffles that aren’t too ruffle-y, and the ikat print that feels perfect for summer.

It’s 100% cotton poplin for the natural fabric enthusiasts, and if this print isn’t your thing, it comes in 10 other gorgeous colorways.

The dress is $495 at Cara Cara and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.

For something on the more affordable side with an ikat look, try this Banana Republic dress (on sale for $90, XS–XL) or this dress from Go Softly ($72 at Dillard's, 1X–3X).

Sales of note for 12.5

277 Comments

  1. And so the story continues – I heard that my estranged husband’s current run at sobriety evaporated along with the bottle of vodka that magically emptied. Unfortunately he then fell down the stairs at a friend’s house, and he is now in hospital with not insignificant injuries. He is destroying himself. On one hand I feel so deeply sad, but on the other I felt no urge to rush to his bedside (he’s at the other end of the country). The friend (who is mutual) called me because he wanted me to know I was absolutely doing the right thing. I am relieved that this is how I feel, and that I am not having to deal with the aftermath of his binge. I think this is progress. (I still want to scream at the universe at times though…..)

    1. I am glad that you are divorcing him. That was my first question. Please stay safe and take care of yourself!

    3. It is all incredibly sad. You are watching a person you love destroy himself. You are living the end of a marriage you wanted to work, with all the hopes/dreams about the future that you are still untangling. I am glad the friend called to give you validation, and I am glad you know that divorce is the only healthy option. But I am so sorry. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.

      1. Thank you for your words, you have expressed it as I hope and feel x

    4. This is sad and hard. My best to you.

      What I learned when a sibling went to rehab for drug addiction: many people need to hit rock bottom before they get help. That looks like job loss, lost friends, divorce, estranged family, often lost housing.

      Maybe this will be rock bottom for him. Maybe he needs an even bigger wake up call and rock bottom is worse than this.

      My own philosophy: you can’t make someone’s “rock bottom, here is where you need to change” be somewhere that it’s not. For some people, going to work hungover is the signal that they need help. Others… it’s homelessness. And you cannot change that for them.

      1. I am learning rock bottom is a moveable feast…. I am also divorcing him because of abuse, he has lost me, his house, his dogs, there is a police process ongoing. It is all horrible. I had the conversastion with the friend about whether this would be enough, with everything else, but I don’t know.
        The tragedy of addiction is that it needs so much help to deal with it. If the help comes from a place of love in the end you are hurt so much you have to look after yourself in the end, and that is where I am now.

        1. I am the Anon you responded to and am in complete agreement on “rock bottom” being a moveable feast.

          And I’m glad for you that your rock bottom (showing you that you need to leave him) isn’t lower than this.

    5. I am so sorry but I am so proud of you for taking the steps you need to take care of yourself. Realizing that this is not healthy for you and divorcing yourself is a good sign!

    7. Oof! I’d call this a (very sad) confirmation from the universe that you are absolutely doing the right thing! Big hugs, OP!

    8. Wishing you strength and healing! I also sadly divorced my first husband due to alcoholism after only 4 years of marriage, luckily no kids. We were together about 7 years…I grew up, stopped the sometimes too heavy social drinking, and he didn’t. It was one thing when we were 26 or 27 and going out, entirely another at 32 as he downed bottles of wine in the house to “unwind” from a regular day at work.

      Have you looked into Al-Anon? It was really helpful for me. I only went a few months, and I joined a FB group for awhile. I learned the “3CS”: I didn’t cause his alcoholism, I can’t control it, and I can’t cure it. I think those Cs are applicable to many situations in life.

      I hope you maintain your boundaries, stay strong, and find peace. And hopefully love again! I remarried at 38, and I’m so grateful to have a second chance with someone who is stable and responsible about alcohol use. It’s wonderful to not walk on eggshells. You deserve that too!

      1. Could you let me know what the Facebook support group is called? I have a friend going through this and wanted to send her the resource as an idea. Thanks!

        1. I don’t remember. This was back in 2016/2017. I looked up AlAnon on FB now, and there’s several groups your friend could join to see if any is helpful!

      2. Thank you, I have considered Al Anon, I do think I want something face to face and unfortunately my local group meets on an evening I have a commitment I don’t want to give up singing in my local choir, but I am exploring other options. Personally I have found this forum and others unexpectedly helpful.
        I guess I hope I will find love again sometime, I’m that much older (58), so have to be somewhat realistic. I do dream of the kind of partnership I see with many of my friends, but I have a lot of healing and thinking to do yet.

        1. My mom divorced in her late 40s and never dated until last year. Now, she’s 70 and happy in her new relationship. Never give up!

        2. Yes, I left my second husband at 55 and remarried at about your age so it’s never too late!!

  2. I’m currently pregnant and I’ve noticed an issue where I say or type a word that isn’t the word I meant – think “limit” for “litigate” or “describe” for “deride” or “see” for “say” – usually something that starts with the same letter or has a similar sound. I’ve noticed it perhaps a bit more in writing, although my husband said he has noticed it when I’m speaking. A friend said to me that this could be pregnancy brain, but I honestly can’t recall if I was noticing this at all prior to pregnancy – I was also pregnant just before this (miscarriage) so it’s a bit hard to tease apart timeline. Otherwise, I would say I haven’t noticed any differences. My level of distraction/screen addiction has long been a real attention thief and I think a memory-affecter, but it’s unchanged lately, and I still read/work out/accomplish life tasks normally. Is this something I need to speak to a doctor about?

    1. I had similar language problems at the height of perimenopause, and I found out it’s common. It was more a difficulty in finding a word that I seemed to have forgotten entirely, but also symptoms like you’re describing. Throughout that time period, my ability to work, in a quantitative field, was completely normal. I do think hormones can impact our brains, including our language centers.

    3. I know hormones/pregnancy brain can do this, but a doctor may still have advice on sleep/nutrition/whether you could be taking a prenatal that packs a little more punch.

    4. I struggled mightily during pregnancy. Make sure you are getting all the sleep your body will handle, eat well, and take vitamins. It helped for me at least to take iron supplements… talk to your doctor about that.

      1. Just lack of sleep can definitely cause this. If you, like many pregnant women, aren’t sleeping well, that could be the cause (and for me noting that my memory issues improved once I was sleeping again was very reassuring).

    5. Same here, I find myself doing a lot of “oh what’s the word I’m thinking of, it means…” these days, and 14 weeks pregnant. Bring it up with your OB if you’d like, but I think it’s totally normal.

    6. I once realized a friend was pregnant with her second (before she announced) because she started doing this, and the only other time she’d ever done it was during pregnancy with her first.

        2. This is a joke, yes? But if you do bring this up with your ENT (!), please please please update with their response!

          2. Yeah between this and the reference to Tay Tay’s fertility below, I’m gonna go with t-r-l-l

    7. I usually have a really good memory, but during pregnancy it is terrible. I never leave my purse behind anywhere, except when I was pregnant I left it behind in restaurants, dressing rooms, the doctor’s office, etc. There really is something to it.

      1. +1 I once left my cell phone on a park bench while pregnant. It took two hours of driving round trip to retrieve it. It’s very humbling.

    8. I had a stroke and I have this now. The key is recognizing that you’ve done it when you do. If you can’t hear the difference, that’s when it’s a problem!

    9. Thanks all. I had always seen headlines like “is pregnancy brain a myth?!” or heard that it’s more about forgetting names/why you entered a room, but good to know that word-switching isn’t triggering alarm bells for anyone.

      1. Here’s how I look at it, from a not-doctor perspective: there are plenty of situations in life in which people’s cognition is affected. Mountain climbers at high altitudes. “Marathon brain” when you are low on glycogen and get confused. Sleep deprivation. Haven’t had enough to eat. Anemia.

        Pregnancy has similar effects on the body: anemia, sleeplessness (or not enough extra sleep to compensate for the work your body is doing), nutrients are diverted to the baby and Mom gets the leftovers, etc etc. Of course cognitive changes can occur! But that doesn’t mean you become less smart.

      2. I would say that you should mention this to your doctor and I wouldn’t be surprised if they just double checked your iron, blood sugar, and maybe blood pressure (these are all things they would do anyway).

        But yeah… I also had pregnancy insomnia and was just… super flaky during pregnancy.

    11. I’d check with a Dr- aphasia can be caused by hormonal changes and exhaustion but could also be all sorts of bad things.

  3. Anyone who has done microblading/nanoblading for eyebrows and/or gets lash extensions, would you do it again, and what are the main pros/cons? I’ve been thinking of having my brows done for years, and I’m interested to hear about lash extensions. I want a very natural look, but I want to save time in the mornings. I’m aware that lashes require regular upkeep.

    1. I love lash extensions for the look nd the ease and never wearing mascara that gets everywhere. But it is so pricey where I am I really can’t justify it for long.

    2. I haven’t done this, but a good friend says that lash tinting/curling can be a more natural way of enhancing lashes rather than extension.

      1. I tried the tinting but not the curling. My lashes are basically dark brown/black on their own. I just don’t have many of them. So it didn’t really help me, unfortunately.

    3. I love lash extensions. I get them when I have “big” events coming up, which can range from an anniversary dinner to a presentation at work, so roughly every other month. They last a long time for me and are the biggest wow I’ve found. They’re better than Botox or any other beauty treatment as they completely open your eyes up. I disagree with the idea that a tint and lift is better. That process takes just as long, is using harsher chemicals on your lashes and doesn’t look nearly as good. I tried it as a baby step before lashes and would never do that again. The other thing with lashes is to play around to find something that looks natural that you like. I do mine full and short so it looks like I’m using a great mascara and not like I forgot to take my makeup off from the club. Have not tried microblading as I’m blonde and have been cautioned that navy blue eyebrows result from my coloring.

    4. I loved lash extensions more than any other beauty-related thing I have done. But my eyelashes are very fine and were not able to handle the weight of the extensions. I had to stop so I didn’t lose all my lashes.

    5. Yes absolutely. I keep planning to get my micro bladed brows touched up, but the effects have really lasted!

      I’m in my 50s and have had naturally sparse brows since my late 20s – not a result of overplucking. I didn’t have much of pluck.

      I wore eyebrow pencil for years but it was hard to find the right shade that was ashy medium brown and not reddish or too black. It was lockdown and Zoom that made me decide to do something permanent, or at least semipermanent.

      I went to a local practice that had lots of photos of natural looking brows on IG. I didn’t want sharpie brows. I wanted something that looked like real eyebrows. I showed the artist/proprietor several of her own photos that looked like the result I wanted, and that’s what I got. I love them. It makes such a huge difference to actually have eyebrows even when I don’t have makeup on.

      1. I had microblading done and won’t do it again. I didn’t have sparse brows but as I aged, they were fading in color-gray hairs infiltrated and other hairs lightened. I wanted an overall slighly darker color. My biggest complaint about the process is that my artist decided to change the shape of the brow to make sure each brow was even and consistent-sounds good, but that required me to basically shave all the hair off the end of one brow in order to make sure I didn’t have a double brow-frankenbrow, I called it. I did not feel comfortable doing that and would have preferred that she follow the shape of my natural brow. That’s on me for not understanding, but who wants to shave off part of their brow? I also felt it faded quickly, so two years later I am back to tinting my brows or using makeup. Not a great experience for the cost imho.

    6. I get my lashes lifted and tinted in the summer because I do a lot of social things without makeup that also don’t lend themselves to lash extensions (pool, beach, etc). I think it has a big impact. I agree with the poster below that lash extensions has a better wow factor but I personally am unwilling to deal with the maintenance of lash extensions.

    7. Lash extensions were great but I got tired of the maintenance. They were so expensive, it was so boring to lie there and get them done, and I missed being able to rub my eyes! I had to get them redone every two weeks at the absolute longest. I did love waking up in the morning and looking alive. My lashes were very much destroyed by the extensions but after six month of Latisse they have recovered.

    8. I love eyelash extensions. The upkeep is a lot, I go every 2 weeks and it takes an hour but I usually just nap. They make me look awake/alive and I don’t wear makeup anymore. For me the trade off of no daily makeup routine for a once a week nap was worth it. It is pricy though.

    9. Has anyone with sensitive eyes or dry eyes gotten lash extensions or anything? I have yet to find a Latisse-like thing that works on me without killing my eyes.

      1. I posted above and I have sensitive eyes and has LASIK so they’re on the dryer side and I still love lash extensions. Sometimes the chemicals are strong and my eyes sting a bit after the application, but it goes away quickly, so I find it worth it. I usually put in a few gooey drops before I get them done and that helps a lot.

  4. It has finally gotten hot and humid (we skipped spring this year I think). What is going on with my feet? Any amount of standing on them or walking around (needed in my life and my dog’s life) makes my feet feel horribly swollen (they may be a bit, but not so much I can’t wear my shoes) and it’s actually painful. I needed to prop up in bed yesterday because my feet hurt that bad and elevating them helps. I can work that way, but I needed to do some other home activities where I’d be standing (or even if sitting, couldn’t elevate my feet). Do I need to soak them? Epson salts? Ice bath? I feel like I am becoming some delicate Victorian waif who just needs a fainting couch because she is too tender for the roughness of life. I wear sensible shoes but when Hokas are painful and then even crocs (my usual for when my feet are tired — it’s a fix that works 3 seasons of the year), maybe I am the problem?

    Send me your tips and tricks! I cannot knock off housework for the summer and it’s a disaster anyway from back-to-back trips and a dog who sheds a lot.

    1. I would see your primary care physician to make sure there is not some underlying issue causing this. Wishing you some relief soon!

    2. I used to get this. It has calmed down a bit.

      My doctor advised me to wear support / compression hose from the minute I get up in the morning until I go to bed at night. I was like “yeah, right,” but if I’m in a period where it’s really a problem, doing that for a few days does really seem to help. Lovely, I know.

      But definitely get it checked out.

    3. This needs a medical check up since there are some things they need to make sure are not factors.

    4. I would get this checked out – it’s normal to avoid certain shoes when it’s super gross out because you do puff up from high heat and humidity, but not normal to have this dramatic of an effect.

    5. Could you have erythromelalgia? Read a bit about it online.
      But definitely see your doctor.

  5. Hi all – I had a mammogram last week and I just got a call back that they need to do diagnostic and ultrasound images of one of my breasts. I have dense tissue and I have gone through this before. But in the last year I have had two friends get diagnosed with cancer, one of them breast cancer. I’m really trying not to freak out right now. Any words of wisdom are appreciated.

    1. I always get called back for an ultrasound because I have dense breasts. I don’t know why they don’t just do the mammogram and ultrasound simultaneously at this point. I’ve never had cancer or even a concerning lump (the closest thing to a lump was a fluid-filled cyst that went away when my period started). It’s scary, but overwhelmingly likely that you’re fine. Good luck!

    2. Big hugs. Most call backs (like 90% or something) are benign and just extra testing. Be glad you’re at a place and with a radiologist who’s thorough. It’s a sucky process and waiting is so hard. Do not google. Try to do something to take your mind off of it (plan a fun weekend getaway, throw yourself into a work project). You’ve got this!

      1. I will keep this in mind. Thank you. I have to wait 2 weeks for the appointment and will just try to keep busy with work and fun things.

        1. That is a very good sign. If they actually thought you had cancer they would get you in asap.

          1. +1 they get you in quickly when they see something that worries them. This sounds very routine and like they’re just being extra cautious trying to rule out unlikely possibilities.

    3. I’m sorry you’re going through this. It’s so stressful. I try to reframe it as the trade off between earlier and better detection. There are actually some doctors who recommend less frequent mammograms for younger women with no history now because there are so many things like this that cause so much stress and that end up being an big, old nothing. I also remind myself that an early diagnosis means that you’re more likely to successfully treat this if the worst case scenario does occur. A parent friend of mine went through this recently and as terrifying s it all was, she’s doing great right now. I think if you look around, you will be shocked how many survivors you’ll find. So I guess my advice is wait, hope, and focus on the positive. Sending you all the good thoughts!

    4. If it helps: my mom has dense breast tissue and needs an ultrasound every single time (mammogram is never sufficient). But, good news is that sonogram is much more effective at identifying any potential abnormalities in dense breast tissue – so in the end it’s a good thing you’re getting on! Fingers cross all results are normal <3

      1. Thank you. This is helpful along with the other comments. I have to wait about 2 weeks for the follow up and have a tendency to worry.

    5. Don’t suffer twice. If something is wrong, there’s time to deal with it later. Most likely nothing is wrong – I’ve been called back for diagnostic at least three times for dense breasts and it’s always either nothing or a tiny cyst.

    6. I JUST went through this. This is very likely nothing. Dense breasts really require this mechanism of assessment, even though you have to start with the mammogram. I know nothing is guaranteed, but it is very, very likely that this is nothing.

      You’ll be okay. You’re taking care of yourself and working with doctors who are checking you out. Things will be okay.

    7. I’m waiting on the results of my mammogram right now myself. Something else to consider – my doctor said that I had to have a mammogram before they could do an ultrasound because of my insurance, so it’s possible that you might always need ultrasound imaging and tests but have to go through the two-step process for insurance purposes, and it’s not more significant than that.

      1. This a great point. Thank you. I can also look at this as the mammogram just pinpointing where they need a closer look. This is a very helpful way to look at this.

    8. sorry to hijack your thread, but I got the call too and it was just a different mamo machine? and now they see I need to do that every 6 months alternating with an MRI? No Ultrasound has been mentioned. Anyone else? I have “very dense” tissue in my very small ladies, but also no history of cancer or other risk factors really (IMO). It just feels like a waste of time, money, anxiety.

      1. My only risk factor was dense tissue and I am 4 years post-diagnosis now. No family history. Young, breast fed for over 3.5 years total. I understand the idea that it’s a lot of time and stress, but so’s cancer. It’s not a conspiracy – breast cancer is on the rise in younger women.

        1. yeah, I know you’re right. I’m not going to ignore it. I’m just salty about all of it.

      2. Dense tissue is a fairly big risk factor, in my understanding. I think it’s better to be cautious.

    9. yep. I’ve been told that I need u/s alongside all mammograms given my dense tissue. thankfully can get them done in the same visit for efficiency
      I needed to up the frequency to every six months for a bit due to cysts but am back to annual.
      if they’ve identified density as an issue I’m surprised they don’t have you do it prophylactically. i’d definitely ask to spare you the anguish and second visit.

    10. There are quite literally weekly posts on this subject, if you need more assurance.

  6. I have tried probably dozens of hair products to smooth and tame frizz, especially for the humid summers. It turns out that what helps the most has been the “Silly Apple” Suave Kids Detangler I use on my daughter. Le sigh.

    2. My kids had lice last year and their lice prevention shampoo from Fairytales made all our hair so shiny I still use it a few times a month!

  7. I very much want a “fresh start” with my style (clothing, maybe hair, and apartment decor). I’m turning 30 in three weeks, started a new job in April, will graduate with my masters in December, and am coming off of a breakup. I have maybe $1,000 to throw at the problem (I am cash flowing grad school, so can’t spend too too much).

    I don’t love my apartment, it’s fine but not great but it’s affordable in a neighborhood that I LOVE. I signed an 18 month lease renewal in February, so I’ve got about a year left to embrace it. Luckily I’m set on furniture, but I couid use ti reorganize it / purge / redecorate a bit.

    I have an appointment for highlights as a birthday gift to myself (my first time ever dying my hair!). I’m debating trying lash extensions or treating myself to more frequent professional manicures this summer. I want to change my look, not too drastically, but something. And, I want to feel more put together.

    I love fashion and have been on a budget, so my clothes and accessories are a mix of cheaper brands or thrifted items with the very occasional splurge. I’ve dealt with some medical stuff over the last 18 months and am (finally) on the other end of it (I hope), but my weight has been all over the place as a result. I can’t decide if I should embrace where I am now and purge my closet, only keep what I really love and that fit, and invest in some new, nicer pieces or if I should wait and see where my body settles out. I know waiting makes more sense, but I feel like I’ve been in this bad slog of medical stuff and clothing not being what i want for so long now that I don’t want to keep waiting. And, FWIW by nicer I mean Madewell or BR, not designer!

    I guess my life just felt so unsettled the last few years as I’ve known a lot of things were a) not right (old job, apartment, medical stuff) or b) not settled (being in school, being in a long distance relationship). I really want to go into this next year if my life feeling more permanent and put together and embrace coming out the other end doing alright!

    Not sure what I’m asking, almost looking for a guide ir suggestions of how to decide what changes to make?

    1. 1. Pack up the clothes that don’t fit and put them in boxes or tubs for now. Don’t purge them until you know where your body settles. Buy 2-3 new outfits that fit you now and make you feel good.
      2. Purge and declutter your apartment. Then when you have less stuff in it, see what needs to be done.
      3. Buy new bedding and towels.
      4. Don’t do too much. You’re still in a master’s program, you’re hurting from a breakup, your new job is probably still in a learning curve, your body is only just stabilized healthwise, and you might be feeling all kinds of things about turning 30. That’s a lot. And some of that is inherently messy and just needs some time.

      1. These are all fantastic. I would add: if you are a person who likes scents, consider diffuser sticks or some other light scent to help you create a space that you love. If you are a person who loves fresh flowers, commit to picking some up regularly at the store, or give yourself a subscription for a monthly bouquet.

        Update your framed photos – get some prints of happy moments from the last year and display them where they will make you smile on the regular.

    2. If you figure it out (a guide on how to upgrade all the big unsettled parts of life in the optimal order), please let me know :) I’m about your age and feeling the same way. But honestly to me there is a lot of giving myself grace – one new thing at a time. And not judging my life against others, or where I think I “should” be by now

    3. I’m six months separated from my husband, working ft and in grad school :)

      Here’s what I’d do/did:
      – Declutter your apartment for sure. New lamps and art have made the biggest impact for me, and I get them from fb marketplace or estate sales usually. Paige Wassel and Caroline Winkler are two interior decorator youtubers whose style I like and get ideas from.
      – You probably already know this, but you should get balayage highlights if you want them to last longer. I still get compliments on my highlights when they’re six months grown out because my hairdresser places them so naturally they grow out really nicely.
      – I rent clothes from Nuuly. I missed the discussion last week about it, but I love it, especially if your weight is fluctuating.

    4. My suggestions:
      – Nice haircut and gloss treatment (I would not get highlights due to your budget/grad school expense – I got highlights, and love them, but do need to get them touched up every 10 or so weeks despite extremely careful maintenance so it’s an ongoing expense, not a one time thing)
      – One time manicure from a place that does really fun designs – maybe in advance of a vacation or big event
      – Using a clothing rental service for a few months so I could play around with different styles and purchase some stuff I liked at a discount. Probably Rent the Runway because you can swap more frequently and there are plentiful discount codes for the first month, and if you cancel after the first month they’ll through another discount your way – Nuuly is also great but you only swap once a month.
      – For my home, in your shoes I would maybe update my bedding/duvet (has a big impact on the space), paint a room (if permitted by your lease), get a rug (similarly big impact) or get a really beautiful vase and throw some cheap flowers in it over the next few months

    5. Tread cautiously with beauty – once you start it’s hard to stop with highlights! I’d ask the salon for very low-maintenance highlights so that you can grow them out graciously (i.e., without an obvious line of demarcation) if you don’t want to keep up. Balayage can be good for this.

      Decluttering can feel more refreshing than buying new stuff! Plus it’s less to have to pack and move when you’re ready :)

      As far as style, I find that bags and shoes do more to upgrade a look than new clothes.

      2. Agreed re skipping the highlights. I wouldn’t start if I had the choice to make again. Expensive and time consuming.

    7. I liked “Living Alone and Loving It” book, as well as City Chic and other “single gal on the town” type lifestyle guides helpful in my early 30s for just this type of situation. I’ve also found Real Simple magazine weirdly helpful in many ways–they cover a lot of “adulting 101” topics as well as larger social issues like dealing with aging parents and easy one-off stuff like how to can vegetables and where to recycle all the various confusing “declutter” items. Older issues, like pre 2010, had a lot more fashion content, so it may be worth browsing secondhand sites and grabbing a few older issues to browse if you can find them cheaply.

      1. Along these lines I recommend reading “How to be Single and Happy.” This really helped me after a breakup and it also spurred me to take action in creating the life I want with or without a partner. Excellent read.

    9. You are getting lots of good advice regarding the feelings and life stage, so I’m just going to give you what I’d do with $1000 in those areas:

      $300: I’d do a great haircut + balayage highlights so you can enjoy the grow out better. I love a fresh haircut and hair color for shaking blahs. I’m personally a huge fan of making a big chop if you’re feeling angsty and have been thinking about it for more than two weeks (I feel like two weeks gives you some cooling off time :)) so go for it.

      $150: for three – For the professional gel manicures, if you go for designs that have a nude base, they’ll last a couple weeks longer. I really like simple designs with a nude base – I don’t get sick of them. However, if you’re craving a bright pink manicure I always indulge that (hence my current handle here lol). But for the last one of summer, get a nude design that will grow out in a less annoying way.

      $100: If you like scents, I’d get a new perfume. Lasts forever. Specific rec: I have had my bottle of SOL CHEIROSA 62 from Sol de Janeiro for over a year and still have plenty. The Bum Bum cream is the same scent, so if you’d rather a super smelly lotion I can recommend that. Both are very fragrant so you do you if that’s not your thing. :)

      $150: for home – start a gallery wall. Get 2-3 pieces of art from Home Goods or Target. Target in particular has some pretty good looking art at this price range. Then start looking in thrift and antique stores to build your collection. Postcards from cute gift shops also make cute art pieces in a gallery wall. Just get whatever you like and then make sure you HANG THEM UP right away! Otherwise they’ll sit propped up on the floor for way too long. There is something that feels so settled and homey when you put a bunch of art that you love on the wall.

      $100: Assuming you’re in a four season climate, one pair of jeans that fit you super well. I know we’re going into summer so it’s less jean season, but they’ll just get way more use over time. Madewell, BR have so many sales that I’d wait for one of those to grab up a pair for less.

      $50: linen pants or shorts, or a maxi dress. Because it’s summer and immediate gratification sometimes feels good and you love fashion.

      $50: get new basic layer t-shirts or ribbed tank tops in a variety of colors. I tend to use mine way too long, and yet almost every single day wear them. Target has plenty right now, upgrade these.

      $100: a good pair of sneakers, shoes or sandals. whatever is missing.

      I wouldn’t spend $$$ on blouses or tops because I just generally have pretty good luck with those in thrift stores.

  8. What kind of legal document do I need here? Moving in with partner. He owns the house and pays the mortgage. I will be paying him a small amount each month to contribute. When we get married (1 year away), I will be on the deed. In the mean time, I was thinking of creating some type of month-to-month lease document or cohabitation agreement, but not sure. Is this necessary?

    1. Seems completely unnecessary, what for? My initial reaction is a marriage license, but you’re engaged so I’d just make sure you’re added to the property when you get married. Otherwise, just save the extra rent you would be spending on the place. But taking a step back, why is your impulse to paper the relationship? Is this the right one for you?

      3. +2. I don’t see a reason to document this. Pay him rent if you want, but you’re treating moving in with your potential life mate very transactionally, which makes me…curious.

    2. What would the goal be? If you have a falling out, are you going to want to stay there with him or feel you have the right to?

      1. +1. If you break up, I assume you will want to move out asap. I guess it would protect you (in theory) from him just randomly kicking you out, but I assume he is not the type of person who would do that if you are engaged to him.

    3. Maybe for tax purposes? I would consult with his accountant here if you somehow want to structure it like rent payments for that reason.

      Otherwise, I wouldn’t bother. I moved in with DH four years before we married and we never bothered with an agreement between the two of us regarding our ongoing financial obligations. It was never an issue.

      1. Not snarking but curious what tax benefit you get to claim from renting? One of the reasons to buy is to deduct the mortgage interest and property taxes, although that’s limited now.

    4. What is your goal of the document? If you break up would you get your money back? Moving expenses? I’m assuming you wouldn’t want any traditional tenant’s rights types of remedies because you’d be the one moving out.

    5. You might want to touch base with your fiancé about how in general finances will work to better shake out any unknowns (ex. how will you both be splitting household expenses when you live together).
      I lived with my husband for several years before we were married. Pretty early on, we ended up setting up joint checking, savings, and a CC for communal expenses (groceries, bills, going out to eat, etc.). While keeping our own separate accounts for personal bills, etc. The joint CC was really convenient, then we didn’t feel like we had to keep tabs on who paid last when going out for coffee or buying groceries. We just each paid half of the payment due at the end of each month.

    6. I almost universally recommend against cohabitation agreements because of how cumbersome they are. I will echo all of the other posters’ questions. What outcome are you trying to achieve here? Are you trying to get your money back if you were to break up? Are you trying to get some right to stay if you were to break up and he would kick you out? What concerned me the most about your post was that you say that when you get married you will be on the deed. Are you sure about that? In my state, if there is a mortgage, you can’t just put someone else’s name on the deed. He would need to modify or refinance his mortgage to add your name to the mortgage and to the deed at the same time. A mortgage company is not going to allow him to add another name to the deed because it would inhibit their ability to foreclose on the mortgage if he defaulted. I have had multiple clients that have a scenario where only one name is on the note, but both names are on the mortgage and deed for this reason.

    7. What do you mean by “on the deed?” In California, putting your name on the deed doesn’t make you a 50-50 owner — the original owner still retains a majority interest based on their contribution to the house before marriage. If it’s similar in your state and that’s what you want, fine. If not, you may want to draw up documents making you a 50-50 owner when the time comes. Or at least you may want to document that the rent you are paying before marriage gets applied to your eventual ownership in the property. (And yes, good point above about probably having to refinance to put you on title — is that going to be a problem?)

      Apart from that, once you move in you probably have statutory rights as a tenant in your state, which you can easily research online. Again, if you like the statutory protections you’re good to go. If you want more, then you will want an agreement to give you whatever rights you think you should have.

      1. To clarify — my first sentence is talking about what a divorce court would do.

      3. TBH, refinancing doesn’t get you on the title, just on the loan. And IDK what you want to refi now or in a year with current rates being what they are. I’d not put you on the title if you weren’t on the mortgage (but that’s just me). But as a spouse, you have rights even if you aren’t on the title. I’d want to be on the title and would be OK with not being on the mortgage unless a lender required it (and then by adding you to the mortgage, not by refinancing it).

      4. Basically, OP, why do you want to be sure you own 50% of the house the moment you’re married? I get that having it be a joint asset is what you want if you’re contributing to the mortgage. But his assets before you are married are still his assets.

        In a community property state, you’d have 50% of the increase in the equity during the term of your marriage.

        This only comes into play if you get divorced. If you have to sell the house or one of you buys the other out, that just means it’s not 50/50 in terms of equity.

        Say he has $100,000 of equity in the house the day you get married, which is the market value of the house that day minus what he owes on his mortgage.

        Say you split up and are trying to figure out what your share of the house is. You’ve jointly paid down the some of the mortgage and the market value of the house has increased, so the equity in the house is now $200,000. 50% of the increase in equity would be yours. So his share of the total equity would be $150,000 and yours would be $50,000.

        Make sure you know the laws in your state. And a prenuptial agreement, if you sign one, can shift some of this. I’m just giving you a standard community property example.

        Generally, absent a prenup, how much of your income went to the mortgage and how much of his did during the marriage doesn’t matter. It’s all considered community property during the period of the marriage, so 50/50.

        1. “In a community property state, you’d have 50% of the increase in the equity during the term of your marriage.”

          It’s not as simple as that. Community property is only earnings. Home appreciation isn’t earnings. Talk to a lawyer.

          3. And to elaborate a bit, there are a LOT of variables that effect the outcome.

  9. I graduate with my masters in August and will have an extra $900/month in my budget! I will allocate about half to savings and half to my monthly budget. This is about 1/4 of my take home pay so it’s great to have the money back in the budget.

    I’ve had pretty much no extras in my life for the last 3 years of school. No takeout, no nails or other beauty expenses, only free library books, limited time or money for hobbies, etc. I’ve been a longtime fan of Ramit Sethi and love his concept of your rich life. So, I’m enjoying thinking of how I can spend my new “windfall” of not paying tuition to give myself something that would make my life richer.

    For fun, would love to hear what people here spend money on for their rich life!

    1. A housecleaner. Keeping where I live in basically pristine condition makes everything else run well. I start with a pretty, organized and clean home and that bleeds into the rest of my life.

      1. +1 house cleaner would be the one thing I’d immediately add.

        Then I’d add things slowly as you feel a need. You don’t need to spend for the sake of spending. I feel very wealthy and am a big reader, but I still get all my books at the library because I have no interest in reading books more than once.

      2. +2 housecleaner.

        And then add speciality cleaners for deeper cleaning that housecleaners won’t typically – annually or semiannually. We just got our windows cleaned (inside and out) by professionals last Friday and omg it’s wild how much better they are at cleaning windows.

        The other speciality cleaner I’d add is deep cleaning rugs and upholstery.

        Oh and then get a self-emptying robot vacuum to keep the day to day floors clean. It took DH and I a few years to finally get one, and it absolutely is a big game changer.

    2. Congratulations!!! I would add in one thing at a time rather than doing a bunch of extras all at once. Not all extras are as wonderful as they are cracked up to be and you don’t want to feel overwhelmed by your spending.

      For me, manicures bring a big happiness boost in isolation, so I would vote for starting there. But a gym membership might also bring you a lot of happiness or upgrading your cooking life by getting one really good kitchen knife or stainless steel saute pan could do it too. Even something as small as having this on my desk makes my life better: https://www.dearhancock.com/products/another-dam-list

    3. I pay a stupid amount for garage parking near my apartment. It’s even stupider because my car is old and I take the subway to work. But,I love the freedom of having easy access to my car and the peace of mind knowing I’ll always have an easy spot to park.

      Almost all of my hobbies involve using my car: leaving the city to hike, kayak, or ski. My soccer league is not accessible via public transportation. Most of my friends are in the city, but the ones in the burbs are all inaccessible to public transportation. I love thrifting and have to drive to my favorite thrift store. I love cooking and grocery shopping is easier and cheaper and had better selection if I drive to the store rather than going to one in walking distance.

      It’s stupid to pay $350 to park a 15 year old Honda but it’s worth it to me.

      1. Right there with you on the parking; Honda is 14. Side effect of driving cars forever.

    4. I really took stock of the jewelry I like and then bought “nicer than I’d normally buy but not so nice I have to be delicate with it” jewelry in that style. As a result, I leave my jewelry on and don’t change it 90% of the time (and bought stuff I could workout, shower, and sleep in comfortably and without damage).

      I love wearing jewelry. I love knowing that I always have jewelry that I love on without having to spend time or effort on it. When I want to change something out, it’s easy to do.

    5. Hobbies. My money goes to my skis, my mountain bike, travel, and fun stuff. I don’t think I would get lasting satisfaction or health benefits from more “stuff.” Even when I’ve been pretty broke, I’ve always kept up my hobbies on some small scale and I’m glad for it.

    6. My unlimited yoga studio membership is very fulfilling!

      This is aspirational, but I’d love to have a monthly house cleaner.

    7. For me it’s getting my nails done, hands and feet, and good quality makeup. I just feel so much more put together.

    8. Even with a HHI that is admittedly high, I don’t pay for nails, only get library books, and takeout is maybe once a month. A penny saved, and all that. Where I get the most enjoyment from spending is (1) cleaning help, and (2) traveling. Like, $900 covers a round trip to Europe if you’re on top of fare tracking.

    9. This is super-specific, but I bought a Dyson blow dryer during the last Sephora sale and I’m happy every time I use it. My hair is thick and low-porosity, so it holds on to moisture a long time. I realized that the Dyson allows me to get it dry in 10-15 minutes, versus 30-40 with my old dryer, so the upgrade is actually buying me time! I love it.

    10. Travel and hobbies! Also nice clothes and everyday household items–for example, when I needed new pots I splurged on All-Clad.

      I would love a cleaning service but I can’t justify the expense when I compare it with the experiences that money could buy. Over the course of a year the cost of a cleaning service is about equal to the cost of a nice vacation, and I can’t afford both without compromising other goals.

      1. My husband walked out on me in 1998, taking with him all of our pots and pans (and nearly everything else.) So I went to Sur La Table and bought an entry level set of All Clad. Every single piece of that set still gets near daily use and is still going strong.

  10. Has anyone here done a BA -> RN program PT while working? I have a few in my area (state U, private college, etc.). It looks like a lot can be done online (maybe said to reassure people like me?) but not all of it. I have enough seniority in my job that I could work entirely remotely forever if I got my work done (but IRL, I am in the office every day and just work from home sporadically and home and work are just a few miles apart, as are the schools). I did a masters already this way and one semester was very tough. PT for that took me twice as long as the FT students, but that was fast for a PT student. I’m older now and am not sure I have that stamina now but I’m really needing some stimulation and have enjoyed my recent AED/CPR and other red cross trainings in first aid enough to at least start (and I would give myself permission to be a drop out if it was just just a disaster).

    1. What is your end goal here? Have you looked in to how they structure their clinicals when that time comes? Are you hoping for a career switch or just some learning and intellectual stimulation? I worry clinicals, even if part time, would be quite grueling for someone who is also working another full time job remotely.

    2. After the basic classes are completed, a large part of nursing school I clinical hours (this is when you really learn things). This would likely be at least 2 days a week 7am – 3 pm. A large portion of the program will no be online.

    3. As a medical professional, online seems a poor way to learn nursing.

      what kind of nurse do you want to be?
      Why are you collecting degrees/certifications?

    4. Nursing is also quite competitive to get in to. If you don’t truly want to be a bedside nurse, how about taking anatomy and physiology? There are some history of medicine and medical ethics classes you might find interesting as well. My undergrad had a “history of pharmacology” class that I found fascinating. Learning about all the different scientific developments that led to the drugs we use today.

  11. My parents have durable POAs (actual, not springing) so that one can manage affairs for the other if they are sick, in the hospital, homebound, etc. One parent is still of sound mind, but very ill. The other needs to manage finances. Even though they are married, they have some separate accounts (401Ks, mainly). Guess what? Each 401K provider seems to have its own POA form that the owner of an account must request (not the person with even a current POA) personally and then fill out. What a PITA and then to discover it when it is really inconvenient to address :( I know that elder financial abuse is a thing and fraud is very important to prevent. But would it be so hard to flag account holders who are 65+ or 70+ to make sure they are aware of it? I am pretty sure at this point that the POA from their lawyer is largely useless even though it is a form document in their state (and I get why large financial services companies want a standard form vs wading through state laws and fraudsters). The surprise bothers me — this is sort of a final straw for them today.

    1. Is this even legal? I think I would push back against this if you have an otherwise valie POA. (Although I fear the requirement may have been in the account-opening documents they signed, in which case you may be out of luck.)

      1. To play devil’s advocate, how are we to even know what is a valid POA? I can see an institution either going all-risk (letting anyone sign by putting /POA after their signature), medium-risk (letting anyone sign by putting /POA after their signature AND attaching the POA document), or low risk (only taking a POA form vetted by their lawyers). Otherwise, my deadbeat sister could drain my parent’s funds and she’d be caught . . . never? Once it is too late? She is judgment proof and IDK that my parents would have the energy to sue the bank or broker who’d let this happen.

        I see so much fraud at work that I’m not sure where you draw the line. It isn’t here, in this case, but IDK where it is.

          1. Is a bank or other company really going to do that for each form they receive for people in 50 states + DC? I like my POA form, but it’s not like you can run a redline on a form and decide if one is legit or not. I think that by just accepting a form that seems to be valid on its face, that is sufficient protection (because even if it “comes from” the account holder, who knows if that’s where the fraud is). But really, really caveat everyone.

          2. I mean. I literally do this work. It’s not hard you just have to be a bit pushy.

        2. Off the top of my head: it shouldn’t be that hard to know which states have forms and what those forms look like.

          All forms should have a notary on them. You can look up the notary to ensure that the person is actually a notary.

          Compare the signature on the document against the signature on file.

          Ensure that the POA is either relatively recent OR there is a reason for it being old (eg account holder developed dementia ten years ago).

          1. So if you are in your 50s and re-doing your estate planning / POA / guardianship documents, I guess you shouldn’t expect those POAs to last into old age (I get that they could need changes, but if you are vanilla and just adding a spouse, it would be bad to have a tragic event happen in your 60s and find that no one honored your still-valid documents)? This is all sort-of terrifying.

            I have a HCPOA/Advanced Directive and DPOA that I was going to update this year (my fall-back people have changed due to recent deaths; one stepchild is an adult and is now local to us and I’d be comfortable with him as a fallback after DH).

          2. Anon at 1:21 pm: it’s good, not terrifying. It ensures that the POA reflects current wishes. Otherwise, a spouse whom you divorced a decade ago could pull that dust-ridden POA out of a lockbox and drain your accounts. A child from whom you are now estranged could take over your affairs.

            You should also be reevaluating your Will every so often anyway. Kids and grandkids become adults and are able to take on responsibilities (health care proxy backup, POA), or conversely, someone marries a spendthrift or develops a drug addiction and maybe their inheritance should go into a trust.

        3. That’s why the POA is notarized and the attorney in fact has to show ID. In your above scenario you would go after the bond of the notary on the POA your deadbeat sister presented.

    2. My mom actually was warning me about this recently, specifically for Schwab. It is a huge PITA. With regard to legality, she said they will eventually at some point honor the POA but not without a lot of grief and hoop-jumping first. So she is moving forward with the individual bank forms even though it seems unnecessary and wrong to avoid hassle if the time comes for the POA to be exercised. Super annoying.

      1. Yes, this. You can force the issue, but if it’s possible to do the individual forms, usually that’s much less hassle. Very annoying.

  12. Any tips for managing your time when you have, for example, 3 large-ish projects due in several weeks (with no external interim deadlines)? Assume that the total quantity of work is doable within that timeframe. Do you focus on one project a day? Work on one until it’s done? Do a little on each daily?

    1. 1. go through all projects to see if there are any dependencies on others’ feedback – circulate what you can first, and ask about OOO schedules if it won’t be ready to circulate until after you review, but you wouldn’t want to be surprised by the person being OOO the week before it’s due
      2. I’d probably keep them all going in parallel so that any issues that pop up aren’t last-minute, but keep focus on one at a time for a day or half day at a time rather than bouncing around

    2. My workflow is almost always large projects with no external interim deadlines. I tend to do a little on each day, but think it’s actually way more productive to just work on one until it’s done.

      Triage all projects at the start of the project to determine if there are any sub-tasks that are time sensitive or take a lot of time to get back. For example, I always have to request proposals from outside vendors that I will build into my larger project. So as soon as I get the project, I do these sub-tasks immediately.

      After the immediate triage is done of all projects, I then think it’s much more productive to work on one until it’s all done.

      In actuality, I tend to have to work on them in parallel but I can tell it’s less efficient.

    3. It depends on how you work best and focus best. I work really productively on a project for the first 2-3 hours, and then my productivity noticeably declines. I need to switch off between projects every two hours. I never want to put away Project A after 2 hours and turn to Project B, but I’ve learned over time that if I don’t, I get far less done overall.

    4. Break each project into tasks. Put the tasks on a physical checklist. Like a piece of paper. Every day have a goal of what tasks you will do that day. Reassess at the end of the day – see what you’ve checked off, and whether your priorities have changed. If you didn’t get one of today’s goals done, it goes to the top of the list for tomorrow.

      I dread having to write down missed goals on tomorrow’s to-do list, so I find it motivating. It’s like a promise to myself.

    5. While the highest priority project should be done first, don’t let this general principle stop you from working on a lower priority project because the lower priority one is the only project you can actually find the will to work on during a particular day. You can’t do this every day, but it means you are making progress on SOMETHING all the time.

  13. I’m posting here because I’m at my wits end and hoping someone else might have an answer for me. I have been suffering from terrible plantar fasciitis and other similar foot pain for over a year. It is related to ankle weakness. It was brought on by my first attempt at running post pregnancy (15 minute run). I have been unable to exercise for a year as a result (even low impact exercise like swimming and biking have made it worse).

    I had noticed that when I was not home (e.g., at a work conference, long weekend away) it would improve significantly, even if I was wearing uncomfortable shoes or doing a lot more activity. I initially assumed it was from baby wearing my toddler (which I wasn’t doing while away) ands stopped doing that which did not help.

    I recently did 8 weeks of physical therapy which did not cure it but took the pain from a 7 to a 3, and then I went on vacation for 2 weeks and worked from the office for 3 days on my return, and it disappeared completely, proving out my “away from home” theory. I was wearing the same shoes I wear at home and walking significantly more, including doing tons of hiking, and I had zero pain. I did my physical therapy exercises while away and have continued to do so while I was home.

    Now I’ve been home for over a week and the pain is back at like a 5 despite walking less and wearing the same shoes. This makes me think something I’m doing in my daily routine at home is causing it and I cannot figure it out.

    My initial guesses, which I’m trying to stop, are kneeling on my feet to play with my toddler, kneeling on the impacted foot/ankle while working, squatting down to play with/engage with my toddler. My instinct is that it has to be something I’m doing while working because I work 8 hours a day and I think anything else would not be enough time to cause this much damage.

    If anyone has thoughts I’m all ears. My physical therapist and the NP/MD who have been treating me were all stumped.

    1. What are your floors made of at home? Do you really wear shoes all the time in your house?

      1. Wood floors, and I do wear shoes all the time in my house because it’s too painful to walk barefoot. I have a pair of birkenstocks for “outdoors” and “indoors” and I change when I come inside. I was barefoot significantly more on vacation – primarily stayed in hotels with hard floors (tile or wood, and one hotel with carpet).

        1. Is it possible barefoot was actually helping? (I know it’s verboten, but there is a subset of patients who say they have luck with it.)

        2. Are your house Birks worn out? I know it’s time to get a new pair when I start to feel the twinges of PF.

    2. Could it be heat/humidity/climate? I noticed that certain conditions flared when I came back home vs. other things I would struggle with (like sinus/drippy nose in high humidity vs. aching bones and what felt like arthritis flares in dry climates). Or any chance you’re wearing compression socks or other supportive items on the flight or during travel that might be helping?

      1. No compression socks. And I live in a 4 season climate (NY) and it seems to be the same year round.

    3. What are your floors at home? Something hard like tile, or are you in a building where it’s just a thin layer of wood over concrete pour?

    4. Do you go barefoot at home? Barefoot is the devil. If so, get some Birkenstocks or Haflingers to wear around the house. NEVER barefoot!

      Are you doing the stretches? Do you have a stair or step you can lower your heel from? After being plagued with plantar fasciitis, I will be doing this stretch every day for the rest of my life.

      It could be your squatting position, I don’t know, but why not change it up to see if it improves? Just sit on the floor. Try criss cross applesauce. Maybe get a bean bag to plop down in.

      But no more barefoot, ever. The only time you don’t have shoes on is in bed or in the shower. Really.

      1. Yes, I’m doing the stretches. And yes, I’m never barefoot. Agree that the stair stretch is key and I have stairs to do it on.

    5. At home, I do a stupid amount of standing, like for cooking or unloading the dishwasher or laundry folding or cleaning. I need to be walking or sitting down, nothing in between. Home is where I stand, so home is where my feet hurt.

      1. This is a really good point that I hadn’t considered. I do all of the cooking which is a lot. I did notice it was worse on Sunday after I meal prepped on Saturday night.

        1. My husband bought padded kitchen mat when my PF was at its worst. I put it in the place where I usually stand while cooking. He has also had PF so it was really for both of us. It helped with the standing.

      2. I’d get those foam mats for where you stand a lot – House of Noa has cute patterned ones like kitchen rugs. Makes an enormous difference.

    6. Random thoughts:
      Is your flooring material at your house significantly different from other locations?
      When you work, are you sitting in an office chair, with your legs uncrossed, and your feet relaxed and resting on the floor, or are you putting pressure on your foot or twisting it in any way?
      I assume you’re wearing supportive shoes in the house? Are there any different patterns in when you’re wearing them?
      What kind of lifting/bending/etc. are your doing with your toddler that is different from when you were gone for those two weeks?

      FWIW, I’ve found that my hamstring and back of my calf need to be loosened up, warmed up, and stretched in order for my heel pain to lessen. Are you moving or sitting in a way that tightens up your legs? Conversely, was there anything about the leg movement of all that hiking that loosened or stretched your legs in general?

    7. Educated guess: it’s your home office chair. Hamstring tightness can cause plantar fasciitis.

      1. My vote is on the standing. Walking is good for feet; standing isn’t. Cooking for 3 meals a day is a lot of standing.

        1. Your correction is noted. In the future, I will make sure to only follow the hive-approved ideas and will not ever suggest anything else.

          3. LOL, Anons at 12:16 and 1:35. The Anon who ignorantly shot me down is the one to whom your remarks should be addressed.

            Substantively: if you can’t figure out the problem, it’s often something further up the kinetic chain. (For fun, look up how weak glutes screw up your big toe.) She’s stretching her calves and Achilles tendon, so it is not that. No reports of knee pain, which tentatively rules out hip or glute issues. That leaves the hamstrings, and plenty of studies link tight hamstrings to PF.

            Why would her hamstrings be tight at home but not work or travel? Because work and conference rooms tend to have very cushy and ergonomic chairs, while home offices often do not. The fact that she felt better when swapping out home time for office time tells me it isn’t about cooking; it’s about the actual equipment she uses there.

            Hiking and walking are fantastic for the hamstrings; running can aggravate any underlying issues.

            It takes 30 seconds for her to sit on her home office chair and determine if it digs into her hamstrings. Why diss the suggestion?

          4. @2:36. No one “shot you down,” someone offered a different opinion. You really need to learn how to internet.

    8. What do you do with your feet while working? Do you work at home? I realized I was causing foot pain by putting my feet up on a footrest while working or watching tv, putting them into weird positions and then sitting that way for too long. I’m short, so my feet never touch the floor comfortably, which means that I’m always wrapping my feet around the base of my chairs, sitting with one leg tucked under me, or using a foot rest, but all of those positions make it impossible to have my feet in the neutral, flat position that would probably be best to avoid pain, so I just try to avoid keeping them too flexed or too extended or with too much pressure on any one part for too long, and that seems to help.

    9. I have PF, and Birkenstocks exacerbate the problem. Maybe try different shoes with an arch?

    10. I just want to thank everyone for your responses because you flagged things I had not thought of. The first are desk chair related – my foot is basically never relaxed and flat on the ground. I have a bad habit of sitting with the impacted leg tucked underneather my other leg, and when I don’t do that, my foot is resting up on a foot rest in sort of a side position. This is eight hours a day and likely has a big impact. Duly noted on the tight hamstring point from sitting. I am going to be diligent about posture this week and see if it helps.

      I also do a lot more standing that I hadn’t considered, and probably need a supportive mat in the kitchen.

      The third thing, in writing all of this out, is that being more active helped a lot and I need to bite the bullet and do some exercise that doesn’t aggravate it until it gets better (yoga, pilates, whatever) even though it’s not my preferred form of exercise.

      1. The only way I have beaten PF (three post partum bouts) is extensive icing and running hard, as in harder than I normally do (I like weights). I have to do 5km a day, 5-6 days a week for a few months. I am doing it right now and it’s working, again, even though I loathe running in humid summer weather. So I would consider, as you have, that you need more activity on it, though you say running made it worse so emulate the holiday and conference walking, maybe. I am convinced the stretching and active use is key.

    11. Perhaps mild exercise like walking is okay or good for it? I stretched and massaged my foot and wore shoe inserts, but kept going on walks when I had plantar fasciitis and it healed after 9 mo – 1yr.

    12. Highly recommend Oofos to wear at home. I find them to be VERY comfortable and definitely less foot pain.

    13. It seems like the increased activity helped the issue. Can you try to up your activity level at home and see if that helps?

  14. I just got a chance to check my Friday post about holiday vacation destinations – thanks everyone for all the ideas!! We have lived in snowy winter wonderland our whole life and don’t ski, so the cold weather destinations, while very good Christmas trip suggestions, aren’t for us this year. I LOVE the Asian/South Asian ideas but that would mean a 24 hour plane ride and we’re thinking of 5-7 days total for the trip, so that’s out for this time. Our current thought is to go easy and pick a Caribbean all inclusive. We’ve never done an AI before, are not sure we’ll love it, but also have been throwing around trying it. If we do it, we’ll spring for a butler suite….we’ll see. it was fun to brainstorm this weekend. :)

    (To the anon that was concerned about me vetoing my husband all the time re holiday vacations, rest assured, we take winter vacations every year. We just generally go a couple weeks later in January. And he typically goes on weeklong fishing trips in November and in February. The guy is doing just fine in the trips department but would be delighted with your concern. :-))

    1. Yeah, the concern for your husband made me roll my eyes. It was clear this wasn’t a serious marital conflict.

      For the Caribbean I have a very specific rec: Grand Case Beach Club in St. Martin. It’s a lovely, quiet resort on a spectacularly beautiful beach, one of my very favorite beaches in the entire Caribbean (I’ve been to 20-something islands). It’s not all-inclusive but is easy walking distance to lots of great restaurants in the village of Grand Case. All-inclusive resorts aren’t going to have great food, even the priciest ones, so I recommend avoiding them if food is a priority. And unlike a lot of resorts, they don’t go crazy with prices for the Christmas/NYE week. You’ll pay high season prices, but not 3-5 times what you’d pay in mid-January, the way you would at many resorts.

      1. In fairness, some of us have been trapped having to see family during the holidays by our spouses when getting away would have been a million percent more preferred. I was furious with my ex for never relenting on this, even during the years when it would have meant skipping my family and not his.

    2. I would not do an AI. We’ve had good food at independent restaurants in Antigua, Turks, Anguilla, Grenada, and French St. Martin (give the Dutch side a pass unless you really want McD’s…)

      1. There are some fun beach bars and an amaaaaazing Middle Eastern restaurant (Little Jerusalem) on the Dutch side of SXM, but yes the French side generally has much better restaurants, especially if you want more upscale food/ambiance.

        I wasn’t impressed by the food on Turks at all, and we’ve stayed there twice with a rental car going to independent restaurants. It’s also quite a bit pricier than SXM.

      2. Doing an AI doesn’t mean you can’t also eat somewhere else. Sometimes the rate is worth it if you eat 2 of 3 meals a day there, or get drinks or whatever.

        1. I have not found that to be true in the Caribbean, especially during the expensive Christmas/NY week. My experience is that unless you’re a heavy drinker the amount you’d spend on food and drink (even at island prices) is much less than the price difference between a nice hotel and a nice AI.

  15. I need to go in-person shopping for jeans and could use some suggestions. I’m sick of the heavy Lycra or whatever content that makes my jeans slide down all day. It drives me bonkers.

    I’m looking for size 16, I’m tall, and thinking straight leg medium wash, which I will most likely wear with a deep cuff, but I’m open to jeans cut above the ankle as well.

    Where would you go for in-person jeans shopping? In in the Bay Area so most brick and mortar stores have something here.

    When you try on jeans, how do you know whether they’ll be the kind to stretch out and fall down?

    1. Banana Republic –I’m a 16 T and while their jeans run a touch large, I prefer that and they carry size T (not in stores, but you could try on the styles and then get the “T” if everything but the length is right). Universal Standard is my other recommendation, although their jeans don’t come in L/T lengths, but they do have a 32″ length which is sufficient for 5’10” me. They do trunk shows but you may have to take a risk and get a couple pairs secondhand to try it out–they sell at a very reasonable price “gently used”.
      I used to work in denim retail and we told people to get the size they could *barely* get on/zipped because all jeans will stretch out and bag out after a couple hours. So either size down or get a style/cut that fits very, very snugly in the dressing room.

    3. I would look at Madewell, Gap, or honestly just go into a department store (whatever is still around – Macys, Nordstroms, Saks (or Saks Off Fifth) and try multiple brands.

      Re: stretch, the more elastic there is in the jeans, the more they will stretch out.

    5. Try the Sezanne shop. They have some in tall with minimal stretch. Being curvy or straightish makes a difference. Are you buying the right fit?

    6. I don’t think it’s the fabric content, it’s that you’re buying jeans that don’t fit you correctly.

  16. Does anyone know ways to help interroception or have any positive stories of using mindfulness to make you more aware of things? My son is 13 and seems to have very little sense of his body – it’s a heat advisory today and he’s wearing fleece joggers and a long-sleeved t-shirt, knowing that he’s going out for an hour long walk soon. He doesn’t wear a coat in winter, either, although that’s pretty common. Hunger and satiety are mysteries to him (he won’t eat from 8-3 saying he’s genuinely not hungry then come home and eat enough food for the entire day in an hour or two). Always had problems with toileting when he was younger; I still hear him flat out running to go to the bathroom sometimes.

    1. IDK but I have a kiddo on the autism spectrum and an autism-focused occupational therapy practice has been great for her this past year.

    3. My kid had some sensory issues (diagnosed) but wasn’t on the spectrum. Sounds like that. He used to wear 2-4 shirts on top of each other. Would dog the same pair of pants out of the laundry to wear them over and over.

      He mostly grew out of it but as a young adult he likes things the way he likes them. He buys his own clothing now & is focused more on how items feel than how they look.

    4. He sounds like my brother. He was left to his own devices and has been completely fine as an adult; I think it was a good thing that no one tried to “fix” him because he was allowed to let time take its course. He no longer wears a heavy hooded sweatshirt on hot days and doesn’t entirely have his life together, but for other reasons.

    5. Hi! My kid has struggled with many of these specific issues. We eventually got a referral to OT for interroception. This was age 7 so I don’t know if the activities they suggested would be the same, but it included things like chugging a bunch of water and noting how his bladder felt, putting in a shirt warm from the dryer and comparing it with a shirt we had put in the freezer, etc. Fortunately/unfortunately our son – who sounds around the same level as yours- was deemed not to qualify for more than a couple visits (just at the end of the normal spectrum I guess). We just keep reinforcing the need to eat at mealtimes to provide his body with consistent energy/blood sugar and not wait till dinner to eat (this conversation has gotten into a more in depth level as he’s gotten older), asking him to check in on his body temperature more frequently rather than waiting for him to melt down from overheating, etc. Over time it has improved to some degree.

  17. Favorite coverups for pool and beach? Now that I finally found a swimsuit that fits me, hoping to actually do more swimming this summer. Ideally looking for one that’s quick to dry because my suit isn’t so much.

      1. I have a button front linen dress from Eileen Fisher from ages ago that is the perfect swim coverup! Good call on the linen dress.

    2. J Crew Factory often has cute coverups.

      I wear rashguards so the cute coverup dresses don’t really work for me; I usually just bring linen pants and put those on when I get out of the water.

      1. As a medical professional, online seems a poor way to learn nursing.

        what kind of nurse do you want to be?
        Why are you collecting degrees/certifications?

    3. I’m threadjacking this to ask how people wear dresses as coverups. My thighs touch and I basically have to wear shorts on the beach to prevent chafing. Is there a solution to this? I would love to wear a cute dress coverup on the beach.

      1. LE has longer skirts in a nylon twill that have built in shorts. I wear them not for swimming, but when I’m lounging and might get wet on the seat area. They dry fast but prevent the chub rub when walking around and provide decent sun coverage and mine have pockets.

      2. We did a Kauai vacation where we drove around and stoped at random beaches to swim. I brought a linen dress and soft cotton bike shorts to wear under the dress. I wear bra brand swim separates, so back at the car, I’d pull my rash guard off & pop the dress over my mostly-dry swim bra. Sometimes I’d take my swim bottoms off right there (the dress providing modesty) and substitute the shorts. Sometimes my swim bottoms were dry enough that I could just put the shorts over them.

        I could go out to lunch or dinner in my dress with bike shorts under it. It was a good system for me, and I generally can’t wear any dress without some sort of spanx/shorts under it due to chub rub.

        Planning another trip right now, I just bought a Tommy Bahama brand swim skort I happened to run across at Nordstrom Rack. I think I could wear that over swim bottoms in a similar situation to the above – we’ll see!

      4. I wear boy short style swim bottoms but yeah, agree on the chub rub. I also don’t know how people can swan around the house in nap dresses or caftans, because I’d be wearing some kind of shorts under them to avoid my thighs sticking together, which seems to negate the easy breeziness of dresses.

          1. Not OP but that stuff ZERO percent works for me. That’s a big thumbs down on that product and Mega Babe. I’ve tried them all. I need actual fabric between my very determined thighs.

    4. I have a dress that I bought from a Turkish Towel vendor that I love. It’s kind of just a deess made from a Towel and feels substantial enough that I can shower at the pool and throw it on afterwards.

    5. A cotton gauzy version with from Vinyard Vines that I bought on sale several years ago.

  18. Hi – I was just catching up on the weekend thread and saw someone asking about the Sea Base Family Camp. We were just there in March for Spring Break. A few things to note — it isn’t on the same key as the Sailing/Scuba camp. We stayed in one of the platform tents for 3 nights and rented linens. There was electricity, one queen bed, and a side room with two bunk beds. The view was AMAZING — our porch was steps from the ocean. You could see sun rises & sun sets. There were tide pools to explore and a nice swimming area off of the pier. There was a bath house with flush toilets and shower rooms, which were nice as far as BSA camps go. We didn’t do any of their programs, so I can’t comment on that. You are on the ocean side of the key — we had strong winds which blew away the bugs (nice!) but was very loud to sleep during — no one got good sleep while we were there. (The rain fly was really buffeting around, even though the tents can stand cat 4 hurricanes.) I felt that it was too windy to safely have a fire during that time. I enjoyed it and would go back — it was a fab price for the location! — but I don’t think I could convince my husband to go again. Let me know if you have other questions!

    1. OP here — this is great and sounds like the family tents I was looking at. Is there anything to do or go see around there that you’d recommend (even restaurants)? Did you fly into Miami and rent a car? I’m all ears.

      1. It was part of a larger trip, so we were in Miami for a few nights, then the camp, then Key West. We rented a car from the airport and drove from there (although we parked it in KW and just walked everywhere there.) You are pretty close to Marathon — we did the turtle rescue hospital (which was kind of sad), got ice cream somewhere, and ate at the Sunset Grill. We spent a whole day at Bahia Honda — great swimming there. If the weather cooperates, there is also a boat that will take you to Looe Key for snorkeling from the state park . There is the old bridge you can explore around there too. We also went west from camp and checked out the Square Grouper and their coffee house. We had never been to the Keys before — it was fun! My son is looking to see if he can join another troop for one of the sailing expeditions next summer. (His current troop is not old enough/interested.)

  19. Sorry for the toe-related question but I forgot to ask my PCP at my recent annual and I don’t feel like doing the whole appointment song and dance for what I think is a very non-urgent question that I don’t want to get a random bill for asking.

    My toenails are kind of white/chalky, and increasingly brittle. They have bene for a while but it’s just been a very low priority (so low that I forgot to ask PCP, clearly) that I haven’t done anything to address it. Any thoughts? Is this easily treatable, in which case I may just suck it up and go in so I can get an Rx or whatever else would just fix it? No other symptoms at all. I think it started in one toe a few years ago and now it’s definitely the two big toes and some of the smaller ones, too. I have painted toe nails almost always. At one point I left them unpainted for several months to see if that would help but I didn’t see any different. Finger nails are a-ok. Thoughts?

    1. Not a doctor, but this sounds like a fungal infection that’s probably treatable. I’d ask your PCP or maybe see a podiatrist.

      1. +1 – EmuAid is a good option to treat in a way that won’t hurt if it’s not a fungal infection and is available at drugstores OTC.

    2. So I had the same thing last year, and after a bit of googling, I found out that it’s really common if you have polish on your nails for long periods of time. It’s harmless, just unsightly. Which I typically do. What helped was lightly buffing the nail to remove some of the chalkiness, then using nail oil (jojoba oil) daily to reinvigorate the nails. And I didn’t polish my toes at all during the winter. The combination of all of that made it go away. Now that it’s pedicure season, I’m sure I’ll have the same problem when September rolls around, but at least I know how to treat it.

      1. I always give my toenails the winter off to prevent this! Currently I’m loving Butter London Mellow the Yellow Nail Brightening Treatment, which I’m wearing as my summer nail polish right now. I think I’ll stop wearing red nail polish altogether because it always leaves behind discolored nails, despite using base coat.

    3. I had the same for years and it was just chronically dry nails from polish. I did have them tested at a dermatologist to rule out fungal infection. I now lay off polish for ~6-8 months of the year and let them fully grow out. It really takes that long for them to heal. I make sure to moisturize with foot cream and nail oil during the healing months. I also try to stick to lighter polishes during the spring/summer; my derm said dark polish colors are more drying.

  20. There may not be an answer for this, but I’m torn and could use some advice sorting through all this.

    My current HCOL city has become too pricey for my husband and I to realistically own a home unless the housing market dramatically changes. Rent has also roughly doubled in the 10 years I’ve been here, edging towards unworkable/not a value for price as well. All things considered and leaving aside the cost, I’m very over this city and want to move, period.

    I’m in a job where there’s some significant “noise” around RTO with enforcement of policies becoming a higher prio in 2025. I’ve got an exception to WFH right now (and was hired permanent WFH) but the reality is that living near a “hub” is likely going to be a consideration for my career with this company (promotions, longevity, avoiding layoffs, etc).

    I’m considering moving back to my hometown about 1000 miles away, where COL is about half of what it is now. I could theoretically keep this job but see above-it’s likely that my actual career would top out/fizzle out as I would be several hours from the nearest Hub Office. A brief job search shows a *very* skimpy job market in Hometown (outside of high competition, high demand WFH jobs/remote jobs).

    It just feels really risky to move to Hometown, but discussions about other towns where Job Hubs are located fizzle quickly–neither my husband or I are interested in moving to a town where we know no-one (and there’s no guarantee that job will be there long term!) and we can’t find a town we’re excited about.

    “Third Option” towns (leaving out Job Hubs as a consideration) have been tossed around (neither Hometown nor Staying Here) but again, we can’t seem to find one that feels like a solid match for both of us.

    I just feel stuck–we just returned from a quick trip to Hometown to take a look at the housing stock on the market, really thoroughly tour the town, and get a genuine feeling for day to day life. My husband’s sold on it, but I keep getting cold feet due to the job thing but I get ants in the pants thinking about staying here–I literally am to the point I don’t want to resign the lease in a month for even one more year.

    Anyone else navigate something similar and have some good decision making matrices or ideas I could consult or use?

    1. Do you have kids or want kids? If so, that’s a huge factor in favor of moving to hometown. Even if you don’t expect extended family to be involved on a daily basis, having them there in a pinch can make a huge difference to QOL. I would probably be leaning towards a hometown move anyway, but I guess it depends on how much you value career advancement.

    2. What is DH’s job situation? It may be that the Third Spaces are what is more viable — maybe near Hometown or another place you have a tie (college down, where DH is from, where DH went to school, where you have some family or know some people, where you have liked to visit or vacation)?

      Like I could be fine in a lot of cities in my time zone, some bigger (DC) than others (Pittsburgh, Philly), some closer to family (DC) than others (Atlanta). Would not like winters in Boston or distance from family, but it might make some sense with my job. Same thing in NYC. Have never worked in Raleigh or gone to school there, but a lot of people seem happy there and it is closer to family on both sides (3+ hours, but that’s not 7 or 10).

      1. I posted below but want to piggyback off your last paragraph: being near an airport is huge. Raleigh offers direct or relatively easy flights to most of the country. Other places might not, and that can make a huge difference.

        1. Agree. I live in CLT and it’s 5 minutes to a great airport, especially if you are a transplant from the NEUS (as many of us are). I take a lot of the same flights for work and non-work and it’s so easy. I have friends who have moved to smaller places and having to take 2 planes to get places is hard when it works (and frequently they are spending overnights somewhere because of storms or missed connections or delays and it can take 2 days to get home or make the point of the trip pointless if it is something like a wedding or vacation).

      2. Raleigh was our Third Space city a few years ago: neither of us wanted to live in our hometowns, we were in a HCOL that was starting to spiral (Chicago), and the combination of industries in the Raleigh area, weather, and COL sold us. I found a job here that moved us and DH works remotely, but there are plenty of options if one of us needs to change jobs later.

    3. You find a third city. Moving to a city with “skimpy” job options is a very bad idea, and be comes worse the longer time goes on. Like it’s fine in your 20s and you grit your teeth in your 30s, but when those big high earning years come, it’s gruesome.

      You take time to test out cities. Book a Residence Inn for a week, work remotely, meet people. Keep at it.

    4. I wouldn’t move from a job hub. Everything I’m seeing is trending away from fully remote work to hybrid. I’d make peace with your current location, personally. I’m in San Francisco and most people here address what you’re talking about by moving further out and taking on 1-2 hour commutes. That was awful when people were in the office every day, but doing that drive a few hours a week might be the compromise you’re looking for.

      1. +1 I’m in the middle of nowhere for my husband’s job (>2 hours from the nearest real city), and have been casually job searching for a couple years now and it’s incredibly difficult to find fully remote jobs. Many jobs are WFH-friendly but need someone local-ish either for tax reasons or because they want the person to be in the office occasionally. The few fully jobs that are open to anyone in the US are incredibly competitive.

      2. I would look around to where one of you can land a good job while the other WFH and looks to find a job there if needed (and that would need to be likely to make it a good Third Place). Like if you can get a comparable job in Phoenix or Denver or Las Vegas or even Dallas or Minneapolis (assume you are west coast; I get that staying in your time zone is helpful when considering all this), you move there while DH WFH in the new city. Or DH gets a job in a place where you have viable options and you stick it out as long as you can while making local connections.

      3. I’m also in the Bay Area and have been here my whole life. The big trade off in living here that people from elsewhere have a hard time with is that if you want to own something, it’s going to be a lot smaller and maybe not as new/fixed up as something you could get for a lot less money than you could get in, say, Nebraska. But here we do a lot of our living outdoors, so indoor spaces don’t need to be as spacious.

        That’s what we did anyway. We had two kids in a small 2 bedroom 1 bath, which many people would think was absolutely impossible, especially for upper middle class people. But we did it and the kids are fine. We eventually traded up to a bigger house. But it’s nothing like my sister’s giant house in Texas that’s about 1/3 the price/market value of my house.

        Looking back, I’m so glad I stayed here and struggled mightily with that first home purchase. My job has always been here (minus a period of time where my job was basically on the road) and at this point, I have deep personal connections I would not be willing to give up by moving, something husband and I think about a lot as we look at retirement.

        1. Eh I left the Bay Area for the Midwest and it wasn’t about wanting a giant McMansion (I don’t have that here, even though we could afford one). The vast majority of people can’t afford to buy *anything* in the Bay Area, especially within reasonable commuting distance of jobs. I just looked at Zillow and there’s nothing for sale under $1M in many Bay Area cities. Even in the Bay Area, most people don’t have salaries that support a $1M house purchase.

          1. No you’re right about the $1m house, but I specifically said upper middle class. Most of my similarly salaried coworkers in other areas of the country were SHOCKED when I told them how small our house was. It’s just not the norm in places other than here, unless maybe Manhattan. That’s my point.

    5. Agree with those that say to look for a third city. I currently live in a mid-size Southern city with a lot of transplants. A lot of our friends are originally from nearby cities (like us) and settled here as a compromise, so I don’t think a decision like what you are trying to make would be unusual. I would look at third cities near your hometown.

      DH and I went through this decision making when we were looking for a bigger house before Kid 2. The houses we would be able to afford in either of our hometowns are huge compared to what we can afford here in suddenly higher COL city. DS is remote. I am hybrid. My job is similar to yours where I could probably work remote, but my career would stall. One of us is from ATL– we realized that the area of town we would choose to live in would be over an hour from family/friends. In addition, job prospects in my niche area are not great there, even though it’s ATL.

      I am from a much smaller Southern city that sounds like your hometown. Housing costs are much lower. Public schools are good. We could live 10 min from downtown, which has a thriving restaurant scene… but there are no jobs. Most people that are successful are either entrepreneurial and started their own business, inherited a family business, or are doctors/lawyers with a firm. There are a few jobs there in my niche area that I would consider to be “forever” jobs, and I am going to consider applying for them next time I am looking for a job, but I wouldn’t move there unless I had one of those jobs.

      We have decided to stay in our current city at least until I’m promoted to the next level in my job– once that happens, if I am interested in moving, I would at least have some more remote options.

    6. So I’m in the minority that I choose being near family and friends over job preferences – I had to pivot my career when I left DC, but I’m very very happy career-wise now. And so, so happy to be back in my MCOL home city near family and friends.

      You do say hometown instead of home city – what’s the overall job market like in that area? Is there a larger city with its own job market near enough by that you couid commute there once a week or something? Are there jobs for DH / things you couid pivot into? What are your future family plans (both you and DH having kids and any future parent aging / caretaking) and how would that play out in your hometown?). How far is DH’s family from your hometown?

      1. From a very quick search, the overall job market is bleak–it’s the reason I left 20 years ago and it doesn’t appear to have changed much, sadly. Of course in 20 years I have a significantly different resume so there’s that, and the search was 5 minutes at most, but in 10 years in Current City, I’m getting weekly recruiter emails (granted, for not-great contract or in-office roles, but still) vs. the maybe…3 jobs I saw in Hometown.
        My husband doesn’t work, he lives off investments and just got his BA, we’re not having kids, and our parents are relatively young so true caretaking is likely 10-15 years from now. DH hometown is in TX, my hometown is in NY–so, not even close on that one, sadly. He (and I) have no interest in moving to his hometown–the rising heat is one reason we want to move and he’s from Dallas.

    7. Your hometown is cheaper to live in precisely because there are no jobs there. It’s basic supply and demand.

      When people could suddenly work remotely during the early pandemic, many people saw an opportunity for living in a cheaper place while earning an income commensurate with a higher cost of living area.

      That was a one time thing, I’m sorry to say. Return to office policies for the vast majority of large employers means you can’t do that arbitrage anymore. That’s what you’re facing now.

      Time to be realistic. Cheap housing in your hometown with no employment prospects is fantasyland for you.

    8. I’m considering moving back to my hometown with slim pickings for job opportunities. The quality of life is so much better/prices more reasonable that it seems doable even with a lesser job. My sticking point though is health insurance as most of the small town jobs don’t offer it & idk of fully remote jobs in my field. It’s rough. One idea is that I might go ahead of my partner & look for work, while he holds his job … but it’s uncertain. If I were you, I might consider it worth it even if it limited my possibility of career advancement as long as I continued to have stable employment (though that doesn’t sound guaranteed with RTO). Alternatively, many people open their own small businesses for employment, would that be an option for you?

      Would love any ideas about the job/insurance hurdle. To what degree is a worse job worth it for better overall quality of life? Where does one look for benefited jobs in small towns (local government is one, also factories, but beyond that)?

      1. Remember that when your salary is smaller, your retirement savings/401K will be that much smaller.

        1. Maybe? We’ve been able to put way more money into 401ks in a LCOL area because our mortgage was small and then paid off early. If all your money is tied up in your housing, as is common in VHCOL areas, then you have less cash to save in 401ks and other investment accounts.
          Of course your house is an asset you can sell in retirement, so having a $$$$ house may mean you don’t need a 401k, but then you have to be prepared to part with your house and downsize significantly, which not everyone wants to do.

    9. I did this exact move, and I stayed in my hometown for about 8 years before I had to leave. At first, I was also permanently WFH (before that was really a thing!), but after 4 years at that job, my boss quit, and I didn’t like the new one. So I found a job in my hometown. That meant a small pay cut, but I was ok with it. Fast forward 4 years later… I still hadn’t made up that “small” pay cut! I realized I wasn’t going to advance working in my small hometown, an economically depressed city of about 90K. I was already making double the average salary, but less than I was 4 years prior in my WFH job. I ended up moving to the largest city, with a higher cost of living, but I found a job that doubled my salary. YMMV, but be careful. Smaller towns come with smaller salaries.

  21. Where are my midsize, middle-aged friends buying swimwear that’s actually cute and looks on trend? So, no offense, but not Lands End. I have a suit from an athletic brand and it looks very uncool compared to what my friends are wearing. But they also are much different body types than I am, and I’m not super comfortable showing off a ton of skin. So maybe this is the best I can do.

        1. Ive always been tankini lady for the same reason.

          Im an advocate of bra sized swimwear for anyone who needs the support. Those brands sell tankini separates, and you can get a fitted tankini top so that it looks pretty much like a one piece.

      2. Long torso here, and I find Boden offers LT, as does Summersalt. Athleta used to, but I haven’t looked there in a while.

        1. OP here. Athleta used to be my go-to, but I haven’t found anything I’ve liked for the past few years. Or the fit has changed to the point where I just don’t like what I’ve tried. Such a bummer.

    5. I have said this here before, but worth looking at 6pm for a wide selection of brands at cost effective prices. I ordered a bunch of one-piece suits to try on and ending up keeping two that were flattering and se*y (by Vitamin A and Bleu Rod Beattie). Quick search looks like Nordstrom sells these brands too…so worth looking there too

  22. Resume help, please! How should I frame contract positions that overlap with FT employment on my resume? I think demonstrating the longevity of some of this contract support is relevant.

    Example 1: I worked FT (salaried) for 3 years with company 1, and I then took a different FT job with company 2. I continued to work on a PT contract basis with company 1 for 5 more years. Company 2 knew, there was no conflict of interest.
    Should I put:
    2015-2020: company 2 FT
    2015-2020: copmany 1 PT contract? just contract?
    2012-2015: company 1 FT

    Example 2: I took a FT contract for 14 months. The contract went to very PT, so I secured a different FT job but continue to provide PT contracting. Same thing, new company knows, no conflict of interest. Should I put :
    2024-present: PT contract
    2023-Present: new FT job?
    2022-2023: FT contract

    1. A concern with example 2 is that the FT contract for 14 months looks short term, though in reality I’ve actually worked with this company in some capacity for 2.5 years.

      I don’t want to look like a job hopper, although all my other tenures are 3+ years.

    2. Example 1

      Company 2
      2022-present
      -what you do

      Company 1
      2020-present – consulting
      -what you do
      2015-2020 – Job Title
      -what you did

      Example 2

      Latest FT company
      2023-present
      -what you do

      The FT-PT company – I would not bother distinguishing the rampdown
      2022-present – consulting
      -what you do

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