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I was intrigued to read about the new work tote that Team Ivanka has developed — and it looks pretty solid. I like all of the pockets, zippers, and organization, the fact that it isn't too huge, and the fact that it comes in black and brown. (One note, though: no feet?!) The bag is $350 at Nordstrom. Ivanka Trump ‘Soho' Leather Tote
Here's a lower-priced alternative.
(L-3)
Sales of note for 9.19.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anon
No feet, and more importantly, no top zip. Useless to me!
anon
It’s $325 at Nordy’s, and also, the metal rivets make this look cheap, not sleek to me. But it’s not cheap. So pass.
Plague carrier
In my first year of practice I acted on a complicated file. Client was aware of my experience. After the matter was concluded he hired a different lawyer who has filed an appeal, partially alleging incompetence on my part. This has been going on for some time, years in fact and has not resulted in a conclusion, a lawsuit, or in a law society complaint or anything else that I know about. After this happened I changed a lot about my practice and as far as I know I have never come close to this position again. If anything I feel like I am overly cautious. I just want this to be over one way or another. I am a very different person than who I was when I started and I would like to move on. Has anyone experienced anything like this before?
Killer Kitten Heels
I’m not sure if the case you’re talking about is criminal or civil, but in the criminal context, it’s pretty much standard-issue for the appeals lawyer to claim ineffective assistance of counsel/incompetence/etc. in the appeal – as I understand it, it’s not intended to be any kind of meaningful comment on the prior lawyer’s work, it’s just that it’s the appeals attorney’s job to bring up any and every possible thing that could possibly get the conviction reversed. If there’s been no lawsuit for malpractice or complaint to the local bar, and the appeal has been going on for years, I’d assume it’s this kind of situation (appellate attorney looking for any possible hook), and try not to fixate on it.
Anon
+1 This is my understanding as well. It doesn’t actually mean you are incompetent, it is just a common defense that is asserted (throwing mud at the wall, if you will). I can only speak about my state’s bar association, but it isn’t uncommon for criminal defense attorneys to get bar complaints (the clients tend to not be happy if they lose and often blame the attorney, whether or not it is justified), and most of them are handled in a reasonable manner (a lot of them get thrown out because they aren’t justified). So in this situation, you probably wouldn’t have anything serious to worry about even if a complaint was filed.
Anonymous
Is my stress about this a sign I should do something else? I really feel like I do good work. I try hard for clients and I regularly refer clients to more senior lawyers when I feel they have problems that are beyond me. I go above and beyond my legal education requirements. And yet the thought someone says that I was incompetent (and my firm didn’t think I was) makes me question everything.
TBK
No, but it might be a sign you could benefit from therapy. Being a professional means doing something that’s hard, and that means some people might think you’re incompetent. It’s going to happen. If that fact makes you question “everything,” that’s something you might want to tackle.
January
I’m concerned about your anxiety more than I’m concerned about your professional choices. You sound conscientious, and the fact that your firm didn’t think you were incompetent should carry more weight with you than the fact that it came up in some appeal. Your firm likely carries malpractice insurance and could have been financially liable if you were incompetent. Trust me, they are not (were not and would not be) humoring you.
Killer Kitten Heels
I don’t think this is a “sign that you should do something else,” at least not taken all by itself. Not to get all psychoanalytical here, but if I had to guess, this isn’t the only area of your life where this kind of self-doubt? lack of self-esteem? reliance on outside indicators rather than inner knowledge to determine your worth/value/ability? pops up, it’s just where it’s most prominent. The job isn’t the issue, your reaction to it is. If you don’t work on changing your own internal stuff, changing jobs isn’t going to make a difference. (That’s not to say there might not be a career out there that’s a better fit for you in the long run, just saying that changing jobs/careers/fields probably isn’t the cure-all to how you’re feeling right now.)
Anonymous
You’ll run into situations in every career where a challenge makes you question things. I wouldn’t question your entire career choice based on this. Sounds like you’ve learned and evolved since then which is what you should do – turn mistakes and/or roadblocks into learning opportunities – good for you.
Anon for this
Okay, ‘Rettes, here’s a Thursday morning question: What makes a good (romantic) relationship? Not quite what do you look for in a partner – but what do you want that partnership to look like?
I ask because my BF and I have been dating for a year and a half. I love him very much and we get along well. We both approach the relationship with an attitude of giving (though sometimes I feel like he accommodates my needs more than the reverse) and I often just feel so lucky and happy to be with him. I imagine we’ll be talking about marriage in the near-ish term, though neither of us have broached the subject yet. It seems like everything I want.
But we never fight. Sometimes one or both of us is a little irritated by a mannerism or issue – and we tend to bring that up in the moment, e.g., “Hey, I was hurt by the comment you just made and it made me feel a little dismissed. Can you try not to say things like that?” We do kind things for each other, pretty constantly, and both of us are naturally fairly conflict avoidant. But I’m wondering if that’s normal – I keep hearing that it’s healthy to fight, that couples truly learn about each other when they fight, and we just… don’t. We had two little tiffs early on in our relationship where he said, “It bothers me when you do this,” and I sort of braced myself expecting a fight, the way one would come in prior relationships, but then that was just… it. And I don’t do those things anymore. We’ve never yelled at each other, we’ve never even been anything more than “irritation that isn’t quite anger, but could get there if left unchecked” with each other. Is that healthy? Am I just looking for problems here? Or does that signify that we are not in some way being our authentic selves with each other?
Anon
Are the things you stopped doing things you don’t care about or things you actively want to stop doing? Or are they things you feel like you made major compromises on or that you should at least have had a full and frank discussion about first?
tesyaa
My sister-in-law and her husband have an amazing marriage – for over 25 years – and they rarely, if ever, fight. I think it’s a great thing!
January
I’m not in a long-term relationship, so I’d take my opinion with a grain of salt, but… what you’ve described sounds pretty good to me! I might be more concerned if you said you felt like you couldn’t bring up important things with him. If you both tend to be conflict avoidant but you’re also addressing issues, then I would say that you’ve found a style that works well for both of you. After all, wouldn’t starting fights for the sake of having them be inauthentic?
Wildkitten
You should read the Gottman book on why marriages succeed or fail. According to them, you guys have a certain conflict style (avoidance) and that’s fine as long watch out for pitfalls and build on best practices. Congrats on being in love!
Scarlett
Ah, not necessarily- my husband and I never fight either but we also don’t avoid conflict- we just talk through our issues without yelling and screaming or other “fight” like mannerisms. It’s a great relationship in that way. OP don’t overthink it. When it’s good enjoy it.
Wildkitten
Okay you might be “validating.” The book talks about that too.
Anonn
Why must we label these things?!
Anonymous
The So and I have been together approximately 10 years, last third living together, one child. I feel he does not listen to me about my concerns about his job (I see it as a dead end) and some bad habits of his. He doesn’t seem to take my concerns seriously about our child, our savings plan etc. I might just be more of a worrier than him. I don’t feel that my problems and issues are acknowledged (I’ve wanted our family to move and I want us both to start making changes so that we are in a better place career wise in the future). We travel a lot, we “date” still, we have mutual friends and we support each other when other parties are involved. We love and care for our child. So I don’t know what I can tell you. I think I am happier with him than not but we have some obvious issues and I have some obvious nervous/anxiety issues that should be addressed at some point. My advice to you is to think “are we better off together?” “Am I better off together with him” and “what would happen without him”.
Anonymous
Maybe address your anxiety issues? There’s nothing wrong with working a dead end job and you’re not entitled to demand he fix all his bad habits. Anxiety can really hurt a relationship.
Anonymous
I really should do something about it. Hard to find time :)
Wildkitten
Maybe get a prescription from your primary care physician. That will take 15 minutes and it might make a huge difference. It’s worth a try.
Wisdom
I read a few years ago that its almost never true that there’s no time, what is true is that it’s not a priority. If it were a priority, you would make time.
There are often very good reasons something isn’t a priority (work, family, needing to sleep, etc.), but frame it as ‘it’s not a priority’ instead of ‘I don’t have time’.
I did this a few years ago and suddenly I always had time for dental cleanings because I couldn’t say, ‘My dental heath is not a priority.’ Sadly, I did find that ironing clothes: really, truly, actually not a priority.
Wisdom
(darn, I do miss the Edit function)
So my question to you is: Can you say that addressing an underlying issue which is affecting your life and relationship is not a priority?
Senior Attorney
Yes. People are not improvement projects. You wouldn’t want him trying to overhaul your personality and career, so why on earth do you think he would be receptive to you doing that to him? Based just on what you’ve said, this is a “you” issue, not a “him” issue.
Anonymous
Well the issue is binge drinking. Not taking offence at his socks. But I see your point.
Senior Attorney
Yeah, sadly the point is the same no matter what. My theory is that there are three kinds of undesirable characteristics in a mate:
1. Dealbreakers, e.g. abuse, addiction
2. Things that are annoying but that you live with as the price of admission to the relationship, e.g. socks.
3. Things that would otherwise be dealbreakers, but that you can get the person to change if you just work on the person hard enough, or explain carefully enough, or nag enough.
And you know what? There is no number 3.
Sad but I am convinced it is true. People can change themselves but nobody can change anybody else.
Meg March
I wouldn’t worry about it. I’ve been with my partner for 6 years, and we are the same– we just don’t fight. I don’t think we avoid conflict, we simply talk about things before it becomes a real problem. As long as you’re talking about the issues and coming up with a compromise that works for the two of you, never fighting isn’t an issue. It’s only an issue if you hold back anger/irritation and let it fester, or if one of you is getting walked over all the time (one person constantly saying, I don’t like this, or that, or this, and the other always changing).
PandaMom
I agree with this. My SO and I have been together three years and we have never had a fight. We’ve been joking about this since about six months into the relationship. We have disagreed about issues, and have had calm, rational discussions to work through those things. And we also have had to say “hey, when you did X, that hurt my feelings” or “I’m sorry. That comment came out differently than I thought it would and I could tell I hurt your feelings.”
We both are very happy being in a non-fighting relationship. And we both know the potential for fights exists in our future. But neither of us wants to fight just to fight. I think what you have going is great.
emeralds
+1, although we’ve been dating just over a year. A couple of times my SO has done or said things that hurt me–and then I talked to him about them and, the end. He’s a very even-tempered, mellow human being (although that will be tested since Penn State started their football season with a catastrophic loss ;) and sometimes I worry that he holds things back, since he comes from a family of conflict-avoiders–but I’ve talked to him about it and he’s assured me that nope, everything’s good, and that he would tell me if that changed. And I don’t want to be in a relationship where we scream at each other just because someone else thinks we’re doing it wrong.
Sydney Bristow
My husband and I have only had one real argument. We went to our separate corners and discussed it later. I think it’s a good thing that we typically deal with things in the moment and don’t fight about them.
Anon0321
Also agree, my husband & I have been friends for 8 yrs, together for 7, and married for 3 and I can count the fights we’ve had on one hand. I chalk it up to the fact that we are both very laid back people (not necessarily overall, but when it comes to family and relationships) and that when each of us do get grumpy– it’s completely different things that get us grumpy, so the other is still in a good mood & able to balance the other one out. We also know what things will cause us to fight & are lucky enough that we can pay others to do those things (joking, but only slightly… I mean at least 1 of our fights was probably related to putting together ikea furniture!).
I have to also add that my parents have been married 35+ yrs and are very much in love and I can also count their fights on 1 hand (I think due to the same things I described in my relationship). His parents are also similar….
I think TV/media has trained us to expect tumultuous relationships (because obviously in that format they are more fun to watch!), but when I look around at my friends and family, I don’t really see people fighting that often. Sometimes I wonder if I miss all the drama of previous bad relationships, but then I realize- heck no. I’m so lucky to have found someone I fit so well with & so lucky that seeing him every day is the highlight of my day and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Scarlett
+1 – this is what I was trying to say above. Totally agree.
JJ
I’ve been married for 10 years and can count on one hand the number of fights that we’ve had. We just don’t fight all the often because we try to discuss problems before they become “fights.” I do like to avoid conflict, but I don’t think that’s the sole reason for this; I just think that we communicate well and respect each other.
Annony
+1 this is us. Don’t get tricked into thinking you have to fight, or the absence of fighting is “avoidance”. That’s not fair. If both parties are happy, needs are being met, and there is nothing pent up threatening to explode at some point in the future (only you can know that about yourself), then all is fine! “Normal” is whatever you make it to be.
CountC
I am not a therapist and I am not in an LTR, so also take this with a grain of salt . . . I don’t think it’s healthy to fight in the argument, yelling, feel bad about it for a while sense. I think it’s very healthy to talk about what upsets you in a way that works for your relationship. I wish people would stop comparing themselves and their relationships to this normal thing. There is no normal. There is what society portrays as normal. There is what other people want you to believe is normal because it validates their life/lifestyle. There is what other people cling to as normal in an aspirational sense because they think that as soon as they achieve it they will be happy and life will be sugar and roses. So please, don’t focus on what is normal and whether your relationship meets that arbitrary standard.
Focus on whether you make each other happy, whether you respect each other, whether you truly hear each other, whether you care about each other to make sacrifices and compromises and, as someone said, whether your life would be better or worse without the other in it. If you don’t fight, who cares? Why would you want to create a problem when there isn’t one. Sometimes good is just that, good! And we should be happy with good without trying to find the fault in the good because we are so afraid the other shoe will drop and we will be like Sue/Mike/Jim/Mary and be miserable. No! Focus on the present.
Couples learn about each other when they talk to each other, ask each other questions, spend time together, etc., not when they yell at each other. Continue to do what you are doing until it doesn’t work for you and then figure out why it’s not working and what you can do to make it work or if it’s time to walk away.
Senior Attorney
This. Every bit of it!
jumpingjack
My parents were happily married for 48 years I never saw them fight, so I think this is totally normal!
My boyfriend and I also don’t fight, but we can have calm conversations like you described. I’m so conflict averse that I couldn’t be in a relationship where we fought, so this is perfect for me. I do feel like I’m missing something in my inability to fight, but I’m happy I’ve found someone who matches me on that level.
NYNY
I come from a no-fighting family, and my parents just celebrated their 50th anniversary, so it was a total shock to fall in love with a fighter. I have had to learn how to fight, and he’s had to learn how to stop fighting. We aren’t perfect, but we’ve been together 15 years now and are still each other’s favorite people.
Anon
So, I don’t think your relationship dynamic is normal, but it sounds perfectly healthy. My relationship with my husband sounds very similar to yours. We have the occasional tense conversation or expressions of irritation, but we don’t bicker or fight in the same way that most other people we know do. I think it’s a function of our general compatibility, our personalities (low anxiety, not very irritable, don’t enjoy conflict), and the emphasis we put on respectful communication. So we do disagree about things from time, but I would never call him names or make critical generalizations or anything along those lines. Rather it’s “I’m kind of frustrated about xyz and I’m having trouble figuring out how to resolve it; what do you think?”
Also, constantly doing nice things for each other is something that Gottman talks about (i.e., “keeping your love tank full”) and it really does work to prevent fights. If you’re already feeling positive about the other person and they do something inconsiderate, you naturally assume the best instead of assuming the worst. I’ve seen this pattern over and over again where two people will react completely differently to the same innocuous behavior, entirely based on whether they are already predisposed to feeling positive or negative about the relationship.
Senior Attorney
After being in a very volatile marriage with someone who was a dirty fighter for 15 years, I am now happily in a relationship like you describe. He is super low key and mellow, and I am neither of those things, but neither of us wants to fight and we just don’t. It’s pretty freakin’ awesome and I do not feel like I am missing one single thing other than a lot of heartache.
Now, I will readily admit that it is super easy not to fight in our position because we have things pretty easy. We both have our own houses so if somebody doesn’t like socks on the floor, he or she can just go home to where there are no socks on the floor. He’s a childless widower and my son is grown, so no issues about kids or biological clocks or dealing with exes regarding custody. We both have enough money and obviously it’s separate, so that’s not an issue. We work similar hours, we have similar interests, and so on. So… easy peasy.
Don’t second-guess yourself and don’t borrow trouble. Just enjoy and be thankful!
Silver
I don’t think that whether or not you have blowouts or “fights” matters per se.. i think the question is can you handle/resolve disagreements and resolve conflicts together and as time goes on, does that conflict resolution get better. Maybe the other way to think about this is, do you have conflicts and how do you resolve them?
Jordan
As long as conflict avoidant doesn’t mean holding grudges until they one day explode, I think that sounds really nice. My parents fought (still fight) all the time. So I do the same about bracing myself for a fight. But they were also married really young and stuck it out. As long as you feel like you can express yourself and you aren’t losing yourself to fit some perfect conflict free relationship, it sounds good to me.
Maybe if you do get to the marriage talk, go to a pre-marital counselor or buy one of those 1000 things to talk about before you get married books and see how it goes.
Anonymous
My husband and I don’t fight very much. 10+ years in, we do bicker sometimes but usually nothing major. And believe me, neither of us is shy about sharing our feelings or voicing if something is bothering us. We just have a good relationship, which we both acknowledge and feel very lucky about. So yes it is possible to not fight that often and have a healthy relationship! As long as you’re not avoiding big things or holding back when you should be communicating, it’s OK!!!
Anon
My boss has a new assistant and he has asked me to have a chat with her on the subject of her dressing more appropriately for the office. (She really does need some direction. We’re talking short bodycon skirts, leopard print done the wrong way… etc.)
How do I raise this subject with her? We’re both young and I will be working with her quite a lot, too. Hoping there is some wisdom out there!
TO Lawyer
There was a post on this (or at least a section of the comments) last summer with relation to summer associates. I had to do this with our summer student last year. I took her out for coffee out of the office. I found I had to give her specifics about what was wrong – I couldn’t just be general about professional dress.
It was supremely awkward and I felt like a mean girl doing it but it was worth it. I also suspect it was less awkward than my boss doing it.
Anon0321
Just tell her- “boss X doesn’t love when people wear ____, and I just wanted to give you a heads up in advance.”And then if you feel friendly towards her, make other plans to hang out- like happy hour or lunch or whatever.
I was that intern- I wore extremely inappropriate shoes for an internship (talking flip flops here and it was an extremely conservative office) and our paralegal took me aside one day and said just that in a friendly way. I appreciated it. I already knew deep down inside that I shouldn’t be wearing those shoes… but thought no one would really notice (naive 21 yr old!). She was also an awesome person & the internship was in a different country– so she made an effort to take me and the other intern out to cool places around the office & invite us to weekend plans, which I really appreciated and made me take her advice more seriously. But once you say it– I think you should stay out of it. It’s not your job to monitor someone’s wardrobe after letting them know about the office culture or unless she comes to you for other advice.
Anonymous
I’ve been in this position!
I would refuse. I have refused. Tell your boss she would feel horribly embarrassed that he has involved other people in this discussion. Tell him to make clear rules and make everyone follow them by sending out an internal memo. If she doesn’t follow it, she gets a warning.
Annony
Without more info from OP, I can’t agree with this approach.
OP, are there guidelines somewhere, buried in some handbook that the new hire (in theory) read? If so, I would consider the policy already to be clear, and a one-on-one conversation the best possible solution.
As for helping your boss out – I do sympathize with his position. Even if the comments were fair and balanced, citing an explicit policy, I’ve worked with women who jump at the opportunity to cry s3xual harassment and likely would if a senior male approached about dress code violations/appropriateness. I think it’s a know your company as to whether it’s ok for you to have this convo on his behalf.
OP here
No guidelines – just more of an office culture. The waters are muddied slightly because some of the assistants do dress more casually than you might prefer, but unless it’s provocative it generally goes unnoticed.
He had expressed to me that it would be an “HR Nightmare” (his words) for him to approach the subject, and I agree.
Meg Murry
No, don’t encourage him to go the passive aggressive memo route! That generally results in everyone else to know exactly who/what the problem is, or everyone else to wonder “am I the one he means?” but for the actual offender not to get that they were the one the memo was aimed at.
But I do think it is his issue to deal with, not yours, although if you wanted to try the gentle route first with her, that would be kind of you, but not really your job. If you do decide to do it, I agree with TO Lawyer that outside the office, or at the end of the day (preferably even a Friday afternoon if possible) would be best, so she isn’t at work all day, embarassed by her too-short skirt or whatever.
There is some good advice here on AAM, and if you use the “search the site” option for “dress code”
http://www.askamanager.org/2013/06/how-to-tell-an-intern-her-skirt-is-too-short-for-the-office.html
Please be kind in remembering also that as an assistant she may not have the budget to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe right away, so this may take a little while.
Anonymous
Budget is a reason I refuse these discussions. My boss asked me to talk to someone who had just returned from mostly unpaid mat leave and was suffering from postpartum. Needless to say she didn’t fit her old clothing and was in a hard place financially. It wasn’t my job to tell that young woman to go buy a wardrobe that fit when I knew she was in such a bad position she was using the food bank. I wasn’t going to do it. I did tell the boss she was in a rough place financially and that telling her she was too fat for her old clothing would be incredibly mean. Eventually the boss had someone take her out for a shopping trip and paid out of pocket for her new wardrobe. It was done in a way that made her feel nice and not like a charity case. I’m not saying that will happen in your situation but this isn’t your problem and don’t make it your problem.
Anon0321
As a currently preggers person that doesn’t fit into any of my nice clothes & can’t find any nice clothes in stores (& I already feel uncomfortable enough as is), and who is seriously undressing at work atm…. I thank you on behalf of all of us in this sort of situation. :)
OP here
That advice in AAM is useful – if I end up dealing with this myself that’s the sort of line I would use. Thanks! (Though based on comments below, I’m thinking of asking my boss if we can refer this to HR instead.)
Anon
If your company/firm/whatever is large enough to have a human resources person/department, then this is in their wheelhouse, not yours.
PandaMom
+1. This definitely is HR’s problem. Not yours. Your boss should go to HR, voice his concern, and HR should talk to his assistant.
CountC
+1 HR should be addressing this, not you.
OP here
We do have an HR department – I am going to ask him to refer this to HR and see what he says.
OP here
UPDATE: Asked my boss if this wasn’t a more suitable conversation for HR and he said it wasn’t. He didn’t want it to sound like a big formal complaint, but rather a suggestion to help her succeed in her new role. FINE but it still leaves me in this incredibly awkward position.
Anonny
You are allowed to say no.
Two cents
+1
Meg Murry
The problem with a “suggestion” coming from someone who is not her boss is that the person might change – or she might totally ignore you and think you are just butting in to something that is not your business.
I think you should give it one conversation,and if nothing changes, suggest he go to HR as to how to handle it – HR may have some tips for him as to how not to make it all “formal reprimand” but let her know it’s important.
Jordan
Anyway you can frame it like you were once in a similar position there and you want to save her the embarrassment of HR intervening? What about office culture being really important to fitting in? If she doesn’t fit in, it might not work out and you heard she is doing really well and want her to succeed. If her outfit makes people uncomfortable, they won’t have her back? Man. That’s tough and I do not envy you. It’s hard to be direct and nice.
We had an assistant who dressed pretty provocatively but no one seemed to mind except for another girl who would make loud comments about her behind hanging out or her looking like a ho*ker. My boss made me write up the girl who made the comments to the provocative one. Now that was awkward.
Anon.
I work in a field where it is typical to switch between the corporate office and satellite offices every 2-3 years. I have now been in the same undesirable satellite office for 5+ years. I feel like my career is floundering because I’m not getting the same opportunity as other people to move around and work on new exciting things. How many times do I ask to be transferred before I jump ship?
Anonymous
No more. You’ve already wasted too much time. They don’t value you or your career and they’ve made that very obvious.
Travel Question
I’ve been searching past posts for comments about 1-night work trips, but haven’t found anything on point (apologies if it exists and I’m missing it). I am getting ready for my first ever work trip (new lawyer) and am trying to decide what to pack in for one night. I have a carry-on sized suitcase, but it seems really unnecessary to even take that much for a single night. I’m also concerned that I will need to bring it to my meeting the next day. Has anyone packed in the Lo&Sons OMG bag for a night? I have to take a suit with me and I’m worried about it getting rumpled in a soft bag. I’ll be traveling with my seniors, so I would like to look very professional. Also, is it too much to carry the OMG and a Le Pilage/large purse/something else?
I know that there is a good chance I’m over-thinking this, but I’m nervous and want everything to go smoothly!
Wildkitten
I would pack an overnight bag and a work purse, but I think you could get away with a Lo & Sons and a garment bag for your suit. You will probably all have suitcases and the place you are traveling to will have a place to store them when you are there.
Wildkitten
overnight bag = carry-on suitcase, not a duffel.
travel
For a one day professional/work trip, a carry-on sized suitcase is the perfect size. This is particularly true if you need to bring a suit. It will actually look more typical to be pulling a small carry-on sized suitcase with you when you go to the meeting the next day than an overstuffed OMG bag, to me, which to me, seems less professional. Especially while you are wearing a wrinkly suit.
Anon
+1. No one will bat an eye at a carry-on sized suitcase. I do this all the time.
travel
This is my bag, thanks to my cousin!
http://www.briggs-riley.com/shop/function/garment-bags/carry-on-wheeled-garment-bag
Anonymous
I think it would work. I’ve taken my L&S OG bag (fits 1-2 nights worth of clothes, toiletries, 1 pair of shoes) and 1 other large purse (fits my laptop + files) for similar work trips. I’ll usually wear my suit jacket on the first day, haven’t had people notice if I re-wear the second day if it’s a normal black suit.
anon
This is the kind of occasion where a polyester suit is a boon — my Limited suits barely wrinkle, and could totally survive being thrown in my purse. But I would recommend the carry-on suitcase — you may want to bring a pair of shoes that aren’t your pumps (whether for exercise or just wearing in your hotel room or if you have to walk somewhere to eat), for one thing, and it’s also helpful to bring something to change into at the end of the day that isn’t PJs, in case you don’t want to wear your business attire in the evening.
TO Lawyer
I usually don’t pack a suitcase for an overnight trip (I unfortunately have had to do lots of these over the last year). Can you wear the blazer on the trip? I also agree with the suggestion to bring a garment bag if you can’t.
That said, if you would prefer the extra space, I would pack a small suitcase but then keep your hand luggage to something small like a single tote.
CHS
For me, the ability to roll my carry-on suitcase – with work purse slung over it – is paramount to being able to keep up when making my way through airports, through city streets, through hotel lobbies etc with coworkers. I do lots of 1-night work trips and am a big fan of the carry on suitcase with 4 wheels. I much prefer to be neatly prepared with a contingency top or two and comfy shoes than to lug two bags around.
Anon
+1.
I’m a big proponent of a few extra articles of clothing for any work trip. I’ve had work trips extended by a day for work reasons (oops we didn’t finish everything), so having a spare work-appropriate top/outfit is a good idea, as well as extended for weather reasons (stupid snow), so having spare “lounge in my hotel room while I wait for the airport to reopen” clothes is also a big plus.
Meg Murry
Yes, I think that even though a roller suitcase plus a work purse or laptop bag is technically larger/more luggage than an OMG + Le Pliage, it actually looks like less than someone with a large bag slung across each shoulder.
Is there anyone with 1 or 2 years more experience in your office you can ask about this? They probably know if the people you travel with are super lightweight travelers or whatever.
Road warrior3tt3 has a good blog about this stuff, although it will probably be caught in the spam filters if I try to post it here, so link to follow, but you can also find it via google. She also guest posted here, and you can find other related posts if you look for ones tagged “travel”
Meg Murry
Here’s one of her posts that might help:
http://roadwarriorette.boardingarea.com/first-business-trip/
Gail the Goldfish
Small carry-0n. I want one that’s like briefcase-sized (if that makes sense), but have yet to find the perfect one and just use a 20″ carry on (4 wheels, which I greatly prefer, except someone needs to invent a wheel lock so they don’t unintentionally roll away), which is really bigger than I need but oh well. Also, I always, always bring at least a change of clothes, a toothbrush, and contact solution/glasses, even if I only think I’m going for the day, because I’ve had enough flights cancelled and had to spend the night somewhere unexpectedly. For day trips I usually just throw everything in a small tote bag instead of a suitcase, but that’s because my change of clothes is casual, not work.
Gail the Goldfish
Oh, I should add I’m trying to find a small roller suitcase for the day trips because carrying a tote bag + my laptop bag (which usually has several notepads/files in addition to my laptop) gets quite heavy when sprinting through airports. So while I think you could carry the an OMG and purse and be fine, if you’re going to end up traveling a lot, that’s something to consider.
OP
Thanks everyone for all of the suggestions! I hadn’t even thought about the little half-sized rolling suitcases. I have an old one somewhere that is similar to this one. (link below).
I think I will bring that and either the OMG (not overstuffed anymore), Le Pilage, or just a large purse. I wish I had a good structured work tote that was more like the one in this post, but I just got both of these soft ones and don’t feel like I should be adding another bag just yet! Sometimes I wish the OMG was just a little smaller!
OP
http://shop.samsonite.com/samsonite-business-wheeled-business-case-overnighter/67209XXXX.html?dwvar_67209XXXX_color=Black&cgidmaster=lugaz-lu015
shadow
I would do a small carry-on with wheels, and a tote/purse. You can bring a suit in a garment/suit bag. You don’t have to fit it into your carry-ons if it doesn’t fit. You can hold it or put it in the overhead bin (folded, so it won’t wrinkle). Some planes have a closet on the plane to hang it up – just ask the flight attendant…
Anonymous
How much do you spend on vacation annually vs. your income? As percentage or dollar. What are your secret tips to save money on vacations?
I’ve been reading some other discussions about this, and I’m curious what the hive does.
TBK
Are you including obligatory trips in your definition of vacation — e.g., traveling to a wedding, traveling to visit family? We have a line item in our monthly budget for trips to visit my family (his family is local). We put some money into this pot every month. We came up with an annual figure that would allow 2 trips per year (assuming my parents will come visit us 2 x per yr as well). Ad hoc trips, like for a wedding, come out of either our monthly “us” money or out of “my” or “his” money depending. So, for example, he recently went solo to a college roommate’s wedding and the cost of that trip came out of “his” money. But later this year, we’re both going to a wedding that’s for two friends of ours and that will come out of the “us” money. If there’s not enough money in the “us” fund to cover the trip, we either don’t go or “borrow” against the “us” fund (i.e., the “us” line item will have less in it the next month). We never had a real honeymoon, so we also have a monthly honeymoon fund that we plan to use to take a trip to Europe for our 10th anniversary.
Killer Kitten Heels
We spend 1-2% of our income on vacations, depending on the year. We generally save money by booking through Costco Travel, Groupon, or Living Social, and/or traveling “off-season” (so, for example, our vacation to Arizona was in August, we’re going to Iceland in the middle of the winter, etc.). Basically, as long as the “off-season” weather isn’t hurricane/monsoon season, we tend to just pack the right clothes for the season and roll with it.
Anonymous
Arizona in August. Oh my goodness…. THAT’S a vacation?
You are better than me!
Anony
I’m sure that made her feel really good about her vacation.
I think Arizona sounds lovely– at least it’s not humid!
Senior Attorney
I spend a lot. I shoot for about 10% of take-home pay, which I spend on 1-2 big trips a year plus weekends here and there. I put money aside for travel every month.
I don’t do much budget travel at my advanced age. I generally don’t want to fly coach on long flights any more. I’d say the one area where I don’t go all out is accommodations. I’d rather fly business class and stay at a modest hotel than suffer through a long flight in coach and stay in a fancy hotel.
DC Anon
I’m guessing I spend about $10-15k. My salary is $225k. The $10-15k consists of usually 2 international trips a year and probably 10 weekend or long weekend domestic trips. My biggest tip for saving money is that I never stay in hotels. I am a huge fan of Airbnb. When visiting friends, I prefer to stay with them since that means more time together. On the rare occasion that I’ve had to stay in a hotel last minute, I use the Hotel Tonight app to get a great deal on a really nice hotel.
I very rarely rent a car and will instead use public transportation and Uber. I never check bags at the airport, mostly because I like packing light and it makes it easier to take public transportation instead of a taxi from the airport.
When staying at an Airbnb, I tend to eat breakfast at “home” (I pick up some yogurt or eggs or cereal or whatever looks good from a nearby market). I also like to plan dinners ahead and I lean towards neighborhood restaurants that are often half the price of and more delicious than the more touristy spots. Or sometimes I’ll just go all out and eat somewhere crazy fancy that’s really worth it, but there’s nothing I hate more than paying too much money for a so-so meal. Also, when traveling in Europe, I eat at least a few lunches at local markets (more for fun than to save money, although it does save money!).
When planning travel between different cities on vacation, I google to see what the best way is to get from, say, Milan to Rome. And then I google the cheapest way so I can make an informed decision about cost with value in mind.
I tend to go places where I don’t need to pay a bunch of money for planned activities (e.g., large cities where there is plenty to see just walking around with a couple good guidebooks; national parks with lots of nature; places where I already have friends I can hang out with, etc.).
I use one credit card for travel that doesn’t have foreign exchange fees, has a chip and PIN, and has a very simple rewards program where you can redeem points for statement credits against travel expenses. That’s turned out to be much more useful for me than credit cards that are specific to one airline, etc.
I also don’t shop on vacation. I find I never use anything I buy. It’s more that I’m excited to have the memory. So now I just take a lot of pictures…
DC Anon
Oh, I also second Killer Kitten Heels’ advice to travel offseason. For example, flights to Europe in the fall are much cheaper, the weather is better, and there are fewer tourists.
ITDS
We had London to ourselves in late November, and Rajasthan to ourselves in late April. Wet and hot respectively, but totally worth it for cheaper prices in nice accommodations, and not having to compete with other tourists.
Sydney Bristow
I don’t know the math on it. We typically take one big trip a year (Europe, 10 day road trip, etc) and a bunch of smaller ones.
I’m a big proponent of points and miles. We put everything on our credit cards and pick the one to get the best rewards for the purchase. We recently flew to Australia and back on United miles, had 4 free nights from Starwood points, and 1 free night from Hotels.com.
Gail the Goldfish
Around 3-5% of take home income, depending on the year. Honestly, my problem is usually more finding the time than finding the money, in part because a lot of vacation time gets used up going home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, which is not really vacation. We aim for at least 1 week-long vacation a year. We’ve been alternating between a domestic location and an international location for the past few years, but that’s been somewhat unintentional (the international trips have been for weddings). In an ideal world, I’d take one international trip a year and maybe a couple of long weekends domestically. Tips for cheap travel–search for flexible dates and be willing to fly on an “off” day (like a Wednesday instead of a Friday), get a Lonely Planet travel guide and/or check TripAdvisor forums and scour for recommendations (one of the best money-saving tips I got from Lonely Planet was the 2-for-1 Travelcard deals in London. If you’re going to London, google it), and know what you’re willing to skimp on (for me, it’s hotels. It doesn’t need to be fancy, I just need a place to sleep. I’m not there to see the hotel.)
Gail the Goldfish
Oh, for searching for cheap air travel without a particular destination in mind, I enjoy either the Google Flights map or Kayak Explore.
Anonymous
We typically spend between $10-15K a year for 2 people. One big, international trip that is normally close to $10K and a smattering of smaller weekend trips, trips to weddings, etc. combined income around $200K in a very LCOL area and no debt except a small mortgage.
Anon0321
Spend about $15-20k for 2 people (we make about $350k-$400k/yr). 1 big trip per yr, a couple w/in the country vacations, wedding & visiting family across the country 3-4x a yr, fly to family fairly close every month or 2 for weekend trips. It’s THE THING I spend money on. I don’t really care about expensive purses, or clothes…. we make good money, and max out our retirement, have paid off our loans–I just want to visit my friends and family whenever I want, however I want, and that is a priority for me. Also- if you have an airport that flies southwest near you- get their cards & do it in a way that gets you companion tix… this has been amazing for us & saved us a ton on trips.
Anon100
About 3-5% of my pay before taxes. I make less than $40k a year. For saving money and getting the most of out it, I go to places where my friends & family live so no housing costs or use AirBnb, rely on public transport if there is one, and try to collect airline miles during the year so I don’t pay a lot for airfare. Since I’m still single, my trips so far have been alternate long international trips (to Asia to see family) and short 1-week or long weekend trips domestically every other year or so.
If I go to a new city, I do a lot of research and see if there are any ticket packages or admission discounts if I go at certain times of week. When I’mat my vacation destination, I don’t really splurge on meals, since my philosophy is that the best food is usually found in the ethnic quarters or mom and pop restaurants that don’t charge a fortune.
stop the videos with audio!!!!
PLEASE STOP YOUR AUDIBLE VIDEOS.
You know the one – the video you post on top of the list of comments. Now it comes on BY ITSELF!!!!!!
Stop stop stop stop stop…..
I quit your site.
yes...
Loud rock & roll music. Ugh.
Brunette Elle Woods
Why would anyone have their sound on unless they are watching a video?
Anon Worker Bee
I always have the sound on for my work computer because my company uses instant messaging a lot and I have two monitors so if I am not focused on the monitor with the im program I won’t see it flashing for a new message but I always hear the notification sound.
L
Is it really too much to get a new post up before 10 AM? Yeesh!
Anonymous
Do you have a service level agreement in your contract with Kat?
HSAL
I love you.
Pretty Primadonna
~snickers~