Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Blurry Floral Cardigan
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
The intricate jacquard-knit floral pattern on this cropped cardigan from J.Crew is just stunning, and the knit looks so luxuriously soft. The cropped length makes it perfect for pairing with dresses and skirts, but you can also wear it with a pair of high-waisted pants for the office.
I would wear this with a white oxford shirt and corduroys for a casual office look, or over a sheath dress for something a little more formal.
The cardigan is $348, available in most sizes XXS-3X.
Sales of note for 10/9
- Ann Taylor – 40% off must-have styles, and 30% off your full price purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- The Fold – Up to 25% off with their Workwear Mix and Match offer
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Fall style event! 25% off $500+, 30% off $750+ — try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Nordstrom – 1000+ new markdowns!
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Soma -$25 off when you spend $110+, also get a free bra when you buy two
- Talbots – 30% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $150+
I’ve always been an electric kettle fan. However, since my new-ish induction stove boils water a lot faster and while using less electricity than my electric kettle, I think it might be time to switch to a stovetop kettle.
Anyone have a favorite kettle? Or features to look for or avoid?
I had the le creuset one for a while before i switched to using an electric kettle. I did like it a lot. I would go in person and pick up/try pouring a few. The handle shape is key, some of them are uncomfortable and your hand bumps the hot metal. Some have handles that fold down which make it easier to store away if you don’t leave it on your oven. The stainless steel/enamel ones will be a lot lighter than the le creuset, so decide how comfortable you are with pouring something heavy (especially when filled with water)
Think about how hot the handle will be when you pick it up to pour out the boiling water.
Make sure you like how the spout pours. It’s so annoying to have a cute kettle that drips all over the place. I also prefer one that does not have a seam at the bottom but is instead one single piece. The seams always seem to develop a leak.
I like a whistle. I don’t like having to use a potholder to handle it or having to watch out for steam so I don’t get burned. I like something cute enough that it can live right on the stove. I hate things that break for no reason.
With those criteria, I got by for years with a Kitchenaid, but I am not sure they still make the one I had, and I’ve had some “break with no reason” experiences with other products from that brand. The current Serious Eats overview seems to share my criteria.
(We ended up moving to a house with a high end gas stove we’re not rushing to replace but also not enthusiastic about using to boil water, and then a household member got into fussy teas with specific temperature requirements, so we went back to a plug in kettle! But I’m jealous of your induction stove.)
I like the classic Ikea one. We use it for coffee. For tea, we use a Sage kettle with the dropdown basket.
I have a Le Creuset kettle which is unnecessary (you can find much cheaper kettles) but I love the range of colors and you can get one to match your kitchen.
I’ve had an Alessi 9093 Michael Graves kettle for I don’t know how long. It comes in different colorways – the one i have has a blue handle and a gold bird. Mine sits on the stovetop at all times so i want something i like to look at. If i were buying now I’d go for this different model because it makes me smile:
https://us.alessi.com/products/tea-rex-kettle?_gl=1*zloz1h*_up*MQ..*_gs*MQ..&gclid=Cj0KCQjw6bfHBhDNARIsAIGsqLgRAsm8jtj6bxHkaJYaYYtJzq-jrnT0CFPsq-Fp-f7FL_8I_s0cd64aAslvEALw_wcB&gbraid=0AAAAADIgYkLEz_3sL788q0X0ON85Htt67
Agree that Alessia is great, though pricey.
To the commenter – You can buy the dragon whistle separately if you want! A good gift to request if you really love it but might not want to spend frivolously on yourself.
I was happy with my Oxo kettle before I went electric.
Thanks, all!
Talk to me about quilts. I saw a cute reel where a woman made a quilt out of her baby’s outgrown clothes. This seems like such a lovely way to preserve the memory of these special days together.
I can’t sew and I’ve never had an heirloom quilt. What size would you think a quilt like this should be? How much would you expect to pay someone to make the quilt? Would you pick someone from a place like Etsy (recommendations?) or would you go local (how do I find a local quilter?). Thanks!
See if you have a local quilt shop – that is where quilters gather. Let them know you are not necessarily interested in learning how to quilt (they will try to convince you to do that!) but would like to hire an experienced quilter who has made these types of quilt. Not sure of cost.
Oh gosh, this is what your neighborhood FB group is for! I move not infrequently, and there’s always someone in a local group who makes memory quilts. These someones aren’t professionals; they’re just moms and grandmoms who enjoy quilting and do it for friends and neighbors (because if they make any more quilts for their own homes, they won’t have a spare inch of space ha). Of course check and see whose style you like, etc.
I think I paid $200 20 years ago to have my husband’s fraternity tees turned into a quilt. This was basic and no frills, and not what you’d want for a sweet baby quilt. The size of the finished quilt depends on how many outfits you send over and how big you want those swatches.
I’m a quilter. I love the idea of re-using my kids outgrown clothes but personally I really hate sewing with stretchy fabrics, which most kids clothes are for comfort. Just normal cotton quilting fabric (think like stiff cotton bedsheets) with little to no stretch are just a lot easier to work with and I feel like it makes a better quilt in the end.
Quilting can take quite a bit of time, even a crib sized quilt could easily take 20-80 hours depending on how intricate the pattern and actually quilting is. So I would anticipate the labor could be several hundred dollars.
If this type of project speaks to you though, I also highly recommend asking at a local quilt shop. I use to be in a quilting club and some people in the club really enjoyed making teddy bears or other toys with kids clothing, because stretch for that type of project is a little more useful/forgiving. So keeping an open mind with a local quilter would be a great way to create an heirloom.
+1 to baby fabric quilts being difficult to work with and not all that durable. If your intent is wall hanging, go for it. If you want a functional blanket, maybe not.
Run all of this together: too cool t shirt quilts . com
I have had 3 graduation quilts done by them. They are not cheap, but the work is amazing. They do baby quilts as well. They can use almost anything. Between the 3 of them, my kids’ quilts had leotards, stretchy warm-ups, cut-outs from backpacks, patches, non-stretchy shirts and, of course, t-shirts. The quilting on the back is almost as amazing as the front.
It is a lot of work to make a quilt. If it is supposed to be heirloom quality as well, and actually quilted, not just a rough machine sewn single layer, you are looking at hundreds of hours of work.
So lets say you want a fancy heirloom queen size quilt, it could be 300+ hours of work, approx. a full-time job for two months.
So anything you would pay that is less than a two months salary, is less than a commission for an heirloom quality quilt *should* cost.
If you instead want a simple small item, again, maybe you’re looking at closer to 20 hours, and the price should reflect that
Super-quilters can be quicker, but there is a reason skilled crafters are mostly paid in love, nobody has the budget to pay the actual costs.
If you want to find somebody who will do it as a hobby project, you have to accept that they have full control over their time and zero deadlines, unless you are paying for their actual time spent, they are giving you a gift even if they are getting “pocket money”.
This seems like a huge overestimate of the labor involved. 300 hours for a queen-sized quilt seems like it’s either a hand-sewn paper-pieced top with a zillion tiny pieces, or hand-quilted.
OP, what kind of quilt do you want? Are you looking for a traditional quilt pattern using the fabric from the baby clothes? Some patterns don’t work well with stretchy fabrics or with tiny quantities of fabric. A “scrappy” pattern designed to use up small quantities of many different fabrics is probably what you need, and stretchy fabrics will need to be reinforced with interfacing. You may also be able to do a traditional pattern where one part of the repeating pattern, like the center of a star, is unique for each motif and is made from the baby clothes, and the rest is made with larger quantities of other fabrics. Or do you want a “t-shirt” style quilt where larger pieces of the garments are sewn together, possibly showing off graphics? Either way, a quilt made with large quantities of reinforced knit fabric is going to be very heavy.
Either way, a quilt you commission is likely to be machine-quilted. I send all the quilts I make out to be machine-quilted; for my last large lap-sized quilt, I think the quilting plus attaching the binding to the back cost something like $150. I still had to hand-stitch the binding to the front. So I’d expect to pay several hundred dollars for materials and labor for someone to make an entire quilt, but not two months of a full-time salary.
Yes, agree there are different styles and levels of complexity!
The term heirloom is one I associate with the most complex and time-consuming projects, detailed with a high level of finishing.
A “memory” project might be what I’d look for for OP,
but even a simpler one takes a lot of time and effort. Since OP doesn’t sew, it can be difficult for non-crafters to understand the time commitment involved. Even at minimum wage it will be expensive.
Where do you keep a list of items you want to purchase that you can share with others? I just had an offer accepted on my first condo, and with the holidays coming up with it, I know my parents will want to offer to buy me things for it. I’d prefer to give them a list of things I have already researched and was planning to purchase eventually so they can decide from that list. Basically, a registry that is only going to be sent to my parents and no one else, but that isn’t just an Am@zon list.
Zola may work for this
I would just keep a google doc of notes app list with links, and email them when they ask
I do this. I tried an Amazon gift registry in the past, but I wanted to move away from encouraging Amazon purchases. I keep a note in my phone and when my parents or in-laws ask, I send them the list via email. If there are various color / size options, I’ll note that in the product title and include a link if possible.
We use Google Keep.
Same but google sheet. I add details like size + color.
If it were me, I’d use whatever format I think my parents could access most easily, without tech issues. For me, that would be an email or a google doc.
Giftster! My family uses this for Christmas when we wanted to move away from a-zon and it works great and is very simple to use.
+1 to Giftster. I like that you can edit the names to include the sizes or color you want.
MyRegistry has this option – you can add items from anywhere and then share the link with people.
Help me find some classic black booties! I like the Margaux Downtown ones but not sure if they are worth the price tag. Does anyone have them or any others you would recommend?
I’d check out Inez and Sezane.
I’ve been on a Sam Edelman kick lately after realizing the last they use is the right shape for my feet. They are less expensive than the Margaux and have a few similar versions out right now, depending on your taste in heel height and style.
I wish Margaux fit me. They preach having wide sizes but I’ve ordered from them twice and the wide is not at all wide enough. The downtown boots are beautiful.
booties that come up a bit higher look modern now. Dolce Vita has some.
Looking for some honeymoon recs. Getting married in May, but I think we’d prefer to do a delayed honeymoon (probably will do a few day mini moon nearby).
Coming from the East Coast, we prefer active travel and enjoy nature/off the beaten path travel with a few days of city sightseeing (we love history and food) and/or relaxation. I prefer warm weather and beaches, he prefers cold weather and mountains.
We’re both well traveled (I’ve been to 5 continents, he’s been to 4), would ideally go somewhere new to both of us but that’s not a requirement.
Budget is generous (his parents surprised us by covering the wedding so what we’d put aside for the wedding is now our honeymoon budget) as is the time off.
We’re mid 30s, so will be trying for kids soon. This may or may not be the last hurrah for this type of travel.
Argentina. Buenos Aires, Mendoza, Patagonia. Alternatively South Africa and Botswana.
Second Argentina. My friend is from there and what she tells me is the country is huge and has a huge variety of landscapes and climates, so you could easily cater to both of your interests,
I loved Argentina and it’s relatively inexpensive, too.
Hiking (or skiing) in the Dolomites followed by some city time in Milan?
The Dolomites have gotten so “hot”, it’s almost too late to book for next summer (and like most alpine destinations the season is the season – theres not much in the way of shoulder season).
The Olympics are also in that region next year and although the actual Games are in February I’ve heard it’s going to make the region quite a bit busier than normal all year.
How much time do you have? If you can swing 3 weeks or more, this calls for New Zealand.
Was going to recommend the same – especially the south island!
We can do just about 3 weeks
Here’s me beating the drum again for one of my favorite experiences: I did a tall ship sailing trip to Greenland (I think the tour operator is North Sailing although I connected up through Classic Sailing), and added time in Iceland to the front and back. It’s not warm weather beaches but it is thrilling.
Iceland will have warm ish weather in the summer and you can still do things like glacier hiking. Its beaches aren’t really lounging around all day beaches, but the hot spring are pretty great for relaxation. Especially outside of the blue lagoon, the hot spring in Akureri (sp?) is lovely and not touristy.
Greece has lovely beaches and also mountains to explore. You could pick an island or two, couple of days in Athens, and a few days around Delphi. Crete is also great for history, hiking, and beaches.
New Zealand’s north island has beaches and diving during their summer (our winter) and the South Island is a winter wonderland. I went in May, which is a shoulder season, and it was lovely and not super touristy. It was a bit cold to just chill on the beach but we went diving at Poor Knights and the water temp was comfortable with a wetsuit.
I know someone who just went reindeer riding with indigenous people in Mongolia.
This sounds like a great time for something like Bali, Malaysia, Australia or New Zealand. If you go further out from your wedding I think you can do something more adventurous. Immediately afterwards I vote for major relaxation – I was WIPED after my wedding and needed the time to recover.
New Zealand! Time it right and you could get both warm beaches and cold mountains on a road trip, plus cities. if you post a burner email, I’ll send you my itinerary from earlier this year. (which doesn’t have warm beaches because we didn’t have enough time but I can tell you what I would have added had I had another week)
Safari in Africa (could add an island destination like the Seychelles if you have time/budget) or Aus/NZ
Europe and South America are easy to do with kids and easy to do on a ~10 day trip. I’d go some farther to really take advantage of the time off and last hurrah before kids thing.
I commented up thread but another option that might be right up your alley is a guided whitewater rafting trip. There are trips available for all levels, they are typically in absolutely beautiful locations, all meals are made for you and they’re delicious, and it’s fun from the moment you wake up to the moment you close your eyes. Very memorable and perfect for pre-kids especially.
We are planning to do a honeymoon in Japan but we both loved our recent trip to Costa Rica.
just a note to think about your TTC schedule with more adventurous travel schedule — some friends had to change their honeymoons when they realized they couldn’t get the vaccinations they needed without pushing back their TTC schedule.
I’m an attorney who went part time in 2019 and quit in 2021 to be a SAHM for a couple years. Ended up staying home longer than expected due to being widowed two years ago, but now I’m going back to work in a very part time capacity. I don’t really need work outfits but I want some. While I still have some pieces I like, I want to get 2-3 outfits to freshen things up.
So for a 44 year old mom, make some business casual suggestions that are somewhere between The Skirt and a denim dickey, fashionwise.
(Budget under $1500 if shows included)
Ugh. Shoes.
I’m wearing a lot of separates – blazers and pants, blazers and jeans, etc. Is that your jam? If so, I get blazers from rag & bone, veronica beard, l’agence. I know my size, so I buy from poshmark a lot. I’m a big VB fan in general. The clothes are pretty, slightly interesting, and most (not all!!) fit perfectly in a slightly elevated bus casual look. I also like Vince, but caution you to not pay full price, as they have outlets and sales all the time.
I think you can also match a lot of this style with the current offerings at Ann Taylor right now, if you are looking for something more budget friendly.
+1 – I’ve been pleasantly surprised by both Ann Taylor and Loft recently. I’d try to shop in person or filter by fabric though. I’m doing VB/Fold/L’agence for blazers/dresses and then Talbots/Ann Taylor for bottoms/tops.
First of all, you are a b a d a s s and you can do this and you will be amazing!
Second, I assume you are going into the office? What is the setting? A firm/ government/ nonprofit/ etc.? Will you see clients or just your colleagues?
I’ll be going into the office (firm) just a day or two a week probably, mostly just seeing colleagues. Still good on suits from the before times if needed. Honestly the clothes really aren’t a big “need” as much as a bit of celebration for the new role. I like the idea of Boden suggested below, seems like a good time to splurge a tiny bit there.
congrats on the job! i often think of you and your family. what will you be doing for work?
If you are fine with mall-brand quality, figure out which retailer fits you well and determine your size, then shop Poshmark for deals.
Personally, I like the fit and quality of BR, BRF and J Crew (but not the current season of JCFactory, as the quality seems to have tanked while prices did not). Loft and AT do not fit me well so I avoid them, no matter how pretty.
Poshmark is always off – sizing at mall brands isn’t consistent color to color, let alone season to season. 1500 is a decent budget for JCrew on sale and they often have great blazers and jeans for a refreshed look.
Huh, my experience has not tracked with yours. But that’s probably why I’ve been able to find steals.
You don’t know if an item has been altered or hemmed and sizing is inconsistent. For wool pants that are lined, they are old enough that if it says a size 10, that may fit like a 2025 8 (if not a 6). It can be a very expensive way to try on clothes.
JCrew on sale is about the best you can do absent $ for the Fold. But unlike The Fold, I think that you will get more use out of JCrew pieces as they are more flexible and less precious. Items are generally well-made and pretty classic and sizing seems very consistent. BR would be my other go-to, but I feel like JCrew suits me better with color and a bit of whimsey and for a casual law office where I keep to business casual as a personal preference.
I would not shop for a new wardrobe on Poshmark – you can’t return anything!
For real. Plus one person’s new with tags is another’s hung in a musty closet and smells disgusting. Poshmark is gross.
J Crew’s quality (the main store, not Factory) has improved a lot recently.
I feel like the most current look for dressier business casual is pants with a non-matching blazer. I like Cinq a Sept and L’Agence for interesting blazers. Cinq a Sept is usually included in the department stores’ friends and family sales, and L’Agence you can sometimes find on clearance. For the more casual end of business casual, sweaters are nice. Thin cashmere if you can wear animal fibers, or a big slouchy cotton sweater that’s not too long or is tucked at the waist. Black kick-flare pants are supposed to be coming back into style and would be great with a sweater.
For shoes, slim ankle boots with a longer shaft that is completely covered by your pants when you’re sitting, or high-vamp ballet flats. M Gemi has cute flats and is having their friends and family sale right now.
I’d get 1-2 pairs of pants, 2-3 blouses, and 1-2 sweaters from Boden, some more plain and some with some fun patterns, with that budget. I always get compliments on my Boden button-downs/blouses and sweaters. I also just got some ponte pants from Quince – can’t speak to durability but they’re comfortable and flattering, and were $50.
Also in my 40s and took a baby- and pandemic-induced several years off buying workwear. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by Express lately and picked up a blazer and a few pairs of relaxed-fit pants. Try in store to get your current size (size inflation has snuck up on me in the last decade!), then shop online.
Congratulations! I strongly recommend taking advantage of either a Nordstrom or MMLF virtual stylist. It’s free and it gave me a lot of fashion inspiration when I shifted careers and needed to freshen up my wardrobe. Good luck – you’re amazing!
I know many of us with parents in the boomer generation have parents who are more well off (or have less expenses than we anticipate). But do any of you have parents who are significantly wealthier than you? It’s a bit of an odd dynamic. My dad inherited a lot of money, and they just… have a lot of money. But not so much that they won’t spend it all. In the last year they took five international trips. My mom wears designer clothes. That sort of thing. Meanwhile DH and I make a very comfortable living but we have kids and life is expensive and my clothes are all from target or quince or jcrew factory. I don’t feel any particular right to their money, but people always assume WE are as comfortable as they are, and it’s annoying! We get requests for charitable donations, things like that, and inevitably disappoint the asker! It’s just a very odd dynamic. My parents do pick up the tab when we’re all out for a meal, things like that. Really no sour grapes here and I’m quite proud of how hard we’ve worked for what we have (although again, people assume we have family support which we don’t!) I think that’s actually the root of what bugs me – it hurts my pride that people think we’ve inherited money that we haven’t.
Anyone else in this weird situation?
This actually sounds like a pretty normal spread of lifestyle (although I guess 5 international trips could be $10,000/year or…a lot more), among my friends and their boomer parents (ie. half the gap is “bought a house 30 years ago” and half is “2 adults at/just after peak earning power with no kid expenses and retirement savings already sorted have a lot of disposable income”).
I totally get that it rankles that people assume you had more family support to get where you are than you did though!
5 international trips is more like $50k unless they’re going really budget on flights and accommodations, which I highly doubt.
It’s been 40 years since 5 international vacations was $50k.
No one in my circle of acquaintances has any connection to or knowledge of my parents, much less their financial status. I am not wealthy and still get plenty of requests for charitable donations. If you can’t get comfortable just outright saying no, tell them you are happy to consider their organization’s information when you and your spouse next update your charitable budget.
I usually just say thanks but not today, but for requests where it is somewhat political to flat out decline, I ask them to email me the details. I have burner email (that isn’t an obvious total garbage address) that I provide. Once in a while I really do want to support the org, but mostly I just express polite nothingness that they can interpret as interest, and then quietly unsubscribe from the newsletter list.
I think you’re right. I need to just become more direct (I mean, we are direct, we say no or sorry we can only give this much!) We are way too close to my parents circles, which is probably the problem. I also think my mom sometimes gives off the impression that they have given us money when they haven’t, which is annoying. She likes to maintain her image.
If image is a concern, set up something like “TheSmiths.Giving” gmail address and give that out. Practice telling people you will consider the amount once you have had a chance to review their materials. They don’t have to know that the amount is zero and you will never review the materials. Neither do they need to know in the moment that it’s going to be twenty bucks and not two grand.
If someone asked me to send non-profit info to the dedicated family charitable giving email they’d set up, I’d actually think they were way, way wealthier than OP sounds – this might backfire!
Same, “family office” is like mega wealth to me.
This is annoying. They inherited money and maybe I’m an outlier here, but they have an obligation to share it with their family. This isn’t a hard work tale.
What? So if they earned this money by working they wouldn’t be obligated to share, but since they inherited it they do? This is a weird take. It’s their money, regardless of how they got it. They have no obligation to share.
I think you are an outlier. There is no obligation to share a gift or bequest. Many choose to share those things and other wealth, but that’s a free will choice based upon the individual’s needs and values.
Yeah I don’t think the source of the wealth is super relevant to their obligation to share that wealth with their family. Actually an inheritance sort of seems more justifiable to hang onto because it was personally given to one of them.
We also don’t know how much they’ve given OP in the past or how they contributed to things like education and a wedding. She said they pay for meals for the whole family now. It doesn’t sound like they’re giving her nothing, just not giving her the “right” amount.
I kind of agree, but perhaps it is out of selfishness. There is generational wealth in my family, which will definitely end with my generation, both because of the amount of residue and the fact there are no offspring. It will bother me if my mother just runs through it, living a fabulous life having barely worked, to leave me and my siblings with very little. (Of course medical needs are different.) She has indicated she has the same viewpoint, but I guess we shall see. I don’t think my grandparents intended for there to be no security left for my generation, though they also did not believe in passing it down except to the next generation upon death, to encourage a work ethic.
Sort of? Parents lived frugally but made Good Life Choices and over time, accumulated $ but still drove old cars and never took vacations. So there is $ for dad’s assisted living bills. I am fine (wasn’t always with school loans I took out for law school), but college bills for kids are looming. Sibling made some Questionable Life Choices over decades and decades and for her, it is a stark divide between our relative comfort and her living with her consequences and always expecting someone to even things up.
I am somewhat in this situation. My mother inherited a lot of money not that long ago (which was expected but granted upon her parents’ death and not before with none to grands), but I work for my money. Recently I have taken a highly-paid job, but for most of my life I was earning far less, despite having a professional title that makes people (including my mother) think you make a lot of money. Plus I started earning pretty late in life and have always been single, living alone. I just don’t have assets; I have debt. And I also did not grow up wealthy, just middle class or on the edge of upper middle class. (Like I couldn’t go on the class ski trip because of money but I never wanted for anything.) My mother gives an annual gift, which in a couple of recent years was game-changing because I really was struggling. I don’t live near her, so I don’t get painted with that brush except by her neighbors, who also have wealth (perhaps more), but my mother herself seems oblivious now to the difference, asks me to take long expensive vacations with her that I cannot afford and don’t have the time for, and is exasperated when I turn her down. And I think there is an assumption among those that know her lifestyle, either from knowing her or hearing things from me, that I grew up wealthy, so people are often surprised by my sensibilities and current lifestyle.
Almost everyone in my social circle has wealthy parents, ranging from 8 figures to high 9 figures and in one case 10 figures. But it’s assumed that parents don’t give their kids any money and the kids are all high earning professionals. I’m not sure if elsewhere it’s assumed that living parents give their children money, but very uncommon where I live. Weird that people are making assumptions like that and I’m sorry you have to deal with it.
Honestly it’s fairly common where we are (2nd generation attorneys in DC) that family has helped with a down payment or are paying for private school or something like that.
+1 My parents and my friends’ parents aren’t that wealthy, more like high 7 and very low 8 figures, but this is my experience too. I’m very surprised see the comment below about wealthy parents funding their kids lifestyles, because it’s not my experience at all (excluding education and maybe helping fund education for the grandkids).
but education is a HUGE coast and can really make a difference if you dont have student loan payments and/or dont have to save for kids’ college. this is almost the situation we are in (DH and I both had parents who paid for undergrad and half of grad school for each of us and then between some inheritance i got and DH’s first investment banking bonus we paid off all the loans) and then now, my parents are very generous for saving for our kids’ college so we dont have to save as much
Yes I agree education is a significant head start, but I’m reacting to all the comments saying grandparents should be helping with down payments or just straight up giving their adult kids money. That is not my experience, at least with people who have net worths in the $5M-20M range.
Also did OP say they didn’t fund her education? It wasn’t clear to me.
High 7 and low 8 figures is very wealthy. That is the top 1%.
And funding education and the grandkids education IS funding the kids lifestyles to some degree. Do you realize how expensive it is to pay back student loans and saver for college? Most families in the US can’t do it.
And most families I know in the high 7 / low 8 figure brackets are helping with their kids’ downpayments and giving to their kids yearly up to the tax limit for filing gift tax. Gifts like that, early in life are incredible.
Yes, with the addition of stepparents and step and half siblings. Feels like we don’t fit in the family (or families) anymore.
We are in a similar situation. My in-laws are quite comfortable. They take multiple international trips each year and belong to a country club. They own two homes and are constantly renovating both. My husband works in IT and I am a nonprofit lawyer. All of our assets are tied up in retirement accounts. We are currently cash-poor because we have a kid in private college funded half by merit scholarships and half by us. My in-laws are adherents of the prosperity gospel and seem to think that they, along with the two of their eight kids who have done well financially, are just naturally more deserving than the rest of us kids are. Yet at the same time my MIL does things like trying to get me to join the board of a nonprofit when she knows I can’t afford to make the expected donations. We just smile and nod and try to appreciate them for who they are and the nice things they do.
My parents are the opposite. I went to college on Pell grants.
This is it exactly! thank you, I feel less weird about it just reading this.
My mom arranged for lunch with her and the development director of a local hospital recently. I went because I thought it would make her happy (I’m sure it did) but I felt like such a fraud and also I definitely do not have the funds to contribute to their capital campaign! Ugh.
Hm, this makes me think that maybe your mom is trying to set you up to understand this world in preparation for such a time that you take it over. Like, maybe she is thinking of establishing a foundation or just thinking ahead to your inheritance and wants you to be comfortable with the ins and outs of charitable giving.
+1
Or OP – just say no if you don’t want to join that world. I can’t quite figure you out.
No one is inviting her to join the world, her mom didn’t share the windfall that would allow her to make charitable donations on a bigger scale. She’s annoyed that she’s presumed to be in it when her bank account doesn’t reflect that.
I’m young enough that it’s very odd for someone to be wealthier than their parents. Isn’t that how wealth works? Young people don’t have enough time to have accumulated it, the older generation therefore has a leg up. The only people I know who are wealthier than their parents are people who have parents that have been retired for 10+ years.
Not wealthier, just playing in the same sandbox (which we do not!). Not sure, but I had someone ask me the other day why I have a job (the poster below reminded me) sooo.
Also I’m in my mid-40s so people are starting to have accumulated wealth.
I’m not sure what a mom at school asking you why you work has to do with your parents? It seems like maybe you live in an area where wealthy SAHMs are super common and that’s the root of the issue? Where I live I’d say 70% of the moms work and the remaining 30% are mostly religious (Christian) and conservative socially (if not also politically), have big families and are on fairly tight budgets due to only having one income, so not really something I envy at all. No one has ever asked me how why I work – it’s the default that in non-super religious families both adults work to earn more income. I do have wealthy parents but I don’t really see any cause and effect between these things.
That is such a rude question! I’m always surprised at how many assumptions people make about the incomes and assets of people they don’t know.
My parents are much wealthier than us but I don’t think it’s weird? It seems common among my friend group. They’re older and have had a lot more time to accumulate wealth. I think when they were our age they were less wealthy than we are now, though still very comfortable.
They don’t wear designer clothing but they have a massive travel budget, travel constantly and fly business class everywhere. They pick up the tab for shared meals out and have treated us to a few vacations (they get the hotel/house and we buy our own flights – not business class, lol). They’ve given us some contributions for our kids college funds. I expect I’ll get an inheritance if they don’t have huge end of life healthcare expenses because they’re not currently spending in a way that will drain all their money. But it’s their money and their choice how they spend it.
I don’t think it’s weird they’re wealthier. It’s just unfortunate people always make assumptions about me!
We got an oscar de la renta flower arrangement delivered to our house the other day because there’s a trunk show coming up and my mom wasn’t home so she asked them to deliver to us. they’re in africa for the holidays. I never spend over $100 on an item of clothing and we’re not traveling to save up for our one trip of the year at spring break. All of this is great! I actually do not care about clothes in particular at all! It just gives people the wrong impression? And then I feel like a fraud?
I am confused as to who exactly is getting the wrong impression about you. Don’t your friends know where you live and what you do for work?
It sounds like it’s her parents’ friends who have the wrong impression. But agree it doesn’t matter if people on the fringes of your life like that are misinformed.
part of this to me seems like a values thing. like my parents (well my mom passed away at 65 so never got to enjoy her retirement), but my dad could afford to take 5 international trips a year and buy whatever clothing he wanted, and he does love to travel, but he still wears shirts he bought in the 1980s. he is very generous with us, gives money to our kids’ college funds, takes us out to eat when we visit him or he visits us, has taken us on a few family trips, and for him it is a point of pride that we will hopefully inherit money from him (assuming he doesn’t need to spend it all). the circles he travels in are similar. a lot of his friends are wealthier than he is and have kids who earn less, but majority are much more into experiences than things, and are fairly honestly open about how and whether or not they help their kids. to me the issue here sounds like your mom is just way too into her image and she is making it seem like she is giving you money when she isn’t (which again, is totally fine, but unfair to you that she is giving that impression)
Mostly agree with this.
But also I think you need to stop worrying about these people who think you have big money from your parents. Who cares.
Pretty much everyone I know has wealthy parents who are wealthy as a result of doing well but also having good timing in life that my generation does not have.
I come from a long line of government employees so I hypothetically make exactly what my parents made (we were both GS 12s in the same metro area in our late 20s/early 30s). But the house they bought for $150k (336k in 2025 dollars with inflation) in 1993 sold for 600k. They contribute 0.8% to their pension, I contribute 4.4%
My in laws are wealthy, wealthy, wealthy. MIL was a lawyer til becoming a SAHM in her mid 30s. My FIL worked in commercial real estate. They own 3 houses (a 6k sq ft house in Greenwich, a ski place near Vail and a beach house on MV) sent kids to $$ private school + paid for college (and the entire wedding and very generous down payment gifts) , multiple international vacations a year, designer clothes, luxury cars, the works. Part of that is that they obviously did quite well, and part of that is that places like Greenwich and MV and Vail were not as exorbitant as they are now.
I’d say that with the assistance from my in laws, I now live a UMC life comparable to my parents’ life… but without it we’d be notably less. Growing up I went to parochial school, lived in a 2500 sq ft house, and had a shared beach house (OCNJ) with my dad’s parents and siblings.
My in laws subsidize family vacations (either at their properties or by paying a lot (accommodations and meals) on vacations elsewhere – we just handle flights) and gave a generous gift for a down payment and have offered to pay private school and college tuition.
I am very, very open that we get a lot of help from my ILs. My husband makes 2.5x whst I make and I do well as a GS 13, but obviously it’s not enough to live the life we live even in a MCOL. I’m furloughed right now and I’m obviously not worried and obviously thats not the case for many of my colleagues and friends. I have a preschooler and I don’t feel pinched financially when many people I know do. We’re TTC and I know if needed they’d cover as much IVF as we’d be willing to try. We will be able buy a new, larger car in cash (something my parents always did but I never could ) if we have another baby and need the space because we can save a lot because they’ve handled so much over the years.
So, salary wise my husband and I would be FINE, but not multiple vacations / new Toyotas in cash / living in this neighborhood fine. But, we are still choosing Toyotas instead of luxury cars, shopping at the same stores you shop at (nothing designer), giving to charity in helpful but not “something named after you” amounts, etc
“new toyotas in cash” made me lol that is the most middle class idea of wealth (and I share it! we bought a hundai in cash last year and i felt like a king!)
Me too! I am inordinately proud of the facts that I haven’t had a car loan in years and that I have two Toyotas in my garage that never break down. Coming from a free-school-lunch childhood, this is the height of luxury.
Maybe this will help: your parents aren’t as wealthy as their friends. That’s why they imply that they’ve given you money: all of their friends gave their own kids money. They’re trying to keep up with the Joneses, which means they’re feeling insecure. Keeping this in mind helps me to give them a bit more grace when I feel like they’re taking credit for my accomplishments.
yes to this….and/or your parents or at least your mother is prioritizing her image, which is fine, that is her choice. when my dad and his brother inherited money from their mom, they each took some of it and donated it to charity and divided the rest amongst their kids bc they didn’t need it. this does not mean that my dad and uncle are buying clothes from oscar de la renta or fancy cars or whatever, that is just not a priority to them. they are fortunately in a position to afford whatever they want, but their wants just aren’t as $$$$. we used the money we got to pay off grad school loans.
This just made me gasp aloud at my desk – thank you for this perspective! It’s so true. Really helpful to me actually!
If someone assumes your parents bankroll your lifestyle that says more about their own experience than your achievements. A relative once asked if my parents help pay my rent and I was deeply insulted. Then I learned they still pay their adult child’s credit card bills.
But I’ll admit any time I see someone buy a great house by their early 30s I wonder if they got help with the downpayment. I say this because we’re in a better financial position than most of our peers but are still panicking about how we’ll afford a house. This comes from an understanding that the younger generation has it a lot harder than their parents did, and I don’t judge anyone who accepts money in this situation.
+1
OP, you should be proud of your accomplishments. Having your wealthy parents bankroll your lifestyle is nothing to be proud of, so I don’t understand why your pride is hurt?!?. If you want to donate to an organization, then donate within your means and direct the organization to your parents.
I do wonder why you are hanging around with the wealthy set / your parents’ friends that appear so judge-y, if that is not who you are?
This makes me think of my wealthy side of the family, where every child has a mansion on land in VHCL area that is owned by The Family Trust, and it is clear that no one earned their lifestyle. Except the grandfather.
Okay, so I will bite and say that I think this is weird. Your parents have a TON of money, and they have not used any of it to help set you and your husband up? I realize how that sounds…entitled? Of course one can spend their money how they wish. But one of the reasons that there are “old money” families is because wealth is considered a generational thing. Your parents are not treating it as such. I was sitting here trying to figure out how to relate to your situation – my dad grew up poor and was very successful in business–he retired into a life of breeding and racing horses, for fun and to keep busy. He’s very wealthy now. But my husband and I, while we don’t have trust funds, or millions to play with, are very well off as well, primarily because of him…because (1) no school debt and we both have high paying jobs because of the education we received and opportunities afforded us; (2) my dad funds our kids’ 529s and has gifted us money over the years such that we didn’t worry as much about retirement when we were younger (we fully fund now that we have more money); (3) we were able to buy houses very young because he (and my husband’s father did the same before I met him) helped with our down payment, which we later kept when we moved to a larger house, and recently sold for much more; (4) I am sure many other things…
Your post doesn’t really mention some of this stuff, so maybe your parents do this for you and you just left it out? But I just wanted to chime in and say, I think this is weird because it’s unusual to have the mindset of “I inherited all this money and it’s mine to spend as I wish” rather than “I inherited this money and have now moved my entire family and legacy into a new wealth sphere”.
They presumably did set her up by paying for her education, and she’ll get more when they die. If they didn’t pay for her education I agree that’s stingy (unless their financial situation has dramatically changed since she went to school) but otherwise I don’t think it’s super common for wealthy parents to give their kids huge amounts while they’re still alive. The wealth tr-nsfers at death normally.
+1
I’ll share an example that might help you with this: back when I graduated law school, my parents gave us $26K to help with a down payment on a house. We bought a house for $150K. We would have NEVER been in a position to buy that house, nor would we have even considered doing so, if we had not been gifted that money. $26K is not a ton of money. It’s not a trust fund. But last year, we sold that house (which has since become a rental property) for five times what we paid for it. And now we have a lot of cash.
Another example – I’ve never had a car payment or a student loan payment. If you have had either of those things, you know that’s a significant amount of money each month, and I bet there are many things you’d rather do with that money than make those payments. It was not a life changing amount of money to buy me a car, but it did change my day-to-day lifestyle.
And, yes, I stand to inherit a bunch of money at death, but you kind of missed the point of what I was saying, and what OP said, since she said that her parents are spending like they won’t be passing anything down.
Thy don’t “give” tons of money but they pay for things that add up. Paid education, car, wedding, honeymoon, down payment on first house, private school tuition for grands, expensive sport for grands. Those paid-for expenses in early and middle adulthood pay dividends over time because the kids can save/invest that money when they’re young (and thus make money) rather than taking out debt for those expenses like most of us (and thus losing more money).
That $100k your parents spent on your college didn’t put you ahead by only $100k. It put you ahead by the dollar amount of interest you didn’t have to pay (if you’d taken out loans), PLUS the interest you earned on money that otherwise would’ve gone toward a loan payment.
Not arguing that education isn’t a very significant head start (and it was a heck of a lot more than $100k even before you factor in interest – DH & I both went to private colleges at sticker price so it was more like a total of $500k in early 2000s dollars), but I don’t think the other stuff is nearly as common. Maybe a wedding, especially if the couple marries young and isn’t established yet. But I don’t know anyone who got cars or kids sports paid for by parents.
I run in decidedly middle-class circles, and parents paying for or at least contributing to all the other stuff–house down payments, weddings, private school and sports for grandkids, cars for grandkids, pool club memberships, grandkids’ college, family vacations–is extremely common. Our parents do less than others but they still took the whole family on an expensive cruise, bought each kid a washer-dryer as a wedding present (a very big thing!), contributed to weddings, and paid for each kid and spouse’s estate planning (also a huge help because we were all strapped for cash when our kids were little and we badly needed this).
You are not running in middle class circles. Middle class American’s cannot afford to do that. Your class is higher.
This board has a warped vision of what class structure is.
It is absolutely middle-class. The grandparents in these families are retired midlevel manager husband + housewife. They have extra money because they bought their houses for next to nothing and sent their kids to state school when state school was cheap. They likely have pensions.
i kind of agree with SC. the OP wrote that they dont have so much that they wont spend it all, so sounds like she might not inherit anything, which again is totally fine and is her parents choice, but definitely not how my own parents would handle spending such an inheritance (for which i am grateful). generational wealth also happens bc wealthy people do tax savvy things while alive, like gift the maximum non-taxable amount to each member of the family that is allowed or other things. not just go on fancy vacations and buy fancy clothes. that definitely tends to be more of a “new” money attitude, which it sounds like is OP’s parents situation. Definitely to each their own, but I personally cannot imagine inheriting such a life changing amount of money and (assuming I was comfortable without it) not wanting to give some to my kids
This isn’t totally fine behavior though. It’s completely selfish and they deserve to be judged by their children.
I agree with this. Everyone I know with money has started some sort of early inheritance to their kids. Some do it via cash (my friend gets a $10k check from her parents for Christmas), others do it with financial assistance for buying a house or private school for the grand kids
I left a different comment above, but I think you said it better than I did. If you aren’t using your money to make your children and future generations better off, then what exactly are you doing?
sounds like OP’s parents are apparently going on a lot of vacations, buying designer clothes and giving to charities for image purposes. personally i think that is vain and self-centered, but it’s not my money
I get that, but they didn’t earn it either.
This was helpful! Especially the person who pointed out they probably have less money than their friends. Which is totally right. I’ll think of it that way.
I think what actually bugs me is how out of touch they are with our lives and how they tend to be oblivious to how they’re presenting me to the world. Really just my mom. We’re in the same circles because we live in the same medium town and my kids go to the same school I went to (and we pay for it). My family has also historically been very involved in the local community philanthropically, which I’m very proud of (!), so that’s the other reason people make assumptions. A colleague at work the other day casually mentioned rumors of my trust fund. Which is just based on my maiden name, not on my lifestyle. That was so weird. And it sort of thing stings! Because I’m working really hard! And DH is building a company on his own right now and is rightfully proud of that too.
Lots of good food for thought though. Actually making me think about exactly how I want to help out my kids someday should the opportunity arise (depending on DH’s company and my job, not my parents!)
So why don’t you simply say you don’t have Trust Fund, and earn everything yourself. I would!
I did! I shut it down! With one person I trust. But it frustrated me that’s what people were thinking! Thank goodness she joked with me about the rumor.
Oof, just a little rant. I work an all male leadership team and all are married to stay at home wives. They’re all wealthy. Because these men work with such few women, and their wives become the de facto voice of women for them. The problem is that some of these women have not worked in decades, all are very conservative (we live in the Bible Belt), and sometimes are just wacky because they can afford to be. This morning, my CEO told me his wife agreed that women should try to stay at home while the kids are young so somebody else isn’t raising their child and if a female employee has young kids they can never be dedicated to their job. (I have no idea why he shared this with me, other than he is clueless and rude.) I can’t say – well, your wife is an idiot who has been insulated from the real world for far too long. Once I called someone out about an inappropriate joke about women, and he came back the next day and say his wife said it was funny. Like bro, I do not care. She needs all ten fingers and toes to count to 20. I am trying to find something else, but it’s a small market. To be clear, I dislike the men more, but their wives are not doing women any favors.
You can’t magically escape sexism, particularly in a small market. Get some coaching on how to deal with it.
I don’t need coaching. I’m an expert at this point.
This made me laugh. OP this sounds terrible. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I’m not dealing with this level of cluelessness but I remember my boss’ mind being blown when he realized no one was at home making me dinner when we worked late. He was like “how do you eat”? And I was like um I buy sushi from the food court on my way out or I eat cereal?
That would grind my gears too!
These women are the worst. Just because a lifestyle choice worked out well for you, doesn’t mean you know anything about what works for other women. It’s a big world out there.
WOW.
I eye roll on your behalf at their cluelessness.
Do any of these guys have only daughters? In my experience, that brings them around, sooner or later. Not usually a happy situation, but at some point, they will see the world through our eyes.
not necessarily. my FIL has a daughter, 2 daughters in law and 2 granddaughters and still makes quite sexist comments like this
At work the other day, I was making small talk with another mom with young kids while we waited for people to join the Zoom and she kindly asked how my baby’s new daycare was going (we had to switch suddenly and it sucked). Then another mom with older kids joined and decided to add (for no apparent reason) “I’m anti-daycare. I’m not a daycare mom.” K? No one asked you.
I hate that. I loved daycare for my kids. I could not afford a nanny (above the table). It was our only option, and I was grateful for it.
I loved daycare too. We could have afforded a nanny (barely) if we’d cut back on luxuries and we did have one briefly when my kid was an infant, but we all much preferred daycare. My kid was so much happier there than with the nanny and has always been really outgoing and socially adept and I give daycare a lot of credit for it because DH and I are not. Some of it is probably genetics, but I think being around other children consistently from a very young age and all the social-emotional learning that happens at daycare has had a big impact too. Probably more relevant for a kid without siblings, but it was definitely the right choice for our family and I miss the wonderful teachers there a lot.
“Well I am, because leaving little Timmy home alone as a 5 month old is frowned upon in this jurisdiction.”
Hah! Love this
So rude!!!
This is so annoying. I’m the person posting about how everyone assumes we have money thanks to my parents (including my always SAHM) and we really don’t.
True story, I was at the pool a month ago and one of the moms of a kid in DD’s class asked me “So why do you have a job?” Like it was the most natural question in the world. I told her because I enjoy it and also our whole family is on my health insurance soooo. But still. It’s a frustrating environment!
I laughed out loud at this.
This reminds me of a comment my husband’s aunt made to me awhile back – my husband had gotten a (very good!) new job, and she asked me if I was going to quit my job now that my husband had this new job. I am a BigLaw partner and still outearning him 2x (and we don’t have kids). Um, no, but thanks for the blatant sexism.
Good for you!
This is my mother in law. She’s not conservative, but having not worked since she got married (at 24!!!), she’s just so disconnected from the reality of how anything works at all.
I don’t have any advice other than to say I commiserate, and for the women who are SAHMs, my advice would be to try to maintain friendships with women who work (and vice versa) because the disconnect after 30 years is wide.
My mother, who worked until having kids in her mid-30s, was trying to help my sister with a cover letter. She was basically rewriting the letter to explain all the reasons my sister wanted the job, instead of why the company should hire my sister. My mother isn’t stupid, but disconnected from how the working world works after 25 years as a stay-at-home parent and then spouse.
My mom worked but at a tiny old school company. When I got my first salaried job it took a while for her to stop suggesting that I meet up with a friend over my “lunch hour” and marvel that my company provided eight whole PTO days where I get paid not to work.
Oh I hate it when my mom gives me work advice. Based on her board service, because she hasn’t had a job since I was born.
Maddening. I moved away from the Bible Belt and my stories of what things are like there absolutely shock people. This kind of nonsense is a decent part of why we moved away. Also, we’ll see how much these women love the patriarchy when their man trades them in for a younger model that doesn’t require them to do icky things, like, you know, parenting their own children. Much commiseration to you!
This sounds so annoying, I’m sorry!
Not as bad but the worst bosses I’ve had were all men with stay at home wives. They thought they had an appreciation for the struggles of working parenthood but didn’t know the half of it, because their wives were managing everything for them behind the scenes. This was especially prevalent in covid when their wives were homeschooling the kids and DH and I had no one to do that for us.
This is such a pick-me post. These women are not your enemy and it is not their job to “do women favors”; I would be careful that your condescension towards them doesn’t come through to your leadership team.
Lol, ok babe. It is pick-me to be tired of the patriarchy now.
Seriously.
Found one of the wives!
Also in the Bible Belt and it’s awful. Working full remote is a godsend.
If you can, can you get a job with a satellite office of a larger company or a hybrid (one week in office?) job with a company that’s based in an urban area?
As a working mom, I already feel guilt and question my decisions. These kind of comments are dumb and hurtful. But also, my kids are doing just as well, if not better, than kids with moms who stay at home with them. It’s not like daycare/school is jail.
Solidarity from another working mom in the Bible Belt. 90% of the families at my kids private school are single income families and I have no working mom friends….because there are hardly any : (
This is why I moved back to civilization. My daughter was told by one of these women she needs to find her husband now. She was 13 in 7th grade.
Nothing quite as dull as a truly stupid person. New Jersey has our Bros but at least we acknowledge their stupidity.
I used to work with some guys like that, it’s not fun. Also they never think that their wives might be agreeing with them just to keep the peace.
I am applying to a job with my county and have to do a background check (first one since I passed the bar exam ages ago). There is a box for aliases. About 10 years ago, I created a “dummy” email for things like coupon codes, etc. My name on the dummy email is generic, think “Sarah Jane” (not close to my legal name). Do I need to disclose this as an alias? I’ve never used it for a job application, told people the name on the phone, etc., it’s all things like online shopping, email lists, etc.
Uh. No. That would be wild. In that case, we’d all need to disclose our screen names.
Absolutely not.
What? No, that is not what an alias means. It means a former name if you have legally changed your name, a permutation of your name that you have used professionally, etc.
No
No, alias means like a different legal name you’ve used. I usually put my maiden name, even though I switched almost 20 years ago.
Umm…are you sure you’re a lawyer?
That was my question, too.
Yeah, this is the equivalent of taking a driving test and not knowing what turn signals are for.
LOL no, of course not.
If you’ve downsized, have you used a storage unit for holiday decorations, out of season stuff? We are exploring a move from a 3 bed (1000 square feet, plus shed and attic) to a smaller 3 bed in the city with much less storage. We are fairly minimalist to begin with but I’d like to hold on to camping gear, Christmas decorations, a few sentimental items. Family of 3, no local family to let us use their garage. We could get a storage unit fairly central to where we are hoping to buy.
Also a family of three and we live in a small apartment that has no storage and I wish daily for a garage or at least a shed. Our bikes are in the living room and it’s impossible to baby proof them adequately. Consider whether you need anything to stay onsite (so you can actually use it); otherwise, a storage unit seems fine.
Never would I ever store sentimental items in a storage unit.
For the rest, I would very closely analyze the cost of storage compared to the cost of the items. Is your camping gear of such high quality that you are better off paying to store it rather than just renting when you want to use it? Are you able to get creative with storage in your new place? Holiday decor in the weird space under the stairs, camping gear under beds, etc.?
I’ve had up to three storage units and they are a total trap. Please just deal with your stuff and be creative with your space, otherwise you’ll be sick a decade later when you’ve added up the cost. Learn from me.
OTOH, the cost of renting / building / buying that space in a house is much more than the cost of a storage unit. I have a unit for my dad after downsizing because the rent on a 2BR in assisted living was $$$ and the storage unit was about $150/month. The stuff may not be worth that much, but he has many items of immense sentimental value and off-season clothes and family furniture that he may / may not ever use again but wasn’t in physical condition to empty his house on his own. It’s the price of peace.
Just FYI – my storage unit was $150 when I moved in, but these storage unit contracts are such that they can increase the price at any time by any amount. It is a crazy business.
My monthly storage unit rent is almost $500 now. I have had the unit for 6 years. I keep swearing I will hire movers to move it to a neighboring facility that recently opened to get that initial lower starting rate again but ugh, the hassle has slowed me down. The storage facilities count on our forgetfulness/laziness.
Thanks for reminding me I need to do this!
+1. What you’re really paying for is the luxury of not having to deal with it/keeping the option of owning it. It’s not “wasted” money at all IMO.
I just did this with a similar price increase. In my case though, I just decided to “let go” and gave most of it to goodwill with dozens and dozens of trips back and forth. It was such a relief to be unburdened.
I will chime in as a big scouting family, but in my city big enough to have an NFL team, there is no way to rent camping gear for monthly or even big seasonal trips. I wouldn’t even recommend this for a scout troop unless someone takes on the task of tent inspection between trips seriously: rips, bent poles, missing stakes. Ditto your gear for cooking and your sleep system. I’d put in a rubbermaid tub (once fully aired out and dry) and put in a storage unit in a heartbeat. I sincerely don’t think that renting is feasible.
Yeah, we don’t have a tent b/c we’d be able to borrow one from our current scout group (my husband’s a trustee) but we do have the snuggly double sleeping bag, kid’s sleeping bag, kelly kettle, air mattress, etc.
I’d be more inclined to Tetris things like this somewhere into your home. If you truly cannot fit two sleeping bags, a deflated air mattress, and a box of holiday ornaments in your new space, are you sure that space really big enough for your family?
FWIW, our sleeping bags are in non-compressed bags and tucked in a weird angled corner of one of our few storage closets. Nothing solid fits that angle, so the sleeping bags go nicely there. Our packs are up on the highest shelves in our 9-foot bedroom closets with our tent and all our dedicated camp cooking and sleeping gear stowed inside. They take up space that isn’t easily accessible and thus isn’t of much use day-to-day.
I would make room for all those items somewhere and make sure that the new place has enough space for them. Take it from me, if you get rid of your camping gear, you won’t go camping anymore. I told myself that I would just rent but it never happened because that introduced too much friction.
“under beds”
I cannot deal with storage under beds. The roaches. The dust bunnies. If there is stuff under a bed, it is impossible to clean under the bed. Maybe it’s the allergies or the knowledge that that’s where roaches flee to, but if I can’t see under it (and not get icked out), I just can’t.
Roaches are traumatizing, and I might feel this way if I ever experienced this problem? But to me the underbed space is there no matter what. I put out of season clothing in pretty luggage and shove it under the bed, and then I have more closet space for other stuff. Cleaning under my bed isn’t my favorite task, but suitcases aren’t that hard to pull out and clean under and then put back. I haven’t used other storage solutions like zip tight boxes or drawers (mostly because of small space).
I have relatively high 4-poster beds and to me, it’s not a lot of great usable space underneath. I have a dust ruffle on my bed. I think it’s not relaxing if you can see the clutter underneath a bed.
Thankfully, roaches have never been an issue for me.
That aside, I would rather deal with trauma of knowing there is a Sterlite bin of off-season clothes hiding behind the dust ruffle than I would pay for a storage unit.
This! You can rent or borrow camping equipment
Honestly, from where? I have a nice backpacking tent because the size and weight work for me. But it was $$$ and is not the most rugged of things, so I wouldn’t trust it as a loaner item based on the burden of putting it up, letting it dry out, and checking for leaks and bent / missing poles and stakes. I also wouldn’t lend mine out but I’d allow my kids to use it (but I check it over when they get back). I have really never seen this in the wild and over COVID we camped at least monthly for a good two years.
My friend circle is heavily into camping, backpacking, canoeing, etc. We routinely share equipment around (some pieces don’t even have a real owner any longer, they just live at so-and-so’s house until the next trip where someone wants to borrow them).
An actual backpacking tent is basically the size of a thermos. If the issue is lack of storage space, that isn’t the item that would tip someone into needing a storage unit.
Yes. There are times in life when it makes sense to store things. One, you have the time-value of having to search for replacements for all those things other people might jettison (camping), and two, not everything (like Christmas) is easily replaceable.
But how long are you planning to live in this house? Any chance of forever? Forever’s a long time to pay a storage bill.
My son is 8 and currently has a LOT of Lego and assorted childhood detritus, but that phase won’t last forever (she says hopefully…). We also currently host grandparents every 6 weeks or so, so a guest space is a priority over out-of-season storage. But I suspect in the coming years, we’ll be visiting them as they get older/less able to travel.
My suggestion would be to get a storage unit for a time frame, like 6 months or a year, and then mark a firm date on the calendar to revisit. This buys you some time to work on the downsizing and understand what items you really need/want, but you also make a commitment to yourself not to keep it beyond that time unless you discover that you genuinely need it.
Yes, we do. We have an NYC apartment and have had a storage unit for 10+ years. Honestly most of what is in it is stuff we should get rid of but could not deal with that emotionally – like artwork I made, my husband’s college teaching notes from before he changed careers. And it also contains our Christmas ornaments and oil change supplies. Everything else we have found room for in our apartment.
That is super helpful, thanks! We are looking at apartments which have these gorgeous picture windows and high ceilings – and my dreams of a 8 foot Christmas tree will not be thwarted by a lack of storage. The difference between 800 square feet and 1200 square feet seems to be about £100k so a storage unit seems reasonable in comparison?
I live in a weird older house with so many hallways (none of which is quite wide enough to throw any storage along a wall of) and closets only in bedrooms upstairs and one tiny hall closet downstairs. It’s maddening. Technically a lot of space and yet only if you just put things along the walls (which you can’t always do because every room opens up to 2 other rooms because that’s how you got air flow before central A/C). I could swish around in a hoop skirt but couldn’t find a place to store it. Waah. A 5×8 storage unit sounds heavenly.
I think you make it fit. If you were talking about an antique car or something that’s pull be different. You are talking about stuff you can shove in the backs of closets/under beds/in a wardrobe in a hallway/garage/utility room/in a corner in the attic or basement or crawl space (in an appropriate bin).
How many kids do you have? How many closets are in the house? I think you make it work.
I grew up in an apartment and no a storage unit is not worth it. Be merciless in going through things regularly – get rid of old toys, clothes, etc. as soon as you don’t need them. Build in storage for the things that are important to you like the camping gear. All holiday decorations should be able to fit in a plastic tub in a closet. Getting rid of stuff as soon as you don’t need it frees up the most space.
Keep the camping gear you use regularly, get rid of all but the minimal christmas decorations, and if you would not frame and hang the sentimental items, do not keep.
I think a storage unit is fine in your circumstances! You’re in a relatively small space for a family. What’s the cost of a year of storage v. rent/mortgage for a slightly bigger place? What about 5 years? 10 years?
Knowing you won’t necessarily need the guest space in a few years makes a difference. Having no christmas decorations or living in a packed space is not necessarily worth it. And I agree that even if you can rent camping stuff, getting rid of it will just mean you don’t go camping.
One of the AmEx Platinum benefits that I keep forgetting to use is the $50 Saks credit. If you were looking to buy yourself a little treat from Saks Fifth Avenue in the $50-75 range, what would you buy?
I’m on a shopping freeze, but I do love browsing.
I’d get a nice candle – they have Jo Malone ones for $85.
They also have their holiday webpage up so you can look at their stocking stuffer section and then filter by price. They have some fancy cosmetics (I have heard good things about the Dior Lip Glow Color Reviver Balm which is $42)
A new bra, a lipstick/blush, or a pair of cozy pjs?
That’s about half the cost of my perfume. An eyeshadow palette. A luxurious throw?
I use mine for bougie skincare; a big bottle of body wash or tub of body butter. They have the Bulgari tea fragrances that are really lovely and not at all overpowering.
I get a new lipstick twice a year with this credit.
I don’t have this credit — but I would also use it for lipstick
Nice socks or stockings.
got a dress at off 5th for about that much!
Any sense of whether LinkedIn or Indeed is better for discovering jobs? Or are they about the same?
Job hunting right now! My sense is “about the same” for professional jobs (I am in tech); Indeed still better for summer jobs/getting a pay-the-bills job/etc (it’s easier for employers to post jobs for free on Indeed).
LinkedIn has the advantage of being able to find people you know who have actually made a post about a job they are hiring (as in: posted a message to their own profile “We’re hiring for XYZ”, not just “had HR upload this as a job”); Indeed does a better job of surfacing the right kinds of jobs on their “your profile looks like it might fit” list.
No harm in having both!
I would use both.
Job hunting now and using both. I think Indeed is better overall but have seen good jobs on both platforms that weren’t cross-posted.
Also try hiring.cafe if you want to uncover all possible opportunities. It has different filters that are handy and links directly to company job pages.
Recommendations for an anniversary trip for early March. We will be traveling from the SEUS (city with a lot of direct flights) for a long weekend without kids. Our kids are little, and we are kind of exhausted, so while we like history/hiking/etc., that is not what this trip is. Ideally, we would probably do sightseeing or a national park, etc. for one day of the trip. The rest of the trip would involve a spa or putzing around a town/pool etc.
We just have been to a lot of the obvious options (Charleston, Sedona, etc.) recently and want somewhere different. Thanks!
I’d go to Palm Beach or similar, sit on the beach and at the pool a lot, window shop, eat good food, sleep in, and book a paddle board tour.
Lying on a beach in the Caribbean or Mexico is probably the obvious answer. The USVIs are great if you don’t want to leave the US. St. Martin is probably my favorite Caribbean island and has great food and at least a day of non-water stuff to do.
My husband and I have actually decided our favorite couples trip is holing up at a luxury hotel, getting spa treatments, going out to fine dining restaurants every night and seeing (non-kid-friendly) theatre. It’s totally incompatible with young kids (unlike a Caribbean beach trip, which is pretty doable with kids), but still super relaxing. However the best cities for this in the US are NYC and Chicago and neither has great weather in March.
we are generally not all inclusive people, but went to an all inclusive in Mexico, Le Blanc, that was adults only and the food was actually good. there is that place, Blackberry Farm. i personally have never been. or what about sante fe. do you ski? early march is still good skiing in places in colorado. we also have a March anniversary!
Plus one to skiing. You can still enjoy it so much even if you’re a little tired overall, especially if you stay somewhere with a great spa and pool for after the slopes.
Blackberry Farm is a wonderful place. However, early March in Tennessee has a high probability of being gray, cool, and damp, and just overall dismal. You might get some beautiful early spring weather, but then again you might get dismal.
OTOH I think cool and rainy weather is very romantic, if you don’t need to spend that much time outside.
We love staying in the Russian River Valley (near Napa Valley). Close to wineries, cool little towns, HWY 1/California Coast, great food, Redwoods. Stayed in Guerneville.
I’m hosting a large party where there will be an (optional) music trivia game played. It’s always a big hit and really fun. This year, I want to do some kind of prize for the winner. Winner will be either a single person or, if they worked in partners, then two people. What would you want as a prize if you won this sort of game at a party? I’m thinking a small gift card but not sure to what.
Bragging rights. A trophy. Maybe a fancy basket of treats local to your area?
I like the trophy idea. Maybe do a plaque or something that can have the winner’s name added and passed along every year?
or like a funny wrestling belt
If you do this frequently, a trophy that gets passed around might be fun!
Since the trivia is music-related, is there a local record store near you that sells gift cards? If not, Bandcamp is a good option.
Fancy chocolate please
bad idea. dont knwo about allergies, dietary restrictions, etc. etc.
Disagree. As someone who has medical food restrictions, I think fancy chocolates are a great idea. I probably wouldn’t eat them if I won unless they were fully labeled, but DH or my coworkers would and be delighted with them. You can’t find one thing that will please everyone – for example, I wouldn’t want a gift card to a local record store that was suggested above.
I also wouldn’t do Blutooth headphones. I think people who want them own them.
I’d go with a consumable like the chocolate or a fancy basket of treats local to your area or a generic gift card. And this sounds like a fun activity!
And I would hate a trophy for such a frivolous thing as it’s just become junk to throw away
Amazon music?
Lotto tickets?
Bluetooth headphones at whatever price point you have in mind? Can pick the color/design to fit your party theme and be extra fun
Rather than a prize, can you make a poster that you pull out each year and add the names of the winners?
A friend who hosts an annual party has an old chalkboard that they keep behind the chest freezer in their basement exclusively for recording last year’s game winners. It does not get erased until the following year, when we pull it out and review last year’s names (usually with much heckling and trash talking).
Are any of you cancelling your Chase Sapphire Reserve card now with the higher annual fee and different benefits? Are you switching to AmEx or a different card?
I’m going to stick with it for a year and see whether I use the additional benefits. At the same time, I’m going to spend down the balance of my points in case I do want to cancel. I’ve been a big fan of Reserve for many years so I’m going to at least try it out.
Not quite the question you’re asking but I was just on the cusp of signing up for it, and decided not to because of the increase.
We canceled – the fee is too absurd. We have other cards we’re using but will probably look into something new with better travel rewards.
I downgraded to the Preferred a couple years ago but it was more because I went all-in on airline cards for status and lounge access and less about the higher annual fee. I like the Preferred though and still try to use it to pay in restaurants, since it has 3x points for dining and my airline cards don’t.
This is what we do as well. Live in a United hub, so we switched to a card that earns PQP, not just miles.
I was so close to upgrading my preferred to the reserve before the fee increase. I’m glad I didn’t, because I’d be downgrading again in a year. CSR just doesn’t seem to be worth the cost when compared to other premium cards. My home airport has a Chase lounge, but there’s still not a ton of them. I’m a big traveler, but not a luxury traveler so a lot of their perks dont apply to me – I don’t stay at The Edit hotels, the experiences they curate, or shop from places they have on their shopping portal.
I travel ~12 weeks a year for work (and have to book through work and on my work CC) and then my personal travel is much more hiking trips and international treks than luxury stays…
I’ll probably do AmEx platinum. The rideshare benefits are better, I’d use the airline fee credit, the Resy credit is more flexible than the chase restaurant credit, and I’d use the digital entertainment credit since thats stuff I already subscribe to.
I also already shop at Lululemon and use Walmart+.
The only thing CSR has that AmEx doesnt that id use would be the StubHub credit.
Yes, we’ll cancel in January right before our renewal. We’re going to switch to some sort of cash back card. I don’t want to think about categories or actively manage the card much, but if someone has a card they love, happy to hear about it!
I am tired of scary Halloween decor. I am spending my lunch hour at the car wash, alone in the waiting room with two creepy life-sized horror movie child dolls on a swing. It’s a freaking car wash, not a haunted house.
I love scary Halloween decor.
Now the manger at Xmas, that annoys me, but Halloween is fun.
Christmas is literally about a baby in a manger. I am not a Christian but come on, that’s a ridiculous thing to be annoyed about.
My neighbors rearranged their massive Halloween display into a nativity one year till they got their actual christmas decorations up. It was off the rails but hilarious.
Love it!
One house down the street has a bigfoot cutout by their mailbox year round. He gets dolled up for every holiday. He’s currently wearing a plastic jack-o-lantern over his head and is outlined in a strand of orange lights. At Christmas last year, he had a whole santa-themed luau thing going on that made me laugh.
i agree. there is one house in my neighborhood with all of these dead zombie babies and another house that has something hanging from a tree that from a distance it genuinely looks like someone hung themselves (i took out my phone to call 911 and hten realized its a decoration)
My neighborhood goes all out on Halloween decorations and for the last two weeks, my evening walks have involved A LOT of doubletakes.
I really miss old fashioned spooky Halloween decor. I really don’t remember anything that could be reasonably described as “gory” outside of opt-in haunted houses? Frankenstein stitches or a glass full of “blood” for a vampire costume is really not the same as “baby chewing on razor blade” decor (real example!).
There’s one house in town with some seriously scary life size horror movie villains that gets to me, but that is on me for being familiar with the movies. Michael Myers and Freddy Krueger aren’t actually that scary just to look at with no context. If someone wants “scary” I wish they’d go this direction instead of veristic gore.
I appreciate the people who go in a Nightmare Before Christmas direction.
I’ve been wondering where people put this stuff for the rest of the year. Basement? More useless trash for the landfill?
Landfill unfortunately
Storage units, apparently.
“We didn’t know where to store the eight foot skeleton” is the reason why you often see them up year round in someone’s front yard!
Agree. Wtf. I have young children. Not the kind of conversation starters I appreciate.
I’m fine with the inflatable black unicorns on the roof, fake cobwebs on the shrubs, 10 foot skeletons playing frisbee with the skeleton dog in the front yard, and purple string lights on the houses.
Gore and horror intended to elicit fear or disgust that don’t give the courtesy of an opt-in are not cool, especially if they are on display where children might reasonably be present.
I got a Sam’s Club membership because we have one in our town.
What are your best items to buy there? A friend says household staples as well as kids’ clothes and bulk groceries like frozen meats etc.
FWIW, we cook mostly from scratch, mostly buying organic meat and produce, and have enough storage space for non-perishable items.
We actually canceled our warehouse memberships. First reason: we are disciplined in our spending and don’t view a good price as a deal if we did not intend to buy the thing in the first place. Second reason: prices per unit on things we actually intended to purchase in the first place was never so far under normal sales prices at our local grocery store that it would make up for the membership fee and extra gas money spent driving to the warehouse (which is on the far side of the city from where we live). Third reason: we cannot stand the chaotic crowds, both in the store and in the parking lots.
My friend with similar membership buys vanilla beans and whiskey in bulk and then makes vanilla extract as gifts. I think it’s genius and the vanilla extract makes the best cookies.